November 27, 2024 • 50 mins
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Happy Kylesgiving! This week, Kyle is giving us 9 things he's learned about life in the last 36 years. Why nine? Because his aunt was abducted by aliens, that's why!
As we explore life's most spontaneous moments, we also peek into universal insecurities and the empowering force of confidence. The episode delves into the complexity of emotions, particularly anger, and celebrates the importance of self-acceptance and growth over the years. Relationships, intimacy, and the balance of interdependence weave through our chat, where emotional intelligence meets genuine connection.
Finally, we reflect on the unique roles friends play and how embracing vulnerability can deepen these bonds. As the holiday season looms, we share humorous tales of Thanksgiving plans, concert ticket excitement, and the unforgettable retail chaos of Black Friday. Tune in as we set discuss setting boundaries, prioritizing what matters, and reminiscing about the joy of JoJo's music. This episode is a heartfelt tribute to life's beautifully chaotic journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Because we related over our half-siblings' parent
robbed a bank.
Say that again, like mybrother's dad robbed a bank and
then his sister's dad robbed abank.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
So both of you have bank robbers in the family.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I'm not blood related to them.
Okay, only Jared is.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
But still in the family.
Yeah, yes, one degree ofseparation.
Wow, so we're going to?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Carpenter wrote that sign okay, okay, bad cap.
I'm trying to think there was.
There were so many things likeI almost started writing them
down last night I want to talkto you about tristan's one that
told me about that fact.
Like you rate how much of a goodtime you had based on how much
you talked about yourself.
You got to talk about yourselfreally in friend situations, in
a lot of situations, and I cansee that actually, yeah, that's
much of a good time you hadbased on how much you talked
about yourself you got to talkabout yourself Really In friend
situations and a lot ofsituations I can see that
actually.
Yeah, that's why you enjoyed thelast two podcasts and we're
(00:50):
doing another one about you, soplease tell me about how the
other one didn't get.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
You also enjoyed the last podcast.
You said it was your favoriteepisode.
I'm just giving you a hard timeAlso the fans have been loving
it.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Thank you all for your uh feedback and text
messages and um and instagram,dms vampire.
He was like wait, and I waslike doing my hair.
I totally forgot like, did heend up topping or bottoming?
I forgot to like.
I forgot that was like what thefollow-up was yeah I said I
think he did both no way.
He taught they went to theshower and he was like and then
he said, was the burf feed worthit?
And I was like I'm notconvinced it was.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
No, honestly, no more of that.
That's toxic.
That's toxic.
Gay culture, the hungry bottomphenomenon I don't like it.
Eat what you want, folks, eatwhat you want.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Right, right.
We've talked about this beforebecause if I make myself unhappy
and then just to be let downsexually by this top, so I don't
risk shit on his dick.
Nothing enrages me more thanthat.
It's almost like the pain thata mother feels for her child,
(02:02):
the pain that I went through foryou to have a good life, for
you to have a good fuck for youto have a good fun To just waste
it, right.
Yeah, just get on drugs to liveon the streets.
You're going to be a man with ashit ass dick.
You deserve to be shit on.
I now deserve my Taco Bell.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Good night.
Good night, it looks like agirl who, like you know, shaves
her legs or or waxes or pussy orwhatever.
Don't say that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Some of those are even ours.
Bald head pussy got lots ofjuice, oh my.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
God, or whatever, or whatever you know, and then you
know, nothing happens.
It's like no, no, I didn'tshave my legs for this.
Well, I didn't wax my buttholefor this.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Do you know Khalid Khalid?
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Khalid, oh yeah, khalid.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, he just got outed and he confirmed that he's
gay.
Hot.
Which is awful that he wasouted, but yeah, oh my gosh wait
, who outed him?
I don't know, because everyonewho's talking about it is like
I'm not going to give the personwho did the shitty thing any
more attention since they outedhim, but he was like he just put
a pride flag with all theseexclamation points as a tweet.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I mean, are we surprised?
Speaker 1 (03:06):
I never thought about him oh really I love his music.
I like how like groovy he gets.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Yeah.
Like whenever he's watching,like the award shows and people
are performing and they're likesinging his song, like Kelly
Clarkson specifically, oh yeah,yeah, I think he's like actually
one of the best male vocalistsof the last decade.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Okay, I didn't know you were coming with
hard-hitting questions like that.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean, I think every single song he does is a
fucking bop.
And he's featured on a lot ofother artists' music and that's
always my favorite song oftheirs.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
You know what's crazy ?
He could be KellyClarkson-esque adjacent because
he could do R&B.
He adapts to whoever is singing.
He does yeah.
That song with Armani is sogood.
Yeah, he has a lot of greatsongs.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Okay, now I'm going to go down that rabbit hole soon
.
You're welcome.
That's my job today.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Happy birthday to Kyle, because this episode is
going to be out after you'vealready transitioned to the next
age.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Yep, I won't say it why.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Tell them.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
I'll say it's to my 37th year.
You know about that.
You're like I'm going to be 36,but you're actually living your
37th year.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Don't brain, fuck me.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
I know Math.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Right yeah, how old is your age going to demonstrate
like into the normal public?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
27.
Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
You could probably pass as a 28-year-old 29.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Okay, I'll take it, I'll take it 31.
Oh my gosh, you have too muchwisdom.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Psychology research says don't.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
21 say that, so act stupid.
That makes me seem younger.
Yeah, ditzy Like me, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
But you're going to be 36.
Mm gonna be 36 and, uh, Imentioned this to you before the
palm springs episode, right, orwas the idea, yeah, of this
episode?
Yeah, how I like the idea whenpeople like, they reflect on,
like oh, it's my 20th birthday,like these are 20 things I've
learned so yeah I.
This is going to be bear withus people.
Another episode all about kyle,don't worry caleb content's
(05:02):
coming soon.
I've just been very demurelately doing nothing for the
plot getting mentally intactyeah, yeah, how's it going?
actually well yeah yeah, good,I've had a few days where I just
like want to not exist, but alot less of them, okay, um, so
(05:22):
how would you is this going tobe like?
Do you have a list?
Speaker 3 (05:25):
like how I do yeah, okay, so I'm a thanksgiving baby
, so every seven years andexcluding leap years, I think I
don't know how that that mathworks, but it falls on
thanksgiving and thanksgivinghas, like always, been my
favorite holiday.
Why are?
Are you giving me that face?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh, because you like to cook for people.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I like to cook for people.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And it's not gift-giving yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
And the whole family would get together, and it would
always be around my birthday.
So then I'd always get presentstoo.
Not about gift-giving at all, oranything and it's my favorite
foods, so comforting and justalways being with the family and
close friends or anything but,and it's always like my, it's my
favorite foods, like socomforting and just like always
being, you know, with the familyand close friends.
You know chosen family andstuff.
(06:11):
So any hoosers, as caleb likesto say.
I wanted to focus this episodeon being thankful for the last
36 years of my life and Calebasked me like okay, you got to
share some like pearls of wisdomwith our listeners.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
So yeah, I want the.
You have to keep us on the edgeof our seats, Cause if you're
just going to tell us allpositive things, no one wants to
hear it.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
They are all positive things, but it's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Okay, and Caleb asked me to come up with 36 things
and I up with 36 things and Idecided that that would probably
take like four hours to gothrough, so they don't have to
be deep you could be like.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I'm thankful for the smell of peppermint that's why.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Okay, well, that's not gonna keep people on the
edge of their seat either.
So I don't know.
But, um, growing up, my aunt,um, who was abducted by aliens
we'll talk more about that onanother episode what, yeah, she
was really into numerology.
Do you know what that is?
Yes.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Aunt Shannon, we love you.
This is the aunt that you wereon the phone with yesterday.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
No, that's Karen.
Yeah, aunt Shannon was abductedby aliens in Juneau, alaska,
yeah, where a lot of alienabductions happen.
So did it happen?
I don't know.
She's dead now so we'll neverknow.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Keep going.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Okay, you take your birthday, so mine's the 25th, so
you add those two numberstogether, so I'm a 7.
What are you?
A 19.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
A 10.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
So a 1.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
No, wait, 18?
.
So I'm a 9.
Because my birthday's 17.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
So you're an 8.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Your birthday is the 17th, so one and seven is eight.
Oh, I thought it was you likeeight, like carried it over,
like no, so I'm an eight.
You're an eight, okay, oh, thatwas some real hard math, just
addition.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
So, anyways, your like birth number has like
characteristics about you andyada, yada, yada.
She was really into it.
Um, so I'm turning 36, so threeplus six is nine.
So I have nine pieces of adviceto give to our listeners, and
number one is life is too short.
(08:18):
Do it for the plot.
I feel like that's just like mylife motto right now.
You know like, don't have anyregrets.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
What Do you know?
Number nine is wisdom.
But you're an eight, I know,but you're giving us wisdom.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah On your yeah.
Also, in numerology, the numbernine is a sign of completion
and it signifies the conclusionof one phase, a paving way for
the initiation of the next.
So I mean it's very fitting fora birthday transition.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
These are life numbers.
Yeah, well, okay.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Yeah, okay.
So number one is do it for theplot.
Life is just too short.
Don't live your life like fullof regrets, wishing that you had
, like you know, kissed that guyor made that move or gone on
that trip or indulged everythingyou just listed is things that
I've witnessed you do the lastfew months this is what I think
(09:23):
about doing it for the plot.
I like to be kind of on theoutside of the plot and then I
like to just kind of dip myfinger into the plot and then I
can like take it out.
Or you just make a big splash,cannonball, and then you get out
, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
That's more my take.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah, but I don't need to like just live in the
pond, you know.
But I don't need to like justlive in the pond, you know.
I don't need to like explorethe bottom of the lake, you know
, I don't need to do all of that, I don't need to stay in it.
But I'm going to like just likewalk around the edges and like
play a little bit with thefishies and then get the fuck
(10:00):
out.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Do you know if any of what you said?
Speaker 3 (10:02):
made sense.
Yeah, it made sense in my brain.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Okay, we'll have to see if I translate it okay,
because I'm just likeenvisioning a frog on a lily pad
just watching you walk around.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
the plot is the water like okay okay, one example is
I was on this flight from umburbank airport in la to sonoma
airport, which is like thesetiny little airports like, and
these tiny little hopper planes,um, and if you're flying from
Burbank airport to Sonoma, youeither live there or you're
(10:34):
going on vacation there.
There's no really other reasonfor to be going to um Sonoma
airport.
It's like one cubicle and youland on the tarmac and you walk
downstairs, you know.
So I get on this flight and, um, this woman walks up.
She's like around my age, maybea little bit older, and she has
(10:56):
blitzed, and she comes up to me.
She's like hi, I think this islike my seat next to you and I'm
like, oh my God, buckle up,like this is going to be a rough
, like two hour flight.
So at first I just leave myearplugs in or my ear like
AirPods in.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Okay, gramps yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I'm like, okay, I'm just going to ignore this person
.
