November 5, 2024 • 49 mins
Get ready for a wild ride as Frank dives deep into the emotional rollercoaster of early pregnancy. From the highs of seeing those first "jazz hands" on the ultrasound to the lows of late-night scares, this episode is packed with laughs and tears.
Frank's journey into fatherhood is just beginning, and he's already a pro at overthinking, overreacting, and oversharing. Carlo provides some much-needed comic relief and shares his own parenting wisdom (and some video-watching habits).
Join us as we explore the hilarious and heartwarming realities of preparing for a baby. We'll tackle everything from pregnancy tests and ultrasounds to the importance of a strong marriage and capturing memories. Get ready to laugh, cry, and learn a thing or two about the miracle of life.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:12):
This is the Great Hair and Day Care Podcast.
With a combined age of 111 years and a combined IQ in that same range, your hosts, Frank Cerio and Carlo Russo.
So, this is exciting because if you're watching this, you actually are, this is the second time you've done this or you started with number two, right?
(00:34):
Which I often do.
And then I do every morning.
That's right.
We're very, very happy that you take the time to come back again.
Yes.
And join us.
So this is, uh, in fact, episode two, I am Frank Cerio, 55 years old, and my wife is now 19 weeks pregnant.
And this is my friend, Carlo Russo, who is with me.
(00:55):
What's up guys.
Welcome back.
And thanks again for giving us a second chance or a first chance.
First chance.
Second chance.
I don't know.
It's a podcast.
Our last chance.
But we'll see.
You only need 19 weeks.
That's it.
I just want to make it until the kids born,
Then we dump everything.
That'll be it.
That'll be it.
Okay.
I'm done.
(01:16):
Funny.
But so, uh, so we talked about the first episode a little bit.
What are our dreams and aspirations are for, uh, for the podcast.
And, uh, one of the things I really want this to be is like live, like week by week.
What happened?
Yeah.
It's like a journal.
I mean, right.
Is that what it is?
A little bit.
(01:37):
But right now I've got a bunch of weeks to catch up on what I want to do is kind of take you back to kind of where it started and we'll just try to catch up to real time.
So maybe over the course of this and the next couple episodes, we'll get up to real time before we're going to go in the past to get to the future.
We're going to, we're going to go back to week four because week four is when we, uh, when we found out and, uh, essentially, you know, before that we, we, uh, we tried for a while.
(02:09):
Well, you know, Kelly and I've been married for seven years.
We, we wanted to take a couple years of just enjoying being, being a couple and, uh, traveling.
We do.
So that's a, we love to travel and we got a chance to do that stuff.
And then in the middle of there, I think the thing that really derailed us and pushed this a couple more years was COVID right?
(02:34):
So COVID happened and you're not thinking this'll be a great time to have a child.
So we, you know, that, that slowed us down, but we, we tried, we started in earnest really trying and, you know, I think we came, we came close a couple of times, I think toward the end of 2023.
(02:54):
And then earlier in this year, it was a week four, so 14, 15 weeks ago now we, we thought we were, and you get to take, you take the test.
And I was interesting as you take the first test and my wife is a brilliant woman and she's very methodical about things.
She's okay.
(03:15):
So this is good, but now it's this, it's HCG is what the, these tests measure.
Okay.
So what I think is interesting is like that, that is a HCG is a fertility drug that they will give women to, to get them to ovulate.
(03:36):
I would give it to men who need help also to work to, to produce, to have, to increase sperm count.
Gotcha.
So, but it's also the hormone level that they measured.
And initially that's what those little P tests are looking for initially knows if you're pregnant and then it's very, they're very scientific about it, that, that level, if you test and you're pregnant, then that level is supposed to double every 24 to 48 hours.
(04:06):
So Kelly being the way she is, it's like, okay, so now in two days, it should, the number should be this.
So it really was like a gradual, the initial, when she called me and said she was, I'll never forget it.
I was coming back in from the carriage house, back in the house, I had been working on some nonsense or whatever.
Right.
Doing your normal.
My normal stuff.
(04:27):
And she told me and I, and I thought, wow, like, okay, like this, that's going to happen.
And you know, said a little prayer and, and God, my baby.
So then it was, it was like, okay, in two days, okay, now in four days and then, okay, now in a week.
So, and all I'm thinking is, can we tell, can we tell anybody?
So can I, can I, cause I never, I didn't experience this.
(04:49):
Yep.
So, so she's taking new tests every, so she's going for the numbers, working with the doctor and they're, they're doing a, it was like a test.
You're pregnant.
This is where you should be in two days.
Hit the goal.
You got it.
Four days later.
So you're going back and forth to the numbers, looking your way into work.
(05:10):
She's stopping and checking and yeah.
And it's all on the rate, you know, on the rate trajectory, but yeah, that, so that's kind of what we were, uh, you know, how we were doing it.
And it was fun because you want to hit the threshold at the same time.
I'm looking at Kelly and thinking, is she fully, like, is her heart in it yet?
(05:33):
Right.
Like she's obviously excited, but why did you think that?
You know what it is?
I think she is, we think very, very differently.
And she, I think she manages her disappointment in, by managing her expectation.
So I don't think she did, she wouldn't fully allow herself to engage in it because she didn't want to be disappointed.
(05:59):
She was protecting herself.
Exactly.
We had those couple of things where we thought, so it didn't work out and that was very disappointing.
Now we're going way back.
But what I think was interesting was in the moment it was like, Oh yeah, I guess we'll keep trying.
Right.
But then things got a little tense, like a week later and you know, just normal husband wife stuff.
(06:22):
But we talk, like we talk about, I talked to my wife a lot.
We talked about everything.
It's one of the things I love about our relationship, that we can, she was like, yeah, I think this, it was harder.
It was a bigger disappointment for her when she had that glimmer of hope that it really, it got to her.
So I think by the time we got here, I think the stakes were higher.
(06:45):
Well, there's more to lose now because it's real.
I mean, when something happens, you're like, okay, it wasn't meant to be, it's not, but when now you're trying to hold on to, Oh, this is, I could lose a lot.
Right.
I don't want to get too over myself right now because losing at this point could be really scary.
It is.
It is one of the, yeah.
It is.
So for me, I was still kind of in that, I was like, well, let's tell everybody.
(07:11):
And she was like, no, no, no.
You gotta, you gotta wait till at least 12 weeks and you got to be careful.
I completely understand that.
But it was.
So that's four weeks.
You did the initial, you're pregnant four weeks is when we did the first test.
And then over the next few days and the next week it was testing numbers, testing the HCG and everything tracked.
(07:31):
Well, and then week five, so a week later, then after those went well, then they do an ultrasound.
Okay.
So, so she goes in and they do the ultra, they do the ultrasound.
How did that hit you?
Cause I can tell you for me, when, when my wife says I'm pregnant, okay, I got the initial, Oh my God, you know, I can get somebody pregnant, yay for me.
(07:54):
Right.
It works.
I mean, it works.
So that was my initial thing.
Again, we didn't go through and went through the natural way and then that was that, um, it didn't become real until I heard that heartbeat and I choked up.
I teared up cause now I'm listening to my son or daughter.
Yup.
Um, and he got rid of it.
(08:14):
Was it, how was it for you?
So what is, what's interesting is, so because of some of how tentative things were, right?
And initially she's going in just for these tests.
I'm not going with it.
She's doing other way to work.
So week five, she goes and does the ultrasound and she just tells me about, right.
(08:34):
I'm not even there.
And I don't think, I don't think at that point, I don't know if they even, I don't know if they, there even was a heartbeat to listen to.
I would have said, Oh, I would have asked.
So I'm just hearing good news, right.
And they're, you know, they're showing, you know, they're a little, you know, there's they send pictures.
(08:54):
The technology is amazing what they're doing, but yeah.
You see that light right there?
Yes.
It's a heart.
So they go through, you know, so she goes through week five, that's it.
And then I think it was week six, she goes back and she does another one.
So now it's a couple of weeks later, we're still not really, we're not obviously not telling anybody and things are going okay.
(09:19):
She starts kind of with the beginning of certain foods.
All of a sudden are like, she just completely, like, I can't be around this or that, which is not like her.
She's not, she doesn't have the, like, she doesn't have the relationship with food that I don't like.
(09:41):
She doesn't care about food.
Right.
So those reactions, I think cause like, Oh, I don't think that's, I think I'm seeing this stuff as a good sign.
And she goes, and at this point is when I ask, I'm like, so when do I start going with you?
Cause I'm trying to be like, I, she's trying to be very, so I'm like, when do I get to good?
(10:10):
And she's like, Oh, whatever you want.
So I'm like, okay.
I would have kind of been happy to go at that point.
Then I, we're moving into week, uh, week six from week six to week seven.
And so week seven is the first time I get to go for the ultrasound and there is now all along the ultrasounds that she's doing.
(10:39):
It's just what the heart rate is.
Heart rate's this.
Heart rate's this.
Every time you go, the heart rate is supposed to be in this range and we're getting those things.
So that's all good.
But this time I'm pretty sure, I think it was the first time she heard the heartbeat too.
Okay.
Where they actually played it.
And you're both at the same.
And we're both there.
And we're there.
(11:00):
Okay.
So that's good.
And that was a crazy moment because they're doing it.
They're doing the ultrasound and you know, the, the, the way the tech, I don't know if it was like this.
They have her email.
They're taking pictures and texting her phone.
That's all new
Even from my experience.
As they're doing it, tech is facing her and looking at a monitor.
