August 28, 2025 • 60 mins
What if grit alone isn’t the answer? In this episode of Unlearn the Crap & Level UP, I sit down with Becca, who shares her journey of unlearning hustle culture and discovering what she calls “gritty grace.”
We dive into:
✅ Why pushing through pain and burnout isn’t true strength
✅ How grace—paired with grit—creates real freedom and success
✅ The myths women are taught about rest, resilience, and self-worth
✅ How emotions act as your GPS, guiding you back to alignment
If you’ve ever felt stuck in the hustle trap, this conversation will inspire you to rewire your beliefs and embrace a new way of living and leading.
🔗 Connect with Becca: BeccaGoldsberrySWC.com
🌐 Explore more with Kathy: https://kathybaldwin.me
📚 Kathy’s Books:
-
Unlearn the Crap & Level UP: Your Soul is Calling
-
How I Unlearned MY Crap
Available now on Amazon + bookstores worldwide.
👉 Don’t forget to like, comment, and subscribe so you never miss an episode. Share this video with someone who needs to hear it!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Juicy things happening.
We'll actually continue the podcast and if. If that's okay
with you. Yeah. Love it. Okay, awesome. Are you ready?
Let's do it. Yeah, let's go for it.
Okay. So the very first question that
I like to ask people is unlearn
(00:24):
the crap is about the condition, responses, the automatic
programming that we into
this world with because of how our bodies are wired, because of
the neurotransmitters and. And all of that. The biochemistry,
the connection between our. Our mind, our heart, our gut,
(00:45):
all of that. The connections between universal laws and our
emotions and how all of that is our information in
our gps. And sometimes we have an outdated
program like a DOS program,
and we're trying to operate in a smart world and
things don't work. So,
(01:08):
Becca, what crap did you need to
unlearn in order for you to level up?
Fantastic question. So for me,
and it will be part of my keynote for Women
Thrive Summit in March, is learning what
(01:28):
I call gritty grace. And it was because when
I was in first grade, and I always tell,
you know, people this story because I don't think people
can relate until people hear the story.
So I'm in first grade. It's 1984.
So, right. Think Ghostbusters, Gremlins,
(01:50):
right? Big hair bands, all of the things back then. And right.
Like, so everybody's picturing. Like I said, it's January.
I live, you know, in Southern Indiana at the time,
and I'm playing basketball outside
with my friends, and we're having a good time. And then there was a girl
that came up to me, and she started yelling at
(02:13):
the top of her lungs, pudding Pop.
Remember the pudding pops that we used to have? The jello pudding Pops?
I don't know if you guys. Yep, yep. I'm a little bit older than you.
So, yeah, so Bill Cosby, I think, was the spokesperson
at the time for jello Pudding Pops. Back in the day, in the commercials.
(02:34):
We lost him as a hero. Oh, yes. Yeah.
Anyway, so anyways, so she was. She was calling me Pudding
Pop. And yes, I was as a first grader, I was
overweight. I was a little bigger as a kid.
Kid. And friends were. You know,
people were laughing. She was in third grade at the time. I'm in first grade.
(02:57):
And, you know, she's just this very thin girl.
And she did that all the way up until basically
she left. And, you know, when she graduated eighth
grade, I was what, sixth grade? So for six years,
anytime I would see her down the halls or in recess,
(03:18):
she kept calling Me, pudding pop.
And so I remember,
right, it hurt. I knew, I knew,
you know, growing up, you know, it destroyed
my self confidence, right? Because you know, when you, I tried out
for cheerleading one year like in fourth, sixth grade
(03:43):
and I was so self conscious trying
out to be a cheerleader because all my other friends were trying out
and I just knew that along the way that
had literally destroyed my self confidence just
because I was bigger than everybody else, I didn't feel I
(04:05):
was enough. And that behavior
continued through of course, junior high and
of course high school and college. And it was to the point
where I was trying to do my best in everything
to be everything to compensate because I was overweight.
(04:27):
And so it wasn't until I started
working for Southwestern Consulting as a
sales and leadership coach and really digging into myself. So I even went
and got my masters in social work because I wanted
to work in psychology because I knew I, it might be a good way for
(04:49):
me to be better. Like I was trying to self diagnose myself
because I wasn't enough, right. So you
know, and I, you know, and I know my mom and dad always got flack
for that from you know, like my grandparents and different things because they wanted
me to be healthy. All of all the childhood just stuff,
(05:10):
just crap, right? And so it wasn't until I was
really digging in and coaching my coaching clients
here at Southwestern Consulting and I've been doing that for 12 years. Where I
learned gritty grace. Where, man, over the, over the years,
because of not feeling enough, trying to be the best, right? I developed
(05:30):
a ton of grit. I'm very gritty
and very resilient and I will keep going. I may not hit
a goal, but I, but I will keep going until
I do. But over the last,
I've been married to my husband nine years in
(05:50):
on December 31, it'll be nine years that we've been married. And he
has helped me learn grace, my mom has helped me learn grace.
And, and, and so I've
been able to one, forgive myself. But two,
without that forgiveness of myself, man, can't we
(06:11):
just dig big freaking holes, right?
And self confidence. So to me that's the
crap. And just feeling, I think so many people don't
feel enough. Yeah, yeah. And that's
where I always, and I hear from a lot of my clients that's
(06:31):
where the deterioration of sometimes self confidence comes into
play and maybe where our emotional intelligence isn't quite
where we want it to be because there's still something nagging at us.
And most people can't figure out what it is. Yeah. A lot of times
it's just not feeling like we're good enough at some area or some
(06:53):
aspect of our life. Yeah. So. Yeah.
I am so sorry that you
had to be traumatized at such a vulnerable
age. And you're right, it's crap that our brains
wire into our ability to
(07:14):
stay safe. I had a similar
experience. I had what I thought was
an ideal childhood. I mean,
I was the center of my grandfather's
world. I was the center of my friends. We had a gang we
(07:35):
called ourselves, and all the gang hung out
at my place and everything was wonderful.
I had friends, I had family. Everything was just really wonderful.
But my parents wanted to upgrade their life and
so they sold that house and moved across town to what
(07:57):
they thought was a better neighborhood to get me into a better quality
school. And it was in grade eight,
so I was. I don't know. How old are you in grade 8?
12? 13. Yeah. 13. 14.
Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere around there. And it was halfway through grade
eight. So I was leaving my cocoon and my safety and going
(08:21):
into this new strange school in the middle of the school year.
And the cool girls, I'll never forget her name.
I won't say it out loud, but she
looked at me and she said, slut.
Oh. And so she got all the other girls to start
(08:43):
calling me a. And I'm like,
well, I just arrived here. Like, you don't know anything about me.
What? Where am I? I've been transported into this world.
And that reputation went all the way
through high school where boys were treating me so badly
because this label had been attached to me.
(09:08):
And so I was always an outsider. And I had
these huge traumas that really played out
in my life because of this.
You don't want to look too sexy, but sexy is the only thing
that drew people to men, to me. And then there were
(09:29):
all these traumas that happen with abandonment
because if you felt like you were safe and you got
close to somebody, then they rejected you because they got what
their expectations were. Just turned into
this whole cascade of a mess.
And these things are just moments in
(09:52):
time that come at us from other people. That's right.
But they change who we are massively.
Yeah. Words have
more power than I think almost anything.
Yeah. And so I'm always trying to be very cautious because
(10:14):
I have a six year old son now. And so my thought, you know,
like, what do we say? How do we say it? Because it
affects children. Because I'm feds. H. I guess
I was seven. So he's only a year away from the year that
literally my self esteem took a
(10:35):
plunge. Yeah. So.
Yes, but the,
the beauty is you had self awareness
to look at that, that and realize that it was crap.
Because self awareness, in my opinion, is where our power comes from.
(10:55):
Because we get to look at it, decide,
does this have any value? Is this true?
Even if it was true in that moment, is it true
today? Right. Absolutely.
Wow. Yeah, I was going to say,
because if anybody knows anything about eq,
(11:17):
I think you're right. Self awareness is where it all has to start.
Because without self awareness, you can't be socially
aware, you can't. That you can't control. There's no self management
or social management at that point. Like it all has to
start with you and just being really real and honest.
Yeah. With you. And I will, you know, part of my
(11:42):
journey, you know, in 2011, I took action
to my own hands and I did have bariatric surgery and
literally changed my life and health and all for the good things. But that
was part of my social awareness walk. Right.
Is okay, how can I help myself
feel better about myself emotionally, mentally,
(12:05):
physically, all of the things. And then, you know,
my faith, you know, is another big key to that too.
And just saying, no, I'm enough. Yeah,
I'm, I'm pretty darn amazing. But a lot of people that
self awareness takes decades, if you know,
to even figure out. Yeah. If ever. Right. I mean,
(12:29):
so, you know, if you feel, I always tell people, if you feel empty or
you feel like something's missing, maybe a good self reflection
weekend away from everybody, everything unplug from social
media, unplugged from everything. Just, just go, go,
go be with yourself. Basically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
(12:52):
So for me, when I'm working with my clients, I always use
the universal laws and one of my absolute favorite laws,
while the law of relativity, the law with the law of perspective,
but the other is the law of polarity.
And so I truly believe that our zone of genius,
our gift that the world is waiting for and
(13:16):
that we came here, our purpose, our reason for being,
is the polar opposite of our core wound and
our challenges and our struggles. And so when we
look at our core wounds and we feed into
it, or we don't look at it and we allow it to run on
(13:36):
automatic programming, however it plays out for each person,
what it's doing is taking away from our zone
of genius. And for me,
I look at it in an equation of a hundred percent.
So if the core wound is running
at 80%, then our zone of genius only has 20% left.
(14:00):
And so when we balance that out through self
reflection, self awareness, self healing, self education,
self empowerment, all of these amazing self resilience,
all of these things. So how
did you tip the scales for you so that you could step into
(14:21):
that zone of genius? How did you take away that
power that was eating away at
your soul? It's work.
