August 7, 2025 • 40 mins
On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I'm diving into how life is kinda’ like riding waves in the ocean – unpredictable, sometimes rough, but also a little more manageable if you know how to navigate them.
I tell a story about a fun day at the beach with my sister, where we got tossed around by waves, and I realized that this is exactly how life works.
Sometimes you gotta’ go over the wave, sometimes you gotta’ go under, and sometimes you just get completely knocked on your ass - but the key is how you respond to what’s coming at you.
I also break down a favorite mindfulness practice called BRFWA (Breathe, Relax, Feel, Watch, Allow) that's basically a spiritual survival guide for handling life's crazy moments.
The big takeaway?
You can't control the waves (aka life and its challenges), but you can absolutely choose how you want to ride them.
I share some ocean-inspired wisdom - like not turning your back on challenges, swimming parallel to shore when you're feeling overwhelmed, and remembering to call for help when you need it!
It's about staying curious and compassionate, and not getting stuck in trying to control mode.
Whether you're dealing with a tough spot in your relationship, some work stress, or just the general “people be people-ing” of being human, this episode is your guide to staying buoyant and resilient.
I'm all about sharing practical tools to help you not just survive when you’re struggling or suffering, but to actually enjoy the ride - waves, wipeouts, and all!
So, I encourage you to give this sucker a listen and try BRFWA for yourself, and let's ride these life waves together!
KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Life Happenings:
• You can't control the waves of life, but you can control your response.
• Suffering often comes from resisting what’s happening.
• Challenges in life are inevitable, but our approach is a choice.
• Fear often drives our need to want to control people and things.
BRFWA - Mindfulness Technique:
• Breathe deeply to help calm your nervous system.
• Relax your muscles, soften your grip, and release physical tension.
• Feel sensations without any judgment or resistance.
• Watch your experiences with compassionate awareness.
• Allow things to unfold without forcing or controlling outcomes.
Practical Ocean/Life Metaphors:
• Don't turn your back on challenges.
• Orient yourself to supportive people and practices.
• Swim parallel to shore when feeling overwhelmed.
• Call for help when you need support.
• Float and rest when you're exhausted.
Mindset Shifts:
• Respond from love, instead of reacting from fear.
• Practice curiosity over judgment.
• Develop non-judgmental self-awareness.
• Remember you are Love, regardless of circumstances.
• Use simple prayers like "Please Help Me" when struggling.
Emotional Resilience Tools:
• Meet difficult feelings with compassion.
• Create space for your emotions.
• Don't abandon yourself during tough times.
• Seek perspective beyond your immediate experience.
• Recognize that your true Self remains unchanged.
BIO:
Spiritual mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses humor and dynamic storytelling to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to self-development.
Bringing together tools that coach the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen helps clients deepen their connections with Self, and discover their unique understandings of...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey you guys, welcome to theKaren Kenney show. I hope you're
having a fantastic day. It lookslike it's going to be,
hopefully, another warm andsunny suck out today. So
yesterday, I was just going todive right in little
storytelling. So yesterday, Iwent to the beach with my
sister. And while I was there, Igot there a little bit earlier.
(00:24):
I wanted to just get easy packand get a good spot on the
beach, you know, set up my stuffor whatever. And while I was at
the beach, I was thinking, youknow, like a lot of things, this
show is inspired by like life,you know, just like day to day
life and stories and things thathappen in day to day life. And
really it's this likecombination of spirituality and
(00:46):
storytelling. You know, me beingboth a writer and a storyteller,
and, you know, a speaker, butalso being a spiritual mentor,
etc, etc. I kind of look at theworld through this curiosity
lens, right? So I'm always justkind of paying attention. And
occurred to me yesterday, when Iwas at the beach, how much of
(01:07):
like being at the beach is like,oh, there's a lot of elements of
the beach that are likemetaphors for life. And one of
the first things I noticed, andwe're going to get into this, so
the title of this episode iscalled, like, riding the waves,
riding the waves, and we'regoing to get there, but stay
with me. Buckle up. Buckle upfor safety. Come on the ride
(01:27):
with me. Let's get in the watertogether. Okay, so first one of
the things I noticed is just howdifferent people prepare. So
remember, everything in this isthe conversation today is like a
metaphor, like the beach is likelife. Okay, so all the ways that
different people prepare so youhave people who are like, coming
down the beach, who are like,they've got everything. I mean,
(01:49):
they've even got like, littletrolleys,
little wagons. Oh,
my God, I saw so many peoplehauling, hauling so much gear. I
mean, they have, like, you know,they have the tents, they have
the umbrellas, they've got,like, the chairs and the coolers
(02:13):
and the toys and the cribs andlike, oh my god, eight different
kinds of Sun loves. Your rights.So you have the people who are,
like, hyper prepared, likewicked prepared. And I was
howling laughing, because somany people, like, rolled by us
with their caravan of goods, youknow. And I was like, Oh my God,
are they gonna set up a tent andstart selling their wares?
(02:35):
There's like, so much stuffhere, but of course, there's
like three kids in tow, and themother, the mother in law, the
grand like, it's a whole family.It's a whole ordeal, right? And
then there's some other guy, oh,my God. The difference is,
humans are so fascinating to me.Then there's another guy, he's
(02:58):
barely got, like, a bath sizedtowel just thrown in the sand.
And he's got like, a maggotbasket, like plastic bag, and
it's got, like, some Doritos,like, I don't even know if
there's, like, any waterbeverage in sight to wash them
down. And he's like, kind ofhaphazardly, like, slathered
with like, white, you know,suntan lotion. But it's not in
(03:19):
all the places, just like, insome of the places, and half his
body's in the sand, just like,Oh my god. This is a guy that
just, like, rolls out. He said,I'm just going to the beach,
man, I'm just gonna, like, throwmy towel down. And he's just
like, there. And it's sofascinating how some people
like, over prepare, some peopleunder prepare. I think I'm kind
(03:42):
of in the middle, right? Like Iwant to be comfortable, so I
have a few towels, I got achair, I got my snacks, I got my
book, you know? I got somesuntan lotion so I don't burn my
ass to a crisp. But it's just,like, fascinating watching how
people like prepare for thebeach, aka, also, in some ways,
prepare for life. I also noticehow everybody has a different
(04:03):
approach to the beach, right?Like, some people like to be
really close to the water. Somepeople like, get me, keep me
closer to the bathrooms. Somepeople are napping the whole
time. Some people are readingthe whole time. Some people get
up and go for long walks. Somepeople talk on their phones and
inappropriately loud voices forlong periods of time. You know,
(04:25):
it's just like, amazing, like,they're just not aware of their
surroundings. And some peopleare very thoughtful, right? They
keep their stuff neat. I evensaw a couple in front of us who
they must I assume, you know, Ican imagine that they probably
have a place at the beach thatthey're there a lot, because
there are the people who tend tocome early, and then they stay
(04:47):
for a few hours, and then theyget out, and I'm like, Oh, these
are just, these are people whowho, like, do the beach a lot,
like, they get this, butsomebody had left trash, like,
around them, behind them, like,where they had set up. It wasn't
their trash. Um. And hethoughtfully, when he got up, he
picked it up, even though itwasn't his, and he didn't make
the mess. And I just reallynoticed that as well, right? So
(05:08):
all of this is, like, reallyfascinating. And here's the
thing, like a little a littleaside for a second, if you just
pay attention in your life, ifyou just choose to go through
life with a little bit morecuriosity, and like paying
attention to your fellow man,like you'll see these patterns
of things all over the place. Imean, this is the kind of like
what I do for a living. But Ithink it's like, it's not that I
(05:29):
do these things, because I dothem for a living. I think I do
do this for a living, becausethat's who I really am, like me
being curious and me payingattention and me like noticing
things. That's just like mynature, you know what I mean?
And it's come in really handy.Let me say this. Part of it is
nature. Part of it is nurture.Some of it was created because
(05:50):
of my childhood environment,like my hyper awareness. You
know, that's like a survivalmechanism. But I've also used my
my trauma. I always say thethings that were my trauma, in a
lot of ways. I've spun them intogold, right? I've used them.
I've used them to be helpful formyself and hopefully other
people. Hence this podcast,okay, but the other thing I
(06:10):
started to notice is how muchthe water, right? The ocean is
also like life. And one of thethings that I noticed because,
you know, when we go to thebeach, almost inevitably, like
when we were kids, there waskind of like this unwritten rule
by my stepfather, like, if yougo to the beach, your ass gets
in the water. It doesn't matterhow cold it is, doesn't matter
(06:32):
if you don't want to go in, ifhe drove you all the way to the
beach, if you go to the beach,you get in the water, right? So
it's like, okay. And so, I mean,as an adult now I have a choice,
right? It's one of the beautifulthings about being an adult. And
a lot of this episode is alsoabout that, like, our ability to
choose, like, how we're going torespond and react, right? So I
(06:54):
went to the beach, and if it'sfreezing, I'm an adult, you're
not going to force me to go in.I don't live by this, this code
that was, you know, pushed on meas a child. But today I was with
my sister, and we always havefun. So I was like, alright,
like in the water. So I'm like,Alright, I'm going to get in. So
we got in the water. Well, I'mstanding now. I noticed that,
like, the waves just keepcoming. The waves, like life,
(07:17):
they just keep coming. They arenot interested in our opinion.