But then she like pokes me andshe's like I just have to tell
you.
And she's like I just have totell you, I have to tell you
what just happened to me.
And I was like, uh-oh, here wego.
Okay, so she's like it'sMother's Day.
She just came from her mom's.
She was doing brunch with hermom at her sister's house in
(11:39):
Malibu Canyon.
I went to Pepperdine, which ison the other side of Malibu
Canyon, so I was like I'mfamiliar with the area, I know
where, um, you're talking aboutalso, that must mean you're rich
or your sister's really rich ifshe has a house in Malibu
Canyon.
She's like the pussycat dollswere there and this director was
there and blah, blah, blah.
(12:00):
They all like live in this likekind of co-op community in
Malibu Canyon and her sister washosting a Mother's Day brunch
for her mom and some of thesepeople.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
She hosted Trump supporting Nicole Scherzinger.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah, I don't think she was there.
It was one of the otherPussycat Dolls.
Not all of them.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Just to be clear.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Okay, keep going.
Okay, so you know, my impulsewas to not talk to this lady,
but then I started like gettingthese plot lines and I was like,
oh, this is good, maybe Ishould jump in a little bit.
And so we started kiki-ing.
She, you know, had tons ofchampagne.
We exchanged phone numbers.
She lives in Sonoma.
(12:42):
When I was living in Sonoma andflash forward like a couple
years, I'm back in seattle.
She works for google.
She's the one who ordered likethree thousand dollars worth of
candles from me for her googleevent wait yeah now, that's
doing it for the plot, you knowyou and you did nothing, all you
(13:02):
did was have a conversation.
Yeah.
So my definition of doing forthe plot I thought you were
going to be like.
So next thing I know I'm doingbody shots off an occult culture
thing.
I wish we're like turn thislight around, right, you just
never know what connectionsyou're going to make and I think
that most people are very likeclosed off to having those
(13:24):
experiences.
And for you know good reason.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I think a lot of the time.
So, people, what we're takingaway from that is lean into it,
do it for the plot.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Because even if I mean, you might get a $3,000
candle order.
Exactly, just by having aconversation.
Yeah, okay, number two Dos.
Drugs are like salt you canalways add more, but you can't
take them out once they're in.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
That is a fair yeah.
Yeah, I mean Speaking ofibuprofen only.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Exactly that's what I'm talking about.
Actually, speaking of that, myhigh school science teacher
accidentally killed her mom bygiving her too much ibuprofen.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Did she have a liver issue?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Yeah, she had liver problems and killed her.
Anyways, start small, startsmall.
If you're going to experimentwith substances, start small, do
it in a safe place.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Don't do it in a large group setting and do it
with people that, even if youcan, you're going to act super
like feral or you don't know howyou're going to act.
Do it with people who willforgive you.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Okay, number three the prettiest people you know
are just as insecure about theirbodies as you are.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
That is good and I think it plays a lot into like
kind of the body image episodethat we did crossover than even
the social anxiety thing lastweek.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
We talked a lot about it, like on the podcast, about,
like you know, body image andstuff.
But I think that, like, whatmost people don't get is that
everyone else has the sameanxieties about their own bodies
, is that everyone else has thesame anxieties about their own
bodies and there's no harm inhitting on someone that you
think is out of your league,because most likely yeah, they
(15:16):
probably know that they'repretty, but they're just as
insecure about that as you are,if not more.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
And confidence is sexy.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I realized this the other day to support what you're
saying.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Um, you know, like if you're getting out of the
shower, you're always likepicking yourself apart a little
bit and I thought to myself.
I said there's not a singlehuman who has gotten it like got
out of the shower in front oftheir mirror every single day.
I'm like I'm hot as fuck andlike they, everyone is like
noticing these qualities takingthemselves apart yeah and it
kind of just put it intoperspective yeah okay next okay.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
next is it's okay to get angry.
Sometimes it just meanssomething is worth fighting for.
I don't know, it took me like areally long time to not be
afraid to get angry and like Igrew up in like a household
where when people got angry,like shit was going down and
like you didn't want to be therefor it, right, and it just made
me like avoid feeling angry atall times because it was kind of
(16:16):
scary.
And yeah, I realized in thelast like year or two that
getting angry really just meansthat, like you're, you want to
protect something you know thatyou hold dear and that it's
worth fighting for and that it'sokay to feel the full spectrum
of human emotions.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Are you having an emotional reaction to something?
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah, are you having an emotional reaction to
something?
Yeah, because I have alwayssaid that anger is the one
emotion that I'm afraid to feelthe most.
Because it's the one I feellike I have no control over and
I get mad.
But very, very rarely do I everget angry.
I think the only time you'veseen that start to come up was
the night after that concert,after someone read me for filth.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
And I was like trying to calm myself down.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Because I't know how to like.
It's almost like I see red,yeah, and I don't know.
You just go into a rageblackout, yeah and I avoided at
all costs, but instead of justavoiding it.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
I like that point of view of well, it doesn't work if
you're in a rage blackout.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
No, but I think but pushing things to the side or
not allow or like I don't know,belittling your, how you're
feeling or like you said, angercomes from trying to protect
something, and it's not.
I don't think it's the mosthelpful emotion.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
As far as communication goes, yeah, but I
do think that there's somethingthere to what you're saying and
I'm maybe I should not lean intoit, but like get curious about
it, yeah, so that's actuallyreally good I feel like that's
true for like all emotions, andit's probably the most true for
the one that you are most afraidof.
You, you know, and that mightbe different for other people
(18:03):
For me it was anger, but forother people I feel like, you
know, if it's sadness and youlike just can't cry, you know,
because that's just like reallyhard for you Like just give
yourself the like grace to feelthat emotion whenever it happens
.
Don't like force it away or orbe ashamed of it, because all
(18:28):
emotions are valid, no matterwhat the experience is, and the
more you like suppress it, thenthe harder it is to cope with
you're a blessing to this, tothis earth, kyle oh, my mom
thinks so too.
Honestly, my mom texts me I'mgonna go to mexico on your
(18:49):
birthday and I wish that youwould be here.
I'm just gonna be thinking allday about the you know 12 hours
of labor I was in bringing youinto this world.
She's a fucking blessing laborof love yeah, she's like it was
the easiest of my three children.
I was like, yeah, that soundsabout right, I'm the easy child.
Yeah, okay, number five, sex isabout connection, not
(19:14):
validation.
It has the ability to betransformational, not just
transactional, but it can betransactional, that's what you
want.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
That's why I said not just transactional, but it can
be transactional.
That's what you want.
That's why I said not just yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Cause sometimes that's what you want, but and
that's also fine.
But I just think that there'slike so much more potential to
sex than a lot of like whatpeople are looking for right now
, and I feel like a lot ofpeople are like missing out on
like how much fun it can be andwhen you're like really pull
(19:44):
apart the layers and like getlike into the nitty gritty of
like what you can like dotogether in bed and like the
creative the creativity of it,you know, and I think that
people are afraid to like becreative sometimes.
Okay, or like to allow that partof themselves out.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Are you talking about , like fetishes, things that
they're into role play?
Speaker 3 (20:05):
yeah, I mean whatever your mind comes up with like we
said before, I'll try anythingonce just don't ask the shit on
my chest.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
No, I know no or poke me with needles.
Um, what about the opposite ofthat?
Speaker 3 (20:18):
what if?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
people are only using that, like that's how they're
getting connection and avoidingother like their real world,
real life.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Well, I don't know.
I guess that's what I'm tryingto say is that if you're looking
for validation in sex, maybeyou should look somewhere else.
Like it's a bandaid on a bullethole situation.
If you're looking forvalidation in sex, there is
something bigger there to diginto, to like understand why you
(20:51):
don't see validation likeoutside of sex, or like, or
maybe like, that you don't thinkhighly enough of yourself so
that you need validation throughsex.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Which it could be a whole.
Other topic is the whole gaything on top of it and the shame
that comes along with that yeahand people feel shameful having
sex as a gay man, plus havingphysical and mental, you know
yeah things are working through,so you're out there saying have
, have the sex, take your prep.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Yeah, and connect.
And connect, I mean, if that'swhat you want.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Get connected.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
For free.
Free with brrcom yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
That's just what I've learned in the last 36 years
about myself.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I will agree, the best sex is like nothing is you
could take same exact sex sexposition same size of everything
.
But then there is justsomething like when you are
connected, uh-huh, it makes it.
It turns any bland vanilla cakeand a fucking, oh
(21:58):
scrumdiddlyumptious sprinkleright yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Number six being part of a loving relationship is not
about putting someone else'sneeds before your own.
It's about putting the needs ofthe relationship before
anyone's individual needs.
I feel like there's this likewhole, like movement away from
not away from but like um, likecodependence is like a big word
(22:22):
in relationship talk yeah, rightnow, and I totally agree that
like codependence is like nothealthy.
But there's also this thingcalled inter interdependence,
where you guys like rely on eachother, you know.
For, like, the things that oneperson does well contributes to
the relationship and the thingsthat someone else does well in
(22:43):
the relationship contributes tothe relationship, and both of
those things you know have valuein the relationship.
And it's not about beingcompletely, you know,
independent and islands on yourown.
There has to be like some sortof mutual support and you have
to want what's best for theentire relationship as an entity
in itself, compared to just,you know, looking out for
(23:06):
yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Otherwise the relationship just doesn't work
and that's called attachmentstyles and lucky for you, you
lean very secure I've taken thetest how do you feel about
yourself?
Secure, secure?
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Secure.
Thank you, demure and secure.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, but that's I think I like.
I like that, the idea of beingable to like, because you are
like a unit and there is somedependence there, and I think
secure attachment is willing toask for that, but also be that
is willing to ask for that, butalso be that, avoid it.
And anxious attachments arealways in that fucking cycle of
two ships or two islands yeahlike oh yes, our islands can
(23:53):
touch.
Nope, just kidding, you're tooclose, sorry, okay, and I'm
gonna chase after you.
Yeah, um, so I think that has athought that came to my brain.
Okay, left right away.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Okay, number seven Prioritize the people in your
life that you've known thelongest.
They've always been there foryou and always will.
Okay, give us an example, in thelast 36 years, especially in
the last couple of years, I havereally had to rely on my
(24:23):
closest friends for support.
Going through a breakup, goingthrough losing my job, moving to
a new home, moving fromCalifornia, all of those things
and what I found is that thepeople that you've known the
longest, those people continueto show up for you.
(24:43):
So hold them close to you andbe there for them when they need
you, because you're eachother's family.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah Well, also, I just think, exposure therapy,
they've seen your worst and yourbest.
It's not the girl you just metlast week who's like fuck, I've
only seen her be wrecked.
And so they're not going tojudge you because they know that
this is just a point in yourlife.
This isn't, oh my God, thisperson's chaotic and hold it
against you type thing.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yeah, does that make sense?
