#416 Finding Your Peace After Breast Cancer - Burning The Manuals

If you've ever found yourself hurt, frustrated, or emotionally drained because someone didn’t do what you thought they should—especially after you asked—this episode is for you.

In this conversation, I’m talking about a powerful concept I use with my clients all the time, called “the manual.” It’s the invisible rulebook we write in our minds about how other people should behave and what their actions (or lack of action) mean about us.

But here’s the catch: no one else has a copy of that manual. And when people don’t follow our unspoken rules, we end up making it mean something painful—like “they don’t care,” or “they don’t love me.” That pain builds up, and it affects our emotional and physical health, especially when we’re healing after something as life-changing as breast cancer.

So in this episode, I’m sharing how to spot when you’re living by a manual, how to burn it, and how to replace it with something far more powerful: clear, loving boundaries that support your peace and your healing.

 

---

💡 In This Episode, You’ll Hear:

• What “the manual” is, and how it silently drives your frustration and disappointment
• Why emotional discomfort often shows up as physical symptoms during healing
• How to shift from “Why aren’t they doing what I need?” to “Why am I not doing what I need?”
• The difference between ultimatums and boundaries—and why real boundaries are loving, not selfish
• A simple 3-step process to help you shift your mindset: Clean up your thoughts, get Curious, and lead with Compassion
• How to stop letting someone else’s behavior define your emotional well-being

 

---

🔬 What the Research Says:

I talk about this from both my coaching experience and what the research supports. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy teaches us that our thoughts create our feelings—not just the events that happen. So when someone breaks a rule in our manual, we feel rejected or hurt—but that feeling comes from our interpretation, not the action itself.

There’s also great research on assertive communication and emotional boundaries. When we speak up for ourselves in a clear, calm, respectful way, studies show we have less stress, stronger immune systems, and better sel