June 19, 2025 • 59 mins
In episode 229 of the Sober Vibes podcast, I welcome Raechelle Embrey to the show, and we chat about how to heal from Perfectionism and People Pleasing, why so many women turn to alcohol, and how energy work, inner child healing, and setting boundaries can break the cycle.
Perfectionism, high achievement, and alcohol often go hand in hand, especially for high-functioning women who appear to have it all together on the outside but feel overwhelmed and disconnected on the inside.
Raechelle shares her personal story of growing up with a mother who had borderline personality disorder and how that experience shaped her perfectionism, people-pleasing, and eventual reliance on alcohol as a way to soften the pressure.
Raechelle Embry is a Business & Wealth Astrologer and Energetic Alchemist for audacious, highly sensitive high-achievers. She is a podcast host and energy coach.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why perfectionists often use alcohol to “soften” and feel less rigid
- How unhealed childhood trauma manifests as people-pleasing and self-abandonment
- The connection between borderline mothers and high-achieving daughters
- What “energetic boundaries” are and why they’re essential for recovery
- Inner child work as a tool for healing energy stored in the body
- How astrology can help identify patterns of self-abandonment
- Why it’s hard for high-achieving women to trust their own perception
- How codependency and control can show up even after quitting alcohol
If you’ve been doing all the work but still feel like something’s missing, this episode offers a new lens on emotional sobriety and healing at the energetic level.
Thank you for listening, and I hope it helps you today!
Resources Mentioned:
Connect with Raechelle:
Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.
Connect w/ Courtney:
Instagram
Join the Sobriety Circle
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Courtney Andersen (00:31):
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast
.
I am your host and sober coach,Courtney Anderson.
You are listening to episode229.
Today we are talking about whydo high-functioning women reach
for alcohol, and I have such anamazing guest.
I love this conversationbecause it was so woo-woo.
(00:51):
You are going to love it too.
I have Rochelle Embry on thepodcast today and she is an
energy coach and she will alsotell you what she does, because
she really is a jack all tradebut a lot of astrology in this
talk.
She is here to help you igniteyour soul activation and
(01:14):
spiritual evolution, so she getsinto her story as well, and I
just really loved thisconversation and I hope you love
it too.
She's also a podcast host, soyou can check out her podcast.
All of her information will bein the show notes below.
As always, reach out to me inmy DMs and let me know how this
(01:35):
episode helped you today and ifyou haven't already yet, please
rate, review and subscribe tothe show.
If you are also needing anyhelp in your sober journey, I do
have one-on-one coachingavailable right now, or you can
dive into the Sobriety Circle,which is my group coaching.
Membership Information is belowin the show notes, and I have a
(01:55):
fun announcement I will bemaking in July.
I have something amazing coming.
I've been working on it behindthe scenes, so I know it's going
to help you in your soberjourney.
All right, Enjoy today's episode.
As always, keep on trucking andstay safe out there.
Hey, Rachelle, Welcome to theSober Vibes podcast.
Hey, thank you for having me.
(02:16):
I'm very excited you are heretoday and I'm excited for our
conversations.
What, though, would you callyourself?
Are you like an energy coach?
Raechelle Embrey (02:33):
your own words of what you do.
Yeah, so my primary gift, Iwould say, is just being a
psychic channel, although I likethis to be very tangible, so
sometimes it's like referring tothat feels.
What does that mean?
But I work with energy in thebody.
I'm able to read and trackenergy in the body and help
people get in touch with theirbody so that we can recode old
energetic imprints.
Frequency alchemist, energyworker, psychic channel,
(02:55):
business astrologer, astrologerwhatever you want to call it.
Courtney Andersen (02:59):
I love it.
I love it, and you are also apodcast host, correct?
Raechelle Embrey (03:03):
Yes, I am, I do, I host.
I have a podcast called theUntamed Soul and I love it.
It's such a great channel forme.
It's a great outlet.
Courtney Andersen (03:11):
Isn't it?
This is why I like thepodcasting, because it's longer
form content right, and if youhave the gift of gab and you
like to talk, this is theperfect platform and place to do
it.
Raechelle Embrey (03:26):
Yeah, for sure , and it's such a safe place too
.
A lot of people don't realizethat, because it's like becomes
you're not having to be in frontof a room of people, you're
literally just pouring what's onyour heart and what you're, the
different things that youexperience or whatever it is.
Courtney Andersen (03:40):
It's just a great, yeah, and too, with that,
I like how you said, it's asafe space and, too, if you
don't just going back to now,what all we have with social
media, you don't have to beconnected, you don't have to be
on all the time when you podcast.
Raechelle Embrey (03:54):
Yeah, no, I mean the social media thing is I
do it because I feel we do needsome presence as an
entrepreneur, but it's truly not.
I do it to have that presenceso that people can go and get a
feel for my energy and see whatI'm about.
But ultimately, I mean thepodcast is what I just truly
love and jam with.
Courtney Andersen (04:15):
Yeah, that's great.
So how did you become arecovering perfectionist?
How did that happen in yourlife?
Raechelle Embrey (04:24):
Well, I mean, let's just say I feel like I
still very much do struggle.
I don't know that there's everlike a true, like recovery,
right, you know depends on whatI'm going through in life.
It's something I have to catchmyself in and I feel like that
is the recovery of it Knowingwhen I'm getting so stuck in
control and trying to have itall be a certain way and life
(04:48):
and all the things.
But I feel that for me, thereally big so I'm 47.
And I feel like the biggest hitfor me was when I made a
cross-country move, trulyentirely on intuition, and moved
across country and when I gotto where I was at I just kind of
(05:10):
went into a collapse almost.
And there was so much around mehappening in my life.
I lost a very dear friend whowas like a mother to me, of lung
cancer.
I ended a long-termrelationship with a man that was
never going.
He just didn't have the samevalues as me.
We're actually really goodfriends now, but we weren't
going anywhere.
Covid had just ended, soeverything was just kind of in
(05:34):
this really weird state of fluxand when I made the move I just
thought I was going to be soliberated from everything.
And I got out here and Irealized all of that shit was
still there.
Everything was still there,everything that I was battling
with internally, things like lowself-esteem, things like not
having enough confidence, asmuch confidence as I would have.
(05:57):
As I thought that I did right.
I was blindsiding myself in alot of ways and a lot of people
pleasing a lot of peoplepleasing a lot of just
sacrificing my truth for otherpeople, for their well being,
and what in that was this likeneed behind all of it was to be
so good, to be so right to, tobe seen as somebody that had it
(06:22):
all together, to be seen assomebody that was enough, was
the good girlfriend, the goodbusiness owner, the good boss,
the good, everything In that itjust it became very apparent.
I got really actually prettysick.
My body broke out in some weirdrash that they had to biopsy
and I had some rare shinglesdisease that was all through my
(06:47):
body, okay, and I just couldn't.
I couldn't heal it, I couldn'tkick it and I've always been a
really healthy person.
And around that time is when Iwas starting to drink a lot more
.
Actually, in that relationshipI was drinking a lot more and at
first it was like wine andeverything like that, and then
it became more oh well, let megrab the liquor because that's a
(07:08):
quicker hit.
I never even drank much liquor,but it was just like this
quicker hit to be able to relax.
And when I couldn't heal whatwas going on with my body and
there were a couple of otherissues that were coming up
physically and health wise, andI was just like you can't do
this anymore.
And I think that was really thebig kicker.
The reality hit for me that I,even though I thought I was you
(07:33):
know, if you connect with me I'mpretty chill, pretty laid back,
but on the inside I was not-what though?
Courtney Andersen (07:41):
so what did perfectionism look like for you?
Raechelle Embrey (07:45):
Oh my gosh, so many things.
I mean it looked like anythingfrom.
I couldn't.
I wouldn't even allow myself tosleep in, and sleeping in for
me would be like 6 am, okay.
So if I wasn't up by 5.30, Iwas unproductive.
I was already behind.
I worked nonstop.
(08:05):
I was holding a lot of sessionsfor a lot of people, so I was
doing anywhere in the realm of20 to 25 sessions with people.
I also have another business ofanimal communication, so
between animals and humans, itwas just like this on, on, on 25
a day, in a week, in a week.
Courtney Andersen (08:23):
Okay, that's a lot.
Raechelle Embrey (08:24):
It's a lot.
I don't even know how I did it.
Courtney Andersen (08:29):
Do you actually look back at that as
we're talking about it?
Does it exhaust you to thinkthat you used to do that?
Raechelle Embrey (08:35):
Yeah, and in truth I was operating on so much
adrenaline, I was in overdrive.
I mean, it was just trying tomask the pain that was had
happened of life and of traumaand micro traumas and macro
traumas, and it also was a lotof.
I had a lot of body dysmorphia,okay, and even though I was
(08:56):
like a size two and very lean itwas, I could never see myself
for that shape.
And it was this the workout,the exercise, the diet,
everything was so strict andrigid and and even then, so I
and I, I always just felt like Iwas never enough and even in
(09:16):
all those things, it was likeI'm not doing enough, I'm not
creating enough, I'm not makingenough, I'm not.
It was just this very highstate of never feeling like I
was good enough.
And to me, that's how theperfectionist in me played out,
of always having to make sureeverything in my external
reality was just so, you know,my hair was done right.
(09:37):
I couldn't show up on socialmedia without being like
perfectly curated, by theperfectly curated brand, the
perfectly curated.
If I went to go do amasterclass or a workshop, it
had to be, I would freeze, andif it wasn't done, just, I would
just basically rerecord,rerecord, rerecord, rerecord and
just not really do things likelaunch my podcast because I was
(09:59):
so afraid of not having it Alsomanifested in a.
Really, I think a lot of peopledon't realize that behind
perfectionism, for me it was alot yes, there's control, which
I think we all know that, butthere was a lot of fear of
rejection If I don't have itjust so that I'm going to be
abandoned or rejected.
And that played out in a lot oftoxic patterns and
(10:21):
relationships.
And even after I left the Xwhich I thought, well, I've
liberated myself from that andeven after I left the ex, which
I thought, well, I've liberatedmyself from that I didn't fall
into the people pleasing thinganymore, but I was still
attracting men that werebringing out that in me and I
had dated this guy.
So I have a lot of religioustrauma too.
And so I dated this guy and wemet totally random and it was on
(10:46):
a girl's weekend away and weended up connecting and it was a
long distance relationship andwe became very close.
We had gotten really close andhe told me that he was a really
very religious Methodist andthat's, and I was like totally
(11:09):
cool, whatever.
But in that he was like I don'tthink I can support what you do
.
And yeah, so it wasn't.
Just I'm religious, it's Ican't support what you do.
And I'm really struggling withit and I just immediately it
made me collapse on the insidebecause I thought here comes
somebody validating I trulybelieve that the people and the
(11:33):
experiences that we attract area mirror of our internal world,
absolutely Always 1000%.
And do you know, in that momentI almost was like maybe I won't
do this.
Yeah, oh, I'm sure I mean I justas I say that cause, I was like
yet this is something that Ibuilt for 10 years Right and,
(11:57):
and ultimately he left me and,being just a very, I think, man
of integrity, still he was justcould see this collapse
happening and where I was selfabandoning.
And even though I wastraumatized by that and the way
that he left, I am eternallygrateful for that, because there
were even things like well, I,if we're, if we stay together, I
(12:19):
never want you to have morethan two animals.
I never.
Courtney Andersen (12:22):
I fight dogs .
It's like never want you tohave more than two animals.
I never.
I have five dogs.
It's like the flags were comingup.
Raechelle Embrey (12:27):
You saw the flags, I saw them, but I was, I
was sacrificing myself, I wasself-abandoning.
And again, that that comes downto this in this dynamic, these
things, even though I logicallyknew they were wrong and I was
just like this is crazy to me,but on the inside it was coming
out in this way of this personthat I had fallen in love with
(12:51):
again and not actually so likesacrificing so much of who I was
for another person.
And I think that's a reallysneaky way of perfectionism that
we don't realize is, if I do itthis way, then I'll be
acceptable and he'll love mestill and I like it was the
biggest blessing to this day I'mso grateful for for him leaving
(13:15):
, because that was the realmoment.
