June 26, 2025 • 31 mins
In this episode of Sober Vibes, I break down what slips and relapses mean and how to prevent it in real life, not just in theory. Whether you're newly sober or several years alcohol-free, this honest and empowering conversation gives you practical tools to protect your peace, stay grounded, and ride out the challenging moments without going back to booze.
From emotional triggers to burnout and self-isolation, I dive into the sneaky ways relapse can creep in and how to create a sustainable support system that works. Additionally, she shares her strategies, journal prompts, and mantras to help you stay centered.
What’s the difference between a lapse and a relapse
- 5 sneaky relapse triggers (and how to spot them early)
- Daily habits that strengthen your emotional sobriety
- How to build a relapse prevention plan that works
- What to do if you do slip—and why you don’t have to start over
- A powerful journal prompt + affirmation to stay grounded
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Thank you for listening, and I hope this episode helps you in your journey.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Courtney Andersen (00:31):
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast.
I'm your host and sober coach,courtney Anderson, and I am your
go-to guide to living a lifewithout alcohol.
You are listening to episode230.
Can I just say one?
I'm so stoked.
We're at 230 episodes and two.
Thank you, jesus.
Finally that summer is here,finally, like I am a hoe for
(00:56):
summer, there's currently a heatwave going on and I love it,
because it was cold here in PureMichigan, like on and off in
the beginning, at the end of Mayand the beginning of June, like
it just got summertime weathera couple days ago.
So give me more.
And for the people who have theseasonal depression in the
(01:18):
summertime, I feel you becausethat's how I feel in the
wintertime.
But I am going to soak all ofthis up before the pits of hell
comes back into Pure Michigan.
So for all my summer hoes outthere, we've made it, ladies and
gents, we've made it Okay.
So, moving right along, today'stopic is one I feel strongly
(01:39):
about.
I've done some episodes beforeof this, but I just feel like
right now, a lot of people needto hear this because we are in
summertime and I know summer canbe very, very listen any day
can be triggering, but I knowspecifically this the weather
can be very triggering, okay,and I coach about this a lot.
(02:01):
Today we're diving into relapseprevention right.
What is it?
What?
It's not Strategies that aregoing to help you stay on track
when life gets messy coachedabout this a lot.
Today we're diving into relapseprevention right.
What is it?
What it's not Strategies thatare going to help you stay on
track when life gets messy.
So again, whether you're on dayeight or you're on day 80 and
feeling fucking good, right, oryou're on year nine, this
episode is here to meet youwhere you are.
(02:21):
No shame, no judgment Again,just real talk and support.
So let's do this damn thing.
Let's define this, okay.
Let's define what is relapse,okay.
A relapse isn't just drinkingagain, right, because a lot of
people think that once you drinkagain, okay, relapse.
It's a return to an old patternof thinking and coping.
(02:44):
Sometimes there's even a lapsebefore the relapse, right, a
moment where you slip but youcatch yourself quickly.
And the truth about relapse itdoesn't mean that you failed,
okay.
It means something needsattention and a plan.
This is why I never look atanybody's relapse and slips and
(03:06):
all that as failures.
And when people beat themselvesup after going out after five
years, right, and there are.
In a sober, in your sobrietyjourney, there's big milestones
that are triggering as fuck.
After year one, I think, yearthree, year five, even up to 10
(03:28):
years, I mean, people can startdrinking at any time and you
just never.
You can't forget that timebefore.
Okay, if you've been there,right, you're not alone.
And if you haven't, thisepisode is about prevention and
preparation, okay, and with asmidge of empowerment, because
(03:49):
that's how we do this thing.
There's no room in this forshame anymore.
We are in 2025, and the shamegame, especially with this, is
so it's lame, so it's lame, it'slame, and but I get it, but
it's just.
It cannot be the choice anymore, right, like the shame spiral,
(04:12):
because when it comes todrinking, it is this is so
mindset, it is so mindset andit's a lot of work you have to
do and it's a lot of newpatterns you have to put into
place, because this is sofucking habitual.
It is so habitual and when it'sbeen in your year or your life
(04:33):
for 10 to 15, 20, 30 years likethat, you have work to do.
When you get sober, it's goingto take some time.
That's why I think it's greatwhen anybody feels good those
first 90 days, but you stillhave to do the day-to-day of
remembering where alcohol tookyou and that you need to tell
(04:57):
your ego to shut the fuck up inthis.
And that's a lot too after acouple months or years of why
people end up slipping andrelapsing is because they get
stagnant and they think they gotit like that.
Good people of the world, evenat, as I record this, 12 years
sober.
I'll be 13 years in August.
(05:19):
I fucking have to continue.
I'm not going to say every dayI have to work on this, but
there's points and if you'vebeen listening to this podcast
since day one, I will always bea continuous work in progress,
for fuck's sakes.
I just read Codependent no Morefor the fifth time.
Okay, I do believe when you getstagnant in your life
(05:45):
especially sobriety that iswhere the old thoughts come up
right and where it's just I cancontrol it, go back to it, and
usually there's other problemsare going on around that time.
So again, it's very easy foranybody to slip and you have to
continuously put ego in checkand make new lifestyle choices,
(06:08):
and it's about the consistencyof that.
So if you have had a slip and arelapse, okay, time to get back
on the wagon and work on thatconsistency, right, right, here
are five common triggers thatsneak up on you, and I kind of
just said some stuff, but I'mgoing to.
I broke it down for you.
So let's set the stage forrelapse.
(06:29):
Most of the time, it's notabout the drink, it's about
what's going on underneath.
That's what I'm talking about,about getting stagnant or
thinking that you got this.
Nobody ever should say like100% certainty, I fucking got
this okay, because you have tocheck yourself before you wreck
yourself.
So these are the five mostcommon triggers I see Emotional
(06:53):
overwhelm, right.
Anger, grief, anxiety, shame.
If you don't know how toprocess these appropriately or
right, you might want to numbout Okay, there's a lot of
people, too, who get sober andthey're like why don't I feel
better?
I'm not saying within thosefirst couple months, but over a
couple of years.
And then you have to ask thatperson that's well, what have
you been doing to help yourselfmove forward?
(07:15):
Because there is that type ofwork you have to do, whether
it's you're working with atherapist, whether it's you
fucking do some daily gratitude,mindset work especially.
