Let Go of the Past to Move Forward, Don't Buffer Your Life Away

What is buffering?

• The avoidance of thoughts and emotions
• So we have a reason to not try

Why do we buffer?

• So we do not have to face the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions we have
• Our mind's way of helping us stay small and not be noticed

We like to look to the past for reasons to not go forward.

We let the past hold us back from the success we could have.

Ways we buffer

• Phrases
  • I have never done this before
  • That is how everyone else has done it before
  • I have seen this before
  • The Old days were better
• Talking about the past or nostalgia
• You won't let go of Grudges

Links Mentioned

36 Questions

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Take The Next Step

In episode 211 of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of how the past can hold us back and discuss the concept of buffering. Buffering refers to the act of avoiding thoughts and emotions by distracting ourselves with other activities. Unfortunately, many of these activities are unhealthy habits such as excessive shopping, video games, or pornography. Engaging in buffering behaviors prevents us from facing our problems head-on and hinders our personal growth and progress in life. To move forward, we must overcome our fear of discomfort and embrace new experiences, much like when we were learning to walk or ride a bike. By examining our thoughts and breaking down our problems, we can conquer buffering and achieve our goals. During this part of the podcast, I emphasize the importance of not allowing past experiences to hold us back from trying new things.

To illustrate this point, I share a personal anecdote about learning to ride a bike and how I had to face challenges and make mistakes to eventually succeed. I highlight the significance of understanding our partners' preferences and energy in relationships, using the example of pet names. I stress the need for open communication and adapting our approach to better connect with our partners. Additionally, I discuss the significance of having realistic expectations when rekindling long-term relationships. We all strive for deeper connections with one another. It's not about constantly being at odds, but rather about forging meaningful bonds. For me, this involves focusing on two main pillars: my body and my community, with my wife playing a vital role in the latter. While we spend a significant amount of time together in the same house, it is crucial to intentionally spend quality time together. We have begun asking each other thought-provoking questions from a set of 36 questions designed to strengthen love and understanding.

Reflecting on the past, I used to hold onto resentment towards my wife for rejecting me sexually. However, I have come to realize that sex is not solely about my desires. It takes effort to create a safe and comfortable space for my wife to want to engage in sexual intimacy. I need to appreciate and understand her perspective instead of dwelling on my frustrations. I now understand that relying on past hurts as an excuse to distance myself emotionally is counterproductive. Building a fulfilling physical relationship requires trust, mental insight, and a profound understanding of the person we love. I empathize with young men in today's dating world who may believe that offering sexual pleasure alone will sustain a relationship. Healthy relationships require so much more.

Many men hold the misconcep