August 31, 2025 • 31 mins
This is Episode 341 of the Legally Clueless Podcast!
We’re sharing the second part of a powerful story from Petronilla, a mother of three. In Part 1, she opened up about her chaotic childhood, traumatic delivery, and the early struggles of raising her firstborn. In this episode, she continues her journey, revealing the painful family tensions around her marriage, the terrifying experience of giving birth prematurely, and her battle with postpartum depression. Through it all, Petronilla speaks candidly about what it takes to hold onto hope when life feels overwhelming.
✨ Listen out for:
We’re sharing the second part of a powerful story from Petronilla, a mother of three. In Part 1, she opened up about her chaotic childhood, traumatic delivery, and the early struggles of raising her firstborn. In this episode, she continues her journey, revealing the painful family tensions around her marriage, the terrifying experience of giving birth prematurely, and her battle with postpartum depression. Through it all, Petronilla speaks candidly about what it takes to hold onto hope when life feels overwhelming.
✨ Listen out for:
- How unresolved family wounds can affect marriage.
- The devastating realities of pre-eclampsia, NICU stays, and postpartum depression.
- Why patience, acceptance, and valuing people became Petronilla’s lifeline.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is adel On Youngle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey you welcome to episode three hundred and
forty one of Legally Cullers. Thank you so much for
walking with this podcast. This is what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
She was born premature. She was in Nickel nonatal I
see you, And it was so challenging because the reason
for having born premature I was because I had pre
a Clamshire high blood pressure in pregnancy, and not because
I had stayed in the hospital for quite a long time.
I became depressed again. I was on antidepressant medicine while
(00:45):
that was happening. It doesn't exclude you from taking care
of your baby. Then nacess are coming to you and
telling you you need to give milk for the baby
to be fed. And it was so bad event for
me because I'm like, I'm not a mother enough, but
I can't. I'm going insane ells feeling like I will
(01:06):
go to mother hospital.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Now that is part two of Petronilla's story. We're gonna
get to it a little later in this episode. If
you're new here, Welcome to the family. We are definitely
more than just one show. We have this flagship podcast
of this show that goes out every single Monday. On Wednesdays,
we have the midwiek TI's on Wednesday as well. You
(01:30):
also get a copy of the newsletter if you sign up.
Sign up sign up on our website legally clueless Africa
dot com. On Thursdays you get two episodes of for
Mannerless Women, one on our YouTube and one on our
podcast channel. And then on Fridays we have a seasonal
show called Ask a Therapist So they stuns to do Okay,
(01:53):
So make sure you sign up to join the family
on our website and subscribe wherever you're listening to this
podcast on and fumus. I want to say thank you
to each and everybody who came for our wellness talk
this past Saturday. It was incredible. First a big shout
out to our wellness events lead. Her name is Mercy.
(02:13):
She is the one who curates all of our wellness talks.
She did a phenomenal job, phenomenal and everyone who participated
was really really plugged ing and it just felt like
such a safe space. In case you don't know. We
were talking about family dynamics and it felt so good
even just for me to be at the talk and
(02:38):
understand that some of the things that I have been
navigating in terms of relationships with family members, healing, etc.
Are not unique to me. A lot of us are
experiencing these things. It's normal to experience them, and there
are tools for us to get through it. Also, big
shout out to my therapist Faith who's always so willing
(02:58):
to be our guest speaker. A bit of a heads up.
We are a month away from our next group therapy cohort,
so make sure you subscribe everywhere, even on our social
media which is linked in the show notes, just so
that you do not miss out on the opportunity to
again be part of healing communities. Hi, let's jump into
(03:22):
part two of Petronilla's story. Last week you heard the
first part that had everything to do with just her
navigating her childhood, a traumatic pregnancy, and the struggles of
caring for Firstbone, who faced serious health challenges. In part two,
she opens up about how those challenges continue to unfold,
right from family tension around her marriage to the terrifying
(03:45):
experience of premature birth and postpartum depression. One hundred African
stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
He was given permission to do it, but his parents
didn't show the mother. The mother who was there, but
the father. You know, they had separated. So it's like,
I don't to be with this one in the same room.
Things like that, you know, And I don't know how deep.
(04:22):
I'm just new here. I don't know how deep this
separation was. I'm just like, I can't understand, you know,
in my background, I don't know. I've never seen my dad,
you know, I was so young to understand about marriage
and all. So at that point, like now we're trying
(04:46):
to get married, I didn't know how these things can
be so hurtful. I'm so deeply hurtful that they can
cause such a big grift. Yeah, so that is how
it started, and we didn't know it could affect us
to that extent. For him, it was for our money.
(05:09):
It is so bad because I guess it is just
their ego, even for you. For us, we don't know
will we will we be able to sustain this marriage,
like you know, because we cannot see a te see
us that we are perfect and Ale we judge from
(05:32):
looking at our parents, and now when we see that
these challenges, we began to doubt and all. But no,
it's not like doubting. It's like we don't have that manual.
