Teenage Mutant Ninja Feminist Tortoise

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Rewind to the days when balancing school, odd jobs, and taxes felt like a full-time circus act. We reminisce about our first jobs and the quirky tales that came with them, from mastering grocery store shifts to dealing with the unexpected at the zoo food stand. Ever wonder how a female tortoise's antics could lighten up a summer job? We've got stories that do just that, highlighting friendships that blossomed alongside bizarre yet endearing work experiences. These early jobs weren’t just about earning pocket money; they became the unexpected teachers of time management and work ethic.

Fast forward to the amusing chaos of retail life. Remember crushing on a manager at American Eagle or handling the whirlwind of Black Friday? We've got you covered with stories that capture the spirit of youth, family dynamics, and hilarious slip-ups at Enterprise Rent-A-Car. From bartending tall tales to the excitement of upcoming concerts and TV shows, each narrative is sewn together with humor, resilience, and a reminder that sometimes faking it until you make it is the best strategy. Whether you're here for nostalgia or a good laugh, this episode is a treasure trove of memorable moments.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I'm just like eat and geeked to tell you I finally
ordered my ACL limit, my AustinCity Limits, festival outfits
today.
Thank God I did because they'reliterally arriving two days or
one day before I leave.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
What did you order?
The leather onesie, the lace,oh yes, the buttercup.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
So the theme that we're going with is piece of
leather is one of the days.
Powerpuff Girls.
Third, we haven't really gottena theme.
We all just have like a lot ofdifferent pieces.
I'm going for Country SourceRex Probably, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Is that one of the themes?

Speaker 1 (00:40):
No, okay, I just I needed, like I told you, I
wanted a gag moment, so Iordered a few hundred dollars
worth of things on sheen whichdon't come for me on sheen or on
timu sheen, because it's moreclothes timu's more like gadgets
and gizmos and somethingaplenty.
Whatever that is um, but I'mecstatic about them.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
I did it while I was having my morning poo at work.
Wow, that's a long poo.
You had a lot of items to order.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Well, I sit there for a little too long because I'm
done pooping, either when I'mdribbled the pee or when I'm
done on my phone.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
You know that's really bad for your butt.

Speaker 1 (01:15):
I know you told me this More than five minutes.
It's like a suction cup.
Oh yeah, it's really bad andyou went to a proctologist.
I know, yeah, so I ordered them, and I can't wait to show them
to you later, as so I screwedthe outfits that we chose, and
then I did the like.
Chanel white jacket.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Of course you needed that.
I had to get it.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
I had to.
Yeah, um ordered some likedifferent styles sunnies, um
different structured tops, andthen all the stuff we looked at.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
I'm really excited about that, like uh lace one
piece like the suit that has toborrow that has a little bit of,
and I did order one of the corecity top.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, like the lace pants one of the shirts that you
were like.
Oh, we ordered, I did get yours.
Um, I think it's like the onethat's kind of here and that has
, like, the straps, oh, thebackless yeah, yeah, to show off
my back.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, yeah, it's your best side.
Your best side, it's my bestside, butterface, yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
Okay, rude, yeah.
So I'm excited, but thank God Ifinally pulled the trigger
today, because they're literallyarriving the 8th and the 9th
and I leave the 10th.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
I hope they get here in time.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
If not, there's no delays.
If not, that's okay.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
What are you going to wear if they don't arrive?
I?

Speaker 1 (02:24):
think there'll be enough pressure in my brain that
I will add it, you can makesomething.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Yeah, that's my.
Let me know if you need me tosew.

Speaker 1 (02:32):
See, if we had the bandwidth we could have stunted
on these girls.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Yeah, we could have made our Halloween costumes all
around it.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
We need to start thinking about that.
Yeah, okay, okay.
So we were going to dosomething way more heavy today
and I was like I finally foundit.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
I'm so glad we're not .

Speaker 1 (02:51):
What are we talking about?

Speaker 2 (02:54):
I told you and you were like no, Not after last
week.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I mean truly, and I just so to break the fourth wall
.
This is our fifth episoderecording within a a week.
Yeah, we did saturday sunday,monday, wednesday, friday, but
it's fine due to caleb's mentalillness, because we missed two
wednesdays in a row.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Due to caleb's mental illness let's let's do a little
check-in on caleb's mentalillness.
How are we feeling today?
You know the fans are reallyasking and they care you know
they should.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
I mean honestly the stuff I share, like when I'm
like in that hole.
They're probably like we shoulddo a wellness check yeah no,
kyle is here.
He is keeping me alive andchecking on me in my big board
bed.
I thought about that when I wasmaking my bed today.
Um, I'm actually doing prettydecent um, and I think it's

(03:49):
because I chose I had themindset going into work I was
not gonna let it piss me off andsome days you choose violence,
some days you choose peace.
Today you chose peace yeah, andI was very especially like when
it came to like the second halfof the day.
I was very intentional withwhat I was going because I think
I I cause a lot of this selflike negativity is this if

(04:13):
something is negative and I'mengaging or talking about it or
sharing, like, instead of justletting it brush off yeah that
is what I tried to do today youknow what's like.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Someone told me once that I really took to heart was
when your friend is goingthrough like a really hard time,
or even if, like they're justlike fucking shit up as a good
friend, you're always tellingthem like it's okay, like
everything's gonna be fine, likewhoever did that to you is such
a fucking bitch like you don'tneed to like take that on.

(04:44):
You know this is not yourstress.
This is you a fucking bitch.
Like you don't need to liketake that on.
You know this is not yourstress.
This is, you know, blah, blah,blah.
You're great, right?
those are the kind of thingsthat you say to like a good
friend, right helpful no oneever like gives themselves the
same amount of like positivefeedback that you give to like
your best friend and really likeyour brain.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
The way that you talk to yourself should be the same
way that you talk to your bestfriend yeah, well, I think that
comes with like some of theinner child work, instead of
like shaming it and be like okay, you know, what it's fine yeah
it's not a big deal.
you did your best instead oflike, oh you could do better, um
, but I I woke up not in thebest of moods and I knew that I

(05:23):
was gonna have to do somethingto change it, and that's why I
was like, let me just switch itup a little bit.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Let me just not take my meds, that'll fix everything.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
I mean truly, because what it does, though, is I need
that dose to actually followthrough on all this shit.
But today, I woke up with themindset of I'm okay if I don't,
and it was kind of nice to givemyself that grace, and if I
would have taken it, then Iwould have like been on myself

(05:52):
to finish it all, but I was likeI am giving it enough energy
that it deserves for today, andI knew that I could not show up
in shitty mood tonight, and Ididn't want to.

Speaker 2 (05:59):
So you know you can show up anyway.
I know we'll still get a greatepisode okay, um.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
So yes, we we are going to do something much, much
, much more heavy tonight um andwe just weren't feeling it.
So I said we were trying tospitball ideas and I was like
kyle, let me just get on tiktokand it's going to inspire me
literally.
First video I call you backwithin 30 seconds I'm like I
have the idea.
And what is that idea, kyle?

(06:25):
We're gonna talk about?

Speaker 2 (06:28):
odd jobs like.
What kind of weird fucking jobsdid we have growing up?

Speaker 1 (06:31):
doesn't it seem like a lifetime ago like you were
working some of these?

