July 24, 2025 • 53 mins
Episode 234:Your Top Sobriety Questions Answered: Willpower, Dating, Sugar Cravings & More
In episode 234 of the Sober Vibes podcast, Courtney Andersen answers your most pressing sobriety questions with honesty, heart, and 12 years of lived experience. Whether you’re just starting or have been alcohol-free for a while, this episode is full of relatable, real-life advice to help you stay strong, feel supported, and thrive in your recovery journey.
From breaking the myth that sobriety is all about willpower to navigating sober dating and setting boundaries with a partner who still drinks, Courtney offers insight and encouragement to meet you exactly where you are.
If you've ever wondered how to get through the evening witching hour, manage post-acute withdrawal fatigue, or stop sugar cravings from taking over, this episode is for you.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:
- Why white-knuckling through sobriety doesn’t work—and what to focus on instead
- How movement and physical activity reduce anxiety in early recovery
- What to do when low energy lingers after quitting alcohol
- Where to find women-specific recovery support and safe spaces
- Tips for dating while sober and avoiding the "overshare hangover"
- How to set boundaries if your partner still drinks
- Simple ways to break your nightly drinking routine
- What sugar cravings are really telling you and how to handle them
- Why you’re allowed to focus on sobriety first, before changing everything else
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Courtney Andersen (00:31):
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast
.
I'm your host and Sober Coach,courtney Anderson.
You are listening to episode234.
For those who've been listeningsince day one, thank you, I
love you.
And for those who are new here,welcome.
You are now considered a goodperson of the world, because
(00:52):
that is what I call thisaudience.
So today's episode is going tobe a fun one.
I polled the audience.
I'm going to do as many aspossible, okay, I polled, I sent
an email, my Instagram,facebook, community of if you
had any questions, a little Q&Atoday.
So this is going to be a goodone if you didn't send in one of
those questions, but just tolisten to.
(01:12):
Maybe somebody asked a questionthat you were kind of thinking
too or are at that stage of yourjourney.
So I'm not going to say anynames.
Okay, I'm going to keep thenames anonymous and I'm just
going to share the question, allright.
So here is the first one.
(01:32):
Also, too, if you are new here,make sure that you are
following or following orsubscribing to the podcast.
That way, you always catch anepisode and you don't have to
rely on social media for me totell you that there's a new
podcast episode out.
Okay, first question and I wantto say this to you before we get
(01:53):
started there are no stupidquestions.
There's never stupid questions.
So even if, like you, were likeoh my God, when you were
sending these in, is this a dumbquestion, there's never a dumb
question.
I've always thought that ofjust if you have a question, ask
it always First question.
I don't think any program willwork for me because my power is
(02:14):
non-existent.
I want to be sober, but anxietyor boredom sets in and my mind
is weak.
Thank you for the person whosent this question in and I
don't believe that willpower isall you need in this process.
Okay, it really does come downto systems and it sounds cheesy,
(02:37):
but it's true Like systems andthe right support.
That can only take you.
Systems and the right supportcan only take you far.
It does come back to you, butwhen you are feeling anxiety or
boredom, a lot of people don'tknow how to sit with that.
Okay, and especially in thebeginning, because it's very
uncomfortable, because it's likeyou are, you're doing something
(03:02):
new, right, and sitting in thatuncomfortableness can cause
anxiety.
But what I was trying to say,especially too in those first
couple months, you're goingthrough a withdrawal process.
So that's usually, too, why theanxiety comes up.
But if you keep going, it getsbetter.
The more times that youreintroduce alcohol back into
your system, the more you'regoing to have to keep detoxing
(03:25):
from it.
So what can you do in thosemoments of anxiety or boredom?
Okay, it is best to keep yourhand and mind busy, but when it
comes to boredom it's actuallyto, because you're used to
chasing chaos and like you'readdicted to that cycle, and so
it feels very not normal forpeople not to sit in chaos.
(03:48):
So during that time of anxiety,I always suggest going walking,
maybe working out during thattime, just walking, moving the
energy to get anxiety out ofyour bones.
And I swear, after about 15 to20 minutes of walking you do
start to feel better.
The boredom you're going to haveto find something to do, and
(04:13):
maybe that's now.
Looking into an adult.
Coloring books works good toofor anxiety Boredom.
Maybe you start picking up anew habit, or a new I'm sorry
down.
A new habit, a new hobby.
Okay, maybe you start.
You find a continuing educationcourse that you can take.
(04:35):
That's going to fill your timeon a Wednesday, right?
So the boredom thing you haveto be like what can I do to get
through that physical boredom,the other aspect of it, with
that emotional boredom of notchasing chaos, that's going to
take some time to get used to.
(04:55):
It's going to get reallyuncomfortable before it gets
comfortable.
So this person did say I want tobe sober.
If you are saying you want tobe sober, you need to keep going
, you need to keep going, keepgoing.
Even if you have slips, pickyourself back up and keep going,
because you, at the core ofthis, you want to be sober, so
(05:20):
you can do it.
It's just about facing thosehurdles and getting through it.
And when it comes back to likeyou don't think that any program
will work for you, well, maybethere's a program you haven't
tried that then you can clickwith.
Sometimes it's about findingthe right support around you
(05:42):
with the same people, with theright people in it.
So I just encourage you to keepfinding more help for you and
don't give up, okay, next oneI'm about six and a half months
sober, congratulations.
I hear about people picking upnew hobbies or activities when
they quit drinking, but that isnot the case for me.
I feel kind of bored or justget lost in time.
(06:04):
But that is not the case for me.
I feel kind of bored or justget lost in time.
I thought after quittingdrinking I would have extra
energy or motivation, but Istill feel very tired, exhausted
.
I'm sure I appear to look morehealthy, but I don't quote
unquote feel any better.
So I guess the question is whendo most people start feeling a
true difference, like moreenergy, et cetera?
So that first okay pause.
(06:27):
Post-acute withdrawal syndrome.
For some people it can last upto two years.
Now I don't know anything moreabout this person, so I can't be
like well, did you have thepink cloud, did you not?
But it takes some time.
In six and a half months, eventhough that is amazing, it's
still very new.
That is still very new.
(06:48):
And you might not get thatenergy back to.
You might not start gettingenergy until after a year.
That first year I just really,truly existed.
I truly existed.
I was not running marathons, Iwas not binge pressing like 350.
And God bless to anybody whohad this happen.
I just had to get through eachday without drinking and make
(07:11):
that my norm.
Now same thing for energy.
And what a lot of women youhave to take in consideration
too.
Do you track your period?
If you track your period, great.
If you don't, please start,because also, too, with that low
energy, is this around yourcycle?
The low energy can also be likeare you vitamin D deficient,
(07:35):
low energy, that I would alwayscheck your blood work first.
I'm going to say this, andagain, this is not medical
advice, but once you startgetting sober and your body
starts leveling out, there mightbe a medication you could be on
that is actually not doinganything or making you feel
worse, but you didn't know thatuntil you got sober to realize
(08:03):
all this medication's notworking.
Again, this is not medicaladvice.
I'm just letting you know thatthis is a possibility and a
medication could no longer beworking for you.
So again, it comes down to youCheck your blood work, see if
your blood work's normal, or Iwould just give yourself to a
year to see what happens.
(08:24):
Also, I don't know if you'relike me or where you live.
Coming out of the wintertime.
I'm always lower energy duringthe wintertime and then in the
summertime it's like you can'tkeep me down, you can't keep me
in this house, like I'm up inAdam.
So there's a lot of things totake in consideration when it
(08:45):
comes to the lower energy thatyour body is still getting to a
baseline, something your bloodwork, your hormones, your
hormones can be playing a rolein this.
All of that, okay.
And medication, if I didn't saythat to you.
But the new hobbies when I tootalk about, like in the
beginning, what I did, I mean Ijust kept that to keep my mind
(09:09):
busy.
I am not still modj podj inpicture frames and like doing
arts and crafts like that.
What more became then?
My hobby is like reading.
I really enjoy reading, but Ididn't really start getting more
into reading until God, maybelike year two-ish, right, and
then I didn't really startgetting more into moving my body
(09:32):
until year two.
So again, give yourself somegrace and just figure out the
energy level first, because forsome people that, and then also,
too, if your diet.
You've got to check your diettoo, if you're eating foods that
are going to make you feel likea little bit more lethargic.
So there's a lot of factorscome into play and that is
personal for everybody becauseof you and your body and how it
(09:58):
responds to things.
Okay, next question Do anyother women feel uncomfortable
being less than half of the menat AA meetings.
I always feel like the men arerolling their eyes when women
share.
I know there are women'smeetings, but are there other
groups outside AA for sobrietysupport that deal specifically
with women's issues around notdrinking?
(10:19):
Well, to this one, there is thesobriety circle.
That is my online groupcoaching community and that's
through a private app.
I mean, when there's twomeetings a week in there with a
ton of other stuff that I add inthere and it's women only, I
truly, truly, truly, truly think, and yes, to answer this
(10:40):
question, I'm sure there's a lotof women who feel this way, and
then I know that there's somewomen who are fine being at
tables a co-ed table right but Itruly do believe that men and
women are.
They're just so different, as weall know, and I don't think
that they should be blended inthis.
(11:01):
That is my personal thing, also, too, because of, just again,
men don't have to deal withtheir second cycles, and if
you've been listening to thisfor a long time, like you've
known that I say that I am afirm believer of it is a lot
harder for women to quitdrinking than it is men, because
(11:22):
of our periods and our hormonesand especially, too, when we
get older, dealing withperimenopause and menopause.
So I'd either suggest going tothe women's tables when I
participate in an AA, I just satwith the women's tables or at
the women's table and just hungout there because of exactly
(11:44):
that, I didn't want to.
I didn't care to be with men atthat.
So you would have to.
If you're looking for in-personmeetings, I would just take to
Google and see if there'sanything else around you when it
comes to meetings.
Or you can always to join thesobriety circle, which I will
put in the link in the shownotes below.
(12:05):
Hope that answers your question.
But the answer is yes, allright.
How to not get attached tosomeone else's recovery made a
friend who is struggling withdrinking and trying to get her
to go to a meeting.
