October 23, 2024 • 57 mins
Click here to send us your victory and vices!
Ever found yourself trapped in an embarrassing situation where your dignity is on the line, all thanks to an ill-timed bowel mishap? We certainly have, and we're not holding back! Here on our latest episode, we're sharing uproarious tales of fried food and unfortunate car accidents, all while reflecting on the tragic loss of pristine white Calvin Klein briefs. But fear not, dear listener, because these anecdotes are just the start of our informative journey into "Happy Bottom Autumn"—a full-fledged celebration of bottoming.
Ready to explore the nitty-gritty of anal sex prep with us? We're here to share candid advice on douching techniques, smart water bottles, and dietary considerations. We've got tips galore, whether you're a seasoned bottom or just curious. And don't worry, we've got a laugh or two lined up with tales of shower douche mishaps, the infamous "waffle stomp," and even a corn salad disaster that left us red-faced and, well, a little too regular.
As the leaves change, so does our spirit—cue our encounter with a gay medium after a boat party in Tacoma. This whimsical journey into the spirit world had us seeing things in a whole new light, especially through stories of connecting with loved ones who have passed. But hold onto your hats because we wrap up with practical wellness tips for embracing autumn, from upping your fiber game to sharing the small victories in life, like a satisfying meal at Chili's. So join us, laugh with us, and learn from our wonderfully chaotic escapades!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever shit yourself?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Kyle, I have not Okay , but it was an accident.
Why would you do this to me?
I told you that in confidence,you can leave this in, but I
just want to let the record showthat I'm giving so much to this
podcast because my bowel habitsOkay picture this Fucking in a
(00:23):
honey bucket and shitting inyour car.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
But I'm giving so much to this podcast Because my
bowel habits Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Picture this Fucking in a honey bucket and shitting
in your car and then having toshit when we were camping, and
then you know that'll be a greatsegue into our topic.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Okay, kyle, let me put it to you this way I met my
friends in Fremont.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
This was back when I still lived in Cap Hill, maybe,
like March Maybe, and we'reshooting pool.
They got chicken tenders and Iknow the fried food's upset my
belly, I know it.
But read the room, caleb, it'sall fried.
So I was like, okay, let mejust have me a chicken tender.
Everything's cool, fine,collected.
I'm leaving.
I'm like, okay, toodles, toot,toots.
(01:04):
So then I get into Cap Hill andyou know how there's all that
fucking construction and I swearto you, there was a wreck on
top of it.
So I'm stuck there for 35minutes and then I've never
experienced like where you'resweating, where you're just like
, okay, I can do this, I can dothis, I can do this.
And I keep telling myself thisover and over and over again,
kyle, and like your tummy'sgrumbling it's upset with me and
(01:27):
I knew it.
I knew it was gonna upset her,but I was like I'm gonna do it
to you anyway and I'm surprisedthat fried food upsets your
stomach when you are from thesouth and you eat that stuff all
the time what's fried?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I don't know fast food, leave me alone okay anyway
.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So then I'm like, oh fuck, it's coming, and I'm like,
literally like, like holding mybutt above the seat like
prairie, dogging like yes, andI'm squeezing with all my mind.
I'm on the phone with my friend.
I'm like I have to get off thisphone right now because I have
to focus on keeping this in mybody.
Newsflash didn't stay there.
So then I'm like holy fuck,okay, I can't get it.
It's in my work car.
(02:08):
I'm in my scrubs.
I'm like I can't let it get onthe seat.
It's light gray.
And it's fabric and so I have mylittle embroidery, little zip
around pouch.
I'm like, okay, well, that'sthe darkest thing in this car.
I could put it on my Patagonia.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
You sat on top of it.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
No, I just held it underneath just in case any
leakage came out, because I knew, girl, it was not going to be
solid Kyle.
Yeah, when I tell you, a fewweeks prior, I had just bought a
brand like three new sets ofCalvin Klein briefs.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
When I tell you, can you guess the color?
Those are my favorite, theathletic briefs.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
When I tell you, can you guess the color the athletic
briefs?
So good Um, can I.
Can you guess the color of theones I was wearing at that time?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I'm going to guess that afterwards they were Brown.
Okay, fair, guess that's fair.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
They were white, my first time wearing them, and I
had to throw them in the garbage.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I love new underwear too.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
It's so depressing, I know it's the best feeling on
your bum.
Yeah, didn't matter.
So yes, kyle, I have shitmyself.
I'm glad we're talking aboutbattle habits because it's going
to lead us into our topic fortoday, first off.
Second off, because we alreadysaid it before happy bottom
autumn.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Happy bottom autumn To those who celebrate.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yes, second off because we already said it
before um happy bottom autumn tothose, to those who celebrate.
Yes, um, you know, you don'thave to be part of the lgbtqia
plus a community celebratebottoms and autumn what is
autumn?
How's that different from fall?
It's not, it's the same thing.
Well then, why do we have twonames, for it's a synonym so
before we get started talkingabout this yeah I think that we
should share with the team withthe class with the fans what our
(03:45):
position on the field is, andthat's what you what are.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Position, our hour okay, got it yeah synonyms.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Like you said, I just pronounce it differently.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You don't have an impediment okay, are an hour,
though that's that's called ahomophone, homophone, yeah,
homophone what'd you call me?
Homophobe um god, we're so offtopic.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Okay, no, our positions on the field.
I mean, we've mentioned it onceor twice I'm a born again verse
bottom um, but I think theywould give some validity to what
we're talking about today sowhat is your position?
Are you a pitcher or you acatcher?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I'm just versatile you're an all-time hitter.
I I think I've like explainedit a couple times on the podcast
before, but are you like 50?
50, I was like always a top andthen I had butthole surgery and
then I realized that like whatI was missing out on bottoming.
So now I just like both.
Just depends on who you're with, is it a?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
50, 50.
Like what is your missing outon bottoming?
So now I just like both.
Just depends on who you're with.
Is it a 50-50?
Like what is your desire Like?
Are you more like a?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
70-30, a 50-50, a 95-5?
I'd say.
I guess I'd say like 50-50, butit just depends on, like yeah,
who you desire.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
So in your last year you've equally bottomed as you
have topped.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, t.
Okay.
I feel like we should set thefoundation for our topic today,
which is we want to kind of diveinto like the prep work that
goes into bottoming.
I feel like there's a lot oflike misinformation or just like
not a lot of information thatis really trustworthy out there
and I'm not saying that we are abible of truth as far as like
(05:26):
um information goes.
if anything, you should factcheck everything that we say,
because not just this topic ingeneral, yeah, and, at the end
of the day, like listen to whatyour body um is saying, and if
what we're saying is different,then don't listen to us.
But I feel like there's somegeneral rules of thumb that you
can kind of like live by ortrust for the most part.
(05:47):
So we're going to kind of gointo like what has worked for us
in the past and what hasn't,and we've talked to some friends
who are in the medical fields.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And my brother-in-law .
Speaker 1 (06:00):
And some straight people who have, like, really
great questions about anal sex,and so we're going to talk a
little bit about that today thatwas really short-winded kyle
thanks.
You know what, coming fromsomeone that shits themselves,
I'm not gonna t period.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
So well, should we explain like what bottoming is.
I know everyone who's listeningto this probably knows it means
you're the catcher, thereceiver, right.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
So anally, a penis or a foreign object is going into
your anus, correct?
Yeah?
Your rectum, passing thosesphincters lower intestine,
depending how big it is it getsright up into your heart, helps
it go up dub up dub that's oneway to do CPR causes acid reflux
, burns the tip yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I want to like, do you have like a regimen for
prepping for anal sex?
Yeah, because in my like I, assomeone who mostly bottoms, like
I feel like you always kind ofhave to stay ready so you don't
have to get ready, but like, doyou do it just in case you meet
someone that you want to bottomfor?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I would say and I want to know your regimen, so
both okay.
Oh my god, this is so personalokay, you're just not realizing
that.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I just told people I shit my pants so you better be
juicy, okay.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Okay, my regimen is short and sweet and to the point
, and I only do it when I'm inthe mood to bottom, like if I'm
gonna go out and I may know thatI'm gonna run into someone that
I know is a top, or if I'm justlike feeling like you know,
tonight's a good night to bottom, or to be ready for either.
(07:49):
You know, then I'll do someprep.
My prep work involves douching,which usually I just do it in
the shower because it's likeeasy with the child mucus
extractor.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Is that what it called?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
okay.
So there's many douches outthere.
There's ones that you can getfrom the sex shop that have
really like long.
What are they called?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
phalanges, attachments.
We are not experts, we're notattachments.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Spouts, yeah, yeah they have long attachments that
shooters yeah, go up inside youand big fucking bulbs and they
cost like I don't know 50 bucksfor like some you know nice
silicone thing with a plastictip that you can put in the
dishwasher.
That's all nice.
But also, like those bulbs arelike too big, like you really
(08:36):
don't need that much water.
So my ex um pry like two exesback was a and he turned me on
to the like little nasalsyringes that you use for babies
.
They cost like a couple dollars.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And yours are like the sterile ones.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Yeah, they come in like hermetically sealed like
packages.
They're also like disposable,so you can like use them a
couple times.
You can like take them on tripswith you to travel, and then
you can like use them a coupletimes.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
You can like take them on trips with you to travel
, and then you can like throwthem away that's actually a good
rule of thumb, because I thinkabout how much mold just has to
grow in there, right?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
yeah.
So they're cheap, they'refairly disposable and they come
in like one, two, three ouncesize, which is really like all
you need to clean out your, yourbutt.
What ounce do you use?
I use a three, just in case.
Just in case, um, okay, tipnumber one, I would say um.
(09:37):
From my experience is that whenI first started douching, I was
like it needs to be likefucking crystal clear.
We're going to like super soakthis motherfucker, and so we'd
like fill it up and we just likesqueeze the shit out of it and
like hope for the best.
Okay, well, what I learned isthat when you like really
(10:00):
squeeze the end of your doucheinto your butt, it like shoots
water, water, like literallylike a super soaker, like way up
inside you and like that's notreally what you want because
it's gonna release more poop yes, exactly yeah so you really
want to like insert it into yourbutt and gently like squeeze it
(10:20):
with lube with lube, yes,pre-lube.
So you gently squeeze it so it'snot like shooting up into your
like lower intestine and it'sjust getting water into your
rectum, rectum, thank you.
Thank god we have a doctor herewho does hospice, so I'm very
knowledgeable.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, you've seen them all um.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So that would be my number one tip, because you'd
get like way less like leakageafterwards.
And yes, you don't want to likedisrupt feces that are like way
up there right, but leave thembe.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Leave none of their business that they're not
involved, even be yeah um, sothat's your regimen, like if
you're, do you do it every timeif you want a bottom?
So that's your regimen, like ifyou're, do you do it every time
if you want a bottom, like justin case?
Or is it like if you think youfeel?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
like you need it.
Uh, I do it every time that Ilike I'm gonna go out and, like
you know, hoping for the best,okay the best being sex, and you
really shouldn't do for likemore than once or twice a month.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
It's like not very good for you.
I don't know if that statisticis.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I just read an article about it.
Okay, yeah, uh, it actuallysaid like, uh, like manufactured
douches, not water, so it mightbe more gentle with water oh
yeah, that makes sense like asaline solution or something,
but like washing out your rectumkills some of the like good
bacteria that's already in there, which helps with your like
(11:44):
colon health.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
So you don't want to do just like too often I mean,
some people have it attached intheir shower, so they're doing
it frequently I'm pretty surethat the wand that I have in my
shower, like is is uh, what's itcalled a douche buddy, or?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
a shower, shower shot shower, yeah, shower shot, yeah
, and I just like don't have theattachment for it, but it looks
like ones that I've seen beforethat do.
Should we ask?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
our previous landlord or current landlords, the
previous tenants.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, I'm.
I'm questioning whether or notto ask him, but I also don't
really want to put that up mybutt because, like I said before
, don't really want to put thatup my butt.
Like I said before, like thatis a lot of water pressure like
going all the way up into yourlower intestine and you don't
need that much in order to havesex.
Also, eight times out of ten,if you like are going to have
(12:36):
sex, it's going to be fine.
Like you don't really need todouche.
If you know your body whichcaleb, you can probably talk
more about this then you willknow those two out of ten times
when it's not gonna work, or youshould avoid having anal sex
because it feels like maybe it'snot clean down there what do
(12:59):
you think?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I would know that because you don't do.
Oh correct yeah but I want tohear more before we get into me.
Yeah, so that's like almostlike last minute in a way.
Like you're doing it.
That's your final step of like,okay, now I can bottom, but do
you do other things like you doyour metamucil, do you?
Speaker 1 (13:16):
do like.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Fiber is important because it keeps you regular
right it's bulk forming too, soit creates shape and form right.