You have to switch it aroundBecause, again, it's very easy
for me to when I answer people'squestions, especially on
Instagram it's.
I am very careful with that,right, because there's more to
(07:38):
just that question that aperson's asking me.
There's layers to layers ofthis and I have a lot of people
being like I don't feel good andI actually have something that
I'm announcing next week.
I'm very fucking stoked aboutthat's going to help a person in
this process, about when itcomes to emotional sobriety, and
that's the next layer that youhave to work on to keep moving
(08:02):
forward.
Number two isolation.
When you pull away from yoursupport system or your routines,
it gets real quiet and it'sdangerous that isolation,
because that is a normal.
That is a normal.
It's like almost a normaltrauma response and it's almost
a normal default mode wherepeople start isolating.
(08:23):
Very early on in my sister'sjourney, there would be some
patterns that came up where I'mlike that's why, too, we check
in with each other all the time,because it's like when I start
knowing seeing those patterns Ihaven't seen them in a long time
, but when I used to see thosepatterns, I'm like what's going
on with you, right, like you cansense it from a person and you
(08:46):
can probably sense yourselfstarting to isolate, maybe not
express so much anymore, and youcan, usually, you can usually
stop that.
You have to stop that in thetracks and be like nope, I'm not
going to go back to thisdefault mode, right, I'm not
going to go back to isolationand then sabotage this shit for
me, right?
(09:07):
Number three this is a big oneromanticizing drinking the just
one glass.
This is what I'm talking aboutwith this, like little devil
with this little POS inside.
Yeah, call it whatever you wantand part of the ego that comes
up, but the romanticizing thedrinking it's just the one glass
.
Fantasy, right, it's, it's,it's not good, but it takes some
(09:31):
time for it to detox your brain.
That's why, in your mind, bodyand soul, to detox that out of
there, because there was such aconditioning, there was such
like you guys, we were in a cult.
Okay, I want you to comparethis to a cult of the
brainwashing that you haveexperienced with the alcohol
(09:52):
game, right, and that you thinklike even to when you see it.
Because how it's been portrayedto us in the media, what we read
in books when they describealcohol, when characters are
drinking, what we've seen inmedia, what we've been told,
what an alcoholic looks like,the commercials, all that
condition, and then you'veconditioned yourself to believe
(10:14):
it and then add on your ownstory on top of it I deserve a
drink.
I earned this drink becausethen it becomes a reward system.
So, like when thatromanticizing comes up, you got
to kick it in the dick and belike no, you little son of a
bitch, you are not romantic, youare not sexy.
Because then the next daythere's nothing sexy about you
(10:38):
when I'm either in a shamespiral, dry, heaving all over
myself, not performing at mybest at work and telling my kids
maybe to beat it because I havea headache right, you know what
I mean or rushing throughsomething just so then you can
go drink again in the afternoonand feel better, right, anyone,
(11:01):
anyone.
Number four burnout,overcommitting, doing too much
perfectionism.
When you're exhausted,willpower and self-care suffer.
Listen, and I know this is notall about the willpower, but
there is some willpower in this,especially when you get into
your new daily routine.
(11:22):
I cannot tell you, majority ofwomen that I coach are all high
achievers and at some point inmy coaching container with them
we have to look into exactlywhat I just talked about the
overcommitting, doing too much,the perfectionism, because when
(11:43):
you do that and majority ofwomen do this it's fucking
exhausting, and so a lot ofwomen too, when they get sober
and they don't particularly workon this.
A lot of my one-on-one coachingparticularly works to the
personality that you are and whoyou were born.
Okay, so you were born this wayand like, at the core of your
(12:05):
personality, whether you're anintrovert, you're an extrovert
right, it really is figuring outyour sober journey to you.
But when you keep doing thiswhen you are sober and don't fix
it, you will relapse.
You will relapse.
You cannot keep going at thepace you were going in your
drinking days and your soberdays.
(12:26):
The reason you were able to getthrough all of that shit you
were doing is because you werejust drinking your way through
it.
Number five losing touch withyour why People don't think they
need to do this, and this issomething you have to beat
inside your soul of.
When you stop remindingyourself why you quit and don't
(12:47):
continue to do these tools, youopen the door to convincing
yourself.
You're going to go back andit's very easy to do, and even
through these years, I have hadto recommit to a why Okay.
So my why at the very beginningwas because I was a pig, pretty
much.
I mean, I'm just going to sayit, I was an animal.
(13:11):
And at that time, the time whenI finally said, okay, I'm done,
I need to live a life withoutthis, at that time it was like
my two people were Fiona, my dad, and Matthew, my then boyfriend
, who's now my husband, who'snow my baby daddy, right, and I
at that, like in the beginning,I had to put them in the front
(13:35):
right, because at that point,especially in the beginning,
sometimes you just don't loveyourself.
Okay, sometimes for people itworks for them, whether it's
your kids, an animal, a person,the relationship you're in, your
parents, whatever it is.
And then I shifted, becausethen I started to love myself, I
started to get self-esteem, Istarted to understand my
self-worth.
Then it became more about no,because I'm feeling good and
(13:59):
this is what I want and this iswhat's keeping me right and this
is what's keeping me alive.
And to get to that extreme thatis true for me I was on a path
of destruction.
It was bad.
I can't even picture over theselast 12 years, it's 444.
We love some angel numbers.
I just looked at my computer.
So for all my woo-woos outthere with the angel numbers,
(14:23):
here you go.
This is your sign.
So at the beginning sorry, theangel number just fucked me up.
It turned into me loving myselfin South North, right.
Then into it.
It was then on trying to have akid.
It was like I don't want to bethat drunk mom now having the
kid.
It was like I'm here, I want tobe present with him, right.
(14:47):
So, like I have redefined italong the way and that's what
you have to do.
And it doesn't matter.
If you feel good, okay, that'sgreat.
Even on days you feel good,have that reminder to yourself
of why you're not drinkingalcohol that day.
Again, not saying that you needto live in this, you don't
right but it's the centerpieceto keep you going forward.
So when you do have a shittyday, your default brain doesn't
(15:11):
go back to well, fuck it, I'mjust going to drink.
It's going to be like no, Idon't even think that way,
because that's not an option forme, because I've done so much
conditioning in my mind to bringme to this point.
Okay, you can't stay stuckright.
So I've got tools coming yourway breaking it down more than
just what I said.
