October 16, 2024 • 47 mins
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Get ready for a candid trip through our personal alcohol journeys, beginning with some raw confessions. This episode is a spirited exploration of our evolving relationship with alcohol.
Childhood curiosity meets teenage awkwardness as we recount our initial encounters with alcohol, painting a picture of the social dynamics that shaped our perspectives. Join us for laughs about trampoline mishaps and the humor of high school parties, where a crush who later started an OnlyFans adds a touch of nostalgia. These tales aren't just about mischief; they reflect the pressures and expectations surrounding alcohol use during our youth, and how these moments became the stepping stones to our understanding of drinking culture.
But it's not all laughs and cocktails. We tackle the heavier side of alcohol's impact, sharing personal stories of dealing with family alcoholism and the emotional complexities it brings. Recognizing the societal pressures and genetic predispositions to addiction, we discuss the importance of healthier coping mechanisms and professional help. As the episode draws to a close, we reflect on personal victories—like reducing alcohol consumption. Join us in this honest conversation, and feel free to share your own stories as we navigate our journeys toward healthier habits and self-discovery.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hopefully my psychiatric nurse practitioner
is going to be able to solve it.
So we cheers to that, yeah,cheers to alcohol, cheers to
therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Well, that is just Glug, glug, glug, glug.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
That is just going to be just for medications.
She's going to be like girlyou're supposed to come back in
three months.
It's not even been a month.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You know what she's going to say.
Don't mix this with alcohol.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
You're.
You're gonna be like, well,shit too bad.
Yeah, can I mix it with ituntil it?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
kicks in and I don't have to rely on alcohol to fix
my problems.
I want to know what yourfavorite um cocktail is like if
you go to a fancy cocktail barand you order a drink what would
you get not sauvlon?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
secretly, people don't know this about me I love
whiskey that's not surprising atall.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
You're from tennessee .
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I know that, but I never get a whiskey.
I do a wine or vodka sugar-free, but a good, smooth whiskey
drink and the reason I don't dothat Like an old fashioned or
what.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Oh no, manhattan, no Like what.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Whiskey soda.
No, like whiskey, but like theyjazz it up like with a zest,
like an orangey zest or somesort.
That's like an old fashioned.
I don't, but I don't wantstraight, it's like a, it's a
cocktail, not like a boring.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh, okay, you want like a whiskey smash or
something that has like lemonand mint and, ooh, some mint
could be good yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Some mint could be good as well.
No, because I used to be.
All I exclusively used to drinkwere whiskey sours.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
And I'm convinced they caused ulcers and because
because of all the acid.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Yeah, the lemon juice , and that was a sour whiskey
sours well, yeah, whatever thatlemon juice?
Is that what the the sour partis?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
if you go to a fancy place, they use lemons, I don't.
I don't go to a fancy place,they use sweet and sour mix and
I don't go there.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
That's gross I was gonna.
Yeah, that was one of myquestions.
What's your go to?
Ok, so like if you're going outfor drinks like fancier place
and then like when you're outdrinking.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Fancy place, I would say I'm going to get an old
fashioned.
Unless they have like some sortof tiki drink, like I love a
fucking tiki drink, so a mai taior like a jungle bird or
something with an umbrella in it, I'm sold.
But it needs to be like liquorforward and not taste like just
(02:14):
like pineapple juice, like itneeds.
I need to like taste, like thelayers and like the spice and
the complexity.
So, once, what's the likeearliest memory that you have of
people drinking alcohol aroundyou or like being drunk around
you?
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I'm so glad you asked that kyle um, oh no.
I remember my dad used to umdip our when we were teething
and whiskey and it would helpnumb yeah, I've heard that
before.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Actually, my um sister's dad did it to my sister
once because she's like 10years younger than me, and I
remember like crying and sobbing, being like you can't give that
baby alcohol.
It's so bad for her that baby'sa drunk yeah I mean just, she's
still here today thriving, yeahshe seemed to do just fine
maybe maybe it was the whiskey,but I grew up mormon so I didn't
(03:05):
drink and I thought thatalcohol is just so terrible for
you, especially to atwo-year-old that's teething.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
You're going to have such an interesting take growing
up around alcohol, then.
So what's your earliest memoryother than your sister getting
whiskey at six months old?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Oh, probably around six or something like that.
I remember my mom had like agoblet full of wine and I could
tell she was kind of like upset,because normally she didn't
drink um, unless it was like aglass of wine, like if we went
to like a fancy dinner orsomething um, why a six-year-old
(03:43):
was at a fancy dinner, I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
But I was.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Very well, you had champagne taste girl, I did yeah
, I was like another bottle ofplease, but no, she had like a
glass of wine and I asked totaste it and she was like, no,
like this is just for mommy.
And I was like why?
It looks like grape juice, Ilike grape juice.
She's like, no, no, this islike mommy's special grape juice
.
I was like, oh, it looks likegrape juice, I like grape juice.
She's like, no, no, this islike mommy's special grape juice
(04:06):
.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I was like oh, so you want it more.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
No, you just accepted the answer.
Yeah, I wasn't a little bratlike you I was.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I was not this way as a child.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I was well behaved okay, but you don't remember
your like dad putting whiskey onyour no, that's just hearsay no
, so what's like the firstmemory that you have um well, my
parents.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
You know they're young yeah girl.
So my mom had what three kidsabout?
She was 23, so like okay theywould have parties and like
their friends over and stufflike you would do now.
Um.
So I remember very vividlyremembering those being around,
people that were drinking andafter a certain time, like you
know, the more alcohol intake soyou're like 10 years old.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Yeah, then we went to bed like nine or eight or nine
or ten or something like thatyeah and they would have, like
you remember that?
Do you remember them being likedrunk, like hooting and
hollering?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
yes, but my mom's always had such a low tolerance
she could drink a wine.
Cooler is on the floor, yeah.
So, um, yeah, I remember likethem like listening to music.
One time I did come out andthey had broken my trampoline,
and you know how much I love mytrampoline routines in the
morning.
No, imagine me, 7 am okay, timefor chair practice.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Uh-huh, I'm going out to my trampoline no, just like
a big hole in it like they brokewhere it broke from the springs
oh yeah so then I had to getvery specific where I landed,
because I still jumped on it.
It was only like five springsof course it's only like five
springs.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Hey, no one's gonna stop caleb no from jumping that
it from my chair routine I hadto practice I had worlds to
prepare for, right.
Um, so I didn't.
That was my like.
First earliest memory is themhaving parties, but like nothing
, really like sticks out to methat particular that happened.
How old were you when?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
you had your first drink.
That's literally the nextquestion I have for you no,
because I have a follow-upbehind that okay, so do I okay
so do I, so do I.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I have a second follow up.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
after that you don't get to have any more follow ups.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
A follow up to your follow up.
Okay, how old were you when youfirst had your first drink?
I?
Speaker 2 (06:10):
was 18.
Yeah, oh, my God, you're such agood child, yeah.
And it was like so bad.
It was like so taboo.
I felt so awful.
Like in high school some of myfriends had a party and like
everyone got like wasted thereand I drove there because my mom
trusted me.
She's like just don't drink.
(06:30):
I was like of course I'm notgoing to drink, I'm a good
Mormon boy.
Like why would I do that?
And I got there and I maybespent like 20 minutes there and
there was already a girl likealmost passed out, like throwing
up into like a trash can, and Iwas like so terrified to like
be around these people who werelike completely wasted.
But I had like a huge crush onone of these guys and I was just
(06:52):
waiting for him to take hisshirt off because he was like
built so like faking being sowasted, take off your shirt yeah
, sorry I was just drunk yeahwater but I couldn't even like
hang until um took his shirt off.
So I drove home, told my mom allabout it.
I was like, yeah, that wasfucking wild.
I'm never doing that again.
So that spurred me to have myown party.
(07:14):
When my mom went away for theweekend and she just had like
some Kahlua in the fridge andlike some beers and like a
bottle of tequila that after theparty I like refilled, you know
, with water because it was likeBlanco tequila, and so that was
(07:35):
my first drink.
Oh, I think like some brandy.
I think, yeah, brandy was, Ithink, my first drink.
And I was like, okay, this islike fine, not great, but kind
of like burns.
And I definitely didn't getlike drunk because I was like
very like terrified that I wasgoing to become like an
alcoholic after one drink.
But, moral of the story, theguy that I had the big crush on.
(07:56):
He came to my party and he tooka shirt off and got drunk and
played piano with me and woreone of my ties, like so it's
just him shirtless with one ofmy ties on.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I literally was like, okay, everyone needs to leave
so I can jack off you're likewait can I just set like this
video camcorder in front of youbecause that's what you're right
, then, like the whole big setup, yeah, just ignore that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah yeah, and now he has an only fans.
Can you supposedly, supposedly,yeah, is he straight?
Yeah, unfortunate, yeah, himand his yeah, yeah, and now he
has an OnlyFans.
Can you subscribe?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
so I can see it Supposedly, supposedly, yeah, is
he straight yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, him and his wife, I think, have OnlyFans.
Do you think that straight menare great in bed?
I would have no idea.
What was your parents' view onunderage drinking?
Like did they were likeabsolutely not you can it.
Or like would they let you tryif they were drinking it?
Yeah, my parents were actuallyreally appreciated their way
around alcohol when they raisedus.
(08:48):
Is I always because it wasalways the people whose parents
were like so against it.
No drinking who would get themost fucked up, who you would
have to take care of and you'dbe scared for their life when
they're you're out of.
Like underage party drinking.
That would be a mess.
My parents they would let ustry some things if they were
drinking it, but then theyalways had this rule of if you
(09:09):
ever get drunk and you'reunderage, if you call us not,
another word will happen aboutit.
Like we won't get in troublefor it as long as we called them
.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Instead of making a stupid decision, yeah, my mom
told me the same thing and Iactually did have some good
parenting.
I did have to call.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
That's some good parenting.
I did have to.
Actually, she didn't answer.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Because you were drunk.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
No, because my friend .
So this was.
We were in college, so likestill under, it was like our
first year of college and myfriend is drinking.
Is it Bacardi Rum?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What was it Started with a,it'd be bur, whatever, it
(09:48):
doesn't matter, but she wasdrinking it.