So if you don't have like reallyum firm stools or like bulky
stools, or if, like you, haveloose stools, then you can like
have fiber and that will helplike clean everything out yeah,
the idea is that when you do go,everything's kind of like
(13:40):
bulked together so it's gettingmajority of the stool out of
your body right, instead of like, if you don't really have a lot
of fiber in your diet, youcould go, but there's some
pieces left.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, and like you can get lots of fiber from your
diet, like you don't need totake supplements.
But for people that don't get alot of fiber, you know a fiber
supplement is probably a goodidea, especially if you're
bottoming.
I think that's it.
the other like tip that I wasgoing to share is that you do
want to use like warm water orlike body temperature water and
(14:13):
not cold water, because coldwater constricts tissue and you
want the tissue in your rectumto be relaxed and so if you're
using cold water, then it'sgoing to like constrict that
tissue and then there's going tobe folds in that tissue and
then there's going to be roomfor fecal matter to like collect
(14:34):
in those folds and not getwashed out with water.
So use warm water, don't supersoak your colon and don't douche
too often your colon and don'tdouche too often.
Wow, you just really got twoand I love it, okay.
Um, the last thing that I willdo especially if I have already
(14:54):
had sex with this person beforeand I know like what size his
dick is is I will do thedipstick test.
Do you know what the dipsticktest?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
is with the dildo, yeah, with the finger.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Yeah, you use something this the size or shape
of the person's dick and youinsert it into your butt and
then you just check, like youwhen you pull it out.
Is there anything on it?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
that's also good for like pre-lubing the area oh,
abso-fucking-lutely, because Idid see those like lube shots.
They're like where you couldput the lube way yeah, I've
never used one of those.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I haven't either.
I'm just like get in there,take it out explain what it is
so it's like a you know I'mthinking of like a tampon
applicator okay basically whatit is yeah it's like a tampon
applicator, but instead ofhaving a tampon inside, it has
lubricant inside I'm fuckingdumb.
It's a syringe yeah, that's itis.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's the easiest way to explain it.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Basically it's a syringe.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
And it puts like lube deeper in you.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Okay, wait, this actually brings up a good topic
because my friend that's adoctor I was asked he's also a
bottom Happy bottom autumn.
And he was telling me like hedoes not have any like regimen.
He eats fiber and he takes afiber supplement so that keeps
things moving.
He listens to his body and whenhe knows he can't bottom he
(16:12):
doesn't bottom, or if he has aloose stool he takes an emodium
to like help solidify things.
But he also said if you'reregularly having anal sex then
that in itself like helps youknow when you're like okay to go
or not, and also becausethere's lube in your butthole
(16:34):
things, things slide out moreeasily yeah, it's like putting
like a mineral oil and enema upthere or something, right?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
oh, you know, I've never thought about that.
I would so agree becausebecause, coming out of a
relationship, you obviously haveway more sex during a
relationship well, I'm not gonnasay that, obviously, yeah, not
everyone, um, I I think evenlike my mind and my butt were
more like in sync and I'm likemore confident, like oh,
absolutely not.
Or like oh yeah, I can do this,or you know like, you're just
(17:04):
like more confident, but thenalso like it probably does help
with like the regularity of ityeah, I would.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
I would say like your , your mind, butt connection is
stronger, like when you're usingsomeone well, no, when you're
dating it more, when you'reusing it more often that's fair
right?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
yeah, I would agree, because like you know.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's happening more often, so you have to be more
aware of it.
You're more conscious of it,then you know.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
You build that connection between your brain
and your butt what which I likehis approach, because I actually
my regimen is very similar tohis, because okay, what's what's
yours for those?
Who don't know.
I um have adhd and I'm on apretty high dose of adderall
every day.
I'm mildly constipated at alltimes.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Adderall makes you constipated.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I thought it gave you the runs, no.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Some people have that reaction, but mine does not,
because it dries you out.
I'm mildly constipated at alltimes, which is really helpful
to be a bottom.
I forget to eat often, so thenit also helps.
I've maybe douched in mylifetime.
I have one, but like it'salmost, I only ever, ever, ever
(18:14):
use it in like okay, I'm horny,I need to have sex.
This is the only night I'm free.
I have to make sure that I'mwell accommodating to my guests
that will enter very, very likemaybe have done it twice this
entire year, okay, and but Inever do it in a relationship
I'm like well, so what's your?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
right, I'm getting there, I'm so like my douche.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I'll do that every once in a while, but I but like
what's the regimen for douching,like what I use and like?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
volume and stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, I used to exclusively only use smart
bottles.
Smart water bottles, like smartwater, uh-huh.
You're talking about with theblue tip.
Uh-huh, works beautifully.
Okay With warm water.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Okay, because, like the app, like it barely goes in
there, you don't have it.
Just it works beautifully Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
So when you're in a pinch, you can do that.
Yeah, you get a smart water.
Is that sanitary?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It was in my mouth.
Okay, you're the nurse.
I mean, someone else's mouth isgoing down there, so my mouth's
probably better for my own buttthan someone else's.
Yeah, and so I'll just likewe'll fill the bulb up and do it
and then stand up and just jumpup and down and sit back down.
I've heard that that's helpfultoo yeah, because then it's just
(19:28):
like.
I think it's almost like awashing machine.
If you don't have, like what isit not the vigorator, the
agitator?
Oh yeah, if you don't have that, then what are you doing?
Right, it's not helpinganything.
Um, so this is like the.
My prep is I would do that.
But, honestly, if I'm feelinglike having sex, do you ever
like watch where you're eatingthat day?
And if I'm in a relationship, Inever do.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
But if I'm not and I'm like oh, I know, I have
plans, then I will I I neverthink about it early enough in
the day, like I don't thinkabout it until like the evening,
and then I'm like well, I atewhat I ate already.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
None of your business anymore.
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But if it's like a weekend and I wake up and I'm
like really horny, then I'll belike, okay, let's skip breakfast
.
Because, like, maybe I'll youknow, get some action in the
afternoon.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Do you want to tell them about your experience with
imodium?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I don't think taking imodium to bottom is a best idea
, because I thought it was likeit's still going to be there.
It's just gonna make it moveslower, I guess.
But yeah, I had never takenimodium before and I bought some
because I was like I've heardthat this works.
Um, maybe you should only takeit if you have diarrhea I didn't
have diarrhea at the time, butbut I was like you know what,
I'm just going to do it becauseI don't know how long a clean,
(20:49):
douched out butt stays clean.
So I think you and David wereboth away Giving you advice.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah, so I text both of you.
You did text me and I took awhile to respond or something.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Yeah, and I think, David was at his grandma's
funeral and text me back.
Yeah, I was back home it was anapril yeah, both of you were,
yeah, back home or something.
Um, he was like I'm praying therosary right now, but, uh, yeah
, you should definitely take twoum imodium.
Uh, and I was like how long doI have to wait?
Can I eat still or no?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
and then that's when Mute from me yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
That's when one of you explained to me what a
hungry bottom was and I was like, oh, it's because they can't
eat.
No wonder they're hungry.
I thought it was because theywanted like dick, like they're
hungry for dick.
No, it's because they literallycan't eat.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
That's why I have ice soup.
Yeah, just some ice cubes, butsee, like to me though my bowels
yeah, my bowels are not thatbad that like I'm overly
concerned about it, because ifthere's a speck or two, you're
literally putting your penis insomeone's butthole you think we
should talk about that?
Yeah because you can get fucked.
If you are going to makesomeone feel bad for it, go
stick your dick in a vagina then, or masturbate.
Because I'm so passionate aboutthat, because if someone's going
(22:06):
to give you a hard time, itcomes with the game.
Right Poop comes out of yourbutt.
To me it's low-key, high-key,homophobic.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
If you're going to put your dick into a butt, then
you need to be prepared for theoff chance that there's some
poop in there have you ever beenbecause when people are like,
oh, I've never done it, likethere's always, it's always had
someone's always had to haveexperienced it have you ever
been mistreated by someone whowas topping you and if there
were like specks or like a smellor anything?
(22:37):
No, I haven't either, but Iknow that there's man because
I've gotten messages from people.
It's like you better not shiton my dick and I'm like you can
get fucked and that's why wehave sex, because I'm like okay,
although I know I just douchedthe one time for the year you're
not getting it.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I hope someone shits on you now, it's not ever.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh no, I do have a story oh okay, let's go.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Oh no, I do have a story.
Oh okay, let's go god, I don'tknow.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Oh, not sharing that.
Ah, okay, I'll share it and I'lldecide later, after you edit
okay um, the very, very, veryfirst time I ever douched it was
pride, circa like 2017.
Yeah, okay, first time I everdouched and I was at a friend's
house who also had a friendthere that they were all three
(23:26):
wanting both, or all.
Both of them were wanting tohave the sexy cabades and I was
like, okay, let me shower,because we've been out and about
all day.
And then I saw that he had ashower shot in his shower and I
was like I don't know if I'mgonna be good because I was
pretty drunk.
So I was like let me just justtry it.
The volume of water matters itdoes.
Like I said earlier, I thoughtI was going to become one of
(23:48):
those fountains where water isjust squirting out of my mouth.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Did you feel so bloated?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I guess what happened , what I wasn't just a fountain
from my mouth.
During sex, I became a fountainfrom my booty hole, that's, I
wasn't just a fountain from mymouth.
Yeah, during sex I became afountain from my booty hole.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like I don't understand
.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Because it dislodged all of it.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
But also like doing it in your shower, like what if?
What if, like a large like andluckily this didn't happen to me
, thank God, but it did happenon the bed.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
But like what do you if, like, a full turd comes out
in the shower, are you likesquishing it to go through your
drain?
You never heard of a wafflestomp.
That's what it's called whenyou, you know, because it's like
a waffle pattern and the drainhas like that waffle pattern and
you stomp the poop into it.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
It's called a waffle stomp that would be 13th reason
if I had to stomp corn from mybowel movement through a drain.
Okay, well, I think about thisevery time, and then I get in
someone's shower and I'm likethere's fecal matter on this
floor.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I just walk to my toilet.
I don't let the douche waterout in the shower.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Geographically, that's a decent walk for you.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
There's bath mats.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Are you just holding your cheeks together so the
water doesn't come out?
Oh, and are you just likethere's bath mats?
Are you just like holding yourcheeks together, like, so the
water doesn't come out?
Oh, it is only three ounces.
You don't do.
Why don't you just do it overtop of the toilet?
That's what I do.
You said you walk to the toilet.
I thought you meant like yousqueezed it in your butt.
Then you walk over to thetoilet I do?
Why would you not just squeeze?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
in your butt over top of the toilet.
I don't know.
It's just more relaxing in theshower.
You gotta really set the scene.
Yeah, I want to enjoy myself inmy shower for your children's
mucus sucking.
I'm gonna have like a niceluxurious calming shower and I'm
just gonna shoot some water upmy butt while I'm at it and then
I'm gonna take a little breakand I'll go over to the toilet
(25:36):
and relieve myself.
Yeah, better than wafflestomping.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I don't know, that's just my opinion it's, it's wild,
yeah, but people do that, yeah,oh my god, now I'm just
envisioning it.
Well, I mean, they don't have aclogged fucking toilet.
Probably they got a cloggedshower.
Yeah, I don't know.
Okay, I have some goodfollow-up questions, okay, um,
do you prefer prefer?
(26:04):
Do you prefer water-based lubeor silicone?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
or hybrid.
I was gonna say that yeah, um,I prefer silicone or hybrid.
There's also oil-based isn.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Isn't that what silicone is?
No, oh, like I've used coconutoil before, yeah, it stains.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
It does, yeah, so does silicone, though I know
that yeah.
But it feels the best.
I agree, silicone was a gamechanger for me.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I was going to ask you like does one feel better?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Next to butthole surgery.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
If anal doesn't feel good, get surgery and then
switch to silicone yeah, it justlike.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Uh it lasts so much longer, it's not like sticky,
it's slippery, and you don'tneed as much of it and you don't
have to keep like reapplyinglike you do with a water-based
agreed and it does just feelbetter things glide.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
It's almost like whenever they zamboni ice and an
ice skater goes out there andhow like slipperoni and cheese.
That is like, yeah, that's whatI envisioned silicone loop
being like yeah, it just putslike a whole new surface on yeah
, I have.
I use a kind it's called spunkthat's supposed to mimic like
the.
It's a hybrid, but I think it'slike similar to the consistency
(27:19):
of jizz is that why it's calledspunk?
It's the same color too.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Well, not all colors are the same, I guess okay, some
have a tinge that doesn't soundgreat to me.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
I mean, like it's good eventually it feels it's
the best experience withouthaving to commit to the silicone
uh stains okay okay, here'sanother hot tip what's your hot
when?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
you're bottoming um.
Don't put down a towel you know, if you're not 100, sure put
down a towel like put that ontop of your bed, especially if
you're using silicone lube, youknow, and have hand towels too
because there's nothing worsethan like when someone's like
hands are covered in siliconelube and then they like grab
(28:05):
your shirt and take it off.
