April 23, 2025 • 38 mins
Protecting Kids from the Dangers of Pornography
In this episode, Andy discusses the protection of children from the dangers of pornography with Parker Hymas, Director of Public Outreach at Fight The New Drug. They take a hard look into the different ways children might be exposed to porn, the impacts it has on their mental health and behavior, and effective strategies for parents to have open conversations about this sensitive issue. Additionally, they discuss the impact of platforms like OnlyFans on modern society and self-exploitation.
For more from Fight The New Drug: https://fightthenewdrug.org
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00:00 Welcome to The Secure Family Podcast
01:00 Protecting Your Identity with DeleteMe
01:52 Meet Parker Hymas from Fight The New Drug
02:50 Parker's Journey to Fight The New Drug
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Andy (00:09):
This is The Secure Family Podcast.
Welcome friend.
I'm Andy Murphy, the host andthe founder of The Secure Dad.
This show is all about empowering parentsto protect themselves and their family.
I believe that security is thefoundation of happiness, and I want
your family to be safe and happy.
The information that I shareon this podcast is for general
(00:31):
information purposes only.
My goal is to empower you to makesafer decisions for yourself and
your family because our safetyis our own responsibility.
Today, I have a very informativediscussion with a representative
from Fight The New Drug.
We're going to share how parents canprotect their kids from the dangers of
porn and how it affects their young minds.
(00:53):
All of that more coming upon The Secure Family Podcast.
With a high cost of food andeveryday products, families have
to be smart with their money.
I don't think anyone here, not evenme, budgets for identity theft.
If somebody gets your private data,they could pretend to be you and do
(01:14):
things like open lines of credit inyour name and ruin your credit score.
One of the ways that I work toprevent this is by using DeleteMe.
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My guest today is Parker Hymas.
Parker is the Director of PublicOutreach at Fight The New Drug.
He's a dynamic speaker and apassionate advocate for fostering
(02:01):
meaningful conversations with abackground in communications and a deep
understanding of public engagement.
He has dedicated his career toraising awareness about the harmful
effects of pornography throughscience facts and personal accounts.
Today.
He presents to thousands of studentseach year, all while leading public
outreach efforts, sparking criticaldiscussions and driving societal change.
(02:23):
But most importantly, he's a dad.
Here's my conversation with Parker Hymas.
So Parker, thank you fortalking with us today.
Introduce yourself to everybody.
Parker (02:40):
Yeah.
I'm Parker.
I'm the director of Public Outreachfor Fight the New Drug, which is
a non-religious, non-legislativenonprofit that seeks to educate
people on the impacts of porn usingscience facts and personal accounts.
Andy (02:50):
Very cool.
So what, um, what led you to comeand work for Fight the New Drug?
What was it that you were like, Hey,this is where I need to be, this is
where my career needs to be right now.
Parker (02:59):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So the story kind ofgoes back a little ways.
I, in, uh, in 2015 I heardabout fight the new drugs.
So a decade ago, and uh, backthen Facebook was still cool
and I saw them on Facebook.
I saw a campaign they were doing.
I was like, oh, this is a great thing.
Like, I love this, this is awesome.
Um.
And so I was like, okay, well I wannalike, kind of be a follower of this.
(03:22):
So I, I followed them.
I tried to, you know,participate in campaigns.
I tried to share it with other people,you know, just kind of the things that you
do as a passive follower of a movement.
And then I went to a liveevent they had in 2016 or 17.
Um, they happen to have alive event somewhat near me.
And I went to that, brought a friend.
And I was just thinking, youknow, I know a lot of people
(03:43):
my age that struggle with this.
I wanna be able to help them.
So I went to this event.
And I also at the time wantedto get into public speaking.
I was studying communications in college.
I, I knew I wanted todo some public speaking.
And uh, it just so happened that,uh, the speaker at that particular
event was one of the original,like founders of the nonprofit.
And so I was like, oh, maybe I'llchat with him after, see if he
has any thoughts or maybe I couldlike, speak for fight and drug.
(04:03):
That would be cool.
And a little bit of naivetyis a good thing, I think.
So I, uh.
I, after the event ends, I'm likeall excited to go talk to him and
realize there's like, you know, amillion people that wanna talk to him.
And I was like, oh, okay.
Well that was kind of silly notto realize that a bunch of people
are gonna have questions for him.
So I knew the person thatput the event together.
I decided just to help clean up.
So I hung out with this guy, Doug.
(04:23):
I. We were cleaning up the event,rolling up extension cords, putting
away equipment and stuff like that.
And then it kind of finally windeddown all the questions were done.
He was gonna leave.
He's like, oh, by the way,did you have a question?
I was like, oh, I, I did actually,I was curious about public speaking.
Like I've always wanted to get into it.
I don't know if there's anyopportunities or if you have thoughts.
And he kind of gave me some advice,but it wasn't like what I was hoping,
it wasn't like, oh, you know, weneed speakers, fight the drugs.
(04:44):
So I was like, oh, that'skind of a buzzkill.
But that's good.
Like I'm glad that someonewho does some public speaking
had some things to tell me.
That's great.
And then he was leaving, uh, the venue.
And the person that put the eventtogether just real quick was like,
oh, by the way, clay Parker's awesome.
And I kinda like dead, stopped his tracks.
He is like, you know, actually we doneed some outside speakers right now.
Is that something you'd be interested?
And I was like, yeah, absolutely.
(05:05):
And so he gave me his email andthen, uh, fight through drug.
Our certification process ispretty like rigorous for speakers.
Just do the nature of the content, theaudience we're speaking to, the fact that
we're not religious, not legislative.
Uh, I kind of went through all ofthat and then I started speaking
for fighting Drug in 2017.
And, uh, did that forabout two years, till 2019.
(05:26):
Uh, and at the very, very beginningof 2019, in January, there was
an opening that became available.
I started working here full-time,uh, when I was a speaker.
I was just contracted, worked for them.
And then, uh, yeah, so I've workedhere in the office for a little
over six years and it's been great.
Andy (05:39):
Very good.
Very good man.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah, that, that's great.
It's, it's good when you can see yourprogression like that, and it's just
a blessing all the way through andall that, so that's, that's awesome.
So help, help me understand this as a, asa parent of a middle schooler, and a lot
of people who are listening are parentsof middle schoolers and high schoolers.
(06:01):
And, and I obviously understand elementaryas well, um, when we were growing up.
Pornography was a magazineor it was a calendar.
You heard rumors of like VHS tapes andit's kind of was, it was a thing, but
it wasn't a big deal like it is today.
So how can porn affectthe brain like a drug?
Parker (06:21):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So we kind of often say, you know, ifpornography, if pornography was still
the pornography that your generationwas dealing with, we might not exist.
Like we, we often say that becausethe issue is what is readily
available to kids today is notwhat was printed in a magazine,
you know, 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago.
(06:42):
So.
Yeah, let's kind of dive inwith some of these issues.
So, uh, fight the drug.
We seek to educate on how porn impactsindividuals, their relationships,
and then our society as a whole.
And you asked the question, you know, whyis it kind of called fight through drug?
How does it impact theindividual consumer?
You know, obviously fight the drug,uh, is like a, a name that we came
(07:03):
up with to grab people's attention.
Um, and.
What we're trying to help people torealize is that research shows porn
can be habit forming, it can be anescalating behavior, and it can impact
the individual consumer's mental health.
So when we're talking about just theindividual, the consumer, those are the
three greatest impacts that porn has.
So habit forming, meaning just like,uh, tobacco or nicotine products, right?
(07:25):
Uh, over time people develop ahabit, a compulsive behavior, or
even an addiction to pornography.
And I'm not saying that everyone hasbeen exposed to porn is addicted.
That's not true.
But there's an abundance of research toshow that porn addiction's very real.
It shares many similarities to anaddiction, to a substance, like I
said, nicotine that makes cigarettesand tobacco products addictive.
And aside from all the research,we know countless people, right?
(07:46):
Uh.
Everyone listening probablyknows countless people who have
struggled with pornography.
They recognize it's affecting theirlife, and yet many of them can't seem
to stop consuming it, even when theyknow that it's affecting their life.
And that's not something weshould ignore either, right?
Is those personal accounts.
And then we also know that it can bean escalating behavior, and that's
something that's often overlooked.
Um, you know, with, with.
Cigarettes.
(08:06):
Again, going back to that, wesee people need more cigarettes
more frequently, right?
So people go from smoking acouple cigarettes to a pack or two
packs a day in extreme scenarios.
But with pornography, they not onlyneed more porn more frequently, they
end up needing more extreme forms ofcontent according to the research.
And so the problem with that isthat when people need more extreme
forms of content, the content that'sproduced becomes extremely more.
(08:29):
Violent, abusive, degrading,um, and incredibly problematic.
So not only now that we're, youknow, fully 30 years into online
pornography, has the contentbecome increasingly problematic.
But we also know these ways thatit impacts the individual consumer.
They can be habit forming, escalatingbehavior, impact their mental health.
Andy (08:49):
So Parker, there is a fantastic blog post, uh, on your website that I read, and
it's called Why Today's Internet Porn isunlike Anything the world has ever seen.
So kind of walk us through what parentsneed to know about this in 2025.
