[ENCORE] Ep. 139: Doing Life with Your Adult Children with Jim Burns

Show notes & links available here.

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This is an encore presentation of one of my favorite episodes from 2020, my conversation with Jim Burns, President of HomeWord and the Executive Director of the HomeWord Center for Youth and Family at Azusa Pacific University. Jim speaks to thousands of people around the world each year. He has close to 2 million resources in print in 30 languages. He primarily writes and speaks on the values of HomeWord which are: Strong Marriages, Confident Parents, Empowered Kids, and Healthy Leaders. Some of his most popular books include: Confident Parenting, The Purity Code, Creating an Intimate Marriage, and Closer. Jim and his wife, Cathy, live in Southern California and have three grown daughters, Christy, Rebecca, and Heidi; two sons-in-law, Steve and Matt; and two grandchildren, James and Charlotte.

The aim of Jim (and Homeword)'s work is to strengthen and equip parents, couples and families. They believe in strong marriages, confident parents, and empowered kids.

Big Ideas

Our kids (no matter their age) need us to be their biggest cheerleaders.

Sometimes our kids need tough love, which is not meanness.

Our adult children really need us to listen.

When our kids become adults we have to make some changes in our parenting role.

Becoming independent can be an awkward, painful process, but we can support our kids through it.

Today’s young adults “meander” towards independence compared to previous generations and that changes parents’ roles, too.

Your role as a parent changes throughout your child’s life.

We need to have healthy boundaries and refrain from coddling our adult children.

Quotes

Jim Burns: But the truth of the matter is what brings them back is setting a tone of what I call awe, affirmation or affection, warmth and encouragement...I want to be the top cheerleader in their life.

Jim Burns: Even if they've not launched or they're not doing so well or if they violated values, the bottom line is they're asking this question, do you still love me? And I really believe that our kids need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, Hey, I still love you and we're going to get through this process together in that. I think that's the best thing. We as parents can offer our kids at the same time know we do have to set boundaries and hold expectations but in a way very different t