September 4, 2025 • 43 mins
On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I dive into the idea of creating your own personal board of directors.
Inspired by my friend’s business and my own journey, I explore what it means to have a group of trusted people in your life who can offer guidance, accountability, and support - kind of like your own “Knights of the Round Table.”
I share how this concept goes beyond the corporate world and can be a powerful tool for personal growth and decision-making.
I talk about the importance of choosing people with diverse backgrounds, talents, and perspectives.
It’s not about having a bunch of “yes” people around you. Instead, you want to curate a group that can challenge you, cheer you on, and help you see things from different angles.
I break down the key qualities to look for - like trust, mutual respect, genuine care, and communication styles that will work for you.
Members of the board should get you, understand your goals, and want to see you succeed.
I also remind us about the responsibility that comes with asking for someone’s time and advice. If you’re going to reach out to your board, show up prepared and be clear about what you need.
And remember, you’re the head honcho - you get to decide whose advice to take and when to go your own way. It’s all about gathering perspectives, not handing over your power.
At the end of the day, building your own board of directors is a fun way to surround yourself with people who love you, believe in you, and can help you grow.
Whether you make it official or just take a moment to appreciate the amazing humans in your life, I hope this episode inspires you to reflect on who’s at your table - and maybe even send a little thank you their way! ❤️
KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:
• A personal board of directors is a handpicked group of people who offer you guidance and support.
• Choose members with diverse backgrounds and perspectives for well-rounded advice.
• Select people whose character and experience you respect and admire.
• Trust and mutual respect are essential for open and honest conversations.
• Board members should understand your goals, values, and who you are.
• You want genuine care and a lack of competition or jealousy.
• Communication styles should match your needs so you can receive feedback effectively.
• Always show up prepared and respect your board members’ time.
• You can change your board members as your needs and relationships evolve.
• Remember, you are in charge and get to decide which advice to follow and when.
BIO:
Spiritual mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses humor and dynamic storytelling to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to self-development.
Bringing together tools that coach the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen helps clients deepen their connections with Self, and discover their unique understandings of spirituality.
Her practice combines neuroscience, subconscious reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, somatics, spiritual mentoring, and other holistic modalities to help regulate the nervous system, examine internal narratives, remove blocks, and reimagine what’s possible.
A passionate yoga teacher, long-time student of A Course in Miracles, and Gateless Writing instructor, Karen is a frequent speaker and retreat leader. Via her programs The Quest and The Nest, she coaches individuals and groups.
With The Karen Kenney Podcast, she encourages
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenneyshow. I'm so happy to be here
with you this morning, and I amrecording this sucker like
bright and early.
This might be my first time everrecording a suck a leg as soon
as I get up in the morning. Sothis is kind of fun. I love
having a new experience. We'rejust going to dive right into
(00:23):
this. I'm calling this suckerlike your board of directors.
And the idea came from I have afriend who runs, I don't even
want to say a program, but sheshe has a lot of different
aspects to her business, and oneof them requires that she has a
(00:43):
board of directors. And Iremember when I first met her,
and we were talking about allthe different things she does,
and she kept saying, the Boardof Directors, the board of
directors. And I'm like, What?What do you mean? Like, you have
a board of directors. Andbecause I've never been in like,
corporate world. I don't thinkI've ever worked for a nonprofit
or whatever. I'm fascinated bythis idea of a board of
(01:07):
directors. Now, a board ofdirectors normally, and I had to
look this up because I'm like, Idon't know what I'm talking
about when it comes to corporatebut basically a board of
directors when it comes tobusiness and you know, all that
stuff. What they do these peopleis they provide high level
oversight of a company. So theyhire and evaluate the CEO, they
(01:30):
look out for, obviously, theshareholder interest. They
approve, right? They have to,you have to go to them to
approve, like, if you havestrategic goals and your
budgets, and they set policies,and they basically make sure
that the organization isn'tdoing anything illegal. They try
to have financial compliance,ethical, you know, compliance,
all those things, so they aren'tinvolved in, like, the day to
(01:55):
day, like on the groundoperations, but they kind of
like oversee. They're like anoversight board, and they
provide guidance, and they, youknow, try to make sure that the
company is running well, andthen it has its long term best
interests. It's hot, okay? So,like, that's kind of what they
do. So their keyresponsibilities are things like
(02:17):
representing the shareholders,compliance, risk management,
financial oversight, executiveleadership and strategic
direction, blah blah blah. And Iwas like, Okay, that's cool. I
understand how that works for abusiness, especially like a big
corporation that has a wickedlot of, you know,
employees and people that theyhave to answer to and blah, blah
blah. But then I was thinkingabout how cool it would be to
(02:42):
have a personal board ofdirectors. And I realized kind
of how I already have a personalboard of directors. Now, if
you've ever listened to thisshow for any length of time, or
you follow me on social media,you've been to my events or
worked with me, blah, blah,blah, if you're in the nest, or
did you know one to onementoring. You have heard me
talk about your spiritual team.You'll hear me say, s t o t j,
(03:08):
spiritual team on the job,right? I always stick my hand up
and I go, s t o t j,
and I believe that my spiritualteam has saved my ass more than
once. But when I and if youdon't know what I'm talking
about with the spiritual team.You can go and, like, look up
that episode, or go to mywebsite and get the freebie.
Like, download about, like,spiritual teams, and how to
(03:29):
build your spiritual team. Butyour spiritual team can be made
up of people, both living anddead. It can be made up of
mythological people. It can bemade up of animals. It can be
made up of your ancestors. Itcan be made up of fictional,
fictional characters, likeplaying a role, you know, it's
like, it's, it's a lot more kindof broad in its scope, and it's
(03:52):
more, I think of it like they'remy they are part of my internal
guidance system, right? Andthat's fantastic, and it's
amazing. And like I said, it hashelped me all throughout my
life, when I'm talking about apersonal board of directors,
though this involves like peoplewho are actually alive.
(04:21):
Now, remember, people can bealive and be on your spiritual
team, but this is only made upof people who are like real in
the world, like human you cancommunicate with them or
whatever. And when I wasthinking about this, I thought,
how, how cool is it to have likepeople, let me just kind of like
(04:42):
break it down how I think abouta personal board of directors as
opposed to an executive, like aprofessional, like in your
career kind of life. So apersonal board of directors is
more like a group of people thatyou curate, that you choose, and
I'll kind of break down.
What I think is helpful to have,and like, kind of how this
(05:04):
works. If this interests you,and you might realize all along,
like that you kind of alreadyhave this kind of thing going
on. You just might call itsomething different, you know
what I mean. So it's like acurated group of, like, your
mentors, your advises and peerswho provide for you certain
things, like they might provideprovide to you like just built
(05:27):
in accountability. They mightprovide for you guidance on
particular things, right? Theymight provide for you diverse
perspectives on a thing, butthey help you to navigate your
personal life, and, of course,that you can also enlist them to
help you navigate yourprofessional life. But unlike
(05:47):
like a corporate board, whatthis is is more for like when
you're trying to make adecision, or you're on a
personal growth journey or atransformational like journey,
and some of the elements,though, that are really key
here, and I'm going to breakthose down in a minute.
(06:07):
But we want, like I said, wewant this. And if you don't like
the word, I should say that ifyou don't like the term, like,
board of directors. I also wrotedown some others. I'm like, you
could call them your board oftrustees. You could call them
your executive board. You cancall them, your governing
committee, your supervisoryboard, whatever you want to call
it. Come up with a fun name. Ireally love naming things, so
(06:29):
I'm like, come up with a namethat like really works for you.
A lot of times, the people who Iwould consider on my personal
board of directors, I'll oftensay to them, I want to ping pong
some things with you, right? Iwant to, I want to brainstorm a
couple of things with you. Ihave this idea. This is what I'm
thinking, and I would love yourperspective. And that's really
(06:51):
what I'm personally looking for,is a broader perspective on a
thing. And this is why, when youchoose, and I wrote down some
things here about what I thinkis really important. And you
know, when I when I Googled thisconcept of like a personal board
of directors,
(07:12):
here's some of the things thatI'll just tell you. The Internet
said, right that your who shouldbe on your personal board. They
say things like this, thisshould be diversity, like you
want to seek out people with awide range of backgrounds. You
want them to have diverse roles,so that they can fill different
elements or functions withinyour life. And then I thought
(07:33):
these were kind of cute. Theysaid they suggested having a
chair, right? Somebody who's whoholds the chair, the chair of
values. So this is someone whohelps you to stay true to your
ethical principles. And it'sinteresting, because in the
nest, my group mentoring programlike I have these kind of 12
modules, and one of them iscalled your big three, and it's
about your three big corevalues. And of course, you can
(07:55):
have more core values, but wekind of stop with those three
that really kind of anchor youand help you to stay true to
like who you are and who youwant to be in the world. So I
really appreciated this one. Andthen they said the CFO of
energy. I thought this wasreally interesting, a steward of
your time, your health and youremotional energy. So you're
(08:15):
starting to see how the peopleon your board of directors might
fulfill different roles, right?And then you have a strategy
director. This is someone who isa very strategic thinker, and
they help you to define yourlong term goals and then stay on
track with those suckers, right?And then there's the risk
officer of growth. And this issomeone who helps you to assess
(08:36):
like potential pitfalls whenyou're starting a new venture or
doing a new, big and excitingthing, or you're thinking about
taking on, you know, risk ofsome kind, and then it's like
your accountability partner, andthis is a trusted peer or
confident who holds youaccountable for your actions. So
you can see how it could lookdifferent, and it could be kind
(08:58):
of fun when you're doing this.Now, you might be somebody who
says, well, I already have thatkind of built into my life. And
I'm like, if you do that'samazing. I have this built into
my life. I basically like myboard of directors. Number one
is me.
