FINE, DEFINE, REFINE

On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I discuss a fun and helpful idea that I've been sharing with my 1:1 clients and Nest community.

It’s a concept I call, "Fine, Define, Refine" – which basically suggests that from the start we’re totally “fine”, perfect, and awesome!

But then the crazy world gets a hold of us, life stuff happens, and people start slapping labels on you that maybe leave you feeling not-so-fine. 

But here's the thing - those pesky and sometimes hurtful labels aren't the real you!

One of the ways we get our mojo and magic back is when we start to "re-fine" ourselves. 

This isn't about fixing what we perceive as broken. This is about remembering who we truly are.

It's about looking at ourselves with love, ditching those external definitions, and reconnecting with our innate, Divine essence. 

We're not broken - we just temporarily feel disconnected from our true selves. 

My little love reminder from my heart to yours?

You came in perfect.

The world might have tried to define you, but you have the power to redefine and remember your inherent value. 

You're not just good enough - you're brilliant, beautiful, and absolutely worthy of love.

So, how about we stop beating ourselves up, and start celebrating who we really are!

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• You are inherently "fine", worthy, and lovable

• External influences will try to define you

• You can refine yourself through compassion and self-love

• Always remember your eternal, Divine, spiritual essence

• Those pesky labels are not your true identity

• The Nest - Group Mentoring Program

 

BIO:

Karen Kenney is a certified Spiritual Mentor, Writer, Integrative Change Worker, Coach and Hypnotist. She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-BS, down-to-earth approach to Spirituality and transformational work. 

KK is a wicked curious human being, a life-long learner, and has been an entrepreneur for over 20 years! She’s also a yoga teacher of 24+ years, a Certified Gateless Writing Instructor, and an author, speaker, retreat leader, and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

She coaches both the conscious + unconscious mind using practical Neuroscience, Subconscious Reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis/Change Work, and Spiritual Mentorship. These tools help clients to regulate their nervous systems, remove blocks, rewrite stories, rewire beliefs, and reimagine what’s possible in their lives and business!

Karen encourages people to deepen their connection to Self, Source and Spirit in down-to-earth and actionable ways and wants them to have their own lived experience with spirituality and to not just “take her word for it”.

She helps people to shift their minds from fear to Love - using compassion, storytelling and humor. Her work is effective, efficient, memorable, and fun

KK’s been a student of A Course in Miracles for close to 30 years, has been vegan for over 20 years, and believes that a little kindness can make a big difference.

KK WEBSITE: www.karenkenney.com

 

Episode Transcript

Karen Kenney (00:00):
It's the Karen Kenney show. Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super duper excited to be here with you today, and I'm just gonna dive
right into this sucker. I'm gonna keep itshort and sweet. I just got back from a run outside. It is gorgeous out here today. I was so happy, and I do really good thinking

(00:20):
when I'm out on a walk or when I'm out for arun. And something occurred to me when I was out on my run, and I was like, Oh, when I got back, I wanted to make sure I shared it
with you before I forgot. Now, this is aconcept, an idea, that I have shared with my one to one spiritual mentoring clients, and I've also shared it with my the members of

(00:42):
the nest, my group, my group, coachingprogram and community, but I don't think I've shared this with you guys here, and if I have already, I apologize, but I don't
think I have. So let's just dive right in.And this is a very simple, short and sweet idea, but I just want you to consider this, because what I'm about to say is kind the

(01:03):
reason why it's on my mind is, I think thatwhen you're in the kind of work that I'm in, which is, we could simply call this, yes, the spiritual business, right? You know, I'm
also a writer and a yoga teacher and allthese other things. But as a spiritual mentor, as a hypnotist, as somebody who is an integrative change worker and a life
coach, there can be so much put onto thisidea that there's something wrong with you, you need to be fixed. Like the world is always telling us all the time that, like

(01:32):
we're fucked up, we're not good enough,we're screwed like we need to work on ourselves all these things. And while, yes, there are parts of our ego personality.
There are parts of maybe our history or ourpast that we are still processing, navigating, negotiating, healing, whatever. But I want to go back to the very root