Parker (09:03):
Yeah, and like you said, we kind of like touched on this, but to
go a little bit deeper, the, the issuereally is that the content has become
more extreme for a few reasons, butmainly because we know when a consumer,
I. Consumes pornography, they end upovertime needing that, like we talked
about, more extreme forms of content.
And if there's a demand for that, thatwill be produced just like anything
(09:26):
else in the marketplace, right?
When there's a demand forsomething, it will be created.
And the problem with this is that thenature of the content has become a. Like
that because porn itself, due to theubiquity of the internet, the smartphone
has become more affordable, accessible,available, and anonymous than ever before.
And so we're not talking about,you know, a magazine on a shelf
(09:48):
in a black bag at the liquor storeor something like that anymore.
Right?
We're talking about.
Kids at far too young of ageshaving access to the entire
internet in their pocket.
Uh, adults and youth being exposedto increasingly problematic
forms of content and then needingmore extreme forms of content.
So there's a demand for that and thatcontent is then produced and then
downstream effects of that are even that.
(10:10):
Many people think porn's not a big deal.
It doesn't hurt anybodyelse, and that's not true.
You're a person.
You have value.
You matter.
This will impact you, it willimpact your relationships.
But also the very nature of the contentis exploitative much of the content
available on mainstream porn sites.
I. Is commercial sexual exploitation,has sexual abuse, sexual violence,
um, and even in, in many cases, therehave been many proven instances of
(10:35):
sex trafficking occurring withinthe production of mainstream porn.
So while people wanna think it's not abig deal, it doesn't hurt anybody else.
You know, we're not sharingthis information to shame
anyone or make anyone feel bad.
What we're trying to do is educate people.
So like, make healthyand informed decisions.
You don't know what you don't know, andwe want people to say, Hey, now I do know.
Much of this content is exploitative.
There are many examples of sex traffickingoccurring within the production of
(10:57):
mainstream porn, and now I know better.
Let's make more healthyand informed decisions.
Let's consider before consumingpornography, let's choose
not to consume pornography.
Let's educate young people on the problemsand recognize how young kids are exposed.
If you wanna talk about that alittle bit, we definitely can.
I.
Andy (11:12):
Yeah, and we'll, we'll talk about that in a second.
But I'm glad you brought up thetrafficking point 'cause I've had
multiple people on this show whohave sat down and talked about
human trafficking and how bad it is.
And they talk about like the seedis planted sometimes for people in
being exposed to pornography, um, at,at young ages or even as an adult.
Parker (11:30):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We have a lot of resources on our websitethat people can dive into after the show.
Uh, many, many true stories of peoplewho were trafficked and exploited within
the production of mainstream pornography.
Um, you can see those on our YouTubechannel, on our blog, uh, on our podcast.
Consider before consuming.
We have many, many, many survivors of thiskind of commercial sexual exploitation.
(11:53):
And one of the best examples of that,if people are like, point me to one of
the most profound examples of this isprobably the girls do porn scenario.
So a few years back, uh, basically it cameout that for almost a decade, a popular,
well-known mainstream company called GirlsDo Porn had been intentionally seeking
out young, uh, predominantly young women.
(12:15):
Who didn't have a lot of experiencein life and had smaller social
media followings, they would messagethem, tell them that they wanted
to, or, or post Craigslist ads.
And they would tell these girls thatthey would be flying to California
to do fitness photo shoots.
So these women had the expectationthat they were gonna be
modeling yoga, clothing, fitnessequipment, um, fashion, right?
(12:35):
Normal jobs.
Completely normal things, right?
And instead, when they arrived at theairport, they were picked up, transported
immediately to a location, and then.
Uh, many, almost all of these womenwere drugged, raped, held against
their will, uh, and forced to signcontracts and participate in pornography.
Some of them were filmed fordays on end, uh, in order to get.
(12:58):
A few minutes of contentthat looked consensual.
Uh, now the problem thereis obviously huge, right?
Uh, people didn't believe thesurvivors for a long time.
They thought they willingly went and shotpornography, and then afterwards changed
their mind, or wanted to lie to theirfamilies or friends about why they did it.
But in reality, it became at some pointoverwhelming the number of survivors
of this kind of exploitation and abuse.
(13:19):
So the executives of that company,some of them were on the FBI's top 10
most wanted list until they were foundrecently in New Zealand to stand trial.
And, uh, you know, you can learnmore about that on our website.
Uh, we have articles we have.
Podcast episodes with one of theJane Doe, which is one of the
women who was trafficked in theproduction of that pornography.
(13:40):
And that's one of the best examples thatI point to, to say, Hey, you know, this
is why this content is so problematic.
Or you can look at Nicholas Christophe'sarticle from The New York Times, right?
Where, uh, entitled to Childrenof Porn Hub, which I understand is
kind of a strong title for peoplewho are unfamiliar with this issue.
But the amount of child sexual abusematerial formerly referred to as child
pornography, uh, that was readilyavailable on mainstream porn sites like
(14:03):
PornHub and the issues there, right?
Um, that's, that's the reason thatthey deleted millions and millions and
millions of videos overnight After thatarticle came out, visa and MasterCard
stopped processing payments because.
Andy (14:15):
that's good.
Parker (14:16):
Of the backlash right now.
Those companies would say, oh,well we just removed anyone
that wasn't verified content.
That doesn't mean that all ofthat content was problematic.
And it's like, well, that'sproblematic that, that, that
much content was unverified.
That means that anyone couldupload anything and you had no
idea who that person was, who wasin the content, how it was made.
(14:37):
Right, right.
We had no idea what was happening.
Of course, that content needed takendown so very problematic industry full
of many, many issues that we don't evenhave time to dive into all of them today.
But what we want parents to understandobviously, is that porn impacts
individuals relationships in society.
Kids are exposed younger than youthink, and that we have to have honest
and ongoing conversations becausewhen we say pornography in 2025, it
(15:01):
does not mean what it meant in 1985.
Andy (15:03):
Agreed.
And that's, that's very well said.
You were talking about, you know,kids are, you know, becoming
exposed to this sort of stuff.
What are the common ways thatkids are stumbling into this or
being shown this sort of content?
Especially 'cause most peoplelistening to this, you know, we
have parental control set up.
We might have a Troomi phone or somethinglike that, that's gonna help filter this
stuff out, but just walk us through theways that kids can be exposed to this.
Parker (15:28):
Yeah, great question.
So, uh, one study that comes to mind is afew years old now, but it showed that, um.
Kids are exposed to porn in avariety of ways, but not necessarily
in the ways that parents think.
So blocking content is a great idea.
Like you're talking about people shouldhave filtration, monitoring, safe devices,
conversations, all of these things.
That's what we reallywant to advocate for.
(15:48):
But as far as like the statistics, thereason these are so important is that.
Many kids are exposed for the first timeto pornography because someone else showed
it to them when they weren't expecting it.
Andy (15:59):
Hmm.
Parker (16:00):
a much larger portion of percentage of kids are shown
pornography by someone else whenthey weren't expecting it than
those who are accidentally exposedbecause something popped up on
their phone or their computer.
So when we recognize that, it's like, oh,no amount of filtration monitoring or safe
tech alone will be sufficient if the, the.
(16:21):
The way the majorityof kids are exposed is.
Because someone showed it,showed them pornography when
they weren't expecting it.
So a friend, someone older than them,which is even more problematic, right?
So we have to find kind of a solution.
And the solution we ultimately wantto bring parents back to every time
is having conversations with our kids.
We understand that that seemsuncomfortable and awkward, but
(16:42):
we as parents are sometimesnot to like call anyone out.
But we are responsible forsome of that awkwardness and
uncomfortableness because we are not
Andy (16:50):
we are.
Parker (16:51):
to have the conversation.
Andy (16:52):
Right.
Yeah.
And that's one of the things that,like, I've had to sit down and,
and talk to my son about, youknow, what happens on the internet.
He's really into gamingand that sort of thing.
And he's asked like, Hey, like I wanna beable to talk to my friends, you know, can
I look at Discord or something like that?
And I'm like, absolutely not.
I know what happens on Discord.
Even if you have great intent.
I know it happens on discord.
(17:13):
So, no.
Um, and you gotta be able to tell themwhy, because if you just sit there
and say, no kid, you can't do it.
No kid.
They don't understand.
If you kinda like bring them in asto why I'm gonna say no to this and
why you should be aware of this,it makes things so much easier.
So kind of give me a couple of tipsthat I can use or the parents listening
(17:33):
can use to be able to make thisconversation a little less awkward for us.
Parker (17:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I'm really glad you asked thatquestion 'cause this's something
that gets overlooked a lot of timeswhen I do, uh, media appearances.
But yeah, you know, when itcomes to talking with our kids, I
want parents for a minute, like,just bear with me for a minute.
I want you to think about thisscenario and how you would handle
it, and then we'll talk about.
Our kids and how we haveconversations with them.
(18:00):
So let's say that you're the primaryincome provider in your household,
and let's say that you lost yourjob six months ago and you haven't
found work yet, and you haven'tpaid the mortgage for two months.
It's a pretty stressful situation,
Andy (18:12):
Sure.
Yeah.
Parker (18:13):
don't want that anyone to have to experience that.
That would be horrible.
But of course, things happen.
So let's say that this is thescenario someone's in right now,
and then let's say that the job,they really want their dream job.
