March 25, 2025 • 27 mins
Are you avoiding your finances? Join me as I uncover the hidden reasons behind this common money block and how it might be affecting your abundance.
In this solo episode of the Plenty podcast, I’m diving into a common money block I see, especially among women: financial avoidance. We often hear ourselves saying, “I just don’t want to think about it,” but this avoidance can really sabotage our financial well-being. I’ll share the root causes of this pattern, including societal conditioning and unconscious beliefs around power and victimization. Plus, I’ll offer some tips on how to shift from avoidance to engagement, build your capacity to handle money with ease, and step into a more abundant and empowered financial reality. If you’re ready to break free from old patterns and create a healthier, more pleasurable relationship with money, this episode is for you. And don’t forget to grab my free “Money Reset” resource to start rewiring your approach to wealth!
“Our ambivalence about our money is because of our ambivalence about and around our power.” -Kate Northrup
🎤 Let’s Dive into the Good Stuff on Plenty 🎤
(00:00) Introduction to Financial Awareness
(00:40) Cultural Conditioning and Financial Disenfranchisement
(01:16) Avoidance and Feminine Energy
(02:41) Financial Avoidance and Its Consequences
(07:13) Maturity and Responsibility in Financial Matters
(08:48) Ambivalence Towards Money and Power
(13:15) Victimization and Lack of Agency
(14:19) Trauma and Financial Patterns
(19:31) Safety, Pleasure, and Financial Consciousness
(21:33) Personal Journey of Financial Transformation
(22:49) Co-Creating Your Financial Destiny
(23:14) Balancing Financial Engagement
Links and Resources:
Barbara Huson, formerly Barbara Stanney
Rewire for Wealth
Secrets of Six Figure Women
Overcoming Under Earning
Sacred Success
Tel Darden
The School of Alchemical Alignment
✨ The Money Reset: Feel Good with Money—No Matter How Much You Make
Making more money doesn’t guarantee financial ease… but this will. The Money Reset is a free audio experience designed to help you rewire your nervous system for wealth—so managing money feels effortless. 🎧💸
Inside, you’ll learn how to:
💡 Break the ‘money in, money out’ cycle and create lasting stability.
🎯 Relax into a new relationship with money—where structure meets flow.
✨ Use the 5-Minute Calm Cashflow Ritual to bring instant clarity to your finances.
More money won’t solve money stress—a resourced, supple nervous system will. Ready to shift? 👉 Get The Money Reset Now! 👈
Related Episode:
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kate Northrup (00:00):
If you're saying, I just don't wanna think about
(00:02):
money, you are acting like achild. And there is a part of
you that simply does not want tobe in your maturity and in your
power. Like, if you're saying, Ijust don't wanna think about
money, you are really saying, Iwant to be an immature child in
this area of my life. Welcome toPlenty. I'm your host Kate
(00:25):
Northrup and together we aregoing on a journey to help you
have an incredible relationshipwith money, time, and energy,
and to have abundance on everypossible level.
Every week, we're gonna dive inwith experts and insights to
help you unlock a life ofplenty. Let's go fill our cups.
(00:49):
Hi. Today is episode number twoin a seven part series that
we're doing on Plenty aboutexpanding into your next level
of financial peace, prosperity,and pleasure. So today's episode
is for you.
If you currently or have everfelt like, ugh, I just don't
(01:14):
wanna have to think about money.I just don't wanna have to deal
with this. Listen, I get it. Ihave been there some days. I
slide right back there myself.
And it is so common, especiallyfor women, to have been
conditioned by our culture towant to outsource dealing with
(01:35):
the money. For centuries, womenhave lived in profound financial
disenfranchisement anddisempowerment. And so many have
been taught explicitly orimplicitly, and it's certainly
been modeled in the media andour culture at large, that a man
(01:56):
should just take care of it foryou, or that the government
should just take care of it foryou, or your employer, or your
parents. And there's a realtendency to go into avoidance
and a feeling of like, oh, theother thing that comes up a lot
in our community, and maybe youresonate with this is, oh, well
(02:18):
I just want to be in my feminineenergy. I just want to be in my
goddess energy, and sotherefore, I don't want to have
to think about money.
Now I don't know at what pointin our evolution it was modeled
to us or told to us that beingin our feminine energy precludes
us from being in a beautifulrelationship with money, a
(02:41):
beautiful conscious relationshipwith money, but let me be the
first to tell you if you didn'tknow, it does not. In fact, in
fact, being in a loving,conscious relationship with your
money can be one of the mostimportant foundational bedrock
aspects of being able tosurrender into receiving and and
(03:05):
feminine energy financially andotherwise. Okay. So there's a
few things that I want you toknow if you are in the place of,
ugh, I just don't wanna thinkabout it, with money. Now I hear
this from people who are makingtons of money, who have net
worths of millions and millionsand millions, who come from
(03:29):
generations after generationsafter generations of wealth, and
I also hear this from people whoare more at the early stages of
their earning journey.
