September 11, 2025 • 49 mins
Co-Host Cyndi Olin (https://mountaintoppodcast.com/cyndiolin) My long-time friend and erstwhile co-host for Dogs And Cats On Clubhouse is back, this time talking about a topic in one of her newsletters that caught my attention. She started talking about "shape shifters" in the dating world. Now, I realized up front she wasn't talking about "deer ladies" or something out there. This had to be figurative. So I had to have her on the show to unpack all of this. Well, for starters, things begin to go awry when we try to be someone we're not specifically to try to impress someone in particular. Then, we get generic dating or relationship advice that's allegedly "one size fits all" and we try to shoehorn it into what may be a rather unique situation...yet we're surprised when we get nowhere with it. So what's the deal here? Is it that we all have pretty much gotten really good at being politicians? And what's more, how are we supposed to make a woman feel safe and secure (and therefore attracted) if she can't even decipher who we really are? And the real fun starts when we talk about "shape shifting shadow dancing". What mental tricks do we play on ourselves when we believe all women must have impeccable social skills? And why is shape shifting actually harder and more complicated than going about dating and relating the right way? In the end, shape shifting is just another fear-based habit based on a fear-based mindset. So how do you escape it and approach radial authenticity instead? Get in on the free newsletter, check out my Substack and more at: https://mountaintoppodcast.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Alright gentlemen, welcome again to yet another episode of the world famous Mountain TopPodcast.
As always, I am your host, Scot McKay from X & Y Communications.
You can find me all over social media on Substack, on YouTube, on X, uh on Truth Social atScot McKay @realscotmckay on Instagram.
The Facebook group is The Mountain Top Summit.
(00:22):
And the guys, if you're not in on The Mountain Top Summit yet, you're not only ...
Well, you're not only missing pretty pictures of women in bikinis, you're also
missing out on a lot of good solid talk with real men, just like you on the topics thatmatter to us, getting better as men, getting better with women.
It's all there for you at the Mountaintop Summit on Facebook.
(00:45):
Also, if you haven't visited mountaintoppodcast.com recently, lots of new goodies therefor you as well.
And speaking of which, I have a returning guest today, my good friend, Cyndi Olin fromTucson, Arizona.
the mad scientist over at Create Your Own Luck In Love Hey Cyndi, how's it going?
(01:08):
so good to be here.
I always love being here.
Yes, yes, we go way back.
So many, right, I know it's so cool.
I know you've been on video with me on my stuff, but yeah, not on yours, so it's so fun.
I'm loving it.
(01:29):
Great.
Awesome.
Well, we're doing uh video versions of the audio podcast now.
So some of these guys will still be listening via audio.
Matter of fact, most of them still are.
And gentlemen, if you're not checking out the video versions of these shows on YouTube,they're pretty well done.
They're pretty pro looking, especially for a guy like me, a Luddite like me, Cyndi uh Iguess luck has nothing to do with it in this case.
(01:55):
I'd love to say I'm creating my own luck
on YouTube, but luck has nothing to do with it, at least not this far.
there's there's so much there right algorithms what have you anyway...
And plus I have a great face for podcasting.
Maybe you can assist me in that regard with your pretty bad self.
Yes.
definitely help you.
I mean, you do have a great face for podcasting and whatever else.
(02:21):
going to assist me with my face?
Is that what you're saying?
You giving me a makeover?
I may be a lost cause, Cyndi.
there!
I knew you were going there!
No!
No, I can't help you.
Just take the "W" Cyndi.
You look great.
You're enhancing the video quality of my podcast by your mere existence.
And that's good enough.
Yes.
Must be that desert air.
(02:43):
you.
Oh, It is very, yes, I am keeping hydrating right now because it is super hot here.
Yeah, as we record this, is the dead of summer, as we used to call it when I lived outthere.
And lots of, lots of daytime activities indoors in the desert in the summertime.
(03:06):
one AC activity to the next unless you're at the pool and you're immersed in the pool.
But even then you don't want to do that very long.
Yeah, early morning tennis and pickleball.
Late evening mountain bike rides.
Yeah, if you can stay up that late after getting up at like five in the morning andstarting your life, right?
(03:30):
You know, it's just better to go to bed at eight.
Couples Netflix and chill as nooners in Tucson in the summer.
Yeah.
Okay.
Very good.
you know, here's why we're here today.
Not only because it's way overdue for you to be back on the show, of course, but you, uh,you know, I'm a fly on the wall on your newsletter to women.
(03:52):
And you started talking about shape shifters in the world of dating.
And that caught my attention because after 500 episodes, Cyndi, I'm all about
new and exciting topics that we never covered before.
That would be it.
I've never talked about uh shape shifting.
The first thing that comes to mind is like the Deer Lady in Native American culture, youknow, is that what we're talking about here?
(04:16):
Are you telling women to become Deer Ladies?
Dear ladies (04:19):
be shape shifters.
No, no, it's interesting.
It's so interesting.
I loved when you wrote me about this topic because I thought, my gosh, I could go on fordays around this because I've seen it with men and with women.
(04:40):
I work with some men and I usually try to...
send them over to you Scot most of the men.
Sometimes I do, if I try, I can, go, go to Scot, he's great.
But I've noticed this with men and women.
(05:03):
It's like the shape shifting becomes...
...almost from a place of, well, what will they like?
And I'll become that.
Aha!
Trying to cram the square peg in the round hole to try to impress somebody.
Right.
(05:24):
But it becomes a whole identity almost.
Which is kind of, you know, it's like we start chameleoning, I can't say the word, but youknow, becoming a chameleon with who we be, which it might be different from person to
(05:46):
person.
Right?
you know what, if you stay out in the sun too long in Tucson, you at least change colorlike a chameleon.
For sure.
Really?
is the verb version of chameleon?
The verb to chameleon.
And we are chameleon-ing.
(06:07):
Yes.
Right.
uh
shape shifting into what your surroundings are.
I agree with you that this happens all the time.
You have a much better way to brand it than I do.
Shape shifting is just brilliant branding, you know, talking about what's going on.
(06:27):
I mean, we could go into the alien version.
We could go deep into that, you know, side of things, but...
tell me what alien shapeshifting has to do with dating and how we do it.
Do we turn into a shape-shifting aliens when we're out on dates?
It has nothing to do with that,
I was hoping for the best there.
Can't you just make up something on the fly?
(06:48):
I mean, you know.
thinking about that.
I'm like, I'm not as witty as you are Scot.
You're so good.
You'd be like, yes, and then it turns into this XYZ thing and...
Well, we should run The Witty & Pretty Podcast.
Then we could kind of make up for deficits on both sides and maybe have a hit.
Yeah.
Yes.
(07:08):
we were off to a really good, you know, running on Clubhouse and then all of suddenClubhouse became like no house.
um
I like to see that glass as half full.
Yeah, I do too.
I actually, um, just not too long ago, ran a Masterclass where I shocked the world bysaying, I'm going to break...
(07:34):
I'm going to wreck or break, pick a word with a K at the end.
Everything that you've ever known about men's dating advice.
I mean, pickup has been dead for 15 years.
It's just a running joke at this point.
The online dating sites and apps aren't serving anybody anymore, except the online datingsite and app companies.
I mean, a broken clock is wrong twice...
A broken clock is right twice a day, right?
(07:57):
So maybe you're going to meet someone here and there and go, aha, see it works!
But there were 500 times it didn't for everyone that did.
We can be more efficient with it.
And what I've been doing is I've been telling guys how to use their smartphones and theircomputers to uh actually meet women in real life, not depending on "dating online" and
seeing the focal point of the whole endeavor as the app itself, you know, being kind ofgetting that dopamine addiction from swiping right, swiping left, and then hoping and
(08:25):
refreshing that, that.
That makes it technology forward.
It puts the technology first and we end up serving that.
Why can't I use this wonderful technology --without, you know, swearing allegiance to AI,by the way, and being fake about it-- why don't I use this great technology to create more
opportunities out there with women?
And one of the ones that I mentioned actually right here, right now, as we speak in thisday and age is Clubhouse because it still exists.
(08:50):
It's just down by like 80 or 90%.
So if you go to like a big time local
Clubhouse room, an event there that has a wide appeal, like, you know, what's going on inTucson, Arizona this weekend, instead of having 800 people in that Clubhouse, now you have
80.
(09:11):
And it's a more manageable number and everybody can talk.
That is the hidden gem that is Clubhouse right now is the fact that there are fewer peoplemakes it more intimate.
And therefore you could actually strike a conversation with someone you're meeting in aClubhouse room more easily as long as you're in a Clubhouse room that has a wider appeal.
(09:34):
It's actually not a bad thing.
It actually can be incredibly valuable.
And a lot of guys weren't thinking like that.