(11:21):
I'm in a chair with a 40 inch TV watching it.
Same thing.
And they're going through, they're going through everything and they're like, Oh, there's an IC.
It's like, I don't know what I'm looking at.
This could be a sonar attack.
I don't know.
What is that?
I think it's Hawaii
I don't know.
(11:41):
A whale making sounds.
Nothing.
But they turn it on and say, there's the heartbeat and there's the heartbeat and you hear it.
And it was a combination of, I was disappointed that there was nothing on the screen that I could, that I was recognizing, but I'm like, I'm looking for something.
Right.
But I think that's why the heartbeat at that moment is so huge because you can't see anything else and, but you can hear it.
(12:02):
There's nothing more human than that sound, how to find a vowel or anything like that.
So yeah.
So that was, that was fun.
And I absolutely, I was, it became real to me that it became real off to that point, you know, we're talking, the doctor says, I mean, he was good.
I look good.
My thing that did that to that, but there was no, like, there's no photos.
(12:24):
There's no, you know, voice to the heartbeat.
Sound is the first thing that I put into like, Oh my God, there it is.
I can, I can hear it.
Yeah.
So, and up to that point, it was just either photos were just doctors going, everything was great.
Yup.
Yup.
So that's why it hit me real hard.
(12:44):
Yeah.
No, it was, it was an interesting thing and not, I think Kelly was watching me watch it.
Experience it.
And once I started getting a little teary eyed, obviously she, of course she started to as well and it was a nice moment and I'll never forget it.
Yeah.
And then, but then it's like, okay.
And she's off to work and I'm on to my next thing.
(13:07):
So that's kind of, so that was a week, week seven.
So I get to hear the heartbeat.
I get to see the little blob and then we go into, so then the next week we gave a couple of physical, there's a couple of things that were more fun, which, so we go back for that.
Now week eight, they say wait until week 12 to announce.
(13:29):
So you're still doing this in secret.
Oh yeah.
Right.
It was like, if you make it to week 10, you're 90%, 90% chance you're going to go to term.
We're Italian so we don't want to jinx anything.
I was ready.
Like I was ready to tell them.
You're ready.
I think I am generally optimistic person and I think Kelly, Kelly is much more always managing the expectation.
(13:57):
Don't want to put it, don't want to put it out there too soon.
And then I completely understand that.
But yeah, if it were up to me, I'd have been like, guess what?
So week eight.
So now we're, yeah, week, so now it's week eight.
It's already been a month going by.
We go back and I'm like, okay, well let's show you the blob and they get in there.
(14:20):
The other thing I'm fascinated by is like the ultrasound text.
These girls look like they're 19 and they're really good
Because you're having a child at 15.
Yeah, that's what happened.
But these girls are like, I'm like, how long have you been doing this?
She's like, oh, nine years.
I'm like, what?
Are you 18?
I'm like, when were you doing this?
Yeah.
But they're, they're incredibly, they're all great and they're very skillful and they, and they identify the stuff.
(14:44):
But this time there literally was a moment where she's going around and you're like, oh look.
And I see jazz hands
I see the little sticks and I look at, I look at Kelly and I don't know if she said it first or she's like, but I think, I think she said it.
(15:05):
She's like jazz hands.
Well, yup.
There you go.
And so that, that was, that was a very, that was a cool moment.
It overrode the heartbeat.
That was the, that was a really cool moment.
Yeah.
It may, it did have more of an impact I think than maybe even the first time.
Her visual is always.
And it was also one of the first times where I felt like, okay, she's starting to be the, the happy part of this, right?
(15:36):
She's really, she's really key kind of, I think keeping it under, under control and then to see her kind of light up with a little bit of excitement.
It's gotta, it's gotta be hard not to go in that realm.
When you see jazz hands in the body, I mean, even like you said, Kelly being usually not like you, uh, even seeing that, you've got to go like, oh, yes, I'm excited.
(16:03):
She couldn't help.
Right.
So we're at eight weeks and the thing, the thing that happened that she, that was most notable was I start getting, you know, she's doing searches about all things to do with, with babies and stuff that we're going to need and thinking about all that stuff.
(16:24):
And I'm doing some of that stuff too.
So all of a sudden I'm getting pushed over and over again, videos and groups.
We talked about a little bit in the first episode, all these parenting groups and videos and reels and I, and I'm sitting there and a lot of time my day will wrap up and Kelly gets home a little bit later than I finish up.
(16:47):
So I will have an hour where I'll just till time reading or I'll watch something on TV.
So I'm looking through this stuff and I didn't push these videos and I, I really wanted to try to find it so I could link to it for the podcast.
There is this video and if anybody out there has seen the video and can send a link, I would love to be able to share it with everyone.
(17:10):
It is a video of parents, fathers, mothers and fathers all reading from some book and they're all reading the same passage.
Have you ever seen one of the videos where they'll be reading the same thing but they'll switch from person to person but they're all reading continuously?
Yeah, to them continuous read but different people.
And it's the, the whole passage is about childhood and raising children and how quickly it goes by.
(17:40):
And I'm right now talking about this video thinking I have to manage my emotions because I will start crying now.
I watched this video the first time and was like inconsolable.
I was crying my eyes out like I could, if someone had, if the phone had rung, I wouldn't have been able to call
(18:05):
Please didn't yet.
And because these people that are reading this are experiencing it and they are breaking, they're starting to tear up as they say it because it's reminding them of these, these moments that are gone now.
They're gone for them.
And I'm thinking, what a blessing to see that now and, and be a part of it, to start to get that in my head yet.
(18:30):
Don't be stupid and rush through this.
Realize that everything that I'm about to experience, I'm about to experience things that I'm going to look back on for the rest of my life.
It's really trying to get them to sink my teeth into that.
Your present will be memories, right?
You have to hold on to that present as long as you have it because I just celebrated my baby's 18th birthday.
(18:57):
That's right.
Right.
So what was that?
What was that like?
What does it feel like?
Okay.
So I guess I got used to it, but my first, when my first turned 18 or 21, he hit both of them.
It makes you realize time flies, but it also makes you realize what a great time it was and what a great time it's going to be for the next, however long we're blessed on this earth for.
(19:25):
But my little one that just turned 18, it was, you're always blessed when you could have your child turn another year, right?
Sure.
I mean, that's what our, you know, we don't want to outlive our children.
In one aspect, you're like, thank God, you know, he's 18, he's healthy, he's smart.
But at the same time, he's my baby.
(19:46):
He's the, you know, I took him home that day and I drove five miles an hour because we were
scared something was going to happen and something was going to hit us or I was going to, it's
the same child that, you know, we come in from work and my, my wife said, hand me to
him because she had to be slept and now it's my shift and I loved it and I would just sit
on the couch and have him on my chest.
So all these members come through, but yes, what you were saying, time flies when you're in the middle of it, you always think this is never going to change.
(20:16):
This is my life.
But then eventually you're going to go through that moment going, where was those times?
Oh my God.
I wish I was still holding my little girl or little boy because they go by so fast because I think we were always like, Hey, it's going to be, you're going to be one almost
Let's, you know, let's push that.
Oh my God, you're going to start kindergarten.
Oh, let's, you know, we jumped, we jumped into these big parts of life and we're not sitting through going, slow down, slow down.
(20:44):
That's why my wife, she always took pictures and videos, things that we never had growing up.
I don't want videos of us.
It's really cool to see our parents young and having, you know, wouldn't that be cool?
I have one movie that my uncle, my dad's brother had a movie camera.
I think my dad had one too, but he never did anything with it.
(21:05):
So there are movies, but there's a movie that my cousin had that I got my hands on somehow digitally and there's glimpses of mostly my siblings when they were little, but there's like a few seconds, like a few seconds of my mom and a couple, just a few seconds of my dad.
(21:25):
And it's like the best thing to see them at that age and working it and living, yeah, living life.
I remember I used to, you know, I didn't make fun of like, not make fun of, but you said, God, another video.
But then you look at it now and I know so many of my, my two boys on vacation and, and on the bikes or, yeah, you got to, you got to do that because to get back to the point where we're talking about, time flies.
(21:52):
I'm lucky because my siblings were so much older, the older of my two sisters, I think had a camera.
So there are, there's very few pictures of my siblings, but there's like albums of me.
So there are a lot, we have a lot of pictures, no videos.
But we went from no videos to, I remember when my, when my brother, when, when his daughters were born, he had multiple generations of camcorders and so he was taking all the videos and all that stuff.
(22:22):
And everybody did that.
And now you're almost on the other side of that, where you've got video camera on your phone, people, their whole lives are on video.
And now you almost don't, I worry about, I know how I am, like, I follow the dogs around with my camera.
(22:42):
I know I'm going to want to do that, but I don't, I also don't want to be trapped behind the camera.
I want to capture those memories, but I'm, I really want to live them.
So a lot of people say that, like in concert, put that down and record it in your mind, right?
Use your eyes.
I agree with that, but these are memories.
(23:02):
You want to look at your child at that moment.
And the best way to do it is videotape it because just that the motion and the, you don't need to just have the realism of, of what you're doing with your memory is right.
And I think you can do both.
I think you're going to have many times where you go, no, this is just for me.
(23:23):
This is just for me and my memories.
And I never understood it either, but I, when I recorded stuff, it makes me remember that moment even more when I see it.
So it works, it works both ways.
Like, yeah, I could have forgot some, but I saw it and I'm going to go, Oh my God, that was a great memory.
