All Episodes

July 16, 2024 44 mins

ABOUT THIS EPISODE:

What happens when an unplanned adventure turns into a life-changing experience? Join us as Simone Knego shares her unexpected journey of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, an endeavor that not only tested her limits but also became a catalyst for overcoming deep-seated self-doubt. Encouraged by her husband, Simone's story is one of resilience, teamwork, and stepping out of comfort zones to achieve personal growth. Along the way, she bravely discusses the emotional scars from an abusive relationship in high school, shedding light on the broader issue of emotional harm faced by women and the importance of embracing discomfort to build resilience.



JUMP RIGHT TO IT:

6:55 Overcoming Self-Doubt and Building Confidence

26:02 Building Confidence Through Small Changes

36:02 Self-Care is Not Selfish



CONNECT WITH SIMONE:

Facebook/Instagram/LinkedIN: @simoneknego

Website: www.simoneknego.com 

Buy the book: https://amzn.to/4aVweVj

Revitalize your faith and fitness with a morning routine that does not sacrifice your sleep and does start each day with God's Word and a workout. Join the community today at www.earlymorninghabit.com 

☀️ Grab my FREE TRAINING on 3 Powerful Secrets to Rise Renewed Every Morning.
☀️ Join the Early Morning Habit course and community today.

➡️ Find Our Favorite Resources at the Early Morning Habit Amazon Shop

=============================
SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW
=============================
➡️ YouTube
➡️ Instagram

We value your feedback! Please share your thoughts on this show here.

This episode is NOT sponsored. Some product links are affiliate links; we will receive a small commission if you buy something.

Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the
Imperfectly Empowered Podcast.
I am your host, ana Fulmer.
Simone Canego is aninternational speaker and
award-winning author of thebestselling book the
Extraordinary Unordinary you.
She is co-host of the DaughterDearest Podcast, where she
shares insights and stories thatresonate with listeners

(00:21):
worldwide.
Alongside her daughter, olivia,simone is passionate about
sharing her experience climbingMount Kilimanjaro to empower
others with the impact of asimple mindset shift, featured
on ABC, nbc and CBS.
Welcome two-time TED Talkspeaker, resiliency expert and

(00:42):
worldwide adventurer, simoneCanego, your story is so fun, I
love.
I was going through yourwebsite and I love your book,
the Extraordinary Unordinary you, and one of the things that
really stood out to me was thisconcept of multiple places.
You talk about this idea of thesimplicity of a mindset shift

(01:08):
and we're going to dive intothat a little bit.
But I would love to just pressrewind and hear how you even got
to the place where you werescaling heights like Mount
Kilimanjaro.
I mean, not too many people tomy knowledge in the world can
say they've checked that off thebucket list.
I mean, I haven't looked at thestats recently, but I'm
guessing it's not tons and tonsof people.

Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, I don't think it's too many people, and I have
to say that it really actuallywasn't a bucket list item.
It was one of those things thatI want to say fell in my lap,
but my husband.
My husband was asked to do it,so a friend of his had climbed
it the year before with theLivestrong Foundation, so they
were raising money, and so weasked my husband, would you be

(01:50):
interested?
And my husband said one, two,three, no, thank you.
Why don't you call Simone andthey called me.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Oh, that's so funny.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, and they called me and I said yes, and it was
at a time in my life that I wasreally struggling.
So I am someone that hasstruggled with self-doubt almost
my entire life.
I would say that really aturning point was after
Kilimanjaro and it started whenI was much younger.

(02:20):
I had a very abusive boyfriendwhen I was in high school and
really lack of self-worth wassuch a big deal, and so when
they asked me to do it, myhusband was very encouraging and
he said you know, it's going toput you out of your comfort
zone and you are going to grow.
And he was so right because Idon't want to say I played it

(02:44):
safe, because I did like to dothings.
You know I love travel andobviously I have six children,
so that's crazy, right there.

Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, I was going to say right there.
That's adventure in and ofitself.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
But it really was something that put me out of my
comfort zone completely.
I went with.
There were 16 of us.
I didn't know anybody before wegot there.
There were 16 of us.
I didn't know anybody before wegot there.
So I not only is it climbing amountain, but it's about
leadership on a mountain.
Right, you're working togetherwith the team and figuring out
if, do you all work?

(03:15):
Do you all make it together?
Do you?
If one person can't make it, dowe all not go?
All these kinds of things, ifsomeone's having a hard day, do
we take stuff from their pack?
And we did that kind of stuff.
Like there was a day where I wasstruggling and people took some
of the weight off of my packand other people were struggling
, and you just kind of figuredout how to work together and we

(03:36):
didn't make it all to the toptogether.
We did all make it to the top.
There was one woman who, whenwe were at the last camp, she
started having this horriblecough and it's because of the
elevation, and so she didn'twant to hold us back.
But one of the younger guyssaid I'll go with her.
They had their own guide goingwith them and so, therefore,

(04:01):
they went a little bit slower,but we all made it to the top,
and it was really an amazingexperience, because it was
really the first time for methat I truly believed in myself,
and it was the action of takingthat first step that really
made me say, okay, this is this,is it, this is what I'm doing.
I don't need to worry aboutwhat anybody else thinks, I

(04:22):
don't need to worry about thenaysayers.
I need to understand that Ihave value and that my value
can't be torn down by anythingelse.

Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yeah, there's so many amazing analogies and teaching
points that could be brought outof this story.
My head's already spinning, butyou've already said multiple
points, I think, that are worthmentioning.
It's interesting how youcorrelate that getting
uncomfortable is actually whathelped you overcome self-doubt.
That is such a counterculturalconcept, especially in America.

(04:56):
This idea of discomfortactually being the secret weapon
to leverage you over self-doubtis such a powerful concept.
But to even take it a stepfurther backwards than that, you
mentioned an abusive boyfriend.
I think I very much.

(05:17):
I was so blessed by the men inmy life that I had no idea what
the majority of women have infact experienced at some point
in their life.
I mean, I am so much in theminority I said this the other
day to somebody that you know Itruly think I could list 200 men

(05:37):
that I would trust to take mykids if I needed them to, and
that's just phenomenal, you know, and that's such, and I think
that's also shaped a lot of myworldview.
But the problem is that's notthe norm.
And so now, as a career,working with women this is true
of so many women that at somepoint in their lives they have

(05:59):
been very severely hurt by a man, whether it be someone they
were related to, somebody, theywere dating somebody they didn't
know significantly well.
Sometimes it just takes onecomment and it sticks with that
woman for the rest of her life.
And maybe it was actually awoman, but for, I think, the
majority it's coming from a man.

(06:19):
That has really infused thisunderlying sense of self-doubt.
So I would love for you to justtouch on that for a second, on
how to recognize that theremight've actually been a moment
like that in a woman's life thatis really kind of put her on
that trajectory, cause I think alot of women don't even have

(06:40):
the awareness Some do, but forsome it's like they haven't even
given themselves permission tobe like, yeah, that actually
really did, that made a bigdifference in a negative way,
and to let that go and embraceit and grieve it.
And how did you?

Speaker 2 (06:55):
how did you process that?
It took a really long time.
I mean, there's a lot of shameassociated with yes Cause you,
you feel like it's your fault.
You feel like, and it's notright Like you're, when someone
else treats you horribly, it'snot about you, it's about them,
and that's kind of where I cameto my healing with it and it's

(07:18):
really crazy to think about that.
When you look at statisticsabout teenage girls college
girls it's like between 20 and40%, depending on the age group,
has either been physically orsexually abused by their partner
.
Um, college students even moreso, like it is.
The numbers are crazy and Idon't think we talk about it

(07:38):
enough, because I do thinkthere's this thing that, well,
it's vulnerable to talk aboutthis, but it also you have this,
this shame, this guilt that youdid something wrong to cause it
.
And I'll tell you that is notthe case.
And it took me, oh, 40something years Well, at the
time I guess I was 17 when Ifinally walked away, but I, yeah

(07:59):
, I mean it took me 30, 20something years to kind of be
able to really talk about it.
I mean, my family knows aboutit, my husband obviously knows
about it, but just to openlytalk about it and say this is
what I went through and notblame myself anymore.
It took a lot of years andthat's what I would say to most

(08:19):
women is that don't let all thattime go by.
It is not your fault, right, itis.
And the more we talk aboutthings, the more we can prevent
them from happening.
I can tell you, my childrenwould.
They can't even imagine it nowand they would never.
I mean, when someone sayssomething wrong to someone else,
they stand up right.

(08:39):
They're not gonna be steppedover like I was.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
I mean, I was a doormat right and it not going
to be stepped over like I was Imean, I was a doormat, right,
and yeah, you've empowered themthrough your own vulnerability,
and that's something women needto hear is it's like if we truly
want to protect our kids, weneed to be willing to be
vulnerable ourselves with themand embrace our own struggle and
what we learned, which is whatyou did and why they're even
equipped to be able to?

(09:03):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
We have to be willing to talk to our kids about all
the things that we struggledwith, and I know from my parents
.
It's not about telling our kidsyou can and can't do things I
mean, when they're younger,absolutely but it's more of
showing them hey, this is what Iwent through.
I'm not going to tell you youcan't do this, but I don't want
you to suffer like I did and Ireally feel like the more that

(09:29):
I've done that, the easier it'sbeen for them to just say, oh my
gosh, no, I would never letsomeone talk to me like that and
I would never talk to someonelike that.
I would never.
You know all these things, thatand we can openly discuss it
because I'm able to share mystories.
I mean, in high school I wasobviously dating this guy, but I
was going to parties.
I was making very bad choices.

