December 11, 2024 • 32 mins
What happens when you realize the person you love is not who they claimed to be? Join us as Amanda courageously shares her journey through the maze of narcissistic abuse, exposing the chilling reality of gaslighting and manipulation. From being unexpectedly removed from the family auto insurance policy to having her living situation controlled, Amanda’s story is a raw testament to the emotional toll of returning to a toxic environment with hopes for change. She details her path to self-discovery and healing, highlighting the gradual process of documenting her experiences and seeking legal help as crucial steps in reclaiming her life.
Discover the resilience it takes to rebuild after such a tumultuous relationship and the empowerment found in recognizing one's self-worth. We dig into common abusive tactics like love bombing and how they cloud one's intuition, emphasizing the necessity of self-care practices.
Amanda's profile link: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/amanda-webb/
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
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Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, ingrid.
In episode 47, amanda describescharacteristics associated with
narcissistic personalitydisorder.
In this episode, she furtherdetails her personal experiences
, including her healing journey,and what she is planning to do
to help others.
Here is Amanda with aconclusion of her story.
(00:22):
So I was removed in October of2022.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
In November, I just sat down with all this nervous
energy because I was in fight orflight.
I was stuck in this, still inthis kind of place of chaos, in
getting a lawyer.
What's going on?
What happened?
Trying to understand it, I juststarted typing and it was this
continuous Word document and Icreated the list.
(01:04):
So on the list I wrote all theabuse, gaslighting, the
manipulation, the lies,everything from asshole to
abusive.
So one of the things he removedmy car from the family auto
policy on two differentoccasions because I didn't agree
or obey with him.
So he took off.
So actually I had to call theinsurance company and the woman
(01:26):
said to me you can get your ownpolicy in the same household.
However, you have to tell methat you're a victim of domestic
violence.
So I had to admit that and indoing that, I wasn't ready.
I wasn't there there yet.
I didn't understand that I wasbeing abused.
(01:47):
Yet let's see, when I waslooking for a new car in 2021,
he told me I better buy a car Ican afford on my own, since I
would be moving out soon.
So yeah, he had started this.
I mean, he had been telling meto get the f out for years I
moved out twice, or actuallythree times.
I moved out three times Onceearly on.
(02:09):
I called the police.
He totally freaked out in 2019.
And I had.
I called the police and tookhim in and he was charged with
second degree harassment andassault, so that I didn't press
charges at the time because,again, I thought, oh, he's
working on himself, this is justa little snafu, we're going to
(02:30):
get through this.
He came back, he cried, he wasokay for a little bit and then
things started again, of course,but I had moved out during that
time.
I moved out for two weeks.
He called me every day, beggedme to come back and I came back
(02:51):
and I should have never comeback.
Moved out in May of 2022, so Imoved out for a month before
then.
I would.
I would come downstairs withtwo-story house in the morning
and I'd wear air pods everymorning listening to meditation
music before I went downstairsto make coffee, just so I could
be in a place where I didn'tfeel reactive and I couldn't
hear what he was saying.
So I could be in a place whereI didn't feel reactive and I
couldn't hear what he was saying.
So I'd wear AirPods withmeditation music and I would
crank it up so I wouldn't hearhim.
(03:11):
He would be working in theliving room.
It was open concept and youknow I could hear him talking
but I just ignored him at thatpoint it was just too much and I
would take my coffee and goupstairs and luckily at that
time he didn't try to chase meor anything.
But I moved out in May of 22 fora month.
He asked me to come back.
He was going to do all thesethings for me.
(03:32):
The business was for me.
I came back.
It was good for a couple ofweeks and then it started all
over again and it became worse.
It became worse.
So then October happened andthat was the last straw.
So as I was moving out in May,he threatened to put all my
belongings in the driveway forovernight to pick up.
(03:53):
He said I'm just going to drageverything out there.
He had actually takeneverything downstairs that I
owned I never asked him to do it.
I didn't tell him to do it.
He just started packing up mystuff and put it downstairs and
then put it all in the garage.
As soon as I moved back intothe house, he asked me for money
, you know, and of course I'mlike, oh, we're working on this,
yes, and I gave it to him.
(04:13):
He promised to repay me.
He never did, you know, andI've never really been like that
about money.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I'm like, oh, I'm contributing, he makes more.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
He's paying for the house.
Of course I can pay for thisand you know some of the smaller
bills in the house I pay for.
So in the mornings he liked tostart arguments with me before I
go and I'd leave to go to oneof my schools to teach.
So he started an argument withme in the entire way.
There I'm listening to music.
(04:44):
I'm trying to change myperspective.
I'm trying to get out of thatfeeling so I can be effective in
my school, so I can walk intomy school and work with my
teachers and the students that Iworked with with a smile on my
face and really concentrate onwhat I'm trying to teach.
That day I left for work.
I had a chihuahua named Charlie.
He passed in but you know, Ileft for work and came back to
(05:05):
find him in a crate in themiddle of the bed, closed like
he.
You know the dogs we had threedogs total and they all end up
passing away, but three dogstotal and they kind of roamed
free and he was home all day.
He would let them out and youknow, his dog was crated when he
(05:26):
left anywhere.
But my dog was always free toroam and decided that he needed
to be crated because the otherdog was crated and he decided to
put it in the middle of the bedso I would see it and get upset
, instead of like next to theother dog on the floor like a
normal person, right?
No, he said the electricalcircuit in the room that was my
(05:48):
office was overloaded and that Ican't get electric to the room
anymore.
So he went downstairs andpulled the fuse from that room
so I couldn't work.
If I was up there on mycomputer at night, I couldn't
see because he had pulled andsays you know it's too much, so
(06:09):
we have to.
One of the rooms can't be lit.
I mean this is just.
I mean, how insane is that?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
it really is like how do you even think of that?
That's so weird.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I don't know right, where do you get this stuff?
And then there was not Okay, sowith that.
Another bizarro thing was hesaid we had wireless.
The wireless router was in thebasement, my computer and office
was on the second floor.
He took the wireless router andwas walking around.
He unplugged it.
He was walking around with itin a messenger bag that he had,
(06:44):
so I couldn't work anymore.
So I'm in the middle of typingall of a sudden the wireless is
gone and I get up and I'm likewhat's going on?
And he's like, oh, this needsto be, uh, you know,
recalibrated and I gotta take itto the computer store.
And I'm like, why?
Because I'm born yesterday andthat's not true.
There's nothing, you need to goand change anything.
It it's working just fine.
(07:04):
You decide to unplug it andcarry it around.
And then he went in the bedroomand locked himself in and with
the router and told me that Ishould leave him alone, that I'm
harassing him, that I'mbothering him, that I'm the
problem again, right?