So this was I moved that you'regoing about a year into this
move and that was the momentbecause when he left, I was
devastated over a six monththing and I mean hit the floor,
I just completely annihilated,devastated, and I went through
(13:39):
about four weeks of this andthat is when I realized nobody
should ever have this impact onyou, ever If you truly loved
yourself, right, nobody.
You might mourn, you mightgrieve, you might cry, but at
the end of the day you wouldnever give yourself, give your
(13:59):
power, give your truth,sacrifice these things for any
person ever.
And that's when I think thereal recovery really started to
happen.
Courtney Andersen (14:09):
Yeah, Previous to that, did you work
on any?
You said you had religioustrauma.
Any trauma from your past didyou work on?
Or did this all just come outat once, all that energy?
Because that trauma that youhave not dealt with is energy in
your body and it comes out,like you said, with the shingle
(14:33):
rash right and all of theseother ways that it starts coming
out.
So did you work on any of thatprevious to this?
Raechelle Embrey (14:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean therapy.
I'm no stranger to it.
I mean, since I was a teenager,just because of there were
things with the body dysmorphia,I had eating disorder and I
also went a really long route ofdrug experimentation and
cleaned up from all of thataround like 2021.
And I did do some medicationbut ultimately came off of that,
(15:03):
and that's when I got intoenergy.
Work is around 20.
I think I was around 21, 22years old and worked with a
really dear friend who became amentor around that, and so
that's how I started to reallyunderstand energy and the body
and how to move it, and thatthat was really a truly a gift
of mine and how intuitive I was,which a lot of women don't
(15:25):
realize.
This, too, is like how that weare.
If a lot of women that are inperfectionism, that do reach for
alcohol to, we're extremelysensitive to energies, and that
means collective energies, thatmeans other people's energies.
(15:46):
You walk into a room and for me, alcohol also was a strong, and
this I've only realizedrecently as I've been diving
more and more into justreleasing, releasing, releasing
how much it was a comfort ofsocial, and I thought that's not
who I am, but that's how Iconnected with my father who was
an alcoholic.
That was the only way it wasthrough alcohol and so I
(16:09):
actually didn't even drink foran entire decade at all and I
think I had thought I conquereda lot of this in the 3D,
logically, mentally, and if youlooked at me, everything was
going right.
But what was happening wasafter that decade and this is
why I love astrology, becauseyou could look back at my
(16:30):
astrology and go, yeah, that wascoming and and I started to
have these.
I bought a business.
I was 27 and bought thisbusiness and rehabbed it and did
all the things it was agrooming salon, actually and
built it to a $350,000 a yeargrooming salon, which is really
hard to do in the groomingindustry, and it was very
(16:53):
suffering when I bought it andthe mirror for me was the
employees.
So I would get employees andeverything would be great, but
eventually they would feel theywould.
It would become this likealmost power struggle where they
would feel like they knew morethan me or they wanted more, and
then they would constantly putme down or I mean and some of
them got outright abusive, veryI mean.
(17:15):
If I told you the whole story,you'd be like how would you ever
deal with that?
But I was just like feeling Ifelt as though if I didn't have
them, I couldn't make thisbusiness work.
And again, just all these waysof what I gave my power away,
not realizing like I'm.
The business grew because of me,because of what I put into it,
my vision, but because I didn'tbelieve in myself.
And so I think that's when,even though I'd done a lot of
(17:38):
therapy, this is when it becameafter the grooming salon.
This is when it became evenmore apparent how important
astrology, energy work,understanding, not just to me.
I thought, well, I didn't havethese.
Yes, growing up with analcoholic dad can be very
traumatic, and I did grow upwith a mother both my parents
(18:01):
are deceased with a mother whowas borderline and also very
hyper, paranoid and sufferedfrom depression, and she was
extremely manipulative.
So I was the child.
Courtney Andersen (18:11):
Borderline personality disorder.
Raechelle Embrey (18:13):
Yes, yeah, I'm familiar.
Thank God, did you have thesame experience?
Courtney Andersen (18:20):
Yes.
Raechelle Embrey (18:20):
Yes.
Courtney Andersen (18:21):
With a mother?
Yes, yeah, and she's stillalive today.
Both my parents are.
But yeah, so I'm picking upwhat you're laying down.
I get it, because, guess,people who come from I have to
say that if there's like bipolarborderline, because they're
very like one's right underneatheach other but you get it.
You're in this club because nota lot of people understand what
(18:43):
that looks like and how youhave to continue to deal with
that.
That's a lifelong thing thatyou have to deal with as a child
and you then, especially in asituation like you were in both
it's like then you become theparent and the child.
Raechelle Embrey (18:59):
Yeah, absolutely, You're so right, and
I have a Capricorn moon and anastrology.
If you have a Capricorn moon,like guaranteed.
You were put in situationswhere you were the adult, very
young and you had to grow upextremely young, and this is
again like astrology gave me alot of understanding of all of
this and I've worked withastrology for ages, decades but
(19:19):
it wasn't really until I startedto use it actually helped
recode my energy, that it reallymade the impact.
And so, understanding theseimprints, like the Capricorn
moon and and some of thislanguage I'm not going to go too
deep into it, but Pluto on myrising and my ascendant I'm sure
most people listening areprobably familiar with the sun
or ascendant or moon sign to acertain degree.
(19:39):
But yeah, so there there wasthese imprints that it just goes
beyond your sun, moon andrising, that there's these
imprints coded into our chartthat are unique to each of us.
There is no astrological chartthat is exactly the same, even
if you're a twin.
It's not.
There's something in there thatis going to be a little bit
different.
Feedback and regardless outsideof astrology, it's like you
(20:01):
could take myself and then Ihave two sisters.
Outside of astrology, it's likeyou could take myself and then
I have two sisters and we areall from the same parents, but
we all handled our environmententirely different, entirely
different.
So, there's also our genetichardwiring that is within us.
That is just who we are as anindividual and I do think
(20:24):
astrology does give us big codesto that but, like my younger
sister, ended up being a heroinaddict for 10 years, going into
lots of chaotic, narcissistic,abusive, physically abusive
relationships, and it's sointeresting to see how we all
deal with it.
Whereas I was like the highachiever, the performer, because
(20:45):
that's the only way I was everseen, and there was a lot of
favoritism, my mother, tan, myyounger sister was the golden
child and my older sister wasfive years older and she was
very much the golden child.
But to my grandparents, toother people in the family, so I
really and they both have saidto me now you and I don't, I
(21:08):
never even thought about it likethis, because I just was
resilient and I just moved onand I got through stuff.
And they both say to me now youreally got the hard end and I'm
like I don't even want to lookat it like that because it's I
don't want to see myself as avictim and I do believe I had
those things, all of theseexperiences brought to me
because it's I don't think Iwould.
(21:30):
I know it's not even.
I don't think I know I wouldnot be able to hold the space
that I do for people that comeinto my world, who finally feel
seen, who finally feel free toput it all out there and deal
with deep imprints of trauma intheir body without having to
like relive it.
But they get to go there andfinally just feel freedom in
(21:52):
their lives and and ease and Iwould not be able to hold space
for that.
I've been in so many coachingcontainers, I have been in
masterminds.
I have worked with so manydifferent people into this date.
I have been in masterminds.
I have worked with so manydifferent people and to this
date I have not found one personthat could hold that space like
that.
Courtney Andersen (22:10):
Because it's a gift.
Like, honestly, when we talkabout impasse and what it's a
blessing and a curse, right,because it's a lot.
It's a lot.
A lot of people who listen tothis are impasse or highly
sensitive.
And it's a blessing and a curse, right, because you do.
(22:31):
At the end it's okay.
You do have to find what worksfor you to release it and not
take it on, but that's years ofwork and practice to get that
right, but you just have thegift.
That's all it comes under.
I had to say that to a clientbefore.
I told her I was like you justgot the gift, because I'm always
like the sounding board topeople.
And then I was like because youhave the energy and you can't
(22:54):
keep fighting it or resisting it, because it just doesn't work
like that, because it's part ofwho you are.
Raechelle Embrey (23:01):
Yeah, it is, and it's not everybody.
I mean, and people are likedon't you get drained by that?
I'm like, no, I don't eventhink about it when I'm done at
the end of the day.
It's not something that I'mlike I don't.
I mean, I don't talk about itwith my head, I'm just like I go
on my life.
I think when I get drained byit, it's more of me looking at
me Am I enough?
Did I do enough?
Did I hold enough space?
(23:22):
And so much of that I meantruly is is dissipated and gone.
But when I go to createsomething new that's going to
come out, there's thesedifferent core wounds that are
am I enough?
Is this going to make an impact?
The fear of rejection is sostrong for me because of being
(23:43):
so rejected in such silent ways,growing up and having to
mediate the family, and then youmediate and then they call you
in and then you're that badchild.
It's because you're you don'tagree, or you're giving a
different perspective, or you'rejust telling your parents I,
you guys, would be better off ifyou were divorced.
This is insane.
Why are you doing this?
(24:04):
And and I would, I and I wasthe adult in that way and stuff
and I I feel like a lot ofpeople that you know and my
younger sister.
She is finally doing really well.
It does come in flows andcycles, yep, and I do feel like
she has the same gift and shejust never really stopped
(24:27):
because her grabbing was thedrugs or the chaos.
Yeah, the chaos made her feelsafe, so she's one that has had
to seek out medication andthings to help stabilize that,
which I'm so glad for becauseit's made her a totally
different person and now she cannow work with the energy in her
(24:48):
body and start to create a lifeand understand like creating a
life filled with chaos is notthe way.
Courtney Andersen (24:55):
That chaos cycle.
Some people just becomeaddicted to that.
It's a great break, yeah,Especially too, if that was what
you were born in and that waswhat you were raised in.
Feeling quote unquote, normal.
That feels terrible becauseyou're constantly waiting for
that shoe to drop and sometimesthen it's well, then, let me
(25:17):
create that shoe dropping.
Raechelle Embrey (25:19):
Exactly, and it's, and it's when it it's.
Even, even if you think aboutthe story that I've shared with
you, like even on the outside,as I recovered recovered I spent
a lot of time about two yearsafter that didn't date really
went into, working a lot with myfeminine energy and
understanding that andunderstanding how to get out of
(25:40):
control, how to speak my truth,how to set healthy boundaries
without being so rigid, how tocommunicate what I'm feeling,
what I need, what I want, what Ineed, what I want, and and
really, because so many womenare just, they're just so afraid
to have a conversation becausethey feel like that might
disappoint whomever they're with.
And I get really good at thatand and even in in those times,
(26:05):
I started to realize the moreand more that I was refining
this within, how much I wasstill looping in chaos in my
mind.
Of course, I recall in arelationship where another guy
tried to control or thencompletely abandoned me, because
that's the familiar, that's thechaos, that, even though, no, I
wasn't out creating this in anabusive relationship or drugs or
(26:29):
the toxicity necessarily I wasstill very much attracting
experiences that created thisexternal chaos that I had to now
move through.
Courtney Andersen (26:40):
Yeah, so how did you move through that
though?
Raechelle Embrey (26:44):
Oh, my gosh, years, years of recognition, and
I think it got easier andeasier, and I mean really in my
40s, from the time that I movedhere really getting to where I'm
at and the move that I made andI would say it was always a lot
it got better and better andbetter to, but to the point
(27:06):
where what I call the energeticrecode, where it's that's not
even a part of my existencethough, where it's that's not
even a part of my existencethough, that that type of man
would not even come into myorbit at this point, those type
of energies, but there was stillsubtle things that would play
out, subtle energetic recodesthat would have to happen in it.
And I feel like for me it wasthe constant recognition of body
(27:29):
awareness, of how does thisfeel in my body, and trusting
that and not gaslighting myself,because I've been gaslit all my
life.
And when you grow up with, likewe did with a borderline mother
or that, that bipolar who'smanipulative, you really the
hardest thing to learn is totrust your perception of people.
(27:51):
And I get chills as I say thatbecause I have so much grace for
that, because it's if you havenot lived that, and this is why,
being in a lot of coachingcontainers, like I have been,
it's like they would just somewould just be like you got to
get over this, you got to get onwith this, and it's until I
understood deeply that trauma is.