That would solve a lot ofthese immediate issues.
If they got, the job becomes availableand they get an interview, right?
So not only did they apply, butthey already got an interview.
So we're at that stage.
(18:34):
I want you to think about like howprepared you would be for that interview
in that crucial context, you would have abinder of like everything you'd done for
your last three employers to show your.
Your value, right?
Every project you'd completed, whatit entailed, how you saved money, or
sold more, or whatever metrics yourjob would be looking for, right?
(18:58):
You would be prepared, knowingeverything there is to know about
the company and their products.
You would, uh, be ready to answer anyquestions that the employer might ask you.
You would've done mock interviewswith a spouse or a friend or
a kid or something, right?
You would actually have your ownlist of questions prepared to ask
the interviewer so that it's moreof like an interchange and they
(19:19):
feel confident that you're capable.
You're not just likerattling off robot answers.
You would've done all of this and more,right, in order to try to get that job.
unfortunately, when it comes totalking with our kids about very
difficult subjects like pornography.
We don't do even a drop in the bucket.
As much work as that, and it leadsto the conversation being incredibly
(19:41):
painful and awkward when we're talkingto our kids about sex or pornography
because we don't understand what we'resupposed to be explaining to our kids.
We don't know how we should be talkingabout it or how that conversation
varies at different ages or.
Why it's even necessary, right?
We'd rather just ignore it and justpretend like it's not a problem.
And that's why there are so many issues.
(20:04):
If we had these open, honestconversations, that would really
solve a lot of these issues.
So.
It's funny, we do live events, you know,all over the, the country and even other
parts of the world, and parents arealways like on the edge of their seats.
The last, like half of the parentpresentations, for example, is one of
the types of audiences we speak to.
'cause they're like, there'sgonna be this like magic answer.
It like comes down to having conversationswith your kids and the parents are like,
(20:25):
oh man, you know, they're just thinkingthere's gonna be some magical solution.
That's what we all want.
We want this magic diet pill.
We want this magic solution thatjust makes this thing easier.
We want this filtering or monitoringthing that'll just fix the problem for us.
And while all of those resourcesare great it, we're just trying
to say alone, they are not enoughconversations in conjunction with
(20:46):
safe technology is the solution.
Andy (20:49):
Right.
Yeah.
'cause when they know to look out forthe problem, they can see it coming and
avoid it or have the confidence to cometo you and say, Hey, I saw something
online today that really made me
Parker (20:58):
uncomfortable
Exactly.
Andy (20:59):
You know, talk to your kids to where they will talk to you.
You know, don't, uh, I got this,
I got this great piece of advicenot long ago, and it's just
generally in talking to your kids.
And, um, I think it's, uh, Nate Webb,I think I follow him on, uh, TikTok.
He's like this, uh, school counselor guy.
And so he was saying, your kids areafraid to talk to you because one,
(21:22):
they're afraid that you're going to.
Uh, correct them for something thatthey may have done wrong or they're
afraid that you're gonna punishthem for something that they did,
so they're just not talking to you.
So I have really tried myselfto personally put that stuff
down because, uh, that was me.
I will, I'll admit that.
And that has really changedthe communication between me
(21:44):
and my wife and my son by justletting him talk and listen.
And I think that kind of appliesto what you were just saying.
Parker (21:53):
A hundred percent.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
And we have great resourcesfor this on our website.
There's something calledthe Conversation Blueprint.
It can kind of help parents map out whatthis conversation look could look like
ahead of time, rehearse the conversationand reduce the overall awkwardness and
anxiety and fear that people often have.
Andy (22:08):
Right.
Um, so just kind of tell me, you know,we've talked about, uh, pornography
being described and how it affects thebrain, kind of like as a drug does.
What are the signs or what's happening?
How does this.
Work to affect somebody's,their relationship society,
um, them as an individual.
How is this really damaging?
Parker (22:30):
Yeah.
Really what it comes down to, asidefrom the pieces we talked about of
like the broader impacts on societyand the individual themselves
is, like you said, relationships.
We know from, from many fields of researchthat the greatest determinator of.
Determiner of happiness in someone'slife is their relationships,
their closest connections.
So their, their family, theirfriends, their spouse, their children.
(22:51):
All of these things are what'sgonna determine our happiness.
And research shows time andtime again that pornography
impacts our relationships.
You know, we often describe itas porn impacts what we love, how
much we love, and how we thinkabout the people that we love.
And what that just means simplyis that research shows that.
(23:11):
Individuals who consume porn, it canoften become a super normal stimulus.
Many researchers consider pornto be a super normal stimulus.
This means that they need, uh, they spendmore and more time consuming pornography
and less and less time seeking out theirpartner or looking for a partner and
interest in real life relationships.
They'd rather just spend time aloneconsuming pornography, which again,
is not good for our mental health.
We know that when it comes torelationships, when we're talking about.
(23:34):
How much we love that individualswho consume porn have a, a greater
tendency to cheat, to, uh, havetheir relationship end, um, to be
dissatisfied in their relationship.
Right.
And the interesting thing aboutthose studies is they're all, uh,
directional findings, meaning, uh.
There's a very strong correlationbecause the more porn that is consumed
(23:56):
in the relationship, the greaterthe likelihood of those outcomes.
So a really strong correlation.
And in fact, one study showedthat couples, they followed
couples for six years.
They wanted to see what would determineif a relationship would be less happy
in the future than they are today.
And they found that porn was the secondgreatest indicator that a relationship
would become less happy over time.
And people always ask me, what'sthe, the greatest indicator?
(24:16):
Right?
They think it's gonna bemoney or something like that.
The interesting thing about the studyis for whatever reason, they chose
not to use if the couples startedthe study as unhappy as a control.
So the greatest determinator of acouple being unhappy in the future is
if they're unhappy today and they don'tdo anything to change that, then of
course they'll be unhappy in the future.
Usually in a lot of studies, somethinglike that would be considered a control,
(24:39):
and if that was the case in this study.
Porn actually would've beenthe greatest indicator.
But second, only to that pornwas the greatest indicator that a
relationship would suffer over time.
Meaning that their relationshipquality and happiness, uh,
would, would decrease over time.
You know?
So yeah, we know they,that these issues are real.
We know porn impacts relationshipsand connections, and although most
(25:00):
of the research is on how pornimpacts romantic relationships.
Um, you know, there's moreresearch being done all the time
to show that porn impacts alltypes of meaningful connection.
And to my knowledge, there still to thisday hasn't been a single longitudinal
study that over time showed that pornhad any positive impact on relationships.
Andy (25:19):
That's a big statement, you know, I mean, what, what good is it gonna do you?
Um, I read, um, in early 2024 thatapparently in 2023, the United States
did not, uh, basically produce enoughpeople to sustain it going forward.
It was the first time we'dseen a huge population drop.
The US now.
I know there's a lot of factorsthat's involved with that.
(25:41):
Do you feel like pornography and itseffect on relationships is any play there?
Parker (25:48):
Yeah, I mean, just speaking anecdotally, I don't know
if any specific research, but.
We know that pornography causespeople to struggle with mental
health and encourages loneliness.
And so of course this loneliness epidemic,which like you acknowledge, there's
many parts to, um, pornography of courseis playing a role in that in addition
to many other issues in the modern eralike social media and technology, and.
(26:12):
Lifestyle and cost of livingand all these different things.
But pornography absolutely, I think playsa role in that anecdotally, because we
know it increases people's loneliness.
We know that people are more likely tospend time alone consuming pornography.
Of course, that's going to leadto less of a desire to seek
out a partner in real life.
Andy (26:30):
Very cool.
So let me ask you this, uh, therise of OnlyFans has increased self
exploitation, and while it startedoff, it kind of as this oddity,
it's now become more mainstream.
So how do we.
How do we tell our kids to be cautiousof this when they are trying to become,
(26:53):
you know, digital influencers themselves?
How do we tell them OnlyFansis not the way to do this?
Parker (27:00):
Yeah.
Uh, before I answer that, Ijust have a quick question.
What's OnlyFans?
No, I'm just kidding.
So we obviously know OnlyFans is, butI think probably most of the listeners
may have no idea what OnlyFans is.
Um.
And I don't mean to beinsensitive by making a joke,
Andy (27:15):
Oh sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Parker (27:16):
want people to know that I deal in this heavy issue every day, and we have
to find a way to educate without shame.
And, uh, also, you know, trying to talkabout this issue in a, in a healthy way.
So, yeah, OnlyFans, let's kind ofjust quickly like acknowledge what the
platform is and then we can kind of answersome of the problems for young people.
So OnlyFans is a platformwhere people pay.
(27:38):
For content from someone.
So the idea is that they'reallegedly paying directly, like the
money's going directly to someoneminus a commissioned OnlyFans.
And then that producing orthat person produces content.
So similar in a way that you subscribe toNetflix, you pay them $20 every month, and
Netflix creates content that we all watch.
You could go to a very specific person,Jane Doe, uh, pay them 20 bucks a month
(28:01):
and get access to all of their content.
Um.
That means that by and large,almost all of the content on
OnlyFans is pornographic in nature.
Um, there's very few and verylittle, very few people, and very
little content on the platformthat is not pornographic in nature.
Almost everything on the platformis pornographic, so people are
essentially subscribing to veryspecific individuals that they want
(28:25):
to get pornographic content from.