I don't think anybody's thinking like that.
I would agree with you and I've also seen more growth even recently amongst our peoplewith more in-person connections and...
(09:56):
Our people.
you mean anybody who is...
I thought maybe you were segregating us into a specific group of badasses or otherwise...
Okay.
No, no...Like people that are, let's just say, in the love space or in, um you know, or,you know, people like you and I, like, we're more apt to go to a Clubhouse and maybe speak
(10:26):
about
one of these topics that might be challenging for people that are seeking to create thelove and connection they want or date or um even deepen their own relationship that
they're in.
You know, I've seen more of that, like more interest in that.
(10:49):
It's not that people, people, us people, all of us, it's not that
nobody wants the content that we're content...
There's so much content out there.
It's overwhelming to people.
the problem is is that we're also not...
(11:12):
there's not...
there's a lot of in your head content, but it's not becoming embodied.
It's not becoming who you be in the world, right?
If it's something that lands with you.
And I feel like going back to the shape-shifting conversation, we can then go, oh, thatperson said that.
(11:36):
Maybe I should act like this.
And maybe that would work with her.
And women do it all the time.
Or I'll hear even some of my clients that just kind of like go into flight mode becausethey're overwhelmed.
And they'll be regurgitating what I'm teaching them.
(12:00):
I'm like, well, yes, that's all true.
But it's gotta land from the mind into who you be.
And it's gotta become authentic to you.
And the problem is, when we're shape shifting, we're not actually being authentic to whowe be.
(12:21):
And necessarily.
Go ahead, Scot.
You see, you see the gears turning in my mind, right?
And all you guys listening on audio didn't see that.
That's probably a good thing.
It's funny, you and I, we figured each other out by now, you know, when I have something Iwant to talk about...
(12:41):
No, but I was listening very intently and here's what I've noticed.
People are, you know, the post COVID social muscle atrophy thing is gone.
We're, all ready to be social again.
I've been doing infield
weekends with guys and the women are perky and fun and cute and adorable again.
We aren't scared of each other.
People are less easily offended.
(13:02):
People are sick of the whole political melee.
People just want to get along, live their lives, have fun.
Yeah.
And it's real.
But people are still starving for that connection that perhaps is still absent sinceCOVID.
They haven't refound, they haven't, they haven't rediscovered it yet.
So we have a situation where people are starving for community, but people more than ever,especially with all the media, social media, and all the BS we're fed online and on TV.
(13:31):
Man, just give me some truth.
Give me some authenticity.
And that's what you're talking about is we at the same time, we want community andauthenticity.
So if you start showing up at a place like Clubhouse or, you know, even a house party,right?
In real life.
And you're trying to be something you're not...
you're really blowing a solid chance to create community by being who you are.
(13:55):
I think who you are is going to be good enough more than ever before.
I mean, bigotry is down, your sexual orientation, your race, where you come from, peopleare less inclined to prejudge you based on that because we live in the year 2025.
All that's wonderful.
So no matter who you are, what you're about, you're more likely to be accepted by a widervariety of people as long as you're willing to be authentic.
(14:19):
There's this
this return to authenticity and shape-shifting, I almost called it something else that'sprobably is more accurate.
Shape-shifting is inaccurate.
I mean, who am I talking to?
I mean, I don't know which version of you is going to show up if you're a shape-shifter.
(14:39):
It's kind of like certain politicians are very good at talking to their audience in termsthat they want to hear.
Then they go to another whole audience in another whole state, say in a presidentialcycle.
uh Not to pick on anybody in particular, but boy was Bill Clinton good at this.
I mean he could be whatever you wanted him to be.
I mean, he capitalized upon his lack of name recognition as governor of Arkansas, formergovernor of Arkansas, just to show up and be cool and tell people, yeah man, I'm all over
(15:06):
that.
That's all, that's what I'm about.
Yeah, vote for me and I'll do that.
Let me play some saxophone for you, be cool.
You know, and then he would go on MTV and say one thing and then he would go...
to the AARP convention and say something completely different.
And sometimes they were at odds, but nobody cared because first of all, we didn't live inthat media-rich a society just yet.
And everybody's liked them and voted for them.
(15:28):
right.
Right.
Well, he was very charismatic, too, with with his ability to speak into whatever the thingthat he was, you know, the point that the people wanted to hear at the time.
Right.
Which is this is all politics, which is
(15:50):
shouldn't be able to get away with that anymore, although sometimes they do.
But you bring up a great point that if you're super charismatic and likeable and have thisdrawing in power to get people to follow you and want to know more about you and be more
like you, then you can get away with the shape shifting when it comes to policy or yourbelief system or, you know, Lord forbid, character.
(16:13):
But I do think those of us here in the real world, know, us, our people, as you say.
Normies uh
We do better to have good character and know what we believe, why we believe it so thatour belief system is consistent.
(16:33):
And then our thoughts and our actions are consistent with that.
So people know who they're dealing with because when we know who we're dealing with, we'regoing to trust them more.
We're going to trust our rapport with them better, right?
Otherwise they may just sound like a cheesy used car salesman.
This guy isn't being...
He's being disgenuous, he's not being real with me.
(16:57):
Although I just blurted out that most of us are going to be a lot more accepting of peoplewho are different from us than we have in the past, that's a good thing.
That keeps us all getting along and curious and interested in each other.
I do think you're going to find your close friends and the MOTOS, members of the other sexwho you want to be with, who you want to maybe start building a long-term relationship,
(17:25):
when you're authentic.
Otherwise it's a house of cards that's going to fall apart.
You know?
Absolutely.
I mean, you brought up so many good points within what you just shared and something thatI feel is really, really important that you shared is the fact that if, and this is
(17:49):
especially true for women, so I'm speaking to you men out there, that if a woman feelslike she doesn't know really what to expect from you,
and if your words and actions aren't aligning and she's, you know, like she will not beable to feel safe with you, to open up to you, to actually, you know, even if she's, you
(18:22):
know, if she's someone which I feel like so many more people are today with all theresources that we have from
coaching from you, people like me, and to learn some skill sets, they'll just shut down.
Even if they know all of it, they'll either shut down, they might open the door for youwith sharing a standard of theirs.
(18:57):
But if you're in your head and you're trying to go, oh this is what she wants to hear andI just want to get here, she's going to sense it the same exact way because women do it
too, which is what I was speaking about in a newsletter, the same exact way that you pickup on the fact that there's something not...
(19:22):
You don't know exactly what it is usually most of the time, especially early on you'relike, something doesn't feel right here.
You'll just, yeah, it's very unsettling and especially, men hear me out here, women needthat presence because it's part of your masculine being.
(19:47):
And when they feel that presence and
interest, just genuine interest in who she be from her favorite color to her favorite icecream as simple as that is she feels seen and that's a whole world that was really I would
(20:09):
say in my opinion very fractured by the pandemic time and we're building back up to it andthen
like Scot was sharing and I share this opinion too, is that dating sites have gotten soout of hand with people not understanding how to actually connect or you've got a man on
(20:35):
the defense because he's been hurt by the way women have treated him.
You've got a woman on the other side that's maybe over-efforting.
You know, and they're so, it's just awful.
It's awful.
Over-efforting, like trying to compensate for what they're not seeing a man do, too.
(21:03):
And then she's getting frustrated, she's burnt out, the guy's burnt out, and then nobodycan make connection when there's really great people underneath all the defenses that are
coming up.
Yeah, I hear you a hundred percent.
Uh, key amongst what you just said is there is no way you're going to make a womanattracted to you and want more of you if you're not making her feel safe and comfortable.
(21:30):
And if she doesn't know who the heck you are or what to expect next, if she thinks you'refaking it and that authenticity is not there, you have zero percent chance of any, any
ability to attract her is the bottom line.
Yeah, and women tend to be pretty sensitive, just like men are too.
(21:54):
A woman feels it when there's something going on.
And she really, we're really good.
I remember years ago.
I would be in relationships and the guys would be like, you're such a good detective.
And I was like, yeah, because I don't feel safe.
(22:17):
And I didn't know how to articulate that at the time.
Instead, I would just make the joke, oh yeah, I'm a detective or I just have really goodintuition.
And it might have been that, it was more about, because a woman,
(22:38):
when she hears a compliment early on, you're so beautiful, I bet men X, Y, Z, you know, Ibet men find you so sexy, she's going to be on the defense because the thing that she's
thinking, even though we love compliments, by the way, we love them, they're fabulous, andwe want to hear them not in excess or...
(23:07):
being, you know, and I think this is another thing with the shape shifter, a man might go,oh sweetheart...
or oh, this thing, you know, when this is your third message exchanged on an onlineplatform.
You're the one for me, honey.
I want to marry you someday baby and the chick's like, ick...
