Episode Transcript
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(00:13):
Hello. Hello and welcome to another episode of this podcast. It has been an absolute delight to share some of these stories with you.
a couple of episodes ago, you might remember how I saw myself in that reflection in the car and found all these weird hairs that had started growing out of random places in my body.
And this is the fun of being over 40. Then you start noticing things on your skin that weren't there even a year before. Like things on your upper arm. Things here. Texture changes, pigment changes. It's all a bit much, isn't it? Right at the busiest time in your life, too, all these things are going on.
(00:54):
When I was in Bali last week, I was with, someone who was ten years older than me and someone a couple of years older than me, and it was a distinct conversation about how different things are in your 40s compared to your 30s.
And I imagine even talking to people in their 50s and 60s and 70s, it's even different again. We talked about,
you know, when you're in 30, your boobs are still in a pretty good place. But then when you get to 40, the best dancing technique is kind of having your arms up, because that's where they used to be.
(01:23):
So kind of looks a bit more useful.
But, you know, if that's the worst thing going on for your, in your life, it's not too bloody bad, is it? And then I was really witnessing these women on this trip, and there was a couple of ladies there who were a distinct,
I would say, a Western version of a ten out of ten.
Right. They had great skin, great sets of boobs, though. It turned out they had lashes. And it was really interesting listening to them pull themselves apart. What were the bad bits? What were the bits? I hate my, I hate my arms, and that's perfectly fine. But it just got me realising that on this quest to, you know, understand and love our bodies a little bit more.
(02:10):
Is anyone ever happy with it?
Part of what I do, it's is really about thanking and being grateful for the body that we have.
There are so many people that come into my care who have had the terrible experience with cancer. They've been bedridden, they've lost their hair. They've had no ability to obtain any pigment from things like suntanning.
(02:33):
When you go out in the garden and that little bit of brown that feels nice on the skin and how swiftly they realize that although those things are really nice when you're in survival mode, literally trying to fight for your life, it does not matter. And in fact, having a little bit of curve and having a little bit of extra plump on the body can actually serve you really well when you get really sick.
(02:57):
It's kind of like you've got a little bit of storage in the system, so that when you have the inability to eat or when you have got fierce medications running through your body, you've got a little bit of substance for it to hold onto. Now we all come in different shapes and sizes, and I'm super aware that the world for the Thin Ladies is just as criticized as the world for the full ladies.
(03:22):
And it got me thinking. There is no ideal. There is only the essence of trying to live as healthy a life that you have at the time.
And that got me thinking even more into how I can accept and have accountability for who I am as I stand here today. A couple of years ago, I had some guy knee stuff that went on and I had to go on this really strong hormone to control my cycles, and it packed on seven kilos like that.
(03:54):
It was the biggest I'd ever been.
However, all of my symptoms are under control and I was kind of more settled, and I was certainly more energetic and I was doing better, but I couldn't shape how yucky the seven kilos felt, particularly if I saw an image of myself in a photo and it was like,
(04:16):
Why does it have to be to fix one thing? I've got to sacrifice another thing. And that, I suppose, is the backlash of using medicine as a way to control anything and everything. And it always has a side effect. It always has. You know, you can't put something in and not have a response from the body. And over time, I recognize that.
Okay, maybe there's an alternate way I can look at looking after my body and managing these symptoms.
(04:41):
And then through that time I just lost all motivation to exercise. I think I was just maxed out.
and a lot of my lovely lady friends use exercise as a way to help their mental health. But for me, it was like I don't really have mental health problems that are ongoing that I can't manage with.
(05:02):
Just honestly, some breath works. A good conversation with someone else, and maybe a counseling appointment,
and I can kind of keep myself a little bit balance. So I don't really have an incentive to maintain the exercise because I'm not really trying to fix anything. And if I'm pretty content in my body and I'm not using it to shape it or define it or build on it or slim it down, then I didn't really have,
(05:28):
much reason to go.
And then obviously I went to Noosa and I got my ass kicked and I the lactic acid was a serious problem in my body. And then I went to Bali and I was around really beautiful women, who showed me that you can be that beautiful and still not feel like you're enough.
(05:49):
And then at the end of all of that and these witnessing and this experience, I've also got a daughter who doesn't look like very many of her friends at all.
She is a lot taller, she's a lot fuller, and she stands out with her long, bright blond hair and how much this creates an angst for her.
I have always joked, now I've I've not had any cosmetic work done. I don't get any injectables.
(06:15):
It's not on my radar.
I a really good skincare routine and I drink a lot of water and that's enough for me.
I got other things. It's just not a priority.
when I have talked about what I would get done if I could, I've always said I would love about implants. I would love to just have a juicy booty. And now, somehow my daughter has been blessed with this juicy booty and thankfully she owns it and she is proud of it.
(06:41):
And she loves her thickness and we celebrate her. And occasionally I run around to the house going, give me some of that, your ask. Put in my mind I want a little bit more. Why do you get to have it all? And we have this running joke that helps her feel at ease at her body and sees that she, you know, is wonderful just the way she is.
And even though she might critique it sometimes there are people like me who would kill to have it. And it keeps us in check, doesn't. It? Keeps us balanced. It helps us stop double checking herself because the girl she spends all their days with gets her in a headspace where she's like, I wish I was shorter, I wish I was skinnier, and I wish my hair was brown and not blond.
(07:20):
And I don't want to always look different, and I don't always want to stand out and no matter what I say to her about your beautiful and unique just the way you are, it is such a vapid comment because it can't get through to how she feels. It's just it's just blocked. But funnily enough, when I chase around the house and chase a building, give me some of that.