Now.
Here's the problem with OnlyFansis this is a huge conversation.
I would really encourage listeners togo and listen to our, uh, interview
with Victoria Sinus, who startedan OnlyFans marketing agency to
really understand what OnlyFans isand the problem that it's creating.
OnlyFans is a huge issue for youngpeople because they're being falsely
(28:46):
led to believe that this is, uh,empowerment, that they're free.
But we know that OnlyFans hasalmost all of the same issues as.
The existing mainstream porn platformsthat we've already discussed today
that have their own issues, right?
OnlyFans has been in trouble timeand time again for having child
sexual abuse material meaning.
Uh, a young person.
(29:07):
So, so someone has a verified accountwhere they submitted their id Sure.
But they're a sex trafficker.
So they upload content of sex traffickingvictims or minors to that account, and
then people subscribe to that account.
Even if the account gets taken down,they just make another account.
Right?
So that's already a huge problem.
Uh, some of the other problemsare that young people are so.
(29:29):
They are so, uh, deceived intothinking that they can easily make
money on the platform, that some ofthem don't even wait until they're
18 to make content and instead theysteal a parent or an older sibling's.
Id create OnlyFans of theirselves and then produce
content while they're underage.
Another issue, which has become avery large problem because it's like.
(29:49):
A little bit of a gray area.
Ethically, it's not, ethically it'svery black and white, but legally it's
a little bit of a gray area, is whatpeople are calling legacy pornography.
So individuals that are under the age of18 take pornographic content of themselves
while they're a minor, and then they waitto distribute that until they're over 18.
So they're distributing child sexualabuse material of themselves as a minor.
(30:10):
Now as an adult, that's a huge problem.
Right?
Um, and we
Andy (30:14):
That's new to me.
I had not heard that one.
Goodness.
Parker (30:17):
legacy porn.
Andy (30:18):
Oh wow.
Parker (30:19):
there are so many issues with not only the platform, but the, the impact
it's having on society and culture.
Young people think that.
Everyone wants to be an influencer.
And now everyone thinks, oh, wellthat's actually quite a bit of
work they're starting to realize.
But you know what's reallyeasy, making money on OnlyFans,
which is actually not true.
Uh, you can read a little bit onour website about how, uh, I think,
(30:42):
if I remember right, the average,uh, OnlyFans content creator
is making like almost no money.
I mean a, a very insignificantsum of money every month.
Uh, the top 1% on the platform make.
99% or whatever of themoney on the platform.
Right.
And those aren't exact statistics, butI just meant generally speaking, you
can read the statistics on our website,but it's a huge problem because everyone
(31:06):
thinks that they will make money andthey're exploiting themselves for
almost nothing because they're, theyend up not really making any money.
Those images are out there for forever.
Even if they shut down the account,people have already downloaded
the content, screenshotted it,screen, recorded it, whatever.
Right.
So the, and the nature of theplatform itself is problematic
because one person could subscribe,get access to the content, and then
(31:29):
put it all somewhere else for free.
So there's so many issues with OnlyFansand it really is impacting young people.
Today we need parents to kindof be aware of this issue.
I know it's super heavy to hear all that.
For the first time, I just like explainedall this stuff that people have probably
never even heard of, but that's whyit's so important to talk about it.
Andy (31:48):
Yeah.
Yeah, because I mean, you,you've educated me here.
Uh, and, and I appreciate that.
And you made the great point of the,the pictures that you take, the videos
that you upload, like they don't.
Go anywhere.
They're still there.
Even though you delete your account,maybe you change your life, you realize
this is not what you wanna do anymore.
But unfortunately, those thingsare still out there and you've,
you've gotta live with it.
And that's the same thing that, you know,I encourage people to tell their kids
(32:12):
about if they, you know, if their kidssend a text or they send a picture, you
know, to one person, it could go allover the place and that sort of thing.
So they just, we have to, to help themunderstand, not to make the content.
In the first place andunderstand why that's bad.
Parker (32:30):
Yeah, absolutely.
We just need kids to understandthat what they're being sold isn't,
um, as glamorous as it seems to be.
Andy (32:40):
Yeah.
That's cool.
So, um, Parker, as we wrap up here,we've talked about a lot of stuff.
We've thrown a lot of things at people.
What is something thatyou feel like we missed?
What is something at, at its corethat you feel that every family
needs to understand about this topic?
Parker (32:57):
Yeah.
Um, really that we want people tounderstand that this doesn't have
to be end of the world, right?
If your kid's been exposed to pornography.
If you're struggling withpornography, the parent.
As a parent, if you're struggling nowor have in the past, not only are you
the most qualified person to talk toyour kids about this because you're
their parent, but you're the mostperson to qualified person to talk
to your kids also because you havepersonally struggled with pornography.
(33:18):
So I would encourage parents who've beenexposed or are struggling not to feel.
Unqualified to talk to theirchildren about the subject.
If anything, they're the mostqualified person because they
understand the issue better.
Now, additionally, with ourkids, we wanna avoid shame.
There's a differencebetween guilt and shame.
We often conflate these words.
Um, it sounds like you're familiar withthis in your audiences as well, I'm sure.
(33:40):
But basically, guilt saysthis behavior is unhealthy.
It impacts my life andthe people I care about.
It doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
It doesn't mean this is permanent.
It doesn't mean that um,things can't get better.
Things can absolutely get better.
I can heal, I can participate inboth healthier behaviors, right?
This doesn't have to stay this way.
It doesn't define who I am.
(34:00):
Those are all healthy thoughts when itcomes to something that's unhealthy.
The problem with shame is shameis not that way, and that's what
we want people to avoid is shame.
Shame are the thoughts of.
I'm broken.
I'm messed up.
Something's wrong with me.
No one else struggles with this.
No one will understand.
This will never get better.
This is just the way I am.
(34:20):
I'm broken, right?
Like, those are not healthy thoughts.
If you or someone you know is havingthose thoughts, please talk with a
friend, a spouse, a family member, a a,a, a therapist, because those are not
thoughts that we want people to be having.
And so as parents, we need to doeverything we can to help avoid
shame around the subject, while alsoencouraging kids to make healthier
(34:40):
behaviors and to realize the consequences.
Of consuming pornography, butwithout them feeling shame.
Right?
This is an unhealthy behaviorthat someone has participated in.
This does not mean thatthey are a bad person.
Those are different things.
It's a behavior, it'sa choice that we made.
It's not who you are.
Andy (34:56):
That's an excellent way to end this, sir. I I really do appreciate that.
So, um, Parker, you know, if peoplewanna know more about this, and I'm
sure that they do, where can theyfind out more about you and what
you're doing and fight the new drug?
Parker (35:10):
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, at Fight the new drug on all thesocial media platforms, we have over
6 million followers across platforms,and then our website, ftnd.org.
That's just short for fightthe new drug f tnd.org.
Uh, if you go to ftd.org/parents,all of our parent resources are
kind of easily accessible in thatone place, which is kind of nice.
But either way, you'll find allof our resources on our website.
(35:30):
And then just the last thing Iwould just pitch to people is.
I want people to understand that ina post covid world, one of the best
ways to educate on this subject isto really consider having someone
from our organization come out anddo live events in your community.
Because in a post covid world whereeveryone's spending more time alone,
more time on devices, the best wayto really get this issue in front
(35:53):
of your community, in front of yourchildren, in front of the, uh, your
children's friends, is to have.
A live speaker in the community comeand speak about the impacts of porn.
So we do live events for middle schools,junior highs, high schools, parent
nights, community groups, churches, um.
And, uh, college campuses,everything in between, right?
So workplaces, whatever it might be,we'd be happy to come to a community,
(36:15):
do a, a series of events in acommunity at various places, and kind
of help raise awareness and educate.
Um, so yeah, if you're listening tothis and you're like, oh, I wanna
get more involved, you know, thisreally is a grassroots movement.
The the best thing you can do iscall your old high school principal.
Go talk to your, your children'sschool administrators.
Talk to a pastor, talk to your boss, ortalk to someone in the community that has
(36:37):
a community outreach group or something,and see if we can get a live event.
Bring people from the community in helpeducate parents and youth and create kind
of a, a movement within your city or yourtown to reject the harms of pornography,
to help people to consider beforeconsuming and make healthier decisions.
Andy (36:55):
Very cool, sir. Man, I appreciate.
Uh, appreciate your time today.
I appreciate everything that you haveeducated us on, and man, uh, you know,
God bless you and your future and yourmission of what you're doing, buddy.
Parker (37:05):
Thank you.
This was great.
Thanks for having us.
Andy (37:11):
That's all we have for The Secure Family Podcast for today.
Thank you friend for listening.
Thanks again to Parkerfor being on the show.
For more on his workvisit FightTheNewDrug.org.
Take back your privacy and personaldata with help from DeleteMe.
Get 20% off a privacy plan whenusing the code DAD at checkout.
DeleteMe is the official dataremoval service of The Secure dad.
(37:34):
Learn how to spot the signs that apredator may be targeting your kid online.
Find out what you need toknow with my book, Level Up.
I'll show you how to create a saferonline gaming experience in your home.
Get your copy today at thelink in the show notes.
If you'd like to know moreabout The Secure Dad, join
me on Instagram and TikTok.