Or they grab like yourpillowcase or your comforter and
you're like awesome.
So Now I'm going to get acne,thank you Like, because it
stains.
So you know, if you have somehand towels, have those next to
the bed.
Put a towel down before you gobottoms up.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Also a fabulous tip.
Hydrogen peroxide gets bloodout of anything.
Why?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
are you bleeding during sex?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Do you not remember it had been a minute?
What Remember?
Oh yeah, the 12 minute man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah it had been ahot minute, yeah, and but let's
be clear you should not bebleeding I did look up if
there's a time between sex anddouching and it said 30 minutes,
(28:57):
but preferred as an hour.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Yeah, and that was your rule of thumb that you
shared earlier right to me yeah,like wait one to two hours
after having a bowel movementand or after douching.
Also, have you ever used like afleet, like enema?
Yeah, wait.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Yeah, that's what hurt my butt.
It wasn't for women, it was theones that I had extra from my
patient from my first hospicejob, because I keep enemas in my
car for patients Right.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
And I tried it and it hurt.
What's the?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
difference Fleet, I think is saline.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Yeah.
Like in your experience, likewhat were the different effects
that you had, or was it prettymuch the same?
Speaker 2 (29:34):
So the liquid itself is the same.
It's the applicator.
That was a fucking bullshithurt.
Motherfucker, cut me up inside.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
But the liquid is not the same inside of a fleet.
No, but it feels the same iswhat I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It does the same job in my brain, like I know that
there's reasons for it, becauseelectrolyte imbalances and
things like that, but for myexperience I didn't feel like,
oh, one worked better than theother, or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Oh, I feel like I've only done a fleet once.
Oh, I feel like I've only donea fleet once, but once that
saline was in, I felt like I hadto take the biggest dump.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Like it, just like cleaned me out.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Interesting yeah because water is just kind of
like well, water goes in, watercomes out.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Because wait, water follows salt.
Mm-hmm, is that right?
So like if there's a salt in itit's going to pull?
That makes sense.
Yeah, interesting, I neverthought about that.
Mm-hmm, can I ask you some ofthe questions from my
brother-in-law?
Mm-hmm, he is in a straightmonogamous relationship with my
(30:38):
sister.
Okay, they are.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
As far as we know, 20 .
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Oh, I would know hannah would tell me yeah, yeah
um, when y'all are doing buttstuff and one ends up pooping,
is that like a turn-on, or if itis the same as a wife saying
she has a headache, or not?
Oh my god, it's definitely nota turn-on for me.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Let me repeat the question so I make sure I
understand it okay.
So your brother-in-law isasking what happens when someone
shits on your dick.
Is that a turn on, and can youuse your colon habits as a
excuse to not have sex?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
I've done it before where I've been like well, I've
like, oh yeah, I'm actuallyprobably pretty good, but I'm
like sorry, I just am not in themood, so yeah.
Or like sorry my tummy you knowWell, yeah, but instead of like
, instead of saying oh, I'm notin the mood because I can kind
of like be a you know synonymsyeah, it doesn't also it doesn't
(31:44):
have to be a lie, like you canuse it as an excuse, but I think
that, yeah, people probably do.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
You clearly do or have before I have before.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, but I I use it again.
It goes back to beingemotionally connected.
When I'm not as emotionallyconnected, I'm like you have a
lot of stomach aches, I've beentruly yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Okay, then the first part of his question what does
it turn someone on?
Yeah, what's your response.
It doesn't turn me on andthat's gonna be my politically
correct answer, okay I would say, for the most part, no, it's
not a turn on, but I think somepeople you know who are into
like scat play, then yes, itcould be we've talked a lot
about scat yeah, we have are wea scat podcast?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I think we are.
I was going to.
That's where my brain was tooOkay.
Do gays use butt plugs and dothey eat ass?
Or does that only exist in astraight man world?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
What we invented eating ass.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
How rude Is this?
Him telling me he's.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Let's not talk about that.
Let's not talk about that.
Let's not talk about that.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Oh, interesting, he thought he invented it yeah,
gays invented eating ass.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
So stop culturally appropriating our culture oh my
god.
Okay, this is a good question dogay guys use butt plugs?
The butt a butt plug is used tohelp like stretch and relax
your sphincter muscle.
I have to use it because I hadbutthole surgery.
It could because my butt's tootight.
(33:11):
So, leading up to like havingsex with anal sex with someone,
I want to make sure that it'snot going to be painful and I
know that's not the case foreveryone, but some people are
just not as tight as me, so goodfor them honey, she could puff
a cigarette.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, a parliament.
Okay, let's go down to business.
Um, okay, yeah, I never prepand plan like that's so much.
Like you know, I'm verysituational like I'm like okay,
I'm doing this activity rightnow, I'm not thinking about sex
later.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, my advice, though, with butt plugs, is
start small and work your way upif you so choose.
Small is just fine for mostpeople, but like they sell them
in like graduated sizes and likesets and stuff, yeah, so you
can like get bigger ones, likeas you become a professional
(34:03):
bottom following butt plugswhich I don't ever really use.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
I'm just like I'm just gonna breathe, get through
it.
But again, I'm not gonna climbmount everest if I haven't went
hiking recently.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Okay, that is a really good tip, like if that
dick is a mount everest dick andyou haven't even done like any
of the prep hikes leading up tomount everest.
You haven't done a rainier, youhaven't done a baker, you
haven't even done a mount sai.
Okay, be prepared for a fuckingavalanche, bitch yeah like you
(34:37):
cannot do that.
That's why they sell thegraduated butt plugs every time
we say graduate I just think ofthe graduated cylinders.
Yeah, every single time itcomes out of your mouth.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
But they do make lots of different toys and stuff
like that.
That's what I was going to asknext Do you have any other?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Well, I was just going to say that, like, anal
sex should not hurt, and this iscoming from someone who had
like a chronic anal fissure andit was very painful for a very
long time and everyone kepttelling me it shouldn't hurt, it
shouldn't hurt, it shouldn'thurt.
And I was like I don't believeyou, like it just is always
going to hurt.
(35:13):
And then I had my, my surgeryand then I realized, okay,
actually they're right, becausewith enough like prep work, um,
and relaxation techniques andyou know being in the mood, I
think the number one like thingis you have to like really want
to do it, like you have to bereally turned on by the idea of
(35:38):
that happening, of a penis goingin your butt, but for the most
part, it should not hurt.
There can be like a little bitof like sensitivity, like at the
entry point especially when you, if you like, your very, very
first time ever, ever havinganal.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Like it's not the most comfortable, yeah, but then
like it shouldn't be painful,but like a little discomfort is
normal ish at the beginning andall that means is you should
just go fucking slow and ifsomeone tries to rail it in
there yeah, in the fuckingthroat.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Hit him in the throat honestly because it feels the
same yeah gentle entry.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Okay, my other follow-up question is do you?
I think gay men are theluckiest because and there's a
lot of like we get to feel bothsensations, like if you want to
be a top, if you want to be abottom, things are built in.
You don't necessarily have tobring inanimate objects.
You know, and like lesbianrelationships or like you know.
(36:32):
You're bragging yeah, bragging,yeah, yeah, I am bragging, yeah
, that we are superior, but doyou ever?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
you this is gonna be sharing a lot on the internet.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Okay, be prepared.
Do you ever use inanimateobjects on yourself if you're
masturbating?
Speaker 1 (36:46):
oh yeah, I have it.
I have a glass dildo.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
I love it I keep trying to convince you to put it
in the freezer.
I'm not gonnaicle myself, Ijust want to hear the experience
.
Or I just want to know that youhave it.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Well, that's what I use as my dipstick.
I prefer glass why?
Because it's just like nice andsmooth.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Do you have any horror stories?
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Rectally, Besides my seven year fissure Define horror
story.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Okay, well, I'll give you an example.
Okay, great it's helpful, likesomeone using too big of a
condom and the friction reallybeing just uncomfortable.
Too big of a condom onthemselves, yeah, so there's a
lot of extra material.
They need it.
It's almost like hemming yourpants, like they need a hem.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
I've never had that experience.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
No, Okay, well, I'm inclusive.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Okay, size inclusive.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Yes, never, don't use a fucking ribbed condom.
No, don't allow them to use oneSame exact feeling, okay, and
never, ever, ever by fire andice lube by accident.
Is that like icy hot?
Mm-hmm?
That's when I had to put an icecube up my butt, oh no, when I
was 16.
Was it?
Speaker 1 (37:58):
like spicy?
Yes.
Could you taste it in yourmouth?
Speaker 2 (38:01):
No, but I it almost felt like an itch inside of your
body that you can't putphysically, scratch it Like it
was just like.
It felt like just like icy hot.
That's terrible.
I had accidentally bought, Iwas 16.
I, I was 16.
I didn't know.
I was like, okay, I'll grabthat one.
The wrong loop.
And it was fire and ice.
And I swear, I'm not evenjoking I put an ice cube up my
(38:23):
butt.
Have you ever been fisted orfisted?
I have fisted someone Did it.
Were you in my brain.
I'm so worried and concernedthat I'm going to like nick
something in there which Ithought I would.
I to like nick something inthere which I thought I would.
(38:46):
I had my nails filed because Idid do this to someone.
But then also, like I'm, I likeI think that prolapsed things
are and people are.
Some people are into I'm scaredto death of that sea urchin
coming out, because that's whatit looks like to me.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Um, I feel like people who get fisted are so
professional with their bootyholes like they.
Those are like pro booty holes,like they know exactly like
calluses, like what do you meanthey?
Could sit on anything and like.
So your fist is like okay,that's fine, I've had bigger, do
(39:13):
you?
Speaker 2 (39:13):
think that, oh god, I'm gonna ask you a hot take
question?
Uh-huh.
Do you think that, oh god, I'mgonna ask you a hot take
question?
Do you think that there is adecreased satisfaction with
penises then?
Because, like, if yourtolerance gets up to very, very
large things, like you're like,okay, like that feels fine, is
it?
Would it be like you and Ihaving a pinky up our booty
holes?
Speaker 1 (39:34):
versus someone?
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
That would suck.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I Okay, but I think it's like oh, my.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
God, you have to do so much.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Crisco.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Yeah, I don't know.
That's a question for someoneelse.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
Hi, thank you for being our fisting expert.
How do you prep Uh-huh With afive-gallon bucket?
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Can you still reach out to your person that you
fisted?
No, no me either.
I mean, I could.
I know him, but I don't reallywant to talk to him was he a
frequent fisty?
No, was it just something hewanted to try.
Oh, he's definitely done itbefore.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Oh, could you just fell right in no wait, you
should get one of the.
You know about the ring tattooson your arm yeah can you point
on your arm to where you went?
No, who is it elbow?
Speaker 1 (40:23):
no, oh my god, could you imagine?
Do you know what a standingovation is stop it.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Stop it right now, because I did it.
Until you say that I'm guessingI can tell what it's gonna be,
uh-huh, please tell the class.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
It's like where you not just get like one fist up
there, but you get both hands upthere, and then you clap your
hands.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I'm envisioning you know how like people do those
molds of them holding hands.
Yeah, the wax molds.
I'm just envisioning someonemaking a mold in someone's
butthole.
We've really taken this podcastin such a different direction.
That's a different kind ofdipstick, a different direction
than our first episode.
(41:04):
Who would have thought we wouldhave been here?
Oh, what I was going to tellyou, remember, about prepping?
And I was going to share mystory about corn.
Oh, yeah, because this involvesone of your friends recently.
Oh right, right yeah to.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Before we go to victory advice.
This will just give everyone achuckle.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
So I've talked about this corn salad recipe that my
nana has made to y'allextensively cowboy caviar right?
No, that one's more of a dipbut this one's supposed to be a
dip, but I just eat it straight,okay.
And so there's corn, mayonnaise, cheese, onion, bell pepper,
that's literally it three bottomon them cans of corn and I went
through it in less than likefour or five.
(41:45):
So then this guy we met on anapp that is not usually a dating
app and but we decided that wewere going to have drinks.
But then it changed from goingto drinks to at his house and he
used like a sexual emoji, likebrr type thing.
So it was Grindr.
You're so good at guessing, Ishould really do charades more.
(42:08):
And so I'm like, oh yeah,that'll be great, like we'll
have sex.
I'm in the mood.
This is great.
No, no, no.
I go to the bathroom and mytummy starts to turn a girl.
That corn got me when did.
I eat corn.
Oh yeah, the last four days andhelpings of it.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Three cans of corn.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Several helpings of it every day, and one morning I
had it for breakfast.
It's so good.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
In a hooser.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
And then he starts making a sexual move, cause,
like earlier in the night, Ilike I hadn't made a sexual move
, and so then he startedreciprocating.
I'm like I changed my mind.
