April 10, 2025 • 19 mins
Episode 220: 3 Tips to Get Clean and Sober in Your Twenties w/ Esme
In episode 220 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen welcomes Esme to the show. This is a listener's story! Esme shares her powerful journey of getting clean at 27 after using drugs and alcohol since age 12. She candidly discusses how she navigated her cultural expectations around drinking, rebuilt her social life, and found her own unique pathway to long-term recovery.
Esme is 5 years clean and sober. She got clean and sober at 27 after using since I was 12. Esme tried a lot of different meetings NA, AA, smart recovery, EA, and recovery dharma, to name a few. She knew she didn't want to live like that anymore, so she promised to quit. She hasn't looked back since.
What you will learn in this episode:
- Starting drugs and alcohol at age 12 within a culture where drinking was normalized at family gatherings
- Getting sober during COVID through virtual NA meetings
- Dealing with family questioning her sobriety and choosing honesty over making excuses
- Taking charge of her social life by suggesting alcohol-free activities rather than waiting for bar invitations
- Exploring different recovery pathways, including NA, Recovery Dharma, and Kaiser's addiction medicine program
- Three essential tips for getting sober: building a strong support group, practicing mindfulness, and healing generational trauma
*If you're a listener who has been sober for at least one year and want to share your story on the podcast, please reach out via Instagram or email Courtney.
Thank you to our Sponsor:
As a show listener, you receive 20% off your order with EXACT NATURE. Make sure to check them out and support the show. Click here to shop and save 20% off with code "SV20. Free shipping on all orders!
Listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.
Resources Mentioned:
Connect with Esme:
Follow Courtney for More Inspiration:
- Website → www.courtneyrecovered.com
Remember: You are strong. You are capable. You are not alone. Keep thriving! Thank you for listening!
Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Courtney Andersen (00:31):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the
Sober Vibes podcast.
I'm your host and sober coach,courtney Anderson.
I help you live a kick-ass lifewithout alcohol.
I have a great guest today andthis is a listener story.
So, again, if you are alistener of the show and you
want to come on, please feelfree to email me or reach out to
(00:54):
me on Instagram at my SoberVibes account, okay, or email me
sobervibes at gmailcom.
So we have Esme on the showtoday and she talks about
getting clean at the age of 27,and she shares her story.
She started drinking at the ageof 12, and she gives you some
(01:15):
tips too on how to get clean andsober in your 20s.
So I really enjoyed connectingwith her and talking and I hope
you enjoy this episode.
If you haven't already, pleaserate, review and subscribe to
the show, because that helps andthen you never miss an episode
and by subscribing or sometimesit's following on different
(01:37):
podcast platforms.
But that again just helps you,because I'm not always the best
on keeping up with on the gramof the podcast episodes.
I do do an email each weekreminding you or sending out
when there's a new episode, butif you subscribe to wherever you
listen to your podcast,whatever platform that on, it at
(01:59):
least alerts you in that appthat there's a new episode.
Okay, as always, keep kickingass and enjoy this conversation.
Hi Esme, welcome to the SoberVibes podcast.
I'm very excited to have you ontoday because this is a
(02:20):
listener story, so thank you forreaching out.
Esme (02:24):
Yeah, you're welcome.
I'm excited to be here.
Courtney Andersen (02:27):
So how long have you been listening to the
Sober Vibes podcast for?
Maybe for two years.
I love it.
I love it.
Do you enjoy it?
Yes, okay, good, okay, good.
Does it make you laugh?
Esme (02:38):
Oh, yeah, especially with you and your sister.
Okay, those are my favorite.
Courtney Andersen (02:42):
Okay, good, we got more coming this season,
so I'm glad.
I'm glad Because that's what itcan't all be serious all the
time.
You've got to laugh along thisjourney and this process,
because it only makes, it onlyhelps your soul.
Oh yeah, so you got sober inyour.
You got clean and sober in your20s.
(03:04):
So you got sober and you gotclean and sober in your 20s.
So what was the final?
What was the reason that yougot clean and sober?
What did it look like the lasttime that you drank or used?
Esme (03:16):
So for me I used from 12 to 27.
