September 14, 2025 • 43 mins
When Grief Silences Siblings
In Part 1 of Audrey’s story, she took us back to her childhood in Migori County, the joy, the cracks in her parents’ marriage, and the loneliness of family separation. In this second part, Audrey shares the unimaginable: the sudden loss of her beloved brother Warren. She opens up about the chaos that followed, the unanswered questions surrounding his death, and the invisible grief siblings often carry when families and communities focus only on the parents. This part of her story is raw, painful, and a reminder of how layered grief can be, and how important it is to honor every voice touched by loss.
👉🏾 Part 3, the final part of Audrey’s story, will be out next week.
📌 Subscribe so you don’t miss it.
✨ Other Legally Clueless Africa Platforms:
In Part 1 of Audrey’s story, she took us back to her childhood in Migori County, the joy, the cracks in her parents’ marriage, and the loneliness of family separation. In this second part, Audrey shares the unimaginable: the sudden loss of her beloved brother Warren. She opens up about the chaos that followed, the unanswered questions surrounding his death, and the invisible grief siblings often carry when families and communities focus only on the parents. This part of her story is raw, painful, and a reminder of how layered grief can be, and how important it is to honor every voice touched by loss.
👉🏾 Part 3, the final part of Audrey’s story, will be out next week.
📌 Subscribe so you don’t miss it.
✨ Other Legally Clueless Africa Platforms:
- Newsletter: www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
- TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
- YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube
- Share your story: forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is a girl on Younger and Welcome to
another episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no
clue what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not
the only one. Hi. You Welcome to this episode of
Legally Clueless. This is what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
So at around midnight, I'm just thinking those midnight I
hear this are vehicle to our kids, so I know
my parents are back. I jumped out of that bed
and I was telling myself, I know from the look
in my mother's eyes, I really know what has happened.
When I got there. My mom got out of the
vehicle and she's she's crying, and she's sitting on like
down on the grass, and I'm like, you know what,
(00:38):
you don't have to tell me. I think my worst
to be has been confirmed. So the following morning, I'm confused.
But now I have this thing where I want the
world to know because it hurts me that my brother
died last night. And it's morning and people are cooking breakfast,
you know, kids are running around the neighborhood riding bikes, Like,
why are you guys happy? Why are my neighbors laughing?
(01:01):
Why is everything else in the world going the way
it's supposed to be, and my brother died last night.
In my mind, I was like, maybe the mutation will
call us and say, guys, it's okay. Deep down, I
was even expecting that call.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
The weirdest thing that I learned is that when you
lose a spouse, when you're a woman, you're a widow.
When you're a man, you're a widower. And when you
lose the parent, you're no fun. But when you lose
a sibling, exactly what are you?
Speaker 3 (01:26):
That is part two of Audrey's story.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
If you have not listened to part one, you're definitely
going to be flirting, so please listen to the previous
episode first before you continue with this one. However, I
also say a big thank you to all my OG members.
I've got nothing but love for you. If this is
your first time listening to this podcast, welcome to the firm.
I am so glad you are here. Legally, CLU, this
(01:51):
podcast goes out every single Monday on Wednesdays, we have
the midwiek TI's and we also have our newsletter, which
is personal letters from me to help you navigate your
healing journey.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
And then on.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Thursdays, we have two episodes of for Manneralist Women, one
on our YouTube channel and one right here on our
podcast channel. So basically, what I'm trying to say is
subscribe to whatever platform you're listening to this show on
so that you do not miss any of our shows,
and then join the family officially on our website legally
(02:23):
Cluelessafrica dot com so that you can never miss out
on a newsletter. Okay, thank you so much for the
love and the feedback that you've been sending out about
our recent episodes and the wellness events. It means the
entire world to see how this community is growing together.
And before we jump into one hundred African stories in
(02:45):
this episode, I've got something really exciting that I need
you to jot down and sign up for. We are
hosting our final group therapy of the year. Of course,
we've done this in partnership with Shamii Health. We did
it earlier this year for three months, one session a month.
We took quite a few members of our community through
(03:05):
group therapy sessions. The bonds that were born from it
were just out of this world. So first and foremost
I wanted to hear from some of our community members
who attended our last group therapy session at.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
The beginning of this year. I felt like there's a
lot that I'm start at. I feel like in relationships,
I was stuck and I first.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Like, I'm starting to really not like this other gender.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
So so that's why I decided. I saw the link.
I was like, you know what, let's try this. What's
the worst that could happen.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
I mean, I've been wanting to go for therapy for
a long time, so I thought this was a pocket opportunity,
and now the perfection was actually group therapy. You know,
I could still hide somewhere but still listen. And experience
has been amazing.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Our group has been amazing, sharing with the people has
been just around amazing, our facilities has been everything has
been amazing.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
It's been a good experience, magical because mind blowing, it
was practical.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
And the way that this specific group has really helped
me shine through is sitting in.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Introspection but without judgment. You're just able to see.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
A bit more clearly and participate with others, feeling like
you're on the same page and you're walking together Macagua
this thing and you're getting to.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
Know yourselves more because you find that most of the
things that you're covering is literally what the next person
is also experiencing. So I felt like I was not
telling that's the best part about it.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Do it, Yesterdady, It's amazing. I'd highly recommend. It's not
for cloud or for others, It's for you with your
own personal journey.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Shout out to those lovely, lovely ladies. So, as I
was saying, we are hosting our final group therapy of
the year, and this time around, it's a three part
series that's focused on childhood trauma. So we're going to
be unpacking how child hood wounds show up in adulthoods
how they're causing shagy. I have a friend who uses
(05:07):
much word all the time, and I've always wanted to
use it with you. But yeah, how childhood trauma is
causing shagar in your relationships and your friendships. Like when
we're talking about trauma bonds, when we're talking about abandoning
your emotional needs, We're also going to be looking at
how how do we start healing you're inner child, because
(05:28):
there's no healing unless we start there.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
And just so much more.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
The sessions are going to be led by accredited psychologists,
because only the best for you. And it's going to
take place on the eleventh of October, the eighth of November,
and the sixth of December. So by the time you're
going to meet your family during Christmas, you're not gonna
be triggered.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
We're gonna we're gonna work through all the childhood trauma. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Tickets for all three sessions combined are four thy five
hundred bobs. So what that means once you grab your ticket,
you're coming to all three and it's it's inclusive of
the snacks that we're going to serve you. It's inclusive
of all the resources that we're going to give you,
whether it's reading material, exercises, all of that is covered
(06:15):
in the ticket, and the sessions will be from ten
am to two pm on those three days.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I think if.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
You are serious about your healing, commit, honestly commit. Because
we do our part in ensuring that we get accredited psychologists,
we get people with the intellect to help you with healing.
You then have to commit. I love coming for group therapy.
I remember the last go hoard, I didn't sit in
(06:45):
any of the groups for the first Saturday and the
formal I failed.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
I complained to shut music.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I was just like, imagine assigning me a group like
I must I must join, I must join.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
So I hope I get assigned.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
To your group and we can walk this healing journey
with you. You can grab your tickets right now. In the
show notes, there's a link you can go to our
website or you can just go to Hustle, SASA and
such for legally clue that's Africa. You'll find it there.
And the last note, I will say, because I know
women especially do this very very well, share this with
your sisters. You know, let's be that generation that breaks
(07:23):
the cycle of trauma, breaks the cycle of pain, and
instead introduces healing, ease and freedom.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Freedom from trauma.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Muzzie, can we just slease be that generation? So I
hope to see you there. So let's jump into one
hundred African stories. This week we returned to Audrey's story.
Remember in part one, she took us back to her childhood,
the bond she had with her siblings, and the cracks
in her parents' marriage, and just the loneliness she experienced
as her family fractured. In this second part, Audrey shares
(07:57):
the unimaginable lost in her life, and the KOs that followed,
and the questions that never got answered, and just like,
huh grief, A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories
from Africa.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
So I get a text from a cousin of mine
who is like instant eighty five, and she sends me
a text saying Warren is dead. When I read that,
I think, first of all, I dropped the phone and
I was screaming. So when I was screaming, my sister
studied screaming. She's like, what has happened? And I'm like,
read that message. She's young. My sister then had already
(08:42):
done her KCP examination. Sorry, she had done a KCP examination.
This is twenty seven KCP results. They're supposed to come
out in twenty eighth the following day, which is another story.
So I'm like, read that message. Now we're screaming the boss.
And then there's my neighbor. She comes and she's knocking like, Audrey,
(09:03):
are you okay? It's okay, and I'm like, my brother is dead.
So me, I'm just telling her because that is what
I've been told by my young cousin, who like and
she's like calm down. Remember, calm down does not come anyone.
It's like calm down, but no, I cannot calm down.
And she's like come over. So she's like, close your door,
(09:23):
come to my house. Whatever that lady is, I have
to say, God bless you. Really she was the kindest.
