October 1, 2025 • 22 mins
Social media has become part of our daily lives but it’s also quietly changing us. The endless scroll, the outrage-driven posts, the comparison traps… all of it can keep us in survival mode: tense, reactive, judgmental, and even less empathetic. In this episode of Mid-Week Tease, Adelle unpacks what survival mode actually feels like, the racing heart, the late-night doom-scroll, the sense of always being “behind” and explains how algorithms profit from keeping us there. But it’s not all bad news. You’ll also learn practical ways to use social media without losing your humanity: from pausing before reacting to creating no-scroll zones and practicing digital sabbaths.
If you’ve ever wondered why scrolling leaves you more drained than inspired, this episode is for you. Resources Mentioned:
If you’ve ever wondered why scrolling leaves you more drained than inspired, this episode is for you. Resources Mentioned:
- Brady et al. (2017, PNAS): Outrage spreads faster online.
- Kramer et al. (2014, PNAS): Emotional contagion in social networks.
- Suler (2004): Online disinhibition effect.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Midwick Te's with me adele Jangle, where
I share some random and not too random thoughts on things,
and in this episode, let's talk about how you can
still be human while online on social media. To be precise,
I was recently having a conversation with someone close to
(00:21):
me about social media and the effects it has on us.
This particular person has successfully quit Twitter or x, they
quit Facebook a long time ago, they have recently quit Instagram.
They're in the process of quitting What's Up and in
the process of really streamlining their YouTube us if you
(00:43):
did not call him, there are obviously what's ups between
the two of us that he's very quick to respond to.
But checking people's what's up statuses, I know they're working
on changing that and just like minimizing that as well. I,
on the other hand, and do not see myself quitting
(01:04):
social media like across the board, right because number one,
there are so many awesome communities I'm part of and
communities that I've built for myself, Like my Instagram page
is one of the softest, safest corners of the Internet
for me, and I built it brick by brick. I
(01:25):
also understand how social media has connected me to so
many incredible people. I find it very informative. Like why
I really love Instagram is because I follow a lot
of vintage African archive pages, so they share a lot
of videos and pictures from different African communities and tribes
(01:46):
from way back in the day, and it's just always
so wonderful to interact with that content. I follow such interesting,
engaging pages and very nerdy things that I'm very nerdy
about right so I find it to be entertaining, informative,
sometimes even comforting. I have toyed with the idea of
(02:06):
quitting Twitter. The only thing that keeps me there currently
is that that's where a lot of political conversations in
terms of what's happening in Kenya happen first. I'm very
passionate about that, especially in the lead up to our
next election. I'm very very passionate about that. I wish
(02:26):
there's a way exposes, etc. Could happen off of that platform,
and the day they do, I will quit Twitter because
I don't really post too much of my work on there.
I don't post anything about our shows on Twitter, just
because I want to protect the storytellers. I want to
protect the women who come on our different shows. There
(02:47):
is a lot of misogyny on Twitter. I can protect myself,
but I want to honor the guests and the storytellers
who just open up their lives to us on here
against misogyny as much as I can. So I really
don't use it for work. So I'm really just there
to keep terbs on our freaking leaders. But I do
(03:08):
find that I've had to be more intentional about my
social media use because it can very easily change how
we relate to each other and even how we relate
to ourselves. Right, So constant scroll, the endless opinions, Oh,
people feel like they have to give an opinion and
have an opinion on everything. That's a weird thing. I
(03:29):
don't get that thing at all. The rage baiting posts
getting you to just constantly be angry and have heightened emotions,
all of that can really trap us in survival mode.
It can make us more judgmental, and it can really
chip away at the way we see other people as
fully human. That part I think the good news is
(03:52):
leaving social media isn't the only solution. I know. It's
worked for this person in my life, but it's not
the only solution think there are ways that we can
still stay online without losing our humanity. So let's dive
into that. And I want to talk more about the
survival mode and then an actual effect that a psychologist
(04:15):
way back in two thousand and four had talked about
that it's still very rampant online. And then I'm going
to share just a few tips that I think could
help you and I remain human together, and maybe we
can do and try out some of the tips together. Right, So,
survival mode, right, I feel like a especially now the
(04:35):
way the world is, where every headline is hectic. It's war,
it's someone's been killed, kids have been killed, it's genocide,
it's complete collapse of economies. It's like, you know, hot, heavy, big.