And then towards the end thereI just didn't like.
I felt like the withdrawals andyour body needs it, and so I
went online and I startedresearching what I could do and
I found an NA and then I went to.
At the time it was COVID,during COVID, so they didn't
(03:37):
have in-person meetings, it wasall online.
So I got clean through Zoom, soI went to my first meeting and
I just started from there.
Courtney Andersen (03:44):
Okay, did you do any type of medical detox
for yourself or no?
Esme (03:49):
No, I didn't, I just did it myself, which I don't
recommend.
It's dangerous, but yeah.
Courtney Andersen (03:56):
And how did that detox look like?
Because were you using drugsand alcohol at the same time up
until you quit?
Or was it like did you go withthe ups and downs with drugs?
Like for me, drugs were never.
I only used drugs when I wasdrinking.
But towards those last coupleof years, I never even touched
drugs.
So, like for you, was it bothup until that point, or was it
(04:19):
alcohol more than cocaine, oryeah, so it was mostly drugs.
Esme (04:25):
Drinking was more like if I couldn't find what I wanted.
So then alcohol is veryaccessible.
So then I would just mixalcohol with like prescription
drugs or whatever it was.
Courtney Andersen (04:38):
Okay, and then you said that you this all
started for you at 12.
So what did you?
Was it alcohol that wasintroduced to you at 12, or was
it drugs?
Esme (04:49):
I'd say alcohol, because being Mexican is just in part of
the culture and it's it's justeverywhere.
And family parties andeverything Like they're
literally be doing parties forthe one year old and it's all
the adults getting intoxicatedand the little kids like in the
crib sleeping.
Courtney Andersen (05:07):
Yeah, for sure.
So how was that then?
Quitting drinking, and quittingdrinking especially too, with
quitting drinking because of howyou said that, that was really
embedded into your culture.
How was that like for you goingto parties now sober.
How was that like?
Esme (05:25):
So it was really tough in the beginning.
I'd say for the first year I'dfeel very uncomfortable, get a
lot of anxiety going placesbecause you know it's going to
be around and people are likequestioning you, your cousins,
everyone's questioning what'sgoing on and I always like to
just be honest and say that Iwasn't doing that, that I was in
recovery because I didn't feelcomfortable like saying lies,
(05:46):
like oh, I have a headache orI'm pregnant, and then nine
months later comes and thenthere's no baby.
People would say, oh, just sayyou're pregnant.
Courtney Andersen (05:54):
I'm like no, yeah, so it definitely was an
adjustment for you around thefamily dynamics.
I would say that first year.
And then what did you notice,though, after that first year?
Did you notice then that thatwas just, they accepted it more
of you and probably stoppedasking at that point?
Esme (06:14):
Yeah, I think they accepted it more and they saw
that I was serious.
It wasn't just like I'm sayingoh, I'm no longer going to drink
, I'm no longer going to dodrugs.
It was like oh okay, we'reseeing it, we're seeing a change
.
Courtney Andersen (06:25):
Yeah for sure.
So how was that like for yougetting sober in your 20s?
Because, again, it doesn'tmatter how old you are, it looks
different.
I think it looks different ineach decade.
But for you to get sober, yousaid at 27, that's young.
But for you to get sober, yousaid at 27, that's young, and I
think people in that age bracketdo.
It's okay, what am I going todo for the rest of my time?
(06:49):
And I felt like that because Igot sober at 29.
Esme (07:05):
So in the beginning, there for you getting sober in your
late 20s?
Did you have anxiety about therest of your life and your
social scene and how that wasall going to look for you?
Oh yeah, definitely.
There was a lot of anxietybecause you're going out and
most of your friends are goingto bars or clubs and you don't
want to put yourself in thoseplaces.
So it was definitely tough.
So I was like more comfortablegoing to see my friends in the
setting.
Let's go out, have dinner orsomething like that, where you
(07:25):
know, yes, there's alcohol, butit's not the same as going to a
bar or going to a club.
Courtney Andersen (07:31):
So did you?
Then you, it sounds like thenyou took that power and in the
sense of I'm going to invitethem to do this of set up the
scene where it wasn't, where youwere always waiting for them to
invite you somewhere I'm goingto.