It was red and she got fuckedup.
So we literally finally gettingthe uber to go to the bar and
she's like I'm gonna throw up.
And so she throws open the door.
We're in a lifted truck andlike she starts to fall.
I'd literally grabbed her byher pants or her face didn't
smack the ground, oh my god.
Then my other friends they werehaving fun, so I was like y'all
go ahead, I will, um, take careof her.
We had to walk all the way backup this hill.
(10:08):
She starts vomiting red I forgotthat she had drink red liquor.
So I'm freaking the fuck outblood yeah, and then I called my
mom and I'm like she was likeit sounds like alcohol poisoning
.
I was like what do I do?
Because, like she was like notthere and it's so interesting
that it came, this story came up, or this, this topic came up.
It wasn't even correlation,because I found videos.
(10:30):
Uh, it's literally 10 years agofrom yesterday that I had my
first drink.
Um, when I was 16 and I was atthe, the boyfriend's best
friend's house, their parentswere out of town and they it was
just like the four of us thatwe were drinking and like
playing water pong, because Idon't drink beer.
I think it was like just vodkamixed with something.
(10:50):
Really, you know, like whenyou're young, like you do
something like that's fruity asfuck and ask it and the my
mannerisms and everything elseas we're playing.
So similar to how I act, I think, now when I'm out drinking and
that's my first exposure toactually getting drunk and the
(11:11):
first drink I remember having 16which then led me to getting my
fake ID the same year.
Because you wanted to drink more?
Well, no, because I wanted todo it somewhere like where you
could dance or where you couldgo and drink, and we used to
have this place called SassyAnn's.
We called it Sassy's, athree-story house that they
(11:32):
turned into a club, and it wasthe only bar that would take our
fake ID, ordered it on theinternet.
It was called ID God.
The publisher didn't sharetheir name, but you would send
them a photo and you get to pickwhere you're from.
Mine was some kentucky,bardstown, um, and it was.
It would scan, but it lookedfake as fuck.
I'll have to show you.
(11:53):
I have it upstairs, okay, andwe'd go to sassy ann's and it
was like a gay straight.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
It was just like more of like an open type club bar,
um so, but it was like a mixedcrowd of like there were gay
people yeah, there were gaypeople.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
they were like young professionals that would go
there because it just is thisall like weird, like Victorian
style house, like had all theseseparated rooms?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
It sounds cool.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It was actually.
I want someone to open it up sobadly and it was just.
It was always just a blast.
They poured heavy drinks forlike six or $7.
And those were the days.
Yeah, so drank with them forthe first time and then got my
fake id and went to that barwith them for the first time.
It was my first drinking andbar experience, like within a
couple months at 16.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
were they already over 21 or they also had fake
ids already?
Speaker 1 (12:38):
well, if I was, uh, they still had fake ids.
But then I remember celebratingthere with them for their 21st.
I never had a fake ID, never,ever.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
No, I just didn't care to.
I didn't have my first sip ofalcohol until I was 18.
And then I was like, well,might as well just wait a couple
more years and then I can if Iwant to.
And I studied abroad in Londonwhen I was 19, so I could drink
legally there.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
What's their drinking age 18.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, really, and boy did I drink.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Is this the whole time?
Like Gaga, all of that.
You were there for like whatsix?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
months, three months For nine, 10 months.
But I never had a fake ID.
But I'm also because I'm bornin November.
I was always the oldest in myclass so I never felt like
pressure from other, like havinglike older friends that like
wanted to go out to the bar andstuff with me.
I mean, in college we, after Igot back from London, we had our
(13:40):
own apartment and one of myroommates was like the events
chair for his fraternity so wejust had, like you you know,
parties at our house and wealways got invited to frat
parties and that kind of stuffpopular if anything.
What?
What happened was, like thatfriend that I'm talking about,
um, he would borrow my id once Iwas 21, because he was almost a
(14:02):
year younger than me, and Iwould get into, like the gay
bars in west hollywood, and thenI would walk out to the patio,
handed my id, and then he woulduse my id to get in to the bar
before he was 21 clever.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, and you know, they can always tell absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
But you know two twinkie little gay boys and we
are both like blondish and buthe was like probably five inches
shorter than me, so it's like,but he had to, you know,
memorize my address and that Iwas a Sagittarius and I had to
like quiz him on me which isprobably why we're still really
good friends because I was likeyou really know me, you're gonna
become me oh yeah happybirthday?
(14:42):
yeah, I want to remember becauseyour id my friend who is now my
financial advisor.
He was younger, he was like ayear younger than us and he
wanted to get a fake id and sohe went to like echo park
because apparently there's someguy there that like will do it
for you, um, and he got his maidand he showed it to me.
He was so proud when he got itand I looked at it and I was
(15:03):
like that looks so fake.
Fake ids look fake as fuck,yeah, like I was like how much
did you pay for that?
That's not worth it.
And he used it once at like agay bar and it got taken away
immediately.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
See, I would only ever use it.
I didn't try it just anywhere,because fuck that.
And then there was one liquorstore that I knew would always
take it.
So then I always stuck to that.
I was not willing or ballsyenough to try it.
And because the other popularplace people kept trying, it was
at the Cotton Eye Joe, which isa line dancing bar Mm-hmm.
But the bouncers were KnoxCounty Sheriff's officers which
(15:38):
my dad was a cop.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And so I was like I'm not even going to try that.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
And they would put like do you remember like the
big X's they put on your hands,like when you're underage?
Speaker 2 (15:50):
oh, I've, I heard about that, but I never, yeah,
had to experience it oh yeah,because you didn't.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, girl drinking underage?
No um, did you ever go tocollege?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
drink the like big drink in london is called a
snake bite.
It's cider and black currantliqueur.
It's disgusting but everyoneordered that.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
What does that even taste like?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Black currant.
It's almost like blackberrywith kind of like a licorice-y
flavor to it.
I don't know it's very uniqueand not very good, but the drink
was kind of like this pinkyfuchsia color, so it was pretty.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Oh, I would say that would sell me on it.
Yeah, yeah, I do likeblackberry, but such a fun story
about.
I was of age then.
But it's not peppermintschnapps, it's, oh, rumple mints
.
Yeah, so you know, I loveAltoids.
I love peppermint.
Oh, my God, it's my favorite.
Where are your Altoids?
They're behind you, they're myfavorite.
(16:58):
Peppermint is my favorite scentflavor experience because it
tingles and I had never had itbefore.
And someone's like joking.
I was like okay, and I had comefrom work, I worked, got off at
seven, everyone else wasdrinking.
I did three of them back toback.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
You know that it's like 50 proof instead of 40
proof.
Well, I wish.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I knew that.
Yep, I got trashed.
Literally went to the toilet orthe bathroom to pee, fell
asleep Dick in my hand at theurinal Head against the wall.
They had to come like.
The manager came and got myfriends.
They're like, hey, like heprobably should leave, we go to
(17:37):
another bar and these were alladults.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
This was adults.
I was like playing softball andI was working as a nurse then
yeah, isn't it funny how italways hits you when you go pee?
And you like check yourself inthe mirror, you know, and you're
like, oh wow, I'm kind ofwobbly.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I think that's what does it.
Yeah, it's like oh my god,that's me, yeah, that's me.
I don't feel that way.
But I look that way, fuck yeah,um, and then we can go to the
next bar and I'm like trash,trash, like couldn't even stand
up, so they sent me into my.
I was staying with my friends.
They sent me back to theirhouse grown adult man remember
this and somehow managed to getin the house.
(18:10):
The uber driver had to likeshake me.
It was like get out of my car.
I was like, okay, kyle, Ihadn't known them very long.
Do you know what I had to tellthem the next morning?
That you pissed the bed.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I sure the experience is like it's very sticky hard
to get off but luckily, luckily,I was the first one that did
this.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
In all their guest bedrooms they had like mattress
protectors you this?
You weren't the first person,apparently not.
Wow, okay, but there's nothingelse to do in tennessee so a lot
of people drink.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
But thank god, I was like I'm not buying my mattress,
I just became, I just got itfor my first job, like well, I
can't do all it was all this isgoing on, you're still like
soaking wet then when you wakeup in the morning, because
you're like literally sitting ina pool of your own pee face
down jeans still on, yeah I haveto leave, okay.
One time, um in london, myroommate at the time got so
(19:05):
drunk he stood up in the middleof the night and whipped out his
dick and just started pissingon the carpet and I woke up to
the sound of like the whizzing,like hitting and splattering on
the carpet and I was like that'snot the bathroom, that's not
the fucking bathroom.
And I like grabbed his dick andcome with me, yeah, and I like
(19:29):
led him to the bathroom so hecould like finish, like keep
pulling him by his ear and likeput down a bunch of paper towels
and I was like you know, youcan fucking deal with this in
the morning, but the the nose init.
Yeah, the funniest part is thatwhen I came back from london, I
lived on campus over the summerand I had a roommate and the.
(19:50):
We were on the bottom floor andthe sprinklers would come on at
like four o'clock in themorning.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And I would like have this ptsd response when I heard
the sprinklers go on at fouro'clock in the morning and I
start screaming my oldroommate's name because I
thought that he was like peeingin the middle of the night, but
it was just the sprinklers goingon outside the window I want to
start playing that, no, I'mgonna set your life so to start
doing that and then you justwant to start screaming so rude
(20:18):
you have, honestly, you have tocome back to knoxville just
because my friends back home themost wild stories like there's
a guy that has done that, pissedin the closet with the fan on,
pissed in all of his shoes yeah,better than shitting.
You know my guess yeah, there'sbeen people who's pissed in the
corner at some of my friendshouse like my friends are wild.
(20:40):
That doesn't sound fun anymore.
No, it is because you get todigest.
You get to digest it the nextday, no, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yes, girl, we have enough drama that happens to us
when we don't get pissed drunk.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
No, but it's funny because it doesn't happen to you
and, like all, all of them,they can laugh about it, about
themselves doing it but thenlike, even if you're messy or
whatever, no one like holds itagainst you the next day, okay
at what point in your, in yourfriendship, do you say you have
a problem?
