April 23, 2025 • 59 mins
George's story begins with a childhood shaped by three different abusive men. From physical beatings by his foster father for minor childish behaviors to learning at age nine that the man he'd called "dad" wasn't his biological father, his early years were marked by confusion and pain.
When his stepfather entered the picture, the abuse escalated. One particularly cruel moment led to George's decision to bury his emotions completely—a survival mechanism that would last nearly four decades.
What makes George's testimony so remarkable is what happened after he finally shared his story publicly. After 40 years of emotional numbness—so complete he couldn't cry even when his beloved grandfather passed away—his feelings began to resurface. "I don't remember these feelings," he explains, describing the strange experience of navigating emotions that feel brand new at age 54.
George's journey reminds us that healing doesn't follow a timeline. Sometimes our greatest breakthroughs come decades after trauma, when we find the courage to break our silence. His story offers hope that no matter how long we've carried our burdens, it's never too late to begin the work of reclaiming our full emotional lives.
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
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Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi Warriors, Welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, Ingrid.
As many of you know, One inThree includes not just women,
but also men and children.
Today's guest is bravelystepping forward to share his
story, a story involving abuseby three separate individuals,
but this isn't just a story oftrauma.
(00:23):
It's a story of resilience andof healing.
Nearly 40 years later, and thatis a beautiful thing here is
George.
Hey, george, thank you so muchfor joining me today.
You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I'm very happy for you to be here and just a quick
catch up to those who may notknow.
George and I met because I hadguested on a podcast that he's a
co-host for and, as we weretalking about things, he agreed
to come on one and three toshare his story one and three to
(01:05):
share his story.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
All right, sounds good, okay.
So before I actually start myoriginal plan, as I dealt with
what had happened to me, I hadoriginally planned that my story
was going to die with me andnobody.
I wasn't going to tell anyone.
And then I ended up tellingsome of my family my wife and
(01:25):
kids and whatnot and then Ijoined this little chat group
and got really close with them.
I knew them all before but wehadn't really kept in touch for
a while and I kind of told themand then I ended up telling them
on our podcast and then I endedup telling it on our podcast.
So I thought it was a good ideato maybe expand and have others
(01:48):
that maybe listen to othershows hear the story.
So my story starts.
My grandparents had six childrenand my grandmother was a stay
at home mom and my grandfatherworked a lot of hours to pay for
(02:11):
these to, you know, to pay thebills and everything.
And the third oldest daughter,when she was 15, got pregnant
and right after she was 16, Iwas born the first grandchild to
my grandparents, and he hadoriginally planned, as the kids
were getting a little older andgoing to be moving out, drop
(02:33):
down, but he continued to do twoof the three jobs that he did
the one full time and then asone part-time at the hospital,
um to help support because theyhad agreed she was going to stay
and go to school.
She was single at the time andI was born with my grandparent
with her maiden name.
By the time I was a year old,she had gotten married and they
(02:57):
went through the court processand I was adopted.
Still, I still lived in mygrandparents' house and my mom
and her new husband sometimeswere there.
Sometimes they had an apartmentuntil I was about five and I
don't remember anythinghappening prior to that.
But after we had moved, after Iwas done with kindergarten and I
(03:18):
just turned six years old, wemoved to a different place, to a
different place, um, and Iremember every time like he was,
he got drunk a lot Like, likethat was the first thing he
(03:38):
thought of when he got home fromwork.
My there's be my foster fatherand um, and I remember he would,
he would spank me, and I don'tmean like a couple of times, I
mean like every time he did.
I couldn't sit for a littlewhile.
Um, bad, um, and I remember itwas all.
I don't remember a lot ofdetails, but I remember that it
(04:01):
was for stuff that six and sevenyear old kids do, nothing
really bad where like one quickspanking could have completely
taken care of it, or even maybejust a talking to.
After I turned seven, we movedinto a bigger house, but we were
waiting on the guy that we werebuying.
(04:23):
We were going to buy thisbigger house.
They actually had a house and atrailer on the property in town
.
It wasn't ready yet.
He needed to do some things toit, so we moved into another
house that he had that was bigenough for everyone.
At that time all the kids hadmoved out except for my mother
(04:45):
and my foster father, so it wasreally just five of us living at
the house.
One time I do remember that hehit me for was I remember we
were out in the country at thishouse.
Out in back there was like agully and at the bottom of the
gully there was a creek and theywould.
He showed me the things.
(05:11):
He would have minnow traps setup in the creek to catch minnows
to use for live bait forfishing.
And one night he came home andwhen him and my mom came home
I'm assuming from the bar, Idon't know they she would always
ask me you know what'd you dotoday?
You know how was your day?
And I said, well, you know,school was okay and I came home
(05:33):
and I played in the backyard fora while.