(28:13):
It's stored in the way thatthose patterns really played out
.
And so when I say businessmentor, that's actually what I
help, not help I guide women todo this for themselves, because
it's the freeze that you feel,the fears, the chaos, the reason
why money doesn't come in, thereason why things feel the way
(28:34):
that they do, is because of thattrauma.
You might have confronted it inthe 3D, like I did, like you did
, but if you have not totallyhealed it in your body and
cleared it from your body, yourenergy field is still emanating
that frequency and so that'swhat you're getting is more of
that.
To mirror that back to you, andI feel like for me, so much of
this and for clients, it's yes,I use tools like astrology to
(29:00):
bring awareness and really shinea light and illuminate for an
individual, for a person.
Of this this is really real,this is why you have this and
but there's a power to this.
There's always, for everyshadow.
There is like a high frequencypattern that needs to be
expressed in that, and so I feellike that's what I started to
(29:22):
look at.
This is not something to fix, asit was more of.
As you are seeing this inyourself.
It's coming back to thisremembrance of who you actually
are, and that really helped mebreak free from it, because I
was always looking at it as howdo I fix this?
How do I fix this?
How do I get addicted to it, tothe fixing which will just make
(29:44):
you want to numb out to alcoholat a whole other level.
I got to fix myself and how doyou turn this off?
And the only way is this isn'tlike a physical loneliness.
Courtney Andersen (30:14):
I have people around me and then I had
to think back and I was like, oh, this is something I've always
felt since I was a child andinstead of continuing to push it
away because, again, when youstart pushing away things that
are your makeup right I havefound it easier to just accept
(30:38):
and this, okay, I will figureout how to live with this.
You know what I mean.
But then when I figured outabout that emotional loneliness
it's just what I call it rightthat it's maybe something that's
never going to go away, becauseI didn't get those needs met
when I was a child and of what Igrew up in.
(31:00):
So I have just learned toaccept it and it doesn't come up
like it used to, right, becausethen I just think that's in the
process of the healing work.
But if it were to come upnowadays, it would just be like,
okay, no problem, what do Ineed right now just to deal with
this?
And I think that that's thequestions people need to start
(31:22):
asking themselves of.
Let me not get the quick fix.
But what do I need to do to?
What do I need?
Do I need a hug?
Do I need to go to sleep?
Do I need to start talking to atherapist at this point,
because I've never done therapy.
Do I need to start doing someinner child work, like there's
answers to it, or do I just needto sit in it and that's okay
(31:43):
too?
Raechelle Embrey (31:44):
Yeah, the inner child work was really
powerful for me too, but a lotof the ways that people taught
it initially to me it didn'treally resonate, and so some of
the ways that I found that thatto be really helpful is it's
more of it's almost like goingin and bringing her into my life
now and when I recognize thatthat part of me and you're and
(32:07):
you're so right, because I feellike there is this heaviness
that comes with this life thatif you're put into this life
like we have and it used to makeme sad Is this really it.
This is what I have to, but Ifeel like I'm so grateful for
(32:29):
all that I've learned and allthat I know and I'm married now,
through a lot of my own health,to a beautiful, amazing man.
But also it's like he wouldn't,he doesn't understand any of
this.
He has so much compassion forme and he can hold a lot of
space for that and never, I meanhe's been so amazing for me,
(32:50):
like wit, to be witnessed bysomebody who's just like when
I'm like in my zones of beingsuper hard on myself or the.
It's never enough.
And just you know, I am a highachiever, I do, and I'm more
high achieving than he is andbut he helps me ground it, which
is great to be seen by somebody, but it is me feeling you know,
(33:11):
and and I, and so for me, likethe inner child, work comes into
almost seeing her and wherethis?
They do this in a lot of theenergy work.
That's why I call it the recode, the energetic recode, because
it's like going into thattimeline, to that experience
that is, that your body'sholding on and it's going to.
(33:32):
It's usually multipleexperiences, it's not just the
one, but it usually startssomewhere in that inner child
and then through the experiencesas we grow in adulthood and
it's it's going in and seeingher and witnessing her, but also
seeing that pattern, but givingin that moment, almost like at
the being the advocator for herand and that has been
(33:55):
tremendously helpful for me.
So it's giving you context.
So one this example might makea little bit more sense with
this so one experience that Ihad and when I went into my body
and dropped in into it to feellike where this energy was
coming up and this was helpfulfor me and releasing alcohol
actually.
(34:15):
So this experience was likewhere did this start?
Why are you craving this all ofa sudden at this point in your
life like this, because itwasn't always like that and it
actually went to a time when Iwas around five years old and I
was on a swing in my backyard awooden swing and my parents were
fighting very bad on the insideand inside the house and my
(34:36):
younger sister was in there andmy parents were fighting and I
just had to stay outside.
But when I went inside it wasvery clear they were fighting
because my father was cheatingon my mother and what came to me
and what I saw after that wasactually quite surprising
because it was my mom reachingfor a wooden spoon and spanking
me and this memory coming up ofI don't remember much from seven
(35:04):
earlier, but I know I wasn'tsexually abused and this really
reflected back to me.
You don't remember it becauseyour mother took out all of that
.
She projected all of that ontoyou because my dad started
cheating when I was born and inmy mom's mind, even though she
wasn't consciously projectingthat, it was this putting that
(35:25):
on me and I never understoodthat.
Six months before she passedaway she apologized to me
profusely and said I reallyregret how I was with you the
most and I never understood it.
And I get chills as I say thatbecause I feel she's probably
here, she always is hearing, andwe have a great relationship in
spirit.
It took a long time to get there.
She's actually a really cool inspirit mom, but that was so
(35:50):
eye-opening for me of why, nomatter what, and what was coming
through was shame I just hadshame in my body.
I felt like, no matter what Idid, it wasn't enough.
And there was just all this,this realization of oh my God,
and and it, and so in thosemoments what I start to do is
(36:11):
like when she would come in andhave the wooden spoons, like I
jump in and I'm like no, you arenot doing this anymore.
And it's almost coming into that, that in the energy and the in
the visual or whatever in thebody, and so really advocating
for that child and treating herlike she's my own.
And what would I do if she wasmy child child, treating her
(36:34):
like she's my own and what wouldI do if she was my child.
And that's been really helpfulfor me, truly, because it's your
body doesn't differentiate onceyou get into those memories of
that not happening or happeningRight, and when you're really
doing this and you're listeningto your body and it's guided by
your body, it's, it's going tofeel like truth to your body and
then from there what I love todo is take that child in and
(36:58):
then go through all thetimelines where this also
manifested itself in my reality,like to the multitudes of women
that I have called into my life.
I cannot tell you and that wasreally eye-opening too that
experience of like.
I cannot tell you and that wasreally eye-opening too, that
experience of like why I havehad so many women come into my
life who projected so evilly tome I mean evil and I would be
(37:21):
celebrated and like the bestthing ever.
And then we'd get close and ayear into it it's just like
you're slayed, you are literallythe evil person.
Hello, that started right then.
My mother did, and so for me itwas really helpful to go in and
bring that energy, bring thatadvocacy into those experiences
(37:44):
that are standing out the mostin that particular recode and
then coming in and showing thatchild my life now, my fun with
my dogs, what I do with dogs andmy beautiful husband and the
house that we've created and howeven his kids live here and
that was a big adjustment for metoo.
They're older, but it was stillan adjustment how I have moved
through self-abandonment, how Icontinue to do that and and the
(38:08):
clients and the business and thetravels and the things that are
in, but also like how I'vehealed these things.
I feel like that is so helpfulwhen you can learn to guide
yourself through that process orhave somebody guide you through
that process, because there'sso much energy that shifts in
that and it's just amazing forme it is it is, and, too, I mean
(38:31):
.
Courtney Andersen (38:31):
What you're saying as well is that this is
also too a work in progress.
This isn't just one time.
It's as you said.
It's too like still stuff thatcomes up, because that kind of
stuff is embedded in you andthat type of belief system where
it takes you, it takes, it'spractice.
It is practice, for sure.
(38:52):
So why do you think, though,with with high functioning women
, why they reach for alcohol?
Raechelle Embrey (38:59):
Oh my gosh.
Well for one, everything thatwe've discussed so far and I
said a lot of women.
They want to feel ease.
Yeah, they want to soften, yeah, they want to just feel like.
Yeah, they want to soften, yeah, they want to just feel like
not so rigid.
And I think alcohol for highachieving women in perfectionist
and type a it's like they havethat drink and they feel like I
(39:23):
can just all this isn't weighingon me anymore and a lot of us
are truthfully holding energyand space for a lot of people
and even if you don't have abusiness doing, doing what you
and I do, it doesn't matter.
You're probably still holding alot of energy in your home for
your household, not havingstrong what I call energetic
(39:43):
boundaries, yeah, and so thesethings just feel heavy, and the
way to for me it was like, well,just feel heavy.
And the way to for me it waslike, well, I have a drink and I
feel light and I can laugh andI'm not all uptight and rigid
and thought I could have bettersex and better that.
I just more carefree, more fun.
Yeah, really, the reality isit's not it.
(40:06):
We have all that ability to dothat within ourselves when we
actually work with our ownunique energy, when we start to
realize and feel safe, justbeing us, without having to put
on a suit or a mask or whateverfor everybody, and start to just
really feel like that lettinggo and that ease comes in
allowing yourself to be fullyexpressed as you as an
(40:28):
individual.
The heaviness, the lightness,because I'm a ton of fun, but I
thought alcohol would make memore fun or that I wasn't fun.
It's like these illusions thatwe tell ourselves right, because
we're so hard on ourselves, andit's like we don't even see
ourselves the way that otherpeople see ourselves.
And it's my husband's babe,you're so much fun and I don't
even think you realize it andI'm like I don't, I think I'm
(40:51):
just uptight.
That's the, that is the storythat I tell myself.
So we're, we tell ourselvesthese stories, we tell ourselves
these lies, we tell ourselvesthese illusions and see
ourselves from this likecompletely delusional way.
Courtney Andersen (41:04):
That's just not truth.
Yes, and a lot of those storieswere told to us, right, and
that it's not ones that we evencreated for ourselves.
So that's where it's likereally fucked up.
It's like you're taking onsomebody else's story that they
told you when you were three.
So that is what's crazy.
But, yes, for the highfunctioning women, the high
(41:28):
achievers, people pleasers, theperfectionists it's all what you
said about.
It's all about giving intoothers before giving to yourself
.
I am a huge fan of protectingyour energy.
I say it a lot.
You just said energy boundaries, right?
So what would that look like?
Raechelle Embrey (41:50):
Yes, there are practices that you'll hear in
the spiritual community likesuit yourself up, cloak yourself
.
Those are all fine and good,but that's not actually getting
to the root, so it doesn't.
You're just kind of putting onlike a tool right inside.
Are you like freezing upbecause your husband just really
(42:13):
hurt your feelings and youdon't want to say what it is and
you bottle it all up.
You know what I mean.
And then it's in your body andyou're bottling it all up
because you're so afraid ofdisappointing him, you're so
afraid of hurting him, you're soafraid of him having to be hear
what you say, maybe getting mador whatever, and anticipating
this and maybe sometimes theymight get upset.
(42:35):
But if you're in a healthyrelationship they probably will
be more disappointed inthemselves and apologize.
And when you learn how to havethese conversations in a way
that isn't how we were modeledand learned, that is complete
chaos and yelling anddisturbance.
You can literally say in twominutes or less hey, babe,
(43:00):
something's just not sittingright with me and I got to tell
you this really hurt when thathappened and this is a pattern
that I'm realizing.
When that happens, I don't feelseen or whatever it is, and I
know you didn't mean it, butthis is kind of something that
there's many ways to do it.
It depends on the extremeextremity of like how extreme it
is.
Courtney Andersen (43:20):
But what I've seen is a lot of the times
these things are very minor butwe are making them quite large
yes, and then even to freezingup, like that of what you said,
or sitting there and then whenyou don't say anything you are
then creating a resentment.
I was just going to sayresentment, you were in
(43:40):
resentment honestly, and if youwould have just said something
which is going to be reallyawkward and uncomfortable in the
beginning, when you startspeaking up for yourself.