Speaker 2 (06:34):
jobs, not a lifetime.
No, it seems like yesterday,honestly oh yeah, that's what I
hear people in their 30s say,okay, it really literally was
yesterday for you a decade.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
No, it's 11 years since I had my first job.
Okay, what was that?
Uh, I was 15 and I got a job atfood city.
You have to be 15 and a half towork.
So yeah, you could be 14 backin tennessee oh okay, child
labor laws are different in thesouth but you that one was much
more strict, but then 15 likeyou could do four hour shifts,
but I think it was only like max16 hours a week that sounds

(07:09):
correct.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, that that was true for 15 and a half year olds
okay, so then I would work.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
I think I I always love to open.
So I was a bag boy at 15, loveto open, get there at 6 am and
then come.
What child likes to wake up at6 am?
But just think about like youhave, like you are choosing to
have, you're working on aweekend but then you're go ahead
and getting it tucked away andover with so you have the entire
rest of the day, like I get offat 10 am.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Oh, all right, because you only worked on
weekends.

Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah, and it was four hours and I had the entire rest
of the day.
What motivated you to get?

Speaker 2 (07:41):
that job.

Speaker 1 (07:42):
I my nana actually, because you know I couldn't
drive so my nana would actuallytake me to and from work.
Um, I we knew very early onthat to have stable income we
were gonna have to make itourselves for, like anything
external of very basic needsthat already weren't being met I
feel like that's pretty commonyeah like that.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Like that's why I got a job, Cause I was like I want
some nice things, yeah, and andI know that like I don't want to
ask my mom for them cause shecan't afford them, Even though
she probably will take an extrashift to get them you know Right
.
So I feel like that's prettycommon.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
And I honestly, I think it taught me good time
management.
Good, like you think you havegood time management yeah, I'm
just kidding.
Yeah, like imagine being 15 andjuggling school and that, and
social life, and like I wasstill playing sports, yeah, so
like it was a lot.
But I think it taught me earlylike the more I think the

(08:40):
younger you start working, likethe more like it's just like oh,
I'm gonna grind, I'm gonna, I'mgoing to do it Whatever.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Cause I want nice things.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yeah, so at 15, I was a bag boy and then I became a
cashier at 16.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
What was the first thing you bought with your first
paycheck?

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Do you remember it was like a couple hundred bucks
and you're like I know.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Like a hundred dollars spend this I remember
that's when I realized how manytoasty rolls can I buy I?

Speaker 1 (09:04):
remember that's when I realized I have to pay taxes
my first check and I was likewhat the fuck?
Fuck the government because Iwas doing the math, I was making
7.25 an hour.
Where's the rest of my money?

Speaker 2 (09:16):
wow, my first job I was.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
I only made seven dollars an hour and minimum wage
was like 650 or something, so Iwas like fuck, yeah, oh, when I
did it so minimal wage was 725in tennessee when I had my first
job.
Wow, so yeah, 15, 16.
My first jobs were.
I mean, my first job was at thesame place food shitty is what
I called it, because it's foodcity um, I was a grocery store,

(09:37):
so I think we just go one backand forth.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
So then you tell me your first job uh, my first like
real job where I had to, like,put my social security number
down and pay taxes the socialsecurity of it all.
Yeah, I just like that's like apart of my memory of it, and
was like mom, what's my socialsecurity number?

Speaker 1 (09:55):
I never had to know before is that when you're like
okay, now, I have to know thisyeah, that's when I like.

Speaker 2 (10:00):
Okay, now I have to memorize my social security
number and it is no um.
My first job social securitynumber, wise, when the
government started taking moneyout of my um not like.
You're getting like 20 bucks fora morning yeah, yeah, yeah,
because my work history startedlong before this, but my first

(10:22):
job was a tutor for the middleschool.
I was a freshman in high schooland then I would like take the
bus to the middle school that Iwent to and my mom actually
works at now and I would liketutor a table of um middle
schoolers what topic, whatsubject?

Speaker 1 (10:42):
I mean?
You seem mainly like yeahmainly yeah, mainly algebra.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
I was very good at algebra.

Speaker 1 (10:46):
I love algebra.
Yeah, it's so dependable,reliable, figureoutable.
Yeah, did you take algebra ineighth grade?

Speaker 2 (10:52):
It's negative b plus or minus the square root of b
squared minus 4ac, all over 2a.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
I could, I would like we should print off some
algebra problems.
That'd be fun.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Okay, next week's episode is algebra.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
We start doing those multiplication tables like the
timed ones.
They're like 60 seconds.
How many of these can you do?

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Is that like fifth grade?
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Did you not have the worst anxiety from it?
No, anxiety from it.
No, oh, I was like, oh, I gotit.
So you were like 12 times 12 is144.
Yeah, yeah, you were more of astem kid and not like english
history type, because I feellike people were separate no,
I'm good at all of them yeah,that's because your gut isn't
having to break down lactosebecause it can't, so it's like

(11:40):
well, I'm gonna be good atenglish too.
Yeah, put all the resources tomy brain.
Well, also, the public schoolsystem in.

Speaker 2 (11:49):
California is probably better than Tennessee.
I don't know.
Actually, I think California isone of the worst school systems
, like if you rank them by state.
I don't know, we have to lookthat up later.
Fact checker.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
I know I always say that I'm going to look that up.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Never do yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Okay, so then my second job overlaps with my
first, and this is where thejuicy fun story comes in.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Okay so.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
I started working with this girl Actually, this
ties into my coming out storysomehow Weird At Food City, I am
working with this girl namedyou mean, food, shitty, food,
shitty, mm-hmm.
I'm working with this girlnamed Cassidy and she is just
like, like, she's a very likestrong female personality.
I think she's a year or twoolder than me and she, first

(12:30):
thing she comes up to me andsays you're gay oh my god and.
I said no, I'm not.
She said, I thought that too.
Okay, I was like, but she wasbi oh, okay and so, uh, I was
like, oh my god.
And I started like that's whena lot of like the gay rumors and
my parents were worried aboutit.
So I was like spending a lot oftime with her and they were

(12:50):
like, oh my God, he's spendingtime with a girl.
This is great.

Speaker 2 (12:53):
But then they know Right, he was a lesbian, well,
she was a bisexual.
Well, now she's a lesbian,probably tongue ring.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
That's a lesbian.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah, anyway, keep up anyway.
So then I remember she was likeyou're gay and I was like, ah,
and then they are, um companygave us like free tickets to the
aquarium or something um and soshe was like what company is
this food?

Speaker 2 (13:17):
shitty, food shitty.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
So then she was like do you want to go to the
aquarium after work?
Today we were opening and I waslike, okay, so then we did, and
then we just became likeinseparable, because I'm like,
oh my god, I get to be gayaround her and like I got to
talk about boys, I got to justbe feminine it was just she make
you gay.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
She did, she turned you gay.
The lesbians did she ever kissyou?