I went down to the creek and,you know, played by the water.
The next day I came home and hewas, and they.
He took me to my room and hekept.
He was screaming at me and keptasking me why I opened the
(05:55):
minnow traps, why I let all theminnow out, and I was like I
kept telling them that I had notdone it and I proceeded that
day to get pretty severe beating.
And then later I rememberlaying in bed, not sleeping and
(06:19):
hearing him and my mother talk,and he said I was thinking about
it and I think I left theminnow trap open.
Yesterday when I, when Iemptied them.
I never got an apology.
I never heard anything moreabout it.
I just that's what I rememberabout.
(06:41):
Six months after living in thathouse, we moved to our larger
house.
Now, the good thing about thathouse was the front house was
big and they lived.
My mother and foster fatherlived there.
I lived out back of the housein a trailer.
It was a rather large trailerbut it was just the three of us.
So within probably a year,apparently his anger was not
(07:08):
taken out on me because I didn'tlive there, was taken out on my
mother.
So she kicked him out and hewas gone.
So I'm like okay, the abuse isgone and I didn't.
I want to make it clear that Ididn't.
I don't attach the fact that hewas an alcoholic to the abuse,
(07:35):
because my grandfather at thattime he drank, and one of them
and my uncle, he drank, and Inever saw them angry while they
were drinking.
Ever I've seen them angry, butusually it's just something that
happened in life or whatever,but nothing.
(07:57):
They never took it out onanyone else.
And then, probably aroundbetween the time I was eight and
nine, is when my foster fatherwas gone that summer, right
after I turned nine years old,cause I my birthday is in June,
so I I like literally like mybirthday is right before the end
(08:18):
of the school year I decidedyou know what, he's gone, I'm
going to spend more time duringthe summer at mom's house.
Now at the house, the upstairs.
Um was made into like twodifferent apartments.
There was two apartmentsupstairs.
That that's kind of a key for alittle bit later.
So I was staying there and thiswas right after probably the
(08:42):
first I think it was the firstweekend after school had let out
.
Um, my mom didn't have abedroom set up for me yet, she
was in the process of doing it.
But she said I have a pulloutcouch and she said we can set
that up at least for the firstweekend and you know, for the
first, for the first weekend orso, and then we can go and get
(09:03):
everything we need, cause Istill wanted to keep my room and
my grandparents and um.
I remember she said I'm notgoing to be, I'm going out
tonight with some friends and um, but we live, we live right in
town.
So she was just going uptown.
She said just, uh, lock thedoor when, after dark, you know,
(09:26):
after you come in the house andeverything, and just lock the
door and I'll have my key.
I remember early in the morning,like two or three in the
morning, I was awakened bystumbling and a couple of people
laughing and she fumbled withthe keys and got into the house
and they came in to the room, tothe living room, where I was
(09:50):
sleeping Well, I wasn't sleepinganymore, but where I was in bed
and they turned on the lightand she was with this guy that
this man, and I didn't know whohe was.
They came and sat on the bedand laughing and joking and I
could you could definitely tellthey were both, they'd both been
(10:12):
drinking a lot, but they wereyou know, they were talking with
me and everything, and probablyafter about two hours my mother
said okay, um, I think I shouldintroduce you properly to this
guy that's here with me.
She goes, that guy that youknew, as your father is not your
(10:35):
father, this is your father,this is your natural born father
.
I'm like, okay, nothing, Idon't, nothing much happened.
I mean, he, he stayed for a dayor two and then he was gone and
I and mom mom and him explainedthat he had to work.
He had to go to where he workedcause he didn't live in that
town.
He lived about 20 minutes awayor so and I was like, okay, um,
(11:01):
I remember after about two weeks, after my foster father came
and knocked on the door, I wasin the front of the house and my
mom was in her room and Ilooked out the window and I went
back and I naturally told,because it was still setting
into me, was still setting intome, it was still setting into my
(11:30):
mind that he's not my father,this other guy's my father.
So I went back and naturally Isaid, hey, mom, dad's here she
goes.
Well, you can let him in.
I'm like, okay, my whole walkfrom her bedroom to the front
door.
I'm thinking I thought theyweren't getting along and I
thought she kicked him out.
Why am I letting him in?
And they had a heateddiscussion, I don't know.
(11:51):
Remember what it was about.
Nothing, nothing physical,nothing happened.
And he was there about 20, 25minutes and then he left.
Well, the following weekend myfather shows up and at some
point my mother told him thestory of what had happened.
And that was my firstexperience with verbal abuse
(12:14):
from my father.
He just degraded me and saidhow can you get us confused?
And I'm nine years old, so Ihave no, you know, I'm like I
don't know, I don't know, I justfor nine years he was my father
.
