April 12, 2024 • 23 mins
In this episode, Nathan and I dive deep into exploring the balance between knowing what you like and being open to what's working for you. We share our perspectives on the delicate dance of embracing our likes while also being open to new opportunities for growth and connection.
What happens when we get stuck in our ways, and how can we navigate this in our relationships? We discuss how rigid thinking can limit us and how embracing flexibility can open up new doors in our lives and relationships. We talk about Joshua Becker's blog post on Becoming Minimalist.
We challenge you to shift your conversations and ask yourself and those around you, "What's working for you?" This simple question can lead to powerful insights and tools for personal and relational growth. Join us as we explore the beauty of openness and the ways it can strengthen and deepen our connections.
Tune in to discover how this shift in perspective can lead to grace, growth, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and those we love.
https://www.MamaSaysNamaste.com/what-i-like-is-first-step-thinking-episode-340
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In a world where everybody has to stand out, be who they
are. Maybe we
need to shift the focus a bit. Maybe it's not always
about I know what I like. Mhmm. Maybe there's an opportunity
to check-in and learn something new. Let's talk about it.
Mama says namaste. Mama says
(00:22):
namaste. Making a family can be
easy and fun. Oh, yeah. But raising a family can be a whole
different story. From spouses to kids to the crazy daily
grind, life often directs us away from connection and more into
reactive chaos. If you're tired of that cycle and are seeking
something beyond the picket fence blues, this is the show for you. I'm
(00:44):
Ashley. And I'm Nathan. And we're here to take you from chaos to clarity
by bringing awareness and intention into your home, not waiting for
one day, and highlighting how The uniqueness in each
of us strengthens all of us.
(01:11):
Okay. So as I was looking through all the many, many things that Nathan
and I could talk about, I stumbled upon a blog post by Joshua
Becker. He writes the blog Becoming a Minimalist, and he
has some great, blog posts on just
pulling out the complication of life and making things a little bit more
simple. How simple it can be. Exactly. We can we can complicate
(01:33):
things. Right. So you had an article that was titled less I
know what I like more of what's working for you.
One of those articles that gets you completely
flipped on your perspective. Right? Yeah. Okay. So we
just read it out loud and Nathan and I have not discussed it at all.
We've just read the article, and now you guys get to hear the discussion. So
(01:57):
first off, just kind of a recap as to what the article is
talking about. After you.
You don't want me to put you on the spot for that one? No. The
focus of it is really talking about how it I mean, I think it's
so, so much a thing that I'm seeing. And I I
we read an article, back in December that was all
(02:20):
about, like, social media and how social media has had its
own form of therapy now where you have all of these therapists and people
that are giving this this guidance and telling people how to live
and everything else. And while some of it is well and good, some of it
can be really destructive. And and I've seen it really
go toward the element of of kind of narcissism. I am what
(02:41):
I am, and you must deal with it. And if you come against that,
then I'm a victim of this. We have a problem. Yeah. Right. It can kind
of go to this extreme. And so I I
I I'd heard heard somebody else recently who was talking about how we've
moved from the age of information to the age of insight
and trying to figure out, okay, what do we do with information and where do
(03:03):
we go from here? And so there's there's some growth that
we are doing as a as a whole of humanity. And in
the process of it, there is a whole lot of I am what I am.
I know what I like. And What is the movie with that has that in
there? I am what I am.
Popeye. Is it okay then? Yeah. That's it. I'm Popeye the sailor man.
(03:25):
I am what I am. Exactly. And we talk about that with personality styles in
general that, you know, having a a deep personality
style doesn't mean you have permission to be a jerk. It just means
you learn and you approach things from a specific or from from one vantage
point, and you learn how to work with other people. Right. You
like you like life processed in a certain way.
(03:46):
Right. Exactly. And I like life processed in
another certain way. Exactly. And where it gets really dicey is when we
say, no, no, my way is the way or
mine is mine is best or, you know, I'm just like, you know, you
it it limits you, you know, what you who you are starts to limit and
you start to use your excuse that as an excuse to not challenge
(04:09):
yourself and push yourself out of it. Like, for me, personality
profiles and that whole concept of understanding your
personality is really about being more aware of who you
are and how you can behave around other people. It's not
about, well, this is who I am and this is how people need to treat
me. Right. I mean, I always feel like in your brain Say that again.
(04:30):
Like No. I just It's not about who I am and how people need to
treat me. It's about bringing awareness.
Yeah. It's about bringing awareness to who how you kind of
lean and looking for creative ways for to kinda flex out of
that or to work with people that are unaware of that sort of stuff. Right.
