EP2 - Unmasking the Drive Within: Why Do We Struggle to Finish What We Start?

SEASON 2, EP 2 - Let’s Talk: Honouring Your Energy

This episode delves into Gayle's personal journey of writing her memoir, revealing her
struggles with finishing projects and how she's learning to overcome them. It's a heartfelt
exploration of self-awareness, motivation, and the surprising power of discomfort, perfect for
anyone who starts everything but feels like they struggle to finish anything.

In This Episode, We Cover:

• The surprising challenges that can arise when revisiting past traumas, even when you think you've healed.

• How a "relationship with not finishing" can manifest in various areas of life, from creative projects to personal goals.

• The intriguing connection between discomfort and motivation, and why "nice" sometimes fails to inspire us.

• Practical strategies for staying motivated when the initial excitement fades, including setting meaningful rewards and building accountability.

• The importance of honoring your commitments to yourself and finding joy in the journey, not just the destination.

 

If today’s episode resonated with you, take the next step and join The Toolkit – a free resource to help you deepen your self-discovery: https://courses.soulcarehealing.com.au/thetoolkit

 

 

Timestamps / Chapter Markers

00:13   My Relationship With Not Finishing

01:21   Reenacting Trauma

02:24   Getting Through It

03:07   Why is "Nice" So Unattractive For Me?

03:43   How Many Times Have I Done This In Life?

04:24   Can You Recognise This In Your Life?

06:34   Flipping The Script

07:03   3% Finish Their Book

09:56   Why Do I Thrive In The Uncomfortable?

 

Resources & Links:

• Soul Care Healing Website: http://soulcarehealing.com.au/

• Soul Care Healing Instagram: http://instagram.com/soulcarehealing_

• Soul Care Healing Facebook: http://facebook.com/soulcarehealing

• Email us at: [e-mail]

 

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Episode Transcript

(00:13):
Hello, Soliz. And welcome back for another episode. I've been really thinking about. What do I want to share with you this week, or what have I learned about myself? That is something that you guys might be able to take away from, lean into, or even go, oh, that's me. So I want to talk about this journey that I've been on to write this book.
This week is marking the final three chapters,

(00:36):
And it feels like the home straight. It feels like I'm so close. But I'm witnessing something really interesting in myself.
For a long time I have had a bit of a relationship with not finishing something that I start. So I am someone who gets very excited about the initial concept of something, and I'll run full into it.

(00:59):
This can be months on end and then something just goes “meh, we’re out of that.”
So what I've recognized is what is it that fires me, then leads me to a so through this book process, as I'm writing this book and it's a memoir, so it's got elements of my own life and through that is some traumatic stories.

(01:21):
And then it goes into how I healed from that trauma where I found community and trust again. And then it's how it then empowered and inspired me to change the total direction of my career in my life.
What I'm finding, though, is for the first seven chapters I was in the mess of a decade ago, I had not anticipated that I would reenact

(01:47):
and sit back in the feelings of that trauma.
Now, I know that sounds
really silly to say out loud, because genuinely, I thought that I was at peace with everything that happened to me. I found the gold nugget. I found the silver lining. Positive things have come out of it. I'd made my peace with it. I had my grief and all of these things.
But there was something about writing it down and going back over the details that brought it all back up, as if it was literally the same day, and that next week and that next month. And I could not believe how much I went to pieces.

(02:24):
I just did it. And I got through.
But what is interesting is in that process of those first seven chapters, I did so well to stay on track. I did so well at maintaining momentum, even though I was so uncomfortable and I was under pressure.

(02:45):
I don't know if it was a balance between I just have got to get through this. So you grit and you bear down and you white knuckle it through the experience or whether it was that
I feel like I need to honor this. I feel like this needs my love, my time and my respect. And I want to make sure that there's clarity around it. And I want to make sure that it's packaged a particular way.

(03:10):
all of those uncomfortable feelings became my fear.
So now I'm at the other end of the book where it's quite nice. It's, you know, it's actually really beautiful,
but I'm losing the steam, folks. It's nice. Nice is not inspiring me. Nice. It's not really where any pain points are or inspiration is. And so I'm kind of dilly dallying through. And if it wasn't for my book today, I would probably be like, I've done it, now it's over. It's all right.

(03:43):
And so I'm wondering, as I reflect on this part of myself, How many times have I done this in life?
And is it only just the nice that is creating a level of boredom for me? Or is it that I'm actually a bit burnt out? I’m a bit burnt out from that uncomfortable process. And so now the nice is kind of at the tail end of my ability to give and it got me thinking about where else I've used this in life, where else

(04:11):
I've been full kilter, so uncomfortable, white knuckled through it, got down and achieved some of the best work of my life. But then when I got to the nice part, I kind of went, yep, done bowing out.
I'm wondering if you can recognize this in your life in any way, that there actually was something so powerful about the uncomfortable

(04:32):
that it got you through?
I wouldn't naturally say that I'm someone who's, like, attached to the drama or the misery or anything like that. I kind of like to live a life that's quite light. Field, but maybe there is some old patterning in my behavior that the brain goes, if it ain't hard, it ain't real. It ain't worth it.