That's a great question.
Read codependent, no more.
And when it comes to this, thisis where this gets like really
(12:26):
tricky, right?
Because when you start askingsomebody to about their sobriety
or whatnot, or you should comewith me and then they're not
doing it, they can get pissedright and then they can start
pushing it back.
You just need to keep thatboundary within yourself.
If this person wants to talk,talk with me about it, cool.
And if they don't, that's theirthing, because this is the
(12:48):
thing too, like if they'restruggling, they're going to
have to figure that out on theirown.
I'm sorry, but that's the natureof this, because this really
goes to a lot of human naturetoo, and it's if someone wants
to drink, they're going to drink.
They are going to drink.
It doesn't matter if you canprovide them 15 effing meetings
(13:09):
in one day.
They are going to do what theywant to do, and a lot of people,
the more you push them, thefarther back they will go and
put their hand out and be likeI'm done, and then start kind of
reclosing from you andisolating themselves.
But people are going to do whatthey want to do.
That's why I don't believe incontinuing to push a person.
(13:30):
Just say okay, if you ever needhelp, I'm here for you, you can
always come to a meeting.
I'm going to say this too,because I just had this
conversation with a one-on-oneclient.
With a one-on-one client.
If somebody does not want to goto meetings, then also suggest
this, because this could be aperson's problem too, where
(13:53):
they're like dude, I don't wantto go to a meeting and you
cannot.
Maybe they had an experience ina 12-step program.
You just have to meet a personwith where they are at.
So instead of saying, hey, youwant to come to a meeting with
me, say, hey, do you want?
If you're opening yourself uplike that, hey, do you want to
go get a cup of coffee?
Do you want to go get aCoca-Cola Classic?
(14:14):
Do you want to meet somewhere?
And you know, get a chai tea,whatever it is, what if you're
drinking choices?
But do you want to go and meetme there?
Because maybe say that and thenlisten to the person and then,
(14:34):
you know, suggest what you cansuggest, and this has really
helped me.
If you ever want to come to ameeting, come to a meeting with
me, like I'm always here and Iwill always go with you.
I'm going to say it 12 steps,even though I participated and I
do believe.
(14:55):
Take what you want and leavethe rest.
However, it is a very it's anintimidating process.
It's an intimidating first walkin the door.
There's a lot going on inpeople's minds and that is where
it's an intimidating process.
It's an intimidating first walkin the door.
There's a lot going on inpeople's minds and that is where
it's just again, if, becauseyou said that, suggesting a
meeting and they're struggling,maybe they just don't want to go
to that, but also too, ifthey're struggling and they do
(15:17):
go to meetings, again people aregoing to do what they want to
do when it comes down to it.
So for you, suggest maybe somecoffee, read codependent, more
codependent, no more, and justthat.
Maybe make a pact to yourselfbecause I have done this, where
it's I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
(15:38):
I'm only going to go so farwith friends, and that's a
healthy boundary, because that'swhere that starts.
That can get weird with friendsLike you could always just be
like, hey, listen to Sober Vibespodcast really helps me out and
then just recommend that to her.
Like you have to haveboundaries, because with friends
(16:00):
and family, when it comes tothe recovery thing, you will end
up getting butt hurt if theydon't do what you want them to
do, and they have to.
Everybody's got to figure itout for themselves.
Hope that answered yourquestion.
How to navigate dating.
Dealing with worry of NAbeverages.
Okay, so, dating.
(16:22):
There was a great episode I didwith Kate.
I don't know within the lastcouple months.
I would look that episode up.
But when it comes to dating, Ijust say be open and honest.
And that's to what Kate talkedabout in that.
And even there was anotherdating episode I did with Leah
and it was like the first coupleepisodes of the Sober Vibes
podcast.
We need to have Leah back onVibes podcast.
(16:47):
We need to have Leah back on.
And so, when it comes to datingand both of these gals said this
just be honest up front.
Like I don't drink, and there'snothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong withsaying that because also, too,
you're going to start weaningout red flags.
You're going to start weaningout people who that's all they
care about, and it's not ajudgment.
You're going to start weaningout people who that's all they
care about, and it's not ajudgment.
That's just facts.
And you can tell when somebodyreally cares about drinking just
(17:13):
by going to their social mediaand they have a beer in their
hand or their dating profile.
If it's just like them andbeers or whiskey or wine, it's
okay.
So I just say be upfront andhonest.
You know, not saying to givethem your whole story, but just
yeah, I don't drink, because thepeople who are still interested
, I still think that they will,if they're interested and that's
not what it's all about forthem.
(17:34):
They will still continue and asnerve wracking as it can be,
all I would say is just have funand make this an empowering
situation for you with dating,that you at least this time
aren't messing around and thatyou're going to be able to spot
(17:55):
the red flags of who you giveyour Spot the red flags, but
also, too, of who you give yourtime to.
Okay, so, dealing with the worryof NA beverages, I don't
understand that.
I'm not really sure if Iunderstand that, so I'm going to
skip over that.
I don't know what to worryabout, I think, with NA
(18:18):
beverages for anybody when itcomes.
I'm talking about mocktails andNA beers and NA wines.
If it is something that iscausing you worry, then don't
even dip your toe in there,because you might get to a point
where it worries you now, butit's not going to worry you down
(18:38):
the road.
Now, just going back to myexperience I don't touch those
red wines.
I don't order any of those NAwines.
I don't touch those becauseit's too still to this day.
It is too like I can taste itin the back of my mouth.
It just hits me where it kindof hits a nerve and a little bit
where I'm like that's a littletoo close to home.
(18:58):
But NA beer I have no problemwith and yeah, so I think the
dealing with the worry of the NAbeverages if you want to try
them, try them, but if they'relike worrying and causing you
anxiety, like just don't evenmess with them.
There's nothing wrong with thesparkling water.
(19:19):
There is nothing wrong with aCoca-Cola, there's like nothing.
And I actually think that morepeople should be super
comfortable with themselves ofjust being able to sit at a
restaurant with just soda water.
When you get to that level ofsitting at a restaurant with
just a soda water and not evengiving a fuck and just like so,
(19:39):
so comfortable within your skin,please send me a message on
Sober Vibes.
And I say this with themocktails and the NAs.
There's still restaurants thatdon't have all of this, so you
don't want to then just get Idon't even want to use the word
dependent, because you're notdependent on it, but where you
could go to a restaurant andthem not having those options
(20:00):
for you kind of messes you upand sends you into a little bit
of a panic and then you're like,oh no.
So, from the get, get ascomfortable as you can with the
soda water, like, honestly, andagain, if they, if they trigger
anybody, then don't trigger them, all right.
Next question Hi, it had come tothe point where I can't stop
(20:22):
drinking.
It had come to the point whereI can't stop drinking.
Okay, well, this if it has cometo the point where you can't
stop drinking, I would suggest,on this, rehab, if that's a
place, if that's an option foryou, because there are people
who need rehab.
There are people who need rehaband very much benefit from that
(20:44):
Also too.
Again, this is not medicaladvice, but I just want to say,
because I don't think peopleunderstand, that there are
medications out there you cantalk to your doctor with that
you can take.
If it works between you andyour doctor, that helps you in
the process of quitting drinking.
And I've coached many women whohave taken medicine and I
(21:05):
cannot remember the names ofquitting drinking.
And I've coached many women whohave taken medicine and I
cannot remember the names of themedication.
Right now there's one thatmakes you super sick if you even
drink on it, and then there'sanother one where it's like it
makes you not even crave alcohol.
So that's something worthtalking to your primary care
physician and there's no shamein taking that, I think, if that
is out there for you to, it'sout there for you.
(21:27):
Look into it, all right.
Next question and also too,going back to that, I would talk
to your doctor anyway aboutwithdrawal and detox, especially
if it's coming to the pointwhere you cannot stop drinking.
So rehab's an option, if that'san option for you, and
(21:48):
medication and talking with yourdoctor about properly detoxing,
because there's places you cango and you can detox.
Next question Okay, I'm afacilitator for Smart Recovery
here in the Charlotte area,north Carolina.
I love it.
A popular theme has reared itshead again the last couple of
(22:09):
weeks at our meetings my spouseis still drinking.
I don't want to come off asnagging or controlling.
How do I address this with them?
I'm just going to read a littlebit more so I can.
Here's the back of it.
And yes, we talk aboutboundaries and making sure they
are clear, quote, unquote, clear, set boundaries, but for many
(22:30):
reasons, it is a problem forseveral in my group, both men
and women.
Okay, and I just want to saythis I, I was.
I screenshotted all of these, soI'm reading them off of my
phone.
So I didn't pre-read thesebecause I wanted this to be very
natural, but this I just thisis going to sound really harsh.
(22:52):
This is going to sound reallyharsh.
There has got to be a pointwhere you have to say when is
enough enough?
Okay, you set the boundariesright, you've done the things
you've, you've tried supportingthem, you've probably enabled
them and this is coming from,this is, this is for the spouses
(23:13):
.
You've supported them, you'vedone the things like I said, and
they keep walking all over you,they keep drinking.
So I do believe there has tocome a point where then, that
person needs to make the rightdecision for themselves of
whether staying in thatrelationship is the right move
(23:36):
for them and continuing to livelike that, because their spouses
then aren't good and tired.
And maybe for some of thesepeople maybe because I don't
think that I think for somepeople they need that to be part
of their wake-up call Fuck, mywife finally left me.
(24:01):
She finally left.
I never thought she was goingto do that, and I actually have
a gal pal who's going through adivorce right now, and it had
nothing to do with drinking, butshe had been asking for things
to change for a couple of years.
And do you want to know what hesaid?
When she finally served papers?
He was in shock and he saidstraight up to her I never
thought you would do this.
(24:23):
So I just feel like there's gotto be a point that you say
enough is enough.
I'm done living like this, I'mdone being the enabler.
He or she will not listen to meand there's no getting through.
So what do I need to do to livemy best life, because I'm done
with this.
And again, that's just where Icome from and I don't, because I
(24:49):
also am the product of peoplewho got divorced when I was
seven.
And now, being a woman who is42 years young and in marriage
I'll be married in October, 10years Marriage is not easy.