(15:31):
So again, what works forrelapse prevention?
So this is more about strategy.
Number one create a supportsystem.
Right, so write three to fivepeople you can text, call,
fucking, what is it?
If you want to voxer people,whatsapp, whatever DM, okay, and
(15:55):
that's not.
Even.
If you're not at that pointright now of where you can
express it to everybody thatyou're sober, text those people
and just ask them how they'redoing, because, guess what,
you're not thinking anymore.
You're out of your head.
You're asking somebody else howyou're doing.
You're focused on that.
That is actually taking sometime for yourself and in your
(16:15):
brain to not make it about you,okay, and when I say not make it
about you, it's just gettingoutside of your head and just
telling yourself to shut thefuck up for a minute and end
this.
But if you do wanna do it whereit's, hey, lauren, I'm gonna do
.
You mind if I text you fromtime to time, just sometimes, if
I'm having a bad time, right,whatever your mother, whoever it
(16:39):
may be, a gal pal whounderstands who's sober as well.
Create that for yourself.
Number two build daily groundingrituals.
A lot of your drinking became aritual.
It was associated withsomething right.
So now you have to do somethingthat's going to be good for it,
(16:59):
and I don't even care if youdid it still in your drinking
days.
You have to understand when youquit drinking.
You have changed, yourperception has changed.
So like, even if you read booksin your drinking days and
you're like, well, I read that,read it again because it's going
to hit differently and landdifferently with you now because
you have changed, you have madea shift right, you're going to
(17:23):
read it and it's going to hitand land differently with you.
So grounding rituals could bejournaling, walking, breath work
.
You want to pray, you want tosing some good vibes these
habits are going to keep youemotionally regulated.
Meditation throw that in there,right.
So these are likenon-negotiables.
Again, I'm not trying tooverwhelm you, but you could
take one of those and be likethis is my non-negotiable of the
(17:45):
day, because this is what helpsme.
My therapy walk is my lifeline.
That's saying to drink, butlike I look forward to pounding
that pavement with my walkingvest every day that I can, that
weather permits right.
And when I don't do it for a day, I can start kind of feeling it
(18:07):
.
If I don't do it for two daysI'm like whew, whew, right, and
then it's once I get out therethe other day, I just had to do
it, I did not want to do it.
I did not want to do it becausemy body hurt.
I was tired from the day beforebecause I broke a personal
(18:29):
record of walking with my veston.
And let me tell you though letme just tell you about the vest
real quick, because I'm sureyou've seen all people on social
media do it you only need likethe 10 to 12% of your body
weight.
Okay, and like, honestly, I'vebeen rocking mine because I get
questions about this.
I've been rocking the 10 sincelast summer, and yesterday or a
couple of days ago, whatever dayit was, I went three miles with
it on, and that was my highest,because I'm working my way up,
(18:53):
right, I don't want to overdo it.
You never want to overdo itwhere you feel like a bag of
dicks the next day.
But this day, because that wasthe farthest I went with that, I
was like, oh, I don't want todo this.
It was the start of that heatwave where it was like hard to
breathe outside because it wasso humid, but, being a summer
hoe, I still loved it and I waslike, all right, I'm going to
get through it, I'm just goingto do two miles.
I don't need to match what Idid yesterday, I just need to
(19:15):
get through it.
No-transcript make you feelgood where you're going to be
like yes, this is what gives melike that shot of dopamine, this
gives me a therapeutic vibe,right?
(19:39):
Number three an extra strategypractice.
Okay, you need to prepareyourself for triggering
situations.
So if this is like visualizingyourself leaving a triggering
situation, please do that.
A party, a conversation, avacation dinner have an escape
plan ready.
I might have to revamp thisepisode and put it now, since
(20:00):
we're at episode 230, but I'mgoing to redo the 60-minute rule
.
I'm going to redo it.
So, for people who are new hereand haven't gone back to the
full catalog, it's just a littlerevamp.
Right, where you just giveyourself an hour, because
oftentimes people are stillputting themselves and not
listening to their inner compassof staying longer at events
(20:23):
than you need to be or stayingin conversations longer than you
need to be, where then youstart sabotaging yourself, right
?
Number four know your red flags.
Keep a list when you'reisolating, doom scrolling,
skipping meals that cause you tothen have low blood sugar,
ignoring texts.
(20:44):
Those signs are to check in,and you need to check in with
yourself and be like is thisreally the direction you want to
go, because you know where thisis going to lead you.
You have to be radically honestwith yourself in this.
You do, and that's why,sometimes, too, it's like when
people have slips and relapses.
Fine, that was your lesson tolearn, right?
(21:08):
You need to learn that, becausehow many more times are you
going to keep burning yourselfyour hand on the stove until it
catches on where it's?
I can't do this anymore, butthis is the type of shit that
will help you not go thatdirection.
And number five create a cravingtoolbox.
Right, you need to smell abunch of oils calming, relaxing
(21:31):
oils.
Right, you need to smell abunch of oils calming, relaxing
oils.
You need to stock up.
You want a Cribs fridge in yourgarage.
Put a fridge in your garage.
Maybe get one of those littleones and just fill it up with
any beverages and I'm talking ifyou just want to now have a
little fridge full of Coca-Colas, dr Pepper spraysites, diet
Coke Orange Pop.
(21:53):
It doesn't even have to be themocktails and the NA beers, but
if you also want to have that,have that too.
If you just want to have a slewof sparkling waters, have a
slew of sparkling waters inthere.
This is now your new life thatyou're building with yourself.
The sky is the limit, whetheryou need to tune back into this
podcast to keep yourself incheck.
(22:14):
A mantra right, cravings pass.
Does not mean, though, that youneed to.
You don't need to give into thecravings.
Cravings are going to be there,and the more that you realize
that cravings are going to be apart of your process and your
journey, instead of fighting it,because the more you fight it,
the more it are going to be apart of your process and your
journey instead of fighting it,because the more you fight it,
(22:34):
the more it's going to drive youcrazy, where, if you're like,
okay, they are going to come.
They might come at the mostrandom ass times.
I need to be prepared for them,or I just need to ride it out,
because you were a strong assbitch and sometimes you just are
going to ride the shit out andwhite-knuckle it and it's going
to be gone and the next morningyou're going to wake up and be
(22:56):
like gee D, I can get throughthat, right?
I wish more people talked aboutthis.