So it's it's more about being bringing awareness to the ways you show up naturally
(04:52):
and subconsciously. Well, sometimes we can use who we are as an
excuse. Like, I don't remember people's names, so I'm not gonna try. Well,
that's not really fair. Right. You know, I was that person until I really started
trying. Oh, yeah. How many people who that's the first thing out of their mouth
is I'm horrible with names. I won't remember any of that. I always have to
say, like, we'll introduce our family, and somebody will look at me and go, I'm
(05:12):
not gonna remember any of those. I'm like, let me I always,
like, looking at them and saying, I'm not gonna remember you either. I know. I
mean, like, what do you say to that? Like, okay. Well, I'm I'm
sorry that we are not important enough for you to remember our names. Yeah. I
mean, I I went through a, like, a training, a coaching deal back
when I was in my twenties. And we had to literally walk around
(05:34):
the room, and every person we didn't know their name, we had to look them
in the eyes and say, I don't care enough about you to remember your
name. Oh, Oh, god. That is harsh. Yeah. Let me
tell you. That made me really think hard about how important a name
is. And, yes, I mess them up all the time. I am not an audio
learner. And so if you say your name and you are over the age of
10, I oftentimes forget it. And I I have to just
(05:58):
imagine everybody as children. I I do. Because it for some reason, kids'
names and animal names, I typically don't forget. They also tend to be a lot
more unique. That might be part of it. But anyway, it's a
I'm not an expert at it. I'm not great at learning people's names, but I
I will say I'm not gonna introduce. Or I'm not gonna walk up to somebody
and let them know the very first thing that I'm gonna do about them
(06:19):
is forget their name. This doesn't seem that friendly. Your name? Don't even want know
why I'm asking because I'm not even gonna try to remember. Right. Just setting the
expectation that, you cannot count on me. Okay. So, anyway, there's
my our little soapbox there. Please don't do that to us. We will work on
names, and we will work to remember. Alright. Yes.
But it's just that kind of stuff. Like, that's an example of how we can
(06:41):
justify certain behaviors and not really challenge
ourselves. Right. And you kind of you hit on 2 different parts of that.
One of them was the pressing your opinion on other people. And we've talked
about that and we we had a whole episode where we talked about judgment and
how to navigate judgment and opinions and how people ripen at different times.
And, you know, sometimes where we have a judgment, it's a part of
(07:04):
their journey they haven't yet crossed or a journey that's a different
path than what we know or understand. And so it's not always in our
best interest or our right at all to be able to step in and do
something about that. Yeah. But the other part of it that what you're saying though
is that I know what I like. I'm not gonna try anything different. And that's
the people that can get set in their ways. I've talked about that with even,
(07:25):
like, getting married. You know? When is the right time to get married?
Well, I can argue pros and cons of both. You know? You marry too young
and you don't know who you are and, you can get so lost in each
other. You you lose your own identity. You get married too old and you're
so set in your ways you can't change. Really? The reality is that
perfect spot. Whenever you choose to to do it
(07:46):
every day. It doesn't matter whether you're old or young. You will
have obstacles to come across. One of the biggest ones being how set are
you going to be in your own
essence, and how willing are you to to connect with
someone else? I say that in 2 ways. Like, are you willing to grow
individually? And are you willing to flex in a
(08:09):
way that allows someone else to share that with you? Those are the 2
things you've gotta have to carry into a lasting relationship.
And I know what I like, and that's it,
can kinda shut the door to what new opportunities there may be.
Well and then there's you know, we also have a daughter
(08:30):
who's very clear on I know what I like. And Mhmm. We
help her navigate her life around some of those likes because she doesn't get to
do everything because of that or doesn't want to do everything because of
that. Yeah. It doesn't mean that you can't you have to give in
or cave all the time. You know, we have
a daughter who, yeah, who may be very particular about certain things,
(08:52):
so she gets a choice. Okay? When when
is it time to flex? When do you need to push yourself, flex yourself
out of your comfort zone? And when is it okay to look at the tools
you have to keep the boundaries where you need them? And my I
asked her at a young age, look, as long as you are willing to
take care of yourself, then you don't have to be flexible.
(09:15):
I mean, that's basically what it was. Like, if we're out in the middle of
nowhere and you don't wanna eat at this nasty restaurant, I totally respect that. But
you cannot be a grouch because you chose not to make
an opportunity take advantage of an opportunity that we all were trying to
Right. Work through. So, you know, I We're talking and sometimes
we're talking about, yeah, navigating life with kids and that,
(09:37):
you know, the the whole reality that when does every kid get excited
about what you're offering for dinner or when does every kid you know, there's always
the one variable that says, oh, I don't like this. Well, Well, I was just
when you're telling talking about, you know, all the things, like, I don't like or
that you know, why you shouldn't like, I was thinking about, like, all the obsessive
compulsive ADHD people out there that are like, well, I like things, like, a certain
(09:58):
way, and it's really important to me that things are, like, clean and
taken care of and orderly. And you can put parameters around those. Yeah. You
are. You're you're completely right. Or the s personality style or c
personality style that may not, like, like, change as much and wants to have things
their certain way or have their certain routines. I know what I like
is definitely a a great first
(10:19):
step. I think the first step is, yeah, what does bring me joy?
