November 20, 2024 • 47 mins
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Ever had a bathroom encounter that spiraled into an escapade worthy of its own episode? We certainly did, and we're here to spill the hilarious details! Join us as we recount an unexpected midday adventure that segues into a vibrant Pride kickoff party in Palm Springs. Meet the man who might just be Kyle's future ex-husband and enjoy a digital-age proposal via Grindr, all while brushing shoulders with RuPaul's Drag Race royalty, Mayhem Miller. It's a whirlwind of mimosas, karaoke, and the kind of flirtations that define a truly unforgettable night.
Navigating the lively chaos, we find ourselves juggling overindulgent suitors and the mishaps of romance—bleeding fingers included! These experiences open up conversations about the pressures of body image and social anxiety within the LGBTQIA+ community. Reflecting on a night spent in the company of stunning individuals, we explore the struggle between external appearances and embracing the beauty within ourselves. Through laughter and candid moments, we discover that humor and authenticity shine brighter than any superficial façade.
Our adventure wraps up with introspective poolside revelations and the joyous freedom of expressing our nerdy sides without restraint. The journey from chaotic night to self-acceptance is marked by growth, community bonding, and a newfound self-assurance—mustache included. We share personal insights on breaking free from toxic relationship patterns, fostering healthier connections, and celebrating the victories of personal growth, all wrapped in the vibrant energy of Palm Springs Pride and life’s colorful celebrations. Tune in for a rollercoaster of emotions, self-reflection, and, of course, a hearty dose of humor!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey guys, we hope that you've been enjoying our
two-part episode.
We left you last week with alittle bit of a cliffhanger, so
I'm going to back things up alittle bit, just to remind you
where we left things off, andthen we'll go back to the show.
Who walks in?
But Nola, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I literally was like oh, my God, is that what you
said, like how do you want to?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Okay.
So Nola walks into the room andI'm like do you want to help me
out?
Oh no, I was like I'm soembarrassed, I'm so glad you're
here.
And he's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I can't figure this thing out.
I've never done it before.
I keep trying.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I know I don't know, anyways, so, anyways, so,
anyways.
We take it to the bathroom andthen you in the fucking showers,
yeah, and then we went to town,we had sex.
Did you top or bottom?
All right, and now back to theshow.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I topped that bird seed was I hope it gets better.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
That bird seed like was it worth it?
Was it worth it?
I was a hungry bottom, was itlong and I didn't even bought it
.
But was it?
Was it good?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
mm-hmm.
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yeah, and this was like midday.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
This is midday Because you went to lunch.
Yes, this is midday.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
No, you went to breakfast.
This is post-breakfast.
Okay, yeah, okay, flash forwardto the evening.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
My friend that lives in Palm Springs is hosting
hosting a pride kickoff party athis house, so I leave the group
and I head over to his place.
And, a little lighter, afterdropping off a load, correct Yep
, I'm feeling very skinny Umyeah.
(01:39):
Okay, so I, I get there and, uh,my friend there and my friend
Von from LA, he drove down andmet me and we get together at
our friend Braxton's Pridekickoff party.
And first of all, the first twoguests that walk in, I greet
the door because the doorbellrings and no one is there to
(02:01):
answer it.
You don't live there?
Yeah, I don't live there.
Yeah, I don't live there, but Iwas like hi, welcome, but
please take off your shoes.
yeah, one of them is mayhemmiller, the drag queen from
rupaul's drag race I don't knowit's giving like tammy brown
which pissed me off it's givingflashbacks to poor patrick and
I'm just yeah were they goodthey were, yeah, I mean not in
drag out of drag drag.
(02:22):
They were so sweet, we hung outwith them the entire night.
The other one we're going tocall him my future ex-husband.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I'm confundito.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Go ahead, Okay yeah, my future ex -husband.
Like I greet him, he has thebest smile, literally makes me
go like weak in the knees andgives me a boner at the same
time I'm afraid I'm gonna fallon my boner, like my crest that
lives here.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh yeah, yeah, how I just can.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, I'm not not quite as hot as him, no, okay he
walks up, like I mean likeimmediately he walks in and I'm
thinking I think I'm gonna marrythis man.
Like he's so cute and he'smaking eyes with me, I'm like
something's gonna happen tohappen.
So, anyways, I go over and likestart pouring drinks for people
.
He walks over to the bar andstarts making himself a drink
and I'm like, let me make yousomething.
(03:12):
I used to be a bartender, youknow, let me flex my skills.
And he's like oh, no way, Iused to be a bartender too.
What do you do?
And he just like is just startslike seriously flirting with me
by the end of the night.
He has given me his phonenumber, given me his instagram
and unlocked his album ongrinder so hardcore flirting he
gave you, he unlocked his albumto you.
(03:33):
That is like proposing thatbasically is proposing and then
I, and then I was like dying foreveryone to leave the party, so
I could unlock.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I'm like I gotta see the d, but you could your house.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
He's not even in my house.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
I'm like I gotta see the D, but you could have left.
You're like everyone get out ofmy house.
This isn't my house, please.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Hi, I welcomed you.
I'm going to have to let youdepart.
The host is asking me to kickeveryone out.
Sorry, sorry, it is you.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
You are the problem.
Hope you had a great night.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I had miller bye, bye , oh, my god, okay.
So then we all go out to thebar.
Um, we go, he goes off to adifferent, future ex-husband
goes off to a different partyand the rest of us, including
mahan miller and my friend funand the host of this party, we
all go out to chill bar.
We get there, it's kind of likean okay vibe, but like the
(04:25):
music cut out and they were likemoving people back inside and,
anyways, it was just like notreally the vibe.
Then we get a text message fromyour ex-boyfriend and he goes
um, we, we went to this umcircuit party and the circuit
party circuit and, oh, that'swhere my future ex-husband was
(04:47):
off to.
He went off to the circuitparty too.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
You're like it can't suck that bad, let me come find
out, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Well, just wait, because they're like we're at
line at Hunter's, the bar acrossthe street, but we're just
about to get in.
So I grabbed my friend Van andI'm like we gotta book it
because it's like a hour pluslong line to get in.
So we push our way, elbows out,knees up, through everyone,
through like a meandering pathof people.
(05:17):
You have a wedding ceremonyliterally people are like like
yelling at me, being like if youfucking elbow me again, I will
destroy you, and I was like okay, sorry bye, it's my birthday,
yeah yeah, so we, we get out, weget in line just in the nick of
time to cut the whole line weget into um hunters and we dance
(05:38):
our asses off until 2 am hadthe best time.
And then at 2 am of course theparty's not over for me I'm like
so you guys have wristbands tothat circuit party, right where
my future husband is um, I'mgonna need those wristbands.
So they ripped their wristbandsoff plural, yeah, because, um,
he was with his friend, your exwas with his friend.
(06:00):
So he they gave us me and vantheir wristbands and we kind of
like taped them on our wristsand we went down there and I was
like, okay, I'm gonna go findmy future ex-husband.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Thanks, van, it's been fun yeah, oh no, well, he
was with me the whole time hewas also like a supportive
friend and ally, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
So we go looking for him.
Um, I'm like you know what Ifeel like I'm gonna find his
bald head bobbing on a dick orsomething like that's what I'm
looking for.
There's lots of like.
There's lots of blowjobshappening at the circuit party.
The amount of like heat that youcould feel and sweat and
(06:39):
humidity coming off out of thisroom as you enter was just
obscene and the music was notgood and I was like now I know
what you mean by you know, orwhy you left, why you left the
party they need a dehumidifieror something exactly.
Yeah, it really wasn't likeyou're on a mission.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
It was worth it for human oh my god, imagine monkey
pox, if it was still a thingright continue.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, anyways, couldn't find them.
Lots of people, lots of baldheads bobbing.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, I mean that is kind of the demographic that
goes Right, Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
So as we're leaving, I run into future ex-husband's
friend that was also at thePride kickoff party and so I say
to him hey, I was looking foryour friend down there, but I
couldn't find him.
And he goes oh yeah, there's nocell service down there.
I'm like, okay, well, I'll seeyou guys later.
(07:32):
Then I was like, well, fuck, Ijust blew my cover.
I thought I could be chill.
But no, now his friend knowsthat I went straight.
I thought, oh, I could just belike.
Oh, I could just be like.
Oh, my gosh, you go here.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I go here After telling someone you had fun.
I had fun, chill out, you'rethe one that's like what does
this mean?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, so I'm like I'm going to track you down at 3
o'clock in the morning at acircuit party.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Grinder says he's three feet away.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Everyone's spread out .
Well, so the next morning Itext him future ex-husband and
I'm like can we hang out today?
And he's like I'm at myfriend's pool, why don't you
come over here and have a mimosawith me?
I was like that sounds great.
(08:17):
So I go over we'rechit-chatting and I'm like, well
, your friend probably likespilled the tea that I like came
to the circuit party last nightto try to find you and his
friend looks at me and goesyou're at the circuit party and
I was like no, it's like okay,he told me to say that to you.
(08:37):
I was just going along with thestory.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I really didn't care about you how you doing, but
everything else has worked outin your favor so far.
Why not shoot your shot,honesty?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
is the best policy in my eyes.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
You're like nope, never works for me.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Good day.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Anyway.
So we like made out at the poola little bit.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
This is Saturday.
This is now Saturday.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Yes, oh my God.
I'm following along so well,totally blew my cover.
And then I was like you knowwhat?
I'm just going to go full oncrazy.
And I just told him.
I was like, yeah, I kind ofthought that when I saw you for
the first time that I was goingto marry you.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And saying that at Pride in Palm Springs to another
gay human is ballsy.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
It's fucking insane.
I do not recommend doing this.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Imagine any man that you've hooked up with recently
outside of Palm Springs sayingthat to you you would have been
like stage five clingerAbsolutely Well, it worked.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I'm not sure if it's worked or not.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
We'll see.
Yeah, the story's not over, thestory's not over.
Okay, so we part ways.
We'll see.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yeah, the story's not over.
The story's not over.
Okay, so we part ways at theend of our mimosas by the pool
and I go, and I have go back tothe house chill out.
Then I head to dinner with somefriends.
We would go to this tiki barwhich is like amazing, like
really great tiki drinks, whichyou know I love.
A tiki drink, honey, you do.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
We do.