I guess that you took charge inthat manner.
Yes, okay, good, because that'swhat you should do, right,
(07:53):
because you can't.
I think for a lot of people itis once you stop drinking or
using drugs, right?
That is especially for womentoo.
It's like how is my social lifegoing to look?
How is this going to affect meand my friends?
My friends are very importantto me, and then there's like an
assumption that then, therefore,you still feel like these
(08:16):
friends should have all thatpower when it comes to this is
what we're doing.
But I do think if you juststart asking people to go do
something different and you takethat power when it comes to
this is what we're doing.
But I do think, if you juststart asking people to go do
something different and you takethat power and I say power in
the way of taking somewhat ofsome control in this and some
responsibility of you, don'thave to wait for people to
always ask you to do somethingand they then recommend going to
(08:40):
a bar and you're like, okay,but I'm clean and sober.
You have to start creating thisnew life for yourself and
creating new social situations,which is exactly what you did
and being like, let's go dosomething else.
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Esme (10:17):
Yes, you definitely always have to take the power,
otherwise they'll consume you.
Courtney Andersen (10:21):
Yes, what was something else you did
besides going to dinner?
Esme (10:25):
Like bowling or going to the movies and going out for
hikes walks?
Courtney Andersen (10:31):
Yeah, perfect.
And so then, doing those things, did you feel then you were
having that social connection?
Yes, awesome.
Was it hard for you in thebeginning to be doing that kind
of stuff without using drugs andalcohol?
Esme (10:48):
Oh yeah, because everything's raw emotions, but,
like one of my therapists alwayssays, she's going to have to
lean into the discomfort.
Courtney Andersen (10:57):
Very true, and don't you feel like too?
When you did that, it was likepulling the Band-Aid off right,
like you have to get veryuncomfortable before you can get
comfortable in a life andespecially your life and
everybody's life where, if aculture is surrounded by that's
what people do drinking you haveto get very uncomfortable to be
(11:18):
comfortable, to be able to hangout in those types of
situations settings.
Yes, that's very true.
So for you, since you did both,I would love to hear your
opinion.
Do you like NA better or AAbetter?
Esme (11:35):
I'd say NA, I did it for.
I worked this all 12 steps.
I was in it for, I'd say, abouttwo and a half years and then,
I don't know, I just left.
I didn't feel like it was forme anymore.
And I tried a lot of othertypes of recovery meetings Smart
Recovery, Emotions, AnonymousRecovery Dharma, and I think
(11:57):
that one was my favorite.
Recovery Dharma it's like ameditation approach Do a
meditation before the meetingand then they read something
from a book and then everyoneshares.
Courtney Andersen (12:08):
I love it.
So it took you a coupledifferent types of meetings
right To find the one that youlanded on where you're like oh,
I like this one, yes, Okay.
So how long did you do meetingsfor?
Are you still doing meetings?
Esme (12:23):
No, I don't currently do meetings right now With school.
I'm just very busy, so I justget my recovery fix through
podcasts right now andjournaling and meditation.
Courtney Andersen (12:33):
I love it and it's helped you, but you
were also too.
You said you were working withthe therapist as well in the
beginning, those first couple ofyears.
Esme (12:41):
Yeah, so I did through my insurance Kaiser.
They have addiction medicineprogram and you could either do.
They have a harm reductionoption for the folks that want
to just continue, but in a saferway, and that's a six months
and then for the abstinenceprogram it's a one year.
So you work with the therapistone-on-one and you do group
therapy.
They have different stages, butin the beginning you do group
(13:04):
therapy three times a week andthen, second stage, you do two
and then third stage, you do oneone group therapy.
Courtney Andersen (13:11):
I love that and your insurance covered that,
yes, okay.
So for the good people of theworld, this is a perfect,
perfect thing of check yourinsurance, see what your
insurance has to offer with atype of outpatient.
It almost sounds like that wasan outpatient.
It was a semi-outpatient one,not so intense, but yeah.
(13:34):
So check your insurance to seewhat your insurance has to offer
for sure.
