In this important episode, we explore mom shame, the difference between guilt and shame, and common triggers for guilt. One of the biggest contributors to mom shame is societal pressure, so we want to shed light on navigating this issue and breaking the cycle of shame. My expert guest for this topic is Allie Barker, LCSW. Allie is excited to bring her insight to today’s conversation about dismantling the overwhelming experience of mom shame. Join us to learn more!
Allie Barker is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in perinatal mental health. She has been in private practice since 2020 and has been clinically practicing since 2018. After experiencing a difficult pregnancy during the pandemic and navigating postpartum anxiety, depression, and OCD, she realized how common, yet isolating, these struggles are. This led her to shift her entire clinical focus to supporting individuals through fertility challenges, pregnancy, and postpartum transitions. As a therapist, Allie is passionate about helping parents navigate the mental and emotional challenges that come with new parenthood, from facing unrealistic societal expectations to combating the deep-rooted shame that prevents someone from finding joy in the small moments. She brings professional expertise and personal understanding to these conversations, creating a compassionate and judgment-free space for parents. Outside of work, Allie is a mom with a four-year-old daughter, a wife, and an animal mom to several dogs, ducks, and pigs.
Show Highlights:
Understanding mom shame and the myth of mom guilt
The effects of societal expectations on moms around everyday occurrences in parenthood
Support for parents begins with awareness, identifying your values, and setting realistic goals
The best way to dismantle mom shame is to have relevant conversations with your partner during pregnancy.
It’s okay when your values don’t match up with those of books, experts, and social media.
The impacts on your mental health when you feel like a failure all the time
Guard against lofty motherhood goals that set you up for failure!
Every mom feels like “the only one,” and shame breeds isolation.
Scary thoughts, fears, and OCD (Name it and say it out loud to safe, supportive people!)
Allie’s work to support parents with compassion and self-compassion
A parent who admits mistakes and apologizes gives their child space to make mistakes and apologize for them. (It’s an opportunity to teach compassion.)
Being vulnerable and listening to vulnerability can help break the cycle.
Resources:
Connect with Allie Barker: Website
Call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA or visit cdph.ca.gov
Please find resources in English and Spanish at Postpartum Support International, or by phone/text at 1-800-944-4773. There are many free resources, like online support groups, peer mentors, a specialist provider directory, and perinatal mental health training for therapists, physicians, nurses, doulas, and anyone who wants to be more supportive in offering services.
You can also follow PSI on social media: Instagram, Facebook, and most other platforms.
Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.
Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!
If you are a California resident seeking a therapist in perinatal mental health, please email me about openings for private pay clients.
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