Yeah, totally.
And also they're going to speaktruth to you because they've
known you the longest.
They're not going to feed youbullshit as much.
Yeah, and sometimes you need alittle dose of reality when
you're going through all of it.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
So hold them close.
Your butthole's not specialflip over exactly and spread
them yeah yeah, I, I had arealization when it comes to
friendships.
That was a couple years ago.
That friend, each friend, has apurpose.
And trying to care, like noteveryone is a best friend and
flipping that mindset, I stillfind myself getting let down by
(25:52):
people.
But, like you, have a friendthat you love going out with
yeah trying to depend on them tobe your emotion, like if to go
to them with your emotions,you're going to be let down,
right, and they're not going tobe able to show up for you.
But that's not their place inyour life, right?
That doesn't mean that they'renot capable of it.
They're just.
That's just their role in yourlife and by leaning into going
(26:16):
to people for what they'recapable of giving to you.
Like that dynamic has been,oops been very like helpful and
prevented a lot of like letdown.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Letdown.
Yeah, yeah, knowing or having afull social support system, you
know, of people that you go tofor this, that and the other,
and knowing who those people are, I think is really important.
And I have like a list on myphone.
I call it um, are you rankingthem?
I call it like friend rouletteand so, like on one column I
(26:46):
have like things that I like todo and then on the other side
are like a list of friends.
No, I don't rank them, but Iwill.
When I like don't have anythingto do or I'm like bored or I
like I'm trying to fill out myweekend plans, I'll like pick an
activity and then pick a friend, and then I'll like put those
two things together and I'lllike text them what uh-huh so
(27:10):
like, if you want to have likelike concerts, you have like a
list of people for that.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
If you want to have like, uh, a witchy night, you
have a people you'd pick forthat.
If you have like you want toget wild, you have a list.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Okay, I don't go into that much detail, I just have,
like you want to get wild, youhave a list.
Okay, I don't go into that muchdetail, I just have like the
two lists, but sometimes I'lllike randomly like pick two that
don't really go together.
So then, I'll like repick a newone that's kind of fun.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Yeah, probably talk about into an app probably okay,
let's do that.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
We can ask vampire to design it oh, good idea.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, you're welcome for that.
That's gonna be a lot of moneyokay, um, what are we on?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
eight?
Okay, eight, don't be afraid toask for help.
For the most part, peoplereally appreciate being asked
and enjoy showing up for othersthat's tough yeah, why is that
tough for you?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
I don't, I'm just in general, I think it it's tough
To ask for help.
Yeah, because I think that alot of times people feel it's a
weakness and I think that BreneBrown talks it's kind of
adjacent to it whenever shetalks a lot about shame and I
think I felt it a lot moving outhere.
(28:18):
And then because everyone fromback home they were like oh wow,
you're doing so much better,like you've grown, like you've
left our smaller city moved tothis big city like you've I
don't know like elevatedyourself, but then there's
almost like this oh, theyalready think that of me.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
If I need to, them like to go to them for advice or
help, but they're not going tothink of me as highly you know
what I'm saying and I feel likethat's a very natural thought
progression that happens inpeople's brains Not me, of
course, but I do think that alot of people think that way,
and what I'm saying, that I'velearned in the last 36 years is
that people actually reallyappreciate it when you reach out
(28:57):
to them and you're like let melet you into my life in a
vulnerable way and ask you forhelp in a way that you know
maybe you wouldn't expect.
But then you get to like buildyour relationship with them even
deeper because they get to knowanother side of you that maybe
you haven't shared with thembefore.
And if it's just like you needsomeone to like babysit or, you
(29:21):
know, like dog sit or whateverit is, people feel good.
When they're like okay, youreach out to me first.
That means that you must likereally trust me and appreciate
our friendship and know thatit's not asking too much and and
that I could also.
You know they could also do thesame for you.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
What's your advice if you reach out for help and
they're not capable of it?
Then you reach out to someoneelse who is yeah to just keep
pushing through like okay, youmessed up the courage ask.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Well, just like you know, yeah, the last thing we
were saying about there's like afriend for everything and not
don't just blast text help meyeah.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Pick and choose who you want to reach out to.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Right, which is why I'm never asked to take care of
the dog Right.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
But also, like you learn also more about your
friends by doing those thingsand what sort of friend they are
, you know.
Are they like a party, like outand about friend?
Are they just like in a biggroup kind of friend?
Are they just a witch aboutfriend?
Are they just like in a biggroup kind of friend?
Are they just a witchy friend?
Are they going ice skating withyou friend?
You know, cause I don't expectall my friends to want to go ice
(30:30):
skating with me.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
You're very good at curating friend groups too, so
that makes sense.
It's all comes back to yourlist.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Yeah, the list, the friend roulette, yeah, okay.
Last on my list is never beafraid to love.
It's one of the greatest gifts,even when it's not reciprocal.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Oh, you had to come up with a heavy one for the last
one, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, I reordered them.
But I just think that even whensomeone doesn't love you back,
the fact that you got to havethat emotional experience of
loving someone else, or evenwhen it's like a crush thing,
you know, like it doesn't matterif they like you back.
You get to like have thegiddiness of having a crush on
(31:12):
someone.
I feel like we as humans, welike just jump to okay, I have a
crush on someone.
Now I got to figure out how tolike take them on a date.
Now I got to figure out likewhat's you know next in the
lineup you know for making thisthing like happen, but like a
lot of people just skip overenjoying the moment of being in
a crush I have so many thoughtsokay, go you are very good at
(31:35):
like.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
You'll mention that you have a crush on someone and
then, like same day or next day,I'll be like so what have you
done about it?
Nothing.
A week goes by.
Have you done anything?
No, not yet I'm like what why?
Speaker 3 (31:46):
what are you waiting for?
Speaker 1 (31:47):
like do something.
I'm just enjoying the fact thatI get to be like in a crush
right now um, but then also,that is a very bold statement
and I at one point would say yes, I believe that.
But actively right now?
I don't why, not like lovingsomeone, even if it's not
reciprocal, is great.
(32:07):
I used to believe that, yeah,but I think that almost like
when it happens and it's notreciprocal anymore.
It like takes a lot of work andcourage to get back to
believing that again and I thinkI'm still in that rebuilding
phase because you see how moreyou lean into this wonderful
(32:30):
emotion, how destructive it isonce it's taken away.
It feels like things just.
But what I'm learning is, asI'm rebuilding back to that
mindset of like love is great,even if it's reciprocal, is to
make sure that it's not justfucking glass so something
cracks, that you've go, you know, tumbling down pieces like
(32:53):
you're working on yourself totruly embody that.
So if someone doesn't love youback, you don't fall as far yeah
, or at all my god, god, wow,what the fuck.
Okay, caleb, pat yourself onthe back.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Yeah, you're talking about your, your relationship
with your ex, right?
So just the fact that you likegot to be in that relationship
and you got to experience thatlove for the amount of time that
you guys were together, andjust because you broke up,
doesn't mean that that like lovethat you experienced wasn't
like valid, wasn't real.
You know, like you can stilllook back on those times
(33:28):
together and appreciate the likelove that you guys had for each
other at that time.
And you know, shit happens inlife, you guys aren't together
anymore.
That doesn't like invalidatethe fact that you got to have
that experience with that person, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yeah, it's tough for me.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is even if it ends
terribly, you can still lookback on the time that you had
together and appreciate the factthat you had that, because you
also know that you can have thatagain with someone else.
You can have that with yourself.
You know you can have that withfriends, family.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Whatever?
Speaker 1 (34:09):
That's true.
I I will support that, becauseI didn't know that that level of
love existed.
So, I it.
There is beauty in that andknowing that, because you know
the idea of love and how muchyou love someone is only
comparative you only know theboundaries of it to like, oh, I
feel more in love with thisperson than I did with this one.
(34:30):
So your boundary grows or likeyour admiration for love or your
experience of it grows so eachtime that you do love, it is
making almost like that rippleeffect.
Or I do appreciate the love andit not let the crappy ending
(35:08):
overshadow the experience of itall.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah, I agree with you to a certain extent about
the like.
You don't know how big love canbe until you are in it and it's
comparative, yeah, but alsolike I know that you want kids,
you know that I want kids and,if you like, think about like
the love that you'll have foryour child.
You know it scares me.
(35:32):
Right.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
So scary.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
So scary.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, cause someone I love, I can say piss off and
they're still going to come back.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
but because someone I love, I can say piss off and
they're still going to come back, but like I have to feed that
thing, but like the fact thatyou know I know that you would
like give your kidney to thischild or you would like step in
front of a you know bullet forthis kid or whatever, like
that's a higher love than eitherof us have experienced, but we
know that it exists.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
I it almost is comparative to the type of love
we were just talking about.
Let me take on that pain foryou.
Yeah.
Like the motherly love, I think.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Right, and I just know that you have a lot of love
to give and I don't want you tobe afraid of loving and losing
it, stopping you from sharingthat with someone else.
Yeah, I needed that, thank you,yeah, okay, that's my list of
(36:27):
nine things that I've learned inthe last 36 years why does our
episode always get good?
Speaker 1 (36:33):
like like it's good it always is good, but like it
always is, like I feel likethere's like a piece of therapy
in each episode and it's alwayslike I call it about this point.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
I call it the full house phenomenon.
You ever watch full house, youknow the family in San Francisco
and at the end of each episodethere's always like a sit down
with like a full house with likethe dad and like the daughter
or whoever who is having somelike problem and there's a whole
like moral to the story.
(37:03):
I feel like that's kind of umwhere my mind goes with um our
episodes am I joey and you'rejesse?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
are you're bob saget?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
I'm bob saget.
Yeah, I'm kimmy oh my god yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my god, that's so fitting.
Yeah, okay, should we dovictory and vice?
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
That just tickled me.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, you want to go first?
Yes, for the same reason aslast episode.
You talked most of it.
Okay, my victory is I don'thave a vice quite yet, so it's
going to come to me.
My victory is that we got JoJotickets two days ago.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I am so excited.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Yes, I've never seen her live.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
Oh, my God, and I shared with.
I don't think I have on thepodcast.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
The day I landed in Seattle for the first time, I
went to see her live at ChobokSoto.
That was the very first time Iwas ever set foot in Seattle,
and so it's I don't know.
I'm excited it's around.
It's like two weeks to the dayfrom the anniversary of me
moving here that she's beenmoving here.
And I'm ecstatic we have.
We've talked about our love forJoJo, but I think really
(38:17):
recently I think that we havelearned how much both of us love
her and I've been appreciatingher like her spiral season song.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
It's been on repeat yeah, from like an ep that I
didn't even know existed from2021 phenomenal.
And then she's coming out witha new album right now, porcelain
and what's the other song thatjust came out, like a couple
days ago?
