April 17, 2025 • 44 mins
In episode 221 of the Sober Vibes podcast, I welcome Aneta Mruz to the show. We discuss shedding old identities from our past drinking selves and creating new ones in sober life.
Aneta Mruz is a change coach and energy practitioner. She shares her nine-year sobriety journey and insights into what she has learned along the way with long-term sobriety.
What you will learn in this episode:
- Exploring the concept of false identities we create during active drinking days, like the "party girl" persona
- Discussion of how trauma and childhood experiences shape our tendencies to become "chameleons," adapting to others
- Annetta shares her sober journey
- The robust understanding that "we are not our thoughts" applies to addiction recovery and mental health.
- Three key tips for creating a new identity: awareness, understanding that thought changes chemistry, and recognizing that everything is just a story
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Listen to episode 129 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.
Connect with Aneta:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Courtney Andersen (00:31):
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the
Sober Vibes podcast.
I am your host and Sober Coach,courtney Anderson, and also
your go-to guide of living lifewithout alcohol.
I have a great guest LivingLife Without Alcohol.
I have a great guest.
First, it's episode 221.
And today's guest?
(00:55):
Her name is Annetta Mraz and sheis a spiritual change coach and
energy practitioner.
She is also nine years sober.
She shares her story and howshe got sober and then what
happened after that, and shereally shares her knowledge and
gives you tips, too, on how tolet go of false identities and
create the reality of who youare.
(01:16):
So, really, we're shedding oldidentities, especially the one
that you create in your activedrinking days.
This was a great conversation.
I really enjoyed talking withher and this is a topic that is
so important because you reallylike grieving your old drinking
(01:37):
self.
Right, that is an identity thatyou formed in your active
drinking days.
For example, the party girl.
Who am I going to be withoutalcohol if I'm not this party
girl?
Right?
But that is really a falsenarrative that you created in
your active drinking days.
(01:58):
And then how you need to thenform a new identity and shift
into who you are now that alignswith you in your sober, slash,
alcohol-free life.
This type of work is huge and Ihighly recommend for a lot of
people, for anybody, to work onidentity work when it comes to a
(02:20):
sober life Anything right.
I had to work on this shit whenI become a mom, and we talk
about that in this episode too,so it is very impactful.
If you haven't already, pleaseremember to rate, review and
subscribe to the show so younever miss an episode.
As always, slide into my DMsand let me know what you think
of this episode or the podcastand, as always, have a kick-ass
(02:45):
day and keep on trucking.
Hey, annette, welcome to theSober Vibes podcast.
I'm very excited for you to behere today.
Aneta Mruz (02:52):
Thank you, Courtney, so much.
I'm very excited also.
Courtney Andersen (02:56):
So when did you get sober?
Aneta Mruz (02:59):
I got sober on.
It's funny.
I wrote down your sobriety date.
I almost said that it's a veryfamiliar date to me, so that's
why I'm like, oh, I got soberMarch 11th 2016.
Courtney Andersen (03:12):
Nice, nice.
And what brought youcongratulations?
So you are nine years, sober.
Yes, just hit nine years.
Did you do anything tocelebrate?
Do you celebrate that day, oris it just another day to you?
Aneta Mruz (03:27):
I acknowledge it.
I don't know how to celebrateit because I kind of my whole
life is now a celebration, soit's kind of I don't know, it's
tricky, but I did this year.
I just felt so prompted toreach out to communities on
Instagram to start sharing mystory.
(03:48):
Okay, did you not share itbefore?
No, I never did.
I was very always open about mysobriety and even like on my
coaching, instagram or personal,I would always notate March
11th, however many years ofsobriety.
But I went through a lot ofother things after I got sober
(04:09):
and that was kind of the focusand I've gone through that.
So now it looks like I'mcircling back around to sobriety
.
Courtney Andersen (04:18):
Gotcha, gotcha, what was your moment?
I do believe that everybody haswhat's referred to as a rock
bottom.
I feel like a rock bottom isjust at the you're just at that
point where you are just goodand tired, like that's just it.
Like where you're good andtired with the relationship,
whether it's drugs or alcohol orgambling.
Like what was your moment?
(04:38):
Where you're like, okay, I'mdone.
Aneta Mruz (04:40):
I remember it was and I will never forget this,
because before I never quoteunquote surrendered I never
asked for help.
There was always so much shamearound the thought of asking for
help, Although it was soblatantly obvious that I had an
issue, but no one even saidanything.
Courtney Andersen (04:59):
Right.
Aneta Mruz (05:02):
I was driving, this was 2016, and it must have been
January.
It could have even beenDecember of 2015, but I was
driving home from work and therewas always a route I would take
.
There were two routes you cantake home.
Going through a neighborhoodwould lead you to a liquor store
(05:23):
and at that point in my life itwas consuming a lot of wine and
sake.
Courtney Andersen (05:29):
And oh my god , you just made, like the back
of my, like teeth, like Ihaven't thought about sake since
I used to take sake down.
Okay, terrible hangover.
The sake is war, yeah, oh myGod, yeah.
Aneta Mruz (05:44):
Oh, my goodness See, I loved sake because it gave me
a particular kind of buzz.
Courtney Andersen (05:50):
Oh no, the buzz was great for me, but the
hangover for me was awful.
Aneta Mruz (05:54):
Really Interesting.
Courtney Andersen (05:55):
Probably all the sugar, probably, I mean I'm
sure it was also too like amixture of I was probably doing
doing like cherry bombs later inthe evening after having that
sack, so probably in the mixtureof all the alcohol.
But yes, right, right, rightFor sure.
Aneta Mruz (06:09):
So I would always go right into the liquor store.
And it got to a point where oneday I was like, oh my gosh, I
can't not go right, I can't notturn into this parking lot.
And these weren't the thoughtsthat I was thinking, but I was
like I just like freaked out andI'm like I don't want to do
this anymore.
I don't want to do this anymore.
(06:29):
I'm like God, please help me.
And I wasn't religious.
I had a background of growingup Catholic, but I had never
asked for help and I didn't knowwho to ask.
So I just asked God and I saidI don't want to live like this
anymore.
And around that time that was,I would say I know that sounds
(06:50):
like a weird rock bottom, butit's when I realized I wanted
change.
Courtney Andersen (06:55):
Yeah, Right, yeah, right For sure, right.
So then that was in January,and then finally in March.
You're like I'm good Well.
Aneta Mruz (07:03):
I got pregnant.
Oh, in March.
You're like I'm good.
Well, I got pregnant.
Oh, okay, yeah.
And maybe December or January,my husband and I I don't even
remember how this happened, butthe conversation of trying to he
wasn't my husband at the time,he was my long-term boyfriend.
We had just moved into a condotogether, maybe a year ago, and
I was like, maybe let's try tohave a baby.
(07:24):
I was 33.
He was 35.
And we got pregnant within amonth.
So February 26, I found out Iwas pregnant.
No, I'm sorry, that's when Iovulated, that's when I must
have conceived.
I was doing the math.
March 10, I found out I waspregnant.
March 11 is like essentiallythe first day of sobriety.
Courtney Andersen (07:47):
Yeah Well, what a blessing though you know
what I mean Like how that allworked out, and that's where a
lot of people for when theyfinally decide to start living
an alcohol-free journey, yoursober recovery that there is a
moment, this spiritual moment,that happens to you right, Like,
and for you that was also too.
(08:10):
That what happened in January,but then also then what panned
out and getting pregnant, thatwas definitely the universe.
Having your back.
Aneta Mruz (08:18):
For sure.
Yeah, and there's so much tosay, even about that and what I
do now and what I know now andhow we talked about identity.
It's just all very interesting.
Courtney Andersen (08:30):
Absolutely Well, you as a change coach and
energy practitioner which I love, because I love all those
things specifically with you,we're going to talk about how
you get sucked into these falseidentities that then create your
reality, specifically to whenyou're drinking, right, a lot of
(08:50):
women fall into that quoteunquote party girl when they
start drinking and then when youknow we stopped drinking, it's
like, well, who the fuck am Igoing to be?
Like who?
This is what I did for so manyyears.
How are people going to like meand all of that and where
you're at and where I am at?
(09:11):
Many people who have longerterm sobriety realize that's
just all BS, right, it's justlike I have so much more to
offer than that.
But what would you speak uponabout that?
I'm getting sucked into those,that identity.