We talked about on the episodewhere we had our intervention.
For you, that's just my type mytie, my tie yeah, he bald man,
or you're my type, yes, okay,don't freaking.
Call me out for my intervention, fuck you this is about you and
your craziness, uh-huh, yeah,okay.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
So as we're sitting there having our my ties and
dinner and I'm still trying tobe a good old hungry bottom and
not eat anything, I'm like I'lljust have a piece of lettuce,
thank you, and I've alreadydouched and prepped and ready to
go Right, cause I'm like I'mgoing to meet up with you, uh,
with my future ex-husbandtonight, and he's been texting
me like throughout dinner andthroughout the day after we left
(10:42):
the pool, all these cute things, even though I told him that I
wanted to marry him and I had nochill, and all of these, you
know, terrible, awful thingsthat you should never do.
But I did, um, and this guy inlike a white bob wig, walks up
to our table and he goes hi, I'msven, I have the bar next door
(11:04):
and, uh, you guys should comeover after, uh, dinner, yeah,
and we're we like didn't reallythink anything of it.
But then, after a couple maitais, we were like you know what
we should do before we go outtonight.
Go see what's happening overwith sven right.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, he wore a wig and everything right, so we go.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
We go over there.
He's doing karaoke and there'sonly like 50 songs on the
karaoke list, but you made oneof them work.
Turn Back Time, share.
Yes, you're like it was such ashort list.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I know you, and you fucking gave it your all, didn't
you?
I sure did yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
And I did the Will and Grace version.
If I can turn back time, I hateyou.
Yeah, you got to really bringout that.
Get her all shared.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Please don't tell me your future ex-husband was there
.
No, thank God.
That would have really sent himover the edge.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, yeah, so we do a couple of karaoke songs, then
we head out to meet up withfuture ex-husband at the bar
that he's at Along the way, andall the texts that he's been
sending me.
I'm like he's probably like alittle bit intoxicated at this
point.
It's like 10 pm.
I'm a little bit intoxicated aswell, I will admit.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Now's the time.
Now I can interact with himagain, right.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yeah, but I also asked him like on a scale of 1
to 10, like how drunk are youright now?
I also don't recommend doingthat.
Don't ask people that questionif you're trying to flirt with
them.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
It kind of seems, you know, a little controlling or
like an interrogation, yeah, ora fucking intervention, right,
or that, yeah, which?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I'm also pretty good at.
Anyways, he says he's like a 5out of 10.
I'm like, okay, Approachable,I'm probably around a 5 out of
10 too.
Two mind ties in 5 out of 10.
So we the line is like aroundthe block your ex and his friend
go off to get me and my frienddrinks while we're waiting in
line.
During that time I got tired ofwaiting, so I just walked
(12:52):
underneath the line and into thebar.
Okay, but I got very distractedvery quickly because I found my
future ex husband at the barand he is not at a 5 out of 10.
He is at a 9.9 out of 10.
He is so drunk I got him a beerand within like three minutes
he had dumped the whole thing onthe floor.
(13:12):
Yeah, and what time is this?
Probably like 11 to midnight.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
At this point it's morning, the day is just
starting.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
The day is just starting, yeah, the day is just
starting.
And so at a certain point pointmaybe like a half hour in of
him handing me singles to giveto, like strippers, um, that are
like dancing across the bar,I'm like you know, this isn't
really like fun, this isn't likewhat I would enjoy as like a
(13:44):
date getting to know someone.
You're just kind of being drunk.
And so I take his hand and I'mlike, why don't we go back to
your hotel room?
And like I think you need tolike sleep this off, because you
are at a 9.9 out of 10.
And he kept being like 9.9.
(14:09):
So, anyways, I take him back to,I leave my friend von and he
goes and meets your, your ex andhis friend, and I take him, uh,
in an uber back to his um hoteland I'm like, so not turned on
by this man anymore, because youare being mama.
I'm being mama and I just likedon't like to see you got my
(14:34):
friends.
I guess it's just like I'm acaretaker and I can't help
myself, but to make sure thatpeople that I care about, even
if I have only known you for 24hours, like that you're safe.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
And.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I like didn't want to like have sex with this person
that night and I wanted to makesure that they just got home and
got some rest and you know wewould continue on the next day
or whatever.
So we get to back to his hoteland he immediately starts taking
(15:12):
off his clothes, tries to likestart taking off all of my
clothes and we like start makingout a little bit.
Somehow my band-aid comes offand my, my jimmy John's finger
starts bleeding all over hissheets.
It is like the least sexyencounter that I could even
possibly imagine with my futureex-husband.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
What.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Uh-huh, yeah, okay, continue.
You didn't see that one coming,no, no.
So I'm prepped and ready tobottom and I've seen his album.
Finally, and it, it's agorgeous peen penis penis.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
It's a gorgeous.
I was like he's peeing on you.
It's a gorgeous.
I hate that word do that againgorgeous cork after the cork
destroyer, destroyer, aftertalking about you, I'm about to
destroy his cork because you'reso tight with.
After your surgery, after youjust fucking bled all over from
the finger that you shut in thejimmy john's door this how is
(16:10):
this man still speaking to you?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
yeah, I don't know, because he's a 9.9 out of 10
drunk, yeah, anyways.
So I left him there and afterthat encounter I I was gonna go.
It was like one o'clock in themorning.
I was gonna go meet up with,you know, my friends that I had
left, but but I was just in abad mood, so I just went home
and went to bed.
And who did I get into bed with?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Nola, you're like future ex-husband.
We're divorcing.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I'm moving on, you moved on quickly, moved on
quickly.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I think your wound helped you decide.
It really did.
Yeah, the Jimmy John's blood onthe bedsheets.
It's a telltale sign that thedivorce is coming.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
That's really sad, yeah, but thank God you finally
got fucked.
Damn, yeah.
Okay, then we're on to Sunday.
So after a long night ofrecovering, we went to a pool
party for um that someone inseattle was hosting in palm
springs, and it was filled withprobably 50 plus of some of the
(17:15):
hottest gay men that I've everseen in my entire life and I
walked in with 100% sobriety, Idon't know.
I walked in and everyone'sgorgeous.
Everyone has six packs or eightpacks and has huge chests and
huge asses and tiny waists and Ijust feel like a little stump
(17:37):
on a log and I'm like, okay,it's okay, this is going to be
fine.
You have a great personality,you can make people laugh.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Kyle, get a start hosting.
We can do this start mixingcocktails.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You work there.
People like the people thatpeople like the help.
Yeah.
So anyways, I had, I had a beerafter the anxiety set in and I
found like the nicest guy totalk to His name was Nima and
(18:11):
just chatting with him andlaughing with him while I had my
beer calmed like all of myanxiety down to like baseline
and I ended up having thegreatest time and meeting the
most fun people.
But the reason I tell thatstory and bring it up is because
the friend that I was with healso was kind of sharing with me
(18:33):
how much anxiety he had beingin that setting, being
surrounded by all these reallyattractive people.
And the friend that I was withis also gorgeous, he has big
(18:59):
muscles and gorgeous like wavyhair.
And I felt like you knowsimilar encounters in those
situations like do you do youfeel that that sense of like
social anxiety and like does itcome from?
Like comparing your body toother people?
I know we've talked about thison the no gays and there are no
gays in Montana podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
That's exactly what I was thinking of, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
About, you know, body image and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Or do you think it comes from somewhere else and is
it just about like being withother gay people, or would
happen if they weren't gay too?
Well, it's interesting becauseif I, let's say, if I was at a,
a party like this, I would beimmediately attracted to someone
who's just being over to thetop, just themselves goofy as
fuck, no matter, like if they'rethe hottest or not, which is
what people are naturally drawnto for attractiveness.
But it's hard just to lean intothat, so like, especially if
(19:52):
you're trying to like you feellike you don't fit in.
But the thing that's, if you'retrying to fit in, the thing
that's going to really like makeyou fit in, is just being
yourself, but then, like yourmind fucking yourself to not be
your.
It's right.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
It's the hardest thing to explain.
Yeah, isn't it?
But I think you're like dead on, because as soon as I it's like
overthinking, yeah, as soon asI guess I got my confidence back
up and I realized that like,okay, you belong in this space
just as much or you know you,you you're allowed to take up
just as much space in this placeas anyone else, and I started
being myself.
I mean, I was like just readingpeople for filth and just like
(20:32):
asking them about their likeex-boyfriends and like why they
broke up.
I'm like okay, so you havecommitment issues.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
And then you pull out a notepad.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Nope, nope, and people were like eating it up
like out of the palm of my hand,like then I was like, okay,
like the people here get it, andmaybe it's just that, like I
feel sometimes that I'm too much.
You know, girl story of my life, yeah, yeah, and that some
people don't like to be made funof and some people don't have a
(21:03):
sense of humor, and you knowit's especially.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I think there's like a sense of, at least from my
perspective, that really prettygays have less of a sense of
humor, and you know, and so Ithink it correlates with their
insecurity, anxiety of okay, Ifit in here just because I did
all this external work, butthey're not having to do any of
(21:26):
the internal work, exactlybecause a lot of time and the
reason I another reason I feelso anxious and out of place at
those type of parties is becauseI'm not able to connect with a
lot of people, because I'm liketrying to like I'm being just
goofy or you know over the topand then they're like what or
they're?
just, and I'm like what do youmean?
(21:48):
You didn't slam your door andbleed all over someone last
night.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
You're freaking out yeah, like that's hilarious.
I just told you that wholestory so you would laugh.
And then they're like what,what do you like it's?
Speaker 2 (21:57):
like why didn't you just bring an extra band-aid?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Shut the fuck up like laugh right, yeah, so I, I
think and I don't, like I'veobviously never been the person
with the six pack and all thosemuscles at a party, but I've
never felt it's interestingbecause I've never felt the need
that I wanted to be them but Ihave felt the anxiety of feeling
(22:22):
out of place and like, oh, thisis weird and awkward.
But I've never had the desire oflike, oh my God, I should look
like them Right.
Cause that's I can see, causelike that doesn't look like a,
uh, that version of a life thatI would want.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Right, first off, I hate lifting heavy things.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Second off, like there is just I don't know.
We talked about it a lot on theBody Image podcast with the no
Gays Montana.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Sorry, that was a lot of words.