My username for both platforms isThe Secure Dad, and of course you can
(37:58):
visit my website at TheSecureDad.com.
I'm Andy Murphy reminding youthat talking with your kids can
help avoid a lot of problems.
This is The Secure Family Podcast.
Welcome friend.
I'm Andy Murphy, the host andthe founder of The Secure Dad.
This show is all about empowering parentsto protect themselves and their family.
I believe that security is thefoundation of happiness, and I want
your family to be safe and happy.
The information that I shareon this podcast is for general
(00:31):
information purposes only.
My goal is to empower you to makesafer decisions for yourself and
your family because our safetyis our own responsibility.
Today, I have a very informativediscussion with a representative
from Fight The New Drug.
We're going to share how parents canprotect their kids from the dangers of
porn and how it affects their young minds.
(00:53):
All of that more coming upon The Secure Family Podcast.
With a high cost of food andeveryday products, families have
to be smart with their money.
I don't think anyone here, not evenme, budgets for identity theft.
If somebody gets your private data,they could pretend to be you and do
(01:14):
things like open lines of credit inyour name and ruin your credit score.
One of the ways that I work toprevent this is by using DeleteMe.
DeleteMe is a subscription servicethat removes your personal data
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Joining DeleteMe could end up saving youthousands and help protect your good name.
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Just go to JoinDeleteMe.com/dadand use promo code DAD at checkout.
That's JoinDeleteMe.com/dad code DAD.
My guest today is Parker Hymas.
Parker is the Director of PublicOutreach at Fight The New Drug.
He's a dynamic speaker and apassionate advocate for fostering
(02:01):
meaningful conversations with abackground in communications and a deep
understanding of public engagement.
He has dedicated his career toraising awareness about the harmful
effects of pornography throughscience facts and personal accounts.
Today.
He presents to thousands of studentseach year, all while leading public
outreach efforts, sparking criticaldiscussions and driving societal change.
(02:23):
But most importantly, he's a dad.
Here's my conversation with Parker Hymas.
So Parker, thank you fortalking with us today.
Introduce yourself to everybody.
Parker (02:40):
Yeah.
I'm Parker.
I'm the director of Public Outreachfor Fight the New Drug, which is
a non-religious, non-legislativenonprofit that seeks to educate
people on the impacts of porn usingscience facts and personal accounts.
Andy (02:50):
Very cool.
So what, um, what led you to comeand work for Fight the New Drug?
What was it that you were like, Hey,this is where I need to be, this is
where my career needs to be right now.
Parker (02:59):
Yeah, that's a good question.
So the story kind ofgoes back a little ways.
I, in, uh, in 2015 I heardabout fight the new drugs.
So a decade ago, and uh, backthen Facebook was still cool
and I saw them on Facebook.
I saw a campaign they were doing.
I was like, oh, this is a great thing.
Like, I love this, this is awesome.
Um.
And so I was like, okay, well I wannalike, kind of be a follower of this.
(03:22):
So I, I followed them.
I tried to, you know,participate in campaigns.
I tried to share it with other people,you know, just kind of the things that you
do as a passive follower of a movement.
And then I went to a liveevent they had in 2016 or 17.
Um, they happen to have alive event somewhat near me.
And I went to that, brought a friend.
And I was just thinking, youknow, I know a lot of people
(03:43):
my age that struggle with this.
I wanna be able to help them.
So I went to this event.
And I also at the time wantedto get into public speaking.
I was studying communications in college.
I, I knew I wanted todo some public speaking.
And uh, it just so happened that,uh, the speaker at that particular
event was one of the original,like founders of the nonprofit.
And so I was like, oh, maybe I'llchat with him after, see if he
has any thoughts or maybe I couldlike, speak for fight and drug.
(04:03):
That would be cool.
And a little bit of naivetyis a good thing, I think.
So I, uh.
I, after the event ends, I'm likeall excited to go talk to him and
realize there's like, you know, amillion people that wanna talk to him.
And I was like, oh, okay.
Well that was kind of silly notto realize that a bunch of people
are gonna have questions for him.
So I knew the person thatput the event together.
I decided just to help clean up.
So I hung out with this guy, Doug.
(04:23):
I. We were cleaning up the event,rolling up extension cords, putting
away equipment and stuff like that.
And then it kind of finally windeddown all the questions were done.
He was gonna leave.
He's like, oh, by the way,did you have a question?
I was like, oh, I, I did actually,I was curious about public speaking.
Like I've always wanted to get into it.
I don't know if there's anyopportunities or if you have thoughts.
And he kind of gave me some advice,but it wasn't like what I was hoping,
it wasn't like, oh, you know, weneed speakers, fight the drugs.
(04:44):
So I was like, oh, that'skind of a buzzkill.
But that's good.
Like I'm glad that someonewho does some public speaking
had some things to tell me.
That's great.
And then he was leaving, uh, the venue.
And the person that put the eventtogether just real quick was like,
oh, by the way, clay Parker's awesome.
And I kinda like dead, stopped his tracks.
He is like, you know, actually we doneed some outside speakers right now.
Is that something you'd be interested?
And I was like, yeah, absolutely.
(05:05):
And so he gave me his email andthen, uh, fight through drug.
Our certification process ispretty like rigorous for speakers.
Just do the nature of the content, theaudience we're speaking to, the fact that
we're not religious, not legislative.
Uh, I kind of went through all ofthat and then I started speaking
for fighting Drug in 2017.
And, uh, did that forabout two years, till 2019.
(05:26):
Uh, and at the very, very beginningof 2019, in January, there was
an opening that became available.
I started working here full-time,uh, when I was a speaker.
I was just contracted, worked for them.
And then, uh, yeah, so I've workedhere in the office for a little
over six years and it's been great.
Andy (05:39):
Very good.
Very good man.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah, that, that's great.
It's, it's good when you can see yourprogression like that, and it's just
a blessing all the way through andall that, so that's, that's awesome.
So help, help me understand this as a, asa parent of a middle schooler, and a lot
of people who are listening are parentsof middle schoolers and high schoolers.
(06:01):
And, and I obviously understand elementaryas well, um, when we were growing up.
Pornography was a magazineor it was a calendar.
You heard rumors of like VHS tapes andit's kind of was, it was a thing, but
it wasn't a big deal like it is today.
So how can porn affectthe brain like a drug?
Parker (06:21):
Yeah, that's a great question.
So we kind of often say, you know, ifpornography, if pornography was still
the pornography that your generationwas dealing with, we might not exist.
Like we, we often say that becausethe issue is what is readily
available to kids today is notwhat was printed in a magazine,
you know, 30, 40, 50, 60 years ago.
(06:42):
So.
Yeah, let's kind of dive inwith some of these issues.
So, uh, fight the drug.
We seek to educate on how porn impactsindividuals, their relationships,
and then our society as a whole.
And you asked the question, you know, whyis it kind of called fight through drug?
How does it impact theindividual consumer?
You know, obviously fight the drug,uh, is like a, a name that we came
(07:03):
up with to grab people's attention.
Um, and.
What we're trying to help people torealize is that research shows porn
can be habit forming, it can be anescalating behavior, and it can impact
the individual consumer's mental health.
So when we're talking about just theindividual, the consumer, those are the
three greatest impacts that porn has.
So habit forming, meaning just like,uh, tobacco or nicotine products, right?
(07:25):
Uh, over time people develop ahabit, a compulsive behavior, or
even an addiction to pornography.
And I'm not saying that everyone hasbeen exposed to porn is addicted.
That's not true.
But there's an abundance of research toshow that porn addiction's very real.
It shares many similarities to anaddiction, to a substance, like I
said, nicotine that makes cigarettesand tobacco products addictive.
And aside from all the research,we know countless people, right?
(07:46):
Uh.
Everyone listening probablyknows countless people who have
struggled with pornography.
They recognize it's affecting theirlife, and yet many of them can't seem
to stop consuming it, even when theyknow that it's affecting their life.
And that's not something weshould ignore either, right?
Is those personal accounts.
And then we also know that it can bean escalating behavior, and that's
something that's often overlooked.
Um, you know, with, with.
Cigarettes.
(08:06):
Again, going back to that, wesee people need more cigarettes
more frequently, right?
So people go from smoking acouple cigarettes to a pack or two
packs a day in extreme scenarios.
But with pornography, they not onlyneed more porn more frequently, they
end up needing more extreme forms ofcontent according to the research.
And so the problem with that isthat when people need more extreme
forms of content, the content that'sproduced becomes extremely more.
(08:29):
Violent, abusive, degrading,um, and incredibly problematic.
So not only now that we're, youknow, fully 30 years into online
pornography, has the contentbecome increasingly problematic.
But we also know these ways thatit impacts the individual consumer.
They can be habit forming, escalatingbehavior, impact their mental health.
Andy (08:49):
So Parker, there is a fantastic blog post, uh, on your website that I read, and
it's called Why Today's Internet Porn isunlike Anything the world has ever seen.
So kind of walk us through what parentsneed to know about this in 2025.
Parker (09:03):
Yeah, and like you said, we kind of like touched on this, but to
go a little bit deeper, the, the issuereally is that the content has become
more extreme for a few reasons, butmainly because we know when a consumer,
I. Consumes pornography, they end upovertime needing that, like we talked
about, more extreme forms of content.