What do I like? What rhythms and routines? What types of food?
What music? What people? What topics
of conversation? All of those things. Go ahead and and figure out
what do you like so that you you have a clear
identifier of what can bring you joy right now, for sure.
(10:42):
Yeah. I'm just I'm just bringing that up for all the, know, the thing of,
you know, the people out there, they're like, oh, man. I, you know, I like
things a certain way and, you know, to just blow
all that out and say, yeah, whatever. Yeah. You're right. Okay.
So let's not let's take all of that. Hold on to everything you like.
And now let's simply open the door
(11:04):
to how are you approaching others. Mhmm. Are you approaching
others from the stance of just
talking at them? Are you telling them everything that you like in your
reality and your world and how it is? Yeah.
Or are you opening it up? What could you get
if instead of saying this is what I like,
(11:27):
you say, hey. What worked for you in this scenario?
Right. Well, oftentimes, when you have these likes or
these really what are expectations, it's
kind of setting the world up to let you down in a lot of ways.
And Mhmm. I think that sometimes, like, I've worked with
guys that, you know, are just attacked
(11:49):
by all angles and are telling these stories about how
people have done this and they just came out and attacked them and wouldn't.
And I'm sitting there thinking, well, I wonder what kind of energy you brought to
the moment to create that because I've never
walked into a situation like a car wreck or something. I mean, like, oh my
gosh. Are you okay? Is everything alright? I'm okay. I'm
(12:12):
you know, I'm so sorry this half is I don't know whose fault it is,
but is everybody okay? That's number 1. Like, approaching that And that's
how you have walked into this. Walked into one before. You've never walked into
one, like Whose fault is it? Why did you do this? And, you know, you
know, so and so, you know, you we we create our own reality. And
sometimes we forget that because of the things that we hold dear, we're trying to
(12:32):
protect in ourselves. Mhmm. You know, we're trying to,
give the I guess, really, the child and us everything that it wants. And when
the universe doesn't give them give that child what it wants, it gets mad and
starts Yeah. I was just reading a post or some
comment today that was talking about how anger is
one of our truest emotions because it's the emotion
(12:54):
that protects the injustices
against ourselves. Uh-huh. Sometimes even when we are
unable to do it ourselves, our anger will will or, like, will bubble
up. I mean, our anger is that protective big brother almost that's Yeah. You know,
it's It is. That gets angry when you are wronged and when you are hurt
and everything else. But also think about how you set
(13:16):
yourself up to be wronged. Yeah. You know, like
sometimes we do that. Right. But by trying, you know, by being
who, you know, by kinda sticking to our guns and just being who we are.
And so, you know, I always I said a lot of that is like taking
offense. Oh my gosh. Get so good and so offended where I know
what I like and you're offended that somebody else, what, didn't read your
(13:38):
mind? I mean, there's, like, you can't assume first
off that everybody is reading your mind and knows what you like and
number 2 likes the same things. And so sometimes if, I
mean, if everybody is sitting in there knowing what they like
stance and my like is chocolate and your like is vanilla,
(13:58):
where is the flex? I mean, where do we compromise? How what can we do?
Where's our solution? Yeah. And so you gotta you know,
having having some kind of flexibility of going with the flow and not, you
know, holding to your guns all the time, I think,
really, that's made things flow well for me. I mean, I I always look
at, you know, life is kind of like a river and you can
(14:20):
choose your hardest to try to keep where you're at and
paddle against the current and do all the things you gotta do to do that
or you can go with the flow or you can fight it and try to
push against it. But, you know, whenever you feel pressure and tension in your
life, you know, for me, it's a real indicator that I'm going against the flow
of where I'm really supposed to go. And so I'm really you know, I use
(14:40):
that as a not necessarily a a determining factor,
but just as a, you know, a signpost of there's trouble ahead or, you
know, I can get my feelings hurt easily and I need to be aware of
that and let go of, you know, let that person win where maybe I've
been winning all the time. You know, we just we don't we're always taking care
of ourselves that we sometimes forget to take care of others and that's where
(15:01):
Yes. You know, this can kinda get out of control is we're
expecting everybody to take care of us. It's kinda, you know, the
you know, when you get really stuck in your ways or this is what the
way I like it and this it has to be done this way.
I'm not saying that's for everything. You know, I'm thinking about, like, home repair.
Like, I wanted to do it the right or the right way. No. Again, we're
(15:23):
not we don't talk in black and white. Clearly, we've never talked in black and
white on this. I say never. We don't ever say never. Hey. It's not
about a black and white of you never know what you
like. You never voice what you like. Heck, yeah. We do. We want
to make a stand and share that. I just want the conversation
to go beyond that. I don't want it to just be what I know I
(15:45):
like. What can I learn that I might also like? I think
that's the beauty that we found is by exploring other avenues
and being allowing ourselves to get uncomfortable or break things that
we thought were very, that held us in place but, you
know, asked for more freedom and explored parts of ourselves that we had
never explored before. Like, the outcome of that was very very positive.