(09:50):
And same thing with my kids arehomebodies, like they would
prefer to hang out and watch amovie, and the youngest one's 16
now Like they don't really wantto go to parties.
I'm not saying that they neverdo, but they like that comfort
of home and they understand that, whatever they're faced with
right now or whatever challengesthey have that.

(10:10):
We're an open door, like cometalk to us, because we're here
to help.
We're not here to judge.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Yeah Well, I think it's worth highlighting too that
you know, for some women it'snot even necessarily that there
was sometimes the the self-doubtis stemming from something that
was more subtle.
You know, I think for a lot.
So here in Lancaster Countyespecially, it's a very like
German, you know white Europeantype of influence which is a
very like stoic.

(10:36):
You know you sweep issues underthe rug, you know you put on
that like you pick yourself upby your bootstraps, like you
make it happen, and there's alot of good to that.
But the downside is I think itcan foster just generationally
men that have no idea how toactually connect at an emotional
level with their kids.

(10:56):
And so some of the self-doubt,I think, comes from a sense of
disconnect.
Or maybe you weren't a sense ofdisconnect, or maybe you
weren't praised or there wasn'ta sense of deeper level
connection with a father,sometimes maybe even a mother.
But anyway, all that to say forthose of you listening, I guess

(11:18):
what I'm trying to get out hereis self-doubt is really what
Simone's expertise is.
When I'm looking over her stuff, that is what pops out to me
and it's something that a lot ofwomen really struggle with.
So I just want you to hear,even if you didn't have a
specific trauma in your lifethat's making you feel um, or
you acknowledge has causedself-doubt.
It can be much more subtle andpart of step one is being aware
of that and recognizing it and,um, like Simone has said, uh,

(11:42):
that's not necessarily yourfault, but it is your fault if
you stay there because you nowhave the power to climb over it,
which is literally what Simoneis going to talk about.
What else, anything else thatyou would say to that from your
own experience?

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I think that a lot of people feel that they
can't talk about their strugglesbecause they don't feel like
they're big enough.
Right?
Like what you said, they're notnecessarily the big trauma, or
even a little trauma and what Ilike to call them.
There are daily doubts.
They're the little things thatwe struggle with every day and

(12:18):
they build up and they build up.
So it's whether that you areunhappy with your weight right
now or you're unhappy with yourrelationship, whatever it is,
whatever you can't sleep aboutat night, those are real, right,
those are real things, thingsthat you're struggling with, and
there's no reason that youshould think that they're not

(12:39):
worthy of a conversation or thatthey're not real struggles.
They are real struggles.
Everybody has differentstruggles.
I know people will say to me oh, I can't complain to you, I
only have two children and youhave six.
Well, you can.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
Whatever you're struggling with you should be
able to talk about it.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't matter, and so that's
what I want people you know,women to really understand is
those daily doubts can take ahorrible toll and, yes, I had
this situation when I wasyounger, but as an adult, those
were the things that kept oncreeping in, like I'm not worthy
of being here, I'm not smartenough to go to this, I don't

(13:16):
have the right clothes, I don'tdrive the right car, I'm not
pretty enough, I'm not skinnyenough, all these things.
They're valid and we need tounderstand that.
We need to push those aside andrealize exactly what we are
capable of, and also understandthat we are not alone.
You are not alone.
Everybody has these struggles.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, what would you say to the woman who, again,
awareness is half of the battle?
So those are some of theunderlying thoughts.
What would you say are some ofthe external behaviors or
symptoms that could indicatethat type of internal dialogue?

(13:58):
Because I think there's somewomen who also just sort of hop
on the train of busyness intheir lives and are
overachievers and they're doingall the things and so you
wouldn't actually be able torecognize, and maybe they can't
even pause for long enough torecognize that this is actually
a major issue in theirsubconscious, you know, their

(14:18):
subconscious even like what are?
What are maybe like physicalexternal signs that somebody
might be able to cue in Like huh, I do struggle with that more
than I realize, and here's howI'm covering it type of a thing.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
I think the biggest thing that I've seen with women
is not being able to accept acompliment.
So, no matter what, they do soand this is something that I
struggled with for a really longtime I would always have an
excuse or a response or somekind of comeback.
When someone would say ohSimone, you look so beautiful
today.
I don't look good in that color, I would never.

(14:54):
I couldn't say thank you, andit's something that I worked on
for so long.
And I was at a friend's house acouple of weeks ago and she was
having a gathering, and soanother friend walked up to her
and said oh, you look so prettyin that dress.
And she said you think so.
And I was like, oh, do we needto talk about this right now?

Speaker 1 (15:19):
And I was like, oh, do we need to talk about this?