Marriage is not easy.
So I do come from a place of.
(25:10):
If divorce is going to make youbetter and have a better life
for yourself and the kids, do it, because what is worse for kids
?
So my parents got divorced whenI was seven, so seven.
And then I know people whotheir parents got divorced when
(25:32):
they were like 18, 19, 20 yearsold, because that is the thing.
These people claim to stickaround for the better of their
kids.
And then that messes people upwhere they're.
Like what just happened?
My parents were together allthis time but secretly people
hated each other.
So I just I come from a place ofand I know not everybody's
going to agree with that, butit's just, you got to do what's
(25:55):
best for you.
And especially if the person isnot doing anything for
themselves and keeps slipping uplike how long are you supposed
to stick around?
That's not a way for thatperson to live.
And if there's childreninvolved, like I know, people
think that these children cannottell, or that's what they keep
(26:17):
telling themselves.
But it is true, and I don'tknow if anybody has seen it or
not.
But there was a stat goingaround the internet a little bit
ago where it was talking aboutwhat makes a child happy, right,
talking about what makes achild happy, right, and what
(26:39):
makes a kid happy is dependentupon the mother's happiness.
Isn't that the wildest stuffyou've ever just heard?
I was like holy moly.
So again, I mean, and they wantto see a happy dad.
But like that's come on, whatdo you want your kids to then
grow up and then that's whatthey attract, because that's
what's going to happen.
They will attract a person whois a drinker and then it gets
(27:04):
into two with kids, and kidswill then be codependent and
that is what they think will benormal.
This is all fact.
So I don't know if anyone'sgoing to that answer, but at
some point you have to make anadult decision and be like is
this a relationship I want tokeep moving forward with?
Hey, good people of the world,it's Courtney, and if you're in
(27:30):
your first year or your fifthyear of sobriety, let's be real.
Summers can be tough, like avery, very, very challenging.
It took me a couple summers tofinally feel comfortable.
There's something about warmweather, parties and poolside
drinks that can make it feellike everybody's drinking but
you.
But just because drinkingculture ramps up, especially
(27:52):
during this time, doesn't meanyour progress has to slow down.
That's where a tool likeSoberlink can help.
It's a high-tech breathalyzerthat helps people in recovery
stay accountable, not throughshame, but through structure,
scheduled daily tests.
Let you share instant, verifiedresults with the people who
support you, so you don't haveto do it alone, worried someone
(28:14):
might question your results.
They can't, because Soberlinkuses facial recognition and
tamper detection, so there's noway to cheat it.
Whether you're rebuilding trustor you just want that extra
layer of support this summer,soberlink is here to help you
stay the course of your journey,I've witnessed people benefit
(28:35):
from Soberlink and I want you tobe the next Visit
wwwsoberlinkcom.
Forward slash sober dash vibesto sign up and receive 50% off
your device today.
You can also check the link inthe show notes below Okay, all
(29:00):
right.
Next question how do you staysober Every day?
Wake up with so much enthusiasmto not drink?
I work out, try to eat healthy,get my stuff done for the day
Also, just enjoy the day likebeing in nature.
But by the time it hits eighto'clock, well, thank you for
sharing that, because I'm surethat that probably was not easy
to write.
So we're just going to startwith one day, okay.
(29:42):
First, I want you to talk toyour doctor, too, about detox.
I want anybody to talk to theirdoctor about if they need to
detox from alcohol, and soyou're going to start with one
day.
We're going to get you on oneday, okay, of not drinking and
what is happening around eighto'clock?
(30:03):
See, you are in this cycle,okay, maybe two.
Maybe you try to go to bedbefore eight o'clock.
Maybe at eight o'clock you makeyourself a delicious soda,
water, a cocktail, if that'syour thing, and do that because
(30:23):
this is also too.
It's very habitual and this hasbecome a ritual for you.
So at a point you do have to doto get yourself out of this a
little bit.
Some I'm not going to drink andnot even have it in your house.
I would start there.
Do not have it in your houseand have some type of
(30:43):
replacement for yourself, right,and go from there and get one
day and then see how you feelthe next day, those first couple
days.
So you're going gonna gothrough a little bit of
withdrawal.
So I'm just letting you knowthere might be some anxiety
around that eight o'clock, orget out of your house during
that time.
If it doesn't bother you toomuch to get out of your house,
(31:07):
you might then, where you don'tfeel like you have to drive to a
bar or a store, maybe go to amovie during that time.
Maybe, if you're working out,maybe instead of working out
during the day, you start doingthat for that eight o'clock hour
, because this is also too, Iwould have to say a little bit.
I'm just going to guess, justgoing to guess.
(31:30):
There's some self-sabotage inthat and I know that because I
used to be the same with tryingto hit all of these marks in a
day and then I would be likevery exhausted, but then I would
use that too as a rewardingmyself of, well, you did this,
this and this, and then I wouldstart drinking, right, like I
felt like a productive member ofsociety, and being a productive
(31:52):
member of society during thattime for me then led into I can
drink.
So start with one day and youmight do one day out of seven
days without drinking.
The following you might do twoto three to four days without
drinking.
Sometimes you have to cut itdown a little bit to eventually
(32:15):
get yourself to not quitdrinking, Because this doesn't
even to me personally, thisdoesn't even sound like you've
hit a thing of moderation yetfor yourself and a lot of women,
once they start recognizingthat there is an issue with
alcohol, then they get into amoderation cycle.
And I'm just being realistic,because when you have drank for
(32:36):
so long like that, just notdrinking, all of a sudden it's
not realistic, it's not, and alot of people who say they're
going to quit drinking.
It takes them some time to thenreally get to the silver days.
So I wish you well and you cando it.
(32:58):
Just start with one day, okay,and then add on.
Next question social struggles,figuring out if or when can they
have an NA beverage, rebuildingrelationships, okay.
So the NA beverage is again,it's a personal choice of
whether that's not going totrigger you or not.
(33:19):
When I first got sober, matthewwas going to a therapist.
His therapist was like well,because I would drink NA beers
and not that old duels BS, okay,it was this German one that I
liked.
The therapist was saying to himwas like I don't think she
should be drinking NAs.
(33:40):
And I was like trust me, I amnot going to slip.
Now some people do and I likeagain, I respect everybody's
decision in this of what worksbest for them.
And then this mofo, years later, he then he loves NA beverages,
na beer.
I should say so the NA beverageyou just have to figure out.
(34:00):
Just start with a beer, an NAbeer, and see if that's.
You take the first couple ofsips and you're like no, then
don't continue to drink it.
If it triggers, you don't like,but there's no, there's no, but
there's no time to figure outwhen you're ready for that.
I just do believe that there'speople who drink them and
(34:23):
there's people who don't, andit's all personal Rebuilding
relationships.
So I would start, if a personyou have, I would start
rebuilding relationships withone person at a time.
That's just unlike.
(34:44):
How many people did you pee offin your active drinking and
rebuild the relationships thatyou truly want to?
Don't think, oh my God, I needto right my wrongs with all of
these people.
I'm sorry, but some people arenot worth your time, because
some people were bigger bagsthan you were.
(35:06):
You know what I mean.
And it's just that some peopleI do believe that you meet along
the way in your life, whetheryou're in active addiction or
not, that are just not goodhuman beings.
So do they deserve your breath?
So it just all depends onrebuild the relationships with
the people who matter most withyou.
And when I say, start it withone person at a time, just start
(35:29):
with one person at a time.
And just the way you rebuildrelationships is keep showing
the person you are today andthat is you on your word of not
drinking today, because thenwhat adds up.
Days add up, right, and thenall they know now for a long
(35:51):
period of time is who you arenow.
And this is what's going toalways like when a person slips
their behavior, then goes back.
So if you're not slipping yourbehavior and all of that is not
(36:12):
going to feel familiar to thatperson and they're like okay,
this is so-and-so showing up andthis is like the sober person I
know People can tell.
You can tell when somebody issober and you can tell when
they're not.
Like you can tell, you can tellby talking to a person.
So the rebuilding of therelationships is going to take
time and that's something thatyou as the person can't get
(36:36):
frustrated with, because who'sever meeting you?
On that other end of therelationship there was hurt done
and so they have to.
Then just you have to just showthem a changed behavior,
because it's like words, words,words, words, words.
But it's the changed behaviorthat really really really adds
up.
And social struggles too.
(36:57):
I'm not really sure with thatone of you like anxiety, like
what would the struggles be?
I still do believe on anybodystill using the 60 minute rule
of just going to a place withgive yourself an hour at a place
and then dip out.
So, with the social struggles,I can't give you anything more
(37:17):
because I don't really know.
I'm specific of what you arestruggling.
You can always reach out to meabout that and I can elaborate
for you via DM or email.
All right, next one I probablyhave questions about how to
start, how to deal with feelingsless than and how to take the
first steps.
This is all new for me andsometimes I feel the money
(37:40):
factor has a lot to do withdecisions.
Well, thank you for sendingthat in and, yes, this is
perfect.
When you say this is all newfor me.
Okay, that's what I'm saying.
And that's when I was goingback to the person who was
saying about the friend who wasstruggling this is very
overwhelming for people.
This is very overwhelming forpeople.
(38:01):
And then going back to the oneperson who was saying, like, if
I think back, like I drink everyday.
I drink every day.
So that is why I like to give alot of empathy.
Like I get it, it's veryoverwhelming, it is so sometimes
(38:21):
the answer isn't just well, youneed to go to meetings right
away.
That's not the answer for allof it.
It's okay.
How to start Again.
Please talk to your doctorabout detox.
I don't know how much,truthfully, everybody drinks on
a day to day.
So, like doctor, talk aboutdetox.
(38:45):
If you need to go that route,that is where you need to start
and then, after you talk withthat doctor, if you decide to do
or not, then it's okay.
Then you don't drink that day,right?
Maybe you then get rid of allthe alcohol in the house so you
don't have it there tempting youin the face when it's not like
(39:06):
talking to you.
Remember the Cosby show and RIPTheo.
You and I love the Cosby show,so this one is referencing that
man, but that was a man.
This was a show.