Speaker 1 (13:36):
oh no, she's cute, but she did like a, like a deep
red head, like, like that maroon, like ariel the mermaid, but
deep like maroon, like I lovethat I love that it takes it
like she did have the complexionto pull it off though.
Okay, any hoosers.
So she's like oh my god, I justgot a job at the zoo.
You should come work at the zoo.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
And I'm like play okay wait, that's how I got my
next job was from a lesbian witha tongue ring no, my friend
like started working at thisother store and she was like
it's really fun, you should comework there too.
And I was like, okay, I'll goapply.
And I did and they were like,okay, you're hired because you
had someone about for you maybeyeah, and the standards were set
very our original referrals.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Truly, yeah, now she you know what I'm gonna call her
when I need a referral tohospice.
But, um, that was reallyenergetic and I thank you for
that support.
Yeah.
So anyway, I got a job at thezoo, so I have both jobs.
So my, during the summer Iworked four days at the zoo,
three days at food city.
So I worked every day.
But my food city days I openedso it was six to ten so I would

(14:33):
get off early so I'd still had alife.
And then, like the zoo, Iworked in the food.
So, like concession stands,what, um, foods did you sell?

Speaker 2 (14:40):
so I started the eagle's nest is the name of my
little stand that I was at now.
I was in there by myself, letme guess turkey legs.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
No, no, no, I was with the reptiles and I don't
like reptiles snakes inparticular, do not like them.
I don't know why.
We were in eagle's nest around,fucking.
Oh no, there was an eaglebehind me, behind my stand.
I just there wasn't a windowback there.
Um worked at the zoo and it wasso fun.
I was just in there by myselfin this little stand and I would

(15:08):
be playing music and I'm doingthe nachos with, like you know,
like at the concession, whereyou push the button and has like
the bag of melted cheese thatcomes out, and then I'm
literally putting hot dogs in acrock pot and I have ice creams
and slushies, uh, pretzels god,I ate a lot of fucking pretzels,
like the large pretzels.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Oh, love them, I love them.
Yeah, any Ann's yeah, but we orWetzel pretzel, wetzel pretzel
Girl can get me pregnant Never.

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Oh, they're so good.
You've been trying Wetzelpretzel, never been.
But the reason why?
Because actually I think thezoo may be my most favorite job
of all time.
I was in front of the tortoisesand they were rambunctious
little things.
Oh yeah, I used to havetortoises as pets.
Like the giant ones.
Yeah, like the ginormous,ginormous.

Speaker 2 (15:55):
Well, I got them when they were babies, so like tiny,
but then they like eat and theyeat, and they eat and they get
bigger and bigger and bigger andbigger and, like my sister's,
10 years younger, but like bythe time that she was like two,
they were big enough so that mysister could, like, sit on top
of it and write it.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
he's backing me off, yeah well, these don't really do
that were rambunctious ones,because the female was a bully
and there was a male in there,and somehow she would always pin
him up against the fence, fliphim kind of like on his half
side.
I think I've told you this.
Somehow she would always pinhim up against the fence, flip
him kind of like on his halfside.
I think I've told you this.
Then he would always just pisshimself, and then the and then
the zookeeper would have to comeput him back so he could walk,

(16:33):
because he's like cockeyedagainst the fence, just covered
in urine.
And then the woman, she justlike the girl, turtle, tortoise,
just walks away and I'm likewhat the girl tortoise flipped
over the boy tortoise multipletimes it was a very common trend
.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
I can tell you from personal experience that the
girl tortoises grow a lot slowerthan the boy tortoises, so it's
surprising to me, unless thegirl was like much older.
So you call me a liar.
Yeah, I'm calling you a liar.
I'm just asking is this, isthis really truth?

Speaker 1 (17:02):
yes, it's actually a girl are you checking?
I don't know how to check youcan't, yeah, you can't really
see.
You're like inside okay, kylein my brain you were a feminist
even back then.

Speaker 2 (17:15):
Truly, yeah, you're like.
You know what that's definitelythe girl beating up the boy.
It has to have been you have noidea.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
I know.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
I know zero things about telling genders of
tortoises but I just love thatin your head that that was, yep,
definitely the girl.
What's?

Speaker 1 (17:32):
so funny is I wasn't like active, like I was like,
okay, I'm gonna sign a genderright now.
Like in my brain I was justlike that's it like and I 100 if
, unless you would have calledme out, would have taken it to
my grave like believing that's100% true.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
I have no idea now, I'm dead, I'm dead.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
Oh my God, that was just one of the fun, and I just
got to sell all this stuff andsee her do that every day.
Did they have a gift shop too,or just food?

Speaker 2 (17:53):
So I just did food, okay, and then.
So you did nachos and pretzelsand what else.
I shined kyle, because you knowyou did.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
there's a warm there's a warm season and then
during the winter no one's goingto the zoo.
Who guess who got kept onduring the winter?
This guy?

Speaker 2 (18:09):
he has two thumbs to do what?
You sit working food, becausethey would still be open there
and do nothing all day.
Well, no one came no.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
So they closed down a lot of the smaller ones, like I
was at.
So you start like off on theselittle like by yourself ones and
if you start impressing peopleyou go to the main.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
Big one is the grill and it is, oh my god, the
popular.

Speaker 1 (18:28):
So I was at the register and I'd just be.
I mean, I was a cashier threedays a week.
Now I'm doing that four days aweek.
So this is why you love ipad somuch.

Speaker 2 (18:34):
I'm an ipad kid from the beginning.
Yeah, and you're like, let meadd that register.
I want to hit thosetouchscreens.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
Yeah, but my favorite stand, and the easiest one, is
the Dippin' Dots stand,especially in the middle of
fucking summer.
You're in there with a jacket.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
I love.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
Dippin' Dots.
It's so hot outside and all I'mdoing it's one button.
There you go and I ate a fuckton of Dippin' Dots.
Did you gain weight?
No, I was still playingbaseball at the time.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
Oh, I worked at a cupcake shop.
I think I shop, I think Imentioned this before.
Wait, is that amanda binds?
Yeah, it was called crumbscupcakes and it was based out of
um new york but they had umlocations in la when I was in
college and I started workingthere and it was like not very
busy.
So I would just like be behindthe cupcake case like studying

(19:22):
my flashcards for college and Ithink I gained like 10 pounds
because I I was so poor, I hadno money.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
I you ate?

Speaker 2 (19:31):
sugar cupcakes all day long, because I and I had
like lemonade that I made reallysweet and my sugar overload was
probably just like off thecharts.
But yeah, I think I gained like10 pounds.
There is a lot of sugar in thattank girl, yeah, actually
another like funny story aboutthe cupcakes is I was so poor

(19:51):
that one day my roommate askedme to swap cars with her because
I had like an suv and sheneeded to move in a mat, a
mattress.
And while I was borrowing hercar, I got in a fight with
someone that I was dating or Iwas like really mad at them, and
I pulled out of my driveway andI thought that I was in drive

(20:13):
but I was actually in reverseand I hit the gas and I just
nailed the car behind me andruined her bumper and I was so
poor I had to take it to a bodyshop in Tarzana in the valley.
I was like I don't know what todo, I'll just find the cheapest
place and I had to pay them incupcakes.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
They took that as currency.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
Yeah, you're very convincing.
Yeah, I was like I can't affordthis, but I'm just going to
keep bringing you guys cupcakesand I'm going to make really
small minimum payments until youguys say In cupcakes.
No, I paid them a couplehundred dollars, but it was
thousands of dollars to fix herbumper, and they just took the
rest of my payments in cupcakeslet's say day-old cupcakes too.