(04:55):
When I say survival mode, I feel like constantly being
exposed to that keeps us having this constant sense of
being on edge. And if you think about social media,
these platforms are built to keep us on there all right,
So think about this. You're scrolling and suddenly they're the
post that makes you angry, so you're feeling like the
(05:17):
emotions happen to you. Like for me, when I'm getting angry,
I literally feel it in my tummy, like in my
gut area. You start feeling these physical responses to your
emotion of anger or heightened emotion rising and you want
to type something back immediately. That's survival mode. Or maybe
you see a highlights reel of someone else's life and
(05:43):
instantly you start to think, I'm behind, I'm failing, I'm
not doing enough, I'm useless. What am I even doing
with my life? I think that survival mode too, because
the part of your brain that's comparing and competing and
shitting on yourself is worried about something. It's worried about
your status for other people. And I think this has
happened to me. Survival mode could look like doom scrolling
(06:06):
late at night, your heart is racing, but you can't
look away from your phone, and what happens is like
your nervous system is just like lit up, like you're
under threats even though you're just in bed with your
phone in your hand. When I was reading up about it,
because I really want to get better at social media
in terms of using it in a healthy way and
(06:29):
not being in survival mode, and psychologists called this whole
feeling the threat reactivity, the kicker about this is the
algorithms feed on it. So content that triggers fear or
triggers outrage spreads faster and gets rewarded, and so you
are constantly being kept in this state threat reactivity. So
(06:56):
in other words, the system digitally that this plat forms
are using is designed to keep you in that state,
keep you tense, to keep you reactive, to keep you defensive.
And you know what on that defensive note, I have
in the past had to catch myself because someone will
comment on my post and immediately I will assign a
(07:17):
tone to their comment. I will immediately say they're coming
from a bad place, or be like, how dare they
ask me this? Blah blah blah, And when I catch
myself and pause, I can identify that number one, I'm
projecting because I've been constantly exposed to content that is
(07:37):
meant to trigger threat reactivity. It's meant to trigger me
into getting angry and typing back that that's my first response.
So I don't even read with an open mind. I
read ready to and my body just goes straight into
defense mode. When sometimes that's not at all what somebody meant.
(07:58):
Their tone was not that I I just projected There's
something else I came across that was quite interesting when
we look at comments, Because as much as I'm saying
that not everybody's tone is bad, there's some things people
will comment on and criticize about you online that just
leave you wondering, are you not seeing that I'm human? Right?
(08:18):
And this is not only for people with public profiles, No,
this is across the board. And I came across an
effect called the online disinhibition effect, and this psychologist called
John He looked at how differently people behave online from
in person, specifically looking at why are we harsher online
(08:41):
and meaner online than in person? And so the things
that kind of encourage people to be a lot hasher
online is anonymity. I can say whatever I want to you,
whatever insult. I can say the worst things to you
because you do not know who I am. And even
if other people come to my comment and reprimand me,
they do not know who I am either. There's also
(09:02):
no instant feedback, right, because there's no instant consequences, Like,
really think about it, because a lot of these platforms
prioritize freedom of speech, so even in their community guidelines,
et cetera. My insult can still be an installed, can
still hurt you, and can still not have violated community guidelines.
(09:22):
So there's no instant feedback or repercussion for me being
a complete asshole to you online. There's also no authority
figure present. There's no teacher in the room to reprimand me.
There's no policeman in the commons section to slap handcuffs
on somebody like, there's no authority figure present, So I
get to say and do whatever the fuck I want.