I'm the head honcho, right? Callthat the C I don't really relate
(09:18):
to language like the CEO, butmaybe that's the language you
you like, but like, I'm I'm thehead honcho, like, I'm the one
in charge, right? Of things, andyes, I will always draw upon my
internal teacher. Like, that's apart of me, right? That divine
intelligence, whether you callit spirit, Holy Spirit. Some
(09:41):
people might call it. I call itinternal teacher. In a teacher.
Some people might also call ityour intuition, your instinct,
whatever, all of that alreadyresides within me as the head
honcho. You know what I mean.But then if you're going to
build your personal board, youknow, here are some of the
things that.
That I that I would recommend,or that I look for in my own
(10:06):
experience, because, again,that's the only thing I can
really talk about with any sortof intelligence. Or, you know,
proof of like, real like,firsthand, Real Deal experience
is that, like, first of all, I'mlooking for people that have
diverse experience, who havediverse talents, that they're
just diverse in theirperspectives, right? It's like,
(10:28):
and this could be like all kindsof things. They come from
different backgrounds. They comefrom different points of view.
Somebody might be male, female,gay, straight, in corporate
right, or somebody who's alwaysjust been like an employee, or
somebody who like whatever itis, like, I like to have people
that can come at things from aslightly different point of
(10:50):
view. I kind of think of it likethis Kaleidos Kaleidoscope
effect. And now, one of the keypoints with that, though, is
that if you're getting peoplewho are going to give you a
bunch of different advice, forsome people that can feel a
little overwhelming to you andyour nervous system, it can feel
like, oh, everybody's saying allthese different things. So we
(11:12):
want to be mindful about that.When I say diverse, it doesn't
also mean that you want to overcomplicate it and get
overwhelmed. Okay, so here arethe some of the things that I
use to build I would use tobuild a personal board of
directors. Number one, they'reelected by you, like you choose
these suckers, right? Becausesometimes we can have people in
our life who try to give usadvice without us even asking.
(11:42):
Oh, just grabbing my face. Youknow, people who will just offer
up what they think you shoulddo, and you're in your brain is
going, I don't remember evenasking you, but okay, like
whatever you know, and look, I'msure I do it too. We just like
to be helpful. And sometimes wehear somebody's in a conflict or
going through something, and youunsolicited advice, or you start
(12:04):
coaching them, and whatever, Itry to be really mindful of
that. I'm sure sometimes some,some, you know, some shit slips
through my mouth, and I'm like,oh. And then later I realized, I
don't think you were actuallyasking me for my opinion, but we
do our best. But number one, wewant them to be elected by you.
Now, of course, they have to bewilling to be on your board of
(12:24):
directors, right and and you caneven ask them. You can just say,
Hey, I would love to includeyou, like, kind of make it
official. I think there'ssomething really cool about
that. And I think even justasking them, they'll feel
probably, I don't know if I wantto say flathead, but they'll be
feel honored. They'll be like,Oh, thank you so much. And what
(12:44):
we're doing is, when we askthese people, don't ask your
average for your knucklehead.You know what I mean? Like,
don't ask. Like, be choosy.Like, be particular, right? So
we want to, like, choose peoplewhere we that there's something
about their character. There'ssomething about their
the qualities they possess, andthere's something about their
(13:06):
experience, right, their livedexperience that you admire.
That's number one. You electthem. They have to be willing to
do it, but you're choosing thembased on these qualities of
character
and experience, lived experiencethat you admire. Okay, this one,
this next one, number two, iswicked important. First of all,
(13:28):
you have to trust them. It hasto be a relationship that is
kind of like built in this placeof trust in the trust is what's
going to allow for safety. Andwhen there's trust in safety,
and that can look like a feelingof like all parts of you are
welcome. All parts of you arewelcome in your relationship
(13:53):
with them, right that you have asense of of trust that they're
not going to try to hurt you,harm you, belittle you, you
know, whatever, and that allowsyou and your nervous system to
experience some sort of safety.Why that's important is, is
because that allows you to showup with an open mind in with
your dukes down, right? Youdon't have your defenses up. As
(14:15):
soon as the defenses go up andthe critical right, the critical
voice comes online because youdon't feel safe, then creativity
goes out the window, right? Sowe want to be able to stay in a
place where you're open andyou're creative and you're
curious, and trust and safetyare a big part of that, okay?
For me, I would also look formutual respect, meaning, not
(14:37):
only do you respect them,because it can be really easy to
give your power away and putpeople up on a pedestal and be
like, Oh, they're the almightyknowing guru. Like they're
they're the like, you know, theyknow everything, and you just
kind of give away your power.And I never want you to do that,
because I want you to be able toretain the ability.
(15:00):
Kind of to, you
know, reject advice if it's notlike in alignment with you or
your values, right, and stufflike that, you don't want to.
You want the respect to flowboth ways that you respect them
and that you're highly awarethat they also respect you and
your your agency, your autonomy,your sovereignty, your
(15:23):
authorship, your ability to makegood decisions. So we want
mutual respect. That really is abig deal, because if there's
somebody that we respect but wefeel like they don't respect us,
then the way they talk to us,the way they treat us, in the
long run, it could lead to it
could lead to feelings of likeshame and blame and guilt and
(15:44):
all kinds of weird shit that wedon't want to
do. Okay. Number four, for me, Iwant there to be a foundation of
familiarity. I want people whoalready really get me to the
best of their ability, right,who understand me and who
understand my goals, my vision,my dream, what I'm trying to
accomplish. I don't want to haveto explain myself or give like
(16:08):
an hour of backstory every timeI talk to them. I want them to
kind of already know where I'mcoming from, where I came from,
like, who I am, what matters tome, so that you know, like, for
example, let's just say I, I'mtotally pulling this out of my
and making this up. But, youknow, being, being a vegan for
(16:28):
like 25 years, like lovinganimals, you know, respecting
animals rights, never wanting toharm them. If somebody doesn't
know that about me, if theydon't know how what a big part
of my life. Animals are orwhatever, you know, they might
make some I'm again, making thisup, but they might make some
recommendations. And in mybrain, I would just be like, you
(16:50):
know, I'm not going to go tothat rodeo, you know, I'm not
going to go to that pig roast tonetwork, you know, I wouldn't go
and, like, buy this leather, X,Y, like, whatever the thing is,
right?
And so you want people to leastreally get the core basics of
like, who you are and whatmatters, you know what I mean,
so a foundation of familiarity.And like I said, that was just
(17:14):
like a random example, but youwant them to understand you and
the way that you tend to thinkand the way that you tend to
process. And are you somebodywho's not a risk taker? Are you
somebody who kind of does thingsa little fast and furious, and
you know, need to, sometimesneed to be reined in, right?
Like we want them to, kind oflike, know us. So Familiarity is
(17:35):
important, but familiaritywithout contempt, not so much
familiarity that they've put youin a box, which can happen a lot
with family members and siblingsand people you came up with,
right? They're too familiar withyou, and so they're not able to
see you as the person you havegrown to become, and are still
(17:56):
becoming so familiarity, butwithout contempt. Okay, that's
an important thing. Also genuinecare. So this is number five,
alright? So genuine care foryou, you want people who
actually want you to succeed inlife. Want you to succeed in
your relationships, in yourfriendships, in your business,
(18:18):
in your marriage. You know whatI mean, in your in your craft,
whether you're a musician or awriter or a dancer or a speaker
or a whatever you do, right? Youwant people as a coach, right?
You want people who want you toactually succeed, that there's
not this weird competition, thatthere's not this like weird envy
(18:39):
or jealousy that kind of puts acog in the wheel and that can
feel sometimes like, Oh, nowthey're starting to give me
advice. It just feels like
or just making off handedcomments or backhanded
compliments or whatever, if thatenergy starts to get like,
weird, right, then trust andsafety go like, goes out the
(19:00):
window and it's going to be likeNo, no. So you want people who
are confident enough in theirown success and in who they are
that they don't get weird aboutseeing their friends shine or
seeing their friends grow, orseeing their friends have
success, whether it's personalor professional. We want
somebody people who genuinelycare about us. We also want
(19:24):
number six like to understandcommunication styles. We want to
have people that give feedbackright, that can give feedback to
us in a way that we can actuallyhear. We want people who know
how to give loving feedback, whoknow how to lead with your
strengths? Yes, there's alwaysgoing to come a time when it
(19:45):
might be like, hey, and, youknow, there's a big difference
between saying, Well, youshouldn't have done that, like
that was stupid,
versus, have you considered, youknow, I was thinking about this
and I got.
