Working From Home Is So Overrated

I was 34 years old and at my wit's end with a 3, 6, and 9-year-old, trying to navigate juggling work and motherhood at the same time. I wrote a blog post then, and, looking back at it now, my heart goes out to that mama I was 8 years ago! 

So I updated the blog post and asked Nathan to come on and do an episode now, in hindsight, about working from home and how to navigate it. 

So is it overrated and you shouldn't do it? Or...can you find your flow?

Get the full blog post that goes along with it here: https://www.mamasaysnamaste.com/working-from-home-is-so-overrated/

*Bonus - transcript added!

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Isn't parenting the best thing in the world? Like, you just wanna stop and do
just that. Well, unfortunately, there's quite a few other things to
do, especially if you're working from home. So how exactly do
you work from home and navigate your kids? Let's explore
that. Mama says
namaste. Mama says namaste. Making

(00:23):
a family can be easy and fun. Oh, yeah. But raising a
family can be a whole different story. From spouses to kids to
the crazy daily grind, life often directs us away from connection and
more into reactive chaos. If you're tired of that cycle
and are seeking something beyond the picket fence blues, this is the show for
you. I'm Ashley. And I'm Nathan. And we're here to take you from

(00:46):
chaos to clarity by bringing awareness and intention into your home,
not waiting for one day, and highlighting how the
uniqueness in each of us strengthens all of us.

(01:11):
So back when the girls were 3, 6, and 9, I wrote
a blog post on working from home is so overrated.
I have to say, like, as I was going through and updating this blog post,
because I was thinking this is a topic that, has a whole different,
like, a whole different understanding now post 2020. And,
and I wanted to come back and just kind of address this, how in the

(01:34):
world I've done it. Because I have essentially worked from
home for 16, you know, for my my children's home. Lucky
dog. Well, for the girls' whole lives, I've worked from home. And I
have not always done it gracefully. Yeah. And as I
read the blog post and I was sitting and going through it, I could, like,
I could feel the stress and the tension and the

(01:56):
frustration and the overwhelm of my younger self. You
had a 3, 6, 9 year old stint? Yes. Oh my goodness. There was That's
an intense period. You know? Yeah. There was some stuff I even pulled out of
it to, like, just show what my, how
or where I was at at that point. Yeah.
And, looking back, you know, we can

(02:19):
kind of see with perspective, of course, that hindsight's 2020,
the things that helped us and how we did figure out, how I did
find my groove so that I didn't just get
just just go completely overwhelmed with our,
with having to work from home and navigating everything. Yeah. Well, it's, you know,
it's gotta be a kind of a dance, you know. You've done it most of

(02:42):
your life and you've seen parents that have done it most of your life. But,
you know, if you switch from, you know, kind of
a closed setting that's separate to being inside the home, there's, you know,
there's some transition that happens there. You gotta you gotta figure out what works, what
doesn't work for you and and the family is kinda testing to see what
they can do with you while you're there and is it, are you the boo

(03:04):
boo kisser or does that go to somebody else and, you know, there's a lot
to figure out that I don't think we fully consider.
You know, the the idea is very romantic and,
it can be, you know, just in our personal experience, it can be
very very, valuable because
you have you have more flex time. You have that

(03:27):
access to the time that we all want. Right.
And then stuff like this happens. I'm gonna read just a little ex,
excerpt from the blog from that time. Says, let me
tell you something. Working from home is overrated. Making my own
hours is awesome. Working well in pj's and sipping my
coffee is awesome. Being able to, you know, love on a little

(03:50):
kid at any time is awesome. And let me tell you what
isn't. Picture this. You're right in the middle of
a project. You have a web emergency at a deadline to all all to meet,
and your 3 year old needs her butt wiped across the house. You're tripping over
toys. The baby is screaming because she's figured out how to stand up but doesn't
know yet what to do after that. Your 6 year old has taken over the
kitchen where there is honey everywhere and the dog just shredded half a tree on