It's a lot of work. But I really
did that when I created a purpose
(14:41):
statement, a mission statement and a vision statement for my
life. And so I will share my purpose
statement because people are like, you know how, you know
how to gain your confidence, right? How are you so
purposeful in the work that you do? And it's because of my purpose statement.
And it takes time. But it's funny that you mentioned,
(15:05):
right? There's that balance between the two.
Because my purpose statement literally corrects
the trauma. So my purpose statement is this.
So my purpose statement is use my gifts and talents from God to be a
catalyst helping others live out their God given potential in life.
Helping them develop grit, resilience and grace. Empowering others
(15:30):
to realize they are enough and have everything they need to
be the best version of themselves. Yes,
yes, yes, yes. And that is
directly related to your core wound.
It wasn't so your gift could
(15:50):
not be discovered without that core wound showing
up through the balance of contrast. And so many times
we believe that there's something wrong with us
because we have this core wound or we have this opposite instead of.
It requires the contrast to showcase that
(16:10):
spotlight on our core gift, our zone of
genius. 100%. If I didn't go through what I went through
growing up and I trust me, my, I had a wonderful
family. Supportive, loving, caring, nurturing. You know, my mom was always
so good at trying to build me up and all the things, but there was
(16:31):
still Mr. Mediocrity sitting on my shoulders, telling me all the negatives all
the time, right? Just film helping me fill my head with crap.
But it wasn't until, But I will say
that that wound developed my
grittiness, it developed my resilience,
it developed tough skin.
(16:54):
And in, in the world that I, you know, I as
a social worker and a family therapist, right, you gotta have tough skin,
you know, in that. And then in the world of sales, how to
have tough skin and be able to get nose and
get, you know, saying I don't want to work with you, right? And all of
these things. And then as a coach, being able to help others
(17:17):
build their Grace, resilience, and help them find their
purpose. If I didn't go through that, I would not. It would be
hard to be able to work with some of my clients.
And it's funny, I, I. Some clients
that I am blessed to work with. I'm like,
it's a total, you know, I'm, I'm of Christian faith,
(17:41):
and it's a total God, like, how he matched me
with my clients. I'm like, okay, they needed to hear what I've.
I've gone through of some sort and help them go through their process as well.
Our Internet connection. And you. You froze
as soon as you said, if you hadn't have gone through that. Could you repeat
(18:04):
that sentence, please? Yeah. So if I hadn't gone through what I
went through growing up, you know, it would
be very difficult for me to help
my clients go through similar challenges. You know,
as a Christian, God has just aligned me with some
(18:24):
of the most amazing people, and because of what I've went through,
I've been able to help them go through their crap and
get on the other side of that as well. So it's one of the reasons
why I love what I do. Oh, love, love,
love, love what you're saying. So you said
(18:44):
something earlier that I know you just touched
on, but it was so important.
I really want to come back to it. Okay.
You said you were able to forgive yourself.
What did you need to forgive yourself for?
I needed to forgive myself because,
(19:08):
again, if. If I think about the false narratives that Mr.
Mediocrity had been playing in my mind, I had to give.
Forgive myself for not being, you know, 5, 11 and 115
pounds. 120 pounds. Right. Like, I had to forgive myself
not fitting in the cultural norm of
(19:28):
what everybody thinks everybody should look like.
I had to forgive myself for thinking
I wasn't enough and I wasn't worth it.
Those were the two big things. I had to forgive myself for not
believing. I had to forgive myself for not believing in myself as
(19:50):
much early on, you know, especially in junior high,
I went to a boarding high school,
boarding Lutheran High School, St. Paul's Lutheran High School in Concordia,
Missouri. And it was really there that
I developed my personality. Like, my true
personality, like who I truly am, you know, my friends.
(20:13):
I developed our teachers, you know, the dorm
moms, all of those things. Like, I had to heal. I had
to really heal for four years and learn
more about myself, who I truly am. You know,
be that confident, funny girl who,
you know, loves, you know, to have a good
(20:37):
Time. And. And it's okay just to be myself.
That too. That's what I had to forgive the most. But it
took those four years of high school to do that. And then when I got
to college, it was just like, all right, let's just flourish. Like, let's just own
who I am at that point.
Yeah. I am so in awe
(21:00):
of the fact that you came to this awareness so
young. It wasn't. It wasn't easy.
Was there a pivotal moment that, that, that.
That triggered that? I. I think. I think
so. And. And one of those moments, and maybe it's a series of
(21:21):
moments. What I call her my big sis.
She's. Gloria is her name,
and she's wonderful. And she was basically the recruitment person there
at the school. And basically they're. Her whole family
is family by love. And I just remember at one point sitting in
Gloria's office after school one day because
(21:44):
I was about to head to track practice, and I was sitting in her office,
and she's like, what's on your mind? And I
was, you know, just sharing, you know, my thoughts and how I
was feeling for the day. And she goes, God's got great plans
for you. You know that, don't you? You're perfect just the way
(22:05):
you are. You realize that, don't you? And of course, I know
my mom has said that growing up all the time, but I think it took
somebody else other than my mom for it to click going,
oh, my. Okay. And so,
you know, just Gloria
being a mentor of mine and then my mother,
(22:28):
because I know her, Gloria and my mom were. Are very
good friends. I know they've had conversations. So my mom would back it up.
Right. So Gloria would be talking about these things, and when I would go home
for a break, mom would back it up. And. And it took, you know,
four years of really just unpacking all of the things,
(22:49):
you know, but it's hard work.
It doesn't come overnight. It's not a one and done conversation
that you have with yourself. There's truly hard work into
doing that. Yeah. I love the
fact that you just talked about something that I feel is
(23:09):
so, so important world, and that is
having a mentor or mentors. Because we
used to come from a community where
we were in community and people supported each
other and people knew each other, and you had the elder who could
(23:30):
be there to guide you. And we h. We developed
a society that kept us very isolated,
very disconnected, very competitive against
each other, where you becoming vulnerable and
allowing somebody's guidance was actually Seen as
a weakness. And so we were told that's part of the societal crap
(23:54):
that I'm. I'm working really hard to get rid of.
And so is.
Is this mentor that you had, this sister?
Yeah. Why you do what you do?
I think she plays a part of that. Absolutely.
Gloria had a massive impact in my world,
(24:16):
and she still does to this day.
Her and my mom, I would say, were my biggest
mentors and still are. And my mom's amazing, and so I
always wanted to be the mom that she was for me, so I want to
be that for Thad, because my mom also has
a very gritty grace story
(24:38):
in her world, too. Multiple stories, actually. And so
I just like, okay, if my mom could do what she's done
through her life, I could totally do this
too. So my mom, my and Gloria
were two of my big mentors.
And then I've got some amazing friends who are also
(25:02):
colleagues of mine that I consider massive.
Not just my best friends,
but mentored as well. So. And they
still do. So even still to this day,
you know, I always believe, you know,
everybody needs two types of people in life. Everybody needs a coach, and everybody needs
(25:25):
a therapist. Right. So. And I've got
great people surrounding me to be able to. To do that.
Because if not, life just becomes unbalanced,
doesn't it? Absolutely.
Absolutely. So that is
how you unlearned your crap. That was the past.
(25:46):
And that what shined the light,
shone the light. What. Whatever.
Yeah. Something. Yes.
On your zone of genius and brings
you to a place. So what does leveling
up mean for you?
(26:06):
What? Because I believe we're spiraling and there is you. You do not
arrive. No, that spiral staircase when.
When you. You hit one peak now you're gonna.
You're gonna hit those core wounds again, and you're going to have to face it
and. And go a little bit deeper so that you can go to the next
level. You know, something that I am always baffled
(26:30):
about when I talk with people about,
you know, enrolling in coaching and stuff, and they're like, I don't need a coach.
Life is great already. And I'm like, how do you want to get to the
next level? How do you want to take it up a notch? Right. And there
are people who don't, and that's okay, you know, because coaching, you know,
coach is not for everybody. But I'm like, how are
(26:52):
you going to do it? Yeah. Because your spouses can't do it for you.
They can be your support system, your bosses,
people like Oh, I get coaching from my bosses. Okay, great.
But it's not the same thing, right? Yeah. Because your
boss is coaching you for what's best in their best interest,
(27:12):
how to get the most out of you for them and
their agenda. It's not about you and your agenda and your personality, purpose and your
vision and your mission. You're right. Absolutely. And it's
breaking that mold. So. So for me, my next. Because I have a
couple coaches in my world, like, for me, right. Because I need somebody
(27:32):
on the outside to help me. See you're filling your head up with crap again.
Becca, stop it. Like, right, So I.
For me, the next level is I'm working on one,
you know, solidifying my keynote. And I
will be in the process here in the next year or two writing my
(27:54):
book based off of gritty grace. And so for me, that's my next
big. Because I want to share my story because
I know other people are out there who have gone through similar things.
And. And I've always just had this feeling,
I think I'm probably saying probably
since 2010, in my heart
(28:17):
to write a book, to be able to help others to do the same thing
before I even start working for Southwestern Consulting.
So now as I'm developing techniques and skill sets
and keep learning more about myself and developing my road
path for goody Grace, that's my next level up, is I
want to be able to help more people strive and
(28:41):
to level up. That to me, that's my calling. Right. Is like
I said in my purpose statement, right. Is that.
That's me just helping more people, you know, to develop grit
and resilience and grace and empowering them that they are enough.
That's my next level of leveling
up. Whether it's helping them enroll in coaching or reading the book or
(29:05):
being impacted by my keynote,
being able to help somebody turn a point like that, that's life changing.
Like. And if I can be maybe a first domino in
their effect, totally life saving,
you know, my calling. That's. That's my next level
up. I love it. What for
(29:29):
me, I had a dark night of the soul.
I had a rock. Bott had a. Stripped of everything
that I had. I was. I lost everything
and had to rebuild. And so for me,
that's when I discovered that I could bring these tools
that you would do for a business, creating a mission statement and
(29:52):
values and all of these things that you would create
for a business. I applied it to myself in my life. And that was the
first time that I ever thought about or learned or had the
concept that I could create myself just like I
could create a business. So let me share with you my
(30:13):
mission statement. Love it. Which is born
into the name of my company. My company's name is 4x
win, and it means that everything I
do must have a 4x
win. A win for me. The very first person
(30:34):
on my list is me. No longer am
I accepting crumbs. No longer am I putting the responsibility for
my needs and my wants and my desires on other
people to give me what I need. I claim it and I
own it. And I'm stepping into my power and my authority. Authority.