Aneta Mruz (09:29):
For sure, and I think we do it all the time.
I think we have so many.
I mean, psychology will tellyou we have so many self
identities.
The problem with me and, Ibelieve, a lot of individuals
that get sucked into whatevertype of self-image, is that I
(09:51):
didn't know who I was to beginwith.
I didn't know who authenticallyI was.
I didn't know gosh, it's asthough I had no internal compass
in a weird way.
So it was for some reason easierfor me to almost become like a
(10:13):
chameleon and step into sometype of thing that is serving me
in the moment.
And had it not been?
I mean, I always, I always toldmyself I would never do drugs
because I was afraid of losingmy mind, like losing control, in
whatever experience I had.
But alcohol for some reasonseemed like I could regulate the
(10:38):
high.
I guess you can say, dependingon how much you drank and what
you drank.
Right, but as far as I don'teven so.
I worked at a drink.
Right, but as far as I don'teven so.
I worked at a bar, right, and Iwas in a really toxic
relationship right out of highschool 20, 21, 22.
And that did a lot to createsome type of self-identity, of
(11:01):
lack of self-worth, unworthiness, unalignment, and I think
that's what I was going off of,this degraded self-image that I
had.
And it didn't matter what I didto myself, it didn't matter, it
just didn't matter.
I had no goals, I had noambitions, I had no future,
(11:24):
anything at that point.
And that's, I think, when youget really sucked into gosh.
I heard something the other dayand it was very religious based.
It was very how, if you and I'mnot religious, I believe in God
, but I'm not like by the bookand they said something along
(11:45):
the lines of they gave ametaphor of how your children,
if they don't follow a certainscripture, they leave God and
they call them soulless.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, isthis what religion believes?
But at the same time, I couldsee how, in that experience, I
(12:07):
wasn't living life through mysoul.
I was like this just destroyedpersonality, this destroyed
identity, right.
Courtney Andersen (12:20):
Yeah, but in that of what you're talking
about too for yourself is that'salso somebody who destroyed
that right.
So a lot too.
And even, too, when you talkabout being a person who adapts
to everybody else, that also,too, comes from if there's any
type of childhood trauma or whatyou grew up in right, or if you
(12:42):
had emotionally unavailableparents or if there was physical
trauma, and then you just go towith the flow.
So being in a toxicrelationship and being I don't
know if there was anyphysicalness, but emotionally
beat down, then you are justtaking down to nothing, and at
such a young age, because 21 isyoung, it's young 21 is young.
Aneta Mruz (13:05):
Yeah, and that's not where it started.
You're absolutely right.
There were moments and it's sointeresting because I think it
does, at least for me it didhave to do with maybe the way I
was raised.
The way I raise my son now,it's almost like I have to teach
him how to be human.
It's definitely different thanthe way I was raised.
(13:29):
Was I taught morals and values,what's right, what's wrong?
I don't remember any of that.
I think we just lived life andI felt like this blob just
existing and there was nodirection.
And there were instances in mychildhood that felt very
traumatic, not physical, butmental, in the sense of, like
(13:53):
emotional availability that wasabsent, but also just this I did
something wrong, like this,always like this victim
mentality, I did something wrong, dumb mentality.
I did something wrong, I'm thecause of this, and that's
literally so.
Did the self-identity at 2021morph?
I believe it did, but itstarted somewhere.
(14:15):
It for sure started somewhere.
It had to do with something.
The way I viewed myself becauseI mean, my reality is a reality
of what's inside, right, theway I look at it now and I was
living and perceiving all thislike crap, right, as if I was
(14:37):
trash Like not good enough.
It was just bizarre to lookbackwards and see, oh my gosh,
she did that to herself and thenshe continued to choose it.
Courtney Andersen (14:50):
Yeah, absolutely yeah, there's a lot.
There's sadness in that whenyou look back at your younger
self and to going even backfurther into your childhood.
There's sadness in that,especially too, when you become
a parent and you decide to treatyour kids and raise them a
different way than you wereraised.
(15:10):
So, and I'm sure in the periodsbecause what he's nine, eight,
nine, he's eight, yeah.
So then I'm sure there's beenperiods of him growing up where
you've probably felt and some ofthose I can only speak for
myself because this has happenedto me with my little dictator
and he's three and a half wherethere's been periods, and
especially to, like last year, Iwent through like kind of an
(15:31):
angry phase with my parents.
I was like you, two sons ofbitches, right, like so when you
see that now as a mother andgoing back, there is sadness for
what you didn't have and forthat little girl, especially
then too, at 2021.
Like I have to say, I did nothave, I did not have a healthy
(15:51):
identity until a couple of yearsinto my sobriety and a couple
of years into my sobriety oflike figuring out then who, what
I was.
Because we have to rebuild, wehave to now build ourself anew,
rebuild ourselves into like okay, who am I going to be?
What do I like?
Right, like, how am I evengoing to wear?
Like, maybe, too like, there'sfood you don't even like anymore
(16:12):
.
Aneta Mruz (16:12):
Right, so, and life is incredibly different.
I just did another, a differentepisode, maybe a month ago, and
he talked about how you'reliterally like you have a new
life.
You're not the same person.
There's aspects of you that arestill in there because I do
believe that, like the true,aligned identities that your
(16:37):
personality is meant to exudeand live out in this life, I
believe those are within you andthose are also built in
childhood, right, or likes,dislikes, what we cater to, what
we don't, but it's I mean, it'sso very much all conditioning
and programming for sure.
(16:57):
And I even like, I mean becausewe're all so very different but
we're all so similar, right,and I even have you ever heard
of, oh gosh, what is calledhuman design?
I just started going into that.
I'm like, how are these likecategories of humans and there's
only five or six.
There's definite structure tosomething that is self-identity,
(17:25):
although, the way I see it,it's forever evolving, like we
are constantly, every day, we'rechanging and rewiring, and back
then I didn't know that waseven possible.
I knew change was possible, butI didn't know that we are here
to live a life and to change andto redefine our self-identity
(17:48):
or self-image constantly,constantly, and we are and we
can, and it's not as difficultas one would perceive.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly, and it'sjust subtle shifts of, just
because you're always going tohave somebody that reminds you
(19:27):
will say to you too Well, like,I thought you like this, or what
happened with that Right, andit's just like bitch.
I have evolved, yeah, I know, Iknow Like I have grown and I
went through that period andthat's who I was.
And now I like, a couple ofyears later, it's like that's I.
I don't align with it anymore.
I just I don't appreciate.
Aneta Mruz (19:49):
So after you that makes me wonder, after you had
your so August 18th right, youralcohol-free life, as you put it
on your podcast, do you?
Did you get into psychology?
Did you try to understand, likethe self more?
Courtney Andersen (20:09):
I've been into psychology since I started
going to therapy.
When I was in middle school Iwent to therapy.
So like the thing of psychologyand too because of my mother
has suffered from bipolar andfrom mental I mean I knew what
bipolar was at seven, so likethat was very much relevant.
(20:31):
I knew what a mental breakdownwas.
It was very much relevant intomy life.
So I was always curious aboutpsychology.
I also wanted to be a therapistat one point in time, so I did
have the awareness of psychology.
And then, just as you go throughlife, and there's people who
are very in tuned with humanbeings and I was a bartender for
(20:54):
and worked in the industry for20 years and when you're in that
industry or one of where, ifyou're doing hair, this like you
know of a service-based rightyou understand human beings for
sure.
Like you can see an assholewalk in from a mile away.
(21:14):
You can, yeah, good-heartedperson from a mile away.
You.
There's a vibe about people,how they carry themselves, how
they speak, where you're, you'relike, okay, I get it, so yeah.
Aneta Mruz (21:24):
So I've just always been into psychology yeah, I
guess I didn't know you were abar center and you were in the
industry.
So I was in the industry for 15years and that's where I feel
like it was so just readilyavailable and the owners didn't
care if we were annihilatedwhile we were serving.
Like it was my downward spiralof that time of my life in my
(21:46):
20s and early 30s.
So that for sure had an impacton me because it was just, it
was there and it was fun, likenot getting annihilated but
being with friends, likewaitressing with friends.
I waitressed in a town that Iwent to school with, so all of
your like high school friendsand everyone would just go in
(22:07):
there and it was fun.
So that was interesting too.