(16:08):
I never regretted that. But sometimes, if we get stuck staying in our ways, we
would never have the opportunity to explore that. Exactly. And so there's
parts of ourselves that we haven't even looked at sometimes because we've gotten
stuck in how much we like the way we look.
Mhmm. Yeah. So it's not that I know what I like is
wrong. It's just the first step. It's
(16:31):
not the end all be all. You're gonna go from I know
what I like to what else can I embrace? How else can I learn? What
you're talking about with the river, we use the quote all the time, and it's
by John O'Donohue. I would love to live as the river flows,
carried by the surprise of its own unfolding. And when I
heard that the first time from Nathan and his dad, I
(16:53):
rolled my eyes thinking about it being the lackadaisical
kind of easy flow, whatever goes sort of person,
and I wanna drive. Well, I wanna direct where the river flows.
Mhmm. And I didn't really care for that quote, and I didn't fully
get it. Yeah. And A lot of people don't. No. It
because it doesn't mean that you're just
(17:17):
being tossed around and kind of life just happens to you with
no intention at all. It is the fact
that I am flowing with the river. I am moving with the
river. I'm taking action, and I'm still within the
river. Yeah. I can't I cannot have my river jump over the
mountain and over that log. I have to flow with the
(17:39):
river, and that means sometimes there is a surprise around the bend
of the flow the river of of life that I don't have
control of over. And so how am I going to respond in that
situation? Am I going to be am I
going to allow myself to be carried by the surprise of what unfolds and
have grace for growth in my life and permission to
(18:00):
pivot? Yeah. I I use those words all the time. Grace for growth and
permission to pivot. So am I gonna do that or yeah. Like
you just said Get mad that things are changing. Right. Nobody's
doing it the way we used to do it. Exactly. We
can't it is it is out of my control
to stop the river of humanity. Our life, our
(18:22):
people, our world is continuing to go. Whether I agree with
it or not, it is flowing. Yeah. So can I figure out
how my place in that river, my place that says this is my
ship, I know my ship, And I'm looking out for everything else? And
I recognize along the way, you know, I might get the goods that may
fulfill me for the next week from this person over here.
(18:45):
Or I may get the repairs that I need for my ship because it's not
quite working the same way anymore from that person over here. And all of a
sudden, you open up your world a lot more by
allowing the river to carry you while you
continue to check-in with who you are. Yeah.
I mean, you can get very specific with questions on this. And from his
(19:08):
blog, he was asking, you know, instead of saying I know what I like,
ask your friends or people you look up to what's working for you in your
physical health? What's working for you in your personal finances?
What's working for you in your relationships or your careers?
What if you could ask, you know, what's working for you and how you manage
(19:28):
stress? Or how did you restore that broken relationship? I mean,
those are ways that you can go deeper in
learning. And, boy,
people who found a tool that has worked for them They wanna share it.
Exactly. They so readily share. I have people all the time that ask me, you
know, forgive me if this is too personal or, you know, I'm I'm just curious.
(19:50):
And I'm like, please, I'm an open book. Like, I would love to
share any insight or tool I have that might be a
little nugget that can help and inspire you. Not because I have answers
for everybody else's life. My perspective is different than everyone else's as
well. So it's not like I have the one answer. But boy, if I can
share an insight that may give you a little spark of inspiration that helps
(20:13):
you create your own recipe of life. I was just gonna
say it's just like a recipe. You know, people always ask, like, what is this
food? It's so good. Tell me your recipe. Well, people look at
your life and they say, man, what are you doing? I wanna know what kind
of recipe do you do to make that happen. And that's And just like how
I follow recipes, you start with the basis and then you with the basis and
then you tweak it because you got you don't have all the ingredients and you
(20:36):
substitute and you figure out what is your recipe.
Yep. So we all have a way of doing it and we, you know, I
think it's, you know, being being proud of of the way you found
some comfort in the things that you do, but, you know, trying out some things
that'll that'll challenge you a little bit is always a good thing. But
to the to the same point of the article, you know, one of the things
(20:56):
that when I was in real estate that we really tried to remind
ourselves is sometimes we wanna work on the things that we're not really good
at when we should really expand on the things that we're great at.
Mhmm. Yeah. And and and utilize those to an advantage
and and see how they can be maximized. So, you know, it's just
it's even exploring new ways in that area. It's just always trying
(21:19):
and and being willing to be open to that flow
instead of being frustrated with the way things are. And
I talked to a lot of people down here in Florida that are frustrated with
the way things are and I said, well, you know, a lot of it has
to do with the way we can look at it. Mhmm. The way we choose
to get frustrated by things. So our challenge this week
(21:39):
is to shift your conversations. See
where you can add in what's working for you. For
everyone, think about that with your kids, you know, when your
child is sitting there reading for a while. You know, what's working for you that
has helped you to stay focused and and really do, you know, really
be attentive and and get your work done? Find
(22:01):
out. Be curious. Be curious about the people that you care about in your
life and ask them what things are working for them. You may
get some amazing tools to help yourself. You may
get further insights into how they are, who they are, and how
they tick, and what gets them motivated or encouraged.