And I'm giving from my excess instead of constantly
(30:58):
draining myself. The second win is
a win for you, the other person I'm connecting with that it
must be. We need to get away from a win loss world
where someone is losing. Instead, we all need
to win. The third is who we are
(31:18):
in community and connection with our. Our clients,
our referral partners, our friends, our family.
That outer circle that if
we're sacrificing any one of those areas of our life,
then we're taking away from the first one, which is ourselves.
And the fourth is a collective win.
(31:40):
And when we are in a collective win, we take the
lessons we've learned and we reach back and we help
the next person. And that's what you just talked about.
You just talked about you took your step, you took your journey,
and instead of selfishly holding on to it,
you're reaching out for the collective and saying,
(32:02):
I got you. I got you. Oh,
thank you.
Part of that collective journey that we're all on
together. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. For sure.
Wow. So.
The. The other thing I. That you mentioned earlier, I want to
(32:25):
circle back to. Okay. And that was that your husband taught
you grace. That grit came from the resilience
of what you went through. But what does grace mean to you?
Oh, my goodness. Grace for me is forgiveness.
Right. In the midst of everything,
(32:47):
grace is allowing myself
to be myself. Right.
It's allowing anything from
my past not to drag me down anymore.
And so grace for me is just utter
(33:09):
forgiveness. Because if we don't not just forgive others,
but if we can't forgive ourselves, how can we move forward?
You can't. So for me, grace is forgiveness.
Wow. I think we have the same concepts,
but my word is acceptance and alignment.
(33:30):
Yeah. So if
I spelled out. If you spelled out gritty, right? There's six
key words in gritty. It's grace, resilience, integrity, thankfulness,
transformation, transformative, and the y1 was hard,
but it was yielding.
(33:52):
Right along with receiving doesn't.
Does so yielding
to accept others love for your. For you.
A lot of times we give, give, give, but we
also have to reciprocate. Right. We. We also need to be loved
(34:12):
and felt loved and felt heard. So yielding is gathering
all the goodness as well.
Absolutely. Can I,
can I take that spiritual emotional
concept that you just brought up and, and bring in.
One of the things I love to do is, is bridge that spiritual,
(34:36):
emotional, energetic into
the physical. Yeah, absolutely. The feminine
part of every human being, the feminine
aspect is about receiving.
And it is in that receiving. If we think, think about the
(34:59):
sexual act between a man and a woman, the woman is
the receiver. And when she receives the gift
of, Of a man's seed, she creates.
And so you can't create if you're not open to
receive. Yeah,
(35:21):
so true. So true.
And how many times do we block off
receiving because we don't feel we're enough
or we're not worthy of,
but. We'Re blocking creation then. That's correct.
That's correct. And that, and that becomes selfish,
(35:45):
doesn't it though? In so many different ways.
So, yeah, so my husband, because he was the
one that it was basically, you know, ever, you know, over,
you know, from high school up until I met my husband.
So what is that, 20 years I
(36:08):
was chipping away at it, but then when I met my husband, he basically
blew the doors open because I received loved.
Felt loved. Right. Felt acceptance because of
who I am. And he loved me no matter what. My faults, my failures,
the good, the bad, the ugly. So yeah,
(36:28):
so he was the one who broke it in and saying, all right, I can
totally forgive myself because I'm not perfect. And that's okay.
Nobody is. Are you okay
if I take this to a societal issue that we're having right
now? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, good.
(36:50):
There's that meme going around about women
preferring to be in the forest with a bear rather
than a man. Yes, I've seen it. Yes. Yeah.
And it is about the fact that and. And I
believe in the universal laws that everything must go to an extreme in
(37:12):
order for it to circle back. And I believe that we are in
that time. God, I hope it is really close that the extreme hits and
we can start swinging back. But this whole
your body, mind, choice,
this power, this control, all of these things,
(37:32):
it shields women, puts them behind walls.
They no longer feel safe, they no longer are able to receive.
But it also, in my opinion, Blocks. And I want to know your
thoughts on this. It blocks the man's ability to
provide that security,
(37:55):
that safety, that foundation,
that rock. These things that men
and the masculine feel so strong.
Strong because it's attached to the
masculine part of us. That, that solid foundation,
the rock. I got your back. All of these things
(38:17):
that can't happen if a woman's
not safe enough to receive. I would agree 100.
And I'll share a little bit why I think
that way. When my husband and I were first dating, you know,
he, he wasn't. He, he goes, I, I, he goes, I'm intimidated by you.
Right? He goes, because you're independent, you're confident, you know
(38:40):
who you are. He's like, and you just do what you need to do.
And he goes, in. You do things so well.
He's like, what do you need me for?
Right? So this, these are the conversations that, you know,
as we're doing premarital counseling and all of those things. I'm like, I need you
to pick me up when I fall. I need you for security.
(39:03):
I need you for your love. I need you for your acceptance. I need you,
right? For to be the man of the household.
I need, yes, I'm confident and I'm independent, and, you know, tiger, hear me roar,
right? But I also need you because you're gonna also help me
be my backbone. And I think that's where so many things,
(39:24):
as a family therapist, I saw, because I did a divorce
group,
when there's not a, if your husband is not a backbone or
your partner's not a backbone in your relationship, things crumble,
right? And so I, I, I'm, I totally agree with you.
(39:44):
So they need to be the support for
not just you, but also for your household, for your kids,
you know, as well, because,
because when they don't feel like they're that for the family
or for their partner, their, their wife, their spouse,
(40:06):
okay, now we're digging into their
confidence, as in that role too.
So, yeah. And regardless
if we are talking same sex, opposite sex,
whatever, we all have a masculine and we all have a feminine,
(40:27):
and our center rides on one end
of that. And those polarities connect.
And when a woman is living,
if she is aligned naturally in the feminine,
but she's having to live in a world of masculinity
(40:48):
because the masculine isn't in her world.
Because if a man who, and I know it's so confusing
in this time and age where men have been taught
to stifle their emotions, they've been
taught Big boys don't cry. But yet now we want you to be softer.
(41:09):
We want you to be connected. And it's all so confusing,
right? What is power? What is control? What is
dominance? What is support? I mean, we have to have these conversations,
but it requires a man to
know the value and strength that
(41:29):
a house needs. A foundation that you cannot build on top
of it. You cannot create without a foundation. Relationship.
Love it. You nailed it. Yep.
And when that foundation is not there, it crumbles.
Yeah. You can't build if there's not a strong foundation.
(41:50):
Absolutely. Absolutely. So to
me, communication is where it's at. Yeah.
And having these conversations,
having these conversations that bring up our
core wounds and shine the light on the value
of it, that it is not that it needs to
(42:13):
be hidden. No, it is. It's information.
Yeah, absolutely.
I was gonna say you can turn that information into transformation
with Gritty 100. Right.
I did a. There's.
How do I even want to. It's called that's what she Said project.
(42:36):
And so this group of amazing women
here in the Midwest have, you know, every year,
you know, there's like, I think 20 cities, they do this around here in the
Midwest, where 10 women every year get to basically do like a 8 to
10 minute TEDx. And mine was on my gritty
grace. And so as I was developing that for. And I did mine in September
(42:59):
of 2023 when I was developing that, and I would rehearse
it and practice it with my husband, you know, sharing my gritty
grace story and my childhood and how I developed
grit and resilience and all and gave myself grace. There would be nights where he
would just. He would just cry because.
(43:19):
And. And. And crying as I get you. I understand
you. I'm proud of you. Right. Crying of.
He knows my story. Right. He knows that
point in time where it hurt the most and
how I became the woman I am today. And if our spouses,
(43:42):
our partners don't know those things,
do they really know the true us? I don't know.
I don't think so. No.
Because then you're living in the surface.
You're not getting to the intimacy where the true
(44:02):
transformation happens. Correct.
Yeah. You just putting lipstick on something. Right?
We're just putting lipstick on a pig, as my grandma would say. Yeah.
Becca, I am not done with this conversation, but unfortunately,
we ended up scheduling where we only scheduled an
(44:26):
hour for this. And there's more that I think is coming out of this
conversation that is really important. Can we circle
back as soon as Possible. So we can finish this conversation.
Absolutely, 100%. What is your schedule
like? Let's see this.
(44:48):
Like, give me something.
Okay, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna suggest that
we. I don't normally like to do this,
but can we meet at 6 o' clock tonight? I am in
meetings all night until 8:30. Okay. I was just saying because
(45:09):
I'll have to remember to put on the same clothes because
I'm wearing a specific stripe.
I may have to put my clothes on when I get back tonight. Put it
like on my chair next. You know, that's next to me. So I don't
forget. I love it. Okay. So are you free
(45:30):
tomorrow? I am, I'm free in the afternoon.
Okay. Are you planning on going to Women
Thrive? Yes.
So I can do like the hour after that. Perfect,
perfect. Because I don't know if you know, but Ramonda is bringing
(45:51):
somebody special and I can't remember what it's about
but I blocked off some extra time. So how does four o' clock sound?
That sounds great. Okay,
perfect. So I will just put this shirt on
my bedside chair. Chair. Becca Continuation.
Are you Free Thursday from
(46:16):
1 to 5? I am free at Eastern
time. Yeah, yeah, I'm speaking Eastern because I know
you're in the same time zone I am. Okay, good. I know everybody's like,
what time zone are attack? I'm in Eastern time. So I'm in the only time
zone I can do. Two o' clock Thursday.
Okay. The reason I'm asking is I want. I'm going to send you
(46:38):
an email for a master class that's going on. Of the things I wanted to
talk to you about with my referral partner. But there is something really special
that is coming on this master class.
But I, I have to be in a meeting in one minute and I
normally like some extra time in there and I, I didn't put
(47:01):
a buffer in there. So I apologize.