(09:45):
And then the last thing that this effect looks at,
which I think is the most powerful, is the tendency
to project our own assumptions onto strangers. Have you seen that,
Like someone will create a video and share their opinion
or share even their lifestyle, right and immediately strangers come
in and the way they judge this person is in
(10:08):
a manner where they assume they know. When you read it,
it's like they have It's like they know this person's
life inside out. Yes they do not. What is really
happening is they're projecting their own assumptions based on their
own experiences, their own insecurities onto strangers. And you know,
this effect looks at all of those things and kind
(10:30):
of makes it make sense that that's why someone who
would never insult you face to face might write something
so cruel in a common section to you. So, for example,
I remember years ago there is like he is, now
what an MCEA by the time he was, I guess
a blogger. I'd never met him in person. But one
(10:50):
of the terrible behaviors online that gets rewarded because it's
it rage bits and it spucks a lot of engagement
is misogyny. And he is a misogyny. And he had
targeted me once on Twitter and said all manner of
nonsense to me, including mentioning my late mother, which that
really stuck with me, and I was just like, so
(11:13):
now I hate you, you know what I mean? Like
before I really didn't care, but like, you talk about
my mom. She's not even alive. She's not responsible for
my thoughts, my projects, my push for women's rights, Like
this is on me. If you disapprove or disagree with
something I am doing, take it up with me. You
cannot talk about my mom more so because she's dead,
(11:36):
Like what the fuck are you doing? And I remember
just saying I hate this guy and I've never seen
him in real life. And one day I went for
an event and I was hanging out with other people
in the industry, and they say, by the way, do
you know that guy over there is so and so.
I have never seen a more timid looking person, so
timid that even even their body what is it called
(11:58):
their body language, so they were like hunched over and
like very timid. Honestly, the word is timid. And I
remember that was a day I dropped the hate or
the grudge because I was just like number one, this
person has deeper issues than me and my late mom,
you know. But number two, I bet he could never
come and walk up to me and tell me these
(12:20):
things face to face, So he has bigger issues. This
is just a bully, you know what I mean. And
there's so much of that happening on social media. And
because algorithms push the boldest, the hashest takes to the
top intentionally, you and I end up swimming in amplified
judgment every single day. It's conditioning us and it's keeping
(12:44):
you and I in survival mode. So I really, really,
for a long time have been thinking about how to
remain human online and how do I make sure I'm
not in survival mode because I'm working on all the
other things that feel my survival mode, all the other
traumas of experience that feel my survival mode. But I
(13:06):
wasn't paying close attention to this new thing, social media
that was reigniting survival mode for me. And the first
thing that I think actually works for me is to
pause before reacting. It doesn't matter if it is a
mean comment on my post, or if it is a
story on a news outlets page, if it's an MP
(13:32):
has done another stupid thing, if it's a corruption scandal
has broken. I pause before reacting. So when you feel
your body tense because you've just scrolled upon something, take
ten seconds and ask yourself, do I really want to
give my energy to this? Just that one simple question
(13:56):
allows you to pause, so that that conditioning of the
automatic reaction being anger post, you know what I mean,
is broken. The second thing, which I think I have
done very well on my Instagram, not too well on
other platforms, is to curate your feed so you follow
(14:19):
people who inspire or challenge you thoughtfully, not just those
who fuel your anger or your comparison. I don't follow
anyone in my industry, to be honest, even people who
are like my closest friends. Like one of my closest
friends is in the same industry as well, and she
(14:39):
knows I don't follow her. I never want to feel
like I'm being rushed in terms of my purpose, my creativity,
what I want to impact in the world. I never
want to feel like I'm being rushed to live loudly,
like in terms of win after win after win, which
(14:59):
is not real, right. I never want to feel rushed
and never want to elect thoughts of inadequacy creep in.
So I'm very clear my feed is there to inspire
me or to challenge me thoughtfully. Or There's also another
page I follow called happy News. He just talks about
(15:23):
advances in science, in reports that speak to the good
in humanity, etc. Yeah, I want to feel balanced, and
so I curated my feed as that on TikTok, which
I love my page. There are a lot of like
deep sea divers I follow who actually take their cameras underwater,
(15:44):
and like stream because I'm curious. I've always been scared
of going too far out in the ocean, but I've
also been very curious to be like, well, what's really
underneath there, Like if somebody else is going. I want
to know. I am currently trying to work on a
(16:04):
vision board of how I want my home to look.
And you know, my walls are still brilliant white, which
is what I painted them when I was renovating the place.