And just because you speak upfor yourself, it doesn't mean
that it's going to then be likeyou're divorced or friendship
ends or you're fired.
Well, the firing thing might bea little bit different, but it
(44:02):
just comes down to you have tostart speaking up for yourself
because that resentment is goingto eat you alive and then
usually then it goes into youdrinking to numb out that
feeling of your anger, yoursadness, all of that.
(44:22):
So resentments are the pits.
Raechelle Embrey (44:25):
Yeah, it is.
And I want to say this becauseat first, when it does come,
when you first start, reallythere's two things coming
through here.
But at first, when you firststart understanding that you do
need to speak up and speak yourtruth and when I say speak your
truth, what I mean by this islike all of the things that
(44:46):
you're stuffing down that you'reafraid to say, and you
recognize it and you know it.
And that's when we start toenergetically hold somebody else
up by worrying about if they'regoing to be disappointed.
That's not our responsibility,that's their responsibility.
And I have to really startsaying that we are not
responsible for other people'semotional wellbeing.
I mean, obviously we don't wantto be terrorists or anything,
(45:07):
but we're not responsible forhow they choose to handle
themselves in their lives.
But we are responsible forourselves.
And so at first it's going tobe messy.
You're probably going to sounda little ragey, a little.
I'm not sure what I can saylanguage here but maybe a little
cunty a little bitchy and Ialways tell women that's okay,
(45:31):
that's better initially, becauseyou have all this resentment in
and you haven't also learnedhow to have these conversations
and so it's better to get it outand I just say, if you're in a
relationship with with somebody,let them know.
Look, I'm working through thisand I'm going to need you to be
really patient with me becausesometimes it might not be, it's
(45:52):
not going to come off the bestand I'm very sorry ahead of time
.
But also I need to work throughthis because I and it's only
going to deepen yourrelationship and men men
actually appreciate a healthyman or healthy masculine,
whatever your dynamic is.
A healthy masculine is reallyactually going to appreciate
that and appreciate you workingthrough this and hold space for
(46:15):
that.
While it's messy, it reallywill.
It's how you word it and justthe knowing that it is going to
be a little messy and you're notgoing to have it perfect
initially.
But with each conversation thathappens like that, you can look
back and not oh my God, I wassuch a bitch.
If more, okay, I do feel better.
I've got that off my chest, butI didn't really love how I
(46:36):
handled it.
How could I maybe approach it alittle softer next time.
And this is, it's a processwhen this was not modeled to you
.
This is a process and you'relearning as you go and it does
get easier to the point where Imean I can't.
I don't know.
We, I can't even remember thelast time.
Yes, we've had some arguments.
(46:56):
We met at 44 and 40 and 52 andhe has two kids and then we
moved in and when I met myhusband, my father was dying of
alcoholism.
So yeah, I mean we've had a lotthat we moved through in a time
.
So I'm not going to say therewas never an intense argument,
but I can't remember the lasttime.
Through having grace for eachother, through those times of
(47:18):
we're going to feel a littlemessy while we figure out each
other's traumas and things likethat, know what's going to make
him feel safe, what makes mefeel safe, how there's just
always this reorganization.
As you're learning this.
Courtney Andersen (47:31):
Oh yeah, 100%.
And your relationship itchanges.
It's like an ebb and flow.
But that's just awareness andrelationships are you said it?
When you have not witnessed ahealthy relationship, you can't
just think that you're going tohave a healthy relationship.
It's you, you've never beenmodeled it.
So you have to start gettinghealthy with yourself and then
(47:56):
that relationship, if it isthere, and have a partner if you
have a partner who wants towork on that with you because
some people don't want to behealthy and that's not yours to
take on, that's their own bagWell, I could talk to you
forever and ever.
I could really keep going, butwhere can people find you?
Raechelle Embrey (48:14):
So I have the podcast, the untamed soul, which
is just a great way just tocome in and binge learn a little
bit about astrology.
I do break it down in reallytangible ways.
I would say most people thatare in my world are not
astrologer enthusiasts but theyrealize how impactful it is and
it's more of just likeunderstanding it in very
practical ways that can reallyhelp you, really really help
(48:36):
immediately recode energy inyour body.
So there's lots of stuff onthat.
Energetics, all types of.
I share a lot about collectiveenergies because that is so
important to know if you'rehighly sensitive, because those
collective energies,astrologically, whatever's
happening, is going to impactyou more than what you realize.
So that is a great place to getstarted.
(48:57):
And then my website is ray rayradiant vibes.
I'm, I'll, I'll link it offlinks and I am on instagram.
I do post regularly, just quickhits and just whatever comes
through.
And and I do have a beautifulcollective called the Quantum
Mystic Collective.
That is an ongoing, it's moreof a membership style but it's
(49:19):
an annual option in there andthen you can dip your toes in it
if you just want to explore andget a feel for it.
That is $144 a month and thenthe annual is actually like a
really great value.
And I do, I hold, I do monthlyenergetic activation, which is
like where we go in and we'rereally working with the energy
in the body and and recoding,clearing out.
(49:41):
I share weekly drops, aboutthree to four times a week, on
collective energies.
Anything like that comesthrough to me like energetics
that you know and this wastelling, was telling you.
On this, I'll give you a freetransmission from
self-abandonment to self-trustand coincide it with the Libra
full moon.
But it doesn't matter, it'sstill, we're still in that
(50:02):
energy and also I think we couldalways learn about
self-abandonment to self-trust.
That's a very sneaky way ofpeople pleasing there.
That's in that, so I'll sharethat with your, your, your.
Courtney Andersen (50:13):
Libra full moons people pleasers.
Raechelle Embrey (50:16):
Okay, the Libra full moon was.
I don't know when this podcastwill come out, but Libra, if you
have a Libra energy in you, yetyou are, I'm a Libra rising, so
yeah, hello.
Courtney Andersen (50:28):
Well, I don't know if I'm a full moon or
whatever that.
I never knew what I am.
Raechelle Embrey (50:33):
Yeah, I mean, I can look it up for you if you
want.
What is your time of birth?
Oh God, I would have to ask mymother.
Yeah, find out and I can look itup for you.
You would be fascinated at how.
But yes, if you are a Libra,the shadow of Libra energy
whether you're Libra, risingLibra, moon, saturn and Libra,
(50:55):
whatever, I don't know there'sall these different layers here
in astrology it's very nuanced.
The shadow of this is verycodependent.
People pleasing a lot ofself-abandonment.
You are, like I always say,like Libras are the energy
balancers of the collective.
Libras are the energy balancersof the collective.
(51:16):
So whether you realize it ornot or want to own this, it
doesn't matter.
You are walking into rooms andyou're always balancing energies
.
So it's definitely like in theshadow can get very like where
you're totally inself-abandonment, in the higher
frequency.
You actually are here to findthat autonomy and unity you know
(51:40):
as a very collaborative energy,but it's in your own autonomy
and then coming into that unityand it's through you finding
that in yourself that youactually balance energy with
ease.
It's not hard on your bodyanymore, it's not physically
hard on your body, but Libraenergies have been through it
(52:00):
over the last two and a halfyears and you've probably seen,
I'm sure, in your experience ofhow much you've probably even to
a deeper level of healing andgreater awareness on even some
other subtle ways of of a lot ofthose shadows have played out,
but we're we're getting our time.
It's, it's happening.
Courtney Andersen (52:20):
What day?
What day were you born?
Raechelle Embrey (52:23):
For me, I'm an Aquarius.
I was born February, yeah, soI'm an Aquarius sun.
But we have what's called arising sign and that is where
the sun was at when you wereborn.
On the horizon that changesevery hour through the day.
So I'm a Libra rising and thenwe have our moon sign, which is
(52:43):
where the moon was at in the sky.
Those are called your big threeand I'm a Capricorn moon.
Courtney Andersen (52:49):
Okay, yeah, all what you said for Libras is
very real.
Codependency I have worked on alot and currently right now I
have to start working on itagain because it's come up a
little bit of just what's goingon in my life.
My dad currently has cancer, soI'm like I have to.
(53:09):
I got to dig deep.
I keep it's something I keepsaying with my sister.
I'm like I have to.
I got to dig deep.
I keep it's something I keepsaying with my sister.
I'm like I got to bust outcodependent.
No more that book.
If you've ever read it, it'swonderful, but yeah, but it's a
con.
That's the thing Like when itcomes to this type of stuff it,
it, it will come up and it'sjust, it's a work.
You just have to keep workingwhen it comes up, when it starts
(53:31):
showing itself.
Raechelle Embrey (53:33):
Yeah, yeah.
And it's like with that, withyour dad having cancer, like how
can you tend to him in thoseways?
This is such Libra energy.
It's like how can I tend?
And for women in general it'syes, and maybe many people could
be listening and they're notLibras, right.
It's like how can I tend tothem, knowing that you are a
deeply energetic, intuitivewoman and can probably sense and
(53:56):
know things, and they maychoose a very different path of
handling things.
And we have to surrender andrelease that control and let
people be on their path and letthem make those choices.
And even if it makes absolutelyno sense to us, we have to
surrender that and even if itmakes absolutely no sense to us,
like we have to surrender thatWell, and my sister and I are on
that path of.
Courtney Andersen (54:17):
This is his, this is his walk, and that's
when, like, how I've beenhandling this is how I know the
amount of work I've done onmyself that has helped me in
this moment.
But there's still thatcodependency is like a kind of
popping up, like a whack-a-mole.
It's just like all right, Ijust got to reread this book and
work through that and it'sgoing to be on my end.
(54:40):
It will be okay.
Because if you go into that, ifyou go full on, then it's like
that kind of shit will make aperson sick.
Raechelle Embrey (54:48):
It will, and just to what you're saying, it's
like it's come up.
This is another reason why Ilove understanding astrology,
because when you actually knowhow the planets in the sky so
you have your own chart but theplanets in the sky are also
moving and having conversationswith your chart, so there's
probably something guaranteedI'm going to say with I already
(55:08):
probably know what's happeningin your chart is knowing is, yes
, these things come, these, thisexperience coming up, based on
a particular and I don't want tooverwhelm anybody with this but
there's the, where the nodesare in the sky, and so that's
probably hitting your chart in avery certain way.
Where it's, yes, it would makeso much sense that you would
have to be in this extracaretaker role right now, and
(55:32):
then having to define at thislevel of your life, right, with
all that you have learned,because we don't stop growing.
If you stop growing, you're notliving, and so there's just
deeper levels of growth.
So maybe you have healedthrough so much codependency
with the level of what you wereat before.
(55:53):
Well, now you're at a whole newlevel.
You're serving women.
You're out here, you're doingthis.
You opted for a massiveinitiation.
You opted for that by coming.
I opted for this.
So we are always going to havethese initiations of growth at
an even deeper level, because wehave to move through that in
order to understand and learnhow to help other people move
(56:16):
through the same thing and fasttrack their process, essentially
.
But with astrology, it's reallyfascinating to be able to see
how that actually is playing outtoo, and the way that these
planets are probably speaking toyour chart and say okay, you've
done this at so many layers,but now we're going to do this
at an even deeper layer.
(56:37):
That's not just the partner,that's not just the friend, it's
the father.
Courtney Andersen (56:42):
Oh yeah, and if you look at it too, it's
like how this is?
It's like the two people thatyou come from, who, where?
Then you get codependency andwhy codependency happens, and
then it's like on and comingback, it's okay, it is.
I mean, this is, this, is youcould go, and I know it is on a
(57:03):
deeper level of where I'm atwith him yeah, did your father
drink or where did?
Raechelle Embrey (57:10):
is that where the alcohol?
yeah, yeah, I just kind of gotthat vibe because it it felt and
I know we're up on time butit's when my father died of the
alcoholism.
I thought I was very like, yes,it was horrible to watch
somebody die like that, right,but also it's a weird
(57:31):
codependency that happened afterthat where I really didn't
drink.
But then I went through aboutsix to eight months, as we were
transitioning in here, that Iwas drinking more and we carry
energetic imprints of ourparents.
We carry their energetic capsand those caps, even when they
leave this earth, are still here.
(57:51):
Those imprints are still hereand we still have to alchemize
them and neutralize them.
