Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome
back to the Imperfectly
Empowered Podcast.
I am your host, anna Fulmer.
Today we have Davidson Hong onthe show.
Davidson is the founder andowner of the Daring Hearts
Mentorship Program, where hehelps men and women conquer
self-criticism and create boldimpact.
Having grown up without asilver spoon, davidson's pursuit
(00:22):
of personal growth andleadership wasn't born out of
privilege but out of necessity.
Whether writing his fourth book, trekking the Great Outdoors,
or sharing inspiration on hisYouTube channel with an audience
of 700,000, davidson isn't justliving life.
He is devouring it, oneadventure at a time, here to
(00:43):
share his expert advice onconquering self-criticism to
craft a life of bold impact.
Welcome, davidson.
Davidson, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, thank you for
having me.
Your website, your social media, everything looks amazing, so
just want to commend you on theintentionality and the design
and, yeah, just excited to behere.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Thank you so much.
David and I were just lamentingover the rain.
He lives in jersey.
We're in pennsylvania.
It's been raining for days.
Our roads are flooded.
Oh, it's one of those days.
So here we are.
We're mutually.
This is like going to be alittle chat beside a fire with
hot chocolate, even though Idon't have the fire or the hot
chocolate.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah, I'm excited to
do this with you.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I do have a blanket.
You have such a fun brand.
I love what you do.
There's so many elements to itthat are really fun.
The label Daring Hearts just ingeneral, speaks to my Enneagram
8.
That challenger in me.
I'm like Daring Hearts what agreat title, but we'll press
(01:49):
rewind a little bit.
You talk about how you even gotto this point in your own life
and in your own career ofembracing this concept of trying
to conquer self-criticism inorder to create bold impact.
Is that's kind of like thetagline that I see over your
brand and your passion?
Talk to me a little bit abouthow you arrived at this passion.
(02:16):
You've mentioned that you grewup poor and also faced the
struggles of growing up as aminority, as an Asian American,
which clearly, as you can seehere, not a very white, very
European, you know, and sothat's something I just can't
understand.
So I would love to hear, kindof how you're growing up, shaped
(02:40):
, who?
Speaker 2 (02:40):
you are today and how
that fuels your passion who you
are today and how that fuelsyour passion.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's it.
I mean, I'm a male, obviously,right, so that that's all.
It comes with its own, um sureyou know.
So, yeah, a lot of differentlayers.
I think a lot of asianamericans like in, like in
america, right, we're kind oflike in between these two worlds
where I'm not asian enough for,like the age, true Asians,
(03:04):
because, like I've never evenbeen to Asia, like right, so
it's like I don't fit in with,like the Asians that are like
you know, when they speakanother language, right, because
I'm super Americanized but I'mtechnically like not American in
the sense that when people seeme they're like hey, like your
English is really good, or likewhere are you from?
And I'm like, oh, I was born inJersey.
They're like no, like where areyou from?
It's like yeah, like oh, I wasborn in Jersey.
They're like no, like where areyou from?
(03:24):
I was like, yeah, I live in, Ilived in California for like
five years.
It's like no, no.
And then I'm like, oh, you'reasking like where my parents are
from.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Oh, like my ethnicity
yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Yeah, yeah.
So it's always like aninteresting dynamic, but I think
I think there's been a lot ofprogress actually in terms of
because I think, growing up, youknow when you're on TV or
you're watching any movie, likethe Asian guy never gets the
girl Right, it's usually they'rethe ones are getting bullied
and picked on and, yeah, it'snot usually not a good.
(03:53):
Look on us, right.
So you grow up with a lot ofthese insecurities and then
nowadays, like because there'slike a lot more representation,
I'm like well, like there aremovies where, like the Asian
males actually it's usually theopposite, it's usually like the
white male lead gets like theAsian female right, and then so
there's a lot of complexitiesthere, but I do think there's a
lot more representation.
(04:14):
But I think that did lead to alot of insecurities and, you
know, a lot of my most of myclients are Asian men, right,
and that's something thatthey've struggled with as well.
So it's interesting like, andthen, you know, when I went to
college, I was a part of anAsian fraternity and then it was
like, and then that's like acompletely opposite, like hyper
masculine environment where itwas just about like, oh, how
(04:36):
many girls can we pick up at theclub?
And then so I was thrown intothat world.
I'm like whoa, like this iscrazy.
So it's.
It's a bit of a complex, um,but yeah, very unique, uh
circumstance, I guess.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
And it's one that
there's.
You know you're Asian American,but the reality is there's a
lot of other minorities, um, whocan can understand that and
speak to that feeling of like Ibelong, but I don't belong, even
just from an ethnic standpoint.
And you know, I, I know thequestion that you're getting,
(05:09):
and so we're adopting a littleboy from the Pacific Island of
Samoa, and this is somethingthat I have had to learn over
the last five years because ofthis very thing.
Again, very white, veryEuropean American.
So I don't, I don't have thisfrom an experience standpoint,
but understanding, like what isit that somebody is really
asking?
