April 24, 2025 • 28 mins
Episode 222: The Culture of Alcohol
In episode 222 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Anderson explores how alcohol has become more than a substance; it's a full-blown culture, belief system, and lifestyle deeply embedded in our society and family ecosystems.
What you will learn in this episode:
- Alcohol culture appears everywhere—from celebrations to grief, rewards to "surviving" parenthood
- Big alcohol companies have historically destroyed families and health, yet face minimal criticism compared to other industries
- The family dynamic with alcohol creates generational patterns that can be difficult but crucial to break
- Children who grow up with alcohol-dependent family members often develop traits like people-pleasing, codependency, and becoming high achievers
- Media glamorizes drinking while rarely showing realistic consequences, creating false narratives about what "problem drinking" looks like
- The alcohol industry has successfully made drinking part of our identities through clever marketing and normalization
Thank you to our Sponsor:
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Listen to episode 127 with Thomas White to learn more about CBD.
Resources Mentioned:
- Courtney's Website
- Prohibition Documentary
- Flaked & Loudermilk are on Netflix
- Codependent No More
Thank you for listening! Help the show by Rating, Reviewing, and/or Subscribing to the Sober Vibes Podcast.
Connect w/ Courtney:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast.
I am your host and sober coach,courtney Anderson, and your
go-to guide to helping you livelife without booze.
So today we're talking aboutsomething that's a little bit
bigger than just one person'sdrinking habits, right?
I really just want to talkabout this, to just shed a light
(00:53):
if you haven't thought about ityet, okay, or this is something
you start thinking about andyou get sober and there's
clarity.
You have clarity and you startseeing things a different type
of way.
So today we're talking abouthow alcohol has become a culture
(01:14):
.
There's an alcohol culture.
It's a belief system, and it'sone that I used to subscribe to,
right?
It's not only a belief system,it's a lifestyle, right?
And then it's a whole identity,not that you just take on or
not that, what you just take onwho you were with alcohol, but
(01:35):
it's a whole identity in ourworld.
So once you start to questionthis and once you start to see
things in a different light, youcan't unsee it.
That is why I always, always,always, always, always refer to
this one documentary calledProhibition, because you can
(01:58):
just see the evolution ofalcohol and big alcohol and even
, too, that people have hadproblems with alcohol because
it's such a highly addictivesubstance.
They have had people, there'sbeen people with problems with
alcohol for years.
So that prohibition one.
It's a documentary by thewonderful Ken Burns and you can
(02:21):
I don't know, I don't know whatstreaming app that's on.
I watched it a couple of yearsinto my sobriety and it just
made me see some things in adifferent light and help really
understand.
I just I just got it.
Just things clicked after Iwatched that.
So alcohol is a culture.
Alcohol is everywhere.
(02:41):
Right, it's how we celebrate,it's how we grieve, it's how we
treat quote unquote, treatourselves, because it then
becomes a reward system.
I'm going to do a podcastepisode on the reward system in
May, so in May I will drop thatone.
So it's we treat ourselves.
It's how we quote unquotesurvive parenthood.
(03:02):
It's how we survive anything.
Really, it's how some peopleclaim they had survived the
pandemic.
Right, the marketing, how it'smarketed, is classy.
It can be sexy.
Right, it can be powerful,rebellious, edgy, relaxing, you
(03:23):
name it.
Rebellious, edgy, relaxing, youname it.
It's.
The marketing on alcohol ads is.
I'm just gonna say it, it'spretty incredible, but they do
still to this day.
I can can remember coronacommercials since I was a kid.
But underneath all of this, it'sstill a drug.
It is alcohol is a drug.
(03:44):
It is Alcohol is a drug Again.
If you showed up to a partywith heroin or depends who
you're partying with with abunch of blow and start doing
that, people are going toquestion you or crack, and
they're going to be likeclutching onto their pearls,
being what the fuck are youdoing?
But if you were on, if you hada couple of months of sobriety
and then started drinking at aparty, no one would really
(04:06):
question you of it, because ofhow alcohol is talked about and
also, too, because it is legal.
So somehow this drug, though,has has its own brand and has
become its own brand Right, andit's, and it's really in every
corner of our lives.
(04:28):
Okay, alcohol isn't just abeverage, it's become a full-on
culture.
We've been conditioned tobelieve that drinking is a
default.
I laugh, because it's so truethat it's going to a wedding,
you're going to drink champagne,right.
Or, like, you have to drink todance.
Brunch with friends.
(04:48):
Let's start the bottom listmimosas, because heaven forbid
again clutching my pearls.
I can't go to a brunch withoutdrinking mimosas.
Long day with the kids, winetime, right?
The whole mommy wine culture.
There's a daddy drinkingculture, too.
Big promotion you bettercelebrate that with shots or
some more champagne, right?
Bad breakup let's cry it outinto a big bottle of wine with
(05:14):
friends around right?
So this is not just expected,it's truly, truly, truly
embedded.
And when you start to questionit, people act like you're the
weird one, right?
Because it's just somethingabout this.
And I even remember, too, when Igot sober, it was like I was
uncomfortable.
But this goes back into peoplepleasing of what I did and
(05:38):
trying to make others happy, andI've said this a couple of
times too.
So in that beginning, I didn'twant to talk about it because I
didn't want to be a.
So in that beginning, I didn'twant to talk about it because I
didn't want to be a weirdo,right?
I didn't want people to feeluncomfortable.
And then, in my own healingjourney and figuring out people
pleasing, I'm like why the fuckcares?
And in sobriety, you do gothrough this thing where it's
(05:59):
like you have to fucking bereally uncomfortable to get
comfortable in a world wherebooze is all around, like
somebody on my Instagram triedto tell me.