(01:53):
thing, which is this, because, how do I saythis? A lot of industries exist only because people think that they're not good enough or that there's something wrong with them. A
lot of people get really rich and make a lotof money off of the suffering of others, off of the self doubt of others, off of the insecurity of others, off of the conditioned

(02:20):
thoughts, beliefs and stories that they arenot enough. So I just want to drop this little nugget. Take it or leave it. I hope it lands for you in some way and is helpful.
But here's this little three three pointthing that I like to remind my people of. Number one, when you were born, when you came through, whether you said when God

(02:41):
breathed life into you, when you became anidea in the mind of God, when you were birthed through your mother's you know, birth can however you got here, okay, you
were fine. Now I'm not saying that maybethere weren't some health complications with your body, and I'm hitting my arms right with your physical body, or physical being,

Unknown (03:02):
but who you are like, who you really are, as

Karen Kenney (03:06):
eternal, like the eternal, the unchanging. How, how God made you right who you are as spirit, that that is perfectly fine. You came through fully intact. You
came through right off the assembly line,right? Factory installed, fine. You are fine, right? You were totally fine, and you were already good enough. You are already

(03:37):
worthy. You are already lovable. You arelike, You are the bee's knees, right? You are the cat's meow, the cat's pajamas, right? You are just like my chef's kiss. You
are like, perfect and beautiful and amazing.And not only good enough, you are like, more than good enough. You are like, brilliant, okay, but then so you come through, totally

(04:04):
fine, and then you know what happens? Theworld gets their hands on you now, whether it's your earliest caretakers, your guardians, like your siblings, the school
system, the coaches, the priests, thepeople, the culture, whatever was once, when you're a little kid, you know, you're really at the mercy of the people in power. And the

(04:28):
people in power is usually people who areolder than you, bigger than you, who are supposed to be care taking you that you share a house with or room with, or
whatever, right? And what happens is, isthat those people start to look at you and see you through maybe not such a generous or kind lens, and then they start to define

(04:50):
you. So you are all just like as a littlebaby, you were just like the like I said, just the best thing to ever happen, and you were totally. Fine, capital F, fine. But
then some people come along and they startto define you. And when you look at the spelling of that word, D, E, F, I, N, E, they start to put labels on you. They start

(05:14):
to tell you who you are and how you are andhow you're not good enough and how you're not pretty enough or smart enough or skinny enough, or rich enough, or what, what white
enough, like, whatever the fucking cultureis trying to whatever trip and racket it's trying to run on you. So they start to define you. But again, you look at that
spelling, they also D fine you. They un findyou. So here you are. You have a look at babies, if you ever look at little kids who are growing up in safe and loving and happy

(05:45):
and healthy environments, right? They justlike happiest little things, and they don't know that they're different or there's anything, quote, unquote wrong with them, or
whatever. It's not until other people,externally, start to make fun of them, harm them, shame them, guilt them, blame them, whatever them. Lay their trip, their

(06:08):
unresolved trauma on them, put their handson them, harm them, whatever that they de find them. They take away that idea of themselves in their own mind, as already
being the bee's knees right, the cat'spajamas, the cat's meow, and all of a sudden they start to think like, oh, I'm no longer fine. I'm defined now, and I'm defined. I'm

(06:35):
defined and I'm defined, which is I have allthese labels on me, and I've done this exercise before, at some of my retreats where I have people like on sticky notes,
like write out all the labels that have beenput on them, good and bad over the years. Okay? And the final step of that whole process is where we're going next. Number

(06:57):
three. So number one, you come through justfine. You're beautiful, you're perfect, you're loving, you're lovable. You're capable of being lovable like being loved
and loving, okay? And then, then, then theworld gets its hands on you, and you become defined, labeled, and then unfined, right? And then here's the third step, and this is

(07:18):
where the kind of work and support and stuffthat I help people with is, which is, first of all, recognizing, because we're not even aware a lot of the times that the inner
critic that we're walking around with, thatvoice that's inside of our head, that it didn't start with us, it didn't come from us. It's not even our voice. It's somebody
else's racket still being played right,somebody else's record that we recorded, and it's still being played inside of us. So this next step, the third step, is to

