150: From Thinking to Doing to Being

Most people think personality traits—like confidence, patience, or staying calm under pressure—are things you’re either born with or not.

But the truth is, you don’t have to stay the way you are if you don’t want to.

First, you think about the kind of person you want to be.

Then you start doing the things that person would do.

And eventually, you become them.

It doesn’t happen by accident.

You train it.

And the repetition is what turns it from effort… into identity.

You can change into the person you want to be.

And it might be simpler than you think.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So I've been reading one of JoeDispenza books breaking the

(00:03):
habit of being yourself. And inthe book, he makes an argument
for being able to changecharacter traits or things about
yourself that like you mightthink that you're sort of
hardwired, like I'm naturallymessy, I'm naturally stressed
out, I'm not confident, or thesekind of things. And so a lot of
times we tend to think thatthose are just inherent parts of

(00:26):
who we are, and they're notchangeable. And so in this book,
he talks about how those thingsare changeable. And I have some
personal experience with thiskind of thing, and I have
changed things about myself that
and it goes exactly the way hesaid it would go. And I did this

(00:47):
way before I even startedreading any books. So I really
believe this to be true. Sothere's three stages of changing
something about yourself, andit's you go from thinking to
doing to being so
there's a good analogy in thebook about driving, and so I
wanted to start with that, justto kind of get the ball rolling.

(01:10):
So when you're, you know, ateenager, and you decide you're
gonna get your driver's license,you start the first phase of
thinking. So you start thinkingabout driving. You start
learning about driving. When Iwas a teenager, you went to the
DMV and you got a little book.I'm assuming it's probably all
online now, but either way, Ithink I would imagine that it's

(01:30):
the same. So you start thinking,you start learning, you're
reading the material, you'relearning about the rules of the
road and all this kind of shit.And then you start to move into
the second phase, which isdoing. So you start driving. And
anybody that has done this, Iknow a lot of people don't
drive, but anybody that has doneit, you probably remember that

(01:51):
you had to think about everysingle thing that you did while
you were learning that. So eventhings down to like putting the
key in the ignition, you had tolook, down to see where the
thing was to get the key inthere, you really had to look at
the gear shifter, whatever thefuck, to put it in the right
gear. And while you weredriving, you're pretty much just

(02:13):
completely focused on what'sgoing on around you. And so
you're you're doing, but you'realso thinking a great deal. So
your conscious mind is reallyrunning the show at that point.
So you're, you're in the doingphase. The more you stay in the
doing phase, the more yoursubconscious mind starts
learning how all of that shitworks. So now, if you've been

(02:35):
driving for a long time, youdon't have to look to where the
key goes in the ignition. Youjust, it's, it's like muscle
memory. You know exactly whereit is. You probably don't have
to look to see if you're gettinginto reverse or into Drive, or
whatever it's you've done it somany times that it's your
subconscious mind knows exactlywhat to do. And the same thing

(02:57):
goes for you know, we've all hadthose kind of trips where maybe
you go to work, you know, fivedays a week, or every day, or
whatever, and you take a similarroute. And you've had those
trips where you get to work andyou're like, Man, I don't even
really remember driving and andin some cases, it might seem
like a little bit stressful,like, whoa. Was I even paying

(03:19):
attention? But the reality is islike you've done it so many
times that your subconsciousknows what to do, so your
conscious mind is pretty muchfree to think about anything
else. So I can't rememberexactly, you know, when I was 16
or 15 or whatever, and I startedlearning how to drive.
So I don't remember exactly whatthat's like, but I would imagine

(03:42):
that your conscious mind ispretty much focused on the task
at hand. You're not free tothink about all these other
things. But as you've beendriving for a long time, you
know like you do a whole lot ofthinking when you're driving,
because your subconscious mindis doing the task for you. So
you've gone from thinking aboutdriving to doing the driving,
and now you've become a driver,and you know, you're pretty much

(04:06):
like locked in. And so the samething can be done if you want to
change a trait about yourpersonality. And so I have a
couple that I changed aboutmyself many years ago, and I'm
still doing this to this day,I'm still doing similar things,
like trying to trying to bettermyself and all this kind of
stuff. And so the first one iswhen I was, when I was growing

(04:29):
up, I was not confident at all,and
I don't remember exactly when Istarted doing this, but I would
imagine it was roughly aroundthe time when I was getting into
graffiti. So I was a teenager,maybe 1617,
and
I was around people thatappeared to be confident,
because the graffiti scene is,you know, it's a

(04:52):
there's a lot of ego, andthere's a lot of this kind of
thing. So like, I was aroundpeople that seemed very
confident. I don't know if theyreally were.
Or if they were just projectingthat, but that was the
impression that I got. And so Iwanted to be like that, but I
wasn't on the inside. So
so what I ended up doing waspretty much the stages. And so I

(05:14):
was thinking about, man, I wantto be more confident. What do I
need to do to be more confident?I'm seeing all these people
around me, and I start to pickup on how they behave and sort
of different things that theydo, and started trying to
do things that a confidentperson would do and behave in