I didn't change my mind.
I'm booty held dead.
And then I had to tell him hey,I'm sorry I had fried foods
today Cause I couldn't like whatif I couldn't say I ate three
cans of corn, because thenthat's gonna be like well,
(42:56):
that's okay, you're dumb ass.
So then I'm like I'm gonna haveto really go home soon, like
that is that I'm just reallynauseous, not nauseous, just
rectally nauseous, and and thenhe checks on me later that night
and then the next day how'syour tummy doing?
Fine, how's yours?
Oh?
Speaker 1 (43:15):
my god corn.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
We'll do it to you stay away from it if you want a
bottom yeah the.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
I don't eat corn because if it comes out looking
the same way it went in, thatmeans your body's not digesting
it.
I mean, you're not getting anynutrients from it, so why eat it
?
Speaker 2 (43:32):
I think so.
It's just gonna upset yourstomach.
There's little elves in therethat are like gluing it back
together.
I don't think so, honey.
I think so.
Let's's just going to upsetyour stomach.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
There's little elves in there that are like gluing it
back together.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
I don't think so, honey.
I think so.
Let's do victory and vice.
Okay, I came prepared with twovictories.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
And no vice Correct.
Yeah, okay, you go first thenOkay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
I'm really excited.
I'm so excited about this and Iabout this, and I hope
something positive comes fromthis.
I just want to say thank you toChili's and all those that have
believed in me, because we didit y'all, we did it Joe, we did
it Kyle, we did the damn thing.
Me tormenting Chili's non-stopfor how long, oh my god.
(44:16):
I started a petition last year,like last October, for Chili's.
Like on Facebook.
It was like a yeah, I shared iton there.
I think I got up to like 75signatures or something.
Obviously not enough, but it'smore just for the bit.
But Chili's would bring alocation here to Seattle.
Which is the closest one isSpokane, four hours away, okay,
(44:37):
which I've been to Decent,decent, and it's really been
causing me such turmoil mentallybeing so far away.
Could you imagine somethingthat feels like home to you just
four hours away?
Yeah, you feel lost and alone.
No guidance in life?
Yeah, no North Star, no Leguidance in life.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Yeah, no, north Star.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
No Leading you home and you're just out here like
blindly just trying to figurelife out Right With the Chili's
that far away.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Right.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Thank you for committing to that.
That was good.
I heard it from a source onReddit.
Actually, tyler from there Areno Gays in Montana shared it
with me initially, and then itwas confirmed by Seattle Fine
Rarefined or something like thatoh, seattle Refined, that's it,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
That's it, seattle Rarefines, that they are
bringing a Chili's.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
The only caveat and downfall is it's going to be in
the airport but Chili's, ifyou're listening, because you
have to have a flight yeah, inorder to eat there.
Yeah, okay, chilies, if you'relistening, I have the best
marketing fucking idea for youmake a lounge that I can buy, as
I was gonna say season pass, ayearly or an annual membership
to.
I would hang out in that loungeinstead of all the other shit
(45:53):
ass lounges which I don't have alounge access but you still
have to have a flight to accessa lounge.
I know, but like the ideabecause I'm going to sit if I
have a flight.
I'm going to sit at thatChili's all day anyway.
So now just turn it into alounge where there's commodes, a
shower and where, like it,includes a meal and you can
waffle stomp in the shower.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Shut your mouth.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Chili's you this?
Put a shower shot in thoseCause.
I honey, I know I just ate atriple dipper, but I am about to
get triple dipped, so clean meup.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
Yes, that's some fried food, honey, that is.
You ain't getting tripledNothing.
Triple dipper Nada dipper nada.
That's why every time I comehome rarely ever have sex.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
I go home because I eat fried food.
Yeah, because I'm going tochili's every day, but, um, yes,
they are putting one in theseattle airport and I am buying
kyle and I uh, refundable periodunderline bold um flight
tickets, flights for their grandopening whenever we get a date.
Because we will be there andthat's a backup plan of chili's.
If you don't invite mepersonally, we will have beef.
(47:02):
Actually, we'll have groundturkey.
Because it hurts my tummy, wewill we will have a triple
dipper, we'll have problems.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Yeah, okay, what's your other?
Speaker 2 (47:10):
victory.
Following up with that, Iwhat's it?
It would probably be theepisode that comes out before
this, when I was crying aboutalcohol uh-huh, yeah, yeah,
period underline um, I did seemy psych nurse practitioner,
uh-huh, and started on that.
Today's my seventh day ofstarting lexapro back for
(47:33):
anxiety and she, I've beenprescribed foranolol this whole
time but they just forget, keepforgetting to call in the
refills, which is for like uh,anxiety because I feel it in my
chest pitter patter, pitterpatter and um, I started back on
those and this past week, Iwould say, my anxiety has been a
decent amount better.
(47:54):
I know it's obviously not fromthe Alexa Pro, but from using
the ProPanel.
All again, it's been a goodamount better.
What has your witnessingexperience been.
Do you support that or do youhave no comments?
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I would agree with you.
You have seemed to be in a muchbetter mood and less
catastrophizing things.
Yes, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
It makes no sense to me, Kyle, because I know I
didn't do that before.
Yeah, but I hear I could seehow that would apply to some
people.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
No no, a thousand percent, and I just have.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
I've been able to like kind of not be so in a
fucking hole every day Even if Ilike, had a bad, baddest day
coming home from work.
I've just been like you knowwhat.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
It doesn't matter I'm gonna be okay, I'm not gonna
stress about it, and it's been alittle bit easier yeah, and we
had that social outing yesterdaythat I think you're gonna talk
about that I took my propanololbefore it and I didn't shut the
fuck up.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Yeah, and I usually like at the beginning, like will
be really anxious until I get alittle bit of liquor, courage,
and then won't shut up.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
So I don't know if it's a victory for me or is it
for them.
How was your?
Has it affected your perceptionof alcohol?
Just like circling back to thatepisode.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
Yeah.
In a way of I'm going to use anexample.
Like yesterday I didn't Becauseyour drinks first off they
slapped.
Kiss, they slapped yeah, um, Ididn't feel the need to like
need to drink a whole lot backto back to back to back, which,
oh my god, that was verydramatic.
I didn't need to like get thatliquid courage into me before
(49:31):
everyone arrived, get drunk yeah, before people arrived, right
like I did it like throughoutthe day, but it wasn't like I
need this to be able to interactwith people so yeah, I didn't
even think about that yeah, thatdefinitely like impacted that
positively yesterday.
Yeah, that's good to hear.
Yeah, thank you yeah, um.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Okay.
So what caleb is alluding to is, um my victory of the week,
which is, um the fact that I gota group of friends together and
we went out on our friendlindsey's boat and we had a
little celebrating, um happybottom autumn, and I made some
(50:07):
really yummy autumn spritzeswith like all spiced dram and
champagne and a little bit oflike spiced apple cider and soda
water.
It was so, so yummy and we hadlots of like little autumn
snacks and we all wore plaid andit was a lot of fun just like
getting everyone together and Ijust felt so much like gratitude
(50:29):
on that boat, being with abunch of people who many of them
didn't know each other, but Ifelt by the end of it like they
had all like done a really goodjob of like integrating and
meeting people and saying hi,and I love hosting an event
where I don't feel like I haveto constantly do that.
So I feel like I brought areally like great group of
(50:52):
people together in order tocelebrate autumn, and bottoming,
and bottoming.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
Yeah, you are a good community builder, like a good
that is a skill set of yoursyeah, I just I like curating
like high quality people periodyeah yeah, and those are some
high quality people yeah, andyou curated a lovely group.
That all which which little didwe know two PhD individuals.
(51:19):
I know the joke you said aboutthe P and the PhD.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
Oh yeah, Someone had some psychourinary retention
problems.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Bring it back, yes.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
And he had his PhD and I was like so you just have
a HD because you can't pee and Iwas like, so you just have a hd
because you can't pee.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
And I I mentally made a note which I never come back
to things I was like I have tofollow up with Kyle the next day
because that tickled me oh,because I needed the attention
that it deserved.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yeah, okay, what's your advice?
My advice is after the boatparty, we went down to Tacoma to
see a gay medium who, like, canspeak to um, I was gonna say
the devil what he said.
Speaker 2 (52:04):
Those are not physical form right.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
The spirit world basically, and my vice is it was
.
We had a great time, it was somuch fun, but my vice is that we
didn't get a reading in ourgroup.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
I love to be read.
Yeah, I know For filth, forspirits.
I was like he's gay.
Speaker 1 (52:20):
He's going to clock us from a mile away.
I mean, I have my nails painted.
You're wearing somethingbedazzled, I'm sure, and
Lindsay's in a full hippieattire.
Speaker 2 (52:34):
She does spells.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Absolutely, she's looking very witchy.
Yeah, yeah, um, but none of ourancestors came to speak to us.
But at the end of the reading,we all decided that the people
who did get readings, whoseloved ones um did show up for
them, probably needed to heartheir voices a lot more than we
(52:57):
did and I've never not been abeliever in this, like mediums
and stuff, but especially thatlast girl, whose wedding and
like a wedding date and the dayhe died like we're like 20 days
apart in september.
Speaker 2 (53:12):
Yeah, all the details that he knew, like the letters
of their name, like the kidsmoving packing up the stuff,
that that she had a picture oftheir hands holding above the
bed which is, and he knew thatshe talked to him yeah, exactly
how.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
And it just was wild to experience it and, like he's
also really funny, so like I waseither in complete tears and
could barely like hold back myemotions, like about to break
down.
Or I was about to like breakout and or I was just like
laughing hysterically.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Especially the Christian Chenoweth stuff.
I know it was so great.
I know she was literally liketwo buildings down.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Next door yeah.
And like the same night and itwas like where's everyone's
husbands?
Are they at christian chenoweth?
Speaker 2 (53:59):
we didn't get read, but like I swear to you, two or
three rows, every row in frontof us about two rows in front of
us and the row behind us.
All, everyone around us, but notus maybe that just says, we
have good energy yeah I think so, but I I enjoyed hearing it and
like seeing it and like anaction, because what a gift that
I would not want and like Ifelt this weird, like under, not
(54:27):
understanding, like I can dothat, but like he was so
comfortable with talking aboutpeople who had passed, like I
just felt very like I enjoyedthat someone was speaking, kind
of like I do, about people thatare like dying or dead or things
like that, so it's kind of Idon't know.
I feel like gay people ingeneral, like we're closer to
that veil why do you think thatpeople don't believe that gay
(54:48):
people are being gay as a choice?
So we're like alreadyopen-minded to like things that
are different?
Speaker 1 (54:52):
yeah, kind of status quo, yeah it's like we see the
world differently than otherpeople already, and so the fact
that like we can connect with,like understanding what it means
for someone to have an abilitylike connecting to the spirit
world, just like, isn't that bigof a jump anymore.
Speaker 2 (55:13):
No yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
Yeah, I don't know if that makes sense.
It does, because I oddly feelthe same way but I would not be
able to put into words wevibrate at a different frequency
that's how he would put it andit's closer to his frequency,
not just because he's gay, butalso because he's a medium well,
the rhinestones had somethingto do with it, I'm sure, because
oh yeah it's like queen um me,bedazzling everything out my
(55:38):
pill bottle yeah, what was his?
Speaker 2 (55:39):
name?
Um, you just shout him outtravis hope, yes, h as in hope,
o as in ope, l as in ope and pas in.
I just said his name, just fordifferent letters.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yeah, I know, travis.
Speaker 2 (55:54):
Hulp, hulp, yeah with a P.
Speaker 1 (55:57):
Yeah, so those are my victories and vices.
We covered so many topics, Ifeel like, today.
If you have any great advice onanal sex, on douching, what
your routine is, then feel freeto share those with us and we'll
share them with our audience.
You can write in tounfamouslyunwell at gmailcom.
(56:17):
You can follow us on instagramat unfamouslyunwell and send us
a direct message there, or youcan click the link in the bio or
in the description and you cansend us a text message that way.
Um, otherwise, thank you allfor listening to this week's
episode and we look forward toconnecting with you next week.
(56:38):
We have some spooky topicscoming up in the future yeah, um
, I feel like the topic aboutthe medium like really got me
thinking about my own like ghoststories and ghoul stories and
my own connections to the spiritrealm ghouls, girls and days.
Speaker 2 (56:54):
Yes, honey, ghouls, girls and days.
Yes, honey, ghouls, gays anddays.
That's it Ghouls, gays and days.
Speaker 1 (56:59):
That could be the name of our next episode.
You're welcome.
So until next week, enjoybottom autumn and get proud
honey, and we wish you well,take your fiber.
Thanks for listening to anotherepisode of Unfamously Unwell,
the unrated podcast hosted byyour two favorite Seattle
(57:19):
homosexuals on a journey tohigher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along
the way.