So probably you're doing a lotof pre-work in neutralizing I
don't know what kind of cancerhe has, but it's it's.
I think it's great that it'shappening for you now because it
will ease that.
Courtney Andersen (58:12):
I'm very grateful that, in that I have
worked through my addiction withalcohol, that this is happening
now, because I wouldn't havebeen, it would have been a
disaster 12, 15 years ago.
Yeah, I'm grateful that it'shappening now, where I can
handle it in a healthier way.
Raechelle Embrey (58:33):
Yeah, for sure , so yeah.
Courtney Andersen (58:36):
All right, well, thank you so much.
Like I said, you might have tocome back to this show and do
another podcast.
Raechelle Embrey (58:42):
Oh, I will Absolutely.
I love this.
This is my jam.
It's been great to connect withyou and talk with you as well.
Thanks for having me.
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast
.
I am your host and sober coach,Courtney Anderson.
You are listening to episode229.
Today we are talking about whydo high-functioning women reach
for alcohol, and I have such anamazing guest.
I love this conversationbecause it was so woo-woo.
(00:51):
You are going to love it too.
I have Rochelle Embry on thepodcast today and she is an
energy coach and she will alsotell you what she does, because
she really is a jack all tradebut a lot of astrology in this
talk.
She is here to help you igniteyour soul activation and
(01:14):
spiritual evolution, so she getsinto her story as well, and I
just really loved thisconversation and I hope you love
it too.
She's also a podcast host, soyou can check out her podcast.
All of her information will bein the show notes below.
As always, reach out to me inmy DMs and let me know how this
(01:35):
episode helped you today and ifyou haven't already yet, please
rate, review and subscribe tothe show.
If you are also needing anyhelp in your sober journey, I do
have one-on-one coachingavailable right now, or you can
dive into the Sobriety Circle,which is my group coaching.
Membership Information is belowin the show notes, and I have a
(01:55):
fun announcement I will bemaking in July.
I have something amazing coming.
I've been working on it behindthe scenes, so I know it's going
to help you in your soberjourney.
All right, Enjoy today's episode.
As always, keep on trucking andstay safe out there.
Hey, Rachelle, Welcome to theSober Vibes podcast.
Hey, thank you for having me.
(02:16):
I'm very excited you are heretoday and I'm excited for our
conversations.
What, though, would you callyourself?
Are you like an energy coach?
Raechelle Embrey (02:33):
your own words of what you do.
Yeah, so my primary gift, Iwould say, is just being a
psychic channel, although I likethis to be very tangible, so
sometimes it's like referring tothat feels.
What does that mean?
But I work with energy in thebody.
I'm able to read and trackenergy in the body and help
people get in touch with theirbody so that we can recode old
energetic imprints.
Frequency alchemist, energyworker, psychic channel,
(02:55):
business astrologer, astrologerwhatever you want to call it.
Courtney Andersen (02:59):
I love it.
I love it, and you are also apodcast host, correct?
Raechelle Embrey (03:03):
Yes, I am, I do, I host.
I have a podcast called theUntamed Soul and I love it.
It's such a great channel forme.
It's a great outlet.
Courtney Andersen (03:11):
Isn't it?
This is why I like thepodcasting, because it's longer
form content right, and if youhave the gift of gab and you
like to talk, this is theperfect platform and place to do
it.
Raechelle Embrey (03:26):
Yeah, for sure , and it's such a safe place too
.
A lot of people don't realizethat, because it's like becomes
you're not having to be in frontof a room of people, you're
literally just pouring what's onyour heart and what you're, the
different things that youexperience or whatever it is.
Courtney Andersen (03:40):
It's just a great, yeah, and too, with that,
I like how you said, it's asafe space and, too, if you
don't just going back to now,what all we have with social
media, you don't have to beconnected, you don't have to be
on all the time when you podcast.
Raechelle Embrey (03:54):
Yeah, no, I mean the social media thing is I
do it because I feel we do needsome presence as an
entrepreneur, but it's truly not.
I do it to have that presenceso that people can go and get a
feel for my energy and see whatI'm about.
But ultimately, I mean thepodcast is what I just truly
love and jam with.
Courtney Andersen (04:15):
Yeah, that's great.
So how did you become arecovering perfectionist?
How did that happen in yourlife?
Raechelle Embrey (04:24):
Well, I mean, let's just say I feel like I
still very much do struggle.
I don't know that there's everlike a true, like recovery,
right, you know depends on whatI'm going through in life.
It's something I have to catchmyself in and I feel like that
is the recovery of it Knowingwhen I'm getting so stuck in
control and trying to have itall be a certain way and life
(04:48):
and all the things.
But I feel that for me, thereally big so I'm 47.
And I feel like the biggest hitfor me was when I made a
cross-country move, trulyentirely on intuition, and moved
across country and when I gotto where I was at I just kind of
(05:10):
went into a collapse almost.
And there was so much around mehappening in my life.
I lost a very dear friend whowas like a mother to me, of lung
cancer.
I ended a long-termrelationship with a man that was
never going.
He just didn't have the samevalues as me.
We're actually really goodfriends now, but we weren't
going anywhere.
Covid had just ended, soeverything was just kind of in
(05:34):
this really weird state of fluxand when I made the move I just
thought I was going to be soliberated from everything.
And I got out here and Irealized all of that shit was
still there.
Everything was still there,everything that I was battling
with internally, things like lowself-esteem, things like not
having enough confidence, asmuch confidence as I would have.
(05:57):
As I thought that I did right.
I was blindsiding myself in alot of ways and a lot of people
pleasing a lot of peoplepleasing a lot of just
sacrificing my truth for otherpeople, for their well being,
and what in that was this likeneed behind all of it was to be
so good, to be so right to, tobe seen as somebody that had it
(06:22):
all together, to be seen assomebody that was enough, was
the good girlfriend, the goodbusiness owner, the good boss,
the good, everything In that itjust it became very apparent.
I got really actually prettysick.
My body broke out in some weirdrash that they had to biopsy
and I had some rare shinglesdisease that was all through my
(06:47):
body, okay, and I just couldn't.
I couldn't heal it, I couldn'tkick it and I've always been a
really healthy person.
And around that time is when Iwas starting to drink a lot more
.
Actually, in that relationshipI was drinking a lot more and at
first it was like wine andeverything like that, and then
it became more oh well, let megrab the liquor because that's a
(07:08):
quicker hit.
I never even drank much liquor,but it was just like this
quicker hit to be able to relax.
And when I couldn't heal whatwas going on with my body and
there were a couple of otherissues that were coming up
physically and health wise, andI was just like you can't do
this anymore.
And I think that was really thebig kicker.
The reality hit for me that I,even though I thought I was you
(07:33):
know, if you connect with me I'mpretty chill, pretty laid back,
but on the inside I was not-what though?
Courtney Andersen (07:41):
so what did perfectionism look like for you?
Raechelle Embrey (07:45):
Oh my gosh, so many things.
I mean it looked like anythingfrom.
I couldn't.
I wouldn't even allow myself tosleep in, and sleeping in for
me would be like 6 am, okay.
So if I wasn't up by 5.30, Iwas unproductive.
I was already behind.
I worked nonstop.
(08:05):
I was holding a lot of sessionsfor a lot of people, so I was
doing anywhere in the realm of20 to 25 sessions with people.
I also have another business ofanimal communication, so
between animals and humans, itwas just like this on, on, on 25
a day, in a week, in a week.
Courtney Andersen (08:23):
Okay, that's a lot.
Raechelle Embrey (08:24):
It's a lot.
I don't even know how I did it.
Courtney Andersen (08:29):
Do you actually look back at that as
we're talking about it?
Does it exhaust you to thinkthat you used to do that?
Raechelle Embrey (08:35):
Yeah, and in truth I was operating on so much
adrenaline, I was in overdrive.
I mean, it was just trying tomask the pain that was had
happened of life and of traumaand micro traumas and macro
traumas, and it also was a lotof.
I had a lot of body dysmorphia,okay, and even though I was
(08:56):
like a size two and very lean itwas, I could never see myself
for that shape.
And it was this the workout,the exercise, the diet,
everything was so strict andrigid and and even then, so I
and I, I always just felt like Iwas never enough and even in
(09:16):
all those things, it was likeI'm not doing enough, I'm not
creating enough, I'm not makingenough, I'm not.
It was just this very highstate of never feeling like I
was good enough.
And to me, that's how theperfectionist in me played out,
of always having to make sureeverything in my external
reality was just so, you know,my hair was done right.
(09:37):
I couldn't show up on socialmedia without being like
perfectly curated, by theperfectly curated brand, the
perfectly curated.
If I went to go do amasterclass or a workshop, it
had to be, I would freeze, andif it wasn't done, just, I would
just basically rerecord,rerecord, rerecord, rerecord and
just not really do things likelaunch my podcast because I was
(09:59):
so afraid of not having it Alsomanifested in a.
Really, I think a lot of peopledon't realize that behind
perfectionism, for me it was alot yes, there's control, which
I think we all know that, butthere was a lot of fear of
rejection If I don't have itjust so that I'm going to be
abandoned or rejected.
And that played out in a lot oftoxic patterns and
(10:21):
relationships.
And even after I left the Xwhich I thought, well, I've
liberated myself from that andeven after I left the ex, which
I thought, well, I've liberatedmyself from that I didn't fall
into the people pleasing thinganymore, but I was still
attracting men that werebringing out that in me and I
had dated this guy.
So I have a lot of religioustrauma too.
And so I dated this guy and wemet totally random and it was on
(10:46):
a girl's weekend away and weended up connecting and it was a
long distance relationship andwe became very close.
We had gotten really close andhe told me that he was a really
very religious Methodist andthat's, and I was like totally
(11:09):
cool, whatever.
But in that he was like I don'tthink I can support what you do
.
And yeah, so it wasn't.
Just I'm religious, it's Ican't support what you do.
And I'm really struggling withit and I just immediately it
made me collapse on the insidebecause I thought here comes
somebody validating I trulybelieve that the people and the
(11:33):
experiences that we attract area mirror of our internal world,
absolutely Always 1000%.
And do you know, in that momentI almost was like maybe I won't
do this.
Yeah, oh, I'm sure I mean I justas I say that cause, I was like
yet this is something that Ibuilt for 10 years Right and,
(11:57):
and ultimately he left me and,being just a very, I think, man
of integrity, still he was justcould see this collapse
happening and where I was selfabandoning.
And even though I wastraumatized by that and the way
that he left, I am eternallygrateful for that, because there
were even things like well, I,if we're, if we stay together, I
(12:19):
never want you to have morethan two animals.
I never.
Courtney Andersen (12:22):
I fight dogs .
It's like never want you tohave more than two animals.
I never.
I have five dogs.
It's like the flags were comingup.
Raechelle Embrey (12:27):
You saw the flags, I saw them, but I was, I
was sacrificing myself, I wasself-abandoning.
And again, that that comes downto this in this dynamic, these
things, even though I logicallyknew they were wrong and I was
just like this is crazy to me,but on the inside it was coming
out in this way of this personthat I had fallen in love with
(12:51):
again and not actually so likesacrificing so much of who I was
for another person.
And I think that's a reallysneaky way of perfectionism that
we don't realize is, if I do itthis way, then I'll be
acceptable and he'll love mestill and I like it was the
biggest blessing to this day I'mso grateful for for him leaving
(13:15):
, because that was the realmoment.
So this was I moved that you'regoing about a year into this
move and that was the momentbecause when he left, I was
devastated over a six monththing and I mean hit the floor,
I just completely annihilated,devastated, and I went through
(13:39):
about four weeks of this andthat is when I realized nobody
should ever have this impact onyou, ever If you truly loved
yourself, right, nobody.
You might mourn, you mightgrieve, you might cry, but at
the end of the day you wouldnever give yourself, give your
(13:59):
power, give your truth,sacrifice these things for any
person ever.
And that's when I think thereal recovery really started to
happen.
Courtney Andersen (14:09):
Yeah, Previous to that, did you work
on any?
You said you had religioustrauma.
Any trauma from your past didyou work on?
Or did this all just come outat once, all that energy?
Because that trauma that youhave not dealt with is energy in
your body and it comes out,like you said, with the shingle
(14:33):
rash right and all of theseother ways that it starts coming
out.