So yeah, it's just thescenarios that he was set up.
(07:26):
And then when I would sayanything against it, defend
myself or or express my disgust,then I'm the problem, right, I
should just be in acceptance ofthe crazy.
Um.
He told me that he wouldn'tattend my cousin passed away.
He told me he wouldn't attendmy cousin's funeral because she
(07:48):
didn't attend our wedding yearsprior.
She wasn't there, so he's notgoing to go to her funeral.
I just I just looked at him andleft no, I can't, I couldn't, I
couldn't, I couldn't deal withit.
There are also papers in courtthat he lied to the court about
how much money he made and howmuch he paid out.
So we both had to fill up theseforms about you know money
(08:08):
going in, you know money comingin, money coming out, and he
lied about how much was comingin and going out and
unfortunately the W-2 doesn'tlie, so we had a little bit of a
problem getting that, gettingfinancials.
So we did some personaldevelopment early on.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
I started it and it really helped me.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
It worked well for me and then he got involved.
So once you, it's called the 90day game.
Once you do the 90 day game andyou go through it, you have a
coaching call every day.
Once you go through it, you canbecome the coach.
So he decided to coach this 90day game and I was against it,
not because I didn't want him tohelp other people, but because
(08:48):
I knew what kind of crazy thatthis was going to create.
Not only was this creating amonster, but I knew that because
he was working so hard toimpress all of these people that
the backlash was coming.
And then that's not truly whohe is.
So it was going to come backand I was right.
So, as he, you know, pretendingto be this other person with
(09:12):
his group of other coaches andwith the people who was actually
coaching behind closed doors,he's verbally attacking me and
he was actually working histriangulation magic and telling
me that these people didn't likeme, they didn't want to hear
what I had to say.
So, somehow my presence,because we would have.
They'd have meetings at myhouse and I would go upstairs
(09:33):
just to be respectful.
But I shouldn't be listening, Ishouldn't be hearing it and I'm
not a part of this.
This is his thing.
Some of the other terriblethings.
He stole my wallet and hid itfor three weeks after lying to
police.
I had called the police afterthat happened.
I had to get a new license, Igot new credit cards.
I saw him do it.
(09:53):
I was down the hall.
I saw him walking across frommy office to the bedroom with my
wallet in his hand and he locksthe door.
And two weeks later I'm sittingin my office and there was like
this little cabinet that I had.
He stood there, he opened thedoor and the wallet is sitting
in there and he just looks at meand he walks off and I'm like I
(10:18):
didn't even know.
I was like frozen, I didn'teven know what to do.
A lock on on the bedroom door, ahandle.
He took the whole thing off.
He switched it with the onethat attached the laundry room
or the breezeway from the garage.
There's like a little laundryroom and then the kitchen.
Well, there is a door that youcan close for the garage.
(10:41):
He took that doorknob, themaster bedroom doorknob, and
switched that so he had the keyso he could lock himself in the
bedroom.
He could barricade himself inthere.
So whenever I was knocking onthe door trying to get my
clothes, my toiletries, I haveto work, I have to leave.
I was the problem Becausethat's not my house and that's
(11:05):
not my room and I had ended up,you know, that night I had slept
, you know, downstairs in theliving room, or I had a little
rollout bed that I put in myoffice and because of that he
would lock himself inside andnot let me in and say that it
was because I was the abuser andwhatnot.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I'm like.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I just want to get my stuff.
So those are some of the thingsthat he would do.
I have another video.
I pulled up home and he walked.
He was walking around my parkedcar recording me with his phone
as I sat with the doors lockedand just walking around
recording me and if you couldsee the video, it's super creepy
(11:50):
and I'm like what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Back to social media.
So that was part of the that.
He didn't hit me.
So those are some of the thingsthat I posted there and I have
other things that I posted onthat page as well.
You know, I talked about thechoices he made, how he behaved
(12:10):
during the marriage and we weremarried for almost seven years
total together, for eight, eightand a half, and there was
definitely an incline in thatdisbarging.
So you can hear in some of thethings that I said and those
were.
Some of those were out of order.
So it started off kind of himbeing a jerk and rude and and
then it went into gosh.
This is actually abused, youknow, and it took me a long time
(12:33):
to figure that out actually,because at the beginning he
mirrored me, you know.
He said he wanted everything Idid.
He wanted that marriage, thefamily, the business.
He loved bomb teams.
He rented the marquee outside asmall movie theater to ask me
to marry him and took me there.
Yeah, from standing on thesidewalk looking up Amanda
(12:55):
William, his name you know.
We did everything together atthe beginning.
We made a lot of plans and hewould have a little bit of anger
stuff going on, but then hewould make up for it or then he
would apologize, you know.
So, looking back, I didexperience his anger issues
early on, but I thought he wasworking on himself himself.
He was dedicated to personaldevelopment.
(13:15):
It seemed like a short timethat it was working until it
didn't.
And then that person that Ithought I knew, the person he
presented his representativewent further and further away
and the real him started comingout.
And the other thing about thenarcissist is they're very much
a creature of habit.
So let's go back to therestraining order of October.
(13:37):
In October of 22, I found outthrough my research that he also
filed a restraining orderagainst his ex-wife in 2010,
while they were divorcing.
So that was part of it.
Now, did it actually go through?
I don't know.
I couldn't find the information.
I wasn't going to ask hisex-wife and that's public
knowledge, that's on case net.
(13:58):
I also found out that he had atemporary order against him and
then a full order granted on Mayof 2016 for a year.
So let's look at the timeline.
So I met him in January of 2015.
He had just broken up with hisgirlfriend earlier that month in
the worst way.
Now he had lied to me and toldme that they split up in October
(14:21):
of the previous year.
So I thought, oh, okay, he'sgot.
You know.
The rest of October, november,december, most of January.
That's almost that's the threeand a half months.
Four and a half months.
You know that he broke up.
So we started dating around theend of.
I met on the end of January.
They broke up in January.
She moved out, Then she had theorder six months, so May of
(14:44):
2016,.
It was expired, so she decidedto go for a full order of
protection and so that went fromMay of 16 to May of 2017.
We were married in July of 2017.
So two months after this orderexpired, we were married.
(15:05):
So the whole time I was dating,him, got engaged and almost got
married.
Right, he had a restrainingorder against him and had the
record sealed.
I had no idea it's not on casenet.
It wasn't on case net, he madesure of that.
And it just blows my mind thatour ending was more dramatic
(15:27):
than that one.
Things just got worse.
So I left.
So let's talk about that.
So I left, I got out and youknow my head was spinning.
That was October, november.