They're like trying to tell meI was blaming other people.
I was like but this is not.
We're taking actions forourselves.
This is fucking the truth.
Okay, because I have taken alot of accountability for all of
(06:23):
my actions, but it is the truth.
It is that thing it's.
I don't want to, I don't want tohear about it, don't bother me
about my drinking.
There is this thing wherepeople don't want to hear it.
Because, why?
Because then they have to lookat their own relationship with
alcohol, and a lot of people whoare saying this to you, in my
(06:43):
case, had drinking problemsthemselves, right?
So I just remember after acouple years, it's no, I really
don't care anymore.
If my sobriety makes somebodyuncomfortable, that's a them
problem.
This is not a moi problem andit just it shouldn't be like
that, but it is for some people.
(07:04):
So there is also the role ofalcohol or the.
There's also a role of alcoholand alcohol culture in a family
dynamic too.
Right, like this is.
This is where I have nowadaysthat I've been seeing and I've
been more vocal about it, okay,that I've been seeing and I've
(07:29):
been more vocal about it.
Okay of I get really pissedwith.
Nowadays there's such a focus onbig pharma as there should be
okay.
Big pharma, big food, right,fuck, whatever big you want to
think of, big tech or all ofthat.
And there is, yes, there's,some shit that these companies
have done and whatnot that areterrible.
(07:51):
And how, quote unquote we wantto make America healthy again.
Okay, this is not a politicaldiscussion, but I'm just saying
of what's going on right now,especially in the United States.
But where the fuck is the focuson big alcohol companies?
There's no focus on thesescumbag losers.
All right, and here's what'sbeen going on with big alcohol
(08:14):
is big alcohol has beendestroying families for fucking
years.
So that's why I'm going to talkabout the role of alcohol in
your family, because a lot ofpeople who end up having issues
on the spectrum alcohol usedisorder having issues of their
own.
It's like how did alcohol playout in your family?
How did you see it play out?
(08:35):
So that's why I get I reallyget it chaps my lady boner that
big alcohol is not talked aboutenough.
But I understand why it's not,because a lot of these fuckers
are funding a lot of things.
And then it goes back to noteverybody has a drinking problem
.
But hello, let's go back to thefirst of.
(08:58):
In what was it the start of inJanuary where finally we get the
attorney general saying thatalcohol actually causes what was
it like?
Seven different cancers thatcan all be preventable if you
didn't drink alcohol.
Okay, so I know that scared alot of people by actually
finally hearing something likethat, and which I think is great
(09:21):
.
But there is this dynamic withalcohol and a family system.
How, then, these children growup with fucking issues?
I am one of them.
If you look at thecharacteristics, if you dealt
with a family member who was I'mnot even going to say alcoholic
I'm just going to go on thatspectrum of alcohol use disorder
(09:42):
right, because everybody'srelationship with it looks
differently and what youexperience.
But if you are a child of thatand the dysfunction of it, you
understand that it goes topeople pleasing codependency,
high achievers, all of thesethings.
I've just all of these traits,these things I just listed.
Is the majority of you listeningto this podcast?
(10:03):
And I just know that because Iknow this audience so well.
Just look that up.
And also, too, you haven'theard this episode yet, but I'm
going to drop it in May as well.
I have a guest on about beingan adult child of an alcoholic.
She had her own issues as well,and so she was telling me in
that program, issues as well,and so she was telling me in
(10:26):
that program it's now trailedoff to alcohol, adult children
of alcoholics in dysfunction,because it's the same, anyways.
So the role of the family, therole of alcohol in the family,
right.
Then the alcohol culture in yourfamily, and this one seriously
runs deep.
Okay, maybe you grew up in ahouse where alcohol was at every
holiday, right, every barbecueat every grown-up table.
(10:50):
Maybe your parents drink daily,or maybe it was more subtle,
right?
Or maybe, too, you were on themore extreme end where it was
like mom went down in thebasement and drank wine in the
basement and smoke cigs whiledoing laundry, or having a mom
or dad who hid that.
It could have been chaos foryou, right?
(11:12):
Unpredictable.
Maybe you learned early on toread the room based on how much
someone had to drink, correct,or where you felt like the shoe
was going to drop.
Even if you didn't consciouslytake that in, you were being
taught what normal looked like.
Right.
For me, very early on, it wasall about a Miller Lite in the
(11:33):
picture, right?
No matter what, no matterfucking what, and my process of
healing.
I had to look back in that andwith some stuff and really look
on how that played out in myfamily dynamic and just only
talking from my experience, butseeing signs too if someone had
been drinking and trying tocover it up.
(11:55):
So there's stuff like that youmight look back on and you're
like, oh okay, all right, my dador my mom were just drunk at
that time.
Like this now makes sense wheremy dad or my mom were hungover,
right.
So when you grow up and youhave to start questioning your
(12:15):
own drinking right Now you're inthis position and questioning
it yourself it can feel reallycomplicated.
Where it's.
Then you start comparing to to.
I wasn't as bad.
I remember the reason why Ididn't start drinking until I
was 19.
Like I mean, yeah, I probablydrank in high school like a
handful of times, but I alwayswas like I'm not going to drink.
(12:37):
I'm not going to drink becausealcoholism runs on both sides of
the family.
I'm not going to do it.
I pushed it away and then whenI turned 19, it was like I
fucking fell in love.
This isn't just about yourhabits, it's about also to your
history and you need to look atthat.
You really need to, and youcould be like, oh, my parents
(12:58):
didn't drink and that's okay.
Again, everybody, for the mostpart, everybody's story is very
different, but with the familyhistory it's very similar on how
that showed up and looked atyou.
And then now, why are you hereat this point?