But it'll be great because we'll be able to finish our conversation and get deep.
I'll send you. I've got your email, don't I today?
Yes. I've got your B. Goldsberry at
South. Okay, so I'm gonna send you an email with a link to this master
(47:23):
class. There is something really awesome in there that
I think will be of value to you and the clients you work with
with. And there's a whole referral program and
everything that you can monetize because I,
you know, I believe in a Forex win. So I'll send you
that information if you can attend, great. If not,
(47:46):
I will tell you all the information. Okay.
When we have our next conversation. Okay, perfect. Sounds wonderful.
You are freaking amazing,
girl. So are you. Thank you so much.
I can't wait to get to know you better. Same here. I'll talk to
you soon. Okay, thanks. Welcome.
(48:08):
Better than I was last week at the end
of the week. So much better. Okay, great.
I have absolutely no idea.
My, my plan was to watch our
conversation before I came back to
(48:29):
this. One. But life
happens, so. That's right. That's right.
Okay, so I know we were talking about lessons we
learned. Crap. Did we end up going into the conversation about
how you're leveling up and showing up in the world and
serving? Okay, yeah.
(48:51):
So really we can talk about anything and
then just your call to action. Okay.
So is there any particular
topic that is hitting your mind at this moment?
We actually, what we talked about last
(49:12):
time really kind of hit a lot of the different things because it was such
a good conversation, you know, it was so.
It hit a lot of those things, I think that we were, that we had
talked about. I was trying to think.
I don't think we missed on anything
much either. So wherever
(49:36):
you want to go, we can go. Okay. Okay.
So I'm just gonna ask you a question and
I hope you don't mind if it's a little bit loaded. Yeah.
You're in the United States, I'm in Canada.
We're in a massive paradigm
(49:56):
shift that is happening in the world.
Where do you see our biggest struggles
and where do you see our biggest opportunities?
Because the way I look at the
individual is that we live in a lot a universal
(50:19):
law of polarity and that our zone
of genius has the polar opposite in our challenges,
in our. The things that show up as our triggers.
Our greatest pain points are always opposite.
And so I'd love to have the opportunity to
(50:39):
get from, from your perspective where you see that
in our communities and in our world and,
and where you would like to
see us focus our attention? Such. Good question.
You're right. It's a loaded question. I, I guess I'm going to go from
(51:01):
a mother's perspective. Let's look
at this kind of as a mom of a six year old little boy
who is at the apple of my eye and you know,
Michael and I love him to death. What we've seen,
and I guess I can even attest to personally is social
(51:21):
media and the things that, because of my social work,
because of my masters and social work and doing
family therapy Working with divorced families,
working with domestic violence shelters.
In the past, family therapy. What I have seen shifted from,
(51:42):
let's say, 2000 to today. I think
a lot of it stems, actually, I don't think, I know a lot stems from
social media and it's the boundaries of family
culture. I think there is a lot of things
that are not going so well as a
(52:03):
family unit for a lot of families. And I think cell phones,
iPads, tablets,
video games, I think has a central component to it.
My mom and I were just having this conversation. You know, I was born in
78. The biggest thing we had technology wise was
Oregon Trail on like the first Mac computers.
(52:28):
Right. Or the very first Nintendo's. We weren't
constantly stuck in social media comparing
or even my son, you know, we've got YouTube kids.
We have to watch what videos pop up
in his little feeds. Because some of the things that these kids create,
(52:48):
these videos these families are creating, may not be the
morals and values and the lessons we want our son to learn.
So I think as a family,
the lack of communication, the, the focusing just
on everybody eating dinner and focusing here instead
(53:10):
of communicating has really taken effect
on our culture so much.
Yeah, I love the way you say that because I
was born in 1965 and every single
dinner we sat at the table and the
(53:32):
table had placemats and the candle was lit
and it was expected that it didn't matter if
we were having grilled cheese, cheese and soup. We sat
with the candle lit, we had a conversation,
and we stayed around the table.
I have a beautiful dining room suite
(53:56):
with actual reclining chairs.
I bought these really expensive, stressless reclining
chairs so that at the end of the meal we, I,
we could see, sit down and relax and push back and, you know,
have a conversation. Like, that was my image. I have
to dust it more than I use it.
(54:20):
We've gotten away from the dining room table. We've gotten
away. That is probably why meeting you and having this
conversation has lit me up so much, is because we
don't have these conversations. No, we really don't on a regular
basis. No. And even back then,
(54:41):
you can see culture shift,
parents working later. You know,
I was born, you know, I, I played sports. Right. Growing up and stuff.
Right. But it's even more so now
for families. From the time school ends until
8 o' clock when it's time to go get a shower and get the kids
(55:03):
to bed, they are running around and activities, which is fine to a certain
extent, I think. You know,
you know, people Eating out every night. And I just think
there's just so much. And, you know, I'm human. We're all human.
There are times that Michael and I, you know, we may eat dinner on the
(55:23):
couch, you know, and, and just kind of let Thad play, like on
the table next to us or something. Right. Because we all kind of do it,
but it's, but it's a lack of communication and
really just listening. And I've made
it a point the last six months, really, to kind of turn
the TV off in the evenings and just let Thad
(55:46):
play. He loves building, like those rubber band bracelets right now, which is
great because I like watching him, like, use his hands and skills and
he's, you know, big into Legos and different things, you know,
and it's having him turn off the tablet and do
something more constructive where it can help him build his mind.
(56:07):
And it's good for us, you know, as adults too. And, you know,
my husband's always down on the floor, you know, building with Lincoln Logs,
and he got some Lincoln Logs recently for our birthday.
And just get away from, get away from social media. Get away from
the screen time. And I think if,
(56:27):
if we can shift that just a little
bit for each of our kids, they're going to have a better future. Because I
really think social media, too much tv, there's just
so much negative somehow. We need to rebuild the positive back into
the kids. Yeah. And into
(56:47):
the adults. Right. Because we have a domino effect.
Yeah. We've gotten weary, we've gotten tired as
a society. We've gotten overloaded and
decision fatigue. I mean, even, what do you want to eat for dinner?
What do you want to watch on tv? I mean, even these things that are
(57:09):
supposed to be our mind numbing, we're, we're just
overloaded. 100%.
100%. And, and it's funny
that you say that. I've. Have you seen those Gen X
funny reels, like on Facebook or Instagram? They're like,
hi, I'm a Gen X. Right. And they kind of go through us Gen Xers
(57:31):
traits and personalities versus, you know, the millennials or the younger
generations, which. I laugh. They're like, hi, I'm a Gen X. And my parents
didn't care how long we played outside as long as we were in the door,
you know, by the time it was 8 o' clock or hi, I'm. No,
by the street lights. Street lights. See, I, I grew up,
so I grew up in the country. We didn't have street lights. We had
(57:54):
to move. You're not, you're not a Gen X though.
Yes, I am. Actually. 79 is the last of
Gen X. Okay, well I'm the first,
so that's really cool. I know, right? I'm the
last of the Gen X. And so
I just think it's funny because a lot of us, Gen X,
(58:16):
we work, we're in the 40s,
50s, you know, early 60s now. And we're,
it's, it's interesting how we maybe have raised our kids or,
or are raising our kids because
maybe our parents raised us differently. I'm, I'm thinking to myself,
(58:37):
how did our generation veer
off completely different than how the baby boomers
raised us? You know, or how my grandparents,
the great generation completely raised the baby
boomers? Like how, how did this evolution of raising kids completely
(59:01):
go from one extreme to the next?
Just very interesting. While I was,
I was on this, this documentary
that I was a part of anyways, they were talking about how in
the last hundred years that a hundred years ago
(59:21):
horse and buggy were the main transportation. We now
have self driving cars. When we think about the
speed of change that we have gone
through, previous generations were long blocks
of time. Now they are like 20 years.
(59:42):
Everything is speeding up so much faster.
And that's a paradigm shift that I'm talking about that
the, the speed of change and the rate
of how it's happening. Futurists are predicting that we
are going to see a hundred years of change
in the next 10 years. I can see that.
(01:00:06):
I could see that very easily. And some of it I think is going to
be very good for us. I think that's up
to us, isn't it? That's correct. That's right. And then I think maybe
it could not be good for us. It all depends on maybe how
we utilize these new tools and these new technologies.
Yeah, right. So I think that it
(01:00:28):
comes, that's. The important of these conversations. Yes. Right.
So it comes back to how are we
raised? Like the, the values, you know, the morals,
you know, right versus wrong. I think it comes back to
so many of those things a lot really.
And you know, do we use these things for good or
(01:00:52):
not so good? Yeah, and there's a lot of.
Yeah, that, that is my. And I know yours as
well. We've talked about this earlier in our conversation
that the decision is is it empowering or is it disempowering,
period. It doesn't matter if it was tradition
(01:01:14):
or if it's the way we've always done it or our
beliefs or our traumas, I mean, none of it matters.
It just comes down to is it working or is it not working?
Are you getting what we need and want? Are we not?
Absolutely. Choice is ours.
(01:01:34):
Yeah. Yeah. And it's important that we
fill our basket with good,
quality choices. Absolutely.
Yeah. If not, where does that lead us?
Yeah. Becca, this has been an
amazing conversation. I cannot
(01:01:57):
wait to see you on the Women Thrive Summit
in March 2025. What will your topic be
about? My topic is going to be gritty grace.
So like we talked about earlier today, or it's all going
to be about, you know, having grit and resilience, but also giving
yourself grace when you go through the ups and downs.
(01:02:20):
Beautiful. So for those people who've loved this conversation
and they're looking at you and they want to level up
and they want to get the best version
of themselves into the next stage of their life and how do they reach out
to you? Best way to reach out to me is a couple of ways.
(01:02:41):
You can look at for me on Instagram and message me there
at Becca Goldsberry swc. Or you can hop on
to my website, which is Becca Goldsberry swc.com.
perfect. I'll include the links, of course.
Is there anything that you want to make
(01:03:03):
sure that you leave this conversation with? I just
highly recommend everybody to remember you are enough.