(21:03):
They were like ones that I likecould throw away at the end of
the day it is actually.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
But like was it?
Like a nice set of car, likewhere it needed to be, like what
did that cost?
It was like a fucking audi,yeah kyle elizabeth I know,
never again will I swap cars,but you felt like a bad bitch
until you ran the fuck out ofthat car.
Yeah, you're like when youfirst said anything.
You're like this is more likeit.
Yeah, okay, what's your nextjob?

Speaker 2 (21:25):
what was your first?
Like odd job, like before, thegovernment was taking taxes out
of it like your parents paid youfor.
Did you ever get allowance?

Speaker 1 (21:35):
don't even piss me off this late in the day no,
because you get paid just toexist.

Speaker 2 (21:41):
Well, a lot of families structure it
differently, like sometimes youhave to like complete your chore
chart and then you get yourallowance, or I don't know.
Did you have that?

Speaker 1 (21:49):
no, we just had chores which we were all
assigned rooms.
Like you're the, I was alwaysthe living room girly dakota was
always the kitchen.

Speaker 2 (21:57):
I could just see you in like a little like maid
outfit.

Speaker 1 (22:01):
Looks like vacuuming the living room, and then my
siblings, whose crumbs are these.
I just clean this, you need topick no.
So you said to them no um Iknow we didn't get an allowance.
I would like.
You know I'm not a yard worker,it's not my vibe, but I would
mow, push, mow my name is, andso I would be able to go and do

(22:24):
things Like if I wanted to go,like on a movie date or
something like okay, I got to gomow this fucking yard to go on
a date with a woman.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
You went on a date with a woman.
How old were you?

Speaker 1 (22:35):
I had a girlfriend.
Oh, okay, like 14, 13, 14.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
You were going on dates when you were 14.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
Wow, my very first one was vampire suck, I know.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, With her dad was there.
In the Mormon religion you'renot allowed to date till you're
16.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
Is it because the driver's license of it all?

Speaker 2 (22:51):
No.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Is it the prophet?

Speaker 2 (22:55):
that said that.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, I want to know some stuff.
Yeah, so just mowing yards,that was it Okay.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
I did have allowance.
It wasn't a lot, but I don'tknow like $5 a week or something
like that.
It was two cupcakes.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
And.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
I like had a little um one of those locked um like
bank boxes, what do you callthem?
Like piggy banks, but like theyhave like a little lock and
like a combo on it Safe.
Yeah, like a little, like achild safe yeah, yeah but not
like child, safe like locks, butyou know, yeah, yeah, a safe

(23:31):
for children.
Yeah, exactly, so I'd likesaved up like hundreds of
dollars in there because I, like, would never spend it.
What the fuck am I gonna spendit on?

Speaker 1 (23:36):
see, I'm the opposite .
I'm like what can I do to bringme joy?

Speaker 2 (23:39):
oh, I'm just like.
This is not.
This means nothing to me.
My parents, will you know, buyme, buy it for me if I, you know
, I'm like 10 at the privilege.
Yeah, but then when mybrother's dad got divorced from
his second wife, I opened up thepiggy bank and all my money was
gone did you throw a fuckingfit?

Speaker 1 (23:59):
no, you're like, I probably deserved it.
Like what do you mean?
No, I was like someone stolefrom you.

Speaker 2 (24:04):
No, I asked my like grandma.
I was like, where did thatmoney go?
And they're like well, we hadlegal fees to pay, so that
money's gone.
I'm like, uh, so you just wentinto my piggy bank and you took
all of my allowance that I savedup for the last like five years
and spent it on a divorce.

(24:25):
Isn't that insane?

Speaker 1 (24:33):
That sentence, that sentence alone.
But you know what, though?
You know what got you there.
Thinking about future Kyle, andthat's why I don't think about
future Caleb, cause he gotfucked over.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Cause if you have money, you're fucked over.

Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh my God, I'm so tickled by that.
You're like where's my money?
You spent it on a divorce.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
I liked her.

Speaker 1 (24:53):
In my child's sake.

Speaker 2 (24:54):
Yeah, I liked her Anyways.
So then I remember as a kid mygrandpa would pay me a penny for
every blackberry that I wouldpick in the summer from the
blackberry bush that we had inour backyard.
And those have thorns, I know.
That's why he sent me.
He's like Kyle doesn't care, hedoesn't do anything for money,
yeah.
And then eventually I was likethis is not worth it and my

(25:17):
grandpa was like, okay, I'llgive you a nickel.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
You negotiated a raise Forever yeah.
And he was like yep time to goback to the blackberry bush I
just feel like you're justsitting there with your hands on
your hips.
Okay, I mean, that's a prettygood, significant raise.
I know a 500 percent raise yeah, I was gonna say that that's
the biggest raise I've ever hadin my entire life.

(25:39):
I couldn't do that math so Iwas like that's a pretty
significant right, you couldn'tdo okay, yeah, I like letters in
my math, my arithmetic,arithmetic, um, do you have?
I don't have any other odd jobsas a child?

Speaker 2 (25:50):
oh, I have so many like I'm like I've been an
entrepreneur since I was bornand then in middle school, like
the eighth grade, trip was towashington dc and I really
wanted to.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
We did the same one, oh yeah.
Fifth and eighth grade, oh wow.
Well, it's eight hours frommyself oh, that's true.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Um, no, this is like a flight all the way across the
country, right?
So I needed to raise like twothousand dollars and I was like
my mom I know she can't affordit, I'm gonna figure out a way
how to do it.
So my favorite teacher, Italked to him about it and he
was like, oh, you can like comedo yard work for me.
I have a huge garden.
And so I went to his house andI like gardened in his backyard

(26:30):
and like we did stuff and did hedrive you there?
no, my mom did, okay, yeah soyou're safe.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
You were safe so you would go and you would garden,
but you have all these likedainty side hustles, yeah, and
then I had a genius idea waslike to raise money for this DC
trip.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
I'm going to create a little card and I'm going to
put a teabag in it, because theycost like 10 cents.
That's two blackberries and I'mgoing to mail it out to all of
my mom's contacts that she haspeople that know me people at
church, everyone and just saylike, sit down, relax, enjoy a

(27:09):
cup of tea on me and make adonation to my my trip to dc.
That's fucking genius, I know.
And so I got like 20 bucks fromeverybody and that paid for my
fucking dc you're like I don'teven have to work.
I know I could do that for therest of my life, the profit
margins 100, 100 well, almost 90, 99, truly yeah wow, wait.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
So those, that trip is so fun.
I went in fifth grade, uh, andthen I went in seventh grade,
then I went eighth grade.
I just be in the dc I love dc.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
My sister lives there now yeah, I have.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
I need to go visit her.
Well, I need to visit dc, butI'll see her there too, because
I have been there only once as agay adult Well, as an adult,
because I was gay before I wasan adult.
But it's so fun to throw assover there.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
Near a monument.
You're kidding.
I lost my virginity in DC.

Speaker 1 (28:01):
Yeah, okay, go on Okay.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
Don't make me tell you, it's kind yeah, off topic.
Okay.
So I had a like, a little likesummer fling with this guy when
I was in college, okay, okay,I'm following, yeah, and we met
out at a gay bar and he wasvisiting from north carolina and
we just had like a summerromance together.