(22:24):
So look beyond what you already know
about yourself and seek to grow for yourself and others Because
we wanna celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us
strengthens all of us. Namaste. 1,
2, 3.
In a world where everybody has to stand out, be who they
are. Maybe we
need to shift the focus a bit. Maybe it's not always
about I know what I like. Mhmm. Maybe there's an opportunity
to check-in and learn something new. Let's talk about it.
Mama says namaste. Mama says
(00:22):
namaste. Making a family can be
easy and fun. Oh, yeah. But raising a family can be a whole
different story. From spouses to kids to the crazy daily
grind, life often directs us away from connection and more into
reactive chaos. If you're tired of that cycle and are seeking
something beyond the picket fence blues, this is the show for you. I'm
(00:44):
Ashley. And I'm Nathan. And we're here to take you from chaos to clarity
by bringing awareness and intention into your home, not waiting for
one day, and highlighting how The uniqueness in each
of us strengthens all of us.
(01:11):
Okay. So as I was looking through all the many, many things that Nathan
and I could talk about, I stumbled upon a blog post by Joshua
Becker. He writes the blog Becoming a Minimalist, and he
has some great, blog posts on just
pulling out the complication of life and making things a little bit more
simple. How simple it can be. Exactly. We can we can complicate
(01:33):
things. Right. So you had an article that was titled less I
know what I like more of what's working for you.
One of those articles that gets you completely
flipped on your perspective. Right? Yeah. Okay. So we
just read it out loud and Nathan and I have not discussed it at all.
We've just read the article, and now you guys get to hear the discussion. So
(01:57):
first off, just kind of a recap as to what the article is
talking about. After you.
You don't want me to put you on the spot for that one? No. The
focus of it is really talking about how it I mean, I think it's
so, so much a thing that I'm seeing. And I I
we read an article, back in December that was all
(02:20):
about, like, social media and how social media has had its
own form of therapy now where you have all of these therapists and people
that are giving this this guidance and telling people how to live
and everything else. And while some of it is well and good, some of it
can be really destructive. And and I've seen it really
go toward the element of of kind of narcissism. I am what
(02:41):
I am, and you must deal with it. And if you come against that,
then I'm a victim of this. We have a problem. Yeah. Right. It can kind
of go to this extreme. And so I I
I I'd heard heard somebody else recently who was talking about how we've
moved from the age of information to the age of insight
and trying to figure out, okay, what do we do with information and where do
(03:03):
we go from here? And so there's there's some growth that
we are doing as a as a whole of humanity. And in
the process of it, there is a whole lot of I am what I am.
I know what I like. And What is the movie with that has that in
there? I am what I am.
Popeye. Is it okay then? Yeah. That's it. I'm Popeye the sailor man.
(03:25):
I am what I am. Exactly. And we talk about that with personality styles in
general that, you know, having a a deep personality
style doesn't mean you have permission to be a jerk. It just means
you learn and you approach things from a specific or from from one vantage
point, and you learn how to work with other people. Right. You
like you like life processed in a certain way.
(03:46):
Right. Exactly. And I like life processed in
another certain way. Exactly. And where it gets really dicey is when we
say, no, no, my way is the way or
mine is mine is best or, you know, I'm just like, you know, you
it it limits you, you know, what you who you are starts to limit and
you start to use your excuse that as an excuse to not challenge
(04:09):
yourself and push yourself out of it. Like, for me, personality
profiles and that whole concept of understanding your
personality is really about being more aware of who you
are and how you can behave around other people. It's not
about, well, this is who I am and this is how people need to treat
me. Right. I mean, I always feel like in your brain Say that again.
(04:30):
Like No. I just It's not about who I am and how people need to
treat me. It's about bringing awareness.
Yeah. It's about bringing awareness to who how you kind of
lean and looking for creative ways for to kinda flex out of
that or to work with people that are unaware of that sort of stuff. Right.