I'm talking about Bill Cosbyshow, so this one is referencing
that man, but that was a man.
This was a show.
I'm talking about Bill Cosby,but don't you remember, if you
watched it, when he used to havedreams, when he would eat
(39:29):
before he went to bed, like thesandwiches, and then he would
have the dreams and they wouldbe like the Muppets, like in the
fridge, talking to him, and ifyou don't, that's cool, but it's
almost like that, havingalcohol in the house like that
it's just tempting you.
We're going to have this likeMuppet wine bottle being like
drink me, and so you're going tostart by dumping the stuff out
(39:50):
of your house.
If you live with somebody, youneed to tell them if you can put
that in a way.
Put that away where it's out ofsight, out of mind.
Out of sight, out of mind, soyou don't even know where it is.
Okay, and it's nothing to beembarrassed about asking if you
live with the person, if theycan do that and you're not going
to drink that day, okay, that'syour first day of what you need
(40:15):
to do.
And then the next day you'regoing to wake up and then you're
going to figure it out that dayof not drinking.
Okay, the feelings are notgoing to calm right.
On day one or day two, I'm goingto tell you that You're going
to go more through a process oflike a little hangover.
You're going to be moreirritable, you might have some
anxiety and you're going to betired.
So rest as much as possible Nowin these couple days.
(40:38):
That is where then you can findokay, what is the type of
support and help I need, becauseI do believe that is the next
best step for anybody to findthat support, because it's way
easier to do this with peoplearound you than it's not right
around you, then it's not right.
So then you're going to findthat you can take to Google find
(41:08):
if you want to go the 12-steproute.
If you want to find anaddiction therapist or a
therapist who specialize inalcohol use disorder, you can
come join the Sobriety Circle,which is my group coaching
program, or I have one-on-onecoaching, or if there's other
sober coaches you vibe with.
So that is options for you.
There's also smart recovery.
There's all different types,but you just have to figure out,
with help, what's going to bethe best option for you.
(41:31):
Also, too, my book which will betwo in August that takes you
through your first 90 daysAugust.
That takes you through yourfirst 90 days, which is very
helpful, and in that book, too,I do a bunch of journal prompts
that's going to help you dealwith these feelings as well that
are eventually going to come up.
I can't tell you, though, likeon day 10, you're going to be
(41:54):
like going back to yourchildhood and giving the middle
fingers to your parents.
I don't know if that's real ornot.
Like for you, but you, it's aprocess.
It is a process, but it is onedecision that when you make it
and you stick with it, even ifit's going to look like a week
(42:15):
sober, a couple days drinking,two weeks sober, one day
drinking four week sober, acouple days drinking, two weeks
sober, one day drinking, fourmonths sober, three days
drinking, one year sober andbeyond, it is going to take you
a little bit of a process to getto where it's going to be.
(42:36):
Then you live a sober life, analcohol-free life.
Okay, but it is veryoverwhelming and it is new
because you haven't been herebefore.
So again, though, with themoney factor I don't know the
money factor, but you do have toprioritize what you can do
(42:57):
again for yourself with the helpthat you need.
But also, when you quitdrinking, you also, again,
you're saving money.
Some people spend $30 a day onalcohol.
Okay, let's just get, let'sjust 10 to 30.
If not more, if not more, maybe, on a weekly basis people are
(43:20):
spending 50 to $100.
So then that's 400, let's justsay $400 a month.
I mean, I used to go to the barand spend like $250.
It was insane.
Or $100.
It was always over $100.
And sometimes I still giggle tothis day when my husband and I
go out to eat, I'm like thisstuff is cheap.
What should you say?
(43:42):
We got an app.
We got an app in two dinnersfor $40.
Good Lord, good Lord.
So this is new.
I continue to encourage you tokeep going and listen to the
Sober Vibes podcast.
This is a free resource.
There's tons of other Sobrietypodcasts for you to tune into.
(44:08):
There's free resourceseverywhere when it comes to this
, and again, the 12-step programis free if that is something
that you want to look into orother types of programs around
you.
So I wish you all the luck withthis so you can do it.
Anybody who emailed and is newto this.
Thank you for sending yourquestions because, like I said,
(44:30):
I'm sure it's very hard just totype that out.
All right, next question mynumber one biggest issue after
getting sober was my need fordopamine.
I gained so much weight becauseI was replacing alcohol with
candy and chocolate.
I was able to detox from sugar,which was almost worse than
alcohol.
Lol.
This is true.
(44:50):
My question, my question whatare some tools to cope with this
?
I feel so guilty for being backat, for not being back in the
gym yet.
I'll be four months sober onMonday Time to get my ass in
gear.
Congrats on four months.
And I want to say this fourmonths is still early, okay.
When it comes to people stuckon this time thing, please
(45:15):
remember how long you putalcohol into your system for.
Okay.
So 10 years from law, let's say10 years, and then, at four
months, like things are notgoing to be back to normal 20,
20 years, 15 years, 30 years.
You have to give yourself sometime.
And when it comes to the thingwhich is great, like those first
(45:38):
couple months, even that firstyear, like if you are eating
some candy, you've got to chooseyour heart.
And especially because I knowthat this is a woman sending it
in to me and I have to say thisto the gals out there
specifically because I mean youhave to choose your heart, I
(45:59):
mean you have to choose yourheart and if that means that you
are going to gain a little bitof weight, then you're going to
gain a little bit of weight tokick the alcohol right.
And if sometimes you need acupcake over a cocktail, eat the
cupcake.
Okay, and some people might notlike that answer and I'm not
supporting, I'm not encouragingyou just to eat all the time but
(46:21):
eat sugar all the time.
But this is normal for many togo from alcohol then to the
sugar issue and craving that.
This is all normal and don'tget to a point where it's I'm
mad at myself for not getting inthe gym.
Your body needs rest.
You will get to the gym whenyou're ready to put that back on
(46:43):
your plate.
So even if at four monthsyou're like that still feels
like I'm just not there yet, youmight get there at six months.
My thing a little each day addsup and I don't believe in then
(47:03):
being like I'm going to, becauseI did this for so long, I'm
going to quit drinking, I'mgoing to lose a bunch of weight,
I'm going to get my creditscore to this, I'm going to be a
better human being.
And then after a couple of daysit was overwhelming and it was
too much, because setting thatexpectation on yourself,
(47:24):
especially for high achievers,it's too much, because then you
end up getting overwhelmed andthen saying F it and then
drinking.
So give yourself some grace onthis.
But if you are back in the gym,congratulations and just do
what you can do.
I want to say this too.
So there's two times in my lifewhere I really had to take on a
(47:49):
new identity.
Honestly, when I quit drinkingalcohol, I had to figure out who
this new person was.
Who was the Courtney withoutalcohol, right?
I had to figure out who thisnew person was.
Who was the Courtney withoutalcohol, right?
And then the second time waswhen I became a mom, and these
two were very similar and so thelittle dictator good people of
(48:11):
the world is going to be fourcoming up here in a month.
Can you believe that?
My point of this is is, when Ibecame a mom, I then thought I
was going to lose that weightwithin like months before
trimester.
Then I get some humble pie andthat didn't happen.
(48:36):
I then had back problems.
I then got to a point where Idid lose like 15 pounds but then
fluctuated 10 pounds.
I would lose 10, gain 10 back.
I fluctuated with another 10.
And that carried on for acouple of years and in this
process it was like I decided towrite a book during this time.
I decided then to, afterwriting that book, then go on a
(49:03):
podcast tour.
I'm doing all these podcasts,so that was a good year and a
half of my life.
The point of it is is I keptbeating myself up, thinking that
I needed to be at this specificpoint because I had had this
child.
So in years right prior, oh myGod, all these other people, all
(49:25):
these other moms like lose thisweight and seem like they're
really enjoying motherhood andhave taken on this identity Like
meanwhile.
Then I have postpartum OCDthinking, these ridiculous
thoughts, then have to gothrough a process of seeing a
therapist, right, not reallyfeeling like myself until about
18, when he was 18 months to twoyears and then being like, okay
(49:48):
.
So my point of it is is I havenot even really addressed that
weight loss until this last year, until this last year, because
I only mentally could take on somuch each day to start really
truly taking care of me.
(50:09):
And that is what I'm trying tosay In those four months.
There's only so much you cantake on during a special time
like that and a vulnerable time,right.
So don't beat yourself up.
Whether you go to the gym todayor not, you're exactly where
you need to be right now for you, okay.
And I stopped beating myself upin this process of the last
(50:32):
year and it's actually been veryfreeing.
So I just think for women it'slike we feel like we need to be
on this timeline of things andit's so cheesy.
But when I do, when I read orhear people talk about seasons
of life and I know I've done it,but it's not until these last
couple of years where I it's hotgarbage and sometimes it's
(50:53):
really good, but there's only somuch you can do in a day, right
?
So just give yourself somegrace, okay?
Just, you will get to it whenyou get to it.
One more, and I'm going to endit at that, and I hope you guys
(51:16):
like this, because I'll do thisagain every couple of months.
I enjoyed it Again.
This one how to navigate datingwith early sobriety.
Be honest.
Be honest up front, not in thesense of telling a person your
whole story, but just, yeah, Idon't drink.
If they ask why I feel betternot drinking, that's all you got
to say.
That's all you got to say.
And if they're like, are yougoing to?
(51:37):
Is this a forever thing?
Be like this is a today thing,that's it.
You don't have to sound as Idon't know if I sounded a little
rude about that, but make ityour own and practice that
before you go out on a date.
But I think if you're going thedating route app, you can say
in your bio like you're not adrinker and listen to the
episodes with Kate that happenedwithin these like last 10
(52:00):
episodes, and then with Leahfrom the very beginning, because
it's helped them be honest, andthose first couple of dates I
always think are probably goingto be very awkward and like even
too like having sex withsomebody new sober.
That's going to be awkward butit is really enjoyable, like
it's just you're doing somethingnew without booze, but have fun
(52:23):
with it.
Okay, all right.
Good people of the world, asalways, I will put the sobriety
circle information in the shownotes below If you want to join
that group coach program.