Curious about this, what do youthink? Or whatever? Right? Their
communication styles. Now,personally, sometimes I like, I
(20:07):
really love compassionate,loving feedback, and I also want
people who sometimes get to thepoint who are direct, and I call
it loving but firm, right? LikeI can do well with loving but
firm, because there's a part ofme that's like, Don't fucking
tiptoe around this, right? Like,tell me what you're thinking. I
want to know what you'rethinking. Like, don't be mean.
(20:29):
Don't be mean. Watch a tone ofvoice, because for with me, it's
not always necessarily what yousay, it's how you say it, right?
I know sometimes people have tosay difficult or tough things to
us. But if I know that there'salready trust and safety, if I
know that you respect me, if Iknow that you get me and my
story and my backstory and who Iam and where I'm coming from,
(20:50):
and you genuinely care about me,then I can hear pretty much
anything. You know what I'msaying. So we want people who
have communication styles thatjive with us, that work with us,
you know what I mean? And thenhere's another thing, and this
is kind of like on you. This isnumber seven. Is responsibility
and preparation. If you aregoing to ask people to give you
(21:11):
some of their precious time, youknow, time is a commodity, like
time and attention is a reallybig deal. So for me, if I'm
going to ask somebody to hop ona zoom, like, so I can ping pong
something off of them, or I canbrainstorm or to Vox something
out with me, which I often dowith one of my board of
directors, right? Or somebody onwho's on my board of directors,
(21:35):
I'm not going to waste anybody'stime. Like, don't waste
anybody's fucking time today.You know what I mean? Like, show
up, prepared. Show up, prepared.And say, like, yeah, these are
the three things I want to talkabout. I just want to get your
you know, your point of view,your reflection, your feedback,
your thoughts, whatever it is,like, just don't waste people's
time so it because here's whatit is, if it's important enough
(21:56):
for you to try and use theirtime, it better be important
enough to you that you sat downand got your work done, that you
prepared, you know, that youshowed up and like, you're ready
to go.
And so these are, like, kind ofthe basics. And look, I could
probably name like another fiveor six or whatever, but this is
kind of like the hot beat of it.And I'm going to just re say
them quickly to you. Number one,they're elected by you,
(22:18):
obviously, with theirwillingness to participate,
right? You're looking for peoplewith characters and qualities
and experience that you admire.Number two, that this trust and
safety between the two of you,so that you and your nervous
system can fully show up in arelaxed calm. You know with
clarity, with confidence, youknow with curiosity, that you're
not going into it defensive withyour dukes up in fear, with that
(22:42):
critical voice, like, you know,talking really loud in your
head. Mutual respect. That flowsboth ways. I think that's a
given. A foundation offamiliarity is number four,
right? So number one, elected byyou. Number two, trust and
safety. Number three, mutualrespect. Number four, foundation
of familiarity, they understandyou. They understand your goals
and your vision and kind of whatyou're doing. Number five, there
(23:03):
is genuine care between you.There's no weird competition or
jealousy. These are people whocheerlead you, who want you to
succeed. They believe in you.You know what I mean? They think
you're the bee's knees and thecat's pajamas. Six,
communication styles. They'renot going to come at you fast
and furious and make you kind oflike, shrink up and go, Oh no,
right? And you can actually,like, talk about this, like, Hey
(23:26):
guys, just so you know, the waythat I tend to receive
information, I can be a littlesensitive, you know, I prefer to
hear things like this way,because I want to hear what you
have to say, but I want to hearit in a way that I can hear it.
And number seven, your ownresponsibility and preparation.
If you're going to ask forpeople's time, don't waste their
time. Don't waste your time,right? If it matters to you,
(23:47):
make it matter. You know whatI'm saying.
Something else to to remember isthat
you can appoint these people andyou can retire these people. You
know, if you're like, it doesn'tfeel like a great fit anymore,
or I'm kind of moving in thisdirection, or maybe the
relationship kind of fallsapart, or things get weird. And
(24:10):
then you can also reappointthem, like, let's say, later
down the road, you're like, ohyeah. Like, I want to bring them
back on board. Now, remember,they have to be willing, like,
to do this as well. So we want agood, diverse range of
experience, of talent, ofperspectives, of just even human
beings, that maybe they comefrom different like, you know,
(24:30):
walks of life. And I know formyself, I don't really go
seeking a lot of advice, youknow, I tend to be like, I
always say like, first, thefirst quote, unquote person, the
first thing I talk to, the firstbeing I talk to is, is God, is
the universe is, you know, thehighest intelligence,
(24:50):
intelligence that it is. And Isay things like, please help me
to get out of my own way.
Please help me to hear anydivine guidance that is trying
to come through me.
And I really kind of sit for me,that's the first thing, is
spiritual direction, spiritualmentorship. That's where I go
first. And then I talk to myselflike, I trust myself. I trust my
(25:11):
inner teacher. I trust myinstinct. But there are times
when I'm like, I'm not sure,because sometimes when you maybe
want something really bad, oryou're really, like, focused on
a certain timeline, or whateveryou're you kind of put on
blinders, right? You end uphaving a blind spot. And
sometimes we have a blind spotto the actual thing that we're
(25:34):
trying to build. But sometimeswe have a blind spot to our own
bullshit and like, the ways thatmaybe we're not dreaming. Like,
for me, one of the things Ioften need help with is allowing
myself to dream bigger.Sometimes I don't dream big
enough, right? Like, sometimesI'll put a little kibosh on my
own. Not so much momentum, butlike, what I think is possible,
(25:56):
which is really interesting,because for other people, I just
think everything is possible.Like, oh my god, you know, like,
Oh my God, there's so muchcapacity and potential and the
miraculous and like, anythingcould happen. The universe is
conspiring in our favor and thensometimes towards myself, I
shrink it down a little bit. Sothat's a muscle I've been trying
(26:17):
to grow for, like, a long time,and my board of directors really
helps me. They'll remind me whenI say, Well, if this happens,
they say, not if, when, right?My best friend Katie, who's on
my board of directors, shealways is saying to me, it's not
if, it's when. And I'm like, oh,yeah, yeah, I gotta watch that
language. I gotta watch thatlanguage. You know what I mean.
So
(26:37):
we want people who are going tohelp us in the ways where we
might get in our own way, and wesometimes will, again, not think
big enough, or sometimes we'rethinking way too big, and we
need somebody to say, hey, let'sslow down. Let's take like,
let's plan this out. Like,let's, let's take this like,
(26:58):
step one, step two, step three.And, you know, and that's the
thing you want, like, really,like, maybe, like, big dreamers.
And then you want somebody who'sa little more practical, and you
want somebody who's really goodat looking at the numbers, and
you want somebody who's reallygood at looking, like, at the
your own emotional capacity,like, reminding you, like, Hey,
(27:19):
you have a pretty busy schedule.Is this really the month to try
and, like, do all the thingsright? And, like, start a new
thing, and stop a habit andstart a new habit, and go back
to the gym and do all this whenyou've got X, Y and Z? Because
sometimes we just, you know, Godbless us. Sometimes we just need
(27:39):
a little help.
I know this to be true, becauseI wouldn't be in business if
people didn't need help, right?I wouldn't be in the spiritual
mentoring and the coaching andthe, you know, quote, unquote,
helping business, you know, inthe service business if people
didn't need help. And I justthink having this in your own
personal life could be reallycool. And I think there's
(28:00):
something really fun aboutsitting down, because you know
why you get to sit down andreally reflect on the people
that you're surroundingyourselves with. You get to sit
down and take a gander, take agood look around, and it allows
you to have How do I say this?Moments of appreciation, deep,
(28:22):
deep moments of gratitude, kindof moments of wonder and awe.
You get to look around and belike, Wow, I know some pretty
incredible human beings. I knowsome people with some talents
and strengths that I don't have.I have people also. You get to
see that you have people in yourcorner, people who believe in
you, people who love you, peoplewho want to help you succeed.
(28:45):
It's a beautiful, beautifulpractice, and even if you don't
take it so far as to make itofficial, and, you know, make it
like, oh, yeah, this is my boardof directors. And do you want to
be on my board of directors? Youdon't like, you know, some
people might be like, that'sawkward,
you know, can I just go to themfor advice? I'm like, Yeah, but
this is just kind of a fun wayto stop and reflect on some of
(29:09):
the incredible humans in yourlife, and even if you don't like
again, make it official, maybewhat you could do is when you
recognize these beautiful humanbeings, these help is these
people who care for you andcreate trust and safety in your
life and provide a level of careand a strong foundation for you
to stand on and launch yourselffrom like from their love. And
(29:32):
that's the thing, you know, Ithink about the thing that Mr.
Rogers says he's like, you know,we've all had people who have
loved us. We have someone whohas loved us into being. And
this is what I think about yourboard of directors, like as they
have, these are often people whohave, throughout our life, loved
us into being. And even if youdon't make them official, board
members, maybe send them alittle thank you note like,
(29:53):
literally your own handwriting,like write out a card, send it
in the mail and let them knowthat they.