She didn't even know us. I think my mom did
her hair like once during the time that we were
living there. She took us in. She was like, I
want you guys to relax. This is a child that
has texted to this. We don't know the truth about this. Okay,
(09:44):
no one is overthinking. Fine, she puts on TV. She's
bringing popcorns, giving us sworders like I think she's trying
to distract us from what is going on here. But
for me, I'm someone who can tell when something like
there's just something in your heart that is telling you
know something has happened. I know something has happened. And
(10:07):
she's there like, don't worry. You want me to call
and I tell her, yes, called my mom. I want
to talk to my mom. So she calls. But when
she calls, I realize it's my uncle talking to her.
And again I think, just to go back a little bit.
My dad comes so much around eight and he knocks
on our door and I'm not there, and then I
(10:28):
rush over and I'm like, Dad, war has been in
an accident. And I can see my father's face shift
from what and it's like giving my phone and it
takes the phone and goes. So remember my father is
going I cannot communicate with him. I don't know, I
don't know, I don't know. I really cannot tell what
happened between my father going to that hospital. So this
(10:52):
neighbor of ours she calls and I realize she's speaking
to my uncle in my mon I'm like, now it's
my uncle speaking and it's my mom.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
This is bad.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
And I can see from her face that the news
that she has received it's not good. But it's like
a split second and then she turns to me like, guys,
I told you your brother hit is head but he's fine. Hey,
that one did not make any sense to me. What
do you mean he hit his head and he's fine.
And she's like, come here, why are you hugging me
(11:23):
in this moment? Because I'm like, if someone has an accident,
why are we hugging each other?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
See is going to be.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Okay, and she's like, he's going to be fine, don't worry,
and she's like hugging all of us. Now I knew
something was not trigged, but no one is telling me anything.
And she maintains he just hit his head and he's
perfectly fine. And we watched TV and I wasn't watching
that TV. I was just seeing characters going up and down.
But my head was just thinking, saying, God, let it
(11:52):
not be what I'm thinking, Please, please, like, let it
be anything else, but not what I'm thinking. And my
neighbor she takes us to her bed or that lady
was nice. She's like getting getting getting, So it's my sister, myself.
I think my little cousin was with us. She was
like maybe four. And she gets her into her bed
(12:13):
and she's like, let's sleep, and she does this of
her lights. She's switching soft the light. I'm not sleeping
in this bed. I'm trying to level my breath, my breathing,
but I can't. Something is not tried. I can't tell
from everything that's I'm like, why is my mom not
calling me? I've dropped her messages. I've called her one
(12:33):
thousand times. Her phone is not now even dead. I'm
trying to sleep and I cannot sleep. I'm just imagining,
worrying what has happened. I hope it's not what I'm thinking. God,
I hope. And I was trying to pray that day,
and I feel like my prayers were just bouncing, like
hitting the ceiling and coming back to me like it's
just whole. I can't feel it's not going anywhere. So
(12:57):
at around midnight, I'm just thinking it was mid night.
I hear there are vehicle a tot our gets so
I know my parents are back. I jumped out of
that bed and I was telling myself, I know from
the look in my mother's eyes, I really know what
has happened. When I got there, my mom got out
of the vehicle and she's she's crying and she's sitting
(13:18):
on down on the grass, and I'm like, you know what,
you don't have to tell me. I think my worst
to be has been confirmed. My mother was, she was
done for. She was the saddest I've ever seen. I've
never even seen my father crying my entire life. These
two people, you know, they came themselves. They were alone,
by the way, they did not have a relative or
(13:38):
a friend with them. It's in it's the middle of
the night. My mama's my brother's shoes, my mama's is wallet,
and it's phone. So if you're in an accident, why
do we have all of this? And I don't need
to ask my mom anything because she's crying and it
looks like she's been crying for the longest. Even her voice,
(14:00):
it's no longer that it's like someone just trying to cry,
but it's And they come into the house and now
it's the four of us. It's being and my sister
and my mom. We're sitting in a pool. I remember,
I think we were on their bed. We went to
their bedroom and now we're seated and we're crying, all
(14:23):
of us. There's no one else. And my mind is like,
maybe read the Bible to them. So I'm reading. I
don't know even the verse that I'm reading. I'm like, guys,
we're going to be okay. My mother is crying, and
I'm crying, and my father is crying and my sister
and it's like a round table of crying on that bed,
and we are lost. We're completely lost. My mom is
(14:48):
like he's gone, and my father is like, your brother
is gone, guys, And in my head, I'm like, what
do you mean it's gone? And I go to the
living room and I'm seeing the shoes and I'm seeing
the phone, and this wallet is there, and I'm like,
what do you mean the owner of these things is gone?
Like what happened? I've not even gotten to what happened.
(15:09):
It's just like, make me understand, get me to the
point where we got here. It was the saddest night
of my life, of my family's life. It was hell.
I don't know whether we slept because it was us
crying on that bed before of us. Because again my
(15:31):
mom and dad had to wake up the following day
in the morning to take this news home. Remember my
rural place, there's a funeral going on. Someone is a
but I think my grandma was to be buried on
a Monday, twenty seventh, was on a Sunday on the Monday,
so there's a viral. But they have to take this
news home. So the old culture is that they wake
(15:55):
up in the morning and they go home to bring
that scream that is a we call it in my culture.
In our lower culture is like they're taking that news home. Officially,
that was the longest night of my life, coming to
think about it. So the following morning, my mom, she's
been crying the entire night. I've been trying to hold
this family together, not being a first bonus like genetically,
(16:18):
you just meant to take care of others. So for me,
I'm like, what do I do? I cooked tea, remember
I'd switched off the girls. Whatever we're cooking that sup?
It never materialized. Whatever I ate maybe popcorn from my
neighbour's place, which I wasn't even eating. I was just
trying to please her. And I can't remember the last
time we ate or did anything, or even well we
(16:38):
had showered, because this entire thing happened in the evening.
So the following day, at five, my mom and my
dad leaves to go home to go drop this entire
news to the family, and now we're left with my
sister again. There's no one here. What I remember so
much about this time is the fact that we were
so alone, so alone, like death comes and you can't
(17:03):
even believe it has happened. First of all, I have
not believed this has happened. What do you mean, I've
not even this. I've not digested this entire thing. So
the following morning, I'm confused. But now I have this
thing where I want the world to know because it
hurts me that my brother died last night. And it's
(17:24):
morning and people are cooking breakfast, you know, kids are
running around the neighborhood riding bikes. Like, why are you
guys happy? That is how I'm I'm processing it in
my head. Why are my neighbors laughing? Why is everything
else in the world going the way it's supposed to
be and my brother died last night. I don't understand
why you guys can't even afford to smile. So I
(17:46):
make it my mission. When you wake up in the morning,
I'm knocking at neighbors doors literally like hi. When someone
says hi to you, I'm like, my brother is dead,
and I was getting like it. It made me so
happy when someone else was broken that I've told them
that if you understand, Like if I tell you my
(18:07):
brother's dead and you're like what, But I saw him yesterday,
So now I get that thing of yes, someone else
is sad the way I am. So I'm like, yeah,
it happened, can you believe it? Like I'm not even speaking.
It's so robotic. It's like I'm speaking, but I'm not speaking.
I'm just performing. Like I'm like, imagine yesterday it just
(18:27):
left and it did not come back. So I'm just
telling it to people to get their reaction. And the
most sad you are, the more I feel validated. Like, wow,
this is very sad, you know. And my brother had
the best friend. Everyone has a best friend. The best friend.
They were together the other day, but they when they
(18:49):
I think they separated at some point. So this guy
is coming home in the morning, oh, bouncing and you know,
being a boy and everything, and it's like yo, it's
weren't awake, And I'm like, oh, wow, this.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Is a good one.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'm going to give this news, like I was feeling
in my heart, I need to give him this news
in a way that will hurt him so that I
can validate how I'm feeling. So I'm like, yeah, but
he's dead. And I think for a moment he thought
I was joking because he was like what and I
was like, what is dead? And I remember that boy
(19:21):
he was standing on a wall and it just slid
down and he sat like he just did this sliding
thing and he sat down and it was like, what
do you mean? And I'm like yeah, and he tells me,
but you were together yesterday up until until three. I'm like,
regardless of whatever time you guys were together as we
speak right now, and it's dead. That boy did cry,
(19:42):
and when he cried, I felt so good, not in
like a good way, but in like someone else knows
how I feel. Remember, I have not cried in this
moment the way I'm supposed to. I'm still getting this
feeling from every other person except me. If I tell
you and you feel bad, yes, now you know this
(20:03):
has happened. That boy cried. That boy was lost, and
I saw my loss in his heighs, Like I could
just look at him and feel like, yeah, this is
how I'm feeling, but I'm not processing it for me.
I'm getting that feeling from any other party. It's like
I don't want it to be on my body yet.