Speaker 2 (15:20):
right now and I was like you are so beautiful, like
I need you to see how beautifulyou are.
And then, of course, she waslike, okay, thank you.
But it's changing that abilityto just come back and not
understand that we all arebeautiful, we all have value.
And but that's one of thebiggest things I see there's

(15:40):
always excuses, like an excusefor why they can't go somewhere,
and it's just they don't feellike they're gonna fit in.
You know, there's I have withinour friend group like we all
like to hang out together, butwhen it comes to like a bigger
picture kind of thing, peopleare like I'm not going to go to
that.
I don't think those people aregoing to like me.
I don't think.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
And I was like yeah, yeah, so, yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
So those are a couple of the ones that, like, are
glaring.
I mean there's other ones too,where those are great examples.
They choose to work instead oftrying to be a little bit social
, just because it just makesthem uncomfortable, thinking
that they're not going to fit in.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
The other one that I have seen.
I actually had a conversationwith a friend talking about our
daughters.
She had a significant issue.
She had an eating disorder themom that I'm talking about.
So I can see how, even from aparenting standpoint, some of
this was trickling down, and yousaid it so much better and I
couldn't really recognize it atthe time.

(16:42):
But we were having thisconversation about how she was
teaching her daughters torespond to compliments and
because so much of her own focushad been put on her body in her
life, um, what she wassubconsciously doing is was
actually teaching her daughtersto not necessarily reject the
compliment, but to like ping itback and like take the focus off

(17:06):
of themselves, which is sofunny because it's literally
just now and I remember thinkingat the time like no, just teach
them to say thank you, likethat's to me, like that feels
like the more natural.
Just say thank you, but whatyou're saying it's like that's
also striking me as that can beanother way of actually sort of
maybe recognizing the self-doubtis it's almost like you don't

(17:26):
feel worthy enough of thecompliment or you don't think
you should be acknowledged thatclosely, and so you're throwing
it back like a similar yeah toyour point.
You just say thank you, whetheryou believe it to be true or not
they're offering it, you justreceive it, thank you.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
People don't have to give compliments right and
honestly.
We don't need to seek externalvalidation, so we need to be.
That's why I believe thatconfidence is built from the
inside out, that we don't needthat external validation, but it
doesn't hurt when it comesalong and that's why I think
it's so important to say thankyou.
I can tell you, I had asituation with my daughter,
olivia, who you met, who whenshe was I think she was 15, she

(18:08):
came into my bathroom.
I was getting ready for anevent and I was having this
banter of negative self-talkabout not fitting in my clothes.
And you know why am I evendoing this?
Why am I even going?
And she's like okay, you needto stop.
First of all, you're beautiful.

(18:28):
Second of all, how do youexpect me to like my, to love my
body, when you don't even likeyour own Cause I'm always
throwing it down.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Y'all need to listen to Olivia.
By the way, she's the onethat's on the podcast with
Simone.
It's a great podcast anyway,yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
Thank you, yeah, and she's so and that was such a
moment for me when I realizedthat I wasn't just putting it on
myself, but now I'm affectingeveryone around me.
So really making these smallchanges of how I talk to myself
and honestly they're big changes, but when you really look at
them, they're small changes butthey made such a big difference

(19:02):
in my life and for my kids andmy husband and all of it because
I'm no longer talking bad aboutmyself to myself or to other
people anymore.
I'm really respecting myreflection and that's I feel
that that has probably been oneof the biggest changes for me.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
Which is so beautiful and also speaks to the irony is
that we actually devalue ourown influence in life.
But I think women have beengiven this divine gift of
influence and that's such abeautiful example of, just in
the littlest ways, how changinghow we're looking at ourselves
can make such a significantimpact on those around us in a

(19:44):
very small but powerful way.
In a minute we're going to divemore into Simone's expert
advice on how to climb over yourself-doubt, but first we're
going to play a quick speedround of would you rather?
She's like oh, I didn't sign upfor that, I'm good for it,
we're gonna.
She's here.
She climbed up kilimanjaro.
She's like please, would yourather?
No problem, all right?

(20:06):
Well, first of all, would yourather, uh, go hike in the woods
, or would you rather lounge onthe beach?
Hike in the woods, I remember.
Are we shocked by that one youhave?
So you, you live in Sarasota.
Do you have a place that youenjoy?
Was Mount Kilimanjaro trulylike an off thing, or do you

(20:27):
enjoy hiking and it was truly anoff thing.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
I mean, I enjoy hiking now, um, I had really
never hiked anything before.
And then, uh, we actually didthe Inca Trail and since then we
haven't really done much, justlike more wherever.
Whenever we travel somewherethat has mountains, whether it's
Utah or Colorado, then we dohikes.
But you know, we're pretty flat.
Right here we are at sea level12 feet above in case of a storm

(20:54):
surge.
But yeah, definitely sea level.