But I will tell you in thebeginning of the episode you
mentioned like, like crawlingaway.
I guess I don't know why I'msaying crawling, like tearing
away from this like persona whoyou thought you were.
(22:27):
Honestly, I think if someonedoesn't realize that they can
(22:49):
change and they are not whotheir mind tells them they are,
that it's going to.
What is difficult is thedetachment from the
personalities versus actualchange.
It's detaching from who youthink you are, from who you
think you are and a lot ofindividuals think they know who
they are, but they don't realizethat it's all stories we tell
ourselves, it's all freakingstories we tell ourselves.
It's just what story is servingyou and which one is not.
Which one do you want to baseyour reality on and which one
(23:11):
should you say goodbye to?
So walking away from?
I got sober and obviously then Ihave the nine and a half 10
months of pregnancy.
I had no craving for alcohol,no desire to drink.
I was happy during pregnancy.
I felt the most grounded andbalanced that I could possibly
(23:37):
Like.
If I'm, like in my imagination,looking back at myself pregnant
, I just see a smile on my face.
I remember, in the moment thatI got pregnant, like, so I'm
telling you, like you hadmentioned, it felt like divine
intervention because it happenedso quickly and it saved me, but
it more so was, I remember,thinking I'm finally free, right
(24:01):
?
So what does that tell you?
Thought changes, chemistry,right?
So something happened where,like, that identity of needing
to drink completely collapsedand disappeared.
In that moment, that version ofme was gone.
And where did she go?
She didn't go anywhere.
She just I didn't feed heranymore.
(24:22):
I didn't follow that narrativeanymore of I need to drink right
Because I had a reason not toso Right.
Courtney Andersen (24:31):
Yeah, for though this is very interesting
because a lot of women it's likeokay, they get pregnant.
Some women drink through theirpregnancy yeah, this is facts,
but so for you?
And then it's like okay, and Ijust had this conversation with
people the other day where it islike as soon as you pop out
that child, here's the wine andpeople are giving you gifts of
(24:51):
alcohol and it's like that isthe worst time to be giving a
woman.
Alcohol is during that, thatmost vulnerable transition in
period in her life.
But how was it for you then, inthat first year of motherhood
Because it's not easy how was itfor you to not then be like go
back to drinking than be like goback to drinking?
Aneta Mruz (25:12):
Right.
So well, I had a C-section.
They put me on.
Oh gosh, I forgot what they putme on, but it made me like
super chill, super relaxed.
And then I realized they didn'ttell me when to stop taking it.
So I called the hospital.
I'm like how long am I supposedto be taking this for?
And they're like, oh, stop now.
I'm like okay.
(25:32):
So I stopped taking it and myworld turned upside down.
It was insanity in the sense offull-blown anxiety, panic
attacks, intrusive thoughts.
I was actually suffering withthe diagnosis of OCD Girl.
I had that too.
Oh my gosh stop.
So it was like postpartum OCD,never knew about it, never knew
(25:55):
about it, never knew about it.
And I mean, people have it notpostpartum but but these medical
journals.
Courtney Andersen (26:03):
nobody is talking about postpartum OCD.
They beat in your headpostpartum anxiety and
postpartum depression.
So, yes, that was what I waslooking out for.
Meanwhile I'm like having thisbattle in my head of seeing the
craziest, most gruesome, mostdisturbing thoughts about my kid
and I'm like, oh, that'ssupposed to be normal.
Aneta Mruz (26:25):
Totally so what I learned actually.
So I went through that.
So if you go through that,there's no way in hell I'm
picking up a drink Like mind you, I did truly feel like I was
healed from addiction after Istopped drinking because it went
away.
Like it went away is the onlyway.
So the thought just never cameup, but also I didn't think it
(26:48):
had an opportunity to because ofthe postpartum OCD.
And so I finally got diagnosedand I'm like what the heck is
this?
It's so insane too, becausethere's this will tell you so
much about we can change what wecreate and we create all of it.
Because I remember speaking withmy psychotherapist and I told
(27:12):
her I finally went to get helpbecause I'm like I can't do this
, right, and you have a newbornand it's just the most insane
experience.
I would not wish it upon anyone, especially a mother, right.
So she finally she's like oh,that's OCD, it's just OCD.
You're having intrusivethoughts.
(27:33):
Everyone gets intrusivethoughts.
Your brain just doesn't takethe thought from point A in the
brain to point B, wherecomprehension and understanding
happens.
So that was a neural pathwaythat was misfiring.
I guess you can say and I'mlike, as soon as she said that
I'm like oh like, okay, well.
And I'm like.
As soon as she said that I'mlike oh like, okay, well.
(27:54):
If I created this, I can justchange it.
That was my mentality.
I'm like, I'll just, I don'twant to live like this, so I'll
just change it and a lot of it's.
This goes to like me semi beingnaive about existence and what
is it is to have like a humancondition Right existence and
(28:15):
what it is to have like a humancondition right, because I
didn't know that people sufferwith depression and anxiety.
But why did I feel that it wasso easy for me to change it?
And I did within.
I mean it also for some womenjust goes away, right.
You have to constantly work onyourself and it's so incredibly
difficult to not react to thoseinsane thoughts, right?
(28:39):
But interestingly enough.
So I'm so glad we're talkingbecause, as far as the
postpartum OCD, I'm like what isthis suffering?
And looking back, I'm like itwas all just suffering.
It was suffering but at thesame time, I think it was a time
in my life where all mymetaphorical demons were coming
(29:00):
to the surface, so I could ridmyself of anything that was not
me, that was not true aboutmyself, that was not in
alignment, and I went to therapyfor two years.
But then I stumbled upon YogaStudio and this woman who's a
medium.
She, I mean, she's so much morethan a medium, she's a
(29:20):
spiritual teacher, and she kindof was just like she taught me
about self-love.
She's like this isn't just OCD,it's essentially it's just
energy.
Like all thought is just energy, yeah, and you're just very
receptive to this negative typeof thought and you react to it
(29:42):
which attracts more of it.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
But it all like pans out, allmakes sense.
So I really started studyingthe brain, psychology,
understanding what it means tobe human chemistry, and also the
metaphysical, like energy, justthe fact that everything is
(30:04):
just energy.
And when you simplify thoughtto like this massive craziness
of postpartum OCD and intrusivethoughts to it's just energy, it
makes it so much smaller makesit so much smaller.
Courtney Andersen (30:19):
Yeah, the therapist I worked with, she
told me these two things, whichthat's what I took away from
that.
When she told me when she waslike Courtney, we have like 30
to 40,000 thoughts a day.
Yeah, she's like sometimes it'sjust a thought and it does not
mean anything, that one reallyhelped me.
And then also too, because thenI was like could I have had OCD
(30:41):
before?
And I just didn't know what itwas Right.
And she said it's quitepossible.
And I was like because I've hadsome intrusive thoughts like
right, my whole thing of OCD.
I was thinking I didn't knowabout the intrusive thoughts
with OCD.
I just thought it was likelocking the door five, six times
, like the rituals, right, likeright.
But then it was like well, thatwas very naive of me with not
(31:05):
not just thinking that it wassomething, because again it's
like well, cause I don't knowanybody who has OCD.
Aneta Mruz (31:12):
Right.
Courtney Andersen (31:12):
Yeah, so, and so the other thing she said to
me was that because there was aperiod in my sobriety, I had
super bad anxiety.
She said because I don't know,this is what I'm telling you.
I don't know Because when youwere talking about pregnancy, I
was on bedrest.
I went on bedrest at 23 weekspregnant, from like week like
(31:36):
eight to about week 17.
I was sick as fuck.
However, I felt even though Ifelt terrible that it was like a
rough pregnancy.
I look back at pictures or thinkback at times and I was like I
mean, I was like you were hot,like I just looked at this
picture the other day where Iwas like I actually did not like
(31:58):
feel bad, right, and I don'tknow if this is a thing with
boys, but I also too, duringthat pregnancy I did not have
anxiety and I've not had thatanxiety Like I used to get ever
since I was pregnant.
So maybe there's just somethingwith those hormones that wax
your brain around and changesthe chemistry in your own body,
(32:20):
right.
But she said to me she was likemaybe that anxiety that you
used to have just went somewheredifferent and it is showing up
differently in you now.
So, like, even with peoplewhere you know, sometimes too,
especially too in this sobrietyit's like sometimes too, people
(32:40):
get really angry, right?