And understanding your historycan get you a better
understanding of why you're here, and that's where I still look
(13:19):
at that.
I mean, some people don'tbelieve of like genetics and all
that stuff, but I do.
I truly do.
50% of when it comes todrinking is a genetic issue, and
then the other 50% is learned.
Right, this goes back to yourmemories and your relationships
(13:40):
and your identity, and sometimeschoosing to step away from
alcohol means stepping away fromthe long-held family patterns.
Okay, which takes some seriousstrength.
Again, the role that alcoholplays in a person's family.
This one's not talked aboutenough and I want you to
(14:01):
understand that that when youstep away, when you come from a
family of drinkers, when youstep away, it is a very fucking
lonely road and I just know thisfrom experience.
You then become like the blacksheep, right, you're breaking
away from something that youknew.
How many years of right andnobody talks about that.
(14:23):
That is a very lonely road.
You go to families and I'm notsaying I don't even want you to
listen to this and be likeyou're telling me it's a lonely
road.
I'm not going to stop drinking.
Please stop drinking to betteryourself.
If you're listening to thispodcast, and I'm just telling
you what to expect when it comestime to when you start, because
(14:44):
you're going to have todistance yourself from your core
family because being aroundthem right now, as you go
through your healing process, tostill be around your mom or dad
or your siblings, and they'reall getting fucked up and you're
just just sitting there.
God, you guys are assholes, youguys are pricks.
It's hard because you're tryingto better yourself and then you
(15:05):
have people being like, oh,come on, come on, just have one,
or we won't get too fucked up.
And then people start gettingreally fucked up.
So just proceed with boundariesand caution with that, and if
you feel sad about it, you canfeel sad about it, and that took
me a couple of years to getthrough, but it really only
having to detach from that and Idetach with love, codependent,
(15:29):
no more, please read Detachingwith love only helped me be able
to stand on my two feet evenstronger.
But it takes some time breakingaway from that family unit,
especially when there's such adrinking culture involved.
And to this day, like I'm fineif drinking is still in the mix
(15:50):
at family functions, like it'sokay, but I just don't stay.
I don't stay very, very longAgain.
This is some generational cyclestuff that you are breaking
away from and getting and thennot allowing that with the role
alcohol played in the family toallow in your family and
(16:13):
whatever your dynamic is, evenif that's yourself of just no,
the shit stops with me.
Again, you're not just changingyour life, you are breaking
generational cycles.
So remember that, if you havekids, of looking down to it,
your kids, and this too, if youhave nieces and nephews because
I didn't have a child for a verylong time, because I didn't
(16:38):
have a child for a very longtime so even me breaking up with
booze when I did and goingsober, I mean to this day with
my nieces and nephews except forone they didn't know drunk Aunt
Courtney, and so they see nowof having an aunt who doesn't
drink and one of my nephews whoI saw like a month ago it was so
cute.
He said he's hey, aunt Court,how's Sober Vibes doing?
(17:00):
I was like it's really good,because I think he started
following me on TikTok and hewas like I really like that.
I was like, thanks, buddy, itwas sweet.
But this is, this is a childwho's 12, 13 years old.
So it was nice to have that.
But that's what I'm saying is,at least they have somebody in
the family where they're like,who doesn't drink and shows up,
has fun, sees my life, it'snormal, it's a normal thing.
(17:23):
So if you don't have children,just look at, if there's
children in your family and twoof what you're stepping, what
that role is going to look likefor these kids.
I wanted to bring that familydynamic with alcohol into play.
And again, don't let yourfamily stop you from quitting
drinking alcohol.
You just have to put boundariesabout being around them and
(17:45):
expect it to feel lonely whenyou go through the healing
process and the detachment fromthem.
Another one big one is how mediahas glamorized alcohol versus
what the reality is of it.
Okay, alcohol in movies andshows is really shown for what
(18:06):
it is right A substance that cancreate extreme dependency,
destroy relationships, wreakhavoc on your physical and
mental health.
Instead, it's romanticized.
The leading lady drinks wine ina bubble bath, drinks wine to
unwind after a long day.
The CEO has scotch in his hand.
(18:27):
At the end of the day, thegroup of friends get wasted and
laughs about it like it's no bigdeal.
You don't see anybody blackingout and throwing chairs in these
scenes, right, and when they doshow someone struggling with
alcohol, it's such an extremeand this has always been like
this for a very long time.
The character is usuallyhomeless, maybe violent or just
(18:50):
completely out of control.
And that's the rock bottomnarrative we have been fed for
decades, decades.
Okay.
So if you are at a pointbecause when you quit drinking
alcohol, you still willromanticize it.
(19:10):
And it's okay if youromanticize it.
That is what you've beenprogrammed with for a very long
time.
And remember, this is a dailyhabit or a weekly habit you've
had in your life for so long.
So it's going to take some timeto break free of that, of just
the thoughts.
And remember again, we have 30,40,000 thoughts a day, if not
more, and sometimes a thought isjust a thought.
(19:32):
But it's you romanticizebecause while you're reading
either books or watching TV ortelevision shows.
This is how it's portrayed.
There's not really an accuratedescription in the media, except
for if there's showsspecifically about not drinking
(19:55):
alcohol and that's what it'sabout.
But there's not a lot of showslike that.
There's not.
There was a good one on Netflix, if you haven't watched it.
It only ran for two seasons.
I really wish it would havemade it longer, but it was great
.
With Sweet Will or Not and Blake.
There is one, two.
I'm going to totally, totally,totally forget the name of this,
(20:17):
but it is with.
Oh my God, what is the name ofthis?
And there was I think there wasabout three seasons.
It was on Netflix too, and itwas the guy from Office Space
and he was also, too, in Sex andthe City.