So what would be?
Three, three tips you wouldgive someone to help them get
clean and sober I'd say thefirst one get a strong support
(13:56):
group, whatever it is.
Esme (13:57):
12 steps there's so many other options out there.
If you're not in into 12 steps,they have non-religious ones
for the folks that don't believein god.
Just get a strong support,whether it's like-minded people,
because your family is good forsupporting friends, but if
they're not addicts oralcoholics themselves, they're
not gonna understand you verywell and be able to give you
(14:21):
that good support that you need.
And then the second one I'd saymindfulness is really important
, whatever.
Whatever it is journaling,meditation, going to the beach,
whatever it is, getting out innature, getting those natural
dopamine and serotonin fixes.
Courtney Andersen (14:39):
Very important.
Esme (14:40):
And then the third one, I'd say healing.
We got to heal thatgenerational trauma, all those
pains that we carry from thepast.
We need to heal all of that.
Courtney Andersen (14:50):
I love it.
What is your favoritemindfulness practice?
What has really helped you overthese last couple of years?
Esme (14:58):
For me.
I really like meditation,either guided imagery or for
sleeping.
I like the progressive musclerelaxation, because I have
trouble sleeping sometimes.
Courtney Andersen (15:09):
So that helps.
That does help you a lot.
Has your sleep too?
Has it gotten back?
Because I'm going to guess,when you're active, state of
using, your sleep was probablyextremely messed up.
Esme (15:21):
Oh yeah, I mean it fluctuates.
I feel like I have insomnia andit comes and goes.
Courtney Andersen (15:27):
Oh, you're like my sister, you got that
insomnia.
Yeah, I have insomnia and itcomes and goes.
Oh, you're like my sister, yougot that insomnia.
Esme (15:30):
Yeah, I have good days and bad days.
Courtney Andersen (15:32):
Yeah, which.
How do you deal with that whenyou have the nights of insomnia?
Is this just something whereit's just you've just accepted
it and it's okay.
This is just part of part of meand this is just something I
have to deal with.
Esme (15:47):
Yeah, that's what I do.
I'll just stay laying in bedand hope I fall asleep.
They always say it's good toget up and go to another room,
but I feel like if I do, thatthen I'm going to get more awake
and I'm not going to be able tosleep.
Courtney Andersen (16:01):
Yeah, and then also too.
What have you done in thehealing process when it's come
to the generational trauma?
Esme (16:09):
For me, therapy was very big during the program and then
I was also able to process mystep work in therapy sessions
and then, yeah, just diving intoall that, I think that's what
helped me the most and I grewthe most was during my time in
therapy.
Courtney Andersen (16:26):
And understanding it all and
patterns and history, and allthat and what you were born into
.
Esme (16:33):
Yeah.
Courtney Andersen (16:33):
Yeah, I do.
I do definitely think that thathelps somebody in that process
with healing and understandingand, instead of looking it out,
what the fuck is wrong with me?
No, I get it because, too, Ihave to understand where I came
from.
Esme (16:47):
Yeah, and then there's this book that I always
recommend, called the Body Keepsthe Score Very informative book
.
Courtney Andersen (16:54):
Yeah, that book is great and I will link
that book in the show notes andif you have not read it, check
it out.
And it's just, it's fascinating.
I might have to reread that onebecause it's been a couple of
years since I read it.
So I think, esme, I'm going toread that one, because it's been
a couple of years since I readit.
So I think, esme, I'm going toread that one.
Since you just mentioned it,what else would you?
Is there anything in particularthat you want to share that we
(17:16):
haven't touched on?
Or you want somebody ifsomebody's listening to this
episode today that they'restruggling, if there's any type
of advice, you could give themmore advice or any words of
encouragement.
Esme (17:30):
I would say whenever you're struggling, reach out,
don't be afraid.
They have so many resources.
Now you can text and callhotlines.
If you have a support group,call your support group, go to
meetings, reach out to a familymember.
I know when we're in it we feellike we're alone, and
especially me.
I like to isolate a lot, justnormal addict behavior.
(17:51):
We isolate, so always reach out.
They always say the opposite ofaddiction is connections.