Speaker 2 (57:29):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 1 (57:40):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUnwell, unrated.
Have you ever shit yourself?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Kyle, I have not Okay , but it was an accident.
Why would you do this to me?
I told you that in confidence,you can leave this in, but I
just want to let the record showthat I'm giving so much to this
podcast because my bowel habitsOkay picture this Fucking in a
(00:23):
honey bucket and shitting inyour car.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
But I'm giving so much to this podcast Because my
bowel habits Okay.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Picture this Fucking in a honey bucket and shitting
in your car and then having toshit when we were camping, and
then you know that'll be a greatsegue into our topic.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Okay, kyle, let me put it to you this way I met my
friends in Fremont.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
This was back when I still lived in Cap Hill, maybe,
like March Maybe, and we'reshooting pool.
They got chicken tenders and Iknow the fried food's upset my
belly, I know it.
But read the room, caleb, it'sall fried.
So I was like, okay, let mejust have me a chicken tender.
Everything's cool, fine,collected.
I'm leaving.
I'm like, okay, toodles, toot,toots.
(01:04):
So then I get into Cap Hill andyou know how there's all that
fucking construction and I swearto you, there was a wreck on
top of it.
So I'm stuck there for 35minutes and then I've never
experienced like where you'resweating, where you're just like
, okay, I can do this, I can dothis, I can do this.
And I keep telling myself thisover and over and over again,
kyle, and like your tummy'sgrumbling it's upset with me and
(01:27):
I knew it.
I knew it was gonna upset her,but I was like I'm gonna do it
to you anyway and I'm surprisedthat fried food upsets your
stomach when you are from thesouth and you eat that stuff all
the time what's fried?
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I don't know fast food, leave me alone okay anyway
.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So then I'm like, oh fuck, it's coming, and I'm like,
literally like, like holding mybutt above the seat like
prairie, dogging like yes, andI'm squeezing with all my mind.
I'm on the phone with my friend.
I'm like I have to get off thisphone right now because I have
to focus on keeping this in mybody.
Newsflash didn't stay there.
So then I'm like holy fuck,okay, I can't get it.
It's in my work car.
(02:08):
I'm in my scrubs.
I'm like I can't let it get onthe seat.
It's light gray.
And it's fabric and so I have mylittle embroidery, little zip
around pouch.
I'm like, okay, well, that'sthe darkest thing in this car.
I could put it on my Patagonia.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
You sat on top of it.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
No, I just held it underneath just in case any
leakage came out, because I knew, girl, it was not going to be
solid Kyle.
Yeah, when I tell you, a fewweeks prior, I had just bought a
brand like three new sets ofCalvin Klein briefs.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
When I tell you, can you guess the color?
Those are my favorite, theathletic briefs.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
When I tell you, can you guess the color the athletic
briefs?
So good Um, can I.
Can you guess the color of theones I was wearing at that time?
Speaker 1 (02:51):
I'm going to guess that afterwards they were Brown.
Okay, fair, guess that's fair.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
They were white, my first time wearing them, and I
had to throw them in the garbage.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I love new underwear too.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
It's so depressing, I know it's the best feeling on
your bum.
Yeah, didn't matter.
So yes, kyle, I have shitmyself.
I'm glad we're talking aboutbattle habits because it's going
to lead us into our topic fortoday, first off.
Second off, because we alreadysaid it before happy bottom
autumn.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Happy bottom autumn To those who celebrate.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yes, second off because we already said it
before um happy bottom autumn tothose, to those who celebrate.
Yes, um, you know, you don'thave to be part of the lgbtqia
plus a community celebratebottoms and autumn what is
autumn?
How's that different from fall?
It's not, it's the same thing.
Well then, why do we have twonames, for it's a synonym so
before we get started talkingabout this yeah I think that we
should share with the team withthe class with the fans what our
(03:45):
position on the field is, andthat's what you what are.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Position, our hour okay, got it yeah synonyms.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Like you said, I just pronounce it differently.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
You don't have an impediment okay, are an hour,
though that's that's called ahomophone, homophone, yeah,
homophone what'd you call me?
Homophobe um god, we're so offtopic.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Okay, no, our positions on the field.
I mean, we've mentioned it onceor twice I'm a born again verse
bottom um, but I think theywould give some validity to what
we're talking about today sowhat is your position?
Are you a pitcher or you acatcher?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I'm just versatile you're an all-time hitter.
I I think I've like explainedit a couple times on the podcast
before, but are you like 50?
50, I was like always a top andthen I had butthole surgery and
then I realized that like whatI was missing out on bottoming.
So now I just like both.
Just depends on who you're with, is it a?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
50, 50.
Like what is your missing outon bottoming?
So now I just like both.
Just depends on who you're with.
Is it a 50-50?
Like what is your desire Like?
Are you more like a?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
70-30, a 50-50, a 95-5?
I'd say.
I guess I'd say like 50-50, butit just depends on, like yeah,
who you desire.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
So in your last year you've equally bottomed as you
have topped.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Yeah, t.
Okay.
I feel like we should set thefoundation for our topic today,
which is we want to kind of diveinto like the prep work that
goes into bottoming.
I feel like there's a lot oflike misinformation or just like
not a lot of information thatis really trustworthy out there
and I'm not saying that we are abible of truth as far as like
(05:26):
um information goes.
if anything, you should factcheck everything that we say,
because not just this topic ingeneral, yeah, and, at the end
of the day, like listen to whatyour body um is saying, and if
what we're saying is different,then don't listen to us.
But I feel like there's somegeneral rules of thumb that you
can kind of like live by ortrust for the most part.
(05:47):
So we're going to kind of gointo like what has worked for us
in the past and what hasn't,and we've talked to some friends
who are in the medical fields.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
And my brother-in-law .
Speaker 1 (06:00):
And some straight people who have, like, really
great questions about anal sex,and so we're going to talk a
little bit about that today thatwas really short-winded kyle
thanks.
You know what, coming fromsomeone that shits themselves,
I'm not gonna t period.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
So well, should we explain like what bottoming is.
I know everyone who's listeningto this probably knows it means
you're the catcher, thereceiver, right.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
So anally, a penis or a foreign object is going into
your anus, correct?
Yeah?
Your rectum, passing thosesphincters lower intestine,
depending how big it is it getsright up into your heart, helps
it go up dub up dub that's oneway to do CPR causes acid reflux
, burns the tip yeah, so.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I want to like, do you have like a regimen for
prepping for anal sex?
Yeah, because in my like I, assomeone who mostly bottoms, like
I feel like you always kind ofhave to stay ready so you don't
have to get ready, but like, doyou do it just in case you meet
someone that you want to bottomfor?
Speaker 1 (07:13):
I would say and I want to know your regimen, so
both okay.
Oh my god, this is so personalokay, you're just not realizing
that.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
I just told people I shit my pants so you better be
juicy, okay.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Okay, my regimen is short and sweet and to the point
, and I only do it when I'm inthe mood to bottom, like if I'm
gonna go out and I may know thatI'm gonna run into someone that
I know is a top, or if I'm justlike feeling like you know,
tonight's a good night to bottom, or to be ready for either.
(07:49):
You know, then I'll do someprep.
My prep work involves douching,which usually I just do it in
the shower because it's likeeasy with the child mucus
extractor.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Is that what it called?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
okay.
So there's many douches outthere.
There's ones that you can getfrom the sex shop that have
really like long.
What are they called?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
phalanges, attachments.
We are not experts, we're notattachments.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Spouts, yeah, yeah they have long attachments that
shooters yeah, go up inside youand big fucking bulbs and they
cost like I don't know 50 bucksfor like some you know nice
silicone thing with a plastictip that you can put in the
dishwasher.
That's all nice.
But also, like those bulbs arelike too big, like you really
(08:36):
don't need that much water.
So my ex um pry like two exesback was a and he turned me on
to the like little nasalsyringes that you use for babies
.
They cost like a couple dollars.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And yours are like the sterile ones.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Yeah, they come in like hermetically sealed like
packages.
They're also like disposable,so you can like use them a
couple times.
You can like take them on tripswith you to travel, and then
you can like use them a coupletimes.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
You can like take them on trips with you to travel
, and then you can like throwthem away that's actually a good
rule of thumb, because I thinkabout how much mold just has to
grow in there, right?
Speaker 1 (09:15):
yeah.
So they're cheap, they'refairly disposable and they come
in like one, two, three ouncesize, which is really like all
you need to clean out your, yourbutt.
What ounce do you use?
I use a three, just in case.
Just in case, um, okay, tipnumber one, I would say um.
(09:37):
From my experience is that whenI first started douching, I was
like it needs to be likefucking crystal clear.
We're going to like super soakthis motherfucker, and so we'd
like fill it up and we just likesqueeze the shit out of it and
like hope for the best.
Okay, well, what I learned isthat when you like really
(10:00):
squeeze the end of your doucheinto your butt, it like shoots
water, water, like literallylike a super soaker, like way up
inside you and like that's notreally what you want because
it's gonna release more poop yes, exactly yeah so you really
want to like insert it into yourbutt and gently like squeeze it
(10:20):
with lube with lube, yes,pre-lube.
So you gently squeeze it so it'snot like shooting up into your
like lower intestine and it'sjust getting water into your
rectum, rectum, thank you.
Thank god we have a doctor herewho does hospice, so I'm very
knowledgeable.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
Yeah, you've seen them all um.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
So that would be my number one tip, because you'd
get like way less like leakageafterwards.
And yes, you don't want to likedisrupt feces that are like way
up there right, but leave thembe.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
Leave none of their business that they're not
involved, even be yeah um, sothat's your regimen, like if
you're, do you do it every timeif you want a bottom?
So that's your regimen, like ifyou're, do you do it every time
if you want a bottom, like justin case?
Or is it like if you think youfeel?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
like you need it.
Uh, I do it every time that Ilike I'm gonna go out and, like
you know, hoping for the best,okay the best being sex, and you
really shouldn't do for likemore than once or twice a month.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
It's like not very good for you.
I don't know if that statisticis.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I just read an article about it.
Okay, yeah, uh, it actuallysaid like, uh, like manufactured
douches, not water, so it mightbe more gentle with water oh
yeah, that makes sense like asaline solution or something,
but like washing out your rectumkills some of the like good
bacteria that's already in there, which helps with your like
(11:44):
colon health.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
So you don't want to do just like too often I mean,
some people have it attached intheir shower, so they're doing
it frequently I'm pretty surethat the wand that I have in my
shower, like is is uh, what's itcalled a douche buddy, or?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
a shower, shower shot shower, yeah, shower shot, yeah
, and I just like don't have theattachment for it, but it looks
like ones that I've seen beforethat do.
Should we ask?
Speaker 2 (12:10):
our previous landlord or current landlords, the
previous tenants.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Yeah, I'm.
I'm questioning whether or notto ask him, but I also don't
really want to put that up mybutt because, like I said before
, don't really want to put thatup my butt.
Like I said before, like thatis a lot of water pressure like
going all the way up into yourlower intestine and you don't
need that much in order to havesex.
Also, eight times out of ten,if you like are going to have
(12:36):
sex, it's going to be fine.
Like you don't really need todouche.
If you know your body whichcaleb, you can probably talk
more about this then you willknow those two out of ten times
when it's not gonna work, or youshould avoid having anal sex
because it feels like maybe it'snot clean down there what do
(12:59):
you think?
Speaker 2 (12:59):
I would know that because you don't do.
Oh correct yeah but I want tohear more before we get into me.
Yeah, so that's like almostlike last minute in a way.
Like you're doing it.
That's your final step of like,okay, now I can bottom, but do
you do other things like you doyour metamucil, do you?
Speaker 1 (13:16):
do like.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Fiber is important because it keeps you regular
right it's bulk forming too, soit creates shape and form right.
So if you don't have like reallyum firm stools or like bulky
stools, or if, like you, haveloose stools, then you can like
have fiber and that will helplike clean everything out yeah,
the idea is that when you do go,everything's kind of like
(13:40):
bulked together so it's gettingmajority of the stool out of
your body right, instead of like, if you don't really have a lot
of fiber in your diet, youcould go, but there's some
pieces left.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, and like you can get lots of fiber from your
diet, like you don't need totake supplements.
But for people that don't get alot of fiber, you know a fiber
supplement is probably a goodidea, especially if you're
bottoming.
I think that's it.
the other like tip that I wasgoing to share is that you do
want to use like warm water orlike body temperature water and
(14:13):
not cold water, because coldwater constricts tissue and you
want the tissue in your rectumto be relaxed and so if you're
using cold water, then it'sgoing to like constrict that
tissue and then there's going tobe folds in that tissue and
then there's going to be roomfor fecal matter to like collect
(14:34):
in those folds and not getwashed out with water.
So use warm water, don't supersoak your colon and don't douche
too often your colon and don'tdouche too often.
Wow, you just really got twoand I love it, okay.