And so now I'm like trying to be like, Okay,
let's try and see what the style could look like.
What do I need to change or what would I
lean more towards. What does an accent wall look like
(16:25):
for me? What do I want it to look like?
And so I'm following a lot of people who are
doing home renovations and getting ideas and things like that.
Curate your feed, curate it intentionally. Trust me, you're not
missing out on anything else. This part. I need to
get stronger on the next point, which is set no
(16:45):
scroll zones, so protect your mornings. I used to be
very good at this, but I keep slipping up here
and there. I'm not meant to go on social media
during my morning routine, so not during my morning walk,
not when I'm having my bath time in the morning,
and just like romanticizing my start to the day, I'm
(17:08):
not meant to check social media. And I used to
be really good at it. I started slipping up. You
could say no social media while I'm eating, no social
media at bedtime and look at it as giving yourself
and your nervous system space to breathe. And so I
want you, if you, also, like me, want to set
(17:30):
no scroll zones in your day. Where are you going
to put it in? Is it no scrolling on my
phone in the morning or when I'm having my meals
or at bedtime? Drop a comment and let me know,
because maybe we can hold each other accountable. You know.
Another thing is an empathy check. I've never really had
(17:51):
an issue with this because honestly, I feel like an
online auntie. I will comment on a stranger's post and
just be like, keep going. You're dancing so well, wonderful work.
Keep going. I love this series of you building this business.
I'm rooting for you. Keep going. You left that abusive
relationship and so proud of yoursel I've never really had
an issue with this, I think just because of my personality.
(18:12):
But if you have had an issue with this, what
you can do is before you come and ask yourself,
would I say this face to face? That joke you
want to write in the comment section? Would you say it?
Face to face, because sometimes our jealousy hides behind jokes
and so you're like, it's a joke, but it's really mean.
You're being nasty, and you wouldn't say it face to face,
(18:35):
so don't do it right, So just have an empathy check.
The fifth one is a digital sabbath. Oh my god,
I need your help with this one. I actually just
this morning I was thinking, what day should be my
digital sabbath day? Right? Even if it's half a day
where I am offline, but I want to do a
(18:56):
whole day. My nervous system can just calm down and
I can be reminded of who I am and what
life is outside the scroll. And so I'm leaning more
towards Saturdays because weekdays are very difficult because of the
work that I do. There's things going online that I'm
approving that I'm following up on that I'm checking. So
(19:18):
Monday to Friday, I would be lying if I say
that I'm going to do a digital sabbath on that
on any weekday. But I think I can do Saturday.
I genuinely think I can do Saturday. What day can
you do? Maybe if you can drop it in the
common section and it would be so nice to I'm
actually going to put a note to this to come
(19:39):
back to this like in December and be like, hey,
did you keep up with your digital sabbath? Or like
did you not? So let me know in the comments.
I've picked Saturdays, what day do you pick? And then
the other thing is choosing stories over hot takes. I
have started not really liking stories, not even started from before.
(20:04):
I don't like videos to start with. This is going
to piss off a lot of people. I'm already like,
leave me alone because also, why why is that what
you're leading with? Right? I love watching stories so like
as I'm telling you the things I comment on people
documenting the story of how they've started their business or
(20:27):
their fitness journey, I found that I connect more with
stories and they elicit a lot more compassion and empathy
from me, which is the person I want to be
more of. I find that arguments are so polarizing, you know,
content that's hot takes and opinions. It's just pushing me
(20:47):
back into survival mode and I don't want that, so
I choose stories over heart takes. How do you remain
human online? If you have a tip that's working for you.
Please share it in the comments and just like add
to this list. But one thing that swishow social media
isn't going away. I don't think so. I think it'll morp,
(21:09):
I think it evolves. I don't think it'll disappear. But
the way it makes us feel, which is constantly on edge,
constantly judging, that's not inevitable. It doesn't have to be
like that. So over the next week, I want you
to notice the moment's survival mode creeps in while you're scrolling,
your heart starts racing, or if you're like me, you
(21:29):
feel it and you gut the urge to clap back
the comparison, and in that moment, choose one of the
practices I've shared with you, you know, pause before reacting,
log off for a few hours, or just start following
people who remind you of joy instead of anger. I
think that's really how we start to stay human even online.