We're just sailing. Yeah. So through that we felt alone
and now alone with the sick child. No you no,
(05:55):
you're getting it. Yeah. So right now the child is
it years. Yeah, the child is eight years, talking perfectly.
And thank god their other kids, the second one, they
came five years later. Right now she is she just
(06:18):
turned three. And now we got another one. The third one. No,
this one was extremely challenging. She was born premature at
thirty one weeks and we were in the hospital for
she was in nickel neonatal I see you. And it
(06:39):
was so challenging because the reason for her being born
premature I was because I had pre acclaim share high
blood pressure in pregnancy, hypertension, and these things happened to
women because of the pressures of life. And you don't know,
I guess pregnancy magnifies whatever you're ailing medically. There are
(07:04):
their mothers who get diabetes because their mother because it
runs in their family. In our family, people struggle with
your blood pressure some diabetes like that, but blood pressure
is more prone. So for me, it was not there initially.
(07:26):
But I've learned that all these traumas, if you don't
deal with them, they will explode at some point. And
you see, I had not dealt with any of that.
Now when I got pregnant again, it's like my body
was like reached its elastic limit. Yeah, things just exploded.
(07:50):
I was just fine that particular Sunday, just from church,
and I don't know, something happened and I became hungry, hungry.
I don't know. Maybe the child was not fed, but
it's something not that severe, but it changed my health
drastically because I started swelling. But the term was rushed
(08:13):
to hospital. Baby was ringing at two hundred. It was worst,
it was critical, it was hospitalized. They tried to manage it.
It reached a point they couldn't and I was referred
to a referral hospital. And now my liver started to swell.
(08:35):
I was in excruciating pain day and night, and the
pain killers are not working and they couldn't give me
strong painkillers because I was pregnant. Yeah, so not the
decision for another years. So they remote the baby. The
baby was born and put in the new natal care
(08:56):
for me. I remained on this other side, and not
because because I had stayed in the hospital for quite
a long time. Now I became depressed again now as
I was on anti depressed into medicine. Now it became
so as Yeah, because I couldn't sleep, I got nightmares
(09:17):
while that was happening. It doesn't exclude you from taking
care of your baby. The nurcess are coming to you
and telling you you need to give milk for the
baby to be fed. And now with all distress, the
wound now is not healing because the blood pressure is
still there. Now you're bleeding the wound both sides. I'm
(09:41):
it's called lockier. So lockier there's lockier and not the wound. Also,
it's bleeding so much now because they say the blood
pressure delays the wound from ceiling here. And now still
you're supposed to take care of the baby. So it
was bad. There was a woman in the same word
(10:02):
with me who actually got mad like she was taken
under s psychiatric care. It was that and before she
was taken we just started to discuss, like, how are
you feeling the same way she was feeling? It's the
same way I was feeling when she was sedated and
(10:24):
taken out. I felt like I'm going to die because
I thought I was next. I felt like running away
from the hospital. I didn't want that child. I told
my mom, I've given you that child because you know
there that I see you. You're supposed to go inside
(10:46):
and take care of your child. In kangaroo offered the child.
It's called kangaroo care. But this child was so tiny.
It felt like you're holding her right to something. Yeah,
they're so tiny, you know, nine hundred grams. Can you imagine?
And it was I can't even explain it. I'm looking forwards.
(11:13):
My felt like the world was ending. Yeah, So I
was like, I'm not even stable mentally to care for
this child. So you them, the father and the grandmother,
take of that child because I can't. And blood pressure
makes you restless, you cannot sit still. You feel like,
(11:38):
in simple terms, you're not You're not okay. You can't
sit down, you can't sleep, you can't nothing, nothing will
make you happy. And now your legs are swelling. You're uncomfortable.
But through it all, I can't say God came through.
I don't know how immediate. But through the those months,
(12:05):
I guess my thinking God wanted me to learn more
about patient because now this child, you cannot rush them.
They're taking ten and mil within an hour. You can
imagine how tiny they are. That turn of milk stain
them just it's like giving them a drop adrop a
(12:30):
drope like that. And eventually we were we came out
of hospital because not they're monitoring this child to at
least gain weight, to be one point eight cages so
that they can go home and at least to learn
how to bottle feed or spoon feed because they are
(12:53):
not strong enough to breastfeed. Yeah, so when we went
home and that journey can only be God and support.
You know, now I understand why women who have just
given birth on me suicide because it is it is
(13:16):
tormenting to be in those places and you don't have
a good support system. Yeah, the child is one year
three months. They are even walking and talking like it's
a miracle. I look at her and I'm thinking, we
really understand and arreestimate these children. They're stronger than we think.
