Have you ever wondered why asking for what you want can feel so awkward—and why people say yes more often than we think? In this episode, I dive deep with Dr. Vanessa Bohns, an organizational behavior expert from Cornell University and the author of You Have More Influence Than You Think. Together, we unpack why influence is so much more than persuasion—and why it’s less about manipulation and more about authentic, everyday impact.
We explore the psychological biases that make us underestimate our influence, the surprising power of simply asking face-to-face, and the crucial difference between perspective-taking and perspective-getting. Whether you’re a leader, a business developer, or simply looking to grow your positive influence, this conversation is packed with insights on building trust, making confident asks, and empowering others while avoiding the “ick” factor.
Topics We Cover in This Episode:
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3:05 — Why putting “positive” in front of influence might matter more than you think
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6:45 — The 100-year legacy of How to Win Friends and Influence People and why it’s still relevant today
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10:15 — Why “just ask” works and how face-to-face requests get 34x more yeses than emails
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19:00 — How small, spontaneous asks can build authentic connections and why overthinking can kill momentum
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25:20 — The hidden power of stating what you want and why it’s essential in building relationships
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29:00 — The difference between perspective-taking and perspective-getting
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38:00 — Why direct asks often outperform polished presentations and how to practice this skill
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44:00 — How seeing, feeling, and experiencing influence can make you a more confident and effective leader
If you loved this conversation with Vanessa Bohns, share the episode with a friend or colleague who could use a confidence boost—and don’t forget to subscribe for more actionable insights on mastering the art of positive influence!
Resources Mentioned:
Order your copy of Give to Grow
Get the Supplemental materials for Give to Grow
Get a copy of your GrowBIG Playbook today!
Get a copy of Vanessa’s book, You Have More Influence Than You Think
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