Please give yourself grace. I was talking with my
coach earlier today and giving myself grace for things that
maybe I didn't accomplish that I want to. But don't. But remember,
(01:03:24):
always have your goals. Never change the goal. But you can
change the timeline and the time frame that you can hit those goals. Goals,
but never change the goal.
Unless it's no longer serving you.
Wonderful. Thank you so, so very much.
(01:03:46):
I can't wait for our next conversation. But you have been an absolute
joy. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for having me on.
It's been a pleasure.
Juicy things happening.
We'll actually continue the podcast and if. If that's okay
with you. Yeah. Love it. Okay, awesome. Are you ready?
Let's do it. Yeah, let's go for it.
Okay. So the very first question that
I like to ask people is unlearn
(00:24):
the crap is about the condition, responses, the automatic
programming that we into
this world with because of how our bodies are wired, because of
the neurotransmitters and. And all of that. The biochemistry,
the connection between our. Our mind, our heart, our gut,
(00:45):
all of that. The connections between universal laws and our
emotions and how all of that is our information in
our gps. And sometimes we have an outdated
program like a DOS program,
and we're trying to operate in a smart world and
things don't work. So,
(01:08):
Becca, what crap did you need to
unlearn in order for you to level up?
Fantastic question. So for me,
and it will be part of my keynote for Women
Thrive Summit in March, is learning what
(01:28):
I call gritty grace. And it was because when
I was in first grade, and I always tell,
you know, people this story because I don't think people
can relate until people hear the story.
So I'm in first grade. It's 1984.
So, right. Think Ghostbusters, Gremlins,
(01:50):
right? Big hair bands, all of the things back then. And right.
Like, so everybody's picturing. Like I said, it's January.
I live, you know, in Southern Indiana at the time,
and I'm playing basketball outside
with my friends, and we're having a good time. And then there was a girl
that came up to me, and she started yelling at
(02:13):
the top of her lungs, pudding Pop.
Remember the pudding pops that we used to have? The jello pudding Pops?
I don't know if you guys. Yep, yep. I'm a little bit older than you.
So, yeah, so Bill Cosby, I think, was the spokesperson
at the time for jello Pudding Pops. Back in the day, in the commercials.
(02:34):
We lost him as a hero. Oh, yes. Yeah.
Anyway, so anyways, so she was. She was calling me Pudding
Pop. And yes, I was as a first grader, I was
overweight. I was a little bigger as a kid.
Kid. And friends were. You know,
people were laughing. She was in third grade at the time. I'm in first grade.
(02:57):
And, you know, she's just this very thin girl.
And she did that all the way up until basically
she left. And, you know, when she graduated eighth
grade, I was what, sixth grade? So for six years,
anytime I would see her down the halls or in recess,
(03:18):
she kept calling Me, pudding pop.
And so I remember,
right, it hurt. I knew, I knew,
you know, growing up, you know, it destroyed
my self confidence, right? Because you know, when you, I tried out
for cheerleading one year like in fourth, sixth grade
(03:43):
and I was so self conscious trying
out to be a cheerleader because all my other friends were trying out
and I just knew that along the way that
had literally destroyed my self confidence just
because I was bigger than everybody else, I didn't feel I
(04:05):
was enough. And that behavior
continued through of course, junior high and
of course high school and college. And it was to the point
where I was trying to do my best in everything
to be everything to compensate because I was overweight.
(04:27):
And so it wasn't until I started
working for Southwestern Consulting as a
sales and leadership coach and really digging into myself. So I even went
and got my masters in social work because I wanted
to work in psychology because I knew I, it might be a good way for
(04:49):
me to be better. Like I was trying to self diagnose myself
because I wasn't enough, right. So you
know, and I, you know, and I know my mom and dad always got flack
for that from you know, like my grandparents and different things because they wanted
me to be healthy. All of all the childhood just stuff,
(05:10):
just crap, right? And so it wasn't until I was
really digging in and coaching my coaching clients
here at Southwestern Consulting and I've been doing that for 12 years. Where I
learned gritty grace. Where, man, over the, over the years,
because of not feeling enough, trying to be the best, right? I developed
(05:30):
a ton of grit. I'm very gritty
and very resilient and I will keep going. I may not hit
a goal, but I, but I will keep going until
I do. But over the last,
I've been married to my husband nine years in
(05:50):
on December 31, it'll be nine years that we've been married. And he
has helped me learn grace, my mom has helped me learn grace.
And, and, and so I've
been able to one, forgive myself. But two,
without that forgiveness of myself, man, can't we
(06:11):
just dig big freaking holes, right?
And self confidence. So to me that's the
crap. And just feeling, I think so many people don't
feel enough. Yeah, yeah. And that's
where I always, and I hear from a lot of my clients that's
(06:31):
where the deterioration of sometimes self confidence comes into
play and maybe where our emotional intelligence isn't quite
where we want it to be because there's still something nagging at us.
And most people can't figure out what it is. Yeah. A lot of times
it's just not feeling like we're good enough at some area or some
(06:53):
aspect of our life. Yeah. So. Yeah.
I am so sorry that you
had to be traumatized at such a vulnerable
age. And you're right, it's crap that our brains
wire into our ability to
(07:14):
stay safe. I had a similar
experience. I had what I thought was
an ideal childhood. I mean,
I was the center of my grandfather's
world. I was the center of my friends. We had a gang we
(07:35):
called ourselves, and all the gang hung out
at my place and everything was wonderful.
I had friends, I had family. Everything was just really wonderful.
But my parents wanted to upgrade their life and
so they sold that house and moved across town to what
(07:57):
they thought was a better neighborhood to get me into a better quality
school. And it was in grade eight,
so I was. I don't know. How old are you in grade 8?
12? 13. Yeah. 13. 14.
Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere around there. And it was halfway through grade
eight. So I was leaving my cocoon and my safety and going
(08:21):
into this new strange school in the middle of the school year.
And the cool girls, I'll never forget her name.
I won't say it out loud, but she
looked at me and she said, slut.
Oh. And so she got all the other girls to start
(08:43):
calling me a. And I'm like,
well, I just arrived here. Like, you don't know anything about me.
What? Where am I? I've been transported into this world.
And that reputation went all the way
through high school where boys were treating me so badly
because this label had been attached to me.
(09:08):
And so I was always an outsider. And I had
these huge traumas that really played out
in my life because of this.
You don't want to look too sexy, but sexy is the only thing
that drew people to men, to me. And then there were
(09:29):
all these traumas that happen with abandonment
because if you felt like you were safe and you got
close to somebody, then they rejected you because they got what
their expectations were. Just turned into
this whole cascade of a mess.
And these things are just moments in
(09:52):
time that come at us from other people. That's right.
But they change who we are massively.
Yeah. Words have
more power than I think almost anything.
Yeah. And so I'm always trying to be very cautious because
(10:14):
I have a six year old son now. And so my thought, you know,
like, what do we say? How do we say it? Because it
affects children. Because I'm feds. H. I guess
I was seven. So he's only a year away from the year that
literally my self esteem took a
(10:35):
plunge. Yeah. So.
Yes, but the,
the beauty is you had self awareness
to look at that, that and realize that it was crap.
Because self awareness, in my opinion, is where our power comes from.
(10:55):
Because we get to look at it, decide,
does this have any value? Is this true?
Even if it was true in that moment, is it true
today? Right. Absolutely.
Wow. Yeah, I was going to say,
because if anybody knows anything about eq,
(11:17):
I think you're right. Self awareness is where it all has to start.
Because without self awareness, you can't be socially
aware, you can't. That you can't control. There's no self management
or social management at that point. Like it all has to
start with you and just being really real and honest.
Yeah. With you. And I will, you know, part of my
(11:42):
journey, you know, in 2011, I took action
to my own hands and I did have bariatric surgery and
literally changed my life and health and all for the good things. But that
was part of my social awareness walk. Right.
Is okay, how can I help myself
feel better about myself emotionally, mentally,
(12:05):
physically, all of the things. And then, you know,
my faith, you know, is another big key to that too.
And just saying, no, I'm enough. Yeah,
I'm, I'm pretty darn amazing. But a lot of people that
self awareness takes decades, if you know,
to even figure out. Yeah. If ever. Right. I mean,
(12:29):
so, you know, if you feel, I always tell people, if you feel empty or
you feel like something's missing, maybe a good self reflection
weekend away from everybody, everything unplug from social
media, unplugged from everything. Just, just go, go,
go be with yourself. Basically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
(12:52):
So for me, when I'm working with my clients, I always use
the universal laws and one of my absolute favorite laws,
while the law of relativity, the law with the law of perspective,
but the other is the law of polarity.
And so I truly believe that our zone of genius,
our gift that the world is waiting for and
(13:16):
that we came here, our purpose, our reason for being,
is the polar opposite of our core wound and
our challenges and our struggles. And so when we
look at our core wounds and we feed into
it, or we don't look at it and we allow it to run on
(13:36):
automatic programming, however it plays out for each person,
what it's doing is taking away from our zone
of genius. And for me,
I look at it in an equation of a hundred percent.
So if the core wound is running
at 80%, then our zone of genius only has 20% left.
(14:00):
And so when we balance that out through self
reflection, self awareness, self healing, self education,
self empowerment, all of these amazing self resilience,
all of these things. So how
did you tip the scales for you so that you could step into
(14:21):
that zone of genius? How did you take away that
power that was eating away at
your soul? It's work.
It's a lot of work. But I really
did that when I created a purpose
(14:41):
statement, a mission statement and a vision statement for my
life. And so I will share my purpose
statement because people are like, you know how, you know
how to gain your confidence, right? How are you so
purposeful in the work that you do? And it's because of my purpose statement.
And it takes time. But it's funny that you mentioned,
(15:05):
right? There's that balance between the two.
Because my purpose statement literally corrects
the trauma. So my purpose statement is this.
So my purpose statement is use my gifts and talents from God to be a
catalyst helping others live out their God given potential in life.