(23:29):
I don't even know you yet.
Right.
I don't even know if you're a real person, you know.
You could be an AI bot for all she knows.
They're getting pretty realistic.
Yes.
Well, you know you said a couple of things there that I do want to make sure we cover.
When something isn't quite right, when you, when you sense that there's a little bit of anagenda or some sort of authenticity, it makes you run away from that person, not run
(23:56):
towards them.
So you may think, you know, psychologically, we as guys may think we're getting somewhereby dumping these compliments
upfront but when it comes off as inauthentic at best, at best, the woman's thinking wehave an agenda to get in her pants.
And it's not that women don't like sex, it's just it is exactly like going and buying acar.
(24:16):
We want to buy the car, we just don't want to be sold at.
We don't want someone to try to butter us up in hopes that we'll give them our money.
I'd rather have somebody just answer my questions about the car, relax in the fact thathey, maybe I probably want this car
and then help me buy it.
Now see, when we shape shift in the way you're talking about with women, it also subcommunicates to women that we don't feel like we're good enough for them.
(24:43):
We can't show our full authentic self.
Well, maybe not our full authentic self on the first date, but you know, at least revealsomething authentic about ourselves on the first date or the first meeting or even
approaching her or talking to her online, whatever we're doing, because we're afraid,we're afraid of the rejection, frankly.
So if we don't feel confident
in our own authentic self and expressing it in any way, shape or form, how do we expect awoman to do anything other than to follow that lead?
(25:12):
And, know, you can probably say the same for women as well.
We can sense when a woman's trying to...
trying to perpetrate, she's something that she's not.
I would dare say men probably let women get away with that more than vice versa, because Idon't think it's part of the attraction mechanism as much as it is for women for a guy to
be present and authentic and make her feel safe and comfortable.
(25:32):
After all, nowadays women wear makeup.
God knows what she looks like underneath it all anyway, right?
So, I mean, I think men are accustomed to a little bit of frontin' by a woman up front andwe can get to know her, you know, when we wake up next to her someday and she doesn't have
any makeup on.
I don't think it's as big a deal, but since we're talking to men here, it makes it adarned big deal.
(25:55):
The other thing that you mentioned before we go on, and you mentioned this in passing, andI think we should just drive this point home.
It deserves...
it deserves camping out on a little bit.
uh Women feeling seen and heard.
Men are infamous for not seeing or hearing women, respecting them at all.
Their thoughts don't matter.
Their opinions don't matter.
(26:16):
I mean, this is basically what drove feminism, right?
This is, this is the big complaint against men, mansplaining, we're not taking womenseriously.
When I go out and field with guys, there are a couple of things we notice.
First of all,
when women are not getting a whole lot of attention from men, okay, they inherentlydistrust any attention you're giving them at all.
(26:43):
They're like, okay, is this guy going to try to get me onto his downline or something?
Cause guys don't approach me.
You know, I'm unattractive.
I'm uninteresting.
I'm boring.
I'm out of shape.
Whatever the woman is that is causing guys not to, not to approach her.
She feels that deeply
when you approach her.
Like there's gotta be an ulterior motive.
This isn't, this isn't the proverbial clock being right twice a day.
(27:06):
Now when women are, and this is the way I'm going to put it, generally found to be moreattractive by a larger cross section of men...
Okay.
These are the, these are the pretty girls, the sexy girls.
They're used to socializing with men and understanding it's not a ruse.
Men like me.
(27:27):
But they are also used to men focusing hyper focus focusing perhaps on their looks andtrying to run game on them.
You know, I just talked about how pickup is dead as a doornail.
My goodness.
It was probably a non-starter to run game on women to begin with, which I'm sure you'regoing to agree with vociferously, but it works even less now.
(27:50):
And it is like magic Cyndi to go out in the field with a guy and say, watch this.
And I'll go and I'll talk to a woman and I'll actually,
ask her about something and she'll talk about it and I'll hear her and you know myfavorite...
my favorite method nowadays is to run improv with her.
"Yes, and..." whatever she says I'm going to build on.
Now if she says you're an ugly little dork I'm not going to agree with her obviously butyou know the principles of improv are if someone brings up a topic don't block it and
(28:17):
changes to something different or tell her she's stupid and we're going to talk aboutsomething different.
You don't cock block the conversation.
OK.
And you watch even
very desirable women, even on the surface desirable, perk up and they almost can't believethey matter, that you're hearing them, that you're recognizing them, right?
(28:41):
And then you can make, I don't know, observations about, uh you know, the surroundings orwhat they're wearing or what's the significance of this tattoo.
And next thing you know, they just feel like they matter.
And it is like catnip.
Not only because everything you're talking about is true inherently, intrinsically, butit's especially true because of the time milieu were living in post COVID in combination
(29:10):
with all of the glut of fakeness on social media and the marketing bonanza that we are hitwith, like an onslaught every day.
Just give me some truth.
So when
You as a guy approach a woman and actually show any semblance of concern over who shemight be, any curiosity about what's ticking inside of her brain.
(29:35):
It's magic, but we got to get out of this shape shifting role where we're thinking, okay,how am I going to impress this woman?
Do I talk about my boat, my Harvard degree?
I have, I will tell you this.
I can't think of a single time talking to women out in field on Ten-Plus Lives with guys
where my income has ever come up, where I went to college came up, where what car I drivecame up, and I will say this at the risk of people not believing me.
(30:08):
My age has never come up.
I've never had a 23-year-old woman say, how old are you?
It just never comes up because we keep the conversations human and light and fun and womenare all about that
because they feel seen and heard and that's what makes women feel safe and protected.
When women feel good at the risk of being kind of crass, but I know you and I go way back,they'll make you feel good in more ways than one.
(30:38):
Absolutely.
Like women, we're nurturers by nature anyway, right?
So we desire to have that give and receive relationship.
And the problem has been is that there's been programs in our society dividing us.
(31:00):
And making us transactional.
Here's how to get what you want from some guy.
about that.
The division is all about the transaction.
Well, if he does this, well, I should do this, right?
Cyndi, I should get him a gift since he bought me dinner or I should have sex with him.
(31:22):
And it's crazy because...
there's no better sex than dutiful sex on a third date now is there Cyndi?
at all.
But the problem is, that coming from the transactional place, the female will feel like,maybe that's what I need to do.
(31:45):
Or by the second or third date, I sleep with that person because they purchased me acoffee.
It's, I mean, it's.
That's some pretty cheap sex right there.
Yeah
no no come on let me at least yeah let me at least get you lunch dinner maybe an appetizeranyway
(32:14):
appetizer.
The appetizer would be the great conversation, not anything edible.
But that's the thing.
That's been the problem is we've been so transactional that we haven't been present withwhat our standards are, what our desires are, and be able to just speak about them and get
(32:36):
to know the other person as a human without being under this guise that...
if they don't check this XYZ thing right now, they're garbage.
And also to expect that the other person is a dating expert.
(32:58):
That's the thing that, you know, that really gets to me with my women sometimes, like Isay with love, it's like, well, wait a second, what did you wanna feel?
You know, like I'll do a little exercise with them and this could help with your men too.
It's like, they'll go, well he didn't ask me anything about myself.
(33:23):
go, what was he talking about?
Oh, well he was talking about like how he created this and this big thing, you know, this.
uh I go, he was just trying to let you know that he could provide and protect you.
He just doesn't know how.
You know, it's funny because...
(33:43):
nervous to boot.
oh
yeah, yeah, there is the nerve factor.
Going right along with what you're saying is I believe that that people expect the othergender to have perfect social skills, especially men.
(34:04):
think women have all been socialized to have perfect social skills.
And here's the thing.
The irony is when they don't, we blame ourselves because, my God, she wasn't...
She wasn't impeccably skilled with her social ability and acumen.
Therefore she rejected me.
That must've been her thinking something badly about me.
(34:24):
And that's just so, that's so messed up.
We just need to relax and be human with each other.
You know, kind of what you're talking about here is like shape shifting shadow dancing.
If I may coin something so bizarre, you know, what we're doing is we see the other personacting and going,
what do I do to match that energy or to be more attracted to them and they're in turnshape shifting and what if they're shape shifting in accordance with another shape
(34:52):
shifter, then the authenticity is just meta level thrown awry, right?
And it's just so messed up.
And the beauty of it is, well wait...the beauty of it is everything you're talking aboutdoing this right, relaxing, listening, showing up authentically,
showing up ready to see and hear the other person to share, to learn mutually withouttrying to impress each other.
(35:17):
Cyndi, that's the easy button.
That is so far less complicated than trying to make up all these steps as you go along andtry to remember what you did that was fake last time the next time so you don't come off
like a liar.
A pox on all that.
Authenticity is where it's at and it's easy.