That is so good too much to sayyeah, her, her voice is so good
.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I also just read her uh autobiography or memoir so
good and remember, because wewere watching that video and I
was like, okay, how do I saythis politically correct?
I'm gonna try it and then takeit out if it's not okay how what
she does, so differently thanthat cultural appropriation, but
almost embodiment of something.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Does that matter?
She talks a lot about that inher memoir.
Can you put?
Speaker 1 (39:06):
better words than what I just tried to butcher.
Yeah, because like people.
Early to Y2K, people werecultural appropriating, so much
yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Well, first of all, she's a white woman artist but
she sings very black, soulfulyes.
White woman artist but shesings very black, soulful, yes.
But in the book she talks abouthow her music producer was
black and called her white thewhite savior because at 13
uh-huh, yeah, because he thoughtthat she was going to take like
(39:36):
r&b music, to like mainstreamwhite um audience and she sure
the fuck did yeah and she'scontinuing to do that.
It's the.
The book is worth a read, forsure well, I have a copy.
Yeah, you're never gonna read it, that's fine.
I'll just give you thehighlights.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
But I'm so excited to go see her with you, and this I
will be crying, so get ready.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Okay, maybe my victory will be that um my
sister's coming for thanksgivingfrom what you can't
pre-victorize I'm not.
I'm not done yet let me finishme telling you what you can't be
proud of or happy about, yeah,and then you can veto it after.
After I finish.
Um, my victory is that mysister's coming for Thanksgiving
(40:20):
from Washington DC and I talkedto the beginning of the episode
about how much I loveThanksgiving and all the food
are my favorite dishes, and mysister and I have just been like
going back and forth with allthe recipes that we want to make
.
We're making a tiramisu, we'remaking, of course, a pumpkin pie
that she's been like testingrecipes for.
(40:40):
Um, you just ordered ahoney-baked ham and my family's
stuffing recipe and all the goodfixings.
The sides are the best part ofthe meal.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Oh, 1,000%.
Speaker 3 (40:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
It'll be interesting because I remember the stress
that uh, me and someone else hadpreparing the a side dish for
your Thanksgiving last year,because I didn't know you very
well.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
And I was like oh, my God you make green beans.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
I had nothing to do with it.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
But yeah, it was like the mushroom stream green beans
something or another practicedmaking this beforehand and then
practiced cocktail and I used mycricket to cut out like we
there's a whole production thatdid not turn out oh yeah, but
the cocktails were good therewas something like pumpkin
margarita or something,something, yeah, yeah again had
(41:34):
nothing to do with no eitheritem, but this year I've it's a
over to frame of over 10 effect.
Whatever you, want to call it.
I've just gently exposed you toreally, really low standards of
food.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Oh right.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Yeah, so that way I don't feel pressure.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Because I'm making payday spaghetti for your
birthday.
Yeah, you are.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Low standards.
But my victory from all of thatis that I was asked by my boss
if I can work on Black Fridayand I was like you know what,
let me talk to my sister and seeif she's okay if I scoot out
for a couple hours.
And she responded absolutelynot.
You're not going to work whileI'm here for three days from
(42:16):
Washington DC.
So I told my boss that I can'twork on Black Friday and I think
it's good to set boundaries, soI did that.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Good for her.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
Yeah, good for her, good for me.
Everyone set your boundaries,set your expectations, and
that's my victory.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Oh my God, if I could go back and work retail on
Black Friday oh, you love that Idon't and I I hate interacting
with rude people and for somereason I just feel like such a.
I just love it the high, theadrenaline.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
But like in a Walmart , not in like a little shop.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Oh, like when I worked at American Eagle.
You want, like mass people,hysteria, shopping.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
And you really want to just get on that iPad and
start checking people out.
I am an iPad cat.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Here's your sheet.
Get out and I'm a great add-onitem person.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Do you want that?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
chapstick with you.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
I'm only going to share this with you.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
But my Nana did this.
It's genius.
She bought that pack ofperfumes split between all of
the grandchildren Easy gift, andwhat I rate, though, is none of
them are bad, because I tellyou so, get them.
And it doesn't matter whichscent.
So it really takes the stressaway I was.
I don't know where the shitwould come from.
It was just, I was so good at ityeah, oh, I love it, but I
would and I wish I could go backto black friday shopping like
(43:30):
how it was, when, like 6 am,you'd go get your little coffee
me, mom, and nana and hannah, wewould all go and should we do
that with my sister when she'shere?
Speaker 3 (43:39):
I would love it.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Yeah, even if we don't buy anything I just want
to go experience it yeah to gobuy two dollar towels or
something bullshit.
But like I the, because youknow how I am about to go to
best buying yourself a new tv.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Yeah, I wish goodwill did the for costco friday.
Oh my lord, I wonder if they'reeven open, do?
Speaker 1 (44:00):
you remember the time we were going to go to costco
and I drove separate and I waslike I can't I can't do this
yeah, but give it, tell me, it'sjust, everything's on sale I'm
in there.
Yeah, I'm in the pit I'm gonnabe in the pit, yeah which I
guess my vice could be myshopping.
But I'm not gonna let it bethat my vice is that we my
advice is that we got soinvolved in a puzzle this past
(44:22):
Sunday with our friend Tristanthat we did not go to bed until
midnight.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Worth it.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
It was worth it and I loved it.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Not a single missing piece, thank God.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
But like if we just loosely were all like, oh, let's
like do this puzzle, and thenlike four hours later, our
intensity kept building, andthen we kind of like, just like,
just fucking fit in there, andthen, like we were, all became
very determined but my vice isthat I've got barely a little
sleep, and it started off mywork week on a tired note.
But that's.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
But you recovered, remember, the next night you're
like I got 12 hours of sleep orwhatever.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Oh, the following monday night, yeah, okay, yeah,
because I did go to bed at like8 pm um, okay, my advice is that
I threw out my back which letme let this be known that we had
planned recorder an episodelast weekend and I was not the
cause of it.
Speaker 3 (45:19):
Yeah, literally could not get out of bed.
Okay, you and I watched adouble feature on the couch and
I don't know if I was likesleeping or not sleeping, if I
was like watching from a weirdangle or like laying weird on my
neck.
But I got up from the couch andI was like I cannot move my
neck.
So then I went to bed, tooksome adult PM to try to like you
(45:39):
sleep it off, woke up in somuch pain and luckily my nurse
roommate here gave me some umdrugs, um to deaden the nerves
in my body so I couldn't feeland um, yeah, that helped a lot
so you I've seen you stationaryLike did not get out of bed.
(46:01):
That's a for 24 hours.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
That the pain sounds shitty, but the idea of just
rotting in bed for 24 hourssounds so fun.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
So nice.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
And then I'm like I need to borrow your shower, so I
need to test out my new steamcleaner.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
Oh yeah, he steamed clean my shower while I was
laying in bed, catatonic,watching Golden Girls.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Literally.
And I was like, remember,reposition every two hours.
Yeah, I'll set the pressure.
And I was like, how are yougoing to go to the bathroom?
I've already gone three times.
I just pissed the bed.
I ordered a new mattressalready.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
Okay, I think that's our episode for today.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Yeah, okay, I think that's our episode for today.
Yeah, yeah, I, with theupcoming holidays and your
birthday, I just am veryappreciative that you're
celebrating them with me,because, especially you know,
the holidays, being away fromfamily it's really tough.
Yeah, um, and I appreciate thatand I love birthdays.
Love them.
And so I just am appreciativethat I don't know, just to know
you.
This time last year again, thatepisode's going to come out
(47:08):
soon.
Perspective in a Year.
Did not think I'd be sittinghere on the couch recording an
episode with you.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
Yeah, oh well, I appreciate you for all the
things that you bring to my life, all the humor and just
giddiness and um and just forbeing you.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
And thank you for being my podcast mate and this
may be my 36th year buthopefully we'll have 36 years of
podcasts god, under our belt,you know in a couple decades I
can't wait to go back and listen, even in a a year's time, to
some of these episodes, BecauseI go back and watch my YouTube
videos sometimes and I'm likethat's how you apply.
I would not apply self-tearthat way.
(47:47):
Imagine a year from now.
Fuck love.
Yeah.
Love is bullshit.
You just rip everything, youjust said apart.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Here's my nine things I was wrong about last year, in
my 36th year.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
Here's my nine things .
Speaker 3 (47:59):
I was wrong about last year.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
In my 36th year it's just the list I just gave.
Oh, okay, well.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
Okay, well, to all the Scorpio slash, I'm a
Sagittarius, but all theNovember babies out there, happy
birthday.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Happy birth month.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
Happy birth month.
Hit us up and if you want abirthday, shout out, then send
us a message on Instagram atUnfamously Unwell, or shoot us
an email and tell us about thethings that you've learned in
your however many years old youare at Unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Thank you, and and wait, did you ever have the
thing like your radio stationwhere, like you, would call in
and they would like, and theywould say happy birthday to you
Like?
Speaker 3 (48:42):
no, not that it was.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
WIVK and mom would always call in her names and
they would say everyone's happybirthday on the radio.
Yeah, but then they always picksomeone who got like an ice
cream cake and like some kind ofexperience.
And my fucking brother, I thinkI know for sure, got selected
once, but maybe twice.
But hearing them say my name onthe radio to say happy birthday
(49:04):
.
I think is what started.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Make you feel famous.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, mom, that's me Turn it up.
That's me on the radio.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
There is something about hearing your voice on or
hearing your name as a shout out.
I know, like a recording, myfriend that I mentioned in the
last podcast.
He reached out and was justlike so thankful and he's like I
was so giddy like hearing myname mentioned on uh, you know,
a podcast you know that'sinteresting and I this is should
(49:33):
not have been at the end of theepisode.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Um, I think people feel that way because we're
we're just like people havingconversations about what's going
on in our lives.
Yeah.
And like people are getting tohear about how they are
positively a part of it.
Yeah, and negatively.
Yeah, but it's kind of nice tohear people talking about you
behind your back, but it's likein good ways.
Yeah, I think that's kind oflike probably what he felt.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
Yeah, and I think the fact that I said he had
rippling muscles and likegorgeous curly locks or wavy
locks is he single?
Yeah, so if anyone in the LAarea is looking for a boyfriend,
reach out to me, send me amessage it won't be the first
time I'm moved for a guy, soyeah, I'll set you up yeah,
(50:16):
that's gonna go a little whileso until next week we wish you
well happy birthday.
Mr president, thanks forlistening to another episode of
unfamously unwell, the unratedpodcast hosted by your two
favorite seattle homosexuals ona journey to higher health.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
Listen each week as we deep dive into a new topic
and give you all the dirtydetails of our successes and
failures along the way you cansend us your questions, feedback
or share your own victoryadvice by writing to
unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom orby clicking the link at the
bottom of the description toshoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUnwell, unrated.
Because we related over our half-siblings' parent
robbed a bank.
Say that again, like mybrother's dad robbed a bank and
then his sister's dad robbed abank.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
So both of you have bank robbers in the family.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
I'm not blood related to them.