Speaker 1 (20:57):
That's so funny.
Maybe that's why you enjoywould pick hiking, because you
can literally lounge in yourbackyard on the beach.
Yep, we live in Lancaster,pennsylvania, so we're
surrounded by the Appalachian.
So I would say lounge on thebeach, because I can go hike out
my backyard.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
Yeah, my sister lives in Switzerland and so when they
come, what they want to do islounge at the beach and I'm like
I don't really want to go, andyou know she's.
And, of course, in Switzerland,what do you want to do?
We want to hike, and they'relike we're good.
Actually, they still hike,though.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
Yeah, yeah, oh, my goodness, switzerland that is on
my bucket list.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
I would love to get there.
Would you rather coffee or tea?
Tea, because I gave up caffeineoh.
I'm so sorry.
I know me too Well.
I have horrible insomnia, likelast night.
I woke up at two o'clock in themorning and so I thought, okay,
if I get rid of coffee now, itreally hasn't changed anything.
But I also don't do dairy, andthe only way I liked coffee was
with half and half.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
So so now.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
I drink herbal tea.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
Yeah, which is also delightful, it's just definitely
not coffee.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
Yes, you are right.
You are right.
And I have friends that say Idon't understand how you could
give that up.
I'm like I don't know.
I just had to.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Well, and when you can't sleep, you're willing to
do just about anything.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (22:11):
So I do understand that Would you rather cake or
pie Cake?

Speaker 2 (22:23):
What's your very favorite kind of cake?
Chocolate cake, specificallychocolate with chocolate icing.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
Chocolate with chocolate and more chocolate on
top.
It's so funny, this question.
People know instantly which Ifind that so fascinating.
It's like the cake pie.
No one goes, which I find veryinteresting.
I'm a pie girl, yeah, althoughI can enjoy too but my husband
would say absolutely pie like heis it apple pie.

Speaker 2 (22:44):
Like we'll go to a nice restaurant and they'll say
what the the desserts are andhe's like you don't have apple
pie.
And they're like, no, we don'thave apple pie.
He does it all the time.
I'm like if they had apple piethey would tell you okay, babe,
they don't have apple pie.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
It's not on the list.
That's hilarious.
It's like going to a reallynice steak house and ordering a
burger or asking if they have aburger.
Yeah, that's something he woulddo too, so funny.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
I mean.

Speaker 1 (23:12):
I like all of the above.
I like pies and burgers, butthat's really funny.
If you have the opportunity,you can do one or the other.
Would you rather do a craft orwould you rather decorate,
decorate?
Do you have a favorite seasonto decorate for?

Speaker 2 (23:30):
I like fall, because I think we don't have it here.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Oh, interesting.
Oh, that's true.
Do you set out stuff for fall?

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Yeah, and I think it does make you feel like
something has changed, becauseit sure doesn't change outside,
the palm trees look the same,yes, yeah, that is so
interesting.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
I'll actually say it's the only season that I do
love living in Lancaster,Pennsylvania fall.
Otherwise I would happilyswitch, Except for fall, that is
the one.
Even winter I'm like nope, I'mokay, I'm good.
One Christmas snow and then I'mgood.
I hear you.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
What you I love.
You know you are aworld-renowned keynote speaker
and such an amazing story thatgoes with it.
That is just, I think, sopowerful, and the visual of
climbing a mountain, just ingeneral, I think, for many of us
is such a powerful force whenwe look at so many different
obstacles in our life.
But one of the things that youtalk about is those power of

(24:31):
small changes and one of thembeing this mindset shift that
needs to happen for us to climbover our own self-doubt.
And you also touch on theseconcepts in the Extraordinary,
unordinary you, the book thatyou have written, and I would
just love for you to unpack someof those concepts.

(24:52):
And then, practically, what canwomen be doing, aside from some
you guys that she's alreadymentioned?
Like, when someone gives youthe compliment, you say thank
you.
That is step number one, veryeasy today just say thank you.
But I would love to hear Iwould love to hear you unpack
more of that absolutely so.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
I created what I call the real method, which is and
my website is getting updatedtomorrow, so it's going to have
everything on, there it's soexciting, good but so real
stands for respecting yourreflection, embracing your
failures, asking yourself whatyou want and loving the woman in
the mirror, and so respectingyour reflection for me is really

(25:35):
obviously.
I created it to be the firststep, because I think it's the
most important that we reallystart with looking in the mirror
and appreciating what we seeand when you think about it.
If we can say negative thingsto ourselves all the time and we
believe them, we can absolutelysay positive things to
ourselves all the time and webelieve them.

(25:55):
We can absolutely say positivethings to ourselves all the time
and then believe them.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
Say that one more time.
For the women in the back thatmissed that, say that one more
time.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
If we can say negative things to ourselves all
the time and believe them, thenwe can absolutely say positive
things to ourselves all the timeand believe them.
It really does happen.
So when we talk about positiveaffirmations, it's something
that if you would have told me10 years ago, I would literally
be standing in the mirror everymorning and building myself up

(26:23):
for my day.
I'd be like you are out of yourmind.
Was it uncomfortable?

Speaker 1 (26:27):
You, hippie, get out of town.

Speaker 2 (26:29):
I know right.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Right, yeah, no offense to all the hippies.
Yeah, we love hippies.