I started writing the list andI just started writing down
everything that was happening,all the dates, everything that
was going on.
You know I had friends callingme.
I had two of those guy friendscall me and tell me, text me or
(15:51):
call me and tell me that hemisses me, he wants me back.
He was talking about me and howhe wanted, you know, things to
work out.
And I was and I said, nope, Iknow I will only speak to him if
I have to through this divorceand that's it and I'm done.
Let's talk about healing.
So on that journey, you knowit's taken some time.
(16:12):
It's been, you know, two yearsand it's still in the works.
It's not 100%.
So I was removed in October.
Then I joined a gym again inJanuary.
So it took me a couple ofmonths.
I, you know, got through theholidays in January, I'm like,
okay, I started to join the gym,I got on the treadmill and
elliptical, I joined yogaclasses and I realized I had so
(16:37):
much nervous energy that I hadto get out.
And so, you know, it felt a lotbetter to get out, to get moving
, and also I could start to.
I was starting to clear my mind.
I had the fog was starting tolift.
I felt like this chaotic, likeevery time I would think of a
scenario that happened.
It'd make my brain spin, it wasso uncomfortable and it
(16:58):
actually hurt.
So, you know, I was living infight or flight and I didn't
even realize it for a long time.
And when I did, I'm like, okay,now I'm here, what do I do, you
know, and it took some time toregulate my nervous and I'm
still working on all of thosethings, you know.
And even today, I go to the gym, I do yoga, I have a Pilates, I
meditate, I sit, I get quiet,because I felt like I lost that
(17:22):
ability and I listened to myintuition and I'm learning to
trust it again.
And you know, sometimes,sometimes that takes time.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I think trust is a big deal because you get so lost
in this chaos of therelationship that you're in the
apologies and the abuse and itgoes back and forth.
You question your reality andwhen you get out I think it is
difficult to trust yourselfagain, like understand what is
real, what is okay and what'syou.
(17:55):
So I think that's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And you bring up a good point.
Because that's what they'retrying to do.
They're trying to erode who youare.
They want to take that personaway.
So you're their puppet, you'retheir extension.
You're not you anymore, you'rejust what they tell you to do.
You aren't your own person.
So all of those qualities thatthey saw in you in the beginning
(18:18):
, they think, by taking thataway from you, that that's
somehow they're gaining, they'recontrolling, they're winning
because if he can't have thosequalities, neither can I.
And he's going to make sure ofit right by um, trying to snuff
me out, trying to steal myenergy.
Yeah, learning to trust myintuition again, because I did
(18:39):
have some red flags along theway and I didn't listen.
I thought, you know, and hetook advantage of the fact that
I have empathy, I'm a special edteacher and you know he can be
helped.
You know he's working on it, um.
So you know I told myself thosethings, even though you know I
really should have listened tomy intuition when I showed up
(18:59):
the first time.
So I will say that myshort-term memory has been
affected, my balancecoordination has been affected,
but it's improving.
It is definitely improving, andI reiterated everything I knew
about narcissistic personalitydisorder so I could be an
acceptance of his actionsbecause they weren't about me.
I'm not going to take itpersonally and what I learned
(19:22):
first of all, like I mentioned,they all work from the same
handbook, so it's not just me.
I've read other stories fromother women who've experienced
the exact same thing and it'sjust what.
I could take my emotions out ofit by saying, okay, this is
just what they do.
This isn't in relation to me atall, because I also know he had
treated past women in his lifethe exact same way.
(19:44):
So what I concentrated on wasthe four areas of my life.
I have the mental, emotional,spiritual and physical.
I had to sit down and takestock of all of those things.
Where am I at in all theseareas?
Like I myself, I feel like I'min a pretty emotionally sound
person.
I'm pretty stable, which isprobably another reason why he
chose me.
I had to take a look atemotional, you know spiritual.
(20:06):
I've been on a spiritualjourney for the last 10 years
when I turned 40.
And so some of the things Ilearned in some of those
teachings and then personaldevelopment, I think has really
helped me to get through this alot faster as well, because I
went back to what I knew.
I can change my knew, I canchange my perspective.
I can choose.
That's not to say that I wasn'tupset and that upset actually
(20:29):
turns to anger.
So I thought, okay, how am Igoing to use this anger?
Because I have to.
I got to get it out in ahealthy way.
I need to use it in a healthyway.
What am I going to do in ahealthy way?
I need to use it in a healthyway.
What am I going to do?
And so, finally, I could workthrough those anger and just be
in acceptance of this is who heis.
This is what happened.
(20:49):
What now?
What do I do with that now?
What are the lessons I learnednow?
And it became abundantly clearthat I am supposed to help other
people, other women who havebeen in this situation and I
understand it happens both ways,but my perspective as a woman
married to a narcissistic man.
So how can I help these womento understand and to help
(21:10):
themselves?
So that's what I'm starting todo now, you know.
And I asked myself why did Iaccept this treatment?
So I had to do the deep diveinto my past and take a look at
my childhood and take a look atwhy I was always a yes girl and
I was always a people pleaser.
And why was I doing that?
And why didn't I leave soonerthe first time he showed me who
(21:33):
he was and he was arrested.
Why didn't I?
leave then I thought I couldhelp him.
I thought, you know, as aspecial ed teacher, I thought if
I loved him enough, if I gavehim strategies, things like that
, I thought I could help him.
I thought, you know, as aspecial ed teacher, I thought if
I loved him enough, if I gavehim strategies, things like that
, I thought that he would seethat and he would want it enough
and that he could see that I'mtrying to make this work and he
(21:53):
could try to make this work aswell.
So I thought, if we could seethat I'm trying to work with him
and the more I tried to help,the more he pushed me away.
I was trying to get himadmitted.
The more I tried to help, themore he pushed me away.
I was trying to get himadmitted.
I was trying to get him to seea doctor.
I was telling him something waswrong with him.
That's how he taught, and so Ihad to take a look at that and
realize that I myself have acodependent nature, and it's
(22:15):
something that I learned a longtime ago.
Apparently, you know, I wastrying to help someone who
wasn't doing anything to helphimself.
You know, at the beginning hewas, and then he stopped.
That's not my responsibility,although you know I was stuck
being around him and living withhim at the time.
You know it was just theopposite.
He sabotaged everything that Iwas trying to do and trying to
(22:38):
help, and so I had to be inacceptance of that as my
responsibility, and he's donethat in other relationships.
I had a picture of when I thesummer that I met him.
And after I met him, and then aday, the day I left, I took a
picture of myself in the mirrorand at that point I I knew who I
was.
But when I looked in the mirrorI didn't recognize that person,
I didn't recognize her and I'mlike what the hell happened?