(04:12):
your living room rug, which you know is where your toddler will head to next.
It sucks. Instead of leaving home at work home at home and work at work,
you're in the midst of chaos. Think of the daycare center in the center of
your workspace. Constant interruptions and distractions.
And let me tell you, I I felt like I was living trying to live
up to the standard of my dad who says, make little distinction

(04:34):
between your work and your play. Mhmm. And as I
was seeing how he lived and breathed his work, and and he had
I didn't feel like he ever, like, shut me out. When I would come
to him, he seemed very available. Well, I
have got to be realistic about my own
childhood and my dad's quote unquote availability. Yes. He was available,

(04:56):
but I also had a present mama there
that was fully focused on us. And so my need to run to my
dad was a lot less. Here I was as a young
mom with these small children, and I had no one. It's
me trying to navigate it and, you know, just hoping
beyond all hope that my 3 year old will stay entertained for, you know, that

(05:19):
even the 10 minutes that it takes for me to write an email. Yeah. And
so what was happening as much as I wanna be engaged, I wanna be present
for my kids, and I wanna be available, and I want them to know that
they are my priority. They are the reason I am doing the work is is
ultimately going back into them because it's enriching
my life. It's bringing money in and it's helping to for us

(05:39):
to show up fully for our children. And yet,
little kids, the world is is is the emergency for
them. You know? Everything is important. And it's just as
important for them to show you, you know, the new freckle they discovered as it
is that, you know, that somebody really got hurt. Yeah.
And so I was just constantly having to

(06:03):
refocus. And boy, every time it takes me off,
especially, you know, in the work that I'm doing where I'm trying to you know,
sometimes I'm following up with a coaching client. I'm going deep into somebody's life. I'm
trying to empathize and give the good feedback and follow-up with what
all we need to do. And at that point, I didn't have all of the
great note taking tools to help me out here. And

(06:23):
and I'm trying to sit in this, and then I'm,
like, jarred into reality to wipe a butt. Mhmm.
It was difficult. Yeah. And
so, really, we have one short and sweet
answer for how do you navigate working from home?
It takes a village. It takes a community

(06:46):
to do that. I mean, to think and I think that that's probably the
biggest that you had in trying to do it all yourself
in typical Miller fashion, you know,
is to lean on the people that
can support you and want to support you because the community
is there and the kids thrive from that community. Right. And I I

(07:09):
wanna be realistic about this because so often the first thought is, you know, well,
you need to put your children in childcare. And the reality is there
are times for that. I remember, frantically looking for
what could be an option as my kids aged out of the preschool thing. And
I wasn't putting them into public school. I needed something. Mhmm. Because,
as much as I was ready and willing to homeschool

(07:32):
and wanted to be there, I gotta try to figure it in
work. And now I have these elementary aged children who are
just kind of wandering aimlessly while I'm working. Mhmm. So
so getting Doing, you know, there are there are co ops and there are things
like that where you can have opportunities to drop your kids off and other people
are pouring into them. And that is all well and good. You

(07:55):
can have the traditional aspect of having a babysitter or a nanny. And
there were times in our lives where we did that, and we we recognized and
justified the expense for not only the support that
it gave us, but the opportunity for somebody to come in
fully focused on our kids Mhmm. To say, hey. My only goal right now is
to give you a 100 percent of my attention. Yep. And to offer

(08:17):
that for them was a really valuable thing. And so we did things like that
and we would have them come in and even, you know, we had some great
ones that were college students going through child psychology or child
development and bringing the things they were learning to practice.
And it was a win win where they're bringing more into it. Well, and to
this point, you know, a lot of times we send our kids to these institutions

(08:39):
or these groups where they're
kinda designed to to hold space for your kids for, you know,
6 to 8 hours. And we've worked in those places in preschool
where, you know, kids are dropped off at 7 in the morning, they're picked up
at 7 at night and, you know, that's the that's their life, during that 12
hour period. And

(09:00):
it the I I guess one of the things that really jumped out at
me when we started experimenting with this was how maybe little
focus time you need as a employee to work and
get your work done. You know, you might just need 2 and a half, 3
hours of real focus time. And you can find that with,
you know, somebody coming in to support you just for that window. It's not