They are not interested in ourpreferences. They don't care.
Like the ocean, like life, isnot asking us, like, Do you want
a more gentle or calm surf? Doyou wish that the water was
warmer? Do you wish that therewas less seaweed and like no
jellyfish, like no that is nothappening. Waves like life, are
(07:42):
just coming at us. It is justcoming at us. And then we have
to decide, right? We have todecide. Waves are like, Hey, we
are just happening. This is howit is. There's no controlling it
or changing it. This is how itis. But you dia person in the
water, you get to decide or notin the water, you get to decide
(08:03):
how you want to respond. How yourespond is up to you. So my
sister and I are out in thewater, and you know how it is
you first get in the AtlanticOcean, and you're like, Jesus
Christ is like freezing. Andthen either you start to go a
little numb so you don't notice,or you acclimate and you're
like, Okay, this is fine. I'm inhere, so we're out there, and
we're bopping around in thewaves, like we're having, like,
(08:25):
fun and stuff. And one of thethings that naturally happen is
when the waves keep coming in,like, you gotta get a plan.
Like, you've gotta either comeup with a plan or you are gonna
sort of like, pay the price. Sowe kind of started playing this
game when as a wave was comingin, based on the size, and it's
distance to us, like, where wewere in the water, we would look
at each other, and one of uswould either yell over, like,
(08:47):
you gotta go over it. Like, bobup and like, go over it right?
Or under like, because we'relike, there's no way if we just
stay standing here, we're gonnaget slammed. And then you would,
like, dive under the wave,right? Or you would go, you
would just go. We would go, ohshit, because we knew that our
plan had fallen apart.
And sometimes, sometimes evenour best plan, like, just got us
(09:11):
knocked on our ass. And wewould, like, come up from
underwater with, like, a hairplastered all over our face and
maybe one of your boobspractically popping out of your
bathing suit. But we would becracking up laughing as we
bobbed up after this, up up tothe surface, right? So we'd get
knocked on our ass. So it waslike, over, under or like, just
knowing, like, oh shit, we'regonna get knocked on our ass.
(09:31):
But here's the thing, you getknocked on your ass, and then
hopefully, like, you find yourway back up to the surface.
Okay? But my point is this, wehad, we had a choice of how we
wanted to respond to what wascoming at us. And this is just
like life, right? Like stuff isgoing to come at us. It's not
going to ask our permission. Itdoesn't care whether we want it
(09:52):
or to happen or not, the death,the disease, the divorce, the
diagnosis, the disappointment,all the different things that.
Happen in this human experience.They're just going to happen
because life is lifeing. Peopleare peopling, and that's just
how it is. But we always have achoice how we want to respond,
and we have some tools that wecan collect along the way that
(10:14):
become very helpful, and we'regoing to get there. So I
realized, Okay, we have a choiceof how we want to respond to
like, what's coming at us. Wealso have a choice as to whether
or not we are just going to tryto play it completely safe and
like, never get in the water,just never get in. We're just
going to stand on the sand andwe're never actually going to
(10:36):
get our feet wet. And as I wasstanding there yesterday,
something occurred to me, and Iturned to my sister, and I said,
Hey, I don't think I ever sawAuntie so and so, like, get in
the water. Like, did you eversee her? Like, really, like, get
in the ocean. Because myrecollection is, is that she
always just stood on the shore.She never actually got in. She
(10:59):
wouldn't go in, like, deeperthan, like, ankles, like she
would just stay on the shore,like she didn't play in the
water, she didn't like, she justdidn't get in and have fun and,
like, ride the waves, you knowwhat I'm saying. And when I was
thinking about this, this kindof, like, riding the waves, I
was like, it obviously. Andlike, basically, you're also
(11:20):
getting a peek into how my brainworks, right? Like how these
episodes kind of come together.Because while I'm standing there
thinking about, you know, one ofmy aunties who I'm like, I don't
have any vision of her everbeing in the water with us,
playing, riding the waves,goofing around, whatever. And
this riding the waves concept isa spiritual concept, which is so
fantastic, which Hello. Here isthe here is the episode and what
(11:44):
I want to share with you. Andthank you for if you're still
listening, if you can still hearthe sound of my voice, thank you
for coming along and not bailingwhen you're like, she's just
telling stories like, get to thepoint. So here we are. This idea
of riding the waves. The firsttime I heard of this concept was
when I went to Kripalu. SoKripalu is one of the largest
(12:08):
spiritual centers and yogacenters in the United States.
It's out in the west. It's outin Western Massachusetts and the
Berkshires, okay? And I lived atKripalu for over a month when I
went to do my ytt, my yogateacher training there back in
2001 so a wicked long time ago,right? And I heard this concept
(12:31):
when I was living there andriding the waves was one of the
answers, right? So, like, wewould have, like, our daily
like, get up at 530 go do yogaat six. Blah, blah, blah, we
would have these things. Andthen during the actual training,
during the ytt and doing a yogaclass first thing in the
morning, and again, in theafternoon, it was part of the
training. It's like immersingyourself in the experience, in
(12:55):
the practice of yoga, becauseyour whole life is technically
your practice, right? I'm alwayslike, yoga is always showing you
you, and that's a story foranother day. So this question
the answer, this was an answerto the question about, and
here's the question like, howcan we suffer less when life is
(13:15):
coming at us, when we are facedwith these life situations,
right? How can we suffer lessless when we're faced with tough
questions in tough situations,right? How do we suffer less
when we are faced with toughsituations, especially ones that
we didn't choose? Right? Life islifeing. The waves are coming at
us. It's just happening. And thething is, is that tough
(13:38):
situations, you know, can be anytime when things get hot, like
just think about it, when losseshappen, when we feel overwhelmed
or anxious, when we don't haveenough money to pay the bills
you have a kid who's sick, shitdoesn't go as planned. Things
don't go how you wish they wouldhope you would want them to. And
(13:58):
whether that's in arelationship, whether that's
with your family, whether that'sat work or in your business,
like whatever, in these momentswhen we wish that things were
different, when we findourselves saying things to
ourselves, like, if only fill inthe book, if only such and such
had happened, if only theyhadn't done X, Y and Z, if only
(14:20):
I had chosen to do this, if onlyyou know right? We know that
feeling those tough situationsthat we find ourselves in, but
one of the things that yogataught me early on and continues
to teach me and continues toreinforce in my in my
knucklehead brain, is that wecannot control reality like we,
(14:42):
meaning we cannot control life.We can't We can't control life
anymore, that we can stop thewaves, stop the ocean from
having tides, and stop the oceanfrom having waves, right? Like
we, the sea is doing what thesea does, and life is doing what
life does. And Peace. People aredoing what people do a lot of
(15:02):
times, to us chagrin. A lot oftimes, it's not what we prefer
or want, right? But yoga keepsreminding me again and again and
again. You know, we do not getto control everything, which is
a really annoying reminder whenyou're kind of a control freak.
You know what I'm saying, whenyou kind of like to control
things a little bit. But one ofthe things I've realized about
(15:25):
myself and about control ingeneral, when I think back to
that younger part of me thatjust really tried to control
everything, you know, my desireto control is really just a
symptom of it's a symptom, butit was also an ego solution to
fear. So my desire to controleverything was a response to
(15:47):
fear, right? And the responsewas, I'm going to try to control
everything, because if I canjust get this to look a certain
way or feel a certain way or bea certain way, then I can relax,
then I can feel safe. My nervoussystem can take a breath and be
like, Okay, we're safe. I justhave to control everything and
make everything familiar andcontrol the environment and the
people around me. And first ofall, it's exhausting, right?
(16:09):
Even just hearing that those ofyou who who need to control, or
like to control, double A menhands, if you can relate, if any
point, you've been a littlecontrolling. Because when you
really get honest withourselves, though, you know
there's two emotions, of course,in miracles teach us, there's
love of this fear and so muchright? So much of how we are
(16:30):
responding and reacting to life,it's from that place of fear.
