63-Therapy, Tears, and TikTok: Behind the 1 in 3 Podcast

Two years in, and I'm finally ready to share some of my personal healing journey following domestic violence. What began as determination to leave my abuser slowly morphed into doubt and questioning - was it really abuse? Could the relationship be saved? In therapy, a seemingly simple exercise changed everything. Writing my story on an imaginary scroll and reading it back as if it belonged to someone else broke me open. "That poor woman," I whispered through tears, before realizing that woman was me.

The healing journey hasn't been linear. After the initial freedom of leaving came unexpected challenges - misinterpreting friends' intentions, suspecting hidden agendas, experiencing physiological responses to everyday interactions. Through dedicated therapy work, I've learned that healing requires feeling everything: the sadness, exhaustion, frustration, anger, pain, happiness, uncertainty, and even pride. Most importantly, I've discovered that obsessing over understanding my abuser only prevented my own growth. Questions like "Was the abuse intentional?" and "Did they ever truly love me?" consumed mental space better used for self-discovery and healing.

From a small idea launched on March 1st, 2021, 1 in 3 has grown into a community spanning 40+ countries with thousands of downloads and 16 incredible guests. This episode marks a new chapter, but the mission remains the same: sharing real stories of domestic violence, raising awareness, and offering hope to everyone affected. Whether you're just beginning your healing journey or well along the path, remember that self-love is the foundation, and you're never alone. Your messages of encouragement and support keep this podcast going, and I'm deeply grateful for each of you. 

1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.

Support the show

If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.

Contact 1 in 3:

• Send your emails to [e-mail]
• Follow on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok @1in3podcast
• Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/

Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!

Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Warriors, welcome to one in three.
I'm your host, ingrid.
Today's episode is going to bea little different, and if
you're watching right now,you've already noticed one of
the if probably actually thebiggest change.
Yes, I've taken the plunge intovideo podcasting.
Going forward, I'll be postingvideo episodes as often as I can

(00:21):
on Spotify and YouTube.
Of course, I will always takemy guest comfort levels into
account before doing so.
So let's talk about today.
I had originally planned torelease this episode a bit over
a month ago to celebrate one inthree second birthday on March 1
.
But because I had such amazingguest episodes lined up, I chose

(00:43):
to release those first.
Today, though, I want toreflect a little bit on where
we've been and where we're goingin this podcast and, honestly,
I wanted to connect a littlemore with you.
I realize I haven't shared thefull details of my experience
with domestic violence here on 1in 3.
The reason for that is simple Idon't want this podcast to

(01:07):
become about me, because it'sabout us, but today I want to
open up a little, share someinsights and emotions I've
encountered along the way,because I think some of you
might be able to relate.
So, way back when my abuseescalated to a breaking point.
I immediately sought therapy.
I was clear when I scheduledthe appointment that I would be

(01:28):
ending the relationship.
I was clear that I had beenabused.
But by the time I actuallywalked into my therapist's
office I had started to doubtmyself and I wondered was it
really abuse?
Did I do something to deserveit, and could this relationship
be repaired?
I want to preface this nextpart by saying that not everyone

(01:51):
has an intense breakthroughright away.
Sometimes it takes multiplesessions and a lot of work to
get to that point, and sometimesit's subtle changes over a long
period of time.
So when I first contacted mytherapist, like I said, I was
100% sure I was leaving.

(02:12):
But when I sat down with her Iwas only 80, 85, maybe 90% sure.
So she suggested we try anexercise.
She asked me to imagine that Iwas writing what happened to me
on a scroll.
Now, I'm not one to beskeptical about therapy, but I

(02:36):
was a little unsure of mybrain's capability of being able
to really engage in thisexercise.
So, reluctantly, I jotted downmy story.
She asked me to roll it up andset the scroll aside, but then I
had to pick it back up and readit.
What happened next was profound.

(03:00):
Two sentences in, I beganweeping.
She asked me to vocalize what Iwas thinking and my voice, I
remember, was shaky and I wasbarely able to whisper.
Like that poor woman.
I can't believe that happenedto her.