So it's it's more about being bringing awareness to the ways you show up naturally
(04:52):
and subconsciously. Well, sometimes we can use who we are as an
excuse. Like, I don't remember people's names, so I'm not gonna try. Well,
that's not really fair. Right. You know, I was that person until I really started
trying. Oh, yeah. How many people who that's the first thing out of their mouth
is I'm horrible with names. I won't remember any of that. I always have to
say, like, we'll introduce our family, and somebody will look at me and go, I'm
(05:12):
not gonna remember any of those. I'm like, let me I always,
like, looking at them and saying, I'm not gonna remember you either. I know. I
mean, like, what do you say to that? Like, okay. Well, I'm I'm
sorry that we are not important enough for you to remember our names. Yeah. I
mean, I I went through a, like, a training, a coaching deal back
when I was in my twenties. And we had to literally walk around
(05:34):
the room, and every person we didn't know their name, we had to look them
in the eyes and say, I don't care enough about you to remember your
name. Oh, Oh, god. That is harsh. Yeah. Let me
tell you. That made me really think hard about how important a name
is. And, yes, I mess them up all the time. I am not an audio
learner. And so if you say your name and you are over the age of
10, I oftentimes forget it. And I I have to just
(05:58):
imagine everybody as children. I I do. Because it for some reason, kids'
names and animal names, I typically don't forget. They also tend to be a lot
more unique. That might be part of it. But anyway, it's a
I'm not an expert at it. I'm not great at learning people's names, but I
I will say I'm not gonna introduce. Or I'm not gonna walk up to somebody
and let them know the very first thing that I'm gonna do about them
(06:19):
is forget their name. This doesn't seem that friendly. Your name? Don't even want know
why I'm asking because I'm not even gonna try to remember. Right. Just setting the
expectation that, you cannot count on me. Okay. So, anyway, there's
my our little soapbox there. Please don't do that to us. We will work on
names, and we will work to remember. Alright. Yes.
But it's just that kind of stuff. Like, that's an example of how we can
(06:41):
justify certain behaviors and not really challenge
ourselves. Right. And you kind of you hit on 2 different parts of that.
One of them was the pressing your opinion on other people. And we've talked
about that and we we had a whole episode where we talked about judgment and
how to navigate judgment and opinions and how people ripen at different times.
And, you know, sometimes where we have a judgment, it's a part of
(07:04):
their journey they haven't yet crossed or a journey that's a different
path than what we know or understand. And so it's not always in our
best interest or our right at all to be able to step in and do
something about that. Yeah. But the other part of it that what you're saying though
is that I know what I like. I'm not gonna try anything different. And that's
the people that can get set in their ways. I've talked about that with even,
(07:25):
like, getting married. You know? When is the right time to get married?
Well, I can argue pros and cons of both. You know? You marry too young
and you don't know who you are and, you can get so lost in each
other. You you lose your own identity. You get married too old and you're
so set in your ways you can't change. Really? The reality is that
perfect spot. Whenever you choose to to do it
(07:46):
every day. It doesn't matter whether you're old or young. You will
have obstacles to come across. One of the biggest ones being how set are
you going to be in your own
essence, and how willing are you to to connect with
someone else? I say that in 2 ways. Like, are you willing to grow
individually? And are you willing to flex in a
(08:09):
way that allows someone else to share that with you? Those are the 2
things you've gotta have to carry into a lasting relationship.
And I know what I like, and that's it,
can kinda shut the door to what new opportunities there may be.
Well and then there's you know, we also have a daughter
(08:30):
who's very clear on I know what I like. And Mhmm. We
help her navigate her life around some of those likes because she doesn't get to
do everything because of that or doesn't want to do everything because of
that. Yeah. It doesn't mean that you can't you have to give in
or cave all the time. You know, we have
a daughter who, yeah, who may be very particular about certain things,
(08:52):
so she gets a choice. Okay? When when
is it time to flex? When do you need to push yourself, flex yourself
out of your comfort zone? And when is it okay to look at the tools
you have to keep the boundaries where you need them? And my I
asked her at a young age, look, as long as you are willing to
take care of yourself, then you don't have to be flexible.
(09:15):
I mean, that's basically what it was. Like, if we're out in the middle of
nowhere and you don't wanna eat at this nasty restaurant, I totally respect that. But
you cannot be a grouch because you chose not to make
an opportunity take advantage of an opportunity that we all were trying to
Right. Work through. So, you know, I We're talking and sometimes
we're talking about, yeah, navigating life with kids and that,
(09:37):
you know, the the whole reality that when does every kid get excited
about what you're offering for dinner or when does every kid you know, there's always
the one variable that says, oh, I don't like this. Well, Well, I was just
when you're telling talking about, you know, all the things, like, I don't like or
that you know, why you shouldn't like, I was thinking about, like, all the obsessive
compulsive ADHD people out there that are like, well, I like things, like, a certain
(09:58):
way, and it's really important to me that things are, like, clean and
taken care of and orderly. And you can put parameters around those. Yeah. You
are. You're you're completely right. Or the s personality style or c
personality style that may not, like, like, change as much and wants to have things
their certain way or have their certain routines. I know what I like
is definitely a a great first
(10:19):
step. I think the first step is, yeah, what does bring me joy?
What do I like? What rhythms and routines? What types of food?
What music? What people? What topics
of conversation? All of those things. Go ahead and and figure out
what do you like so that you you have a clear
identifier of what can bring you joy right now, for sure.
(10:42):
Yeah. I'm just I'm just bringing that up for all the, know, the thing of,
you know, the people out there, they're like, oh, man. I, you know, I like
things a certain way and, you know, to just blow
all that out and say, yeah, whatever. Yeah. You're right. Okay.