Okay, only Jared is.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
But still in the family.
Yeah, yes, one degree ofseparation.
Wow, so we're going to?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Carpenter wrote that sign okay, okay, bad cap.
I'm trying to think there was.
There were so many things likeI almost started writing them
down last night I want to talkto you about tristan's one that
told me about that fact.
Like you rate how much of a goodtime you had based on how much
you talked about yourself.
You got to talk about yourselfreally in friend situations, in
a lot of situations, and I cansee that actually, yeah, that's
much of a good time you hadbased on how much you talked
about yourself you got to talkabout yourself Really In friend
situations and a lot ofsituations I can see that
actually.
Yeah, that's why you enjoyed thelast two podcasts and we're
(00:50):
doing another one about you, soplease tell me about how the
other one didn't get.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
You also enjoyed the last podcast.
You said it was your favoriteepisode.
I'm just giving you a hard timeAlso the fans have been loving
it.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Thank you all for your uh feedback and text
messages and um and instagram,dms vampire.
He was like wait, and I waslike doing my hair.
I totally forgot like, did heend up topping or bottoming?
I forgot to like.
I forgot that was like what thefollow-up was yeah I said I
think he did both no way.
He taught they went to theshower and he was like and then
he said, was the burf feed worthit?
And I was like I'm notconvinced it was.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
No, honestly, no more of that.
That's toxic.
That's toxic.
Gay culture, the hungry bottomphenomenon I don't like it.
Eat what you want, folks, eatwhat you want.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Right, right.
We've talked about this beforebecause if I make myself unhappy
and then just to be let downsexually by this top, so I don't
risk shit on his dick.
Nothing enrages me more thanthat.
It's almost like the pain thata mother feels for her child,
(02:02):
the pain that I went through foryou to have a good life, for
you to have a good fuck for youto have a good fun To just waste
it, right.
Yeah, just get on drugs to liveon the streets.
You're going to be a man with ashit ass dick.
You deserve to be shit on.
I now deserve my Taco Bell.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Good night.
Good night, it looks like agirl who, like you know, shaves
her legs or or waxes or pussy orwhatever.
Don't say that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Some of those are even ours.
Bald head pussy got lots ofjuice, oh my.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
God, or whatever, or whatever you know, and then you
know, nothing happens.
It's like no, no, I didn'tshave my legs for this.
Well, I didn't wax my buttholefor this.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Do you know Khalid Khalid?
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Khalid, oh yeah, khalid.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah, he just got outed and he confirmed that he's
gay.
Hot.
Which is awful that he wasouted, but yeah, oh my gosh wait
, who outed him?
I don't know, because everyonewho's talking about it is like
I'm not going to give the personwho did the shitty thing any
more attention since they outedhim, but he was like he just put
a pride flag with all theseexclamation points as a tweet.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I mean, are we surprised?
Speaker 1 (03:06):
I never thought about him oh really I love his music.
I like how like groovy he gets.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Yeah.
Like whenever he's watching,like the award shows and people
are performing and they're likesinging his song, like Kelly
Clarkson specifically, oh yeah,yeah, I think he's like actually
one of the best male vocalistsof the last decade.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Okay, I didn't know you were coming with
hard-hitting questions like that.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
I mean, I think every single song he does is a
fucking bop.
And he's featured on a lot ofother artists' music and that's
always my favorite song oftheirs.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
You know what's crazy ?
He could be KellyClarkson-esque adjacent because
he could do R&B.
He adapts to whoever is singing.
He does yeah.
That song with Armani is sogood.
Yeah, he has a lot of greatsongs.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Okay, now I'm going to go down that rabbit hole soon
.
You're welcome.
That's my job today.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Happy birthday to Kyle, because this episode is
going to be out after you'vealready transitioned to the next
age.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Yep, I won't say it why.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Tell them.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
I'll say it's to my 37th year.
You know about that.
You're like I'm going to be 36,but you're actually living your
37th year.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Don't brain, fuck me.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
I know Math.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Right yeah, how old is your age going to demonstrate
like into the normal public?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
27.
Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
You could probably pass as a 28-year-old 29.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Okay, I'll take it, I'll take it 31.
Oh my gosh, you have too muchwisdom.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Psychology research says don't.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
21 say that, so act stupid.
That makes me seem younger.
Yeah, ditzy Like me, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
But you're going to be 36.
Mm gonna be 36 and, uh, Imentioned this to you before the
palm springs episode, right, orwas the idea, yeah, of this
episode?
Yeah, how I like the idea whenpeople like, they reflect on,
like oh, it's my 20th birthday,like these are 20 things I've
learned so yeah I.
This is going to be bear withus people.
Another episode all about kyle,don't worry caleb content's
(05:02):
coming soon.
I've just been very demurelately doing nothing for the
plot getting mentally intactyeah, yeah, how's it going?
actually well yeah yeah, good,I've had a few days where I just
like want to not exist, but alot less of them, okay, um, so
(05:22):
how would you is this going tobe like?
Do you have a list?
Speaker 3 (05:25):
like how I do yeah, okay, so I'm a thanksgiving baby
, so every seven years andexcluding leap years, I think I
don't know how that that mathworks, but it falls on
thanksgiving and thanksgivinghas, like always, been my
favorite holiday.
Why are?
Are you giving me that face?
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh, because you like to cook for people.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I like to cook for people.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And it's not gift-giving yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
And the whole family would get together, and it would
always be around my birthday.
So then I'd always get presentstoo.
Not about gift-giving at all, oranything and it's my favorite
foods, so comforting and justalways being with the family and
close friends or anything but,and it's always like my, it's my
favorite foods, like socomforting and just like always
being, you know, with the familyand close friends.
You know chosen family andstuff.
(06:11):
So any hoosers, as caleb likesto say.
I wanted to focus this episodeon being thankful for the last
36 years of my life and Calebasked me like okay, you got to
share some like pearls of wisdomwith our listeners.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
So yeah, I want the.
You have to keep us on the edgeof our seats, Cause if you're
just going to tell us allpositive things, no one wants to
hear it.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
They are all positive things, but it's okay.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
Okay, and Caleb asked me to come up with 36 things
and I up with 36 things and Idecided that that would probably
take like four hours to gothrough, so they don't have to
be deep you could be like.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I'm thankful for the smell of peppermint that's why.
Speaker 3 (06:50):
Okay, well, that's not gonna keep people on the
edge of their seat either.
So I don't know.
But, um, growing up, my aunt,um, who was abducted by aliens
we'll talk more about that onanother episode what, yeah, she
was really into numerology.
Do you know what that is?
Yes.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Aunt Shannon, we love you.
This is the aunt that you wereon the phone with yesterday.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
No, that's Karen.
Yeah, aunt Shannon was abductedby aliens in Juneau, alaska,
yeah, where a lot of alienabductions happen.
So did it happen?
I don't know.
She's dead now so we'll neverknow.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Keep going.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Okay, you take your birthday, so mine's the 25th, so
you add those two numberstogether, so I'm a 7.
What are you?
A 19.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
A 10.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
So a 1.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
No, wait, 18?
.
So I'm a 9.
Because my birthday's 17.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
So you're an 8.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Your birthday is the 17th, so one and seven is eight.
Oh, I thought it was you likeeight, like carried it over,
like no, so I'm an eight.
You're an eight, okay, oh, thatwas some real hard math, just
addition.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
So, anyways, your like birth number has like
characteristics about you andyada, yada, yada.
She was really into it.
Um, so I'm turning 36, so threeplus six is nine.
So I have nine pieces of adviceto give to our listeners, and
number one is life is too short.
(08:18):
Do it for the plot.
I feel like that's just like mylife motto right now.
You know like, don't have anyregrets.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
What Do you know?
Number nine is wisdom.
But you're an eight, I know,but you're giving us wisdom.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah On your yeah.
Also, in numerology, the numbernine is a sign of completion
and it signifies the conclusionof one phase, a paving way for
the initiation of the next.
So I mean it's very fitting fora birthday transition.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
These are life numbers.
Yeah, well, okay.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
Yeah, okay.
So number one is do it for theplot.
Life is just too short.
Don't live your life like fullof regrets, wishing that you had
, like you know, kissed that guyor made that move or gone on
that trip or indulged everythingyou just listed is things that
I've witnessed you do the lastfew months this is what I think
(09:23):
about doing it for the plot.
I like to be kind of on theoutside of the plot and then I
like to just kind of dip myfinger into the plot and then I
can like take it out.
Or you just make a big splash,cannonball, and then you get out
, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
That's more my take.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
Yeah, but I don't need to like just live in the
pond, you know.
But I don't need to like justlive in the pond, you know.
I don't need to like explorethe bottom of the lake, you know
, I don't need to do all of that, I don't need to stay in it.
But I'm going to like just likewalk around the edges and like
play a little bit with thefishies and then get the fuck
(10:00):
out.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Do you know if any of what you said?
Speaker 3 (10:02):
made sense.
Yeah, it made sense in my brain.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Okay, we'll have to see if I translate it okay,
because I'm just likeenvisioning a frog on a lily pad
just watching you walk around.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
the plot is the water like okay okay, one example is
I was on this flight from umburbank airport in la to sonoma
airport, which is like thesetiny little airports like, and
these tiny little hopper planes,um, and if you're flying from
Burbank airport to Sonoma, youeither live there or you're
(10:34):
going on vacation there.
There's no really other reasonfor to be going to um Sonoma
airport.
It's like one cubicle and youland on the tarmac and you walk
downstairs, you know.
So I get on this flight and, um, this woman walks up.
She's like around my age, maybea little bit older, and she has
(10:56):
blitzed, and she comes up to me.
She's like hi, I think this islike my seat next to you and I'm
like, oh my God, buckle up,like this is going to be a rough
, like two hour flight.
So at first I just leave myearplugs in or my ear like
AirPods in.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
Okay, gramps yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I'm like, okay, I'm just going to ignore this person
.
But then she like pokes me andshe's like I just have to tell
you.
And she's like I just have totell you, I have to tell you
what just happened to me.
And I was like, uh-oh, here wego.
Okay, so she's like it'sMother's Day.
She just came from her mom's.
She was doing brunch with hermom at her sister's house in
(11:39):
Malibu Canyon.
I went to Pepperdine, which ison the other side of Malibu
Canyon, so I was like I'mfamiliar with the area, I know
where, um, you're talking aboutalso, that must mean you're rich
or your sister's really rich ifshe has a house in Malibu
Canyon.
She's like the pussycat dollswere there and this director was
there and blah, blah, blah.
(12:00):
They all like live in this likekind of co-op community in
Malibu Canyon and her sister washosting a Mother's Day brunch
for her mom and some of thesepeople.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
She hosted Trump supporting Nicole Scherzinger.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah, I don't think she was there.
It was one of the otherPussycat Dolls.