If you do drink again, right?
What?
If you do Again don't shame,spiral what I said at the top of
this episode you didn't loseeverything, okay?
This is what you need to askyourself in that moment, after
(23:19):
it's happened, after the nextday, when you wake up and you're
like good God, what'd I do?
Right, ask yourself, what was Ireally needing in that moment?
And I get a lot of people whenI do that, ask me anything
Monday on the gram If you're notfollowing me on that gram,
please do so at Sober Vibes andI get this all the time.
It's what do I do?
Like I had so many months or acouple of years like what do I
(23:42):
do?
And it's you really need toagain be radically honest with
yourself and what did you needmore of that time?
Because this is where you haveto then to keep your ego in
check, right?
I can't tell you how many womenthat I have coached and it's
fine, I'm totally okay with it.
Or it's like I'm their lastresort.
(24:03):
I get it, I get it.
And that's where a lot of womenwho I end up coaching is they
did the dance, they triedeverything right, they tried it
on their own, or they're justlike this isn't.
I have to get outside of myself.
I need somebody for extraaccountability and support that
doesn't even know my life rightand it usually works.
(24:26):
So you need to ask yourself andI'm not saying that coaching is
for everybody, because it's not, but maybe you need to get your
ass into a meeting.
Maybe you need to ask yourselfand I'm not saying that coaching
is for everybody, because it'snot, but maybe you need to get
your ass into a meeting.
Maybe you need to go that routeand try AA, right?
Maybe you need to then findyourself a new therapist,
because the one you have is notworking anymore.
Maybe you're not even beinghonest with your therapist, and
so now it's time to be honestwith your therapist, right?
(24:48):
Maybe it's just you becamestagnant and that's what you
needed.
Maybe you needed to work onyour people pleasing, okay.
Another question to ask what canI learn here?
It's a learning lesson.
That's what I said.
Some people are going to burntheir hand on the stove 25 times
(25:10):
before it actually startssinking in.
What support do I need to moveforward?
And that's really a key forpeople is that they have to find
some type of support group.
Because here's the thing, and Iwill die on this hill If people
in your life do not have aproblematic relationship with
alcohol, they are never going tounderstand what you're going
(25:31):
through and what that is goingto do to you is that is going to
cause resentment and that isgoing then to cause you to drink
, because then you're going tosay in that default mode, it
doesn't even fucking matter,nobody cares, why am I doing
this, they can all drink right.
So you got to get away fromthat type of thinking and step
more into.
(25:52):
I need to find people.
However that looks like for you, what vibes with you?
What support do you need movingforward?
Maybe that's now being honestwith people and maybe that's
even you asking your husband fora different type of support
you've never asked for, or yourparents or whoever right.
Then you need to get back intoyour routine and recommit to
your why right?
(26:12):
I always say you're notstarting over, you're just
moving forward.
So that's why, again in the topof this episode, I said you
can't forget the times that youhad sober, and I want to say
this too, because I've heardthis a lot in my consult,
especially for women wherethey're like well, I was sober
(26:33):
during my pregnancy, okay, andit's almost like it's brushed
away and I have to say that'sstill nine months of not living
or not drinking alcohol, becausethere's a lot of women who, too
, drink in their pregnancy.
There's doctors who tell womenlike, yeah, it's okay, you can
have a glass of wine.
I never asked because clearly Iwas not drinking, but I know
(26:56):
that it's what like after you'rein your third trimester, it's
okay.
We need to hopefully have themedical world just stop
suggesting that to people withthis ass.
Like no, just don't drink, justdon't drink.
I don't care what the fuck yourgrandparents did.
Okay, because the greatestgeneration birthed the baby
(27:18):
boomers and sometimes they'renot all that right.
Okay, I kid, I kid Baby boomers, don't come at me, but I'm just
saying so.
If a doctor is listening hereand you have a patient, ask
about that maybe.
Just say just don't drink, justgo for it.
So women think that that'sexpected and the honest answer
is I guarantee you more womendrink pregnant than not.
(27:42):
I used to wait on.
I had many friends who drankwhen they were pregnant.
I used to wait on women who arepregnant and would sit there
and drink I don't care if it'sone glass of wine At this point
in 2025, we know the effects ofthe health effects alcohol has.
(28:02):
So, to the women who did notdrink for those nine to 10
months while being pregnant,kudos to you in that count.
I'm going to leave you with ajournal prop and an affirmation,
because I really hope that thisepisode helped you today and I
hope that you it landed wellwith you right.
But here's a prompt for you.
(28:23):
What are the earliest signs Inoticed when I'm slipping out of
alignment with my sobriety?
How can I respond to those?
Sooner Again?
I'm going to read it again.
What are the earliest signs Inoticed when I'm slipping out of
alignment with my sobriety?
How can I respond to those?
Sooner Again.
I'm going to read it again.
What are the earliest signs Inotice when I'm slipping out of
alignment with my sobriety?
How can I respond to thosesigns sooner?
And the affirmation, because Ilove an affirmation.
(28:45):
I protect my peace withpowerful choices.
I'm allowed to create space forhealing.
Again and again, I protect mypeace with powerful choices, I'm
allowed to create space forhealing again and again.
This shit's not a straight line.
It will be up and down, up anddown like a little chart.
Okay.
So just give yourself somegrace, soak in what I said today
(29:11):
and apply it, implement it andmove forward, and even maybe put
in an affirmation.
I am that bitch.
Okay, whatever it is, take theaffirmation, spin it where it
fits with you.
I know affirmations can be verycheesy when I started doing them
and looking in the mirror and Iwas like this is uncomfortable,
(29:33):
like I couldn't even make eyecontact with myself, but then
after a couple of days, I'm likeI'm bright, brilliant and
beautiful.
I'm exactly where I need to beright now, or I'm a sober woman,
like it just takes a couple ofdays to get used to this.
This is all a conditioning ofyour mind for the better.
So you deserve to feelempowered and prepared in your
(29:55):
sober journey, right?
This episode hit home.
I would love to hear from you,so screenshot it, tag me on
Instagram at Sober Vibes andshare your biggest takeaways
with me, as always.
If you haven't yet, please rate,review and subscribe to the
show, and if you're ever cravingdeeper support, I do have spots
open in my sobriety circle.
(30:15):
That is my group coachingprogram and one-on-one.
I have one-on-one spotscurrently for my sober coaching.