Right, because some of us don'teven understand the question
(05:30):
we're trying to ask, and I had agreat podcast guest kind of
helped me understand thedifference between your
nationality versus yourethnicity, versus your race,
right, like you're white, likeby race, like you know the color
of your skin from a medicalstandpoint would be considered
white, but your nationality isAmerican, because that's your
(05:55):
citizenship, but your ethnicityis Asian, slash Asian American.
And it was so helpful for me tounderstand, because it's just
putting words and language towhat feels very complex and we
can't quite say so, you know,for those of you wondering, like
I know what Davidson saying,like this is what I've also
(06:17):
wondered sometimes how do I askthis?
What you're asking about issomeone's ethnicity.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Like what's your
ethnicity.
Yeah, oh I'm, I'm Vietnamese.
I always say, I'm VietnameseAmerican.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Okay, yeah, yeah, so
anyway that it's.
It's so insightful now in termsof growing up, or both of your
parents, vietnamese, or as one,what's your?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
ethnic history.
It's, it's.
It's interesting, right, all ofmy Vietnameseietnamese well, I
can't say all, because that'svery hyperbolic, but many of my
vietnamese friends also grew uplike without a father and and I
think it's different times right, like a lot of trauma from the
war.
So you know, growing up, um, alot of us were abused, right,
(07:00):
whether it's emotional orphysical, like that was just the
norm.
So I, I thought, and then we, alot of asians, we joke about it
.
We're like, oh yeah, likethat's normal, like that's how
they show love, right, like bybeating you.
But then, growing up, you'rekind of like, huh, is this
normal?
But there's consequences tothat, right, um, so so it's just
interesting, like I, I do thinkthat, um, and, and many of my
(07:23):
vietnamese friends that didn'thave a father, they're actually
very, very successful nowbecause they always feel like
they have like a chip on, like Ialso feel like I have a chip on
my shoulders, like all right,well, let me just prove to
everyone that I can make it,despite the circumstances.
But I think some of it waschanneled in the wrong way and
now I'm like okay, like, insteadof looking for the external
(07:44):
validation, like let me explorewithin and see what I want,
versus, like me, trying to proveto others.
Like you know, someone who grewup poor can make it right.
So now I have a betterrelationship and I do it because
I want to and not because likeoh, I need to, like prove myself
, or or something like that.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Yeah, it's so, so
it's so insightful what you're
saying.
Do you see this in other umcultures within america, like
subcultures?
Because what you're describingI feel like I have heard other
you know ethnicities talk aboutsort of a, a ethnic trauma in a
(08:25):
sense.
Not that we can generalize toeverybody, but in your
conversations with people haveyou made any correlations, do
you feel like there's bondingwith other minorities, other
ethnicities and certainly thereare two, let me also throw this
out here there are certainlyEuropean white men and women who
can also very much relate towhat you're saying, like what
(08:47):
you're feeling.
I will also acknowledge theemotions that you're describing.
However, there is a uniqueelement then when you add that
ethnic minority.
So I'm just curious in yourexperience, have you kind of
made these connections withanyone else?
Speaker 2 (09:03):
This is such a weird
thing to say because it sounds
like you have a pretty bigpodcast this way but so I would
say and this is a lot of this isprocessing, this took a lot of
therapy, a lot of, yes,self-development.
So I'll just be honest,honestly, like and I'm sure I'm
not the only person that doesthis, but I think I made like
(09:23):
the straight white man,middle-aged white man, like the
enemy for pretty much my wholelife, right, and but then I
didn't even realize like a lotof it was unconscious, because I
was so I was a part of so manyof these ethnic groups you know,
being a leader for some of themand just hosting all these
events that it was you here andyou're like man.
(09:45):
And then I realized like okay,well, that's not really gonna if
that's like us versus themmentality, which is not really
gonna help the situation, right?
so, to answer your question, yes, like any minority, for
whatever reason, unconsciously Iwould just gravitate towards
them and we, just we would justconnect like right off the bat,
right.
But then now I realize, likereflecting on my journey, I'm
(10:07):
like actually there were a lotof like the enemy, like white
men who were like amazingmentors, who really have helped
me, who really, like you know,believed in me.
And now, now I have a muchbetter, more empowering context,
but I would say for the most ofmy life I was like they're evil
and we're good, right, it waslike not a healthy way to live
(10:28):
life, you know.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
And and to validate
this.
Not that you need it, but Ihave heard that before and I can
understand how it can happen.
Um, whether it be through mediaet cetera, like, again, it's
the white guy that gets the girl, it's the white guy that
becomes president.
It's the like I totally can seehow the subconscious narrative
(10:51):
is there.
I guess the follow up questionthen obviously I'm not a male,
but you know, for peoplelistening, hindsight Vision
being 2020, what would be yourencouragement, advice, support
for the white man, for the whitewoman, to help maybe alleviate
(11:16):
that?
Earlier and again, we can onlycontrol our own behavior.
So we realize, like we can'tcontrol someone else's behavior.
But you know, do you have anythoughts to how you know we can
help bridge that journey or atleast help speed it up so that
we are behaving in a way that isnot contributing to that
(11:36):
narrative?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Yeah, I think
curiosity as a way of being,
like what you're doing right now, like it's very evident that
you're you just want to know,and like you just want it, like
how can I contribute?
