268. “I want to, BUT …” When Ambivalence Drains Your Motivation with Meg Rentschler

Are you facing down the ambivalent monster? This might sound like, "I want to get healthy and strong! But I'm not waking up at 5 a.m." It could be a goal or a new project, and all of a sudden, there's a big BUT. (Yes, I made that joke.)

Ambivalence is a natural part of change, though. If you're struggling to make a change—even a positive one—this episode will discuss some strategies for finding your motivation and reconnecting with your intentions.

Meg Rentschler loves helping other people live their best lives. After 20 years as a psychotherapist, she transitioned into executive coaching in 2008 to help create healthy workplaces where people can thrive. Meg believes in the power of coaching and its ability to break down barriers and create connections. To that end, she's trained and mentored over 2,000 coaches so they can bring their impact into the world.

After 20 years as a psychotherapist, she transitioned into executive coaching in 2008 to help create healthy workplaces where people can thrive.

"I began to see that so many of the people that were coming to see me for therapy were working in really dysfunctional work environments," says Meg. "They were being asked to lead without being given leadership skills. They were being led by people who were great individual contributors, but then made to be a leader and had no earthly idea how to lead."

She says when we think about what lights us up, if we start to feel like the energy drain is not matching the energy input from what we do, we should assess what's going on. Can you be the best you can be in this environment? 

Meg says it's important to pay attention to whether or not you're looking forward to going to work or dreading it. Are you excited to engage with and be a part of it? You need to pay attention to those little energy shifts.

Sometimes, we have to do things because the boss has a deadline to hit. But if all our motivation comes externally and we're not getting that internal drive, it won't be driven by the same fuel.

Some people might feel the disconnect between giving a project or client everything they've got and doing well but hating it. You may be doing something strictly for someone else.

Meg asks, "What makes the work important to you?" What motivates you and creates a fullness of life? In some cases, Meg says her clients might have a day job that isn't giving them that sense of purpose, but on the weekends, they might find it in volunteer work. Others might use that day job to help bridge the gap between starting their business as entrepreneurs.

"What are you doing to continue to build that so that when you make that transition, it's not a transition of scarcity?" asks Meg.

Even the corporate clients Meg works with sometimes need that leap of faith that entrepreneurs find themselves struggling with – can they go for that next promotion, do they have what it takes?

Anytime we consider doing something differently, we'll say, "I want to, but…" But this is more comfortable. But this is routine. Meg says ambivalence is a natural part of change. 

Even if it's a positive change, it might be hard. Normalize the ambivalence. Acknowledge it. 

"Do I continue with the change that I said was important, or am I doing something else? And if I do something else, what's the cost of that?" asks Meg.

Because sometimes priorities and goals do change. 

Maybe you need to consider the advantages of the change and why you wanted to make it in the first place. What are the costs of not making it? Four months down the road, those advantages and costs might seem increasingly distant. How can you tap into your intention?

Feeling that ambivalence is just a sign you need to tweak some things and move down a different path.

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