You start in the summer, itwill give you better grounding
for the fall and winter time,and even in 2026, okay, today is
always a great time to startyour sober journey.
(30:35):
Keep remembering this is againone day at a time and continuous
shifting of habits and into newhabits.
You're training an extremelyaddictive, toxic habit into
shifting into new positivehabits and mindset in particular
.
Okay, so we'll talk soon.
(30:58):
As always, keep on trucking andstay safe out there.
Thank you.
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast.
I'm your host and sober coach,courtney Anderson, and I am your
go-to guide to living a lifewithout alcohol.
You are listening to episode230.
Can I just say one?
I'm so stoked.
We're at 230 episodes and two.
Thank you, jesus.
Finally that summer is here,finally, like I am a hoe for
(00:56):
summer, there's currently a heatwave going on and I love it,
because it was cold here in PureMichigan, like on and off in
the beginning, at the end of Mayand the beginning of June, like
it just got summertime weathera couple days ago.
So give me more.
And for the people who have theseasonal depression in the
(01:18):
summertime, I feel you becausethat's how I feel in the
wintertime.
But I am going to soak all ofthis up before the pits of hell
comes back into Pure Michigan.
So for all my summer hoes outthere, we've made it, ladies and
gents, we've made it Okay.
So, moving right along, today'stopic is one I feel strongly
(01:39):
about.
I've done some episodes beforeof this, but I just feel like
right now, a lot of people needto hear this because we are in
summertime and I know summer canbe very, very listen any day
can be triggering, but I knowspecifically this the weather
can be very triggering, okay,and I coach about this a lot.
(02:01):
Today we're diving into relapseprevention right.
What is it?
What?
It's not Strategies that aregoing to help you stay on track
when life gets messy coachedabout this a lot.
Today we're diving into relapseprevention right.
What is it?
What it's not Strategies thatare going to help you stay on
track when life gets messy.
So again, whether you're on dayeight or you're on day 80 and
feeling fucking good, right, oryou're on year nine, this
episode is here to meet youwhere you are.
(02:21):
No shame, no judgment Again,just real talk and support.
So let's do this damn thing.
Let's define this, okay.
Let's define what is relapse,okay.
A relapse isn't just drinkingagain, right, because a lot of
people think that once you drinkagain, okay, relapse.
It's a return to an old patternof thinking and coping.
(02:44):
Sometimes there's even a lapsebefore the relapse, right, a
moment where you slip but youcatch yourself quickly.
And the truth about relapse itdoesn't mean that you failed,
okay.
It means something needsattention and a plan.
This is why I never look atanybody's relapse and slips and
(03:06):
all that as failures.
And when people beat themselvesup after going out after five
years, right, and there are.
In a sober, in your sobrietyjourney, there's big milestones
that are triggering as fuck.
After year one, I think, yearthree, year five, even up to 10
(03:28):
years, I mean, people can startdrinking at any time and you
just never.
You can't forget that timebefore.
Okay, if you've been there,right, you're not alone.
And if you haven't, thisepisode is about prevention and
preparation, okay, and with asmidge of empowerment, because
(03:49):
that's how we do this thing.
There's no room in this forshame anymore.
We are in 2025, and the shamegame, especially with this, is
so it's lame, so it's lame, it'slame, and but I get it, but
it's just.
It cannot be the choice anymore, right, like the shame spiral,
(04:12):
because when it comes todrinking, it is this is so
mindset, it is so mindset andit's a lot of work you have to
do and it's a lot of newpatterns you have to put into
place, because this is sofucking habitual.
It is so habitual and when it'sbeen in your year or your life
(04:33):
for 10 to 15, 20, 30 years likethat, you have work to do.
When you get sober, it's goingto take some time.
That's why I think it's greatwhen anybody feels good those
first 90 days, but you stillhave to do the day-to-day of
remembering where alcohol tookyou and that you need to tell
(04:57):
your ego to shut the fuck up inthis.
And that's a lot too after acouple months or years of why
people end up slipping andrelapsing is because they get
stagnant and they think they gotit like that.
Good people of the world, evenat, as I record this, 12 years
sober.
I'll be 13 years in August.
(05:19):
I fucking have to continue.
I'm not going to say every dayI have to work on this, but
there's points and if you'vebeen listening to this podcast
since day one, I will always bea continuous work in progress,
for fuck's sakes.
I just read Codependent no Morefor the fifth time.
Okay, I do believe when you getstagnant in your life
(05:45):
especially sobriety that iswhere the old thoughts come up
right and where it's just I cancontrol it, go back to it, and
usually there's other problemsare going on around that time.
So again, it's very easy foranybody to slip and you have to
continuously put ego in checkand make new lifestyle choices,
(06:08):
and it's about the consistencyof that.
So if you have had a slip and arelapse, okay, time to get back
on the wagon and work on thatconsistency, right, right, here
are five common triggers thatsneak up on you, and I kind of
just said some stuff, but I'mgoing to.
I broke it down for you.
So let's set the stage forrelapse.
(06:29):
Most of the time, it's notabout the drink, it's about
what's going on underneath.
That's what I'm talking about,about getting stagnant or
thinking that you got this.
Nobody ever should say like100% certainty, I fucking got
this okay, because you have tocheck yourself before you wreck
yourself.
So these are the five mostcommon triggers I see Emotional
(06:53):
overwhelm, right.
Anger, grief, anxiety, shame.
If you don't know how toprocess these appropriately or
right, you might want to numbout Okay, there's a lot of
people, too, who get sober andthey're like why don't I feel
better?
I'm not saying within thosefirst couple months, but over a
couple of years.
And then you have to ask thatperson that's well, what have
you been doing to help yourselfmove forward?
(07:15):
Because there is that type ofwork you have to do, whether
it's you're working with atherapist, whether it's you
fucking do some daily gratitude,mindset work especially.
You have to switch it aroundBecause, again, it's very easy
for me to when I answer people'squestions, especially on
Instagram it's.
I am very careful with that,right, because there's more to
(07:38):
just that question that aperson's asking me.
There's layers to layers ofthis and I have a lot of people
being like I don't feel good andI actually have something that
I'm announcing next week.
I'm very fucking stoked aboutthat's going to help a person in
this process, about when itcomes to emotional sobriety, and
that's the next layer that youhave to work on to keep moving
(08:02):
forward.