You've been my father for aweek or two.
So that was my explanation Then.
(12:38):
That that calmed down.
I do remember some good timeswith both fathers, but at this
point it took a while.
Now my friends start comingaround.
It's summertime and Eric, whowas on the show he's, that's
where I met him was when I livedin this town.
In that town, um, they all,they would come over and
(12:59):
everything, and he would bethere sometimes.
And and I say he was theresometimes I feel almost like now
, looking back, it's almost likewe had visitation rights with
him, like like, um, you havestepchildren and they maybe they
(13:20):
come over every couple ofweekends and then they're not
there, for you know, they're notthere for two weeks and then
you see, and then they come overfor the weekend, and that's
what it seemed like.
We wouldn't see him for a weekor so and then we'd see him for
three or four days and then wewouldn't see him again and then
he'd come back and we'd see himfor three or four days.
So after my friends had hung outwith us and come over and
(13:43):
whatnot, when they weren'taround, he would always belittle
them and say that because heknew their parents, they were
bad kids, they were just, youknow, out to make trouble and I
constantly got berated about whomy friends were and the things
that maybe that we did.
Now he never physically touchedme.
(14:04):
A lot of verbal abuse.
One thing that I should noteabout my father is that he had a
lot of girlfriends and I have alot of half-brothers and
sisters.
So during the early times Idon't know how long it was after
(14:27):
my father started coming aroundmy mother and him announced
that she was pregnant, and soabout nine months after my
actually nine months to the dayafter my birthday which is
telling me that they werehanging out before I met him, my
(14:51):
only true sibling both parents,both with the same parents was
born and not.
And sometime after that, before, not long after that, he was
gone.
My real father was gone.
Never really an explanation oranything, he was just gone.
(15:15):
At some point during that time,when my father was still around,
a couple had moved in to one ofthe apartments upstairs.
They had three kids.
I ended up.
I got to know the kids a little, you know, and one was their
oldest, was about a year and ahalf younger than me.
(15:35):
Well then, suddenly the fatherof these three children was
hanging out with us a lot.
Not with his kids, not with hiswife none of them were with him
but he was hanging out with usa lot not with his kids, not
with his wife, with none of themwere with him but he was
hanging out at our place, he washanging out with us.
He even took us a couple oftimes to the dirt track racing,
(15:57):
um.
And I was like, okay, I didn't.
I'm I'm about 10 years old, soI still don't know what's going
on.
I'm not old enough tounderstand what's happening here
.
Then one day came home fromschool and all of his stuff was
(16:19):
in the house.
I'm like, all right, and shesaid the only explanation I got
for that was he.
Him and his wife got into afight.
They're separating.
He needed a place to stay andwe have a big.
Our area of the house is thewhole downstairs.
We have plenty of room.
I'm like, okay, then why?
And I'm thinking, why is someof his stuff in your bedroom?
(16:42):
So I'm like, okay, not sure howmuch longer later, but they
were definitely a couple talking.
And my mother got pregnant againand by the time I'm 11, my
sister is born, and they'redefinitely a couple at this
(17:02):
point, and there are definitelya couple at this point, and my
mother worked night shift at anursing home as, just like a I
don't know a CNA I'm not sure ifthat's what they're called or
not, but she was also going tonursing school.
(17:23):
So I would see her, probably atleast Monday through Friday.
I would probably see her for acouple hours a day at best At
some point during that time.
My stepfather they weren't Idon't know if they were, even
I'm not sure if they weremarried yet, because they were
both had to have their divorcesfinalized before they actually
(17:46):
got married.
So I don't remember if itstarted before or after they got
married, but once in a while hewould spank me, but not quite
as bad as my foster father, butworse than what I'd seen, like
my uncle, like if my cousin didsomething, he would like smack
(18:08):
him, like one time on the buttand that's it.
This was a little bit moresevere, but not quite as severe
as my foster father.
And then at some point, um,during before I was I I believe
it was after I was 11, butbefore I was 12, he started
(18:30):
touching me sexually and it got.
I mean, at first it was littlethings and later it got way more
severe, way more often, andabout a little after I was 12,
(18:53):
we moved to a farmhouse.
Now I should also tell you thathis demeanor kind of pushed
some of my mother's family awayand I would see them, but not as
often as I would see thembefore, including my
grandparents, who at the timelived right out back.
So then we moved to a farmhouse, but my grandparents didn't go
with us.
So it was just me, my mom andmy two brothers and sisters and
(19:17):
his three kids who are nowliving with us.
But they would go almost everyweekend to their parents' house,
to their mother's house, butwith my mom still going to
school, there was still plentyof time for him to touch me and
do things.
By the time I was starting to gothrough puberty he had a couple
(19:46):
of medical issues like his.