Had an impact on your life, andmaybe you want to make it
official. Like, I kind of thinkof it like I did an episode a
wicked, long time ago called,like, who's at your table? And I
was talking about, you know,King Arthur and the Knights of
(30:14):
the Round Table, and who has aseat at your table? Like, who do
you trust? That's kind of likewhat the board of directors are.
And that's how I would think ofit is more like the Knights of
the Round Table, like, who has aseat at my table and I get off
the top of my head, I canalready tell you, like, I know
who my board of directors are. Iknow who my Knights of the Round
Table are. That's how I like tolook at it, because I'm a little
(30:36):
geeky, and I love Merlin, I lovemagic, and I love the whole
thing.
So, like I said, you get to makeit your own. Call it whatever
you want to call it. And I just,whenever I think about this, I
have deep gratitude for thepeople in my life who love me
and see me and get me, and I canjust box them and say, Hey, I
have an idea. Can I bounce thisoff of you? Or, Hey, can you
(30:59):
ping pong this back to me, like,Am I seeing this correctly? Or
where am I? Where do I have ablind spot? Or where am I
getting in my own way? And I'mso blessed to have, you know, a
few people that I really,really, really trust, and I know
that when something good happensfor me, they genuinely
celebrate, like, genuinelycelebrate. They're happy for me,
(31:22):
you know? And that's like athat's like a rare thing, you
guys, yeah, you can often getit, not always, not always. Do
you get it from your familymembers, or if your parents are
still alive, right? Whatever,especially if you grew up in a
house where to shine meant thatother people felt like they were
in your shadow. So they're notinto that, right? You know what
(31:43):
I mean? A lot of times, peopledon't want you to get too,
quote, unquote big for yourbritches. They don't want you
Who do you think you are, right?They don't want to celebrate
your success. Your personalgrowth is a threat to them,
right? They take, they take itas almost like an affront to
them, like, they take it like,like, like you just doing well,
feels like a judgment to them.Like you stop or start doing a
(32:06):
thing. They take it personally.It's like, this isn't about you,
right? It's not about acommentary on you. This is about
me and what I'm trying tocreate. You know what I mean?
But remember, you're the headhoncho, you're the CEO, you're
at the head of the table, right?Like, this is your board of
directors. So again, you canappoint you can retire, you can
reappoint people. You can changeit up. And you might have people
(32:30):
that you go to. You might havepeople that you go to for just
specific things. Because you'relike, this is their area of
expertise. It's like, oh yeah,this is the person
that I talk to, you know, when Iknow I'm getting in my own way,
when I need a little kick in theass, you know, loving but firm.
You know what I mean? I talkabout my spiritual team, and how
(32:52):
there's, like, a couple of whatI call ass kick is on my
spiritual team. So there arecertain people that you know are
going to give it to you straightnow, here's the tricky part.
This is one caveat. This issomething that where you really
have to know yourself. I seethis a lot in groups of friends,
(33:13):
right? What you don't want is tohave a lot of yes people, right?
Quote, unquote, yes people youdon't want, people like, how do
I say this? I know people whomight be doing something in
their life,
and whether it's an actualphysical action or a thought
(33:35):
process that they're having whenthey're really in their victim
loop, or they're shaming andblaming other people, making it
like they are just not. This iswhat I call refusing to accept
responsibility for your ownexperience, in your own, you
know, life, in how you'reresponding to the world. And a
lot of times, what they'll do isthey already have particular
feedback that they want toreceive. They already have an
(33:57):
outcome in mind. And they're notactually looking for diverse
perspectives. They're notlooking for any pushback, any
follow up questions, anyfeedback. They just want to go
to that group of people, right?I can just say this from a
perspective of
I've seen groups of women wholike get together with their
(34:21):
wine, and this is not I'm notjudging. I'm just giving an
example. It's an observation,right? They get together with
their wine and all they do isbitch and moan about their
partners, their husbands, theirSweeties, their whatever it is,
and it's just like, Yeah, you'reright. He shouldn't do that.
Yeah, you're right. She waswrong to do that to you. Yes,
yes, yes, yes, you're right,you're right, you're right. I'm
(34:42):
not interested in that. That tome, like I always say, that's
not interesting to me. I wantpeople who are going to help me
to actually grow, who are goingto help me to like, shift my
perspective right, from fear tolove, people who are going to
help me to expand my idea ofwhat's possible. So.
To as I say, we have to bewilling to own both our
(35:03):
brilliance and our bullshit, andI want people who can lovingly
point out to me my bullshitsometimes. So we don't want a
group of people who are justgoing to say, like, yes, you're
right. Yes, don't I'm like,don't agree with me. Don't agree
with me if I'm wrong, right.Don't agree with me if I'm being
a dick, don't agree with me, ifI'm being selfish or short
sighted, or I'm cutting myselfoff at the knees, like no, I
(35:25):
don't want a bunch of yespeople. I want people who are
confident enough in their ownpoint of view to offer me a
different way of seeing myself,the other person or people the
situation, you know what I mean.So, yeah, I hope, I hope this
(35:47):
has been helpful in some way. Ifyou do decide to create your own
little board of directors, yourown little, from my point of
view, Knights of the RoundTable, like, who has a seat at
your table? I would love toknow, I think it's really
fantastic, and I just know formyself having the that little
handful of like, really trustedadvisers, people who I think are
(36:12):
genuine, and people who I thinkare wicked smart. And I always
say when smarty pants people aresaying smarty pants things, I am
smart enough to listen, and itdoesn't mean that you have to do
what they tell you to do. Thisis more about gathering
perspective so that you candecide what the next right,
(36:35):
smallest step is. Sometimes it'sa big step, maybe it's the next
right big step. But for me, it'sabout going. It's more about
like, and especially the kind ofperson that I am. And this
might, I'm sharing this becauseit might relate in resonate with
you too.
Sometimes I'm like,
(36:55):
I think this is what I want todo. There's like, A, and there's
B, and sometimes there's a, b,c, right? Or 123,
and I will share with somebodyelse, and they'll say, I think
this is what I would do if I wasin your shoes, or I think this
is what you should do, right? Wetry not to use the word should,
but you know what I'm saying, ifit were me, this is what I would
(37:16):
do. Or, how about this? And alot of times them just giving me
something else, like giving mean answer back that I can
respond to helps me to make upmy mind. Like, for example, I'm
the kind of person. Like, let'smake it as something as simple
as what people all over thecountry probably go through all
(37:38):
the time, right? What do youwant to have for dinner, right?
And when somebody asked me that,what do you want for dinner, I
have the kind of brain that goeslike, like, it pans out, and
it's like, oh my god, I gottahave so many things. It's way
easier for me to say or to havesomebody say to me, do you want?
(37:59):
Do you want pasta? Or do youwant something else, right? And
do you want, like, you know,like, whatever it is. And
because in that moment, I willhave a strong physical reaction.
I will have a strong, like, callit gut reaction, or whatever,
but my body will go, oh, no, youknow. And I'll be like, Oh,
(38:22):
should I have, like, should Ihave ramen noodles? Or, again,
making this up, should I have,like, in there vegan? Just
assume everything I say is avegan product. Okay, should I
have like, a chick Patty, notreal chicken, a chick patty and
rice? Or, should I have pastaand a salad? And I'm like, I'm
kind of leaning towards this.And then my CD will say, well,
(38:44):
have that. And as soon as hesays it, my body goes, No, I
think I'm going to have theother one. And he just laughs.
And I explained to him, Iliterally sat him down, and I
said, Look, I want you tounderstand it's not that I
don't, and sometimes I do chooseand go with the thing that he
he, you know, suggests. But alot of times I said, you're
doing me such a huge service byjust throwing something back at
(39:07):
me, giving me your opinion back,because it helps me to feel in
my body what my hell yes or myhell no is right? Like, my heck
yeah, like, yeah and my hell no,right? Like, I literally have a
visceral reaction. So it'sreally, really helpful. And
sometimes having a board ofdirectors helps you to get more
(39:30):
clarity about what you want, soyou are not imprisoned by what
their suggestions. And you alsohave to be comfortable enough,
maybe I would add number eight,
like there has to be a level ofhonesty and a level of comfort
that you can say to them, thankyou so much for offering your
(39:53):
feedback, your opinions, yourwhatever. This is what I've
decided to do, and it might bethe total offer.
Opposite of what they offered.So this is not like the judge
and the jury that's saying. Thisis how it has to be again. This
is a cultivation of meaningfulrelationships with people who
(40:15):
possess qualities again andexperiences that you admire, but
they are not you. They are notin your shoes, and they will not
have to pay the consequences ofthe decisions that you make.