(09:22):
hiring somebody for 8 hours a day to take to fill this big gap in
your life. A lot of times that gap is might not be as big as
you think it is. And I I realized that by trial and error.
Mhmm. By sitting there and trying to do it on my own and realizing
that 8, 9 hour a day, I'm still
feeling like I only got an hour's worth of work done because of the

(09:44):
constant interruptions. You just take feeding your family. If
you add in changing diapers, changing diapers and feeding, period.
Just that. Half your day is gone. Yeah. And so, so
yeah. To your point, what I found is in getting a babysitter, if I
had 3 concentrated hours that were an absolute no go zone, you do not
open mommy's door. Mommy's like, I'm shutting my my room

(10:06):
focused. What I could do in that allowed the next 5 hours
to be fully present with my family because I had knocked out and really
concentrated on what I needed to do. Now if you're fortunate enough to have a
supportive partner in the process, you know, they can
also come in if they are in or outside of the home. You know,
coming from outside back in, you know, kinda gives them the

(10:28):
opportunity to take on some of that new energy and responsibility. You know,
they can be cooking meals or preparing for the the kids for bed. You
know, just making this time that, you know, opens up another window of time for
you to wrap up some work. Because sometimes, in the smaller models, at least
I've I've noticed where you can get 2 or 3 or 4 hours worth of
work, there usually needs to be a nice little sweep up at the end of

(10:49):
the day to make sure everything's tidied up And that's really valuable. And to
recognize that as a partner, you know, can really add. Yeah.
That goes back to even just our we've got episodes on gender roles in
marriage and helping to define how we help and support one another.
And, yeah, just recognizing that that, if you do have
a partner and you are not a single parent, that partner

(11:11):
has the opportunity to support you in getting work done as well.
And, I mean, we had to we had to help the girls
learn that daddy is capable. That
daddy, you can come to daddy for something because they would Where is an option?
Oh, they would walk right past you in the kitchen and come
through the closed door over to me with my

(11:33):
because I've got mommy eyes and I'm gonna find it.
So we have to we had to work with that and set some boundaries. And
I had to be it was hard. I had to be clear to clear enough
to say I love you so much. I'm gonna draw a line right now to
say you are not to speak to me because what you are what you
need right now. I know there are other people in this world who love

(11:54):
and support you, I e your father on the other side of that door you
walked past. Yeah. You may go to him and you may have this conversation and
I will show up when my work time is over.
Or just asking, have you already checked in with your father yet? That's my biggie.
I always ask that when they come to me when they're when I'm working. That
my first thing is have you talked to your father about this? Because it is
very, very rare that Nathan will send a kid to me when

(12:18):
he when I'm working because he he,
you respect yeah. And you and you respect that boundary. Yeah. You say, I I
mean, I can do this. So so we've got we've
got some traditional ideas as far as just paying for
care for your kid that may not be traditional school.
Maybe it's extracurricular activities. Maybe it's a camp or a program that

(12:41):
they're involved in or something where you they are involved with other people
with other kids, or anything else outside of your care. Then you've
got the other adult, the other parent
who it may be able to step in, and your hours may be different. I
mean, I know there were times where I didn't work during the day because Nathan
was gone, but I I knocked out some hours in the evening because for me,

(13:02):
it wasn't times and or time dependent. It was just stuff that needed to
happen at some point during the day. Then you've got other ideas.
Think of even an older child that is a few steps ahead of your own.
Maybe you've got, excuse me, maybe you've got the neighbor kid,
just like one of my girls who is dying to come over to be a
mother's helper for one of our neighbors. You know, she's young. She's, you you know,

(13:24):
our daughter is only 11. But could she go and be the
entertainment to play with a child even while a parent is present?
I know that when I was little, before I was old enough to
babysit outside of the home, people would bring their children to our house
to be babysat by me as the one that's
entertaining and focusing on the child, but my mother was still there. So they actually