(28:27):
We had like fooled around sides,sides, side stuff, appetizers,
yeah.
But then you know we like keptin contact.
I thought I was like fucking inlove, I thought I was gonna
like marry this person.
And because you know that'swhat you do when you like hook
up with someone for the firsttime and you're like well, did
you bottom?

Speaker 1 (28:44):
we're just at the side, the side part.
You can just say that you're abottom, but go ahead, okay.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
And then I had a trip planned to go visit one of my
best friends from high schoolwho was doing an internship in
Washington DC.
So I flew out to DC and hedrove up from North Carolina to
DC and so I introduced him tosome of my friend that went to
DC with me and my friend thatwas doing the internship in DC.
We all had beers together, wentback to his hotel room and then

(29:16):
, yeah, he fucked me.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
I knew it.
Yeah, I knew it.
Especially bottoming as yourfirst time you're like, yeah,
I'm going to marry that person.
They were inside of you.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
Spiritually, emotionally, especially
bottoming, as your first timeyou're like, yeah, I'm gonna
marry that person.
They were inside of youspiritually, emotionally and
honestly.
I'm so glad it was him becausehe had like a little tiny pp and
it was just like very easy andaccessible and I was like, okay,
I could do this.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
I hate that you said pp.
My dad used to call it a bird.
Did your family ever have likegenitalia, like they're calling
like quirky names?

Speaker 2 (29:47):
um, my brother's dad would call balls huevos.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
But he would call, he would say huevos because he
didn't know embarrassing yeahhuevos yeah imagine you're like
huevos we're just looking up forthe first time um, but I don't
think we had any other.
No, no, not like a girl who isa pocketbook or a monkey?
No, and a boy who is a peckeror a bird.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Oh pecker, yeah, definitely pecker.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
But a bird.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Now I know where people call it a bird.
Yeah, what about a gooby?

Speaker 1 (30:20):
No, Well, that guy had a gooby.
I love that.
I'm so glad I'm so glad, I'm soglad that you you should start
calling men's like if they'relike being a little too cocky,
like you should do that You'rebeing too cocky.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
You're being a pecker .

Speaker 1 (30:35):
No, I'm saying like during sex Give me that bird.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
Give me that pecker.
No, I would never do.
You should come to me for game.
We also use like the wordpeckerhead all the time.
Do you ever use that?

Speaker 1 (30:48):
oh no, but my mom was really like you're being a
peckerhead like a dickhead oh,but this is adjacent because you
couldn't cuss we couldn't cussyeah my mom came up with.
She was a very creative woman.
I remember she was driving thisperson, cut her off or
something, and she called him adouche dick and I was like
there's nothing she can't do.
A douche dick stick, isn't thatfun.

Speaker 2 (31:06):
What would that even look like?
I?

Speaker 1 (31:09):
couldn't tell you.
It's like a Jason, I would saylike cut waffle or something.

Speaker 2 (31:13):
Let's get back on topic.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
Yes, After the zoo I got a job at American Eagle and
I sold the most bikinis so I gota free pair of jeans.
I had the top credit cards likegetting people on, so I had
that job, which nothing reallylike special happened there,
other than my manager was gayand he had, he did dance and
there's.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
Like every American Eagle manager was gay.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Yeah, and I like, and I always had crushes on them.
I'd walk in like mom, I justlike, really want some new jeans
, but I really just want to gocheck out the American Eagle
manager.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
My God Like even like with their little um
microphones.
I mean, how hot is that?

Speaker 2 (31:51):
yeah, boss me around.
Yeah, give me an earpiece rightnow.
Okay, I'll clock in.
Yeah, me at 12.

Speaker 1 (31:54):
Yeah um no, there was a that manager.
He went viral on the internetbecause, like he would work
security at like the ut footballgames, but he danced.
And so there's this video oflike where, like it looks like
he like he's getting in thedance like the dance team's way
and they're like giving himattitude or something, and then
he just starts like doing thedance with them and it blows up
on the internet oh wow, this waslike a couple years ago, but

(32:16):
that's the only exciting thingsother than like I would work
black friday every year if Icould it is
so fun, the chaos of it all, yes, wow, yeah, and just being good
at a register, ipad kid yep, Iso.
When then I was 18, I met thisgirl woman named mackenzie, who
actually ended up becoming aroommate of mine down the road.

(32:37):
Okay, um, I went and worked atenterprise rent a car and I was
18.
I could.
I was a driver, so I would goexchange cars with other
branches, because what if youonly have sedans but someone
booked an SUV?
You would exchange them, right,okay, I would also clean the
cars when people dropped themoff.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
Like inside, outside All of it.
Fill them up with gas, yeah,Okay.

Speaker 1 (33:00):
And then we had partnerships with a Ford.

Speaker 2 (33:02):
So if someone brought a Ford in, I would drive to
pick them up and bring them backto the branch.

Speaker 1 (33:11):
So they could do, like all the paperwork or
whatever.
Okay, why haven't I?
Had you like detailing my car.
I was not very good.
I did find a gun in a car once.
Um, I was not very good at it,oh my god because I, that's not
my, not my circus, not mymonkeys, none of my business.
I didn't dirty the car, it'snot my problem okay, got it, I
made it presentable, and thatstory is reminding me of when
you're talking about.
you rammed that car into theback of something Enterprise.

(33:35):
If you're listening, please donot Click away.
Click away right now.
So I was in this DodgeChallenger, not the Charger, and
the window on that is aboutthis big on the back he's
holding up about an inch betweenhis thumb and his middle finger
, the PP of it.
All, I mean index finger, thePP of it all yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Um, that's about how big his was.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
I'm so glad we bought it.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
That's a good circle girl, that pecker.

Speaker 1 (33:59):
That gooby.
I'm a goofy goober, but this islike right before all the cars
are getting backup cameras and Ilike actually cleaned the car
because it's like one of thenicer cars we always just got
fucking Nissan Altimas.
And so I'm like, and it's hotorange, and I'm pulling it
around and I have to like backit up.
Boom baby, I hit the fuck outof that metal building and I

(34:20):
pulled it forward.
I was like there's fuckingpaint on that wall and there's
that.
And so what I did?
I go, like any smart individualwould do go and grab dirt to
make it dirty, to distract fromwhere I damage.
The car parked in a differentspot never got caught.
Wow, You're so industrious.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
Truly yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
And then, also my very first day there, they were
like okay, go deliver this 15passenger van to a downtown
parking garage.
Were you terrified?
Yes, to a downtown parkinggarage.
Were you terrified?
Yes, but I got it.
Whenever I got there I justpulled through five spots.
I was not going to try to parkthat between lines.
Yeah, and so then I had thatjob and then I go into like more
healthcare things.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
But do you have more?
Well, I have a bunch of likeodd jobs that I did in college.
Please, proceed.
Okay.
So because I was on financialaid, I had to do work, study.
I think that's still a, thing,yeah yeah so you have to like
have an on-campus job.
The one that I did was foramerica reads and basically what

(35:20):
they do is they like place youinto classrooms, like in your
area, and you are basically likea teacher's assistant.
You're supposed to be likehelping support reading, but I
got placed in a third gradeclass so you know they do all of
the subjects all together, sowhatever they teach you taught
them fashion exactly yeah, um,it was actually like pretty

(35:43):
great because my placement wasin Point Doom, which is like the
little town over from Malibu.
So Pierce Brosnan's kid was inmy class, so I got to like meet
him.
Cindy Crawford's goddaughterwas in my class, so I got to
meet her.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
And then I found out.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, I found out that my aunt, who I think I've
talked about on the podcastbefore, who modeled in like
Italy and she was on the coverof Italian Vogue and um in Japan
and stuff.
She and Cindy Crawford likelived together while they were
modeling in the like lateeighties, I know I should have

(36:23):
been so unfamous.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
Oh my God, so famous adjacent.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, yeah, um, and that's the aunt who's little
like crop jacket that I wore toum Zach's night.
Yeah, the night we ran intoZach and Caleb was like you need
to talk about this jacket more,cause it's like quite a like, a
piece like and quite a storybehind it, and she like wore it

(36:47):
on a Dolce Gabbana runway inItaly.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Is it Dolce Gabbana?