You can summarize it.
No, I think you did a great job.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, it's interesting because I think that
you do a good job and, justbased on what I'm hearing, is
going to Palm Springs Pridealone, I feel like the entire
experience could be that part ofyou're describing.
But I think you did a good jobof making small connections but
(23:16):
also ensuring you're connectingwith friends that meet you on
that quirky, over-the-top levelto where you're just like it
almost is like okay, you'refueling me up to be this
confident and just being myself.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Because imagine you going there and not knowing a
single person like you'd be aball of anxiety the whole time.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, but, anyways, the people that I met at the the
big Gabe um pool party wereawesome and I'm planning on
getting uh, I'm going home forChristmas and a bunch of them
lived in Sacramento, so I'm likedefinitely planning on going.
Uh, I'm going home forchristmas and a bunch of them
lived in sacramento, so I'm likedefinitely planning on going
out to visit them when I am backhome for christmas.
(23:50):
Like so many like connectionswith people who had such great
senses of humor and that like Icould poke fun at and they could
poke fun at me, and we couldall like laugh together.
You know, no matter what youlook like, you know with like
with your shirt off or in yourSpeedo or whatever.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Naked Band-Aid-less yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Band-Aid-less Naked finger, bloody yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Bloody naked finger.
Who are you?
Again, you show them your scar.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
It's me, kyle, I promise it's like Harry Potter.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
It's me Harry.
It's me Harry.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Oh my potter, it's me harry.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, so then, after the poolparty, um the, our whole uh
house, the airbnb that I wasstaying with with the australian
, and um nola nola, thank you,we went to the brat rave.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
So, like a rave, dedicated, dedicated to the
music of the queen, charlie xcxand adjacent wait, it's just
funny because, australian, yousent me the video of him doing
the dance to that the firstnight.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Second night, oh yes, yeah, yeah, with no, it was
foreshadowing yeah um, but nolais like the biggest charlie fan
in the entire world and I thinkhas seen her in concert like
three times and is going toLondon in like a week or
something.
Is that a red flag?
Something is off putting.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
You know what a little bit a little bit yeah, I
love Charlie but so much youdidn't go see her.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
When she was here, I saw her in Barcelona.
Thank you very much, but you'vesaw.
You also saw.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Gaga out there.
So much Barcelona, barcelona,but you've also saw Gaga out
there.
So, like across the pond, we'llsay You've seen many artists.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Oh right, right, yes, yeah, but like that's very
niche.
Yeah, but it was actually greatBecause I would say that, to
answer your question, I was alittle bit like question mark
about about, like hisinfatuation with charlie, but
then seeing him in his element,like listening to that music and
dancing and singing he embodiedit well.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Oh yeah, he wasn't just like he was thriving, it
wasn't just like a I'm doingthis because it's like cool
right now, like he was like,even if it wasn't cool, like I
love her exactly yeah, okay,yeah, like me with laureen,
exactly.
Yeah, it's like I like to seethe geeky side of people come
out and, um, it was really niceto see that with him but just
(26:10):
going back to where you'retalking about, at the party,
like it's such a mind fuckbecause, like that's what we
both like find super attractive,or like connect with friends or
whatever, even if it's in a bigcrowd.
But then, like typically in thegay community, especially at
big, huge pool parties, peoplearen't they're so afraid of
showing that geeky side or hyperfixation.
They're like oh my god, lookwhat I made.
(26:31):
This is my craft, this is myrock.
I'm up and dazzled this yeah butlike it all like ties together,
like because at first I'm like,oh, I I was like, oh, is that a
red flag, judgmental, but then,like, not even giving them a
chance, and you were like, no,they were into it.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, totally.
Where is this insight comingfrom?
I feel like you're not normallythis insightful.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Because I had the house to myself all weekend, I
was able to be alone.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
With your thoughts.
Yes, finally, just think a lotand not be overstimulated.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, think a lot, yeah, and they'll be always
stimulating, yeah yeah, yeah butit's weird how it correlates.
That's what I was journalingabout.
Okay, so sunday night did anysexcapades?
Speaker 1 (27:13):
um, yes, because everyone left the brat rave.
And then, um, uh, me and nolawent back to the house after the
brat rave ended at midnight andthe rest of the house went to
another circuit party.
So we went back to the houseafter the brat rave ended at
midnight and the rest of thehouse went to another circuit
party.
So we went back to the houseand we actually got to like,
have the place to ourselves andwe fucked like bunnies.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
On the counter.
Uh-huh, Bus club, another clubCounter bathtub.
Yeah, Did you top or bottom?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Both yeah.
So anyways, then the next daywe check.
Monday we checked out of ourairbnb.
I decided to stay another daybecause I needed to little.
Uh, rest, respite.
You might as well just stay inpalm springs.
So I might as well stay in palmsprings, I'm not coming home to
you oh god yeah, that wouldjust drain me even more.
(28:03):
Fuck you, yeah.
So I just checked into a littleboutique hotel laid by the pool
all day.
By yourself, by myself.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I didn't know this information.
You avoided me.
Yeah, fuck you.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
No, you know what I did.
We had like a huge magnum ofchampagne from the.
Airbnb that they couldn't flyhome with them.
So I took that and orange juicelaid by the pool.
I had some mimosas by the pool.
Read my book.
I only have one chapter left.
I did see that photo.
It was cute, thank you.
And then I ordered Thai food,ate it in my room, passed out
and boarded a plane 12 hourslater You're like my bottom
(28:39):
arrow is over, my bottom arrowis over.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I can finally eat spicy Thai food with all the
coconut milk.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You were in the toilet all night.
You're like I've earned this.
Yeah, it was great.
I don't know I would not havesurvived and I am all about
being wild and rambunctious thatmany fucking days.
Are you proud of me?
I'm so proud of you.
You came home in a good mood.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
I know, I feel like I had the best time and I, like
you, got married and divorcedthree times.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
right, yeah, but then also the stars just kept
aligning for you you're like oh,I'm getting in line with the
friends who are at the verybeginning of the line.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I'm sneaking into this place here I'm meeting with
investors and they're loving myidea and the way you describe
this trip.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
You haven't described a trip or Well you know, you
haven't known each other verylong, but the excitement or just
the embodiment of you justbeing yourself ever.
I don't think you've hadmoments of each trip or like
whatever you've done, but likethis.
You were just so just beingyourself authentically and like,
(29:43):
but also like hit, like facingsocial anxiety kind of gay body
image issues head on.
Yeah, and I would like to thankthis podcast for helping
getting you there.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Thank you, yeah, thank you Unfamously and well
I'm, I was talking about you,yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Thank you Unfamously and well I'm.
I was talking about me.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Yeah, I said the podcast, but I didn't want to
say your name, so I said, okay,it doesn't really work, but no
but you know, what I think itwas partially is that it really
felt like when I was there I waslike part of my community, you
know, like I felt like myfriends from California were
there, from Northern Californiaand Southern California and
(30:21):
friends from Seattle, and likepeople that I really care about
and I know that I can be myselfaround and they're also
supportive in helping me just bemyself, because they make me
feel like I don't have topretend to be anything else,
that what I am or who I am as aperson is great and they only
(30:44):
want to see me show up in thatway.
And being around people thatare telling you that, I think
makes it much easier to go outinto a crowd of strangers and
just be that person and notpretend to be someone that
you're not, and so it felt likeI could do that god, I don't
(31:05):
hold rush, don't cry, I'm notgonna cry.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Oh, I was at one point but no, uh, that's
actually like really sweet andbecause I had so many thoughts,
especially like foreshadowing toelection results, that was one
thought that like you know, thisbig gay celebration and just
you being yourself, you feelingat home, you feeling supported
all these things leading up toyou know yeah not so great
(31:29):
outcome, but also I think thatthat just says a lot about you
that, although you face like youwere just sharing on the
internet with people don't liketo do like all these genuine,
honest thoughts about likeanxieties and things you were
struggling with, but you wereyourself enough to have built a
community over the years andthey were all there, that like,
(31:51):
although you were feeling thosetimes of self-doubt, that you
got to lean on those people,even if they weren't even
realizing it.
Oh yeah, it was kind of justlike, like I said, energized you
, like, fueled you up of like Iam the baddest bitch here and I
have a mustache I forgot.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
I gotta give props to the mustache.
I think it's 90, the mustache10 being in a community.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I'm still not sold on the mustache, but I'm going to
support you that you think that.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You know what I love?
A placebo, okay, maybe 10%mustache, 90% community.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
It is growing.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I think this is the most full or the best cut that
you've got it.
It's growing on me.
Is that what you're going tosay, shut up?
It literally is, but I tried toavoid that because I knew you
were going to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
But like I think something about it.
You've kind of perfected.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
You've been going with it.
Yeah, yeah, you want to do viceand virtue.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, victory and vice.
Yeah, we've been doing thissince fucking what, april, get
it together.
Yeah, it's victory and vice.
Even our fans would know that,because a of the things I want
to share about while you weregone and having all this lovely
(33:03):
time alone because david orother, it was also gone um, I
think that you were the whore ofthe house.
No, okay, I literally barelyspoke to a single other human,
but, like it, there was just alot of things that I think
should be its own episode.
Okay, and like topics andthings I want to like explore
more, because you, I don't knowhearing about all this love, you
know, I love a crazy, fuckingantic and wild ride.
Yeah, it was verythought-provoking.
(33:24):
So, okay, I think that, yeah,we should save that for.
Look at me pre-planning foranother episode after I refuse
to record for three weeks.
Um, since you just spoke forseven and a half hours, um, I'm
gonna start us off with Victorand Vice.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Do it.
Four pages of notes.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Leave me alone.
Okay, I hope that you believein the sound effect of my alarm
going off at 9 pm and the twopages turning.
Yeah, because, although it'snot a metadata, that was my
Chantix alarm.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh yes, You're putting your smoke in.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Yes, Recently I started taking Chantix to stop
smoking or stop vaping.
And it's actually that's myvictory, Because low-key,
high-key pisses me off, Becauseif I vape I'm like fucking feel,
do something, I don't feelanything.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
And then I'm just like it, almost like.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
It's like I feel like it's training your dog.