It's very simple and it's and it's in bite-sized pieces guys, it's like it's literallylike this is who I am, but you've got to know who you are You and I and I feel like a lot
(35:53):
of times with the shape shifting and who we try to be, who a lot of people try to be...andI've been there in my life, too, so I'm not...
I'm not trying to
You know, we don't sit here going, we've always had it all figured out.
I really come to you humbly understanding the temptation to go, well, maybe they won'tlike me if they know who I really am.
(36:23):
And shape shift into a version of you who you think will attract X, Y, Z.
It always explodes.
It doesn't work.
And right, but the problem is, is what you were saying Scot, is when two people are doingthat, and then they start to, if they really truly take the time to get to know one
(36:49):
another and they start to see more, they're usually blown out of the water of who thatperson is if
they go, oh wait a second, I'm actually going to take away my shapeshifter, bring down mywalls, and see the human.
(37:10):
But what I teach, and I know what Scot teaches, is to start off as your human self.
You know, like, I say this to my women, I teach my women, and this is true, you are theemotional leader.
And the problem is, is I see this a lot,
(37:31):
is women are looking for a man to just like give them the permission to do that when...
when you're in your power you can do that anyway and if that person in front of you theman isn't showing up safely she can distinguish that early on and she has...
(37:54):
an incredibly powerful statement.
If you want women to be authentic, gentlemen, you lead by being authentic.
It's gonna be garbage in, garbage out.
If you're gonna start acting fake, then she's gonna start fronting.
Meanwhile, if you're both being fake with each other, how do you even measure any kind ofcompatibility in the short term or the long term?
(38:16):
If we face up to our authentic selves, I mean, you know, if we have self work, let's getafter it.
But as long as we're connectable, as I talk about in my invincible program, you know, wehave those check boxes of major traits most people will get along with, you know, we all
like honest people, not liars.
We like upbeat people, not Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh.
We like people who are on time, not flaky.
(38:36):
You know, there are several things.
If you check those boxes as a human, you're going to get along with more people ingeneral.
If you've been attentive to that, you show up, the two of you are either going to getalong or you're not.
And that's got to be okay.
It's not acceptance rejection.
It's not a value judgment on your
intrinsic worth as a human, it's, we've saved some time here.
We've dodged the proverbial bullet.
Now go meet someone you get along with.
(38:58):
And I would add...
My promise to you guys is if you are showing up as your authentic connectable self, youwill not only be making women feel safe and comfortable, you'll also be more likely to
connect more quickly with women who are like you, who are one of you, who are on yourteam.
(39:18):
You're going to end up with more women in your life and better women who you like more inyour life than if you were trying to be the shapeshifter.
It's a counterproductive strategy to be a shapeshifter.
It is.
It's just another way of having walls up and, you know, really staying in that lack andfear mentality and, you know, also allowing your limiting beliefs to lead the way.
(39:51):
And so if that's something that you're doing, then I would say the invitation would be togo deeper.
To go deeper in your inner world about what's causing and creating this and who do Ireally want to, who am I committed to being instead?
And...
Yeah.
(40:11):
the secret of the universe when it comes to attracting women.
I think you nailed it.
This has been a great show.
I mean, some of these guys probably feel like they've been drinking from the fire hosehere because it's just been nonstop content.
Full blast.
I know, I know.
But I mean, the gist of it being, you know, guys, we're trying to be something we're not.
It's not going to work in our favor.
(40:33):
Psychologically, it's easy to tell ourselves
it will work in our favor, but it's really not going to.
And the reason for that, the reasons for that are primal.
They're the basis for sexual attraction because if you're trying to be something you'renot, you know, hoping she'll be impressed, she's not feeling seen.
(40:56):
She's not feeling heard because you're inside your head.
It's still all about you, right?
And also she doesn't feel safe because she doesn't know who the heck you are.
Yeah.
Powerful stuff.
Cyndi, I want to send these guys to your website.
I know you got a new goodie for them.
You've been on several times and I don't want to, I don't want to give them the same URLand then change what's behind that URL because some of these guys are going to listen to
(41:17):
your previous episodes and fully expect what you promised them there.
So this time it's going to be mountaintoppodcast.com/cyndiolin C Y N D I O L I N.
Nine letters, right?
Yes.
that's your full name.
When they go there, you've got something for them.
What do you got?
Yeah, I've got, you know, things that really work with women to get them to open up toyou.
(41:45):
And it's simple, guys.
And if you utilize this authentically, you'll see the right kinds of women.
And I see the same thing to women, by the way.
You know, when it's, when you're showing up authentically, yes, you are going to have somewomen go, nope, not for me.
(42:06):
I'm committed to being a shapeshifter or fake relationships.
Whatever.
Yes!
because of their commitment to be fake.
Totally.
It's like a man that's not committed to being in his healthy masculine leadership.
If he's not committed to that and a woman calls that forward in him and this is what I'mtalking about in my free gift, then he's just gonna go away too.
(42:39):
So you guys, and I know if you're here, you're listening to Scot,
you're all about this.
And to give you some support and openings, whether it's in the wild, in person, or online,to create real live authentic connections with the right kind of women, I'm gonna give you
(43:03):
some ways that women, just like Scot was saying, will open up like a flower and want toreally connect with you.
And women that you might be going, man, she might be out of my league.
Oh no, because she's desiring that kind of leadership and connection from a man.
(43:28):
Sometimes the hotter and sexier she is to the...
again, to a larger cross section of men, the more starving she is for someone to see herand hear her above and beyond her looks.
Absolutely, because that she's felt objectified and that's been a thing for women and it'snot that you know, it's not that women don't desire sex and all that, it's just it's it's
(43:58):
got to be paced and that's an...
Right!
not paste, um paced.
I used to eat paste before puberty.
So I just want to be clear there.
of those guys that ate paint chips or something?
Anyway, paste?
know, I actually have childhood memories of picking paint chips and eating them.
(44:23):
Maybe that's why I turned out the way I am.
Well, it's not necessarily about that.
It's worked for you, Scot.
Thank you.
I stole all of your thunder.
Gentlemen.
What you should do is you should steal all of Cyndi's incredible tips to help you withwomen.
Cause she knows what she's talking about.
And she is a woman mountaintoppodcast.com/cyndiolin C Y N D I O L I N is the place to goto get all those goodies.
(44:50):
Cyndi, it's always a pleasure.
You and I always have fun conversations and they, they kind of, uh, they kind of straddlethat line between being
uh, silly and fun while being content rich, which is, I mean, that's the Holy Grail here.
Great.
Thank you again.
is.
Yes.
Thank you.
It's always fun.
I appreciate you and all the work that you do in the world.
(45:11):
It's awesome.
Yeah, and you're making the world a better place, mostly for women, which we guys are alsovery appreciative of as well.
We want to be seen and heard too.
Yeah.
We all want that at the core of things.
It's, you know, learning to collaborate and work together and really build that trust withone another.
(45:33):
So we're going to have you back soon so we can do it again.
Fantastic.
You're welcome.
And gentlemen, if you've not been to mountaintoppodcast.com recently, check out our threelongtime sponsors, Jocko Willink's Company, Origin in Maine, The Keyport and Hero Soap.
Guys, if you haven't tried Hero Soap's shampoo, it comes in a bar and you're thinking,well, my goodness, this is going to be gone by tomorrow morning.
(45:58):
No, it lasts like a month.
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Uh, great stuff and fantastic sense from the folks over at hero soap.
(46:19):
You should try that out.
All three of our sponsors are available to you from mountotoppodcast.com.
Also gentlemen,
have you checked out my Substack yet?
Substack is like uh the new school for blogging.
It's like I have my own magazine and I'm putting articles up there and I'm making themvery different than my newsletters.
(46:42):
And here's how.
I'm talking about the truth that I don't think the newsletter list can handle.
And you know, I trust you guys.
I think you're great, but I don't want to bombard all 60,000 of you with stuff that yourears might bleed if you hear.
If you go to Substack, the beauty of it is you went looking for it.
So don't come to me when you don't like it, because if you can't handle the truth, youdon't want to go to my Substack.
(47:05):
But here's...
here's a little hint.
If you like this podcast, you're probably going to dig the Substack too, and I try to beextra funny there, too.
It's always laced with humor.
And that's at mountaintoppodcast.com/substack or just Scot McKay.
My name on Substack.
I always like hearing from you guys.
Get on my calendar at mountaintoppodcast.com for free.
(47:26):
Talk to me for 25 minutes about what's on your mind.
Give me your ideas for the show.
Give me your feedback on the show.
if there's any need in your life to put together a program to help you get from point A toB with women, I'm there for you for that as well.
That's what I do for a living as a coach.
Also, some of you guys may not know this.