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
The fuck are you doing wearing that to a fucking
queer bar?
Yeah, it's old but it is socute.
Yeah, and you can tell A littlecrop leather jacket.
You can tell that it's a piece.
Yeah, it's not mine from Sheen.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
Yeah, yeah, it's not mine from sheen.
Yeah, it's a piece.
So I taught for america readsat the point doom elementary
school.
They were so rich, you know,because funding for public
schools comes from propertytaxes and all of the houses in
the area are like tens ofmillions of dollars, right.
So they had a fucking aquarium.
Their science breakout sessionwas to go to the aquarium where
they had like volunteers thatwent out and like fished all day

(37:30):
long and brought like all thedifferent kinds of like sea life
do they have angel fish inthere?
yeah, those are freaky, deakyyeah yeah, so anyways, that was
one of my odd jobs in college.
Then I studied abroad in london.
I was like an office assistantand I fucking loved it, because
I would just like pretend like Iwas British anytime someone

(37:50):
called.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
I hate you for that.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
Hello.
Yes, this is PepadineUniversity.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
I bet you're such a good clerical worker.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah, I really was.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Organized British, british.
Look at your fantasy, lady Gaga.
I'm glad you brought it upagain.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
I just had to answer the phone and transfer it to the
right person.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Hi, my name is Kyle.
Do you want to be friends?

Speaker 2 (38:14):
No, I did not do that I met Lady Gaga last night.
Yeah, so I did that.
And then when I came back fromLondon, I worked in what they
called special programs, so Ilived there over the summer.
I worked in what they calledspecial programs, so I lived
there over the summer and,basically, like you're in charge
of all of the special eventsthat happen over the summer, so

(38:35):
one of my duties was just tolike make beds, so I like had to
like learn how to do like thewhole hospital corner.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Oh my God, I still do that to this day.
You do On my sheets, yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
Yeah, do you think our audience knows what a
hospital corner is?

Speaker 1 (38:49):
No, but that was on my CNA skills checkoff.
Yeah tell them what it is.
So it's the way you make up ahospital bed.
So it's basically like tuckingin your feet.
So how you do it is you takethe entire bottom, pull the
corner up to along the top ofthe edge of the mattress, tuck
in that extra like to a 45degree angle, so you're like a

(39:12):
crisp fold, and then you takethat other piece I can't, I
don't know how to describe this.
Take that, do you know?
I'm talking about the otherpiece to the corner and you tuck
it in and you it's like a hotelsheets yeah, exactly and I
still do that to this day, to mybed.
I don't.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Oh yeah, but I had to learn how to do that On dorm
beds.
Yeah, on dorm beds, becauseit's like a bunch of high school
and other college kids andstuff coming in to do leadership
camp or a lot of sports campslike volleyball or girls or
whatever.

Speaker 1 (39:45):
That's how they made money.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Yeah, and everyone wanted to do it at Pepperdine
because it's the most beautifulcampus in the United States.
Okay, flex again, yeah, okay,but I think okay, I have two
like kind of unfamous claims tofame during this time period you
have more yeah, one is ClintEastwood's daughter.
Granddaughter came to avolleyball camp and Clint

(40:10):
Eastwood walks into the officeand he goes.
Can you tell me how to get toBarracks 11?

Speaker 1 (40:17):
And you're like yes, welcome to Pepperdine.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
Yes, welcome to Pepperdine.
No, I was like Barracks 11?
Oh, you mean like Dorm 11?
I'm like, yeah, I can take you.

Speaker 1 (40:28):
So I drove him down from my office to um see his
granddaughter and that's just anormal everyday like yeah, you
didn't like freak the fuck out.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
No, I mean afterwards .
I was like I have to like callmy family and tell them that I
just met clint eastwood.
And then what's the second one?
The second one is that you knowthe song Send it On.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
On and on from Disney .
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
So who's in it?

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Miley, selena, demi the Jonas Brothers.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
Yeah, so they came to film the music video for Send
it On at Pepperdine and I got tohelp just coordinate for them
anything that they needed, andyeah.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
Yeah, you told me that when we were singing at
Drunk One Night.
But, oh my God, thoseindividuals shaped me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:19):
Miley Cyrus, that song still slaps.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
Okay, so then we're just going to get to my college.
I always overlapped jobs and sowhen I was at Enterprise I had
taken my CNA class at the sametime.
So then you had to be 18 to bea cna at this particular job.
I got a home health a job, so Iwould work at people's houses 7
pm to 7 am and it was just onepatient and said I go like I do

(41:44):
now how I go see multiple.
I was just with them, I getthere at seven, he'd go to bed
at eight, wouldn't wake up tillafter I left.
We had the best little time forthat one hour.
Every night we watched the sameepisode, matlock, no, which we
did.
I did sometimes switch it up onhim Andy Griffith, oh, about
Aunt Bee's pickles.
I could quote that episodeabout Aunt Bee's pickles to this

(42:08):
day, when she was in thatcompetition and she was fucking
robbed.
So, yeah, I worked as a CNA andthen I kept that same job and I
had this like one, like thatpatient, for a long time and
then he died.
And then I moved to another guywho I don't.
I should I still like followthe daughter on facebook, but um
, until I graduated nursingschool.

(42:29):
I was getting like real-timeexperience as a cna and then
became a nurse at 21, and that'sI didn't have as many jobs as
you yeah, I had a lot.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I was like a hustler I was moving in and shaking,
since the moment I could get mywork permit at 15 and a half,
yeah, and I think I've alwaysjust had like champagne taste
but beer budget.
So I was like you know I willmake this work and I'll make
this work.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
Meeting Clint Eastwood.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
My God the conditions .

Speaker 1 (42:58):
you had to work under Making beds.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
What's the worst job you ever had?

Speaker 1 (43:02):
Oh no, there were some patients when I was a home
CNA like home health CNA that Igot put with Horrible Like there
was this woman, never dogoutside and carpet was
everywhere in that house andthey just used it yeah, used and
abused it.
So, yeah, what was your worst?

Speaker 2 (43:17):
job I don't.
There's bad parts of every jobthat I've had like I've had
really bad managers.
Like you know, in my adult lifethat just like made things like
really did you ever quit?

Speaker 1 (43:27):
because you hated the ?

Speaker 2 (43:28):
job, not because I hated the job, because I hated
the manager or I didn't feelsupported, otherwise it was just
like moving on to like whateverthe next thing is on and on,
yeah, when one spark lights, afire with one little action, a
chain reaction will make it move.