So did you work on any of thatprevious to this?
Raechelle Embrey (14:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean therapy.
I'm no stranger to it.
I mean, since I was a teenager,just because of there were
things with the body dysmorphia,I had eating disorder and I
also went a really long route ofdrug experimentation and
cleaned up from all of thataround like 2021.
And I did do some medicationbut ultimately came off of that,
(15:03):
and that's when I got intoenergy.
Work is around 20.
I think I was around 21, 22years old and worked with a
really dear friend who became amentor around that, and so
that's how I started to reallyunderstand energy and the body
and how to move it, and thatthat was really a truly a gift
of mine and how intuitive I was,which a lot of women don't
(15:25):
realize.
This, too, is like how that weare.
If a lot of women that are inperfectionism, that do reach for
alcohol to, we're extremelysensitive to energies, and that
means collective energies, thatmeans other people's energies.
(15:46):
You walk into a room and for me, alcohol also was a strong, and
this I've only realizedrecently as I've been diving
more and more into justreleasing, releasing, releasing
how much it was a comfort ofsocial, and I thought that's not
who I am, but that's how Iconnected with my father who was
an alcoholic.
That was the only way it wasthrough alcohol and so I
(16:09):
actually didn't even drink foran entire decade at all and I
think I had thought I conquereda lot of this in the 3D,
logically, mentally, and if youlooked at me, everything was
going right.
But what was happening wasafter that decade and this is
why I love astrology, becauseyou could look back at my
(16:30):
astrology and go, yeah, that wascoming and and I started to
have these.
I bought a business.
I was 27 and bought thisbusiness and rehabbed it and did
all the things it was agrooming salon, actually and
built it to a $350,000 a yeargrooming salon, which is really
hard to do in the groomingindustry, and it was very
(16:53):
suffering when I bought it andthe mirror for me was the
employees.
So I would get employees andeverything would be great, but
eventually they would feel theywould.
It would become this likealmost power struggle where they
would feel like they knew morethan me or they wanted more, and
then they would constantly putme down or I mean and some of
them got outright abusive, veryI mean.
(17:15):
If I told you the whole story,you'd be like how would you ever
deal with that?
But I was just like feeling Ifelt as though if I didn't have
them, I couldn't make thisbusiness work.
And again, just all these waysof what I gave my power away,
not realizing like I'm.
The business grew because of me,because of what I put into it,
my vision, but because I didn'tbelieve in myself.
And so I think that's when,even though I'd done a lot of
(17:38):
therapy, this is when it becameafter the grooming salon.
This is when it became evenmore apparent how important
astrology, energy work,understanding, not just to me.
I thought, well, I didn't havethese.
Yes, growing up with analcoholic dad can be very
traumatic, and I did grow upwith a mother both my parents
(18:01):
are deceased with a mother whowas borderline and also very
hyper, paranoid and sufferedfrom depression, and she was
extremely manipulative.
So I was the child.
Courtney Andersen (18:11):
Borderline personality disorder.
Raechelle Embrey (18:13):
Yes, yeah, I'm familiar.
Thank God, did you have thesame experience?
Courtney Andersen (18:20):
Yes.
Raechelle Embrey (18:20):
Yes.
Courtney Andersen (18:21):
With a mother?
Yes, yeah, and she's stillalive today.
Both my parents are.
But yeah, so I'm picking upwhat you're laying down.
I get it, because, guess,people who come from I have to
say that if there's like bipolarborderline, because they're
very like one's right underneatheach other but you get it.
You're in this club because nota lot of people understand what
(18:43):
that looks like and how youhave to continue to deal with
that.
That's a lifelong thing thatyou have to deal with as a child
and you then, especially in asituation like you were in both
it's like then you become theparent and the child.
Raechelle Embrey (18:59):
Yeah, absolutely, You're so right, and
I have a Capricorn moon and anastrology.
If you have a Capricorn moon,like guaranteed.
You were put in situationswhere you were the adult, very
young and you had to grow upextremely young, and this is
again like astrology gave me alot of understanding of all of
this and I've worked withastrology for ages, decades but
(19:19):
it wasn't really until I startedto use it actually helped
recode my energy, that it reallymade the impact.
And so, understanding theseimprints, like the Capricorn
moon and and some of thislanguage I'm not going to go too
deep into it, but Pluto on myrising and my ascendant I'm sure
most people listening areprobably familiar with the sun
or ascendant or moon sign to acertain degree.
(19:39):
But yeah, so there there wasthese imprints that it just goes
beyond your sun, moon andrising, that there's these
imprints coded into our chartthat are unique to each of us.
There is no astrological chartthat is exactly the same, even
if you're a twin.
It's not.
There's something in there thatis going to be a little bit
different.
Feedback and regardless outsideof astrology, it's like you
(20:01):
could take myself and then Ihave two sisters.
Outside of astrology, it's likeyou could take myself and then
I have two sisters and we areall from the same parents, but
we all handled our environmententirely different, entirely
different.
So, there's also our genetichardwiring that is within us.
That is just who we are as anindividual and I do think
(20:24):
astrology does give us big codesto that but, like my younger
sister, ended up being a heroinaddict for 10 years, going into
lots of chaotic, narcissistic,abusive, physically abusive
relationships, and it's sointeresting to see how we all
deal with it.
Whereas I was like the highachiever, the performer, because
(20:45):
that's the only way I was everseen, and there was a lot of
favoritism, my mother, tan, myyounger sister was the golden
child and my older sister wasfive years older and she was
very much the golden child.
But to my grandparents, toother people in the family, so I
really and they both have saidto me now you and I don't, I
(21:08):
never even thought about it likethis, because I just was
resilient and I just moved onand I got through stuff.
And they both say to me now youreally got the hard end and I'm
like I don't even want to lookat it like that because it's I
don't want to see myself as avictim and I do believe I had
those things, all of theseexperiences brought to me
because it's I don't think Iwould.
(21:30):
I know it's not even.
I don't think I know I wouldnot be able to hold the space
that I do for people that comeinto my world, who finally feel
seen, who finally feel free toput it all out there and deal
with deep imprints of trauma intheir body without having to
like relive it.
But they get to go there andfinally just feel freedom in
(21:52):
their lives and and ease and Iwould not be able to hold space
for that.
I've been in so many coachingcontainers, I have been in
masterminds.
I have worked with so manydifferent people into this date.
I have been in masterminds.
I have worked with so manydifferent people and to this
date I have not found one personthat could hold that space like
that.
Courtney Andersen (22:10):
Because it's a gift.
Like, honestly, when we talkabout impasse and what it's a
blessing and a curse, right,because it's a lot.
It's a lot.
A lot of people who listen tothis are impasse or highly
sensitive.
And it's a blessing and a curse, right, because you do.
(22:31):
At the end it's okay.
You do have to find what worksfor you to release it and not
take it on, but that's years ofwork and practice to get that
right, but you just have thegift.
That's all it comes under.
I had to say that to a clientbefore.
I told her I was like you justgot the gift, because I'm always
like the sounding board topeople.
And then I was like because youhave the energy and you can't
(22:54):
keep fighting it or resisting it, because it just doesn't work
like that, because it's part ofwho you are.
Raechelle Embrey (23:01):
Yeah, it is, and it's not everybody.
I mean, and people are likedon't you get drained by that?
I'm like, no, I don't eventhink about it when I'm done at
the end of the day.
It's not something that I'mlike I don't.
I mean, I don't talk about itwith my head, I'm just like I go
on my life.
I think when I get drained byit, it's more of me looking at
me Am I enough?
Did I do enough?
Did I hold enough space?
(23:22):
And so much of that I meantruly is is dissipated and gone.
But when I go to createsomething new that's going to
come out, there's thesedifferent core wounds that are
am I enough?
Is this going to make an impact?
The fear of rejection is sostrong for me because of being
(23:43):
so rejected in such silent ways,growing up and having to
mediate the family, and then youmediate and then they call you
in and then you're that badchild.
It's because you're you don'tagree, or you're giving a
different perspective, or you'rejust telling your parents I,
you guys, would be better off ifyou were divorced.
This is insane.
Why are you doing this?
(24:04):
And and I would, I and I wasthe adult in that way and stuff
and I I feel like a lot ofpeople that you know and my
younger sister.
She is finally doing really well.
It does come in flows andcycles, yep, and I do feel like
she has the same gift and shejust never really stopped
(24:27):
because her grabbing was thedrugs or the chaos.
Yeah, the chaos made her feelsafe, so she's one that has had
to seek out medication andthings to help stabilize that,
which I'm so glad for becauseit's made her a totally
different person and now she cannow work with the energy in her
(24:48):
body and start to create a lifeand understand like creating a
life filled with chaos is notthe way.
Courtney Andersen (24:55):
That chaos cycle.
Some people just becomeaddicted to that.
It's a great break, yeah,Especially too, if that was what
you were born in and that waswhat you were raised in.
Feeling quote unquote, normal.
That feels terrible becauseyou're constantly waiting for
that shoe to drop and sometimesthen it's well, then, let me
(25:17):
create that shoe dropping.
Raechelle Embrey (25:19):
Exactly, and it's, and it's when it it's.
Even, even if you think aboutthe story that I've shared with
you, like even on the outside,as I recovered recovered I spent
a lot of time about two yearsafter that didn't date really
went into, working a lot with myfeminine energy and
understanding that andunderstanding how to get out of
(25:40):
control, how to speak my truth,how to set healthy boundaries
without being so rigid, how tocommunicate what I'm feeling,
what I need, what I want, what Ineed, what I want, and and
really, because so many womenare just, they're just so afraid
to have a conversation becausethey feel like that might
disappoint whomever they're with.
And I get really good at thatand and even in in those times,
(26:05):
I started to realize the moreand more that I was refining
this within, how much I wasstill looping in chaos in my
mind.
Of course, I recall in arelationship where another guy
tried to control or thencompletely abandoned me, because
that's the familiar, that's thechaos, that, even though, no, I
wasn't out creating this in anabusive relationship or drugs or
(26:29):
the toxicity necessarily I wasstill very much attracting
experiences that created thisexternal chaos that I had to now
move through.
Courtney Andersen (26:40):
Yeah, so how did you move through that
though?
Raechelle Embrey (26:44):
Oh, my gosh, years, years of recognition, and
I think it got easier andeasier, and I mean really in my
40s, from the time that I movedhere really getting to where I'm
at and the move that I made andI would say it was always a lot
it got better and better andbetter to, but to the point
(27:06):
where what I call the energeticrecode, where it's that's not
even a part of my existencethough, where it's that's not
even a part of my existencethough, that that type of man
would not even come into myorbit at this point, those type
of energies, but there was stillsubtle things that would play
out, subtle energetic recodesthat would have to happen in it.
And I feel like for me it wasthe constant recognition of body
(27:29):
awareness, of how does thisfeel in my body, and trusting
that and not gaslighting myself,because I've been gaslit all my
life.
And when you grow up with, likewe did with a borderline mother
or that, that bipolar who'smanipulative, you really the
hardest thing to learn is totrust your perception of people.
(27:51):
And I get chills as I say thatbecause I have so much grace for
that, because it's if you havenot lived that, and this is why,
being in a lot of coachingcontainers, like I have been,
it's like they would just somewould just be like you got to
get over this, you got to get onwith this, and it's until I
understood deeply that trauma is.
(28:13):
It's stored in the way thatthose patterns really played out
.
And so when I say businessmentor, that's actually what I
help, not help I guide women todo this for themselves, because
it's the freeze that you feel,the fears, the chaos, the reason
why money doesn't come in, thereason why things feel the way
(28:34):
that they do, is because of thattrauma.
You might have confronted it inthe 3D, like I did, like you did
, but if you have not totallyhealed it in your body and
cleared it from your body, yourenergy field is still emanating
that frequency and so that'swhat you're getting is more of
that.
To mirror that back to you, andI feel like for me, so much of
this and for clients, it's yes,I use tools like astrology to
(29:00):
bring awareness and really shinea light and illuminate for an
individual, for a person.
Of this this is really real,this is why you have this and
but there's a power to this.
There's always, for everyshadow.