I've been doing a whole lot of career coaching, entrepreneurship coaching.
(47:47):
Some of you guys have been laid off from the government because of the Doge cuts.
And I've been helping, man, lots of you guys
uh reinvent yourself, not working for the man or working for the government, but actuallygoing out and living the dream and building that lifestyle business that you've always
wanted to.
That's what Emily and I did 20 years ago.
I'm there for you to do that right here, right now today.
(48:09):
It all starts when you get on my calendar at mountaintoppodcast.com.
And until I talk to you again real soon, this is Scot McKay from X & Y Communications inSan Antonio, Texas.
Be good out there.
Alright gentlemen, welcome again to yet another episode of the world famous Mountain TopPodcast.
As always, I am your host, Scot McKay from X & Y Communications.
You can find me all over social media on Substack, on YouTube, on X, uh on Truth Social atScot McKay @realscotmckay on Instagram.
The Facebook group is The Mountain Top Summit.
(00:22):
And the guys, if you're not in on The Mountain Top Summit yet, you're not only ...
Well, you're not only missing pretty pictures of women in bikinis, you're also
missing out on a lot of good solid talk with real men, just like you on the topics thatmatter to us, getting better as men, getting better with women.
It's all there for you at the Mountaintop Summit on Facebook.
(00:45):
Also, if you haven't visited mountaintoppodcast.com recently, lots of new goodies therefor you as well.
And speaking of which, I have a returning guest today, my good friend, Cyndi Olin fromTucson, Arizona.
the mad scientist over at Create Your Own Luck In Love Hey Cyndi, how's it going?
(01:08):
so good to be here.
I always love being here.
Yes, yes, we go way back.
So many, right, I know it's so cool.
I know you've been on video with me on my stuff, but yeah, not on yours, so it's so fun.
I'm loving it.
(01:29):
Great.
Awesome.
Well, we're doing uh video versions of the audio podcast now.
So some of these guys will still be listening via audio.
Matter of fact, most of them still are.
And gentlemen, if you're not checking out the video versions of these shows on YouTube,they're pretty well done.
They're pretty pro looking, especially for a guy like me, a Luddite like me, Cyndi uh Iguess luck has nothing to do with it in this case.
(01:55):
I'd love to say I'm creating my own luck
on YouTube, but luck has nothing to do with it, at least not this far.
there's there's so much there right algorithms what have you anyway...
And plus I have a great face for podcasting.
Maybe you can assist me in that regard with your pretty bad self.
Yes.
definitely help you.
I mean, you do have a great face for podcasting and whatever else.
(02:21):
going to assist me with my face?
Is that what you're saying?
You giving me a makeover?
I may be a lost cause, Cyndi.
there!
I knew you were going there!
No!
No, I can't help you.
Just take the "W" Cyndi.
You look great.
You're enhancing the video quality of my podcast by your mere existence.
And that's good enough.
Yes.
Must be that desert air.
(02:43):
you.
Oh, It is very, yes, I am keeping hydrating right now because it is super hot here.
Yeah, as we record this, is the dead of summer, as we used to call it when I lived outthere.
And lots of, lots of daytime activities indoors in the desert in the summertime.
(03:06):
one AC activity to the next unless you're at the pool and you're immersed in the pool.
But even then you don't want to do that very long.
Yeah, early morning tennis and pickleball.
Late evening mountain bike rides.
Yeah, if you can stay up that late after getting up at like five in the morning andstarting your life, right?
(03:30):
You know, it's just better to go to bed at eight.
Couples Netflix and chill as nooners in Tucson in the summer.
Yeah.
Okay.
Very good.
you know, here's why we're here today.
Not only because it's way overdue for you to be back on the show, of course, but you, uh,you know, I'm a fly on the wall on your newsletter to women.
(03:52):
And you started talking about shape shifters in the world of dating.
And that caught my attention because after 500 episodes, Cyndi, I'm all about
new and exciting topics that we never covered before.
That would be it.
I've never talked about uh shape shifting.
The first thing that comes to mind is like the Deer Lady in Native American culture, youknow, is that what we're talking about here?
(04:16):
Are you telling women to become Deer Ladies?
Dear ladies (04:19):
be shape shifters.
No, no, it's interesting.
It's so interesting.
I loved when you wrote me about this topic because I thought, my gosh, I could go on fordays around this because I've seen it with men and with women.
(04:40):
I work with some men and I usually try to...
send them over to you Scot most of the men.
Sometimes I do, if I try, I can, go, go to Scot, he's great.
But I've noticed this with men and women.
(05:03):
It's like the shape shifting becomes...
...almost from a place of, well, what will they like?
And I'll become that.
Aha!
Trying to cram the square peg in the round hole to try to impress somebody.
Right.
(05:24):
But it becomes a whole identity almost.
Which is kind of, you know, it's like we start chameleoning, I can't say the word, but youknow, becoming a chameleon with who we be, which it might be different from person to
(05:46):
person.
Right?
you know what, if you stay out in the sun too long in Tucson, you at least change colorlike a chameleon.
For sure.
Really?
is the verb version of chameleon?
The verb to chameleon.
And we are chameleon-ing.
(06:07):
Yes.
Right.
uh
shape shifting into what your surroundings are.
I agree with you that this happens all the time.
You have a much better way to brand it than I do.
Shape shifting is just brilliant branding, you know, talking about what's going on.
(06:27):
I mean, we could go into the alien version.
We could go deep into that, you know, side of things, but...
tell me what alien shapeshifting has to do with dating and how we do it.
Do we turn into a shape-shifting aliens when we're out on dates?
It has nothing to do with that,
I was hoping for the best there.
Can't you just make up something on the fly?
(06:48):
I mean, you know.
thinking about that.
I'm like, I'm not as witty as you are Scot.
You're so good.
You'd be like, yes, and then it turns into this XYZ thing and...
Well, we should run The Witty & Pretty Podcast.
Then we could kind of make up for deficits on both sides and maybe have a hit.
Yeah.
Yes.
(07:08):
we were off to a really good, you know, running on Clubhouse and then all of suddenClubhouse became like no house.
um
I like to see that glass as half full.
Yeah, I do too.
I actually, um, just not too long ago, ran a Masterclass where I shocked the world bysaying, I'm going to break...
(07:34):
I'm going to wreck or break, pick a word with a K at the end.
Everything that you've ever known about men's dating advice.
I mean, pickup has been dead for 15 years.
It's just a running joke at this point.
The online dating sites and apps aren't serving anybody anymore, except the online datingsite and app companies.
I mean, a broken clock is wrong twice...
A broken clock is right twice a day, right?
(07:57):
So maybe you're going to meet someone here and there and go, aha, see it works!
But there were 500 times it didn't for everyone that did.
We can be more efficient with it.
And what I've been doing is I've been telling guys how to use their smartphones and theircomputers to uh actually meet women in real life, not depending on "dating online" and
seeing the focal point of the whole endeavor as the app itself, you know, being kind ofgetting that dopamine addiction from swiping right, swiping left, and then hoping and
(08:25):
refreshing that, that.
That makes it technology forward.
It puts the technology first and we end up serving that.
Why can't I use this wonderful technology --without, you know, swearing allegiance to AI,by the way, and being fake about it-- why don't I use this great technology to create more
opportunities out there with women?
And one of the ones that I mentioned actually right here, right now, as we speak in thisday and age is Clubhouse because it still exists.
(08:50):
It's just down by like 80 or 90%.
So if you go to like a big time local
Clubhouse room, an event there that has a wide appeal, like, you know, what's going on inTucson, Arizona this weekend, instead of having 800 people in that Clubhouse, now you have
80.
(09:11):
And it's a more manageable number and everybody can talk.
That is the hidden gem that is Clubhouse right now is the fact that there are fewer peoplemakes it more intimate.
And therefore you could actually strike a conversation with someone you're meeting in aClubhouse room more easily as long as you're in a Clubhouse room that has a wider appeal.
(09:34):
It's actually not a bad thing.
It actually can be incredibly valuable.
And a lot of guys weren't thinking like that.
I don't think anybody's thinking like that.
I would agree with you and I've also seen more growth even recently amongst our peoplewith more in-person connections and...
(09:56):
Our people.
you mean anybody who is...
I thought maybe you were segregating us into a specific group of badasses or otherwise...
Okay.
No, no...Like people that are, let's just say, in the love space or in, um you know, or,you know, people like you and I, like, we're more apt to go to a Clubhouse and maybe speak
(10:26):
about
one of these topics that might be challenging for people that are seeking to create thelove and connection they want or date or um even deepen their own relationship that
they're in.
You know, I've seen more of that, like more interest in that.
(10:49):
It's not that people, people, us people, all of us, it's not that
nobody wants the content that we're content...