You just make meaningfulconnections, yeah.
Courtney Andersen (18:00):
I love it and that is so true.
I didn't even ask you where areyou from in the world, when do
you live?
Esme (18:06):
I'm located in California, Sacramento, California.
Courtney Andersen (18:09):
I love it.
I love it.
Thank you so much for sharingtoday and for reaching out.
So I again, if any listener ofthe Sober Vibes podcast, if you
want to come on the show, pleasejust reach out to me and DM,
the only thing that I ask for isthat at least you have one year
of if you're either clean oryou're sober or you're both.
(18:30):
That you have one year underyour belt.
All right, esme, thank youagain for sharing your story and
I'm so happy that I connectedwith you today.
Esme (18:41):
Yeah, same here.
Thank you very much, it was apleasure You're welcome.
Courtney Andersen (18:45):
All right, everyone.
Keep on trucking and stayhealthy out there.
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the
Sober Vibes podcast.
I'm your host and sober coach,courtney Anderson.
I help you live a kick-ass lifewithout alcohol.
I have a great guest today andthis is a listener story.
So, again, if you are alistener of the show and you
want to come on, please feelfree to email me or reach out to
(00:54):
me on Instagram at my SoberVibes account, okay, or email me
sobervibes at gmailcom.
So we have Esme on the showtoday and she talks about
getting clean at the age of 27,and she shares her story.
She started drinking at the ageof 12, and she gives you some
(01:15):
tips too on how to get clean andsober in your 20s.
So I really enjoyed connectingwith her and talking and I hope
you enjoy this episode.
If you haven't already, pleaserate, review and subscribe to
the show, because that helps andthen you never miss an episode
and by subscribing or sometimesit's following on different
(01:37):
podcast platforms.
But that again just helps you,because I'm not always the best
on keeping up with on the gramof the podcast episodes.
I do do an email each weekreminding you or sending out
when there's a new episode, butif you subscribe to wherever you
listen to your podcast,whatever platform that on, it at
(01:59):
least alerts you in that appthat there's a new episode.
Okay, as always, keep kickingass and enjoy this conversation.
Hi Esme, welcome to the SoberVibes podcast.
I'm very excited to have you ontoday because this is a
(02:20):
listener story, so thank you forreaching out.
Esme (02:24):
Yeah, you're welcome.
I'm excited to be here.
Courtney Andersen (02:27):
So how long have you been listening to the
Sober Vibes podcast for?
Maybe for two years.
I love it.
I love it.
Do you enjoy it?
Yes, okay, good, okay, good.
Does it make you laugh?
Esme (02:38):
Oh, yeah, especially with you and your sister.
Okay, those are my favorite.
Courtney Andersen (02:42):
Okay, good, we got more coming this season,
so I'm glad.
I'm glad Because that's what itcan't all be serious all the
time.
You've got to laugh along thisjourney and this process,
because it only makes, it onlyhelps your soul.
Oh yeah, so you got sober inyour.
You got clean and sober in your20s.
(03:04):
So you got sober and you gotclean and sober in your 20s.
So what was the final?
What was the reason that yougot clean and sober?
What did it look like the lasttime that you drank or used?
Esme (03:16):
So for me I used from 12 to 27.
And then towards the end thereI just didn't like.
I felt like the withdrawals andyour body needs it, and so I
went online and I startedresearching what I could do and
I found an NA and then I went to.
At the time it was COVID,during COVID, so they didn't
(03:37):
have in-person meetings, it wasall online.
So I got clean through Zoom, soI went to my first meeting and
I just started from there.
Courtney Andersen (03:44):
Okay, did you do any type of medical detox
for yourself or no?
Esme (03:49):
No, I didn't, I just did it myself, which I don't
recommend.
It's dangerous, but yeah.
Courtney Andersen (03:56):
And how did that detox look like?
Because were you using drugsand alcohol at the same time up
until you quit?
Or was it like did you go withthe ups and downs with drugs?
Like for me, drugs were never.
I only used drugs when I wasdrinking.
But towards those last coupleof years, I never even touched
drugs.