I'm like now I fucking hate thetaste of this right exactly,
but it's uh, it's really beenworking, because I did quit for
six weeks last year, buthonestly so, I think I started
in 2020 so you know what chantixdoes to your brain it blocks
the receptors of being able toexperience.
It's almost like um it justblocks nicotine receptors.
Oh my god chantix is prep fornicotine.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, exactly, my god , so that the nicotine molecules
can't attach to the nicotinereceptors in your brain, so they
just float around and then exitthe body and don't have any
like stimulating effect on yourbrain, which so then you're like
sucking it and you're like thistastes like shit.
You're like why am I even'relike this tastes like shit.
You're like why am I even likeyou know doing this?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
But I think honestly, the combination of you and
David being gone, my Lexaprofinally starting to kick in Me,
starting Chantix and avoidingthat and just being like so many
things led to a lot ofself-thought.
So starting my Chantix was myvictory.
I've also been like dabbabblingin witchy things Witchcraft and
(35:22):
wizardry Wizardry, a little bitLike Wicca-ish.
I set up my like it's weird tocall it an altar.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
But it is.
It's sold as an altar, rightyeah?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Okay, I've ordered so many of those things, but I
blessed all of my like crystalsand stuff and so currently.
I got a little pendant board.
It's soaking in like Himalayanblack salt or something, so I
cleanse it.
So I don't know and I don'tbelieve in doing it, but it's
almost like meditative, got it?
Speaker 1 (35:51):
It's like a zen garden.
It's like doing an activity.
You know what a zen garden is.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yes, I would never do it because it looks awful.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
But exactly, yes, I would never do it because it
looks awful, but exactly likesoaking rocks and other rocks
and cleansing them and doingthings you don't believe in
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah and okay.
For the people who are like, ohmy god, he's fucking a wick
he's a wicca or whatever wiccan.
What is a warlock?
Oh yeah, um, if you think thisis my best explanation is if you
think, if you have two, twowatches one is a broken watch
owned by michael jackson isworth a lot of money, or you can
have a ten dollar watch thatactually works from walmart, but
we give more energy to the onethat michael jackson owned it's
(36:27):
the same idea in my brain oflike I'm giving energy to, like
this practice, of like internalreflection or whatever by doing
activity or like givingsomething physical energy is the
way that I know how to explainit best.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
That's, that's witchcraft.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
That's what you're saying?
Yeah, okay, and so, like that'swhat I've just been.
Is that what your book told you?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
No, oh, okay, I actually compare that to
something else, like many moonsago, okay, um, I remember
journaling about it, but likewhat do you get out of it?
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Like you put energy into it and it gives you
calmness, almost like meditationsomeone has like a punching bag
, or if someone has like a uh afriend that you just like trauma
dump to, or someone who justit's almost like a therapist.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
It's just something that, like you're putting your
energy into this, yeah, I canget it out of my body and put it
onto something else which Ithink crystals yeah, and I have
like my tarot cards and stuffset up and just even just like
going through that routine waslike love, that yeah.
So my victory is chantix andwitchcraft Classic Caleb Um
(37:34):
what's your advice, Kyle?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
The way that I piss like a racehorse.
I don't know, it's justsomething about.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I only do it out.
You're going to have a glow ina white vagina, maybe two.
My foot's right underneath yourbutt.
No, it's not in my leg.
Oh my God, Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
My advice is so during work hours I'm a nurse I
can go 12 plus hours withoutpeeing, but as soon as I clock
out or I'm not doing work, Ihave to piss like a race horse
24-7.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
For some odd reason and I'm not going to say it on
here in case our landlordslisten my commode has been
clogged.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
It's the hard time.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Y'all have been gone and I have tried plunging it,
but I don't know if we have awide-set vagina like toilet,
because the plunger doesn'tactually create any suction.
I don't fucking know.
It's pissing me off.
You can't unclog it, correct?
Speaker 1 (38:31):
So I've just kind of left it.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
I'll flush it and like fill up and like slowly
drain.
I'm like, okay, it's clear.
Whatever, I haven't dealt withit yet.
So my advice is that I've beenavoiding dealing with that and
so like luckily we have manycommodes, so while you were gone
I was using yours and you sleptin my bed.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Maybe I just missed you, kyle you've been sleeping
in my bed and sitting in mytoilet, but I didn't even sit
the entire time I've been goneso.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
So my vice is avoiding an adult responsibility
.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Okay.
Victory, my victory of the twoweeks, however long it's been,
oh my god, yeah, forever and aday.
Is actually the fact that I wasable to pull off that amazing
Lara Croft costume out ofnowhere, and thank you Out of
nowhere.
Yeah, I mean, I literally hadno plans to do anything.
And then you, you know, piecetogether something that actually
(39:21):
worked between my closet, yourcloset, and the craft value
village craft room and valuevillage and I only spent like
7.99 literally.
So that was great.
I think my advice is that whatI'm, what I've realized about my
encounter with Nola and myfuture ex-husband, is that when
(39:45):
it came to my future ex-husband,I was so immediately attracted
to him and infatuated with him,and his attraction to me also
fueled that even more.
His attraction to me also likefueled that even more and it
(40:05):
literally like put me in thisposition where I had no chill
and I, like was going like amillion miles a minute in my
brain.
You know, flash forward to,like you know, 10 years.
We're married and we have kidsand you know all of these things
down the road and I'm like whatthe fuck is going on in your
brain, kyle, like why, why wouldyou like have those thoughts
(40:28):
and like say them out loud andeveryone fucking thinks that way
, and I've never known yourbrain to work like that.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
so thank you for sharing.
Okay, you're normal.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
But the real advice of it all, I think, is that,
like even after the 9.9 out of10 encounter and bleeding all
over his sheets and like I don'tknow, just like not having the
night live up to the experiencethat I wanted it to be as a
(40:59):
hungry bottom of you know, likeseven days, just like waiting
for that big d, I still havelike these feelings for this
person and it feels like I'mkind of like settling for these,
like little breadcrumbs ofaffection.
You know, there's some kind ofcyclical pattern exactly, which
brings me back to like my ex andthings that I've talked about
(41:20):
on the podcast in the past and Ijust feel like I I gotta like
break the cycle.
You know, and I was actuallyjust listening to like our
dating q a um podcast, yes,hosted by you, which?
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Hosted and Acosted, and I talk so much about those
sort of experiences that I hadwhere I allowed people to
mistreat me or not show up forme in the way that I think I
deserve to be treated, and forsome reason, those are the guys
(41:58):
that I go for, you know like,because that's the level of love
that you think that you deserve.
Exactly.
Anyways, that's kind of myadvice because it's it's hard to
see myself go through like thesame patterns of like
destructive behavior that I'vegone through in the past and and
watch myself as like abystander, like you know,
(42:20):
watching a car wreck happeningand not stopping it from
happening and if anything likekind of you know getting behind
the wheel and hitting the pedaleven faster towards the you know
oncoming traffic.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
The thing that I don't think people that like are
cognizant of with us, thepeople, why people keep
recreating a cycle, is becausethey get to be in control of the
outcome and they know what'sgonna come from it and you are
being so insightful, I'm tellingyou being away hat rack, being
away from people, being awayfrom the dog, the dog in this
(42:56):
house, um, it's really helpedbecause I I told you this and my
gut, my brain, have been verydisconnected yeah and even just
listening to you, like I was.
I've have been processing thingsin real time, like things that
brought, like anxiety orwhatever but, you and not even
to sound like I'm like fuckingbrilliant or like all my
(43:16):
psychology game or whatever.
But it is true, if you thinkabout it like you're not
attracted to this toxic type ofperson, you're attracted to the
outcome because you know whatit's gonna be right.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
I do think sometimes to myself like that, the
anticipation of like being inpain, like I know that that's
where this is leading and I knowthat like I can take it.
You know, isn't that so?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
awful.
No, because you're so sane,you're so hurt, you're so fell.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I yeah, I'm like it's like it's not for everyone out
there, but I know that I cantake it, because I've taken
worse.
That's why you're the caretaker.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
You would much rather no, because that's why I think
that in my brain you remind me alot of like the stereotypical
like moms is, and I've there'sbeen so many times in my life.
I'm like I wish that this washappening to me, because I know
that I can handle it and I wantto take that pain away from you.
And whether it be a familymember, a sibling, a friend,
whatever 100 and although we maynot have like the healthiest
ways of coping with it, or likeit doesn't not affect us, I just
(44:23):
know that I will get through itand I'm showing you love.
I would much rather take it onfor you, and if I took it away
from you, maybe that proves myworth, that you'll keep being in
your life and keep loving me.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
But Caleb, you're just giving me like more therapy
in the last five minutes thanI've had in my entire life.
I think you just cracked a nut.
I know I did Because I also,but I cracked a lot of nuts this
past weekend, not me, so thisis the best I got, oh God, but I
(44:56):
did want.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
I want to like give you praise, because, hearing
about this trip for you, I justit was so wonderful to hear,
because I'm glad that you got tohave this experience, and I
know that, like on the podcastyou've talked about like, oh,
you've been spending money orlike whatever, or I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
You know we've gone through breakups We've done.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
I don't know We've gone through breakups We've done
.
But you, just to go and havefun with this community proves
to me and I think to you, whichI didn't need any proof that you
are a good person, you do rightby people.
You deserve to have fun.
It's your fucking birth monthand you got to celebrate pride
and face all these anxietieshead on and come back and I got
(45:36):
all the juice and all the tea.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
Yeah, you did.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, I think that's ourepisode for the night, and I
think this could be one of myfavorite.
It's a good one right.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I'm not going to say that because you spoke more than
me.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
So I'm not going to give you that credit but like
the last few minutes of it wasvery insightful.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Yeah, that's the thing that makes it special.
People keep listening becausethey love the chaos.
All I needed to add to it was Iwas reading an article or
according to psychology research.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
I should have added that and we could have flipped
roles.
Alright, if you want to shareyour Palm Springs pride stories?
No, okay.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
How you bled on someone's bed in their 9.
No, okay, how you bled onsomeone's bed and they're 9.9.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Not inches.
If you want to talk about whyyou're not worthy of love, then
write in.
You found the right place.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Then write in to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom.
You can find us onunfamouslyunwell on Instagram or
you can click the link in thedescription on Spotify or Apple
Music and send us a text message.