Um, the last thing that I willdo especially if I have already
(14:54):
had sex with this person beforeand I know like what size his
dick is is I will do thedipstick test.
Do you know what the dipsticktest?
Speaker 2 (15:02):
is with the dildo, yeah, with the finger.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Yeah, you use something this the size or shape
of the person's dick and youinsert it into your butt and
then you just check, like youwhen you pull it out.
Is there anything on it?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
that's also good for like pre-lubing the area oh,
abso-fucking-lutely, because Idid see those like lube shots.
They're like where you couldput the lube way yeah, I've
never used one of those.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I haven't either.
I'm just like get in there,take it out explain what it is
so it's like a you know I'mthinking of like a tampon
applicator okay basically whatit is yeah it's like a tampon
applicator, but instead ofhaving a tampon inside, it has
lubricant inside I'm fuckingdumb.
It's a syringe yeah, that's itis.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's the easiest way to explain it.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Basically it's a syringe.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
And it puts like lube deeper in you.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Okay, wait, this actually brings up a good topic
because my friend that's adoctor I was asked he's also a
bottom Happy bottom autumn.
And he was telling me like hedoes not have any like regimen.
He eats fiber and he takes afiber supplement so that keeps
things moving.
He listens to his body and whenhe knows he can't bottom he
(16:12):
doesn't bottom, or if he has aloose stool he takes an emodium
to like help solidify things.
But he also said if you'reregularly having anal sex then
that in itself like helps youknow when you're like okay to go
or not, and also becausethere's lube in your butthole
(16:34):
things, things slide out moreeasily yeah, it's like putting
like a mineral oil and enema upthere or something, right?
Speaker 2 (16:42):
oh, you know, I've never thought about that.
I would so agree becausebecause, coming out of a
relationship, you obviously haveway more sex during a
relationship well, I'm not gonnasay that, obviously, yeah, not
everyone, um, I I think evenlike my mind and my butt were
more like in sync and I'm likemore confident, like oh,
absolutely not.
Or like oh yeah, I can do this,or you know like, you're just
(17:04):
like more confident, but thenalso like it probably does help
with like the regularity of ityeah, I would.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
I would say like your , your mind, butt connection is
stronger, like when you're usingsomeone well, no, when you're
dating it more, when you'reusing it more often that's fair
right?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
yeah, I would agree, because like you know.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
It's happening more often, so you have to be more
aware of it.
You're more conscious of it,then you know.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
You build that connection between your brain
and your butt what which I likehis approach, because I actually
my regimen is very similar tohis, because okay, what's what's
yours for those?
Who don't know.
I um have adhd and I'm on apretty high dose of adderall
every day.
I'm mildly constipated at alltimes.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Adderall makes you constipated.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I thought it gave you the runs, no.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
Some people have that reaction, but mine does not,
because it dries you out.
I'm mildly constipated at alltimes, which is really helpful
to be a bottom.
I forget to eat often, so thenit also helps.
I've maybe douched in mylifetime.
I have one, but like it'salmost, I only ever, ever, ever
(18:14):
use it in like okay, I'm horny,I need to have sex.
This is the only night I'm free.
I have to make sure that I'mwell accommodating to my guests
that will enter very, very likemaybe have done it twice this
entire year, okay, and but Inever do it in a relationship
I'm like well, so what's your?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
right, I'm getting there, I'm so like my douche.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
I'll do that every once in a while, but I but like
what's the regimen for douching,like what I use and like?
Speaker 1 (18:45):
volume and stuff.
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Yeah, I used to exclusively only use smart
bottles.
Smart water bottles, like smartwater, uh-huh.
You're talking about with theblue tip.
Uh-huh, works beautifully.
Okay With warm water.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
Okay, because, like the app, like it barely goes in
there, you don't have it.
Just it works beautifully Okay.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
So when you're in a pinch, you can do that.
Yeah, you get a smart water.
Is that sanitary?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
It was in my mouth.
Okay, you're the nurse.
I mean, someone else's mouth isgoing down there, so my mouth's
probably better for my own buttthan someone else's.
Yeah, and so I'll just likewe'll fill the bulb up and do it
and then stand up and just jumpup and down and sit back down.
I've heard that that's helpfultoo yeah, because then it's just
(19:28):
like.
I think it's almost like awashing machine.
If you don't have, like what isit not the vigorator, the
agitator?
Oh yeah, if you don't have that, then what are you doing?
Right, it's not helpinganything.
Um, so this is like the.
My prep is I would do that.
But, honestly, if I'm feelinglike having sex, do you ever
like watch where you're eatingthat day?
And if I'm in a relationship, Inever do.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
But if I'm not and I'm like oh, I know, I have
plans, then I will I I neverthink about it early enough in
the day, like I don't thinkabout it until like the evening,
and then I'm like well, I atewhat I ate already.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
None of your business anymore.
Right.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But if it's like a weekend and I wake up and I'm
like really horny, then I'll belike, okay, let's skip breakfast
.
Because, like, maybe I'll youknow, get some action in the
afternoon.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
Do you want to tell them about your experience with
imodium?
Speaker 1 (20:28):
I don't think taking imodium to bottom is a best idea
, because I thought it was likeit's still going to be there.
It's just gonna make it moveslower, I guess.
But yeah, I had never takenimodium before and I bought some
because I was like I've heardthat this works.
Um, maybe you should only takeit if you have diarrhea I didn't
have diarrhea at the time, butbut I was like you know what,
I'm just going to do it becauseI don't know how long a clean,
(20:49):
douched out butt stays clean.
So I think you and David wereboth away Giving you advice.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah, so I text both of you.
You did text me and I took awhile to respond or something.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Yeah, and I think, David was at his grandma's
funeral and text me back.
Yeah, I was back home it was anapril yeah, both of you were,
yeah, back home or something.
Um, he was like I'm praying therosary right now, but, uh, yeah
, you should definitely take twoum imodium.
Uh, and I was like how long doI have to wait?
Can I eat still or no?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
and then that's when Mute from me yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
That's when one of you explained to me what a
hungry bottom was and I was like, oh, it's because they can't
eat.
No wonder they're hungry.
I thought it was because theywanted like dick, like they're
hungry for dick.
No, it's because they literallycan't eat.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
That's why I have ice soup.
Yeah, just some ice cubes, butsee, like to me though my bowels
yeah, my bowels are not thatbad that like I'm overly
concerned about it, because ifthere's a speck or two, you're
literally putting your penis insomeone's butthole you think we
should talk about that?
Yeah because you can get fucked.
If you are going to makesomeone feel bad for it, go
stick your dick in a vagina then, or masturbate.
Because I'm so passionate aboutthat, because if someone's going
(22:06):
to give you a hard time, itcomes with the game.
Right Poop comes out of yourbutt.
To me it's low-key, high-key,homophobic.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
I don't know why.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
If you're going to put your dick into a butt, then
you need to be prepared for theoff chance that there's some
poop in there have you ever beenbecause when people are like,
oh, I've never done it, likethere's always, it's always had
someone's always had to haveexperienced it have you ever
been mistreated by someone whowas topping you and if there
were like specks or like a smellor anything?
(22:37):
No, I haven't either, but Iknow that there's man because
I've gotten messages from people.
It's like you better not shiton my dick and I'm like you can
get fucked and that's why wehave sex, because I'm like okay,
although I know I just douchedthe one time for the year you're
not getting it.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I hope someone shits on you now, it's not ever.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh no, I do have a story oh okay, let's go.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Oh no, I do have a story.
Oh okay, let's go god, I don'tknow.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Oh, not sharing that.
Ah, okay, I'll share it and I'lldecide later, after you edit
okay um, the very, very, veryfirst time I ever douched it was
pride, circa like 2017.
Yeah, okay, first time I everdouched and I was at a friend's
house who also had a friendthere that they were all three
(23:26):
wanting both, or all.
Both of them were wanting tohave the sexy cabades and I was
like, okay, let me shower,because we've been out and about
all day.
And then I saw that he had ashower shot in his shower and I
was like I don't know if I'mgonna be good because I was
pretty drunk.
So I was like let me just justtry it.
The volume of water matters itdoes.
Like I said earlier, I thoughtI was going to become one of
(23:48):
those fountains where water isjust squirting out of my mouth.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Did you feel so bloated?
Speaker 2 (23:54):
I guess what happened , what I wasn't just a fountain
from my mouth.
During sex, I became a fountainfrom my booty hole, that's, I
wasn't just a fountain from mymouth.
Yeah, during sex I became afountain from my booty hole.
Speaker 1 (24:02):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like I don't understand
.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Because it dislodged all of it.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
But also like doing it in your shower, like what if?
What if, like a large like andluckily this didn't happen to me
, thank God, but it did happenon the bed.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
But like what do you if, like, a full turd comes out
in the shower, are you likesquishing it to go through your
drain?
You never heard of a wafflestomp.
That's what it's called whenyou, you know, because it's like
a waffle pattern and the drainhas like that waffle pattern and
you stomp the poop into it.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
It's called a waffle stomp that would be 13th reason
if I had to stomp corn from mybowel movement through a drain.
Okay, well, I think about thisevery time, and then I get in
someone's shower and I'm likethere's fecal matter on this
floor.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I just walk to my toilet.
I don't let the douche waterout in the shower.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Geographically, that's a decent walk for you.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
There's bath mats.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Are you just holding your cheeks together so the
water doesn't come out?
Oh, and are you just likethere's bath mats?
Are you just like holding yourcheeks together, like, so the
water doesn't come out?
Oh, it is only three ounces.
You don't do.
Why don't you just do it overtop of the toilet?
That's what I do.
You said you walk to the toilet.
I thought you meant like yousqueezed it in your butt.
Then you walk over to thetoilet I do?
Why would you not just squeeze?
Speaker 1 (25:15):
in your butt over top of the toilet.
I don't know.
It's just more relaxing in theshower.
You gotta really set the scene.
Yeah, I want to enjoy myself inmy shower for your children's
mucus sucking.
I'm gonna have like a niceluxurious calming shower and I'm
just gonna shoot some water upmy butt while I'm at it and then
I'm gonna take a little breakand I'll go over to the toilet
(25:36):
and relieve myself.
Yeah, better than wafflestomping.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I don't know, that's just my opinion it's, it's wild,
yeah, but people do that, yeah,oh my god, now I'm just
envisioning it.
Well, I mean, they don't have aclogged fucking toilet.
Probably they got a cloggedshower.
Yeah, I don't know.
Okay, I have some goodfollow-up questions, okay, um,
do you prefer prefer?
(26:04):
Do you prefer water-based lubeor silicone?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
or hybrid.
I was gonna say that yeah, um,I prefer silicone or hybrid.
There's also oil-based isn.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Isn't that what silicone is?
No, oh, like I've used coconutoil before, yeah, it stains.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
It does, yeah, so does silicone, though I know
that yeah.
But it feels the best.
I agree, silicone was a gamechanger for me.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I was going to ask you like does one feel better?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Next to butthole surgery.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
If anal doesn't feel good, get surgery and then
switch to silicone yeah, it justlike.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Uh it lasts so much longer, it's not like sticky,
it's slippery, and you don'tneed as much of it and you don't
have to keep like reapplyinglike you do with a water-based
agreed and it does just feelbetter things glide.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
It's almost like whenever they zamboni ice and an
ice skater goes out there andhow like slipperoni and cheese.
That is like, yeah, that's whatI envisioned silicone loop
being like yeah, it just putslike a whole new surface on yeah
, I have.
I use a kind it's called spunkthat's supposed to mimic like
the.
It's a hybrid, but I think it'slike similar to the consistency
(27:19):
of jizz is that why it's calledspunk?
It's the same color too.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Well, not all colors are the same, I guess okay, some
have a tinge that doesn't soundgreat to me.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
I mean, like it's good eventually it feels it's
the best experience withouthaving to commit to the silicone
uh stains okay okay, here'sanother hot tip what's your hot
when?
Speaker 1 (27:45):
you're bottoming um.
Don't put down a towel you know, if you're not 100, sure put
down a towel like put that ontop of your bed, especially if
you're using silicone lube, youknow, and have hand towels too
because there's nothing worsethan like when someone's like
hands are covered in siliconelube and then they like grab
(28:05):
your shirt and take it off.
Or they grab like yourpillowcase or your comforter and
you're like awesome.
So Now I'm going to get acne,thank you Like, because it
stains.
So you know, if you have somehand towels, have those next to
the bed.
Put a towel down before you gobottoms up.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Also a fabulous tip.
Hydrogen peroxide gets bloodout of anything.
Why?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
are you bleeding during sex?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Do you not remember it had been a minute?
What Remember?
Oh yeah, the 12 minute man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah it had been ahot minute, yeah, and but let's
be clear you should not bebleeding I did look up if
there's a time between sex anddouching and it said 30 minutes,
(28:57):
but preferred as an hour.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Yeah, and that was your rule of thumb that you
shared earlier right to me yeah,like wait one to two hours
after having a bowel movementand or after douching.