So no matter where you are, knowthat this applies to you no
matter what's going on with yourearning level. And I wanna pull
(03:52):
it out by the roots today andhighlight some things that may
be running under the surfacethat you may not be aware of
that that are wrapped up in Ijust don't wanna deal with it. I
just don't wanna have to thinkabout it because that way of
being is like a giant hairballin the pipe of your abundance.
(04:16):
Financial avoidance, whetherit's because you're overwhelmed,
whether you it's because youthink you're not smart enough,
or you think it's toocomplicated, or you're just
like, ah, I'm just not good withmoney, or because you think that
capitalism is stupid, or, youknow, or you're just like, I
just want somebody to handlethis for me. All any
manifestation of avoidancebehavior is like a giant
(04:38):
hairball in the pipe of theabundance that already is trying
to flow to you, but you are likeputting out your hand and
blocking and turning theopposite way.
And by avoiding your money, youare preventing more from coming
(05:00):
into your life. And I don'tnecessarily mean more earnings,
although, yes, for sure, moreearnings, But even if you
already make good money, notwanting to think about it, not
engaging with it, thinking like,ugh, I have better things to do.
Ugh, I have more interestingthings to do. Ugh, this is so
boring. I want somebody else todeal with this.
(05:22):
This is too hard. Any I justwanna be in my goddess energy.
Any of those things is likesaying, like, you want your
husband to ravish you and havethis incredible relationship
with him or your partner, andthen not making eye contact,
having them make a reservationfor a date, and you just not
(05:45):
freaking showing up. That is thesame thing when we're just like,
oh, I you know, of course, doyou wanna go on fabulous trips?
Yes.
Do you want to fly first class?Yes. Do you want to eat
beautiful food? Do you want tobe able to afford organic,
regeneratively sourced produce?Yes.
Do we want these things? Yes. Sothen if we're saying, well, but
(06:07):
I don't wanna think about money,that is an exact opposition. It
is just like you saying, I wantan incredible, romantic,
luscious, loving relationshipwith my partner, and yet I don't
wanna think about them. And Idon't wanna think about it, and
I don't wanna engage with it inany way or with that person in
(06:28):
any way.
And so I wanna pull some of thisout by the weeds and just talk
about what patterns may berunning unconsciously. Now if
you're new to me, something youmay not know is that my,
perspective is that ourunconscious patterning and our
subconscious patterning is acombination of the neural
(06:49):
patterns in our brain and body.Now there's significant evidence
that the brain is not just inour head. We actually have
neurons in our heart. We haveneurons in our gastrointestinal
tract.
We have this ability to havememory and cognition on some
(07:10):
level all throughout our body.And so our unconscious is not
just in our head. Ourunconscious is really wired into
our entire nervous system, andso much of it has to do with our
ability to feel safe. Nowthere's so many things going on
(07:31):
under the surface, and one ofthem in terms of this root cause
is simply the following, and I'mjust gonna call a spade a spade
and say this. If you're saying,I just don't wanna think about
money, you are acting like alittle girl or a little boy or a
little person.
You are acting like a child. Andthere is a part of you that
(07:51):
simply does not want to be inyour maturity and in your power.
And it's okay to admit it, butit's important to just say,
like, if you're saying, I justdon't want to think about money,
you are really saying, I want tobe an immature child in this
area of my life. You know, mykids, right, they're six and
(08:13):
nine, they don't really have tothink about money, although we
do give them an allowance, andwe have like a whole system for
teaching them healthy moneybehavior, but they don't have to
think about paying the mortgage.They're not thinking about
paying their tuition.
Like, they're not thinking aboutthat because they're children,
right? That's not what they do.But if you're listening to this
podcast, you are a grownup, andit is time to put on your big
(08:34):
girl pants. Because when you puton your big girl pants, the
blessings of prosperity andpower are so beyond anything you
could possibly imagine. Nowwhat's interesting, my mentor
and friend, Barbara Hewson,formerly Barbara Stanney, she
wrote Rewire for Wealth, TheSecrets of Six Figure Women,
(08:56):
Overcoming Under Earning, SacredSuccess.
She's amazing. And she says thatour ambivalent relationship with
money, especially as women, isrelated to our ambivalent
relationship with our power. Soour ambivalence about our money
is because of our ambivalenceabout about and around our
(09:20):
power. Why? Because in ourculture, we have not had the
healthiest, most consciousmodels of power, and so there's
a part of us that thinks eitherpower means power over and not
being a good person, or we alsomay think we can't handle it.
(09:42):
Right? Have you ever thoughtabout going for your dreams?
Like, maybe you have this thisdream for some kind of huge
impactful business or some kindof big creative project or
impact or visibility or some bigthing. Right? And then have you
ever felt like, I don't know ifI can handle it, so I'm just not
(10:04):
going to I'm not even going totake steps.