Right? So you want to be able tohave like, maintain your own
again, your own agency, your ownautonomy, your your authorship,
(40:36):
right, your ability to say,like, this is what I've decided,
and not be afraid that you'regoing to, like, hurt their
feelings, or they're going toget mad at you, or whatever,
especially if you're acodependent kind of person, a
people pleasing kind of person,a person who doesn't like to
hurt other people's feelings.Like, upfront, there has to be
good boundaries where you'relike, Hey, I'm going to gather
(40:58):
all of this and then at the endof the day, I'm going to just
decide like, like, what worksfor me, and just really be
mindful of people's time, begrateful and thank them verbally
or written, right acknowledgethat they've been helpful, even
if you decide to do somethingdifferent. I could probably go
on and on and on and on, but I'mgoing to stop it right there. I
(41:20):
hope this has been helpful toyou in some way. If it has let
me know, like, send up a flareor whatever. If you did find it
helpful, share it with somebodyelse. I always say, if you found
it beneficial and you liked itand you were like, Oh, this is
interesting, or this was good,share it with somebody you love.
Like, why not spread more lovein the world? You know what? I
mean? That's the whole point ofthis podcast, is to kind of
(41:41):
bring together, like, obviously,like storytelling, spirituality,
spiritual principles that we canapply in our day to day life
that helps us to have lesssuffering and to spread more
love in the world. That that'swhat's going on here. So if
you're still listening, thankyou so much for being here, for
being a part of my community. Isuper, super, appreciate you. I
(42:01):
love this chance to get tocommunicate with you. And as
always, I just hope it washelpful in some way. Now you, as
you move forward into your dayin your life, wherever you go,
please, may you leave yourselfin the animals and the
environment and the other peoplein the planet better than how
you first found it. Wherever yougo, may you your energy, your
(42:25):
presence, your love, your light,be a blessing. Bye.
Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenneyshow. I'm so happy to be here
with you this morning, and I amrecording this sucker like
bright and early.
This might be my first time everrecording a suck a leg as soon
as I get up in the morning. Sothis is kind of fun. I love
having a new experience. We'rejust going to dive right into
(00:23):
this. I'm calling this suckerlike your board of directors.
And the idea came from I have afriend who runs, I don't even
want to say a program, but sheshe has a lot of different
aspects to her business, and oneof them requires that she has a
(00:43):
board of directors. And Iremember when I first met her,
and we were talking about allthe different things she does,
and she kept saying, the Boardof Directors, the board of
directors. And I'm like, What?What do you mean? Like, you have
a board of directors. Andbecause I've never been in like,
corporate world. I don't thinkI've ever worked for a nonprofit
or whatever. I'm fascinated bythis idea of a board of
(01:07):
directors. Now, a board ofdirectors normally, and I had to
look this up because I'm like, Idon't know what I'm talking
about when it comes to corporatebut basically a board of
directors when it comes tobusiness and you know, all that
stuff. What they do these peopleis they provide high level
oversight of a company. So theyhire and evaluate the CEO, they
(01:30):
look out for, obviously, theshareholder interest. They
approve, right? They have to,you have to go to them to
approve, like, if you havestrategic goals and your
budgets, and they set policies,and they basically make sure
that the organization isn'tdoing anything illegal. They try
to have financial compliance,ethical, you know, compliance,
all those things, so they aren'tinvolved in, like, the day to
(01:55):
day, like on the groundoperations, but they kind of
like oversee. They're like anoversight board, and they
provide guidance, and they, youknow, try to make sure that the
company is running well, andthen it has its long term best
interests. It's hot, okay? So,like, that's kind of what they
do. So their keyresponsibilities are things like
(02:17):
representing the shareholders,compliance, risk management,
financial oversight, executiveleadership and strategic
direction, blah blah blah. And Iwas like, Okay, that's cool. I
understand how that works for abusiness, especially like a big
corporation that has a wickedlot of, you know,
employees and people that theyhave to answer to and blah, blah
blah. But then I was thinkingabout how cool it would be to
(02:42):
have a personal board ofdirectors. And I realized kind
of how I already have a personalboard of directors. Now, if
you've ever listened to thisshow for any length of time, or
you follow me on social media,you've been to my events or
worked with me, blah, blah,blah, if you're in the nest, or
did you know one to onementoring. You have heard me
talk about your spiritual team.You'll hear me say, s t o t j,
(03:08):
spiritual team on the job,right? I always stick my hand up
and I go, s t o t j,
and I believe that my spiritualteam has saved my ass more than
once. But when I and if youdon't know what I'm talking
about with the spiritual team.You can go and, like, look up
that episode, or go to mywebsite and get the freebie.
Like, download about, like,spiritual teams, and how to
(03:29):
build your spiritual team. Butyour spiritual team can be made
up of people, both living anddead. It can be made up of
mythological people. It can bemade up of animals. It can be
made up of your ancestors. Itcan be made up of fictional,
fictional characters, likeplaying a role, you know, it's
like, it's, it's a lot more kindof broad in its scope, and it's
(03:52):
more, I think of it like they'remy they are part of my internal
guidance system, right? Andthat's fantastic, and it's
amazing. And like I said, it hashelped me all throughout my
life, when I'm talking about apersonal board of directors,
though this involves like peoplewho are actually alive.
(04:21):
Now, remember, people can bealive and be on your spiritual
team, but this is only made upof people who are like real in
the world, like human you cancommunicate with them or
whatever. And when I wasthinking about this, I thought,
how, how cool is it to have likepeople, let me just kind of like
(04:42):
break it down how I think abouta personal board of directors as
opposed to an executive, like aprofessional, like in your
career kind of life. So apersonal board of directors is
more like a group of people thatyou curate, that you choose, and
I'll kind of break down.
What I think is helpful to have,and like, kind of how this
(05:04):
works. If this interests you,and you might realize all along,
like that you kind of alreadyhave this kind of thing going
on. You just might call itsomething different, you know
what I mean. So it's like acurated group of, like, your
mentors, your advises and peerswho provide for you certain
things, like they might provideprovide to you like just built
(05:27):
in accountability. They mightprovide for you guidance on
particular things, right? Theymight provide for you diverse
perspectives on a thing, butthey help you to navigate your
personal life, and, of course,that you can also enlist them to
help you navigate yourprofessional life. But unlike
(05:47):
like a corporate board, whatthis is is more for like when
you're trying to make adecision, or you're on a
personal growth journey or atransformational like journey,
and some of the elements,though, that are really key
here, and I'm going to breakthose down in a minute.
(06:07):
But we want, like I said, wewant this. And if you don't like
the word, I should say that ifyou don't like the term, like,
board of directors. I also wrotedown some others. I'm like, you
could call them your board oftrustees. You could call them
your executive board. You cancall them, your governing
committee, your supervisoryboard, whatever you want to call
it. Come up with a fun name. Ireally love naming things, so
(06:29):
I'm like, come up with a namethat like really works for you.
A lot of times, the people who Iwould consider on my personal
board of directors, I'll oftensay to them, I want to ping pong
some things with you, right? Iwant to, I want to brainstorm a
couple of things with you. Ihave this idea. This is what I'm
thinking, and I would love yourperspective. And that's really
(06:51):
what I'm personally looking for,is a broader perspective on a
thing. And this is why, when youchoose, and I wrote down some
things here about what I thinkis really important. And you
know, when I when I Googled thisconcept of like a personal board
of directors,
(07:12):
here's some of the things thatI'll just tell you. The Internet
said, right that your who shouldbe on your personal board. They
say things like this, thisshould be diversity, like you
want to seek out people with awide range of backgrounds. You
want them to have diverse roles,so that they can fill different
elements or functions withinyour life. And then I thought
(07:33):
these were kind of cute. Theysaid they suggested having a
chair, right? Somebody who's whoholds the chair, the chair of
values. So this is someone whohelps you to stay true to your
ethical principles. And it'sinteresting, because in the
nest, my group mentoring programlike I have these kind of 12
modules, and one of them iscalled your big three, and it's
about your three big corevalues. And of course, you can
(07:55):
have more core values, but wekind of stop with those three
that really kind of anchor youand help you to stay true to
like who you are and who youwant to be in the world. So I
really appreciated this one. Andthen they said the CFO of
energy. I thought this wasreally interesting, a steward of
your time, your health and youremotional energy. So you're
(08:15):
starting to see how the peopleon your board of directors might
fulfill different roles, right?And then you have a strategy
director. This is someone who isa very strategic thinker, and
they help you to define yourlong term goals and then stay on
track with those suckers, right?And then there's the risk
officer of growth. And this issomeone who helps you to assess
(08:36):
like potential pitfalls whenyou're starting a new venture or
doing a new, big and excitingthing, or you're thinking about
taking on, you know, risk ofsome kind, and then it's like
your accountability partner, andthis is a trusted peer or
confident who holds youaccountable for your actions. So
you can see how it could lookdifferent, and it could be kind
(08:58):
of fun when you're doing this.Now, you might be somebody who
says, well, I already have thatkind of built into my life. And
I'm like, if you do that'samazing. I have this built into
my life. I basically like myboard of directors. Number one
is me.
I'm the head honcho, right? Callthat the C I don't really relate
(09:18):
to language like the CEO, butmaybe that's the language you
you like, but like, I'm I'm thehead honcho, like, I'm the one
in charge, right? Of things, andyes, I will always draw upon my
internal teacher. Like, that's apart of me, right? That divine
intelligence, whether you callit spirit, Holy Spirit. Some
(09:41):
people might call it. I call itinternal teacher. In a teacher.