(23:05):
And I was so exhausted from thechaos, the arguing, the trying
to defend myself and standing upfor myself that he calls abuse.
I was just done and I knew, Iat that point that I, you know,
I couldn't, there was no way Iwas ever going to go back.
So this was also a big reminderfor me and looking at him that
that the world within me is themost important versus the world
(23:29):
around, because no one can tellyou who you are.
No one's going to validate you.
You have to have your own innerstrength, your own inner value
first.
And you know, it's great whensomeone compliments you, it's
great when someone complimentsyou, it's great when someone
gives you kudos or whatever, butyour self-worth comes from
within and you are enough andyou are worthy because you're
(23:52):
here, because you're a humanbeing, for no other reason.
I mean, that's it, that that isall you need to know, that you
have value, because you're aperson who's working in the game
and the only person I cancontrol is myself.
You know, I can onlyself-reflect and help myself and
create change for myself andhopefully, let that, let what
(24:15):
I've learned, help other womenin what I'm doing going forward
in coaching them and talkingabout my story, and you know how
I've helped myself.
So you know, I continue to workin all these four areas,
because this is my rebuildingthing includes sharing my story,
helping other women and openingup about such a sensitive topic
(24:36):
, very direct and very open.
I will tell you, it's not.
I don't think that this issomething I should be ashamed of
.
I don't feel like it'ssomething that I need to keep
quiet about.
And it had been bubbling up fora long time and I just I needed
to feel ready, I needed to feelthat stability in myself, and
I'm there and I've got it and Idecided, you know, it's finally
(24:59):
time for me to say something,and so I spoke out.
So, coach, author, speaker,that's where I'm headed with
this next chapter and it'sbecome really clear that this is
something that I'm going tocontinue to do, and so also
right now, with this podcast, Iam offering a free narcissistic
(25:21):
abuse recovery journal for anylistener, and I've included a
link in my bio so when you clickon my bio and the little world
that you have down there, youcan click on it, put in your
information, it'll come to youremail and it's about 17 pages.
So there's some education there.
(25:41):
And then self-affirmations ittells you what they do healing
reminders, daily healingaffirmations, gray rocking
methods like what is it?
How to help yourself in thatsituation?
Self-awareness, some of yourhabits, you know.
What are you grateful for today?
What did you enjoy about today?
What do you?
(26:01):
Where do you want your life togo?
What do you see for your life?
Things like that.
So forgiveness oh, that's huge.
Forgiving yourself for notknowing forgiving yourself for
not making a decision.
You wished you would have seenher, because you didn't.
You just weren't in the place.
So, I think, forgiveness anddealing with some of that guilt,
especially if you have childrenas well you have to just
(26:22):
realize that you are doing thebest that you could in that
moment in time and you just moveforward.
So there's something, there'ssome help there, limiting belief
.
There's a lot of informationhere.
If any of your readers want todownload this journal, it's free
.
It's something that I can helpcontribute.
And then, going forward, I'mgoing to I'm being free, to
(26:43):
course, I'm going to be speakingmore about this.
I do have a book in me, as Irealized in preparing for this
podcast and writing down someinformation I wanted to share
that you know we could be hereall day, so so, yeah, that's
that's.
You know basically what I haveum for today.
If you have basically what Ihave for today.
If you have anything else thatyou wanted to ask.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Okay, well, I was going to touch on a few things
that I thought were important.
So, first of all, that'sawesome with the journal.
I love that and thank you.
That's going to be superhelpful, I think.
A few things with the healingpart, with the self-reflection
and realizing it's not yourfault.
So one thing I was saying to mytherapist I found myself saying
I hate that I let myself getinto that, and she's like no, no
(27:27):
, no, you didn't do it and itmade it sound like I was taking
the accountability for gettinginto that relationship.
So that's definitely part ofhealing.
I think you realize when you getto a point where it's all about
taking care of what's inside ofyou and not trying to convince
other people of what happened orwhat is the truth, and you
(27:50):
realize like that's it, they canchoose to believe what they
want to believe and you're atpeace with that.
I think that is a huge cluethat you're you're really doing
well with healing.
It is super, super important.
You kind of mentioned howthere's the real him.
So I think for people who arein these relationships, it's
very important to understandthat that person you met at the
(28:13):
beginning, the love bombingperson, that person is not a
real person.
That's the, the mask or thecostume or whatever you want to
call it that they're wearing toget you in and I know there's a
quote and I know it's somebodyimportant that said it.
But it's when Someone shows youwho they are the first time.
Believe them, maya angelo, yes,okay, I thought it was her and
(28:36):
I didn't want to say it because,because I wasn't sure it was
her, and that's the thing, likethe, the real person is who
they're showing you at the end.
This I talked about with someonein a previous episode is a lot
of times, people think thatvictims are weak and that's why
these abusers prey on specificpeople, and I think you
(28:58):
mentioned it beautifully, and inthe previous episode, we were
trying to convey the same thingthat it's they're looking for
something within you that theywant.
They're parasites and they wantto suck whatever energy it is
that they see in you.
They want that for themselves.
So I think you mentioned thatand you said it was great how
you said that, said it was greathow you said that.
(29:19):
Oh, I think it's also importantto like when they ask to get
you back.
It's not because they love you,it's not because they miss you.
It's because they need to win.
You're the possession.
If they were not the one whodecided that it was over and
they were letting you go, thenyou need to come back to them so
they can be the winner, more orless.
I hate the fact that so many ofus have had to go through these
(29:43):
events that we've gone throughto get to the point where we are
, but I love what people havedone with their trauma and their
abuse and they've healedthemselves and now they want to
take it to the next step of youknow, where we may have felt
alone or we may have feltconfused and unsure of what to
do.
I love how certain individualsare trying to make sure that
(30:05):
someone else doesn't feel thatsame way and they're able to
have the tools to understandthat someone has forged this
path ahead of you and they'rehere to help you get through it
a little bit easier.
I love what you're doing.
I really appreciate what you'redoing.
Thank you Okay.
Is there anything in closingthat you want to share?
(30:25):
Or I've covered a lot of it, Ithink you did.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
I also have a link to my Facebook there.
If anybody wants to read whatI've posted um that I'm
including, and then I will beadding to that as well.
If anybody wants to follow, orfrom me, that's.
That's fine too.
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate youinviting me, so I think it's
super important that all of usare joining together to do this
(30:51):
work Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Absolutely I appreciate it.
Yes, thank you so much forcoming on.
I would like to once againthank Amanda for coming on one
in three and sharing herexperiences with us.
Thank you for listening.
I have shared the link toAmanda's profile in the show
notes.
I will be back next week withanother episode and another
(31:14):
guest.