If you're, if you're lookingfor more one-on-one help, I do
have slots open, so feel free toapply to work with me.
My book information is downbelow.
I have my Instagram page, theFacebook group that's for women
(52:47):
only, so there is options ofhelp, even if you are just
following along and even if youjust listen to this podcast.
I love it.
Thank you so much because Ienjoy doing this podcast and
talking with you.
Good people of the world, allright, as always.
Keep on trucking and pleasereach out to me.
Please send me a message onSober Vibes on my Instagram page
(53:11):
if you enjoyed this Q&A style,because, like I said, I will do
more in the future.
I want to.
I enjoyed it.
All right, keep on trucking andstay safe out there.
Hey, welcome back to the Sober Vibes podcast
.
I'm your host and Sober Coach,courtney Anderson.
You are listening to episode234.
For those who've been listeningsince day one, thank you, I
love you.
And for those who are new here,welcome.
You are now considered a goodperson of the world, because
(00:52):
that is what I call thisaudience.
So today's episode is going tobe a fun one.
I polled the audience.
I'm going to do as many aspossible, okay, I polled, I sent
an email, my Instagram,facebook, community of if you
had any questions, a little Q&Atoday.
So this is going to be a goodone if you didn't send in one of
those questions, but just tolisten to.
(01:12):
Maybe somebody asked a questionthat you were kind of thinking
too or are at that stage of yourjourney.
So I'm not going to say anynames.
Okay, I'm going to keep thenames anonymous and I'm just
going to share the question, allright.
So here is the first one.
(01:32):
Also, too, if you are new here,make sure that you are
following or following orsubscribing to the podcast.
That way, you always catch anepisode and you don't have to
rely on social media for me totell you that there's a new
podcast episode out.
Okay, first question and I wantto say this to you before we get
(01:53):
started there are no stupidquestions.
There's never stupid questions.
So even if, like you, were likeoh my God, when you were
sending these in, is this a dumbquestion, there's never a dumb
question.
I've always thought that ofjust if you have a question, ask
it always First question.
I don't think any program willwork for me because my power is
(02:14):
non-existent.
I want to be sober, but anxietyor boredom sets in and my mind
is weak.
Thank you for the person whosent this question in and I
don't believe that willpower isall you need in this process.
Okay, it really does come downto systems and it sounds cheesy,
(02:37):
but it's true Like systems andthe right support.
That can only take you.
Systems and the right supportcan only take you far.
It does come back to you, butwhen you are feeling anxiety or
boredom, a lot of people don'tknow how to sit with that.
Okay, and especially in thebeginning, because it's very
uncomfortable, because it's likeyou are, you're doing something
(03:02):
new, right, and sitting in thatuncomfortableness can cause
anxiety.
But what I was trying to say,especially too in those first
couple months, you're goingthrough a withdrawal process.
So that's usually, too, why theanxiety comes up.
But if you keep going, it getsbetter.
The more times that youreintroduce alcohol back into
your system, the more you'regoing to have to keep detoxing
(03:25):
from it.
So what can you do in thosemoments of anxiety or boredom?
Okay, it is best to keep yourhand and mind busy, but when it
comes to boredom it's actuallyto, because you're used to
chasing chaos and like you'readdicted to that cycle, and so
it feels very not normal forpeople not to sit in chaos.
(03:48):
So during that time of anxiety,I always suggest going walking,
maybe working out during thattime, just walking, moving the
energy to get anxiety out ofyour bones.
And I swear, after about 15 to20 minutes of walking you do
start to feel better.
The boredom you're going to haveto find something to do, and
(04:13):
maybe that's now.
Looking into an adult.
Coloring books works good toofor anxiety Boredom.
Maybe you start picking up anew habit, or a new I'm sorry
down.
A new habit, a new hobby.
Okay, maybe you start.
You find a continuing educationcourse that you can take.
(04:35):
That's going to fill your timeon a Wednesday, right?
So the boredom thing you haveto be like what can I do to get
through that physical boredom,the other aspect of it, with
that emotional boredom of notchasing chaos, that's going to
take some time to get used to.
(04:55):
It's going to get reallyuncomfortable before it gets
comfortable.
So this person did say I want tobe sober.
If you are saying you want tobe sober, you need to keep going
, you need to keep going, keepgoing.
Even if you have slips, pickyourself back up and keep going,
because you, at the core ofthis, you want to be sober, so
(05:20):
you can do it.
It's just about facing thosehurdles and getting through it.
And when it comes back to likeyou don't think that any program
will work for you, well, maybethere's a program you haven't
tried that then you can clickwith.
Sometimes it's about findingthe right support around you
(05:42):
with the same people, with theright people in it.
So I just encourage you to keepfinding more help for you and
don't give up, okay, next oneI'm about six and a half months
sober, congratulations.
I hear about people picking upnew hobbies or activities when
they quit drinking, but that isnot the case for me.
I feel kind of bored or justget lost in time.
(06:04):
But that is not the case for me.
I feel kind of bored or justget lost in time.
I thought after quittingdrinking I would have extra
energy or motivation, but Istill feel very tired, exhausted
.
I'm sure I appear to look morehealthy, but I don't quote
unquote feel any better.
So I guess the question is whendo most people start feeling a
true difference, like moreenergy, et cetera?
So that first okay pause.
(06:27):
Post-acute withdrawal syndrome.
For some people it can last upto two years.
Now I don't know anything moreabout this person, so I can't be
like well, did you have thepink cloud, did you not?
But it takes some time.
In six and a half months, eventhough that is amazing, it's
still very new.
That is still very new.
(06:48):
And you might not get thatenergy back to.
You might not start gettingenergy until after a year.
That first year I just really,truly existed.
I truly existed.
I was not running marathons, Iwas not binge pressing like 350.
And God bless to anybody whohad this happen.
I just had to get through eachday without drinking and make
(07:11):
that my norm.
Now same thing for energy.
And what a lot of women youhave to take in consideration
too.
Do you track your period?
If you track your period, great.
If you don't, please start,because also, too, with that low
energy, is this around yourcycle?
The low energy can also be likeare you vitamin D deficient,
(07:35):
low energy, that I would alwayscheck your blood work first.
I'm going to say this, andagain, this is not medical
advice, but once you startgetting sober and your body
starts leveling out, there mightbe a medication you could be on
that is actually not doinganything or making you feel
worse, but you didn't know thatuntil you got sober to realize
(08:03):
all this medication's notworking.
Again, this is not medicaladvice.
I'm just letting you know thatthis is a possibility and a
medication could no longer beworking for you.
So again, it comes down to youCheck your blood work, see if
your blood work's normal, or Iwould just give yourself to a
year to see what happens.
(08:24):
Also, I don't know if you'relike me or where you live.
Coming out of the wintertime.
I'm always lower energy duringthe wintertime and then in the
summertime it's like you can'tkeep me down, you can't keep me
in this house, like I'm up inAdam.
So there's a lot of things totake in consideration when it
(08:45):
comes to the lower energy thatyour body is still getting to a
baseline, something your bloodwork, your hormones, your
hormones can be playing a rolein this.
All of that, okay.
And medication, if I didn't saythat to you.
But the new hobbies when I tootalk about, like in the
beginning, what I did, I mean Ijust kept that to keep my mind
(09:09):
busy.
I am not still modj podj inpicture frames and like doing
arts and crafts like that.
What more became then?
My hobby is like reading.
I really enjoy reading, but Ididn't really start getting more
into reading until God, maybelike year two-ish, right, and
then I didn't really startgetting more into moving my body
(09:32):
until year two.
So again, give yourself somegrace and just figure out the
energy level first, because forsome people that, and then also,
too, if your diet.
You've got to check your diettoo, if you're eating foods that
are going to make you feel likea little bit more lethargic.
So there's a lot of factorscome into play and that is
personal for everybody becauseof you and your body and how it
(09:58):
responds to things.
Okay, next question Do anyother women feel uncomfortable
being less than half of the menat AA meetings.
I always feel like the men arerolling their eyes when women
share.
I know there are women'smeetings, but are there other
groups outside AA for sobrietysupport that deal specifically
with women's issues around notdrinking?
(10:19):
Well, to this one, there is thesobriety circle.
That is my online groupcoaching community and that's
through a private app.
I mean, when there's twomeetings a week in there with a
ton of other stuff that I add inthere and it's women only, I
truly, truly, truly, truly think, and yes, to answer this
(10:40):
question, I'm sure there's a lotof women who feel this way, and
then I know that there's somewomen who are fine being at
tables a co-ed table right but Itruly do believe that men and
women are.
They're just so different, as weall know, and I don't think
that they should be blended inthis.
(11:01):
That is my personal thing, also, too, because of, just again,
men don't have to deal withtheir second cycles, and if
you've been listening to thisfor a long time, like you've
known that I say that I am afirm believer of it is a lot
harder for women to quitdrinking than it is men, because
(11:22):
of our periods and our hormonesand especially, too, when we
get older, dealing withperimenopause and menopause.
So I'd either suggest going tothe women's tables when I
participate in an AA, I just satwith the women's tables or at
the women's table and just hungout there because of exactly
(11:44):
that, I didn't want to.
I didn't care to be with men atthat.
So you would have to.
If you're looking for in-personmeetings, I would just take to
Google and see if there'sanything else around you when it
comes to meetings.
Or you can always to join thesobriety circle, which I will
put in the link in the shownotes below.
(12:05):
Hope that answers your question.
But the answer is yes, allright.
How to not get attached tosomeone else's recovery made a
friend who is struggling withdrinking and trying to get her
to go to a meeting.
That's a great question.
Read codependent, no more.
And when it comes to this, thisis where this gets like really
(12:26):
tricky, right?
Because when you start askingsomebody to about their sobriety
or whatnot, or you should comewith me and then they're not
doing it, they can get pissedright and then they can start
pushing it back.
You just need to keep thatboundary within yourself.
If this person wants to talk,talk with me about it, cool.
And if they don't, that's theirthing, because this is the
(12:48):
thing too, like if they'restruggling, they're going to
have to figure that out on theirown.
I'm sorry, but that's the natureof this, because this really
goes to a lot of human naturetoo, and it's if someone wants
to drink, they're going to drink.