And I would say more so reactingto life. I always say like I
react out of fear, but I respondfrom a place of love. And it's
often people who are anxious orafraid or insecure who are
trying to control everything andagain, double A man hands, if
you can relate to that and like,let's just be honest, don't we
(16:53):
all, don't we all, at some pointexperience those feelings of
fear or anxiety or worry ortrying to, like, manipulate a
thing because you want it to bea particular way, because then
you'll feel safer in yournervous system and in your body
and inside of you right at somepoint in our life, we have all
experienced this. And if youhaven't like, you're like a
(17:15):
unicorn, I guess so, like, luckyyou. But I can say, for myself
and for many people that I knowand that I have worked with, we
all experience those feelings atsome point,
but just like, this is the goodnews. Now we're getting down
into it, just like we haveuseful tools that we use in the
ocean right to stay safe and tosurvive, we also have tools in
(17:36):
life, and we're going to get tothat. But here, just because I
just feel like, like, here aresome important things to know,
especially during the summer andif you're going to go in the
sea. One See, these are some ofthe things that I've been taught
and that I have practiced thathave been very helpful. Number
one, do not turn your back onthe sea. Like I do not. I tend
to, like, go backwards, like Iwalk backwards so I can see the
ocean usually as I'm walking outof the ocean, till I can get a
(17:59):
point where I'm like, Okay, nowI'm at ankle depth and I'm safe
to, like, turn around. I'm notgoing to get surprised and
knocked on my ass by something,right? Because I like to know
what's coming at me. I like toface things. I like to see
what's happening and what'sgoing on. So don't turn your
back on the sea, because that'sa lot of times when a wave comes
out of nowhere and knocks you onyour ass. Number two, orient
yourself to the land. Orientyourself to the land. And so for
(18:23):
me, this is about like,orienting myself to the people,
the places, the practices, thethings that ground me, like,
where home is, where safetylies, like, orient yourself
right? That's one of the thingsthat happens when you get
knocked on your ass. You getdiscombobulated. You're a little
like, confused and like, youdon't know where the shore is,
right, so, like, orient yourselfto the land when you get sucked
(18:46):
out, when you feel yourselfgetting sucked out, this is,
again, physically and Hello,metaphorically, when you feel
yourself getting sucked out. Oror Undertow, when you're pulled
into that undertow. Sometimesthe undertow is an addiction, a
habit. You know, sometimes it'sliterally the water, the ocean,
but sometimes it's like anaddiction. It's a habit, it's a
(19:07):
pattern, it's a way of being.It's a relationship or a group
of people that are no longergood for you, and you're getting
pulled into their drama andtheir trauma and their bullshit,
right? Swim parallel to theshore, especially if you're in
the ocean, right? And this ishow people drown, right? The
Undertow is very strong, andit's pulling you backwards. And
you keep fighting and fighting,and you're trying to swim in the
(19:29):
current, you're trying to swimforward. You're trying to stay
in that same place. When youswim parallel to the shore, you
you literally right. Just needto get a few feet away from, a
few feet out of that Undertow,and you swim parallel to the
shore, and that pulls you out ofthe undertow, because a lot of
people get sucked into thatcurrent, and it is very, very,
very strong, and that's howpeople drowned, is they get
(19:52):
fatigued, and they can't fightanymore, and they can't swim,
and they go under and theydrown. And this can happen off.
This can happen. Happen in lifeas well, right? The pull of the
thing, the addiction, the drug,the people, the porn, the
whatever, the gambling, thelook, right? It's too much. The
overwhelming feeling of theemotions are too much. We swim
(20:14):
parallel to shore. We get alittle distance. We get out of
the undertow. We just need alittle bit more. Just get out of
the undertro toe and swimparallel to shore and get a
different perspective. Becausethe mind, the mind and the
choices and the decisions thatgot you in that Undertow, they
are not going to be the I alwayssay to my people, like your best
(20:36):
thinking got you here, so wegotta try something else. And
are you willing? Are you willingto come at something from a
different POV, a different pointof view, and just get a little
perspective, get out of that andswim parallel. Okay, another
thing you can do is call forhelp. If you know you're in
trouble, call for help. Anotherthing, if you get wicked
fatigued, try to float. Try tofloat. Sometimes it's not about
(21:01):
doing more. Sometimes it's aboutresting. Sometimes it's not
about fighting. Sometimes it'sabout floating right. Let
allowing yourself to be buoyant,allowing yourself to be held,
allowing yourself to have a restor just a little break, so you
can gather more strength if youneed it. Here's the other thing.
Now we're getting to the hotbeat of this. You can also relax
(21:25):
and do your best to ride thewaves. Ride the waves. Ride the
waves, literally of the oceanback to shore, but also
metaphysically, metaphorically,spiritually, we learn how to
ride the waves and in life, whenI talk about like ride the wave
(21:45):
back to shore, it's kind of likethe shore is like coming back
home to who you truly are, whichis love, which is that eternal
thing that is unchanging, right?Which is you are love, no matter
what happens, no matter what youdo, underneath all of the
nonsense and the shenanigans andthe traumas and the dramas.
There's a part of you that isunchanged. There is a part of
(22:07):
you that is not touched by thethings of this world. There is a
part of you which is really tome. It's the whole pot, the holy
pot, the true pot, the self, thetrue self, which is love, so
beyond the big sensations andfeelings beyond all the ever
changing emotions, there is theeternal self, which is love. And
(22:29):
when we come back to the shore,when we remember that, when we
are reminded of who we trulyare, when we have people in our
life who reflect it back to us,and we remember, oh, yeah, I can
come back home. I can come backto shore at any time, any time,
any time. So this riding thewaves is a literal concept. It
(22:52):
is a literal concept. And again,first time I heard it was when I
was at Kripalu. So at Kripalu,we have a tool that we, and I've
did a whole show on this I knowI've talked about birth wa on
the show before, but like,repetition is the mother of all
learning. I'm not telling it toyou because I think you're
stupid. I'm not saying it againbecause I don't think you got it
(23:14):
the first time. But for me, andI've been in this game for a
long time, but even for me,reminding myself, oh yeah,
birth. Wa right. Riding thewaves of sensations of the
emotions. This is how we comeback to ourselves. This is how
we come back to love. This ishow we come back to sanity, to
our right mind, to to our truesource, to our self, to love.
(23:39):
This is how we remember thatwe're not this body being tossed
around by the waves of life thatOh yeah, I'm spirit. Okay, so
with birth, WAF war stands for,breathe, relax, feel, watch,
allow, right? And we'll get intothat in a second. So when we
allow ourselves to findourselves, when we find
(24:00):
ourselves in a tough situation,when we find ourselves in a
suffering place. Here's somethings that we can do. Number
one, and we're again, I'm goingto break down burfa. We're going
to simply be in the presentmoment, right? Do our best to
simply be in the present moment.And Remember how I talked about
floating. Just soften your grip,not clench fists. I'm like
clenching my fist, making mockswith my fingernails in my palms.
(24:22):
Not this. It's this. It's like,open palms, open soft grip, open
and receptive, right? Let go ofexpectations. Let go of
expectations, of of how you wantit to be, how you like like.
Don't try to force the outcome.No controlling right let go of
(24:43):
expectations, or at least bewilling to let go of
expectations. When you cannotlet go of an old story or an
expectation or a strong feeling,this is when prayer is really,
really helpful, and you just saysomething simply like, Please
help me. Please help me. I. Wantto let this go. I don't know how
please help, right? Just pleasehelp. You don't even have to get
(25:06):
all fancy and religiously likeyou don't have to be all like
Dear God, dear Lord, dearsometimes you just say, you
know, please help. I'm willingto do this, or help me to be
willing to do this. Okay? Numberfour, just begin to open up your
heart and your mind, and toshift out right, to shift out
your perspective. Just bewilling to be open that there
(25:28):
might be a better way. Theremight be a different way.
Because the thing is, is likewhen we stop fighting, you know,
when that current is pulling us,when we stop fighting, when we
allow ourselves to feel, andthat's usually what we're
resisting in life, is we areresisting feeling our feelings.
We are resisting facing thatthis thing is happening, right?
(25:50):
We want it to be different. Somuch of our suffering comes from
the struggle of wanting thingsto be different than they are.
Wanting things to feel differentthan they are when we allow
ourselves to just feel whateverit is we're feeling within any
given experience that can helpus to kind of find that
equanimity, that buoyancy rightwhatever life is throwing at us.
(26:14):
So if we can find from thatfoundation, place of shifting
out of resistance and fightingand that fear and that
controlling and we can kind ofjust change our awareness,
change our willingness to shiftout of our feelings of
struggling to acceptance, whichis like the waves are coming at
(26:34):
us. Life is life, and people arepeopling like this is happening,
and if I stay too attached tothe outcome and how I want it to
be, and how I need it to be inorder for me to be happy or safe
or whatever we're going to getin trouble. So birth, what is a
mindfulness a mindfulnesstechnique, right? Again,
Kripalu, yoga is it taught me,and this is how we learn to ride
(26:57):
the waves of life's challenges.Ride the waves of like whatever
is happening in our lives. Okay.Again. It stands for Breathe,
relax, feel, watch, allow.