I mean, I think some of it islike self-learning, right.
I think it's like reading thebooks, like I've read a ton of,
you know, malcolm x, like allthese, all these biographies,
(11:59):
right, um, you know a lot ofthese.
Some of these books are veryconfronting.
So I do think, do it inmoderation, because I think,
yeah, we, we overdo it.
Then it can be a lot to be withum, but but I, I think, um,
yeah, I mean, I, I typically tryto reach out when I hear
something, you know, whetherit's like blm or just anything,
(12:21):
right, it's like I reach out andyou know, with my jewish
friends, I'll reach out and seelike hey, like what's going on?
Like you know I'm here for you.
Do you want to talk about it?
And then so, and I try to do itfrom genuine curiosity, right,
like, try to be objective, eventhough that's like almost
impossible and people usuallyappreciate that.
Like, thanks, davidson, youknow, like it was nice just to
(12:42):
have someone listen.
You know, I mean, I'm notperfect by any means, right, but
I do try to in my spare time,whether it's like reading books
or watching documentaries, andand it's it's.
I'm a very emotional person, soI cry a lot when I when I do
read this, you know, and andyeah, and just like the
struggles that women have todeal with, right, and all these
(13:04):
different things.
But at the end of the day, Ithink we all, like people, have
good intentions, right.
I think it's how we perceive itas well, right, because
sometimes I'll receive thingsthat's like a microaggression
but it's like okay, well, Ididn't do anything to correct
them or I didn't, you know, andsometimes it is confronting when
I'm like, hey, like what yousaid, like that was kind of
messed up, like that actuallydidn't really land well with me.
(13:26):
You know, it's like, and youjust have a conversation and
sometimes, like a lot of mywhite friends have blocked me
and like you know, because I'mprobably the only person that's
been like, hey, dude, like youknow, I've just been processing
this during therapy.
But you know, like, working with, like that, a lot of the racist
jokes you guys made when weworked together, like actually
like it was pretty traumatizing,you know.
(13:46):
But then afterwards then theyget all defensive and then, like
, they end up blocking me.
But it's like, hey, even if Iplanted that seed of like hey,
maybe I should kind of thinktwice before.
Um, you know, maybe it had animpact, maybe it didn't, but at
least I was able to set thoseboundaries, you know yeah, I
appreciate that insight.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I'm hearing those
boundaries, you know.
Yeah, I appreciate that insight.
I'm hearing that.
The concept of curiosity, and Iyou know, as I have said before,
I think it's the art of askingbetter questions in general as
humanity.
Um, instead of assuming things,we just need to get better at
asking questions, and that doesnot necessarily mean that we
agree on the answer.
This is where people miss theboat.
(14:29):
I guarantee there are thingsthat you and I would probably
fundamentally disagree on right,but that shouldn't prevent us
from being able to have opendialogue and discussion, because
we're still human, made in theimage of God, worthy of loving
and being loved in return, andthat puts us on the same playing
field period, end of story.
And so we can still hear eachother's perspectives in a way
(14:51):
that is loving and intentionaland with a heart of genuine
desire to see the other personsucceed in life.
So I love that.
Be curious.
I will throw in the concept ofhow to practically live that out
is ask better questions, askmore questions, don't make
assumptions.
So insightful.
(15:12):
I love that.
And then one of the things thatyou said is moving forward
through your life, that itwasn't just a career ladder.
Pursuit for you, pursuit foryou.
It was kind of out of necessity, as you've kind of alluded, to
Tell us specifically, from acareer standpoint, what you're
(15:32):
doing and how you're helpingpeople.
Because then what I wouldreally like to dive into is
steps to overcoming thatself-criticism that you have not
only done in your own life buthow you've helped other people.
But initially, just tell uswhere you are now, how you're
serving people.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah.
So I think this the seed thatwas planted.
I was very lucky to work atLinkedIn, which is a hate to use
the word woke woke likeorganization, but linkedin
really just tries to activelycreate a environment of like
self-discovery and a lot of likethe d and I and you know a lot
of diverse.
(16:11):
So even with me, like justbeing in spaces with white women
I was like, oh wow, like that's.
If now I can relate because itfeels what they're describing,
feels exactly what I feel likewhen I'm usually like the only
asian person and you know, outof all the sales teams.
Or you know, when people justassume I'm the IT guy, you know,
or something like that.
Right, so I'm like huh.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Or that you play the
piano really well.
Yeah, I just had someone who'sAsian say that and I was like hi
, I've never actively thoughtabout that, but I can see what
you're saying.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
But so that that that
safe space of being at linkedin
and and just like thatenvironment where everyone is is
more open and there's just aton of diversity there, um,
across the board.
Um, that was when I publishedredefining masculinity, which,
uh, the purpose of that book, uh, why I published that was
because I I felt like men didn'thave a safe space where we can
process and cry and just bevulnerable and just share a lot
(17:09):
of these different experiencesand challenges that we have as
men and trying to act strong andbe.
You know.
So, lewis Howe's Mask ofMasculinity, I think, was like a
big inspiration for me to go onthis journey.