(13:47):
came into my home. And yes, there were adults, but it was really the
focus of me as a, honestly, a 7 to 11 year
old. Mhmm. During that time, I was carrying 4 kids in my
house with my parents present. So you've
got things like that. Then you've got, like I mentioned, you know, child development
ones. Any your child development students. Anything that

(14:09):
anybody that's in college. Maybe there's practicum hours they need to do. There
is there a creative way to do that? For
for me, one of the big ones, and ironically, my best friend is is here
today. Why bestie? Like, we dreamed about
having kids and having our kids grow up together and all of these. And one
of the things that we created is this mom swap idea

(14:33):
that the babysitting where it was where you just hated to
have to pay somebody else to come and sit and watch movies late
at night at your house or things like that that we could
that we would use each other for that and help each other out. And in
doing that, not only did I get a free babysitter,
but it also meant that whatever mom was coming to babysit

(14:54):
really got a night to themselves with nobody else around because all kids are in
bed and you're just sitting there. So it was really kind of a win win.
So we would use mom exchange during the day too. I mean, my goodness. I
need to knock out a bunch of work. Okay. Well, they're gonna, she's gonna take
all the kids, her kids and mine included to the park, or to the
zoo, or whatever. And she's basically navigating crowd crowd

(15:15):
control at this point because her children have entertainment as well. So it's a win
for her. She's enjoying it. She's enjoying having other kids, and I get focused
break time. So remember play dates,
I remember like Totally utilized. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember like the obligation of like
the play date of okay. Do do I as the parent go or not? Sometimes
it's great to just be honest and say, hey, you know, do you need me

(15:36):
or are you gonna be just sitting, you know, while in the corner while they're
playing too? And if so, maybe we can get some
some work done during this time. Mhmm. So, take advantage of mom swaps. Can you
support one another? I know I always welcomed that opportunity
because it was it was fun for our kids and a great way to
help each other out. Absolutely. And speaking of

(15:56):
friends, another thing on this is don't forget your child free friends.
That has been a a really great thing for our kids as
well. Their godparents have do not have children. They chose
not to have children. They are they
are super involved in our kids' lives, and
they love to pour into our kids. They love the opportunity

(16:19):
to visit with them and hang with them. Just because somebody chooses
not to have their own children for whatever reason does not mean that they don't
like kids or they hate kids. So it may be that they
would relish the opportunity to have some kid time and, you know, kinda
play with that a little bit. And I usually have lots of free time. And
on the flip side too, yeah, they are not the family that you're trying to

(16:41):
ask who's already maxed out by their own kids. Who already has so much else
going on that it is too it is too much at the at the
time. So we've really found a great support
in our no kid friends. And whether that's because their kids are grown and
gone or they'd haven't chosen not to have them or whatever. Think of
the the aunts and uncles and who may be may wanna have some

(17:03):
quality time with their nieces and nephews. So you
think family, think no frayed couples and get creative. That
there are more people that may be willing to be a part of your kid's
life. And in doing that, so often we try to take it all on
ourselves. And not only do we narrow our world, but we narrow the world of
our children. We don't give them those other interactions. Experiences

(17:25):
of how do I interact with somebody outside of my parents. Mhmm. And
that's really valuable because it shows them and gives them some
skills to cope with uncertainty or new
ideas in a environment where they do not have the luxury of running straight to
you for the answer. And and that can really give them some freedom and empowerment.
Right. So get creative as to where you can

(17:48):
find these. As your kids get older, I completely
will enlist them to support one another. I mean, at this
point, with our kids being almost 17, 14, and
11, I just say, hey, guys. I'm working. I
like, right now, I just let them know we've got new foster kittens. And,
of course, all of them are sitting in the little foster kitty shed with these

(18:10):
new little kittens coaxing them out of their fear. And, so I
just peeked my head in, and I said, hey. We're gonna be doing a podcast
in the other room. I'm locking the doors. Just keep your voice down, and we'll
be done in a little bit. And that's all they need to know. And they
know that's a clear boundary. They respect that. They stay quiet during that
and they can entertain themselves. So as they get older, I