And because I've not seen him, this could be a story.
(20:24):
You know, sometimes when someone you love dies, in your mind,
you're like, this can be another story people are telling.
I mean, I've not even seen his body, so what
do you mean? And that is how for me in
my head I was like, until I see my brother. No,
I'm not going to Like I was striking so much
not to cry. My mom is gone home, and then
I think later, So now that is twenty eight later
(20:46):
in that day, she calls me and she's like, you
guys need to come home as well. And I took
my sister and my cousin and we got into a
mattattoo and I went home. When I went home, it
was just a man. My mother was a mess. I
now that is the moment when I cried because now
I saw people. You know, when someone dies, now people
(21:06):
people come. So people had gone home to where my
mom was. So now everybody's there. Everybody's wailing, and I
hate that. I hated the wailing because it confirmed my
worst fears, you know, like deep down I was like,
you know, maybe he might even get well. I even
thought that in my mind. I was like, maybe the
(21:31):
mutician will call us and say, guys, is okay. Deep
down I was even expecting that call. And so when
I go home and everyone is crying, and you know,
people are saying sorry. I hated the stories just as
much as I hated the because I cannot understand how
things have turned like this, How such a young boy
(21:51):
with dreams, someone that I played with, slept with, ate with,
Now I'm being told is dead. I could not I
could not process it. I could not I could not
take it. So there's all this crying and then you know,
now when someone dies, burial has to continue. No, the
plans have to be made. Someone has died. You cannot
(22:13):
stay with them. You cannot. They can't come home, they
you can't talk to them. They have to go sleep
somewhere else. So it's sinking in that my brother is
not coming home. He didn't come home last night, he
won't come home again this night, and he's going to
sleep in a fridge. That really did break me, because,
(22:37):
you know, the weirdest thing that I learned is that
when you lose a spouse, when you're a woman, you're
a widow. When you're a man, you're a widower. And
when you do the parent, you're a nophan. But when
you lose a sibling, exactly what are you? There's no
word for you. Ideally, when you lose a sibling, everyone
is focused on your parents. You know, you know, I'm
(23:01):
so sorry you've lost your son, your only son. But
no one stops and thinks about the siblings. You know,
the people that played with this person, the people that
loved with this person, the people that knew about this
person's dreams or cheeky things, and you know the inside jokes.
There's your relationship with your child, and then there's the
(23:22):
relationship of your child and their sibling, and it's totally different.
And in that moment, yes, people are there, you know,
we're sorry, but people are not looking at the you,
me and my sister. People are not looking at us.
In that moment, perseve, we were just among the people
that have lost someone, you know, but no one is
(23:43):
thinking about you in who you've lost. It's in who
your parents have lost. You've bundled in this loss. You're
mixed in this loss. But there's no one that is
taking up on you in singular. Literally, there's not even
anyone that is pulling you aside to talk to you
that much. But I do remember my brother was friends
with teachers. I think when you're bright, you're friends with
(24:05):
your teachers a lot. So there's this teacher that they
used to add your boat chemistry things together. So this
man came home on the twenty ninth that is the
same day my sister's CASEYPY results came out, and it
was just a battle between screaming because she was like
the second girl in the division if I'm not wrong,
(24:25):
but are we going to celebrate this or are we
going to cry? You know, like, are we crying our
brother's dead or are we celebrating you you've done well
in your KCP. And I feel like my sister missed
the chance of being celebrated the way she should have been,
or being raised up in the hair and being told, wow,
congratulations because everyone was like, Mama Swans has lost our
(24:46):
only son. You know, there was that the thing that
was here was the death and not the celebration. And
my sister, she didn't get a chance to celebrate that
because something else, way bigger was happening in that moment.
And so this teacher pulls us aside, and it's like, guys,
I know you're going That is the only person who
(25:07):
pulled us aside. I remember that perfectly well, because no
one else really cared about these children. But he pulled
us aside, and he was trying to advise me and
my sister, and I was just looking at him from
the point of bro, you're alive. What are you telling me?
Speaker 5 (25:25):
So?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
You know, in African setting, when you lose someone, people
are telling you things it is well, it's going to
be okay. They're at a better place. But I'm just
looking at this kind I'm like, what better place? Why
did God not come and ask me if I want
this person to go to a better place? And who
said our house is not a better place. I mean
(25:46):
even our house is a better place. And he's just
talking and I'm just looking at him, and I'm just like,
you're breathing, and you're telling me that everything is going
to be okay. And I remember I said something about
my brother being saved from calamity. I think he was
reading the Bible. I don't remember the bose he was reading,
but I was like calamity. Really like, in those moments,
(26:07):
I hated people telling me everything is gonna be okay.
You'd rather just not talk, You'd rather just not tell
me I'm going to be fine, because I don't think
I'm gonna ever be fine for the rest of my life.
I was convinced everything is never going to be fine.
My appetite it's bad, my sleeping, I can't sleep. I
keep having dreams, and in these dreams, this thing has
not happened. In these dreams is like the day before
(26:30):
all of this happened. And that is even the worst
because it's like you're dreaming this person is back.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
People don't talk.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
About the kind of dreams you have when you lose
a loved one because you every night you're like, yeah,
I'm back, don't worry, I didn't die. They're telling you
they didn't die, and then you wake up in the
morning funeral things are going on in your home. So
they did die for really, for real, I spent so
much time alone, and I'm really really thinking that I
(27:00):
didn't process my brother's death in that moment that I
should have. I was protecting my sister because you know,
people tell you be strong, be strong for your sister.
So if you cry, what is your sister going to do?
You know, they make you feel like crying is not
supposed to be there. You're supposed to be strong. And
people are like, you know, and your mom, do you
want your mom to just cry? And everything? And so
(27:24):
just to go back a little bit, that December, not
not that December, when i'd finished my phone for in November,
when I came home, I realized my mom was kind
of weird and she didn't like certain smells or certain
food saying. A man's like, what is wrong with this lady?
So I'm like, Mom, what is happening to you? And
she's like, get me a pen. So I gave her
(27:45):
a pen, and I'm thinking maybe she wants to write
a shopping Liz and she's like, I am pregnant, but
I don't tell your siblings. So in my mom, I'm like, oho, cool,
Imagine all my life I've wanted us young as sibling.
So I'm like wow, But my mom is like, I've
not told anyone, and I'm not sure your brother and
your sister is going to take it, So keep it
(28:06):
on the downlow until I cannot hide it. You know,
I was the first born, so basically I've grown with
my mom. She had me young, so we were more.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Of a sister.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
We are more of a sister duos than mother daughter,
which I love. So in my mom, I'm like, wow,
I cannot do it, and my mom is like, don't
tell anyone. So when my brother died, I was like,
if I had told my brother, we have a younger
sibling coming you would have fought to stay alive because
you always wanted a younger sibling. And now I started
(28:34):
feeling so guilty. I'm like, I wish i'd told him.
I just wish i'd told him. Like, I'm just like,
why did I hide this? Like if I had not
hidden this, maybe on that day when whatever happened happened,
you would have fought so hard to stay alive. You know,
I really, I really felt so bad. So it brings
me back to what happened. It is not so clear
(28:56):
what happened, but now we're getting stories from other people,
because you know, my brother died away from home. So
according to the stories that we had and what was
said in the news, that day, it had rained a
little bit this light showers, not so much of rain
because it wasn't even wet. But when it had rained,
my brother and a few other people they had sheltered
(29:18):
in a church, like they took shelter in a church.
Apparently he had detoled the way we had imagining. He
had gone to see a friend somewhere. So when it
rained at that place, they sheltered at a church. And
so when they sheltered there, whatever rain that was there,
which to me, we didn't see that rain from where
we were, but there was lightning that struck that church
(29:42):
and it hit him. These other people they survived this
entire thing. I think they left with buns. But my
brother did not live with a band. But he did
not get out of their life. So, you know, my
dad was trying to trace you know, you've lost your
only son. I'm trying to think about the way he
was feeling bad. He went there to look for the
person that took my brother to the hospital, probably to
(30:04):
try to find out if he was alive when he
was taken to the hospital. At watch time was he
taken to the hospital, But even the guy that took
him to the hospital kind of vanished. My dad could
not trace him. And you know these guys that they
were saying, there were a few, there were the survivors
there who got burned. You know, their clothes were banned
from that lightning. My dad could also not find any
(30:27):
of them to ask anything. You know, there were there
were a lot of things going on around that time.
The fact that one of these survivors actually moved when
my dad was looking for him. The guy that apparently
took my brother to the hospital did not come back.