So do you, are there times when you sit down, like where you and Trina sit down and watch?
(23:47):
Can I tell you something?
We, we regularly watch our wedding video.
Really?
Yes.
We love it.
When you see all of our friends, we see the dancing, the, the toast, we will sit there and that's why you have such a sweet, cute cup, come on, maybe an anniversary or a cold winter day.
(24:08):
And we'll cleaning, we'll come across it again.
Hey, let's put that on tonight.
And we'll sit there and watch it.
We watched it with her aunt that was in, that was the maid of honor.
And yes, we, we have sat there and you know, we do a lot of, because like we said, sometimes video is like, you know, it's so weird, we go for our albums, our, our photo albums.
(24:32):
And my wife is very good with when we go on vacation, there's a lot of these companies that you can take these photos and make books.
Yeah.
Right.
And we'll just go one book after another.
And we'll, you know, see the kids when they were in vacation on this.
So yes, we, we go through that.
That's fantastic.
We go through that a lot.
Yeah.
And you have to, because it's just, now the kids are moving on.
(24:56):
My son is out of the house.
My oldest one is out of the house.
My youngest is going to be in college.
We're going to be empty nesters, as they say, and you know, so videotapes and photos are, are, are going to take a lot of that time that you, uh, you know, you want to share again.
We take all these pictures and I, I would keep on my phone or in the cloud that a lot more great pictures, but you never look at them.
(25:19):
So one, but one year for Christmas, I got the idea.
I started, I went year by year, uh, I built an album, Google does a Google photos and I built an album year by year and I've been doing that every year.
So we have this album for every year we've been together.
And then some years, like when we went to Italy, that gets its own, I didn't aspire to do exactly what you're exactly what you are doing because it must make it.
(25:48):
They say that when you remember something, you don't, you're not the mechanism in the brain.
You don't, you don't remember the event.
You remember the last time you remembered it.
Right.
And that probably keeps things fresh in a very different way.
Yes.
In my mind, my wedding wasn't 26 years ago.
(26:11):
It was probably nine months ago because I, you know, I see the video and I feel that same happiness.
We got married.
I see us how happy we are in our families and that drives you like, Oh my God, this is a beautiful thing.
We have.
Um, so I would say I, whatever this, take as many pictures, take as many videos, you're going to live the moment anyways, don't fear that if I turn this camera on, I'm not living the present.
(26:35):
You are.
You're looking for a lens and you're still seeing it and you're going to experience it.
Preserve it.
Preserve it.
Yeah.
I love it.
I love watching our videos.
I absolutely love it.
And I, every time I see it, I get excited.
Take the videos.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy your baby.
I will.
I will do that.
So we kind of went, we were up through the week, week nine, I think is, it is the week where I have come as close to knowing what it's like to be a parent at this stage.
(27:09):
So week nine, it was a Monday back to work after the weekend.
Things are going okay.
Kelly comes home from work.
As she does, she, she goes into the bedroom to change and I'm hungry.
So I start, I started eating.
I hear her talking to somebody I dunno sometimes, you know, that time of day, sometimes she'll talk to her sister or mom or somebody on the phone.
(27:35):
So I'm not thinking.
You're not really thinking anything of it.
I'm not thinking a whole lot of it.
And then time's dragging on and I'm like, I don't want to eat my whole dinner.
I started to feel guilty and I'm wondering what's taking so long.
So I get up and I go in and she's just hanging up the phone and I can see something, something is wrong.
(27:56):
What's wrong?
She said, well, I had, I had some bleeding and I was just on the phone with the, with the doctor and immediately just stark terror.
And I said, well, how bad was it?
And she said, well, um, when it first happened, when it first happened, I called and they said, you know, just put your, put your feet up and hydrate and just relax and you know, we'll call us in the morning and it's about, you know, seven o'clock in the evening.
(28:30):
She said, and just as I hung up, then I passed two big clots and I said, well, what do you mean?
But like, what do you mean big?
She said, you know, like five, five, six centimeters and that was like, okay, now I get why she is handling things this way because this could have this.
(28:51):
So yeah, immediately I'm like, okay.
And you know, we've got to get her settled, bring her something to drink.
And she, she talks to them and they're like, just, you know, is she in any pain or just this was happening?
She just, she felt like something happened and that was, then that was it.
And my first thing is get her settled and comfortable.
(29:14):
And then as soon as that happens, this was one of the moments where I am clearly the more visibly emotional person in the relationship, right?
I'm immediately a mess, right?
Like I, she's calming you down.
She's like, oh, you know, this is just, we have to do this.
(29:35):
We'll go see them in the morning.
She's feet up, she's doing her thing.
And I, in that moment, realize there's absolutely nothing I can do, nothing.
And I, in the same moment, I realized as long as this kid is alive, this is going to be my life.
(29:59):
That there are going to be things that are completely beyond my control.
I'm going to worry to some degree or another like that.
You will sit in your worry without any, for the rest of your life, the rest of your life.
And it was a bittersweet moment because to me, get a little choked up thinking about, because I want that, like in that moment, I think, okay, like sign me up.
(30:27):
I will be like this, I'll be a mess like this for the rest of my life.
Just don't take it away.
Don't take that away.
It was absolutely the, probably, I think without a doubt, I'm a very lucky person, I have a great life.
I've had a great life.
(30:48):
I have a lot of things to be thankful
I'm also had my share of shit, right?
I've been through a lot of crap and nothing.
That was probably the hardest 12 hours of my life.
I didn't sleep a wink.
I'm trying to be supportive for her, but I realized like she, you're a mess inside.
(31:10):
You're a mess.
And I'm not, I'm not hiding it.
Right.
I'm not doing a great job.
I'm not hiding it.
Well
But I'm trying, but she's being much more level-headed about how to handle it.
And in that moment, the only thing you can do is pray, right?
Like that's it.
(31:30):
That's the first thing.
Once she was settled, then this is like, okay, we just have, you know, 10 hours, we can find something out.
But over the last two years, I've just started to become more involved in our faith.
I've started going to church again.
That brought me to starting to, have you ever heard of the, I should offer to be a sponsor in a free Hallow or you should have a valid.
(31:59):
So I started praying daily with how I started doing that.
And over the course of the last couple of years, that has been really extremely beneficial in general.
So in this moment, this is a moment where I'm not going to put a really, I need this.
I went back out.
I went outside when I found out in week four, I was walking back in from, you know, it was a nice day, a sunny day.
(32:30):
And I was walking back in from the carriage house and there's a tree there kind of by the side of the driveway.
And I stopped and we talked and I hung up and I knelt down and I prayed right then.
Yeah.
Thank God.
Thank God that I was so excited.
It was a wonderful opportunity.
And in that, that night when this happened in week nine, I just, it was, you know, by now it might be nine o'clock at night.
(32:56):
And I went outside and I kneeled down on the wet grass and there's a big moon just by myself.
I left her.
Yeah.
I look back at, I look back at the house and there's my dog Watson, what are you doing?
And I just, I know I was, I was there as long as it felt right.
(33:17):
Right.
And just, just prayed and, and then, and went back and, you know, I didn't want to be gone too long.
Cause she was, she was by herself, but went back in and that was it.
It was something that, yeah.
I think you released yourself to the higher, in our faith to God.
(33:38):
Help me understand that and just guide me through it and make me strong enough.
Whatever you're going to ask of me, just help me to be a strong enough to handle it.
And, uh, and that, and that's it.
And there was, there was a little bit of comfort there, um, in, in that moment, but it was, it was just, um, it was a lot of it when I wasn't just thinking about how am I going to feel?
(34:06):
How will I support Kelly if this goes, if this goes the wrong way, how hard will it be for her?
I know how hard it was earlier in the process.
This is a whole different level.
Right.
Just to beat the fidget.
You have at this moment, you have no idea if it's pregnancy on, pregnancy off, what's going on, right?
(34:27):
You're, you're like, you're going to bed thinking anything can happen.
As much as we talk, we have a great relationship and we can talk about anything in this moment.
And I'm, I'm terrified that I'm going to make it harder for her.
So I don't know what, I don't know how much I can ask.
And she said a couple of things.
(34:48):
So I'm trying to gauge because she's keeping it pretty in a pretty, pretty narrow, like, but she's not as I can tell she's distracted.
I can tell she's upset and I can tell, but it's very, you know, we're just going to see if we're going to do what we're supposed to do.
Very professional.
Yeah.
Very, very, very professional kind of analytical.
(35:11):
This is what we have to do now.
So I'm asking little things and, you know, what did you think?
How, and she said, well, the clot was big enough that she, she touched it to see if there was something there, you know, I'm thinking the worst, as much as I don't want to believe it.
Well, you're preparing yourself.
(35:32):
Yeah.
And I'm kind of, yeah.
You're preparing yourself.
That's what we do, right?
We have to prepare ourselves if you're smart for the worst, so you don't fall off a cliff overnight.
It is something that, look, I've been around for a long time.
I've had a lot of wonderful things happen in my life and that this, those, the stakes were higher in those 12 hours than I have ever experienced, highs and lows, all the great stuff.
(35:58):
All the most horrible stuff I, there was, I felt like there was more of my heart on the line in that moment than I have, than I have, uh, I have ever and it didn't make sense.
And the thing is, that also shows that how much you want this, how much you really, you know, you're in it, you're like, this is, I know, I need this, I need this.
(36:23):
Yeah.
This isn't going to be, oh, well, it wasn't meant to be.
