A man in a queer group chat saw that folks were talking about going to a bathhouse in their city for the first time. The caller explained what goes on there, how consent can be slushy, and trans men might not feel welcome. This shut down the conversation. Was he wrong to tell it like it is?
A divorced woman with a 4 year old daughter is friendly with her ex-husband but not close. Her daughter is asking why mommy and daddy are not married and don't live together. She's never explained divorce to her daughter. How can she phrase it?
On the Magnum version of the show, Dan speaks with Katie Simon, sexuality journalist and the author of the upcoming book Tell Me What You Like: An Honest Discussion of Sex and Intimacy After Sexual Assault. They discuss how survivors take many varied paths to healing including for some, going through a "slut phase."
For anyone going through recovery from sexual trauma, or supporting someone who is, Simon's book is required reading, and this convo is a great place to start.
And a gay, pre-op trans man has a troubling pattern. He can't have anal sex because of health issues, so penetrative sex for him involves his vagina. He gets together with gay men, explains his situation and his biology explicitly. But afterwards, his lovers flip out and reject him because they no longer feel like "gold star" gays. The experience is shredding. How can he find men who will work for him?
Q@Savage.Love. 206-302-2064
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Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, podcaster, news junkie, author, and creator of the It Gets Better Project. From apps to abstinence, unicorns to underpants and with a dose of progressive politics, Dan Savage has been cultural force for sex positivity since the 1800s.