There is like a high frequencypattern that needs to be
expressed in that, and so I feellike that's what I started to
(29:22):
look at.
This is not something to fix, asit was more of.
As you are seeing this inyourself.
It's coming back to thisremembrance of who you actually
are, and that really helped mebreak free from it, because I
was always looking at it as howdo I fix this?
How do I fix this?
How do I get addicted to it, tothe fixing which will just make
(29:44):
you want to numb out to alcoholat a whole other level.
I got to fix myself and how doyou turn this off?
And the only way is this isn'tlike a physical loneliness.
Courtney Andersen (30:14):
I have people around me and then I had
to think back and I was like, oh, this is something I've always
felt since I was a child andinstead of continuing to push it
away because, again, when youstart pushing away things that
are your makeup right I havefound it easier to just accept
(30:38):
and this, okay, I will figureout how to live with this.
You know what I mean.
But then when I figured outabout that emotional loneliness
it's just what I call it rightthat it's maybe something that's
never going to go away, becauseI didn't get those needs met
when I was a child and of what Igrew up in.
(31:00):
So I have just learned toaccept it and it doesn't come up
like it used to, right, becausethen I just think that's in the
process of the healing work.
But if it were to come upnowadays, it would just be like,
okay, no problem, what do Ineed right now just to deal with
this?
And I think that that's thequestions people need to start
(31:22):
asking themselves of.
Let me not get the quick fix.
But what do I need to do to?
What do I need?
Do I need a hug?
Do I need to go to sleep?
Do I need to start talking to atherapist at this point,
because I've never done therapy.
Do I need to start doing someinner child work, like there's
answers to it, or do I just needto sit in it and that's okay
(31:43):
too?
Raechelle Embrey (31:44):
Yeah, the inner child work was really
powerful for me too, but a lotof the ways that people taught
it initially to me it didn'treally resonate, and so some of
the ways that I found that thatto be really helpful is it's
more of it's almost like goingin and bringing her into my life
now and when I recognize thatthat part of me and you're and
(32:07):
you're so right, because I feellike there is this heaviness
that comes with this life thatif you're put into this life
like we have and it used to makeme sad Is this really it.
This is what I have to, but Ifeel like I'm so grateful for
(32:29):
all that I've learned and allthat I know and I'm married now,
through a lot of my own health,to a beautiful, amazing man.
But also it's like he wouldn't,he doesn't understand any of
this.
He has so much compassion forme and he can hold a lot of
space for that and never, I meanhe's been so amazing for me,
(32:50):
like wit, to be witnessed bysomebody who's just like when
I'm like in my zones of beingsuper hard on myself or the.
It's never enough.
And just you know, I am a highachiever, I do, and I'm more
high achieving than he is andbut he helps me ground it, which
is great to be seen by somebody, but it is me feeling you know,
(33:11):
and and I, and so for me, likethe inner child, work comes into
almost seeing her and wherethis?
They do this in a lot of theenergy work.
That's why I call it the recode, the energetic recode, because
it's like going into thattimeline, to that experience
that is, that your body'sholding on and it's going to.
(33:32):
It's usually multipleexperiences, it's not just the
one, but it usually startssomewhere in that inner child
and then through the experiencesas we grow in adulthood and
it's it's going in and seeingher and witnessing her, but also
seeing that pattern, but givingin that moment, almost like at
the being the advocator for herand and that has been
(33:55):
tremendously helpful for me.
So it's giving you context.
So one this example might makea little bit more sense with
this so one experience that Ihad and when I went into my body
and dropped in into it to feellike where this energy was
coming up and this was helpfulfor me and releasing alcohol
actually.
(34:15):
So this experience was likewhere did this start?
Why are you craving this all ofa sudden at this point in your
life like this, because itwasn't always like that and it
actually went to a time when Iwas around five years old and I
was on a swing in my backyard awooden swing and my parents were
fighting very bad on the insideand inside the house and my
(34:36):
younger sister was in there andmy parents were fighting and I
just had to stay outside.
But when I went inside it wasvery clear they were fighting
because my father was cheatingon my mother and what came to me
and what I saw after that wasactually quite surprising
because it was my mom reachingfor a wooden spoon and spanking
me and this memory coming up ofI don't remember much from seven
(35:04):
earlier, but I know I wasn'tsexually abused and this really
reflected back to me.
You don't remember it becauseyour mother took out all of that
.
She projected all of that ontoyou because my dad started
cheating when I was born and inmy mom's mind, even though she
wasn't consciously projectingthat, it was this putting that
(35:25):
on me and I never understoodthat.
Six months before she passedaway she apologized to me
profusely and said I reallyregret how I was with you the
most and I never understood it.
And I get chills as I say thatbecause I feel she's probably
here, she always is hearing, andwe have a great relationship in
spirit.
It took a long time to get there.
She's actually a really cool inspirit mom, but that was so
(35:50):
eye-opening for me of why, nomatter what, and what was coming
through was shame I just hadshame in my body.
I felt like, no matter what Idid, it wasn't enough.
And there was just all this,this realization of oh my God,
and and it, and so in thosemoments what I start to do is
(36:11):
like when she would come in andhave the wooden spoons, like I
jump in and I'm like no, you arenot doing this anymore.
And it's almost coming into that, that in the energy and the in
the visual or whatever in thebody, and so really advocating
for that child and treating herlike she's my own.
And what would I do if she wasmy child child, treating her
(36:34):
like she's my own and what wouldI do if she was my child.
And that's been really helpfulfor me, truly, because it's your
body doesn't differentiate onceyou get into those memories of
that not happening or happeningRight, and when you're really
doing this and you're listeningto your body and it's guided by
your body, it's, it's going tofeel like truth to your body and
then from there what I love todo is take that child in and
(36:58):
then go through all thetimelines where this also
manifested itself in my reality,like to the multitudes of women
that I have called into my life.
I cannot tell you and that wasreally eye-opening too that
experience of like.
I cannot tell you and that wasreally eye-opening too, that
experience of like why I havehad so many women come into my
life who projected so evilly tome I mean evil and I would be
(37:21):
celebrated and like the bestthing ever.
And then we'd get close and ayear into it it's just like
you're slayed, you are literallythe evil person.
Hello, that started right then.
My mother did, and so for me itwas really helpful to go in and
bring that energy, bring thatadvocacy into those experiences
(37:44):
that are standing out the mostin that particular recode and
then coming in and showing thatchild my life now, my fun with
my dogs, what I do with dogs andmy beautiful husband and the
house that we've created and howeven his kids live here and
that was a big adjustment for metoo.
They're older, but it was stillan adjustment how I have moved
through self-abandonment, how Icontinue to do that and and the
(38:08):
clients and the business and thetravels and the things that are
in, but also like how I'vehealed these things.
I feel like that is so helpfulwhen you can learn to guide
yourself through that process orhave somebody guide you through
that process, because there'sso much energy that shifts in
that and it's just amazing forme it is it is, and, too, I mean
(38:31):
.
Courtney Andersen (38:31):
What you're saying as well is that this is
also too a work in progress.
This isn't just one time.
It's as you said.
It's too like still stuff thatcomes up, because that kind of
stuff is embedded in you andthat type of belief system where
it takes you, it takes, it'spractice.
It is practice, for sure.
(38:52):
So why do you think, though,with with high functioning women
, why they reach for alcohol?
Raechelle Embrey (38:59):
Oh my gosh.
Well for one, everything thatwe've discussed so far and I
said a lot of women.
They want to feel ease.
Yeah, they want to soften, yeah, they want to just feel like.
Yeah, they want to soften, yeah, they want to just feel like
not so rigid.
And I think alcohol for highachieving women in perfectionist
and type a it's like they havethat drink and they feel like I
(39:23):
can just all this isn't weighingon me anymore and a lot of us
are truthfully holding energyand space for a lot of people
and even if you don't have abusiness doing, doing what you
and I do, it doesn't matter.
You're probably still holding alot of energy in your home for
your household, not havingstrong what I call energetic
(39:43):
boundaries, yeah, and so thesethings just feel heavy, and the
way to for me it was like, well,just feel heavy.
And the way to for me it waslike, well, I have a drink and I
feel light and I can laugh andI'm not all uptight and rigid
and thought I could have bettersex and better that.
I just more carefree, more fun.
Yeah, really, the reality isit's not it.
(40:06):
We have all that ability to dothat within ourselves when we
actually work with our ownunique energy, when we start to
realize and feel safe, justbeing us, without having to put
on a suit or a mask or whateverfor everybody, and start to just
really feel like that lettinggo and that ease comes in
allowing yourself to be fullyexpressed as you as an
(40:28):
individual.
The heaviness, the lightness,because I'm a ton of fun, but I
thought alcohol would make memore fun or that I wasn't fun.
It's like these illusions thatwe tell ourselves right, because
we're so hard on ourselves, andit's like we don't even see
ourselves the way that otherpeople see ourselves.
And it's my husband's babe,you're so much fun and I don't
even think you realize it andI'm like I don't, I think I'm
(40:51):
just uptight.
That's the, that is the storythat I tell myself.
So we're, we tell ourselvesthese stories, we tell ourselves
these lies, we tell ourselvesthese illusions and see
ourselves from this likecompletely delusional way.
Courtney Andersen (41:04):
That's just not truth.
Yes, and a lot of those storieswere told to us, right, and
that it's not ones that we evencreated for ourselves.
So that's where it's likereally fucked up.
It's like you're taking onsomebody else's story that they
told you when you were three.
So that is what's crazy.
But, yes, for the highfunctioning women, the high
(41:28):
achievers, people pleasers, theperfectionists it's all what you
said about.
It's all about giving intoothers before giving to yourself
.
I am a huge fan of protectingyour energy.
I say it a lot.
You just said energy boundaries, right?
So what would that look like?
Raechelle Embrey (41:50):
Yes, there are practices that you'll hear in
the spiritual community likesuit yourself up, cloak yourself
.
Those are all fine and good,but that's not actually getting
to the root, so it doesn't.
You're just kind of putting onlike a tool right inside.
Are you like freezing upbecause your husband just really
(42:13):
hurt your feelings and youdon't want to say what it is and
you bottle it all up.
You know what I mean.
And then it's in your body andyou're bottling it all up
because you're so afraid ofdisappointing him, you're so
afraid of hurting him, you're soafraid of him having to be hear
what you say, maybe getting mador whatever, and anticipating
this and maybe sometimes theymight get upset.
(42:35):
But if you're in a healthyrelationship they probably will
be more disappointed inthemselves and apologize.
And when you learn how to havethese conversations in a way
that isn't how we were modeledand learned, that is complete
chaos and yelling anddisturbance.
You can literally say in twominutes or less hey, babe,
(43:00):
something's just not sittingright with me and I got to tell
you this really hurt when thathappened and this is a pattern
that I'm realizing.
When that happens, I don't feelseen or whatever it is, and I
know you didn't mean it, butthis is kind of something that
there's many ways to do it.
It depends on the extremeextremity of like how extreme it
is.
Courtney Andersen (43:20):
But what I've seen is a lot of the times
these things are very minor butwe are making them quite large
yes, and then even to freezingup, like that of what you said,
or sitting there and then whenyou don't say anything you are
then creating a resentment.
I was just going to sayresentment, you were in
(43:40):
resentment honestly, and if youwould have just said something
which is going to be reallyawkward and uncomfortable in the
beginning, when you startspeaking up for yourself.
And just because you speak upfor yourself, it doesn't mean
that it's going to then be likeyou're divorced or friendship
ends or you're fired.
Well, the firing thing might bea little bit different, but it
(44:02):
just comes down to you have tostart speaking up for yourself
because that resentment is goingto eat you alive and then
usually then it goes into youdrinking to numb out that
feeling of your anger, yoursadness, all of that.
(44:22):
So resentments are the pits.
Raechelle Embrey (44:25):
Yeah, it is.
And I want to say this becauseat first, when it does come,
when you first start, reallythere's two things coming
through here.
But at first, when you firststart understanding that you do
need to speak up and speak yourtruth and when I say speak your
truth, what I mean by this islike all of the things that
(44:46):
you're stuffing down that you'reafraid to say, and you
recognize it and you know it.