So let's say you feel anxious oruncertain about a situation that
you're facing. Just try thistechnique. Just try it, excuse
(27:22):
me and see what happens. Ialways say to people like, I've
gathered a ton of tools. I'vegathered a bunch of things to
help myself, first and foremost,like I had to go first, because
I was drowning in the sea oflife. Life was coming at me hot
and heavy for many, many, manyyears there, and I needed some
(27:43):
help, so I gathered some tools,and now I like to share them
with others. And not every toolis going to feel like a home run
to everybody. Not every tool isgoing to be like, this is the
one, right? So I like to have alot of different ways in and a
lot of different approaches. Butone of the things I use all the
time, and I teach in my yogaclasses as well, is birth wa
(28:04):
Okay, so you start to be alittle anxious, you start to
feel a little uncertain. You getsome fear coming up. You get you
notice yourself, right? Gettinga little kooky monkeys upstairs.
When you leave, you start toleave your right mind. That's
the first thing. Like, if youcan even notice, like, oh my
god, I'm feeling really tense.Oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm
feeling this. I'm about to makethis decision. I'm about to do
this thing. We want to makechoices from a place of love,
(28:26):
like, from a little bit like,get out of that fight and
flight, get out of that fearresponse. And how can I drop
into the parasympathetic nervoussystem response, that place
where I can now have access tomy curious and creative mind so
I can make better choices?Right? So number one is we want
to breathe. We already knownice, full, deep inhale through
(28:47):
the nose, if you can twice aslong extended exhale through the
mouth, even with a little bit ofsound, can add help with vagal
tone, right for the vagus nerve.But if we just breathe, ground
yourself in the present moment.Notice the quality of your
breath. Notice the quality ofyour inhalations right through
(29:11):
the nose, if you can, and thosetwice as long exhalations out
through the mouth, if you can,when we connect to our breath, I
mean, it does a ton of things.For the nervous system, slows
down the heart rate, gets usinto parasympathetic the
relaxation response, right? Itdoes a ton of stuff, but it also
helps us to find someequanimity. It helps us to find
(29:32):
a little balance. And it's fromthat place that we can tap into
our curiosity, our resiliency,our inner strength, our inner
wisdom, right? So, number one,again, breathe. Okay. Number
two,
relax. Relax.
When we relax. And I want you tothink about this, right? This is
(29:55):
the how we start to create alittle more space inside of us.
We shift out of, like, thisfoveal vision of, like, being
hyper focused, because, like,that's what we do when we're in
fear. I gotta be hyper focusedand vigilant about, like, what
when we shift out intoperipheral vision, it's like,
and the nervous system calms andthe nervous system relaxes. And
(30:17):
when we do that, we create spacewithin ourselves, and we can
release, release any tension,release any any unnecessary like
gripping or forcing or fighting,if we can learn to just soften
our muscles a little progressiverelaxation, relax your jaw, drop
your shoulders, soften yourbelly, right like, let your
(30:42):
eyes, like, get a little bittheir their vision, like,
softer. Like, you know, whenyou're kind of looking at a
puppy or a baby and you're like,Oh baby, oh sunset, like,
whatever the thing is, right?Notice how, when we physically
relax our muscles, deepen ourbreath, how that also affects
your your mental experience aswell, the the mental chatter,
(31:05):
the mental activity of yourmind. Okay, we've got breathe.
We got relaxed, then we havefeel this is when we this is the
one that most people strugglewith right here. We don't like
to feel the hard feelings. Wedon't like to feel the anxiety
or the panic attack. We don'tlike to feel the discomfort, we
don't like to feel the anger. Wedon't like to feel the hurt,
right? It's like, but if we canbring our awareness to the
(31:28):
actual details of the physicalsensations that are coming up in
the body, right, notice thedetails of the sensations like,
Oh, I feel hot, oh, I feel cold,Oh, it feels like I'm shaking. I
feel like I'm gripping. I feel aknot in my stomach. I feel
butterflies. I feel like atightness in my throat. I feel
(31:48):
like I'm clenching my jaw right?Bring awareness to the details
of the sensations, to thedetails of the thoughts, the
emotions, right, the mentallike, the feelings and to your
memories, and then whatevercomes up. Try to meet it with
curiosity. Try to meet it withcompassion. Try to meet it with
(32:13):
an open heart. Try to meet itwith an open mind. Instead of
rushing in without judgments. Ishouldn't be feeling this. This
feeling is bad. This anxiety isbad. This needs to stop. This is
whatever. Simply be with thesensations of the feelings.
(32:33):
Don't fight it, don't force it,don't try to kill it, don't try
to push it. Simply do your bestto be with it. This is the
feeling pot, whatever arises,curiosity, compassion and an
open heart. Remember, this is amindfulness technique. Okay,
then the next one is watchingwhat I also sometimes call
(32:55):
witnessing. Okay, this is when,like Swami Kripalu, right? The
word Kripalu actually meanscompassion. Swami Kripalu Bapuji
has said, right, the highestform of spiritual physical, the
highest form, the highest formof spiritual practice is self
observation, without judgment.So when we watch, we want to
(33:19):
develop a non judgmentalwitness, a non shaming witness,
like a non judgmental awareness,like, be aware, right? Just
create non judgment aroundwhatever is happening. Observe,
simply observe yourself. Observeyour feelings. Observe like you
(33:40):
know how you usually tend towant to react to a thing.
Observe the situation as it'sunfolding. And notice, right? My
yoga, my yoga students know Ialways say, notice what you
notice. Notice what comes up.NOTICE come what comes up as
you're fully engaging with yourfeelings, with your breath. As
(34:01):
you're relaxing, notice what isgoing on inside of you. So many
people, they just run from it.And I always say, like, we have
to bear witness. We have to bearwitness to ourselves, to those
younger parts of ourselves thatmaybe are being triggered, or
they're afraid, or they'rescared, right? Like, stay with
(34:21):
yourself. Don't abandonyourself, be fully with
yourself. And then allow. Thisis the big one, like, allow. So
how do we allow? A lot of timeswe use this word, like, let go,
right? Like, let go of yourdesire for things to be a
certain way. Let go of theoutcome. Let go. Let go. Let go.
If people knew how to fuckinglet go, they would do it right.
(34:43):
But it's hard. It's hardpsychologically for people to
let go. So instead, sometimesI'll say, like in this allowing,
how about you choose not to holdon to it anymore. Mm. Right? How
about deciding to not hold on?Just don't hold on anymore.
(35:08):
Don't insist. I always say topeople, don't insist on keeping
these patterns, these habits,these beliefs, these stories,
don't insist on holding on tothem anymore. And this is that
willingness, right, surrenderinto the process. Do your best
to let go, to allow tosurrender, to not insisting on
(35:29):
holding on to these old thingsthat, that, that that cause your
suffering. Okay, allow theoutcome whatever it's going to
be. Allow it to be there withoutexpectations. Allow things to
arise without your expectations.Birth WA is a powerful practice,
and it's riding the wave,because when stuff goes down,
(35:52):
there's going to be a big waveof sensation, whether that's
fear, anger, anxiety, thatdesire to control, like that
desire to fight or flight or runor freeze or flop or whatever,
right to fawn, all the traumaresponses. There's a big wave of
sensation that comes up in thebody and comes up in the mind,
(36:13):
and these emotions and thephysical sensations. And if we
can just hang out there, if wecan just breathe into whatever
is coming up that wave that iscoming up, ride that sucker
right back into the shore. Don'ttry to, like, I always say, so
like in the ocean, we're like,trying to go over it, go under
it, get knocked on our ass. Whatif we just, like, rode the wave,
(36:36):
road the wave back into thesafety of the shore. Be the love
that you are, right? The bigsensation is going to come meet
it with the breath right. Relaxinto it. Get curious, feel it,
watch it and witness itunshamingly. Be kind, be
compassionate, and then allowyourself to return. Allow
(36:58):
yourself to have noexpectations. Allow yourself to
be surprised. Allow yourself tobe curious. Moving through the
world with non judgment, it'shard because the ego judges like
a mother, doesn't it? The egojust, I mean, it's its main gig
is to keep you separate and sickand special and suffering, you
(37:19):
know? And this is when spiritgets a say. Spirit gets to come
in those two emotions, love andfear. It's like saying there's
two teachers, there's the egoand there's spirit slash Holy
Spirit, right? Like the in ateacher, that's the voice of
love. That's what we want to beriding to the shore. And burfa
is just one of the tools that wecan use to do it.
(37:42):
So I hope, I hope
this day finds you just ridingthe waves, man, riding the
waves, not getting knocked inyour ass, right? Not like
freaking out, but hopefullyyou're going to get in the
water, you're going to get intoyour life. You're going to be
present. You're going to get alittle wet. You're going to
play. You're going to have somefun. Yes, you are going to get
(38:03):
knocked on your ass, becausethat is life. Life is lifeing.
The waves are coming in, right?People are peopling. But we have
so many tools, you guys. Andremember, one of them is call
for help. And this is when,again, right? There's a there's
so many people out there, andsometimes your help is unpaid.