That way, we love to hear fromyou and hear about your stories
and what your victories andvices are of the week, but until
(46:59):
next week we wish you well,just be yourself, bitches,
that's right.
Thanks for listening to anotherepisode of Unfamously Unwell,
the unrated podcast hosted byyour two favorite Seattle
homosexuals on a journey tohigher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along
(47:19):
the way.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUnwell, unrated.
Hey guys, we hope that you've been enjoying our
two-part episode.
We left you last week with alittle bit of a cliffhanger, so
I'm going to back things up alittle bit, just to remind you
where we left things off, andthen we'll go back to the show.
Who walks in?
But Nola, what are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I literally was like oh, my God, is that what you
said, like how do you want to?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Okay.
So Nola walks into the room andI'm like do you want to help me
out?
Oh no, I was like I'm soembarrassed, I'm so glad you're
here.
And he's like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I can't figure this thing out.
I've never done it before.
I keep trying.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
I know I don't know, anyways, so, anyways, so,
anyways.
We take it to the bathroom andthen you in the fucking showers,
yeah, and then we went to town,we had sex.
Did you top or bottom?
All right, and now back to theshow.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
I topped that bird seed was I hope it gets better.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
That bird seed like was it worth it?
Was it worth it?
I was a hungry bottom, was itlong and I didn't even bought it
.
But was it?
Was it good?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
mm-hmm.
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Yeah, and this was like midday.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
This is midday Because you went to lunch.
Yes, this is midday.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
No, you went to breakfast.
This is post-breakfast.
Okay, yeah, okay, flash forwardto the evening.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
My friend that lives in Palm Springs is hosting
hosting a pride kickoff party athis house, so I leave the group
and I head over to his place.
And, a little lighter, afterdropping off a load, correct Yep
, I'm feeling very skinny Umyeah.
(01:39):
Okay, so I, I get there and, uh,my friend there and my friend
Von from LA, he drove down andmet me and we get together at
our friend Braxton's Pridekickoff party.
And first of all, the first twoguests that walk in, I greet
the door because the doorbellrings and no one is there to
(02:01):
answer it.
You don't live there?
Yeah, I don't live there.
Yeah, I don't live there, but Iwas like hi, welcome, but
please take off your shoes.
yeah, one of them is mayhemmiller, the drag queen from
rupaul's drag race I don't knowit's giving like tammy brown
which pissed me off it's givingflashbacks to poor patrick and
I'm just yeah were they goodthey were, yeah, I mean not in
drag out of drag drag.
(02:22):
They were so sweet, we hung outwith them the entire night.
The other one we're going tocall him my future ex-husband.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
I'm confundito.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Go ahead, Okay yeah, my future ex -husband.
Like I greet him, he has thebest smile, literally makes me
go like weak in the knees andgives me a boner at the same
time I'm afraid I'm gonna fallon my boner, like my crest that
lives here.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh yeah, yeah, how I just can.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Yeah, I'm not not quite as hot as him, no, okay he
walks up, like I mean likeimmediately he walks in and I'm
thinking I think I'm gonna marrythis man.
Like he's so cute and he'smaking eyes with me, I'm like
something's gonna happen tohappen.
So, anyways, I go over and likestart pouring drinks for people
.
He walks over to the bar andstarts making himself a drink
and I'm like, let me make yousomething.
(03:12):
I used to be a bartender, youknow, let me flex my skills.
And he's like oh, no way, Iused to be a bartender too.
What do you do?
And he just like is just startslike seriously flirting with me
by the end of the night.
He has given me his phonenumber, given me his instagram
and unlocked his album ongrinder so hardcore flirting he
gave you, he unlocked his albumto you.
(03:33):
That is like proposing thatbasically is proposing and then
I, and then I was like dying foreveryone to leave the party, so
I could unlock.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I'm like I gotta see the d, but you could your house.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
He's not even in my house.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
I'm like I gotta see the D, but you could have left.
You're like everyone get out ofmy house.
This isn't my house, please.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Hi, I welcomed you.
I'm going to have to let youdepart.
The host is asking me to kickeveryone out.
Sorry, sorry, it is you.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
You are the problem.
Hope you had a great night.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I had miller bye, bye , oh, my god, okay.
So then we all go out to thebar.
Um, we go, he goes off to adifferent, future ex-husband
goes off to a different partyand the rest of us, including
mahan miller and my friend funand the host of this party, we
all go out to chill bar.
We get there, it's kind of likean okay vibe, but like the
(04:25):
music cut out and they were likemoving people back inside and,
anyways, it was just like notreally the vibe.
Then we get a text message fromyour ex-boyfriend and he goes
um, we, we went to this umcircuit party and the circuit
party circuit and, oh, that'swhere my future ex-husband was
(04:47):
off to.
He went off to the circuitparty too.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
You're like it can't suck that bad, let me come find
out, yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Well, just wait, because they're like we're at
line at Hunter's, the bar acrossthe street, but we're just
about to get in.
So I grabbed my friend Van andI'm like we gotta book it
because it's like a hour pluslong line to get in.
So we push our way, elbows out,knees up, through everyone,
through like a meandering pathof people.
(05:17):
You have a wedding ceremonyliterally people are like like
yelling at me, being like if youfucking elbow me again, I will
destroy you, and I was like okay, sorry bye, it's my birthday,
yeah yeah, so we, we get out, weget in line just in the nick of
time to cut the whole line weget into um hunters and we dance
(05:38):
our asses off until 2 am hadthe best time.
And then at 2 am of course theparty's not over for me I'm like
so you guys have wristbands tothat circuit party, right where
my future husband is um, I'mgonna need those wristbands.
So they ripped their wristbandsoff plural, yeah, because, um,
he was with his friend, your exwas with his friend.
(06:00):
So he they gave us me and vantheir wristbands and we kind of
like taped them on our wristsand we went down there and I was
like, okay, I'm gonna go findmy future ex-husband.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Thanks, van, it's been fun yeah, oh no, well, he
was with me the whole time hewas also like a supportive
friend and ally, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
So we go looking for him.
Um, I'm like you know what Ifeel like I'm gonna find his
bald head bobbing on a dick orsomething like that's what I'm
looking for.
There's lots of like.
There's lots of blowjobshappening at the circuit party.
The amount of like heat that youcould feel and sweat and
(06:39):
humidity coming off out of thisroom as you enter was just
obscene and the music was notgood and I was like now I know
what you mean by you know, orwhy you left, why you left the
party they need a dehumidifieror something exactly.
Yeah, it really wasn't likeyou're on a mission.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
It was worth it for human oh my god, imagine monkey
pox, if it was still a thingright continue.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Yeah, anyways, couldn't find them.
Lots of people, lots of baldheads bobbing.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, I mean that is kind of the demographic that
goes Right, Go ahead.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
So as we're leaving, I run into future ex-husband's
friend that was also at thePride kickoff party and so I say
to him hey, I was looking foryour friend down there, but I
couldn't find him.
And he goes oh yeah, there's nocell service down there.
I'm like, okay, well, I'll seeyou guys later.
(07:32):
Then I was like, well, fuck, Ijust blew my cover.
I thought I could be chill.
But no, now his friend knowsthat I went straight.
I thought, oh, I could just belike.
Oh, I could just be like.
Oh, my gosh, you go here.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
I go here After telling someone you had fun.
I had fun, chill out, you'rethe one that's like what does
this mean?
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, so I'm like I'm going to track you down at 3
o'clock in the morning at acircuit party.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Grinder says he's three feet away.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Everyone's spread out .
Well, so the next morning Itext him future ex-husband and
I'm like can we hang out today?
And he's like I'm at myfriend's pool, why don't you
come over here and have a mimosawith me?
I was like that sounds great.
(08:17):
So I go over we'rechit-chatting and I'm like, well
, your friend probably likespilled the tea that I like came
to the circuit party last nightto try to find you and his
friend looks at me and goesyou're at the circuit party and
I was like no, it's like okay,he told me to say that to you.
(08:37):
I was just going along with thestory.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
I really didn't care about you how you doing, but
everything else has worked outin your favor so far.
Why not shoot your shot,honesty?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
is the best policy in my eyes.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Okay, yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
You're like nope, never works for me.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Good day.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Anyway.
So we like made out at the poola little bit.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
This is Saturday.
This is now Saturday.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Yes, oh my God.
I'm following along so well,totally blew my cover.
And then I was like you knowwhat?
I'm just going to go full oncrazy.
And I just told him.
I was like, yeah, I kind ofthought that when I saw you for
the first time that I was goingto marry you.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
And saying that at Pride in Palm Springs to another
gay human is ballsy.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
It's fucking insane.
I do not recommend doing this.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Imagine any man that you've hooked up with recently
outside of Palm Springs sayingthat to you you would have been
like stage five clingerAbsolutely Well, it worked.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
I'm not sure if it's worked or not.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
We'll see.
Yeah, the story's not over, thestory's not over.
Okay, so we part ways.
We'll see.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yeah, the story's not over.
The story's not over.
Okay, so we part ways at theend of our mimosas by the pool
and I go, and I have go back tothe house chill out.
Then I head to dinner with somefriends.
We would go to this tiki barwhich is like amazing, like
really great tiki drinks, whichyou know I love.
A tiki drink, honey, you do.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
We do.
We talked about on the episodewhere we had our intervention.
For you, that's just my type mytie, my tie yeah, he bald man,
or you're my type, yes, okay,don't freaking.
Call me out for my intervention, fuck you this is about you and
your craziness, uh-huh, yeah,okay.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
So as we're sitting there having our my ties and
dinner and I'm still trying tobe a good old hungry bottom and
not eat anything, I'm like I'lljust have a piece of lettuce,
thank you, and I've alreadydouched and prepped and ready to
go Right, cause I'm like I'mgoing to meet up with you, uh,
with my future ex-husbandtonight, and he's been texting
me like throughout dinner andthroughout the day after we left
(10:42):
the pool, all these cute things, even though I told him that I
wanted to marry him and I had nochill, and all of these, you
know, terrible, awful thingsthat you should never do.
But I did, um, and this guy inlike a white bob wig, walks up
to our table and he goes hi, I'msven, I have the bar next door
(11:04):
and, uh, you guys should comeover after, uh, dinner, yeah,
and we're we like didn't reallythink anything of it.