There's so much content out there.
It's overwhelming to people.
the problem is is that we're also not...
(11:12):
there's not...
there's a lot of in your head content, but it's not becoming embodied.
It's not becoming who you be in the world, right?
If it's something that lands with you.
And I feel like going back to the shape-shifting conversation, we can then go, oh, thatperson said that.
(11:36):
Maybe I should act like this.
And maybe that would work with her.
And women do it all the time.
Or I'll hear even some of my clients that just kind of like go into flight mode becausethey're overwhelmed.
And they'll be regurgitating what I'm teaching them.
(12:00):
I'm like, well, yes, that's all true.
But it's gotta land from the mind into who you be.
And it's gotta become authentic to you.
And the problem is, when we're shape shifting, we're not actually being authentic to whowe be.
(12:21):
And necessarily.
Go ahead, Scot.
You see, you see the gears turning in my mind, right?
And all you guys listening on audio didn't see that.
That's probably a good thing.
It's funny, you and I, we figured each other out by now, you know, when I have something Iwant to talk about...
(12:41):
No, but I was listening very intently and here's what I've noticed.
People are, you know, the post COVID social muscle atrophy thing is gone.
We're, all ready to be social again.
I've been doing infield
weekends with guys and the women are perky and fun and cute and adorable again.
We aren't scared of each other.
People are less easily offended.
(13:02):
People are sick of the whole political melee.
People just want to get along, live their lives, have fun.
Yeah.
And it's real.
But people are still starving for that connection that perhaps is still absent sinceCOVID.
They haven't refound, they haven't, they haven't rediscovered it yet.
So we have a situation where people are starving for community, but people more than ever,especially with all the media, social media, and all the BS we're fed online and on TV.
(13:31):
Man, just give me some truth.
Give me some authenticity.
And that's what you're talking about is we at the same time, we want community andauthenticity.
So if you start showing up at a place like Clubhouse or, you know, even a house party,right?
In real life.
And you're trying to be something you're not...
you're really blowing a solid chance to create community by being who you are.
(13:55):
I think who you are is going to be good enough more than ever before.
I mean, bigotry is down, your sexual orientation, your race, where you come from, peopleare less inclined to prejudge you based on that because we live in the year 2025.
All that's wonderful.
So no matter who you are, what you're about, you're more likely to be accepted by a widervariety of people as long as you're willing to be authentic.
(14:19):
There's this
this return to authenticity and shape-shifting, I almost called it something else that'sprobably is more accurate.
Shape-shifting is inaccurate.
I mean, who am I talking to?
I mean, I don't know which version of you is going to show up if you're a shape-shifter.
(14:39):
It's kind of like certain politicians are very good at talking to their audience in termsthat they want to hear.
Then they go to another whole audience in another whole state, say in a presidentialcycle.
uh Not to pick on anybody in particular, but boy was Bill Clinton good at this.
I mean he could be whatever you wanted him to be.
I mean, he capitalized upon his lack of name recognition as governor of Arkansas, formergovernor of Arkansas, just to show up and be cool and tell people, yeah man, I'm all over
(15:06):
that.
That's all, that's what I'm about.
Yeah, vote for me and I'll do that.
Let me play some saxophone for you, be cool.
You know, and then he would go on MTV and say one thing and then he would go...
to the AARP convention and say something completely different.
And sometimes they were at odds, but nobody cared because first of all, we didn't live inthat media-rich a society just yet.
And everybody's liked them and voted for them.
(15:28):
right.
Right.
Well, he was very charismatic, too, with with his ability to speak into whatever the thingthat he was, you know, the point that the people wanted to hear at the time.
Right.
Which is this is all politics, which is
(15:50):
shouldn't be able to get away with that anymore, although sometimes they do.
But you bring up a great point that if you're super charismatic and likeable and have thisdrawing in power to get people to follow you and want to know more about you and be more
like you, then you can get away with the shape shifting when it comes to policy or yourbelief system or, you know, Lord forbid, character.
(16:13):
But I do think those of us here in the real world, know, us, our people, as you say.
Normies uh
We do better to have good character and know what we believe, why we believe it so thatour belief system is consistent.
(16:33):
And then our thoughts and our actions are consistent with that.
So people know who they're dealing with because when we know who we're dealing with, we'regoing to trust them more.
We're going to trust our rapport with them better, right?
Otherwise they may just sound like a cheesy used car salesman.
This guy isn't being...
He's being disgenuous, he's not being real with me.
(16:57):
Although I just blurted out that most of us are going to be a lot more accepting of peoplewho are different from us than we have in the past, that's a good thing.
That keeps us all getting along and curious and interested in each other.
I do think you're going to find your close friends and the MOTOS, members of the other sexwho you want to be with, who you want to maybe start building a long-term relationship,
(17:25):
when you're authentic.
Otherwise it's a house of cards that's going to fall apart.
You know?
Absolutely.
I mean, you brought up so many good points within what you just shared and something thatI feel is really, really important that you shared is the fact that if, and this is
(17:49):
especially true for women, so I'm speaking to you men out there, that if a woman feelslike she doesn't know really what to expect from you,
and if your words and actions aren't aligning and she's, you know, like she will not beable to feel safe with you, to open up to you, to actually, you know, even if she's, you
(18:22):
know, if she's someone which I feel like so many more people are today with all theresources that we have from
coaching from you, people like me, and to learn some skill sets, they'll just shut down.
Even if they know all of it, they'll either shut down, they might open the door for youwith sharing a standard of theirs.
(18:57):
But if you're in your head and you're trying to go, oh this is what she wants to hear andI just want to get here, she's going to sense it the same exact way because women do it
too, which is what I was speaking about in a newsletter, the same exact way that you pickup on the fact that there's something not...
(19:22):
You don't know exactly what it is usually most of the time, especially early on you'relike, something doesn't feel right here.
You'll just, yeah, it's very unsettling and especially, men hear me out here, women needthat presence because it's part of your masculine being.
(19:47):
And when they feel that presence and
interest, just genuine interest in who she be from her favorite color to her favorite icecream as simple as that is she feels seen and that's a whole world that was really I would
(20:09):
say in my opinion very fractured by the pandemic time and we're building back up to it andthen
like Scot was sharing and I share this opinion too, is that dating sites have gotten soout of hand with people not understanding how to actually connect or you've got a man on
(20:35):
the defense because he's been hurt by the way women have treated him.
You've got a woman on the other side that's maybe over-efforting.
You know, and they're so, it's just awful.
It's awful.
Over-efforting, like trying to compensate for what they're not seeing a man do, too.
(21:03):
And then she's getting frustrated, she's burnt out, the guy's burnt out, and then nobodycan make connection when there's really great people underneath all the defenses that are
coming up.
Yeah, I hear you a hundred percent.
Uh, key amongst what you just said is there is no way you're going to make a womanattracted to you and want more of you if you're not making her feel safe and comfortable.
(21:30):
And if she doesn't know who the heck you are or what to expect next, if she thinks you'refaking it and that authenticity is not there, you have zero percent chance of any, any
ability to attract her is the bottom line.
Yeah, and women tend to be pretty sensitive, just like men are too.
(21:54):
A woman feels it when there's something going on.
And she really, we're really good.
I remember years ago.
I would be in relationships and the guys would be like, you're such a good detective.
And I was like, yeah, because I don't feel safe.
(22:17):
And I didn't know how to articulate that at the time.
Instead, I would just make the joke, oh yeah, I'm a detective or I just have really goodintuition.
And it might have been that, it was more about, because a woman,
(22:38):
when she hears a compliment early on, you're so beautiful, I bet men X, Y, Z, you know, Ibet men find you so sexy, she's going to be on the defense because the thing that she's
thinking, even though we love compliments, by the way, we love them, they're fabulous, andwe want to hear them not in excess or...
(23:07):
being, you know, and I think this is another thing with the shape shifter, a man might go,oh sweetheart...
or oh, this thing, you know, when this is your third message exchanged on an onlineplatform.
You're the one for me, honey.
I want to marry you someday baby and the chick's like, ick...
(23:29):
I don't even know you yet.
Right.
I don't even know if you're a real person, you know.
You could be an AI bot for all she knows.
They're getting pretty realistic.
Yes.
Well, you know you said a couple of things there that I do want to make sure we cover.
When something isn't quite right, when you, when you sense that there's a little bit of anagenda or some sort of authenticity, it makes you run away from that person, not run
(23:56):
towards them.
So you may think, you know, psychologically, we as guys may think we're getting somewhereby dumping these compliments
upfront but when it comes off as inauthentic at best, at best, the woman's thinking wehave an agenda to get in her pants.
And it's not that women don't like sex, it's just it is exactly like going and buying acar.