So let's not let's take all of that. Hold on to everything you like.
And now let's simply open the door
(11:04):
to how are you approaching others. Mhmm. Are you approaching
others from the stance of just
talking at them? Are you telling them everything that you like in your
reality and your world and how it is? Yeah.
Or are you opening it up? What could you get
if instead of saying this is what I like,
(11:27):
you say, hey. What worked for you in this scenario?
Right. Well, oftentimes, when you have these likes or
these really what are expectations, it's
kind of setting the world up to let you down in a lot of ways.
And Mhmm. I think that sometimes, like, I've worked with
guys that, you know, are just attacked
(11:49):
by all angles and are telling these stories about how
people have done this and they just came out and attacked them and wouldn't.
And I'm sitting there thinking, well, I wonder what kind of energy you brought to
the moment to create that because I've never
walked into a situation like a car wreck or something. I mean, like, oh my
gosh. Are you okay? Is everything alright? I'm okay. I'm
(12:12):
you know, I'm so sorry this half is I don't know whose fault it is,
but is everybody okay? That's number 1. Like, approaching that And that's
how you have walked into this. Walked into one before. You've never walked into
one, like Whose fault is it? Why did you do this? And, you know, you
know, so and so, you know, you we we create our own reality. And
sometimes we forget that because of the things that we hold dear, we're trying to
(12:32):
protect in ourselves. Mhmm. You know, we're trying to,
give the I guess, really, the child and us everything that it wants. And when
the universe doesn't give them give that child what it wants, it gets mad and
starts Yeah. I was just reading a post or some
comment today that was talking about how anger is
one of our truest emotions because it's the emotion
(12:54):
that protects the injustices
against ourselves. Uh-huh. Sometimes even when we are
unable to do it ourselves, our anger will will or, like, will bubble
up. I mean, our anger is that protective big brother almost that's Yeah. You know,
it's It is. That gets angry when you are wronged and when you are hurt
and everything else. But also think about how you set
(13:16):
yourself up to be wronged. Yeah. You know, like
sometimes we do that. Right. But by trying, you know, by being
who, you know, by kinda sticking to our guns and just being who we are.
And so, you know, I always I said a lot of that is like taking
offense. Oh my gosh. Get so good and so offended where I know
what I like and you're offended that somebody else, what, didn't read your
(13:38):
mind? I mean, there's, like, you can't assume first
off that everybody is reading your mind and knows what you like and
number 2 likes the same things. And so sometimes if, I
mean, if everybody is sitting in there knowing what they like
stance and my like is chocolate and your like is vanilla,
(13:58):
where is the flex? I mean, where do we compromise? How what can we do?
Where's our solution? Yeah. And so you gotta you know,
having having some kind of flexibility of going with the flow and not, you
know, holding to your guns all the time, I think,
really, that's made things flow well for me. I mean, I I always look
at, you know, life is kind of like a river and you can
(14:20):
choose your hardest to try to keep where you're at and
paddle against the current and do all the things you gotta do to do that
or you can go with the flow or you can fight it and try to
push against it. But, you know, whenever you feel pressure and tension in your
life, you know, for me, it's a real indicator that I'm going against the flow
of where I'm really supposed to go. And so I'm really you know, I use
(14:40):
that as a not necessarily a a determining factor,
but just as a, you know, a signpost of there's trouble ahead or, you
know, I can get my feelings hurt easily and I need to be aware of
that and let go of, you know, let that person win where maybe I've
been winning all the time. You know, we just we don't we're always taking care
of ourselves that we sometimes forget to take care of others and that's where
(15:01):
Yes. You know, this can kinda get out of control is we're
expecting everybody to take care of us. It's kinda, you know, the
you know, when you get really stuck in your ways or this is what the
way I like it and this it has to be done this way.
I'm not saying that's for everything. You know, I'm thinking about, like, home repair.
Like, I wanted to do it the right or the right way. No. Again, we're
(15:23):
not we don't talk in black and white. Clearly, we've never talked in black and
white on this. I say never. We don't ever say never. Hey. It's not
about a black and white of you never know what you
like. You never voice what you like. Heck, yeah. We do. We want
to make a stand and share that. I just want the conversation
to go beyond that. I don't want it to just be what I know I
(15:45):
like. What can I learn that I might also like? I think
that's the beauty that we found is by exploring other avenues
and being allowing ourselves to get uncomfortable or break things that
we thought were very, that held us in place but, you
know, asked for more freedom and explored parts of ourselves that we had
never explored before. Like, the outcome of that was very very positive.
(16:08):
I never regretted that. But sometimes, if we get stuck staying in our ways, we
would never have the opportunity to explore that. Exactly. And so there's
parts of ourselves that we haven't even looked at sometimes because we've gotten
stuck in how much we like the way we look.