Some people might also call ityour intuition, your instinct,
whatever, all of that alreadyresides within me as the head
honcho. You know what I mean.But then if you're going to
build your personal board, youknow, here are some of the
things that.
That I that I would recommend,or that I look for in my own
(10:06):
experience, because, again,that's the only thing I can
really talk about with any sortof intelligence. Or, you know,
proof of like, real like,firsthand, Real Deal experience
is that, like, first of all, I'mlooking for people that have
diverse experience, who havediverse talents, that they're
just diverse in theirperspectives, right? It's like,
(10:28):
and this could be like all kindsof things. They come from
different backgrounds. They comefrom different points of view.
Somebody might be male, female,gay, straight, in corporate
right, or somebody who's alwaysjust been like an employee, or
somebody who like whatever itis, like, I like to have people
that can come at things from aslightly different point of
(10:50):
view. I kind of think of it likethis Kaleidos Kaleidoscope
effect. And now, one of the keypoints with that, though, is
that if you're getting peoplewho are going to give you a
bunch of different advice, forsome people that can feel a
little overwhelming to you andyour nervous system, it can feel
like, oh, everybody's saying allthese different things. So we
(11:12):
want to be mindful about that.When I say diverse, it doesn't
also mean that you want to overcomplicate it and get
overwhelmed. Okay, so here arethe some of the things that I
use to build I would use tobuild a personal board of
directors. Number one, they'reelected by you, like you choose
these suckers, right? Becausesometimes we can have people in
our life who try to give usadvice without us even asking.
(11:42):
Oh, just grabbing my face. Youknow, people who will just offer
up what they think you shoulddo, and you're in your brain is
going, I don't remember evenasking you, but okay, like
whatever you know, and look, I'msure I do it too. We just like
to be helpful. And sometimes wehear somebody's in a conflict or
going through something, and youunsolicited advice, or you start
(12:04):
coaching them, and whatever, Itry to be really mindful of
that. I'm sure sometimes some,some, you know, some shit slips
through my mouth, and I'm like,oh. And then later I realized, I
don't think you were actuallyasking me for my opinion, but we
do our best. But number one, wewant them to be elected by you.
Now, of course, they have to bewilling to be on your board of
(12:24):
directors, right and and you caneven ask them. You can just say,
Hey, I would love to includeyou, like, kind of make it
official. I think there'ssomething really cool about
that. And I think even justasking them, they'll feel
probably, I don't know if I wantto say flathead, but they'll be
feel honored. They'll be like,Oh, thank you so much. And what
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we're doing is, when we askthese people, don't ask your
average for your knucklehead.You know what I mean? Like,
don't ask. Like, be choosy.Like, be particular, right? So
we want to, like, choose peoplewhere we that there's something
about their character. There'ssomething about their
the qualities they possess, andthere's something about their
(13:06):
experience, right, their livedexperience that you admire.
That's number one. You electthem. They have to be willing to
do it, but you're choosing thembased on these qualities of
character
and experience, lived experiencethat you admire. Okay, this one,
this next one, number two, iswicked important. First of all,
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you have to trust them. It hasto be a relationship that is
kind of like built in this placeof trust in the trust is what's
going to allow for safety. Andwhen there's trust in safety,
and that can look like a feelingof like all parts of you are
welcome. All parts of you arewelcome in your relationship
(13:53):
with them, right that you have asense of of trust that they're
not going to try to hurt you,harm you, belittle you, you
know, whatever, and that allowsyou and your nervous system to
experience some sort of safety.Why that's important is, is
because that allows you to showup with an open mind in with
your dukes down, right? Youdon't have your defenses up. As
(14:15):
soon as the defenses go up andthe critical right, the critical
voice comes online because youdon't feel safe, then creativity
goes out the window, right? Sowe want to be able to stay in a
place where you're open andyou're creative and you're
curious, and trust and safetyare a big part of that, okay?
For me, I would also look formutual respect, meaning, not
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only do you respect them,because it can be really easy to
give your power away and putpeople up on a pedestal and be
like, Oh, they're the almightyknowing guru. Like they're
they're the like, you know, theyknow everything, and you just
kind of give away your power.And I never want you to do that,
because I want you to be able toretain the ability.
(15:00):
Kind of to, you
know, reject advice if it's notlike in alignment with you or
your values, right, and stufflike that, you don't want to.
You want the respect to flowboth ways that you respect them
and that you're highly awarethat they also respect you and
your your agency, your autonomy,your sovereignty, your
(15:23):
authorship, your ability to makegood decisions. So we want
mutual respect. That really is abig deal, because if there's
somebody that we respect but wefeel like they don't respect us,
then the way they talk to us,the way they treat us, in the
long run, it could lead to it
could lead to feelings of likeshame and blame and guilt and
(15:44):
all kinds of weird shit that wedon't want to
do. Okay. Number four, for me, Iwant there to be a foundation of
familiarity. I want people whoalready really get me to the
best of their ability, right,who understand me and who
understand my goals, my vision,my dream, what I'm trying to
accomplish. I don't want to haveto explain myself or give like
(16:08):
an hour of backstory every timeI talk to them. I want them to
kind of already know where I'mcoming from, where I came from,
like, who I am, what matters tome, so that you know, like, for
example, let's just say I, I'mtotally pulling this out of my
and making this up. But, youknow, being, being a vegan for
(16:28):
like 25 years, like lovinganimals, you know, respecting
animals rights, never wanting toharm them. If somebody doesn't
know that about me, if theydon't know how what a big part
of my life. Animals are orwhatever, you know, they might
make some I'm again, making thisup, but they might make some
recommendations. And in mybrain, I would just be like, you
(16:50):
know, I'm not going to go tothat rodeo, you know, I'm not
going to go to that pig roast tonetwork, you know, I wouldn't go
and, like, buy this leather, X,Y, like, whatever the thing is,
right?
And so you want people to leastreally get the core basics of
like, who you are and whatmatters, you know what I mean,
so a foundation of familiarity.And like I said, that was just
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like a random example, but youwant them to understand you and
the way that you tend to thinkand the way that you tend to
process. And are you somebodywho's not a risk taker? Are you
somebody who kind of does thingsa little fast and furious, and
you know, need to, sometimesneed to be reined in, right?
Like we want them to, kind oflike, know us. So Familiarity is
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important, but familiaritywithout contempt, not so much
familiarity that they've put youin a box, which can happen a lot
with family members and siblingsand people you came up with,
right? They're too familiar withyou, and so they're not able to
see you as the person you havegrown to become, and are still
(17:56):
becoming so familiarity, butwithout contempt. Okay, that's
an important thing. Also genuinecare. So this is number five,
alright? So genuine care foryou, you want people who
actually want you to succeed inlife. Want you to succeed in
your relationships, in yourfriendships, in your business,
(18:18):
in your marriage. You know whatI mean, in your in your craft,
whether you're a musician or awriter or a dancer or a speaker
or a whatever you do, right? Youwant people as a coach, right?
You want people who want you toactually succeed, that there's
not this weird competition, thatthere's not this like weird envy
(18:39):
or jealousy that kind of puts acog in the wheel and that can
feel sometimes like, Oh, nowthey're starting to give me
advice. It just feels like
or just making off handedcomments or backhanded
compliments or whatever, if thatenergy starts to get like,
weird, right, then trust andsafety go like, goes out the
(19:00):
window and it's going to be likeNo, no. So you want people who
are confident enough in theirown success and in who they are
that they don't get weird aboutseeing their friends shine or
seeing their friends grow, orseeing their friends have
success, whether it's personalor professional. We want
somebody people who genuinelycare about us. We also want
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number six like to understandcommunication styles. We want to
have people that give feedbackright, that can give feedback to
us in a way that we can actuallyhear. We want people who know
how to give loving feedback, whoknow how to lead with your
strengths? Yes, there's alwaysgoing to come a time when it
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might be like, hey, and, youknow, there's a big difference
between saying, Well, youshouldn't have done that, like
that was stupid,
versus, have you considered, youknow, I was thinking about this
and I got.
Curious about this, what do youthink? Or whatever? Right? Their
communication styles. Now,personally, sometimes I like, I
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really love compassionate,loving feedback, and I also want
people who sometimes get to thepoint who are direct, and I call
it loving but firm, right? LikeI can do well with loving but
firm, because there's a part ofme that's like, Don't fucking
tiptoe around this, right? Like,tell me what you're thinking. I
want to know what you'rethinking. Like, don't be mean.
(20:29):
Don't be mean. Watch a tone ofvoice, because for with me, it's
not always necessarily what yousay, it's how you say it, right?