(43:49):
Send it on, shine a light, senda spark and send it on.
Shine a light and send it onokay, nick I thought that was
more like my leave oh, with herteeth.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Yeah, wait, we kind of harmonized there for at the
beginning.
No, we didn't.
Oh, we'll have both earslistening, so that's not my my
problem.
Yeah, I do kind of miss, justlike if the money wasn't a
problem.
I would love just to have allthese odd random jobs where I
could do a different type of jobone day of the week.

Speaker 2 (44:25):
Like have five different ones.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
I would love to work at a library.
Right, I would love to work ata library.
I feel like that would bring mesome demureness that I need in
my life um, you could not dothat job.

Speaker 2 (44:37):
No, you cannot be quiet.
It would challenge me for eighthours in one day I wouldn't do
it for eight.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
No, no, no, I'm gonna make to four hours of these
jobs that I don't want.
Like that will be beneficial tomy got it personality.
But then I would love to likehave a little like fling as a
bartender would probably hate it, I haven't.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
I didn't even talk about any of my bartending jobs
you've, I mean go ahead girl popoff.
Okay, well, I was a bartenderat um the pin hook in north
carolina.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
That was my first bartending job yes, and you just
talked about that because didyou hook up with a guy as you
were leaving, or something?

Speaker 2 (45:09):
from the hookup culture episode.
I totally lied on my resume.
I took one class before I leftcollege and you didn't have your
ABC license.
Yeah, I had to do that.
Yeah, but you don't learn howto be a bartender.
You just learn how to not breakthe laws when you're serving
alcohol.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
What is ABC Like?
Why do they call it that?

Speaker 2 (45:29):
Alcohol Beverage Control.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
Oh, I just thought it was like a fun, like letters.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Yeah, no control.
Oh, I just thought it was likea fun, like yeah letters.
No, I totally lied on my resumeI put, like my mom as a
reference and I was like Iworked for weber catering and my
last name was not weber at thetime, um, because hers, I had my
yeah, that's her maiden name.
I have my mom's maiden lastname, but it was, like you know,
owned by two lesbians and theywere, they had just opened and
it was like kind of divey andthey probably didn't get a lot
of other resumes.
So they're like this cute gayboy will definitely like sling

(45:59):
some drinks and bring us in.
You know a good crowd.
And I did.
Thank you very much.
Thanks to your college eventjob, exactly, yeah, I knew how
to host a fucking party and makeand make those hospital
quarters where they was.
It was a gay bar, it was like aqueer, queer bar.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
And then, um, I also worked forthe seattle tennis club which

(46:23):
is the most exclusive, like club, like country club kind of.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Is that the madison?

Speaker 2 (46:30):
yeah, it's over madrona madrona, that's right.
Sorry um bougie, yeah it's,it's over in Madrona, madrona
that's right.
Sorry, Bougie.
Yeah, it's like $60,000 a yearto be part of the club.
There's an 11-year waiting listto get in.
If you're on the waiting list,you still have to pay the dues.
So for 10 years you have to pay$600,000 just to wait to get

(46:53):
into the club.
Isn't that wild?

Speaker 1 (46:55):
We need to bump into those people that are on the
waiting list.
Can you get that list for us?
Yeah, we'll stop.
Do you have a grandson?

Speaker 2 (47:02):
that's a good idea anyways.
So yeah, I was a bartenderthere and it was actually kind
of awkward because I was alsoworking at um nordstrom.
I was an assistant buyer and Ihad just broken up with my
boyfriend and I was like youneed to leave and I will figure
out how to afford rent.
So Monday through Friday I wasworking at Nordstrom and then on

(47:24):
the weekends I would bartend atthe Seattle Tennis Club and all
the Nordstrom people, like theE-Suite people, would come in
and they had no idea who I was.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
But I was like I know you, you're one of the
nordstrom brothers hello, I'mkyle webber hello, governor,
okay, cheerio but you wouldn'tbe able to get that job without
you lying as a bart.
To get the bartending job, yeah, so you should lie more yeah,
tell both stories.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Oh yeah, lie through your teeth.

Speaker 1 (47:55):
If you want to get into a new industry, lie through
your teeth well, because itdoesn't matter if you're
unqualified for it, you'llfigure it out exactly.

Speaker 2 (48:01):
Yeah oh my god, that's so fun.
No trading required you shouldbe.

Speaker 1 (48:04):
I think you should pick up like a pride one year
and work there because you canmake some some money.
I love bartending.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
It's probably the my the best job I've ever had.
It is so much fun.
All, all of it, all of it.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
I love all of it Because people would come back
for you, 100% Coming back foryou baby and everyone flirts
with you because, I don't know,when you're a bartender people
just think you're hot.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
So, it was really fun .
I highly recommend at leastonce in your life just be a
bartender.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
And you would ABC test.
Okay, should we move intovictory advice?
I think so.
Yeah, Okay.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Okay, Caleb, what's your victory of the week?

Speaker 1 (48:40):
Well, this is not my actual victory, but not showing
up in a pissy mood to recordthat's good.
It's a mutual beneficialvictory.
I'm going to tie back to whatwe were talking about at some
point in the episode.
My victory was having themental awareness and choosing to
make today a good day, becauseit was really tough to do at the

(49:01):
beginning.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
You really set your intention for the day and I
followed through on it and youfollowed through.
That's a huge victory.
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1 (49:09):
And it kind of gave me the mindset of you can choose
, like no matter what's going onexternal, you can choose to
what you engage with negatively,positively, like you don't have
to take on the energy.
So that's I is probably thebest victory I've had in a hot
minute I love that.

Speaker 2 (49:26):
What's your advice?

Speaker 1 (49:28):
um, oh, my god.
I attempted to get carinsurance today for the like
third or fourth attempt, becauseI don't want to call people.
I try to do the quotes onlineand I try to proceed with it.
He has a complicated orderhoney.
Tell them why.
I've had my window broken threetimes since I moved to Seattle

(49:50):
and that shows up and it makesit way more fucking expensive.
But I'm also turning.
I have a work car that you can,I can use, you know, drive to
work, but it's I'm not meetingthe mileage requirements now
that I'm not like actively goingto see patients as often.
I have to turn that in onThursday, so before Thursday I
need to obtain car insurancehere not in Tennessee and a

(50:11):
license plate that's registeredhere.
So that is my advice is that Itried several insurance
companies today, but then, whilewe were doing our karaoke,
literally right before werecorded, shout out to Keisha.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Hey Keisha, Thanks for listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
Oh my God, I should have told her about it.
Why didn't you tell her?
I mean, she loved, she had thegift of gap girl she did and she
was like hey, caleb.
And I was like hello.
She's like, so you just movedto seattle?
I'm like, yep, that's exactlywhat I did, because my insurance
is not actively in tennesseeright now, um, and she was like
you're getting keisha afterhours.
And I was like, yeah, I need toget, I need to get my um

(50:51):
insurance out here and justmoved here the story of it all.
And she was like, okay, what'sthat birthday?
And I'm like first, she waslike can you give me your first
and last name?
I'm like Caleb.
She's like, is that C?
She's like, no, you're Calebwith a K.
And I was like yes.
She's like I got that vibe.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
She's like what's your tell it's on the sea
because it's gay, or yeah, it'sa kardashian of it all, yeah
that's what I used to tellmyself.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
Um, and then she, uh, she asked for my birthday.
And then she's like wait,that's why we're getting along
so well you're an aquarius, areyou?