Masculinity, I think was like abig inspiration for me to go on
this journey.
And then I do think, like justseeing with my dad and how his
(17:30):
dad beat him and why my dad beatme, it was like, oh, okay, like
that's just a cycle, right.
So it's like, okay, how can I,how can I break the cycle?
How can I foster and havespaces where so, with my men's
group, like having men, liketalk about you know what it was
like to lose their parent, oryou know thoughts of suicide and
depression to just create thesespaces and all of that created
(18:00):
helped me be able to see huhlike this is a lot more
rewarding than the boatloads ofmoney I would have made if I
just continued on the path oflike tech sales.
But I'm like, let me leave thatall behind and decide to do
something that's more passionand more mission driven, so that
that's a long way of sayinglike all those, all these
instances help me be able to seelike okay, I'm on the right
path.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I love that.
Um, we're going to dive inreally, uh, shortly, to your
expert advice on conqueringself-criticism, creating bold
impact, your daring hearts.
Community is so cool, but firstwe're going to play a round of
would you rather?
Davidson didn't know we weredoing this, he's ready for it,
he's he's game.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Let's do it.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Let's do it.
He says Okay, would you ratherbe a ninja or a pirate?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
a pirate oh, pirate.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Most people say ninja
where.
Why a pirate?
Speaker 2 (18:54):
the, the thought of
just traveling to so many
different countries and justlike that it sounds like a
adventurous wandering villages.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
I'm just kidding,
just kidding I, um, I do, I.
I always say like I want to bea ninja on a pirate ship oh best
of best of both worlds.
I was literally just thinkingthis the other day, I forget I
saw a picture of like an oldworld wooden boat and I had the
thought, like what's wild to meis, once upon a time, when we
(19:21):
think ship, we think like cruiseship, right with all the lights
, and but this is like total offthe subject.
Welcome to the podcast.
Um, but like once upon a timefor years and years, when you
were on a ship, like it musthave been so dark and quiet and
creepy you know what I mean Likeyou're out in the middle of the
(19:42):
ocean and you don't have likeelectronic lights that you can
just flip on and then a massivestorm.
How do you even keep your lampsLike it just hit me like man man
, how we just have no idea itreminds me of I read this book.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Did you hear about?
There was a guy who was afisherman, who was like on a
like a super small boat wherehis his like motor died.
So he was floating across thepacific for like 500?
Speaker 1 (20:09):
palpitations just
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Yes, five hundred
plus days.
And when he finally saw humansagain, he like didn't know how
to react.
Like he, he was just like yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
How did he eat?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
This is so.
This is the craziest story.
So he would wait till the likeseagulls and the birds land,
like, so he would have to belike sneaky about it, right
Cause, like if they know thathe's super still about to get
eaten.
And then, as soon as they werecause they would just swarm
around him.
And then, as soon as, like theygot tired and they needed to
rest, as soon as they got on theboat, he had to like sneak in
(20:44):
and grab them and then, and then, uh, he would just lay them out
to like dry so that you knowbecause, like, or else it'd be
like super raw, right, but thenthe sun was so strong that it
kind of cooked like some of someof those birds yeah, that's
outrageous.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
Is there a name to
this book?
Is there a title to it?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
uh, let me see six,
three something days and see
I'll look it up.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
It's yeah, he's gonna
look it up.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
You guys I know some
of you already- like wait, I
want to read that book 438 days,an extraordinary true story of
survival at sea and who's theauthor uh, so this is because
it's.
This is in another language,but then he, okay, jonathan
franklin was the guy whotranslated it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Yeah, okay, jonathan
Franklin and my editor just make
a note.
We'll make sure that's includedin the show notes.
So fascinating.
Well, he still wants to be apirate, just maybe not lost at
sea for 400 plus days.
You are allowed to change youranswer, okay.
(21:51):
Would you rather winter orsummer?
Speaker 2 (21:56):
I I personally like
summer better same.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
That is the
definitive answer.
People, you weirdos who likewinter oh my gosh, I'm like
looking at the rain.
I'm cold.
Right now I have a blanket onme.
I'm like when is summer?
Would you rather a pancake or awaffle?
I like waffle you like waffle,do you have a certain way that
(22:21):
you eat?
Some people are real passionateabout waffles, like they grew
up eating them a certain way andthis is nostalgic and you can't
make it any other way.
I didn't know this was a thing.
Apparently it's a thing.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I didn't know that
was a thing Apparently it's a
thing I didn't know that I justlike it extra crispy, like I
like the texture because it's socrispy, like I like my wife and
I love texture.
That's what we realized.
Like everything she eats, shedoesn't necessarily eat for
flavor, she eats for texture andI'm like huh.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Fascinating.
Oh so she could just go out andeat leaves from from the tree.
I mean, in that case I yes,she's probably very easy to
please.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Then I'm not so easy
to please it's funny I we had
this conversation like she's theleast low, she's the most low
maintenance when it comes tofood like she's happy with, like
McDonald's and or Taco Bell,and I'm like this is crazy.
You're the only person I knowthat doesn't like fine dining.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
I mean it's texture.