You know, these but Aboda guys they have like a
place where they stand as the wait for customers. So
(30:48):
he never went back there after that. He kind of
just up and left. And all these things from making
us questions so much like what happened? You know literally,
you know familiar were like did my brother die at
the place that lightning struck? Or did he die at
the hospital? Was it like did he arrive there dead
(31:11):
or was he pronounced dead? They're like there were so
many questions, and with questions you get angry because now
you want to know, like what exactly happened, And unfortunately
we never really get god to know what happened. The
only thing that I know for sure is that when
(31:32):
the Motician gave us his clothes, he was wearing a
shirt that I don't know, it's like a leaning kind
of thing, because you could see it was banned, you
see the way plastic burns and falls. Yes, his shirt
was like that, and there was like a white patch
on his boxers and there was another that white patch
(31:53):
was also on the trouser, so you could see maybe
that's the point where they would never the electricity or
that lightning aday heat and the cloth was burned there.
But from what my dad says, from checking his body
and anything, there was no physical bann Literally, this band
was just on the clothes. And those clothes I saw
(32:15):
them because they were given to me and my mum
washed them and folded them. But you could see from
the boxer there's like a white patch of something that
has banned, and the shirt is like shrink shrinking, and
then the trouser has you know, it's a blue trouser,
but now there's like a white patch. You can literally
see point of impact. But that is the only answer
(32:35):
we had. I remember we sat down at home looking
at those clothes and we were like, I guess we
just have to let this thing go. My brother was
hit by lightning. It clearly burned him from somewhere. We
don't know where it hit. We don't know what it
did to him in that moment. But now the questions
of was this painful? Did it take him a long
(32:56):
time to die? Like those kind of questions were coming
into my head, and they don't let you sleep, they
don't let you let go because you keep wondering these
people that he was within in this church when he
fell down. Did they check on him? Tell me he
has his phone in his pocket, he had everything, he
had his wallet, So how exactly did this happen? And
(33:21):
up until today, honestly, we've never gotten answers. The only
answer we have is that we saw that bann and
you know he is normal, so there is that. So
it's cool. Now they took a picture of him. My
brother was on magazine, and when I would see him
(33:42):
on the magazine, I was like, now one million people
have seen this. Now there's more people out there were
exeeing this story because you know, the headlines was like
this boy was hit by you know, was struck by lightning.
So I'm like, wow, someone else is feeling this sadness.
And when I feel someone else is feeling this sadness,
it validates my own sadness. I remember during that time,
I would go to the market and you know, Mama
(34:04):
and Bog are the ones that knew me and my brother.
They're like, how is your brother doing? And I'm like
dropping the bombshell and I'm like, oh, it's dead and
it's like what And when you do that, you make
me feel like wow, people loved him. Now now I
feel I feel validit. I feel like someone else out
there is understanding me. I feel like his death is
not in vain. But if I tell you about it
(34:25):
and you're sad, now it makes me happy. And I
went to the cyber like print a picture of him.
But the people don't talk about the things that happened
when someone you love. That is the things you need
to do that are very hard to do, like going
to a cyber to print his picture so that you
can put it in a frame so that you can
go home with it for people to write their condolences.
So I'm the one who went to do that, and
(34:46):
this guy is like, oh, wow, you're printing a picture
of your brother. How old is he? I think it's
so aline shize school on his many and I'm like,
he's dead. And I used to say it's dead in
such a way, in a way that is so detached
from me, Like I'm just giving you news of someone
you I don't even know that has died so that
I can get your reaction, and your reaction makes me
(35:08):
feel good about this entire situation. I didn't know the
worst is here to come, because now the old funeral
thing is going on, the planning people are coming home,
People are telling me all these things, and I've just
it's like, deep down, I've just tuned it off. You
come and tell me everything's going to be okay, fantastic.
(35:29):
You talk to me when you're done, go home, because
for me, one thing that mattered in my life it's gone.
Remember we had plans to move to a new city.
We had such plans. My brother wanted to go to Yale.
He would talk so much about Yale and how you
want to be a software engineer. He just had dreams,
(35:49):
and you know, these dreams. This is the end of it,
you know. And people don't get to talk about how
you have to leave the plans you had with someone
on your own. I had plans with this person, but
now they're not here. I have to continue either way,
and they're not here. Someone tells me I have to
shower and have to eat, and it's not making sense
(36:11):
to me. Why am I showering and eating when my
only brother is in a fridge somewhere. So I think
to make these things thinking. My mom was like, you
need to go and see your brother. So me and
my sister and my aunt we went to the mog.
I cannot say, I was scared. When you lose someone
you love, you stop being scared of dead people because
(36:31):
now a dead person is not scary. It's you know,
it's someone you eat with yesterday, so they're just normal.
And we went to the mog and this guy was like.
We were like, hi, we're here to see weared, and
it's like come, come, and he goes there and he
pulls this fridge and my brother is wearing his hood.
They didn't take it off, so it's like he's sleeping.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Catch more African stories in the next episode.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Of Legally Cue.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
That was two of Audrey's story. Pat three is going
to be out next week, so make sure you subscribe
some subscribe subscribe wherever you're listening to this one so
you don't miss out on it. Man, just listening to
her talking about Warren's death and what comes afterwards. In fact,
I think there's a line she said that people don't
really know the things that have to be done immediately
(37:22):
after someone dies. I connected with that stuff because I
remember when my mom passed away. So my mom passed
away when I was twenty three. I'm thirty six now,
but it's still hectic to navigate my aunt who's so
dear to me, Auntie Jane.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
She took me.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
I'm trying to remember if I went alone with her
or if I went with my sisters. I can't really remember.
And we went to leave funeral home a couple of
days after my mom's death to see my mom first.
I just remember walking into the room. They are so
dignified in how they run things. The room that my
mom was in was so beautiful. I still just remember
(38:01):
the daylight streaming in and like how the shadows were
falling onto the casket.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
And all of that.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
I don't know why I remember that, but I think
it's also because the room just looked so still and beautiful.
And I didn't feel in that room despair, which is
crazy because I was looking at my mother's dead body anyway,
And you know, they gave us. I don't even think
they rushed us or anything like. There was just like,
(38:31):
hav your moments, however long it takes, and then do
what you need to do. And you know, I just
remember seeing my mom and thinking she.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
She almost she was.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
She looked like she was sleeping, yes, and very peaceful,
but it also looked like she had like a bit
of a smile like there was a happiness there was
there was a look of I wouldn't even say content,
I would say happiness, like I can't explain it, I
really can't explain it. And I just I don't even
(39:03):
remember like wilding out. And I don't think I was
in shock per se. That room just had this powerful
energy and it wasn't a darkness. It didn't have a
darkness about it. But I just remember when Audrey says,
how you stop being scared of dead bodies because now
(39:27):
this is your loved one spot on like, because before
my mom died, hey, I wouldn't actually even view bodies
during a funeral. I would just be like, no, thank you.
But so my mom died like there was no fear
in that sense. But I just remember her looking so happy,
(39:48):
so peaceful, and just looking like she was asleep, like
she was just about a wake up and.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
Ask what's happening? Why am I in this box?
Speaker 1 (39:56):
You know? Obviously a few years later, I had a
close friend at the time whose mom passed away, and
I remember immediately after not only the legal things you
have to do as pertains to whatever country you're in,
but because of the culture that my friend's mom had
married into the first thing we had to do, and
(40:17):
I remember she passed on and I was on my
radio show in the morning, and then I had to
go directly to their house and we had to together
with her mom's sisters, pack up her mom's stuff because
her dad's so they're in law. The dad's family would
come like culturally after if you know, they'd come and
(40:38):
just like take whatever they want to take. Very terrible behavior.
I don't even think that's culture. That's just people's greed
to be honest. And then they say culture just to like,
you know, whitewash it, but like you're moving mad. After that,
I remember we needed to look for the burial permit,
so we had to go to I don't know what
it's called now by the time, city motuery, which is
a government moutuery in Kenya. It's in Nairobi, and I'm
(41:03):
saying government, so you understand when when you're trying to
maneuver the systems inside there, it's an old, dusty office.
When you walk in, people are not even like the
officials or the officers there. They're not even sensitive to
the fact that if someone is coming here too for
a burial permage. Chances are they are emotional, like nobody's
(41:26):
being soft to so irritating, So they are all of
these things you have. Who's designing the the program, who's
writing there, what is.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
It called the eulogi?
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Who's writing that? Who's now gathering all of those things?
There is so much you have to do. Shit, even
just remembering it, I'm like, what the heck? And you're
trying to in your mind reconcile allah this person is
no longer here. But there's a whole list of things
you have to do. Man, it's some pretty close to
(42:00):
you has lost someone. Try and as much as you
can because obviously there's some things that onlyfamily can manage.
Speaker 3 (42:08):
But try as much.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
As possible to help out, especially with those things, because
it's not normal to have to do that when you're grieving.