(24:16):
We want to buy the car, we just don't want to be sold at.
We don't want someone to try to butter us up in hopes that we'll give them our money.
I'd rather have somebody just answer my questions about the car, relax in the fact thathey, maybe I probably want this car
and then help me buy it.
Now see, when we shape shift in the way you're talking about with women, it also subcommunicates to women that we don't feel like we're good enough for them.
(24:43):
We can't show our full authentic self.
Well, maybe not our full authentic self on the first date, but you know, at least revealsomething authentic about ourselves on the first date or the first meeting or even
approaching her or talking to her online, whatever we're doing, because we're afraid,we're afraid of the rejection, frankly.
So if we don't feel confident
in our own authentic self and expressing it in any way, shape or form, how do we expect awoman to do anything other than to follow that lead?
(25:12):
And, know, you can probably say the same for women as well.
We can sense when a woman's trying to...
trying to perpetrate, she's something that she's not.
I would dare say men probably let women get away with that more than vice versa, because Idon't think it's part of the attraction mechanism as much as it is for women for a guy to
be present and authentic and make her feel safe and comfortable.
(25:32):
After all, nowadays women wear makeup.
God knows what she looks like underneath it all anyway, right?
So, I mean, I think men are accustomed to a little bit of frontin' by a woman up front andwe can get to know her, you know, when we wake up next to her someday and she doesn't have
any makeup on.
I don't think it's as big a deal, but since we're talking to men here, it makes it adarned big deal.
(25:55):
The other thing that you mentioned before we go on, and you mentioned this in passing, andI think we should just drive this point home.
It deserves...
it deserves camping out on a little bit.
uh Women feeling seen and heard.
Men are infamous for not seeing or hearing women, respecting them at all.
Their thoughts don't matter.
Their opinions don't matter.
(26:16):
I mean, this is basically what drove feminism, right?
This is, this is the big complaint against men, mansplaining, we're not taking womenseriously.
When I go out and field with guys, there are a couple of things we notice.
First of all,
when women are not getting a whole lot of attention from men, okay, they inherentlydistrust any attention you're giving them at all.
(26:43):
They're like, okay, is this guy going to try to get me onto his downline or something?
Cause guys don't approach me.
You know, I'm unattractive.
I'm uninteresting.
I'm boring.
I'm out of shape.
Whatever the woman is that is causing guys not to, not to approach her.
She feels that deeply
when you approach her.
Like there's gotta be an ulterior motive.
This isn't, this isn't the proverbial clock being right twice a day.
(27:06):
Now when women are, and this is the way I'm going to put it, generally found to be moreattractive by a larger cross section of men...
Okay.
These are the, these are the pretty girls, the sexy girls.
They're used to socializing with men and understanding it's not a ruse.
Men like me.
(27:27):
But they are also used to men focusing hyper focus focusing perhaps on their looks andtrying to run game on them.
You know, I just talked about how pickup is dead as a doornail.
My goodness.
It was probably a non-starter to run game on women to begin with, which I'm sure you'regoing to agree with vociferously, but it works even less now.
(27:50):
And it is like magic Cyndi to go out in the field with a guy and say, watch this.
And I'll go and I'll talk to a woman and I'll actually,
ask her about something and she'll talk about it and I'll hear her and you know myfavorite...
my favorite method nowadays is to run improv with her.
"Yes, and..." whatever she says I'm going to build on.
Now if she says you're an ugly little dork I'm not going to agree with her obviously butyou know the principles of improv are if someone brings up a topic don't block it and
(28:17):
changes to something different or tell her she's stupid and we're going to talk aboutsomething different.
You don't cock block the conversation.
OK.
And you watch even
very desirable women, even on the surface desirable, perk up and they almost can't believethey matter, that you're hearing them, that you're recognizing them, right?
(28:41):
And then you can make, I don't know, observations about, uh you know, the surroundings orwhat they're wearing or what's the significance of this tattoo.
And next thing you know, they just feel like they matter.
And it is like catnip.
Not only because everything you're talking about is true inherently, intrinsically, butit's especially true because of the time milieu were living in post COVID in combination
(29:10):
with all of the glut of fakeness on social media and the marketing bonanza that we are hitwith, like an onslaught every day.
Just give me some truth.
So when
You as a guy approach a woman and actually show any semblance of concern over who shemight be, any curiosity about what's ticking inside of her brain.
(29:35):
It's magic, but we got to get out of this shape shifting role where we're thinking, okay,how am I going to impress this woman?
Do I talk about my boat, my Harvard degree?
I have, I will tell you this.
I can't think of a single time talking to women out in field on Ten-Plus Lives with guys
where my income has ever come up, where I went to college came up, where what car I drivecame up, and I will say this at the risk of people not believing me.
(30:08):
My age has never come up.
I've never had a 23-year-old woman say, how old are you?
It just never comes up because we keep the conversations human and light and fun and womenare all about that
because they feel seen and heard and that's what makes women feel safe and protected.
When women feel good at the risk of being kind of crass, but I know you and I go way back,they'll make you feel good in more ways than one.
(30:38):
Absolutely.
Like women, we're nurturers by nature anyway, right?
So we desire to have that give and receive relationship.
And the problem has been is that there's been programs in our society dividing us.
(31:00):
And making us transactional.
Here's how to get what you want from some guy.
about that.
The division is all about the transaction.
Well, if he does this, well, I should do this, right?
Cyndi, I should get him a gift since he bought me dinner or I should have sex with him.
(31:22):
And it's crazy because...
there's no better sex than dutiful sex on a third date now is there Cyndi?
at all.
But the problem is, that coming from the transactional place, the female will feel like,maybe that's what I need to do.
(31:45):
Or by the second or third date, I sleep with that person because they purchased me acoffee.
It's, I mean, it's.
That's some pretty cheap sex right there.
Yeah
no no come on let me at least yeah let me at least get you lunch dinner maybe an appetizeranyway
(32:14):
appetizer.
The appetizer would be the great conversation, not anything edible.
But that's the thing.
That's been the problem is we've been so transactional that we haven't been present withwhat our standards are, what our desires are, and be able to just speak about them and get
(32:36):
to know the other person as a human without being under this guise that...
if they don't check this XYZ thing right now, they're garbage.
And also to expect that the other person is a dating expert.
(32:58):
That's the thing that, you know, that really gets to me with my women sometimes, like Isay with love, it's like, well, wait a second, what did you wanna feel?
You know, like I'll do a little exercise with them and this could help with your men too.
It's like, they'll go, well he didn't ask me anything about myself.
(33:23):
go, what was he talking about?
Oh, well he was talking about like how he created this and this big thing, you know, this.
uh I go, he was just trying to let you know that he could provide and protect you.
He just doesn't know how.
You know, it's funny because...
(33:43):
nervous to boot.
oh
yeah, yeah, there is the nerve factor.
Going right along with what you're saying is I believe that that people expect the othergender to have perfect social skills, especially men.
(34:04):
think women have all been socialized to have perfect social skills.
And here's the thing.
The irony is when they don't, we blame ourselves because, my God, she wasn't...
She wasn't impeccably skilled with her social ability and acumen.
Therefore she rejected me.
That must've been her thinking something badly about me.
(34:24):
And that's just so, that's so messed up.
We just need to relax and be human with each other.
You know, kind of what you're talking about here is like shape shifting shadow dancing.
If I may coin something so bizarre, you know, what we're doing is we see the other personacting and going,
what do I do to match that energy or to be more attracted to them and they're in turnshape shifting and what if they're shape shifting in accordance with another shape
(34:52):
shifter, then the authenticity is just meta level thrown awry, right?
And it's just so messed up.
And the beauty of it is, well wait...the beauty of it is everything you're talking aboutdoing this right, relaxing, listening, showing up authentically,
showing up ready to see and hear the other person to share, to learn mutually withouttrying to impress each other.
(35:17):
Cyndi, that's the easy button.
That is so far less complicated than trying to make up all these steps as you go along andtry to remember what you did that was fake last time the next time so you don't come off
like a liar.
A pox on all that.
Authenticity is where it's at and it's easy.
It's very simple and it's and it's in bite-sized pieces guys, it's like it's literallylike this is who I am, but you've got to know who you are You and I and I feel like a lot
(35:53):
of times with the shape shifting and who we try to be, who a lot of people try to be...andI've been there in my life, too, so I'm not...
I'm not trying to
You know, we don't sit here going, we've always had it all figured out.
I really come to you humbly understanding the temptation to go, well, maybe they won'tlike me if they know who I really am.
(36:23):
And shape shift into a version of you who you think will attract X, Y, Z.
It always explodes.
It doesn't work.