And that's when we start toenergetically hold somebody else
up by worrying about if they'regoing to be disappointed.
That's not our responsibility,that's their responsibility.
And I have to really startsaying that we are not
responsible for other people'semotional wellbeing.
I mean, obviously we don't wantto be terrorists or anything,
(45:07):
but we're not responsible forhow they choose to handle
themselves in their lives.
But we are responsible forourselves.
And so at first it's going tobe messy.
You're probably going to sounda little ragey, a little.
I'm not sure what I can saylanguage here but maybe a little
cunty a little bitchy and Ialways tell women that's okay,
(45:31):
that's better initially, becauseyou have all this resentment in
and you haven't also learnedhow to have these conversations
and so it's better to get it outand I just say, if you're in a
relationship with with somebody,let them know.
Look, I'm working through thisand I'm going to need you to be
really patient with me becausesometimes it might not be, it's
(45:52):
not going to come off the bestand I'm very sorry ahead of time
.
But also I need to work throughthis because I and it's only
going to deepen yourrelationship and men men
actually appreciate a healthyman or healthy masculine,
whatever your dynamic is.
A healthy masculine is reallyactually going to appreciate
that and appreciate you workingthrough this and hold space for
(46:15):
that.
While it's messy, it reallywill.
It's how you word it and justthe knowing that it is going to
be a little messy and you're notgoing to have it perfect
initially.
But with each conversation thathappens like that, you can look
back and not oh my God, I wassuch a bitch.
If more, okay, I do feel better.
I've got that off my chest, butI didn't really love how I
(46:36):
handled it.
How could I maybe approach it alittle softer next time.
And this is, it's a processwhen this was not modeled to you
.
This is a process and you'relearning as you go and it does
get easier to the point where Imean I can't.
I don't know.
We, I can't even remember thelast time.
Yes, we've had some arguments.
(46:56):
We met at 44 and 40 and 52 andhe has two kids and then we
moved in and when I met myhusband, my father was dying of
alcoholism.
So yeah, I mean we've had a lotthat we moved through in a time
.
So I'm not going to say therewas never an intense argument,
but I can't remember the lasttime.
Through having grace for eachother, through those times of
(47:18):
we're going to feel a littlemessy while we figure out each
other's traumas and things likethat, know what's going to make
him feel safe, what makes mefeel safe, how there's just
always this reorganization.
As you're learning this.
Courtney Andersen (47:31):
Oh yeah, 100%.
And your relationship itchanges.
It's like an ebb and flow.
But that's just awareness andrelationships are you said it?
When you have not witnessed ahealthy relationship, you can't
just think that you're going tohave a healthy relationship.
It's you, you've never beenmodeled it.
So you have to start gettinghealthy with yourself and then
(47:56):
that relationship, if it isthere, and have a partner if you
have a partner who wants towork on that with you because
some people don't want to behealthy and that's not yours to
take on, that's their own bagWell, I could talk to you
forever and ever.
I could really keep going, butwhere can people find you?
Raechelle Embrey (48:14):
So I have the podcast, the untamed soul, which
is just a great way just tocome in and binge learn a little
bit about astrology.
I do break it down in reallytangible ways.
I would say most people thatare in my world are not
astrologer enthusiasts but theyrealize how impactful it is and
it's more of just likeunderstanding it in very
practical ways that can reallyhelp you, really really help
(48:36):
immediately recode energy inyour body.
So there's lots of stuff onthat.
Energetics, all types of.
I share a lot about collectiveenergies because that is so
important to know if you'rehighly sensitive, because those
collective energies,astrologically, whatever's
happening, is going to impactyou more than what you realize.
So that is a great place to getstarted.
(48:57):
And then my website is ray rayradiant vibes.
I'm, I'll, I'll link it offlinks and I am on instagram.
I do post regularly, just quickhits and just whatever comes
through.
And and I do have a beautifulcollective called the Quantum
Mystic Collective.
That is an ongoing, it's moreof a membership style but it's
(49:19):
an annual option in there andthen you can dip your toes in it
if you just want to explore andget a feel for it.
That is $144 a month and thenthe annual is actually like a
really great value.
And I do, I hold, I do monthlyenergetic activation, which is
like where we go in and we'rereally working with the energy
in the body and and recoding,clearing out.
(49:41):
I share weekly drops, aboutthree to four times a week, on
collective energies.
Anything like that comesthrough to me like energetics
that you know and this wastelling, was telling you.
On this, I'll give you a freetransmission from
self-abandonment to self-trustand coincide it with the Libra
full moon.
But it doesn't matter, it'sstill, we're still in that
(50:02):
energy and also I think we couldalways learn about
self-abandonment to self-trust.
That's a very sneaky way ofpeople pleasing there.
That's in that, so I'll sharethat with your, your, your.
Courtney Andersen (50:13):
Libra full moons people pleasers.
Raechelle Embrey (50:16):
Okay, the Libra full moon was.
I don't know when this podcastwill come out, but Libra, if you
have a Libra energy in you, yetyou are, I'm a Libra rising, so
yeah, hello.
Courtney Andersen (50:28):
Well, I don't know if I'm a full moon or
whatever that.
I never knew what I am.
Raechelle Embrey (50:33):
Yeah, I mean, I can look it up for you if you
want.
What is your time of birth?
Oh God, I would have to ask mymother.
Yeah, find out and I can look itup for you.
You would be fascinated at how.
But yes, if you are a Libra,the shadow of Libra energy
whether you're Libra, risingLibra, moon, saturn and Libra,
(50:55):
whatever, I don't know there'sall these different layers here
in astrology it's very nuanced.
The shadow of this is verycodependent.
People pleasing a lot ofself-abandonment.
You are, like I always say,like Libras are the energy
balancers of the collective.
Libras are the energy balancersof the collective.
(51:16):
So whether you realize it ornot or want to own this, it
doesn't matter.
You are walking into rooms andyou're always balancing energies
.
So it's definitely like in theshadow can get very like where
you're totally inself-abandonment, in the higher
frequency.
You actually are here to findthat autonomy and unity you know
(51:40):
as a very collaborative energy,but it's in your own autonomy
and then coming into that unityand it's through you finding
that in yourself that youactually balance energy with
ease.
It's not hard on your bodyanymore, it's not physically
hard on your body, but Libraenergies have been through it
(52:00):
over the last two and a halfyears and you've probably seen,
I'm sure, in your experience ofhow much you've probably even to
a deeper level of healing andgreater awareness on even some
other subtle ways of of a lot ofthose shadows have played out,
but we're we're getting our time.
It's, it's happening.
Courtney Andersen (52:20):
What day?
What day were you born?
Raechelle Embrey (52:23):
For me, I'm an Aquarius.
I was born February, yeah, soI'm an Aquarius sun.
But we have what's called arising sign and that is where
the sun was at when you wereborn.
On the horizon that changesevery hour through the day.
So I'm a Libra rising and thenwe have our moon sign, which is
(52:43):
where the moon was at in the sky.
Those are called your big threeand I'm a Capricorn moon.
Courtney Andersen (52:49):
Okay, yeah, all what you said for Libras is
very real.
Codependency I have worked on alot and currently right now I
have to start working on itagain because it's come up a
little bit of just what's goingon in my life.
My dad currently has cancer, soI'm like I have to.
(53:09):
I got to dig deep.
I keep it's something I keepsaying with my sister.
I'm like I have to.
I got to dig deep.
I keep it's something I keepsaying with my sister.
I'm like I got to bust outcodependent.
No more that book.
If you've ever read it, it'swonderful, but yeah, but it's a
con.
That's the thing Like when itcomes to this type of stuff it,
it, it will come up and it'sjust, it's a work.
You just have to keep workingwhen it comes up, when it starts
(53:31):
showing itself.
Raechelle Embrey (53:33):
Yeah, yeah.
And it's like with that, withyour dad having cancer, like how
can you tend to him in thoseways?
This is such Libra energy.
It's like how can I tend?
And for women in general it'syes, and maybe many people could
be listening and they're notLibras, right.
It's like how can I tend tothem, knowing that you are a
deeply energetic, intuitivewoman and can probably sense and
(53:56):
know things, and they maychoose a very different path of
handling things.
And we have to surrender andrelease that control and let
people be on their path and letthem make those choices.
And even if it makes absolutelyno sense to us, we have to
surrender that and even if itmakes absolutely no sense to us,
like we have to surrender thatWell, and my sister and I are on
that path of.
Courtney Andersen (54:17):
This is his, this is his walk, and that's
when, like, how I've beenhandling this is how I know the
amount of work I've done onmyself that has helped me in
this moment.
But there's still thatcodependency is like a kind of
popping up, like a whack-a-mole.
It's just like all right, Ijust got to reread this book and
work through that and it'sgoing to be on my end.
(54:40):
It will be okay.
Because if you go into that, ifyou go full on, then it's like
that kind of shit will make aperson sick.
Raechelle Embrey (54:48):
It will, and just to what you're saying, it's
like it's come up.
This is another reason why Ilove understanding astrology,
because when you actually knowhow the planets in the sky so
you have your own chart but theplanets in the sky are also
moving and having conversationswith your chart, so there's
probably something guaranteedI'm going to say with I already
(55:08):
probably know what's happeningin your chart is knowing is, yes
, these things come, these, thisexperience coming up, based on
a particular and I don't want tooverwhelm anybody with this but
there's the, where the nodesare in the sky, and so that's
probably hitting your chart in avery certain way.
Where it's, yes, it would makeso much sense that you would
have to be in this extracaretaker role right now, and
(55:32):
then having to define at thislevel of your life, right, with
all that you have learned,because we don't stop growing.
If you stop growing, you're notliving, and so there's just
deeper levels of growth.
So maybe you have healedthrough so much codependency
with the level of what you wereat before.
(55:53):
Well, now you're at a whole newlevel.
You're serving women.
You're out here, you're doingthis.
You opted for a massiveinitiation.
You opted for that by coming.
I opted for this.
So we are always going to havethese initiations of growth at
an even deeper level, because wehave to move through that in
order to understand and learnhow to help other people move
(56:16):
through the same thing and fasttrack their process, essentially
.
But with astrology, it's reallyfascinating to be able to see
how that actually is playing outtoo, and the way that these
planets are probably speaking toyour chart and say okay, you've
done this at so many layers,but now we're going to do this
at an even deeper layer.
(56:37):
That's not just the partner,that's not just the friend, it's
the father.
Courtney Andersen (56:42):
Oh yeah, and if you look at it too, it's
like how this is?
It's like the two people thatyou come from, who, where?
Then you get codependency andwhy codependency happens, and
then it's like on and comingback, it's okay, it is.
I mean, this is, this, is youcould go, and I know it is on a
(57:03):
deeper level of where I'm atwith him yeah, did your father
drink or where did?
Raechelle Embrey (57:10):
is that where the alcohol?
yeah, yeah, I just kind of gotthat vibe because it it felt and
I know we're up on time butit's when my father died of the
alcoholism.
I thought I was very like, yes,it was horrible to watch
somebody die like that, right,but also it's a weird
(57:31):
codependency that happened afterthat where I really didn't
drink.
But then I went through aboutsix to eight months, as we were
transitioning in here, that Iwas drinking more and we carry
energetic imprints of ourparents.
We carry their energetic capsand those caps, even when they
leave this earth, are still here.
(57:51):
Those imprints are still hereand we still have to alchemize
them and neutralize them.
So probably you're doing a lotof pre-work in neutralizing I
don't know what kind of cancerhe has, but it's it's.
I think it's great that it'shappening for you now because it
will ease that.
Courtney Andersen (58:12):
I'm very grateful that, in that I have
worked through my addiction withalcohol, that this is happening
now, because I wouldn't havebeen, it would have been a
disaster 12, 15 years ago.
Yeah, I'm grateful that it'shappening now, where I can
handle it in a healthier way.
Raechelle Embrey (58:33):
Yeah, for sure , so yeah.
Courtney Andersen (58:36):
All right, well, thank you so much.
Like I said, you might have tocome back to this show and do
another podcast.
Raechelle Embrey (58:42):
Oh, I will Absolutely.
I love this.
This is my jam.
It's been great to connect withyou and talk with you as well.
Thanks for having me.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.