Until then, stay strong andwherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Find more information, registeras a guest or leave a review by
going to the website1in3podcastcom that's the number
1-I-N-3podcastcom.
(31:34):
Follow 1in3 on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at
1in3podcast.
To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
1in3 is a .5 Pinoy productionMusic written and performed by
Tim Crow.
©.
Transcript Emily Beynon.
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, ingrid.
In episode 47, amanda describescharacteristics associated with
narcissistic personalitydisorder.
In this episode, she furtherdetails her personal experiences
, including her healing journey,and what she is planning to do
to help others.
Here is Amanda with aconclusion of her story.
(00:22):
So I was removed in October of2022.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
In November, I just sat down with all this nervous
energy because I was in fight orflight.
I was stuck in this, still inthis kind of place of chaos, in
getting a lawyer.
What's going on?
What happened?
Trying to understand it, I juststarted typing and it was this
continuous Word document and Icreated the list.
(01:04):
So on the list I wrote all theabuse, gaslighting, the
manipulation, the lies,everything from asshole to
abusive.
So one of the things he removedmy car from the family auto
policy on two differentoccasions because I didn't agree
or obey with him.
So he took off.
So actually I had to call theinsurance company and the woman
(01:26):
said to me you can get your ownpolicy in the same household.
However, you have to tell methat you're a victim of domestic
violence.
So I had to admit that and indoing that, I wasn't ready.
I wasn't there there yet.
I didn't understand that I wasbeing abused.
(01:47):
Yet let's see, when I waslooking for a new car in 2021,
he told me I better buy a car Ican afford on my own, since I
would be moving out soon.
So yeah, he had started this.
I mean, he had been telling meto get the f out for years I
moved out twice, or actuallythree times.
I moved out three times Onceearly on.
(02:09):
I called the police.
He totally freaked out in 2019.
And I had.
I called the police and tookhim in and he was charged with
second degree harassment andassault, so that I didn't press
charges at the time because,again, I thought, oh, he's
working on himself, this is justa little snafu, we're going to
(02:30):
get through this.
He came back, he cried, he wasokay for a little bit and then
things started again, of course,but I had moved out during that
time.
I moved out for two weeks.
He called me every day, beggedme to come back and I came back
(02:51):
and I should have never comeback.
Moved out in May of 2022, so Imoved out for a month before
then.
I would.
I would come downstairs withtwo-story house in the morning
and I'd wear air pods everymorning listening to meditation
music before I went downstairsto make coffee, just so I could
be in a place where I didn'tfeel reactive and I couldn't
hear what he was saying.
So I could be in a place whereI didn't feel reactive and I
couldn't hear what he was saying.
So I'd wear AirPods withmeditation music and I would
crank it up so I wouldn't hearhim.
(03:11):
He would be working in theliving room.
It was open concept and youknow I could hear him talking
but I just ignored him at thatpoint it was just too much and I
would take my coffee and goupstairs and luckily at that
time he didn't try to chase meor anything.
But I moved out in May of 22 fora month.
He asked me to come back.
He was going to do all thesethings for me.
(03:32):
The business was for me.
I came back.
It was good for a couple ofweeks and then it started all
over again and it became worse.
It became worse.
So then October happened andthat was the last straw.
So as I was moving out in May,he threatened to put all my
belongings in the driveway forovernight to pick up.
(03:53):
He said I'm just going to drageverything out there.
He had actually takeneverything downstairs that I
owned I never asked him to do it.
I didn't tell him to do it.
He just started packing up mystuff and put it downstairs and
then put it all in the garage.
As soon as I moved back intothe house, he asked me for money
, you know, and of course I'mlike, oh, we're working on this,
yes, and I gave it to him.
(04:13):
He promised to repay me.
He never did, you know, andI've never really been like that
about money.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I'm like, oh, I'm contributing, he makes more.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
He's paying for the house.
Of course I can pay for thisand you know some of the smaller
bills in the house I pay for.
So in the mornings he liked tostart arguments with me before I
go and I'd leave to go to oneof my schools to teach.
So he started an argument withme in the entire way.
There I'm listening to music.
(04:44):
I'm trying to change myperspective.
I'm trying to get out of thatfeeling so I can be effective in
my school, so I can walk intomy school and work with my
teachers and the students that Iworked with with a smile on my
face and really concentrate onwhat I'm trying to teach.
That day I left for work.
I had a chihuahua named Charlie.
He passed in but you know, Ileft for work and came back to
(05:05):
find him in a crate in themiddle of the bed, closed like
he.
You know the dogs we had threedogs total and they all end up
passing away, but three dogstotal and they kind of roamed
free and he was home all day.
He would let them out and youknow, his dog was crated when he
(05:26):
left anywhere.
But my dog was always free toroam and decided that he needed
to be crated because the otherdog was crated and he decided to
put it in the middle of the bedso I would see it and get upset
, instead of like next to theother dog on the floor like a
normal person, right?
No, he said the electricalcircuit in the room that was my
(05:48):
office was overloaded and that Ican't get electric to the room
anymore.
So he went downstairs andpulled the fuse from that room
so I couldn't work.
If I was up there on mycomputer at night, I couldn't
see because he had pulled andsays you know it's too much, so
(06:09):
we have to.
One of the rooms can't be lit.
I mean this is just.
I mean, how insane is that?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
it really is like how do you even think of that?
That's so weird.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
I don't know right, where do you get this stuff?
And then there was not Okay, sowith that.
Another bizarro thing was hesaid we had wireless.
The wireless router was in thebasement, my computer and office
was on the second floor.
He took the wireless router andwas walking around.
He unplugged it.
He was walking around with itin a messenger bag that he had,
(06:44):
so I couldn't work anymore.
So I'm in the middle of typingall of a sudden the wireless is
gone and I get up and I'm likewhat's going on?
And he's like, oh, this needsto be, uh, you know,
recalibrated and I gotta take itto the computer store.
And I'm like, why?
Because I'm born yesterday andthat's not true.
There's nothing, you need to goand change anything.
It it's working just fine.
(07:04):
You decide to unplug it andcarry it around.
And then he went in the bedroomand locked himself in and with
the router and told me that Ishould leave him alone, that I'm
harassing him, that I'mbothering him, that I'm the
problem again, right?
So yeah, it's just thescenarios that he was set up.
(07:26):
And then when I would sayanything against it, defend
myself or or express my disgust,then I'm the problem, right, I
should just be in acceptance ofthe crazy.
Um.
He told me that he wouldn'tattend my cousin passed away.
He told me he wouldn't attendmy cousin's funeral because she
(07:48):
didn't attend our wedding yearsprior.