So it's just like it is whatyou're saying, like this energy
is showing up somehow to get out.
So it's like anxiety beinganger, like, but that's what you
have to.
It's like what you do with thatand how you nurture that for it
not to be such an issue.
Aneta Mruz (33:00):
For sure, and I wholeheartedly believe that,
because I think it will manifestin one way or another, right,
yes, it will come out because ithas to Like it's a must.
You're not aware of it and yousuppress, suppress, but that
still will manifest in one wayor another and it will create a
certain type of habit, right,any kind of habit.
(33:24):
So, even if it has to do with,like, a personality trait, it's
still like a habit of somethingthat you do.
But that is very interestingabout, yeah, because I had a boy
too and I actually, so Istarted a Facebook group.
So I was like this is like,literally, courtney, I was in
shock that this can happen topeople.
Like how can they number one?
(33:46):
It put a whole new perspectiveon we are not our thoughts.
Yeah, like you are not what youthink.
So, even going back toaddiction, can you imagine I'm
getting like goosebumps?
Can you imagine how many peoplestay in addiction because they
have thought after thought afterthought entering their
(34:08):
awareness and people assume theyare these thoughts or they are
thinking these thoughts?
Courtney Andersen (34:15):
Yeah, yeah, I tell a majority of my clients
to tell themselves to shut thefuck up.
Some days you got to tellyourself to shut the fuck up
because it's such a thinker'sdisease and just like it is very
easy for you to just beconsumed by these thoughts.
And not all of these thoughts,a majority of these thoughts
aren't reality, it's just it'smet with assumption.
(34:36):
It's met again with where,maybe even to not even the story
you told yourself, but thestory that was told to you back
when you were young and in yourformative years, and then that's
just what you think and thenyou carry that on and you're
carrying on somebody else'sstory that was printed on you.
That now is leading you into aworld of self-sabotage, totally.
Aneta Mruz (34:59):
And you know what, even with you saying that how I
call myself, like this chameleon, I'm like maybe there's just a
group of us, like humans livinghere on earth, that have this
way of being this chameleon, ifthey are, and I don't know how.
I know you said that your momsuffered a lot with mental
(35:19):
illness when you were younger,but I don't know.
I feel like there's acommonality as to why this hits
certain people and doesn't hitother people, right?
And I think there's more thanjust one thing to it, like your
human condition, the way thatyou are designed.
I think it goes beyond that,obviously, environment and
(35:40):
society and all that stuff.
But it does make me think thatthese narratives that we attach
to are definitely there, arethese stories that we are
allowing ourselves to take on.
And then it cripples us and Iwill tell you, when I came out
of gosh, the stories I toldmyself when I came out of the
(36:05):
OCD, because I tend to sayhealed.
I know a lot of people don't.
Doctors can't legally sayhealed, a coach can, an energy
practitioner can.
Did the OCD become dormant?
No, I think it's subsided, Ithink it's gone.
I really do.
But at the same time, it openedup this next journey of
(36:27):
redefining who I want to be,what self-identity I want to
take on, and at the time Ididn't know that would be the
next step of my life.
You have to recreate yourself.
You have to Out of addiction.
You have to recreate yourself.
You have to Out of addiction.
You have to recreate yourself.
And I heard the most amazingthing, and I think anyone that
is suffering with addiction orwhatever addiction, whatever you
(36:52):
want to call it social drinking, but you can't stop, like
choosing to keep drinkingbecause you can't say no,
whatever it is right, becauseyou can't say no, whatever it is
right, I feel like I heard outof chaos comes rigidity.
Out of chaos, the personality,the psyche tends to lean towards
(37:14):
rigidity and rigidity can beattachment, right.
So even in knowing that youhave to recreate yourself, don't
attach like, don't attach toany way of being.
But then again, it's you knowwhat I found?
Spirituality.
I found out that I can readenergy and we all can.
It's just I became very good atit because I chose to develop
(37:37):
it.
And did I find myself attachedinto that self-identity?
For sure, right, and I'mliterally just coming out of
even that and just being evenmore grounded.
Even, like you mentioned, yourmom had bipolar.
It's very like this, likedetachment, like high highs and
like ungrounded low, low, and Ithink a lot of individuals can
(38:02):
veer towards that when they comeout of nothing bipolar, but
like this, like rigid.
So, if anything, just it'simportant for people to be
self-aware, to recognize thatthere's nothing wrong with it
Safety right but to kind of calmyourself out of that and it
(38:23):
might take time.
For me it took about four yearsto stop trying to be as rigid,
maybe even longer.
My husband would probably saylonger.
Courtney Andersen (38:32):
But I don't know, but that happens.
The rigidness happens becausethat's a process you have to go
through, and especially, too,with anybody who has a quote
unquote addicted mind.
You got to find your balancewith that rigidness because it's
very easy to get stuck in that.
So what would be three tips tohelp someone create a new
(38:53):
identity that you would suggest.
Aneta Mruz (38:56):
I think the most I mean I had mentioned this
earlier but awareness, the mostI mean I had mentioned this
earlier, but awareness,awareness to the fact that
you're doing it already, you'recreating an identity based on a
self-image.
A part of you, whether you'reconscious of it or not, has
gravitated towards.
So awareness is massive becausewhen you become aware, you
(39:19):
start being the observer ofeverything in your life.
Everything in your life.
I think that's so important,just to you know what, and it's
you can.
Someone can sit here and belike how do you become aware?
And it's like number one youdesire to become aware, you, you
desire, you intend to and whenyou intend to.
(39:41):
You desire, you intend to andwhen you intend to.
It is the function of the brainto keep adhering to your
command, and energetically also,but intend to right, and then
you just step into recognizingwhen different parts of you are
coming up, and that will trainthe brain, this habit of self
(40:06):
introspection, self awareness,and that I believe that is the
biggest thing that helped metruly with the awareness, yeah,
yeah.
Another one is I had mentionedthis thought changes chemistry,
and this can be whittled down toeveryone speaks to mindset,
(40:27):
changing your mindset, but thewhy I think is so important.
Why is mindset so important?
Why is what we tell ourselvesso important?
Because not only does thoughtchange chemistry, but your
entire being will adhere to yourthoughts.
(40:49):
And even with, like I said,with the OCD, I know I created
that Like, yes, chemistryhormones.
But my negative thinking was sobad that it got to that point
where change had to happen.
Change had to happen right.
So thought changes, chemistrywas massive in understanding
(41:13):
that.
Well, I can choose whatthoughts I agree with and what
thoughts I don't, and then mychemistry will change from there
.
Courtney Andersen (41:23):
Yeah, totally yeah.
And what's your third?
Oh?
Aneta Mruz (41:27):
gosh.
This is very like and this isnot to minimize anyone's
experience anyone's suffer, myown experience, my own suffering
but I believe everything isjust a story.
Oh my God, everything is just astory.
Oh my God, everything is just astory.
It's gosh, and there's reasonsfor it.
(41:49):
There's reasons why I meanthat's not to say we don't have
our own values, our beliefs, allthese things, but those things
were once thought also right,right, it was all a story.
It was all a story and we cansit in our imagination.
And he said something about Ithink he said the word
distortions.
If everything is just a story,how much of our time are we
(42:14):
spending in our imagination,being sucked into illusions,
distortions, exaggerations, oreven just the imagination?
Right, a lot of the time, a lotof the time, we are creating
stories in our mind, in ourimagination, of a non-existent
reality.
Right, right, yeah, when we canjust bring even awareness to
(42:38):
this.
That's why awareness is numberone.
Just bring even awareness tothis, that's why awareness is
number one.
When we can bring awareness tothat, life will radically change
for you, your perception ofyour human experience will
change for you, because you willstart recognizing your own
patterns.
You'll be able to ask yourselfwhy is this coming up?
(43:01):
And the answers always come.
The answers always come.
They have to, they always come.
So it's just, I believe, thepath to just a more balanced and
peaceful life.
Courtney Andersen (43:16):
Yes, yeah, I love it.
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.
This was an awesomeconversation.
Where can the good people ofthe world find you?
Aneta Mruz (43:24):
Of course.
So I am primarily on Instagram,so it's center of solace, okay,
center of solace, all right,and I do have a website also and
that's linked, everything'slinked in there.
I have a podcast that is comingout.