They are going to drink.
It doesn't matter if you canprovide them 15 effing meetings
(13:09):
in one day.
They are going to do what theywant to do, and a lot of people,
the more you push them, thefarther back they will go and
put their hand out and be likeI'm done, and then start kind of
reclosing from you andisolating themselves.
But people are going to do whatthey want to do.
That's why I don't believe incontinuing to push a person.
(13:30):
Just say okay, if you ever needhelp, I'm here for you, you can
always come to a meeting.
I'm going to say this too,because I just had this
conversation with a one-on-oneclient.
With a one-on-one client.
If somebody does not want to goto meetings, then also suggest
this, because this could be aperson's problem too, where
(13:53):
they're like dude, I don't wantto go to a meeting and you
cannot.
Maybe they had an experience ina 12-step program.
You just have to meet a personwith where they are at.
So instead of saying, hey, youwant to come to a meeting with
me, say, hey, do you want?
If you're opening yourself uplike that, hey, do you want to
go get a cup of coffee?
Do you want to go get aCoca-Cola Classic?
(14:14):
Do you want to meet somewhere?
And you know, get a chai tea,whatever it is, what if you're
drinking choices?
But do you want to go and meetme there?
Because maybe say that and thenlisten to the person and then,
(14:34):
you know, suggest what you cansuggest, and this has really
helped me.
If you ever want to come to ameeting, come to a meeting with
me, like I'm always here and Iwill always go with you.
I'm going to say it 12 steps,even though I participated and I
do believe.
(14:55):
Take what you want and leavethe rest.
However, it is a very it's anintimidating process.
It's an intimidating first walkin the door.
There's a lot going on inpeople's minds and that is where
it's an intimidating process.
It's an intimidating first walkin the door.
There's a lot going on inpeople's minds and that is where
it's just again, if, becauseyou said that, suggesting a
meeting and they're struggling,maybe they just don't want to go
to that, but also too, ifthey're struggling and they do
(15:17):
go to meetings, again people aregoing to do what they want to
do when it comes down to it.
So for you, suggest maybe somecoffee, read codependent, more
codependent, no more, and justthat.
Maybe make a pact to yourselfbecause I have done this, where
it's I'm not going to.
I'm not going to.
(15:38):
I'm only going to go so farwith friends, and that's a
healthy boundary, because that'swhere that starts.
That can get weird with friendsLike you could always just be
like, hey, listen to Sober Vibespodcast really helps me out and
then just recommend that to her.
Like you have to haveboundaries, because with friends
(16:00):
and family, when it comes tothe recovery thing, you will end
up getting butt hurt if theydon't do what you want them to
do, and they have to.
Everybody's got to figure itout for themselves.
Hope that answered yourquestion.
How to navigate dating.
Dealing with worry of NAbeverages.
Okay, so, dating.
(16:22):
There was a great episode I didwith Kate.
I don't know within the lastcouple months.
I would look that episode up.
But when it comes to dating, Ijust say be open and honest.
And that's to what Kate talkedabout in that.
And even there was anotherdating episode I did with Leah
and it was like the first coupleepisodes of the Sober Vibes
podcast.
We need to have Leah back onVibes podcast.
(16:47):
We need to have Leah back on.
And so, when it comes to datingand both of these gals said this
just be honest up front.
Like I don't drink, and there'snothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong withsaying that because also, too,
you're going to start weaningout red flags.
You're going to start weaningout people who that's all they
care about, and it's not ajudgment.
You're going to start weaningout people who that's all they
care about, and it's not ajudgment.
That's just facts.
And you can tell when somebodyreally cares about drinking just
(17:13):
by going to their social mediaand they have a beer in their
hand or their dating profile.
If it's just like them andbeers or whiskey or wine, it's
okay.
So I just say be upfront andhonest.
You know, not saying to givethem your whole story, but just
yeah, I don't drink, because thepeople who are still interested
, I still think that they will,if they're interested and that's
not what it's all about forthem.
(17:34):
They will still continue and asnerve wracking as it can be,
all I would say is just have funand make this an empowering
situation for you with dating,that you at least this time
aren't messing around and thatyou're going to be able to spot
(17:55):
the red flags of who you giveyour Spot the red flags, but
also, too, of who you give yourtime to.
Okay, so, dealing with the worryof NA beverages, I don't
understand that.
I'm not really sure if Iunderstand that, so I'm going to
skip over that.
I don't know what to worryabout, I think, with NA
(18:18):
beverages for anybody when itcomes.
I'm talking about mocktails andNA beers and NA wines.
If it is something that iscausing you worry, then don't
even dip your toe in there,because you might get to a point
where it worries you now, butit's not going to worry you down
(18:38):
the road.
Now, just going back to myexperience I don't touch those
red wines.
I don't order any of those NAwines.
I don't touch those becauseit's too still to this day.
It is too like I can taste itin the back of my mouth.
It just hits me where it kindof hits a nerve and a little bit
where I'm like that's a littletoo close to home.
(18:58):
But NA beer I have no problemwith and yeah, so I think the
dealing with the worry of the NAbeverages if you want to try
them, try them, but if they'relike worrying and causing you
anxiety, like just don't evenmess with them.
There's nothing wrong with thesparkling water.
(19:19):
There is nothing wrong with aCoca-Cola, there's like nothing.
And I actually think that morepeople should be super
comfortable with themselves ofjust being able to sit at a
restaurant with just soda water.
When you get to that level ofsitting at a restaurant with
just a soda water and not evengiving a fuck and just like so,
(19:39):
so comfortable within your skin,please send me a message on
Sober Vibes.
And I say this with themocktails and the NAs.
There's still restaurants thatdon't have all of this, so you
don't want to then just get Idon't even want to use the word
dependent, because you're notdependent on it, but where you
could go to a restaurant andthem not having those options
(20:00):
for you kind of messes you upand sends you into a little bit
of a panic and then you're like,oh no.
So, from the get, get ascomfortable as you can with the
soda water, like, honestly, andagain, if they, if they trigger
anybody, then don't trigger them, all right.
Next question Hi, it had come tothe point where I can't stop
(20:22):
drinking.
It had come to the point whereI can't stop drinking.
Okay, well, this if it has cometo the point where you can't
stop drinking, I would suggest,on this, rehab, if that's a
place, if that's an option foryou, because there are people
who need rehab.
There are people who need rehaband very much benefit from that
(20:44):
Also too.
Again, this is not medicaladvice, but I just want to say,
because I don't think peopleunderstand, that there are
medications out there you cantalk to your doctor with that
you can take.
If it works between you andyour doctor, that helps you in
the process of quitting drinking.
And I've coached many women whohave taken medicine and I
(21:05):
cannot remember the names ofquitting drinking.
And I've coached many women whohave taken medicine and I
cannot remember the names of themedication.
Right now there's one thatmakes you super sick if you even
drink on it, and then there'sanother one where it's like it
makes you not even crave alcohol.
So that's something worthtalking to your primary care
physician and there's no shamein taking that, I think, if that
is out there for you to, it'sout there for you.
(21:27):
Look into it, all right.
Next question and also too,going back to that, I would talk
to your doctor anyway aboutwithdrawal and detox, especially
if it's coming to the pointwhere you cannot stop drinking.
So rehab's an option, if that'san option for you, and
(21:48):
medication and talking with yourdoctor about properly detoxing,
because there's places you cango and you can detox.
Next question Okay, I'm afacilitator for Smart Recovery
here in the Charlotte area,north Carolina.
I love it.
A popular theme has reared itshead again the last couple of
(22:09):
weeks at our meetings my spouseis still drinking.
I don't want to come off asnagging or controlling.
How do I address this with them?
I'm just going to read a littlebit more so I can.
Here's the back of it.
And yes, we talk aboutboundaries and making sure they
are clear, quote, unquote, clear, set boundaries, but for many
(22:30):
reasons, it is a problem forseveral in my group, both men
and women.
Okay, and I just want to saythis I, I was.
I screenshotted all of these, soI'm reading them off of my
phone.
So I didn't pre-read thesebecause I wanted this to be very
natural, but this I just thisis going to sound really harsh.
(22:52):
This is going to sound reallyharsh.
There has got to be a pointwhere you have to say when is
enough enough?
Okay, you set the boundariesright, you've done the things
you've, you've tried supportingthem, you've probably enabled
them and this is coming from,this is, this is for the spouses
(23:13):
.
You've supported them, you'vedone the things like I said, and
they keep walking all over you,they keep drinking.
So I do believe there has tocome a point where then, that
person needs to make the rightdecision for themselves of
whether staying in thatrelationship is the right move
(23:36):
for them and continuing to livelike that, because their spouses
then aren't good and tired.
And maybe for some of thesepeople maybe because I don't
think that I think for somepeople they need that to be part
of their wake-up call Fuck, mywife finally left me.
(24:01):
She finally left.
I never thought she was goingto do that, and I actually have
a gal pal who's going through adivorce right now, and it had
nothing to do with drinking, butshe had been asking for things
to change for a couple of years.
And do you want to know what hesaid?
When she finally served papers?
He was in shock and he saidstraight up to her I never
thought you would do this.
(24:23):
So I just feel like there's gotto be a point that you say
enough is enough.
I'm done living like this, I'mdone being the enabler.
He or she will not listen to meand there's no getting through.
So what do I need to do to livemy best life, because I'm done
with this.
And again, that's just where Icome from and I don't, because I
(24:49):
also am the product of peoplewho got divorced when I was
seven.
And now, being a woman who is42 years young and in marriage
I'll be married in October, 10years Marriage is not easy.
Marriage is not easy.
So I do come from a place of.
(25:10):
If divorce is going to make youbetter and have a better life
for yourself and the kids, do it, because what is worse for kids
?
So my parents got divorced whenI was seven, so seven.
And then I know people whotheir parents got divorced when
(25:32):
they were like 18, 19, 20 yearsold, because that is the thing.
These people claim to stickaround for the better of their
kids.
And then that messes people upwhere they're.
Like what just happened?
My parents were together allthis time but secretly people
hated each other.
So I just I come from a place ofand I know not everybody's
going to agree with that, butit's just, you got to do what's
(25:55):
best for you.