Is this a fucking intervention?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I wouldn't say that to any of my friends hurry up
and drink that last glass ofwine, because that's your last
one.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Caleb, don't attack me right now, because you're not
ready to throw this microphoneuh, honestly, none of our world
know, because there was two sidefriends that got had.
They had to be escorted intheir band from Marriott because
they got into such a brawl theywere dating at the time like
broke the TV, they smashed theTV on each other's head a lamp.
So maybe that was probably theyshould quit.
(21:38):
But we all still got tickled bytheir stories and their
experience.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Have you heard of the phrase dick drunk when you have
limp dick?
No oh that's whiskey dick.
Dick drunk is like when you'relike flirting with someone and
you know you're like reallydrunk, but you don't feel as
drunk because there's like apotential that you could like
hook up with someone, and ifthat person wasn't there, you'd
be like oh, I'm going home, I'mlike so fucking drunk, but
(22:06):
you're dick drunk, so you'relike okay, this is fine, I'm
just gonna have another drink.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
What's the wildest story that you like had to have
taken care of someone, likewhile you're out drinking or
like what you've seen.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Okay.
So this is the same person.
That was my college roommate.
That was the events chair, um,for his fraternity.
We went to Vegas together withall of our college roommates and
he got so blackout drunk onenight that, as we're like
walking to like go to a club, hejust like takes off running and
(22:38):
everyone like stops and is likewhat the fuck, where is he
going?
I chase after him because I'mlike I don't want you to die, or
like run out into the middle ofthe street.
Well, he runs into the bellagiofucking parking lot and starts
just like tearing down theparking lot.
The security guards startchasing after him because
they're like who is this guy?
I'm like, okay, I just need totake a little break because I've
(22:59):
been running.
So I pop the door open to aferrari because it's just open
and, um, there's like a pack ofcigarettes in the car.
So I light up a cigarette.
I'm just smoking a cigarette ina ferrari in the bellagio
parking lot.
You're smoking in the car,uh-huh, yeah, I've also had a
couple drinks.
So then I see him running backtowards the like exit where he
(23:21):
ran in and then I go runningafter him.
He is being held by like twoguys, one on each arm.
He sees me, rips his hands outof their arms and runs out of
the parking lot and I run afterhim.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
I thought you were going to tell me he got into the
fountains.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
No, but that would be fun too.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
What is with you and these fancy cars?
You first got Aston MartinBecause they're not that fancy.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Team yeah, do you have any alcoholism in your
family?
Speaker 1 (23:54):
yeah, my biological father.
What is?
Because he probably stilldrinks uh yeah, yeah, he and
then my nana's dad, I think arethe only two like that would
that I would know of.
Like I think Nana had likeaunts, uncles or whatever on the
other sides of their family, orlike, if my dad did, I don't
(24:16):
know them, but those yeah, thosetwo.
Um, so my biological father, meand my older brother share a dad
.
There's four of us siblings.
My younger brother has aseparate dad and my sister's dad
is our dad.
Now my mom is married and hethey got married when they were
super young.
Like she dropped out of college, got married and it was an hour
(24:40):
and a half away from home, buthe was an alcoholic.
And I actually called my momtoday because I vaguely remember
hearing stories through.
Do you ever have that likewhere you think you're
remembering a story correctlybut you can't be sure?
And so I called her and I wasjust asking her about like her
experience, like you know, beingmarried to an alcoholic,
(25:00):
because I've heard like horrorstories and stuff and some of
the things.
Like I asked her, um, luckily Itook notes.
Um, so I think at first, when,obviously when they got married,
like he wasn't an alcoholic ordrunk, but then the thing that
I've learned just by talking toher and my nana is a very, very
(25:20):
common and I know it can bewomen too but back in tennessee
men would become drunks becausethey didn't how else to process
emotions, feelings or whatever.
Yeah, I think it's a bigproblem in general yeah, in
general that's just my exposureand assumptions from where I was
Idon't want to generalize any
anyone else or any otherlocations and started like
(25:41):
becoming abusive to her, whichluckily I like she was pregnant.
I think I was born while theywere still together, but like
there's, there's only ever beenlike my older brother, mom and
dad or bio dad and my mom, thatlike that was a family.
I don't, I don't think I waslike maybe just a few months old
, so I was never really in thepicture there but uh, you don't
(26:02):
really remember your biologicaldad ever being there.
No, I'll.
I remember having to meet himat eight whenever we got adopted
by my current dad, but Iremember nothing about him.
what he looked like, um,anything I'll show you on
Facebook.
Yeah, um, yeah, so he wasreally abusive.
And then I called my mom andasked her like if she would be
(26:25):
comfortable sharing about it andshe was.
She would just talk about howlike he would just become such a
different person and he wouldhave all these emotions or
things to process.
Then he would drink to numbthem, but then the emotion still
came out as anger because thatthat makes sense.
And so, um, I remember hersharing like some of the like
(26:48):
abuse that he would do, and theone that sticks out in my head
is you know, I can't keep tune.
worth the shit it's because Ihave nerve damage in one of my
ears because she told me likewhenever she was pregnant with
me, who's of course beingabusive?
And she would like protect herstomach and take the abuse,
(27:09):
because you know, to protect meand I think one time I had to
hit her in the stomach orsomething and they think that's
what the correlation is for thenerve damage, because I went to
speech and hearing and there'slike no other, like genetic
anomalies or whatever so you'vereally been like affected by
alcoholism yeah, because I can'tsing no or here right, no, I
(27:30):
the reason it makes me soemotional.
I was when I was 16 and firstlike realizing that I was gay.
Um, I remember like talking tosome, like you know, like the
internet, like connecting withsomeone else who happens to be
gay, like they were my age backwhen, like kick was the thing
(27:50):
you probably don't know whatthat is.
It's like a messaging thing, no, and I was like trying to like
work up the courage to come outto her and I thought I was going
to disappoint her so much bycoming out and being gay and all
I could keep picturing is shewould would take a beating and
(28:10):
protect me while I'm not evenborn yet in her belly.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Because she loved me so much.
How, and I don't know why, Icorrelated them in my brain.
It's like how could I come outto her as gay and risk
disappointing her?
Yeah, when she loved me so muchto protect me, and then I
couldn't do this one thing ofjust being straight?
Speaker 2 (28:31):
yeah, and I don't know again, I don't know why
they correlated so much in mybrain I have like a reframe for
you if you want to hear it yeah,the first thing that came to
mind for me when you said thatwas if my mom loved me so much
to endure beatings from aalcoholic, then why would being
(28:57):
gay change her feelings about menow?
Speaker 1 (29:04):
I think it's because she's already been so let down
and disappointed by people sheloved that I just didn't want to
add to that.
And she never.
Let's be clear, she didn't makeme feel that way, like it was
the yeah, I know own thing.
I put on it, I put it on in mybrain and he would just do such
awful things to her.
Yeah, and what's crazy is likea few stories go along with that
(29:29):
.
Like he, I remember he tied mybrother to a tree this is a
story that I heard, I don'tremember it and like in front of
this dog there was like changeup and it's made my brother like
deathly afraid of dogs for mostof his life.
I remember that like as a child, him being afraid of dogs and
did you think that was funny orhe was just being mean.
(29:52):
He loved to just be mean, oh mygod, and obviously, and like we
beat the fuck out of my mom.
And then like my youngerbrother, and luckily I was like
an infant or a baby in her bellyor like an infant, and so
anytime mom would go to work theNana would be off a week at a
time.
Nana would come get my brotherbecause mom didn't trust her
(30:12):
husband to be alone with himRight To raise him.
Yikes, I just I'm so curiousjust on that.
What little I've've shared sofar, like the psychology of mom
staying with the man that'sabusing her, the psychology of
drinking, like do you have anythoughts?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
or like well before psychology, alcoholism was
really treated as like awillpower thing, like if you can
just stop, then you should juststop.
Know, like if you have a familyto take care of, if you have
responsibilities, if it'snegatively impacting your job,
(30:53):
and if you don't like the personthat you are when you're
drinking, then why don't youjust stop?
You know, like that's just kindof like the logical thing that,
like you would do if youweren't an alcoholic, and
psychology treatment foraddiction is really more like a
(31:13):
psychosis.
So you have a physiologicaldependence on a substance and,
whether that's, you know,alcohol or nicotine or you know
some sort of drugs, your bodycraves it and needs it and you
(31:34):
literally cannot functionwithout it, which is why, like
detoxing is so difficult.
I think that there's anotherlayer to it that most people
like don't get into.
But it's hard to avoid alcoholLike we're talking about, like
growing up and seeing ourfamilies drinking I mean minus
(31:55):
me, because I was Mormon, reallybut it's always around.
We're in college and everyone'sdrinking.
We're getting fake IDs so wecan drink.
Every social outing that wehave involves alcohol, and so
it's like really hard to avoid,and the social pressures to
drink constantly are all aroundus all the time and there's
(32:20):
advertisements for it and theymake it look really pretty.
But when someone's pissing onyour floor at two o'clock in the
morning it's not really thatglamorous, you know.
And when it causes someone toturn into another being, that's
violent against their partnerand against their unborn child,
(32:44):
that's problematic in so manylevels, you know.
But my family, you know, has alot of addiction and or history
of addiction and alcoholism.
My grandma was an alcoholic butshe was sober like for the
entire time that you know I grewup with with her.
But I heard the crazieststories growing up of her just
(33:07):
being like wasted and we hadthis big backyard, um up on the
hills in sonoma and we had thislike a big ivy patch that I
would like go exploring in and Iwould find these like double
old-fashioned glasses that shewould just like have thrown in
there from like a decade agobecause she was so like drunk
(33:29):
off her ass.
And my cousin, who lost her momto alcoholism, also lost her
dad to addiction.
But families are literally liketorn apart over alcoholism and
it's funny to like talk aboutthe stories you know that we've
been talking about today, but Ialways have to check myself and
(33:51):
my mom is so good.
I know it's like really annoying, but every so often when I tell
her I'm going to a party orthis, that and the other, she
always reminds me like that Ireally shouldn't be drinking.
Other, she always reminds melike that I really shouldn't be
drinking.
Like no amount of alcohol isreally good for you, and more
and more research is coming out.
I know that, like everyone hassaid, that a glass of wine a day
(34:13):
is just fine, and I thinkeveryone's body is different and
it deals with alcoholdifferently.