He had a, he had a back injury,so he was getting like full
disability.
But he was doing, he would workfor a few farmers on the side
under the table, um, um, a lot.
(20:10):
And what?
When I got a little older?
Um, me and my mom and the kidswere their other kids were just
going up to meet them and, uh,we ended up helping and they saw
that you know well, he's apretty good worker.
And, um, so my stepfatherdecided he was going to make me
work.
Now, my stepfather could make somuch money with the disability,
so I think he was like payinghalf to him on the books and
(20:36):
half under the table.
But he said, instead of mepaying, the farmer said, instead
of me paying the taxes for thekids to work, I will give you
the money and then you give itto them and that'll just be,
they're working for you and allthat.
Well, first of all, never sawany of that at all.
But during that time, as I'mgoing through puberty, I started
(21:01):
he didn't realize what kind ofwhat he was doing.
He was kind of setting himselfup for failure because as I was
working and working hard and hewas basically sitting on the
tractor cause he couldn't do alot of the physical stuff, I was
getting like built up withoutme going to a gym or nothing,
(21:21):
just doing the hard farm work,without me going to a gym or
nothing, just doing the hardfarm work.
And it continued.
And you know the abusecontinued both ways,
no-transcript.
After I had started doing allthis farm work and getting
(21:44):
getting toned and everything, itwasn't hurting as much because
I was building muscle and and Ikept, I, I kept doing the work
and kept, you know, the all theabuse continued until and I
couldn't go anywhere.
I couldn't do anything becauseI'm not old enough.
(22:06):
And then, as I got a littleolder, I learned there was ways
I could get out of the abuse.
Not necessarily every time, butI was able to avoid it a little
, but it still happened.
A little while after I hadturned 16, now I'm technically
old enough to where I couldleave, but I waited.
(22:29):
As I got a little closer to 16,I started.
I knew a guy who knew, who knewjudo.
He taught it would stay afterschool and he would show me.
He would just teach me a fewthings.
And I'm five foot six.
Judo is kind of a martial artsthat's made designed for a
(22:52):
smaller person because it'smostly defense and leverage.
Now I'm a little after.
I'm a little older than I justturned 16.
It's during that summer after Iturned 16.
I got home a lot later than Ijust turned 16.
It's during that summer after Iturned 16, I got home a lot
later than I was supposed to.
Actually, I think it wasactually the school year after I
turned 16.
(23:13):
Yeah, cause I stayed afterschool for something and I was.
I got back much later.
He started with that.
Somebody else had to do ourtrip, had to do my chores, and
I'm like, started with that.
Somebody else had to do mychores.
And I'm like, yes, but I dotheir chores.
Every time they're not here,they have another house to go to
.
I always do their stuff whenthey're not around, because no
(23:36):
one else in this house does it.
You can't expect the two littleones to do this because they're
five and six.
So then he started talking abouta couple of my friends.
And just happens to be when wemoved to the farmhouse is
actually when I met my what?
My current wife.
She was one of our neighborsand he started talking and at
(23:59):
the time we were just friendsand he started talking bad about
her and I was like don't youtalk about my friends like that?
And he came at me and I knew inmy mind I have to let him hit
me first.
I can't, I can't be the.
I can't hit first, because if Ihit first, then because I'm 16,
(24:20):
he can have me arrested orsomething.
So he came at me and I stayedsitting right on the couch and
he smacked me on the top of thehead and when he did, I came up
with an uppercut to his to hischin, knocked him down and we
started fighting in the livingroom.
My mother broke it up and Iwent.
He said if you're going to actlike that, you can get out.
(24:43):
I went.
I said that's fine by me.
I went to my room and I gotjust enough stuff that I needed
and, unbeknownst to any of them,I had put a lock on my door.
So when I left I locked my doorso they couldn't get into my
room and take my stuff before Icame back to get everything else
(25:05):
.
As I was leaving, he startedyelling at me and screaming at
me that I was leaving, and Isaid well, you told me to leave
and now I am.
And then he came at me againand again.
I did not use judo at all, Iwanted a brawl, I wanted this,
(25:26):
this is it.
And we swung at each other.
I hit him a few times and then,when he fell to the ground, I
took his head and slammed itinto my mother's washing machine
, grabbed my stuff and walkedout the door and that was it.
That was when I had decided tomake a stand.
(25:48):
But I don't know, I could haveleft months before, but I think
I wanted to take out theaggression I had been feeling my
entire life.
Um, there is one part that Iwanted to go back and touch on
before we moved to the farmhouse.
Somebody, I don't know whoactually I do know.
(26:11):
Now, later on in life, my aunttold me that she had done it,
she had seen something and shehad called CPS and they had come
in and they were allowed totalk to me alone.