And especially if the person isnot doing anything for
themselves and keeps slipping uplike how long are you supposed
to stick around?
That's not a way for thatperson to live.
And if there's childreninvolved, like I know, people
think that these children cannottell, or that's what they keep
(26:17):
telling themselves.
But it is true, and I don'tknow if anybody has seen it or
not.
But there was a stat goingaround the internet a little bit
ago where it was talking aboutwhat makes a child happy, right,
talking about what makes achild happy, right, and what
(26:39):
makes a kid happy is dependentupon the mother's happiness.
Isn't that the wildest stuffyou've ever just heard?
I was like holy moly.
So again, I mean, and they wantto see a happy dad.
But like that's come on, whatdo you want your kids to then
grow up and then that's whatthey attract, because that's
what's going to happen.
They will attract a person whois a drinker and then it gets
(27:04):
into two with kids, and kidswill then be codependent and
that is what they think will benormal.
This is all fact.
So I don't know if anyone'sgoing to that answer, but at
some point you have to make anadult decision and be like is
this a relationship I want tokeep moving forward with?
Hey, good people of the world,it's Courtney, and if you're in
(27:30):
your first year or your fifthyear of sobriety, let's be real.
Summers can be tough, like avery, very, very challenging.
It took me a couple summers tofinally feel comfortable.
There's something about warmweather, parties and poolside
drinks that can make it feellike everybody's drinking but
you.
But just because drinkingculture ramps up, especially
(27:52):
during this time, doesn't meanyour progress has to slow down.
That's where a tool likeSoberlink can help.
It's a high-tech breathalyzerthat helps people in recovery
stay accountable, not throughshame, but through structure,
scheduled daily tests.
Let you share instant, verifiedresults with the people who
support you, so you don't haveto do it alone, worried someone
(28:14):
might question your results.
They can't, because Soberlinkuses facial recognition and
tamper detection, so there's noway to cheat it.
Whether you're rebuilding trustor you just want that extra
layer of support this summer,soberlink is here to help you
stay the course of your journey,I've witnessed people benefit
(28:35):
from Soberlink and I want you tobe the next Visit
wwwsoberlinkcom.
Forward slash sober dash vibesto sign up and receive 50% off
your device today.
You can also check the link inthe show notes below Okay, all
(29:00):
right.
Next question how do you staysober Every day?
Wake up with so much enthusiasmto not drink?
I work out, try to eat healthy,get my stuff done for the day
Also, just enjoy the day likebeing in nature.
But by the time it hits eighto'clock, well, thank you for
sharing that, because I'm surethat that probably was not easy
to write.
So we're just going to startwith one day, okay.
(29:42):
First, I want you to talk toyour doctor, too, about detox.
I want anybody to talk to theirdoctor about if they need to
detox from alcohol, and soyou're going to start with one
day.
We're going to get you on oneday, okay, of not drinking and
what is happening around eighto'clock?
(30:03):
See, you are in this cycle,okay, maybe two.
Maybe you try to go to bedbefore eight o'clock.
Maybe at eight o'clock you makeyourself a delicious soda,
water, a cocktail, if that'syour thing, and do that because
(30:23):
this is also too.
It's very habitual and this hasbecome a ritual for you.
So at a point you do have to doto get yourself out of this a
little bit.
Some I'm not going to drink andnot even have it in your house.
I would start there.
Do not have it in your houseand have some type of
(30:43):
replacement for yourself, right,and go from there and get one
day and then see how you feelthe next day, those first couple
days.
So you're going gonna gothrough a little bit of
withdrawal.
So I'm just letting you knowthere might be some anxiety
around that eight o'clock, orget out of your house during
that time.
If it doesn't bother you toomuch to get out of your house,
(31:07):
you might then, where you don'tfeel like you have to drive to a
bar or a store, maybe go to amovie during that time.
Maybe, if you're working out,maybe instead of working out
during the day, you start doingthat for that eight o'clock hour
, because this is also too, Iwould have to say a little bit.
I'm just going to guess, justgoing to guess.
(31:30):
There's some self-sabotage inthat and I know that because I
used to be the same with tryingto hit all of these marks in a
day and then I would be likevery exhausted, but then I would
use that too as a rewardingmyself of, well, you did this,
this and this, and then I wouldstart drinking, right, like I
felt like a productive member ofsociety, and being a productive
(31:52):
member of society during thattime for me then led into I can
drink.
So start with one day and youmight do one day out of seven
days without drinking.
The following you might do twoto three to four days without
drinking.
Sometimes you have to cut itdown a little bit to eventually
(32:15):
get yourself to not quitdrinking, Because this doesn't
even to me personally, thisdoesn't even sound like you've
hit a thing of moderation yetfor yourself and a lot of women,
once they start recognizingthat there is an issue with
alcohol, then they get into amoderation cycle.
And I'm just being realistic,because when you have drank for
(32:36):
so long like that, just notdrinking, all of a sudden it's
not realistic, it's not, and alot of people who say they're
going to quit drinking.
It takes them some time to thenreally get to the silver days.
So I wish you well and you cando it.
(32:58):
Just start with one day, okay,and then add on.
Next question social struggles,figuring out if or when can they
have an NA beverage, rebuildingrelationships, okay.
So the NA beverage is again,it's a personal choice of
whether that's not going totrigger you or not.
(33:19):
When I first got sober, matthewwas going to a therapist.
His therapist was like well,because I would drink NA beers
and not that old duels BS, okay,it was this German one that I
liked.
The therapist was saying to himwas like I don't think she
should be drinking NAs.
(33:40):
And I was like trust me, I amnot going to slip.
Now some people do and I likeagain, I respect everybody's
decision in this of what worksbest for them.
And then this mofo, years later, he then he loves NA beverages,
na beer.
I should say so the NA beverageyou just have to figure out.
(34:00):
Just start with a beer, an NAbeer, and see if that's.
You take the first couple ofsips and you're like no, then
don't continue to drink it.
If it triggers, you don't like,but there's no, there's no, but
there's no time to figure outwhen you're ready for that.
I just do believe that there'speople who drink them and
(34:23):
there's people who don't, andit's all personal Rebuilding
relationships.
So I would start, if a personyou have, I would start
rebuilding relationships withone person at a time.
That's just unlike.
(34:44):
How many people did you pee offin your active drinking and
rebuild the relationships thatyou truly want to?
Don't think, oh my God, I needto right my wrongs with all of
these people.
I'm sorry, but some people arenot worth your time, because
some people were bigger bagsthan you were.
(35:06):
You know what I mean.
And it's just that some peopleI do believe that you meet along
the way in your life, whetheryou're in active addiction or
not, that are just not goodhuman beings.
So do they deserve your breath?
So it just all depends onrebuild the relationships with
the people who matter most withyou.
And when I say, start it withone person at a time, just start
(35:29):
with one person at a time.
And just the way you rebuildrelationships is keep showing
the person you are today andthat is you on your word of not
drinking today, because thenwhat adds up.
Days add up, right, and thenall they know now for a long
(35:51):
period of time is who you arenow.
And this is what's going toalways like when a person slips
their behavior, then goes back.
So if you're not slipping yourbehavior and all of that is not
(36:12):
going to feel familiar to thatperson and they're like okay,
this is so-and-so showing up andthis is like the sober person I
know People can tell.
You can tell when somebody issober and you can tell when
they're not.
Like you can tell, you can tellby talking to a person.
So the rebuilding of therelationships is going to take
time and that's something thatyou as the person can't get
(36:36):
frustrated with, because who'sever meeting you?
On that other end of therelationship there was hurt done
and so they have to.
Then just you have to just showthem a changed behavior,
because it's like words, words,words, words, words.
But it's the changed behaviorthat really really really adds
up.
And social struggles too.
(36:57):
I'm not really sure with thatone of you like anxiety, like
what would the struggles be?
I still do believe on anybodystill using the 60 minute rule
of just going to a place withgive yourself an hour at a place
and then dip out.
So, with the social struggles,I can't give you anything more
(37:17):
because I don't really know.
I'm specific of what you arestruggling.
You can always reach out to meabout that and I can elaborate
for you via DM or email.
All right, next one I probablyhave questions about how to
start, how to deal with feelingsless than and how to take the
first steps.
This is all new for me andsometimes I feel the money
(37:40):
factor has a lot to do withdecisions.
Well, thank you for sendingthat in and, yes, this is
perfect.
When you say this is all newfor me.
Okay, that's what I'm saying.
And that's when I was goingback to the person who was
saying about the friend who wasstruggling this is very
overwhelming for people.
This is very overwhelming forpeople.
(38:01):
And then going back to the oneperson who was saying, like, if
I think back, like I drink everyday.
I drink every day.
So that is why I like to give alot of empathy.
Like I get it, it's veryoverwhelming, it is so sometimes
(38:21):
the answer isn't just well, youneed to go to meetings right
away.
That's not the answer for allof it.
It's okay.
How to start Again.
Please talk to your doctorabout detox.
I don't know how much,truthfully, everybody drinks on
a day to day.
So, like doctor, talk aboutdetox.
(38:45):
If you need to go that route,that is where you need to start
and then, after you talk withthat doctor, if you decide to do
or not, then it's okay.
Then you don't drink that day,right?
Maybe you then get rid of allthe alcohol in the house so you
don't have it there tempting youin the face when it's not like
(39:06):
talking to you.
Remember the Cosby show and RIPTheo.
You and I love the Cosby show,so this one is referencing that
man, but that was a man.
This was a show.
I'm talking about Bill Cosbyshow, so this one is referencing
that man, but that was a man.
This was a show.
I'm talking about Bill Cosby,but don't you remember, if you
watched it, when he used to havedreams, when he would eat
(39:29):
before he went to bed, like thesandwiches, and then he would
have the dreams and they wouldbe like the Muppets, like in the
fridge, talking to him, and ifyou don't, that's cool, but it's
almost like that, havingalcohol in the house like that
it's just tempting you.
We're going to have this likeMuppet wine bottle being like
drink me, and so you're going tostart by dumping the stuff out
(39:50):
of your house.