(13:40):
They survive because that place, I don't know. You can
go to the world where the mothers are sleeping and
you just called your child is not is not breathing,
you know, and we are in a line. So the
more the child gets better, you move. If our child dies,
(14:01):
you move towards the door. So you don't know what
is going to happen. Imagine being in that state for
three months. You don't know, you're not even sleeping. It
is a very hard place to be. But because of
such stories, the survival stories, you just hope for the
(14:26):
best and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.
During that time. For my firstborn, I had to stop
working because now who will be their sulkier give of
this child? Nor mothers have to make such decisions. It
is not about you. And now being a pregnancy that
(14:50):
it was challenging to some extent because because of bleeding.
And you know, there are those people who have very
nice pregnancies, they can even get ten kids because you know,
but there are those women who struggle even to get
(15:10):
that one child. So and because of that, they tend
to really be so attached to this child. They don't
they just want them to survive because they have no hope.
Now being the first that was the situation. You're like,
if something happens to this child, Will I be able
will they have the strength to even think of you know,
(15:33):
people say you will get another one, but will that
mother be able to get another one? So that work
I stopped and I had to take care of this baby.
Now with the escalating challenges. You see, I went back
to school to have this child. Now after that, after
the child enrolled to school, that is when I went
(15:55):
back to work. Yeah, so I changed even careers. I
started being a teacher so that I can have more
time when he's when he is out of school and
at home with him, helping him, Yeah, helping the nanny
to you know, they don't know your pain and you
can't blame them, so you have to be there, even
(16:19):
with the Neighbor's not for your child not to be bullied,
you know, because if they they get because if they
are bullied, they will also regress. Yeah, so it's just
protecting the process m hm. Not the second one. I
was still working. I had challenges. I was bleeding also,
(16:46):
and with cysts and fabriids. All these processes make someone
to use a lot of money. Yeah, for the for
you to be money had by a good doctor and
praying and the second one, I don't have any challenges. Yeah,
(17:11):
because I even went back to work at two weeks. Yeah,
I left the child with the nanny. Yeah, that child was.
She is such a light. Not because of that. You
want to get a rather one because.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
You think.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
The process will be the same, but not that that one.
That one was, Hey, extremely challenging. I've never been in
such a scenario where I feel like I'm going to
lose my mind. And it was a very tough place
to be. Yeah, because I even went for canceling. Is
(17:51):
so uh psychiatrist, I so a psychologist, a preacher like
you want help from everywhere, but you see not many
people ask for help. Yeah, so I can say right now,
(18:13):
I am whole, I am healed. After that child, I
went to work right now, she is one near three months.
I went to work two months ago because now I
could actually live leave the child with a nan. I
still teach, so that it's a good career because you
(18:34):
go home very early. Yeah, so I can still take
care of these children. Now. My husband's support was crucial
because now he had to. If he didn't love these children,
it would have been very difficult, you know. So he
was there wanting this child to get better, providing financially
(19:00):
being there. It also affected him the same way. The stress.
We just noticed like we're not even talking, we're not
it's have you given the child medicine? And we just
went to sleep. There's no strength. The strength is we're
hanging on a by. We are on our breaths because
(19:21):
we don't know will this child survive? But we can't
say that. It's in our hearts, you know. We fear
like what if we projected and it happens. So we're
just going day by day until now they got better.
(19:44):
Now the second child, as I told you, easier and
not that that child, it was very difficult because now
I couldn't even offer the support myself. So he was
there for quite a while in the icee. You you're
going holding there. It was bad because we were crying.
(20:07):
You were crying. Him was crying holding that tiny bribe.
You don't know, you're just like, God, why why are
relatting this child suffer like this? For me, I was
projecting it. I was saying, like God, if you do,
this child is not going to survive. Just take her.
It was that bad because of that, because the way
(20:31):
I saw him fighting. Even the doctors the nurses were like, hey,
we don't see men doing these things. Mostly run away
or they tell you to push yourself to do what
a mother's supposed to do, you know. But because of
(20:52):
how I saw him handling the child and going every
day and every day to check this child. Because you're
you're supposed to hold this child for minimum eight hours,
put him putting the child on your chest. So in
(21:13):
order for this child in order to shorten the days,
the more you kangaroo, the more you will shorten the
days and you will go home. So after some time,
I was like, because I had gone home, also, I
left the child in the hospital so that I can
go for all this counseling and all. Yeah, it was
(21:35):
that bad. So I told myself, now, the only way
I can bring that child home is if I go
back to the hospital and take care of this child.
And I went because I was at home. I expressed milk,
(21:56):
I gave him, we putting ice on the bag and all.
He takes the milk to the hospital and the kangaroos
and he comes back home. And it was so bad
event for me because I'm like, I'm not a mother enough.
But I can't. I'm going insane. I was feeling like
(22:19):
I will go to mother a hospital now because there
was I felt I'm not normal, and you know, my
mother was like, no, mothers don't behave like this, and
I'm like, I can't. I can't if I am feeling
like I'm going to die if I hold that child.