Mhmm. Yeah. So it's not that I know what I like is
wrong. It's just the first step. It's
(16:31):
not the end all be all. You're gonna go from I know
what I like to what else can I embrace? How else can I learn? What
you're talking about with the river, we use the quote all the time, and it's
by John O'Donohue. I would love to live as the river flows,
carried by the surprise of its own unfolding. And when I
heard that the first time from Nathan and his dad, I
(16:53):
rolled my eyes thinking about it being the lackadaisical
kind of easy flow, whatever goes sort of person,
and I wanna drive. Well, I wanna direct where the river flows.
Mhmm. And I didn't really care for that quote, and I didn't fully
get it. Yeah. And A lot of people don't. No. It
because it doesn't mean that you're just
(17:17):
being tossed around and kind of life just happens to you with
no intention at all. It is the fact
that I am flowing with the river. I am moving with the
river. I'm taking action, and I'm still within the
river. Yeah. I can't I cannot have my river jump over the
mountain and over that log. I have to flow with the
(17:39):
river, and that means sometimes there is a surprise around the bend
of the flow the river of of life that I don't have
control of over. And so how am I going to respond in that
situation? Am I going to be am I
going to allow myself to be carried by the surprise of what unfolds and
have grace for growth in my life and permission to
(18:00):
pivot? Yeah. I I use those words all the time. Grace for growth and
permission to pivot. So am I gonna do that or yeah. Like
you just said Get mad that things are changing. Right. Nobody's
doing it the way we used to do it. Exactly. We
can't it is it is out of my control
to stop the river of humanity. Our life, our
(18:22):
people, our world is continuing to go. Whether I agree with
it or not, it is flowing. Yeah. So can I figure out
how my place in that river, my place that says this is my
ship, I know my ship, And I'm looking out for everything else? And
I recognize along the way, you know, I might get the goods that may
fulfill me for the next week from this person over here.
(18:45):
Or I may get the repairs that I need for my ship because it's not
quite working the same way anymore from that person over here. And all of a
sudden, you open up your world a lot more by
allowing the river to carry you while you
continue to check-in with who you are. Yeah.
I mean, you can get very specific with questions on this. And from his
(19:08):
blog, he was asking, you know, instead of saying I know what I like,
ask your friends or people you look up to what's working for you in your
physical health? What's working for you in your personal finances?
What's working for you in your relationships or your careers?
What if you could ask, you know, what's working for you and how you manage
(19:28):
stress? Or how did you restore that broken relationship? I mean,
those are ways that you can go deeper in
learning. And, boy,
people who found a tool that has worked for them They wanna share it.
Exactly. They so readily share. I have people all the time that ask me, you
know, forgive me if this is too personal or, you know, I'm I'm just curious.
(19:50):
And I'm like, please, I'm an open book. Like, I would love to
share any insight or tool I have that might be a
little nugget that can help and inspire you. Not because I have answers
for everybody else's life. My perspective is different than everyone else's as
well. So it's not like I have the one answer. But boy, if I can
share an insight that may give you a little spark of inspiration that helps
(20:13):
you create your own recipe of life. I was just gonna
say it's just like a recipe. You know, people always ask, like, what is this
food? It's so good. Tell me your recipe. Well, people look at
your life and they say, man, what are you doing? I wanna know what kind
of recipe do you do to make that happen. And that's And just like how
I follow recipes, you start with the basis and then you with the basis and
then you tweak it because you got you don't have all the ingredients and you
(20:36):
substitute and you figure out what is your recipe.
Yep. So we all have a way of doing it and we, you know, I
think it's, you know, being being proud of of the way you found
some comfort in the things that you do, but, you know, trying out some things
that'll that'll challenge you a little bit is always a good thing. But
to the to the same point of the article, you know, one of the things
(20:56):
that when I was in real estate that we really tried to remind
ourselves is sometimes we wanna work on the things that we're not really good
at when we should really expand on the things that we're great at.
Mhmm. Yeah. And and and utilize those to an advantage
and and see how they can be maximized. So, you know, it's just
it's even exploring new ways in that area. It's just always trying
(21:19):
and and being willing to be open to that flow
instead of being frustrated with the way things are. And
I talked to a lot of people down here in Florida that are frustrated with
the way things are and I said, well, you know, a lot of it has
to do with the way we can look at it. Mhmm. The way we choose
to get frustrated by things. So our challenge this week
(21:39):
is to shift your conversations. See
where you can add in what's working for you. For
everyone, think about that with your kids, you know, when your
child is sitting there reading for a while. You know, what's working for you that
has helped you to stay focused and and really do, you know, really
be attentive and and get your work done? Find
(22:01):
out. Be curious. Be curious about the people that you care about in your
life and ask them what things are working for them. You may
get some amazing tools to help yourself. You may
get further insights into how they are, who they are, and how
they tick, and what gets them motivated or encouraged.
(22:24):
So look beyond what you already know
about yourself and seek to grow for yourself and others Because
we wanna celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us
strengthens all of us. Namaste. 1,
2, 3.
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