That's because of our ambivalentrelationship with our power. Now
I did an episode, about sixmonths ago that we'll link in
the show notes about money andpower. And so that's an episode
to listen to if this isresonating with you. But the
thing is, in order to stewardyour money beautifully, to be in
(10:27):
beautiful relationship with yourmoney, you need to come to grips
with and begin to be in asweeter relationship with your
power because I promise you, youcan handle it and more. There is
so much energy.
There's so much life force.There's so much that wants to
(10:48):
come through you, and our job ashumans is to build our somatic
bodies, to build our energeticcapacity to be conduits for
everything that wants to comethrough us. And we do that
through nervous system practicesof building deeper and deeper
(11:11):
layers of safety because itbuilds the circuitry literally
in our bodies to be able tohandle the amount of electricity
that wants to come through us.Now that is true on an energetic
level, but that is also true ona financial level. There's more
with your name on it and youstepping fully into your power
(11:33):
and stewardship and and becominga channel, a conduit, and
building your circuitry so thatyou can handle higher and higher
voltage is actually the name ofthe game.
And I promise you when you dosmall doable parts over time,
which is language from, TelDarden from the school of
alchemical alchemical alignment,and I think actually originated
(11:54):
with Bridget Vixman's, when wedo small, doable parts over
time, you build that capacity,you build that circuitry, and
then you won't even believe howmuch you can handle a year from
now that you couldn't handleprior. So underneath the surface
of I don't want to deal with mymoney, I don't want to have to
(12:15):
think about that, is actually anambivalence with your power. And
it is a part of you, and in theworld of internal family systems
therapy, parts work, there is apart of you that is running the
show that is a small child whois scared. Okay? That's all it
is.
There is a part of you that isrunning your financial life that
(12:36):
is a small child who is scared,and you can signal to that small
part. You can communicate withthat part that it is actually
safe. It is safe to be an adult.It is safe to engage with your
money. And that's the work thatwe do here on Plenty and in my
whole company, so welcome.
That that is literally what wedo. And coming up, we have an
(12:59):
amazing workshop called,actually, I think when this
episode airs, I'm not allowed tosay what the name is. But,
anyway, we have a free workshopcoming up, and then we're going
to open up the doors to our oncea year program, Relaxed Money,
coming up as well. So many, manygood things coming, so make sure
you're staying tuned. Okay.
So we talked about, theimmaturity and the small child
(13:19):
running the show. We talkedabout ambivalence with your
power, and then I also want totalk about victimization. Now
when we say like, ugh, I justwant somebody else to deal with
this, there is a part of us thatis actually choosing
unconsciously to stay in a lackof agency and a lack of choice
and victimization, which isstill that kind of adjacent to
(13:41):
that child behavior, becausethere's a part of us that is
getting off on not being in ourpower. Because always, always,
always, always, when we arebehaving in a particular way
that we know is maybe not inalignment with our highest
possible expression, it isbecause there's something we get
(14:07):
to not do or something that weget to keep doing that we are
getting a benefit from. That'scalled secondary gain.
So when we choose to stay in thebackseat of our financial lives
and let other people make thedecisions and just like, I don't
wanna open that mail. I don'twanna handle it. I'm not
(14:29):
engaging. We are actuallychoosing to stay in
victimization and in a lack ofchoice. Now why would we do
that?
Because at the root of ournervous system imprinting, and
we certainly, some people callthat trauma and there, you know,
there are certainly traumapatterns related to money. But
in this context, let's just saythat trauma is when emotional or
(14:55):
physical stress has occurredthat you didn't have the
resources, support, orstrategies to fully process at
the time. So we get stuck inthat particular moment in time
in some level in our psyche andnervous system. And the thing is
our nervous system imprints arebased on what we've experienced
(15:20):
before, and the nervous systemwants to keep us experiencing
what we have experienced beforebecause at least from the
survival wiring we have, we knowthat if we keep experiencing the
same thing as what weexperienced before, at least we
know what to So it doesn'trequire deploying as many
(15:42):
resources from a brain and bodyperspective as if we are
experiencing something new andnovel that is often filtered
into our consciousness andawareness as a threat. So all of
that to say, most of our nervoussystem imprints that have
(16:03):
occurred through traumaticexperiences occurred because at
the time of the experience inthe past, we didn't have agency.
We didn't feel that we hadchoice. So practical example,
right? You're a kid. Your momtravels all the time for work.
(16:24):
You don't feel like you have anyagency.
You don't you're not at choice.She just leaves. She comes back.
You don't know when she's going.You don't have any choice about
that.
You beg her not to go, but shekeeps leaving because that's her
job. Right? Like, that's thework that she does. That's what
how it's set up. And as a child,that is interpreted as something
(16:47):
is being done to me that I haveno choice about.