So, like for you, was it bothup until that point, or was it
(04:19):
alcohol more than cocaine, oryeah, so it was mostly drugs.
Esme (04:25):
Drinking was more like if I couldn't find what I wanted.
So then alcohol is veryaccessible.
So then I would just mixalcohol with like prescription
drugs or whatever it was.
Courtney Andersen (04:38):
Okay, and then you said that you this all
started for you at 12.
So what did you?
Was it alcohol that wasintroduced to you at 12, or was
it drugs?
Esme (04:49):
I'd say alcohol, because being Mexican is just in part of
the culture and it's it's justeverywhere.
And family parties andeverything Like they're
literally be doing parties forthe one year old and it's all
the adults getting intoxicatedand the little kids like in the
crib sleeping.
Courtney Andersen (05:07):
Yeah, for sure.
So how was that then?
Quitting drinking, and quittingdrinking especially too, with
quitting drinking because of howyou said that, that was really
embedded into your culture.
How was that like for you goingto parties now sober.
How was that like?
Esme (05:25):
So it was really tough in the beginning.
I'd say for the first year I'dfeel very uncomfortable, get a
lot of anxiety going placesbecause you know it's going to
be around and people are likequestioning you, your cousins,
everyone's questioning what'sgoing on and I always like to
just be honest and say that Iwasn't doing that, that I was in
recovery because I didn't feelcomfortable like saying lies,
(05:46):
like oh, I have a headache orI'm pregnant, and then nine
months later comes and thenthere's no baby.
People would say, oh, just sayyou're pregnant.
Courtney Andersen (05:54):
I'm like no, yeah, so it definitely was an
adjustment for you around thefamily dynamics.
I would say that first year.
And then what did you notice,though, after that first year?
Did you notice then that thatwas just, they accepted it more
of you and probably stoppedasking at that point?
Esme (06:14):
Yeah, I think they accepted it more and they saw
that I was serious.
It wasn't just like I'm sayingoh, I'm no longer going to drink
, I'm no longer going to dodrugs.
It was like oh okay, we'reseeing it, we're seeing a change
.
Courtney Andersen (06:25):
Yeah for sure.
So how was that like for yougetting sober in your 20s?
Because, again, it doesn'tmatter how old you are, it looks
different.
I think it looks different ineach decade.
But for you to get sober, yousaid at 27, that's young.
But for you to get sober, yousaid at 27, that's young, and I
think people in that age bracketdo.
It's okay, what am I going todo for the rest of my time?
(06:49):
And I felt like that because Igot sober at 29.
Esme (07:05):
So in the beginning, there for you getting sober in your
late 20s?
Did you have anxiety about therest of your life and your
social scene and how that wasall going to look for you?
Oh yeah, definitely.
There was a lot of anxietybecause you're going out and
most of your friends are goingto bars or clubs and you don't
want to put yourself in thoseplaces.
So it was definitely tough.
So I was like more comfortablegoing to see my friends in the
setting.
Let's go out, have dinner orsomething like that, where you
(07:25):
know, yes, there's alcohol, butit's not the same as going to a
bar or going to a club.
Courtney Andersen (07:31):
So did you?
Then you, it sounds like thenyou took that power and in the
sense of I'm going to invitethem to do this of set up the
scene where it wasn't, where youwere always waiting for them to
invite you somewhere I'm goingto.
I guess that you took charge inthat manner.
Yes, okay, good, because that'swhat you should do, right,
(07:53):
because you can't.
I think for a lot of people itis once you stop drinking or
using drugs, right?
That is especially for womentoo.
It's like how is my social lifegoing to look?
How is this going to affect meand my friends?
My friends are very importantto me, and then there's like an
assumption that then, therefore,you still feel like these
(08:16):
friends should have all thatpower when it comes to this is
what we're doing.
But I do think if you juststart asking people to go do
something different and you takethat power when it comes to
this is what we're doing.
But I do think, if you juststart asking people to go do
something different and you takethat power and I say power in
the way of taking somewhat ofsome control in this and some
responsibility of you, don'thave to wait for people to
always ask you to do somethingand they then recommend going to
(08:40):
a bar and you're like, okay,but I'm clean and sober.