(05:35):
that way. And so a lot of it waskind of fake, because I didn't
know what was going on. And Iremember in my 20s, I went to
college kind of late. And by thetime I got to college, I was 25
and by that time, like I wasstill working on it, but I was,
I was pretty far into the doingstage. The problem was, is I

(05:58):
there's a line betweenconfidence and arrogance, and
like, I didn't know really wherethat line was, so I think I
started to creep over into thatarrogance stage. And so a lot of
the thing not stage, but, youknow, that area, or whatever.
And so I can remember back, andI kind of cringe when I think
about some of these things. Andlike, sometimes some of the

(06:19):
behavior that I was doing wasmore on the arrogant side, but
it was still kind of not.
It wasn't me. It was me tryingto maintain this
confident person that I wantedto be, you know. So I was still,
I was still kind of in the doingphase, and then I learned about
humility and, like, I don't wantto get too far into the

(06:41):
confidence thing, but like, youstart to learn, like, you know,
you can be confident and humbleand all this kind of thing. So
eventually I started to figureit out, and I started to dial
back the sort of arrogance, egotype shit, and lean more into
the
the humility and, you know, andjust being a confident but try

(07:03):
to stay humble.
Uh, fast forward to now. I'mvery confident, like, I don't
have to think about it. I'm notfaking it. I just am a confident
person. I believe in myself, Ibelieve in what I can do, but
I'm also humble enough to knowthat I don't know everything.
And so I feel like I'm in theplace that I always wanted to
be, and I've been here for quitea while. So

(07:23):
had I not consciously takenthose steps, I don't think that
I would be a confident personright now. So another thing that
I changed about myself, and thiswas a little later, is I used to
be very angry, and I would getmad every single day, multiple
times a day, just about dumbshit. And it was a kind of anger
that would have, like a physicallike, I wasn't a violent person,

(07:45):
but I would have a physicalfeeling, like in my chest, and
somebody would do something, andI would just feel it like boil
up, you know, like I'd get a,
I don't even know how todescribe it, but it was like a
literal feeling, like my bodywas Doing something, you know,
and so I would get really mad.And you know, I wasn't a

(08:05):
pleasant person to be around. Iwas very
what's the word defensive? I wasdefensive. I was reactive if
somebody got me mad, you know, Ididn't have very good control
over that, and
it still comes out from time totime. Like, I can remember the
last time that it happened was

(08:27):
a couple of months ago, and itwas over something so stupid,
like, Jesse came home with apuppy, and I was having a hard
time adjusting to like, I'm adog lover, and so I love all
dogs, but like, puppies do allthis shit that, like, just, you
know, listen, I'm more of an olddog kind of guy, you know. So he

(08:48):
did something, and, like, he wasthrashing around, and he, he
bumped into my computer, and,like, completely bent this
cable. And it was, like, aspecial kind of cable that goes
into a special hard drive, and Ionly had one, and it broke it.
And so I had all this work todo, and all of the work was on
that hard drive, so I had no wayto access it. It was like, eight

(09:10):
o'clock at night, so I'm like,immediately, just got really
pissed off because I'm like, thefuck I got to do all my work and
everything and and so I found aplace that was open that had the
cable, and I had to drive, like,a half hour to go get it, and on
my way down there, I was justfeeling very embarrassed,
because I was just like, man,

(09:30):
that's just not it's notproductive, you know. And so
that was just how I was existingfor a long time. And so,
so I wanted to change that aboutmyself, and I didn't know how to
do it, and I didn't even reallyrelate it to this whole
confidence thing, because I hadalready gone through this
process, but I didn't know thatthat's what I did. It was just

(09:51):
something that somehow I figuredout. I didn't read it anywhere.
I just, I just figured that out.So the first thing I did was I
got into meditating and.
Stuff. So I would imagine that'sthe thinking phase, you know,
I'm sitting there meditating andtrying to learn how to control
my mind. And so I'm thinkingabout not being angry. I think I
read or listened to an audiobook back then. I don't remember

(10:13):
for sure, but I started, youknow, the thinking process of
how to do that, and then Istarted just trying to force
myself to do the things that,like a chill person would do,
you know, like, I always wantedto be somebody that was
unaffected by things thatnormally would make me mad, and
I still want to be that person,like I I feel like I have it

(10:34):
down pretty good, but, I mean,it's still like I said, I fail
and things happen, you know,again, I'm not violent. I don't
want people to think I'm, like,beating on people and shit. I'm
not, I don't do that. But like,I'll break, I'll break some of
my own shit, you know, like,I'll do something stupid, like
that. It's been a while since Idid that, too. But anyway, so

(10:54):
So I went into the doing phase.I started trying to, you know,
do things that a chill personwould do, and not get angry
about things. And so even when Iwould get mad, I would identify
that I'm mad, and it'd be like,Okay, I have to, like, not
let my outside person reflectwhat I'm feeling inside. So that

(11:15):
was kind of like, what I wouldtry to do. And I still, I still
find myself doing that.Sometimes I'll get pissed, and
I'll just be like, All right,just on the outside, just
project like, you're super coolwith it, but even if you're mad
on the inside. So I was tryingto do that. And so I think, I
think I've gotten there for themost part, and I don't know if
I'll ever fully get there. Imean, I don't think it's