Helping them develop grit, resilience and grace. Empowering others
(15:30):
to realize they are enough and have everything they need to
be the best version of themselves. Yes,
yes, yes, yes. And that is
directly related to your core wound.
It wasn't so your gift could
(15:50):
not be discovered without that core wound showing
up through the balance of contrast. And so many times
we believe that there's something wrong with us
because we have this core wound or we have this opposite instead of.
It requires the contrast to showcase that
(16:10):
spotlight on our core gift, our zone of
genius. 100%. If I didn't go through what I went through
growing up and I trust me, my, I had a wonderful
family. Supportive, loving, caring, nurturing. You know, my mom was always
so good at trying to build me up and all the things, but there was
(16:31):
still Mr. Mediocrity sitting on my shoulders, telling me all the negatives all
the time, right? Just film helping me fill my head with crap.
But it wasn't until, But I will say
that that wound developed my
grittiness, it developed my resilience,
it developed tough skin.
(16:54):
And in, in the world that I, you know, I as
a social worker and a family therapist, right, you gotta have tough skin,
you know, in that. And then in the world of sales, how to
have tough skin and be able to get nose and
get, you know, saying I don't want to work with you, right? And all of
these things. And then as a coach, being able to help others
(17:17):
build their Grace, resilience, and help them find their
purpose. If I didn't go through that, I would not. It would be
hard to be able to work with some of my clients.
And it's funny, I, I. Some clients
that I am blessed to work with. I'm like,
it's a total, you know, I'm, I'm of Christian faith,
(17:41):
and it's a total God, like, how he matched me
with my clients. I'm like, okay, they needed to hear what I've.
I've gone through of some sort and help them go through their process as well.
Our Internet connection. And you. You froze
as soon as you said, if you hadn't have gone through that. Could you repeat
(18:04):
that sentence, please? Yeah. So if I hadn't gone through what I
went through growing up, you know, it would
be very difficult for me to help
my clients go through similar challenges. You know,
as a Christian, God has just aligned me with some
(18:24):
of the most amazing people, and because of what I've went through,
I've been able to help them go through their crap and
get on the other side of that as well. So it's one of the reasons
why I love what I do. Oh, love, love,
love, love what you're saying. So you said
(18:44):
something earlier that I know you just touched
on, but it was so important.
I really want to come back to it. Okay.
You said you were able to forgive yourself.
What did you need to forgive yourself for?
I needed to forgive myself because,
(19:08):
again, if. If I think about the false narratives that Mr.
Mediocrity had been playing in my mind, I had to give.
Forgive myself for not being, you know, 5, 11 and 115
pounds. 120 pounds. Right. Like, I had to forgive myself
not fitting in the cultural norm of
(19:28):
what everybody thinks everybody should look like.
I had to forgive myself for thinking
I wasn't enough and I wasn't worth it.
Those were the two big things. I had to forgive myself for not
believing. I had to forgive myself for not believing in myself as
(19:50):
much early on, you know, especially in junior high,
I went to a boarding high school,
boarding Lutheran High School, St. Paul's Lutheran High School in Concordia,
Missouri. And it was really there that
I developed my personality. Like, my true
personality, like who I truly am, you know, my friends.
(20:13):
I developed our teachers, you know, the dorm
moms, all of those things. Like, I had to heal. I had
to really heal for four years and learn
more about myself, who I truly am. You know,
be that confident, funny girl who,
you know, loves, you know, to have a good
(20:37):
Time. And. And it's okay just to be myself.
That too. That's what I had to forgive the most. But it
took those four years of high school to do that. And then when I got
to college, it was just like, all right, let's just flourish. Like, let's just own
who I am at that point.
Yeah. I am so in awe
(21:00):
of the fact that you came to this awareness so
young. It wasn't. It wasn't easy.
Was there a pivotal moment that, that, that.
That triggered that? I. I think. I think
so. And. And one of those moments, and maybe it's a series of
(21:21):
moments. What I call her my big sis.
She's. Gloria is her name,
and she's wonderful. And she was basically the recruitment person there
at the school. And basically they're. Her whole family
is family by love. And I just remember at one point sitting in
Gloria's office after school one day because
(21:44):
I was about to head to track practice, and I was sitting in her office,
and she's like, what's on your mind? And I
was, you know, just sharing, you know, my thoughts and how I
was feeling for the day. And she goes, God's got great plans
for you. You know that, don't you? You're perfect just the way
(22:05):
you are. You realize that, don't you? And of course, I know
my mom has said that growing up all the time, but I think it took
somebody else other than my mom for it to click going,
oh, my. Okay. And so,
you know, just Gloria
being a mentor of mine and then my mother,
(22:28):
because I know her, Gloria and my mom were. Are very
good friends. I know they've had conversations. So my mom would back it up.
Right. So Gloria would be talking about these things, and when I would go home
for a break, mom would back it up. And. And it took, you know,
four years of really just unpacking all of the things,
(22:49):
you know, but it's hard work.
It doesn't come overnight. It's not a one and done conversation
that you have with yourself. There's truly hard work into
doing that. Yeah. I love the
fact that you just talked about something that I feel is
(23:09):
so, so important world, and that is
having a mentor or mentors. Because we
used to come from a community where
we were in community and people supported each
other and people knew each other, and you had the elder who could
(23:30):
be there to guide you. And we h. We developed
a society that kept us very isolated,
very disconnected, very competitive against
each other, where you becoming vulnerable and
allowing somebody's guidance was actually Seen as
a weakness. And so we were told that's part of the societal crap
(23:54):
that I'm. I'm working really hard to get rid of.
And so is.
Is this mentor that you had, this sister?
Yeah. Why you do what you do?
I think she plays a part of that. Absolutely.
Gloria had a massive impact in my world,
(24:16):
and she still does to this day.
Her and my mom, I would say, were my biggest
mentors and still are. And my mom's amazing, and so I
always wanted to be the mom that she was for me, so I want to
be that for Thad, because my mom also has
a very gritty grace story
(24:38):
in her world, too. Multiple stories, actually. And so
I just like, okay, if my mom could do what she's done
through her life, I could totally do this
too. So my mom, my and Gloria
were two of my big mentors.
And then I've got some amazing friends who are also
(25:02):
colleagues of mine that I consider massive.
Not just my best friends,
but mentored as well. So. And they
still do. So even still to this day,
you know, I always believe, you know,
everybody needs two types of people in life. Everybody needs a coach, and everybody needs
(25:25):
a therapist. Right. So. And I've got
great people surrounding me to be able to. To do that.
Because if not, life just becomes unbalanced,
doesn't it? Absolutely.
Absolutely. So that is
how you unlearned your crap. That was the past.
(25:46):
And that what shined the light,
shone the light. What. Whatever.
Yeah. Something. Yes.
On your zone of genius and brings
you to a place. So what does leveling
up mean for you?
(26:06):
What? Because I believe we're spiraling and there is you. You do not
arrive. No, that spiral staircase when.
When you. You hit one peak now you're gonna.
You're gonna hit those core wounds again, and you're going to have to face it
and. And go a little bit deeper so that you can go to the next
level. You know, something that I am always baffled
(26:30):
about when I talk with people about,
you know, enrolling in coaching and stuff, and they're like, I don't need a coach.
Life is great already. And I'm like, how do you want to get to the
next level? How do you want to take it up a notch? Right. And there
are people who don't, and that's okay, you know, because coaching, you know,
coach is not for everybody. But I'm like, how are
(26:52):
you going to do it? Yeah. Because your spouses can't do it for you.
They can be your support system, your bosses,
people like Oh, I get coaching from my bosses. Okay, great.
But it's not the same thing, right? Yeah. Because your
boss is coaching you for what's best in their best interest,
(27:12):
how to get the most out of you for them and
their agenda. It's not about you and your agenda and your personality, purpose and your
vision and your mission. You're right. Absolutely. And it's
breaking that mold. So. So for me, my next. Because I have a
couple coaches in my world, like, for me, right. Because I need somebody
(27:32):
on the outside to help me. See you're filling your head up with crap again.
Becca, stop it. Like, right, So I.
For me, the next level is I'm working on one,
you know, solidifying my keynote. And I
will be in the process here in the next year or two writing my
(27:54):
book based off of gritty grace. And so for me, that's my next
big. Because I want to share my story because
I know other people are out there who have gone through similar things.
And. And I've always just had this feeling,
I think I'm probably saying probably
since 2010, in my heart
(28:17):
to write a book, to be able to help others to do the same thing
before I even start working for Southwestern Consulting.
So now as I'm developing techniques and skill sets
and keep learning more about myself and developing my road
path for goody Grace, that's my next level up, is I
want to be able to help more people strive and
(28:41):
to level up. That to me, that's my calling. Right. Is like
I said in my purpose statement, right. Is that.
That's me just helping more people, you know, to develop grit
and resilience and grace and empowering them that they are enough.
That's my next level of leveling
up. Whether it's helping them enroll in coaching or reading the book or
(29:05):
being impacted by my keynote,
being able to help somebody turn a point like that, that's life changing.
Like. And if I can be maybe a first domino in
their effect, totally life saving,
you know, my calling. That's. That's my next level
up. I love it. What for
(29:29):
me, I had a dark night of the soul.
I had a rock. Bott had a. Stripped of everything
that I had. I was. I lost everything
and had to rebuild. And so for me,
that's when I discovered that I could bring these tools
that you would do for a business, creating a mission statement and
(29:52):
values and all of these things that you would create
for a business. I applied it to myself in my life. And that was the
first time that I ever thought about or learned or had the
concept that I could create myself just like I
could create a business. So let me share with you my
(30:13):
mission statement. Love it. Which is born
into the name of my company. My company's name is 4x
win, and it means that everything I
do must have a 4x
win. A win for me. The very first person
(30:34):
on my list is me. No longer am
I accepting crumbs. No longer am I putting the responsibility for
my needs and my wants and my desires on other
people to give me what I need. I claim it and I
own it. And I'm stepping into my power and my authority. Authority.