Speaker 2 (26:35):
So, but that made a huge change for me, because I
really had to sit there andthink about it, like if I can
look in the mirror and say, ohmy gosh, you shouldn't,
shouldn't be going here, you're,you gained weight again, you're
not pretty enough, you don'thave any friends, and I could
totally swap it, right, I couldtotally change it, and there's
actually scientific researchthat actually shows when you

(26:57):
actually have changes in yourbrain synapses when you start
doing this, and it's fascinating, right.
But I think the best way to sayit is that think about it.
Practically right, you canbelieve all the crappy stuff.
Why can't you believe the goodstuff?
You just got to keep saying itto yourself.
And so that, for me, is reallyabout respecting your reflection

(27:19):
.
And when you look in the mirror, I've had women say to me oh,
there's nothing that I like andI'm like I am not.
I cannot believe that.
There is, no matter what it is.
It could be your eyelashes, youknow, could be your lips.
You start somewhere and thenyou start realizing that,
instead of seeing what you don'tlike in the mirror first, you
see what you do like and theother stuff starts to melt away

(27:41):
and you are like I am at peacenow.
When I look in the mirror, Imean I have scars and lumps and
bumps and hair loss and I haveall kinds of stuff.
But that isn't who I am, right,and that's not how I define
myself.
And I don't ever want my girlsto look at me and say, oh mom
feels bad about that now, so Ishould feel bad about that too.
I mean, we are the ultimaterole model, right?

(28:03):
So it's all about respectingyour reflection and then
embracing your failures.
This is something that I thinkwe, especially as women, are too
hard on ourselves that if wehave a bump in the road, it
might be the end.
We might decide, oh, we'renever going to try again because
we weren't successful at this.

(28:24):
Or you think about even womenwhen they're applying for a job.
If they don't meet 100% of thejob requirements, they're not
going to apply for it.
I mean that's crazy.
That means you're alreadyoverqualified.
If you meet 100%, you'realready overqualified for that
job.
So understand that everythingwe've gone through to this point

(28:44):
and this goes back to even whatmy high school days with this
boyfriend was that is a momentin time, and part of it made me
who I am today, but part of itit's also that I'm so much
stronger because of everythingI've gone through.
So, instead of getting stuck onwhatever we have as a failure,

(29:06):
we learn from it.
We move forward.
They are stepping stones tomove forward, and that's how we
learn about ourselves.
It's like doing the things wethink we can't right, those
really hard things.
So, okay, you messed up before.
So, what Everybody does In themoment, it is a struggle, but
you've got to take that breath.
You've got to take that stepforward and with that step
forward, then you can keep goingand realize, okay, it wasn't

(29:29):
that bad, or you know what thatreally sucked.
But here's what I do next time,instead of just like
languishing in that.
My so Olivia was diagnosed withCrohn's when she was 16.
And it was a really hard timebecause not only was diagnosed
with Crohn's, but then that wasin November of 2019.

(29:50):
And then she was a senior inhigh school and then everything
shut down for COVID, and so itwas a really, really difficult
time for her, and as soon as shewas diagnosed, she said, like
my life is over, what am I goingto do?
I said you're going to pick aday.
We are going to sulk and cryand be miserable and on that day

(30:13):
that you pick, we are going topick ourselves up and we are
going to move forward, becauseyou have a choice every morning.
You can choose to be happy oryou can choose to be miserable,
and you can't control thesethings that are happening to you
, but you can control how yourespond to them, and so that's
exactly what we did.
And she was miserable, and shewas really miserable because for

(30:35):
like five months she had to beon steroids and that was so
difficult for her.
Now she takes a biologic, soshe's in a much better place.
She had to eat a we call it awhite trash diet.
It was literally white breadmashed potatoes white rice, like
so counterintuitive, yeah, yep.
And you know what.
But that's exactly what we did.
That's exactly what she did.

(30:56):
She picked a date.
It was only a few days and thenshe picked herself up and moved
forward and said, okay, here'show I'm going to work around
this stuff, here's how I'm goingto do food wise.
And she made a plan instead ofjust sulking about it, and she
self-advocated.
That was the other thing that Ithink has been so important for
all of my kids.
We all have something that westruggle with.

(31:16):
If we don't talk about it,nobody knows and nobody can help
us.
So for her learning how toself-advocate in the classroom,
even.
You know, sometimes her stomachdoesn't feel well, right?
Did she have to raise her handto go to the bathroom?

Speaker 1 (31:29):
No.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Like she should have to be able to just go and not
make a big deal about it everytime, and so she created all
these things on her own and Ithink she's much more powerful
for it and she owns it.
Like if something happens,she's like well, yeah, I got
Crohn's.
What do you want me to tell you?