But at the end of the day, it'slike a poison and it's it's
really not very good for you.
So I guess that leads me to myquestion to you, caleb, about
what you feel like yourrelationship with alcohol is now
I'll be real and I use wine tocope, and I know you know that.
(34:38):
No, you're not alone I mean, youjust said it earlier.
You're like men in yourhometown use alcohol to cope
with the feelings that they'redealing with and they don't want
to have to process.
That's what you just said.
So you know the apple doesn'tfall far from the tree, like at
a certain point.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
you learned how to do that, I know because I'm like
sitting here talking about howawful people were when they were
drinking, like I don't want tobe like them and I think I'll be
honest, it's been a crutch forme in social settings when I've
had social anxiety and I'm soafraid of becoming these awful
(35:21):
men that have mistreated my momand my Nana, these awful men
that have mistreated, you know,my mom and my nana, and I know
that I have the power to stopthat and I I don't think I have
a drinking problem yet, but Ithink that if I keep going on
the path that I'm going, then Iwill yeah, that's's.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
The other thing that psychology has shown is that it
is genetic, and if your parentsor people that you're related to
have dealt with that in thepast, that it's going to be even
harder for you, and that's whatmy mom always reminds me too.
It's like this runs in thefamily.
Don't let it get out of controlme too.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
It's like this runs in the family, like don't let it
get out of control.
Yeah, and I feel a lot of shamethat I have, you know, wine
every single night, but there'sa huge part of me that thinks
that if I didn't that, I wouldbe at the lowest point that I've
ever been.
Thank you for pushing me,because you know I'm going to
see the psychiatrist, you know,to help with anxiety, but it, it
, it brings this, it almost is.
(36:28):
It's allowing caleb to come outoutside of, out of all the
darkness, and I don't know, Idon't god, I just are having a
lot of emotions you've felt likeum you've had control over it,
but now you feel like it hascontrol over you and now I can
go without.
It is what I tell myself.
But to be able to do the thingsthat I have like commitment
(36:50):
towards, or if I want to go out,have plans with someone, like
needing it, like I have neverfelt this much pressure or
internal shame, or just likefrustrations with work, or just
this monumental, just shit ontop of me.
And I'm trying to because Ijust it.
Oh, I just equated toimmaturity, like, oh, why can't
(37:13):
you handle a stressful job?
Like why can't you just show upand do it?
Or why do you have to keepbitching about it?
Or why can't you go makefriends?
Or why are you having socialanxiety?
Why are you?
I don't know and I can't, andI'm just trying to figure it out
and that's the thing that'shelped me like calm my brain and
enough to be able to slowlychip away at it, which is I
don't know how to do that makesense.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I mean.
At the end of the day, alcoholis a depressant, and the fact
that you're relying on adepressant to make you feel less
depressed or less anxiousdoesn't make any sense.
If anything, it's making thingsworse.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
And I just feel shame for doing it.
But then it just adds like alayer of For doing what?
For drinking wine every night.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
I've literally never thought about it until just now,
when you told me that you thinkit's a crutch and you don't
want to do it and you're usingit to cope think it's a crutch
and you don't want to do it andyou're using it to cope and it's
a problem for you.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
You saw how many questions and stuff and how so
excited about this podcast andlike I was, I've been in therapy
and like I've had to give up somuch because of this fucking
job and it just puts a lot ofpressure that I don't want.
But I don't want to seem like Ican't handle it.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
I have a good reframe for you.
Your job is a toxic environmentand that's not a problem that
you need to take on to fix.
If anything, you're reallysmart and you're really
resilient and you see problems.
You know five steps ahead ofthe people that you're working
(38:52):
with and you show up and youcall those problems out to them.
But the fact that you can seeall of these things and you can
see solutions to them and thefact that you get frustrated
with the fact that no one thereis taking any of those steps or
supporting you to take thosesteps, to make those decisions
to fix a toxic culture, is notyour fault, is not your problem.
(39:15):
And if you need to removeyourself from that toxic culture
, then, if anything, it showshow smart and resilient and how
unappreciated you are in yourcurrent job.
It doesn't mean that you're afailure.
It doesn't mean that you aren'tshowing up to work to your
highest level of performance.
It means that you're smarterthan everyone else in the room
(39:39):
and you're more emotionallyintelligent than everyone else
in the room and that you're morestrategic than everyone else in
the room and that you're morestrategic than everyone else in
the room and I wish that you sawthat, because I see that in you
.
Okay, we gotta move on, wegotta wrap up wrap up.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Jesus, I'll be talking.
What about you?
We didn't talk about.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I talked a lot okay, then let's do our victory and
vice to close things out, youyou want me to start?
Yeah, okay, my victory, whichis very on brand for this
episode, is that I saw a moviethis week called the Substance.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Is this what they just?
Patrick, just tagged you onInstagram story.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Yeah, patrick, who I went to P-Town with.
He loves horror movies.
I love horror movies andthere's a new demi more movie
called the substance where sheshe's like a aging actress in
hollywood.
She has her own like jazzercisekind of class and she gets
fired and then she gets in a caraccident the day that she gets
(40:43):
fired and she winds up in ahospital and this nurse slips
her this um usb stick, she plugsit into her tv and this video
pops up and it tells her aboutthe substance, where she can
like be young again, like deathbecomes her.
So she gets this substance andit makes like a younger clone of
(41:06):
herself.
Basically, that then becomesthe replacement for her
jazzercise show and the thingsthat happen after that.
I mean, it's the most gory,gruesome, like terrifying movie.
That's like oh, like two hourslong.
But I've never been on the edgeof my seat for a horror movie
like that ever in my entire life.
(41:27):
It was wild.
Four and a half out of fivestars.
I'm sold, yeah, so definitelycheck that out.
Great movie, um, and just likea ton of great commentary on
like what it means to be a womanin hollywood or just like to be
a victim of, like the male gazein the patriarchy that we live
in.
(41:49):
Okay, my vice is for this weekis going to be alcohol, so I am
going to challenge myself.
You can come along with me,caleb, if you want, but no
pressure, um, to just drink less.
Now, this is going to be reallydifficult because I work in
wine and I have to drink less.
Now, this is going to be reallydifficult because I work in
wine and I have to drink for aliving, but my goal is to, like,
(42:11):
spit more.
I know I would never say thatotherwise, but I'm going to spit
more and drink less, and soI'll report back next week on
how.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
I'm doing, yeah, I'm going gonna finish my box of
friends, yep there you go ready,there you go.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Okay, I love that.
Okay, caleb, what's yourvictory advice this week?
Speaker 1 (42:31):
I'm going to my vice is something a little sad, but I
just want to share.
I'm oh my god, this has justbeen caleb's sad episode.
Um, unfortunately, um our, myfamily's dog of 17 years had to
be put to sleep two days ago I'msorry um, I appreciate that I
really don't have affinity foranimals, but this is what is so
(42:55):
interesting this, this animal wegot, and we've always had like
five or six dogs growing up andfor some reason they're never
the type of people like to givean animal away once they adopted
or paid for it or anything likethat, but like I don't remember
if it was a conflict withanother dog or there was just
something, and so like they gaveit to a very good friend or
something like that.
I remember I prayed and I don'tknow, I'm not a believer in the
(43:18):
good lord right now, but Iprayed.
I was like please bring the dogback.
The dog bit the people.
They gave it to me.
We got the dog back oh my godher name was lily because we had
a dog, montana, like hannahmontana.
So then we chose the name, herlily.
That's cute and I remember likemom called me the other day and
they always kept referring itto her as my dog because I
(43:41):
prayed for her to come back andthen I even tried to take her.
Whenever I moved my firstapartment I was like the last
thing I want to do at 5 am istake out an animal.
So that's been my vice, andeven though it's not a vice or a
crutch or anything, but it'sjust been there for my mom
during that, so I'm glad thatshe got to be put down
(44:01):
peacefully.
That she got to be put downpeacefully, and my victory has
been how much I've been enjoyingbedazzling oh my god.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
You have been bedazzling Like a jewel thief.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I mean truly Uncut gems and the possibilities, and
what I love is I have like fourdifferent active bedazzle
projects right now.
Of course, why not?
Speaker 2 (44:24):
five.
Well, I did buy another one.
I'm just active, bedazzleprojects right now, of course,
why not five?
Speaker 1 (44:27):
Well, I did buy another one, but I like the idea
, like my Altoids cans loveAltoids.
Um, my Adderall bottle, I'mbedazzling that.
Um, I started oh maybe I dohave five Cause I started
bedazzling uh, a lid to a candlethat I want you to put a candle
in, oh yeah, and so like I'vejust really because it's been
such a great way to wind downwhen I'm in the bed instead of
(44:49):
like on my phone or TikTok.
So I'm like I like TV on andbeen bedazzling and I cannot
wait.
Wait, maybe when this, by thetime this episode comes out, I
can have my medication bottledone.
I'll post it.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Oh, good call.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Good call.
So yeah, that's been.
My victory is I'm stillmanaging to find time for like
creativity and crafting, and itbrings me so much joy I'm like
Kyle.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Look at this, Look at this.
He does Look at this.
Look, I did one more row.
Look at one more row.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
I did, and so after we wrap this up, I will go
continue working on it.
But yeah, that's my victory.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Well, that's the episode this week.
Folks, thanks for tuning in.
We want to hear your victoryand vices, so shoot us an email
to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcomor follow us on Instagram at
unfamouslyunwell.
We also want to challengeeveryone out there to reach out
to one other or two otherfriends that they think that
would enjoy the show and justsend them a link or send them a
text message with um one of ourepisodes, something that
(45:48):
resonates with you or resonateswith them, and and also feel
free to join in on our notdrinking through the week
starting Monday.
Yeah, we would love to hear yourstories of not drinking, how it
makes you feel, Um, or if youdo go binge drinking.
We also really want to hearabout that.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
If you end up in a bush.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
We definitely want to hear about that.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Zach, and if that's you baby, give us a call.
I want to know.
I want to know how you're doing.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Number was 0, 9, 7, 2 .
Oh fuck, we're so funny.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Yeah, all oh fuck, we're so funny.
Yeah, all right.