You know, I rejected her, but now there was no option.
(22:45):
He can't do what I can do. That is what
the head nurse told me. So I'm supposed to go
and as you put the child in your chest, I
get healed. The more and the baby gets healed. He
can she can be able to listen to your heart
beat and it will be able to balance with hers
(23:09):
so that she can feed well. She can grow that
comfort of a mother, you know. Yeah, the first three
days were very difficult because I was told just to
try to stay here. For three days. I couldn't sleep.
I felt like the pillows hard thoughs. I couldn't lay
(23:31):
my head. It was bad. And then I was also
told by a friend to stop taking there until the pressent.
Now I just had to, you know, to trust her, like,
let me just try today and see, because you know,
after taking them for a long time. You start getting
(23:53):
nightmares and your body cannot wake up, so you're being tormented.
So I had to stop that. Yeah, it's all about courage,
and that courage that God gives a mother. So three
days past and the baby started adding we you know
(24:17):
the thing also that made me feel like I don't
that child. The child was not even adding weight when
they were adding. They were being weighed after one day.
So when others you hear there they're adding forty grams,
you as one gram the next time they've even dropped.
(24:42):
I know you will as a mother, you will feel, ah,
this child is not going to survive. And I am
feeling like I will lose my mind. In fact, I
felt like I have already lost it. I can't manage myself,
so how can I manage this child who's like this?
But after those kangaroo sessions, the child started toward wait
(25:09):
and she picked very first. Within a week, Yeah, a
week and some three four days, we were out of
the hospital. Yeah, but the bill was so high, but
people came through. We managed and now that was another
great scare, like I'm going to stay in this hospital
(25:31):
up to December, you know, so I don't I guess
it's a very bad jail prison. It's not a good
place to be in, and I will never wish that
even to my worst enemy. I can't. Yeah, it's really
a bad experience. Not to many survive. Now I know why,
(25:56):
because you're here fighting for your life, and that the
one you are talking to. Even mothers lost their lives
and left babies, and babies lost their lives and mothers
are left with empty handed. So it's a very hard
place to be seeing all that, And you wonder how
special am I? No, yellow you're so. I'm also they're hanging.
(26:24):
I don't know what will happen the next hour. It's
like a real horror movie. Yeah, I was leaving it. Also,
there's also a challenge of nannies. During that statement was
so badly wounded and feeling insane and all. Now, even
(26:46):
then nanny was like, I want to go. So I'm wondering.
It's like all this pressure, it's it's not decreasing, it's increasing.
And I was like, no, I let go of everything
I had reached. I couldn't even pray. I was angry
(27:10):
with God because I'm like I could do Why did
you let all this happened to me, but it's because
of no human nature. Because I thought, I prayed, I thought,
I firsted, I thought, you know, but these things happened
to people doesn't mean they did anything. And you can't
(27:30):
control You can't control these things you don't know. So
I learned to be patient and to understand that God
is the hold of everything today your life. Give thanks
And actually I repented a lot because I felt I
was ungrateful because there are so many people in that hospital.
They didn't make it their children, and here I was,
(27:53):
at least I have children. They are There are women
who have gone through that process only to lose their children.
Some of them it's their fifth time there. So I
thank God. My biggest take home is this life. You
cannot control everything. You can only focus on what you
can control. Some things can get out of hand, but
(28:16):
that that doesn't mean you have to die. Just accept
things the way they are. And also I've learned to
be patient with people, to be patient with life, and
to be forgiving here to myself and to people, and
to value people because when you think someone can come
(28:38):
from you know there's some children who are even for hunderdrams,
even less and you see their journey and now evalue
people through those babies, you know, the way they don't
look so nice. But I see beauty even now now
with people of different ages, even the old ones, they
(28:59):
see beauty. I see the hand of God in their lives,
and I do not take that for granted.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cues.
I man, what an inspiring story and a raw look
at childbirth and motherhood again. I think I said it
last week. So thankful to women and African women who
(29:27):
are being very open and vulnerable about what the motherhood
journey looks like so that the rest of us can
make informed decisions. I don't believe it's to scare. It's
to ensure that you know and you can prepare as
much as possible, you know what I mean. So many takeaways,
but I feel like the main takeaway for me from
(29:47):
Petronilla's story is life wouldn't always be in your control.
That part like when she was saying that, I was
just like, it feels like she's talking to me. You know,
You've just got to choose patience and acceptance and then
value the people around you who will carry you even
(30:07):
through the darkest moments, I think I identified with that,
especially because I'm going through like not an argument, but
like a uncomfortable kind of situation with someone who's incredibly
close to me and who I just truly value, and
for a minute I forgot how much this person has
(30:29):
added to my life and the dark moments they have
carried me through, and that I should, in my own
way of course, be there for them. It sometimes happens,
right like you forget and you can easily take advantage
of those who are closest to you. But yeah, so
listening to her talking about you know, just value the
(30:51):
people around you as like hesh you're shouting. I would
love to know what you identified with from Petro Nilla's
story Wherever you're listening to this or to please drop
a comment. I love going through your comments, and of
course thank you for listening to this episode to the
very very end. Remember I appreciate you, and I truly
(31:13):
believe that you already have every single thing it takes
to heal. That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless.