(07:48):
refine. And when you think about that word,to refine, when we refine something, it's kind of like we're looking at what is no longer needed. We're looking at what is no
longer working right. Somebody might say,Oh, just for example, oh, that's a really good like decoration. We just need to refine it a little bit. We need to take this away

(08:11):
or add this, or whatever, right? Or they'llsay, oh, we need to refine that right, the soup whatever. We need to put a little more spice in, or make it a little less thick, or
add this or remove this, right? You willfind you use your discernment. You take a an honest look, but a compassionate and kind look, and you say, Oh, we're gonna tweak
this here maybe a little bit. We're gonnapolish this here a little bit. We're gonna remove this. We're gonna let go of that. We're gonna refine it, but we're gonna

(08:37):
refine it through the eyes of love. We'renot gonna define it through the eyes of fear and commentary, and nobody asked you for your opinion. PS, by the way, you know what
I mean, and you see so much of it right nowon social media. People are just brutal. I'm doing a whole other episode about that, but people are just so brutal to one another,
and it's completely unnecessary, and it'stotally a dick move, and it's not attractive. And I, you know, I've been spending less and less time on social media

(09:04):
lately because I'm just like, Yeah,whatever. I just, I just don't need to be bombarded with other people's cruelty towards others, because it doesn't even have
to be directed at me, like, I'm just ahighly sensitive individual, and I don't have time to be like, running around, you know, defending everybody and just be I'm
like, no, no, I like, because that's mynatural instinct, right? Anyways, and we're back. So we're in the process now of refining. And when you think about that word

(09:35):
to refine, right, to kind of use yourdiscernment and look through the eyes of love and generosity, right, calling upon your spiritual team, Holy Spirit, you're in
a teacher. Your intuition, whatever you wantto call it, to say, Okay, what works here? What doesn't work here? What do I want to keep? What do I want to let go? And we're
going to re fine ourselves. We're going togo back. We're going to go back right to the truth of who we are. We're going to. Back home to ourselves. We're going to go back

(10:02):
home to love, right? To remember who wereally are and to whom we belong to. We're going to refine ourselves. So it's this remembering process, and you've heard me
talk about this before, right? So oftenpeople think that the opposite word of remember is to forget, but really it's to dismember. I'm not saying they don't both

(10:27):
work, but to dismember. And that's what thisworld really does to us. It takes this being that is completely whole, right? Whole, happy healthy, healed, whole, holy. That's
how you come through just fine, right?Happy, Healthy, healed, whole and holy, fine. And then all of a sudden, the world takes you, and they start to pick you apart,

(10:48):
right? Death by 1000 paper cuts. They justchop you up into little bits. And just keep telling you, that's not good enough, that's not good enough. That's not good enough. We
get so distracted. We get so pulled apart byeverybody else's opinions and bullshit, and we become dismembered. It's literally like, Oh my god. So the way that we come back to
being fine, the way that we come back to ourwholeness, is this process of refining, yes, but also to re member, to take all those dismembered parts of us and to bring us back

(11:24):
to remembering, putting us back towholeness, right, reminding ourselves, oh yeah, I'm one of God's kids. Oh yeah, I'm an extension of the Divine. Oh yeah, I am love
incarnate. Oh yeah, I came through justfine. So you can take all your nonsense, you can take all your opinions, you can take all your bullshit, and you can, like, go

(11:44):
somewhere else with that, because I am inthe process of refining and remembering and coming back home to the truth of myself, which is, you are loved. You are loving. You
are lovable. You are right, beautiful andbrilliant and perfect and eternal. And this is the thing, anything that the world creates, it is not eternal. It's so funny.