Also, have you ever used like afleet, like enema?
Yeah, wait.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Yeah, that's what hurt my butt.
It wasn't for women, it was theones that I had extra from my
patient from my first hospicejob, because I keep enemas in my
car for patients Right.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
And I tried it and it hurt.
What's the?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
difference Fleet, I think is saline.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Yeah.
Like in your experience, likewhat were the different effects
that you had, or was it prettymuch the same?
Speaker 2 (29:34):
So the liquid itself is the same.
It's the applicator.
That was a fucking bullshithurt.
Motherfucker, cut me up inside.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
But the liquid is not the same inside of a fleet.
No, but it feels the same iswhat I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It does the same job in my brain, like I know that
there's reasons for it, becauseelectrolyte imbalances and
things like that, but for myexperience I didn't feel like,
oh, one worked better than theother, or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Oh, I feel like I've only done a fleet once.
Oh, I feel like I've only donea fleet once, but once that
saline was in, I felt like I hadto take the biggest dump.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Like it, just like cleaned me out.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Interesting yeah because water is just kind of
like well, water goes in, watercomes out.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Because wait, water follows salt.
Mm-hmm, is that right?
So like if there's a salt in itit's going to pull?
That makes sense.
Yeah, interesting, I neverthought about that.
Mm-hmm, can I ask you some ofthe questions from my
brother-in-law?
Mm-hmm, he is in a straightmonogamous relationship with my
(30:38):
sister.
Okay, they are.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
As far as we know, 20 .
Speaker 2 (30:42):
Oh, I would know hannah would tell me yeah, yeah
um, when y'all are doing buttstuff and one ends up pooping,
is that like a turn-on, or if itis the same as a wife saying
she has a headache, or not?
Oh my god, it's definitely nota turn-on for me.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Let me repeat the question so I make sure I
understand it okay.
So your brother-in-law isasking what happens when someone
shits on your dick.
Is that a turn on, and can youuse your colon habits as a
excuse to not have sex?
Speaker 2 (31:17):
I've done it before where I've been like well, I've
like, oh yeah, I'm actuallyprobably pretty good, but I'm
like sorry, I just am not in themood, so yeah.
Or like sorry my tummy you knowWell, yeah, but instead of like
, instead of saying oh, I'm notin the mood because I can kind
of like be a you know synonymsyeah, it doesn't also it doesn't
(31:44):
have to be a lie, like you canuse it as an excuse, but I think
that, yeah, people probably do.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
You clearly do or have before I have before.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yeah, but I I use it again.
It goes back to beingemotionally connected.
When I'm not as emotionallyconnected, I'm like you have a
lot of stomach aches, I've beentruly yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Okay, then the first part of his question what does
it turn someone on?
Yeah, what's your response.
It doesn't turn me on andthat's gonna be my politically
correct answer, okay I would say, for the most part, no, it's
not a turn on, but I think somepeople you know who are into
like scat play, then yes, itcould be we've talked a lot
about scat yeah, we have are wea scat podcast?
Speaker 2 (32:21):
I think we are.
I was going to.
That's where my brain was tooOkay.
Do gays use butt plugs and dothey eat ass?
Or does that only exist in astraight man world?
Speaker 1 (32:34):
What we invented eating ass.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
How rude Is this?
Him telling me he's.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
Let's not talk about that.
Let's not talk about that.
Let's not talk about that.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Oh, interesting, he thought he invented it yeah,
gays invented eating ass.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
So stop culturally appropriating our culture oh my
god.
Okay, this is a good question dogay guys use butt plugs?
The butt a butt plug is used tohelp like stretch and relax
your sphincter muscle.
I have to use it because I hadbutthole surgery.
It could because my butt's tootight.
(33:11):
So, leading up to like havingsex with anal sex with someone,
I want to make sure that it'snot going to be painful and I
know that's not the case foreveryone, but some people are
just not as tight as me, so goodfor them honey, she could puff
a cigarette.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, a parliament.
Okay, let's go down to business.
Um, okay, yeah, I never prepand plan like that's so much.
Like you know, I'm verysituational like I'm like okay,
I'm doing this activity rightnow, I'm not thinking about sex
later.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Yeah, my advice, though, with butt plugs, is
start small and work your way upif you so choose.
Small is just fine for mostpeople, but like they sell them
in like graduated sizes and likesets and stuff, yeah, so you
can like get bigger ones, likeas you become a professional
(34:03):
bottom following butt plugswhich I don't ever really use.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
I'm just like I'm just gonna breathe, get through
it.
But again, I'm not gonna climbmount everest if I haven't went
hiking recently.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Okay, that is a really good tip, like if that
dick is a mount everest dick andyou haven't even done like any
of the prep hikes leading up tomount everest.
You haven't done a rainier, youhaven't done a baker, you
haven't even done a mount sai.
Okay, be prepared for a fuckingavalanche, bitch yeah like you
(34:37):
cannot do that.
That's why they sell thegraduated butt plugs every time
we say graduate I just think ofthe graduated cylinders.
Yeah, every single time itcomes out of your mouth.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
But they do make lots of different toys and stuff
like that.
That's what I was going to asknext Do you have any other?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Well, I was just going to say that, like, anal
sex should not hurt, and this iscoming from someone who had
like a chronic anal fissure andit was very painful for a very
long time and everyone kepttelling me it shouldn't hurt, it
shouldn't hurt, it shouldn'thurt.
And I was like I don't believeyou, like it just is always
going to hurt.
(35:13):
And then I had my, my surgeryand then I realized, okay,
actually they're right, becausewith enough like prep work, um,
and relaxation techniques andyou know being in the mood, I
think the number one like thingis you have to like really want
to do it, like you have to bereally turned on by the idea of
(35:38):
that happening, of a penis goingin your butt, but for the most
part, it should not hurt.
There can be like a little bitof like sensitivity, like at the
entry point especially when you, if you like, your very, very
first time ever, ever havinganal.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
Like it's not the most comfortable, yeah, but then
like it shouldn't be painful,but like a little discomfort is
normal ish at the beginning andall that means is you should
just go fucking slow and ifsomeone tries to rail it in
there yeah, in the fuckingthroat.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Hit him in the throat honestly because it feels the
same yeah gentle entry.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Okay, my other follow-up question is do you?
I think gay men are theluckiest because and there's a
lot of like we get to feel bothsensations, like if you want to
be a top, if you want to be abottom, things are built in.
You don't necessarily have tobring inanimate objects.
You know, and like lesbianrelationships or like you know.
(36:32):
You're bragging yeah, bragging,yeah, yeah, I am bragging, yeah
, that we are superior, but doyou ever?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
you this is gonna be sharing a lot on the internet.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Okay, be prepared.
Do you ever use inanimateobjects on yourself if you're
masturbating?
Speaker 1 (36:46):
oh yeah, I have it.
I have a glass dildo.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
I love it I keep trying to convince you to put it
in the freezer.
I'm not gonnaicle myself, Ijust want to hear the experience
.
Or I just want to know that youhave it.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Well, that's what I use as my dipstick.
I prefer glass why?
Because it's just like nice andsmooth.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Do you have any horror stories?
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Rectally, Besides my seven year fissure Define horror
story.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Okay, well, I'll give you an example.
Okay, great it's helpful, likesomeone using too big of a
condom and the friction reallybeing just uncomfortable.
Too big of a condom onthemselves, yeah, so there's a
lot of extra material.
They need it.
It's almost like hemming yourpants, like they need a hem.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
I've never had that experience.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
No, Okay, well, I'm inclusive.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
Okay, size inclusive.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Yes, never, don't use a fucking ribbed condom.
No, don't allow them to use oneSame exact feeling, okay, and
never, ever, ever by fire andice lube by accident.
Is that like icy hot?
Mm-hmm?
That's when I had to put an icecube up my butt, oh no, when I
was 16.
Was it?
Speaker 1 (37:58):
like spicy?
Yes.
Could you taste it in yourmouth?
Speaker 2 (38:01):
No, but I it almost felt like an itch inside of your
body that you can't putphysically, scratch it Like it
was just like.
It felt like just like icy hot.
That's terrible.
I had accidentally bought, Iwas 16.
I, I was 16.
I didn't know.
I was like, okay, I'll grabthat one.
The wrong loop.
And it was fire and ice.
And I swear, I'm not evenjoking I put an ice cube up my
(38:23):
butt.
Have you ever been fisted orfisted?
I have fisted someone Did it.
Were you in my brain.
I'm so worried and concernedthat I'm going to like nick
something in there which Ithought I would.
I to like nick something inthere which I thought I would.
(38:46):
I had my nails filed because Idid do this to someone.
But then also, like I'm, I likeI think that prolapsed things
are and people are.
Some people are into I'm scaredto death of that sea urchin
coming out, because that's whatit looks like to me.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Um, I feel like people who get fisted are so
professional with their bootyholes like they.
Those are like pro booty holes,like they know exactly like
calluses, like what do you meanthey?
Could sit on anything and like.
So your fist is like okay,that's fine, I've had bigger, do
(39:13):
you?
Speaker 2 (39:13):
think that, oh god, I'm gonna ask you a hot take
question?
Uh-huh.
Do you think that, oh god, I'mgonna ask you a hot take
question?
Do you think that there is adecreased satisfaction with
penises then?
Because, like, if yourtolerance gets up to very, very
large things, like you're like,okay, like that feels fine, is
it?
Would it be like you and Ihaving a pinky up our booty
holes?
Speaker 1 (39:34):
versus someone?
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
That would suck.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I Okay, but I think it's like oh, my.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
God, you have to do so much.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Crisco.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
Yeah, I don't know.
That's a question for someoneelse.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
Hi, thank you for being our fisting expert.
How do you prep Uh-huh With afive-gallon bucket?
Speaker 1 (39:59):
Can you still reach out to your person that you
fisted?
No, no me either.
I mean, I could.
I know him, but I don't reallywant to talk to him was he a
frequent fisty?
No, was it just something hewanted to try.
Oh, he's definitely done itbefore.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
Oh, could you just fell right in no wait, you
should get one of the.
You know about the ring tattooson your arm yeah can you point
on your arm to where you went?
No, who is it elbow?
Speaker 1 (40:23):
no, oh my god, could you imagine?
Do you know what a standingovation is stop it.
Speaker 2 (40:28):
Stop it right now, because I did it.
Until you say that I'm guessingI can tell what it's gonna be,
uh-huh, please tell the class.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
It's like where you not just get like one fist up
there, but you get both hands upthere, and then you clap your
hands.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I'm envisioning you know how like people do those
molds of them holding hands.
Yeah, the wax molds.
I'm just envisioning someonemaking a mold in someone's
butthole.
We've really taken this podcastin such a different direction.
That's a different kind ofdipstick, a different direction
than our first episode.
(41:04):
Who would have thought we wouldhave been here?
Oh, what I was going to tellyou, remember, about prepping?
And I was going to share mystory about corn.
Oh, yeah, because this involvesone of your friends recently.
Oh right, right yeah to.
Speaker 1 (41:20):
Before we go to victory advice.
This will just give everyone achuckle.
Speaker 2 (41:23):
So I've talked about this corn salad recipe that my
nana has made to y'allextensively cowboy caviar right?
No, that one's more of a dipbut this one's supposed to be a
dip, but I just eat it straight,okay.
And so there's corn, mayonnaise, cheese, onion, bell pepper,
that's literally it three bottomon them cans of corn and I went
through it in less than likefour or five.
(41:45):
So then this guy we met on anapp that is not usually a dating
app and but we decided that wewere going to have drinks.
But then it changed from goingto drinks to at his house and he
used like a sexual emoji, likebrr type thing.
So it was Grindr.
You're so good at guessing, Ishould really do charades more.
(42:08):
And so I'm like, oh yeah,that'll be great, like we'll
have sex.
I'm in the mood.
This is great.
No, no, no.
I go to the bathroom and mytummy starts to turn a girl.
That corn got me when did.
I eat corn.
Oh yeah, the last four days andhelpings of it.
Speaker 1 (42:28):
Three cans of corn.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Several helpings of it every day, and one morning I
had it for breakfast.
It's so good.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
In a hooser.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
And then he starts making a sexual move, cause,
like earlier in the night, Ilike I hadn't made a sexual move
, and so then he startedreciprocating.
I'm like I changed my mind.
I didn't change my mind.
I'm booty held dead.
And then I had to tell him hey,I'm sorry I had fried foods
today Cause I couldn't like whatif I couldn't say I ate three
cans of corn, because thenthat's gonna be like well,
(42:56):
that's okay, you're dumb ass.
So then I'm like I'm gonna haveto really go home soon, like
that is that I'm just reallynauseous, not nauseous, just
rectally nauseous, and and thenhe checks on me later that night
and then the next day how'syour tummy doing?