(04:55):
And it's kind of the same. I do exercise, I'm all in there and I'm going for it. And then when it becomes easy and I've dropped the weight and I feel like I'm home, I just don't go anymore. It's like, I feel like that is the full stop. Rather than seeing it as a comma in life.
And potentially I'm missing out on fulfilling a lot of parts of myself.

(05:18):
This book is one prime example, and just getting it to a really nice ending.
The uncomfortable part of the growth is where the most fundamental change occurs for us. As we get older and we learn more, resilience is we do have the ability
to have a look at those challenging times and kind of go, oh, I am this way. And that situation built me for who I am today, and I wouldn't change anything.

(05:41):
But what about if we're putting ourselves through this pressure
And then that's what we're all kind of hooked on is this level of pressure. And when things get too nice and a bit easy, we say yes to another thing and then we add another thing on the list, and then we get to do another thing around the house, like when is it enough?

(06:06):
So with this, it's got me reflecting on how is another way that I can flip the script for my brain to outsmart it, because I recognize that it's a part of me, but I also now know how much I can have control over it. I just have to trick it in just the right way.
What is the incentive that I can dangle at the end of this line for myself to really get me over the line when uncomfortableness was my motivator?

(06:34):
What can I create as my new shift forward to get the job done?
Recently, my book that published a whole bunch of stats on what it takes to start a book
And one of them is of All the people who attempt to start a book, 97% of them never finish the book. And I get that. I could so easily fall into that category, but I will make sure I'm a part of the 3% and I will finish.

(07:03):
I also know that Amanda will kick my ass if I don't get this book done. So there's accountability because as someone like literally poking me going, where's my 5000 words? Where's my 5000 words every two weeks? And that's good for me. Like, I kind of need that.
So how can I be there for myself? Like, why do I need to rely on her to do that for me?
Where is this lack of motivation? Why is nice so unattractive for me? I don't know.

(07:30):
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give myself an incentive because one of my values is adventure and exploring
to get me across the line. For every 5000 words that I do, I'm going to give myself one night's accommodation somewhere with my family.
so I've got about 15,000 words to go.
A chapter is about 5000 words per chapter for a decent chapter.

(07:53):
So I know that every time I get to that 5000 words, I'll get a night away somewhere.
And hopefully then I can say that part of my value. I will have a long weekend where I will book into a hotel with my family in Melbourne for three nights, and it will be the celebration of me completing this book and finishing this manuscript.

(08:17):
Sometimes we need a carrot.
We need to chase something that feels a value to us to motivate it.
And that will be what I will do to flip the script, because I love going away with my family.
But I'm going to deny myself that
until this book is done, in this instance, this particular Melbourne trip that I want to do with my family,

(08:37):
and that's going to be my reward
to make sure that I follow through, because I really want to finish this.
I really want to honor this. And there is no alternative,
but I need to make sure that I stay on track,
because it could be so easy to still be writing this book in a year's time, and everything else comes first. Oh, sorry, I didn't get a chance to get the words to you. I was out having lunch with my friends every day.

(08:59):
Oh, sorry. I didn't get a chance to get the words to you because I decided to go and visit someone. Or housework, or on top of me.
So in what way do you need to create space from excuses to make sure that you follow through with something,
to enjoy the commitment that you made and turn up for yourself, and trust that you can be someone who turns up for something you really wanted to do.

(09:25):
Some of you are so good at this already. You were at
that gym at 5 a.m. every morning. You are committed. You are there.
A lot of the time, though, I find that people who are motivated by that in some way don't have a choice because it's part of how they manage their mental health, of their stress and anxiety.
so it becomes at their uncomfortable becomes their motivator.
So how can we be inspired to do something because we actually know we really want to do it, rather than because we're uncomfortable. And that motivates us.

(09:56):
It's different across the board. But it's really interesting when you start to witness yourself in this light and you go, oh, this is actually a pattern that I do fairly regularly.
Why do I do that?
Why do I thrive in the uncomfortable? And I pull my big girl pants on and I white knuckle through and I get it done. And then when it's nice, I lose interest.

(10:23):
That's just my little reflection of today. I hope that you have had a little bit of insight, understanding that we're not all perfect.
We're trying to figure it out as we go. We're learning about ourselves every day. And there is a curiosity and how you can do this that actually becomes really fun. So take care. Enjoy the rest of your week, and thanks for listening.

(10:44):
And that is all for today folks. I feel so grateful and blessed to be able to share these stories with you and to bring us together as a community. I'm Gayle Wilson and this is So Kate's podcast, naked. You can find further resources at my website, silk healing.com today here.

(11:04):
These resources are designed to support you and your family as you experience big emotions through this journey back to empowerment, healing and self connection.
Don't forget to follow and subscribe so that you can get notifications on the next episode as it lands.
Take care and just be kind to yourself.