But then, after a couple maitais, we were like you know what
we should do before we go outtonight.
Go see what's happening overwith sven right.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Yeah, he wore a wig and everything right, so we go.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
We go over there.
He's doing karaoke and there'sonly like 50 songs on the
karaoke list, but you made oneof them work.
Turn Back Time, share.
Yes, you're like it was such ashort list.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I know you, and you fucking gave it your all, didn't
you?
I sure did yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
And I did the Will and Grace version.
If I can turn back time, I hateyou.
Yeah, you got to really bringout that.
Get her all shared.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
Please don't tell me your future ex-husband was there
.
No, thank God.
That would have really sent himover the edge.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Yeah, yeah, so we do a couple of karaoke songs, then
we head out to meet up withfuture ex-husband at the bar
that he's at Along the way, andall the texts that he's been
sending me.
I'm like he's probably like alittle bit intoxicated at this
point.
It's like 10 pm.
I'm a little bit intoxicated aswell, I will admit.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
Now's the time.
Now I can interact with himagain, right.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Yeah, but I also asked him like on a scale of 1
to 10, like how drunk are youright now?
I also don't recommend doingthat.
Don't ask people that questionif you're trying to flirt with
them.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
It kind of seems, you know, a little controlling or
like an interrogation, yeah, ora fucking intervention, right,
or that, yeah, which?
Speaker 1 (12:29):
I'm also pretty good at.
Anyways, he says he's like a 5out of 10.
I'm like, okay, Approachable,I'm probably around a 5 out of
10 too.
Two mind ties in 5 out of 10.
So we the line is like aroundthe block your ex and his friend
go off to get me and my frienddrinks while we're waiting in
line.
During that time I got tired ofwaiting, so I just walked
(12:52):
underneath the line and into thebar.
Okay, but I got very distractedvery quickly because I found my
future ex husband at the barand he is not at a 5 out of 10.
He is at a 9.9 out of 10.
He is so drunk I got him a beerand within like three minutes
he had dumped the whole thing onthe floor.
(13:12):
Yeah, and what time is this?
Probably like 11 to midnight.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
At this point it's morning, the day is just
starting.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
The day is just starting, yeah, the day is just
starting.
And so at a certain point pointmaybe like a half hour in of
him handing me singles to giveto, like strippers, um, that are
like dancing across the bar,I'm like you know, this isn't
really like fun, this isn't likewhat I would enjoy as like a
(13:44):
date getting to know someone.
You're just kind of being drunk.
And so I take his hand and I'mlike, why don't we go back to
your hotel room?
And like I think you need tolike sleep this off, because you
are at a 9.9 out of 10.
And he kept being like 9.9.
(14:09):
So, anyways, I take him back to,I leave my friend von and he
goes and meets your, your ex andhis friend, and I take him, uh,
in an uber back to his um hoteland I'm like, so not turned on
by this man anymore, because youare being mama.
I'm being mama and I just likedon't like to see you got my
(14:34):
friends.
I guess it's just like I'm acaretaker and I can't help
myself, but to make sure thatpeople that I care about, even
if I have only known you for 24hours, like that you're safe.
Speaker 2 (14:50):
And.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
I like didn't want to like have sex with this person
that night and I wanted to makesure that they just got home and
got some rest and you know wewould continue on the next day
or whatever.
So we get to back to his hoteland he immediately starts taking
(15:12):
off his clothes, tries to likestart taking off all of my
clothes and we like start makingout a little bit.
Somehow my band-aid comes offand my, my jimmy John's finger
starts bleeding all over hissheets.
It is like the least sexyencounter that I could even
possibly imagine with my futureex-husband.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
What.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Uh-huh, yeah, okay, continue.
You didn't see that one coming,no, no.
So I'm prepped and ready tobottom and I've seen his album.
Finally, and it, it's agorgeous peen penis penis.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
It's a gorgeous.
I was like he's peeing on you.
It's a gorgeous.
I hate that word do that againgorgeous cork after the cork
destroyer, destroyer, aftertalking about you, I'm about to
destroy his cork because you'reso tight with.
After your surgery, after youjust fucking bled all over from
the finger that you shut in thejimmy john's door this how is
(16:10):
this man still speaking to you?
Speaker 1 (16:12):
yeah, I don't know, because he's a 9.9 out of 10
drunk, yeah, anyways.
So I left him there and afterthat encounter I I was gonna go.
It was like one o'clock in themorning.
I was gonna go meet up with,you know, my friends that I had
left, but but I was just in abad mood, so I just went home
and went to bed.
And who did I get into bed with?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Nola, you're like future ex-husband.
We're divorcing.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I'm moving on, you moved on quickly, moved on
quickly.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I think your wound helped you decide.
It really did.
Yeah, the Jimmy John's blood onthe bedsheets.
It's a telltale sign that thedivorce is coming.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
That's really sad, yeah, but thank God you finally
got fucked.
Damn, yeah.
Okay, then we're on to Sunday.
So after a long night ofrecovering, we went to a pool
party for um that someone inseattle was hosting in palm
springs, and it was filled withprobably 50 plus of some of the
(17:15):
hottest gay men that I've everseen in my entire life and I
walked in with 100% sobriety, Idon't know.
I walked in and everyone'sgorgeous.
Everyone has six packs or eightpacks and has huge chests and
huge asses and tiny waists and Ijust feel like a little stump
(17:37):
on a log and I'm like, okay,it's okay, this is going to be
fine.
You have a great personality,you can make people laugh.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
Kyle, get a start hosting.
We can do this start mixingcocktails.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You work there.
People like the people thatpeople like the help.
Yeah.
So anyways, I had, I had a beerafter the anxiety set in and I
found like the nicest guy totalk to His name was Nima and
(18:11):
just chatting with him andlaughing with him while I had my
beer calmed like all of myanxiety down to like baseline
and I ended up having thegreatest time and meeting the
most fun people.
But the reason I tell thatstory and bring it up is because
the friend that I was with healso was kind of sharing with me
(18:33):
how much anxiety he had beingin that setting, being
surrounded by all these reallyattractive people.
And the friend that I was withis also gorgeous, he has big
(18:59):
muscles and gorgeous like wavyhair.
And I felt like you knowsimilar encounters in those
situations like do you do youfeel that that sense of like
social anxiety and like does itcome from?
Like comparing your body toother people?
I know we've talked about thison the no gays and there are no
gays in Montana podcast.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
That's exactly what I was thinking of, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
About, you know, body image and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
Or do you think it comes from somewhere else and is
it just about like being withother gay people, or would
happen if they weren't gay too?
Well, it's interesting becauseif I, let's say, if I was at a,
a party like this, I would beimmediately attracted to someone
who's just being over to thetop, just themselves goofy as
fuck, no matter, like if they'rethe hottest or not, which is
what people are naturally drawnto for attractiveness.
But it's hard just to lean intothat, so like, especially if
(19:52):
you're trying to like you feellike you don't fit in.
But the thing that's, if you'retrying to fit in, the thing
that's going to really like makeyou fit in, is just being
yourself, but then, like yourmind fucking yourself to not be
your.
It's right.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
It's the hardest thing to explain.
Yeah, isn't it?
But I think you're like dead on, because as soon as I it's like
overthinking, yeah, as soon asI guess I got my confidence back
up and I realized that like,okay, you belong in this space
just as much or you know you,you you're allowed to take up
just as much space in this placeas anyone else, and I started
being myself.
I mean, I was like just readingpeople for filth and just like
(20:32):
asking them about their likeex-boyfriends and like why they
broke up.
I'm like okay, so you havecommitment issues.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
And then you pull out a notepad.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Nope, nope, and people were like eating it up
like out of the palm of my hand,like then I was like, okay,
like the people here get it, andmaybe it's just that, like I
feel sometimes that I'm too much.
You know, girl story of my life, yeah, yeah, and that some
people don't like to be made funof and some people don't have a
(21:03):
sense of humor, and you knowit's especially.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I think there's like a sense of, at least from my
perspective, that really prettygays have less of a sense of
humor, and you know, and so Ithink it correlates with their
insecurity, anxiety of okay, Ifit in here just because I did
all this external work, butthey're not having to do any of
(21:26):
the internal work, exactlybecause a lot of time and the
reason I another reason I feelso anxious and out of place at
those type of parties is becauseI'm not able to connect with a
lot of people, because I'm liketrying to like I'm being just
goofy or you know over the topand then they're like what or
they're?
just, and I'm like what do youmean?
(21:48):
You didn't slam your door andbleed all over someone last
night.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
You're freaking out yeah, like that's hilarious.
I just told you that wholestory so you would laugh.
And then they're like what,what do you like it's?
Speaker 2 (21:57):
like why didn't you just bring an extra band-aid?
Speaker 1 (21:59):
shut the fuck up.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Shut the fuck up like laugh right, yeah, so I, I
think and I don't, like I'veobviously never been the person
with the six pack and all thosemuscles at a party, but I've
never felt it's interestingbecause I've never felt the need
that I wanted to be them but Ihave felt the anxiety of feeling
(22:22):
out of place and like, oh, thisis weird and awkward.
But I've never had the desire oflike, oh my God, I should look
like them Right.
Cause that's I can see, causelike that doesn't look like a,
uh, that version of a life thatI would want.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Right, first off, I hate lifting heavy things.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Second off, like there is just I don't know.
We talked about it a lot on theBody Image podcast with the no
Gays Montana.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Sorry, that was a lot of words.
You can summarize it.
No, I think you did a great job.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, it's interesting because I think that
you do a good job and, justbased on what I'm hearing, is
going to Palm Springs Pridealone, I feel like the entire
experience could be that part ofyou're describing.
But I think you did a good jobof making small connections but
(23:16):
also ensuring you're connectingwith friends that meet you on
that quirky, over-the-top levelto where you're just like it
almost is like okay, you'refueling me up to be this
confident and just being myself.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Because imagine you going there and not knowing a
single person like you'd be aball of anxiety the whole time.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, but, anyways, the people that I met at the the
big Gabe um pool party wereawesome and I'm planning on
getting uh, I'm going home forChristmas and a bunch of them
lived in Sacramento, so I'm likedefinitely planning on going.