He was Berger, he was Carrie's,he was one of Carrie's
(20:37):
boyfriends.
Remember when that son of abitch left a Post-it note for
her?
That's who I'm talking about.
But there's that show and Iwill put it in the show notes
because once I'm done with thisI will remember.
So I will put it in the shownotes.
I will mention these shows soyou can look it up, because it
really does help to watch.
Has to do with this, but Flaked, was by far my favorite.
(21:02):
So there's not really a reallife.
There's not really a real lifeportray of what a gray area
drinker would be right, tryingto moderate a couple of years
before they finally quit.
There's really.
It's just too extreme and thatis really what we have been used
(21:23):
to.
But this is what it does, too,with how it glamorizes alcohol
in the media.
It makes so many women like youand me feel like we're not bad
enough to quit or weren't badenough, and again referencing
that that's where it's okay.
I'm not homeless, right?
I haven't lost a job.
My kids still may be like me,like I provide for my children,
(21:53):
but every time I drink I feellike a bag of dicks.
The next day where I'm in ashame cycle I'm guilty when I
have one glass of wine, I thenthink about having 20 more
glasses of wine, like I can'twait to drink.
I love the way just alcoholgoes down my throat, like these
thoughts, right?
So seeing that it's like yousay to yourself, I must be fine,
(22:15):
right, and the answer is justwrong, okay, just because your
life hasn't burned to the ground, it doesn't mean alcohol isn't
slowly dimming your light orthat there's an issue, like I
said, that guilt, shame cycleand questioning yourself after
the next day of drinking, quoteunquote normal people don't
think like that.
That's where it's, because youknow that there's an issue.
(22:36):
That is your intuitivenesstalking to you like bitch.
Enough with this right, putthis down, I have had enough.
This does not work any longer.
And every time you pick back upto drink, this then happens.
But it is dimming your light andI do have to say that and it's
just a little joy and spark andwhat I love, specifically when I
(22:59):
work with my, when I work withone-on-one clients and to the
ladies, the gals, the gal palsin the sobriety circle, like
seeing them in their big, thebeginning and being able to see
their transformation.
That is the one thing I alwayssay.
I'm like you got life back intoyour eyes because you are not
sitting there.
Alcohol keeps you small and andthat's what it's doing and,
(23:23):
like I said, it just is dimmingyour light.
So you don't need that dramaticcrash to make a change.
And for some people, thatdramatic crash, they keep
drinking, and everyone's.
I mean how many more and howmany more times.
What else do you need for youto stop drinking alcohol?
And for some people it'snothing, will ever change
(23:45):
Nothing.
It doesn't matter how big orsmall, they still want to
continue to do that.
And then for others, it's justthey might have had a couple
rock bottoms, but then it justtakes one where it's just.
That one is.
I am good and tired.
And again, I truly do believethat rock bottom is more for
just when you have had enough.
(24:07):
It doesn't matter what hashappened to you or what hasn't
happened to you along the way,it is just when have you had
enough to get the fuck off ofthis ride, because you are tired
living this way.
And the more you keep puttingalcohol into your gullet, the
more it just shows you who.
It is right.
(24:27):
There's a thing with alcohol andidentity.
This culture convinces us thatdrinking is part of our identity
.
You've seen the mugs like mamaneeds some wine.
It's five o'clock somewhere,rosé all day.
The means that, say, I'm only amorning person if mimosas are
involved, or dry January iscanceled.
It's all a joke until it's notright, because underneath the
(24:49):
humor there's often exhaustion,burnout, anxiety, guilt and a
deep, deep, deep wanting to notdrink alcohol and thinking about
not drinking alcohol.
And when are you going to feelbetter.
This type of alcohol culture,too, teaches us that it's
totally normal to drink toescape.
Isn't that fucked up?
(25:11):
That we're just all lookinglike in this type of culture,
specifically because that's whatalcohol does make us do is just
like numb out and escape.
But now it's like you're askingyourself why right?
Or if you are sober right nowin an alcohol-free life, it's
like you're trying to figure out, and in the work that you do,
you will figure out why youdrink in the first place.
(25:33):
Okay, this is what I want youto take away from this episode
If alcohol has stopped feelinglike fun, if it's becoming more
of a crutch than a treat, ifyou're feeling misaligned with
the drinking culture around you,you're not fucking crazy,
you're just waking up andquestioning this culture.
(25:54):
That's one of the most powerfulthings that you can do.
Again, you don't need to hitsome extreme rock bottom.
The rock bottom will be I justcan't do this anymore.
I'm fucking good and tired.
So just listen to that littlevoice inside you that knows that
this just isn't working anymore.
Trust your gut instinct and ifyour gut instinct has told you
(26:18):
this and it's taken you fouryears to go from moderation to
try to control, control, control.
And in those four years yourlittle voice was like you're
done, like we can't do thisanymore.
Until you finally wake up oneday and you're like I'm done
because I am tired.
And for me I was tired at 29.
I felt like I was 80 to 90years old, like an old 80 year
(26:43):
old, because there's a lot ofvibrant 80 year olds but I was
just fucking tired that I feltlike I it's, I just couldn't go
through it anymore and like Ihad extreme.
I had extreme things thathappened to me in those days of
my drinking.
But it just took that littleFiona, that last time of this is
(27:04):
how.
What happens when you drink 90%of the time right, and then
again.
Then there's the process ofsobriety and what you have to do
to surrender and really embracea life without alcohol.
That's for another day.
But just know that alcohol initself is a culture.
(27:24):
It's a culture that's nevergoing away.