It's a friend, it's a familymember, right? It's your priest,
(38:27):
although I would say if you'retithing, you are in some ways,
paying. But then there's alsocoaches and mentors. There's
people like me, there'scommunities like the nest,
there's like yoga classes youcan go to right? There's lots of
ways to find help, so use thattoo if you need to, and you can
(38:47):
always find me in the ways thatI help at Karen Kenney, k, e, n,
n, e, y, right? Karenkenney.com, there's a work with
me page. There's a page on thequest one to one mentoring.
There's a page on my yogaclasses. There's a page on hot
to hot days. Hot to hot days arelike we we like. They're like
chunks of time throughout theday, like a half day or a few
(39:08):
hours where we talk over Voxer.It's a voice messaging app, and
it's like having a walkietalkie. And we do spiritual
mentoring. We do some coaching.Uh, hot to hot days are a blast.
I love them. If you're curiousabout them, just go to just go
to Karen kenney.com/work withme. You'll see the button right
at the top, and you can learnall about them. Okay, you guys,
(39:29):
thank you so much for stayingwith me, for riding this wave of
this episode. I've loved sharingthis time with you. I hope it
was helpful and beneficial insome way, and if it was, please
share it with somebody, right?Somebody who you think could
benefit from it? Um, whereveryou go, wherever you go, out
there, today, tomorrow, tonight,whatever may you leave, the
(39:49):
people, the animals, yourself,the environment, the planet,
better than how you first foundit. Wherever you go, may you and
your energy and your presenceand. Your love and you know, be
a blessing. Just keep riding thewaves, my friends. Bye. You.
Hey you guys, welcome to theKaren Kenney show. I hope you're
having a fantastic day. It lookslike it's going to be,
hopefully, another warm andsunny suck out today. So
yesterday, I was just going todive right in little
storytelling. So yesterday, Iwent to the beach with my
sister. And while I was there, Igot there a little bit earlier.
(00:24):
I wanted to just get easy packand get a good spot on the
beach, you know, set up my stuffor whatever. And while I was at
the beach, I was thinking, youknow, like a lot of things, this
show is inspired by like life,you know, just like day to day
life and stories and things thathappen in day to day life. And
really it's this likecombination of spirituality and
(00:46):
storytelling. You know, me beingboth a writer and a storyteller,
and, you know, a speaker, butalso being a spiritual mentor,
etc, etc. I kind of look at theworld through this curiosity
lens, right? So I'm always justkind of paying attention. And
occurred to me yesterday, when Iwas at the beach, how much of
(01:07):
like being at the beach is like,oh, there's a lot of elements of
the beach that are likemetaphors for life. And one of
the first things I noticed, andwe're going to get into this, so
the title of this episode iscalled, like, riding the waves,
riding the waves, and we'regoing to get there, but stay
with me. Buckle up. Buckle upfor safety. Come on the ride
(01:27):
with me. Let's get in the watertogether. Okay, so first one of
the things I noticed is just howdifferent people prepare. So
remember, everything in this isthe conversation today is like a
metaphor, like the beach is likelife. Okay, so all the ways that
different people prepare so youhave people who are like, coming
down the beach, who are like,they've got everything. I mean,
(01:49):
they've even got like, littletrolleys,
little wagons. Oh,
my God, I saw so many peoplehauling, hauling so much gear. I
mean, they have, like, you know,they have the tents, they have
the umbrellas, they've got,like, the chairs and the coolers
(02:13):
and the toys and the cribs andlike, oh my god, eight different
kinds of Sun loves. Your rights.So you have the people who are,
like, hyper prepared, likewicked prepared. And I was
howling laughing, because somany people, like, rolled by us
with their caravan of goods, youknow. And I was like, Oh my God,
are they gonna set up a tent andstart selling their wares?
(02:35):
There's like, so much stuffhere, but of course, there's
like three kids in tow, and themother, the mother in law, the
grand like, it's a whole family.It's a whole ordeal, right? And
then there's some other guy, oh,my God. The difference is,
humans are so fascinating to me.Then there's another guy, he's
(02:58):
barely got, like, a bath sizedtowel just thrown in the sand.
And he's got like, a maggotbasket, like plastic bag, and
it's got, like, some Doritos,like, I don't even know if
there's, like, any waterbeverage in sight to wash them
down. And he's like, kind ofhaphazardly, like, slathered
with like, white, you know,suntan lotion. But it's not in
(03:19):
all the places, just like, insome of the places, and half his
body's in the sand, just like,Oh my god. This is a guy that
just, like, rolls out. He said,I'm just going to the beach,
man, I'm just gonna, like, throwmy towel down. And he's just
like, there. And it's sofascinating how some people
like, over prepare, some peopleunder prepare. I think I'm kind
(03:42):
of in the middle, right? Like Iwant to be comfortable, so I
have a few towels, I got achair, I got my snacks, I got my
book, you know? I got somesuntan lotion so I don't burn my
ass to a crisp. But it's just,like, fascinating watching how
people like prepare for thebeach, aka, also, in some ways,
prepare for life. I also noticehow everybody has a different
(04:03):
approach to the beach, right?Like, some people like to be
really close to the water. Somepeople like, get me, keep me
closer to the bathrooms. Somepeople are napping the whole
time. Some people are readingthe whole time. Some people get
up and go for long walks. Somepeople talk on their phones and
inappropriately loud voices forlong periods of time. You know,
(04:25):
it's just like, amazing, like,they're just not aware of their
surroundings. And some peopleare very thoughtful, right? They
keep their stuff neat. I evensaw a couple in front of us who
they must I assume, you know, Ican imagine that they probably
have a place at the beach thatthey're there a lot, because
there are the people who tend tocome early, and then they stay
(04:47):
for a few hours, and then theyget out, and I'm like, Oh, these
are just, these are people whowho, like, do the beach a lot,
like, they get this, butsomebody had left trash, like,
around them, behind them, like,where they had set up. It wasn't
their trash. Um. And hethoughtfully, when he got up, he
picked it up, even though itwasn't his, and he didn't make
the mess. And I just reallynoticed that as well, right? So
(05:08):
all of this is, like, reallyfascinating. And here's the
thing, like a little a littleaside for a second, if you just
pay attention in your life, ifyou just choose to go through
life with a little bit morecuriosity, and like paying
attention to your fellow man,like you'll see these patterns
of things all over the place. Imean, this is the kind of like
what I do for a living. But Ithink it's like, it's not that I
(05:29):
do these things, because I dothem for a living. I think I do
do this for a living, becausethat's who I really am, like me
being curious and me payingattention and me like noticing
things. That's just like mynature, you know what I mean?
And it's come in really handy.Let me say this. Part of it is
nature. Part of it is nurture.Some of it was created because
(05:50):
of my childhood environment,like my hyper awareness. You
know, that's like a survivalmechanism. But I've also used my
my trauma. I always say thethings that were my trauma, in a
lot of ways. I've spun them intogold, right? I've used them.
I've used them to be helpful formyself and hopefully other
people. Hence this podcast,okay, but the other thing I
(06:10):
started to notice is how muchthe water, right? The ocean is
also like life. And one of thethings that I noticed because,
you know, when we go to thebeach, almost inevitably, like
when we were kids, there waskind of like this unwritten rule
by my stepfather, like, if yougo to the beach, your ass gets
in the water. It doesn't matterhow cold it is, doesn't matter
(06:32):
if you don't want to go in, ifhe drove you all the way to the
beach, if you go to the beach,you get in the water, right? So
it's like, okay. And so, I mean,as an adult now I have a choice,
right? It's one of the beautifulthings about being an adult. And
a lot of this episode is alsoabout that, like, our ability to
choose, like, how we're going torespond and react, right? So I
(06:54):
went to the beach, and if it'sfreezing, I'm an adult, you're
not going to force me to go in.I don't live by this, this code
that was, you know, pushed on meas a child. But today I was with
my sister, and we always havefun. So I was like, alright,
like in the water. So I'm like,Alright, I'm going to get in. So
we got in the water. Well, I'mstanding now. I noticed that,
like, the waves just keepcoming. The waves, like life,
(07:17):
they just keep coming. They arenot interested in our opinion.
They are not interested in ourpreferences. They don't care.
Like the ocean, like life, isnot asking us, like, Do you want
a more gentle or calm surf? Doyou wish that the water was
warmer? Do you wish that therewas less seaweed and like no
jellyfish, like no that is nothappening. Waves like life, are
(07:42):
just coming at us. It is justcoming at us. And then we have
to decide, right? We have todecide. Waves are like, Hey, we
are just happening. This is howit is. There's no controlling it
or changing it. This is how itis. But you dia person in the
water, you get to decide or notin the water, you get to decide
(08:03):
how you want to respond. How yourespond is up to you. So my
sister and I are out in thewater, and you know how it is
you first get in the AtlanticOcean, and you're like, Jesus
Christ is like freezing. Andthen either you start to go a
little numb so you don't notice,or you acclimate and you're
like, Okay, this is fine. I'm inhere, so we're out there, and
we're bopping around in thewaves, like we're having, like,
(08:25):
fun and stuff. And one of thethings that naturally happen is
when the waves keep coming in,like, you gotta get a plan.