No, this is a bad, this would, that would be very, very, very hard.
So what, so, okay, so the night you're, you're taking care of your, your wives and really the only thing to do is we're supposed to go to the doctor in the morning.
(36:43):
So basically, you know, we, we kind of spend that, we hang out together on, uh, yeah, I can try to watch a little TV to distract ourselves.
We're emotionally exhausted.
Both of us, um, we, we just, yeah, went to bed.
So I think we talked about this in the last, I guess, my paternal grandfather, my father's dad died before I was born, but I have a few of his things somehow or another that got to me one, one thing.
(37:15):
He was very, he was very religious.
He was very devout Catholic.
And I have one of his, his prayer books, it's in Italian, it's a whole, it's the mass when it was done in Latin.
That's from, uh, I had to be from, from the fifties, I'm going to say, uh, it was 15.
(37:36):
And I have that, I spent the night, I spent the night with that on my chest
That was it.
I think Kelly slept a little bit.
I don't think I did at all.
Honestly, the good part of this is, you know, we're in week 19, but so, you know, the story, uh, story did go the right way.
(37:59):
Um, and these are things that make you the father, you're going to be, this will make you the husband.
You need to be just thinking of what you said, the reason why every year, nine months a year, we take out our wedding video is to remind ourselves that we started this together.
(38:24):
If you don't have a strong marriage, things like that could have went south are, are going to be, you're going to, you're going to meet them things in your, in your time, the stronger your marriage is, you'll get through that.
It might not be pretty all the time, but that's why I remind myself or we remind ourselves, Hey, remember this day, remember why we're married and we still feel that way.
(38:50):
So when bad things happen, my wife and I know that we're strong enough that we're not going to go against each other.
Yep.
Because of the goods, because you have kept all the good stuff close.
We, the first important thing was me and her, we had no kids before that.
Yep.
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, as much as I love my kids and grand, I mean, obviously now it'd be, anything would be devastating.
(39:13):
Sure.
But, but at that moment, let's say I, you know, we went through that moment.
Let's say that.
Yeah.
I know I can go back and go, we have a strong marriage and maybe I'll get into it in the, in the future on this podcast that, you know, I struggled with a lot of stuff with my, my, my wife and I went through a lot of stuff, right.
Medical wise.
And if we weren't strong, you're not making it through that.
(39:36):
No.
So, so I'm, I'm, when you said, what can I do at that moment?
The only thing you can do is make sure your wife.
And you are in a good place.
Yeah.
I think that that's one of the things that I, I joke.
The father with a son, the father's role is to kind of point the kid out of the world and have help him to figure out how it works.
(40:00):
A father with a daughter is to show that little girl what she needs to look for by how you treat your wife.
Exactly.
Right.
So I'm like, I told Kelly
You're so lucky.
Cause now I'm like, now I have another set of eyes on me that I have to, like, I, I am very motivated to, to do that.
(40:23):
And I do think I was, I do think too, you know, when you see different couples and different families and situations, and I have seen that in the past where they have kids and all of a sudden it becomes like a team sport.
Right.
It's not mom and dad anymore, but it's like the mom and the daughter to separate.
(40:46):
And I don't think it should be that people become immediately so focused on the kid that it forget, they forget about the other.
And the kid ends up with this, this idea that everything should be focused on me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's not, that's not great either.
You have to have that balance of you're still a married couple.
(41:08):
You're still, you know, a unit.
It's gotten bigger with the kids, but you can't forget who you are.
And I see pictures of I'm Jimmy's dad shirts.
You ever see those things?
You know, I'm Susie's mom.
And it's like, that's great.
But you're also Susie.
Yeah.
My son is my hero.
Yeah.
You're an idiot.
(41:28):
No.
Yeah.
Be the hero for your kid
Exactly.
A lot of kids are being raised by single parents or divorced parents.
And, and that's a whole different thing we can get into.
And we're lucky that we, you know, we have our parents.
They, you know, I saw a married couple good or bad, but, um, and my kids are seeing a married couple and maybe to them, that's what they need to do.
(41:52):
And, and when they're married, it's not a joke and it's not like, oh, well, you know, if this goes bad, it teaches them stuff.
Like this is how I grew up.
This is what's comfortable to me.
I'll do anything I can to make a good eye.
I'm not saying that single parents are worse off or not.
I'm just saying when they see, like you said, when they see it from the house, then they say, okay, I want to do that.
(42:16):
I want to become that as well.
But at least having a vision of mom, dad, I'm not being spoiled.
I'm not the main thing.
They still live their life and they take care of me.
Right.
You need that.
You need more of that, you know, now more than ever, the family values has to come back.
We have to have some sort of value of the house.
(42:38):
I'm glad I came around to this before this happened, because I know it'll make me better back at what I need to do.
So we, that was a tough week, but then, you know, maybe through the night, went to the doctor, I'm a mess.
And they, we get into the room, they get us right in seven in the morning, ultrasound fires it up.
(42:59):
And they're like, yeah, no, everything's okay.
I have this, this is one of those things that I know in myself is that I automatically assume people don't know what they're doing.
I'm seeing them the thing.
I'm like, yeah, I'm seeing a new blob.
There's no movement in my head.
(43:20):
So I'm immediately looking at the blob is not moving.
I don't see the jazz hands and I don't hear a heartbeat.
And she's like, oh yeah, everything's fine.
And I'm like, is there a heartbeat?
Oh yeah.
I don't hear it.
She took the switch.
Volume's off.
There's the heartbeat and there's the immediate sense of, of overly, and the ultrasound techs like, see the little shit just decided to scare the hell out of you.
(43:47):
And I was like, yeah, I was sure as hell.
And in that moment
We're both so relieved.
And they're so casual about it.
I was going to say, they're calling the little shit earlier.
Yeah.
You would, they slept off.
I guess in the last 12 hours, the worst 12 years of my life.
And this woman's like, okay, so next week we're going to pick up right.
(44:07):
Exactly.
I'm not even asking you typically something like this.
I would be all over.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
How did this like?
You're like, thank you.
Let's go get breakfast.
So it was like, no, it was a huge sigh of relief.
(44:29):
But it was the two things that have happened since the immediate relief and the stupidity of not asking any questions.
Like up as recently as yesterday, Kelly's in the, goes into to get ready for work yesterday.
And I hear the water turns on , I'm on my laptop doing some work.
(44:49):
And I hear her say, honey, I need you.
And I didn't mean like, I think I was back to that.
This is the closest thing.
And it's happened multiple times since that it's, it's the closest thing I could imagine what post-traumatic stress is like.
Absolutely.
Because I'm like, I literally like tripping over the dog.
You're right back to that moment.
(45:10):
Yeah.
She's like, there's a bee in the shower.
We had the windows open.
Yes.
The week after I was very crazy.
It's gotten better, but I still, if I hear that tone in her, in her voice.
(45:33):
I have the same.
I got the same with, with my story.
Is this the day that you told me, because we were supposed to go somewhere and we, we canceled it.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So this is what I found out.
That's right.
Yeah.
Cause I didn't even know you told me.
I told you before because we had a concert.
I'm very sorry, Kelly.
(45:55):
But I told Carlo two weeks before.
She should not know this.
That's okay.
She won't probably do.
I think I told her.
I think I told her afterwards.
Cause we were supposed to go.
But yeah, we were supposed to go to see the stray cats in Buffalo.
Exactly.
I was so shot after that.
Cause that was, so that was literally, that was the day.
So not only did you tell me something happy, you scared the shit out of me.
Yeah.
(46:15):
Yeah.
At the same time.
And tried to try it.
Now I was relieved at that point, but it was all still very, very, very fresh.
Yeah.
We're kind of caught up to week nine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're caught up through week nine.
So we've got another, maybe we can do another nine weeks next week.
Yeah.
And we will, and then we'll be almost caught up to real time.
(46:36):
I know.
So this is neat.
I think this, this thing that we're doing is kind of cool because.
I think we started a podcast saying the journal and we talked about videos and photos.
And how nice is this going to be when you can actually say to your son or daughter, Hey, we started a podcast and this is how it sounded and you can listen to it.
(46:56):
So this is a cool thing.
I think we're doing.
That's a, I think it will be.
It's been, it's been fun so far.
Please.
If you've listened this far
Yes.
You know, obviously follow follow it.
Like us on Facebook, check out our social media stuff.
There's a link on our website.
There's a contact page.
Send us questions, ideas, comments, thoughts.
(47:21):
Experiences.
On me if you want.
I'm a baby.
Call me a big baby.
We want to hear from you.
We want to have all those other conversations about not just what I'm, I'm experiencing right now and what you guys have done.
Interaction between you guys is very important.
That will be fun.
The other thing that I do want to say is.
(47:42):
This will come out on that.
If everything goes to plan on election day.
So please go out there and vote.
That's an important thing.
People say my vote doesn't matter.
Every vote matters.
Otherwise, thank you for spending another nice chunk of time with us.
This was a straight up to date episode.
(48:07):
We'll start doing some other stuff.
I've been collecting data on the diaper diet.
Kelly's up two pounds.
I'm down a little.
So we got a check, please.
Yeah, we're having some updates.
A package just arrived earlier than I don't know what it is, but it's heavy.
So we'll have, we'll have updates as we go.
Well, folks, that's another episode of the gray hair and daycare podcast in the books.
(48:32):
Thanks very much for tuning in and spending this time with us.
We hope it was fun.
If you enjoyed this week's descent into the madness of dadness, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of our future adventures.