Not all of them.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Just to be clear.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Okay, keep going.
Okay, so you know, my impulsewas to not talk to this lady,
but then I started like gettingthese plot lines and I was like,
oh, this is good, maybe Ishould jump in a little bit.
And so we started kiki-ing.
She, you know, had tons ofchampagne.
We exchanged phone numbers.
She lives in Sonoma.
(12:42):
When I was living in Sonoma andflash forward like a couple
years, I'm back in seattle.
She works for google.
She's the one who ordered likethree thousand dollars worth of
candles from me for her googleevent wait yeah now, that's
doing it for the plot, you knowyou and you did nothing, all you
(13:02):
did was have a conversation.
Yeah.
So my definition of doing forthe plot I thought you were
going to be like.
So next thing I know I'm doingbody shots off an occult culture
thing.
I wish we're like turn thislight around, right, you just
never know what connectionsyou're going to make and I think
that most people are very likeclosed off to having those
(13:24):
experiences.
And for you know good reason.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I think a lot of the time.
So, people, what we're takingaway from that is lean into it,
do it for the plot.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Because even if I mean, you might get a $3,000
candle order.
Exactly, just by having aconversation.
Yeah, okay, number two Dos.
Drugs are like salt you canalways add more, but you can't
take them out once they're in.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
That is a fair yeah.
Yeah, I mean Speaking ofibuprofen only.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Exactly that's what I'm talking about.
Actually, speaking of that, myhigh school science teacher
accidentally killed her mom bygiving her too much ibuprofen.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Did she have a liver issue?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Yeah, she had liver problems and killed her.
Anyways, start small, startsmall.
If you're going to experimentwith substances, start small, do
it in a safe place.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Don't do it in a large group setting and do it
with people that, even if youcan, you're going to act super
like feral or you don't know howyou're going to act.
Do it with people who willforgive you.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Okay, number three the prettiest people you know
are just as insecure about theirbodies as you are.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
That is good and I think it plays a lot into like
kind of the body image episodethat we did crossover than even
the social anxiety thing lastweek.
Speaker 3 (14:52):
We talked a lot about it, like on the podcast, about,
like you know, body image andstuff.
But I think that, like, whatmost people don't get is that
everyone else has the sameanxieties about their own bodies
, is that everyone else has thesame anxieties about their own
bodies and there's no harm inhitting on someone that you
think is out of your league,because most likely yeah, they
(15:16):
probably know that they'repretty, but they're just as
insecure about that as you are,if not more.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
And confidence is sexy.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I realized this the other day to support what you're
saying.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Um, you know, like if you're getting out of the
shower, you're always likepicking yourself apart a little
bit and I thought to myself.
I said there's not a singlehuman who has gotten it like got
out of the shower in front oftheir mirror every single day.
I'm like I'm hot as fuck andlike they, everyone is like
noticing these qualities takingthemselves apart yeah and it
kind of just put it intoperspective yeah okay next okay.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
next is it's okay to get angry.
Sometimes it just meanssomething is worth fighting for.
I don't know, it took me like areally long time to not be
afraid to get angry and like Igrew up in like a household
where when people got angry,like shit was going down and
like you didn't want to be therefor it, right, and it just made
me like avoid feeling angry atall times because it was kind of
(16:16):
scary.
And yeah, I realized in thelast like year or two that
getting angry really just meansthat, like you're, you want to
protect something you know thatyou hold dear and that it's
worth fighting for and that it'sokay to feel the full spectrum
of human emotions.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
Are you having an emotional reaction to something?
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Yeah, are you having an emotional reaction to
something?
Yeah, because I have alwayssaid that anger is the one
emotion that I'm afraid to feelthe most.
Because it's the one I feellike I have no control over and
I get mad.
But very, very rarely do I everget angry.
I think the only time you'veseen that start to come up was
the night after that concert,after someone read me for filth.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
And I was like trying to calm myself down.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Because I't know how to like.
It's almost like I see red,yeah, and I don't know.
You just go into a rageblackout, yeah and I avoided at
all costs, but instead of justavoiding it.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
I like that point of view of well, it doesn't work if
you're in a rage blackout.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
No, but I think but pushing things to the side or
not allow or like I don't know,belittling your, how you're
feeling or like you said, angercomes from trying to protect
something, and it's not.
I don't think it's the mosthelpful emotion.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
As far as communication goes, yeah, but I
do think that there's somethingthere to what you're saying and
I'm maybe I should not lean intoit, but like get curious about
it, yeah, so that's actuallyreally good I feel like that's
true for like all emotions, andit's probably the most true for
the one that you are most afraidof.
You, you know, and that mightbe different for other people
(18:03):
For me it was anger, but forother people I feel like, you
know, if it's sadness and youlike just can't cry, you know,
because that's just like reallyhard for you Like just give
yourself the like grace to feelthat emotion whenever it happens
.
Don't like force it away or orbe ashamed of it, because all
(18:28):
emotions are valid, no matterwhat the experience is, and the
more you like suppress it, thenthe harder it is to cope with
you're a blessing to this, tothis earth, kyle oh, my mom
thinks so too.
Honestly, my mom texts me I'mgonna go to mexico on your
(18:49):
birthday and I wish that youwould be here.
I'm just gonna be thinking allday about the you know 12 hours
of labor I was in bringing youinto this world.
She's a fucking blessing laborof love yeah, she's like it was
the easiest of my three children.
I was like, yeah, that soundsabout right, I'm the easy child.
Yeah, okay, number five, sex isabout connection, not
(19:14):
validation.
It has the ability to betransformational, not just
transactional, but it can betransactional, that's what you
want.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
That's why I said not just transactional, but it can
be transactional.
That's what you want.
That's why I said not just yeah.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Cause sometimes that's what you want, but and
that's also fine.
But I just think that there'slike so much more potential to
sex than a lot of like whatpeople are looking for right now
, and I feel like a lot ofpeople are like missing out on
like how much fun it can be andwhen you're like really pull
(19:44):
apart the layers and like getlike into the nitty gritty of
like what you can like dotogether in bed and like the
creative the creativity of it,you know, and I think that
people are afraid to like becreative sometimes.
Okay, or like to allow that partof themselves out.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Are you talking about , like fetishes, things that
they're into role play?
Speaker 3 (20:05):
yeah, I mean whatever your mind comes up with like we
said before, I'll try anythingonce just don't ask the shit on
my chest.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
No, I know no or poke me with needles.
Um, what about the opposite ofthat?
Speaker 3 (20:18):
what if?
Speaker 1 (20:19):
people are only using that, like that's how they're
getting connection and avoidingother like their real world,
real life.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Well, I don't know.
I guess that's what I'm tryingto say is that if you're looking
for validation in sex, maybeyou should look somewhere else.
Like it's a bandaid on a bullethole situation.
If you're looking forvalidation in sex, there is
something bigger there to diginto, to like understand why you
(20:51):
don't see validation likeoutside of sex, or like, or
maybe like, that you don't thinkhighly enough of yourself so
that you need validation throughsex.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Which it could be a whole.
Other topic is the whole gaything on top of it and the shame
that comes along with that yeahand people feel shameful having
sex as a gay man, plus havingphysical and mental, you know
yeah things are working through,so you're out there saying have
, have the sex, take your prep.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Yeah, and connect.
And connect, I mean, if that'swhat you want.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Get connected.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
For free.
Free with brrcom yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
That's just what I've learned in the last 36 years
about myself.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I will agree, the best sex is like nothing is you
could take same exact sex sexposition same size of everything
.
But then there is justsomething like when you are
connected, uh-huh, it makes it.
It turns any bland vanilla cakeand a fucking, oh
(21:58):
scrumdiddlyumptious sprinkleright yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Number six being part of a loving relationship is not
about putting someone else'sneeds before your own.
It's about putting the needs ofthe relationship before
anyone's individual needs.
I feel like there's this likewhole, like movement away from
not away from but like um, likecodependence is like a big word
(22:22):
in relationship talk yeah, rightnow, and I totally agree that
like codependence is like nothealthy.
But there's also this thingcalled inter interdependence,
where you guys like rely on eachother, you know.
For, like, the things that oneperson does well contributes to
the relationship and the thingsthat someone else does well in
(22:43):
the relationship contributes tothe relationship, and both of
those things you know have valuein the relationship.
And it's not about beingcompletely, you know,
independent and islands on yourown.
There has to be like some sortof mutual support and you have
to want what's best for theentire relationship as an entity
in itself, compared to just,you know, looking out for
(23:06):
yourself.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Otherwise the relationship just doesn't work
and that's called attachmentstyles and lucky for you, you
lean very secure I've taken thetest how do you feel about
yourself?
Secure, secure?
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Secure.
Thank you, demure and secure.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Yeah, but that's I think I like.
I like that, the idea of beingable to like, because you are
like a unit and there is somedependence there, and I think
secure attachment is willing toask for that, but also be that
is willing to ask for that, butalso be that, avoid it.
And anxious attachments arealways in that fucking cycle of
two ships or two islands yeahlike oh yes, our islands can
(23:53):
touch.
Nope, just kidding, you're tooclose, sorry, okay, and I'm
gonna chase after you.
Yeah, um, so I think that has athought that came to my brain.
Okay, left right away.
Speaker 3 (24:02):
Okay, number seven Prioritize the people in your
life that you've known thelongest.
They've always been there foryou and always will.
Okay, give us an example, in thelast 36 years, especially in
the last couple of years, I havereally had to rely on my
(24:23):
closest friends for support.
Going through a breakup, goingthrough losing my job, moving to
a new home, moving fromCalifornia, all of those things
and what I found is that thepeople that you've known the
longest, those people continueto show up for you.
(24:43):
So hold them close to you andbe there for them when they need
you, because you're eachother's family.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Yeah Well, also, I just think, exposure therapy,
they've seen your worst and yourbest.
It's not the girl you just metlast week who's like fuck, I've
only seen her be wrecked.
And so they're not going tojudge you because they know that
this is just a point in yourlife.
This isn't, oh my God, thisperson's chaotic and hold it
against you type thing.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Yeah, does that make sense?
Yeah, totally.
And also they're going to speaktruth to you because they've
known you the longest.
They're not going to feed youbullshit as much.
Yeah, and sometimes you need alittle dose of reality when
you're going through all of it.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
So hold them close.
Your butthole's not specialflip over exactly and spread
them yeah yeah, I, I had arealization when it comes to
friendships.
That was a couple years ago.
That friend, each friend, has apurpose.
And trying to care, like noteveryone is a best friend and
flipping that mindset, I stillfind myself getting let down by
(25:52):
people.
But, like you, have a friendthat you love going out with
yeah trying to depend on them tobe your emotion, like if to go
to them with your emotions,you're going to be let down,
right, and they're not going tobe able to show up for you.
But that's not their place inyour life, right?
That doesn't mean that they'renot capable of it.
They're just.