Like, you've gotta either comeup with a plan or you are gonna
sort of like, pay the price. Sowe kind of started playing this
game when as a wave was comingin, based on the size, and it's
distance to us, like, where wewere in the water, we would look
at each other, and one of uswould either yell over, like,
(08:47):
you gotta go over it. Like, bobup and like, go over it right?
Or under like, because we'relike, there's no way if we just
stay standing here, we're gonnaget slammed. And then you would,
like, dive under the wave,right? Or you would go, you
would just go. We would go, ohshit, because we knew that our
plan had fallen apart.
And sometimes, sometimes evenour best plan, like, just got us
(09:11):
knocked on our ass. And wewould, like, come up from
underwater with, like, a hairplastered all over our face and
maybe one of your boobspractically popping out of your
bathing suit. But we would becracking up laughing as we
bobbed up after this, up up tothe surface, right? So we'd get
knocked on our ass. So it waslike, over, under or like, just
knowing, like, oh shit, we'regonna get knocked on our ass.
(09:31):
But here's the thing, you getknocked on your ass, and then
hopefully, like, you find yourway back up to the surface.
Okay? But my point is this, wehad, we had a choice of how we
wanted to respond to what wascoming at us. And this is just
like life, right? Like stuff isgoing to come at us. It's not
going to ask our permission. Itdoesn't care whether we want it
(09:52):
or to happen or not, the death,the disease, the divorce, the
diagnosis, the disappointment,all the different things that.
Happen in this human experience.They're just going to happen
because life is lifeing. Peopleare peopling, and that's just
how it is. But we always have achoice how we want to respond,
and we have some tools that wecan collect along the way that
(10:14):
become very helpful, and we'regoing to get there. So I
realized, Okay, we have a choiceof how we want to respond to
like, what's coming at us. Wealso have a choice as to whether
or not we are just going to tryto play it completely safe and
like, never get in the water,just never get in. We're just
going to stand on the sand andwe're never actually going to
(10:36):
get our feet wet. And as I wasstanding there yesterday,
something occurred to me, and Iturned to my sister, and I said,
Hey, I don't think I ever sawAuntie so and so, like, get in
the water. Like, did you eversee her? Like, really, like, get
in the ocean. Because myrecollection is, is that she
always just stood on the shore.She never actually got in. She
(10:59):
wouldn't go in, like, deeperthan, like, ankles, like she
would just stay on the shore,like she didn't play in the
water, she didn't like, she justdidn't get in and have fun and,
like, ride the waves, you knowwhat I'm saying. And when I was
thinking about this, this kindof, like, riding the waves, I
was like, it obviously. Andlike, basically, you're also
(11:20):
getting a peek into how my brainworks, right? Like how these
episodes kind of come together.Because while I'm standing there
thinking about, you know, one ofmy aunties who I'm like, I don't
have any vision of her everbeing in the water with us,
playing, riding the waves,goofing around, whatever. And
this riding the waves concept isa spiritual concept, which is so
fantastic, which Hello. Here isthe here is the episode and what
(11:44):
I want to share with you. Andthank you for if you're still
listening, if you can still hearthe sound of my voice, thank you
for coming along and not bailingwhen you're like, she's just
telling stories like, get to thepoint. So here we are. This idea
of riding the waves. The firsttime I heard of this concept was
when I went to Kripalu. SoKripalu is one of the largest
(12:08):
spiritual centers and yogacenters in the United States.
It's out in the west. It's outin Western Massachusetts and the
Berkshires, okay? And I lived atKripalu for over a month when I
went to do my ytt, my yogateacher training there back in
2001 so a wicked long time ago,right? And I heard this concept
(12:31):
when I was living there andriding the waves was one of the
answers, right? So, like, wewould have, like, our daily
like, get up at 530 go do yogaat six. Blah, blah, blah, we
would have these things. Andthen during the actual training,
during the ytt and doing a yogaclass first thing in the
morning, and again, in theafternoon, it was part of the
training. It's like immersingyourself in the experience, in
(12:55):
the practice of yoga, becauseyour whole life is technically
your practice, right? I'm alwayslike, yoga is always showing you
you, and that's a story foranother day. So this question
the answer, this was an answerto the question about, and
here's the question like, howcan we suffer less when life is
(13:15):
coming at us, when we are facedwith these life situations,
right? How can we suffer lessless when we're faced with tough
questions in tough situations,right? How do we suffer less
when we are faced with toughsituations, especially ones that
we didn't choose? Right? Life islifeing. The waves are coming at
us. It's just happening. And thething is, is that tough
(13:38):
situations, you know, can be anytime when things get hot, like
just think about it, when losseshappen, when we feel overwhelmed
or anxious, when we don't haveenough money to pay the bills
you have a kid who's sick, shitdoesn't go as planned. Things
don't go how you wish they wouldhope you would want them to. And
(13:58):
whether that's in arelationship, whether that's
with your family, whether that'sat work or in your business,
like whatever, in these momentswhen we wish that things were
different, when we findourselves saying things to
ourselves, like, if only fill inthe book, if only such and such
had happened, if only theyhadn't done X, Y and Z, if only
(14:20):
I had chosen to do this, if onlyyou know right? We know that
feeling those tough situationsthat we find ourselves in, but
one of the things that yogataught me early on and continues
to teach me and continues toreinforce in my in my
knucklehead brain, is that wecannot control reality like we,
(14:42):
meaning we cannot control life.We can't We can't control life
anymore, that we can stop thewaves, stop the ocean from
having tides, and stop the oceanfrom having waves, right? Like
we, the sea is doing what thesea does, and life is doing what
life does. And Peace. People aredoing what people do a lot of
(15:02):
times, to us chagrin. A lot oftimes, it's not what we prefer
or want, right? But yoga keepsreminding me again and again and
again. You know, we do not getto control everything, which is
a really annoying reminder whenyou're kind of a control freak.
You know what I'm saying, whenyou kind of like to control
things a little bit. But one ofthe things I've realized about
(15:25):
myself and about control ingeneral, when I think back to
that younger part of me thatjust really tried to control
everything, you know, my desireto control is really just a
symptom of it's a symptom, butit was also an ego solution to
fear. So my desire to controleverything was a response to
(15:47):
fear, right? And the responsewas, I'm going to try to control
everything, because if I canjust get this to look a certain
way or feel a certain way or bea certain way, then I can relax,
then I can feel safe. My nervoussystem can take a breath and be
like, Okay, we're safe. I justhave to control everything and
make everything familiar andcontrol the environment and the
people around me. And first ofall, it's exhausting, right?
(16:09):
Even just hearing that those ofyou who who need to control, or
like to control, double A menhands, if you can relate, if any
point, you've been a littlecontrolling. Because when you
really get honest withourselves, though, you know
there's two emotions, of course,in miracles teach us, there's
love of this fear and so muchright? So much of how we are
(16:30):
responding and reacting to life,it's from that place of fear.
And I would say more so reactingto life. I always say like I
react out of fear, but I respondfrom a place of love. And it's
often people who are anxious orafraid or insecure who are
trying to control everything andagain, double A man hands, if
you can relate to that and like,let's just be honest, don't we
(16:53):
all, don't we all, at some pointexperience those feelings of
fear or anxiety or worry ortrying to, like, manipulate a
thing because you want it to bea particular way, because then
you'll feel safer in yournervous system and in your body
and inside of you right at somepoint in our life, we have all
experienced this. And if youhaven't like, you're like a
(17:15):
unicorn, I guess so, like, luckyyou. But I can say, for myself
and for many people that I knowand that I have worked with, we
all experience those feelings atsome point,
but just like, this is the goodnews. Now we're getting down
into it, just like we haveuseful tools that we use in the
ocean right to stay safe and tosurvive, we also have tools in
(17:36):
life, and we're going to get tothat. But here, just because I
just feel like, like, here aresome important things to know,
especially during the summer andif you're going to go in the
sea. One See, these are some ofthe things that I've been taught
and that I have practiced thathave been very helpful. Number
one, do not turn your back onthe sea. Like I do not. I tend
to, like, go backwards, like Iwalk backwards so I can see the
ocean usually as I'm walking outof the ocean, till I can get a
(17:59):
point where I'm like, Okay, nowI'm at ankle depth and I'm safe
to, like, turn around. I'm notgoing to get surprised and
knocked on my ass by something,right? Because I like to know
what's coming at me. I like toface things. I like to see
what's happening and what'sgoing on. So don't turn your
back on the sea, because that'sa lot of times when a wave comes
out of nowhere and knocks you onyour ass. Number two, orient
yourself to the land. Orientyourself to the land. And so for
(18:23):
me, this is about like,orienting myself to the people,
the places, the practices, thethings that ground me, like,
where home is, where safetylies, like, orient yourself
right? That's one of the thingsthat happens when you get
knocked on your ass. You getdiscombobulated. You're a little
like, confused and like, youdon't know where the shore is,
right, so, like, orient yourselfto the land when you get sucked
(18:46):
out, when you feel yourselfgetting sucked out, this is,
again, physically and Hello,metaphorically, when you feel
yourself getting sucked out. Oror Undertow, when you're pulled
into that undertow. Sometimesthe undertow is an addiction, a
habit. You know, sometimes it'sliterally the water, the ocean,
but sometimes it's like anaddiction. It's a habit, it's a
(19:07):
pattern, it's a way of being.It's a relationship or a group
of people that are no longergood for you, and you're getting
pulled into their drama andtheir trauma and their bullshit,
right? Swim parallel to theshore, especially if you're in
the ocean, right? And this ishow people drown, right? The
Undertow is very strong, andit's pulling you backwards. And
you keep fighting and fighting,and you're trying to swim in the
(19:29):
current, you're trying to swimforward. You're trying to stay
in that same place. When youswim parallel to the shore, you
you literally right. Just needto get a few feet away from, a
few feet out of that Undertow,and you swim parallel to the
shore, and that pulls you out ofthe undertow, because a lot of
people get sucked into thatcurrent, and it is very, very,
very strong, and that's howpeople drowned, is they get
(19:52):
fatigued, and they can't fightanymore, and they can't swim,
and they go under and theydrown. And this can happen off.