While you're at it, give us a like and share the cast with your friends on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, carrier pigeon, whatever you crazy kids are using.
(48:52):
Have any hilarious parenting stories of your own?
Questions about navigating fatherhood later in life, or even when normal people do it, email us at ghdc.podcast at gmail.com.
This is the Great Hair and Day Care Podcast.
With a combined age of 111 years and a combined IQ in that same range, your hosts, Frank Cerio and Carlo Russo.
So, this is exciting because if you're watching this, you actually are, this is the second time you've done this or you started with number two, right?
(00:34):
Which I often do.
And then I do every morning.
That's right.
We're very, very happy that you take the time to come back again.
Yes.
And join us.
So this is, uh, in fact, episode two, I am Frank Cerio, 55 years old, and my wife is now 19 weeks pregnant.
And this is my friend, Carlo Russo, who is with me.
(00:55):
What's up guys.
Welcome back.
And thanks again for giving us a second chance or a first chance.
First chance.
Second chance.
I don't know.
It's a podcast.
Our last chance.
But we'll see.
You only need 19 weeks.
That's it.
I just want to make it until the kids born,
Then we dump everything.
That'll be it.
That'll be it.
Okay.
I'm done.
(01:16):
Funny.
But so, uh, so we talked about the first episode a little bit.
What are our dreams and aspirations are for, uh, for the podcast.
And, uh, one of the things I really want this to be is like live, like week by week.
What happened?
Yeah.
It's like a journal.
I mean, right.
Is that what it is?
A little bit.
(01:37):
But right now I've got a bunch of weeks to catch up on what I want to do is kind of take you back to kind of where it started and we'll just try to catch up to real time.
So maybe over the course of this and the next couple episodes, we'll get up to real time before we're going to go in the past to get to the future.
We're going to, we're going to go back to week four because week four is when we, uh, when we found out and, uh, essentially, you know, before that we, we, uh, we tried for a while.
(02:09):
Well, you know, Kelly and I've been married for seven years.
We, we wanted to take a couple years of just enjoying being, being a couple and, uh, traveling.
We do.
So that's a, we love to travel and we got a chance to do that stuff.
And then in the middle of there, I think the thing that really derailed us and pushed this a couple more years was COVID right?
(02:34):
So COVID happened and you're not thinking this'll be a great time to have a child.
So we, you know, that, that slowed us down, but we, we tried, we started in earnest really trying and, you know, I think we came, we came close a couple of times, I think toward the end of 2023.
(02:54):
And then earlier in this year, it was a week four, so 14, 15 weeks ago now we, we thought we were, and you get to take, you take the test.
And I was interesting as you take the first test and my wife is a brilliant woman and she's very methodical about things.
She's okay.
(03:15):
So this is good, but now it's this, it's HCG is what the, these tests measure.
Okay.
So what I think is interesting is like that, that is a HCG is a fertility drug that they will give women to, to get them to ovulate.
(03:36):
I would give it to men who need help also to work to, to produce, to have, to increase sperm count.
Gotcha.
So, but it's also the hormone level that they measured.
And initially that's what those little P tests are looking for initially knows if you're pregnant and then it's very, they're very scientific about it, that, that level, if you test and you're pregnant, then that level is supposed to double every 24 to 48 hours.
(04:06):
So Kelly being the way she is, it's like, okay, so now in two days, it should, the number should be this.
So it really was like a gradual, the initial, when she called me and said she was, I'll never forget it.
I was coming back in from the carriage house, back in the house, I had been working on some nonsense or whatever.
Right.
Doing your normal.
My normal stuff.
(04:27):
And she told me and I, and I thought, wow, like, okay, like this, that's going to happen.
And you know, said a little prayer and, and God, my baby.
So then it was, it was like, okay, in two days, okay, now in four days and then, okay, now in a week.
So, and all I'm thinking is, can we tell, can we tell anybody?
So can I, can I, cause I never, I didn't experience this.
(04:49):
Yep.
So, so she's taking new tests every, so she's going for the numbers, working with the doctor and they're, they're doing a, it was like a test.
You're pregnant.
This is where you should be in two days.
Hit the goal.
You got it.
Four days later.
So you're going back and forth to the numbers, looking your way into work.
(05:10):
She's stopping and checking and yeah.
And it's all on the rate, you know, on the rate trajectory, but yeah, that, so that's kind of what we were, uh, you know, how we were doing it.
And it was fun because you want to hit the threshold at the same time.
I'm looking at Kelly and thinking, is she fully, like, is her heart in it yet?
(05:33):
Right.
Like she's obviously excited, but why did you think that?
You know what it is?
I think she is, we think very, very differently.
And she, I think she manages her disappointment in, by managing her expectation.
So I don't think she did, she wouldn't fully allow herself to engage in it because she didn't want to be disappointed.
(05:59):
She was protecting herself.
Exactly.
We had those couple of things where we thought, so it didn't work out and that was very disappointing.
Now we're going way back.
But what I think was interesting was in the moment it was like, Oh yeah, I guess we'll keep trying.
Right.
But then things got a little tense, like a week later and you know, just normal husband wife stuff.
(06:22):
But we talk, like we talk about, I talked to my wife a lot.
We talked about everything.
It's one of the things I love about our relationship, that we can, she was like, yeah, I think this, it was harder.
It was a bigger disappointment for her when she had that glimmer of hope that it really, it got to her.
So I think by the time we got here, I think the stakes were higher.
(06:45):
Well, there's more to lose now because it's real.
I mean, when something happens, you're like, okay, it wasn't meant to be, it's not, but when now you're trying to hold on to, Oh, this is, I could lose a lot.
Right.
I don't want to get too over myself right now because losing at this point could be really scary.
It is.
It is one of the, yeah.
It is.
So for me, I was still kind of in that, I was like, well, let's tell everybody.
(07:11):
And she was like, no, no, no.
You gotta, you gotta wait till at least 12 weeks and you got to be careful.
I completely understand that.
But it was.
So that's four weeks.
You did the initial, you're pregnant four weeks is when we did the first test.
And then over the next few days and the next week it was testing numbers, testing the HCG and everything tracked.
(07:31):
Well, and then week five, so a week later, then after those went well, then they do an ultrasound.
Okay.
So, so she goes in and they do the ultra, they do the ultrasound.
How did that hit you?
Cause I can tell you for me, when, when my wife says I'm pregnant, okay, I got the initial, Oh my God, you know, I can get somebody pregnant, yay for me.
(07:54):
Right.
It works.
I mean, it works.
So that was my initial thing.
Again, we didn't go through and went through the natural way and then that was that, um, it didn't become real until I heard that heartbeat and I choked up.
I teared up cause now I'm listening to my son or daughter.
Yup.
Um, and he got rid of it.
(08:14):
Was it, how was it for you?
So what is, what's interesting is, so because of some of how tentative things were, right?
And initially she's going in just for these tests.
I'm not going with it.
She's doing other way to work.
So week five, she goes and does the ultrasound and she just tells me about, right.
(08:34):
I'm not even there.
And I don't think, I don't think at that point, I don't know if they even, I don't know if they, there even was a heartbeat to listen to.
I would have said, Oh, I would have asked.
So I'm just hearing good news, right.
And they're, you know, they're showing, you know, they're a little, you know, there's they send pictures.
(08:54):
The technology is amazing what they're doing, but yeah.
You see that light right there?
Yes.
It's a heart.
So they go through, you know, so she goes through week five, that's it.
And then I think it was week six, she goes back and she does another one.
So now it's a couple of weeks later, we're still not really, we're not obviously not telling anybody and things are going okay.
(09:19):
She starts kind of with the beginning of certain foods.
All of a sudden are like, she just completely, like, I can't be around this or that, which is not like her.
She's not, she doesn't have the, like, she doesn't have the relationship with food that I don't like.
(09:41):
She doesn't care about food.
Right.
So those reactions, I think cause like, Oh, I don't think that's, I think I'm seeing this stuff as a good sign.
And she goes, and at this point is when I ask, I'm like, so when do I start going with you?
Cause I'm trying to be like, I, she's trying to be very, so I'm like, when do I get to good?
(10:10):
And she's like, Oh, whatever you want.
So I'm like, okay.
I would have kind of been happy to go at that point.
Then I, we're moving into week, uh, week six from week six to week seven.
And so week seven is the first time I get to go for the ultrasound and there is now all along the ultrasounds that she's doing.
(10:39):
It's just what the heart rate is.
Heart rate's this.
Heart rate's this.
Every time you go, the heart rate is supposed to be in this range and we're getting those things.
So that's all good.
But this time I'm pretty sure, I think it was the first time she heard the heartbeat too.
Okay.
Where they actually played it.
And you're both at the same.
And we're both there.
And we're there.
(11:00):
Okay.
So that's good.
And that was a crazy moment because they're doing it.
They're doing the ultrasound and you know, the, the, the way the tech, I don't know if it was like this.
They have her email.
They're taking pictures and texting her phone.
That's all new
Even from my experience.
As they're doing it, tech is facing her and looking at a monitor.
(11:21):
I'm in a chair with a 40 inch TV watching it.
Same thing.
And they're going through, they're going through everything and they're like, Oh, there's an IC.
It's like, I don't know what I'm looking at.
This could be a sonar attack.
I don't know.
What is that?
I think it's Hawaii
I don't know.
(11:41):
A whale making sounds.
Nothing.
But they turn it on and say, there's the heartbeat and there's the heartbeat and you hear it.