And I said to her I asked herbecause I was concerned, because
I'd heard it many times.
I'd heard it many times beforeI was like um, what happens if,
(26:35):
today, you think something'sgoing on, if, when you interview
me, you think something's goingon?
What happens today?
She said, well, nothing, Iwould have to.
And it's like four or fiveo'clock in the afternoon she
said I would have to go back,fill out a report and file it
tomorrow and then aninvestigation would happen.
(26:56):
I was like, so what wouldhappen to me short term?
She said, well, you would stayhere until the investigation was
done.
And I'm like okay.
So said, well, you would stayhere until the investigation was
done.
And I'm like okay.
So I'm like I'm not telling heranything, I'm going to act like
everything is fine.
I've been acting likeeverything's fine for so long, I
believe.
Now the laws have changed.
(27:17):
Where now, if they believethere's abuse?
But I mean, we're talking,talking, this was probably 1982,
81.
So, yeah, I was like I'm not, Ican't, I don't know what he'll
do if he finds out that I saidsomething.
And how old were you when thathappened?
(27:37):
Um, well, I know, I know.
When we moved out of that houseand into the farmhouse, I was
12, so it was sometime beforethat, because we were still
living in that house.
I remember, I remember it clearas day we were sitting in the
kitchen of the dining room ofthat house.
So I do remember that.
So it was before I was 12.
(27:57):
So and I would have turned 12in 83, 1983.
So it had to have been early 83or before that.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
But still, my gosh, you're coming in, you're
questioning an 11-year-old andthen saying, as we investigate,
you're going to stay in the samehouse as your abuser.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah, and, like I said, I believe the laws have
changed now If they believethere's abuse, they take them
right then.
I said I believe the laws havechanged now If they believe
there's abuse, they take themright then.
Actually, I know that becauseour youngest son it was neglect,
it wasn't abuse.
At the time they didn't know ifit was abuse, they just knew it
was neglect.
I knew they were taken out ofthe house that day and it was a
(28:40):
Saturday or a Sunday.
So yeah, I know they wereremoved from the house right
away when they lived with theirparents.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
But your aunt never said anything to you or asked
you about anything.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
No, no, she never said anything to me.
She later told me that she hadcalled because I don't know.
I didn't like I said I didn'thave a lot of alone time with a
lot of my mother's family.
Um, after he had, they had seenhow he was.
(29:16):
I mean they could tell he wasan angry guy and he would get
mad about things.
Um, they didn't.
I don't know if any of themknew about the abuse other than
my aunt had seen something andshe didn't know what it was.
I don't know.
She didn't tell me exactly whatshe saw, but she said that she
had seen something and I knowfor a short time they lived in
(29:38):
one of the apartments.
So maybe she just saw somethingor heard something and wasn't
sure what it was and just didn'treally get a chance to talk to
me.
So maybe she just saw somethingor heard something and wasn't
sure what it was and just didn'treally get a chance to talk to
me, so she just reported it.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Well, that's a big deal that she did that, because
I think back then a lot ofpeople didn't say anything,
right right.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Right, I mean I knew somebody had said something, I
just didn't know who, becauseotherwise I knew somebody had
said something, I just didn'tknow who.
Um, because otherwise why wouldthey have been there?
Um, they don't normally do that.
I mean, we weren't.
We weren't on any assistance oranything.
Um, he was on disability, butthat's not the same, that that's
different.
(30:18):
Um, um.
So during that time when he wasabusing me, I remember one point
I was crying during during theevent, and he had said something
(30:40):
to me and he said I want you toknow that every time, for the
rest of your life, that you cry,you will think of me.
And some point right after thatwas when I had made the mental
decision I am going to bury allof those feelings.
I'm going to bury my feelingsand hide them.
So it was easy.
If I didn't have any feelings,it wasn't a bad thing, it wasn't
(31:01):
going to hurt me.
It wasn't a bad thing, itwasn't going to hurt me.
Um, I didn't know who I couldtrust and who.
If I told so, I literally atsome points thought the world
was against me.
I'm like this has happened withthree different guys and I,
(31:31):
just like I said, I just learnedto turn them off Um another
once I had moved out and was onmy own.
Um, I was living with a.
A friend's parents had a, Ithink years ago.
It was um, like a farmhouse,and they had like, uh, for the
workers.
They had, uh, a little cabinfor the workers to live, you
know, to stay in when they wereworking, and then they could go
back home wherever that may be.
(31:52):
Um, we fixed it up as anapartment and me and their son,
my friend, lived in it for awhile and then eventually I
moved back in with mygrandparents.
They had the extra room to helpme save money and whatnot.
One big thing I noticed in mylife was I had a major
(32:19):
commitment issue.