Speaker 1 (31:44):
You know, sometimes that happens so yeah, well, and
what's resonating with me, too,what you're saying you know, in
this case she certainly this wasnot a direct result of
something she did right, likeCrohn's disease is something
that was totally outside of hercontrol.
But what I'm also hearing fromyou, speaking of embracing our
failures, is also maybe theresult of our kids' struggle,

(32:05):
just like we've seen in our ownlife, is because of a choice
they made.
And so I'm also hearing thebenefit of a similar approach
where it's like, instead of oneowning that as somehow a
reflection of our self-worth asa parent because they made a
poor choice, but also helpingthem embrace the choice that
they made, embrace the negativeconsequences that come from it.

(32:28):
And I'm almost hearing asimilar concept.
It's like, okay, we're going totake a day and, yes, these
negative consequences might lastway beyond the day, but we're
going to grieve it.
That is okay, you need togrieve the fact that you made
this poor choice and now there'sgoing to be negative
consequences.
But it's the same concept ofhow can we be teaching our kids
to not fear failure, even fearmaking a poor choice, but owning

(32:50):
it, embracing it, grieve it,and now you take ownership of it
and we move forward instead oflike languishing, like you
literally said, in this sense ofshame that's what I'm hearing
that like.
Even as parents, we need to bedoing that for our children
intentionally as well.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
Yeah.
So I mean it doesn't matter.
I mean, obviously that's anexample of something that
happened to her, not thatsomething she did.
But I mean, you see what'shappening in the news right now?
There's a lot of things thatare happening and there will
probably be issues later wherekids will say I, I've now lost

(33:28):
everything, like I can'tcontinue on in college or
whatever.
Whatever is going, what they'regoing through, and you're right
, it's going to be like we haveto own this moment, like I can't
continue on in college orwhatever.
Whatever is going, what they'regoing through, and you're right
, it's going to be like we haveto own this moment, like the yes
, go ahead and grieve it.
It's like anything Like when,when something happens, you have
to feel those emotions oryou'll never be able to move
forward.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
So feel it.
Feel it, feel it as comfortableas they are.
Yeah, yep, feel it.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Yeah, yep, feel it and then take that step forward
and get yourself out of it andfigure out what you need and you
might need another person tohelp you out of it.
I mean there's not.
There's.
There's no right or wrong whenwe're struggling.
There is.
We're all human, we allstruggle, and there's no.
There's never shame in askingfor help and there's never shame
in saying here's what happenedor here's what I did.
Yeah, I love that.

(34:22):
R.
Respect your reflection.
E.
Embrace failure.
A.
Ask yourself what you want andthis is such a huge one for
women.
I can tell you from talking tohundreds of women.
When they tell me what they'restruggling with, I'm like so
what do you want?
Well, what do you mean?
What do I want?
If you could do something todayfor yourself, what would that be
?
I have no idea.
I've never thought about what Iwanted before.
I've always been taking care ofmy husband and my children and

(34:45):
I quit my job to be astay-at-home mom or I'm so busy
with work that I can't take timefor myself.
That takes away from otherpeople.
So I think it's so importantthat we have to figure out
something for ourselves.
Self-care is not selfish, ladies.
It is not selfish.
Self-care is so important.
It makes us better humans.

(35:08):
It's something that we need toget through our days right, like
instead of.
And again it goes back to thatchoice of being miserable, being
happy.
You have a choice of what youwant in your life, and I'm not
saying go quit your job tomorrowor change your relationship,
but think about what you wantyour relationship to look like.
That's a change you can make.

(35:28):
Ask yourself what you want in arelationship.
Ask yourself what you want inyour job.
There's another crazy thing.
That's not really a statistic,but it's that women would rather
quit their job than ask for araise because it's so
uncomfortable.
It's so uncomfortable, but theyknow they want that raise, but
they're not willing to ask forit.

(35:48):
If you really want it, you haveto be able to take action on it
.
But I find it fascinating thatand I can tell you, for years I
never asked myself what I want.
I just went from point A, frompoint to point B with my head
down, just going through themotions, trying to get through
my day, and never saying am Ireally happy right now?
Like I've been married to myhusband for 31 years, I am very

(36:11):
happy in my marriage, so.
But it was all these otherthings where I never felt like I
was fulfilling my potential,because I never asked myself
what that was.
What do I want with my life?
What do I want when I slideinto home plate?
What do I want people toremember me for Right?
Do I want to it?
Just, everybody has a differentthing, but it's really

(36:32):
understanding that it's okay towant something for yourself.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
I love that R-E-A.
We're on L.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
Love the woman in the mirror and I say R is the most
important.
But I think they're all soimportant because I don't think
we ever really think about howwe love the woman in the mirror
and I have a I call it theconfidence triangle.
So it's about acknowledging,accepting and affirming.