(07:42):
Why do you get to have it? All that gets through? And she goes, I know I'm awesome. And she might give myself a slap on the ass. And she's 12, she's 12. When we had these kind of womanly conversations, and I also shared with her that the other weekend that I went to Maldon and I witnessed the Ted talk, there was a woman there who was very racy.
(08:04):
Her name was Kerry X, and she is a life model for artists. So she is an artist herself and she always was the person behind the canvas sketching. And anyway, this opportunity came up for her and she was asked to pose nude for a campaign for an artist. And she had so many body hang ups and she was like, no, I can't possibly do that.
(08:27):
They'll really see me. They'll say, oh, my bits, my lumps, my bumps, my skin, my veins, everything they're going to say, oh no way. And then she was like, actually,
I don't, all right, I'll do it. So she did it.
And when she came out on her stage, before she shared about her body hang ups, I will say this. She walked out in a silk red robe, and I could tell she had no bras on because she had natural boobs and that were just heavy in her dressing gown. And I thought, oh, here we go. A life drawing artist who comes out on a Silk Road with no bra on.
(09:02):
This is about to get very interesting. And she looks at the hundreds of people in the crowd and she takes her I off and she's standing there stark naked. Boobs are out, vaginas out. It's all out. It's all out in front of all these people.
And it's not toned. It's she's still beautiful, but she's not fit and super fit and super toned.
(09:24):
She's a woman. Things are hanging. Things are bouncy, things are bumpy. And it was the the gasp in the crowd. Oh, it was hilarious. And she stands there and she she owns it so boldly. Now I will say this one little thing. She was covered in a lot of tattoos, which is kind of a bit of an AMA, so she didn't look really, really, really naked, as if it was all just flesh like this.
(09:51):
It looked
very intimate and very vulnerable. So the tattoo did create a level of, safety, I suppose you would say. And she went on there and she started talking about, like I just mentioned, that she was an artist. And opportunity came up for her to be a live model. And she initially went, oh, no, no, they're going to say everything.
(10:12):
I don't want to sit there for that long. I don't want to. I'm going to be exposed. I'm going to be exposed. And then she had this other thought of, well, you know, I don't really say my subjects like that when I'm painting them. I don't really get hung up on anything. I'm so in the zone at trying to get everything onto the paper before this model goes, so I can keep working on it.
(10:34):
So she said, okay, I'm going to give it a crack.
And she sat there. So the first one was nervous and awkward as all fuck. She said, I was sitting there and I was sweating and I'm like, can I see the beads of sweat running onto my boobs? They're my boobs. Are they sitting up where they said, no, they're not sitting.
And in fact they're going in different directions, which anyone who knows over 40, they do that. They go in different directions. And she was laughing and sort of thinking, oh my God, what am I doing? What am I doing
(11:02):
until every artist turned around, they're painting and they're drawing. And she saw her body represented in 15 different ways.
No one person had drawn her the same. No one person had focused on the same thing. Some had focused on her eyes, or a smile, or her boobs or her hips or legs. And she recognized and understood that, oh my God, no matter. The story that I have about myself is one story.
(11:35):
But there are so many other stories that people witness about me.
And then she became a professional life model. She does this all the time for artists everywhere, sculptors, all sorts of things. This is what she does.
And then she recognized that as she saw all these different versions of herself, and she became emotionally unattached to it, that she actually was a rocking piece of art. And it's not just her or her body. Everybody is an amazing work of art. The fact that it works, the fact that it is able to do simple tasks, that we can show our affection with it, that we can do non-verbal communication, that it walks us to places, that it helps carry things that we can stand up like
(12:25):
how amazing is the human spine and the skeletal system
that we've evolved. And we're standing up and walking on two feet, carrying all this weight and all these memories and all these moments. And she was saying that when you become emotionally detached from your body and everything, it isn't, you really start the opportunity to say everything that it is.
(12:47):
And so if we follow on from that,
I want you to think about and if you haven't done it for a while, I really double dare you to
take a moment when you're on your own,
or if you have a partner and stand stark naked in front of a full length mirror,
and don't look for the things you can pull apart.
Shine the spotlight on all the things your body is able to do.
(13:11):
Yeah, we've all got arms and skin that's getting loose and moving about, and tummies that have a little bit of extra patch, or your boobs aren't where they used to be, or your skin textures, or you don't like it thighs or you don't like it stretch much, or you see the scar or whatever it is, but go beyond that to what the body in front of that mirror is showing you.
All the times you ran and jumped and chased and kicked a bull, climbed a fence or a tree. All the times you've hugged or held or cuddled up with, or all the cups of tea you were able to hold with your hands at work, or all the times you were able to sit by water on your bum watching a movie, witnessing, listening, hearing, smelling, saying look at that body in the mirror.
(13:57):
Take a moment to enjoy how far this body has got you in this life. And yeah, it's likely it ain't going to be perfect because I thought I saw what perfect look like to me. And even they weren't happy. So I recognise that most people look at in the mirror and they're not loving what they're saying.
(14:17):
But I dare you to see beyond what you aren't and everything that you are.
So let me know. Put it in the comments. Did you go and check yourself out in the nude?
did you take five minutes of gratitude to look at your amazing work of your body? Show it and give it some love? And did you walk around the house naked for that whole afternoon?
(14:39):
What did you do? I want to hear it. Thank you so much for listening. So I hope you have
a terrific week ahead. Take care everybody.
is all for today folks. I feel so grateful and blessed to be able to share these stories with you and to bring us together as a community. I'm Gayle Wilson and this is So Kate's podcast, naked. You can find further resources at my website, silk healing.com today here.
(15:06):
These resources are designed to support you and your family as you experience big emotions through this journey back to empowerment, healing and self connection.
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Take care and just be kind to yourself.