Well, until next week.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
We wish you well, that's even funnier, okay, okay,
until next week we wish youwell, drink up bitches thanks
for listening to another episodeof unfamously unwell, the
unrated podcast hosted by yourtwo favorite seattle homosexuals
on a journey to higher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along
(46:49):
the way.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUn.
Hopefully my psychiatric nurse practitioner
is going to be able to solve it.
So we cheers to that, yeah,cheers to alcohol, cheers to
therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Well, that is just Glug, glug, glug, glug.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
That is just going to be just for medications.
She's going to be like girlyou're supposed to come back in
three months.
It's not even been a month.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You know what she's going to say.
Don't mix this with alcohol.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
You're.
You're gonna be like, well,shit too bad.
Yeah, can I mix it with ituntil it?
Speaker 2 (00:28):
kicks in and I don't have to rely on alcohol to fix
my problems.
I want to know what yourfavorite um cocktail is like if
you go to a fancy cocktail barand you order a drink what would
you get not sauvlon?
Speaker 1 (00:36):
secretly, people don't know this about me I love
whiskey that's not surprising atall.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
You're from tennessee .
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I know that, but I never get a whiskey.
I do a wine or vodka sugar-free, but a good, smooth whiskey
drink and the reason I don't dothat Like an old fashioned or
what.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Oh no, manhattan, no Like what.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Whiskey soda.
No, like whiskey, but like theyjazz it up like with a zest,
like an orangey zest or somesort.
That's like an old fashioned.
I don't, but I don't wantstraight, it's like a, it's a
cocktail, not like a boring.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Oh, okay, you want like a whiskey smash or
something that has like lemonand mint and, ooh, some mint
could be good yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Some mint could be good as well.
No, because I used to be.
All I exclusively used to drinkwere whiskey sours.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
And I'm convinced they caused ulcers and because
because of all the acid.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Yeah, the lemon juice , and that was a sour whiskey
sours well, yeah, whatever thatlemon juice?
Is that what the the sour partis?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
if you go to a fancy place, they use lemons, I don't.
I don't go to a fancy place,they use sweet and sour mix and
I don't go there.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
That's gross I was gonna.
Yeah, that was one of myquestions.
What's your go to?
Ok, so like if you're going outfor drinks like fancier place
and then like when you're outdrinking.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Fancy place, I would say I'm going to get an old
fashioned.
Unless they have like some sortof tiki drink, like I love a
fucking tiki drink, so a mai taior like a jungle bird or
something with an umbrella in it, I'm sold.
But it needs to be like liquorforward and not taste like just
(02:14):
like pineapple juice, like itneeds.
I need to like taste, like thelayers and like the spice and
the complexity.
So, once, what's the likeearliest memory that you have of
people drinking alcohol aroundyou or like being drunk around
you?
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I'm so glad you asked that kyle um, oh no.
I remember my dad used to umdip our when we were teething
and whiskey and it would helpnumb yeah, I've heard that
before.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Actually, my um sister's dad did it to my sister
once because she's like 10years younger than me, and I
remember like crying and sobbing, being like you can't give that
baby alcohol.
It's so bad for her that baby'sa drunk yeah I mean just, she's
still here today thriving, yeahshe seemed to do just fine
maybe maybe it was the whiskey,but I grew up mormon so I didn't
(03:05):
drink and I thought thatalcohol is just so terrible for
you, especially to atwo-year-old that's teething.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
You're going to have such an interesting take growing
up around alcohol, then.
So what's your earliest memoryother than your sister getting
whiskey at six months old?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Oh, probably around six or something like that.
I remember my mom had like agoblet full of wine and I could
tell she was kind of like upset,because normally she didn't
drink um, unless it was like aglass of wine, like if we went
to like a fancy dinner orsomething um, why a six-year-old
(03:43):
was at a fancy dinner, I don'tknow.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
But I was.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Very well, you had champagne taste girl, I did yeah
, I was like another bottle ofplease, but no, she had like a
glass of wine and I asked totaste it and she was like, no,
like this is just for mommy.
And I was like why?
It looks like grape juice, Ilike grape juice.
She's like, no, no, this islike mommy's special grape juice
.
I was like, oh, it looks likegrape juice, I like grape juice.
She's like, no, no, this islike mommy's special grape juice
(04:06):
.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I was like oh, so you want it more.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
No, you just accepted the answer.
Yeah, I wasn't a little bratlike you I was.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
I was not this way as a child.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I was well behaved okay, but you don't remember
your like dad putting whiskey onyour no, that's just hearsay no
, so what's like the firstmemory that you have um well, my
parents.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
You know they're young yeah girl.
So my mom had what three kidsabout?
She was 23, so like okay theywould have parties and like
their friends over and stufflike you would do now.
Um.
So I remember very vividlyremembering those being around,
people that were drinking andafter a certain time, like you
know, the more alcohol intake soyou're like 10 years old.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Yeah, then we went to bed like nine or eight or nine
or ten or something like thatyeah and they would have, like
you remember that?
Do you remember them being likedrunk, like hooting and
hollering?
Speaker 1 (05:04):
yes, but my mom's always had such a low tolerance
she could drink a wine.
Cooler is on the floor, yeah.
So, um, yeah, I remember likethem like listening to music.
One time I did come out andthey had broken my trampoline,
and you know how much I love mytrampoline routines in the
morning.
No, imagine me, 7 am okay, timefor chair practice.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Uh-huh, I'm going out to my trampoline no, just like
a big hole in it like they brokewhere it broke from the springs
oh yeah so then I had to getvery specific where I landed,
because I still jumped on it.
It was only like five springsof course it's only like five
springs.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Hey, no one's gonna stop caleb no from jumping that
it from my chair routine I hadto practice I had worlds to
prepare for, right.
Um, so I didn't.
That was my like.
First earliest memory is themhaving parties, but like nothing
, really like sticks out to methat particular that happened.
How old were you when?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
you had your first drink.
That's literally the nextquestion I have for you no,
because I have a follow-upbehind that okay, so do I okay
so do I, so do I.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
I have a second follow up.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
after that you don't get to have any more follow ups.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
A follow up to your follow up.
Okay, how old were you when youfirst had your first drink?
I?
Speaker 2 (06:10):
was 18.
Yeah, oh, my God, you're such agood child, yeah.
And it was like so bad.
It was like so taboo.
I felt so awful.
Like in high school some of myfriends had a party and like
everyone got like wasted thereand I drove there because my mom
trusted me.
She's like just don't drink.
(06:30):
I was like of course I'm notgoing to drink, I'm a good
Mormon boy.
Like why would I do that?
And I got there and I maybespent like 20 minutes there and
there was already a girl likealmost passed out, like throwing
up into like a trash can, and Iwas like so terrified to like
be around these people who werelike completely wasted.
But I had like a huge crush onone of these guys and I was just
(06:52):
waiting for him to take hisshirt off because he was like
built so like faking being sowasted, take off your shirt yeah
, sorry I was just drunk yeahwater but I couldn't even like
hang until um took his shirt off.
So I drove home, told my mom allabout it.
I was like, yeah, that wasfucking wild.
I'm never doing that again.
So that spurred me to have myown party.
(07:14):
When my mom went away for theweekend and she just had like
some Kahlua in the fridge andlike some beers and like a
bottle of tequila that after theparty I like refilled, you know
, with water because it was likeBlanco tequila, and so that was
(07:35):
my first drink.
Oh, I think like some brandy.
I think, yeah, brandy was, Ithink, my first drink.
And I was like, okay, this islike fine, not great, but kind
of like burns.
And I definitely didn't getlike drunk because I was like
very like terrified that I wasgoing to become like an
alcoholic after one drink.
But, moral of the story, theguy that I had the big crush on.
(07:56):
He came to my party and he tooka shirt off and got drunk and
played piano with me and woreone of my ties, like so it's
just him shirtless with one ofmy ties on.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I literally was like, okay, everyone needs to leave
so I can jack off you're likewait can I just set like this
video camcorder in front of youbecause that's what you're right
, then, like the whole big setup, yeah, just ignore that.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Yeah yeah, and now he has an only fans.
Can you supposedly, supposedly,yeah, is he straight?
Yeah, unfortunate, yeah, himand his yeah, yeah, and now he
has an OnlyFans.
Can you subscribe?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
so I can see it Supposedly, supposedly, yeah, is
he straight yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, him and his wife, I think, have OnlyFans.
Do you think that straight menare great in bed?
I would have no idea.
What was your parents' view onunderage drinking?
Like did they were likeabsolutely not you can it.
Or like would they let you tryif they were drinking it?
Yeah, my parents were actuallyreally appreciated their way
around alcohol when they raisedus.
(08:48):
Is I always because it wasalways the people whose parents
were like so against it.
No drinking who would get themost fucked up, who you would
have to take care of and you'dbe scared for their life when
they're you're out of.
Like underage party drinking.
That would be a mess.
My parents they would let ustry some things if they were
drinking it, but then theyalways had this rule of if you
(09:09):
ever get drunk and you'reunderage, if you call us not,
another word will happen aboutit.
Like we won't get in troublefor it as long as we called them
.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Instead of making a stupid decision, yeah, my mom
told me the same thing and Iactually did have some good
parenting.
I did have to call.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
That's some good parenting.
I did have to.
Actually, she didn't answer.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Because you were drunk.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
No, because my friend .
So this was.
We were in college, so likestill under, it was like our
first year of college and myfriend is drinking.
Is it Bacardi Rum?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What was it Started with a,it'd be bur, whatever, it
(09:48):
doesn't matter, but she wasdrinking it.
It was red and she got fuckedup.
So we literally finally gettingthe uber to go to the bar and
she's like I'm gonna throw up.
And so she throws open the door.
We're in a lifted truck andlike she starts to fall.
I'd literally grabbed her byher pants or her face didn't
smack the ground, oh my god.
Then my other friends they werehaving fun, so I was like y'all
go ahead, I will, um, take careof her.
We had to walk all the way backup this hill.
(10:08):
She starts vomiting red I forgotthat she had drink red liquor.
So I'm freaking the fuck outblood yeah, and then I called my
mom and I'm like she was likeit sounds like alcohol poisoning
.
I was like what do I do?