So that is why I am happy thatthere's podcasts out there, that
there's mocktails out there,that people have been sharing
their stories with social mediaand helping others by sharing a
story, and that there's otherways to get help besides just
going to rehab or AA because noteverybody vibes with that now
(27:49):
and everybody can financiallyafford to go to rehab and that
there's other ways for people toget help in their journey.
So I'm glad that there's asobriety culture that is more
loud and that option is therefor people and having a balance
within a world where there'ssuch a heavily alcohol culture
and now there's a sobrietyculture.
(28:10):
I love it.
I love it.
All right, if you enjoyed thispodcast, please feel free to
reach out in my DMs and let meknow on Instagram or email me
back.
And also, too, if you haven't,please rate, review and
subscribe to the podcast.
So thank you.
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast.
I am your host and sober coach,courtney Anderson, and your
go-to guide to helping you livelife without booze.
So today we're talking aboutsomething that's a little bit
bigger than just one person'sdrinking habits, right?
I really just want to talkabout this, to just shed a light
(00:53):
if you haven't thought about ityet, okay, or this is something
you start thinking about andyou get sober and there's
clarity.
You have clarity and you startseeing things a different type
of way.
So today we're talking abouthow alcohol has become a culture
(01:14):
.
There's an alcohol culture.
It's a belief system, and it'sone that I used to subscribe to,
right?
It's not only a belief system,it's a lifestyle, right?
And then it's a whole identity,not that you just take on or
not that, what you just take onwho you were with alcohol, but
(01:35):
it's a whole identity in ourworld.
So once you start to questionthis and once you start to see
things in a different light, youcan't unsee it.
That is why I always, always,always, always, always refer to
this one documentary calledProhibition, because you can
(01:58):
just see the evolution ofalcohol and big alcohol and even
, too, that people have hadproblems with alcohol because
it's such a highly addictivesubstance.
They have had people, there'sbeen people with problems with
alcohol for years.
So that prohibition one.
It's a documentary by thewonderful Ken Burns and you can
(02:21):
I don't know, I don't know whatstreaming app that's on.
I watched it a couple of yearsinto my sobriety and it just
made me see some things in adifferent light and help really
understand.
I just I just got it.
Just things clicked after Iwatched that.
So alcohol is a culture.
Alcohol is everywhere.
(02:41):
Right, it's how we celebrate,it's how we grieve, it's how we
treat quote unquote, treatourselves, because it then
becomes a reward system.
I'm going to do a podcastepisode on the reward system in
May, so in May I will drop thatone.
So it's we treat ourselves.
It's how we quote unquotesurvive parenthood.
(03:02):
It's how we survive anything.
Really, it's how some peopleclaim they had survived the
pandemic.
Right, the marketing, how it'smarketed, is classy.
It can be sexy.
Right, it can be powerful,rebellious, edgy, relaxing, you
(03:23):
name it.
Rebellious, edgy, relaxing, youname it.
It's.
The marketing on alcohol ads is.
I'm just gonna say it, it'spretty incredible, but they do
still to this day.
I can can remember coronacommercials since I was a kid.
But underneath all of this, it'sstill a drug.
It is alcohol is a drug.
(03:44):
It is Alcohol is a drug Again.
If you showed up to a partywith heroin or depends who
you're partying with with abunch of blow and start doing
that, people are going toquestion you or crack, and
they're going to be likeclutching onto their pearls,
being what the fuck are youdoing?
But if you were on, if you hada couple of months of sobriety
and then started drinking at aparty, no one would really
(04:06):
question you of it, because ofhow alcohol is talked about and
also, too, because it is legal.
So somehow this drug, though,has has its own brand and has
become its own brand Right, andit's, and it's really in every
corner of our lives.
(04:28):
Okay, alcohol isn't just abeverage, it's become a full-on
culture.
We've been conditioned tobelieve that drinking is a
default.
I laugh, because it's so truethat it's going to a wedding,
you're going to drink champagne,right.
Or, like, you have to drink todance.
Brunch with friends.
(04:48):
Let's start the bottom listmimosas, because heaven forbid
again clutching my pearls.
I can't go to a brunch withoutdrinking mimosas.
Long day with the kids, winetime, right?
The whole mommy wine culture.
There's a daddy drinkingculture, too.
Big promotion you bettercelebrate that with shots or
some more champagne, right?
Bad breakup let's cry it outinto a big bottle of wine with
(05:14):
friends around right?
So this is not just expected,it's truly, truly, truly
embedded.
And when you start to questionit, people act like you're the
weird one, right?
Because it's just somethingabout this.
And I even remember, too, when Igot sober, it was like I was
uncomfortable.
But this goes back into peoplepleasing of what I did and
(05:38):
trying to make others happy, andI've said this a couple of
times too.
So in that beginning, I didn'twant to talk about it because I
didn't want to be a.
So in that beginning, I didn'twant to talk about it because I
didn't want to be a weirdo,right?
I didn't want people to feeluncomfortable.
And then, in my own healingjourney and figuring out people
pleasing, I'm like why the fuckcares?
And in sobriety, you do gothrough this thing where it's
(05:59):
like you have to fucking bereally uncomfortable to get
comfortable in a world wherebooze is all around, like
somebody on my Instagram triedto tell me.
They're like trying to tell meI was blaming other people.
I was like but this is not.
We're taking actions forourselves.
This is fucking the truth.
Okay, because I have taken alot of accountability for all of
(06:23):
my actions, but it is the truth.
It is that thing it's.
I don't want to, I don't want tohear about it, don't bother me
about my drinking.
There is this thing wherepeople don't want to hear it.
Because, why?
Because then they have to lookat their own relationship with
alcohol, and a lot of people whoare saying this to you, in my
(06:43):
case, had drinking problemsthemselves, right?
So I just remember after acouple years, it's no, I really
don't care anymore.