If you live with somebody, youneed to tell them if you can put
that in a way.
Put that away where it's out ofsight, out of mind.
Out of sight, out of mind, soyou don't even know where it is.
Okay, and it's nothing to beembarrassed about asking if you
live with the person, if theycan do that and you're not going
to drink that day, okay, that'syour first day of what you need
(40:15):
to do.
And then the next day you'regoing to wake up and then you're
going to figure it out that dayof not drinking.
Okay, the feelings are notgoing to calm right.
On day one or day two, I'm goingto tell you that You're going
to go more through a process oflike a little hangover.
You're going to be moreirritable, you might have some
anxiety and you're going to betired.
So rest as much as possible Nowin these couple days.
(40:38):
That is where then you can findokay, what is the type of
support and help I need, becauseI do believe that is the next
best step for anybody to findthat support, because it's way
easier to do this with peoplearound you than it's not right
around you, then it's not right.
So then you're going to findthat you can take to Google find
(41:08):
if you want to go the 12-steproute.
If you want to find anaddiction therapist or a
therapist who specialize inalcohol use disorder, you can
come join the Sobriety Circle,which is my group coaching
program, or I have one-on-onecoaching, or if there's other
sober coaches you vibe with.
So that is options for you.
There's also smart recovery.
There's all different types,but you just have to figure out,
with help, what's going to bethe best option for you.
(41:31):
Also, too, my book which will betwo in August that takes you
through your first 90 daysAugust.
That takes you through yourfirst 90 days, which is very
helpful, and in that book, too,I do a bunch of journal prompts
that's going to help you dealwith these feelings as well that
are eventually going to come up.
I can't tell you, though, likeon day 10, you're going to be
(41:54):
like going back to yourchildhood and giving the middle
fingers to your parents.
I don't know if that's real ornot.
Like for you, but you, it's aprocess.
It is a process, but it is onedecision that when you make it
and you stick with it, even ifit's going to look like a week
(42:15):
sober, a couple days drinking,two weeks sober, one day
drinking four week sober, acouple days drinking, two weeks
sober, one day drinking, fourmonths sober, three days
drinking, one year sober andbeyond, it is going to take you
a little bit of a process to getto where it's going to be.
(42:36):
Then you live a sober life, analcohol-free life.
Okay, but it is veryoverwhelming and it is new
because you haven't been herebefore.
So again, though, with themoney factor I don't know the
money factor, but you do have toprioritize what you can do
(42:57):
again for yourself with the helpthat you need.
But also, when you quitdrinking, you also, again,
you're saving money.
Some people spend $30 a day onalcohol.
Okay, let's just get, let'sjust 10 to 30.
If not more, if not more, maybe, on a weekly basis people are
(43:20):
spending 50 to $100.
So then that's 400, let's justsay $400 a month.
I mean, I used to go to the barand spend like $250.
It was insane.
Or $100.
It was always over $100.
And sometimes I still giggle tothis day when my husband and I
go out to eat, I'm like thisstuff is cheap.
What should you say?
(43:42):
We got an app.
We got an app in two dinnersfor $40.
Good Lord, good Lord.
So this is new.
I continue to encourage you tokeep going and listen to the
Sober Vibes podcast.
This is a free resource.
There's tons of other Sobrietypodcasts for you to tune into.
(44:08):
There's free resourceseverywhere when it comes to this
, and again, the 12-step programis free if that is something
that you want to look into orother types of programs around
you.
So I wish you all the luck withthis so you can do it.
Anybody who emailed and is newto this.
Thank you for sending yourquestions because, like I said,
(44:30):
I'm sure it's very hard just totype that out.
All right, next question mynumber one biggest issue after
getting sober was my need fordopamine.
I gained so much weight becauseI was replacing alcohol with
candy and chocolate.
I was able to detox from sugar,which was almost worse than
alcohol.
Lol.
This is true.
(44:50):
My question, my question whatare some tools to cope with this
?
I feel so guilty for being backat, for not being back in the
gym yet.
I'll be four months sober onMonday Time to get my ass in
gear.
Congrats on four months.
And I want to say this fourmonths is still early, okay.
When it comes to people stuckon this time thing, please
(45:15):
remember how long you putalcohol into your system for.
Okay.
So 10 years from law, let's say10 years, and then, at four
months, like things are notgoing to be back to normal 20,
20 years, 15 years, 30 years.
You have to give yourself sometime.
And when it comes to the thingwhich is great, like those first
(45:38):
couple months, even that firstyear, like if you are eating
some candy, you've got to chooseyour heart.
And especially because I knowthat this is a woman sending it
in to me and I have to say thisto the gals out there
specifically because I mean youhave to choose your heart, I
(45:59):
mean you have to choose yourheart and if that means that you
are going to gain a little bitof weight, then you're going to
gain a little bit of weight tokick the alcohol right.
And if sometimes you need acupcake over a cocktail, eat the
cupcake.
Okay, and some people might notlike that answer and I'm not
supporting, I'm not encouragingyou just to eat all the time but
(46:21):
eat sugar all the time.
But this is normal for many togo from alcohol then to the
sugar issue and craving that.
This is all normal and don'tget to a point where it's I'm
mad at myself for not getting inthe gym.
Your body needs rest.
You will get to the gym whenyou're ready to put that back on
(46:43):
your plate.
So even if at four monthsyou're like that still feels
like I'm just not there yet, youmight get there at six months.
My thing a little each day addsup and I don't believe in then
(47:03):
being like I'm going to, becauseI did this for so long, I'm
going to quit drinking, I'mgoing to lose a bunch of weight,
I'm going to get my creditscore to this, I'm going to be a
better human being.
And then after a couple of daysit was overwhelming and it was
too much, because setting thatexpectation on yourself,
(47:24):
especially for high achievers,it's too much, because then you
end up getting overwhelmed andthen saying F it and then
drinking.
So give yourself some grace onthis.
But if you are back in the gym,congratulations and just do
what you can do.
I want to say this too.
So there's two times in my lifewhere I really had to take on a
(47:49):
new identity.
Honestly, when I quit drinkingalcohol, I had to figure out who
this new person was.
Who was the Courtney withoutalcohol, right?
I had to figure out who thisnew person was.
Who was the Courtney withoutalcohol, right?
And then the second time waswhen I became a mom, and these
two were very similar and so thelittle dictator good people of
(48:11):
the world is going to be fourcoming up here in a month.
Can you believe that?
My point of this is is, when Ibecame a mom, I then thought I
was going to lose that weightwithin like months before
trimester.
Then I get some humble pie andthat didn't happen.
(48:36):
I then had back problems.
I then got to a point where Idid lose like 15 pounds but then
fluctuated 10 pounds.
I would lose 10, gain 10 back.
I fluctuated with another 10.
And that carried on for acouple of years and in this
process it was like I decided towrite a book during this time.
I decided then to, afterwriting that book, then go on a
(49:03):
podcast tour.
I'm doing all these podcasts,so that was a good year and a
half of my life.
The point of it is is I keptbeating myself up, thinking that
I needed to be at this specificpoint because I had had this
child.
So in years right prior, oh myGod, all these other people, all
(49:25):
these other moms like lose thisweight and seem like they're
really enjoying motherhood andhave taken on this identity Like
meanwhile.
Then I have postpartum OCDthinking, these ridiculous
thoughts, then have to gothrough a process of seeing a
therapist, right, not reallyfeeling like myself until about
18, when he was 18 months to twoyears and then being like, okay
(49:48):
.
So my point of it is is I havenot even really addressed that
weight loss until this last year, until this last year, because
I only mentally could take on somuch each day to start really
truly taking care of me.
(50:09):
And that is what I'm trying tosay In those four months.
There's only so much you cantake on during a special time
like that and a vulnerable time,right.
So don't beat yourself up.
Whether you go to the gym todayor not, you're exactly where
you need to be right now for you, okay.
And I stopped beating myself upin this process of the last
(50:32):
year and it's actually been veryfreeing.
So I just think for women it'slike we feel like we need to be
on this timeline of things andit's so cheesy.
But when I do, when I read orhear people talk about seasons
of life and I know I've done it,but it's not until these last
couple of years where I it's hotgarbage and sometimes it's
(50:53):
really good, but there's only somuch you can do in a day, right
?
So just give yourself somegrace, okay?
Just, you will get to it whenyou get to it.
One more, and I'm going to endit at that, and I hope you guys
(51:16):
like this, because I'll do thisagain every couple of months.
I enjoyed it Again.
This one how to navigate datingwith early sobriety.
Be honest.
Be honest up front, not in thesense of telling a person your
whole story, but just, yeah, Idon't drink.
If they ask why I feel betternot drinking, that's all you got
to say.
That's all you got to say.
And if they're like, are yougoing to?
(51:37):
Is this a forever thing?
Be like this is a today thing,that's it.
You don't have to sound as Idon't know if I sounded a little
rude about that, but make ityour own and practice that
before you go out on a date.
But I think if you're going thedating route app, you can say
in your bio like you're not adrinker and listen to the
episodes with Kate that happenedwithin these like last 10
(52:00):
episodes, and then with Leahfrom the very beginning, because
it's helped them be honest, andthose first couple of dates I
always think are probably goingto be very awkward and like even
too like having sex withsomebody new sober.
That's going to be awkward butit is really enjoyable, like
it's just you're doing somethingnew without booze, but have fun
(52:23):
with it.
Okay, all right.
Good people of the world, asalways, I will put the sobriety
circle information in the shownotes below If you want to join
that group coach program.
If you're, if you're lookingfor more one-on-one help, I do
have slots open, so feel free toapply to work with me.
My book information is downbelow.
I have my Instagram page, theFacebook group that's for women
(52:47):
only, so there is options ofhelp, even if you are just
following along and even if youjust listen to this podcast.
I love it.
Thank you so much because Ienjoy doing this podcast and
talking with you.
Good people of the world, allright, as always.
Keep on trucking and pleasereach out to me.
Please send me a message onSober Vibes on my Instagram page
(53:11):
if you enjoyed this Q&A style,because, like I said, I will do
more in the future.
I want to.
I enjoyed it.
All right, keep on trucking andstay safe out there.
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