Number two isolation.
When you pull away from yoursupport system or your routines,
it gets real quiet and it'sdangerous that isolation,
because that is a normal.
That is a normal.
It's like almost a normaltrauma response and it's almost
a normal default mode wherepeople start isolating.
(08:23):
Very early on in my sister'sjourney, there would be some
patterns that came up where I'mlike that's why, too, we check
in with each other all the time,because it's like when I start
knowing seeing those patterns Ihaven't seen them in a long time
, but when I used to see thosepatterns, I'm like what's going
on with you, right, like you cansense it from a person and you
(08:46):
can probably sense yourselfstarting to isolate, maybe not
express so much anymore, and youcan, usually, you can usually
stop that.
You have to stop that in thetracks and be like nope, I'm not
going to go back to thisdefault mode, right, I'm not
going to go back to isolationand then sabotage this shit for
me, right?
(09:07):
Number three this is a big oneromanticizing drinking the just
one glass.
This is what I'm talking aboutwith this, like little devil
with this little POS inside.
Yeah, call it whatever you wantand part of the ego that comes
up, but the romanticizing thedrinking it's just the one glass
.
Fantasy, right, it's, it's,it's not good, but it takes some
(09:31):
time for it to detox your brain.
That's why, in your mind, bodyand soul, to detox that out of
there, because there was such aconditioning, there was such
like you guys, we were in a cult.
Okay, I want you to comparethis to a cult of the
brainwashing that you haveexperienced with the alcohol
(09:52):
game, right, and that you thinklike even to when you see it.
Because how it's been portrayedto us in the media, what we read
in books when they describealcohol, when characters are
drinking, what we've seen inmedia, what we've been told,
what an alcoholic looks like,the commercials, all that
condition, and then you'veconditioned yourself to believe
(10:14):
it and then add on your ownstory on top of it I deserve a
drink.
I earned this drink becausethen it becomes a reward system.
So, like when thatromanticizing comes up, you got
to kick it in the dick and belike no, you little son of a
bitch, you are not romantic, youare not sexy.
Because then the next daythere's nothing sexy about you
(10:38):
when I'm either in a shamespiral, dry, heaving all over
myself, not performing at mybest at work and telling my kids
maybe to beat it because I havea headache right, you know what
I mean or rushing throughsomething just so then you can
go drink again in the afternoonand feel better, right, anyone,
(11:01):
anyone.
Number four burnout,overcommitting, doing too much
perfectionism.
When you're exhausted,willpower and self-care suffer.
Listen, and I know this is notall about the willpower, but
there is some willpower in this,especially when you get into
your new daily routine.
(11:22):
I cannot tell you, majority ofwomen that I coach are all high
achievers and at some point inmy coaching container with them
we have to look into exactlywhat I just talked about the
overcommitting, doing too much,the perfectionism, because when
(11:43):
you do that and majority ofwomen do this it's fucking
exhausting, and so a lot ofwomen too, when they get sober
and they don't particularly workon this.
A lot of my one-on-one coachingparticularly works to the
personality that you are and whoyou were born.
Okay, so you were born this wayand like, at the core of your
(12:05):
personality, whether you're anintrovert, you're an extrovert
right, it really is figuring outyour sober journey to you.
But when you keep doing thiswhen you are sober and don't fix
it, you will relapse.
You will relapse.
You cannot keep going at thepace you were going in your
drinking days and your soberdays.
(12:26):
The reason you were able to getthrough all of that shit you
were doing is because you werejust drinking your way through
it.
Number five losing touch withyour why People don't think they
need to do this, and this issomething you have to beat
inside your soul of.
When you stop remindingyourself why you quit and don't
(12:47):
continue to do these tools, youopen the door to convincing
yourself.
You're going to go back andit's very easy to do, and even
through these years, I have hadto recommit to a why Okay.
So my why at the very beginningwas because I was a pig, pretty
much.
I mean, I'm just going to sayit, I was an animal.
(13:11):
And at that time, the time whenI finally said, okay, I'm done,
I need to live a life withoutthis, at that time it was like
my two people were Fiona, my dad, and Matthew, my then boyfriend
, who's now my husband, who'snow my baby daddy, right, and I
at that, like in the beginning,I had to put them in the front
(13:35):
right, because at that point,especially in the beginning,
sometimes you just don't loveyourself.
Okay, sometimes for people itworks for them, whether it's
your kids, an animal, a person,the relationship you're in, your
parents, whatever it is.
And then I shifted, becausethen I started to love myself, I
started to get self-esteem, Istarted to understand my
self-worth.
Then it became more about no,because I'm feeling good and
(13:59):
this is what I want and this iswhat's keeping me right and this
is what's keeping me alive.
And to get to that extreme thatis true for me I was on a path
of destruction.
It was bad.
I can't even picture over theselast 12 years, it's 444.
We love some angel numbers.
I just looked at my computer.
So for all my woo-woos outthere with the angel numbers,
(14:23):
here you go.
This is your sign.
So at the beginning sorry, theangel number just fucked me up.
It turned into me loving myselfin South North, right.
Then into it.
It was then on trying to have akid.
It was like I don't want to bethat drunk mom now having the
kid.
It was like I'm here, I want tobe present with him, right.
(14:47):
So, like I have redefined italong the way and that's what
you have to do.
And it doesn't matter.
If you feel good, okay, that'sgreat.
Even on days you feel good,have that reminder to yourself
of why you're not drinkingalcohol that day.
Again, not saying that you needto live in this, you don't
right but it's the centerpieceto keep you going forward.
So when you do have a shittyday, your default brain doesn't
(15:11):
go back to well, fuck it, I'mjust going to drink.
It's going to be like no, Idon't even think that way,
because that's not an option forme, because I've done so much
conditioning in my mind to bringme to this point.
Okay, you can't stay stuckright.
So I've got tools coming yourway breaking it down more than
just what I said.
(15:31):
So again, what works forrelapse prevention?
So this is more about strategy.
Number one create a supportsystem.
Right, so write three to fivepeople you can text, call,
fucking, what is it?
If you want to voxer people,whatsapp, whatever DM, okay, and
(15:55):
that's not.
Even.
If you're not at that pointright now of where you can
express it to everybody thatyou're sober, text those people
and just ask them how they'redoing, because, guess what,
you're not thinking anymore.
You're out of your head.