She wasn't there, so he's notgoing to go to her funeral.
I just I just looked at him andleft no, I can't, I couldn't, I
couldn't, I couldn't deal withit.
There are also papers in courtthat he lied to the court about
how much money he made and howmuch he paid out.
So we both had to fill up theseforms about you know money
(08:08):
going in, you know money comingin, money coming out, and he
lied about how much was comingin and going out and
unfortunately the W-2 doesn'tlie, so we had a little bit of a
problem getting that, gettingfinancials.
So we did some personaldevelopment early on.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
I started it and it really helped me.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
It worked well for me and then he got involved.
So once you, it's called the 90day game.
Once you do the 90 day game andyou go through it, you have a
coaching call every day.
Once you go through it, you canbecome the coach.
So he decided to coach this 90day game and I was against it,
not because I didn't want him tohelp other people, but because
(08:48):
I knew what kind of crazy thatthis was going to create.
Not only was this creating amonster, but I knew that because
he was working so hard toimpress all of these people that
the backlash was coming.
And then that's not truly whohe is.
So it was going to come backand I was right.
So, as he, you know, pretendingto be this other person with
(09:12):
his group of other coaches andwith the people who was actually
coaching behind closed doors,he's verbally attacking me and
he was actually working histriangulation magic and telling
me that these people didn't likeme, they didn't want to hear
what I had to say.
So, somehow my presence,because we would have.
They'd have meetings at myhouse and I would go upstairs
(09:33):
just to be respectful.
But I shouldn't be listening, Ishouldn't be hearing it and I'm
not a part of this.
This is his thing.
Some of the other terriblethings.
He stole my wallet and hid itfor three weeks after lying to
police.
I had called the police afterthat happened.
I had to get a new license, Igot new credit cards.
I saw him do it.
(09:53):
I was down the hall.
I saw him walking across frommy office to the bedroom with my
wallet in his hand and he locksthe door.
And two weeks later I'm sittingin my office and there was like
this little cabinet that I had.
He stood there, he opened thedoor and the wallet is sitting
in there and he just looks at meand he walks off and I'm like I
(10:18):
didn't even know.
I was like frozen, I didn'teven know what to do.
A lock on on the bedroom door, ahandle.
He took the whole thing off.
He switched it with the onethat attached the laundry room
or the breezeway from the garage.
There's like a little laundryroom and then the kitchen.
Well, there is a door that youcan close for the garage.
(10:41):
He took that doorknob, themaster bedroom doorknob, and
switched that so he had the keyso he could lock himself in the
bedroom.
He could barricade himself inthere.
So whenever I was knocking onthe door trying to get my
clothes, my toiletries, I haveto work, I have to leave.
I was the problem Becausethat's not my house and that's
(11:05):
not my room and I had ended up,you know, that night I had slept
, you know, downstairs in theliving room, or I had a little
rollout bed that I put in myoffice and because of that he
would lock himself inside andnot let me in and say that it
was because I was the abuser andwhatnot.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I'm like.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I just want to get my stuff.
So those are some of the thingsthat he would do.
I have another video.
I pulled up home and he walked.
He was walking around my parkedcar recording me with his phone
as I sat with the doors lockedand just walking around
recording me and if you couldsee the video, it's super creepy
(11:50):
and I'm like what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Back to social media.
So that was part of the that.
He didn't hit me.
So those are some of the thingsthat I posted there and I have
other things that I posted onthat page as well.
You know, I talked about thechoices he made, how he behaved
(12:10):
during the marriage and we weremarried for almost seven years
total together, for eight, eightand a half, and there was
definitely an incline in thatdisbarging.
So you can hear in some of thethings that I said and those
were.
Some of those were out of order.
So it started off kind of himbeing a jerk and rude and and
then it went into gosh.
This is actually abused, youknow, and it took me a long time
(12:33):
to figure that out actually,because at the beginning he
mirrored me, you know.
He said he wanted everything Idid.
He wanted that marriage, thefamily, the business.
He loved bomb teams.
He rented the marquee outside asmall movie theater to ask me
to marry him and took me there.
Yeah, from standing on thesidewalk looking up Amanda
(12:55):
William, his name you know.
We did everything together atthe beginning.
We made a lot of plans and hewould have a little bit of anger
stuff going on, but then hewould make up for it or then he
would apologize, you know.
So, looking back, I didexperience his anger issues
early on, but I thought he wasworking on himself himself.
He was dedicated to personaldevelopment.
(13:15):
It seemed like a short timethat it was working until it
didn't.
And then that person that Ithought I knew, the person he
presented his representativewent further and further away
and the real him started comingout.
And the other thing about thenarcissist is they're very much
a creature of habit.
So let's go back to therestraining order of October.
(13:37):
In October of 22, I found outthrough my research that he also
filed a restraining orderagainst his ex-wife in 2010,
while they were divorcing.
So that was part of it.
Now, did it actually go through?
I don't know.
I couldn't find the information.
I wasn't going to ask hisex-wife and that's public
knowledge, that's on case net.
(13:58):
I also found out that he had atemporary order against him and
then a full order granted on Mayof 2016 for a year.
So let's look at the timeline.
So I met him in January of 2015.
He had just broken up with hisgirlfriend earlier that month in
the worst way.
Now he had lied to me and toldme that they split up in October
(14:21):
of the previous year.
So I thought, oh, okay, he'sgot.
You know.
The rest of October, november,december, most of January.
That's almost that's the threeand a half months.
Four and a half months.
You know that he broke up.
So we started dating around theend of.
I met on the end of January.
They broke up in January.
She moved out, Then she had theorder six months, so May of
(14:44):
2016,.
It was expired, so she decidedto go for a full order of
protection and so that went fromMay of 16 to May of 2017.
We were married in July of 2017.
So two months after this orderexpired, we were married.
(15:05):
So the whole time I was dating,him, got engaged and almost got
married.
Right, he had a restrainingorder against him and had the
record sealed.
I had no idea it's not on casenet.
It wasn't on case net, he madesure of that.
And it just blows my mind thatour ending was more dramatic
(15:27):
than that one.
Things just got worse.
So I left.
So let's talk about that.
So I left, I got out and youknow my head was spinning.
That was October, november.
I started writing the list andI just started writing down
everything that was happening,all the dates, everything that
was going on.
You know I had friends callingme.
I had two of those guy friendscall me and tell me, text me or
(15:51):
call me and tell me that hemisses me, he wants me back.
He was talking about me and howhe wanted, you know, things to
work out.
And I was and I said, nope, Iknow I will only speak to him if
I have to through this divorceand that's it and I'm done.
Let's talk about healing.
So on that journey, you knowit's taken some time.