You have to start creating thisnew life for yourself and
creating new social situations,which is exactly what you did
and being like, let's go dosomething else.
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Esme (10:17):
Yes, you definitely always have to take the power,
otherwise they'll consume you.
Courtney Andersen (10:21):
Yes, what was something else you did
besides going to dinner?
Esme (10:25):
Like bowling or going to the movies and going out for
hikes walks?
Courtney Andersen (10:31):
Yeah, perfect.
And so then, doing those things, did you feel then you were
having that social connection?
Yes, awesome.
Was it hard for you in thebeginning to be doing that kind
of stuff without using drugs andalcohol?
Esme (10:48):
Oh yeah, because everything's raw emotions, but,
like one of my therapists alwayssays, she's going to have to
lean into the discomfort.
Courtney Andersen (10:57):
Very true, and don't you feel like too?
When you did that, it was likepulling the Band-Aid off right,
like you have to get veryuncomfortable before you can get
comfortable in a life andespecially your life and
everybody's life where, if aculture is surrounded by that's
what people do drinking you haveto get very uncomfortable to be
(11:18):
comfortable, to be able to hangout in those types of
situations settings.
Yes, that's very true.
So for you, since you did both,I would love to hear your
opinion.
Do you like NA better or AAbetter?
Esme (11:35):
I'd say NA, I did it for.
I worked this all 12 steps.
I was in it for, I'd say, abouttwo and a half years and then,
I don't know, I just left.
I didn't feel like it was forme anymore.
And I tried a lot of othertypes of recovery meetings Smart
Recovery, Emotions, AnonymousRecovery Dharma, and I think
(11:57):
that one was my favorite.
Recovery Dharma it's like ameditation approach Do a
meditation before the meetingand then they read something
from a book and then everyoneshares.
Courtney Andersen (12:08):
I love it.
So it took you a coupledifferent types of meetings
right To find the one that youlanded on where you're like oh,
I like this one, yes, Okay.
So how long did you do meetingsfor?
Are you still doing meetings?
Esme (12:23):
No, I don't currently do meetings right now With school.
I'm just very busy, so I justget my recovery fix through
podcasts right now andjournaling and meditation.
Courtney Andersen (12:33):
I love it and it's helped you, but you
were also too.
You said you were working withthe therapist as well in the
beginning, those first couple ofyears.
Esme (12:41):
Yeah, so I did through my insurance Kaiser.
They have addiction medicineprogram and you could either do.
They have a harm reductionoption for the folks that want
to just continue, but in a saferway, and that's a six months
and then for the abstinenceprogram it's a one year.
So you work with the therapistone-on-one and you do group
therapy.
They have different stages, butin the beginning you do group
(13:04):
therapy three times a week andthen, second stage, you do two
and then third stage, you do oneone group therapy.
Courtney Andersen (13:11):
I love that and your insurance covered that,
yes, okay.
So for the good people of theworld, this is a perfect,
perfect thing of check yourinsurance, see what your
insurance has to offer with atype of outpatient.
It almost sounds like that wasan outpatient.
It was a semi-outpatient one,not so intense, but yeah.
(13:34):
So check your insurance to seewhat your insurance has to offer
for sure.
So what would be?
Three, three tips you wouldgive someone to help them get
clean and sober I'd say thefirst one get a strong support
(13:56):
group, whatever it is.
Esme (13:57):
12 steps there's so many other options out there.
If you're not in into 12 steps,they have non-religious ones
for the folks that don't believein god.
Just get a strong support,whether it's like-minded people,
because your family is good forsupporting friends, but if
they're not addicts oralcoholics themselves, they're
not gonna understand you verywell and be able to give you
(14:21):
that good support that you need.
And then the second one I'd saymindfulness is really important
, whatever.
Whatever it is journaling,meditation, going to the beach,
whatever it is, getting out innature, getting those natural
dopamine and serotonin fixes.
Courtney Andersen (14:39):
Very important.
Esme (14:40):
And then the third one, I'd say healing.
We got to heal thatgenerational trauma, all those
pains that we carry from thepast.
We need to heal all of that.