And if there's a demand for that, thatwill be produced just like anything
(09:26):
else in the marketplace, right?
When there's a demand forsomething, it will be created.
And the problem with this is that thenature of the content has become a. Like
that because porn itself, due to theubiquity of the internet, the smartphone
has become more affordable, accessible,available, and anonymous than ever before.
And so we're not talking about,you know, a magazine on a shelf
(09:48):
in a black bag at the liquor storeor something like that anymore.
Right?
We're talking about.
Kids at far too young of ageshaving access to the entire
internet in their pocket.
Uh, adults and youth being exposedto increasingly problematic
forms of content and then needingmore extreme forms of content.
So there's a demand for that and thatcontent is then produced and then
downstream effects of that are even that.
(10:10):
Many people think porn's not a big deal.
It doesn't hurt anybodyelse, and that's not true.
You're a person.
You have value.
You matter.
This will impact you, it willimpact your relationships.
But also the very nature of the contentis exploitative much of the content
available on mainstream porn sites.
I. Is commercial sexual exploitation,has sexual abuse, sexual violence,
um, and even in, in many cases, therehave been many proven instances of
(10:35):
sex trafficking occurring withinthe production of mainstream porn.
So while people wanna think it's not abig deal, it doesn't hurt anybody else.
You know, we're not sharingthis information to shame
anyone or make anyone feel bad.
What we're trying to do is educate people.
So like, make healthyand informed decisions.
You don't know what you don't know, andwe want people to say, Hey, now I do know.
Much of this content is exploitative.
There are many examples of sex traffickingoccurring within the production of
(10:57):
mainstream porn, and now I know better.
Let's make more healthyand informed decisions.
Let's consider before consumingpornography, let's choose
not to consume pornography.
Let's educate young people on the problemsand recognize how young kids are exposed.
If you wanna talk about that alittle bit, we definitely can.
I.
Andy (11:12):
Yeah, and we'll, we'll talk about that in a second.
But I'm glad you brought up thetrafficking point 'cause I've had
multiple people on this show whohave sat down and talked about
human trafficking and how bad it is.
And they talk about like the seedis planted sometimes for people in
being exposed to pornography, um, at,at young ages or even as an adult.
Parker (11:30):
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We have a lot of resources on our websitethat people can dive into after the show.
Uh, many, many true stories of peoplewho were trafficked and exploited within
the production of mainstream pornography.
Um, you can see those on our YouTubechannel, on our blog, uh, on our podcast.
Consider before consuming.
We have many, many, many survivors of thiskind of commercial sexual exploitation.
(11:53):
And one of the best examples of that,if people are like, point me to one of
the most profound examples of this isprobably the girls do porn scenario.
So a few years back, uh, basically it cameout that for almost a decade, a popular,
well-known mainstream company called GirlsDo Porn had been intentionally seeking
out young, uh, predominantly young women.
(12:15):
Who didn't have a lot of experiencein life and had smaller social
media followings, they would messagethem, tell them that they wanted
to, or, or post Craigslist ads.
And they would tell these girls thatthey would be flying to California
to do fitness photo shoots.
So these women had the expectationthat they were gonna be
modeling yoga, clothing, fitnessequipment, um, fashion, right?
(12:35):
Normal jobs.
Completely normal things, right?
And instead, when they arrived at theairport, they were picked up, transported
immediately to a location, and then.
Uh, many, almost all of these womenwere drugged, raped, held against
their will, uh, and forced to signcontracts and participate in pornography.
Some of them were filmed fordays on end, uh, in order to get.
(12:58):
A few minutes of contentthat looked consensual.
Uh, now the problem thereis obviously huge, right?
Uh, people didn't believe thesurvivors for a long time.
They thought they willingly went and shotpornography, and then afterwards changed
their mind, or wanted to lie to theirfamilies or friends about why they did it.
But in reality, it became at some pointoverwhelming the number of survivors
of this kind of exploitation and abuse.
(13:19):
So the executives of that company,some of them were on the FBI's top 10
most wanted list until they were foundrecently in New Zealand to stand trial.
And, uh, you know, you can learnmore about that on our website.
Uh, we have articles we have.
Podcast episodes with one of theJane Doe, which is one of the
women who was trafficked in theproduction of that pornography.
(13:40):
And that's one of the best examples thatI point to, to say, Hey, you know, this
is why this content is so problematic.
Or you can look at Nicholas Christophe'sarticle from The New York Times, right?
Where, uh, entitled to Childrenof Porn Hub, which I understand is
kind of a strong title for peoplewho are unfamiliar with this issue.
But the amount of child sexual abusematerial formerly referred to as child
pornography, uh, that was readilyavailable on mainstream porn sites like
(14:03):
PornHub and the issues there, right?
Um, that's, that's the reason thatthey deleted millions and millions and
millions of videos overnight After thatarticle came out, visa and MasterCard
stopped processing payments because.
Andy (14:15):
that's good.
Parker (14:16):
Of the backlash right now.
Those companies would say, oh,well we just removed anyone
that wasn't verified content.
That doesn't mean that all ofthat content was problematic.
And it's like, well, that'sproblematic that, that, that
much content was unverified.
That means that anyone couldupload anything and you had no
idea who that person was, who wasin the content, how it was made.
(14:37):
Right, right.
We had no idea what was happening.
Of course, that content needed takendown so very problematic industry full
of many, many issues that we don't evenhave time to dive into all of them today.
But what we want parents to understandobviously, is that porn impacts
individuals relationships in society.
Kids are exposed younger than youthink, and that we have to have honest
and ongoing conversations becausewhen we say pornography in 2025, it
(15:01):
does not mean what it meant in 1985.
Andy (15:03):
Agreed.
And that's, that's very well said.
You were talking about, you know,kids are, you know, becoming
exposed to this sort of stuff.
What are the common ways thatkids are stumbling into this or
being shown this sort of content?
Especially 'cause most peoplelistening to this, you know, we
have parental control set up.
We might have a Troomi phone or somethinglike that, that's gonna help filter this
stuff out, but just walk us through theways that kids can be exposed to this.
Parker (15:28):
Yeah, great question.
So, uh, one study that comes to mind is afew years old now, but it showed that, um.
Kids are exposed to porn in avariety of ways, but not necessarily
in the ways that parents think.
So blocking content is a great idea.
Like you're talking about people shouldhave filtration, monitoring, safe devices,
conversations, all of these things.
That's what we reallywant to advocate for.
(15:48):
But as far as like the statistics, thereason these are so important is that.
Many kids are exposed for the first timeto pornography because someone else showed
it to them when they weren't expecting it.
Andy (15:59):
Hmm.
Parker (16:00):
a much larger portion of percentage of kids are shown
pornography by someone else whenthey weren't expecting it than
those who are accidentally exposedbecause something popped up on
their phone or their computer.
So when we recognize that, it's like, oh,no amount of filtration monitoring or safe
tech alone will be sufficient if the, the.
(16:21):
The way the majorityof kids are exposed is.
Because someone showed it,showed them pornography when
they weren't expecting it.
So a friend, someone older than them,which is even more problematic, right?
So we have to find kind of a solution.
And the solution we ultimately wantto bring parents back to every time
is having conversations with our kids.
We understand that that seemsuncomfortable and awkward, but
(16:42):
we as parents are sometimesnot to like call anyone out.
But we are responsible forsome of that awkwardness and
uncomfortableness because we are not
Andy (16:50):
we are.
Parker (16:51):
to have the conversation.
Andy (16:52):
Right.
Yeah.
And that's one of the things that,like, I've had to sit down and,
and talk to my son about, youknow, what happens on the internet.
He's really into gamingand that sort of thing.
And he's asked like, Hey, like I wanna beable to talk to my friends, you know, can
I look at Discord or something like that?
And I'm like, absolutely not.
I know what happens on Discord.
Even if you have great intent.
I know it happens on discord.
(17:13):
So, no.
Um, and you gotta be able to tell themwhy, because if you just sit there
and say, no kid, you can't do it.
No kid.
They don't understand.
If you kinda like bring them in asto why I'm gonna say no to this and
why you should be aware of this,it makes things so much easier.
So kind of give me a couple of tipsthat I can use or the parents listening
(17:33):
can use to be able to make thisconversation a little less awkward for us.
Parker (17:40):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I'm really glad you asked thatquestion 'cause this's something
that gets overlooked a lot of timeswhen I do, uh, media appearances.
But yeah, you know, when itcomes to talking with our kids, I
want parents for a minute, like,just bear with me for a minute.
I want you to think about thisscenario and how you would handle
it, and then we'll talk about.
Our kids and how we haveconversations with them.
(18:00):
So let's say that you're the primaryincome provider in your household,
and let's say that you lost yourjob six months ago and you haven't
found work yet, and you haven'tpaid the mortgage for two months.
It's a pretty stressful situation,
Andy (18:12):
Sure.
Yeah.
Parker (18:13):
don't want that anyone to have to experience that.
That would be horrible.
But of course, things happen.
So let's say that this is thescenario someone's in right now,
and then let's say that the job,they really want their dream job.
That would solve a lot ofthese immediate issues.
If they got, the job becomes availableand they get an interview, right?
So not only did they apply, butthey already got an interview.
So we're at that stage.
(18:34):
I want you to think about like howprepared you would be for that interview
in that crucial context, you would have abinder of like everything you'd done for
your last three employers to show your.