Fine, how's yours?
Oh?
Speaker 1 (43:15):
my god corn.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
We'll do it to you stay away from it if you want a
bottom yeah the.
Speaker 1 (43:21):
I don't eat corn because if it comes out looking
the same way it went in, thatmeans your body's not digesting
it.
I mean, you're not getting anynutrients from it, so why eat it
?
Speaker 2 (43:32):
I think so.
It's just gonna upset yourstomach.
There's little elves in therethat are like gluing it back
together.
I don't think so, honey.
I think so.
Let's's just going to upsetyour stomach.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
There's little elves in there that are like gluing it
back together.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
I don't think so, honey.
I think so.
Let's do victory and vice.
Okay, I came prepared with twovictories.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
And no vice Correct.
Yeah, okay, you go first thenOkay, okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
I'm really excited.
I'm so excited about this and Iabout this, and I hope
something positive comes fromthis.
I just want to say thank you toChili's and all those that have
believed in me, because we didit y'all, we did it Joe, we did
it Kyle, we did the damn thing.
Me tormenting Chili's non-stopfor how long, oh my god.
(44:16):
I started a petition last year,like last October, for Chili's.
Like on Facebook.
It was like a yeah, I shared iton there.
I think I got up to like 75signatures or something.
Obviously not enough, but it'smore just for the bit.
But Chili's would bring alocation here to Seattle.
Which is the closest one isSpokane, four hours away, okay,
(44:37):
which I've been to Decent,decent, and it's really been
causing me such turmoil mentallybeing so far away.
Could you imagine somethingthat feels like home to you just
four hours away?
Yeah, you feel lost and alone.
No guidance in life?
Yeah, no North Star, no Leguidance in life.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Yeah, no, north Star.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
No Leading you home and you're just out here like
blindly just trying to figurelife out Right With the Chili's
that far away.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Right.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Thank you for committing to that.
That was good.
I heard it from a source onReddit.
Actually, tyler from there Areno Gays in Montana shared it
with me initially, and then itwas confirmed by Seattle Fine
Rarefined or something like thatoh, seattle Refined, that's it,
yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
That's it, seattle Rarefines, that they are
bringing a Chili's.
Speaker 2 (45:31):
The only caveat and downfall is it's going to be in
the airport but Chili's, ifyou're listening, because you
have to have a flight yeah, inorder to eat there.
Yeah, okay, chilies, if you'relistening, I have the best
marketing fucking idea for youmake a lounge that I can buy, as
I was gonna say season pass, ayearly or an annual membership
to.
I would hang out in that loungeinstead of all the other shit
(45:53):
ass lounges which I don't have alounge access but you still
have to have a flight to accessa lounge.
I know, but like the ideabecause I'm going to sit if I
have a flight.
I'm going to sit at thatChili's all day anyway.
So now just turn it into alounge where there's commodes, a
shower and where, like it,includes a meal and you can
waffle stomp in the shower.
Speaker 1 (46:14):
Shut your mouth.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Chili's you this?
Put a shower shot in thoseCause.
I honey, I know I just ate atriple dipper, but I am about to
get triple dipped, so clean meup.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
Yes, that's some fried food, honey, that is.
You ain't getting tripledNothing.
Triple dipper Nada dipper nada.
That's why every time I comehome rarely ever have sex.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
I go home because I eat fried food.
Yeah, because I'm going tochili's every day, but, um, yes,
they are putting one in theseattle airport and I am buying
kyle and I uh, refundable periodunderline bold um flight
tickets, flights for their grandopening whenever we get a date.
Because we will be there andthat's a backup plan of chili's.
If you don't invite mepersonally, we will have beef.
(47:02):
Actually, we'll have groundturkey.
Because it hurts my tummy, wewill we will have a triple
dipper, we'll have problems.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Yeah, okay, what's your other?
Speaker 2 (47:10):
victory.
Following up with that, Iwhat's it?
It would probably be theepisode that comes out before
this, when I was crying aboutalcohol uh-huh, yeah, yeah,
period underline um, I did seemy psych nurse practitioner,
uh-huh, and started on that.
Today's my seventh day ofstarting lexapro back for
(47:33):
anxiety and she, I've beenprescribed foranolol this whole
time but they just forget, keepforgetting to call in the
refills, which is for like uh,anxiety because I feel it in my
chest pitter patter, pitterpatter and um, I started back on
those and this past week, Iwould say, my anxiety has been a
decent amount better.
(47:54):
I know it's obviously not fromthe Alexa Pro, but from using
the ProPanel.
All again, it's been a goodamount better.
What has your witnessingexperience been.
Do you support that or do youhave no comments?
Speaker 1 (48:05):
I would agree with you.
You have seemed to be in a muchbetter mood and less
catastrophizing things.
Yes, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
It makes no sense to me, Kyle, because I know I
didn't do that before.
Yeah, but I hear I could seehow that would apply to some
people.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
No no, a thousand percent, and I just have.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
I've been able to like kind of not be so in a
fucking hole every day Even if Ilike, had a bad, baddest day
coming home from work.
I've just been like you knowwhat.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
It doesn't matter I'm gonna be okay, I'm not gonna
stress about it, and it's been alittle bit easier yeah, and we
had that social outing yesterdaythat I think you're gonna talk
about that I took my propanololbefore it and I didn't shut the
fuck up.
Speaker 2 (48:48):
Yeah, and I usually like at the beginning, like will
be really anxious until I get alittle bit of liquor, courage,
and then won't shut up.
Speaker 1 (48:56):
So I don't know if it's a victory for me or is it
for them.
How was your?
Has it affected your perceptionof alcohol?
Just like circling back to thatepisode.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
Yeah.
In a way of I'm going to use anexample.
Like yesterday I didn't Becauseyour drinks first off they
slapped.
Kiss, they slapped yeah, um, Ididn't feel the need to like
need to drink a whole lot backto back to back to back, which,
oh my god, that was verydramatic.
I didn't need to like get thatliquid courage into me before
(49:31):
everyone arrived, get drunk yeah, before people arrived, right
like I did it like throughoutthe day, but it wasn't like I
need this to be able to interactwith people so yeah, I didn't
even think about that yeah, thatdefinitely like impacted that
positively yesterday.
Yeah, that's good to hear.
Yeah, thank you yeah, um.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
Okay.
So what caleb is alluding to is, um my victory of the week,
which is, um the fact that I gota group of friends together and
we went out on our friendlindsey's boat and we had a
little celebrating, um happybottom autumn, and I made some
(50:07):
really yummy autumn spritzeswith like all spiced dram and
champagne and a little bit oflike spiced apple cider and soda
water.
It was so, so yummy and we hadlots of like little autumn
snacks and we all wore plaid andit was a lot of fun just like
getting everyone together and Ijust felt so much like gratitude
(50:29):
on that boat, being with abunch of people who many of them
didn't know each other, but Ifelt by the end of it like they
had all like done a really goodjob of like integrating and
meeting people and saying hi,and I love hosting an event
where I don't feel like I haveto constantly do that.
So I feel like I brought areally like great group of
(50:52):
people together in order tocelebrate autumn, and bottoming,
and bottoming.
Speaker 2 (50:58):
Yeah, you are a good community builder, like a good
that is a skill set of yoursyeah, I just I like curating
like high quality people periodyeah yeah, and those are some
high quality people yeah, andyou curated a lovely group.
That all which which little didwe know two PhD individuals.
(51:19):
I know the joke you said aboutthe P and the PhD.
Speaker 1 (51:24):
Oh yeah, Someone had some psychourinary retention
problems.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Bring it back, yes.
Speaker 1 (51:30):
And he had his PhD and I was like so you just have
a HD because you can't pee and Iwas like, so you just have a hd
because you can't pee.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
And I I mentally made a note which I never come back
to things I was like I have tofollow up with Kyle the next day
because that tickled me oh,because I needed the attention
that it deserved.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yeah, okay, what's your advice?
My advice is after the boatparty, we went down to Tacoma to
see a gay medium who, like, canspeak to um, I was gonna say
the devil what he said.
Speaker 2 (52:04):
Those are not physical form right.
Speaker 1 (52:06):
The spirit world basically, and my vice is it was
.
We had a great time, it was somuch fun, but my vice is that we
didn't get a reading in ourgroup.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
I love to be read.
Yeah, I know For filth, forspirits.
I was like he's gay.
Speaker 1 (52:20):
He's going to clock us from a mile away.
I mean, I have my nails painted.
You're wearing somethingbedazzled, I'm sure, and
Lindsay's in a full hippieattire.
Speaker 2 (52:34):
She does spells.
Speaker 1 (52:36):
Absolutely, she's looking very witchy.
Yeah, yeah, um, but none of ourancestors came to speak to us.
But at the end of the reading,we all decided that the people
who did get readings, whoseloved ones um did show up for
them, probably needed to heartheir voices a lot more than we
(52:57):
did and I've never not been abeliever in this, like mediums
and stuff, but especially thatlast girl, whose wedding and
like a wedding date and the dayhe died like we're like 20 days
apart in september.
Speaker 2 (53:12):
Yeah, all the details that he knew, like the letters
of their name, like the kidsmoving packing up the stuff,
that that she had a picture oftheir hands holding above the
bed which is, and he knew thatshe talked to him yeah, exactly
how.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
And it just was wild to experience it and, like he's
also really funny, so like I waseither in complete tears and
could barely like hold back myemotions, like about to break
down.
Or I was about to like breakout and or I was just like
laughing hysterically.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
Especially the Christian Chenoweth stuff.
I know it was so great.
I know she was literally liketwo buildings down.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
Next door yeah.
And like the same night and itwas like where's everyone's
husbands?
Are they at christian chenoweth?
Speaker 2 (53:59):
we didn't get read, but like I swear to you, two or
three rows, every row in frontof us about two rows in front of
us and the row behind us.
All, everyone around us, but notus maybe that just says, we
have good energy yeah I think so, but I I enjoyed hearing it and
like seeing it and like anaction, because what a gift that
I would not want and like Ifelt this weird, like under, not
(54:27):
understanding, like I can dothat, but like he was so
comfortable with talking aboutpeople who had passed, like I
just felt very like I enjoyedthat someone was speaking, kind
of like I do, about people thatare like dying or dead or things
like that, so it's kind of Idon't know.
I feel like gay people ingeneral, like we're closer to
that veil why do you think thatpeople don't believe that gay
(54:48):
people are being gay as a choice?
So we're like alreadyopen-minded to like things that
are different?
Speaker 1 (54:52):
yeah, kind of status quo, yeah it's like we see the
world differently than otherpeople already, and so the fact
that like we can connect with,like understanding what it means
for someone to have an abilitylike connecting to the spirit
world, just like, isn't that bigof a jump anymore.
Speaker 2 (55:13):
No yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
Yeah, I don't know if that makes sense.
It does, because I oddly feelthe same way but I would not be
able to put into words wevibrate at a different frequency
that's how he would put it andit's closer to his frequency,
not just because he's gay, butalso because he's a medium well,
the rhinestones had somethingto do with it, I'm sure, because
oh yeah it's like queen um me,bedazzling everything out my
(55:38):
pill bottle yeah, what was his?
Speaker 2 (55:39):
name?
Um, you just shout him outtravis hope, yes, h as in hope,
o as in ope, l as in ope and pas in.
I just said his name, just fordifferent letters.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yeah, I know, travis.
Speaker 2 (55:54):
Hulp, hulp, yeah with a P.
Speaker 1 (55:57):
Yeah, so those are my victories and vices.
We covered so many topics, Ifeel like, today.
If you have any great advice onanal sex, on douching, what
your routine is, then feel freeto share those with us and we'll
share them with our audience.
You can write in tounfamouslyunwell at gmailcom.
(56:17):
You can follow us on instagramat unfamouslyunwell and send us
a direct message there, or youcan click the link in the bio or
in the description and you cansend us a text message that way.
Um, otherwise, thank you allfor listening to this week's
episode and we look forward toconnecting with you next week.
(56:38):
We have some spooky topicscoming up in the future yeah, um
, I feel like the topic aboutthe medium like really got me
thinking about my own like ghoststories and ghoul stories and
my own connections to the spiritrealm ghouls, girls and days.
Speaker 2 (56:54):
Yes, honey, ghouls, girls and days.
Yes, honey, ghouls, gays anddays.
That's it Ghouls, gays and days.
Speaker 1 (56:59):
That could be the name of our next episode.
You're welcome.
So until next week, enjoybottom autumn and get proud
honey, and we wish you well,take your fiber.
Thanks for listening to anotherepisode of Unfamously Unwell,
the unrated podcast hosted byyour two favorite Seattle
(57:19):
homosexuals on a journey tohigher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along
the way.
Speaker 2 (57:29):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 1 (57:40):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUnwell, unrated.
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