And it was a combination of, I was disappointed that there was nothing on the screen that I could, that I was recognizing, but I'm like, I'm looking for something.
Right.
But I think that's why the heartbeat at that moment is so huge because you can't see anything else and, but you can hear it.
(12:02):
There's nothing more human than that sound, how to find a vowel or anything like that.
So yeah.
So that was, that was fun.
And I absolutely, I was, it became real to me that it became real off to that point, you know, we're talking, the doctor says, I mean, he was good.
I look good.
My thing that did that to that, but there was no, like, there's no photos.
(12:24):
There's no, you know, voice to the heartbeat.
Sound is the first thing that I put into like, Oh my God, there it is.
I can, I can hear it.
Yeah.
So, and up to that point, it was just either photos were just doctors going, everything was great.
Yup.
Yup.
So that's why it hit me real hard.
(12:44):
Yeah.
No, it was, it was an interesting thing and not, I think Kelly was watching me watch it.
Experience it.
And once I started getting a little teary eyed, obviously she, of course she started to as well and it was a nice moment and I'll never forget it.
Yeah.
And then, but then it's like, okay.
And she's off to work and I'm on to my next thing.
(13:07):
So that's kind of, so that was a week, week seven.
So I get to hear the heartbeat.
I get to see the little blob and then we go into, so then the next week we gave a couple of physical, there's a couple of things that were more fun, which, so we go back for that.
Now week eight, they say wait until week 12 to announce.
(13:29):
So you're still doing this in secret.
Oh yeah.
Right.
It was like, if you make it to week 10, you're 90%, 90% chance you're going to go to term.
We're Italian so we don't want to jinx anything.
I was ready.
Like I was ready to tell them.
You're ready.
I think I am generally optimistic person and I think Kelly, Kelly is much more always managing the expectation.
(13:57):
Don't want to put it, don't want to put it out there too soon.
And then I completely understand that.
But yeah, if it were up to me, I'd have been like, guess what?
So week eight.
So now we're, yeah, week, so now it's week eight.
It's already been a month going by.
We go back and I'm like, okay, well let's show you the blob and they get in there.
(14:20):
The other thing I'm fascinated by is like the ultrasound text.
These girls look like they're 19 and they're really good
Because you're having a child at 15.
Yeah, that's what happened.
But these girls are like, I'm like, how long have you been doing this?
She's like, oh, nine years.
I'm like, what?
Are you 18?
I'm like, when were you doing this?
Yeah.
But they're, they're incredibly, they're all great and they're very skillful and they, and they identify the stuff.
(14:44):
But this time there literally was a moment where she's going around and you're like, oh look.
And I see jazz hands
I see the little sticks and I look at, I look at Kelly and I don't know if she said it first or she's like, but I think, I think she said it.
(15:05):
She's like jazz hands.
Well, yup.
There you go.
And so that, that was, that was a very, that was a cool moment.
It overrode the heartbeat.
That was the, that was a really cool moment.
Yeah.
It may, it did have more of an impact I think than maybe even the first time.
Her visual is always.
And it was also one of the first times where I felt like, okay, she's starting to be the, the happy part of this, right?
(15:36):
She's really, she's really key kind of, I think keeping it under, under control and then to see her kind of light up with a little bit of excitement.
It's gotta, it's gotta be hard not to go in that realm.
When you see jazz hands in the body, I mean, even like you said, Kelly being usually not like you, uh, even seeing that, you've got to go like, oh, yes, I'm excited.
(16:03):
She couldn't help.
Right.
So we're at eight weeks and the thing, the thing that happened that she, that was most notable was I start getting, you know, she's doing searches about all things to do with, with babies and stuff that we're going to need and thinking about all that stuff.
(16:24):
And I'm doing some of that stuff too.
So all of a sudden I'm getting pushed over and over again, videos and groups.
We talked about a little bit in the first episode, all these parenting groups and videos and reels and I, and I'm sitting there and a lot of time my day will wrap up and Kelly gets home a little bit later than I finish up.
(16:47):
So I will have an hour where I'll just till time reading or I'll watch something on TV.
So I'm looking through this stuff and I didn't push these videos and I, I really wanted to try to find it so I could link to it for the podcast.
There is this video and if anybody out there has seen the video and can send a link, I would love to be able to share it with everyone.
(17:10):
It is a video of parents, fathers, mothers and fathers all reading from some book and they're all reading the same passage.
Have you ever seen one of the videos where they'll be reading the same thing but they'll switch from person to person but they're all reading continuously?
Yeah, to them continuous read but different people.
And it's the, the whole passage is about childhood and raising children and how quickly it goes by.
(17:40):
And I'm right now talking about this video thinking I have to manage my emotions because I will start crying now.
I watched this video the first time and was like inconsolable.
I was crying my eyes out like I could, if someone had, if the phone had rung, I wouldn't have been able to call
(18:05):
Please didn't yet.
And because these people that are reading this are experiencing it and they are breaking, they're starting to tear up as they say it because it's reminding them of these, these moments that are gone now.
They're gone for them.
And I'm thinking, what a blessing to see that now and, and be a part of it, to start to get that in my head yet.
(18:30):
Don't be stupid and rush through this.
Realize that everything that I'm about to experience, I'm about to experience things that I'm going to look back on for the rest of my life.
It's really trying to get them to sink my teeth into that.
Your present will be memories, right?
You have to hold on to that present as long as you have it because I just celebrated my baby's 18th birthday.
(18:57):
That's right.
Right.
So what was that?
What was that like?
What does it feel like?
Okay.
So I guess I got used to it, but my first, when my first turned 18 or 21, he hit both of them.
It makes you realize time flies, but it also makes you realize what a great time it was and what a great time it's going to be for the next, however long we're blessed on this earth for.
(19:25):
But my little one that just turned 18, it was, you're always blessed when you could have your child turn another year, right?
Sure.
I mean, that's what our, you know, we don't want to outlive our children.
In one aspect, you're like, thank God, you know, he's 18, he's healthy, he's smart.
But at the same time, he's my baby.
(19:46):
He's the, you know, I took him home that day and I drove five miles an hour because we were
scared something was going to happen and something was going to hit us or I was going to, it's
the same child that, you know, we come in from work and my, my wife said, hand me to
him because she had to be slept and now it's my shift and I loved it and I would just sit
on the couch and have him on my chest.
So all these members come through, but yes, what you were saying, time flies when you're in the middle of it, you always think this is never going to change.
(20:16):
This is my life.
But then eventually you're going to go through that moment going, where was those times?
Oh my God.
I wish I was still holding my little girl or little boy because they go by so fast because I think we were always like, Hey, it's going to be, you're going to be one almost
Let's, you know, let's push that.
Oh my God, you're going to start kindergarten.
Oh, let's, you know, we jumped, we jumped into these big parts of life and we're not sitting through going, slow down, slow down.
(20:44):
That's why my wife, she always took pictures and videos, things that we never had growing up.
I don't want videos of us.
It's really cool to see our parents young and having, you know, wouldn't that be cool?
I have one movie that my uncle, my dad's brother had a movie camera.
I think my dad had one too, but he never did anything with it.
(21:05):
So there are movies, but there's a movie that my cousin had that I got my hands on somehow digitally and there's glimpses of mostly my siblings when they were little, but there's like a few seconds, like a few seconds of my mom and a couple, just a few seconds of my dad.
(21:25):
And it's like the best thing to see them at that age and working it and living, yeah, living life.
I remember I used to, you know, I didn't make fun of like, not make fun of, but you said, God, another video.
But then you look at it now and I know so many of my, my two boys on vacation and, and on the bikes or, yeah, you got to, you got to do that because to get back to the point where we're talking about, time flies.
(21:52):
I'm lucky because my siblings were so much older, the older of my two sisters, I think had a camera.
So there are, there's very few pictures of my siblings, but there's like albums of me.
So there are a lot, we have a lot of pictures, no videos.
But we went from no videos to, I remember when my, when my brother, when, when his daughters were born, he had multiple generations of camcorders and so he was taking all the videos and all that stuff.
(22:22):
And everybody did that.
And now you're almost on the other side of that, where you've got video camera on your phone, people, their whole lives are on video.
And now you almost don't, I worry about, I know how I am, like, I follow the dogs around with my camera.
(22:42):
I know I'm going to want to do that, but I don't, I also don't want to be trapped behind the camera.
I want to capture those memories, but I'm, I really want to live them.
So a lot of people say that, like in concert, put that down and record it in your mind, right?
Use your eyes.
I agree with that, but these are memories.
(23:02):
You want to look at your child at that moment.
And the best way to do it is videotape it because just that the motion and the, you don't need to just have the realism of, of what you're doing with your memory is right.
And I think you can do both.
I think you're going to have many times where you go, no, this is just for me.
(23:23):
This is just for me and my memories.
And I never understood it either, but I, when I recorded stuff, it makes me remember that moment even more when I see it.
So it works, it works both ways.
Like, yeah, I could have forgot some, but I saw it and I'm going to go, Oh my God, that was a great memory.
So do you, are there times when you sit down, like where you and Trina sit down and watch?
(23:47):
Can I tell you something?
We, we regularly watch our wedding video.
Really?
Yes.
We love it.
When you see all of our friends, we see the dancing, the, the toast, we will sit there and that's why you have such a sweet, cute cup, come on, maybe an anniversary or a cold winter day.
(24:08):
And we'll cleaning, we'll come across it again.