You're asking somebody else howyou're doing.
You're focused on that.
That is actually taking sometime for yourself and in your
(16:15):
brain to not make it about you,okay, and when I say not make it
about you, it's just gettingoutside of your head and just
telling yourself to shut thefuck up for a minute and end
this.
But if you do wanna do it whereit's, hey, lauren, I'm gonna do
.
You mind if I text you fromtime to time, just sometimes, if
I'm having a bad time, right,whatever your mother, whoever it
(16:39):
may be, a gal pal whounderstands who's sober as well.
Create that for yourself.
Number two build daily groundingrituals.
A lot of your drinking became aritual.
It was associated withsomething right.
So now you have to do somethingthat's going to be good for it,
(16:59):
and I don't even care if youdid it still in your drinking
days.
You have to understand when youquit drinking.
You have changed, yourperception has changed.
So like, even if you read booksin your drinking days and
you're like, well, I read that,read it again because it's going
to hit differently and landdifferently with you now because
you have changed, you have madea shift right, you're going to
(17:23):
read it and it's going to hitand land differently with you.
So grounding rituals could bejournaling, walking, breath work
.
You want to pray, you want tosing some good vibes these
habits are going to keep youemotionally regulated.
Meditation throw that in there,right.
So these are likenon-negotiables.
Again, I'm not trying tooverwhelm you, but you could
take one of those and be likethis is my non-negotiable of the
(17:45):
day, because this is what helpsme.
My therapy walk is my lifeline.
That's saying to drink, butlike I look forward to pounding
that pavement with my walkingvest every day that I can, that
weather permits right.
And when I don't do it for a day, I can start kind of feeling it
(18:07):
.
If I don't do it for two daysI'm like whew, whew, right, and
then it's once I get out therethe other day, I just had to do
it, I did not want to do it.
I did not want to do it becausemy body hurt.
I was tired from the day beforebecause I broke a personal
(18:29):
record of walking with my veston.
And let me tell you though letme just tell you about the vest
real quick, because I'm sureyou've seen all people on social
media do it you only need likethe 10 to 12% of your body
weight.
Okay, and like, honestly, I'vebeen rocking mine because I get
questions about this.
I've been rocking the 10 sincelast summer, and yesterday or a
couple of days ago, whatever dayit was, I went three miles with
it on, and that was my highest,because I'm working my way up,
(18:53):
right, I don't want to overdo it.
You never want to overdo itwhere you feel like a bag of
dicks the next day.
But this day, because that wasthe farthest I went with that, I
was like, oh, I don't want todo this.
It was the start of that heatwave where it was like hard to
breathe outside because it wasso humid, but, being a summer
hoe, I still loved it and I waslike, all right, I'm going to
get through it, I'm just goingto do two miles.
I don't need to match what Idid yesterday, I just need to
(19:15):
get through it.
No-transcript make you feelgood where you're going to be
like yes, this is what gives melike that shot of dopamine, this
gives me a therapeutic vibe,right?
(19:39):
Number three an extra strategypractice.
Okay, you need to prepareyourself for triggering
situations.
So if this is like visualizingyourself leaving a triggering
situation, please do that.
A party, a conversation, avacation dinner have an escape
plan ready.
I might have to revamp thisepisode and put it now, since
(20:00):
we're at episode 230, but I'mgoing to redo the 60-minute rule
.
I'm going to redo it.
So, for people who are new hereand haven't gone back to the
full catalog, it's just a littlerevamp.
Right, where you just giveyourself an hour, because
oftentimes people are stillputting themselves and not
listening to their inner compassof staying longer at events
(20:23):
than you need to be or stayingin conversations longer than you
need to be, where then youstart sabotaging yourself, right
?
Number four know your red flags.
Keep a list when you'reisolating, doom scrolling,
skipping meals that cause you tothen have low blood sugar,
ignoring texts.
(20:44):
Those signs are to check in,and you need to check in with
yourself and be like is thisreally the direction you want to
go, because you know where thisis going to lead you.
You have to be radically honestwith yourself in this.
You do, and that's why,sometimes, too, it's like when
people have slips and relapses.
Fine, that was your lesson tolearn, right?
(21:08):
You need to learn that, becausehow many more times are you
going to keep burning yourselfyour hand on the stove until it
catches on where it's?
I can't do this anymore, butthis is the type of shit that
will help you not go thatdirection.
And number five create a cravingtoolbox.
Right, you need to smell abunch of oils calming, relaxing
(21:31):
oils.
Right, you need to smell abunch of oils calming, relaxing
oils.
You need to stock up.
You want a Cribs fridge in yourgarage.
Put a fridge in your garage.
Maybe get one of those littleones and just fill it up with
any beverages and I'm talking ifyou just want to now have a
little fridge full of Coca-Colas, dr Pepper spraysites, diet
Coke Orange Pop.
(21:53):
It doesn't even have to be themocktails and the NA beers, but
if you also want to have that,have that too.
If you just want to have a slewof sparkling waters, have a
slew of sparkling waters inthere.
This is now your new life thatyou're building with yourself.
The sky is the limit, whetheryou need to tune back into this
podcast to keep yourself incheck.
(22:14):
A mantra right, cravings pass.
Does not mean, though, that youneed to.
You don't need to give into thecravings.
Cravings are going to be there,and the more that you realize
that cravings are going to be apart of your process and your
journey, instead of fighting it,because the more you fight it,
the more it are going to be apart of your process and your
journey instead of fighting it,because the more you fight it,
(22:34):
the more it's going to drive youcrazy, where, if you're like,
okay, they are going to come.
They might come at the mostrandom ass times.
I need to be prepared for them,or I just need to ride it out,
because you were a strong assbitch and sometimes you just are
going to ride the shit out andwhite-knuckle it and it's going
to be gone and the next morningyou're going to wake up and be
(22:56):
like gee D, I can get throughthat, right?
I wish more people talked aboutthis.
If you do drink again, right?
What?
If you do Again don't shame,spiral what I said at the top of
this episode you didn't loseeverything, okay?
This is what you need to askyourself in that moment, after
(23:19):
it's happened, after the nextday, when you wake up and you're
like good God, what'd I do?
Right, ask yourself, what was Ireally needing in that moment?
And I get a lot of people whenI do that, ask me anything
Monday on the gram If you're notfollowing me on that gram,
please do so at Sober Vibes andI get this all the time.