Next week on the podcast is part three of Audrey Story,
and it's all about rebuilding you know, and what healing
has looked like since there's a lot of key takeaways
to make sure you're here for that.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Make sure you subscribe to the podcast wherever you.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Stream your pads, and remember to also sign up for
our group therapy. It's the last one of twenty twenty five,
so you don't want to miss it. And then we
all have childhood trauma like it is what it is,
so come through. Let's work through it together. It's always
so much more efficient and better and warmer when you
(42:52):
heal in community, right, That's what I feel from it anyway,
So grab your tickets. A link is in the show notes,
And as always, I truly appreciate you and I know
you have every single thing it takes to heal. That's
it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share
this podcast with your friends, you can keep it for yourself.
(43:12):
I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here next week
for the next episode.
My name is a girl on Younger and Welcome to
another episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no
clue what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not
the only one. Hi. You Welcome to this episode of
Legally Clueless. This is what's coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
So at around midnight, I'm just thinking those midnight I
hear this are vehicle to our kids, so I know
my parents are back. I jumped out of that bed
and I was telling myself, I know from the look
in my mother's eyes, I really know what has happened.
When I got there. My mom got out of the
vehicle and she's she's crying, and she's sitting on like
down on the grass, and I'm like, you know what,
(00:38):
you don't have to tell me. I think my worst
to be has been confirmed. So the following morning, I'm confused.
But now I have this thing where I want the
world to know because it hurts me that my brother
died last night. And it's morning and people are cooking breakfast,
you know, kids are running around the neighborhood riding bikes, Like,
why are you guys happy? Why are my neighbors laughing?
(01:01):
Why is everything else in the world going the way
it's supposed to be, and my brother died last night.
In my mind, I was like, maybe the mutation will
call us and say, guys, it's okay. Deep down, I
was even expecting that call.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
The weirdest thing that I learned is that when you
lose a spouse, when you're a woman, you're a widow.
When you're a man, you're a widower. And when you
lose the parent, you're no fun. But when you lose
a sibling, exactly what are you?
Speaker 3 (01:26):
That is part two of Audrey's story.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
If you have not listened to part one, you're definitely
going to be flirting, so please listen to the previous
episode first before you continue with this one. However, I
also say a big thank you to all my OG members.
I've got nothing but love for you. If this is
your first time listening to this podcast, welcome to the firm.
I am so glad you are here. Legally, CLU, this
(01:51):
podcast goes out every single Monday on Wednesdays, we have
the midwiek TI's and we also have our newsletter, which
is personal letters from me to help you navigate your
healing journey.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
And then on.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Thursdays, we have two episodes of for Manneralist Women, one
on our YouTube channel and one right here on our
podcast channel. So basically, what I'm trying to say is
subscribe to whatever platform you're listening to this show on
so that you do not miss any of our shows,
and then join the family officially on our website legally
(02:23):
Cluelessafrica dot com so that you can never miss out
on a newsletter. Okay, thank you so much for the
love and the feedback that you've been sending out about
our recent episodes and the wellness events. It means the
entire world to see how this community is growing together.
And before we jump into one hundred African stories in
(02:45):
this episode, I've got something really exciting that I need
you to jot down and sign up for. We are
hosting our final group therapy of the year. Of course,
we've done this in partnership with Shamii Health. We did
it earlier this year for three months, one session a month.
We took quite a few members of our community through
(03:05):
group therapy sessions. The bonds that were born from it
were just out of this world. So first and foremost
I wanted to hear from some of our community members
who attended our last group therapy session at.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
The beginning of this year. I felt like there's a
lot that I'm start at. I feel like in relationships,
I was stuck and I first.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
Like, I'm starting to really not like this other gender.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
So so that's why I decided. I saw the link.
I was like, you know what, let's try this. What's
the worst that could happen.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
I mean, I've been wanting to go for therapy for
a long time, so I thought this was a pocket opportunity,
and now the perfection was actually group therapy. You know,
I could still hide somewhere but still listen. And experience
has been amazing.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Our group has been amazing, sharing with the people has
been just around amazing, our facilities has been everything has
been amazing.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
It's been a good experience, magical because mind blowing, it
was practical.
Speaker 6 (04:06):
And the way that this specific group has really helped
me shine through is sitting in.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
Introspection but without judgment. You're just able to see.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
A bit more clearly and participate with others, feeling like
you're on the same page and you're walking together Macagua
this thing and you're getting to.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
Know yourselves more because you find that most of the
things that you're covering is literally what the next person
is also experiencing. So I felt like I was not
telling that's the best part about it.
Speaker 4 (04:34):
Do it, Yesterdady, It's amazing. I'd highly recommend. It's not
for cloud or for others, It's for you with your
own personal journey.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Shout out to those lovely, lovely ladies. So, as I
was saying, we are hosting our final group therapy of
the year, and this time around, it's a three part
series that's focused on childhood trauma. So we're going to
be unpacking how child hood wounds show up in adulthoods
how they're causing shagy. I have a friend who uses
(05:07):
much word all the time, and I've always wanted to
use it with you. But yeah, how childhood trauma is
causing shagar in your relationships and your friendships. Like when
we're talking about trauma bonds, when we're talking about abandoning
your emotional needs, We're also going to be looking at
how how do we start healing you're inner child, because
(05:28):
there's no healing unless we start there.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
And just so much more.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
The sessions are going to be led by accredited psychologists,
because only the best for you. And it's going to
take place on the eleventh of October, the eighth of November,
and the sixth of December. So by the time you're
going to meet your family during Christmas, you're not gonna
be triggered.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
We're gonna we're gonna work through all the childhood trauma. Okay.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Tickets for all three sessions combined are four thy five
hundred bobs. So what that means once you grab your ticket,
you're coming to all three and it's it's inclusive of
the snacks that we're going to serve you. It's inclusive
of all the resources that we're going to give you,
whether it's reading material, exercises, all of that is covered
(06:15):
in the ticket, and the sessions will be from ten
am to two pm on those three days.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I think if.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
You are serious about your healing, commit, honestly commit. Because
we do our part in ensuring that we get accredited psychologists,
we get people with the intellect to help you with healing.
You then have to commit. I love coming for group therapy.
I remember the last go hoard, I didn't sit in
(06:45):
any of the groups for the first Saturday and the
formal I failed.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
I complained to shut music.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
I was just like, imagine assigning me a group like
I must I must join, I must join.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
So I hope I get assigned.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
To your group and we can walk this healing journey
with you. You can grab your tickets right now. In the
show notes, there's a link you can go to our
website or you can just go to Hustle, SASA and
such for legally clue that's Africa. You'll find it there.
And the last note, I will say, because I know
women especially do this very very well, share this with
your sisters. You know, let's be that generation that breaks
(07:23):
the cycle of trauma, breaks the cycle of pain, and
instead introduces healing, ease and freedom.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Freedom from trauma.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Muzzie, can we just slease be that generation? So I
hope to see you there. So let's jump into one
hundred African stories. This week we returned to Audrey's story.
Remember in part one, she took us back to her childhood,
the bond she had with her siblings, and the cracks
in her parents' marriage, and just the loneliness she experienced
as her family fractured. In this second part, Audrey shares
(07:57):
the unimaginable lost in her life, and the KOs that followed,
and the questions that never got answered, and just like,
huh grief, A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories
from Africa.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
So I get a text from a cousin of mine
who is like instant eighty five, and she sends me
a text saying Warren is dead. When I read that,
I think, first of all, I dropped the phone and
I was screaming. So when I was screaming, my sister
studied screaming. She's like, what has happened? And I'm like,
read that message. She's young. My sister then had already
(08:42):
done her KCP examination. Sorry, she had done a KCP examination.
This is twenty seven KCP results. They're supposed to come
out in twenty eighth the following day, which is another story.
So I'm like, read that message. Now we're screaming the boss.
And then there's my neighbor. She comes and she's knocking like, Audrey,
(09:03):
are you okay? It's okay, and I'm like, my brother is dead.
So me, I'm just telling her because that is what
I've been told by my young cousin, who like and
she's like calm down. Remember, calm down does not come anyone.
It's like calm down, but no, I cannot calm down.
And she's like come over. So she's like, close your door,
(09:23):
come to my house. Whatever that lady is, I have
to say, God bless you. Really she was the kindest.
She didn't even know us. I think my mom did
her hair like once during the time that we were
living there. She took us in. She was like, I
want you guys to relax. This is a child that
has texted to this. We don't know the truth about this. Okay,
(09:44):
no one is overthinking. Fine, she puts on TV. She's
bringing popcorns, giving us sworders like I think she's trying
to distract us from what is going on here. But
for me, I'm someone who can tell when something like
there's just something in your heart that is telling you
know something has happened. I know something has happened. And
(10:07):
she's there like, don't worry. You want me to call
and I tell her, yes, called my mom. I want
to talk to my mom. So she calls. But when
she calls, I realize it's my uncle talking to her.
And again I think, just to go back a little bit.