Your value, right?
Every project you'd completed, whatit entailed, how you saved money, or
sold more, or whatever metrics yourjob would be looking for, right?
(18:58):
You would be prepared, knowingeverything there is to know about
the company and their products.
You would, uh, be ready to answer anyquestions that the employer might ask you.
You would've done mock interviewswith a spouse or a friend or
a kid or something, right?
You would actually have your ownlist of questions prepared to ask
the interviewer so that it's moreof like an interchange and they
(19:19):
feel confident that you're capable.
You're not just likerattling off robot answers.
You would've done all of this and more,right, in order to try to get that job.
unfortunately, when it comes totalking with our kids about very
difficult subjects like pornography.
We don't do even a drop in the bucket.
As much work as that, and it leadsto the conversation being incredibly
(19:41):
painful and awkward when we're talkingto our kids about sex or pornography
because we don't understand what we'resupposed to be explaining to our kids.
We don't know how we should be talkingabout it or how that conversation
varies at different ages or.
Why it's even necessary, right?
We'd rather just ignore it and justpretend like it's not a problem.
And that's why there are so many issues.
(20:04):
If we had these open, honestconversations, that would really
solve a lot of these issues.
So.
It's funny, we do live events, you know,all over the, the country and even other
parts of the world, and parents arealways like on the edge of their seats.
The last, like half of the parentpresentations, for example, is one of
the types of audiences we speak to.
'cause they're like, there'sgonna be this like magic answer.
It like comes down to having conversationswith your kids and the parents are like,
(20:25):
oh man, you know, they're just thinkingthere's gonna be some magical solution.
That's what we all want.
We want this magic diet pill.
We want this magic solution thatjust makes this thing easier.
We want this filtering or monitoringthing that'll just fix the problem for us.
And while all of those resourcesare great it, we're just trying
to say alone, they are not enoughconversations in conjunction with
(20:46):
safe technology is the solution.
Andy (20:49):
Right.
Yeah.
'cause when they know to look out forthe problem, they can see it coming and
avoid it or have the confidence to cometo you and say, Hey, I saw something
online today that really made me
Parker (20:58):
uncomfortable
Exactly.
Andy (20:59):
You know, talk to your kids to where they will talk to you.
You know, don't, uh, I got this,
I got this great piece of advicenot long ago, and it's just
generally in talking to your kids.
And, um, I think it's, uh, Nate Webb,I think I follow him on, uh, TikTok.
He's like this, uh, school counselor guy.
And so he was saying, your kids areafraid to talk to you because one,
(21:22):
they're afraid that you're going to.
Uh, correct them for something thatthey may have done wrong or they're
afraid that you're gonna punishthem for something that they did,
so they're just not talking to you.
So I have really tried myselfto personally put that stuff
down because, uh, that was me.
I will, I'll admit that.
And that has really changedthe communication between me
(21:44):
and my wife and my son by justletting him talk and listen.
And I think that kind of appliesto what you were just saying.
Parker (21:53):
A hundred percent.
Yeah, a hundred percent.
And we have great resourcesfor this on our website.
There's something calledthe Conversation Blueprint.
It can kind of help parents map out whatthis conversation look could look like
ahead of time, rehearse the conversationand reduce the overall awkwardness and
anxiety and fear that people often have.
Andy (22:08):
Right.
Um, so just kind of tell me, you know,we've talked about, uh, pornography
being described and how it affects thebrain, kind of like as a drug does.
What are the signs or what's happening?
How does this.
Work to affect somebody's,their relationship society,
um, them as an individual.
How is this really damaging?
Parker (22:30):
Yeah.
Really what it comes down to, asidefrom the pieces we talked about of
like the broader impacts on societyand the individual themselves
is, like you said, relationships.
We know from, from many fields of researchthat the greatest determinator of.
Determiner of happiness in someone'slife is their relationships,
their closest connections.
So their, their family, theirfriends, their spouse, their children.
(22:51):
All of these things are what'sgonna determine our happiness.
And research shows time andtime again that pornography
impacts our relationships.
You know, we often describe itas porn impacts what we love, how
much we love, and how we thinkabout the people that we love.
And what that just means simplyis that research shows that.
(23:11):
Individuals who consume porn, it canoften become a super normal stimulus.
Many researchers consider pornto be a super normal stimulus.
This means that they need, uh, they spendmore and more time consuming pornography
and less and less time seeking out theirpartner or looking for a partner and
interest in real life relationships.
They'd rather just spend time aloneconsuming pornography, which again,
is not good for our mental health.
We know that when it comes torelationships, when we're talking about.
(23:34):
How much we love that individualswho consume porn have a, a greater
tendency to cheat, to, uh, havetheir relationship end, um, to be
dissatisfied in their relationship.
Right.
And the interesting thing aboutthose studies is they're all, uh,
directional findings, meaning, uh.
There's a very strong correlationbecause the more porn that is consumed
(23:56):
in the relationship, the greaterthe likelihood of those outcomes.
So a really strong correlation.
And in fact, one study showedthat couples, they followed
couples for six years.
They wanted to see what would determineif a relationship would be less happy
in the future than they are today.
And they found that porn was the secondgreatest indicator that a relationship
would become less happy over time.
And people always ask me, what'sthe, the greatest indicator?
(24:16):
Right?
They think it's gonna bemoney or something like that.
The interesting thing about the studyis for whatever reason, they chose
not to use if the couples startedthe study as unhappy as a control.
So the greatest determinator of acouple being unhappy in the future is
if they're unhappy today and they don'tdo anything to change that, then of
course they'll be unhappy in the future.
Usually in a lot of studies, somethinglike that would be considered a control,
(24:39):
and if that was the case in this study.
Porn actually would've beenthe greatest indicator.
But second, only to that pornwas the greatest indicator that a
relationship would suffer over time.
Meaning that their relationshipquality and happiness, uh,
would, would decrease over time.
You know?
So yeah, we know they,that these issues are real.
We know porn impacts relationshipsand connections, and although most
(25:00):
of the research is on how pornimpacts romantic relationships.
Um, you know, there's moreresearch being done all the time
to show that porn impacts alltypes of meaningful connection.
And to my knowledge, there still to thisday hasn't been a single longitudinal
study that over time showed that pornhad any positive impact on relationships.
Andy (25:19):
That's a big statement, you know, I mean, what, what good is it gonna do you?
Um, I read, um, in early 2024 thatapparently in 2023, the United States
did not, uh, basically produce enoughpeople to sustain it going forward.
It was the first time we'dseen a huge population drop.
The US now.
I know there's a lot of factorsthat's involved with that.
(25:41):
Do you feel like pornography and itseffect on relationships is any play there?
Parker (25:48):
Yeah, I mean, just speaking anecdotally, I don't know
if any specific research, but.
We know that pornography causespeople to struggle with mental
health and encourages loneliness.
And so of course this loneliness epidemic,which like you acknowledge, there's
many parts to, um, pornography of courseis playing a role in that in addition
to many other issues in the modern eralike social media and technology, and.
(26:12):
Lifestyle and cost of livingand all these different things.
But pornography absolutely, I think playsa role in that anecdotally, because we
know it increases people's loneliness.
We know that people are more likely tospend time alone consuming pornography.
Of course, that's going to leadto less of a desire to seek
out a partner in real life.
Andy (26:30):
Very cool.
So let me ask you this, uh, therise of OnlyFans has increased self
exploitation, and while it startedoff, it kind of as this oddity,
it's now become more mainstream.
So how do we.
How do we tell our kids to be cautiousof this when they are trying to become,
(26:53):
you know, digital influencers themselves?
How do we tell them OnlyFansis not the way to do this?
Parker (27:00):
Yeah.
Uh, before I answer that, Ijust have a quick question.
What's OnlyFans?
No, I'm just kidding.
So we obviously know OnlyFans is, butI think probably most of the listeners
may have no idea what OnlyFans is.
Um.
And I don't mean to beinsensitive by making a joke,
Andy (27:15):
Oh sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Parker (27:16):
want people to know that I deal in this heavy issue every day, and we have
to find a way to educate without shame.
And, uh, also, you know, trying to talkabout this issue in a, in a healthy way.
So, yeah, OnlyFans, let's kind ofjust quickly like acknowledge what the
platform is and then we can kind of answersome of the problems for young people.
So OnlyFans is a platformwhere people pay.
(27:38):
For content from someone.
So the idea is that they'reallegedly paying directly, like the
money's going directly to someoneminus a commissioned OnlyFans.
And then that producing orthat person produces content.
So similar in a way that you subscribe toNetflix, you pay them $20 every month, and
Netflix creates content that we all watch.
You could go to a very specific person,Jane Doe, uh, pay them 20 bucks a month
(28:01):
and get access to all of their content.
Um.
That means that by and large,almost all of the content on
OnlyFans is pornographic in nature.
Um, there's very few and verylittle, very few people, and very
little content on the platformthat is not pornographic in nature.
Almost everything on the platformis pornographic, so people are
essentially subscribing to veryspecific individuals that they want
(28:25):
to get pornographic content from.
Now.
Here's the problem with OnlyFansis this is a huge conversation.
I would really encourage listeners togo and listen to our, uh, interview
with Victoria Sinus, who startedan OnlyFans marketing agency to
really understand what OnlyFans isand the problem that it's creating.