And if you were reallyemotionally distraught about
that and didn't have thesupport, guidance, structure,
strategies, resources to fullyprocess that emotional stress,
that can leave a traumaticimprint. Now the way we heal
that is as adults expanding intoour agency, expanding into
(17:11):
greater and greater levels ofchoice. And what's so
interesting about that is thateven though anybody, if I asked
you, like, do you want to feelmore agency around your life? Do
you want to feel more at choicearound in your life? I think you
would probably answer yes.
And yet, and yet,simultaneously, right, we say
(17:33):
one thing out of one side of ourmouths and then another thing
out of the other side.Simultaneously, folks will say,
I don't want to think aboutmoney. I don't want have to
think about money. Because thefeeling of victimization, the
feeling of not having choice, itdoesn't necessarily feel good,
(17:54):
but it feels familiar. It iswhat we are patterned to
experience because most of ourtraumas were because we didn't
have choice in that moment.
So the opportunity to havechoice, the opportunity to stand
in our power, the opportunity tohave agency actually registers
as a threat. And then we go backinto financial avoidance and
(18:17):
like, oh, my husband's justgonna handle that for oh, my
wealth adviser does that for me.Oh, it's up to my financial, you
know, planner. I don't know. Idon't wanna do it.
I'm five. You know, like, that'sliterally how it shows up, and
I'm only saying this so candidlybecause I have been there, my
friend. I have really beenthere. Okay. The other thing
(18:39):
that comes up is simply that wehaven't had as many models of
conscious money behavior andconscious money patterning and,
like, prosperity consciousness.
We haven't had a lot of them inthe media. Most of our parents
weren't having like somehealthy, lovely, pleasurable
relationship with money, and soit may just not even occur to us
(19:03):
that it's possible. And what Ifind inside our programs when we
start getting in there withpeople, because there's a
monthly coaching and I'm talkingto people and what comes up is
this feeling of like, okay, butif I create more financial
consciousness, then I go intoconstriction because financial
(19:23):
consciousness for so many of us,financial sobriety and getting
super clear, then causes us togo into this constricted feeling
of I don't get to have what Iwant. And now we're the petulant
child. Now we're the kid havingthe tantrum in the grocery store
because we can't have the candyin the checkout aisle, right?
Because we weren't at choice.And so we look at our spending
(19:47):
plan, and suddenly we're rightback there having a tantrum in
the checkout aisle. And our momis saying, no, I'm not gonna buy
you, you know, I'm not gonna buyyou the the candy. So what do we
do about that? Right?
Like, what do we do about that?Well, we have to begin to add in
the missing piece, which issafety. And then from safety, we
(20:11):
move to pleasure. Right? Andwhen we start to layer in safety
and pleasure, and in thisseries, we're gonna get more
deeply into those things.
But when we start to layer thatin, what we realize is that
financial consciousness actuallyfeels better than avoidance. You
(20:33):
actually will begin to feel morefree to be met financially, more
free to make abundant choices,and you will be more magnetic to
money when you engage with yourmoney head on in your full
power, in your full capacitybecause you've got this, and you
(20:56):
absolutely have what it takes.So that's what I'm gonna leave
you with today. There's so muchhere. But if you have been
someone who says, I don't wannadeal with this, I hope that this
helped you to look in some ofthe nooks and crannies, and I
hope that you will stay with mein this series so that you can
(21:19):
be we can begin to exploretogether all of the ways that we
can gently and beautifully turntowards our money life and be
able to access the power and theagency that's available.
And I just wanna say a quickstory, which is that that this.
I was a financial avoider formany years. I got myself in a
(21:41):
ton of credit card debt. Infront of the scenes, it looked
like I had it all together. Iwas a really strong earner.
I was in my early twenties. Ihad this great business. I was,
like, going around New York Cityand, you know, hanging with a
very influential crowd. Butbehind the scenes, my financial
life was a mess because I wasnot yet ready to be a financial
(22:05):
adult for all of the reasons Ijust highlighted in this episode
and a few more. I thought it wasboring.
I thought I had better things todo. It felt more exciting to
earn money than to actuallyhandle the money I already had.
But I will tell you what. When Itook the steps that I'm walking
you through in this series andthat I walk people through in
(22:26):
our programs on a deeper level,I was able to go from making
$34,000 1 year to $120,000 thenext year, and that income just
went up and up and up. We justcame in last year at just under
3,000,000 in our business with a31% profit margin, which was up
(22:47):
for the from the years past.
And I can tell you that when youstep in and start consciously
engaging with your money, thefeeling of power, the feeling of
possibility, the deep knowing inyour body that you actually are
the cocreator of your destiny,that at any time, you can create
(23:07):
exactly what you want. You don'thave to wait for it to be given
to you. You don't have to waitfor someone else to decide that
you're worthy. You don't have towait for someone else to crunch
the numbers to figure out whatyou get to have. You just get to
have what you want that isaligned with your desires and
values, and I want that for youbecause that kind of feeling is
(23:27):
something that nothing else canrecreate.