If my sobriety makes somebodyuncomfortable, that's a them
problem.
This is not a moi problem andit just it shouldn't be like
that, but it is for some people.
(07:04):
So there is also the role ofalcohol or the.
There's also a role of alcoholand alcohol culture in a family
dynamic too.
Right, like this is.
This is where I have nowadaysthat I've been seeing and I've
been more vocal about it, okay,that I've been seeing and I've
(07:29):
been more vocal about it.
Okay of I get really pissedwith.
Nowadays there's such a focus onbig pharma as there should be
okay.
Big pharma, big food, right,fuck, whatever big you want to
think of, big tech or all ofthat.
And there is, yes, there's,some shit that these companies
have done and whatnot that areterrible.
(07:51):
And how, quote unquote we wantto make America healthy again.
Okay, this is not a politicaldiscussion, but I'm just saying
of what's going on right now,especially in the United States.
But where the fuck is the focuson big alcohol companies?
There's no focus on thesescumbag losers.
All right, and here's what'sbeen going on with big alcohol
(08:14):
is big alcohol has beendestroying families for fucking
years.
So that's why I'm going to talkabout the role of alcohol in
your family, because a lot ofpeople who end up having issues
on the spectrum alcohol usedisorder having issues of their
own.
It's like how did alcohol playout in your family?
How did you see it play out?
(08:35):
So that's why I get I reallyget it chaps my lady boner that
big alcohol is not talked aboutenough.
But I understand why it's not,because a lot of these fuckers
are funding a lot of things.
And then it goes back to noteverybody has a drinking problem
.
But hello, let's go back to thefirst of.
(08:58):
In what was it the start of inJanuary where finally we get the
attorney general saying thatalcohol actually causes what was
it like?
Seven different cancers thatcan all be preventable if you
didn't drink alcohol.
Okay, so I know that scared alot of people by actually
finally hearing something likethat, and which I think is great
(09:21):
.
But there is this dynamic withalcohol and a family system.
How, then, these children growup with fucking issues?
I am one of them.
If you look at thecharacteristics, if you dealt
with a family member who was I'mnot even going to say alcoholic
I'm just going to go on thatspectrum of alcohol use disorder
(09:42):
right, because everybody'srelationship with it looks
differently and what youexperience.
But if you are a child of thatand the dysfunction of it, you
understand that it goes topeople pleasing codependency,
high achievers, all of thesethings.
I've just all of these traits,these things I just listed.
Is the majority of you listeningto this podcast?
(10:03):
And I just know that because Iknow this audience so well.
Just look that up.
And also, too, you haven'theard this episode yet, but I'm
going to drop it in May as well.
I have a guest on about beingan adult child of an alcoholic.
She had her own issues as well,and so she was telling me in
that program, issues as well,and so she was telling me in
(10:26):
that program it's now trailedoff to alcohol, adult children
of alcoholics in dysfunction,because it's the same, anyways.
So the role of the family, therole of alcohol in the family,
right.
Then the alcohol culture in yourfamily, and this one seriously
runs deep.
Okay, maybe you grew up in ahouse where alcohol was at every
holiday, right, every barbecueat every grown-up table.
(10:50):
Maybe your parents drink daily,or maybe it was more subtle,
right?
Or maybe, too, you were on themore extreme end where it was
like mom went down in thebasement and drank wine in the
basement and smoke cigs whiledoing laundry, or having a mom
or dad who hid that.
It could have been chaos foryou, right?
(11:12):
Unpredictable.
Maybe you learned early on toread the room based on how much
someone had to drink, correct,or where you felt like the shoe
was going to drop.
Even if you didn't consciouslytake that in, you were being
taught what normal looked like.
Right.
For me, very early on, it wasall about a Miller Lite in the
(11:33):
picture, right?
No matter what, no matterfucking what, and my process of
healing.
I had to look back in that andwith some stuff and really look
on how that played out in myfamily dynamic and just only
talking from my experience, butseeing signs too if someone had
been drinking and trying tocover it up.
(11:55):
So there's stuff like that youmight look back on and you're
like, oh okay, all right, my dador my mom were just drunk at
that time.
Like this now makes sense wheremy dad or my mom were hungover,
right.
So when you grow up and youhave to start questioning your
(12:15):
own drinking right Now you're inthis position and questioning
it yourself it can feel reallycomplicated.
Where it's.
Then you start comparing to to.
I wasn't as bad.
I remember the reason why Ididn't start drinking until I
was 19.
Like I mean, yeah, I probablydrank in high school like a
handful of times, but I alwayswas like I'm not going to drink.
(12:37):
I'm not going to drink becausealcoholism runs on both sides of
the family.
I'm not going to do it.
I pushed it away and then whenI turned 19, it was like I
fucking fell in love.
This isn't just about yourhabits, it's about also to your
history and you need to look atthat.
You really need to, and youcould be like, oh, my parents
(12:58):
didn't drink and that's okay.
Again, everybody, for the mostpart, everybody's story is very
different, but with the familyhistory it's very similar on how
that showed up and looked atyou.
And then now, why are you hereat this point?
And understanding your historycan get you a better
understanding of why you're here, and that's where I still look
(13:19):
at that.
I mean, some people don'tbelieve of like genetics and all
that stuff, but I do.
I truly do.
50% of when it comes todrinking is a genetic issue, and
then the other 50% is learned.
Right, this goes back to yourmemories and your relationships
(13:40):
and your identity, and sometimeschoosing to step away from
alcohol means stepping away fromthe long-held family patterns.
Okay, which takes some seriousstrength.
Again, the role that alcoholplays in a person's family.
This one's not talked aboutenough and I want you to
(14:01):
understand that that when youstep away, when you come from a
family of drinkers, when youstep away, it is a very fucking
lonely road and I just know thisfrom experience.