(16:12):
It's been, you know, two yearsand it's still in the works.
It's not 100%.
So I was removed in October.
Then I joined a gym again inJanuary.
So it took me a couple ofmonths.
I, you know, got through theholidays in January, I'm like,
okay, I started to join the gym,I got on the treadmill and
elliptical, I joined yogaclasses and I realized I had so
(16:37):
much nervous energy that I hadto get out.
And so, you know, it felt a lotbetter to get out, to get moving
, and also I could start to.
I was starting to clear my mind.
I had the fog was starting tolift.
I felt like this chaotic, likeevery time I would think of a
scenario that happened.
It'd make my brain spin, it wasso uncomfortable and it
(16:58):
actually hurt.
So, you know, I was living infight or flight and I didn't
even realize it for a long time.
And when I did, I'm like, okay,now I'm here, what do I do, you
know, and it took some time toregulate my nervous and I'm
still working on all of thosethings, you know.
And even today, I go to the gym, I do yoga, I have a Pilates, I
meditate, I sit, I get quiet,because I felt like I lost that
(17:22):
ability and I listened to myintuition and I'm learning to
trust it again.
And you know, sometimes,sometimes that takes time.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I think trust is a big deal because you get so lost
in this chaos of therelationship that you're in the
apologies and the abuse and itgoes back and forth.
You question your reality andwhen you get out I think it is
difficult to trust yourselfagain, like understand what is
real, what is okay and what'syou.
(17:55):
So I think that's a big deal.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And you bring up a good point.
Because that's what they'retrying to do.
They're trying to erode who youare.
They want to take that personaway.
So you're their puppet, you'retheir extension.
You're not you anymore, you'rejust what they tell you to do.
You aren't your own person.
So all of those qualities thatthey saw in you in the beginning
(18:18):
, they think, by taking thataway from you, that that's
somehow they're gaining, they'recontrolling, they're winning
because if he can't have thosequalities, neither can I.
And he's going to make sure ofit right by um, trying to snuff
me out, trying to steal myenergy.
Yeah, learning to trust myintuition again, because I did
(18:39):
have some red flags along theway and I didn't listen.
I thought, you know, and hetook advantage of the fact that
I have empathy, I'm a special edteacher and you know he can be
helped.
You know he's working on it, um.
So you know I told myself thosethings, even though you know I
really should have listened tomy intuition when I showed up
(18:59):
the first time.
So I will say that myshort-term memory has been
affected, my balancecoordination has been affected,
but it's improving.
It is definitely improving, andI reiterated everything I knew
about narcissistic personalitydisorder so I could be an
acceptance of his actionsbecause they weren't about me.
I'm not going to take itpersonally and what I learned
(19:22):
first of all, like I mentioned,they all work from the same
handbook, so it's not just me.
I've read other stories fromother women who've experienced
the exact same thing and it'sjust what.
I could take my emotions out ofit by saying, okay, this is
just what they do.
This isn't in relation to me atall, because I also know he had
treated past women in his lifethe exact same way.
(19:44):
So what I concentrated on wasthe four areas of my life.
I have the mental, emotional,spiritual and physical.
I had to sit down and takestock of all of those things.
Where am I at in all theseareas?
Like I myself, I feel like I'min a pretty emotionally sound
person.
I'm pretty stable, which isprobably another reason why he
chose me.
I had to take a look atemotional, you know spiritual.
(20:06):
I've been on a spiritualjourney for the last 10 years
when I turned 40.
And so some of the things Ilearned in some of those
teachings and then personaldevelopment, I think has really
helped me to get through this alot faster as well, because I
went back to what I knew.
I can change my knew, I canchange my perspective.
I can choose.
That's not to say that I wasn'tupset and that upset actually
(20:29):
turns to anger.
So I thought, okay, how am Igoing to use this anger?
Because I have to.
I got to get it out in ahealthy way.
I need to use it in a healthyway.
What am I going to do in ahealthy way?
I need to use it in a healthyway.
What am I going to do?
And so, finally, I could workthrough those anger and just be
in acceptance of this is who heis.
This is what happened.
(20:49):
What now?
What do I do with that now?
What are the lessons I learnednow?
And it became abundantly clearthat I am supposed to help other
people, other women who havebeen in this situation and I
understand it happens both ways,but my perspective as a woman
married to a narcissistic man.
So how can I help these womento understand and to help
(21:10):
themselves?
So that's what I'm starting todo now, you know.
And I asked myself why did Iaccept this treatment?
So I had to do the deep diveinto my past and take a look at
my childhood and take a look atwhy I was always a yes girl and
I was always a people pleaser.
And why was I doing that?
And why didn't I leave soonerthe first time he showed me who
(21:33):
he was and he was arrested.
Why didn't I?
leave then I thought I couldhelp him.
I thought, you know, as aspecial ed teacher, I thought if
I loved him enough, if I gavehim strategies, things like that
, I thought I could help him.
I thought, you know, as aspecial ed teacher, I thought if
I loved him enough, if I gavehim strategies, things like that
, I thought that he would seethat and he would want it enough
and that he could see that I'mtrying to make this work and he
(21:53):
could try to make this work aswell.
So I thought, if we could seethat I'm trying to work with him
and the more I tried to help,the more he pushed me away.
I was trying to get himadmitted.
The more I tried to help, themore he pushed me away.
I was trying to get himadmitted.
I was trying to get him to seea doctor.
I was telling him something waswrong with him.
That's how he taught, and so Ihad to take a look at that and
realize that I myself have acodependent nature, and it's
(22:15):
something that I learned a longtime ago.
Apparently, you know, I wastrying to help someone who
wasn't doing anything to helphimself.
You know, at the beginning hewas, and then he stopped.
That's not my responsibility,although you know I was stuck
being around him and living withhim at the time.
You know it was just theopposite.
He sabotaged everything that Iwas trying to do and trying to
(22:38):
help, and so I had to be inacceptance of that as my
responsibility, and he's donethat in other relationships.
I had a picture of when I thesummer that I met him.
And after I met him, and then aday, the day I left, I took a
picture of myself in the mirrorand at that point I I knew who I
was.
But when I looked in the mirrorI didn't recognize that person,
I didn't recognize her and I'mlike what the hell happened?
(23:05):
And I was so exhausted from thechaos, the arguing, the trying
to defend myself and standing upfor myself that he calls abuse.
I was just done and I knew, Iat that point that I, you know,
I couldn't, there was no way Iwas ever going to go back.
So this was also a big reminderfor me and looking at him that
that the world within me is themost important versus the world
(23:29):
around, because no one can tellyou who you are.
No one's going to validate you.