Hey, let's put that on tonight.
And we'll sit there and watch it.
We watched it with her aunt that was in, that was the maid of honor.
And yes, we, we have sat there and you know, we do a lot of, because like we said, sometimes video is like, you know, it's so weird, we go for our albums, our, our photo albums.
(24:32):
And my wife is very good with when we go on vacation, there's a lot of these companies that you can take these photos and make books.
Yeah.
Right.
And we'll just go one book after another.
And we'll, you know, see the kids when they were in vacation on this.
So yes, we, we go through that.
That's fantastic.
We go through that a lot.
Yeah.
And you have to, because it's just, now the kids are moving on.
(24:56):
My son is out of the house.
My oldest one is out of the house.
My youngest is going to be in college.
We're going to be empty nesters, as they say, and you know, so videotapes and photos are, are, are going to take a lot of that time that you, uh, you know, you want to share again.
We take all these pictures and I, I would keep on my phone or in the cloud that a lot more great pictures, but you never look at them.
(25:19):
So one, but one year for Christmas, I got the idea.
I started, I went year by year, uh, I built an album, Google does a Google photos and I built an album year by year and I've been doing that every year.
So we have this album for every year we've been together.
And then some years, like when we went to Italy, that gets its own, I didn't aspire to do exactly what you're exactly what you are doing because it must make it.
(25:48):
They say that when you remember something, you don't, you're not the mechanism in the brain.
You don't, you don't remember the event.
You remember the last time you remembered it.
Right.
And that probably keeps things fresh in a very different way.
Yes.
In my mind, my wedding wasn't 26 years ago.
(26:11):
It was probably nine months ago because I, you know, I see the video and I feel that same happiness.
We got married.
I see us how happy we are in our families and that drives you like, Oh my God, this is a beautiful thing.
We have.
Um, so I would say I, whatever this, take as many pictures, take as many videos, you're going to live the moment anyways, don't fear that if I turn this camera on, I'm not living the present.
(26:35):
You are.
You're looking for a lens and you're still seeing it and you're going to experience it.
Preserve it.
Preserve it.
Yeah.
I love it.
I love watching our videos.
I absolutely love it.
And I, every time I see it, I get excited.
Take the videos.
Enjoy it.
Enjoy your baby.
I will.
I will do that.
So we kind of went, we were up through the week, week nine, I think is, it is the week where I have come as close to knowing what it's like to be a parent at this stage.
(27:09):
So week nine, it was a Monday back to work after the weekend.
Things are going okay.
Kelly comes home from work.
As she does, she, she goes into the bedroom to change and I'm hungry.
So I start, I started eating.
I hear her talking to somebody I dunno sometimes, you know, that time of day, sometimes she'll talk to her sister or mom or somebody on the phone.
(27:35):
So I'm not thinking.
You're not really thinking anything of it.
I'm not thinking a whole lot of it.
And then time's dragging on and I'm like, I don't want to eat my whole dinner.
I started to feel guilty and I'm wondering what's taking so long.
So I get up and I go in and she's just hanging up the phone and I can see something, something is wrong.
(27:56):
What's wrong?
She said, well, I had, I had some bleeding and I was just on the phone with the, with the doctor and immediately just stark terror.
And I said, well, how bad was it?
And she said, well, um, when it first happened, when it first happened, I called and they said, you know, just put your, put your feet up and hydrate and just relax and you know, we'll call us in the morning and it's about, you know, seven o'clock in the evening.
(28:30):
She said, and just as I hung up, then I passed two big clots and I said, well, what do you mean?
But like, what do you mean big?
She said, you know, like five, five, six centimeters and that was like, okay, now I get why she is handling things this way because this could have this.
(28:51):
So yeah, immediately I'm like, okay.
And you know, we've got to get her settled, bring her something to drink.
And she, she talks to them and they're like, just, you know, is she in any pain or just this was happening?
She just, she felt like something happened and that was, then that was it.
And my first thing is get her settled and comfortable.
(29:14):
And then as soon as that happens, this was one of the moments where I am clearly the more visibly emotional person in the relationship, right?
I'm immediately a mess, right?
Like I, she's calming you down.
She's like, oh, you know, this is just, we have to do this.
(29:35):
We'll go see them in the morning.
She's feet up, she's doing her thing.
And I, in that moment, realize there's absolutely nothing I can do, nothing.
And I, in the same moment, I realized as long as this kid is alive, this is going to be my life.
(29:59):
That there are going to be things that are completely beyond my control.
I'm going to worry to some degree or another like that.
You will sit in your worry without any, for the rest of your life, the rest of your life.
And it was a bittersweet moment because to me, get a little choked up thinking about, because I want that, like in that moment, I think, okay, like sign me up.
(30:27):
I will be like this, I'll be a mess like this for the rest of my life.
Just don't take it away.
Don't take that away.
It was absolutely the, probably, I think without a doubt, I'm a very lucky person, I have a great life.
I've had a great life.
(30:48):
I have a lot of things to be thankful
I'm also had my share of shit, right?
I've been through a lot of crap and nothing.
That was probably the hardest 12 hours of my life.
I didn't sleep a wink.
I'm trying to be supportive for her, but I realized like she, you're a mess inside.
(31:10):
You're a mess.
And I'm not, I'm not hiding it.
Right.
I'm not doing a great job.
I'm not hiding it.
Well
But I'm trying, but she's being much more level-headed about how to handle it.
And in that moment, the only thing you can do is pray, right?
Like that's it.
(31:30):
That's the first thing.
Once she was settled, then this is like, okay, we just have, you know, 10 hours, we can find something out.
But over the last two years, I've just started to become more involved in our faith.
I've started going to church again.
That brought me to starting to, have you ever heard of the, I should offer to be a sponsor in a free Hallow or you should have a valid.
(31:59):
So I started praying daily with how I started doing that.
And over the course of the last couple of years, that has been really extremely beneficial in general.
So in this moment, this is a moment where I'm not going to put a really, I need this.
I went back out.
I went outside when I found out in week four, I was walking back in from, you know, it was a nice day, a sunny day.
(32:30):
And I was walking back in from the carriage house and there's a tree there kind of by the side of the driveway.
And I stopped and we talked and I hung up and I knelt down and I prayed right then.
Yeah.
Thank God.
Thank God that I was so excited.
It was a wonderful opportunity.
And in that, that night when this happened in week nine, I just, it was, you know, by now it might be nine o'clock at night.
(32:56):
And I went outside and I kneeled down on the wet grass and there's a big moon just by myself.
I left her.
Yeah.
I look back at, I look back at the house and there's my dog Watson, what are you doing?
And I just, I know I was, I was there as long as it felt right.
(33:17):
Right.
And just, just prayed and, and then, and went back and, you know, I didn't want to be gone too long.
Cause she was, she was by herself, but went back in and that was it.
It was something that, yeah.
I think you released yourself to the higher, in our faith to God.
(33:38):
Help me understand that and just guide me through it and make me strong enough.
Whatever you're going to ask of me, just help me to be a strong enough to handle it.
And, uh, and that, and that's it.
And there was, there was a little bit of comfort there, um, in, in that moment, but it was, it was just, um, it was a lot of it when I wasn't just thinking about how am I going to feel?
(34:06):
How will I support Kelly if this goes, if this goes the wrong way, how hard will it be for her?
I know how hard it was earlier in the process.
This is a whole different level.
Right.
Just to beat the fidget.
You have at this moment, you have no idea if it's pregnancy on, pregnancy off, what's going on, right?
(34:27):
You're, you're like, you're going to bed thinking anything can happen.
As much as we talk, we have a great relationship and we can talk about anything in this moment.
And I'm, I'm terrified that I'm going to make it harder for her.
So I don't know what, I don't know how much I can ask.
And she said a couple of things.
(34:48):
So I'm trying to gauge because she's keeping it pretty in a pretty, pretty narrow, like, but she's not as I can tell she's distracted.
I can tell she's upset and I can tell, but it's very, you know, we're just going to see if we're going to do what we're supposed to do.
Very professional.
Yeah.
Very, very, very professional kind of analytical.
(35:11):
This is what we have to do now.
So I'm asking little things and, you know, what did you think?
How, and she said, well, the clot was big enough that she, she touched it to see if there was something there, you know, I'm thinking the worst, as much as I don't want to believe it.
Well, you're preparing yourself.
(35:32):
Yeah.
And I'm kind of, yeah.
You're preparing yourself.
That's what we do, right?
We have to prepare ourselves if you're smart for the worst, so you don't fall off a cliff overnight.
It is something that, look, I've been around for a long time.
I've had a lot of wonderful things happen in my life and that this, those, the stakes were higher in those 12 hours than I have ever experienced, highs and lows, all the great stuff.
(35:58):
All the most horrible stuff I, there was, I felt like there was more of my heart on the line in that moment than I have, than I have, uh, I have ever and it didn't make sense.
And the thing is, that also shows that how much you want this, how much you really, you know, you're in it, you're like, this is, I know, I need this, I need this.
(36:23):
Yeah.
This isn't going to be, oh, well, it wasn't meant to be.
No, this is a bad, this would, that would be very, very, very hard.
So what, so, okay, so the night you're, you're taking care of your, your wives and really the only thing to do is we're supposed to go to the doctor in the morning.
(36:43):
So basically, you know, we, we kind of spend that, we hang out together on, uh, yeah, I can try to watch a little TV to distract ourselves.
We're emotionally exhausted.