(21:52):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode to
the very end. If it resonated with you, share it
with someone who's just caught in the side call of
doom scrolling. I think we all need this reminder. Until
next week, keep choosing humanity over algorithms. Thanks for listening
to the midwik t's are Legally Clueless Africa production episodes
(22:14):
go out every Wednesday, and you can learn more about
us by going to legally Clueless Africa dot com
Welcome to the Midwick Te's with me adele Jangle, where
I share some random and not too random thoughts on things,
and in this episode, let's talk about how you can
still be human while online on social media. To be precise,
I was recently having a conversation with someone close to
(00:21):
me about social media and the effects it has on us.
This particular person has successfully quit Twitter or x, they
quit Facebook a long time ago, they have recently quit Instagram.
They're in the process of quitting What's Up and in
the process of really streamlining their YouTube us if you
(00:43):
did not call him, there are obviously what's ups between
the two of us that he's very quick to respond to.
But checking people's what's up statuses, I know they're working
on changing that and just like minimizing that as well. I,
on the other hand, and do not see myself quitting
(01:04):
social media like across the board, right because number one,
there are so many awesome communities I'm part of and
communities that I've built for myself, Like my Instagram page
is one of the softest, safest corners of the Internet
for me, and I built it brick by brick. I
(01:25):
also understand how social media has connected me to so
many incredible people. I find it very informative. Like why
I really love Instagram is because I follow a lot
of vintage African archive pages, so they share a lot
of videos and pictures from different African communities and tribes
(01:46):
from way back in the day, and it's just always
so wonderful to interact with that content. I follow such interesting,
engaging pages and very nerdy things that I'm very nerdy
about right so I find it to be entertaining, informative,
sometimes even comforting. I have toyed with the idea of
(02:06):
quitting Twitter. The only thing that keeps me there currently
is that that's where a lot of political conversations in
terms of what's happening in Kenya happen first. I'm very
passionate about that, especially in the lead up to our
next election. I'm very very passionate about that. I wish
(02:26):
there's a way exposes, etc. Could happen off of that platform,
and the day they do, I will quit Twitter because
I don't really post too much of my work on there.
I don't post anything about our shows on Twitter, just
because I want to protect the storytellers. I want to
protect the women who come on our different shows. There
(02:47):
is a lot of misogyny on Twitter. I can protect myself,
but I want to honor the guests and the storytellers
who just open up their lives to us on here
against misogyny as much as I can. So I really
don't use it for work. So I'm really just there
to keep terbs on our freaking leaders. But I do
(03:08):
find that I've had to be more intentional about my
social media use because it can very easily change how
we relate to each other and even how we relate
to ourselves. Right, So constant scroll, the endless opinions, Oh,
people feel like they have to give an opinion and
have an opinion on everything. That's a weird thing. I
(03:29):
don't get that thing at all. The rage baiting posts
getting you to just constantly be angry and have heightened emotions,
all of that can really trap us in survival mode.
It can make us more judgmental, and it can really
chip away at the way we see other people as
fully human. That part I think the good news is
(03:52):
leaving social media isn't the only solution. I know. It's
worked for this person in my life, but it's not
the only solution think there are ways that we can
still stay online without losing our humanity. So let's dive
into that. And I want to talk more about the
survival mode and then an actual effect that a psychologist
(04:15):
way back in two thousand and four had talked about
that it's still very rampant online. And then I'm going
to share just a few tips that I think could
help you and I remain human together, and maybe we
can do and try out some of the tips together. Right, So,
survival mode, right, I feel like a especially now the
(04:35):
way the world is, where every headline is hectic. It's war,
it's someone's been killed, kids have been killed, it's genocide,
it's complete collapse of economies. It's like, you know, hot, heavy, big.