I know sometimes people have tosay difficult or tough things to
us. But if I know that there'salready trust and safety, if I
know that you respect me, if Iknow that you get me and my
story and my backstory and who Iam and where I'm coming from,
(20:50):
and you genuinely care about me,then I can hear pretty much
anything. You know what I'msaying. So we want people who
have communication styles thatjive with us, that work with us,
you know what I mean? And thenhere's another thing, and this
is kind of like on you. This isnumber seven. Is responsibility
and preparation. If you aregoing to ask people to give you
(21:11):
some of their precious time, youknow, time is a commodity, like
time and attention is a reallybig deal. So for me, if I'm
going to ask somebody to hop ona zoom, like, so I can ping pong
something off of them, or I canbrainstorm or to Vox something
out with me, which I often dowith one of my board of
directors, right? Or somebody onwho's on my board of directors,
(21:35):
I'm not going to waste anybody'stime. Like, don't waste
anybody's fucking time today.You know what I mean? Like, show
up, prepared. Show up, prepared.And say, like, yeah, these are
the three things I want to talkabout. I just want to get your
you know, your point of view,your reflection, your feedback,
your thoughts, whatever it is,like, just don't waste people's
time so it because here's whatit is, if it's important enough
(21:56):
for you to try and use theirtime, it better be important
enough to you that you sat downand got your work done, that you
prepared, you know, that youshowed up and like, you're ready
to go.
And so these are, like, kind ofthe basics. And look, I could
probably name like another fiveor six or whatever, but this is
kind of like the hot beat of it.And I'm going to just re say
them quickly to you. Number one,they're elected by you,
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obviously, with theirwillingness to participate,
right? You're looking for peoplewith characters and qualities
and experience that you admire.Number two, that this trust and
safety between the two of you,so that you and your nervous
system can fully show up in arelaxed calm. You know with
clarity, with confidence, youknow with curiosity, that you're
not going into it defensive withyour dukes up in fear, with that
(22:42):
critical voice, like, you know,talking really loud in your
head. Mutual respect. That flowsboth ways. I think that's a
given. A foundation offamiliarity is number four,
right? So number one, elected byyou. Number two, trust and
safety. Number three, mutualrespect. Number four, foundation
of familiarity, they understandyou. They understand your goals
and your vision and kind of whatyou're doing. Number five, there
(23:03):
is genuine care between you.There's no weird competition or
jealousy. These are people whocheerlead you, who want you to
succeed. They believe in you.You know what I mean? They think
you're the bee's knees and thecat's pajamas. Six,
communication styles. They'renot going to come at you fast
and furious and make you kind oflike, shrink up and go, Oh no,
right? And you can actually,like, talk about this, like, Hey
(23:26):
guys, just so you know, the waythat I tend to receive
information, I can be a littlesensitive, you know, I prefer to
hear things like this way,because I want to hear what you
have to say, but I want to hearit in a way that I can hear it.
And number seven, your ownresponsibility and preparation.
If you're going to ask forpeople's time, don't waste their
time. Don't waste your time,right? If it matters to you,
(23:47):
make it matter. You know whatI'm saying.
Something else to to remember isthat
you can appoint these people andyou can retire these people. You
know, if you're like, it doesn'tfeel like a great fit anymore,
or I'm kind of moving in thisdirection, or maybe the
relationship kind of fallsapart, or things get weird. And
(24:10):
then you can also reappointthem, like, let's say, later
down the road, you're like, ohyeah. Like, I want to bring them
back on board. Now, remember,they have to be willing, like,
to do this as well. So we want agood, diverse range of
experience, of talent, ofperspectives, of just even human
beings, that maybe they comefrom different like, you know,
(24:30):
walks of life. And I know formyself, I don't really go
seeking a lot of advice, youknow, I tend to be like, I
always say like, first, thefirst quote, unquote person, the
first thing I talk to, the firstbeing I talk to is, is God, is
the universe is, you know, thehighest intelligence,
(24:50):
intelligence that it is. And Isay things like, please help me
to get out of my own way.
Please help me to hear anydivine guidance that is trying
to come through me.
And I really kind of sit for me,that's the first thing, is
spiritual direction, spiritualmentorship. That's where I go
first. And then I talk to myselflike, I trust myself. I trust my
(25:11):
inner teacher. I trust myinstinct. But there are times
when I'm like, I'm not sure,because sometimes when you maybe
want something really bad, oryou're really, like, focused on
a certain timeline, or whateveryou're you kind of put on
blinders, right? You end uphaving a blind spot. And
sometimes we have a blind spotto the actual thing that we're
(25:34):
trying to build. But sometimeswe have a blind spot to our own
bullshit and like, the ways thatmaybe we're not dreaming. Like,
for me, one of the things Ioften need help with is allowing
myself to dream bigger.Sometimes I don't dream big
enough, right? Like, sometimesI'll put a little kibosh on my
own. Not so much momentum, butlike, what I think is possible,
(25:56):
which is really interesting,because for other people, I just
think everything is possible.Like, oh my god, you know, like,
Oh my God, there's so muchcapacity and potential and the
miraculous and like, anythingcould happen. The universe is
conspiring in our favor and thensometimes towards myself, I
shrink it down a little bit. Sothat's a muscle I've been trying
(26:17):
to grow for, like, a long time,and my board of directors really
helps me. They'll remind me whenI say, Well, if this happens,
they say, not if, when, right?My best friend Katie, who's on
my board of directors, shealways is saying to me, it's not
if, it's when. And I'm like, oh,yeah, yeah, I gotta watch that
language. I gotta watch thatlanguage. You know what I mean.
So
(26:37):
we want people who are going tohelp us in the ways where we
might get in our own way, and wesometimes will, again, not think
big enough, or sometimes we'rethinking way too big, and we
need somebody to say, hey, let'sslow down. Let's take like,
let's plan this out. Like,let's, let's take this like,
(26:58):
step one, step two, step three.And, you know, and that's the
thing you want, like, really,like, maybe, like, big dreamers.
And then you want somebody who'sa little more practical, and you
want somebody who's really goodat looking at the numbers, and
you want somebody who's reallygood at looking, like, at the
your own emotional capacity,like, reminding you, like, Hey,
(27:19):
you have a pretty busy schedule.Is this really the month to try
and, like, do all the thingsright? And, like, start a new
thing, and stop a habit andstart a new habit, and go back
to the gym and do all this whenyou've got X, Y and Z? Because
sometimes we just, you know, Godbless us. Sometimes we just need
(27:39):
a little help.
I know this to be true, becauseI wouldn't be in business if
people didn't need help, right?I wouldn't be in the spiritual
mentoring and the coaching andthe, you know, quote, unquote,
helping business, you know, inthe service business if people
didn't need help. And I justthink having this in your own
personal life could be reallycool. And I think there's
(28:00):
something really fun aboutsitting down, because you know
why you get to sit down andreally reflect on the people
that you're surroundingyourselves with. You get to sit
down and take a gander, take agood look around, and it allows
you to have How do I say this?Moments of appreciation, deep,
(28:22):
deep moments of gratitude, kindof moments of wonder and awe.
You get to look around and belike, Wow, I know some pretty
incredible human beings. I knowsome people with some talents
and strengths that I don't have.I have people also. You get to
see that you have people in yourcorner, people who believe in
you, people who love you, peoplewho want to help you succeed.
(28:45):
It's a beautiful, beautifulpractice, and even if you don't
take it so far as to make itofficial, and, you know, make it
like, oh, yeah, this is my boardof directors. And do you want to
be on my board of directors? Youdon't like, you know, some
people might be like, that'sawkward,
you know, can I just go to themfor advice? I'm like, Yeah, but
this is just kind of a fun wayto stop and reflect on some of
(29:09):
the incredible humans in yourlife, and even if you don't like
again, make it official, maybewhat you could do is when you
recognize these beautiful humanbeings, these help is these
people who care for you andcreate trust and safety in your
life and provide a level of careand a strong foundation for you
to stand on and launch yourselffrom like from their love. And
(29:32):
that's the thing, you know, Ithink about the thing that Mr.
Rogers says he's like, you know,we've all had people who have
loved us. We have someone whohas loved us into being. And
this is what I think about yourboard of directors, like as they
have, these are often people whohave, throughout our life, loved
us into being. And even if youdon't make them official, board
members, maybe send them alittle thank you note like,
(29:53):
literally your own handwriting,like write out a card, send it
in the mail and let them knowthat they.
Had an impact on your life, andmaybe you want to make it
official. Like, I kind of thinkof it like I did an episode a
wicked, long time ago called,like, who's at your table? And I
was talking about, you know,King Arthur and the Knights of
(30:14):
the Round Table, and who has aseat at your table? Like, who do
you trust? That's kind of likewhat the board of directors are.
And that's how I would think ofit is more like the Knights of
the Round Table, like, who has aseat at my table and I get off
the top of my head, I canalready tell you, like, I know
who my board of directors are. Iknow who my Knights of the Round
Table are. That's how I like tolook at it, because I'm a little
(30:36):
geeky, and I love Merlin, I lovemagic, and I love the whole
thing.