She doesn't care.
That's hilarious.
What's her name?
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Samantha.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Samantha, samantha,
listen, we should be friends.
You should teach me your waysso I'm less picky in life.
Okay, last question, althoughyou may have already somewhat
answered this would you rather apersonal jet or a private yacht
?
Speaker 2 (23:44):
oh so, dude, this is
hard, we've already picked the
pirate ship.
Yeah, but oh man dude, this isalready picked.
The pirate ship, yeah, but ohman dude, this is hard.
I, yeah, I would choose a yacht.
You're right, I would choose ayacht yeah, yeah, he's going
somewhere warm.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Where are you and
samantha going on your yacht?
Speaker 2 (24:01):
you're docking and
you're not leaving because you
like summer too yeah, we, she, Ithink we like the asian, we
like the Asian countries, youknow, okay, where would you go?
Speaker 1 (24:12):
I am not familiar
about like where I would even go
if I had a yacht and I wantedto go to an Asian country.
Where's a good place to go?
Speaker 2 (24:18):
I think Korea and
Japan would be the first stop.
First two stops.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Is there any one
place specifically there that
you would want to go?
Speaker 2 (24:28):
That's tough.
If I could choose one, I wouldsay what's that place that has
like really good milk?
Speaker 1 (24:34):
it's known for good
milk in japan you know what I'm
talking about no, I didn't knowthat there was like really good
milk, what is really good milk?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
like their cows are
extra special, or yeah, you know
how like they're, like japan'sknown for, like they like
massage, their like the cows andlike super tender what's that
called the Kobe?
Speaker 1 (24:55):
Oh, yes, the Wagyu.
I did know that.
Yes, wagyu, it's a similarconcept.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
There's a place where
, like they just treat their
cows like really, really well,like they love them, they care
for them.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
They get massages as
well.
Yeah, man been, I should be acow in japan, apparently.
That is so interesting, I haveto look it up which place.
That's good, okay, because nowit's gonna bother me, I don't
remember yeah, once I say you'llknow oh, hakaido okay I did not
know that the why the waigu.
(25:29):
I did know that the Wagyu steak.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
So this is why it's
good.
The region has a cool climateand wide pastures With fresh air
, because it's a stress-freeenvironment.
So they just are able to livehealthier lives, because, you
know, in America we just cramthem in a little thing.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
I was going to say
forget the cows, I'm going to go
to Japan and live in thepasture.
It sounds great, I mightproduce better too, if I'm
living in that environment ingeneral.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Touche.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
That's so funny.
You know, I do actually need aWagyu steak.
That's on my bucket list.
I can never justify the price,but I love steak.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, it's expensive.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Yeah, it really is.
Well, now that we've settledall the important things in this
piece in your Daring Heartscommunity, you can talk to us a
little bit about that.
But one of the things that youtalk about you address I
mentioned in my intro that youhave this massive YouTube
(26:31):
channel and clearly somethingthat you are communicating is
resonating with people.
You're meeting people wherethey are and kind of creating
this idea of this daring heartstype of living, living with bold
impact.
But in order to do that, you dohave to overcome this sense of
(26:51):
self-criticism.
What you said was a life kindof focused on finding external
validation, which many of us do,whether we realize it or not,
regardless of how traumatic ornot our upbringing was.
So I think we all struggle withthis to some degree.
(27:12):
But just talk to us a littlebit about practical steps to
start overcoming self-criticism,because until we are doing that
, this concept of living lifewith bold impact is only ever
going to be a dream not areality.
So talk to me aboutself-criticism.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
So this is an
interesting exercise that I'm
sure not many people do, but Iassert that we're not the best
examples of what we're reallygood at, because we take it for
granted, right.
So there's certain things thatyou're really good at, every
person's really good at, sowe're so good at, because we, we
take it for granted, right.
So there's certain things thatyou're really good at, every
person's really good at, so it'sit's we're so good at it.
It's like almost likeunconscious at this point, right
(27:57):
?
So if you go up to 30 differentlike the first 30 people that
come to mind could be a mixtureof friends, family, coworkers
and just ask them like hey, like, what are my strengths and
weaknesses?
And, um, it's interestingbecause a lot of people will say
things that you wouldn't expect, right, because it's just like
things that you're just that youdo, and we're usually a lot
(28:18):
harder on ourselves than whatother people, like the 30
closest people to you, would sayabout you.
So, um, and you can even asklike, hey, when I walk into your
room, what do I bring with me?
And people will share your aura, which I think a lot of that,
you know.
It's really nice to hear, andthat exercise always wows
everyone because people are like.
(28:39):
Sometimes people cry becausethey're just like yeah, like you
know, my best friend said likethe nicest thing about me, and
I've never heard anyone likespeak about me that way, you
know, and that's.
That's been really interestingto see people Cause I'll, I'll
do it.
Uh, when I'm on the phone withthem, I'll, I'll.
Or when I'm next to them, I'llbe like okay, call 10 people
(28:59):
right now and I'll just sitwhile they do that exercise.
And I'm always like man, this,this, it never gets old.