Speaker 2 (51:23):
and I was?

Speaker 1 (51:24):
like oh, I'm a pisces cusp, not knowing a damn thing.
She was like oh my god, mybirthday's 218 and I'm like yeah
, um, and I was like, oh, my god, you know how?
like what am I supposed to do?
Like okay, move on.
Yeah, like, just give me myinsurance.
And then, and then, because Ithink I had mentioned like, oh
yeah, I was travel nursing, sothat's why I'm like I was
already out here she was like,oh, like, are you?

(51:45):
Like it's that's so exciting,you're a travel nurse here?
And I was like, well, no, I'msettled down, like I'm a hospice
nurse and she.
Then she proceeds to tell meabout her grandmother's
experience on hospice.
Oh no, yeah.
And meanwhile, like we didn'tget anywhere on this phone call,
like I just gave her someinformation and hopefully
they're gonna pull over mypolicy or whatever, keisha said

(52:06):
she's gonna take care of me, soI expect to hear from her on
monday it helps to be nice tocustomer service people.

Speaker 2 (52:12):
That's the moral of the story right and she was.

Speaker 1 (52:14):
I did love her energy and it was like fun, but also
like the amount of stuff, like Iknew from her leaving that
conversation like and she'sdoing that after like what was
like 6, 6, 30 on a friday andlike such good energy yeah and
she was like, I'll call you onmonday, but if between now and
then, if you ever needrecommendations, you can just
call me on this number and I'mgonna give you food
recommendations, like I got.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Basically she was a personality hire, because she
gave you all the personality andat the end of the call she was
like all right, I can't doanything for you but you know
what I appreciate about it isbecause now I have someone else
to blame if it doesn't work out,if my relationship with this
insurance company.
You're gonna blame keisha, notkeisha keisha did.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
She is a god's gift to this earth.
Right, it's that company so butthen it's off my to-do list
because I that was going to bemy only advice is how I reached
out to all these companies and Iget all the way through and
it's like, okay, let's put inyour card information and then
for some reason it pulls myfucking history of my fucking
glass being broken and it waslike oh, can't complete this
online, we'll call you.
Never get a call.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
Never got a call kyle , all right, well, you're almost
done, though, then maybe it'llbe your victory next week I'm
really hoping that I get becausethat that license plate expired
august 2023.

Speaker 1 (53:25):
Oh no, honey.
And I paid 11, oh no.
So I just know I'm gonna haveto pay a fuck ton to register
this car 500 here.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
Oh, yeah, probably like 500 bucks.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Yeah, there goes the fucking bonus.
Okay, kyle, what's your victoryadvice of the week.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
I'm so glad you asked .
We're going to see Griff thisweekend and I'm so excited.
No, not this weekend, next week.
Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
I sent you that song.
Was it Miss Me Too?
Initially like this is like Ithink I put it on rap playlist
and I was like oh my god, no, Iwas listening to her.
No, no this is how, like, youand I end up planning going to
the concert together.
Oh yeah, I had sent it to youand I was like I think I added
it to rap playlist or rap musicwhich is the breakup playlist
and you're like and I was like,oh, they're coming here.

(54:08):
You're like, wait, I actuallyreally love Griff.
And I was like, oh, oh, my god,let's go.
That's the only song I knew byher.
I've been listening to the setlist Astronaut 19th Hour.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
There are so many good songs by her.

Speaker 1 (54:21):
That song.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
That's, I think, the first concert that we're going
to go to.
I'm going to know more songsthan you.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
I don't think so girl .

Speaker 2 (54:26):
I literally listen to it all day, every day.

Speaker 1 (54:29):
And it's so good the melody, the voice, the storyline
.
She's telling emotion yeah,yeah well kayla bought the tori
kelly tickets and I bought thegriff tickets, so these are our
gifts to each other and you knowwhat, though, uh, your gift to
me is gonna be a longer concertthan my gift to you, because,

(54:52):
tori kelly, we saw like a thirdof the show yeah, okay, so
that's my victory.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
My vice of the week is that there's a new show on
netflix and it's featuring adambrody and kristin bell.
The show's called.
Nobody wants this, and thereason that it's my advice is
because it is like our lifestory, like wrapped into a show,
like we started watching itlast night, and it's like two

(55:18):
girls that have a podcast aboutsex.
Not that our podcast is aboutsex, but the, the like, the
whole, like conversation thatthey have on the show is like
how their, their show, theirpodcast, is not about sex, it's
about, you know, like cultureand feminism and you know all
this stuff.
And I'm like that's what ourpodcast is about.
Wild.
And I'm just like really upsetthat like I didn't come up and

(55:42):
like with this concept and writethis script myself and that
someone else did before I could.
I was like that's a fuckingbrilliant idea.
And why didn't I do that?
Because I like the comedy islike so our comedy, you know
it's just so it's so good.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
And you're Kristen Bell.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
And I'm 100% Kristen Bell.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
Yeah, and I cannot wait to watch it later tonight.
Well, that was this week'sepisode, and it's only it's 8pm.
We shit, that's great weshitted and gitted it.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
We love shitting and gitting it.
I hated that.
I said it better than you, okay, so I'm so glad that all of you
could join to listen to ourepisode about the crazy odd jobs
and how unfamously unwell wewere.
And we want to hear about yourodd jobs, so write us an email

(56:31):
to unfamouslyunwell at gmailcom,send us a little message, dm us
, slide into our DMs on ourInstagram at unfamouslyunwell,
and if you're too lazy to do anyof those things, then just
click the link that's in thedescription on the page and you
can send us a text message.

(56:52):
And we would love to hear aboutyour victory advices.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
Yeah, we're coming off a pretty good week though
this is five episodes in oneweek.
Yeah, that's pretty great butalso, like within the last seven
days, the most downloads andlistens we've had I know it is
wild.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
Thank you guys so much for listening and we love
having new listeners and Ifollow like up on every single
like new location that pops up.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
It is so fascinating.

Speaker 2 (57:18):
And Germany keep coming for it.

Speaker 1 (57:20):
Girl, yes, Second country and we are literally
connected to Mexico and Canada,and Germany is over there
popping the fuck off.
Yeah, we have a new one in Irantoo.
It has been fun because I'mlike Kyle, how do you pronounce
this?

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like I don't know, I don'tspeak Farsi.

Speaker 1 (57:36):
If you had to point to this on a map, where would
that be?
And you're like, oh, it'sprobably here.

Speaker 2 (57:41):
I was like I would have said the same thing, yeah,
and until next week we wish youwell.
Fuck minimum wage.
Thanks for listening to anotherepisode of Unf Unwell, the
unrated podcast hosted by yourtwo favorite Seattle homosexuals
on a journey to higher health.
Listen each week as we deepdive into a new topic and give
you all the dirty details of oursuccesses and failures along

(58:02):
the way.

Speaker 1 (58:03):
You can send us your questions, feedback or share
your own victory advice bywriting to unfamouslyunwell at
gmailcom or by clicking the linkat the bottom of the
description to shoot us a text.
We'd love to hear from you andshare your stories on the pod.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
We'll see you back here next week.