I didn't trust anybody If I wasdating someone and they even
suggested anything long-term.
My mind immediately said, okay,time to look for an escape
clause, some way to get out, andI did that for a long time.
Matter of fact, the first realcommitment thing I did had
(32:42):
nothing to do with arelationship, but was when I
decided I'm going to join themilitary after high school and
I'm like well, I know, that'sthat on that.
Technically, they, they haveyou for eight years.
You may only have a two year,which is what I had.
I had a two year commitment.
I ended up re-enlisting and Idid four years, but for four
(33:03):
years after that you'retechnically they can call you
back for something if somethinghappens.
That was my only realcommitment I made before I went
off to the military.
I went off to the military andwhen I finished my tour I came
back.
I came home on leave severaltimes and then um, and I kept in
(33:27):
touch with some of my friendsand some of them would have
eventually distance Um, the whenI came home.
Um, I came home in July and thefollowing June me and my wife
had gotten married.
We had decided you know, we'vebeen with other people, you know
, I mean, we've been friends allthis time.
So we ended up getting marriedand had our two daughters.
(33:51):
And then at some point mydaughters were still young.
I remember they were stillyoung.
I'd heard that my well, actually, before that, before happened,
my father, my biological father,was living in Missouri and I
had heard that he was up.
(34:12):
I had no intentions of going tosee him or nothing.
He was staying at.
He was really close friendswhen he lived in our area with
my wife's uncle.
They were really close friends.
He was staying with him.
I had no intention of going tosee him.
My brother wanted to meet hisfather.
I said, okay, I can take you.
(34:35):
Um, I remember my, my oldestdaughter was nine months old.
Um, and then, uh.
So I took him and met him andapparently he was there and he
had six kids with him from theage ranging from the youngest
was three and the oldest hadjust turned 17.
(34:55):
They were my half brothers andsisters and, kind of a sidebar
thing, I found out I knew one ofthe kids I went to school with
was my brother, but I didn'trealize until I was a little
older, when I was talking to hismother, that he is three days
(35:16):
older than me.
Um, it's weird.
He was one of the very firstpeople I met in kindergarten.
We were in the same class.
He was one of the first kids Iever met in school and turns out
we were brothers three daysapart.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
When did you find that out?
Speaker 3 (35:35):
It was a.
I want to say I was like 25.
My wife's cousin had justgraduated from high school and
we were at a graduation partyand she was there and we just
got talking and she said, yeah,my son and she said his name
(35:55):
just celebrated his 25thbirthday.
And I was like I justcelebrated my 25th birthday,
when was he born?
And she said June 12th.
And I'm like I was born on June15th.
Are you sure he celebrated the25th?
And she goes 1971.
And I'm like yeah, it was 1971too.
So I'm like, okay, my goodness,yeah, yeah, that's how my
(36:18):
father was.
So, turns out, those kids he wasthose kids he was with when he
come up.
He was running from the law forabuse on some of them kids.
They left um, were dropped offsomewhere about 30 or 40 miles
(36:39):
away from where we live and theywere hiding somewhere miles
away from where we live and theywere hiding somewhere and a
police officer drove by and sawsomething, saw one of the kids
out in back of this barn andwent out to check it out and
found them.
They extradited him back toMissouri.
He spent like three years injail for the abuse and they were
(37:03):
fostered out and the kids thatnow the youngest three weren't
the youngest four that he hadbrought with him were not
fostered out because theirmother was the one who reported
the abuse she got.
She took her kids and she movedback to our area where her
parents lived.
So she brought those four plusthe other two that she had, the
(37:25):
ones that were not his, no, thatwere not hers.
All got fostered out.
And, yeah, that was my onlytimes ever meeting my father was
when I knew him for about theyear that I knew him.
And then that one time well, wewent up there probably three
(37:45):
times while he was there duringthat week or so that he was up
running from the law.
So then I know both of mydaughters were born at this
point.
I had heard that my stepfatherwas really sick and he was on
his deathbed.
I went to the hospital andwalked into the room and I asked
(38:15):
my stepsister and all them if Icould have a minute with him
and I closed the door.
And they closed the door whenthey left I walked over to him.
He looked up, he recognized me.
I knew he recognized me and Iwhispered in his ear you lose.
And I walked out hardest thingI've ever done was that.
(38:57):
But I had him.
I had to let him know.
I won, he lost and then I don'tknow my.
I know we had our son.
We adopted our son.
Um, we're not, I guess,technically we didn't adopt him,
we just became his guardians.
Um and uh, my real father hadpassed away.
I did go to the.
(39:18):
They didn't have a service,they only had like call on hours
or something.
I went to them have a service.
They only had like call-inhours or something.
I went to them.
But I went to them for onereason I didn't want to see him,
I just wanted first.