You then become like the blacksheep, right, you're breaking
away from something that youknew.
How many years of right andnobody talks about that.
(14:23):
That is a very lonely road.
You go to families and I'm notsaying I don't even want you to
listen to this and be likeyou're telling me it's a lonely
road.
I'm not going to stop drinking.
Please stop drinking to betteryourself.
If you're listening to thispodcast, and I'm just telling
you what to expect when it comestime to when you start, because
(14:44):
you're going to have todistance yourself from your core
family because being aroundthem right now, as you go
through your healing process, tostill be around your mom or dad
or your siblings, and they'reall getting fucked up and you're
just just sitting there.
God, you guys are assholes, youguys are pricks.
It's hard because you're tryingto better yourself and then you
(15:05):
have people being like, oh,come on, come on, just have one,
or we won't get too fucked up.
And then people start gettingreally fucked up.
So just proceed with boundariesand caution with that, and if
you feel sad about it, you canfeel sad about it, and that took
me a couple of years to getthrough, but it really only
having to detach from that and Idetach with love, codependent,
(15:29):
no more, please read Detachingwith love only helped me be able
to stand on my two feet evenstronger.
But it takes some time breakingaway from that family unit,
especially when there's such adrinking culture involved.
And to this day, like I'm fineif drinking is still in the mix
(15:50):
at family functions, like it'sokay, but I just don't stay.
I don't stay very, very longAgain.
This is some generational cyclestuff that you are breaking
away from and getting and thennot allowing that with the role
alcohol played in the family toallow in your family and
(16:13):
whatever your dynamic is, evenif that's yourself of just no,
the shit stops with me.
Again, you're not just changingyour life, you are breaking
generational cycles.
So remember that, if you havekids, of looking down to it,
your kids, and this too, if youhave nieces and nephews because
I didn't have a child for a verylong time, because I didn't
(16:38):
have a child for a very longtime so even me breaking up with
booze when I did and goingsober, I mean to this day with
my nieces and nephews except forone they didn't know drunk Aunt
Courtney, and so they see nowof having an aunt who doesn't
drink and one of my nephews whoI saw like a month ago it was so
cute.
He said he's hey, aunt Court,how's Sober Vibes doing?
(17:00):
I was like it's really good,because I think he started
following me on TikTok and hewas like I really like that.
I was like, thanks, buddy, itwas sweet.
But this is, this is a childwho's 12, 13 years old.
So it was nice to have that.
But that's what I'm saying is,at least they have somebody in
the family where they're like,who doesn't drink and shows up,
has fun, sees my life, it'snormal, it's a normal thing.
(17:23):
So if you don't have children,just look at, if there's
children in your family and twoof what you're stepping, what
that role is going to look likefor these kids.
I wanted to bring that familydynamic with alcohol into play.
And again, don't let yourfamily stop you from quitting
drinking alcohol.
You just have to put boundariesabout being around them and
(17:45):
expect it to feel lonely whenyou go through the healing
process and the detachment fromthem.
Another one big one is how mediahas glamorized alcohol versus
what the reality is of it.
Okay, alcohol in movies andshows is really shown for what
(18:06):
it is right A substance that cancreate extreme dependency,
destroy relationships, wreakhavoc on your physical and
mental health.
Instead, it's romanticized.
The leading lady drinks wine ina bubble bath, drinks wine to
unwind after a long day.
The CEO has scotch in his hand.
(18:27):
At the end of the day, thegroup of friends get wasted and
laughs about it like it's no bigdeal.
You don't see anybody blackingout and throwing chairs in these
scenes, right, and when they doshow someone struggling with
alcohol, it's such an extremeand this has always been like
this for a very long time.
The character is usuallyhomeless, maybe violent or just
(18:50):
completely out of control.
And that's the rock bottomnarrative we have been fed for
decades, decades.
Okay.
So if you are at a pointbecause when you quit drinking
alcohol, you still willromanticize it.
(19:10):
And it's okay if youromanticize it.
That is what you've beenprogrammed with for a very long
time.
And remember, this is a dailyhabit or a weekly habit you've
had in your life for so long.
So it's going to take some timeto break free of that, of just
the thoughts.
And remember again, we have 30,40,000 thoughts a day, if not
more, and sometimes a thought isjust a thought.
(19:32):
But it's you romanticizebecause while you're reading
either books or watching TV ortelevision shows.
This is how it's portrayed.
There's not really an accuratedescription in the media, except
for if there's showsspecifically about not drinking
(19:55):
alcohol and that's what it'sabout.
But there's not a lot of showslike that.
There's not.
There was a good one on Netflix, if you haven't watched it.
It only ran for two seasons.
I really wish it would havemade it longer, but it was great
.
With Sweet Will or Not and Blake.
There is one, two.
I'm going to totally, totally,totally forget the name of this,
(20:17):
but it is with.
Oh my God, what is the name ofthis?
And there was I think there wasabout three seasons.
It was on Netflix too, and itwas the guy from Office Space
and he was also, too, in Sex andthe City.
He was Berger, he was Carrie's,he was one of Carrie's
(20:37):
boyfriends.
Remember when that son of abitch left a Post-it note for
her?
That's who I'm talking about.
But there's that show and Iwill put it in the show notes
because once I'm done with thisI will remember.
So I will put it in the shownotes.
I will mention these shows soyou can look it up, because it
really does help to watch.
Has to do with this, but Flaked, was by far my favorite.
(21:02):
So there's not really a reallife.
There's not really a real lifeportray of what a gray area
drinker would be right, tryingto moderate a couple of years
before they finally quit.
There's really.