So thank you for listening in. Ican't wait to have you on the
next installment, episode numberthree in this series, which is
about the toggling from hyperfixation on the money and almost
(23:48):
hypervigilance to hypo and goinginto disassociation and
avoidance, and how we can stopflip flopping between two
opposite ends of the extreme andjust come into the sweet
resonant balance somewhere inthe middle of the spectrum where
we're in a loving dance with ourmoney. So I can't wait to see
(24:10):
you on that one. Until nexttime. What if managing money
felt effortless?
You've worked so hard to earnmoney, so why does it feel
stressful? Well, I wannaintroduce you to something brand
new that I've created called themoney reset because abundance
starts in your body, not in yourbank account. This free audio
(24:33):
experience will help you rewireyour nervous system for wealth,
stop the money in, money outcycle and create a foundation
for true wealth, and relax intoa new relationship with money.
Plus, it comes with the fiveminute calm cash flow ritual, so
(24:54):
you can have financial clarityand magnetism anytime you want.
All you need to do to get thefree money reset is go to
katenorthrop.com/reset.
If you're saying, I just don't wanna think about
(00:02):
money, you are acting like achild. And there is a part of
you that simply does not want tobe in your maturity and in your
power. Like, if you're saying, Ijust don't wanna think about
money, you are really saying, Iwant to be an immature child in
this area of my life. Welcome toPlenty. I'm your host Kate
(00:25):
Northrup and together we aregoing on a journey to help you
have an incredible relationshipwith money, time, and energy,
and to have abundance on everypossible level.
Every week, we're gonna dive inwith experts and insights to
help you unlock a life ofplenty. Let's go fill our cups.
(00:49):
Hi. Today is episode number twoin a seven part series that
we're doing on Plenty aboutexpanding into your next level
of financial peace, prosperity,and pleasure. So today's episode
is for you.
If you currently or have everfelt like, ugh, I just don't
(01:14):
wanna have to think about money.I just don't wanna have to deal
with this. Listen, I get it. Ihave been there some days. I
slide right back there myself.
And it is so common, especiallyfor women, to have been
conditioned by our culture towant to outsource dealing with
(01:35):
the money. For centuries, womenhave lived in profound financial
disenfranchisement anddisempowerment. And so many have
been taught explicitly orimplicitly, and it's certainly
been modeled in the media andour culture at large, that a man
(01:56):
should just take care of it foryou, or that the government
should just take care of it foryou, or your employer, or your
parents. And there's a realtendency to go into avoidance
and a feeling of like, oh, theother thing that comes up a lot
in our community, and maybe youresonate with this is, oh, well
(02:18):
I just want to be in my feminineenergy. I just want to be in my
goddess energy, and sotherefore, I don't want to have
to think about money.
Now I don't know at what pointin our evolution it was modeled
to us or told to us that beingin our feminine energy precludes
us from being in a beautifulrelationship with money, a
(02:41):
beautiful conscious relationshipwith money, but let me be the
first to tell you if you didn'tknow, it does not. In fact, in
fact, being in a loving,conscious relationship with your
money can be one of the mostimportant foundational bedrock
aspects of being able tosurrender into receiving and and
(03:05):
feminine energy financially andotherwise. Okay. So there's a
few things that I want you toknow if you are in the place of,
ugh, I just don't wanna thinkabout it, with money. Now I hear
this from people who are makingtons of money, who have net
worths of millions and millionsand millions, who come from
(03:29):
generations after generationsafter generations of wealth, and
I also hear this from people whoare more at the early stages of
their earning journey.
So no matter where you are, knowthat this applies to you no
matter what's going on with yourearning level. And I wanna pull
(03:52):
it out by the roots today andhighlight some things that may
be running under the surfacethat you may not be aware of
that that are wrapped up in Ijust don't wanna deal with it. I
just don't wanna have to thinkabout it because that way of
being is like a giant hairballin the pipe of your abundance.
(04:16):
Financial avoidance, whetherit's because you're overwhelmed,
whether you it's because youthink you're not smart enough,
or you think it's toocomplicated, or you're just
like, ah, I'm just not good withmoney, or because you think that
capitalism is stupid, or, youknow, or you're just like, I
just want somebody to handlethis for me. All any
manifestation of avoidancebehavior is like a giant
(04:38):
hairball in the pipe of theabundance that already is trying
to flow to you, but you are likeputting out your hand and
blocking and turning theopposite way.
And by avoiding your money, youare preventing more from coming
(05:00):
into your life. And I don'tnecessarily mean more earnings,
although, yes, for sure, moreearnings, But even if you
already make good money, notwanting to think about it, not
engaging with it, thinking like,ugh, I have better things to do.