I wanted, well, actually tworeasons.
I wanted to know it was realthat he's really gone and I
wanted to meet some of thefamily I'd never met, because
I'd never met hardly any of hisfamily outside of those six kids
(39:42):
he brought up and the one, thetwo I went to school with.
So I went up and I met them andI keep in touch with some of
them.
Um, I haven't heard from my onesister in a while, but she had
gotten, she was divorced and shehad gotten remarried.
Afterwards I went to herwedding and then then I think
something happened where themarriage didn't work and she did
(40:06):
, and she's done it beforeApparently.
She was abused by my fatherwhen she was young and when she
turned 16, she ran away.
Well, that's what she's doneagain and we haven't heard from
her in a couple of years.
So she ran away.
But this time she ran awaybecause the guy she married was
friends with all of the family.
So she just she ran away againand after telling my story on
(40:33):
our podcast, it helped a littlewhen I told it in the group chat
.
But then, when I told it on thepodcast, I started noticing
these feelings I hadn't feltcome out.
I'm getting choked up thinkingabout them coming out now and I
(41:00):
don't get choked up.
My grandfather, who I respectmore than anybody that's ever
walked the planet, for what he'sdone, what he did for me, what
he did for his wife and six kidswhen he passed I shed no tears
because I wasn't at that pointyet.
Now I am and these feelings arestarting to come out more, and
(41:25):
a couple of my close friendshave noticed it.
I mean Becky told me she saidthe hugs are different, there's
more feeling in them and I waslike there was nothing before
Before it was.
Yes, it's great to see you old,you, old, friend.
You know I haven't seen you,you know, but it was just.
It could have been anybody.
Now they're starting to comeout, so I think telling this
(41:50):
story helped bring me back, Iguess, because I was.
Most of me before was fake,because that was my defense
mechanism, and that pretty muchbrings us up to now.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
I'm so proud of you and I'm so honored that you came
on to share that, and I don'tcry usually during these, but
this is incredible.
You're so strong and I totallyget putting on like that armor
(42:36):
and just not allowing that.
I mean that makes sense,especially after what was said
to you, but I think it'sabsolutely incredible how much
and how powerful it is to justget that out of your system and
talk about it, and not only doyou help yourself, you help
other people at the same time,Right, Originally.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
That was why I I told my story I mean, probably fifth
, uh, maybe 15 years ago, wasthe first time I had told anyone
any part of my story.
And that was just my family, mywife.
And that was just my family, mywife, my kids and them, and
that was it.
And then, and the reason I didthat is because one of the
(43:23):
children was sexually abused byhis father.
We had custody of him for alittle while but he needed more
help than we could, we couldprovide.
And at the time, you know someabusers, they hide their
feelings, like I did.
Some abusers, especially sexual,they're male, they become
(43:45):
womanizers and some are violent.
And he was that.
He was violent at times, thathe was violent at times.
And even though my youngestdaughter was two years older
than him, once a man, once a boy, goes through starts, going
(44:10):
through puberty.
They become stronger than mostgirls when they go through
puberty.
I mean that's a naturaloccurrence.
So he was still able at the.
At some point he was able tooverpower her.
I mean my daughter literallyhad to pull him off of pull him
off of her one time when I justwasn't in the room, or actually
they were outside on thetrampoline and I think I was
(44:32):
mowing the lawn or weed, eatingor something.
But that's why I told them,because he was the boy was gone
now he was in a home and and Idecided, you know, I'm going to,
I'm going to tell, because they, you know, they naturally think
that everybody is going to bethat way.
That was abused that way and Iwas like no, I was like I,
(44:54):
literally I want to say I'veprobably spanked my kids,
including the boy that wasviolent at times, probably four
times ever, and that's all ofthem combined.
I, and it was at the timeprobably needed, but it wasn't
(45:17):
excessive.
I mean, it was literally, itwas like one spank and that was
it.
So if I learned anything frommy three fathers was I'm not
going to become them.
And, like I said, once I firstreally told my story on the air
(45:41):
is when I started noticing thischange, and it's been a long
time.
I want to say I know we were inthe farmhouse.
I want to say I was probably 14when he said that to me, so I
turned 54 in June and to saythat within the last six months
(46:05):
is when it started happening,was when I told it might've been
even less than that.
So for pretty close to 40 yearsthese feelings were hidden,
were gone, and they're startingto come back and it's a good
thing.
But me getting used to them isthe hardest thing.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
I was going to say how does it make you feel?
Is it weird?
Speaker 3 (46:31):
Yeah, I don't remember these feelings.
So when they come out, I don'tknow how to deal with them all
the time.
So when they, when they comeout, I don't know how to deal
with them all the time.
That that's my.
I think that's my.