And right, but the problem is, is what you were saying Scot, is when two people are doingthat, and then they start to, if they really truly take the time to get to know one
(36:49):
another and they start to see more, they're usually blown out of the water of who thatperson is if
they go, oh wait a second, I'm actually going to take away my shapeshifter, bring down mywalls, and see the human.
(37:10):
But what I teach, and I know what Scot teaches, is to start off as your human self.
You know, like, I say this to my women, I teach my women, and this is true, you are theemotional leader.
And the problem is, is I see this a lot,
(37:31):
is women are looking for a man to just like give them the permission to do that when...
when you're in your power you can do that anyway and if that person in front of you theman isn't showing up safely she can distinguish that early on and she has...
(37:54):
an incredibly powerful statement.
If you want women to be authentic, gentlemen, you lead by being authentic.
It's gonna be garbage in, garbage out.
If you're gonna start acting fake, then she's gonna start fronting.
Meanwhile, if you're both being fake with each other, how do you even measure any kind ofcompatibility in the short term or the long term?
(38:16):
If we face up to our authentic selves, I mean, you know, if we have self work, let's getafter it.
But as long as we're connectable, as I talk about in my invincible program, you know, wehave those check boxes of major traits most people will get along with, you know, we all
like honest people, not liars.
We like upbeat people, not Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh.
We like people who are on time, not flaky.
(38:36):
You know, there are several things.
If you check those boxes as a human, you're going to get along with more people ingeneral.
If you've been attentive to that, you show up, the two of you are either going to getalong or you're not.
And that's got to be okay.
It's not acceptance rejection.
It's not a value judgment on your
intrinsic worth as a human, it's, we've saved some time here.
We've dodged the proverbial bullet.
Now go meet someone you get along with.
(38:58):
And I would add...
My promise to you guys is if you are showing up as your authentic connectable self, youwill not only be making women feel safe and comfortable, you'll also be more likely to
connect more quickly with women who are like you, who are one of you, who are on yourteam.
(39:18):
You're going to end up with more women in your life and better women who you like more inyour life than if you were trying to be the shapeshifter.
It's a counterproductive strategy to be a shapeshifter.
It is.
It's just another way of having walls up and, you know, really staying in that lack andfear mentality and, you know, also allowing your limiting beliefs to lead the way.
(39:51):
And so if that's something that you're doing, then I would say the invitation would be togo deeper.
To go deeper in your inner world about what's causing and creating this and who do Ireally want to, who am I committed to being instead?
And...
Yeah.
(40:11):
the secret of the universe when it comes to attracting women.
I think you nailed it.
This has been a great show.
I mean, some of these guys probably feel like they've been drinking from the fire hosehere because it's just been nonstop content.
Full blast.
I know, I know.
But I mean, the gist of it being, you know, guys, we're trying to be something we're not.
It's not going to work in our favor.
(40:33):
Psychologically, it's easy to tell ourselves
it will work in our favor, but it's really not going to.
And the reason for that, the reasons for that are primal.
They're the basis for sexual attraction because if you're trying to be something you'renot, you know, hoping she'll be impressed, she's not feeling seen.
(40:56):
She's not feeling heard because you're inside your head.
It's still all about you, right?
And also she doesn't feel safe because she doesn't know who the heck you are.
Yeah.
Powerful stuff.
Cyndi, I want to send these guys to your website.
I know you got a new goodie for them.
You've been on several times and I don't want to, I don't want to give them the same URLand then change what's behind that URL because some of these guys are going to listen to
(41:17):
your previous episodes and fully expect what you promised them there.
So this time it's going to be mountaintoppodcast.com/cyndiolin C Y N D I O L I N.
Nine letters, right?
Yes.
that's your full name.
When they go there, you've got something for them.
What do you got?
Yeah, I've got, you know, things that really work with women to get them to open up toyou.
(41:45):
And it's simple, guys.
And if you utilize this authentically, you'll see the right kinds of women.
And I see the same thing to women, by the way.
You know, when it's, when you're showing up authentically, yes, you are going to have somewomen go, nope, not for me.
(42:06):
I'm committed to being a shapeshifter or fake relationships.
Whatever.
Yes!
because of their commitment to be fake.
Totally.
It's like a man that's not committed to being in his healthy masculine leadership.
If he's not committed to that and a woman calls that forward in him and this is what I'mtalking about in my free gift, then he's just gonna go away too.
(42:39):
So you guys, and I know if you're here, you're listening to Scot,
you're all about this.
And to give you some support and openings, whether it's in the wild, in person, or online,to create real live authentic connections with the right kind of women, I'm gonna give you
(43:03):
some ways that women, just like Scot was saying, will open up like a flower and want toreally connect with you.
And women that you might be going, man, she might be out of my league.
Oh no, because she's desiring that kind of leadership and connection from a man.
(43:28):
Sometimes the hotter and sexier she is to the...
again, to a larger cross section of men, the more starving she is for someone to see herand hear her above and beyond her looks.
Absolutely, because that she's felt objectified and that's been a thing for women and it'snot that you know, it's not that women don't desire sex and all that, it's just it's it's
(43:58):
got to be paced and that's an...
Right!
not paste, um paced.
I used to eat paste before puberty.
So I just want to be clear there.
of those guys that ate paint chips or something?
Anyway, paste?
know, I actually have childhood memories of picking paint chips and eating them.
(44:23):
Maybe that's why I turned out the way I am.
Well, it's not necessarily about that.
It's worked for you, Scot.
Thank you.
I stole all of your thunder.
Gentlemen.
What you should do is you should steal all of Cyndi's incredible tips to help you withwomen.
Cause she knows what she's talking about.
And she is a woman mountaintoppodcast.com/cyndiolin C Y N D I O L I N is the place to goto get all those goodies.
(44:50):
Cyndi, it's always a pleasure.
You and I always have fun conversations and they, they kind of, uh, they kind of straddlethat line between being
uh, silly and fun while being content rich, which is, I mean, that's the Holy Grail here.
Great.
Thank you again.
is.
Yes.
Thank you.
It's always fun.
I appreciate you and all the work that you do in the world.
(45:11):
It's awesome.
Yeah, and you're making the world a better place, mostly for women, which we guys are alsovery appreciative of as well.
We want to be seen and heard too.
Yeah.
We all want that at the core of things.
It's, you know, learning to collaborate and work together and really build that trust withone another.
(45:33):
So we're going to have you back soon so we can do it again.
Fantastic.
You're welcome.
And gentlemen, if you've not been to mountaintoppodcast.com recently, check out our threelongtime sponsors, Jocko Willink's Company, Origin in Maine, The Keyport and Hero Soap.
Guys, if you haven't tried Hero Soap's shampoo, it comes in a bar and you're thinking,well, my goodness, this is going to be gone by tomorrow morning.
(45:58):
No, it lasts like a month.
It's crazy.
You use less.
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You don't have to fumble with a big bottle and pour it all over yourself.
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Uh, great stuff and fantastic sense from the folks over at hero soap.
(46:19):
You should try that out.
All three of our sponsors are available to you from mountotoppodcast.com.
Also gentlemen,
have you checked out my Substack yet?
Substack is like uh the new school for blogging.
It's like I have my own magazine and I'm putting articles up there and I'm making themvery different than my newsletters.
(46:42):
And here's how.
I'm talking about the truth that I don't think the newsletter list can handle.
And you know, I trust you guys.
I think you're great, but I don't want to bombard all 60,000 of you with stuff that yourears might bleed if you hear.
If you go to Substack, the beauty of it is you went looking for it.
So don't come to me when you don't like it, because if you can't handle the truth, youdon't want to go to my Substack.
(47:05):
But here's...
here's a little hint.
If you like this podcast, you're probably going to dig the Substack too, and I try to beextra funny there, too.
It's always laced with humor.
And that's at mountaintoppodcast.com/substack or just Scot McKay.
My name on Substack.
I always like hearing from you guys.
Get on my calendar at mountaintoppodcast.com for free.
(47:26):
Talk to me for 25 minutes about what's on your mind.
Give me your ideas for the show.
Give me your feedback on the show.
if there's any need in your life to put together a program to help you get from point A toB with women, I'm there for you for that as well.
That's what I do for a living as a coach.
Also, some of you guys may not know this.
I've been doing a whole lot of career coaching, entrepreneurship coaching.
(47:47):
Some of you guys have been laid off from the government because of the Doge cuts.
And I've been helping, man, lots of you guys
uh reinvent yourself, not working for the man or working for the government, but actuallygoing out and living the dream and building that lifestyle business that you've always
wanted to.
That's what Emily and I did 20 years ago.
I'm there for you to do that right here, right now today.
(48:09):
It all starts when you get on my calendar at mountaintoppodcast.com.
And until I talk to you again real soon, this is Scot McKay from X & Y Communications inSan Antonio, Texas.
Be good out there.
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