It's called Soul Shift and thatis primarily on Spotify, but
I'll send you.
I don't know if I notated that,so I'll send you the
(43:46):
information, sure.
Courtney Andersen (43:47):
And I will have all of your information in
the show notes below.
So thank you so much.
I enjoyed this conversation.
I did too.
And again, good people of theworld.
I hope you enjoyed thisconversation.
Hey, welcome back to another episode of the
Sober Vibes podcast.
I am your host and Sober Coach,courtney Anderson, and also
your go-to guide of living lifewithout alcohol.
I have a great guest LivingLife Without Alcohol.
I have a great guest.
First, it's episode 221.
And today's guest?
(00:55):
Her name is Annetta Mraz and sheis a spiritual change coach and
energy practitioner.
She is also nine years sober.
She shares her story and howshe got sober and then what
happened after that, and shereally shares her knowledge and
gives you tips, too, on how tolet go of false identities and
create the reality of who youare.
(01:16):
So, really, we're shedding oldidentities, especially the one
that you create in your activedrinking days.
This was a great conversation.
I really enjoyed talking withher and this is a topic that is
so important because you reallylike grieving your old drinking
(01:37):
self.
Right, that is an identity thatyou formed in your active
drinking days.
For example, the party girl.
Who am I going to be withoutalcohol if I'm not this party
girl?
Right?
But that is really a falsenarrative that you created in
your active drinking days.
(01:58):
And then how you need to thenform a new identity and shift
into who you are now that alignswith you in your sober, slash,
alcohol-free life.
This type of work is huge and Ihighly recommend for a lot of
people, for anybody, to work onidentity work when it comes to a
(02:20):
sober life Anything right.
I had to work on this shit whenI become a mom, and we talk
about that in this episode too,so it is very impactful.
If you haven't already, pleaseremember to rate, review and
subscribe to the show so younever miss an episode.
As always, slide into my DMsand let me know what you think
of this episode or the podcastand, as always, have a kick-ass
(02:45):
day and keep on trucking.
Hey, annette, welcome to theSober Vibes podcast.
I'm very excited for you to behere today.
Aneta Mruz (02:52):
Thank you, Courtney, so much.
I'm very excited also.
Courtney Andersen (02:56):
So when did you get sober?
Aneta Mruz (02:59):
I got sober on.
It's funny.
I wrote down your sobriety date.
I almost said that it's a veryfamiliar date to me, so that's
why I'm like, oh, I got soberMarch 11th 2016.
Courtney Andersen (03:12):
Nice, nice.
And what brought youcongratulations?
So you are nine years, sober.
Yes, just hit nine years.
Did you do anything tocelebrate?
Do you celebrate that day, oris it just another day to you?
Aneta Mruz (03:27):
I acknowledge it.
I don't know how to celebrateit because I kind of my whole
life is now a celebration, soit's kind of I don't know, it's
tricky, but I did this year.
I just felt so prompted toreach out to communities on
Instagram to start sharing mystory.
(03:48):
Okay, did you not share itbefore?
No, I never did.
I was very always open about mysobriety and even like on my
coaching, instagram or personal,I would always notate March
11th, however many years ofsobriety.
But I went through a lot ofother things after I got sober
(04:09):
and that was kind of the focusand I've gone through that.
So now it looks like I'mcircling back around to sobriety
.
Courtney Andersen (04:18):
Gotcha, gotcha, what was your moment?
I do believe that everybody haswhat's referred to as a rock
bottom.
I feel like a rock bottom isjust at the you're just at that
point where you are just goodand tired, like that's just it.
Like where you're good andtired with the relationship,
whether it's drugs or alcohol orgambling.
Like what was your moment?
(04:38):
Where you're like, okay, I'mdone.
Aneta Mruz (04:40):
I remember it was and I will never forget this,
because before I never quoteunquote surrendered I never
asked for help.
There was always so much shamearound the thought of asking for
help, Although it was soblatantly obvious that I had an
issue, but no one even saidanything.
Courtney Andersen (04:59):
Right.
Aneta Mruz (05:02):
I was driving, this was 2016, and it must have been
January.
It could have even beenDecember of 2015, but I was
driving home from work and therewas always a route I would take
.
There were two routes you cantake home.
Going through a neighborhoodwould lead you to a liquor store
(05:23):
and at that point in my life itwas consuming a lot of wine and
sake.
Courtney Andersen (05:29):
And oh my god , you just made, like the back
of my, like teeth, like Ihaven't thought about sake since
I used to take sake down.
Okay, terrible hangover.
The sake is war, yeah, oh myGod, yeah.
Aneta Mruz (05:44):
Oh, my goodness See, I loved sake because it gave me
a particular kind of buzz.
Courtney Andersen (05:50):
Oh no, the buzz was great for me, but the
hangover for me was awful.
Aneta Mruz (05:54):
Really Interesting.
Courtney Andersen (05:55):
Probably all the sugar, probably, I mean I'm
sure it was also too like amixture of I was probably doing
doing like cherry bombs later inthe evening after having that
sack, so probably in the mixtureof all the alcohol.
But yes, right, right, rightFor sure.
Aneta Mruz (06:09):
So I would always go right into the liquor store.
And it got to a point where oneday I was like, oh my gosh, I
can't not go right, I can't notturn into this parking lot.
And these weren't the thoughtsthat I was thinking, but I was
like I just like freaked out andI'm like I don't want to do
this anymore.
I don't want to do this anymore.
(06:29):
I'm like God, please help me.
And I wasn't religious.
I had a background of growingup Catholic, but I had never
asked for help and I didn't knowwho to ask.
So I just asked God and I saidI don't want to live like this
anymore.
And around that time that was,I would say I know that sounds
(06:50):
like a weird rock bottom, butit's when I realized I wanted
change.
Courtney Andersen (06:55):
Yeah, Right, yeah, right For sure, right.
So then that was in January,and then finally in March.
You're like I'm good Well.
Aneta Mruz (07:03):
I got pregnant.
Oh, in March.
You're like I'm good.
Well, I got pregnant.
Oh, okay, yeah.
And maybe December or January,my husband and I I don't even
remember how this happened, butthe conversation of trying to he
wasn't my husband at the time,he was my long-term boyfriend.
We had just moved into a condotogether, maybe a year ago, and
I was like, maybe let's try tohave a baby.
(07:24):
I was 33.
He was 35.
And we got pregnant within amonth.
So February 26, I found out Iwas pregnant.
No, I'm sorry, that's when Iovulated, that's when I must
have conceived.
I was doing the math.
March 10, I found out I waspregnant.
March 11 is like essentiallythe first day of sobriety.
Courtney Andersen (07:47):
Yeah Well, what a blessing though you know
what I mean Like how that allworked out, and that's where a
lot of people for when theyfinally decide to start living
an alcohol-free journey, yoursober recovery that there is a
moment, this spiritual moment,that happens to you right, Like,
and for you that was also too.
(08:10):
That what happened in January,but then also then what panned
out and getting pregnant, thatwas definitely the universe.
Having your back.
Aneta Mruz (08:18):
For sure.
Yeah, and there's so much tosay, even about that and what I
do now and what I know now andhow we talked about identity.
It's just all very interesting.
Courtney Andersen (08:30):
Absolutely Well, you as a change coach and
energy practitioner which I love, because I love all those
things specifically with you,we're going to talk about how
you get sucked into these falseidentities that then create your
reality, specifically to whenyou're drinking, right, a lot of
(08:50):
women fall into that quoteunquote party girl when they
start drinking and then when youknow we stopped drinking, it's
like, well, who the fuck am Igoing to be?
Like who?
This is what I did for so manyyears.
How are people going to like meand all of that and where
you're at and where I am at?
(09:11):
Many people who have longerterm sobriety realize that's
just all BS, right, it's justlike I have so much more to
offer than that.
But what would you speak uponabout that?
I'm getting sucked into those,that identity.
Aneta Mruz (09:29):
For sure, and I think we do it all the time.
I think we have so many.
I mean, psychology will tellyou we have so many self
identities.
The problem with me and, Ibelieve, a lot of individuals
that get sucked into whatevertype of self-image, is that I
(09:51):
didn't know who I was to beginwith.
I didn't know who authenticallyI was.
I didn't know gosh, it's asthough I had no internal compass
in a weird way.