So, like I said, you get to makeit your own. Call it whatever
you want to call it. And I just,whenever I think about this, I
have deep gratitude for thepeople in my life who love me
and see me and get me, and I canjust box them and say, Hey, I
have an idea. Can I bounce thisoff of you? Or, Hey, can you
(30:59):
ping pong this back to me, like,Am I seeing this correctly? Or
where am I? Where do I have ablind spot? Or where am I
getting in my own way? And I'mso blessed to have, you know, a
few people that I really,really, really trust, and I know
that when something good happensfor me, they genuinely
celebrate, like, genuinelycelebrate. They're happy for me,
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you know? And that's like athat's like a rare thing, you
guys, yeah, you can often getit, not always, not always. Do
you get it from your familymembers, or if your parents are
still alive, right? Whatever,especially if you grew up in a
house where to shine meant thatother people felt like they were
in your shadow. So they're notinto that, right? You know what
(31:43):
I mean? A lot of times, peopledon't want you to get too,
quote, unquote big for yourbritches. They don't want you
Who do you think you are, right?They don't want to celebrate
your success. Your personalgrowth is a threat to them,
right? They take, they take itas almost like an affront to
them, like, they take it like,like, like you just doing well,
feels like a judgment to them.Like you stop or start doing a
(32:06):
thing. They take it personally.It's like, this isn't about you,
right? It's not about acommentary on you. This is about
me and what I'm trying tocreate. You know what I mean?
But remember, you're the headhoncho, you're the CEO, you're
at the head of the table, right?Like, this is your board of
directors. So again, you canappoint you can retire, you can
reappoint people. You can changeit up. And you might have people
(32:30):
that you go to. You might havepeople that you go to for just
specific things. Because you'relike, this is their area of
expertise. It's like, oh yeah,this is the person
that I talk to, you know, when Iknow I'm getting in my own way,
when I need a little kick in theass, you know, loving but firm.
You know what I mean? I talkabout my spiritual team, and how
(32:52):
there's, like, a couple of whatI call ass kick is on my
spiritual team. So there arecertain people that you know are
going to give it to you straightnow, here's the tricky part.
This is one caveat. This issomething that where you really
have to know yourself. I seethis a lot in groups of friends,
(33:13):
right? What you don't want is tohave a lot of yes people, right?
Quote, unquote, yes people youdon't want, people like, how do
I say this? I know people whomight be doing something in
their life,
and whether it's an actualphysical action or a thought
(33:35):
process that they're having whenthey're really in their victim
loop, or they're shaming andblaming other people, making it
like they are just not. This iswhat I call refusing to accept
responsibility for your ownexperience, in your own, you
know, life, in how you'reresponding to the world. And a
lot of times, what they'll do isthey already have particular
feedback that they want toreceive. They already have an
(33:57):
outcome in mind. And they're notactually looking for diverse
perspectives. They're notlooking for any pushback, any
follow up questions, anyfeedback. They just want to go
to that group of people, right?I can just say this from a
perspective of
I've seen groups of women wholike get together with their
(34:21):
wine, and this is not I'm notjudging. I'm just giving an
example. It's an observation,right? They get together with
their wine and all they do isbitch and moan about their
partners, their husbands, theirSweeties, their whatever it is,
and it's just like, Yeah, you'reright. He shouldn't do that.
Yeah, you're right. She waswrong to do that to you. Yes,
yes, yes, yes, you're right,you're right, you're right. I'm
(34:42):
not interested in that. That tome, like I always say, that's
not interesting to me. I wantpeople who are going to help me
to actually grow, who are goingto help me to like, shift my
perspective right, from fear tolove, people who are going to
help me to expand my idea ofwhat's possible. So.
To as I say, we have to bewilling to own both our
(35:03):
brilliance and our bullshit, andI want people who can lovingly
point out to me my bullshitsometimes. So we don't want a
group of people who are justgoing to say, like, yes, you're
right. Yes, don't I'm like,don't agree with me. Don't agree
with me if I'm wrong, right.Don't agree with me if I'm being
a dick, don't agree with me, ifI'm being selfish or short
sighted, or I'm cutting myselfoff at the knees, like no, I
(35:25):
don't want a bunch of yespeople. I want people who are
confident enough in their ownpoint of view to offer me a
different way of seeing myself,the other person or people the
situation, you know what I mean.So, yeah, I hope, I hope this
(35:47):
has been helpful in some way. Ifyou do decide to create your own
little board of directors, yourown little, from my point of
view, Knights of the RoundTable, like, who has a seat at
your table? I would love toknow, I think it's really
fantastic, and I just know formyself having the that little
handful of like, really trustedadvisers, people who I think are
(36:12):
genuine, and people who I thinkare wicked smart. And I always
say when smarty pants people aresaying smarty pants things, I am
smart enough to listen, and itdoesn't mean that you have to do
what they tell you to do. Thisis more about gathering
perspective so that you candecide what the next right,
(36:35):
smallest step is. Sometimes it'sa big step, maybe it's the next
right big step. But for me, it'sabout going. It's more about
like, and especially the kind ofperson that I am. And this
might, I'm sharing this becauseit might relate in resonate with
you too.
Sometimes I'm like,
(36:55):
I think this is what I want todo. There's like, A, and there's
B, and sometimes there's a, b,c, right? Or 123,
and I will share with somebodyelse, and they'll say, I think
this is what I would do if I wasin your shoes, or I think this
is what you should do, right? Wetry not to use the word should,
but you know what I'm saying, ifit were me, this is what I would
(37:16):
do. Or, how about this? And alot of times them just giving me
something else, like giving mean answer back that I can
respond to helps me to make upmy mind. Like, for example, I'm
the kind of person. Like, let'smake it as something as simple
as what people all over thecountry probably go through all
(37:38):
the time, right? What do youwant to have for dinner, right?
And when somebody asked me that,what do you want for dinner, I
have the kind of brain that goeslike, like, it pans out, and
it's like, oh my god, I gottahave so many things. It's way
easier for me to say or to havesomebody say to me, do you want?
(37:59):
Do you want pasta? Or do youwant something else, right? And
do you want, like, you know,like, whatever it is. And
because in that moment, I willhave a strong physical reaction.
I will have a strong, like, callit gut reaction, or whatever,
but my body will go, oh, no, youknow. And I'll be like, Oh,
(38:22):
should I have, like, should Ihave ramen noodles? Or, again,
making this up, should I have,like, in there vegan? Just
assume everything I say is avegan product. Okay, should I
have like, a chick Patty, notreal chicken, a chick patty and
rice? Or, should I have pastaand a salad? And I'm like, I'm
kind of leaning towards this.And then my CD will say, well,
(38:44):
have that. And as soon as hesays it, my body goes, No, I
think I'm going to have theother one. And he just laughs.
And I explained to him, Iliterally sat him down, and I
said, Look, I want you tounderstand it's not that I
don't, and sometimes I do chooseand go with the thing that he
he, you know, suggests. But alot of times I said, you're
doing me such a huge service byjust throwing something back at
(39:07):
me, giving me your opinion back,because it helps me to feel in
my body what my hell yes or myhell no is right? Like, my heck
yeah, like, yeah and my hell no,right? Like, I literally have a
visceral reaction. So it'sreally, really helpful. And
sometimes having a board ofdirectors helps you to get more
(39:30):
clarity about what you want, soyou are not imprisoned by what
their suggestions. And you alsohave to be comfortable enough,
maybe I would add number eight,
like there has to be a level ofhonesty and a level of comfort
that you can say to them, thankyou so much for offering your
(39:53):
feedback, your opinions, yourwhatever. This is what I've
decided to do, and it might bethe total offer.
Opposite of what they offered.So this is not like the judge
and the jury that's saying. Thisis how it has to be again. This
is a cultivation of meaningfulrelationships with people who
(40:15):
possess qualities again andexperiences that you admire, but
they are not you. They are notin your shoes, and they will not
have to pay the consequences ofthe decisions that you make.
Right? So you want to be able tohave like, maintain your own
again, your own agency, your ownautonomy, your your authorship,
(40:36):
right, your ability to say,like, this is what I've decided,
and not be afraid that you'regoing to, like, hurt their
feelings, or they're going toget mad at you, or whatever,
especially if you're acodependent kind of person, a
people pleasing kind of person,a person who doesn't like to
hurt other people's feelings.Like, upfront, there has to be
good boundaries where you'relike, Hey, I'm going to gather
(40:58):
all of this and then at the endof the day, I'm going to just
decide like, like, what worksfor me, and just really be
mindful of people's time, begrateful and thank them verbally
or written, right acknowledgethat they've been helpful, even
if you decide to do somethingdifferent. I could probably go
on and on and on and on, but I'mgoing to stop it right there. I
(41:20):
hope this has been helpful toyou in some way. If it has let
me know, like, send up a flareor whatever. If you did find it
helpful, share it with somebodyelse. I always say, if you found
it beneficial and you liked itand you were like, Oh, this is
interesting, or this was good,share it with somebody you love.
Like, why not spread more lovein the world? You know what? I
mean? That's the whole point ofthis podcast, is to kind of
(41:41):
bring together, like, obviously,like storytelling, spirituality,
spiritual principles that we canapply in our day to day life
that helps us to have lesssuffering and to spread more
love in the world. That that'swhat's going on here. So if
you're still listening, thankyou so much for being here, for
being a part of my community. Isuper, super, appreciate you. I
(42:01):
love this chance to get tocommunicate with you. And as
always, I just hope it washelpful in some way. Now you, as
you move forward into your dayin your life, wherever you go,
please, may you leave yourselfin the animals and the
environment and the other peoplein the planet better than how
you first found it. Wherever yougo, may you your energy, your
(42:25):
presence, your love, your light,be a blessing. Bye.
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