It's just too extreme and thatis really what we have been used
(21:23):
to.
But this is what it does, too,with how it glamorizes alcohol
in the media.
It makes so many women like youand me feel like we're not bad
enough to quit or weren't badenough, and again referencing
that that's where it's okay.
I'm not homeless, right?
I haven't lost a job.
My kids still may be like me,like I provide for my children,
(21:53):
but every time I drink I feellike a bag of dicks.
The next day where I'm in ashame cycle I'm guilty when I
have one glass of wine, I thenthink about having 20 more
glasses of wine, like I can'twait to drink.
I love the way just alcoholgoes down my throat, like these
thoughts, right?
So seeing that it's like yousay to yourself, I must be fine,
(22:15):
right, and the answer is justwrong, okay, just because your
life hasn't burned to the ground, it doesn't mean alcohol isn't
slowly dimming your light orthat there's an issue, like I
said, that guilt, shame cycleand questioning yourself after
the next day of drinking, quoteunquote normal people don't
think like that.
That's where it's, because youknow that there's an issue.
(22:36):
That is your intuitivenesstalking to you like bitch.
Enough with this right, putthis down, I have had enough.
This does not work any longer.
And every time you pick back upto drink, this then happens.
But it is dimming your light andI do have to say that and it's
just a little joy and spark andwhat I love, specifically when I
(22:59):
work with my, when I work withone-on-one clients and to the
ladies, the gals, the gal palsin the sobriety circle, like
seeing them in their big, thebeginning and being able to see
their transformation.
That is the one thing I alwayssay.
I'm like you got life back intoyour eyes because you are not
sitting there.
Alcohol keeps you small and andthat's what it's doing and,
(23:23):
like I said, it just is dimmingyour light.
So you don't need that dramaticcrash to make a change.
And for some people, thatdramatic crash, they keep
drinking, and everyone's.
I mean how many more and howmany more times.
What else do you need for youto stop drinking alcohol?
And for some people it'snothing, will ever change
(23:45):
Nothing.
It doesn't matter how big orsmall, they still want to
continue to do that.
And then for others, it's justthey might have had a couple
rock bottoms, but then it justtakes one where it's just.
That one is.
I am good and tired.
And again, I truly do believethat rock bottom is more for
just when you have had enough.
(24:07):
It doesn't matter what hashappened to you or what hasn't
happened to you along the way,it is just when have you had
enough to get the fuck off ofthis ride, because you are tired
living this way.
And the more you keep puttingalcohol into your gullet, the
more it just shows you who.
It is right.
(24:27):
There's a thing with alcohol andidentity.
This culture convinces us thatdrinking is part of our identity
.
You've seen the mugs like mamaneeds some wine.
It's five o'clock somewhere,rosé all day.
The means that, say, I'm only amorning person if mimosas are
involved, or dry January iscanceled.
It's all a joke until it's notright, because underneath the
(24:49):
humor there's often exhaustion,burnout, anxiety, guilt and a
deep, deep, deep wanting to notdrink alcohol and thinking about
not drinking alcohol.
And when are you going to feelbetter.
This type of alcohol culture,too, teaches us that it's
totally normal to drink toescape.
Isn't that fucked up?
(25:11):
That we're just all lookinglike in this type of culture,
specifically because that's whatalcohol does make us do is just
like numb out and escape.
But now it's like you're askingyourself why right?
Or if you are sober right nowin an alcohol-free life, it's
like you're trying to figure out, and in the work that you do,
you will figure out why youdrink in the first place.
(25:33):
Okay, this is what I want youto take away from this episode
If alcohol has stopped feelinglike fun, if it's becoming more
of a crutch than a treat, ifyou're feeling misaligned with
the drinking culture around you,you're not fucking crazy,
you're just waking up andquestioning this culture.
(25:54):
That's one of the most powerfulthings that you can do.
Again, you don't need to hitsome extreme rock bottom.
The rock bottom will be I justcan't do this anymore.
I'm fucking good and tired.
So just listen to that littlevoice inside you that knows that
this just isn't working anymore.
Trust your gut instinct and ifyour gut instinct has told you
(26:18):
this and it's taken you fouryears to go from moderation to
try to control, control, control.
And in those four years yourlittle voice was like you're
done, like we can't do thisanymore.
Until you finally wake up oneday and you're like I'm done
because I am tired.
And for me I was tired at 29.
I felt like I was 80 to 90years old, like an old 80 year
(26:43):
old, because there's a lot ofvibrant 80 year olds but I was
just fucking tired that I feltlike I it's, I just couldn't go
through it anymore and like Ihad extreme.
I had extreme things thathappened to me in those days of
my drinking.
But it just took that littleFiona, that last time of this is
(27:04):
how.
What happens when you drink 90%of the time right, and then
again.
Then there's the process ofsobriety and what you have to do
to surrender and really embracea life without alcohol.
That's for another day.
But just know that alcohol initself is a culture.
(27:24):
It's a culture that's nevergoing away.
So that is why I am happy thatthere's podcasts out there, that
there's mocktails out there,that people have been sharing
their stories with social mediaand helping others by sharing a
story, and that there's otherways to get help besides just
going to rehab or AA because noteverybody vibes with that now
(27:49):
and everybody can financiallyafford to go to rehab and that
there's other ways for people toget help in their journey.
So I'm glad that there's asobriety culture that is more
loud and that option is therefor people and having a balance
within a world where there'ssuch a heavily alcohol culture
and now there's a sobrietyculture.
(28:10):
I love it.
I love it.
All right, if you enjoyed thispodcast, please feel free to
reach out in my DMs and let meknow on Instagram or email me
back.
And also, too, if you haven't,please rate, review and
subscribe to the podcast.
So thank you.
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