Both of us, um, we, we just, yeah, went to bed.
So I think we talked about this in the last, I guess, my paternal grandfather, my father's dad died before I was born, but I have a few of his things somehow or another that got to me one, one thing.
(37:15):
He was very, he was very religious.
He was very devout Catholic.
And I have one of his, his prayer books, it's in Italian, it's a whole, it's the mass when it was done in Latin.
That's from, uh, I had to be from, from the fifties, I'm going to say, uh, it was 15.
(37:36):
And I have that, I spent the night, I spent the night with that on my chest
That was it.
I think Kelly slept a little bit.
I don't think I did at all.
Honestly, the good part of this is, you know, we're in week 19, but so, you know, the story, uh, story did go the right way.
(37:59):
Um, and these are things that make you the father, you're going to be, this will make you the husband.
You need to be just thinking of what you said, the reason why every year, nine months a year, we take out our wedding video is to remind ourselves that we started this together.
(38:24):
If you don't have a strong marriage, things like that could have went south are, are going to be, you're going to, you're going to meet them things in your, in your time, the stronger your marriage is, you'll get through that.
It might not be pretty all the time, but that's why I remind myself or we remind ourselves, Hey, remember this day, remember why we're married and we still feel that way.
(38:50):
So when bad things happen, my wife and I know that we're strong enough that we're not going to go against each other.
Yep.
Because of the goods, because you have kept all the good stuff close.
We, the first important thing was me and her, we had no kids before that.
Yep.
Yeah.
Right.
I mean, as much as I love my kids and grand, I mean, obviously now it'd be, anything would be devastating.
(39:13):
Sure.
But, but at that moment, let's say I, you know, we went through that moment.
Let's say that.
Yeah.
I know I can go back and go, we have a strong marriage and maybe I'll get into it in the, in the future on this podcast that, you know, I struggled with a lot of stuff with my, my, my wife and I went through a lot of stuff, right.
Medical wise.
And if we weren't strong, you're not making it through that.
(39:36):
No.
So, so I'm, I'm, when you said, what can I do at that moment?
The only thing you can do is make sure your wife.
And you are in a good place.
Yeah.
I think that that's one of the things that I, I joke.
The father with a son, the father's role is to kind of point the kid out of the world and have help him to figure out how it works.
(40:00):
A father with a daughter is to show that little girl what she needs to look for by how you treat your wife.
Exactly.
Right.
So I'm like, I told Kelly
You're so lucky.
Cause now I'm like, now I have another set of eyes on me that I have to, like, I, I am very motivated to, to do that.
(40:23):
And I do think I was, I do think too, you know, when you see different couples and different families and situations, and I have seen that in the past where they have kids and all of a sudden it becomes like a team sport.
Right.
It's not mom and dad anymore, but it's like the mom and the daughter to separate.
(40:46):
And I don't think it should be that people become immediately so focused on the kid that it forget, they forget about the other.
And the kid ends up with this, this idea that everything should be focused on me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, that's not, that's not great either.
You have to have that balance of you're still a married couple.
(41:08):
You're still, you know, a unit.
It's gotten bigger with the kids, but you can't forget who you are.
And I see pictures of I'm Jimmy's dad shirts.
You ever see those things?
You know, I'm Susie's mom.
And it's like, that's great.
But you're also Susie.
Yeah.
My son is my hero.
Yeah.
You're an idiot.
(41:28):
No.
Yeah.
Be the hero for your kid
Exactly.
A lot of kids are being raised by single parents or divorced parents.
And, and that's a whole different thing we can get into.
And we're lucky that we, you know, we have our parents.
They, you know, I saw a married couple good or bad, but, um, and my kids are seeing a married couple and maybe to them, that's what they need to do.
(41:52):
And, and when they're married, it's not a joke and it's not like, oh, well, you know, if this goes bad, it teaches them stuff.
Like this is how I grew up.
This is what's comfortable to me.
I'll do anything I can to make a good eye.
I'm not saying that single parents are worse off or not.
I'm just saying when they see, like you said, when they see it from the house, then they say, okay, I want to do that.
(42:16):
I want to become that as well.
But at least having a vision of mom, dad, I'm not being spoiled.
I'm not the main thing.
They still live their life and they take care of me.
Right.
You need that.
You need more of that, you know, now more than ever, the family values has to come back.
We have to have some sort of value of the house.
(42:38):
I'm glad I came around to this before this happened, because I know it'll make me better back at what I need to do.
So we, that was a tough week, but then, you know, maybe through the night, went to the doctor, I'm a mess.
And they, we get into the room, they get us right in seven in the morning, ultrasound fires it up.
(42:59):
And they're like, yeah, no, everything's okay.
I have this, this is one of those things that I know in myself is that I automatically assume people don't know what they're doing.
I'm seeing them the thing.
I'm like, yeah, I'm seeing a new blob.
There's no movement in my head.
(43:20):
So I'm immediately looking at the blob is not moving.
I don't see the jazz hands and I don't hear a heartbeat.
And she's like, oh yeah, everything's fine.
And I'm like, is there a heartbeat?
Oh yeah.
I don't hear it.
She took the switch.
Volume's off.
There's the heartbeat and there's the immediate sense of, of overly, and the ultrasound techs like, see the little shit just decided to scare the hell out of you.
(43:47):
And I was like, yeah, I was sure as hell.
And in that moment
We're both so relieved.
And they're so casual about it.
I was going to say, they're calling the little shit earlier.
Yeah.
You would, they slept off.
I guess in the last 12 hours, the worst 12 years of my life.
And this woman's like, okay, so next week we're going to pick up right.
(44:07):
Exactly.
I'm not even asking you typically something like this.
I would be all over.
What happened?
Why did it happen?
How did this like?
You're like, thank you.
Let's go get breakfast.
So it was like, no, it was a huge sigh of relief.
(44:29):
But it was the two things that have happened since the immediate relief and the stupidity of not asking any questions.
Like up as recently as yesterday, Kelly's in the, goes into to get ready for work yesterday.
And I hear the water turns on , I'm on my laptop doing some work.
(44:49):
And I hear her say, honey, I need you.
And I didn't mean like, I think I was back to that.
This is the closest thing.
And it's happened multiple times since that it's, it's the closest thing I could imagine what post-traumatic stress is like.
Absolutely.
Because I'm like, I literally like tripping over the dog.
You're right back to that moment.
(45:10):
Yeah.
She's like, there's a bee in the shower.
We had the windows open.
Yes.
The week after I was very crazy.
It's gotten better, but I still, if I hear that tone in her, in her voice.
(45:33):
I have the same.
I got the same with, with my story.
Is this the day that you told me, because we were supposed to go somewhere and we, we canceled it.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
So this is what I found out.
That's right.
Yeah.
Cause I didn't even know you told me.
I told you before because we had a concert.
I'm very sorry, Kelly.
(45:55):
But I told Carlo two weeks before.
She should not know this.
That's okay.
She won't probably do.
I think I told her.
I think I told her afterwards.
Cause we were supposed to go.
But yeah, we were supposed to go to see the stray cats in Buffalo.
Exactly.
I was so shot after that.
Cause that was, so that was literally, that was the day.
So not only did you tell me something happy, you scared the shit out of me.
Yeah.
(46:15):
Yeah.
At the same time.
And tried to try it.
Now I was relieved at that point, but it was all still very, very, very fresh.
Yeah.
We're kind of caught up to week nine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're caught up through week nine.
So we've got another, maybe we can do another nine weeks next week.
Yeah.
And we will, and then we'll be almost caught up to real time.
(46:36):
I know.
So this is neat.
I think this, this thing that we're doing is kind of cool because.
I think we started a podcast saying the journal and we talked about videos and photos.
And how nice is this going to be when you can actually say to your son or daughter, Hey, we started a podcast and this is how it sounded and you can listen to it.
(46:56):
So this is a cool thing.
I think we're doing.
That's a, I think it will be.
It's been, it's been fun so far.
Please.
If you've listened this far
Yes.
You know, obviously follow follow it.
Like us on Facebook, check out our social media stuff.
There's a link on our website.
There's a contact page.
Send us questions, ideas, comments, thoughts.
(47:21):
Experiences.
On me if you want.
I'm a baby.
Call me a big baby.
We want to hear from you.
We want to have all those other conversations about not just what I'm, I'm experiencing right now and what you guys have done.
Interaction between you guys is very important.
That will be fun.
The other thing that I do want to say is.
(47:42):
This will come out on that.
If everything goes to plan on election day.
So please go out there and vote.
That's an important thing.
People say my vote doesn't matter.
Every vote matters.
Otherwise, thank you for spending another nice chunk of time with us.
This was a straight up to date episode.
(48:07):
We'll start doing some other stuff.
I've been collecting data on the diaper diet.
Kelly's up two pounds.
I'm down a little.
So we got a check, please.
Yeah, we're having some updates.
A package just arrived earlier than I don't know what it is, but it's heavy.
So we'll have, we'll have updates as we go.
Well, folks, that's another episode of the gray hair and daycare podcast in the books.
(48:32):
Thanks very much for tuning in and spending this time with us.
We hope it was fun.
If you enjoyed this week's descent into the madness of dadness, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss any of our future adventures.
While you're at it, give us a like and share the cast with your friends on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, carrier pigeon, whatever you crazy kids are using.
(48:52):
Have any hilarious parenting stories of your own?
Questions about navigating fatherhood later in life, or even when normal people do it, email us at ghdc.podcast at gmail.com.
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