Ugh, I have more interestingthings to do. Ugh, this is so
boring. I want somebody else todeal with this.
(05:22):
This is too hard. Any I justwanna be in my goddess energy.
Any of those things is likesaying, like, you want your
husband to ravish you and havethis incredible relationship
with him or your partner, andthen not making eye contact,
having them make a reservationfor a date, and you just not
(05:45):
freaking showing up. That is thesame thing when we're just like,
oh, I you know, of course, doyou wanna go on fabulous trips?
Yes.
Do you want to fly first class?Yes. Do you want to eat
beautiful food? Do you want tobe able to afford organic,
regeneratively sourced produce?Yes.
Do we want these things? Yes. Sothen if we're saying, well, but
(06:07):
I don't wanna think about money,that is an exact opposition. It
is just like you saying, I wantan incredible, romantic,
luscious, loving relationshipwith my partner, and yet I don't
wanna think about them. And Idon't wanna think about it, and
I don't wanna engage with it inany way or with that person in
(06:28):
any way.
And so I wanna pull some of thisout by the weeds and just talk
about what patterns may berunning unconsciously. Now if
you're new to me, something youmay not know is that my,
perspective is that ourunconscious patterning and our
subconscious patterning is acombination of the neural
(06:49):
patterns in our brain and body.Now there's significant evidence
that the brain is not just inour head. We actually have
neurons in our heart. We haveneurons in our gastrointestinal
tract.
We have this ability to havememory and cognition on some
(07:10):
level all throughout our body.And so our unconscious is not
just in our head. Ourunconscious is really wired into
our entire nervous system, andso much of it has to do with our
ability to feel safe. Nowthere's so many things going on
(07:31):
under the surface, and one ofthem in terms of this root cause
is simply the following, and I'mjust gonna call a spade a spade
and say this. If you're saying,I just don't wanna think about
money, you are acting like alittle girl or a little boy or a
little person.
You are acting like a child. Andthere is a part of you that
(07:51):
simply does not want to be inyour maturity and in your power.
And it's okay to admit it, butit's important to just say,
like, if you're saying, I justdon't want to think about money,
you are really saying, I want tobe an immature child in this
area of my life. You know, mykids, right, they're six and
(08:13):
nine, they don't really have tothink about money, although we
do give them an allowance, andwe have like a whole system for
teaching them healthy moneybehavior, but they don't have to
think about paying the mortgage.They're not thinking about
paying their tuition.
Like, they're not thinking aboutthat because they're children,
right? That's not what they do.But if you're listening to this
podcast, you are a grownup, andit is time to put on your big
(08:34):
girl pants. Because when you puton your big girl pants, the
blessings of prosperity andpower are so beyond anything you
could possibly imagine. Nowwhat's interesting, my mentor
and friend, Barbara Hewson,formerly Barbara Stanney, she
wrote Rewire for Wealth, TheSecrets of Six Figure Women,
(08:56):
Overcoming Under Earning, SacredSuccess.
She's amazing. And she says thatour ambivalent relationship with
money, especially as women, isrelated to our ambivalent
relationship with our power. Soour ambivalence about our money
is because of our ambivalenceabout about and around our
(09:20):
power. Why? Because in ourculture, we have not had the
healthiest, most consciousmodels of power, and so there's
a part of us that thinks eitherpower means power over and not
being a good person, or we alsomay think we can't handle it.
(09:42):
Right? Have you ever thoughtabout going for your dreams?
Like, maybe you have this thisdream for some kind of huge
impactful business or some kindof big creative project or
impact or visibility or some bigthing. Right? And then have you
ever felt like, I don't know ifI can handle it, so I'm just not
(10:04):
going to I'm not even going totake steps.
That's because of our ambivalentrelationship with our power. Now
I did an episode, about sixmonths ago that we'll link in
the show notes about money andpower. And so that's an episode
to listen to if this isresonating with you. But the
thing is, in order to stewardyour money beautifully, to be in
(10:27):
beautiful relationship with yourmoney, you need to come to grips
with and begin to be in asweeter relationship with your
power because I promise you, youcan handle it and more. There is
so much energy.
There's so much life force.There's so much that wants to
(10:48):
come through you, and our job ashumans is to build our somatic
bodies, to build our energeticcapacity to be conduits for
everything that wants to comethrough us. And we do that
through nervous system practicesof building deeper and deeper
(11:11):
layers of safety because itbuilds the circuitry literally
in our bodies to be able tohandle the amount of electricity
that wants to come through us.Now that is true on an energetic
level, but that is also true ona financial level. There's more
with your name on it and youstepping fully into your power
(11:33):
and stewardship and and becominga channel, a conduit, and
building your circuitry so thatyou can handle higher and higher
voltage is actually the name ofthe game.