(04:55):
When I say survival mode, I feel like constantly being
exposed to that keeps us having this constant sense of
being on edge. And if you think about social media,
these platforms are built to keep us on there all right,
So think about this. You're scrolling and suddenly they're the
post that makes you angry, so you're feeling like the
(05:17):
emotions happen to you. Like for me, when I'm getting angry,
I literally feel it in my tummy, like in my
gut area. You start feeling these physical responses to your
emotion of anger or heightened emotion rising and you want
to type something back immediately. That's survival mode. Or maybe
you see a highlights reel of someone else's life and
(05:43):
instantly you start to think, I'm behind, I'm failing, I'm
not doing enough, I'm useless. What am I even doing
with my life? I think that survival mode too, because
the part of your brain that's comparing and competing and
shitting on yourself is worried about something. It's worried about
your status for other people. And I think this has
happened to me. Survival mode could look like doom scrolling
(06:06):
late at night, your heart is racing, but you can't
look away from your phone, and what happens is like
your nervous system is just like lit up, like you're
under threats even though you're just in bed with your
phone in your hand. When I was reading up about it,
because I really want to get better at social media
in terms of using it in a healthy way and
(06:29):
not being in survival mode, and psychologists called this whole
feeling the threat reactivity, the kicker about this is the
algorithms feed on it. So content that triggers fear or
triggers outrage spreads faster and gets rewarded, and so you
are constantly being kept in this state threat reactivity. So
(06:56):
in other words, the system digitally that this plat forms
are using is designed to keep you in that state,
keep you tense, to keep you reactive, to keep you defensive.
And you know what on that defensive note, I have
in the past had to catch myself because someone will
comment on my post and immediately I will assign a
(07:17):
tone to their comment. I will immediately say they're coming
from a bad place, or be like, how dare they
ask me this? Blah blah blah, And when I catch
myself and pause, I can identify that number one, I'm
projecting because I've been constantly exposed to content that is
(07:37):
meant to trigger threat reactivity. It's meant to trigger me
into getting angry and typing back that that's my first response.
So I don't even read with an open mind. I
read ready to and my body just goes straight into
defense mode. When sometimes that's not at all what somebody meant.
(07:58):
Their tone was not that I I just projected There's
something else I came across that was quite interesting when
we look at comments, Because as much as I'm saying
that not everybody's tone is bad, there's some things people
will comment on and criticize about you online that just
leave you wondering, are you not seeing that I'm human? Right?
(08:18):
And this is not only for people with public profiles, No,
this is across the board. And I came across an
effect called the online disinhibition effect, and this psychologist called
John He looked at how differently people behave online from
in person, specifically looking at why are we harsher online
(08:41):
and meaner online than in person? And so the things
that kind of encourage people to be a lot hasher
online is anonymity. I can say whatever I want to you,
whatever insult. I can say the worst things to you
because you do not know who I am. And even
if other people come to my comment and reprimand me,
they do not know who I am either. There's also
(09:02):
no instant feedback, right, because there's no instant consequences, Like,
really think about it, because a lot of these platforms
prioritize freedom of speech, so even in their community guidelines,
et cetera. My insult can still be an installed, can
still hurt you, and can still not have violated community guidelines.
(09:22):
So there's no instant feedback or repercussion for me being
a complete asshole to you online. There's also no authority
figure present. There's no teacher in the room to reprimand me.
There's no policeman in the commons section to slap handcuffs
on somebody like, there's no authority figure present, So I
get to say and do whatever the fuck I want.
(09:45):
And then the last thing that this effect looks at,
which I think is the most powerful, is the tendency
to project our own assumptions onto strangers. Have you seen that,
Like someone will create a video and share their opinion
or share even their lifestyle, right and immediately strangers come
in and the way they judge this person is in
(10:08):
a manner where they assume they know. When you read it,
it's like they have It's like they know this person's
life inside out. Yes they do not. What is really
happening is they're projecting their own assumptions based on their
own experiences, their own insecurities onto strangers. And you know,
this effect looks at all of those things and kind
(10:30):
of makes it make sense that that's why someone who
would never insult you face to face might write something
so cruel in a common section to you. So, for example,
I remember years ago there is like he is, now
what an MCEA by the time he was, I guess
a blogger. I'd never met him in person. But one
(10:50):
of the terrible behaviors online that gets rewarded because it's
it rage bits and it spucks a lot of engagement
is misogyny. And he is a misogyny. And he had
targeted me once on Twitter and said all manner of
nonsense to me, including mentioning my late mother, which that
really stuck with me, and I was just like, so
(11:13):
now I hate you, you know what I mean? Like
before I really didn't care, but like, you talk about
my mom. She's not even alive. She's not responsible for
my thoughts, my projects, my push for women's rights, Like
this is on me. If you disapprove or disagree with
something I am doing, take it up with me. You
cannot talk about my mom more so because she's dead,
(11:36):
Like what the fuck are you doing? And I remember
just saying I hate this guy and I've never seen
him in real life. And one day I went for
an event and I was hanging out with other people
in the industry, and they say, by the way, do
you know that guy over there is so and so.