OnlyFans is a huge issue for youngpeople because they're being falsely
(28:46):
led to believe that this is, uh,empowerment, that they're free.
But we know that OnlyFans hasalmost all of the same issues as.
The existing mainstream porn platformsthat we've already discussed today
that have their own issues, right?
OnlyFans has been in trouble timeand time again for having child
sexual abuse material meaning.
Uh, a young person.
(29:07):
So, so someone has a verified accountwhere they submitted their id Sure.
But they're a sex trafficker.
So they upload content of sex traffickingvictims or minors to that account, and
then people subscribe to that account.
Even if the account gets taken down,they just make another account.
Right?
So that's already a huge problem.
Uh, some of the other problemsare that young people are so.
(29:29):
They are so, uh, deceived intothinking that they can easily make
money on the platform, that some ofthem don't even wait until they're
18 to make content and instead theysteal a parent or an older sibling's.
Id create OnlyFans of theirselves and then produce
content while they're underage.
Another issue, which has become avery large problem because it's like.
(29:49):
A little bit of a gray area.
Ethically, it's not, ethically it'svery black and white, but legally it's
a little bit of a gray area, is whatpeople are calling legacy pornography.
So individuals that are under the age of18 take pornographic content of themselves
while they're a minor, and then they waitto distribute that until they're over 18.
So they're distributing child sexualabuse material of themselves as a minor.
(30:10):
Now as an adult, that's a huge problem.
Right?
Um, and we
Andy (30:14):
That's new to me.
I had not heard that one.
Goodness.
Parker (30:17):
legacy porn.
Andy (30:18):
Oh wow.
Parker (30:19):
there are so many issues with not only the platform, but the, the impact
it's having on society and culture.
Young people think that.
Everyone wants to be an influencer.
And now everyone thinks, oh, wellthat's actually quite a bit of
work they're starting to realize.
But you know what's reallyeasy, making money on OnlyFans,
which is actually not true.
Uh, you can read a little bit onour website about how, uh, I think,
(30:42):
if I remember right, the average,uh, OnlyFans content creator
is making like almost no money.
I mean a, a very insignificantsum of money every month.
Uh, the top 1% on the platform make.
99% or whatever of themoney on the platform.
Right.
And those aren't exact statistics, butI just meant generally speaking, you
can read the statistics on our website,but it's a huge problem because everyone
(31:06):
thinks that they will make money andthey're exploiting themselves for
almost nothing because they're, theyend up not really making any money.
Those images are out there for forever.
Even if they shut down the account,people have already downloaded
the content, screenshotted it,screen, recorded it, whatever.
Right.
So the, and the nature of theplatform itself is problematic
because one person could subscribe,get access to the content, and then
(31:29):
put it all somewhere else for free.
So there's so many issues with OnlyFansand it really is impacting young people.
Today we need parents to kindof be aware of this issue.
I know it's super heavy to hear all that.
For the first time, I just like explainedall this stuff that people have probably
never even heard of, but that's whyit's so important to talk about it.
Andy (31:48):
Yeah.
Yeah, because I mean, you,you've educated me here.
Uh, and, and I appreciate that.
And you made the great point of the,the pictures that you take, the videos
that you upload, like they don't.
Go anywhere.
They're still there.
Even though you delete your account,maybe you change your life, you realize
this is not what you wanna do anymore.
But unfortunately, those thingsare still out there and you've,
you've gotta live with it.
And that's the same thing that, you know,I encourage people to tell their kids
(32:12):
about if they, you know, if their kidssend a text or they send a picture, you
know, to one person, it could go allover the place and that sort of thing.
So they just, we have to, to help themunderstand, not to make the content.
In the first place andunderstand why that's bad.
Parker (32:30):
Yeah, absolutely.
We just need kids to understandthat what they're being sold isn't,
um, as glamorous as it seems to be.
Andy (32:40):
Yeah.
That's cool.
So, um, Parker, as we wrap up here,we've talked about a lot of stuff.
We've thrown a lot of things at people.
What is something thatyou feel like we missed?
What is something at, at its corethat you feel that every family
needs to understand about this topic?
Parker (32:57):
Yeah.
Um, really that we want people tounderstand that this doesn't have
to be end of the world, right?
If your kid's been exposed to pornography.
If you're struggling withpornography, the parent.
As a parent, if you're struggling nowor have in the past, not only are you
the most qualified person to talk toyour kids about this because you're
their parent, but you're the mostperson to qualified person to talk
to your kids also because you havepersonally struggled with pornography.
(33:18):
So I would encourage parents who've beenexposed or are struggling not to feel.
Unqualified to talk to theirchildren about the subject.
If anything, they're the mostqualified person because they
understand the issue better.
Now, additionally, with ourkids, we wanna avoid shame.
There's a differencebetween guilt and shame.
We often conflate these words.
Um, it sounds like you're familiar withthis in your audiences as well, I'm sure.
(33:40):
But basically, guilt saysthis behavior is unhealthy.
It impacts my life andthe people I care about.
It doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
It doesn't mean this is permanent.
It doesn't mean that um,things can't get better.
Things can absolutely get better.
I can heal, I can participate inboth healthier behaviors, right?
This doesn't have to stay this way.
It doesn't define who I am.
(34:00):
Those are all healthy thoughts when itcomes to something that's unhealthy.
The problem with shame is shameis not that way, and that's what
we want people to avoid is shame.
Shame are the thoughts of.
I'm broken.
I'm messed up.
Something's wrong with me.
No one else struggles with this.
No one will understand.
This will never get better.
This is just the way I am.
(34:20):
I'm broken, right?
Like, those are not healthy thoughts.
If you or someone you know is havingthose thoughts, please talk with a
friend, a spouse, a family member, a a,a, a therapist, because those are not
thoughts that we want people to be having.
And so as parents, we need to doeverything we can to help avoid
shame around the subject, while alsoencouraging kids to make healthier
(34:40):
behaviors and to realize the consequences.
Of consuming pornography, butwithout them feeling shame.
Right?
This is an unhealthy behaviorthat someone has participated in.
This does not mean thatthey are a bad person.
Those are different things.
It's a behavior, it'sa choice that we made.
It's not who you are.
Andy (34:56):
That's an excellent way to end this, sir. I I really do appreciate that.
So, um, Parker, you know, if peoplewanna know more about this, and I'm
sure that they do, where can theyfind out more about you and what
you're doing and fight the new drug?
Parker (35:10):
Yeah, absolutely.
Uh, at Fight the new drug on all thesocial media platforms, we have over
6 million followers across platforms,and then our website, ftnd.org.
That's just short for fightthe new drug f tnd.org.
Uh, if you go to ftd.org/parents,all of our parent resources are
kind of easily accessible in thatone place, which is kind of nice.
But either way, you'll find allof our resources on our website.
(35:30):
And then just the last thing Iwould just pitch to people is.
I want people to understand that ina post covid world, one of the best
ways to educate on this subject isto really consider having someone
from our organization come out anddo live events in your community.
Because in a post covid world whereeveryone's spending more time alone,
more time on devices, the best wayto really get this issue in front
(35:53):
of your community, in front of yourchildren, in front of the, uh, your
children's friends, is to have.
A live speaker in the community comeand speak about the impacts of porn.
So we do live events for middle schools,junior highs, high schools, parent
nights, community groups, churches, um.
And, uh, college campuses,everything in between, right?
So workplaces, whatever it might be,we'd be happy to come to a community,
(36:15):
do a, a series of events in acommunity at various places, and kind
of help raise awareness and educate.
Um, so yeah, if you're listening tothis and you're like, oh, I wanna
get more involved, you know, thisreally is a grassroots movement.
The the best thing you can do iscall your old high school principal.
Go talk to your, your children'sschool administrators.
Talk to a pastor, talk to your boss, ortalk to someone in the community that has
(36:37):
a community outreach group or something,and see if we can get a live event.
Bring people from the community in helpeducate parents and youth and create kind
of a, a movement within your city or yourtown to reject the harms of pornography,
to help people to consider beforeconsuming and make healthier decisions.
Andy (36:55):
Very cool, sir. Man, I appreciate.
Uh, appreciate your time today.
I appreciate everything that you haveeducated us on, and man, uh, you know,
God bless you and your future and yourmission of what you're doing, buddy.
Parker (37:05):
Thank you.
This was great.
Thanks for having us.
Andy (37:11):
That's all we have for The Secure Family Podcast for today.
Thank you friend for listening.
Thanks again to Parkerfor being on the show.
For more on his workvisit FightTheNewDrug.org.
Take back your privacy and personaldata with help from DeleteMe.
Get 20% off a privacy plan whenusing the code DAD at checkout.
DeleteMe is the official dataremoval service of The Secure dad.
(37:34):
Learn how to spot the signs that apredator may be targeting your kid online.
Find out what you need toknow with my book, Level Up.
I'll show you how to create a saferonline gaming experience in your home.
Get your copy today at thelink in the show notes.
If you'd like to know moreabout The Secure Dad, join
me on Instagram and TikTok.
My username for both platforms isThe Secure Dad, and of course you can
(37:58):
visit my website at TheSecureDad.com.
I'm Andy Murphy reminding youthat talking with your kids can
help avoid a lot of problems.
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