And I'm giving from my excess instead of constantly
(30:58):
draining myself. The second win is
a win for you, the other person I'm connecting with that it
must be. We need to get away from a win loss world
where someone is losing. Instead, we all need
to win. The third is who we are
(31:18):
in community and connection with our. Our clients,
our referral partners, our friends, our family.
That outer circle that if
we're sacrificing any one of those areas of our life,
then we're taking away from the first one, which is ourselves.
And the fourth is a collective win.
(31:40):
And when we are in a collective win, we take the
lessons we've learned and we reach back and we help
the next person. And that's what you just talked about.
You just talked about you took your step, you took your journey,
and instead of selfishly holding on to it,
you're reaching out for the collective and saying,
(32:02):
I got you. I got you. Oh,
thank you.
Part of that collective journey that we're all on
together. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. For sure.
Wow. So.
The. The other thing I. That you mentioned earlier, I want to
(32:25):
circle back to. Okay. And that was that your husband taught
you grace. That grit came from the resilience
of what you went through. But what does grace mean to you?
Oh, my goodness. Grace for me is forgiveness.
Right. In the midst of everything,
(32:47):
grace is allowing myself
to be myself. Right.
It's allowing anything from
my past not to drag me down anymore.
And so grace for me is just utter
(33:09):
forgiveness. Because if we don't not just forgive others,
but if we can't forgive ourselves, how can we move forward?
You can't. So for me, grace is forgiveness.
Wow. I think we have the same concepts,
but my word is acceptance and alignment.
(33:30):
Yeah. So if
I spelled out. If you spelled out gritty, right? There's six
key words in gritty. It's grace, resilience, integrity, thankfulness,
transformation, transformative, and the y1 was hard,
but it was yielding.
(33:52):
Right along with receiving doesn't.
Does so yielding
to accept others love for your. For you.
A lot of times we give, give, give, but we
also have to reciprocate. Right. We. We also need to be loved
(34:12):
and felt loved and felt heard. So yielding is gathering
all the goodness as well.
Absolutely. Can I,
can I take that spiritual emotional
concept that you just brought up and, and bring in.
One of the things I love to do is, is bridge that spiritual,
(34:36):
emotional, energetic into
the physical. Yeah, absolutely. The feminine
part of every human being, the feminine
aspect is about receiving.
And it is in that receiving. If we think, think about the
(34:59):
sexual act between a man and a woman, the woman is
the receiver. And when she receives the gift
of, Of a man's seed, she creates.
And so you can't create if you're not open to
receive. Yeah,
(35:21):
so true. So true.
And how many times do we block off
receiving because we don't feel we're enough
or we're not worthy of,
but. We'Re blocking creation then. That's correct.
That's correct. And that, and that becomes selfish,
(35:45):
doesn't it though? In so many different ways.
So, yeah, so my husband, because he was the
one that it was basically, you know, ever, you know, over,
you know, from high school up until I met my husband.
So what is that, 20 years I
(36:08):
was chipping away at it, but then when I met my husband, he basically
blew the doors open because I received loved.
Felt loved. Right. Felt acceptance because of
who I am. And he loved me no matter what. My faults, my failures,
the good, the bad, the ugly. So yeah,
(36:28):
so he was the one who broke it in and saying, all right, I can
totally forgive myself because I'm not perfect. And that's okay.
Nobody is. Are you okay
if I take this to a societal issue that we're having right
now? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, good.
(36:50):
There's that meme going around about women
preferring to be in the forest with a bear rather
than a man. Yes, I've seen it. Yes. Yeah.
And it is about the fact that and. And I
believe in the universal laws that everything must go to an extreme in
(37:12):
order for it to circle back. And I believe that we are in
that time. God, I hope it is really close that the extreme hits and
we can start swinging back. But this whole
your body, mind, choice,
this power, this control, all of these things,
(37:32):
it shields women, puts them behind walls.
They no longer feel safe, they no longer are able to receive.
But it also, in my opinion, Blocks. And I want to know your
thoughts on this. It blocks the man's ability to
provide that security,
(37:55):
that safety, that foundation,
that rock. These things that men
and the masculine feel so strong.
Strong because it's attached to the
masculine part of us. That, that solid foundation,
the rock. I got your back. All of these things
(38:17):
that can't happen if a woman's
not safe enough to receive. I would agree 100.
And I'll share a little bit why I think
that way. When my husband and I were first dating, you know,
he, he wasn't. He, he goes, I, I, he goes, I'm intimidated by you.
Right? He goes, because you're independent, you're confident, you know
(38:40):
who you are. He's like, and you just do what you need to do.
And he goes, in. You do things so well.
He's like, what do you need me for?
Right? So this, these are the conversations that, you know,
as we're doing premarital counseling and all of those things. I'm like, I need you
to pick me up when I fall. I need you for security.
(39:03):
I need you for your love. I need you for your acceptance. I need you,
right? For to be the man of the household.
I need, yes, I'm confident and I'm independent, and, you know, tiger, hear me roar,
right? But I also need you because you're gonna also help me
be my backbone. And I think that's where so many things,
(39:24):
as a family therapist, I saw, because I did a divorce
group,
when there's not a, if your husband is not a backbone or
your partner's not a backbone in your relationship, things crumble,
right? And so I, I, I'm, I totally agree with you.
(39:44):
So they need to be the support for
not just you, but also for your household, for your kids,
you know, as well, because,
because when they don't feel like they're that for the family
or for their partner, their, their wife, their spouse,
(40:06):
okay, now we're digging into their
confidence, as in that role too.
So, yeah. And regardless
if we are talking same sex, opposite sex,
whatever, we all have a masculine and we all have a feminine,
(40:27):
and our center rides on one end
of that. And those polarities connect.
And when a woman is living,
if she is aligned naturally in the feminine,
but she's having to live in a world of masculinity
(40:48):
because the masculine isn't in her world.
Because if a man who, and I know it's so confusing
in this time and age where men have been taught
to stifle their emotions, they've been
taught Big boys don't cry. But yet now we want you to be softer.
(41:09):
We want you to be connected. And it's all so confusing,
right? What is power? What is control? What is
dominance? What is support? I mean, we have to have these conversations,
but it requires a man to
know the value and strength that
(41:29):
a house needs. A foundation that you cannot build on top
of it. You cannot create without a foundation. Relationship.
Love it. You nailed it. Yep.
And when that foundation is not there, it crumbles.
Yeah. You can't build if there's not a strong foundation.
(41:50):
Absolutely. Absolutely. So to
me, communication is where it's at. Yeah.
And having these conversations,
having these conversations that bring up our
core wounds and shine the light on the value
of it, that it is not that it needs to
(42:13):
be hidden. No, it is. It's information.
Yeah, absolutely.
I was gonna say you can turn that information into transformation
with Gritty 100. Right.
I did a. There's.
How do I even want to. It's called that's what she Said project.
(42:36):
And so this group of amazing women
here in the Midwest have, you know, every year,
you know, there's like, I think 20 cities, they do this around here in the
Midwest, where 10 women every year get to basically do like a 8 to
10 minute TEDx. And mine was on my gritty
grace. And so as I was developing that for. And I did mine in September
(42:59):
of 2023 when I was developing that, and I would rehearse
it and practice it with my husband, you know, sharing my gritty
grace story and my childhood and how I developed
grit and resilience and all and gave myself grace. There would be nights where he
would just. He would just cry because.
(43:19):
And. And. And crying as I get you. I understand
you. I'm proud of you. Right. Crying of.
He knows my story. Right. He knows that
point in time where it hurt the most and
how I became the woman I am today. And if our spouses,
(43:42):
our partners don't know those things,
do they really know the true us? I don't know.
I don't think so. No.
Because then you're living in the surface.
You're not getting to the intimacy where the true
(44:02):
transformation happens. Correct.
Yeah. You just putting lipstick on something. Right?
We're just putting lipstick on a pig, as my grandma would say. Yeah.
Becca, I am not done with this conversation, but unfortunately,
we ended up scheduling where we only scheduled an
(44:26):
hour for this. And there's more that I think is coming out of this
conversation that is really important. Can we circle
back as soon as Possible. So we can finish this conversation.
Absolutely, 100%. What is your schedule
like? Let's see this.
(44:48):
Like, give me something.
Okay, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna suggest that
we. I don't normally like to do this,
but can we meet at 6 o' clock tonight? I am in
meetings all night until 8:30. Okay. I was just saying because
(45:09):
I'll have to remember to put on the same clothes because
I'm wearing a specific stripe.
I may have to put my clothes on when I get back tonight. Put it
like on my chair next. You know, that's next to me. So I don't
forget. I love it. Okay. So are you free
(45:30):
tomorrow? I am, I'm free in the afternoon.
Okay. Are you planning on going to Women
Thrive? Yes.
So I can do like the hour after that. Perfect,
perfect. Because I don't know if you know, but Ramonda is bringing
(45:51):
somebody special and I can't remember what it's about
but I blocked off some extra time. So how does four o' clock sound?
That sounds great. Okay,
perfect. So I will just put this shirt on
my bedside chair. Chair. Becca Continuation.
Are you Free Thursday from
(46:16):
1 to 5? I am free at Eastern
time. Yeah, yeah, I'm speaking Eastern because I know
you're in the same time zone I am. Okay, good. I know everybody's like,
what time zone are attack? I'm in Eastern time. So I'm in the only time
zone I can do. Two o' clock Thursday.
Okay. The reason I'm asking is I want. I'm going to send you
(46:38):
an email for a master class that's going on. Of the things I wanted to
talk to you about with my referral partner. But there is something really special
that is coming on this master class.
But I, I have to be in a meeting in one minute and I
normally like some extra time in there and I, I didn't put
(47:01):
a buffer in there. So I apologize.
But it'll be great because we'll be able to finish our conversation and get deep.
I'll send you. I've got your email, don't I today?
Yes. I've got your B. Goldsberry at
South. Okay, so I'm gonna send you an email with a link to this master
(47:23):
class. There is something really awesome in there that
I think will be of value to you and the clients you work with
with. And there's a whole referral program and
everything that you can monetize because I,
you know, I believe in a Forex win. So I'll send you
that information if you can attend, great. If not,
(47:46):
I will tell you all the information. Okay.