My dad comes so much around eight and he knocks
on our door and I'm not there, and then I
(10:28):
rush over and I'm like, Dad, war has been in
an accident. And I can see my father's face shift
from what and it's like giving my phone and it
takes the phone and goes. So remember my father is
going I cannot communicate with him. I don't know, I
don't know, I don't know. I really cannot tell what
happened between my father going to that hospital. So this
(10:52):
neighbor of ours she calls and I realize she's speaking
to my uncle in my mon I'm like, now it's
my uncle speaking and it's my mom.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
This is bad.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
And I can see from her face that the news
that she has received it's not good. But it's like
a split second and then she turns to me like, guys,
I told you your brother hit is head but he's fine. Hey,
that one did not make any sense to me. What
do you mean he hit his head and he's fine.
And she's like, come here, why are you hugging me
(11:23):
in this moment? Because I'm like, if someone has an accident,
why are we hugging each other?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
See is going to be.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Okay, and she's like, he's going to be fine, don't worry,
and she's like hugging all of us. Now I knew
something was not trigged, but no one is telling me anything.
And she maintains he just hit his head and he's
perfectly fine. And we watched TV and I wasn't watching
that TV. I was just seeing characters going up and down.
But my head was just thinking, saying, God, let it
(11:52):
not be what I'm thinking, Please, please, like, let it
be anything else, but not what I'm thinking. And my
neighbor she takes us to her bed or that lady
was nice. She's like getting getting getting, So it's my sister, myself.
I think my little cousin was with us. She was
like maybe four. And she gets her into her bed
(12:13):
and she's like, let's sleep, and she does this of
her lights. She's switching soft the light. I'm not sleeping
in this bed. I'm trying to level my breath, my breathing,
but I can't. Something is not tried. I can't tell
from everything that's I'm like, why is my mom not
calling me? I've dropped her messages. I've called her one
(12:33):
thousand times. Her phone is not now even dead. I'm
trying to sleep and I cannot sleep. I'm just imagining,
worrying what has happened. I hope it's not what I'm thinking. God,
I hope. And I was trying to pray that day,
and I feel like my prayers were just bouncing, like
hitting the ceiling and coming back to me like it's
just whole. I can't feel it's not going anywhere. So
(12:57):
at around midnight, I'm just thinking it was mid night.
I hear there are vehicle a tot our gets so
I know my parents are back. I jumped out of
that bed and I was telling myself, I know from
the look in my mother's eyes, I really know what
has happened. When I got there, my mom got out
of the vehicle and she's she's crying and she's sitting
(13:18):
on down on the grass, and I'm like, you know what,
you don't have to tell me. I think my worst
to be has been confirmed. My mother was, she was
done for. She was the saddest I've ever seen. I've
never even seen my father crying my entire life. These
two people, you know, they came themselves. They were alone,
by the way, they did not have a relative or
(13:38):
a friend with them. It's in it's the middle of
the night. My mama's my brother's shoes, my mama's is wallet,
and it's phone. So if you're in an accident, why
do we have all of this? And I don't need
to ask my mom anything because she's crying and it
looks like she's been crying for the longest. Even her voice,
(14:00):
it's no longer that it's like someone just trying to cry,
but it's And they come into the house and now
it's the four of us. It's being and my sister
and my mom. We're sitting in a pool. I remember,
I think we were on their bed. We went to
their bedroom and now we're seated and we're crying, all
(14:23):
of us. There's no one else. And my mind is like,
maybe read the Bible to them. So I'm reading. I
don't know even the verse that I'm reading. I'm like, guys,
we're going to be okay. My mother is crying, and
I'm crying, and my father is crying and my sister
and it's like a round table of crying on that bed,
and we are lost. We're completely lost. My mom is
(14:48):
like he's gone, and my father is like, your brother
is gone, guys, And in my head, I'm like, what
do you mean it's gone? And I go to the
living room and I'm seeing the shoes and I'm seeing
the phone, and this wallet is there, and I'm like,
what do you mean the owner of these things is gone?
Like what happened? I've not even gotten to what happened.
(15:09):
It's just like, make me understand, get me to the
point where we got here. It was the saddest night
of my life, of my family's life. It was hell.
I don't know whether we slept because it was us
crying on that bed before of us. Because again my
(15:31):
mom and dad had to wake up the following day
in the morning to take this news home. Remember my
rural place, there's a funeral going on. Someone is a
but I think my grandma was to be buried on
a Monday, twenty seventh, was on a Sunday on the Monday,
so there's a viral. But they have to take this
news home. So the old culture is that they wake
(15:55):
up in the morning and they go home to bring
that scream that is a we call it in my culture.
In our lower culture is like they're taking that news home. Officially,
that was the longest night of my life, coming to
think about it. So the following morning, my mom, she's
been crying the entire night. I've been trying to hold
this family together, not being a first bonus like genetically,
(16:18):
you just meant to take care of others. So for me,
I'm like, what do I do? I cooked tea, remember
I'd switched off the girls. Whatever we're cooking that sup?
It never materialized. Whatever I ate maybe popcorn from my
neighbour's place, which I wasn't even eating. I was just
trying to please her. And I can't remember the last
time we ate or did anything, or even well we
(16:38):
had showered, because this entire thing happened in the evening.
So the following day, at five, my mom and my
dad leaves to go home to go drop this entire
news to the family, and now we're left with my
sister again. There's no one here. What I remember so
much about this time is the fact that we were
so alone, so alone, like death comes and you can't
(17:03):
even believe it has happened. First of all, I have
not believed this has happened. What do you mean, I've
not even this. I've not digested this entire thing. So
the following morning, I'm confused. But now I have this
thing where I want the world to know because it
hurts me that my brother died last night. And it's
(17:24):
morning and people are cooking breakfast, you know, kids are
running around the neighborhood riding bikes. Like, why are you
guys happy? That is how I'm I'm processing it in
my head. Why are my neighbors laughing? Why is everything
else in the world going the way it's supposed to
be and my brother died last night. I don't understand
why you guys can't even afford to smile. So I
(17:46):
make it my mission. When you wake up in the morning,
I'm knocking at neighbors doors literally like hi. When someone
says hi to you, I'm like, my brother is dead,
and I was getting like it. It made me so
happy when someone else was broken that I've told them
that if you understand, Like if I tell you my
(18:07):
brother's dead and you're like what, But I saw him yesterday,
So now I get that thing of yes, someone else
is sad the way I am. So I'm like, yeah,
it happened, can you believe it? Like I'm not even speaking.
It's so robotic. It's like I'm speaking, but I'm not speaking.
I'm just performing. Like I'm like, imagine yesterday it just
(18:27):
left and it did not come back. So I'm just
telling it to people to get their reaction. And the
most sad you are, the more I feel validated. Like, wow,
this is very sad, you know. And my brother had
the best friend. Everyone has a best friend. The best friend.
They were together the other day, but they when they
(18:49):
I think they separated at some point. So this guy
is coming home in the morning, oh, bouncing and you know,
being a boy and everything, and it's like yo, it's
weren't awake, And I'm like, oh, wow, this.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Is a good one.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'm going to give this news, like I was feeling
in my heart, I need to give him this news
in a way that will hurt him so that I
can validate how I'm feeling. So I'm like, yeah, but
he's dead. And I think for a moment he thought
I was joking because he was like what and I
was like, what is dead? And I remember that boy
(19:21):
he was standing on a wall and it just slid
down and he sat like he just did this sliding
thing and he sat down and it was like, what
do you mean? And I'm like yeah, and he tells me,
but you were together yesterday up until until three. I'm like,
regardless of whatever time you guys were together as we
speak right now, and it's dead. That boy did cry,
(19:42):
and when he cried, I felt so good, not in
like a good way, but in like someone else knows
how I feel. Remember, I have not cried in this
moment the way I'm supposed to. I'm still getting this
feeling from every other person except me. If I tell
you and you feel bad, yes, now you know this
(20:03):
has happened. That boy cried. That boy was lost, and
I saw my loss in his heighs, Like I could
just look at him and feel like, yeah, this is
how I'm feeling, but I'm not processing it for me.
I'm getting that feeling from any other party. It's like
I don't want it to be on my body yet.
And because I've not seen him, this could be a story.
(20:24):
You know, sometimes when someone you love dies, in your mind,
you're like, this can be another story people are telling.