So it was for some reason easierfor me to almost become like a
(10:13):
chameleon and step into sometype of thing that is serving me
in the moment.
And had it not been?
I mean, I always, I always toldmyself I would never do drugs
because I was afraid of losingmy mind, like losing control, in
whatever experience I had.
But alcohol for some reasonseemed like I could regulate the
(10:38):
high.
I guess you can say, dependingon how much you drank and what
you drank.
Right, but as far as I don'teven so.
I worked at a drink.
Right, but as far as I don'teven so.
I worked at a bar, right, and Iwas in a really toxic
relationship right out of highschool 20, 21, 22.
And that did a lot to createsome type of self-identity, of
(11:01):
lack of self-worth, unworthiness, unalignment, and I think
that's what I was going off of,this degraded self-image that I
had.
And it didn't matter what I didto myself, it didn't matter, it
just didn't matter.
I had no goals, I had noambitions, I had no future,
(11:24):
anything at that point.
And that's, I think, when youget really sucked into gosh.
I heard something the other dayand it was very religious based.
It was very how, if you and I'mnot religious, I believe in God
, but I'm not like by the bookand they said something along
(11:45):
the lines of they gave ametaphor of how your children,
if they don't follow a certainscripture, they leave God and
they call them soulless.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, isthis what religion believes?
But at the same time, I couldsee how, in that experience, I
(12:07):
wasn't living life through mysoul.
I was like this just destroyedpersonality, this destroyed
identity, right.
Courtney Andersen (12:20):
Yeah, but in that of what you're talking
about too for yourself is that'salso somebody who destroyed
that right.
So a lot too.
And even, too, when you talkabout being a person who adapts
to everybody else, that also,too, comes from if there's any
type of childhood trauma or whatyou grew up in right, or if you
(12:42):
had emotionally unavailableparents or if there was physical
trauma, and then you just go towith the flow.
So being in a toxicrelationship and being I don't
know if there was anyphysicalness, but emotionally
beat down, then you are justtaking down to nothing, and at
such a young age, because 21 isyoung, it's young 21 is young.
Aneta Mruz (13:05):
Yeah, and that's not where it started.
You're absolutely right.
There were moments and it's sointeresting because I think it
does, at least for me it didhave to do with maybe the way I
was raised.
The way I raise my son now,it's almost like I have to teach
him how to be human.
It's definitely different thanthe way I was raised.
(13:29):
Was I taught morals and values,what's right, what's wrong?
I don't remember any of that.
I think we just lived life andI felt like this blob just
existing and there was nodirection.
And there were instances in mychildhood that felt very
traumatic, not physical, butmental, in the sense of, like
(13:53):
emotional availability that wasabsent, but also just this I did
something wrong, like this,always like this victim
mentality, I did something wrong, dumb mentality.
I did something wrong, I'm thecause of this, and that's
literally so.
Did the self-identity at 2021morph?
I believe it did, but itstarted somewhere.
(14:15):
It for sure started somewhere.
It had to do with something.
The way I viewed myself becauseI mean, my reality is a reality
of what's inside, right, theway I look at it now and I was
living and perceiving all thislike crap, right, as if I was
(14:37):
trash Like not good enough.
It was just bizarre to lookbackwards and see, oh my gosh,
she did that to herself and thenshe continued to choose it.
Courtney Andersen (14:50):
Yeah, absolutely yeah, there's a lot.
There's sadness in that whenyou look back at your younger
self and to going even backfurther into your childhood.
There's sadness in that,especially too, when you become
a parent and you decide to treatyour kids and raise them a
different way than you wereraised.
(15:10):
So, and I'm sure in the periodsbecause what he's nine, eight,
nine, he's eight, yeah.
So then I'm sure there's beenperiods of him growing up where
you've probably felt and some ofthose I can only speak for
myself because this has happenedto me with my little dictator
and he's three and a half wherethere's been periods, and
especially to, like last year, Iwent through like kind of an
(15:31):
angry phase with my parents.
I was like you, two sons ofbitches, right, like so when you
see that now as a mother andgoing back, there is sadness for
what you didn't have and forthat little girl, especially
then too, at 2021.
Like I have to say, I did nothave, I did not have a healthy
(15:51):
identity until a couple of yearsinto my sobriety and a couple
of years into my sobriety oflike figuring out then who, what
I was.
Because we have to rebuild, wehave to now build ourself anew,
rebuild ourselves into like okay, who am I going to be?
What do I like?
Right, like, how am I evengoing to wear?
Like, maybe, too like, there'sfood you don't even like anymore
(16:12):
.
Aneta Mruz (16:12):
Right, so, and life is incredibly different.
I just did another, a differentepisode, maybe a month ago, and
he talked about how you'reliterally like you have a new
life.
You're not the same person.
There's aspects of you that arestill in there because I do
believe that, like the true,aligned identities that your
(16:37):
personality is meant to exudeand live out in this life, I
believe those are within you andthose are also built in
childhood, right, or likes,dislikes, what we cater to, what
we don't, but it's I mean, it'sso very much all conditioning
and programming for sure.
(16:57):
And I even like, I mean becausewe're all so very different but
we're all so similar, right,and I even have you ever heard
of, oh gosh, what is calledhuman design?
I just started going into that.
I'm like, how are these likecategories of humans and there's
only five or six.
There's definite structure tosomething that is self-identity,
(17:25):
although, the way I see it,it's forever evolving, like we
are constantly, every day, we'rechanging and rewiring, and back
then I didn't know that waseven possible.
I knew change was possible, butI didn't know that we are here
to live a life and to change andto redefine our self-identity
(17:48):
or self-image constantly,constantly, and we are and we
can, and it's not as difficultas one would perceive.
Courtney Andersen (17:57):
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Yeah, yeah, exactly, and it'sjust subtle shifts of, just
because you're always going tohave somebody that reminds you
(19:27):
will say to you too Well, like,I thought you like this, or what
happened with that Right, andit's just like bitch.
I have evolved, yeah, I know, Iknow Like I have grown and I
went through that period andthat's who I was.
And now I like, a couple ofyears later, it's like that's I.
I don't align with it anymore.
I just I don't appreciate.
Aneta Mruz (19:49):
So after you that makes me wonder, after you had
your so August 18th right, youralcohol-free life, as you put it
on your podcast, do you?
Did you get into psychology?
Did you try to understand, likethe self more?
Courtney Andersen (20:09):
I've been into psychology since I started
going to therapy.
When I was in middle school Iwent to therapy.
So like the thing of psychologyand too because of my mother
has suffered from bipolar andfrom mental I mean I knew what
bipolar was at seven, so likethat was very much relevant.
(20:31):
I knew what a mental breakdownwas.
It was very much relevant intomy life.
So I was always curious aboutpsychology.
I also wanted to be a therapistat one point in time, so I did
have the awareness of psychology.
And then, just as you go throughlife, and there's people who
are very in tuned with humanbeings and I was a bartender for
(20:54):
and worked in the industry for20 years and when you're in that
industry or one of where, ifyou're doing hair, this like you
know of a service-based rightyou understand human beings for
sure.
Like you can see an assholewalk in from a mile away.
(21:14):
You can, yeah, good-heartedperson from a mile away.
You.
There's a vibe about people,how they carry themselves, how
they speak, where you're, you'relike, okay, I get it, so yeah.
Aneta Mruz (21:24):
So I've just always been into psychology yeah, I
guess I didn't know you were abar center and you were in the
industry.
So I was in the industry for 15years and that's where I feel
like it was so just readilyavailable and the owners didn't
care if we were annihilatedwhile we were serving.
Like it was my downward spiralof that time of my life in my
(21:46):
20s and early 30s.
So that for sure had an impacton me because it was just, it
was there and it was fun, likenot getting annihilated but
being with friends, likewaitressing with friends.
I waitressed in a town that Iwent to school with, so all of
your like high school friendsand everyone would just go in
(22:07):
there and it was fun.
So that was interesting too.
But I will tell you in thebeginning of the episode you
mentioned like, like crawlingaway.
I guess I don't know why I'msaying crawling, like tearing
away from this like persona whoyou thought you were.
(22:27):
Honestly, I think if someonedoesn't realize that they can
(22:49):
change and they are not whotheir mind tells them they are,
that it's going to.
What is difficult is thedetachment from the
personalities versus actualchange.