You can share this podcast with your friends, you can
keep it for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure
you're here. Next week for the next episode.
My name is adel On Youngle and welcome to another
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
only one. Hey you welcome to episode three hundred and
forty one of Legally Cullers. Thank you so much for
walking with this podcast. This is what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
She was born premature. She was in Nickel nonatal I
see you, And it was so challenging because the reason
for having born premature I was because I had pre
a Clamshire high blood pressure in pregnancy, and not because
I had stayed in the hospital for quite a long time.
I became depressed again. I was on antidepressant medicine while
(00:45):
that was happening. It doesn't exclude you from taking care
of your baby. Then nacess are coming to you and
telling you you need to give milk for the baby
to be fed. And it was so bad event for
me because I'm like, I'm not a mother enough, but
I can't. I'm going insane ells feeling like I will
(01:06):
go to mother hospital.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Now that is part two of Petronilla's story. We're gonna
get to it a little later in this episode. If
you're new here, Welcome to the family. We are definitely
more than just one show. We have this flagship podcast
of this show that goes out every single Monday. On Wednesdays,
we have the midwiek TI's on Wednesday as well. You
(01:30):
also get a copy of the newsletter if you sign up.
Sign up sign up on our website legally clueless Africa
dot com. On Thursdays you get two episodes of for
Mannerless Women, one on our YouTube and one on our
podcast channel. And then on Fridays we have a seasonal
show called Ask a Therapist So they stuns to do Okay,
(01:53):
So make sure you sign up to join the family
on our website and subscribe wherever you're listening to this
podcast on and fumus. I want to say thank you
to each and everybody who came for our wellness talk
this past Saturday. It was incredible. First a big shout
out to our wellness events lead. Her name is Mercy.
(02:13):
She is the one who curates all of our wellness talks.
She did a phenomenal job, phenomenal and everyone who participated
was really really plugged ing and it just felt like
such a safe space. In case you don't know. We
were talking about family dynamics and it felt so good
even just for me to be at the talk and
(02:38):
understand that some of the things that I have been
navigating in terms of relationships with family members, healing, etc.
Are not unique to me. A lot of us are
experiencing these things. It's normal to experience them, and there
are tools for us to get through it. Also, big
shout out to my therapist Faith who's always so willing
(02:58):
to be our guest speaker. A bit of a heads up.
We are a month away from our next group therapy cohort,
so make sure you subscribe everywhere, even on our social
media which is linked in the show notes, just so
that you do not miss out on the opportunity to
again be part of healing communities. Hi, let's jump into
(03:22):
part two of Petronilla's story. Last week you heard the
first part that had everything to do with just her
navigating her childhood, a traumatic pregnancy, and the struggles of
caring for Firstbone, who faced serious health challenges. In part two,
she opens up about how those challenges continue to unfold,
right from family tension around her marriage to the terrifying
(03:45):
experience of premature birth and postpartum depression. One hundred African
stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
He was given permission to do it, but his parents
didn't show the mother. The mother who was there, but
the father. You know, they had separated. So it's like,
I don't to be with this one in the same room.
Things like that, you know, And I don't know how deep.
(04:22):
I'm just new here. I don't know how deep this
separation was. I'm just like, I can't understand, you know,
in my background, I don't know. I've never seen my dad,
you know, I was so young to understand about marriage
and all. So at that point, like now we're trying
(04:46):
to get married, I didn't know how these things can
be so hurtful. I'm so deeply hurtful that they can
cause such a big grift. Yeah, so that is how
it started, and we didn't know it could affect us
to that extent. For him, it was for our money.
(05:09):
It is so bad because I guess it is just
their ego, even for you. For us, we don't know
will we will we be able to sustain this marriage,
like you know, because we cannot see a te see
us that we are perfect and Ale we judge from
(05:32):
looking at our parents, and now when we see that
these challenges, we began to doubt and all. But no,
it's not like doubting. It's like we don't have that manual.
We're just sailing. Yeah. So through that we felt alone
and now alone with the sick child. No you no,
(05:55):
you're getting it. Yeah. So right now the child is
it years. Yeah, the child is eight years, talking perfectly.