(18:30):
have found they've done all kinds of awesome things where they've gotten
into their own creations because it was kind of because I set the precedent.
Hey, this is focused sibling time. Like, just hang together. Mhmm.
So working from home doesn't
have to be completely overwhelming and stressful,
and it can a 100% when you choose to do it alone. Recognize that

(18:53):
working from home brings every aspect of personal and professional into
one roof. And so as you're sitting there focusing on this
work task, you're looking around and you're seeing the kitchen that needs to be clean.
You've got the toddler that's grabbing at you. You've got the the mountains of
to do's or feelings of, you know, what all you need to do for the
household on top of the professionalism. And that is a heavy

(19:15):
load. Mhmm. So figure out how can you divvy it up. I
have looked for support when it comes to focusing on
my kids so that I'd never felt like my kids were just pushed to the
back burner. So I could look for who's somebody that can help me
out. And, yes, I did use TV at times. They were
I I would ration my TV time so that I knew that,

(19:37):
okay. I know I can I can I know that I can get them sitting
for an episode of Daniel Tiger and Wonder
Pets? That's that's enough stretch for me to knock something out. And so when am
I gonna do it? I'm not doing it as soon as they wake up. I'm
doing it when I'm ready to have my work time. Yep. And I'm strategically
planning it. So think about how you can have those

(19:57):
opportunities where your kids are fully engaged elsewhere, and then you fully
focus on your work. And set some other boundaries
around your workspace so that it is focused on
work. I have to draw a clear line. It is hard when you're
going back and forth and all of a sudden you didn't realize that that lunch
break has now turned into cleaning the whole kitchen and you're 2 hours out of

(20:20):
what you were trying to accomplish with work. Mhmm. And so
staying clearly focused. When it's work time, I mean,
even with me where I was juggling different jobs and I would have I would
make sure that if I was focused on mama says namaste, the only
tabs open on my computer are mama says namaste. Because if I have that
and I have 48 days and I have my personal emails and all of a

(20:41):
sudden I'm off on a bunny trail. Mhmm. You know, stay It's
dummy proofing yourself. Dummy proof yourself. Set your timer. Set
alarms. Set parameters around it. Make sure you don't have the
distractions around. Those are the things that help you to work smarter,
not harder. And that helps you to keep from drowning where you feel
like you're

(21:10):
it's just recognizing where you fall apart. Mhmm. And you have to fall apart
first. You have to fail and you have to have those bad days to recognize,
okay, tomorrow I'm gonna try this.
And another big piece to it is just helping your children understand
what you're doing Mhmm. Why you're doing it. Understanding the
function of the activity can really kind of tone down

(21:32):
and change the energy to where, can you help mommy get these things
accomplished by? Maybe they go clean up their room. You know, it's really just kind
of redirecting for that time because, you know, a kid will get lost and
and they come back to you looking for her. Give me solutions. Give me direction.
And so often, we push our kids aside with we're gonna
handle it. It's our responsibility. We don't share what's going on in our minds.

(21:55):
And, you know, people have talked to us about how our kids are so
aware and engaged and present and, you know,
understand and can empathize with adults. And I'm going, well, it's because we've
shared ourselves with them from the very beginning. And when I'm
frustrated and I'm snippy, and so that kid comes in and goes, hey, mommy,
and I'm snippy. And I'm like, not right now. At some point,

(22:17):
either at that moment, I stop and say it or I'm coming back later. I'm
going, look. Sorry. I was frustrated. I'm I'm in the middle of an email,
and I've had constant interruptions. It's been really hard for me to stay focused on
it. Or I was trying to gather my thoughts and, you know, figure out numbers.
And when I'm looking at a spreadsheet, it's overwhelming for me. And so I have
to really stay focused. And so if I I get distracted, I have to

(22:37):
start over again. So have you ever felt like having to start over again over
and over with something that was already tedious to begin with? And so
I'm having those conversations, and I'm sharing I'm putting I'm I'm
helping them to kind of feel my perspective so that
they're understanding it. So that it's not just, you know,
mommy's being mean or mommy's shutting me out right now. It's