It's detaching from who youthink you are, from who you
think you are and a lot ofindividuals think they know who
they are, but they don't realizethat it's all stories we tell
ourselves, it's all freakingstories we tell ourselves.
It's just what story is servingyou and which one is not.
Which one do you want to baseyour reality on and which one
(23:11):
should you say goodbye to?
So walking away from?
I got sober and obviously then Ihave the nine and a half 10
months of pregnancy.
I had no craving for alcohol,no desire to drink.
I was happy during pregnancy.
I felt the most grounded andbalanced that I could possibly
(23:37):
Like.
If I'm, like in my imagination,looking back at myself pregnant
, I just see a smile on my face.
I remember, in the moment thatI got pregnant, like, so I'm
telling you, like you hadmentioned, it felt like divine
intervention because it happenedso quickly and it saved me, but
it more so was, I remember,thinking I'm finally free, right
(24:01):
?
So what does that tell you?
Thought changes, chemistry,right?
So something happened where,like, that identity of needing
to drink completely collapsedand disappeared.
In that moment, that version ofme was gone.
And where did she go?
She didn't go anywhere.
She just I didn't feed heranymore.
(24:22):
I didn't follow that narrativeanymore of I need to drink right
Because I had a reason not toso Right.
Courtney Andersen (24:31):
Yeah, for though this is very interesting
because a lot of women it's likeokay, they get pregnant.
Some women drink through theirpregnancy yeah, this is facts,
but so for you?
And then it's like okay, and Ijust had this conversation with
people the other day where it islike as soon as you pop out
that child, here's the wine andpeople are giving you gifts of
(24:51):
alcohol and it's like that isthe worst time to be giving a
woman.
Alcohol is during that, thatmost vulnerable transition in
period in her life.
But how was it for you then, inthat first year of motherhood
Because it's not easy how was itfor you to not then be like go
back to drinking than be like goback to drinking?
Aneta Mruz (25:12):
Right.
So well, I had a C-section.
They put me on.
Oh gosh, I forgot what they putme on, but it made me like
super chill, super relaxed.
And then I realized they didn'ttell me when to stop taking it.
So I called the hospital.
I'm like how long am I supposedto be taking this for?
And they're like, oh, stop now.
I'm like okay.
(25:32):
So I stopped taking it and myworld turned upside down.
It was insanity in the sense offull-blown anxiety, panic
attacks, intrusive thoughts.
I was actually suffering withthe diagnosis of OCD Girl.
I had that too.
Oh my gosh stop.
So it was like postpartum OCD,never knew about it, never knew
(25:55):
about it, never knew about it.
And I mean, people have it notpostpartum but but these medical
journals.
Courtney Andersen (26:03):
nobody is talking about postpartum OCD.
They beat in your headpostpartum anxiety and
postpartum depression.
So, yes, that was what I waslooking out for.
Meanwhile I'm like having thisbattle in my head of seeing the
craziest, most gruesome, mostdisturbing thoughts about my kid
and I'm like, oh, that'ssupposed to be normal.
Aneta Mruz (26:25):
Totally so what I learned actually.
So I went through that.
So if you go through that,there's no way in hell I'm
picking up a drink Like mind you, I did truly feel like I was
healed from addiction after Istopped drinking because it went
away.
Like it went away is the onlyway.
So the thought just never cameup, but also I didn't think it
(26:48):
had an opportunity to because ofthe postpartum OCD.
And so I finally got diagnosedand I'm like what the heck is
this?
It's so insane too, becausethere's this will tell you so
much about we can change what wecreate and we create all of it.
Because I remember speaking withmy psychotherapist and I told
(27:12):
her I finally went to get helpbecause I'm like I can't do this
, right, and you have a newbornand it's just the most insane
experience.
I would not wish it upon anyone, especially a mother, right.
So she finally she's like oh,that's OCD, it's just OCD.
You're having intrusivethoughts.
(27:33):
Everyone gets intrusivethoughts.
Your brain just doesn't takethe thought from point A in the
brain to point B, wherecomprehension and understanding
happens.
So that was a neural pathwaythat was misfiring.
I guess you can say and I'mlike, as soon as she said that
I'm like oh like, okay, well.
And I'm like.
As soon as she said that I'mlike oh like, okay, well.
(27:54):
If I created this, I can justchange it.
That was my mentality.
I'm like, I'll just, I don'twant to live like this, so I'll
just change it and a lot of it's.
This goes to like me semi beingnaive about existence and what
is it is to have like a humancondition Right existence and
(28:15):
what it is to have like a humancondition right, because I
didn't know that people sufferwith depression and anxiety.
But why did I feel that it wasso easy for me to change it?
And I did within.
I mean it also for some womenjust goes away, right.
You have to constantly work onyourself and it's so incredibly
difficult to not react to thoseinsane thoughts, right?
(28:39):
But interestingly enough.
So I'm so glad we're talkingbecause, as far as the
postpartum OCD, I'm like what isthis suffering?
And looking back, I'm like itwas all just suffering.
It was suffering but at thesame time, I think it was a time
in my life where all mymetaphorical demons were coming
(29:00):
to the surface, so I could ridmyself of anything that was not
me, that was not true aboutmyself, that was not in
alignment, and I went to therapyfor two years.
But then I stumbled upon YogaStudio and this woman who's a
medium.
She, I mean, she's so much morethan a medium, she's a
(29:20):
spiritual teacher, and she kindof was just like she taught me
about self-love.
She's like this isn't just OCD,it's essentially it's just
energy.
Like all thought is just energy, yeah, and you're just very
receptive to this negative typeof thought and you react to it
(29:42):
which attracts more of it.
I'm like what are you talkingabout?
But it all like pans out, allmakes sense.
So I really started studyingthe brain, psychology,
understanding what it means tobe human chemistry, and also the
metaphysical, like energy, justthe fact that everything is
(30:04):
just energy.
And when you simplify thoughtto like this massive craziness
of postpartum OCD and intrusivethoughts to it's just energy, it
makes it so much smaller makesit so much smaller.
Courtney Andersen (30:19):
Yeah, the therapist I worked with, she
told me these two things, whichthat's what I took away from
that.
When she told me when she waslike Courtney, we have like 30
to 40,000 thoughts a day.
Yeah, she's like sometimes it'sjust a thought and it does not
mean anything, that one reallyhelped me.
And then also too, because thenI was like could I have had OCD
(30:41):
before?
And I just didn't know what itwas Right.
And she said it's quitepossible.
And I was like because I've hadsome intrusive thoughts like
right, my whole thing of OCD.
I was thinking I didn't knowabout the intrusive thoughts
with OCD.
I just thought it was likelocking the door five, six times
, like the rituals, right, likeright.
But then it was like well, thatwas very naive of me with not
(31:05):
not just thinking that it wassomething, because again it's
like well, cause I don't knowanybody who has OCD.
Aneta Mruz (31:12):
Right.
Courtney Andersen (31:12):
Yeah, so, and so the other thing she said to
me was that because there was aperiod in my sobriety, I had
super bad anxiety.
She said because I don't know,this is what I'm telling you.
I don't know Because when youwere talking about pregnancy, I
was on bedrest.
I went on bedrest at 23 weekspregnant, from like week like
(31:36):
eight to about week 17.
I was sick as fuck.
However, I felt even though Ifelt terrible that it was like a
rough pregnancy.
I look back at pictures or thinkback at times and I was like I
mean, I was like you were hot,like I just looked at this
picture the other day where Iwas like I actually did not like
(31:58):
feel bad, right, and I don'tknow if this is a thing with
boys, but I also too, duringthat pregnancy I did not have
anxiety and I've not had thatanxiety Like I used to get ever
since I was pregnant.
So maybe there's just somethingwith those hormones that wax
your brain around and changesthe chemistry in your own body,
(32:20):
right.
But she said to me she was likemaybe that anxiety that you
used to have just went somewheredifferent and it is showing up
differently in you now.
So, like, even with peoplewhere you know, sometimes too,
especially too in this sobrietyit's like sometimes too, people
(32:40):
get really angry, right?
So it's just like it is whatyou're saying, like this energy
is showing up somehow to get out.
So it's like anxiety beinganger, like, but that's what you
have to.
It's like what you do with thatand how you nurture that for it
not to be such an issue.
Aneta Mruz (33:00):
For sure, and I wholeheartedly believe that,
because I think it will manifestin one way or another, right,
yes, it will come out because ithas to Like it's a must.