And I promise you when you dosmall doable parts over time,
which is language from, TelDarden from the school of
alchemical alchemical alignment,and I think actually originated
(11:54):
with Bridget Vixman's, when wedo small, doable parts over
time, you build that capacity,you build that circuitry, and
then you won't even believe howmuch you can handle a year from
now that you couldn't handleprior. So underneath the surface
of I don't want to deal with mymoney, I don't want to have to
(12:15):
think about that, is actually anambivalence with your power. And
it is a part of you, and in theworld of internal family systems
therapy, parts work, there is apart of you that is running the
show that is a small child whois scared. Okay? That's all it
is.
There is a part of you that isrunning your financial life that
(12:36):
is a small child who is scared,and you can signal to that small
part. You can communicate withthat part that it is actually
safe. It is safe to be an adult.It is safe to engage with your
money. And that's the work thatwe do here on Plenty and in my
whole company, so welcome.
That that is literally what wedo. And coming up, we have an
(12:59):
amazing workshop called,actually, I think when this
episode airs, I'm not allowed tosay what the name is. But,
anyway, we have a free workshopcoming up, and then we're going
to open up the doors to our oncea year program, Relaxed Money,
coming up as well. So many, manygood things coming, so make sure
you're staying tuned. Okay.
So we talked about, theimmaturity and the small child
(13:19):
running the show. We talkedabout ambivalence with your
power, and then I also want totalk about victimization. Now
when we say like, ugh, I justwant somebody else to deal with
this, there is a part of us thatis actually choosing
unconsciously to stay in a lackof agency and a lack of choice
and victimization, which isstill that kind of adjacent to
(13:41):
that child behavior, becausethere's a part of us that is
getting off on not being in ourpower. Because always, always,
always, always, when we arebehaving in a particular way
that we know is maybe not inalignment with our highest
possible expression, it isbecause there's something we get
(14:07):
to not do or something that weget to keep doing that we are
getting a benefit from. That'scalled secondary gain.
So when we choose to stay in thebackseat of our financial lives
and let other people make thedecisions and just like, I don't
wanna open that mail. I don'twanna handle it. I'm not
(14:29):
engaging. We are actuallychoosing to stay in
victimization and in a lack ofchoice. Now why would we do
that?
Because at the root of ournervous system imprinting, and
we certainly, some people callthat trauma and there, you know,
there are certainly traumapatterns related to money. But
in this context, let's just saythat trauma is when emotional or
(14:55):
physical stress has occurredthat you didn't have the
resources, support, orstrategies to fully process at
the time. So we get stuck inthat particular moment in time
in some level in our psyche andnervous system. And the thing is
our nervous system imprints arebased on what we've experienced
(15:20):
before, and the nervous systemwants to keep us experiencing
what we have experienced beforebecause at least from the
survival wiring we have, we knowthat if we keep experiencing the
same thing as what weexperienced before, at least we
know what to So it doesn'trequire deploying as many
(15:42):
resources from a brain and bodyperspective as if we are
experiencing something new andnovel that is often filtered
into our consciousness andawareness as a threat. So all of
that to say, most of our nervoussystem imprints that have
(16:03):
occurred through traumaticexperiences occurred because at
the time of the experience inthe past, we didn't have agency.
We didn't feel that we hadchoice. So practical example,
right? You're a kid. Your momtravels all the time for work.
(16:24):
You don't feel like you have anyagency.
You don't you're not at choice.She just leaves. She comes back.
You don't know when she's going.You don't have any choice about
that.
You beg her not to go, but shekeeps leaving because that's her
job. Right? Like, that's thework that she does. That's what
how it's set up. And as a child,that is interpreted as something
(16:47):
is being done to me that I haveno choice about.
And if you were reallyemotionally distraught about
that and didn't have thesupport, guidance, structure,
strategies, resources to fullyprocess that emotional stress,
that can leave a traumaticimprint. Now the way we heal
that is as adults expanding intoour agency, expanding into
(17:11):
greater and greater levels ofchoice. And what's so
interesting about that is thateven though anybody, if I asked
you, like, do you want to feelmore agency around your life? Do
you want to feel more at choicearound in your life? I think you
would probably answer yes.
And yet, and yet,simultaneously, right, we say
(17:33):
one thing out of one side of ourmouths and then another thing
out of the other side.Simultaneously, folks will say,
I don't want to think aboutmoney. I don't want have to
think about money. Because thefeeling of victimization, the
feeling of not having choice, itdoesn't necessarily feel good,
(17:54):
but it feels familiar. It iswhat we are patterned to
experience because most of ourtraumas were because we didn't
have choice in that moment.
So the opportunity to havechoice, the opportunity to stand
in our power, the opportunity tohave agency actually registers
as a threat. And then we go backinto financial avoidance and
(18:17):
like, oh, my husband's justgonna handle that for oh, my
wealth adviser does that for me.Oh, it's up to my financial, you
know, planner. I don't know. Idon't wanna do it.