I mean, I've not even seen his body, so what
do you mean? And that is how for me in
my head I was like, until I see my brother. No,
I'm not going to Like I was striking so much
not to cry. My mom is gone home, and then
I think later, So now that is twenty eight later
(20:46):
in that day, she calls me and she's like, you
guys need to come home as well. And I took
my sister and my cousin and we got into a
mattattoo and I went home. When I went home, it
was just a man. My mother was a mess. I
now that is the moment when I cried because now
I saw people. You know, when someone dies, now people
(21:06):
people come. So people had gone home to where my
mom was. So now everybody's there. Everybody's wailing, and I
hate that. I hated the wailing because it confirmed my
worst fears, you know, like deep down I was like,
you know, maybe he might even get well. I even
thought that in my mind. I was like, maybe the
(21:31):
mutician will call us and say, guys, is okay. Deep
down I was even expecting that call. And so when
I go home and everyone is crying, and you know,
people are saying sorry. I hated the stories just as
much as I hated the because I cannot understand how
things have turned like this, How such a young boy
(21:51):
with dreams, someone that I played with, slept with, ate with,
Now I'm being told is dead. I could not I
could not process it. I could not I could not
take it. So there's all this crying and then you know,
now when someone dies, burial has to continue. No, the
plans have to be made. Someone has died. You cannot
(22:13):
stay with them. You cannot. They can't come home, they
you can't talk to them. They have to go sleep
somewhere else. So it's sinking in that my brother is
not coming home. He didn't come home last night, he
won't come home again this night, and he's going to
sleep in a fridge. That really did break me, because,
(22:37):
you know, the weirdest thing that I learned is that
when you lose a spouse, when you're a woman, you're
a widow. When you're a man, you're a widower. And
when you do the parent, you're a nophan. But when
you lose a sibling, exactly what are you? There's no
word for you. Ideally, when you lose a sibling, everyone
is focused on your parents. You know, you know, I'm
(23:01):
so sorry you've lost your son, your only son. But
no one stops and thinks about the siblings. You know,
the people that played with this person, the people that
loved with this person, the people that knew about this
person's dreams or cheeky things, and you know the inside jokes.
There's your relationship with your child, and then there's the
(23:22):
relationship of your child and their sibling, and it's totally different.
And in that moment, yes, people are there, you know,
we're sorry, but people are not looking at the you,
me and my sister. People are not looking at us.
In that moment, perseve, we were just among the people
that have lost someone, you know, but no one is
(23:43):
thinking about you in who you've lost. It's in who
your parents have lost. You've bundled in this loss. You're
mixed in this loss. But there's no one that is
taking up on you in singular. Literally, there's not even
anyone that is pulling you aside to talk to you
that much. But I do remember my brother was friends
with teachers. I think when you're bright, you're friends with
(24:05):
your teachers a lot. So there's this teacher that they
used to add your boat chemistry things together. So this
man came home on the twenty ninth that is the
same day my sister's CASEYPY results came out, and it
was just a battle between screaming because she was like
the second girl in the division if I'm not wrong,
(24:25):
but are we going to celebrate this or are we
going to cry? You know, like, are we crying our
brother's dead or are we celebrating you you've done well
in your KCP. And I feel like my sister missed
the chance of being celebrated the way she should have been,
or being raised up in the hair and being told, wow,
congratulations because everyone was like, Mama Swans has lost our
(24:46):
only son. You know, there was that the thing that
was here was the death and not the celebration. And
my sister, she didn't get a chance to celebrate that
because something else, way bigger was happening in that moment.
And so this teacher pulls us aside, and it's like, guys,
I know you're going That is the only person who
(25:07):
pulled us aside. I remember that perfectly well, because no
one else really cared about these children. But he pulled
us aside, and he was trying to advise me and
my sister, and I was just looking at him from
the point of bro, you're alive. What are you telling me?
Speaker 5 (25:25):
So?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
You know, in African setting, when you lose someone, people
are telling you things it is well, it's going to
be okay. They're at a better place. But I'm just
looking at this kind I'm like, what better place? Why
did God not come and ask me if I want
this person to go to a better place? And who
said our house is not a better place. I mean
(25:46):
even our house is a better place. And he's just
talking and I'm just looking at him, and I'm just like,
you're breathing, and you're telling me that everything is going
to be okay. And I remember I said something about
my brother being saved from calamity. I think he was
reading the Bible. I don't remember the bose he was reading,
but I was like calamity. Really like, in those moments,
(26:07):
I hated people telling me everything is gonna be okay.
You'd rather just not talk, You'd rather just not tell
me I'm going to be fine, because I don't think
I'm gonna ever be fine for the rest of my life.
I was convinced everything is never going to be fine.
My appetite it's bad, my sleeping, I can't sleep. I
keep having dreams, and in these dreams, this thing has
not happened. In these dreams is like the day before
(26:30):
all of this happened. And that is even the worst
because it's like you're dreaming this person is back.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
People don't talk.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
About the kind of dreams you have when you lose
a loved one because you every night you're like, yeah,
I'm back, don't worry, I didn't die. They're telling you
they didn't die, and then you wake up in the
morning funeral things are going on in your home. So
they did die for really, for real, I spent so
much time alone, and I'm really really thinking that I
(27:00):
didn't process my brother's death in that moment that I
should have. I was protecting my sister because you know,
people tell you be strong, be strong for your sister.
So if you cry, what is your sister going to do?
You know, they make you feel like crying is not
supposed to be there. You're supposed to be strong. And
people are like, you know, and your mom, do you
want your mom to just cry? And everything? And so
(27:24):
just to go back a little bit, that December, not
not that December, when i'd finished my phone for in November,
when I came home, I realized my mom was kind
of weird and she didn't like certain smells or certain
food saying. A man's like, what is wrong with this lady?
So I'm like, Mom, what is happening to you? And
she's like, get me a pen. So I gave her
(27:45):
a pen, and I'm thinking maybe she wants to write
a shopping Liz and she's like, I am pregnant, but
I don't tell your siblings. So in my mom, I'm like, oho, cool,
Imagine all my life I've wanted us young as sibling.
So I'm like wow, But my mom is like, I've
not told anyone, and I'm not sure your brother and
your sister is going to take it, So keep it
(28:06):
on the downlow until I cannot hide it. You know,
I was the first born, so basically I've grown with
my mom. She had me young, so we were more.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Of a sister.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
We are more of a sister duos than mother daughter,
which I love. So in my mom, I'm like, wow,
I cannot do it, and my mom is like, don't
tell anyone. So when my brother died, I was like,
if I had told my brother, we have a younger
sibling coming you would have fought to stay alive because
you always wanted a younger sibling. And now I started
(28:34):
feeling so guilty. I'm like, I wish i'd told him.
I just wish i'd told him. Like, I'm just like,
why did I hide this? Like if I had not
hidden this, maybe on that day when whatever happened happened,
you would have fought so hard to stay alive. You know,
I really, I really felt so bad. So it brings
me back to what happened. It is not so clear
(28:56):
what happened, but now we're getting stories from other people,
because you know, my brother died away from home. So
according to the stories that we had and what was
said in the news, that day, it had rained a
little bit this light showers, not so much of rain
because it wasn't even wet. But when it had rained,
my brother and a few other people they had sheltered
(29:18):
in a church, like they took shelter in a church.
Apparently he had detoled the way we had imagining. He
had gone to see a friend somewhere. So when it
rained at that place, they sheltered at a church. And
so when they sheltered there, whatever rain that was there,
which to me, we didn't see that rain from where
we were, but there was lightning that struck that church
(29:42):
and it hit him. These other people they survived this
entire thing. I think they left with buns. But my
brother did not live with a band. But he did
not get out of their life. So, you know, my
dad was trying to trace you know, you've lost your
only son. I'm trying to think about the way he
was feeling bad. He went there to look for the
person that took my brother to the hospital, probably to
(30:04):
try to find out if he was alive when he
was taken to the hospital. At watch time was he
taken to the hospital, But even the guy that took
him to the hospital kind of vanished. My dad could
not trace him. And you know these guys that they
were saying, there were a few, there were the survivors
there who got burned. You know, their clothes were banned
from that lightning. My dad could also not find any
(30:27):
of them to ask anything. You know, there were there
were a lot of things going on around that time.
The fact that one of these survivors actually moved when
my dad was looking for him. The guy that apparently
took my brother to the hospital did not come back.
You know, these but Aboda guys they have like a
place where they stand as the wait for customers. So
(30:48):
he never went back there after that. He kind of
just up and left. And all these things from making
us questions so much like what happened? You know literally,
you know familiar were like did my brother die at
the place that lightning struck? Or did he die at
the hospital? Was it like did he arrive there dead
(31:11):
or was he pronounced dead? They're like there were so
many questions, and with questions you get angry because now
you want to know, like what exactly happened, And unfortunately
we never really get god to know what happened. The
only thing that I know for sure is that when
(31:32):
the Motician gave us his clothes, he was wearing a
shirt that I don't know, it's like a leaning kind
of thing, because you could see it was banned, you
see the way plastic burns and falls. Yes, his shirt
was like that, and there was like a white patch
on his boxers and there was another that white patch
(31:53):
was also on the trouser, so you could see maybe
that's the point where they would never the electricity or
that lightning aday heat and the cloth was burned there.