Courtney Andersen (14:50):
I love it.
What is your favoritemindfulness practice?
What has really helped you overthese last couple of years?
Esme (14:58):
For me.
I really like meditation,either guided imagery or for
sleeping.
I like the progressive musclerelaxation, because I have
trouble sleeping sometimes.
Courtney Andersen (15:09):
So that helps.
That does help you a lot.
Has your sleep too?
Has it gotten back?
Because I'm going to guess,when you're active, state of
using, your sleep was probablyextremely messed up.
Esme (15:21):
Oh yeah, I mean it fluctuates.
I feel like I have insomnia andit comes and goes.
Courtney Andersen (15:27):
Oh, you're like my sister, you got that
insomnia.
Yeah, I have insomnia and itcomes and goes.
Oh, you're like my sister, yougot that insomnia.
Esme (15:30):
Yeah, I have good days and bad days.
Courtney Andersen (15:32):
Yeah, which.
How do you deal with that whenyou have the nights of insomnia?
Is this just something whereit's just you've just accepted
it and it's okay.
This is just part of part of meand this is just something I
have to deal with.
Esme (15:47):
Yeah, that's what I do.
I'll just stay laying in bedand hope I fall asleep.
They always say it's good toget up and go to another room,
but I feel like if I do, thatthen I'm going to get more awake
and I'm not going to be able tosleep.
Courtney Andersen (16:01):
Yeah, and then also too.
What have you done in thehealing process when it's come
to the generational trauma?
Esme (16:09):
For me, therapy was very big during the program and then
I was also able to process mystep work in therapy sessions
and then, yeah, just diving intoall that, I think that's what
helped me the most and I grewthe most was during my time in
therapy.
Courtney Andersen (16:26):
And understanding it all and
patterns and history, and allthat and what you were born into
.
Esme (16:33):
Yeah.
Courtney Andersen (16:33):
Yeah, I do.
I do definitely think that thathelps somebody in that process
with healing and understandingand, instead of looking it out,
what the fuck is wrong with me?
No, I get it because, too, Ihave to understand where I came
from.
Esme (16:47):
Yeah, and then there's this book that I always
recommend, called the Body Keepsthe Score Very informative book
.
Courtney Andersen (16:54):
Yeah, that book is great and I will link
that book in the show notes andif you have not read it, check
it out.
And it's just, it's fascinating.
I might have to reread that onebecause it's been a couple of
years since I read it.
So I think, esme, I'm going toread that one, because it's been
a couple of years since I readit.
So I think, esme, I'm going toread that one.
Since you just mentioned it,what else would you?
Is there anything in particularthat you want to share that we
(17:16):
haven't touched on?
Or you want somebody ifsomebody's listening to this
episode today that they'restruggling, if there's any type
of advice, you could give themmore advice or any words of
encouragement.
Esme (17:30):
I would say whenever you're struggling, reach out,
don't be afraid.
They have so many resources.
Now you can text and callhotlines.
If you have a support group,call your support group, go to
meetings, reach out to a familymember.
I know when we're in it we feellike we're alone, and
especially me.
I like to isolate a lot, justnormal addict behavior.
(17:51):
We isolate, so always reach out.
They always say the opposite ofaddiction is connections.
You just make meaningfulconnections, yeah.
Courtney Andersen (18:00):
I love it and that is so true.
I didn't even ask you where areyou from in the world, when do
you live?
Esme (18:06):
I'm located in California, Sacramento, California.
Courtney Andersen (18:09):
I love it.
I love it.
Thank you so much for sharingtoday and for reaching out.
So I again, if any listener ofthe Sober Vibes podcast, if you
want to come on the show, pleasejust reach out to me and DM,
the only thing that I ask for isthat at least you have one year
of if you're either clean oryou're sober or you're both.
(18:30):
That you have one year underyour belt.
All right, esme, thank youagain for sharing your story and
I'm so happy that I connectedwith you today.
Esme (18:41):
Yeah, same here.
Thank you very much, it was apleasure You're welcome.
Courtney Andersen (18:45):
All right, everyone.
Keep on trucking and stayhealthy out there.
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