(12:13):
Right under my high school yearbook photo,which is a whole of the story, but it's my high school yearbook, right? My picture has somebody else's name underneath it because I
got a whole theory and a whole reason. Idon't think it was an innocent mistake. I think one of the girls on on the yearbook staff, which I was also on, but I didn't get

(12:38):
to see the final proof before it went in theyearbook. But anyways, so it's somebody else's name, but my quote that my quote under my name, it says, Nothing lasts
forever. And I remember thinking about that,like thinking about I'm like, wow, when I was like, 17, what was I thinking about that? Because it sounds like it could sound

(12:59):
really negative, negative, but I don't seeit that way. The things of this world don't last most of them, right? I'm doing a whole podcast, actually about this. When it comes
to products, well, you'll see something,something that's coming up soon, but nothing lasts forever, except for the things that aren't of this world, meaning the things
that the divine creates, that who you are isspirit. Is eternal. It is means it's unchanging. That's the that's the thing that lasts forever, your goodness, your

(13:29):
innocence, Your Holiness, your wholeness,right? So I hope that this helps you in some way. It's just like a little love letter from like my heart to your heart to remind
you, to just remind you, because it can bereally easy to forget ourselves and to lose ourselves. And I don't think enough of us get reminded enough of who we really are and

(13:56):
to whom we really belong to and just howincredible and beautiful we are. I mean, I think that it's so easy these days to just tear people down, and the brain has a
negativity bias, and the brain also has aconfirmation bias, and it's really easy, you know? And of course, in Miracles is a line that basically says, You need to be reminded

(14:18):
of who you really are. You need to bereminded of yourself like 1000 times a day, as many times as it takes, because it's so easy to lose sight of the truth of
ourselves. So just know that I see you, thatI see you, and that I remember the truth of you, and that you know this is in A Course in Miracles, we talk about this idea of

(14:42):
like, I always say, like, put your loveglasses on, right? It's another way of saying, for me, it's like, another way of talking about how A Course in Miracles talks
about like, Christ vision, or Christ I thinkof it as like Christ consciousness, this idea of seeing the innocence in your brothers and sisters and your in your
others, right, and the people. That weshare, you know, this, this world with and so I see that in you, I see the light of the world in you, I see it in all animals, and I

(15:09):
see it in all beings. And it's not alwayseasy, because sometimes people's behaviors are like they are acting totally out of line with who they truly are. It's because
they've forgotten themselves. They have,they came in fine. But then whatever happened to them through their childhood, they became defined. And now where most of
us, if you're listening to this, I think mymy listener, audience ship, right? You guys are old enough now to be in a process of refining, and that's one of the things that

(15:37):
I love to help people with as well. So youknow, you can always find out. Like, if any of this interests you, how to work with me at Karen kenney.com you can also just get on
my newsletter. You guys just to find outwhat's happening, get the podcast delivered right into your inbox. Just go to Karen kenney.com/sign
up one word, but yeah, so just again, aquick little love note from my heart to yours. I hope you find it helpful. I hope it gets you thinking, and that you start to go

(16:03):
like, hey, yeah. You know, it's really easyto focus on the things that I quote, unquote, think are wrong with me, but it's really important. You know, it's really
important that you own your light, not justyour darkness, not just your shadow work, not just your fucked upness, not just the places where you were hurt or wounded or
traumatized or whatever. We also have to ownthe divine in us, the divinity in us, our wholeness, our happiness, our holiness, the good, the beautiful and the holy. Right. You

(16:34):
know, I did a whole 30 day challenge calledThe Good, the beautiful and the holy, because I know how easy it is for the brain and the mind to be focusing on the things
that we don't like in this world, the thingsthat we don't like about ourselves. And in A Course in Miracles, is a line that I love that says, Child of God, You were created to
create the good, the beautiful and the holy.Do not forget this. Do not forget this. So I'm trying to help you not forget it. I'm trying to help you re member it and

(17:05):
yourself. Okay. I love you guys. Have afantastic rest of your day or night. Whenever you're listening to this, remember you came in fine. Then you were defined, and
now we are refining. And if you're somebodywho wants to take that walk with me. I would love to work with you. You can find everything on my website. Okay, wherever you
go, may you leave yourself and the animalsand the people and the place in the environment, the planet. You know the whole kit and caboodle better than how you found

(17:37):
it. Wherever you go, may you and yourpresence and your energy and your love and your fineness be a blessing. Bye. Hey. Thanks so much for listening to the show. I
really love spending some time together.Now, if you dig the show or know someone that could benefit from this episode, please share it with them and help me to spread the

(18:01):
good word and the love. And if you want tobe in the know about all of my upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up and join my list. It'll
be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye. You.