That's just their role in yourlife and by leaning into going
(26:16):
to people for what they'recapable of giving to you.
Like that dynamic has been,oops been very like helpful and
prevented a lot of like letdown.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Letdown.
Yeah, yeah, knowing or having afull social support system, you
know, of people that you go tofor this, that and the other,
and knowing who those people are, I think is really important.
And I have like a list on myphone.
I call it um, are you rankingthem?
I call it like friend rouletteand so, like on one column I
(26:46):
have like things that I like todo and then on the other side
are like a list of friends.
No, I don't rank them, but Iwill.
When I like don't have anythingto do or I'm like bored or I
like I'm trying to fill out myweekend plans, I'll like pick an
activity and then pick a friend, and then I'll like put those
two things together and I'lllike text them what uh-huh so
(27:10):
like, if you want to have likelike concerts, you have like a
list of people for that.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
If you want to have like, uh, a witchy night, you
have a people you'd pick forthat.
If you have like you want toget wild, you have a list.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
Okay, I don't go into that much detail, I just have,
like you want to get wild, youhave a list.
Okay, I don't go into that muchdetail, I just have like the
two lists, but sometimes I'lllike randomly like pick two that
don't really go together.
So then, I'll like repick a newone that's kind of fun.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Yeah, probably talk about into an app probably okay,
let's do that.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
We can ask vampire to design it oh, good idea.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, you're welcome for that.
That's gonna be a lot of moneyokay, um, what are we on?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
eight?
Okay, eight, don't be afraid toask for help.
For the most part, peoplereally appreciate being asked
and enjoy showing up for othersthat's tough yeah, why is that
tough for you?
Speaker 1 (27:58):
I don't, I'm just in general, I think it it's tough
To ask for help.
Yeah, because I think that alot of times people feel it's a
weakness and I think that BreneBrown talks it's kind of
adjacent to it whenever shetalks a lot about shame and I
think I felt it a lot moving outhere.
(28:18):
And then because everyone fromback home they were like oh wow,
you're doing so much better,like you've grown, like you've
left our smaller city moved tothis big city like you've I
don't know like elevatedyourself, but then there's
almost like this oh, theyalready think that of me.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
If I need to, them like to go to them for advice or
help, but they're not going tothink of me as highly you know
what I'm saying and I feel likethat's a very natural thought
progression that happens inpeople's brains Not me, of
course, but I do think that alot of people think that way,
and what I'm saying, that I'velearned in the last 36 years is
that people actually reallyappreciate it when you reach out
(28:57):
to them and you're like let melet you into my life in a
vulnerable way and ask you forhelp in a way that you know
maybe you wouldn't expect.
But then you get to like buildyour relationship with them even
deeper because they get to knowanother side of you that maybe
you haven't shared with thembefore.
And if it's just like you needsomeone to like babysit or, you
(29:21):
know, like dog sit or whateverit is, people feel good.
When they're like okay, youreach out to me first.
That means that you must likereally trust me and appreciate
our friendship and know thatit's not asking too much and and
that I could also.
You know they could also do thesame for you.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
What's your advice if you reach out for help and
they're not capable of it?
Then you reach out to someoneelse who is yeah to just keep
pushing through like okay, youmessed up the courage ask.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Well, just like you know, yeah, the last thing we
were saying about there's like afriend for everything and not
don't just blast text help meyeah.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Pick and choose who you want to reach out to.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
Right, which is why I'm never asked to take care of
the dog Right.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
But also, like you learn also more about your
friends by doing those thingsand what sort of friend they are
, you know.
Are they like a party, like outand about friend?
Are they just like in a biggroup kind of friend?
Are they just a witch aboutfriend?
Are they just like in a biggroup kind of friend?
Are they just a witchy friend?
Are they going ice skating withyou friend?
You know, cause I don't expectall my friends to want to go ice
(30:30):
skating with me.
Speaker 1 (30:31):
You're very good at curating friend groups too, so
that makes sense.
It's all comes back to yourlist.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
Yeah, the list, the friend roulette, yeah, okay.
Last on my list is never beafraid to love.
It's one of the greatest gifts,even when it's not reciprocal.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Oh, you had to come up with a heavy one for the last
one, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, I reordered them.
But I just think that even whensomeone doesn't love you back,
the fact that you got to havethat emotional experience of
loving someone else, or evenwhen it's like a crush thing,
you know, like it doesn't matterif they like you back.
You get to like have thegiddiness of having a crush on
(31:12):
someone.
I feel like we as humans, welike just jump to okay, I have a
crush on someone.
Now I got to figure out how tolike take them on a date.
Now I got to figure out likewhat's you know next in the
lineup you know for making thisthing like happen, but like a
lot of people just skip overenjoying the moment of being in
a crush I have so many thoughtsokay, go you are very good at
(31:35):
like.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
You'll mention that you have a crush on someone and
then, like same day or next day,I'll be like so what have you
done about it?
Nothing.
A week goes by.
Have you done anything?
No, not yet I'm like what why?
Speaker 3 (31:46):
what are you waiting for?
Speaker 1 (31:47):
like do something.
I'm just enjoying the fact thatI get to be like in a crush
right now um, but then also,that is a very bold statement
and I at one point would say yes, I believe that.
But actively right now?
I don't why, not like lovingsomeone, even if it's not
reciprocal, is great.
(32:07):
I used to believe that, yeah,but I think that almost like
when it happens and it's notreciprocal anymore.
It like takes a lot of work andcourage to get back to
believing that again and I thinkI'm still in that rebuilding
phase because you see how moreyou lean into this wonderful
(32:30):
emotion, how destructive it isonce it's taken away.
It feels like things just.
But what I'm learning is, asI'm rebuilding back to that
mindset of like love is great,even if it's reciprocal, is to
make sure that it's not justfucking glass so something
cracks, that you've go, you know, tumbling down pieces like
(32:53):
you're working on yourself totruly embody that.
So if someone doesn't love youback, you don't fall as far yeah
, or at all my god, god, wow,what the fuck.
Okay, caleb, pat yourself onthe back.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
Yeah, you're talking about your, your relationship
with your ex, right?
So just the fact that you likegot to be in that relationship
and you got to experience thatlove for the amount of time that
you guys were together, andjust because you broke up,
doesn't mean that that like lovethat you experienced wasn't
like valid, wasn't real.
You know, like you can stilllook back on those times
(33:28):
together and appreciate the likelove that you guys had for each
other at that time.
And you know, shit happens inlife, you guys aren't together
anymore.
That doesn't like invalidatethe fact that you got to have
that experience with that person, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yeah, it's tough for me.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is even if it ends
terribly, you can still lookback on the time that you had
together and appreciate the factthat you had that, because you
also know that you can have thatagain with someone else.
You can have that with yourself.
You know you can have that withfriends, family.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (34:08):
Whatever?
Speaker 1 (34:09):
That's true.
I I will support that, becauseI didn't know that that level of
love existed.
So, I it.
There is beauty in that andknowing that, because you know
the idea of love and how muchyou love someone is only
comparative you only know theboundaries of it to like, oh, I
feel more in love with thisperson than I did with this one.
(34:30):
So your boundary grows or likeyour admiration for love or your
experience of it grows so eachtime that you do love, it is
making almost like that rippleeffect.
Or I do appreciate the love andit not let the crappy ending
(35:08):
overshadow the experience of itall.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah, I agree with you to a certain extent about
the like.
You don't know how big love canbe until you are in it and it's
comparative, yeah, but alsolike I know that you want kids,
you know that I want kids and,if you like, think about like
the love that you'll have foryour child.
You know it scares me.
(35:32):
Right.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
So scary.
Speaker 3 (35:34):
So scary.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, cause someone I love, I can say piss off and
they're still going to come back.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
but because someone I love, I can say piss off and
they're still going to come back, but like I have to feed that
thing, but like the fact thatyou know I know that you would
like give your kidney to thischild or you would like step in
front of a you know bullet forthis kid or whatever, like
that's a higher love than eitherof us have experienced, but we
know that it exists.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
I it almost is comparative to the type of love
we were just talking about.
Let me take on that pain foryou.
Yeah.
Like the motherly love, I think.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Right, and I just know that you have a lot of love
to give and I don't want you tobe afraid of loving and losing
it, stopping you from sharingthat with someone else.
Yeah, I needed that, thank you,yeah, okay, that's my list of
(36:27):
nine things that I've learned inthe last 36 years why does our
episode always get good?
Speaker 1 (36:33):
like like it's good it always is good, but like it
always is, like I feel likethere's like a piece of therapy
in each episode and it's alwayslike I call it about this point.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
I call it the full house phenomenon.
You ever watch full house, youknow the family in San Francisco
and at the end of each episodethere's always like a sit down
with like a full house with likethe dad and like the daughter
or whoever who is having somelike problem and there's a whole
like moral to the story.
(37:03):
I feel like that's kind of umwhere my mind goes with um our
episodes am I joey and you'rejesse?
Speaker 1 (37:09):
are you're bob saget?
Speaker 3 (37:10):
I'm bob saget.
Yeah, I'm kimmy oh my god yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my god, that's so fitting.
Yeah, okay, should we dovictory and vice?
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
That just tickled me.
Yeah, I know.
Okay, you want to go first?
Yes, for the same reason aslast episode.
You talked most of it.
Okay, my victory is I don'thave a vice quite yet, so it's
going to come to me.
My victory is that we got JoJotickets two days ago.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
I am so excited.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Yes, I've never seen her live.
Speaker 3 (37:51):
Oh, my God, and I shared with.
I don't think I have on thepodcast.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
The day I landed in Seattle for the first time, I
went to see her live at ChobokSoto.
That was the very first time Iwas ever set foot in Seattle,
and so it's I don't know.
I'm excited it's around.
It's like two weeks to the dayfrom the anniversary of me
moving here that she's beenmoving here.
And I'm ecstatic we have.
We've talked about our love forJoJo, but I think really
(38:17):
recently I think that we havelearned how much both of us love
her and I've been appreciatingher like her spiral season song.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
It's been on repeat yeah, from like an ep that I
didn't even know existed from2021 phenomenal.
And then she's coming out witha new album right now, porcelain
and what's the other song thatjust came out, like a couple
days ago?
That is so good too much to sayyeah, her, her voice is so good
.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I also just read her uh autobiography or memoir so
good and remember, because wewere watching that video and I
was like, okay, how do I saythis politically correct?
I'm gonna try it and then takeit out if it's not okay how what
she does, so differently thanthat cultural appropriation, but
almost embodiment of something.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
Does that matter?
She talks a lot about that inher memoir.
Can you put?
Speaker 1 (39:06):
better words than what I just tried to butcher.
Yeah, because like people.
Early to Y2K, people werecultural appropriating, so much
yeah, okay.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
Well, first of all, she's a white woman artist but
she sings very black, soulfulyes.
White woman artist but shesings very black, soulful, yes.