You're not aware of it and yousuppress, suppress, but that
still will manifest in one wayor another and it will create a
certain type of habit, right,any kind of habit.
(33:24):
So, even if it has to do with,like, a personality trait, it's
still like a habit of somethingthat you do.
But that is very interestingabout, yeah, because I had a boy
too and I actually, so Istarted a Facebook group.
So I was like this is like,literally, courtney, I was in
shock that this can happen topeople.
Like how can they number one?
(33:46):
It put a whole new perspectiveon we are not our thoughts.
Yeah, like you are not what youthink.
So, even going back toaddiction, can you imagine I'm
getting like goosebumps?
Can you imagine how many peoplestay in addiction because they
have thought after thought afterthought entering their
(34:08):
awareness and people assume theyare these thoughts or they are
thinking these thoughts?
Courtney Andersen (34:15):
Yeah, yeah, I tell a majority of my clients
to tell themselves to shut thefuck up.
Some days you got to tellyourself to shut the fuck up
because it's such a thinker'sdisease and just like it is very
easy for you to just beconsumed by these thoughts.
And not all of these thoughts,a majority of these thoughts
aren't reality, it's just it'smet with assumption.
(34:36):
It's met again with where,maybe even to not even the story
you told yourself, but thestory that was told to you back
when you were young and in yourformative years, and then that's
just what you think and thenyou carry that on and you're
carrying on somebody else'sstory that was printed on you.
That now is leading you into aworld of self-sabotage, totally.
Aneta Mruz (34:59):
And you know what, even with you saying that how I
call myself, like this chameleon, I'm like maybe there's just a
group of us, like humans livinghere on earth, that have this
way of being this chameleon, ifthey are, and I don't know how.
I know you said that your momsuffered a lot with mental
(35:19):
illness when you were younger,but I don't know.
I feel like there's acommonality as to why this hits
certain people and doesn't hitother people, right?
And I think there's more thanjust one thing to it, like your
human condition, the way thatyou are designed.
I think it goes beyond that,obviously, environment and
(35:40):
society and all that stuff.
But it does make me think thatthese narratives that we attach
to are definitely there, arethese stories that we are
allowing ourselves to take on.
And then it cripples us and Iwill tell you, when I came out
of gosh, the stories I toldmyself when I came out of the
(36:05):
OCD, because I tend to sayhealed.
I know a lot of people don't.
Doctors can't legally sayhealed, a coach can, an energy
practitioner can.
Did the OCD become dormant?
No, I think it's subsided, Ithink it's gone.
I really do.
But at the same time, it openedup this next journey of
(36:27):
redefining who I want to be,what self-identity I want to
take on, and at the time Ididn't know that would be the
next step of my life.
You have to recreate yourself.
You have to Out of addiction.
You have to recreate yourself.
You have to Out of addiction.
You have to recreate yourself.
And I heard the most amazingthing, and I think anyone that
is suffering with addiction orwhatever addiction, whatever you
(36:52):
want to call it social drinking, but you can't stop, like
choosing to keep drinkingbecause you can't say no,
whatever it is right, becauseyou can't say no, whatever it is
right, I feel like I heard outof chaos comes rigidity.
Out of chaos, the personality,the psyche tends to lean towards
(37:14):
rigidity and rigidity can beattachment, right.
So even in knowing that youhave to recreate yourself, don't
attach like, don't attach toany way of being.
But then again, it's you knowwhat I found?
Spirituality.
I found out that I can readenergy and we all can.
It's just I became very good atit because I chose to develop
(37:37):
it.
And did I find myself attachedinto that self-identity?
For sure, right, and I'mliterally just coming out of
even that and just being evenmore grounded.
Even, like you mentioned, yourmom had bipolar.
It's very like this, likedetachment, like high highs and
like ungrounded low, low, and Ithink a lot of individuals can
(38:02):
veer towards that when they comeout of nothing bipolar, but
like this, like rigid.
So, if anything, just it'simportant for people to be
self-aware, to recognize thatthere's nothing wrong with it
Safety right but to kind of calmyourself out of that and it
(38:23):
might take time.
For me it took about four yearsto stop trying to be as rigid,
maybe even longer.
My husband would probably saylonger.
Courtney Andersen (38:32):
But I don't know, but that happens.
The rigidness happens becausethat's a process you have to go
through, and especially, too,with anybody who has a quote
unquote addicted mind.
You got to find your balancewith that rigidness because it's
very easy to get stuck in that.
So what would be three tips tohelp someone create a new
(38:53):
identity that you would suggest.
Aneta Mruz (38:56):
I think the most I mean I had mentioned this
earlier but awareness, the mostI mean I had mentioned this
earlier, but awareness,awareness to the fact that
you're doing it already, you'recreating an identity based on a
self-image.
A part of you, whether you'reconscious of it or not, has
gravitated towards.
So awareness is massive becausewhen you become aware, you
(39:19):
start being the observer ofeverything in your life.
Everything in your life.
I think that's so important,just to you know what, and it's
you can.
Someone can sit here and belike how do you become aware?
And it's like number one youdesire to become aware, you, you
desire, you intend to and whenyou intend to.
(39:41):
You desire, you intend to andwhen you intend to.
It is the function of the brainto keep adhering to your
command, and energetically also,but intend to right, and then
you just step into recognizingwhen different parts of you are
coming up, and that will trainthe brain, this habit of self
(40:06):
introspection, self awareness,and that I believe that is the
biggest thing that helped metruly with the awareness, yeah,
yeah.
Another one is I had mentionedthis thought changes chemistry,
and this can be whittled down toeveryone speaks to mindset,
(40:27):
changing your mindset, but thewhy I think is so important.
Why is mindset so important?
Why is what we tell ourselvesso important?
Because not only does thoughtchange chemistry, but your
entire being will adhere to yourthoughts.
(40:49):
And even with, like I said,with the OCD, I know I created
that Like, yes, chemistryhormones.
But my negative thinking was sobad that it got to that point
where change had to happen.
Change had to happen right.
So thought changes, chemistrywas massive in understanding
(41:13):
that.
Well, I can choose whatthoughts I agree with and what
thoughts I don't, and then mychemistry will change from there
.
Courtney Andersen (41:23):
Yeah, totally yeah.
And what's your third?
Oh?
Aneta Mruz (41:27):
gosh.
This is very like and this isnot to minimize anyone's
experience anyone's suffer, myown experience, my own suffering
but I believe everything isjust a story.
Oh my God, everything is just astory.
Oh my God, everything is just astory.
It's gosh, and there's reasonsfor it.
(41:49):
There's reasons why I meanthat's not to say we don't have
our own values, our beliefs, allthese things, but those things
were once thought also right,right, it was all a story.
It was all a story and we cansit in our imagination.
And he said something about Ithink he said the word
distortions.
If everything is just a story,how much of our time are we
(42:14):
spending in our imagination,being sucked into illusions,
distortions, exaggerations, oreven just the imagination?
Right, a lot of the time, a lotof the time, we are creating
stories in our mind, in ourimagination, of a non-existent
reality.
Right, right, yeah, when we canjust bring even awareness to
(42:38):
this.
That's why awareness is numberone.
Just bring even awareness tothis, that's why awareness is
number one.
When we can bring awareness tothat, life will radically change
for you, your perception ofyour human experience will
change for you, because you willstart recognizing your own
patterns.
You'll be able to ask yourselfwhy is this coming up?
(43:01):
And the answers always come.
The answers always come.
They have to, they always come.
So it's just, I believe, thepath to just a more balanced and
peaceful life.
Courtney Andersen (43:16):
Yes, yeah, I love it.
Well, thank you.
Thank you so much.
This was an awesomeconversation.
Where can the good people ofthe world find you?
Aneta Mruz (43:24):
Of course.
So I am primarily on Instagram,so it's center of solace, okay,
center of solace, all right,and I do have a website also and
that's linked, everything'slinked in there.
I have a podcast that is comingout.
It's called Soul Shift and thatis primarily on Spotify, but
I'll send you.
I don't know if I notated that,so I'll send you the
(43:46):
information, sure.
Courtney Andersen (43:47):
And I will have all of your information in
the show notes below.
So thank you so much.
I enjoyed this conversation.
I did too.
And again, good people of theworld.
I hope you enjoyed thisconversation.
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