(22:59):
this is what mommy's doing and I can empathize. Mhmm. So
find like, taking the time to do the communication,
I will do. Taking the time to answer every
single question and do every single thing in the heat of the moment, I will
not. Setting some clear boundaries allow me to get
that focused work done and then fully show up and be able to

(23:22):
explain my day and what'll happen and what I'll accomplish. And,
quite honestly, it feels pretty stinking good when my my kids are
saying, how did work go? What'd you do today? And we get to have a
conversation about it. I mean, that's, that's a part of our lives too. What
happens at work so impacts us at home. Do we share things with our
kids? Do our kids know what we do? Do they understand it? Do

(23:44):
they believe in it? Are they proud of what their parents are doing? There are
a lot of families who are so busy living side by side. They've
never communicated it. And I've talked to many teens and
tweens who have no understanding of what their parents do for work.
Especially when we have so many complex definitions
of what work is right now, you know? Right. So

(24:06):
maybe you take that time to explain it. And what happens is instead of getting
pushed back, you have a little bit more respect and understanding from a child.
So we're gonna keep this short this week. If
you wanna work from home, figure out the boundaries to make it
work for you. Does that look like outside
help at certain times or taking advantage of when your children are already going

(24:30):
to be gone? Does that look like setting alarms on your phone
and calendar alerts so that you know you are staying on
task? And it says focused work time during
this time or answering emails or calls or as specific as
you can be for it. Mhmm. Does it look like getting a house
cleaner because you recognize that you get more distracted by cleaning the

(24:52):
house and it's better to budget for a house cleaner versus
a babysitter because your kids are, you know, distracted during the time and you can
get both done. Yeah. There are lots of ways to look at this. But what
you wanna look is how are you going to dummy proof for yourself for a
supportive work environment in the house? And that often means
distinguishing a specific space to do that. Mhmm.

(25:13):
Yeah. And I I say that as I'm I'm the hypocrite here as I'm even
saying it because I don't even have a desk in my house right now. We
just moved back into a house after being in an RV. I have not had
the luxury of an office. It has been me just re
recognizing where is it that I can go sometimes to hide because I say I
need to just I need to focus on this. But I'm also an

(25:34):
example of even when you don't get the luxury of your own place, even when
you don't have the luxury of babysitters and a full community.
I depended on my husband as a as support, and I used
my headphones to make it quiet when I didn't have a room. There you
go. You know? Put my headphones in and focus in a spot. It
was more about setting the precedent of open communication in our house

(25:56):
of what it is that that Nathan and I were focused on, when
we needed their support and when we needed their space
and continuing to have that ongoing dialogue. And so
our challenge to you this week is just to really do a self assessment
on that. If you are working from home or even if you're just needing to
get the household to dos done and you're feeling frazzled and overwhelmed by

(26:17):
it, recognize that boundaries, clear
communication, and asking for help are your
your golden tools. It makes a big difference. And just a
little bit like that, not only does asking for help give your
children some focused opportunity to be with somebody else and
to gain a new rich experience in their lives,

(26:40):
it it also opens up the door for somebody else to get to know your
family and love them like you do and to, to be able to
get delight from that. We have had people that have thanked us for the opportunity
just to hang with them and to play with them. Mhmm. Well, that's because we
we're we're facing this as a rich opportunity. I'm not
sloughing my children off on somebody else. I'm enriching their lives while

(27:02):
also doing something to enrich mine so we can come back together
more full and more complete. So think of that this
week. What boundaries might you need to set? If you're feeling stumped on
this, go ahead and reach out to us. You can go to the mama says
namaste.com and just hit that contact page and let us
know where is your struggle. What's holding you back? Where do you feel like

(27:24):
you're in over your head and your scheduling is just not working with this
family that's going on? And we'll see if there's a way to support. Sometimes
we don't recognize what's right under our nose that that may
be a help a help and a support and able to in order to make
this work. So keep in mind
how we all are going to flow through our life differently. We're

(27:46):
needing different things. And the more we communicate and share those
boundaries, the more we can really enrich each other's lives
and celebrate how the uniqueness in each of us strengthens
all of us. Namaste.