When we have our next conversation. Okay, perfect. Sounds wonderful.
You are freaking amazing,
girl. So are you. Thank you so much.
I can't wait to get to know you better. Same here. I'll talk to
you soon. Okay, thanks. Welcome.
(48:08):
Better than I was last week at the end
of the week. So much better. Okay, great.
I have absolutely no idea.
My, my plan was to watch our
conversation before I came back to
(48:29):
this. One. But life
happens, so. That's right. That's right.
Okay, so I know we were talking about lessons we
learned. Crap. Did we end up going into the conversation about
how you're leveling up and showing up in the world and
serving? Okay, yeah.
(48:51):
So really we can talk about anything and
then just your call to action. Okay.
So is there any particular
topic that is hitting your mind at this moment?
We actually, what we talked about last
(49:12):
time really kind of hit a lot of the different things because it was such
a good conversation, you know, it was so.
It hit a lot of those things, I think that we were, that we had
talked about. I was trying to think.
I don't think we missed on anything
much either. So wherever
(49:36):
you want to go, we can go. Okay. Okay.
So I'm just gonna ask you a question and
I hope you don't mind if it's a little bit loaded. Yeah.
You're in the United States, I'm in Canada.
We're in a massive paradigm
(49:56):
shift that is happening in the world.
Where do you see our biggest struggles
and where do you see our biggest opportunities?
Because the way I look at the
individual is that we live in a lot a universal
(50:19):
law of polarity and that our zone
of genius has the polar opposite in our challenges,
in our. The things that show up as our triggers.
Our greatest pain points are always opposite.
And so I'd love to have the opportunity to
(50:39):
get from, from your perspective where you see that
in our communities and in our world and,
and where you would like to
see us focus our attention? Such. Good question.
You're right. It's a loaded question. I, I guess I'm going to go from
(51:01):
a mother's perspective. Let's look
at this kind of as a mom of a six year old little boy
who is at the apple of my eye and you know,
Michael and I love him to death. What we've seen,
and I guess I can even attest to personally is social
(51:21):
media and the things that, because of my social work,
because of my masters and social work and doing
family therapy Working with divorced families,
working with domestic violence shelters.
In the past, family therapy. What I have seen shifted from,
(51:42):
let's say, 2000 to today. I think
a lot of it stems, actually, I don't think, I know a lot stems from
social media and it's the boundaries of family
culture. I think there is a lot of things
that are not going so well as a
(52:03):
family unit for a lot of families. And I think cell phones,
iPads, tablets,
video games, I think has a central component to it.
My mom and I were just having this conversation. You know, I was born in
78. The biggest thing we had technology wise was
Oregon Trail on like the first Mac computers.
(52:28):
Right. Or the very first Nintendo's. We weren't
constantly stuck in social media comparing
or even my son, you know, we've got YouTube kids.
We have to watch what videos pop up
in his little feeds. Because some of the things that these kids create,
(52:48):
these videos these families are creating, may not be the
morals and values and the lessons we want our son to learn.
So I think as a family,
the lack of communication, the, the focusing just
on everybody eating dinner and focusing here instead
(53:10):
of communicating has really taken effect
on our culture so much.
Yeah, I love the way you say that because I
was born in 1965 and every single
dinner we sat at the table and the
(53:32):
table had placemats and the candle was lit
and it was expected that it didn't matter if
we were having grilled cheese, cheese and soup. We sat
with the candle lit, we had a conversation,
and we stayed around the table.
I have a beautiful dining room suite
(53:56):
with actual reclining chairs.
I bought these really expensive, stressless reclining
chairs so that at the end of the meal we, I,
we could see, sit down and relax and push back and, you know,
have a conversation. Like, that was my image. I have
to dust it more than I use it.
(54:20):
We've gotten away from the dining room table. We've gotten
away. That is probably why meeting you and having this
conversation has lit me up so much, is because we
don't have these conversations. No, we really don't on a regular
basis. No. And even back then,
(54:41):
you can see culture shift,
parents working later. You know,
I was born, you know, I, I played sports. Right. Growing up and stuff.
Right. But it's even more so now
for families. From the time school ends until
8 o' clock when it's time to go get a shower and get the kids
(55:03):
to bed, they are running around and activities, which is fine to a certain
extent, I think. You know,
you know, people Eating out every night. And I just think
there's just so much. And, you know, I'm human. We're all human.
There are times that Michael and I, you know, we may eat dinner on the
(55:23):
couch, you know, and, and just kind of let Thad play, like on
the table next to us or something. Right. Because we all kind of do it,
but it's, but it's a lack of communication and
really just listening. And I've made
it a point the last six months, really, to kind of turn
the TV off in the evenings and just let Thad
(55:46):
play. He loves building, like those rubber band bracelets right now, which is
great because I like watching him, like, use his hands and skills and
he's, you know, big into Legos and different things, you know,
and it's having him turn off the tablet and do
something more constructive where it can help him build his mind.
(56:07):
And it's good for us, you know, as adults too. And, you know,
my husband's always down on the floor, you know, building with Lincoln Logs,
and he got some Lincoln Logs recently for our birthday.
And just get away from, get away from social media. Get away from
the screen time. And I think if,
(56:27):
if we can shift that just a little
bit for each of our kids, they're going to have a better future. Because I
really think social media, too much tv, there's just
so much negative somehow. We need to rebuild the positive back into
the kids. Yeah. And into
(56:47):
the adults. Right. Because we have a domino effect.
Yeah. We've gotten weary, we've gotten tired as
a society. We've gotten overloaded and
decision fatigue. I mean, even, what do you want to eat for dinner?
What do you want to watch on tv? I mean, even these things that are
(57:09):
supposed to be our mind numbing, we're, we're just
overloaded. 100%.
100%. And, and it's funny
that you say that. I've. Have you seen those Gen X
funny reels, like on Facebook or Instagram? They're like,
hi, I'm a Gen X. Right. And they kind of go through us Gen Xers
(57:31):
traits and personalities versus, you know, the millennials or the younger
generations, which. I laugh. They're like, hi, I'm a Gen X. And my parents
didn't care how long we played outside as long as we were in the door,
you know, by the time it was 8 o' clock or hi, I'm. No,
by the street lights. Street lights. See, I, I grew up,
so I grew up in the country. We didn't have street lights. We had
(57:54):
to move. You're not, you're not a Gen X though.
Yes, I am. Actually. 79 is the last of
Gen X. Okay, well I'm the first,
so that's really cool. I know, right? I'm the
last of the Gen X. And so
I just think it's funny because a lot of us, Gen X,
(58:16):
we work, we're in the 40s,
50s, you know, early 60s now. And we're,
it's, it's interesting how we maybe have raised our kids or,
or are raising our kids because
maybe our parents raised us differently. I'm, I'm thinking to myself,
(58:37):
how did our generation veer
off completely different than how the baby boomers
raised us? You know, or how my grandparents,
the great generation completely raised the baby
boomers? Like how, how did this evolution of raising kids completely
(59:01):
go from one extreme to the next?
Just very interesting. While I was,
I was on this, this documentary
that I was a part of anyways, they were talking about how in
the last hundred years that a hundred years ago
(59:21):
horse and buggy were the main transportation. We now
have self driving cars. When we think about the
speed of change that we have gone
through, previous generations were long blocks
of time. Now they are like 20 years.
(59:42):
Everything is speeding up so much faster.
And that's a paradigm shift that I'm talking about that
the, the speed of change and the rate
of how it's happening. Futurists are predicting that we
are going to see a hundred years of change
in the next 10 years. I can see that.
(01:00:06):
I could see that very easily. And some of it I think is going to
be very good for us. I think that's up
to us, isn't it? That's correct. That's right. And then I think maybe
it could not be good for us. It all depends on maybe how
we utilize these new tools and these new technologies.
Yeah, right. So I think that it
(01:00:28):
comes, that's. The important of these conversations. Yes. Right.
So it comes back to how are we
raised? Like the, the values, you know, the morals,
you know, right versus wrong. I think it comes back to
so many of those things a lot really.
And you know, do we use these things for good or
(01:00:52):
not so good? Yeah, and there's a lot of.
Yeah, that, that is my. And I know yours as
well. We've talked about this earlier in our conversation
that the decision is is it empowering or is it disempowering,
period. It doesn't matter if it was tradition
(01:01:14):
or if it's the way we've always done it or our
beliefs or our traumas, I mean, none of it matters.
It just comes down to is it working or is it not working?
Are you getting what we need and want? Are we not?
Absolutely. Choice is ours.
(01:01:34):
Yeah. Yeah. And it's important that we
fill our basket with good,
quality choices. Absolutely.
Yeah. If not, where does that lead us?
Yeah. Becca, this has been an
amazing conversation. I cannot
(01:01:57):
wait to see you on the Women Thrive Summit
in March 2025. What will your topic be
about? My topic is going to be gritty grace.
So like we talked about earlier today, or it's all going
to be about, you know, having grit and resilience, but also giving
yourself grace when you go through the ups and downs.
(01:02:20):
Beautiful. So for those people who've loved this conversation
and they're looking at you and they want to level up
and they want to get the best version
of themselves into the next stage of their life and how do they reach out
to you? Best way to reach out to me is a couple of ways.
(01:02:41):
You can look at for me on Instagram and message me there
at Becca Goldsberry swc. Or you can hop on
to my website, which is Becca Goldsberry swc.com.
perfect. I'll include the links, of course.
Is there anything that you want to make
(01:03:03):
sure that you leave this conversation with? I just
highly recommend everybody to remember you are enough.
Please give yourself grace. I was talking with my
coach earlier today and giving myself grace for things that
maybe I didn't accomplish that I want to. But don't. But remember,
(01:03:24):
always have your goals. Never change the goal. But you can
change the timeline and the time frame that you can hit those goals. Goals,
but never change the goal.
Unless it's no longer serving you.
Wonderful. Thank you so, so very much.
(01:03:46):
I can't wait for our next conversation. But you have been an absolute
joy. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for having me on.
It's been a pleasure.
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