Because, like she was like notthere and it's so interesting
that it came, this story came up, or this, this topic came up.
It wasn't even correlation,because I found videos.
(10:30):
Uh, it's literally 10 years agofrom yesterday that I had my
first drink.
Um, when I was 16 and I was atthe, the boyfriend's best
friend's house, their parentswere out of town and they it was
just like the four of us thatwe were drinking and like
playing water pong, because Idon't drink beer.
I think it was like just vodkamixed with something.
(10:50):
Really, you know, like whenyou're young, like you do
something like that's fruity asfuck and ask it and the my
mannerisms and everything elseas we're playing.
So similar to how I act, I think, now when I'm out drinking and
that's my first exposure toactually getting drunk and the
(11:11):
first drink I remember having 16which then led me to getting my
fake ID the same year.
Because you wanted to drink more?
Well, no, because I wanted todo it somewhere like where you
could dance or where you couldgo and drink, and we used to
have this place called SassyAnn's.
We called it Sassy's, athree-story house that they
(11:32):
turned into a club, and it wasthe only bar that would take our
fake ID, ordered it on theinternet.
It was called ID God.
The publisher didn't sharetheir name, but you would send
them a photo and you get to pickwhere you're from.
Mine was some kentucky,bardstown, um, and it was.
It would scan, but it lookedfake as fuck.
I'll have to show you.
(11:53):
I have it upstairs, okay, andwe'd go to sassy ann's and it
was like a gay straight.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
It was just like more of like an open type club bar,
um so, but it was like a mixedcrowd of like there were gay
people yeah, there were gaypeople.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
they were like young professionals that would go
there because it just is thisall like weird, like Victorian
style house, like had all theseseparated rooms?
Speaker 2 (12:12):
It sounds cool.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
It was actually.
I want someone to open it up sobadly and it was just.
It was always just a blast.
They poured heavy drinks forlike six or $7.
And those were the days.
Yeah, so drank with them forthe first time and then got my
fake id and went to that barwith them for the first time.
It was my first drinking andbar experience, like within a
couple months at 16.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
were they already over 21 or they also had fake
ids already?
Speaker 1 (12:38):
well, if I was, uh, they still had fake ids.
But then I remember celebratingthere with them for their 21st.
I never had a fake ID, never,ever.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
No, I just didn't care to.
I didn't have my first sip ofalcohol until I was 18.
And then I was like, well,might as well just wait a couple
more years and then I can if Iwant to.
And I studied abroad in Londonwhen I was 19, so I could drink
legally there.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
What's their drinking age 18.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah, really, and boy did I drink.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Is this the whole time?
Like Gaga, all of that.
You were there for like whatsix?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
months, three months For nine, 10 months.
But I never had a fake ID.
But I'm also because I'm bornin November.
I was always the oldest in myclass so I never felt like
pressure from other, like havinglike older friends that like
wanted to go out to the bar andstuff with me.
I mean, in college we, after Igot back from London, we had our
(13:40):
own apartment and one of myroommates was like the events
chair for his fraternity so wejust had, like you you know,
parties at our house and wealways got invited to frat
parties and that kind of stuffpopular if anything.
What?
What happened was, like thatfriend that I'm talking about,
um, he would borrow my id once Iwas 21, because he was almost a
(14:02):
year younger than me, and Iwould get into, like the gay
bars in west hollywood, and thenI would walk out to the patio,
handed my id, and then he woulduse my id to get in to the bar
before he was 21 clever.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Yeah, and you know, they can always tell absolutely.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
But you know two twinkie little gay boys and we
are both like blondish and buthe was like probably five inches
shorter than me, so it's like,but he had to, you know,
memorize my address and that Iwas a Sagittarius and I had to
like quiz him on me which isprobably why we're still really
good friends because I was likeyou really know me, you're gonna
become me oh yeah happybirthday?
(14:42):
yeah, I want to remember becauseyour id my friend who is now my
financial advisor.
He was younger, he was like ayear younger than us and he
wanted to get a fake id and sohe went to like echo park
because apparently there's someguy there that like will do it
for you, um, and he got his maidand he showed it to me.
He was so proud when he got itand I looked at it and I was
(15:03):
like that looks so fake.
Fake ids look fake as fuck,yeah, like I was like how much
did you pay for that?
That's not worth it.
And he used it once at like agay bar and it got taken away
immediately.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
See, I would only ever use it.
I didn't try it just anywhere,because fuck that.
And then there was one liquorstore that I knew would always
take it.
So then I always stuck to that.
I was not willing or ballsyenough to try it.
And because the other popularplace people kept trying, it was
at the Cotton Eye Joe, which isa line dancing bar Mm-hmm.
But the bouncers were KnoxCounty Sheriff's officers which
(15:38):
my dad was a cop.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And so I was like I'm not even going to try that.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
And they would put like do you remember like the
big X's they put on your hands,like when you're underage?
Speaker 2 (15:50):
oh, I've, I heard about that, but I never, yeah,
had to experience it oh yeah,because you didn't.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yeah, girl drinking underage?
No um, did you ever go tocollege?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
drink the like big drink in london is called a
snake bite.
It's cider and black currantliqueur.
It's disgusting but everyoneordered that.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
What does that even taste like?
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Black currant.
It's almost like blackberrywith kind of like a licorice-y
flavor to it.
I don't know it's very uniqueand not very good, but the drink
was kind of like this pinkyfuchsia color, so it was pretty.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Oh, I would say that would sell me on it.
Yeah, yeah, I do likeblackberry, but such a fun story
about.
I was of age then.
But it's not peppermintschnapps, it's, oh, rumple mints
.
Yeah, so you know, I loveAltoids.
I love peppermint.
Oh, my God, it's my favorite.
Where are your Altoids?
They're behind you, they're myfavorite.
(16:58):
Peppermint is my favorite scentflavor experience because it
tingles and I had never had itbefore.
And someone's like joking.
I was like okay, and I had comefrom work, I worked, got off at
seven, everyone else wasdrinking.
I did three of them back toback.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
You know that it's like 50 proof instead of 40
proof.
Well, I wish.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I knew that.
Yep, I got trashed.
Literally went to the toilet orthe bathroom to pee, fell
asleep Dick in my hand at theurinal Head against the wall.
They had to come like.
The manager came and got myfriends.
They're like, hey, like heprobably should leave, we go to
(17:37):
another bar and these were alladults.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
This was adults.
I was like playing softball andI was working as a nurse then
yeah, isn't it funny how italways hits you when you go pee?
And you like check yourself inthe mirror, you know, and you're
like, oh wow, I'm kind ofwobbly.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I think that's what does it.
Yeah, it's like oh my god,that's me, yeah, that's me.
I don't feel that way.
But I look that way, fuck yeah,um, and then we can go to the
next bar and I'm like trash,trash, like couldn't even stand
up, so they sent me into my.
I was staying with my friends.
They sent me back to theirhouse grown adult man remember
this and somehow managed to getin the house.
(18:10):
The uber driver had to likeshake me.
It was like get out of my car.
I was like, okay, kyle, Ihadn't known them very long.
Do you know what I had to tellthem the next morning?
That you pissed the bed.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I sure the experience is like it's very sticky hard
to get off but luckily, luckily,I was the first one that did
this.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
In all their guest bedrooms they had like mattress
protectors you this?
You weren't the first person,apparently not.
Wow, okay, but there's nothingelse to do in tennessee so a lot
of people drink.
Speaker 2 (18:42):
But thank god, I was like I'm not buying my mattress,
I just became, I just got itfor my first job, like well, I
can't do all it was all this isgoing on, you're still like
soaking wet then when you wakeup in the morning, because
you're like literally sitting ina pool of your own pee face
down jeans still on, yeah I haveto leave, okay.
One time, um in london, myroommate at the time got so
(19:05):
drunk he stood up in the middleof the night and whipped out his
dick and just started pissingon the carpet and I woke up to
the sound of like the whizzing,like hitting and splattering on
the carpet and I was like that'snot the bathroom, that's not
the fucking bathroom.
And I like grabbed his dick andcome with me, yeah, and I like
(19:29):
led him to the bathroom so hecould like finish, like keep
pulling him by his ear and likeput down a bunch of paper towels
and I was like you know, youcan fucking deal with this in
the morning, but the the nose init.
Yeah, the funniest part is thatwhen I came back from london, I
lived on campus over the summerand I had a roommate and the.
(19:50):
We were on the bottom floor andthe sprinklers would come on at
like four o'clock in themorning.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And I would like have this ptsd response when I heard
the sprinklers go on at fouro'clock in the morning and I
start screaming my oldroommate's name because I
thought that he was like peeingin the middle of the night, but
it was just the sprinklers goingon outside the window I want to
start playing that, no, I'mgonna set your life so to start
doing that and then you justwant to start screaming so rude
(20:18):
you have, honestly, you have tocome back to knoxville just
because my friends back home themost wild stories like there's
a guy that has done that, pissedin the closet with the fan on,
pissed in all of his shoes yeah,better than shitting.
You know my guess yeah, there'sbeen people who's pissed in the
corner at some of my friendshouse like my friends are wild.
(20:40):
That doesn't sound fun anymore.
No, it is because you get todigest.
You get to digest it the nextday, no, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Yes, girl, we have enough drama that happens to us
when we don't get pissed drunk.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
No, but it's funny because it doesn't happen to you
and, like all, all of them,they can laugh about it, about
themselves doing it but thenlike, even if you're messy or
whatever, no one like holds itagainst you the next day, okay
at what point in your, in yourfriendship, do you say you have
a problem?
Is this a fucking intervention?
Speaker 2 (21:12):
I wouldn't say that to any of my friends hurry up
and drink that last glass ofwine, because that's your last
one.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Caleb, don't attack me right now, because you're not
ready to throw this microphoneuh, honestly, none of our world
know, because there was two sidefriends that got had.
They had to be escorted intheir band from Marriott because
they got into such a brawl theywere dating at the time like
broke the TV, they smashed theTV on each other's head a lamp.
So maybe that was probably theyshould quit.
(21:38):
But we all still got tickled bytheir stories and their
experience.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Have you heard of the phrase dick drunk when you have
limp dick?
No oh that's whiskey dick.