And thank god their other kids, the second one, they
came five years later. Right now she is she just
(06:18):
turned three. And now we got another one. The third one. No,
this one was extremely challenging. She was born premature at
thirty one weeks and we were in the hospital for
she was in nickel neonatal I see you. And it
(06:39):
was so challenging because the reason for her being born
premature I was because I had pre acclaim share high
blood pressure in pregnancy, hypertension, and these things happened to
women because of the pressures of life. And you don't know,
I guess pregnancy magnifies whatever you're ailing medically. There are
(07:04):
their mothers who get diabetes because their mother because it
runs in their family. In our family, people struggle with
your blood pressure some diabetes like that, but blood pressure
is more prone. So for me, it was not there initially.
(07:26):
But I've learned that all these traumas, if you don't
deal with them, they will explode at some point. And
you see, I had not dealt with any of that.
Now when I got pregnant again, it's like my body
was like reached its elastic limit. Yeah, things just exploded.
(07:50):
I was just fine that particular Sunday, just from church,
and I don't know, something happened and I became hungry, hungry.
I don't know. Maybe the child was not fed, but
it's something not that severe, but it changed my health
drastically because I started swelling. But the term was rushed
(08:13):
to hospital. Baby was ringing at two hundred. It was worst,
it was critical, it was hospitalized. They tried to manage it.
It reached a point they couldn't and I was referred
to a referral hospital. And now my liver started to swell.
(08:35):
I was in excruciating pain day and night, and the
pain killers are not working and they couldn't give me
strong painkillers because I was pregnant. Yeah, so not the
decision for another years. So they remote the baby. The
baby was born and put in the new natal care
(08:56):
for me. I remained on this other side, and not
because because I had stayed in the hospital for quite
a long time. Now I became depressed again now as
I was on anti depressed into medicine. Now it became
so as Yeah, because I couldn't sleep, I got nightmares
(09:17):
while that was happening. It doesn't exclude you from taking
care of your baby. The nurcess are coming to you
and telling you you need to give milk for the
baby to be fed. And now with all distress, the
wound now is not healing because the blood pressure is
still there. Now you're bleeding the wound both sides. I'm
(09:41):
it's called lockier. So lockier there's lockier and not the wound. Also,
it's bleeding so much now because they say the blood
pressure delays the wound from ceiling here. And now still
you're supposed to take care of the baby. So it
was bad. There was a woman in the same word
(10:02):
with me who actually got mad like she was taken
under s psychiatric care. It was that and before she
was taken we just started to discuss, like, how are
you feeling the same way she was feeling? It's the
same way I was feeling when she was sedated and
(10:24):
taken out. I felt like I'm going to die because
I thought I was next. I felt like running away
from the hospital. I didn't want that child. I told
my mom, I've given you that child because you know
there that I see you. You're supposed to go inside
(10:46):
and take care of your child. In kangaroo offered the child.
It's called kangaroo care. But this child was so tiny.
It felt like you're holding her right to something. Yeah,
they're so tiny, you know, nine hundred grams. Can you imagine?
And it was I can't even explain it. I'm looking forwards.
(11:13):
My felt like the world was ending. Yeah, So I
was like, I'm not even stable mentally to care for
this child. So you them, the father and the grandmother,
take of that child because I can't. And blood pressure
makes you restless, you cannot sit still. You feel like,
(11:38):
in simple terms, you're not You're not okay. You can't
sit down, you can't sleep, you can't nothing, nothing will
make you happy. And now your legs are swelling. You're uncomfortable.
But through it all, I can't say God came through.
I don't know how immediate. But through the those months,
(12:05):
I guess my thinking God wanted me to learn more
about patient because now this child, you cannot rush them.
They're taking ten and mil within an hour. You can
imagine how tiny they are. That turn of milk stain
them just it's like giving them a drop adrop a
(12:30):
drope like that. And eventually we were we came out
of hospital because not they're monitoring this child to at
least gain weight, to be one point eight cages so
that they can go home and at least to learn
how to bottle feed or spoon feed because they are
(12:53):
not strong enough to breastfeed. Yeah, so when we went
home and that journey can only be God and support.
You know, now I understand why women who have just
given birth on me suicide because it is it is
(13:16):
tormenting to be in those places and you don't have
a good support system. Yeah, the child is one year
three months. They are even walking and talking like it's
a miracle. I look at her and I'm thinking, we
really understand and arreestimate these children. They're stronger than we think.
(13:40):
They survive because that place, I don't know. You can
go to the world where the mothers are sleeping and
you just called your child is not is not breathing,
you know, and we are in a line. So the
more the child gets better, you move. If our child dies,
(14:01):
you move towards the door. So you don't know what
is going to happen. Imagine being in that state for
three months. You don't know, you're not even sleeping. It
is a very hard place to be. But because of
such stories, the survival stories, you just hope for the
(14:26):
best and if it doesn't work out, at least you tried.
During that time. For my firstborn, I had to stop
working because now who will be their sulkier give of
this child? Nor mothers have to make such decisions. It
is not about you. And now being a pregnancy that
(14:50):
it was challenging to some extent because because of bleeding.