Uh, I'm going home forchristmas and a bunch of them
lived in sacramento, so I'm likedefinitely planning on going
out to visit them when I am backhome for christmas.
(23:50):
Like so many like connectionswith people who had such great
senses of humor and that like Icould poke fun at and they could
poke fun at me, and we couldall like laugh together.
You know, no matter what youlook like, you know with like
with your shirt off or in yourSpeedo or whatever.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
Naked Band-Aid-less yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Band-Aid-less Naked finger, bloody yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Bloody naked finger.
Who are you?
Again, you show them your scar.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
It's me, kyle, I promise it's like Harry Potter.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
It's me Harry.
It's me Harry.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
Oh my potter, it's me harry.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, so then, after the poolparty, um the, our whole uh
house, the airbnb that I wasstaying with with the australian
, and um nola nola, thank you,we went to the brat rave.
Speaker 2 (24:38):
So, like a rave, dedicated, dedicated to the
music of the queen, charlie xcxand adjacent wait, it's just
funny because, australian, yousent me the video of him doing
the dance to that the firstnight.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Second night, oh yes, yeah, yeah, with no, it was
foreshadowing yeah um, but nolais like the biggest charlie fan
in the entire world and I thinkhas seen her in concert like
three times and is going toLondon in like a week or
something.
Is that a red flag?
Something is off putting.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
You know what a little bit a little bit yeah, I
love Charlie but so much youdidn't go see her.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
When she was here, I saw her in Barcelona.
Thank you very much, but you'vesaw.
You also saw.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Gaga out there.
So much Barcelona, barcelona,but you've also saw Gaga out
there.
So, like across the pond, we'llsay You've seen many artists.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Oh right, right, yes, yeah, but like that's very
niche.
Yeah, but it was actually greatBecause I would say that, to
answer your question, I was alittle bit like question mark
about about, like hisinfatuation with charlie, but
then seeing him in his element,like listening to that music and
dancing and singing he embodiedit well.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Oh yeah, he wasn't just like he was thriving, it
wasn't just like a I'm doingthis because it's like cool
right now, like he was like,even if it wasn't cool, like I
love her exactly yeah, okay,yeah, like me with laureen,
exactly.
Yeah, it's like I like to seethe geeky side of people come
out and, um, it was really niceto see that with him but just
(26:10):
going back to where you'retalking about, at the party,
like it's such a mind fuckbecause, like that's what we
both like find super attractive,or like connect with friends or
whatever, even if it's in a bigcrowd.
But then, like typically in thegay community, especially at
big, huge pool parties, peoplearen't they're so afraid of
showing that geeky side or hyperfixation.
They're like oh my god, lookwhat I made.
(26:31):
This is my craft, this is myrock.
I'm up and dazzled this yeah butlike it all like ties together,
like because at first I'm like,oh, I I was like, oh, is that a
red flag, judgmental, but then,like, not even giving them a
chance, and you were like, no,they were into it.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, totally.
Where is this insight comingfrom?
I feel like you're not normallythis insightful.
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Because I had the house to myself all weekend, I
was able to be alone.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
With your thoughts.
Yes, finally, just think a lotand not be overstimulated.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yeah, think a lot, yeah, and they'll be always
stimulating, yeah yeah, yeah butit's weird how it correlates.
That's what I was journalingabout.
Okay, so sunday night did anysexcapades?
Speaker 1 (27:13):
um, yes, because everyone left the brat rave.
And then, um, uh, me and nolawent back to the house after the
brat rave ended at midnight andthe rest of the house went to
another circuit party.
So we went back to the houseafter the brat rave ended at
midnight and the rest of thehouse went to another circuit
party.
So we went back to the houseand we actually got to like,
have the place to ourselves andwe fucked like bunnies.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
On the counter.
Uh-huh, Bus club, another clubCounter bathtub.
Yeah, Did you top or bottom?
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Both yeah.
So anyways, then the next daywe check.
Monday we checked out of ourairbnb.
I decided to stay another daybecause I needed to little.
Uh, rest, respite.
You might as well just stay inpalm springs.
So I might as well stay in palmsprings, I'm not coming home to
you oh god yeah, that wouldjust drain me even more.
(28:03):
Fuck you, yeah.
So I just checked into a littleboutique hotel laid by the pool
all day.
By yourself, by myself.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
I didn't know this information.
You avoided me.
Yeah, fuck you.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
No, you know what I did.
We had like a huge magnum ofchampagne from the.
Airbnb that they couldn't flyhome with them.
So I took that and orange juicelaid by the pool.
I had some mimosas by the pool.
Read my book.
I only have one chapter left.
I did see that photo.
It was cute, thank you.
And then I ordered Thai food,ate it in my room, passed out
and boarded a plane 12 hourslater You're like my bottom
(28:39):
arrow is over, my bottom arrowis over.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I can finally eat spicy Thai food with all the
coconut milk.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
You were in the toilet all night.
You're like I've earned this.
Yeah, it was great.
I don't know I would not havesurvived and I am all about
being wild and rambunctious thatmany fucking days.
Are you proud of me?
I'm so proud of you.
You came home in a good mood.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
I know, I feel like I had the best time and I, like
you, got married and divorcedthree times.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
right, yeah, but then also the stars just kept
aligning for you you're like oh,I'm getting in line with the
friends who are at the verybeginning of the line.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
I'm sneaking into this place here I'm meeting with
investors and they're loving myidea and the way you describe
this trip.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
You haven't described a trip or Well you know, you
haven't known each other verylong, but the excitement or just
the embodiment of you justbeing yourself ever.
I don't think you've hadmoments of each trip or like
whatever you've done, but likethis.
You were just so just beingyourself authentically and like,
(29:43):
but also like hit, like facingsocial anxiety kind of gay body
image issues head on.
Yeah, and I would like to thankthis podcast for helping
getting you there.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Thank you, yeah, thank you Unfamously and well
I'm, I was talking about you,yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Thank you Unfamously and well I'm.
I was talking about me.
Speaker 1 (30:00):
Yeah, I said the podcast, but I didn't want to
say your name, so I said, okay,it doesn't really work, but no
but you know, what I think itwas partially is that it really
felt like when I was there I waslike part of my community, you
know, like I felt like myfriends from California were
there, from Northern Californiaand Southern California and
(30:21):
friends from Seattle, and likepeople that I really care about
and I know that I can be myselfaround and they're also
supportive in helping me just bemyself, because they make me
feel like I don't have topretend to be anything else,
that what I am or who I am as aperson is great and they only
(30:44):
want to see me show up in thatway.
And being around people thatare telling you that, I think
makes it much easier to go outinto a crowd of strangers and
just be that person and notpretend to be someone that
you're not, and so it felt likeI could do that god, I don't
(31:05):
hold rush, don't cry, I'm notgonna cry.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Oh, I was at one point but no, uh, that's
actually like really sweet andbecause I had so many thoughts,
especially like foreshadowing toelection results, that was one
thought that like you know, thisbig gay celebration and just
you being yourself, you feelingat home, you feeling supported
all these things leading up toyou know yeah not so great
(31:29):
outcome, but also I think thatthat just says a lot about you
that, although you face like youwere just sharing on the
internet with people don't liketo do like all these genuine,
honest thoughts about likeanxieties and things you were
struggling with, but you wereyourself enough to have built a
community over the years andthey were all there, that like,
(31:51):
although you were feeling thosetimes of self-doubt, that you
got to lean on those people,even if they weren't even
realizing it.
Oh yeah, it was kind of justlike, like I said, energized you
, like, fueled you up of like Iam the baddest bitch here and I
have a mustache I forgot.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
I gotta give props to the mustache.
I think it's 90, the mustache10 being in a community.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I'm still not sold on the mustache, but I'm going to
support you that you think that.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
You know what I love?
A placebo, okay, maybe 10%mustache, 90% community.
Speaker 2 (32:25):
It is growing.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
I think this is the most full or the best cut that
you've got it.
It's growing on me.
Is that what you're going tosay, shut up?
It literally is, but I tried toavoid that because I knew you
were going to yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
But like I think something about it.
You've kind of perfected.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
You've been going with it.
Yeah, yeah, you want to do viceand virtue.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
Yeah, victory and vice.
Yeah, we've been doing thissince fucking what, april, get
it together.
Yeah, it's victory and vice.
Even our fans would know that,because a of the things I want
to share about while you weregone and having all this lovely
(33:03):
time alone because david orother, it was also gone um, I
think that you were the whore ofthe house.
No, okay, I literally barelyspoke to a single other human,
but, like it, there was just alot of things that I think
should be its own episode.
Okay, and like topics andthings I want to like explore
more, because you, I don't knowhearing about all this love, you
know, I love a crazy, fuckingantic and wild ride.
Yeah, it was verythought-provoking.
(33:24):
So, okay, I think that, yeah,we should save that for.
Look at me pre-planning foranother episode after I refuse
to record for three weeks.
Um, since you just spoke forseven and a half hours, um, I'm
gonna start us off with Victorand Vice.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Do it.
Four pages of notes.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Leave me alone.
Okay, I hope that you believein the sound effect of my alarm
going off at 9 pm and the twopages turning.
Yeah, because, although it'snot a metadata, that was my
Chantix alarm.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Oh yes, You're putting your smoke in.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
Yes, Recently I started taking Chantix to stop
smoking or stop vaping.
And it's actually that's myvictory, Because low-key,
high-key pisses me off, Becauseif I vape I'm like fucking feel,
do something, I don't feelanything.
Speaker 1 (34:21):
And then I'm just like it, almost like.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
It's like I feel like it's training your dog.
I'm like now I fucking hate thetaste of this right exactly,
but it's uh, it's really beenworking, because I did quit for
six weeks last year, buthonestly so, I think I started
in 2020 so you know what chantixdoes to your brain it blocks
the receptors of being able toexperience.
It's almost like um it justblocks nicotine receptors.
Oh my god chantix is prep fornicotine.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Yeah, exactly, my god , so that the nicotine molecules
can't attach to the nicotinereceptors in your brain, so they
just float around and then exitthe body and don't have any
like stimulating effect on yourbrain, which so then you're like
sucking it and you're like thistastes like shit.
You're like why am I even'relike this tastes like shit.
You're like why am I even likeyou know doing this?