It's what do I do?
Like I had so many months or acouple of years like what do I
(23:42):
do?
And it's you really need toagain be radically honest with
yourself and what did you needmore of that time?
Because this is where you haveto then to keep your ego in
check, right?
I can't tell you how many womenthat I have coached and it's
fine, I'm totally okay with it.
Or it's like I'm their lastresort.
(24:03):
I get it, I get it.
And that's where a lot of womenwho I end up coaching is they
did the dance, they triedeverything right, they tried it
on their own, or they're justlike this isn't.
I have to get outside of myself.
I need somebody for extraaccountability and support that
doesn't even know my life rightand it usually works.
(24:26):
So you need to ask yourself andI'm not saying that coaching is
for everybody, because it's not, but maybe you need to get your
ass into a meeting.
Maybe you need to ask yourselfand I'm not saying that coaching
is for everybody, because it'snot, but maybe you need to get
your ass into a meeting.
Maybe you need to go that routeand try AA, right?
Maybe you need to then findyourself a new therapist,
because the one you have is notworking anymore.
Maybe you're not even beinghonest with your therapist, and
so now it's time to be honestwith your therapist, right?
(24:48):
Maybe it's just you becamestagnant and that's what you
needed.
Maybe you needed to work onyour people pleasing, okay.
Another question to ask what canI learn here?
It's a learning lesson.
That's what I said.
Some people are going to burntheir hand on the stove 25 times
(25:10):
before it actually startssinking in.
What support do I need to moveforward?
And that's really a key forpeople is that they have to find
some type of support group.
Because here's the thing, and Iwill die on this hill If people
in your life do not have aproblematic relationship with
alcohol, they are never going tounderstand what you're going
(25:31):
through and what that is goingto do to you is that is going to
cause resentment and that isgoing then to cause you to drink
, because then you're going tosay in that default mode, it
doesn't even fucking matter,nobody cares, why am I doing
this, they can all drink right.
So you got to get away fromthat type of thinking and step
more into.
(25:52):
I need to find people.
However that looks like for you, what vibes with you?
What support do you need movingforward?
Maybe that's now being honestwith people and maybe that's
even you asking your husband fora different type of support
you've never asked for, or yourparents or whoever right.
Then you need to get back intoyour routine and recommit to
your why right?
(26:12):
I always say you're notstarting over, you're just
moving forward.
So that's why, again in the topof this episode, I said you
can't forget the times that youhad sober, and I want to say
this too, because I've heardthis a lot in my consult,
especially for women wherethey're like well, I was sober
(26:33):
during my pregnancy, okay, andit's almost like it's brushed
away and I have to say that'sstill nine months of not living
or not drinking alcohol, becausethere's a lot of women who, too
, drink in their pregnancy.
There's doctors who tell womenlike, yeah, it's okay, you can
have a glass of wine.
I never asked because clearly Iwas not drinking, but I know
(26:56):
that it's what like after you'rein your third trimester, it's
okay.
We need to hopefully have themedical world just stop
suggesting that to people withthis ass.
Like no, just don't drink, justdon't drink.
I don't care what the fuck yourgrandparents did.
Okay, because the greatestgeneration birthed the baby
(27:18):
boomers and sometimes they'renot all that right.
Okay, I kid, I kid Baby boomers, don't come at me, but I'm just
saying so.
If a doctor is listening hereand you have a patient, ask
about that maybe.
Just say just don't drink, justgo for it.
So women think that that'sexpected and the honest answer
is I guarantee you more womendrink pregnant than not.
(27:42):
I used to wait on.
I had many friends who drankwhen they were pregnant.
I used to wait on women who arepregnant and would sit there
and drink I don't care if it'sone glass of wine At this point
in 2025, we know the effects ofthe health effects alcohol has.
(28:02):
So, to the women who did notdrink for those nine to 10
months while being pregnant,kudos to you in that count.
I'm going to leave you with ajournal prop and an affirmation,
because I really hope that thisepisode helped you today and I
hope that you it landed wellwith you right.
But here's a prompt for you.
(28:23):
What are the earliest signs Inoticed when I'm slipping out of
alignment with my sobriety?
How can I respond to those?
Sooner Again?
I'm going to read it again.
What are the earliest signs Inoticed when I'm slipping out of
alignment with my sobriety?
How can I respond to those?
Sooner Again.
I'm going to read it again.
What are the earliest signs Inotice when I'm slipping out of
alignment with my sobriety?
How can I respond to thosesigns sooner?
And the affirmation, because Ilove an affirmation.
(28:45):
I protect my peace withpowerful choices.
I'm allowed to create space forhealing.
Again and again, I protect mypeace with powerful choices, I'm
allowed to create space forhealing again and again.
This shit's not a straight line.
It will be up and down, up anddown like a little chart.
Okay.
So just give yourself somegrace, soak in what I said today
(29:11):
and apply it, implement it andmove forward, and even maybe put
in an affirmation.
I am that bitch.
Okay, whatever it is, take theaffirmation, spin it where it
fits with you.
I know affirmations can be verycheesy when I started doing them
and looking in the mirror and Iwas like this is uncomfortable,
(29:33):
like I couldn't even make eyecontact with myself, but then
after a couple of days, I'm likeI'm bright, brilliant and
beautiful.
I'm exactly where I need to beright now, or I'm a sober woman,
like it just takes a couple ofdays to get used to this.
This is all a conditioning ofyour mind for the better.
So you deserve to feelempowered and prepared in your
(29:55):
sober journey, right?
This episode hit home.
I would love to hear from you,so screenshot it, tag me on
Instagram at Sober Vibes andshare your biggest takeaways
with me, as always.
If you haven't yet, please rate,review and subscribe to the
show, and if you're ever cravingdeeper support, I do have spots
open in my sobriety circle.
(30:15):
That is my group coachingprogram and one-on-one.
I have one-on-one spotscurrently for my sober coaching.
You start in the summer, itwill give you better grounding
for the fall and winter time,and even in 2026, okay, today is
always a great time to startyour sober journey.
(30:35):
Keep remembering this is againone day at a time and continuous
shifting of habits and into newhabits.
You're training an extremelyaddictive, toxic habit into
shifting into new positivehabits and mindset in particular
.
Okay, so we'll talk soon.
(30:58):
As always, keep on trucking andstay safe out there.
Thank you.
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