And you know, there are those people who have very
nice pregnancies, they can even get ten kids because you know,
but there are those women who struggle even to get
(15:10):
that one child. So and because of that, they tend
to really be so attached to this child. They don't
they just want them to survive because they have no hope.
Now being the first that was the situation. You're like,
if something happens to this child, Will I be able
will they have the strength to even think of you know,
(15:33):
people say you will get another one, but will that
mother be able to get another one? So that work
I stopped and I had to take care of this baby.
Now with the escalating challenges. You see, I went back
to school to have this child. Now after that, after
the child enrolled to school, that is when I went
(15:55):
back to work. Yeah, so I changed even careers. I
started being a teacher so that I can have more
time when he's when he is out of school and
at home with him, helping him, Yeah, helping the nanny
to you know, they don't know your pain and you
can't blame them, so you have to be there, even
(16:19):
with the Neighbor's not for your child not to be bullied,
you know, because if they they get because if they
are bullied, they will also regress. Yeah, so it's just
protecting the process m hm. Not the second one. I
was still working. I had challenges. I was bleeding also,
(16:46):
and with cysts and fabriids. All these processes make someone
to use a lot of money. Yeah, for the for
you to be money had by a good doctor and
praying and the second one, I don't have any challenges. Yeah,
(17:11):
because I even went back to work at two weeks. Yeah,
I left the child with the nanny. Yeah, that child was.
She is such a light. Not because of that. You
want to get a rather one because.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
You think.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
The process will be the same, but not that that one.
That one was, Hey, extremely challenging. I've never been in
such a scenario where I feel like I'm going to
lose my mind. And it was a very tough place
to be. Yeah, because I even went for canceling. Is
(17:51):
so uh psychiatrist, I so a psychologist, a preacher like
you want help from everywhere, but you see not many
people ask for help. Yeah, so I can say right now,
(18:13):
I am whole, I am healed. After that child, I
went to work right now, she is one near three months.
I went to work two months ago because now I
could actually live leave the child with a nan. I
still teach, so that it's a good career because you
(18:34):
go home very early. Yeah, so I can still take
care of these children. Now. My husband's support was crucial
because now he had to. If he didn't love these children,
it would have been very difficult, you know. So he
was there wanting this child to get better, providing financially
(19:00):
being there. It also affected him the same way. The stress.
We just noticed like we're not even talking, we're not
it's have you given the child medicine? And we just
went to sleep. There's no strength. The strength is we're
hanging on a by. We are on our breaths because
(19:21):
we don't know will this child survive? But we can't
say that. It's in our hearts, you know. We fear
like what if we projected and it happens. So we're
just going day by day until now they got better.
(19:44):
Now the second child, as I told you, easier and
not that that child, it was very difficult because now
I couldn't even offer the support myself. So he was
there for quite a while in the icee. You you're
going holding there. It was bad because we were crying.
(20:07):
You were crying. Him was crying holding that tiny bribe.
You don't know, you're just like, God, why why are
relatting this child suffer like this? For me, I was
projecting it. I was saying, like God, if you do,
this child is not going to survive. Just take her.
It was that bad because of that, because the way
(20:31):
I saw him fighting. Even the doctors the nurses were like, hey,
we don't see men doing these things. Mostly run away
or they tell you to push yourself to do what
a mother's supposed to do, you know. But because of
(20:52):
how I saw him handling the child and going every
day and every day to check this child. Because you're
you're supposed to hold this child for minimum eight hours,
put him putting the child on your chest. So in
(21:13):
order for this child in order to shorten the days,
the more you kangaroo, the more you will shorten the
days and you will go home. So after some time,
I was like, because I had gone home, also, I
left the child in the hospital so that I can
go for all this counseling and all. Yeah, it was
(21:35):
that bad. So I told myself, now, the only way
I can bring that child home is if I go
back to the hospital and take care of this child.
And I went because I was at home. I expressed milk,
(21:56):
I gave him, we putting ice on the bag and all.
He takes the milk to the hospital and the kangaroos
and he comes back home. And it was so bad
event for me because I'm like, I'm not a mother enough.
But I can't. I'm going insane. I was feeling like
(22:19):
I will go to mother a hospital now because there
was I felt I'm not normal, and you know, my
mother was like, no, mothers don't behave like this, and
I'm like, I can't. I can't if I am feeling
like I'm going to die if I hold that child.
You know, I rejected her, but now there was no option.
(22:45):
He can't do what I can do. That is what
the head nurse told me. So I'm supposed to go
and as you put the child in your chest, I
get healed. The more and the baby gets healed. He
can she can be able to listen to your heart
beat and it will be able to balance with hers
(23:09):
so that she can feed well. She can grow that
comfort of a mother, you know. Yeah, the first three
days were very difficult because I was told just to
try to stay here. For three days. I couldn't sleep.
I felt like the pillows hard thoughs. I couldn't lay
(23:31):
my head. It was bad. And then I was also
told by a friend to stop taking there until the pressent.