Speaker 2 (34:59):
But I think honestly, the combination of you and
David being gone, my Lexaprofinally starting to kick in Me,
starting Chantix and avoidingthat and just being like so many
things led to a lot ofself-thought.
So starting my Chantix was myvictory.
I've also been like dabbabblingin witchy things Witchcraft and
(35:22):
wizardry Wizardry, a little bitLike Wicca-ish.
I set up my like it's weird tocall it an altar.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
But it is.
It's sold as an altar, rightyeah?
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Okay, I've ordered so many of those things, but I
blessed all of my like crystalsand stuff and so currently.
I got a little pendant board.
It's soaking in like Himalayanblack salt or something, so I
cleanse it.
So I don't know and I don'tbelieve in doing it, but it's
almost like meditative, got it?
Speaker 1 (35:51):
It's like a zen garden.
It's like doing an activity.
You know what a zen garden is.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Yes, I would never do it because it looks awful.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
But exactly, yes, I would never do it because it
looks awful, but exactly likesoaking rocks and other rocks
and cleansing them and doingthings you don't believe in
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah and okay.
For the people who are like, ohmy god, he's fucking a wick
he's a wicca or whatever wiccan.
What is a warlock?
Oh yeah, um, if you think thisis my best explanation is if you
think, if you have two, twowatches one is a broken watch
owned by michael jackson isworth a lot of money, or you can
have a ten dollar watch thatactually works from walmart, but
we give more energy to the onethat michael jackson owned it's
(36:27):
the same idea in my brain oflike I'm giving energy to, like
this practice, of like internalreflection or whatever by doing
activity or like givingsomething physical energy is the
way that I know how to explainit best.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
That's, that's witchcraft.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
That's what you're saying?
Yeah, okay, and so, like that'swhat I've just been.
Is that what your book told you?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
No, oh, okay, I actually compare that to
something else, like many moonsago, okay, um, I remember
journaling about it, but likewhat do you get out of it?
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Like you put energy into it and it gives you
calmness, almost like meditationsomeone has like a punching bag
, or if someone has like a uh afriend that you just like trauma
dump to, or someone who justit's almost like a therapist.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
It's just something that, like you're putting your
energy into this, yeah, I canget it out of my body and put it
onto something else which Ithink crystals yeah, and I have
like my tarot cards and stuffset up and just even just like
going through that routine waslike love, that yeah.
So my victory is chantix andwitchcraft Classic Caleb Um
(37:34):
what's your advice, Kyle?
Speaker 1 (37:36):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
The way that I piss like a racehorse.
I don't know, it's justsomething about.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
I only do it out.
You're going to have a glow ina white vagina, maybe two.
My foot's right underneath yourbutt.
No, it's not in my leg.
Oh my God, Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
My advice is so during work hours I'm a nurse I
can go 12 plus hours withoutpeeing, but as soon as I clock
out or I'm not doing work, Ihave to piss like a race horse
24-7.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
For some odd reason and I'm not going to say it on
here in case our landlordslisten my commode has been
clogged.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
It's the hard time.
Speaker 2 (38:19):
Y'all have been gone and I have tried plunging it,
but I don't know if we have awide-set vagina like toilet,
because the plunger doesn'tactually create any suction.
I don't fucking know.
It's pissing me off.
You can't unclog it, correct?
Speaker 1 (38:31):
So I've just kind of left it.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
I'll flush it and like fill up and like slowly
drain.
I'm like, okay, it's clear.
Whatever, I haven't dealt withit yet.
So my advice is that I've beenavoiding dealing with that and
so like luckily we have manycommodes, so while you were gone
I was using yours and you sleptin my bed.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Maybe I just missed you, kyle you've been sleeping
in my bed and sitting in mytoilet, but I didn't even sit
the entire time I've been goneso.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
So my vice is avoiding an adult responsibility
.
Speaker 1 (38:59):
Okay.
Victory, my victory of the twoweeks, however long it's been,
oh my god, yeah, forever and aday.
Is actually the fact that I wasable to pull off that amazing
Lara Croft costume out ofnowhere, and thank you Out of
nowhere.
Yeah, I mean, I literally hadno plans to do anything.
And then you, you know, piecetogether something that actually
(39:21):
worked between my closet, yourcloset, and the craft value
village craft room and valuevillage and I only spent like
7.99 literally.
So that was great.
I think my advice is that whatI'm, what I've realized about my
encounter with Nola and myfuture ex-husband, is that when
(39:45):
it came to my future ex-husband,I was so immediately attracted
to him and infatuated with him,and his attraction to me also
fueled that even more.
His attraction to me also likefueled that even more and it
(40:05):
literally like put me in thisposition where I had no chill
and I, like was going like amillion miles a minute in my
brain.
You know, flash forward to,like you know, 10 years.
We're married and we have kidsand you know all of these things
down the road and I'm like whatthe fuck is going on in your
brain, kyle, like why, why wouldyou like have those thoughts
(40:28):
and like say them out loud andeveryone fucking thinks that way
, and I've never known yourbrain to work like that.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
so thank you for sharing.
Okay, you're normal.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
But the real advice of it all, I think, is that,
like even after the 9.9 out of10 encounter and bleeding all
over his sheets and like I don'tknow, just like not having the
night live up to the experiencethat I wanted it to be as a
(40:59):
hungry bottom of you know, likeseven days, just like waiting
for that big d, I still havelike these feelings for this
person and it feels like I'mkind of like settling for these,
like little breadcrumbs ofaffection.
You know, there's some kind ofcyclical pattern exactly, which
brings me back to like my ex andthings that I've talked about
(41:20):
on the podcast in the past and Ijust feel like I I gotta like
break the cycle.
You know, and I was actuallyjust listening to like our
dating q a um podcast, yes,hosted by you, which?
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (41:36):
Hosted and Acosted, and I talk so much about those
sort of experiences that I hadwhere I allowed people to
mistreat me or not show up forme in the way that I think I
deserve to be treated, and forsome reason, those are the guys
(41:58):
that I go for, you know like,because that's the level of love
that you think that you deserve.
Exactly.
Anyways, that's kind of myadvice because it's it's hard to
see myself go through like thesame patterns of like
destructive behavior that I'vegone through in the past and and
watch myself as like abystander, like you know,
(42:20):
watching a car wreck happeningand not stopping it from
happening and if anything likekind of you know getting behind
the wheel and hitting the pedaleven faster towards the you know
oncoming traffic.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
The thing that I don't think people that like are
cognizant of with us, thepeople, why people keep
recreating a cycle, is becausethey get to be in control of the
outcome and they know what'sgonna come from it and you are
being so insightful, I'm tellingyou being away hat rack, being
away from people, being awayfrom the dog, the dog in this
(42:56):
house, um, it's really helpedbecause I I told you this and my
gut, my brain, have been verydisconnected yeah and even just
listening to you, like I was.
I've have been processing thingsin real time, like things that
brought, like anxiety orwhatever but, you and not even
to sound like I'm like fuckingbrilliant or like all my
(43:16):
psychology game or whatever.
But it is true, if you thinkabout it like you're not
attracted to this toxic type ofperson, you're attracted to the
outcome because you know whatit's gonna be right.
Speaker 1 (43:28):
I do think sometimes to myself like that, the
anticipation of like being inpain, like I know that that's
where this is leading and I knowthat like I can take it.
You know, isn't that so?
Speaker 2 (43:43):
awful.
No, because you're so sane,you're so hurt, you're so fell.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
I yeah, I'm like it's like it's not for everyone out
there, but I know that I cantake it, because I've taken
worse.
That's why you're the caretaker.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
You would much rather no, because that's why I think
that in my brain you remind me alot of like the stereotypical
like moms is, and I've there'sbeen so many times in my life.
I'm like I wish that this washappening to me, because I know
that I can handle it and I wantto take that pain away from you.
And whether it be a familymember, a sibling, a friend,
whatever 100 and although we maynot have like the healthiest
ways of coping with it, or likeit doesn't not affect us, I just
(44:23):
know that I will get through itand I'm showing you love.
I would much rather take it onfor you, and if I took it away
from you, maybe that proves myworth, that you'll keep being in
your life and keep loving me.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
But Caleb, you're just giving me like more therapy
in the last five minutes thanI've had in my entire life.
I think you just cracked a nut.
I know I did Because I also,but I cracked a lot of nuts this
past weekend, not me, so thisis the best I got, oh God, but I
(44:56):
did want.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
I want to like give you praise, because, hearing
about this trip for you, I justit was so wonderful to hear,
because I'm glad that you got tohave this experience, and I
know that, like on the podcastyou've talked about like, oh,
you've been spending money orlike whatever, or I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:15):
You know we've gone through breakups We've done.
Speaker 2 (45:16):
I don't know We've gone through breakups We've done
.
But you, just to go and havefun with this community proves
to me and I think to you, whichI didn't need any proof that you
are a good person, you do rightby people.
You deserve to have fun.
It's your fucking birth monthand you got to celebrate pride
and face all these anxietieshead on and come back and I got
(45:36):
all the juice and all the tea.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
Yeah, you did.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, I think that's ourepisode for the night, and I
think this could be one of myfavorite.
It's a good one right.
Speaker 2 (45:48):
I'm not going to say that because you spoke more than
me.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
So I'm not going to give you that credit but like
the last few minutes of it wasvery insightful.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Yeah, that's the thing that makes it special.
People keep listening becausethey love the chaos.
All I needed to add to it was Iwas reading an article or
according to psychology research.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
I should have added that and we could have flipped
roles.
Alright, if you want to shareyour Palm Springs pride stories?
No, okay.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
How you bled on someone's bed in their 9.
No, okay, how you bled onsomeone's bed and they're 9.9.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Not inches.
If you want to talk about whyyou're not worthy of love, then
write in.
You found the right place.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
Then write in to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom.
You can find us onunfamouslyunwell on Instagram or
you can click the link in thedescription on Spotify or Apple
Music and send us a text message.
That way, we love to hear fromyou and hear about your stories
and what your victories andvices are of the week, but until
(46:59):
next week we wish you well,just be yourself, bitches,
that's right.
Thanks for listening to anotherepisode of Unfamously Unwell,
the unrated podcast hosted byyour two favorite Seattle
homosexuals on a journey tohigher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along
(47:19):
the way.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUnwell, unrated.
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