I'm five. You know, like, that'sliterally how it shows up, and
I'm only saying this so candidlybecause I have been there, my
friend. I have really beenthere. Okay. The other thing
(18:39):
that comes up is simply that wehaven't had as many models of
conscious money behavior andconscious money patterning and,
like, prosperity consciousness.
We haven't had a lot of them inthe media. Most of our parents
weren't having like somehealthy, lovely, pleasurable
relationship with money, and soit may just not even occur to us
(19:03):
that it's possible. And what Ifind inside our programs when we
start getting in there withpeople, because there's a
monthly coaching and I'm talkingto people and what comes up is
this feeling of like, okay, butif I create more financial
consciousness, then I go intoconstriction because financial
(19:23):
consciousness for so many of us,financial sobriety and getting
super clear, then causes us togo into this constricted feeling
of I don't get to have what Iwant. And now we're the petulant
child. Now we're the kid havingthe tantrum in the grocery store
because we can't have the candyin the checkout aisle, right?
Because we weren't at choice.And so we look at our spending
(19:47):
plan, and suddenly we're rightback there having a tantrum in
the checkout aisle. And our momis saying, no, I'm not gonna buy
you, you know, I'm not gonna buyyou the the candy. So what do we
do about that? Right?
Like, what do we do about that?Well, we have to begin to add in
the missing piece, which issafety. And then from safety, we
(20:11):
move to pleasure. Right? Andwhen we start to layer in safety
and pleasure, and in thisseries, we're gonna get more
deeply into those things.
But when we start to layer thatin, what we realize is that
financial consciousness actuallyfeels better than avoidance. You
(20:33):
actually will begin to feel morefree to be met financially, more
free to make abundant choices,and you will be more magnetic to
money when you engage with yourmoney head on in your full
power, in your full capacitybecause you've got this, and you
(20:56):
absolutely have what it takes.So that's what I'm gonna leave
you with today. There's so muchhere. But if you have been
someone who says, I don't wannadeal with this, I hope that this
helped you to look in some ofthe nooks and crannies, and I
hope that you will stay with mein this series so that you can
(21:19):
be we can begin to exploretogether all of the ways that we
can gently and beautifully turntowards our money life and be
able to access the power and theagency that's available.
And I just wanna say a quickstory, which is that that this.
I was a financial avoider formany years. I got myself in a
(21:41):
ton of credit card debt. Infront of the scenes, it looked
like I had it all together. Iwas a really strong earner.
I was in my early twenties. Ihad this great business. I was,
like, going around New York Cityand, you know, hanging with a
very influential crowd. Butbehind the scenes, my financial
life was a mess because I wasnot yet ready to be a financial
(22:05):
adult for all of the reasons Ijust highlighted in this episode
and a few more. I thought it wasboring.
I thought I had better things todo. It felt more exciting to
earn money than to actuallyhandle the money I already had.
But I will tell you what. When Itook the steps that I'm walking
you through in this series andthat I walk people through in
(22:26):
our programs on a deeper level,I was able to go from making
$34,000 1 year to $120,000 thenext year, and that income just
went up and up and up. We justcame in last year at just under
3,000,000 in our business with a31% profit margin, which was up
(22:47):
for the from the years past.
And I can tell you that when youstep in and start consciously
engaging with your money, thefeeling of power, the feeling of
possibility, the deep knowing inyour body that you actually are
the cocreator of your destiny,that at any time, you can create
(23:07):
exactly what you want. You don'thave to wait for it to be given
to you. You don't have to waitfor someone else to decide that
you're worthy. You don't have towait for someone else to crunch
the numbers to figure out whatyou get to have. You just get to
have what you want that isaligned with your desires and
values, and I want that for youbecause that kind of feeling is
(23:27):
something that nothing else canrecreate.
So thank you for listening in. Ican't wait to have you on the
next installment, episode numberthree in this series, which is
about the toggling from hyperfixation on the money and almost
(23:48):
hypervigilance to hypo and goinginto disassociation and
avoidance, and how we can stopflip flopping between two
opposite ends of the extreme andjust come into the sweet
resonant balance somewhere inthe middle of the spectrum where
we're in a loving dance with ourmoney. So I can't wait to see
(24:10):
you on that one. Until nexttime. What if managing money
felt effortless?
You've worked so hard to earnmoney, so why does it feel
stressful? Well, I wannaintroduce you to something brand
new that I've created called themoney reset because abundance
starts in your body, not in yourbank account. This free audio
(24:33):
experience will help you rewireyour nervous system for wealth,
stop the money in, money outcycle and create a foundation
for true wealth, and relax intoa new relationship with money.
Plus, it comes with the fiveminute calm cash flow ritual, so
(24:54):
you can have financial clarityand magnetism anytime you want.
All you need to do to get thefree money reset is go to
katenorthrop.com/reset.
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