(11:36):
realistic to never get mad. Idon't think, I mean maybe, maybe
some people will disagree, but
I feel like I've gotten therepretty well, and so
those are the ones that I canremember. I'm sure there's
things that I've changed aboutmyself. There was something, a

(11:56):
couple other things, before Iget out of here, but like, I had
already written this outline,and I was kind of ready to go,
and I was listening to Alex herMoses podcast. And if you're not
familiar with him, he owns acompany called acquisition.com
and they buy into companies and
and help them grow. And so theyonly do like a small amount of

(12:19):
companies, but when they do getinvolved with those people's
companies, they tend to growvery rapidly. These him and his
wife, Layla, they're very goodat business, and they know how
to do all these kind of things.And one thing that he said on
the podcast today that fitperfectly with this is, like
a lot of the things that they dowhen they obviously, they look

(12:39):
at the business and they look atall the business shit, but one
of the main drivers in whetheror not they're gonna do business
with that company is thefounder, and the founder's
attitude and their personality.And so he said something
interesting. And he said that ifa founder kind of takes this
stance, like, Well, I'm justthis kind of person, and, you
know, like, as if, like, I wasborn this way, and this is, this

(13:05):
is just how it's going to be. Heimmediately identifies that that
person is not going to becoachable, and it's going to be
really hard to teach themanything. And so they generally
don't do business with companieswhere the owner, the founder, is
like that. And so in life, ifyou have these kind of
personality traits that youdon't like or that are holding

(13:27):
you back this,
I can't say that it will but, Imean, I believe wholeheartedly
that you can change just aboutanything about yourself. I mean,
obviously I couldn't get tallerif I wanted to, you know, like,
we don't need to get into that.But, like, basic personality
traits, a lot of those arebehaviors that we've created

(13:50):
that are habits now. So, like, Ihave a habit of stressing out
about the future, and I'vecreated that habit,
and I'm trying to break that.And like, that's not something
that's inherent, you know, it'snot hardwired into my DNA or
anything like that. It's just ahabit of thinking that I've

(14:10):
created over many, many years.Probably since I was a kid when
I saw my parents strugglingfinancially or getting their
cars reposed and shit like that,I've probably created the habit
of worrying about things,because that's what I saw around
me, and I saw these kind ofthings happening. So it's harder
to break that habit, but I cando it if I if I tried. I mean, I

(14:31):
am trying, but I mean, it'sprobably just going to be
harder. You know, it's justgoing to take longer. And
last thing, like, I don't have,really, there's not enough.
It doesn't bother me enough tochange it. But, like, I'm a
pretty messy person. I'm lookingat my desk and it's, it's really
messy. So like, if, if, at somepoint, if that bothered me

(14:52):
enough, I know exactly what Iwould do to fix that. I would, I
would start modeling thebehavior of somebody that is,
um.
I organized, and I happen tolive with somebody, Jesse's very
organized, so I I could juststart modeling her behavior. And
then over time, that wouldbecome habit, and I would
eventually not be a messy personanymore. Maybe, maybe I should

(15:14):
do that. I mean, it's justdoesn't bother me enough right
now. But so anyway,
just a quick recap. If you havesomething you don't like about
yourself, there's three stages.You go from thinking to doing to
being so if there's somethingyou don't like about yourself,
like you know, let's say you'renot confident, and you wanted to
do that, you would, you wouldstart by thinking about it, and

(15:35):
then you would start modelingthe behavior of somebody that
you feel like is confident, ordoing the things that somebody
confident would do. And overtime, you'll create the habit of
thinking and being that way, andthen you will become a confident
person, or whatever it is, aclean person, or what you know,

(15:56):
put on anything you want. Iwould say, start small. Don't,
try to re haul everythingbecause, like, if I wanted to be
a clean, orderly person, Iwouldn't start with re
organizing my entire life. Iwould probably start, like, with
my desk, and say, Okay, I'mgoing to make it a rule that I
keep my desk clean, and that'smy main priority.

(16:19):
Over time, you'll start formingthose habits, and then that
stuff will spread into otherthings, like I won't have all
this shit all over the place inmy my office here. So if I
wanted to do that, and maybe Iwill, as an experiment, but I
just don't feel like doing itright now. So anyway, I
appreciate you for listening,and I've been meaning to try to

(16:40):
put this call to action outthere, and I don't know it just
feels weird to me, but if youfind any value in this show at
all, and you like theinformation, and you feel like
anybody that you know couldcould possibly benefit from it,
I would really appreciate if youshared it. My understanding is
there's no real other way togrow a podcast other than people

(17:01):
sharing it. So if I'm doing adecent job and you like the
information that that I'mputting out here, maybe throw it
up on your stories or send it tosomebody really appreciate it,
and it would be super helpful.So all right, I'm gonna get out
of here. Appreciate you guys,and I will see you next time.

(17:22):
See
All right,
appreciate each and every one ofyou guys who are supporting the
cause and continue to spread thelove and yeah, stay up.