You know what people say about,about each other.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Yeah, I love that one
, and you know what you just
communicated and tell me if I'msaying this wrong no-transcript
and what we are actually reallygood at, because it is so close
to us and so second nature.
We don't even appreciate thatit is something that we're good
(29:32):
at and, ironically, what wethink we're good at might
actually not be what otherpeople are seeing as clearly,
because we have probablyintentionally grown at that
thing, probably intentionallygrown at that thing, and so we
see the growth, and maybe otherpeople do.
But it's not actually oursuperpower.
(29:55):
That comes very naturally, thatwe've been given, and so I love
that.
I love that exercise.
That's such a good one, that'ssuch a good one.
So you do that.
You talk to somebody, ask themwhat are my strengths, what are
my weaknesses?
Be willing to hear it andreceive it, and then what do you
do with it?
So you're told that, but right,it's only true if you believe
(30:16):
it to be true in your own life.
It's true regardless of you,but it's not going to make a
difference in your life unlessyou believe it to be true.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Right, that's a fair
point.
Um, this and then the.
So the second portion of thisexercise and this could be
confronting for a lot of peopleas well but it, but we're doing
it, we're projecting it,unconsciously anyways, right, so
this is just like the consciousstep in doing this, which is,
uh, we write down 15 things thatmake us sad and 15 things that
(30:45):
make us angry, and just the actof writing it out it's like oh
yeah, and then we name it, andthen this is where we bring
levity and play to it, where wekind of like make fun.
So we call it something that'sthree words for it.
That's usually well, threesayings that are usually two
words that are like oxymoronic.
(31:06):
And I call this like thesurvival mechanism.
So mine are called judgmentalguru, big hero, no, and
optimistic orphan.
So this is when I'm in mysurvival right, when I'm
triggered, when I'm reacting.
So we all have some version ofthat right.
So my judgmental guru meansthat when I'm like triggered, I
(31:27):
I think I'm like everyone's guru, so it's like I think I know
better, right, but then no onewants to be told what to do,
right, they want to discover itfor themselves.
So it's not, it's not theoptimum place to come from.
The the optimistic orphan islike I.
I use optimism as a way of notbeing able to be with the
sadness and the anger and thereality which is sometimes the
pain and hurt in society.
(31:48):
But I use optimism almost aslike a.
It's like oh, everything willbe okay.
But I think sometimes it ishelpful to like, be with it and
process it.
You know, and the orphan is justlike how I perceive myself as
an orphan.
But in reality, you know, I havelike 18,000 LinkedIn
connections, I'm going tonetworking events every day, but
I just view myself as like,alone and as an orphan.
(32:09):
So it's, it's just not thereality, right, but that's just
what I'm triggered.
And then the last one big hero,no, it was like I feel like and
a lot of men do this it's likewe try to save everyone, right,
(32:30):
but it's like people are fullycapable of helping themselves,
like they don't need anyone tosave them, you know, so that's
that's once you go through thatexercise, like it's probably the
most eyeopening thing and when,and in the levity portion is
like hey, oh, like I'm being,I'm being the orphan again, you
know, so it's kind of like justhaving that self-awareness and
just pausing and um and thencalling it out so that it's not
consuming us or controlling usunconsciously and so what you're
, what you said, is you writedown 15 things that make you sad
(32:51):
and then 15 things that makeyou happy oh, angry, angry oh,
angry, sorry, not happy.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
Um, so okay, that
make you sad and angry.
And then you're those, thosestatements based on those two
lists.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Is that what you're
saying?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
So you're taking one
from sad and one from angry, and
you're combining them.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
So you look for
common themes, right, because we
it might.
People might say, like, whenI've done, I've done this
exercise many times.
So some people would be likeyou know human trafficking or
domestic violence, like you knowchild abuse, or you know when
people make fun of, like theLGBT, like.
So everyone kind of writes outall of their stuff, right, stuff
that like triggers them.
But you'll notice that there'slike three common themes amongst
(33:37):
like all of them usually, sothat's when the naming part
comes, comes in.
So for me, like, if I was to doit like you know, we talked a
lot about racism, right?
So a lot of my stuff was around, around like social injustice
and you know, like humantrafficking, just like a lot of
things that make me sad.
So, um, and then, and then Iremember when I first did this
(34:00):
exercise, it was around how,like I was sad that people make
excuses and they don't live upto their full potential, right.
But then when I, when I make itabout others, I'm actually
projecting my own insecurities,right, it's what I'm, what I
can't be with within myself thatare just reflected from others,
right?
So once you go through theexercise and you look at you
(34:21):
take, you know it probably takeslike an hour to an hour to an
hour and a half to like reallydo it right.
Right, because it's like youknow we're writing things that
are really confronting.
But once we name it, um, andthen the next practice is like,
for well, for the next week,like just notice and just make a
tally, like maybe, if you havelike a little post-it in your
pocket every time we're beingany of those, write down the
(34:42):
three survival mechanism andjust make a note, make a note
and then by the end of the weekyou'll be like wow, I was in
survival mechanism like 21 times.
Like that I was actuallyconscious of.
But then it just helps usrealize, like, and then we can
choose survival mechanism or wecan choose essence.