I have never seen a more timid looking person, so
timid that even even their body what is it called
(11:58):
their body language, so they were like hunched over and
like very timid. Honestly, the word is timid. And I
remember that was a day I dropped the hate or
the grudge because I was just like number one, this
person has deeper issues than me and my late mom,
you know. But number two, I bet he could never
come and walk up to me and tell me these
(12:20):
things face to face, So he has bigger issues. This
is just a bully, you know what I mean. And
there's so much of that happening on social media. And
because algorithms push the boldest, the hashest takes to the
top intentionally, you and I end up swimming in amplified
judgment every single day. It's conditioning us and it's keeping
(12:44):
you and I in survival mode. So I really, really,
for a long time have been thinking about how to
remain human online and how do I make sure I'm
not in survival mode because I'm working on all the
other things that feel my survival mode, all the other
traumas of experience that feel my survival mode. But I
(13:06):
wasn't paying close attention to this new thing, social media
that was reigniting survival mode for me. And the first
thing that I think actually works for me is to
pause before reacting. It doesn't matter if it is a
mean comment on my post, or if it is a
story on a news outlets page, if it's an MP
(13:32):
has done another stupid thing, if it's a corruption scandal
has broken. I pause before reacting. So when you feel
your body tense because you've just scrolled upon something, take
ten seconds and ask yourself, do I really want to
give my energy to this? Just that one simple question
(13:56):
allows you to pause, so that that conditioning of the
automatic reaction being anger post, you know what I mean,
is broken. The second thing, which I think I have
done very well on my Instagram, not too well on
other platforms, is to curate your feed so you follow
(14:19):
people who inspire or challenge you thoughtfully, not just those
who fuel your anger or your comparison. I don't follow
anyone in my industry, to be honest, even people who
are like my closest friends. Like one of my closest
friends is in the same industry as well, and she
(14:39):
knows I don't follow her. I never want to feel
like I'm being rushed in terms of my purpose, my creativity,
what I want to impact in the world. I never
want to feel like I'm being rushed to live loudly,
like in terms of win after win after win, which
(14:59):
is not real, right. I never want to feel rushed
and never want to elect thoughts of inadequacy creep in.
So I'm very clear my feed is there to inspire
me or to challenge me thoughtfully. Or There's also another
page I follow called happy News. He just talks about
(15:23):
advances in science, in reports that speak to the good
in humanity, etc. Yeah, I want to feel balanced, and
so I curated my feed as that on TikTok, which
I love my page. There are a lot of like
deep sea divers I follow who actually take their cameras underwater,
(15:44):
and like stream because I'm curious. I've always been scared
of going too far out in the ocean, but I've
also been very curious to be like, well, what's really
underneath there, Like if somebody else is going. I want
to know. I am currently trying to work on a
(16:04):
vision board of how I want my home to look.
And you know, my walls are still brilliant white, which
is what I painted them when I was renovating the place.
And so now I'm like trying to be like, Okay,
let's try and see what the style could look like.
What do I need to change or what would I
lean more towards. What does an accent wall look like
(16:25):
for me? What do I want it to look like?
And so I'm following a lot of people who are
doing home renovations and getting ideas and things like that.