You have to have your own innerstrength, your own inner value
first.
And you know, it's great whensomeone compliments you, it's
great when someone complimentsyou, it's great when someone
gives you kudos or whatever, butyour self-worth comes from
within and you are enough andyou are worthy because you're
(23:52):
here, because you're a humanbeing, for no other reason.
I mean, that's it, that that isall you need to know, that you
have value, because you're aperson who's working in the game
and the only person I cancontrol is myself.
You know, I can onlyself-reflect and help myself and
create change for myself andhopefully, let that, let what
(24:15):
I've learned, help other womenin what I'm doing going forward
in coaching them and talkingabout my story, and you know how
I've helped myself.
So you know, I continue to workin all these four areas,
because this is my rebuildingthing includes sharing my story,
helping other women and openingup about such a sensitive topic
(24:36):
, very direct and very open.
I will tell you, it's not.
I don't think that this issomething I should be ashamed of
.
I don't feel like it'ssomething that I need to keep
quiet about.
And it had been bubbling up fora long time and I just I needed
to feel ready, I needed to feelthat stability in myself, and
I'm there and I've got it and Idecided, you know, it's finally
(24:59):
time for me to say something,and so I spoke out.
So, coach, author, speaker,that's where I'm headed with
this next chapter and it'sbecome really clear that this is
something that I'm going tocontinue to do, and so also
right now, with this podcast, Iam offering a free narcissistic
(25:21):
abuse recovery journal for anylistener, and I've included a
link in my bio so when you clickon my bio and the little world
that you have down there, youcan click on it, put in your
information, it'll come to youremail and it's about 17 pages.
So there's some education there.
(25:41):
And then self-affirmations ittells you what they do healing
reminders, daily healingaffirmations, gray rocking
methods like what is it?
How to help yourself in thatsituation?
Self-awareness, some of yourhabits, you know.
What are you grateful for today?
What did you enjoy about today?
What do you?
(26:01):
Where do you want your life togo?
What do you see for your life?
Things like that.
So forgiveness oh, that's huge.
Forgiving yourself for notknowing forgiving yourself for
not making a decision.
You wished you would have seenher, because you didn't.
You just weren't in the place.
So, I think, forgiveness anddealing with some of that guilt,
especially if you have childrenas well you have to just
(26:22):
realize that you are doing thebest that you could in that
moment in time and you just moveforward.
So there's something, there'ssome help there, limiting belief
.
There's a lot of informationhere.
If any of your readers want todownload this journal, it's free
.
It's something that I can helpcontribute.
And then, going forward, I'mgoing to I'm being free, to
(26:43):
course, I'm going to be speakingmore about this.
I do have a book in me, as Irealized in preparing for this
podcast and writing down someinformation I wanted to share
that you know we could be hereall day, so so, yeah, that's
that's.
You know basically what I haveum for today.
If you have basically what Ihave for today.
If you have anything else thatyou wanted to ask.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Okay, well, I was going to touch on a few things
that I thought were important.
So, first of all, that'sawesome with the journal.
I love that and thank you.
That's going to be superhelpful, I think.
A few things with the healingpart, with the self-reflection
and realizing it's not yourfault.
So one thing I was saying to mytherapist I found myself saying
I hate that I let myself getinto that, and she's like no, no
(27:27):
, no, you didn't do it and itmade it sound like I was taking
the accountability for gettinginto that relationship.
So that's definitely part ofhealing.
I think you realize when you getto a point where it's all about
taking care of what's inside ofyou and not trying to convince
other people of what happened orwhat is the truth, and you
(27:50):
realize like that's it, they canchoose to believe what they
want to believe and you're atpeace with that.
I think that is a huge cluethat you're you're really doing
well with healing.
It is super, super important.
You kind of mentioned howthere's the real him.
So I think for people who arein these relationships, it's
very important to understandthat that person you met at the
(28:13):
beginning, the love bombingperson, that person is not a
real person.
That's the, the mask or thecostume or whatever you want to
call it that they're wearing toget you in and I know there's a
quote and I know it's somebodyimportant that said it.
But it's when Someone shows youwho they are the first time.
Believe them, maya angelo, yes,okay, I thought it was her and
(28:36):
I didn't want to say it because,because I wasn't sure it was
her, and that's the thing, likethe, the real person is who
they're showing you at the end.
This I talked about with someonein a previous episode is a lot
of times, people think thatvictims are weak and that's why
these abusers prey on specificpeople, and I think you
(28:58):
mentioned it beautifully, and inthe previous episode, we were
trying to convey the same thingthat it's they're looking for
something within you that theywant.
They're parasites and they wantto suck whatever energy it is
that they see in you.
They want that for themselves.
So I think you mentioned thatand you said it was great how
you said that, said it was greathow you said that.
(29:19):
Oh, I think it's also importantto like when they ask to get
you back.
It's not because they love you,it's not because they miss you.
It's because they need to win.
You're the possession.
If they were not the one whodecided that it was over and
they were letting you go, thenyou need to come back to them so
they can be the winner, more orless.
I hate the fact that so many ofus have had to go through these
(29:43):
events that we've gone throughto get to the point where we are
, but I love what people havedone with their trauma and their
abuse and they've healedthemselves and now they want to
take it to the next step of youknow, where we may have felt
alone or we may have feltconfused and unsure of what to
do.
I love how certain individualsare trying to make sure that
(30:05):
someone else doesn't feel thatsame way and they're able to
have the tools to understandthat someone has forged this
path ahead of you and they'rehere to help you get through it
a little bit easier.
I love what you're doing.
I really appreciate what you'redoing.
Thank you Okay.
Is there anything in closingthat you want to share?
(30:25):
Or I've covered a lot of it, Ithink you did.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
I also have a link to my Facebook there.
If anybody wants to read whatI've posted um that I'm
including, and then I will beadding to that as well.
If anybody wants to follow, orfrom me, that's.
That's fine too.
Thank you so much for having me.
I really appreciate youinviting me, so I think it's
super important that all of usare joining together to do this
(30:51):
work Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Absolutely I appreciate it.
Yes, thank you so much forcoming on.
I would like to once againthank Amanda for coming on one
in three and sharing herexperiences with us.
Thank you for listening.
I have shared the link toAmanda's profile in the show
notes.
I will be back next week withanother episode and another
(31:14):
guest.
Until then, stay strong andwherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Find more information, registeras a guest or leave a review by
going to the website1in3podcastcom that's the number
1-I-N-3podcastcom.
(31:34):
Follow 1in3 on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at
1in3podcast.
To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
1in3 is a .5 Pinoy productionMusic written and performed by
Tim Crow.
©.
Transcript Emily Beynon.
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