Dick drunk is like when you'relike flirting with someone and
you know you're like reallydrunk, but you don't feel as
drunk because there's like apotential that you could like
hook up with someone, and ifthat person wasn't there, you'd
be like oh, I'm going home, I'mlike so fucking drunk, but
(22:06):
you're dick drunk, so you'relike okay, this is fine, I'm
just gonna have another drink.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
What's the wildest story that you like had to have
taken care of someone, likewhile you're out drinking or
like what you've seen.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Okay.
So this is the same person.
That was my college roommate.
That was the events chair, um,for his fraternity.
We went to Vegas together withall of our college roommates and
he got so blackout drunk onenight that, as we're like
walking to like go to a club, hejust like takes off running and
(22:38):
everyone like stops and is likewhat the fuck, where is he
going?
I chase after him because I'mlike I don't want you to die, or
like run out into the middle ofthe street.
Well, he runs into the bellagiofucking parking lot and starts
just like tearing down theparking lot.
The security guards startchasing after him because
they're like who is this guy?
I'm like, okay, I just need totake a little break because I've
(22:59):
been running.
So I pop the door open to aferrari because it's just open
and, um, there's like a pack ofcigarettes in the car.
So I light up a cigarette.
I'm just smoking a cigarette ina ferrari in the bellagio
parking lot.
You're smoking in the car,uh-huh, yeah, I've also had a
couple drinks.
So then I see him running backtowards the like exit where he
(23:21):
ran in and then I go runningafter him.
He is being held by like twoguys, one on each arm.
He sees me, rips his hands outof their arms and runs out of
the parking lot and I run afterhim.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
I thought you were going to tell me he got into the
fountains.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
No, but that would be fun too.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
What is with you and these fancy cars?
You first got Aston MartinBecause they're not that fancy.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Team yeah, do you have any alcoholism in your
family?
Speaker 1 (23:54):
yeah, my biological father.
What is?
Because he probably stilldrinks uh yeah, yeah, he and
then my nana's dad, I think arethe only two like that would
that I would know of.
Like I think Nana had likeaunts, uncles or whatever on the
other sides of their family, orlike, if my dad did, I don't
(24:16):
know them, but those yeah, thosetwo.
Um, so my biological father, meand my older brother share a dad
.
There's four of us siblings.
My younger brother has aseparate dad and my sister's dad
is our dad.
Now my mom is married and hethey got married when they were
super young.
Like she dropped out of college, got married and it was an hour
(24:40):
and a half away from home, buthe was an alcoholic.
And I actually called my momtoday because I vaguely remember
hearing stories through.
Do you ever have that likewhere you think you're
remembering a story correctlybut you can't be sure?
And so I called her and I wasjust asking her about like her
experience, like you know, beingmarried to an alcoholic,
(25:00):
because I've heard like horrorstories and stuff and some of
the things.
Like I asked her, um, luckily Itook notes.
Um, so I think at first, when,obviously when they got married,
like he wasn't an alcoholic ordrunk, but then the thing that
I've learned just by talking toher and my nana is a very, very
(25:20):
common and I know it can bewomen too but back in tennessee
men would become drunks becausethey didn't how else to process
emotions, feelings or whatever.
Yeah, I think it's a bigproblem in general yeah, in
general that's just my exposureand assumptions from where I was
Idon't want to generalize any
anyone else or any otherlocations and started like
(25:41):
becoming abusive to her, whichluckily I like she was pregnant.
I think I was born while theywere still together, but like
there's, there's only ever beenlike my older brother, mom and
dad or bio dad and my mom, thatlike that was a family.
I don't, I don't think I waslike maybe just a few months old
, so I was never really in thepicture there but uh, you don't
(26:02):
really remember your biologicaldad ever being there.
No, I'll.
I remember having to meet himat eight whenever we got adopted
by my current dad, but Iremember nothing about him.
what he looked like, um,anything I'll show you on
Facebook.
Yeah, um, yeah, so he wasreally abusive.
And then I called my mom andasked her like if she would be
(26:25):
comfortable sharing about it andshe was.
She would just talk about howlike he would just become such a
different person and he wouldhave all these emotions or
things to process.
Then he would drink to numbthem, but then the emotion still
came out as anger because thatthat makes sense.
And so, um, I remember hersharing like some of the like
(26:48):
abuse that he would do, and theone that sticks out in my head
is you know, I can't keep tune.
worth the shit it's because Ihave nerve damage in one of my
ears because she told me likewhenever she was pregnant with
me, who's of course beingabusive?
And she would like protect herstomach and take the abuse,
(27:09):
because you know, to protect meand I think one time I had to
hit her in the stomach orsomething and they think that's
what the correlation is for thenerve damage, because I went to
speech and hearing and there'slike no other, like genetic
anomalies or whatever so you'vereally been like affected by
alcoholism yeah, because I can'tsing no or here right, no, I
(27:30):
the reason it makes me soemotional.
I was when I was 16 and firstlike realizing that I was gay.
Um, I remember like talking tosome, like you know, like the
internet, like connecting withsomeone else who happens to be
gay, like they were my age backwhen, like kick was the thing
(27:50):
you probably don't know whatthat is.
It's like a messaging thing, no, and I was like trying to like
work up the courage to come outto her and I thought I was going
to disappoint her so much bycoming out and being gay and all
I could keep picturing is shewould would take a beating and
(28:10):
protect me while I'm not evenborn yet in her belly.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Because she loved me so much.
How, and I don't know why, Icorrelated them in my brain.
It's like how could I come outto her as gay and risk
disappointing her?
Yeah, when she loved me so muchto protect me, and then I
couldn't do this one thing ofjust being straight?
Speaker 2 (28:31):
yeah, and I don't know again, I don't know why
they correlated so much in mybrain I have like a reframe for
you if you want to hear it yeah,the first thing that came to
mind for me when you said thatwas if my mom loved me so much
to endure beatings from aalcoholic, then why would being
(28:57):
gay change her feelings about menow?
Speaker 1 (29:04):
I think it's because she's already been so let down
and disappointed by people sheloved that I just didn't want to
add to that.
And she never.
Let's be clear, she didn't makeme feel that way, like it was
the yeah, I know own thing.
I put on it, I put it on in mybrain and he would just do such
awful things to her.
Yeah, and what's crazy is likea few stories go along with that
(29:29):
.
Like he, I remember he tied mybrother to a tree this is a
story that I heard, I don'tremember it and like in front of
this dog there was like changeup and it's made my brother like
deathly afraid of dogs for mostof his life.
I remember that like as a child, him being afraid of dogs and
did you think that was funny orhe was just being mean.
(29:52):
He loved to just be mean, oh mygod, and obviously, and like we
beat the fuck out of my mom.
And then like my youngerbrother, and luckily I was like
an infant or a baby in her bellyor like an infant, and so
anytime mom would go to work theNana would be off a week at a
time.
Nana would come get my brotherbecause mom didn't trust her
(30:12):
husband to be alone with himRight To raise him.
Yikes, I just I'm so curiousjust on that.
What little I've've shared sofar, like the psychology of mom
staying with the man that'sabusing her, the psychology of
drinking, like do you have anythoughts?
Speaker 2 (30:32):
or like well before psychology, alcoholism was
really treated as like awillpower thing, like if you can
just stop, then you should juststop.
Know, like if you have a familyto take care of, if you have
responsibilities, if it'snegatively impacting your job,
(30:53):
and if you don't like the personthat you are when you're
drinking, then why don't youjust stop?
You know, like that's just kindof like the logical thing that,
like you would do if youweren't an alcoholic, and
psychology treatment foraddiction is really more like a
(31:13):
psychosis.
So you have a physiologicaldependence on a substance and,
whether that's, you know,alcohol or nicotine or you know
some sort of drugs, your bodycraves it and needs it and you
(31:34):
literally cannot functionwithout it, which is why, like
detoxing is so difficult.
I think that there's anotherlayer to it that most people
like don't get into.
But it's hard to avoid alcoholLike we're talking about, like
growing up and seeing ourfamilies drinking I mean minus
(31:55):
me, because I was Mormon, reallybut it's always around.
We're in college and everyone'sdrinking.
We're getting fake IDs so wecan drink.
Every social outing that wehave involves alcohol, and so
it's like really hard to avoid,and the social pressures to
drink constantly are all aroundus all the time and there's
(32:20):
advertisements for it and theymake it look really pretty.
But when someone's pissing onyour floor at two o'clock in the
morning it's not really thatglamorous, you know.
And when it causes someone toturn into another being, that's
violent against their partnerand against their unborn child,
(32:44):
that's problematic in so manylevels, you know.
But my family, you know, has alot of addiction and or history
of addiction and alcoholism.
My grandma was an alcoholic butshe was sober like for the
entire time that you know I grewup with with her.
But I heard the crazieststories growing up of her just
(33:07):
being like wasted and we hadthis big backyard, um up on the
hills in sonoma and we had thislike a big ivy patch that I
would like go exploring in and Iwould find these like double
old-fashioned glasses that shewould just like have thrown in
there from like a decade agobecause she was so like drunk
(33:29):
off her ass.
And my cousin, who lost her momto alcoholism, also lost her
dad to addiction.
But families are literally liketorn apart over alcoholism and
it's funny to like talk aboutthe stories you know that we've
been talking about today, but Ialways have to check myself and
(33:51):
my mom is so good.
I know it's like really annoying, but every so often when I tell
her I'm going to a party orthis, that and the other, she
always reminds me like that Ireally shouldn't be drinking.
Other, she always reminds melike that I really shouldn't be
drinking.
Like no amount of alcohol isreally good for you, and more
and more research is coming out.
I know that, like everyone hassaid, that a glass of wine a day
(34:13):
is just fine, and I thinkeveryone's body is different and
it deals with alcoholdifferently.
But at the end of the day, it'slike a poison and it's it's
really not very good for you.
So I guess that leads me to myquestion to you, caleb, about
what you feel like yourrelationship with alcohol is now
I'll be real and I use wine tocope, and I know you know that.
(34:38):
No, you're not alone I mean, youjust said it earlier.
You're like men in yourhometown use alcohol to cope
with the feelings that they'redealing with and they don't want
to have to process.
That's what you just said.