Which essence is the exercisewhere you go up to your 10
(35:02):
closest friends and you ask themum, when I walk into a room,
what do I bring with me?
And then you know people willsay like positivity, optimism,
like good energy, good vibes,and then you write all that down
and then you come up with um,you look for themes and you come
up with like five essence words.
So I can choose to come frombrilliance, partnership,
optimism, heart, um, or I canchoose from survival mechanism.
(35:27):
Right, it's like every moment Iget to choose.
So that's like a simpleexercise, but it really helps us
like shift from fight, flightor freeze into more of our
essence.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
I love that and I can
see how, in doing so, you're
almost reprogramming your brainto, instead of focus on all of
the negatives that you feel arelacking, that self-criticism to
an abundance mentality is reallywhat you're doing.
It's like you're flipping thescript on the way that you're
thinking about yourself, and Ialso like that you're partnering
(36:03):
with the people around you.
I think that's a key piece thata lot of even, I would say,
coaches or transformationalcoaches miss is needing to bring
in the perspective of others aswell.
It's like that communityelement where we don't do life
alone.
We shouldn't be doing lifealone and there's a lot of value
in hearing the people who knowyou and love you and are in your
(36:25):
corner to be clear, not youknow Joe Schmo on the street but
to hear, like, how theyperceive you, and I think that's
really beautiful.
I like that.
That's part of what you'rehaving people do.
So that was lovely and, forthose of you listening and
watching, if you need to pause,I encourage you to rewind and
(36:46):
take notes on what he just saidbecause, if you missed it, that
was, like, I think, a three step, three or four step, um, very,
very practical way of helpingovercome self-criticism.
That you can do tomorrow, youcan do next week in your own
life.
Um, talk to us a little bitabout the daring hearts
community.
(37:06):
So you know, you, you.
This is just a small bit ofwhat you do within your
community, but tell us moreabout that.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Yeah, so I, I started
this, this community, because I
I nerd out.
I mean, it sounds like you'resuper into self-development as
well.
So I said yes to every likemastermind, every coach, and I
mean at this point I've workedwith over like 15 coaches, so
I've spent over $150,000 ineight years, right?
(37:36):
So I'm not that crazy, but Imean that still probably sounds
like a lot to most people, right?
And all these like coaching,certifications, like getting the
eqi and going all the tonyrobbins, like going to fiji, you
know all these differentmodalities and I was like all
right, I think like each ofthese programs are good in
certain aspects, but I'm likelet me like try to solve for
(37:59):
what I perceive I didn't getright, which is more of like the
long term, like a year long,because the Tony Robbins thing
is good, like you're pumped forthose five or four or three days
, depending on which programsyou do.
But what about the other three?
What about the other 300 andsomething days, right?
So that's why I decided to tocreate uh, daring Hearts and, um
, and, and I think what, what'syou know to your point, like
(38:22):
when I asked the 30 people, likehey, what I do?
Really well, everyone's likeyou just like take action and
you're like not afraid to bevulnerable and just put yourself
out there.
So I'm like that's my gift tothe world, like I'm going to
show people to be morevulnerable and not be afraid of
just putting themselves outthere.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
So yeah, so what does
the daring hearts community do?
So if somebody was was signingup, like on your website at
davidsonhungcom H-A-N-Gcom, whatdoes that client experience
look like?
What is somebody signing up for?
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Yeah, yeah.
So on this journey I've metlike incredible people like
yourself, right.
So there's like a big componentof mentorship, because I do
think so.
There's a lot of guest speakers, so there's going to be 26
guest speakers that I that are apanel discussion event where
they'll teach like a framework,like a practical framework, like
(39:17):
similar to the one I teachtoday.
So each of them have their ownframework that you can apply to
life and, you know, you couldpick and choose depending on
where you're at, right and um.
All the topics are around likepassion, fulfillment, ikigai,
like.
So it's all likeself-development related topics,
um, but it's going to be a lotmore holistic, because when I
(39:37):
went to all these differentprograms, like, I felt like some
were good for, like, mindsetand then some were good for just
physical health, some were goodfor nutrition, some were good
for meditation, but I didn't seeany program that was like super
holistic, that encompassed likea little bit of everything,
right?
So so that's why I'm like thiswould be great, cause you're
you're exposed to everything andthen you can pick and choose,
(39:58):
like I'm sure you're not goingto practice every meditation,
everything, but at least now youknow you, you learned it and
you could use it whenever itserves you so it's a community,
it's a virtual community and youhave these opportunities to
take these um courses.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Is that what it is?
Or like, how do you pay monthlyor how do you get involved?
Speaker 2 (40:20):
yeah, yeah, yeah it's
, it's a monthly subscription
and, uh, so you'll get.
Well, there's different tiers,but the most common tiers you
get one.
It's a weekly call for an hourand then every other week you'll
speak to the panels and you canhave Q&A, you can ask them
questions.
So that's like the mentorshippiece.
(40:40):
The other weeks we'll be goingthrough some of the frameworks
that I mentioned.
Like that was an example of oneof the frameworks, and then all
of these are.
There's a component ofe-learning as well, so they'll
have all these modules online.