Curate your feed, curate it intentionally. Trust me, you're not
missing out on anything else. This part. I need to
get stronger on the next point, which is set no
(16:45):
scroll zones, so protect your mornings. I used to be
very good at this, but I keep slipping up here
and there. I'm not meant to go on social media
during my morning routine, so not during my morning walk,
not when I'm having my bath time in the morning,
and just like romanticizing my start to the day, I'm
(17:08):
not meant to check social media. And I used to
be really good at it. I started slipping up. You
could say no social media while I'm eating, no social
media at bedtime and look at it as giving yourself
and your nervous system space to breathe. And so I
want you, if you, also, like me, want to set
(17:30):
no scroll zones in your day. Where are you going
to put it in? Is it no scrolling on my
phone in the morning or when I'm having my meals
or at bedtime? Drop a comment and let me know,
because maybe we can hold each other accountable. You know.
Another thing is an empathy check. I've never really had
(17:51):
an issue with this because honestly, I feel like an
online auntie. I will comment on a stranger's post and
just be like, keep going. You're dancing so well, wonderful work.
Keep going. I love this series of you building this business.
I'm rooting for you. Keep going. You left that abusive
relationship and so proud of yoursel I've never really had
an issue with this, I think just because of my personality.
(18:12):
But if you have had an issue with this, what
you can do is before you come and ask yourself,
would I say this face to face? That joke you
want to write in the comment section? Would you say it?
Face to face, because sometimes our jealousy hides behind jokes
and so you're like, it's a joke, but it's really mean.
You're being nasty, and you wouldn't say it face to face,
(18:35):
so don't do it right, So just have an empathy check.
The fifth one is a digital sabbath. Oh my god,
I need your help with this one. I actually just
this morning I was thinking, what day should be my
digital sabbath day? Right? Even if it's half a day
where I am offline, but I want to do a
(18:56):
whole day. My nervous system can just calm down and
I can be reminded of who I am and what
life is outside the scroll. And so I'm leaning more
towards Saturdays because weekdays are very difficult because of the
work that I do. There's things going online that I'm
approving that I'm following up on that I'm checking. So
(19:18):
Monday to Friday, I would be lying if I say
that I'm going to do a digital sabbath on that
on any weekday. But I think I can do Saturday.
I genuinely think I can do Saturday. What day can
you do? Maybe if you can drop it in the
common section and it would be so nice to I'm
actually going to put a note to this to come
(19:39):
back to this like in December and be like, hey,
did you keep up with your digital sabbath? Or like
did you not? So let me know in the comments.
I've picked Saturdays, what day do you pick? And then
the other thing is choosing stories over hot takes. I
have started not really liking stories, not even started from before.
(20:04):
I don't like videos to start with. This is going
to piss off a lot of people. I'm already like,
leave me alone because also, why why is that what
you're leading with? Right? I love watching stories so like
as I'm telling you the things I comment on people
documenting the story of how they've started their business or
(20:27):
their fitness journey, I found that I connect more with
stories and they elicit a lot more compassion and empathy
from me, which is the person I want to be
more of. I find that arguments are so polarizing, you know,
content that's hot takes and opinions. It's just pushing me
(20:47):
back into survival mode and I don't want that, so
I choose stories over heart takes. How do you remain
human online? If you have a tip that's working for you.
Please share it in the comments and just like add
to this list. But one thing that swishow social media
isn't going away. I don't think so. I think it'll morp,
(21:09):
I think it evolves. I don't think it'll disappear. But
the way it makes us feel, which is constantly on edge,
constantly judging, that's not inevitable. It doesn't have to be
like that. So over the next week, I want you
to notice the moment's survival mode creeps in while you're scrolling,
your heart starts racing, or if you're like me, you
(21:29):
feel it and you gut the urge to clap back
the comparison, and in that moment, choose one of the
practices I've shared with you, you know, pause before reacting,
log off for a few hours, or just start following
people who remind you of joy instead of anger. I
think that's really how we start to stay human even online.
(21:52):
Thank you so much for listening to this episode to
the very end. If it resonated with you, share it
with someone who's just caught in the side call of
doom scrolling. I think we all need this reminder. Until
next week, keep choosing humanity over algorithms. Thanks for listening
to the midwik t's are Legally Clueless Africa production episodes
(22:14):
go out every Wednesday, and you can learn more about
us by going to legally Clueless Africa dot com
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