(37:05):
So you know, we have thesethings that go through our heads
all the time that oh, we're notenough, or like I can't apply
for that job because my resumedoesn't support that.
So, really, the acknowledgepart is acknowledging that these
are fears, like this is notreality.
I think we make this build up somuch for these things and we

(37:27):
don't realize that okay, wait,that's not real.
Like why am I?
It's that voice inside yourhead that is just creeping in
all the time.
Okay, is that real or is thatnot real?
Okay, that's not real.
Okay, then the accept part iswhere am I in this moment?
Like accepting exactly who youare in this moment.
Like we need to change the waywe see ourselves.
So, like, when we change theway we see ourselves, the world

(37:49):
around us changes, and so thatwhole part of accepting like
this is me, this is who I am, soacknowledging that it's like
that other thought is not real.
This is who I am.
And then affirming who I am bysaying like I am worthy, I am
loved, I am capable of askingfor this raise, I deserve this

(38:11):
raise, I am going to do allthese things to get it, and none
of this is easy, right, it'snot a light switch, it's, but,
like anything else, when we workon things, the good things that
we get are worth working on,and I think that when you put it
all together, like for me, it'smade the biggest change in that
I really do love the woman inthe mirror now and I know that

(38:33):
my kids see that and they andthat that to me is the most
important grazing good humanswho love themselves so that they
can be the good in the world.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
The um, your book, the extraordinary, unordinary.
You just give us a littlesynopsis.
Um, when you guys go to get herbook to hear all of her amazing
insights in life, what is themain takeaway that they're going
to walk away from that bookseeing changed in the way that
they think?

Speaker 2 (39:01):
It's really all about realizing what you're capable
of and recognizing that thelittle things you do every day
matter.
I think sometimes we think thatwe have to be like this major
philanthropist or a celebrity toreally affect change, and it's
the little things that we doevery day.
It's talking to your neighboroffering to help with something

(39:22):
really small Customer service.
Let me tell you that has beenthe biggest change I've seen
with people.
You have to understand thatcustomer service they're people,
right Like they're.
They're not just customerservice Like that's Sarah on the
line, sarah has a life.
Sarah has a family and I alwayssay to my husband ask them about

(39:45):
their day, like they're notjust and it's yeah, they're not
robots and it's made such achange.
So all of these little thingswhere you you never know what
anybody else is going through,you never know what words can
completely change their day ortheir life, or little actions, I
mean little things like I cantell you there's been three

(40:06):
times in my life that someonehas been in front of me in a
Starbucks line and bought me acoffee, and I will always
remember those.
Yes, yeah, it's a Starbuckscoffee, right, but it's the
point that someone went out oftheir way to do something
special.
So it doesn't have to be thesehuge things that we do, it's
these, these little things everyday, like checking in on

(40:28):
someone just calling because youwant to, not because you have
to.
I think that we don't giveourselves enough credit for all
those things.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
Yeah, and I think what I hear that comes from all
of these little changes andyou've mentioned this that
mindset shift and it's the ideathat, yes, we need to shift the
mindset, but your behavior alsoneeds to contribute to that
mindset shift.
It's like that full circle.
Making those little choices isalso going to help promote that

(40:59):
shift in your thinking.
And something that I've told myearly morning habit community
is that concept that if you wantto see change in your life,
then you need to change the wayyou see your life.
And that's really what you'retalking about, and it's giving
very practical ways of modelingbehavior that is going to
support that shift.
The extraordinary, unordinary.

(41:22):
You, you guys, definitely wantto check this out.
As always, the link is in theshow notes.
Also, simone's website,simonecanegocom the link is, of
course, as always, in the shownotes.
Where else can people find you?
Any other thoughts that youwant to leave with our listeners
?

Speaker 2 (41:42):
So also our podcast, the daughter Jira's podcast.
That is the show that I hostwith one of my six children, my
daughter Olivia, who's 21.
And so it's a lot of funbecause we have different
perspectives, right, I'm 52,she's 21.
And it's fun to see her evolveand it's been a great experience
for us.

(42:02):
Yeah, best way to find me alsois on my website, and if you
search me, you will find me,because I am the only Simone
Canego in the world.
As of this point, we'll see ifthat changes.
Yeah, that's what you put twoweird names together and that's
what you get.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
Yes, that's so funny.
We will definitely make surethat that podcast link as well
you guys, to their podcast.
I was honored to be a guest ontheir podcast and they are
fantastic.
I love the duo.
I love that.
That's so cool, thank you.
Yeah, I just pray God'sblessing over your heart, your
home, your amazing family, allyour sweet kiddos that I see up
there in that picture, you guys.

(42:39):
She's adopted several children.
We might have to bring her backon to do an exclusive adoption
podcast.
Maybe any of her children thatwant to join?
What an incredible story You'resuch a blessing to me.
Thank you for being here.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know
Super Bowl LIX Podcasts

Super Bowl LIX Podcasts

Don't miss out on the NFL Podcast Network and iHeartPodcasts' exclusive week of episodes recorded in New Orleans!

24/7 News: The Latest

24/7 News: The Latest

Today’s Latest News In 4 Minutes. Updated Hourly.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.