Now I just had to, you know, to trust her, like,
let me just try today and see, because you know,
after taking them for a long time. You start getting
(23:53):
nightmares and your body cannot wake up, so you're being tormented.
So I had to stop that. Yeah, it's all about courage,
and that courage that God gives a mother. So three
days past and the baby started adding we you know
(24:17):
the thing also that made me feel like I don't
that child. The child was not even adding weight when
they were adding. They were being weighed after one day.
So when others you hear there they're adding forty grams,
you as one gram the next time they've even dropped.
(24:42):
I know you will as a mother, you will feel, ah,
this child is not going to survive. And I am
feeling like I will lose my mind. In fact, I
felt like I have already lost it. I can't manage myself,
so how can I manage this child who's like this?
But after those kangaroo sessions, the child started toward wait
(25:09):
and she picked very first. Within a week, Yeah, a
week and some three four days, we were out of
the hospital. Yeah, but the bill was so high, but
people came through. We managed and now that was another
great scare, like I'm going to stay in this hospital
(25:31):
up to December, you know, so I don't I guess
it's a very bad jail prison. It's not a good
place to be in, and I will never wish that
even to my worst enemy. I can't. Yeah, it's really
a bad experience. Not to many survive. Now I know why,
(25:56):
because you're here fighting for your life, and that the
one you are talking to. Even mothers lost their lives
and left babies, and babies lost their lives and mothers
are left with empty handed. So it's a very hard
place to be seeing all that, And you wonder how
special am I? No, yellow you're so. I'm also they're hanging.
(26:24):
I don't know what will happen the next hour. It's
like a real horror movie. Yeah, I was leaving it. Also,
there's also a challenge of nannies. During that statement was
so badly wounded and feeling insane and all. Now, even
(26:46):
then nanny was like, I want to go. So I'm wondering.
It's like all this pressure, it's it's not decreasing, it's increasing.
And I was like, no, I let go of everything
I had reached. I couldn't even pray. I was angry
(27:10):
with God because I'm like I could do Why did
you let all this happened to me, but it's because
of no human nature. Because I thought, I prayed, I thought,
I firsted, I thought, you know, but these things happened
to people doesn't mean they did anything. And you can't
(27:30):
control You can't control these things you don't know. So
I learned to be patient and to understand that God
is the hold of everything today your life. Give thanks
And actually I repented a lot because I felt I
was ungrateful because there are so many people in that hospital.
They didn't make it their children, and here I was,
(27:53):
at least I have children. They are There are women
who have gone through that process only to lose their children.
Some of them it's their fifth time there. So I
thank God. My biggest take home is this life. You
cannot control everything. You can only focus on what you
can control. Some things can get out of hand, but
(28:16):
that that doesn't mean you have to die. Just accept
things the way they are. And also I've learned to
be patient with people, to be patient with life, and
to be forgiving here to myself and to people, and
to value people because when you think someone can come
(28:38):
from you know there's some children who are even for hunderdrams,
even less and you see their journey and now evalue
people through those babies, you know, the way they don't
look so nice. But I see beauty even now now
with people of different ages, even the old ones, they
(28:59):
see beauty. I see the hand of God in their lives,
and I do not take that for granted.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Catch more African stories in the next episode of Legally Cues.
I man, what an inspiring story and a raw look
at childbirth and motherhood again. I think I said it
last week. So thankful to women and African women who
(29:27):
are being very open and vulnerable about what the motherhood
journey looks like so that the rest of us can
make informed decisions. I don't believe it's to scare. It's
to ensure that you know and you can prepare as
much as possible, you know what I mean. So many takeaways,
but I feel like the main takeaway for me from
(29:47):
Petronilla's story is life wouldn't always be in your control.
That part like when she was saying that, I was
just like, it feels like she's talking to me. You know,
You've just got to choose patience and acceptance and then
value the people around you who will carry you even
(30:07):
through the darkest moments, I think I identified with that,
especially because I'm going through like not an argument, but
like a uncomfortable kind of situation with someone who's incredibly
close to me and who I just truly value, and
for a minute I forgot how much this person has
(30:29):
added to my life and the dark moments they have
carried me through, and that I should, in my own
way of course, be there for them. It sometimes happens,
right like you forget and you can easily take advantage
of those who are closest to you. But yeah, so
listening to her talking about you know, just value the
(30:51):
people around you as like hesh you're shouting. I would
love to know what you identified with from Petro Nilla's
story Wherever you're listening to this or to please drop
a comment. I love going through your comments, and of
course thank you for listening to this episode to the
very very end. Remember I appreciate you, and I truly
(31:13):
believe that you already have every single thing it takes
to heal. That's it for this episode of Legally Clueless.
You can share this podcast with your friends, you can
keep it for yourself. I'm not judging. Just make sure
you're here. Next week for the next episode.
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