But in the book she talks abouthow her music producer was
black and called her white thewhite savior because at 13
uh-huh, yeah, because he thoughtthat she was going to take like
(39:36):
r&b music, to like mainstreamwhite um audience and she sure
the fuck did yeah and she'scontinuing to do that.
It's the.
The book is worth a read, forsure well, I have a copy.
Yeah, you're never gonna read it, that's fine.
I'll just give you thehighlights.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
But I'm so excited to go see her with you, and this I
will be crying, so get ready.
Speaker 3 (40:00):
Okay, maybe my victory will be that um my
sister's coming for thanksgivingfrom what you can't
pre-victorize I'm not.
I'm not done yet let me finishme telling you what you can't be
proud of or happy about, yeah,and then you can veto it after.
After I finish.
Um, my victory is that mysister's coming for Thanksgiving
(40:20):
from Washington DC and I talkedto the beginning of the episode
about how much I loveThanksgiving and all the food
are my favorite dishes, and mysister and I have just been like
going back and forth with allthe recipes that we want to make
.
We're making a tiramisu, we'remaking, of course, a pumpkin pie
that she's been like testingrecipes for.
(40:40):
Um, you just ordered ahoney-baked ham and my family's
stuffing recipe and all the goodfixings.
The sides are the best part ofthe meal.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Oh, 1,000%.
Speaker 3 (40:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
It'll be interesting because I remember the stress
that uh, me and someone else hadpreparing the a side dish for
your Thanksgiving last year,because I didn't know you very
well.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
And I was like oh, my God you make green beans.
Speaker 1 (41:12):
I had nothing to do with it.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (41:14):
But yeah, it was like the mushroom stream green beans
something or another practicedmaking this beforehand and then
practiced cocktail and I used mycricket to cut out like we
there's a whole production thatdid not turn out oh yeah, but
the cocktails were good therewas something like pumpkin
margarita or something,something, yeah, yeah again had
(41:34):
nothing to do with no eitheritem, but this year I've it's a
over to frame of over 10 effect.
Whatever you, want to call it.
I've just gently exposed you toreally, really low standards of
food.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Oh right.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
Yeah, so that way I don't feel pressure.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:49):
Because I'm making payday spaghetti for your
birthday.
Yeah, you are.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
Low standards.
But my victory from all of thatis that I was asked by my boss
if I can work on Black Fridayand I was like you know what,
let me talk to my sister and seeif she's okay if I scoot out
for a couple hours.
And she responded absolutelynot.
You're not going to work whileI'm here for three days from
(42:16):
Washington DC.
So I told my boss that I can'twork on Black Friday and I think
it's good to set boundaries, soI did that.
Speaker 1 (42:25):
Good for her.
Speaker 3 (42:26):
Yeah, good for her, good for me.
Everyone set your boundaries,set your expectations, and
that's my victory.
Speaker 1 (42:33):
Oh my God, if I could go back and work retail on
Black Friday oh, you love that Idon't and I I hate interacting
with rude people and for somereason I just feel like such a.
I just love it the high, theadrenaline.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
But like in a Walmart , not in like a little shop.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Oh, like when I worked at American Eagle.
You want, like mass people,hysteria, shopping.
Yes.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
And you really want to just get on that iPad and
start checking people out.
I am an iPad cat.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Here's your sheet.
Get out and I'm a great add-onitem person.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Do you want that?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
chapstick with you.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
I'm only going to share this with you.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
But my Nana did this.
It's genius.
She bought that pack ofperfumes split between all of
the grandchildren Easy gift, andwhat I rate, though, is none of
them are bad, because I tellyou so, get them.
And it doesn't matter whichscent.
So it really takes the stressaway I was.
I don't know where the shitwould come from.
It was just, I was so good at ityeah, oh, I love it, but I
would and I wish I could go backto black friday shopping like
(43:30):
how it was, when, like 6 am,you'd go get your little coffee
me, mom, and nana and hannah, wewould all go and should we do
that with my sister when she'shere?
Speaker 3 (43:39):
I would love it.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
Yeah, even if we don't buy anything I just want
to go experience it yeah to gobuy two dollar towels or
something bullshit.
But like I the, because youknow how I am about to go to
best buying yourself a new tv.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
Yeah, I wish goodwill did the for costco friday.
Oh my lord, I wonder if they'reeven open, do?
Speaker 1 (44:00):
you remember the time we were going to go to costco
and I drove separate and I waslike I can't I can't do this
yeah, but give it, tell me, it'sjust, everything's on sale I'm
in there.
Yeah, I'm in the pit I'm gonnabe in the pit, yeah which I
guess my vice could be myshopping.
But I'm not gonna let it bethat my vice is that we my
advice is that we got soinvolved in a puzzle this past
(44:22):
Sunday with our friend Tristanthat we did not go to bed until
midnight.
Speaker 3 (44:29):
Worth it.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
It was worth it and I loved it.
Speaker 3 (44:31):
Not a single missing piece, thank God.
Speaker 1 (44:34):
But like if we just loosely were all like, oh, let's
like do this puzzle, and thenlike four hours later, our
intensity kept building, andthen we kind of like, just like,
just fucking fit in there, andthen, like we were, all became
very determined but my vice isthat I've got barely a little
sleep, and it started off mywork week on a tired note.
But that's.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
But you recovered, remember, the next night you're
like I got 12 hours of sleep orwhatever.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Oh, the following monday night, yeah, okay, yeah,
because I did go to bed at like8 pm um, okay, my advice is that
I threw out my back which letme let this be known that we had
planned recorder an episodelast weekend and I was not the
cause of it.
Speaker 3 (45:19):
Yeah, literally could not get out of bed.
Okay, you and I watched adouble feature on the couch and
I don't know if I was likesleeping or not sleeping, if I
was like watching from a weirdangle or like laying weird on my
neck.
But I got up from the couch andI was like I cannot move my
neck.
So then I went to bed, tooksome adult PM to try to like you
(45:39):
sleep it off, woke up in somuch pain and luckily my nurse
roommate here gave me some umdrugs, um to deaden the nerves
in my body so I couldn't feeland um, yeah, that helped a lot
so you I've seen you stationaryLike did not get out of bed.
(46:01):
That's a for 24 hours.
Speaker 1 (46:04):
That the pain sounds shitty, but the idea of just
rotting in bed for 24 hourssounds so fun.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
So nice.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
And then I'm like I need to borrow your shower, so I
need to test out my new steamcleaner.
Speaker 3 (46:13):
Oh yeah, he steamed clean my shower while I was
laying in bed, catatonic,watching Golden Girls.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Literally.
And I was like, remember,reposition every two hours.
Yeah, I'll set the pressure.
And I was like, how are yougoing to go to the bathroom?
I've already gone three times.
I just pissed the bed.
I ordered a new mattressalready.
Speaker 3 (46:36):
Okay, I think that's our episode for today.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
Yeah, okay, I think that's our episode for today.
Yeah, yeah, I, with theupcoming holidays and your
birthday, I just am veryappreciative that you're
celebrating them with me,because, especially you know,
the holidays, being away fromfamily it's really tough.
Yeah, um, and I appreciate thatand I love birthdays.
Love them.
And so I just am appreciativethat I don't know, just to know
you.
This time last year again, thatepisode's going to come out
(47:08):
soon.
Perspective in a Year.
Did not think I'd be sittinghere on the couch recording an
episode with you.
Speaker 3 (47:14):
Yeah, oh well, I appreciate you for all the
things that you bring to my life, all the humor and just
giddiness and um and just forbeing you.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
And thank you for being my podcast mate and this
may be my 36th year buthopefully we'll have 36 years of
podcasts god, under our belt,you know in a couple decades I
can't wait to go back and listen, even in a a year's time, to
some of these episodes, BecauseI go back and watch my YouTube
videos sometimes and I'm likethat's how you apply.
I would not apply self-tearthat way.
(47:47):
Imagine a year from now.
Fuck love.
Yeah.
Love is bullshit.
You just rip everything, youjust said apart.
Speaker 3 (47:56):
Here's my nine things I was wrong about last year, in
my 36th year.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
Here's my nine things .
Speaker 3 (47:59):
I was wrong about last year.
Speaker 2 (48:00):
In my 36th year it's just the list I just gave.
Oh, okay, well.
Speaker 3 (48:03):
Okay, well, to all the Scorpio slash, I'm a
Sagittarius, but all theNovember babies out there, happy
birthday.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
Happy birth month.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
Happy birth month.
Hit us up and if you want abirthday, shout out, then send
us a message on Instagram atUnfamously Unwell, or shoot us
an email and tell us about thethings that you've learned in
your however many years old youare at Unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
Thank you, and and wait, did you ever have the
thing like your radio stationwhere, like you, would call in
and they would like, and theywould say happy birthday to you
Like?
Speaker 3 (48:42):
no, not that it was.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
WIVK and mom would always call in her names and
they would say everyone's happybirthday on the radio.
Yeah, but then they always picksomeone who got like an ice
cream cake and like some kind ofexperience.
And my fucking brother, I thinkI know for sure, got selected
once, but maybe twice.
But hearing them say my name onthe radio to say happy birthday
(49:04):
.
I think is what started.
Speaker 3 (49:05):
Make you feel famous.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah, mom, that's me Turn it up.
That's me on the radio.
Speaker 3 (49:12):
There is something about hearing your voice on or
hearing your name as a shout out.
I know, like a recording, myfriend that I mentioned in the
last podcast.
He reached out and was justlike so thankful and he's like I
was so giddy like hearing myname mentioned on uh, you know,
a podcast you know that'sinteresting and I this is should
(49:33):
not have been at the end of theepisode.
Speaker 1 (49:34):
Um, I think people feel that way because we're
we're just like people havingconversations about what's going
on in our lives.
Yeah.
And like people are getting tohear about how they are
positively a part of it.
Yeah, and negatively.
Yeah, but it's kind of nice tohear people talking about you
behind your back, but it's likein good ways.
Yeah, I think that's kind oflike probably what he felt.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
Yeah, and I think the fact that I said he had
rippling muscles and likegorgeous curly locks or wavy
locks is he single?
Yeah, so if anyone in the LAarea is looking for a boyfriend,
reach out to me, send me amessage it won't be the first
time I'm moved for a guy, soyeah, I'll set you up yeah,
(50:16):
that's gonna go a little whileso until next week we wish you
well happy birthday.
Mr president, thanks forlistening to another episode of
unfamously unwell, the unratedpodcast hosted by your two
favorite seattle homosexuals ona journey to higher health.
Speaker 1 (50:33):
Listen each week as we deep dive into a new topic
and give you all the dirtydetails of our successes and
failures along the way you cansend us your questions, feedback
or share your own victoryadvice by writing to
unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom orby clicking the link at the
bottom of the description toshoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.
Speaker 3 (50:51):
We'll see you back here next week for another
unhinged episode of UnfamouslyUnwell, unrated.
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