How To Be Less Insecure And Self-Conscious

Feeling self-conscious or insecure often feels like an unavoidable part of life, but it doesn't have to be. In today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy, Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising way to feel less insecure and unlock your confidence: shift your focus outward.

When you're insecure, your attention collapses inward, creating a loop of self-criticism and hyper-awareness. Instead of helping, this fixation often amplifies discomfort and reduces your ability to connect or perform. The secret? Focus less on yourself and more on others. Observe their actions, ask questions, or notice details like their interests or even their clothing. This simple practice can break the cycle of self-focus, reducing anxiety and creating natural, authentic connection.

"Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present," says Dr. Aziz. By shifting your attention from "me" to "we," you'll not only feel more grounded, but you'll also realize how little your perceived flaws matter.

Start small today: pick one thing to notice about the people you interact with, such as their eye color or what excites them. The more you practice this, the more your insecurities fade into the background, leaving room for true confidence to grow.

 

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Do you often find yourself feeling insecure or overly self-conscious? You’re not alone. In fact, many people, even the most successful, capable, and attractive individuals, experience these feelings. But what if I told you that your insecurity might not have anything to do with your actual abilities or how others see you? Instead, it could be about where your focus is going. Let's explore how you can feel less insecure by simply shifting your attention.

Insecurity Doesn’t Reflect Your Value

Most people think insecurity comes from a place of lack—that something is missing in their personality, appearance, or skills. Maybe you’ve felt this way too. You might think, “I’m not smart enough, attractive enough, or worthy enough for this situation.” But here’s the liberating truth: insecurity and self-consciousness are often completely disconnected from how others perceive you. They’re more about your own internal narrative.

"Your insecurity doesn’t equal others looking down on you. It’s all an internal experience, often not visible to those around you."

So, when you feel insecure or self-conscious, remember—it’s a feeling you’re having, not a reflection of how others see you. You might be assuming others are thinking something negative about you when, in reality, they may not even be paying attention to you the way you think they are.

The Focus of Insecurity: It’s All About You

When you’re feeling insecure, where does your attention go? That’s right—you start hyper-focusing on yourself. “Am I doing this right? Did I say the wrong thing? Does my voice sound shaky? Are they judging me?”

Insecurity creates a loop where you become obsessed with how others perceive you. The more you focus on yourself, the more you feel anxious. In fact, the more you try to control or perfect every aspect of yourself to avoid judgment, the worse it gets. Ironically, this self-obsession often leads to performance anxiety and stress, making your presentation, conversation, or interaction even less effective.

"The more you try to perfect yourself, the more you create performance anxiety, which decreases your effectiveness and amplifies insecurity."

The Secret to Freedom: Focus on Others

Here’s the twist: The solution to your insecurity is to stop focusing on yourself. When you expand your focus outward, you release the pressure to be perfect and open yourself up to real, meaningful connections. This shift f