But from what my dad says, from checking his body
and anything, there was no physical bann Literally, this band
was just on the clothes. And those clothes I saw
(32:15):
them because they were given to me and my mum
washed them and folded them. But you could see from
the boxer there's like a white patch of something that
has banned, and the shirt is like shrink shrinking, and
then the trouser has you know, it's a blue trouser,
but now there's like a white patch. You can literally
see point of impact. But that is the only answer
(32:35):
we had. I remember we sat down at home looking
at those clothes and we were like, I guess we
just have to let this thing go. My brother was
hit by lightning. It clearly burned him from somewhere. We
don't know where it hit. We don't know what it
did to him in that moment. But now the questions
of was this painful? Did it take him a long
(32:56):
time to die? Like those kind of questions were coming
into my head, and they don't let you sleep, they
don't let you let go because you keep wondering these
people that he was within in this church when he
fell down. Did they check on him? Tell me he
has his phone in his pocket, he had everything, he
had his wallet, So how exactly did this happen? And
(33:21):
up until today, honestly, we've never gotten answers. The only
answer we have is that we saw that bann and
you know he is normal, so there is that. So
it's cool. Now they took a picture of him. My
brother was on magazine, and when I would see him
(33:42):
on the magazine, I was like, now one million people
have seen this. Now there's more people out there were
exeeing this story because you know, the headlines was like
this boy was hit by you know, was struck by lightning.
So I'm like, wow, someone else is feeling this sadness.
And when I feel someone else is feeling this sadness,
it validates my own sadness. I remember during that time,
I would go to the market and you know, Mama
(34:04):
and Bog are the ones that knew me and my brother.
They're like, how is your brother doing? And I'm like
dropping the bombshell and I'm like, oh, it's dead and
it's like what And when you do that, you make
me feel like wow, people loved him. Now now I
feel I feel validit. I feel like someone else out
there is understanding me. I feel like his death is
not in vain. But if I tell you about it
(34:25):
and you're sad, now it makes me happy. And I
went to the cyber like print a picture of him.
But the people don't talk about the things that happened
when someone you love. That is the things you need
to do that are very hard to do, like going
to a cyber to print his picture so that you
can put it in a frame so that you can
go home with it for people to write their condolences.
So I'm the one who went to do that, and
(34:46):
this guy is like, oh, wow, you're printing a picture
of your brother. How old is he? I think it's
so aline shize school on his many and I'm like,
he's dead. And I used to say it's dead in
such a way, in a way that is so detached
from me, Like I'm just giving you news of someone
you I don't even know that has died so that
I can get your reaction, and your reaction makes me
(35:08):
feel good about this entire situation. I didn't know the
worst is here to come, because now the old funeral
thing is going on, the planning people are coming home,
People are telling me all these things, and I've just
it's like, deep down, I've just tuned it off. You
come and tell me everything's going to be okay, fantastic.
(35:29):
You talk to me when you're done, go home, because
for me, one thing that mattered in my life it's gone.
Remember we had plans to move to a new city.
We had such plans. My brother wanted to go to Yale.
He would talk so much about Yale and how you
want to be a software engineer. He just had dreams,
(35:49):
and you know, these dreams. This is the end of it,
you know. And people don't get to talk about how
you have to leave the plans you had with someone
on your own. I had plans with this person, but
now they're not here. I have to continue either way,
and they're not here. Someone tells me I have to
shower and have to eat, and it's not making sense
(36:11):
to me. Why am I showering and eating when my
only brother is in a fridge somewhere. So I think
to make these things thinking. My mom was like, you
need to go and see your brother. So me and
my sister and my aunt we went to the mog.
I cannot say, I was scared. When you lose someone
you love, you stop being scared of dead people because
(36:31):
now a dead person is not scary. It's you know,
it's someone you eat with yesterday, so they're just normal.
And we went to the mog and this guy was like.
We were like, hi, we're here to see weared, and
it's like come, come, and he goes there and he
pulls this fridge and my brother is wearing his hood.
They didn't take it off, so it's like he's sleeping.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Catch more African stories in the next episode.
Speaker 3 (36:57):
Of Legally Cue.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
That was two of Audrey's story. Pat three is going
to be out next week, so make sure you subscribe
some subscribe subscribe wherever you're listening to this one so
you don't miss out on it. Man, just listening to
her talking about Warren's death and what comes afterwards. In fact,
I think there's a line she said that people don't
really know the things that have to be done immediately
(37:22):
after someone dies. I connected with that stuff because I
remember when my mom passed away. So my mom passed
away when I was twenty three. I'm thirty six now,
but it's still hectic to navigate my aunt who's so
dear to me, Auntie Jane.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
She took me.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
I'm trying to remember if I went alone with her
or if I went with my sisters. I can't really remember.
And we went to leave funeral home a couple of
days after my mom's death to see my mom first.
I just remember walking into the room. They are so
dignified in how they run things. The room that my
mom was in was so beautiful. I still just remember
(38:01):
the daylight streaming in and like how the shadows were
falling onto the casket.
Speaker 3 (38:08):
And all of that.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
I don't know why I remember that, but I think
it's also because the room just looked so still and beautiful.
And I didn't feel in that room despair, which is
crazy because I was looking at my mother's dead body anyway,
And you know, they gave us. I don't even think
they rushed us or anything like. There was just like,
(38:31):
hav your moments, however long it takes, and then do
what you need to do. And you know, I just
remember seeing my mom and thinking she.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
She almost she was.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
She looked like she was sleeping, yes, and very peaceful,
but it also looked like she had like a bit
of a smile like there was a happiness there was
there was a look of I wouldn't even say content,
I would say happiness, like I can't explain it, I
really can't explain it. And I just I don't even
(39:03):
remember like wilding out. And I don't think I was
in shock per se. That room just had this powerful
energy and it wasn't a darkness. It didn't have a
darkness about it. But I just remember when Audrey says,
how you stop being scared of dead bodies because now
(39:27):
this is your loved one spot on like, because before
my mom died, hey, I wouldn't actually even view bodies
during a funeral. I would just be like, no, thank you.
But so my mom died like there was no fear
in that sense. But I just remember her looking so happy,
(39:48):
so peaceful, and just looking like she was asleep, like
she was just about a wake up and.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
Ask what's happening? Why am I in this box?
Speaker 1 (39:56):
You know? Obviously a few years later, I had a
close friend at the time whose mom passed away, and
I remember immediately after not only the legal things you
have to do as pertains to whatever country you're in,
but because of the culture that my friend's mom had
married into the first thing we had to do, and
(40:17):
I remember she passed on and I was on my
radio show in the morning, and then I had to
go directly to their house and we had to together
with her mom's sisters, pack up her mom's stuff because
her dad's so they're in law. The dad's family would
come like culturally after if you know, they'd come and
(40:38):
just like take whatever they want to take. Very terrible behavior.
I don't even think that's culture. That's just people's greed
to be honest. And then they say culture just to like,
you know, whitewash it, but like you're moving mad. After that,
I remember we needed to look for the burial permit,
so we had to go to I don't know what
it's called now by the time, city motuery, which is
a government moutuery in Kenya. It's in Nairobi, and I'm
(41:03):
saying government, so you understand when when you're trying to
maneuver the systems inside there, it's an old, dusty office.
When you walk in, people are not even like the
officials or the officers there. They're not even sensitive to
the fact that if someone is coming here too for
a burial permage. Chances are they are emotional, like nobody's
(41:26):
being soft to so irritating, So they are all of
these things you have. Who's designing the the program, who's
writing there, what is.
Speaker 3 (41:35):
It called the eulogi?
Speaker 1 (41:37):
Who's writing that? Who's now gathering all of those things?
There is so much you have to do. Shit, even
just remembering it, I'm like, what the heck? And you're
trying to in your mind reconcile allah this person is
no longer here. But there's a whole list of things
you have to do. Man, it's some pretty close to
(42:00):
you has lost someone. Try and as much as you
can because obviously there's some things that onlyfamily can manage.
Speaker 3 (42:08):
But try as much.
Speaker 1 (42:09):
As possible to help out, especially with those things, because
it's not normal to have to do that when you're grieving.
Next week on the podcast is part three of Audrey Story,
and it's all about rebuilding you know, and what healing
has looked like since there's a lot of key takeaways
to make sure you're here for that.
Speaker 3 (42:28):
Make sure you subscribe to the podcast wherever you.
Speaker 1 (42:30):
Stream your pads, and remember to also sign up for
our group therapy. It's the last one of twenty twenty five,
so you don't want to miss it. And then we
all have childhood trauma like it is what it is,
so come through. Let's work through it together. It's always
so much more efficient and better and warmer when you
(42:52):
heal in community, right, That's what I feel from it anyway,
So grab your tickets. A link is in the show notes,
And as always, I truly appreciate you and I know
you have every single thing it takes to heal. That's
it for this episode of Legally Clueless. You can share
this podcast with your friends, you can keep it for yourself.
(43:12):
I'm not judging. Just make sure you're here next week
for the next episode.
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