So maybe eight months laterthey're like hey, I know we
learned this week five, but Ikind of forgot.
(41:00):
You can go back and downloadthe exercises and do it.
Do it at your own pace as well.
If, because sometimes you'relike, oh, I learned this but I
haven't practiced it as much,let me go back and just you know
, do it.
Speaker 1 (41:13):
Or there's like a
season maybe you're especially
struggling with self-criticismin three months, but not right
now, and so you go back and needto do that exercise.
Yeah, who does um this daringhearts program?
Who does it best serve?
Who's like the best person tobenefit from?
I mean, obviously we could alllearn from these things, but who
(41:33):
?
Especially, are you kind ofattracting the person that's
here but wants to be here?
Speaker 2 (41:38):
It's I call it like
humble high achievers, so people
who like on the outside, likethey look very successful, they
have all the awards, employee ofthe month, they're getting
promoted, they're making goodmoney, but still feels like
something is like missing, likethere's got to be more to life,
like it's and it's probably notlike making an extra 50 000 more
.
You know, and and those are theseekers like those are the
(42:00):
people that tend to to gravitatetowards me, because it's always
worth solving what we were likea few years ago.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
Right, yeah, right,
yeah.
That's who your best positionto serve.
I just quoted you.
Worry, vayden, here we are.
Um, yeah, absolutely yeah wait,is that okay?
I'm a part of rory's communityas well yeah, yeah, I think
that's how we met I.
I can't even remember sometimeswho's come to me from where.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
You're right.
Now that you mention it, you'reright.
I was like oh, what acoincidence.
And that's like okay, that'show we.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Wait a second.
No, it's so true, though Halfthe time I don't remember how
people find my podcast.
So, yeah, sometimes we makeconnections on air and it's like
that's right.
That's where I know you from.
Yeah, we're both part of thebrand builders group.
It's a personal brand strategycompany and the owner is Rory
Vaden, and he says this quotethat many of us love and have
(42:55):
quoted many times but you arebest positioned to serve the
person.
You once were, which is exactlywhat Davidson is doing, and he
rocking it and he's serving theperson.
If this is you, who you know,you're seeing success in life,
but maybe it's all externalvalidation and you know that
self-criticism exercise.
You think like man, I can seethat I would benefit from that
(43:17):
exercise, you know.
If that's you, then you want tocheck out daring arts.
This virtual community isconvenient.
Um, it's Davidson.
Hung H a N Gcom.
The links, of course, will bein the show notes, as always.
And, davidson, where else canpeople find you and follow you?
Speaker 2 (43:38):
I'm pretty active on
social media, similar, similar
to you, so it's pretty hard tomiss me.
Some of my friends say I posttoo often, but I'm like you know
well then, you can always sayunfollow me yeah, I'm like my, I
was.
I was on.
I interviewed holly cotton umoh, who you should connect with
as as well.
Actually she's prettyinteresting, I think.
(43:59):
I think you guys would hit itoff.
Actually I think she might be aneight as well, like now that
I'm thinking like the way sheshe thinks, um, but uh, oh, why
was I?
Why did I mention?
Oh, she said she's like youkind of have to be like
obnoxious about it, right,because because she's like you
never know, because she's likeI've published like nine books
but I still have friends thatI'll catch up with and they're
(44:20):
like oh, congratulations on yourbook.
And she's like which one it?
What do you mean?
You have more than one book andshe's just like and she's like
that was confirmation that, like, you just got to like you got
to say it 10 million times.
Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
That's exactly right.
Well, davidson's always smiling.
You can follow him on YouTubetoo.
I mean, there's some peoplethat they might post too much
because their content is notgreat.
It's not because they'reposting too much, it's just
their content's not that great.
(44:53):
Where you know Davidson, thesame energy that he brings here
is what he's bringing to hissocial media.
So I love your smile, yourencouragement, your optimism and
I just truly pray God'sblessing over your heart, your
home, Samantha, all that youguys are doing.
So it's been an honor to haveyou here.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Thank you so much.
This has been amazing, like thespace that you hold and just
your, your grace like.
And then I loved how you wereable to switch it up with the
funny right, cause Tony Robbinsdoes this as well.
You probably got it from Tonyright, I'm guessing, but I've
actually never seen Tony.
Speaker 1 (45:25):
I didn't even know
who he was until a couple of
years ago.
Sorry, Tony.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Okay, well, you did
his main lesson Well.
Okay, he has a lot of lessons,but I would say if it's probably
the second biggest takeaway, healways says is like pattern
interruption, so by doing theswitching it up and doing like
the fast rounds.
He does this a lot in histeachings as well.
But, he said that you're able toget people's energy like higher
(45:51):
and then get them to laugh andthen they'll let down their
guard and they'll be much morevulnerable.
So I was like whoa, she justdid what Tony is teaching us,
but you did it without evenknowing that that's what he was
teaching.
Speaker 1 (46:02):
Well, thank you for
the validation, though I still
appreciate it.
I appreciate it, tony.
I'm sorry I'm not giving youmore credit, but I thank you for
that, davidson it's been anhonor.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Thank you so much.
Take care.