(03:21):
And as I neared the end of thestory, I remembered it was my
scroll, I was reading my storyand that poor woman was me and I
mean, isn't it wild that whenwe look at our own experiences

(03:41):
from the perspective of anoutsider, how real, how raw and
how clear it all becomes?
I left that session with arenewed sense of purpose and I
did leave that relationship andI thought, after two or three
sessions with my therapist, thatI was good to go with my

(04:02):
therapist, that I was good to go.
And I remember that first yearaway from my abuser I felt light
, I felt free and I felt totallyokay.
I had minimal contact with himand it wasn't the best
experiences.
It was obviously toxic, but forthe most part I thought I was

(04:23):
handling everything okay.
And just a quick note if you doleave an abuser cut off
communication completely, if youcan, it's important for healing
and it's especially importantif you have a protective order
in place, which I did not.
And I also want to say that, ofcourse, there are situations

(04:43):
and exceptions in which nocommunication is not a possible
option.
But back to that first year.
Yes, I was cruising along,feeling good, but then something
shifted.
I started misinterpreting theintentions of my friends.
I began to believe everyonearound me had some hidden agenda

(05:06):
.
My bubble of strength that Ihad created around myself began
to crack, and that's when I knewI needed to go back to therapy
because I was not okay.
I was having actualphysiological responses to

(05:27):
everyday reactions.
So I went into my newtherapist's office feeling
frustrated, scared and confused.
It took a lot of work, a lot oftime, a lot of tears, some
laughter, uncomfortableself-reflection and some

(05:48):
overwhelming realizations.
But I have emerged stronger andmore self-assured Don't get me
wrong, I still go to therapy.
And more self-assured.
Don't get me wrong, I still goto therapy and we continue to
work on reinforcing my newoutlook and addressing those
hidden triggers that my brainstill has buried.
So I'll admit that when Istarted one in three, I was

(06:13):
still carrying around a lot ofresentment.
I was constantly trying tounderstand why am I an abuser
and others abuse?
Was it intentional?
Do they purposely camouflagetheir true selves to lure us in?
Did they ever truly love us?
And how much of them is realand how much of them is a lie,

(06:35):
and which is which?
I have read over the years alot of books by domestic
professionals and advocates, alot of testimonials by survivors
, and after all of that, here'swhat I've come to understand.
I don't know the answers to anyof those questions and,

(06:57):
honestly, I don't know theanswers to any of those
questions and, honestly, I don'tcare anymore.
Holding on to those questionsonly took up space in my mind,
preventing me from moving on, soI've decided to stop trying to
figure him out and startfocusing on myself.
Since then, I've alsoconcentrated on filling my life

(07:18):
with only people who bring mehappiness, peace, security and
fulfillment.
So as I began letting go of allof my toxic relationships, I
felt lighter, parts of me beganto feel more manageable and I
started approaching everythingwith a renewed positivity.

(07:39):
Now, that doesn't mean I don'thave bad days.
Trust me, I do.
Some days I want to curl up onthe couch, cry and just feel
weak.
You know what?
That's okay, all of it.
The sadness, the exhaustion,the sadness, the exhaustion,
frustration, anger, pain,happiness, uncertainty, even

(08:02):
some of the pride.
It's all okay and I make sureto feel all of it.
I embrace it and then I learnfrom it.
So why am I telling you this?
Here's what I've come tounderstand.
We all need to do some deepsoul searching and
self-discovery, especially afterbeing knocked down physically,

(08:25):
psychologically, financially andor emotionally.
I didn't grow up in an abusivehousehold.
I didn't know anyone who hadbeen abused until it happened to
me, but I did grow up withcertain expectations placed on
me and I had experiences thatchipped away at my confidence.
Throughout the years of healingand actually a lot from doing

(08:48):
this podcast, I've learned thatI didn't truly love myself.
And you know what?
That's the starting point.
We have to love ourselves first.
We have to choose ourselves.
I choose me, you need to chooseyou.
So on March 1st 2000, let mestart that over.

(09:16):
On March 1st 2023, I launchedOne in Three.
My intent was simple to sharereal stories of domestic
violence, whether throughinterviews, submissions from
survivors or research.
I've done.
I wanted to talk to advocatesand professionals, raise
awareness and offer hope andvalidation to everyone affected

(09:39):
by domestic violence.
I thought if I could just helpone person, it would be worth it
.
Two years later, we've createdthis incredible community of
understanding and unity.
One in three has thousands ofdownloads across more than 40
countries.
I've met the most amazingpeople and I've had the honor of

(10:03):
hosting 16 incredible guestsfrom around the world and
there's more in the queue.
Hosting a podcast focused ondomestic violence can be
emotionally draining at times,obviously, but you keep me going
.
The words of encouragement,positive reviews and messages

(10:26):
I've received, whether throughthe one in three website, texts,
emails or DMs on Facebook,instagram and TikTok, they mean
the world to me and I'm deeplyhumbled and grateful for each
one and each one of you.
So thank you, and thank you foryour support and thank you for

(10:48):
listening.
I'll be back next week withanother episode for you.
Until then, stay strong andwherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Find more information, registeras a guest or leave a review by
going to the websiteoneandthreepodcastcom.

(11:09):
That's the number one.
I-n the number three podcastcom.
Follow 1&3 on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at 1&3
Podcast.
To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
1&3 is a .5 Pinoy productionMusic written and performed by
Tim Crow.
©.
Transcript Emily Beynon.