This can happen. Happen in lifeas well, right? The pull of the
thing, the addiction, the drug,the people, the porn, the
whatever, the gambling, thelook, right? It's too much. The
overwhelming feeling of theemotions are too much. We swim
(20:14):
parallel to shore. We get alittle distance. We get out of
the undertow. We just need alittle bit more. Just get out of
the undertro toe and swimparallel to shore and get a
different perspective. Becausethe mind, the mind and the
choices and the decisions thatgot you in that Undertow, they
are not going to be the I alwayssay to my people, like your best
(20:36):
thinking got you here, so wegotta try something else. And
are you willing? Are you willingto come at something from a
different POV, a different pointof view, and just get a little
perspective, get out of that andswim parallel. Okay, another
thing you can do is call forhelp. If you know you're in
trouble, call for help. Anotherthing, if you get wicked
fatigued, try to float. Try tofloat. Sometimes it's not about
(21:01):
doing more. Sometimes it's aboutresting. Sometimes it's not
about fighting. Sometimes it'sabout floating right. Let
allowing yourself to be buoyant,allowing yourself to be held,
allowing yourself to have a restor just a little break, so you
can gather more strength if youneed it. Here's the other thing.
Now we're getting to the hotbeat of this. You can also relax
(21:25):
and do your best to ride thewaves. Ride the waves. Ride the
waves, literally of the oceanback to shore, but also
metaphysically, metaphorically,spiritually, we learn how to
ride the waves and in life, whenI talk about like ride the wave
(21:45):
back to shore, it's kind of likethe shore is like coming back
home to who you truly are, whichis love, which is that eternal
thing that is unchanging, right?Which is you are love, no matter
what happens, no matter what youdo, underneath all of the
nonsense and the shenanigans andthe traumas and the dramas.
There's a part of you that isunchanged. There is a part of
(22:07):
you that is not touched by thethings of this world. There is a
part of you which is really tome. It's the whole pot, the holy
pot, the true pot, the self, thetrue self, which is love, so
beyond the big sensations andfeelings beyond all the ever
changing emotions, there is theeternal self, which is love. And
(22:29):
when we come back to the shore,when we remember that, when we
are reminded of who we trulyare, when we have people in our
life who reflect it back to us,and we remember, oh, yeah, I can
come back home. I can come backto shore at any time, any time,
any time. So this riding thewaves is a literal concept. It
(22:52):
is a literal concept. And again,first time I heard it was when I
was at Kripalu. So at Kripalu,we have a tool that we, and I've
did a whole show on this I knowI've talked about birth wa on
the show before, but like,repetition is the mother of all
learning. I'm not telling it toyou because I think you're
stupid. I'm not saying it againbecause I don't think you got it
(23:14):
the first time. But for me, andI've been in this game for a
long time, but even for me,reminding myself, oh yeah,
birth. Wa right. Riding thewaves of sensations of the
emotions. This is how we comeback to ourselves. This is how
we come back to love. This ishow we come back to sanity, to
our right mind, to to our truesource, to our self, to love.
(23:39):
This is how we remember thatwe're not this body being tossed
around by the waves of life thatOh yeah, I'm spirit. Okay, so
with birth, WAF war stands for,breathe, relax, feel, watch,
allow, right? And we'll get intothat in a second. So when we
allow ourselves to findourselves, when we find
(24:00):
ourselves in a tough situation,when we find ourselves in a
suffering place. Here's somethings that we can do. Number
one, and we're again, I'm goingto break down burfa. We're going
to simply be in the presentmoment, right? Do our best to
simply be in the present moment.And Remember how I talked about
floating. Just soften your grip,not clench fists. I'm like
clenching my fist, making mockswith my fingernails in my palms.
(24:22):
Not this. It's this. It's like,open palms, open soft grip, open
and receptive, right? Let go ofexpectations. Let go of
expectations, of of how you wantit to be, how you like like.
Don't try to force the outcome.No controlling right let go of
(24:43):
expectations, or at least bewilling to let go of
expectations. When you cannotlet go of an old story or an
expectation or a strong feeling,this is when prayer is really,
really helpful, and you just saysomething simply like, Please
help me. Please help me. I. Wantto let this go. I don't know how
please help, right? Just pleasehelp. You don't even have to get
(25:06):
all fancy and religiously likeyou don't have to be all like
Dear God, dear Lord, dearsometimes you just say, you
know, please help. I'm willingto do this, or help me to be
willing to do this. Okay? Numberfour, just begin to open up your
heart and your mind, and toshift out right, to shift out
your perspective. Just bewilling to be open that there
(25:28):
might be a better way. Theremight be a different way.
Because the thing is, is likewhen we stop fighting, you know,
when that current is pulling us,when we stop fighting, when we
allow ourselves to feel, andthat's usually what we're
resisting in life, is we areresisting feeling our feelings.
We are resisting facing thatthis thing is happening, right?
(25:50):
We want it to be different. Somuch of our suffering comes from
the struggle of wanting thingsto be different than they are.
Wanting things to feel differentthan they are when we allow
ourselves to just feel whateverit is we're feeling within any
given experience that can helpus to kind of find that
equanimity, that buoyancy rightwhatever life is throwing at us.
(26:14):
So if we can find from thatfoundation, place of shifting
out of resistance and fightingand that fear and that
controlling and we can kind ofjust change our awareness,
change our willingness to shiftout of our feelings of
struggling to acceptance, whichis like the waves are coming at
(26:34):
us. Life is life, and people arepeopling like this is happening,
and if I stay too attached tothe outcome and how I want it to
be, and how I need it to be inorder for me to be happy or safe
or whatever we're going to getin trouble. So birth, what is a
mindfulness a mindfulnesstechnique, right? Again,
Kripalu, yoga is it taught me,and this is how we learn to ride
(26:57):
the waves of life's challenges.Ride the waves of like whatever
is happening in our lives. Okay.Again. It stands for Breathe,
relax, feel, watch, allow.
So let's say you feel anxious oruncertain about a situation that
you're facing. Just try thistechnique. Just try it, excuse
(27:22):
me and see what happens. Ialways say to people like, I've
gathered a ton of tools. I'vegathered a bunch of things to
help myself, first and foremost,like I had to go first, because
I was drowning in the sea oflife. Life was coming at me hot
and heavy for many, many, manyyears there, and I needed some
(27:43):
help, so I gathered some tools,and now I like to share them
with others. And not every toolis going to feel like a home run
to everybody. Not every tool isgoing to be like, this is the
one, right? So I like to have alot of different ways in and a
lot of different approaches. Butone of the things I use all the
time, and I teach in my yogaclasses as well, is birth wa
(28:04):
Okay, so you start to be alittle anxious, you start to
feel a little uncertain. You getsome fear coming up. You get you
notice yourself, right? Gettinga little kooky monkeys upstairs.
When you leave, you start toleave your right mind. That's
the first thing. Like, if youcan even notice, like, oh my
god, I'm feeling really tense.Oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm
feeling this. I'm about to makethis decision. I'm about to do
this thing. We want to makechoices from a place of love,
(28:26):
like, from a little bit like,get out of that fight and
flight, get out of that fearresponse. And how can I drop
into the parasympathetic nervoussystem response, that place
where I can now have access tomy curious and creative mind so
I can make better choices?Right? So number one is we want
to breathe. We already knownice, full, deep inhale through
(28:47):
the nose, if you can twice aslong extended exhale through the
mouth, even with a little bit ofsound, can add help with vagal
tone, right for the vagus nerve.But if we just breathe, ground
yourself in the present moment.Notice the quality of your
breath. Notice the quality ofyour inhalations right through
(29:11):
the nose, if you can, and thosetwice as long exhalations out
through the mouth, if you can,when we connect to our breath, I
mean, it does a ton of things.For the nervous system, slows
down the heart rate, gets usinto parasympathetic the
relaxation response, right? Itdoes a ton of stuff, but it also
helps us to find someequanimity. It helps us to find
(29:32):
a little balance. And it's fromthat place that we can tap into
our curiosity, our resiliency,our inner strength, our inner
wisdom, right? So, number one,again, breathe. Okay. Number
two,
relax. Relax.