So you know the apple doesn'tfall far from the tree, like at
a certain point.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
you learned how to do that, I know because I'm like
sitting here talking about howawful people were when they were
drinking, like I don't want tobe like them and I think I'll be
honest, it's been a crutch forme in social settings when I've
had social anxiety and I'm soafraid of becoming these awful
(35:21):
men that have mistreated my momand my Nana, these awful men
that have mistreated, you know,my mom and my nana, and I know
that I have the power to stopthat and I I don't think I have
a drinking problem yet, but Ithink that if I keep going on
the path that I'm going, then Iwill yeah, that's's.
Speaker 2 (35:43):
The other thing that psychology has shown is that it
is genetic, and if your parentsor people that you're related to
have dealt with that in thepast, that it's going to be even
harder for you, and that's whatmy mom always reminds me too.
It's like this runs in thefamily.
Don't let it get out of controlme too.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
It's like this runs in the family, like don't let it
get out of control.
Yeah, and I feel a lot of shamethat I have, you know, wine
every single night, but there'sa huge part of me that thinks
that if I didn't that, I wouldbe at the lowest point that I've
ever been.
Thank you for pushing me,because you know I'm going to
see the psychiatrist, you know,to help with anxiety, but it, it
, it brings this, it almost is.
(36:28):
It's allowing caleb to come outoutside of, out of all the
darkness, and I don't know, Idon't god, I just are having a
lot of emotions you've felt likeum you've had control over it,
but now you feel like it hascontrol over you and now I can
go without.
It is what I tell myself.
But to be able to do the thingsthat I have like commitment
(36:50):
towards, or if I want to go out,have plans with someone, like
needing it, like I have neverfelt this much pressure or
internal shame, or just likefrustrations with work, or just
this monumental, just shit ontop of me.
And I'm trying to because Ijust it.
Oh, I just equated toimmaturity, like, oh, why can't
(37:13):
you handle a stressful job?
Like why can't you just show upand do it?
Or why do you have to keepbitching about it?
Or why can't you go makefriends?
Or why are you having socialanxiety?
Why are you?
I don't know and I can't, andI'm just trying to figure it out
and that's the thing that'shelped me like calm my brain and
enough to be able to slowlychip away at it, which is I
don't know how to do that makesense.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
I mean.
At the end of the day, alcoholis a depressant, and the fact
that you're relying on adepressant to make you feel less
depressed or less anxiousdoesn't make any sense.
If anything, it's making thingsworse.
Speaker 1 (37:48):
And I just feel shame for doing it.
But then it just adds like alayer of For doing what?
For drinking wine every night.
Speaker 2 (37:58):
I've literally never thought about it until just now,
when you told me that you thinkit's a crutch and you don't
want to do it and you're usingit to cope think it's a crutch
and you don't want to do it andyou're using it to cope and it's
a problem for you.
Speaker 1 (38:09):
You saw how many questions and stuff and how so
excited about this podcast andlike I was, I've been in therapy
and like I've had to give up somuch because of this fucking
job and it just puts a lot ofpressure that I don't want.
But I don't want to seem like Ican't handle it.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
I have a good reframe for you.
Your job is a toxic environmentand that's not a problem that
you need to take on to fix.
If anything, you're reallysmart and you're really
resilient and you see problems.
You know five steps ahead ofthe people that you're working
(38:52):
with and you show up and youcall those problems out to them.
But the fact that you can seeall of these things and you can
see solutions to them and thefact that you get frustrated
with the fact that no one thereis taking any of those steps or
supporting you to take thosesteps, to make those decisions
to fix a toxic culture, is notyour fault, is not your problem.
(39:15):
And if you need to removeyourself from that toxic culture
, then, if anything, it showshow smart and resilient and how
unappreciated you are in yourcurrent job.
It doesn't mean that you're afailure.
It doesn't mean that you aren'tshowing up to work to your
highest level of performance.
It means that you're smarterthan everyone else in the room
(39:39):
and you're more emotionallyintelligent than everyone else
in the room and that you're morestrategic than everyone else in
the room and that you're morestrategic than everyone else in
the room and I wish that you sawthat, because I see that in you
.
Okay, we gotta move on, wegotta wrap up wrap up.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
Jesus, I'll be talking.
What about you?
We didn't talk about.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I talked a lot okay, then let's do our victory and
vice to close things out, youyou want me to start?
Yeah, okay, my victory, whichis very on brand for this
episode, is that I saw a moviethis week called the Substance.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
Is this what they just?
Patrick, just tagged you onInstagram story.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Yeah, patrick, who I went to P-Town with.
He loves horror movies.
I love horror movies andthere's a new demi more movie
called the substance where sheshe's like a aging actress in
hollywood.
She has her own like jazzercisekind of class and she gets
fired and then she gets in a caraccident the day that she gets
(40:43):
fired and she winds up in ahospital and this nurse slips
her this um usb stick, she plugsit into her tv and this video
pops up and it tells her aboutthe substance, where she can
like be young again, like deathbecomes her.
So she gets this substance andit makes like a younger clone of
(41:06):
herself.
Basically, that then becomesthe replacement for her
jazzercise show and the thingsthat happen after that.
I mean, it's the most gory,gruesome, like terrifying movie.
That's like oh, like two hourslong.
But I've never been on the edgeof my seat for a horror movie
like that ever in my entire life.
(41:27):
It was wild.
Four and a half out of fivestars.
I'm sold, yeah, so definitelycheck that out.
Great movie, um, and just likea ton of great commentary on
like what it means to be a womanin hollywood or just like to be
a victim of, like the male gazein the patriarchy that we live
in.
(41:49):
Okay, my vice is for this weekis going to be alcohol, so I am
going to challenge myself.
You can come along with me,caleb, if you want, but no
pressure, um, to just drink less.
Now, this is going to be reallydifficult because I work in
wine and I have to drink less.
Now, this is going to be reallydifficult because I work in
wine and I have to drink for aliving, but my goal is to, like,
(42:11):
spit more.
I know I would never say thatotherwise, but I'm going to spit
more and drink less, and soI'll report back next week on
how.
Speaker 1 (42:23):
I'm doing, yeah, I'm going gonna finish my box of
friends, yep there you go ready,there you go.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Okay, I love that.
Okay, caleb, what's yourvictory advice this week?
Speaker 1 (42:31):
I'm going to my vice is something a little sad, but I
just want to share.
I'm oh my god, this has justbeen caleb's sad episode.
Um, unfortunately, um our, myfamily's dog of 17 years had to
be put to sleep two days ago I'msorry um, I appreciate that I
really don't have affinity foranimals, but this is what is so
(42:55):
interesting this, this animal wegot, and we've always had like
five or six dogs growing up andfor some reason they're never
the type of people like to givean animal away once they adopted
or paid for it or anything likethat, but like I don't remember
if it was a conflict withanother dog or there was just
something, and so like they gaveit to a very good friend or
something like that.
I remember I prayed and I don'tknow, I'm not a believer in the
(43:18):
good lord right now, but Iprayed.
I was like please bring the dogback.
The dog bit the people.
They gave it to me.
We got the dog back oh my godher name was lily because we had
a dog, montana, like hannahmontana.
So then we chose the name, herlily.
That's cute and I remember likemom called me the other day and
they always kept referring itto her as my dog because I
(43:41):
prayed for her to come back andthen I even tried to take her.
Whenever I moved my firstapartment I was like the last
thing I want to do at 5 am istake out an animal.
So that's been my vice, andeven though it's not a vice or a
crutch or anything, but it'sjust been there for my mom
during that, so I'm glad thatshe got to be put down
(44:01):
peacefully.
That she got to be put downpeacefully, and my victory has
been how much I've been enjoyingbedazzling oh my god.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
You have been bedazzling Like a jewel thief.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I mean truly Uncut gems and the possibilities, and
what I love is I have like fourdifferent active bedazzle
projects right now.
Of course, why not?
Speaker 2 (44:24):
five.
Well, I did buy another one.
I'm just active, bedazzleprojects right now, of course,
why not five?
Speaker 1 (44:27):
Well, I did buy another one, but I like the idea
, like my Altoids cans loveAltoids.
Um, my Adderall bottle, I'mbedazzling that.
Um, I started oh maybe I dohave five Cause I started
bedazzling uh, a lid to a candlethat I want you to put a candle
in, oh yeah, and so like I'vejust really because it's been
such a great way to wind downwhen I'm in the bed instead of
(44:49):
like on my phone or TikTok.
So I'm like I like TV on andbeen bedazzling and I cannot
wait.
Wait, maybe when this, by thetime this episode comes out, I
can have my medication bottledone.
I'll post it.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Oh, good call.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Good call.
So yeah, that's been.
My victory is I'm stillmanaging to find time for like
creativity and crafting, and itbrings me so much joy I'm like
Kyle.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Look at this, Look at this.
He does Look at this.
Look, I did one more row.
Look at one more row.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
I did, and so after we wrap this up, I will go
continue working on it.
But yeah, that's my victory.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
Well, that's the episode this week.
Folks, thanks for tuning in.
We want to hear your victoryand vices, so shoot us an email
to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcomor follow us on Instagram at
unfamouslyunwell.
We also want to challengeeveryone out there to reach out
to one other or two otherfriends that they think that
would enjoy the show and justsend them a link or send them a
text message with um one of ourepisodes, something that
(45:48):
resonates with you or resonateswith them, and and also feel
free to join in on our notdrinking through the week
starting Monday.
Yeah, we would love to hear yourstories of not drinking, how it
makes you feel, Um, or if youdo go binge drinking.
We also really want to hearabout that.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
If you end up in a bush.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
We definitely want to hear about that.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Zach, and if that's you baby, give us a call.
I want to know.
I want to know how you're doing.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Number was 0, 9, 7, 2 .
Oh fuck, we're so funny.
Speaker 1 (46:22):
Yeah, all oh fuck, we're so funny.
Yeah, all right.
Well, until next week.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
We wish you well, that's even funnier, okay, okay,
until next week we wish youwell, drink up bitches thanks
for listening to another episodeof unfamously unwell, the
unrated podcast hosted by yourtwo favorite seattle homosexuals
on a journey to higher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along
(46:49):
the way.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 2 (47:01):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUn.
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