When we relax. And I want you tothink about this, right? This is
(29:55):
the how we start to create alittle more space inside of us.
We shift out of, like, thisfoveal vision of, like, being
hyper focused, because, like,that's what we do when we're in
fear. I gotta be hyper focusedand vigilant about, like, what
when we shift out intoperipheral vision, it's like,
and the nervous system calms andthe nervous system relaxes. And
(30:17):
when we do that, we create spacewithin ourselves, and we can
release, release any tension,release any any unnecessary like
gripping or forcing or fighting,if we can learn to just soften
our muscles a little progressiverelaxation, relax your jaw, drop
your shoulders, soften yourbelly, right like, let your
(30:42):
eyes, like, get a little bittheir their vision, like,
softer. Like, you know, whenyou're kind of looking at a
puppy or a baby and you're like,Oh baby, oh sunset, like,
whatever the thing is, right?Notice how, when we physically
relax our muscles, deepen ourbreath, how that also affects
your your mental experience aswell, the the mental chatter,
(31:05):
the mental activity of yourmind. Okay, we've got breathe.
We got relaxed, then we havefeel this is when we this is the
one that most people strugglewith right here. We don't like
to feel the hard feelings. Wedon't like to feel the anxiety
or the panic attack. We don'tlike to feel the discomfort, we
don't like to feel the anger. Wedon't like to feel the hurt,
right? It's like, but if we canbring our awareness to the
(31:28):
actual details of the physicalsensations that are coming up in
the body, right, notice thedetails of the sensations like,
Oh, I feel hot, oh, I feel cold,Oh, it feels like I'm shaking. I
feel like I'm gripping. I feel aknot in my stomach. I feel
butterflies. I feel like atightness in my throat. I feel
(31:48):
like I'm clenching my jaw right?Bring awareness to the details
of the sensations, to thedetails of the thoughts, the
emotions, right, the mentallike, the feelings and to your
memories, and then whatevercomes up. Try to meet it with
curiosity. Try to meet it withcompassion. Try to meet it with
(32:13):
an open heart. Try to meet itwith an open mind. Instead of
rushing in without judgments. Ishouldn't be feeling this. This
feeling is bad. This anxiety isbad. This needs to stop. This is
whatever. Simply be with thesensations of the feelings.
(32:33):
Don't fight it, don't force it,don't try to kill it, don't try
to push it. Simply do your bestto be with it. This is the
feeling pot, whatever arises,curiosity, compassion and an
open heart. Remember, this is amindfulness technique. Okay,
then the next one is watchingwhat I also sometimes call
(32:55):
witnessing. Okay, this is when,like Swami Kripalu, right? The
word Kripalu actually meanscompassion. Swami Kripalu Bapuji
has said, right, the highestform of spiritual physical, the
highest form, the highest formof spiritual practice is self
observation, without judgment.So when we watch, we want to
(33:19):
develop a non judgmentalwitness, a non shaming witness,
like a non judgmental awareness,like, be aware, right? Just
create non judgment aroundwhatever is happening. Observe,
simply observe yourself. Observeyour feelings. Observe like you
(33:40):
know how you usually tend towant to react to a thing.
Observe the situation as it'sunfolding. And notice, right? My
yoga, my yoga students know Ialways say, notice what you
notice. Notice what comes up.NOTICE come what comes up as
you're fully engaging with yourfeelings, with your breath. As
(34:01):
you're relaxing, notice what isgoing on inside of you. So many
people, they just run from it.And I always say, like, we have
to bear witness. We have to bearwitness to ourselves, to those
younger parts of ourselves thatmaybe are being triggered, or
they're afraid, or they'rescared, right? Like, stay with
(34:21):
yourself. Don't abandonyourself, be fully with
yourself. And then allow. Thisis the big one, like, allow. So
how do we allow? A lot of timeswe use this word, like, let go,
right? Like, let go of yourdesire for things to be a
certain way. Let go of theoutcome. Let go. Let go. Let go.
If people knew how to fuckinglet go, they would do it right.
(34:43):
But it's hard. It's hardpsychologically for people to
let go. So instead, sometimesI'll say, like in this allowing,
how about you choose not to holdon to it anymore. Mm. Right? How
about deciding to not hold on?Just don't hold on anymore.
(35:08):
Don't insist. I always say topeople, don't insist on keeping
these patterns, these habits,these beliefs, these stories,
don't insist on holding on tothem anymore. And this is that
willingness, right, surrenderinto the process. Do your best
to let go, to allow tosurrender, to not insisting on
(35:29):
holding on to these old thingsthat, that, that that cause your
suffering. Okay, allow theoutcome whatever it's going to
be. Allow it to be there withoutexpectations. Allow things to
arise without your expectations.Birth WA is a powerful practice,
and it's riding the wave,because when stuff goes down,
(35:52):
there's going to be a big waveof sensation, whether that's
fear, anger, anxiety, thatdesire to control, like that
desire to fight or flight or runor freeze or flop or whatever,
right to fawn, all the traumaresponses. There's a big wave of
sensation that comes up in thebody and comes up in the mind,
(36:13):
and these emotions and thephysical sensations. And if we
can just hang out there, if wecan just breathe into whatever
is coming up that wave that iscoming up, ride that sucker
right back into the shore. Don'ttry to, like, I always say, so
like in the ocean, we're like,trying to go over it, go under
it, get knocked on our ass. Whatif we just, like, rode the wave,
(36:36):
road the wave back into thesafety of the shore. Be the love
that you are, right? The bigsensation is going to come meet
it with the breath right. Relaxinto it. Get curious, feel it,
watch it and witness itunshamingly. Be kind, be
compassionate, and then allowyourself to return. Allow
(36:58):
yourself to have noexpectations. Allow yourself to
be surprised. Allow yourself tobe curious. Moving through the
world with non judgment, it'shard because the ego judges like
a mother, doesn't it? The egojust, I mean, it's its main gig
is to keep you separate and sickand special and suffering, you
(37:19):
know? And this is when spiritgets a say. Spirit gets to come
in those two emotions, love andfear. It's like saying there's
two teachers, there's the egoand there's spirit slash Holy
Spirit, right? Like the in ateacher, that's the voice of
love. That's what we want to beriding to the shore. And burfa
is just one of the tools that wecan use to do it.
(37:42):
So I hope, I hope
this day finds you just ridingthe waves, man, riding the
waves, not getting knocked inyour ass, right? Not like
freaking out, but hopefullyyou're going to get in the
water, you're going to get intoyour life. You're going to be
present. You're going to get alittle wet. You're going to
play. You're going to have somefun. Yes, you are going to get
(38:03):
knocked on your ass, becausethat is life. Life is lifeing.
The waves are coming in, right?People are peopling. But we have
so many tools, you guys. Andremember, one of them is call
for help. And this is when,again, right? There's a there's
so many people out there, andsometimes your help is unpaid.
It's a friend, it's a familymember, right? It's your priest,
(38:27):
although I would say if you'retithing, you are in some ways,
paying. But then there's alsocoaches and mentors. There's
people like me, there'scommunities like the nest,
there's like yoga classes youcan go to right? There's lots of
ways to find help, so use thattoo if you need to, and you can
(38:47):
always find me in the ways thatI help at Karen Kenney, k, e, n,
n, e, y, right? Karenkenney.com, there's a work with
me page. There's a page on thequest one to one mentoring.
There's a page on my yogaclasses. There's a page on hot
to hot days. Hot to hot days arelike we we like. They're like
chunks of time throughout theday, like a half day or a few
(39:08):
hours where we talk over Voxer.It's a voice messaging app, and
it's like having a walkietalkie. And we do spiritual
mentoring. We do some coaching.Uh, hot to hot days are a blast.
I love them. If you're curiousabout them, just go to just go
to Karen kenney.com/work withme. You'll see the button right
at the top, and you can learnall about them. Okay, you guys,
(39:29):
thank you so much for stayingwith me, for riding this wave of
this episode. I've loved sharingthis time with you. I hope it
was helpful and beneficial insome way, and if it was, please
share it with somebody, right?Somebody who you think could
benefit from it? Um, whereveryou go, wherever you go, out
there, today, tomorrow, tonight,whatever may you leave, the
(39:49):
people, the animals, yourself,the environment, the planet,
better than how you first foundit. Wherever you go, may you and
your energy and your presenceand. Your love and you know, be
a blessing. Just keep riding thewaves, my friends. Bye. You.
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