Hardest thing is dealing withthese new feelings that they're
just new to me.
I mean, you know they weren't.
They're not new to people,they're just to me they're.
They're brand new, cause I'vebeen without them more than I've
(46:54):
been with them.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
So yeah, but that's going to feel so good, though,
because I think like the happyfeelings are going to feel even
happier.
Like it's just going to be moreintense.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
Yeah, absolutely, I've already.
Like I said, I've already seenit, I've already noticed it and
I see things you knowdifferently and it's like, ok,
you know, it just took me a longtime to to tell Um, cause I had
told them.
Oh, I don't remember, when Itold them in the group chat it
(47:26):
was probably early Springs,probably almost a year now last
year, and then it was months.
And then I just decided I'mlike you know what Cause?
Know what?
Because we did, I think.
Well, we did a couple showsabout certain you know, about
serious things, you know.
And then we had this other.
(47:46):
We had this woman, deb Maxwell,on our show and she talked
about suicide and at some pointduring that episode I actually
lost track of what they weretalking about because my mind
took over and I said you know,she's telling her story about
(48:11):
what happened with her son and Idon't want to say it wrong
because she says it a certainway.
And I don't want to say itwrong because she says it a
certain way.
I don't think she says commitsuicide, I think, because commit
means Right, is it likecompleted?
Speaker 1 (48:25):
suicide.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Yeah, it might be completed.
And so when at some point Ilost track of things, I'm like
if she can tell this story andit helped people I mean she has
her own podcast and things thatshe does I was like maybe my
story will.
And, like I said, the endresult I never expected in
(48:50):
myself.
That just is a bonus.
I guess that's a good bonusComing out of it, yeah, yeah
bonus.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
I guess that's a good bonus.
Yeah, yeah, I think I thinkwhat it does is it's like all
this weight that you've beencarrying, you get to just let
some of that go put some of itdown every time.
Speaker 3 (49:08):
Yeah, absolutely, um, yeah and um and I'm not afraid
to say this part, I doubt she'llwatch anyway, but um, I tried.
Yes, in a way Did I blame mymother in?
In ways, absolutely Um, becauseI she wasn't ever single very
(49:32):
long and it to me it was likeshe just the first guy that
comes along, that that looks herway.
And she didn't see any of it orshe didn't think that, like she
saw my foster father hit me andshe had to have known that was
excessive.
I mean, it was so excessivethat when I was out of the
(49:52):
picture and he turned to her shekicked him out.
So why wasn't it severe when itwasn't to her, when it was to
someone else?
And, oh, I tried.
My sister, my half-sister, bornto my mother, the one when I was
(50:16):
11, she kind of she's obviouslythe favorite and my mother
doesn't.
I've lived in the current houseI live in.
We've been here almost 19 years.
My mother has been due at once.
I've lived in well, we've livedin three places since we've
(50:38):
been married and this June willbe 30 years.
And, yeah, and she hasn't been.
Like I said, she's been to thishouse once and my mother-in-law
ran into her, oh, probably fiveyears ago, maybe a little more,
and they were talking and mymother asked, you know, asked
(51:02):
her how we were doing, how waseverything, and, and she's, and
then, and you know, she told herwell, you know, they're doing
fine and this and that.
And my mother said to mymother-in-law I would love to
see him more often, but I don'twant to make my daughter mad.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
What.
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Yeah, oh, um, I'd received a letter, a handwritten
letter, in the mail from mymother and I read it and I was
just kind of okay and I put it.
We had at the time we had, um,like a reclining love seat, but
it wasn't side by side.
In the middle there was like acenter console where you can put
.
I tossed it in the centerconsole.
(51:44):
Well, we were getting rid ofthat and I was cleaning it out
and I came across this letterand I was like, okay, I was like
, all right, so I texted her andI said I think you need to know
something.
And I said I think you need toknow something.
I said I can't do it now, but Iwas like, and we set a day and
I was like I don't think I cantalk to you on the phone, I
(52:05):
think it should be in text.
She said, okay, I was like, butI need to make sure you're free
and have nothing else going on.
I told her the story and mypoint of view and kind of the
reaction I got was oh, I didn'tknow any of that.
That's it Not sorry for youknow, not anything.
Speaker 1 (52:29):
So, yeah, me and my mom, just we were close at one
point and I tried to stay close,but I guess when I got married
and started my own life anddidn't need the help, I guess
that was how it was, I think,sometimes when you get true
people in your lives that havetrue love and it makes you
(52:54):
realize what is not the realstuff or what's more toxic or
damaging for you, and it's goodthat you're in a place where you
can recognize that and justmove on from it.
I mean unfortunately.
You'd love closure from it, butsometimes you just have to walk
(53:15):
away, and that's the healthiestthing.
Speaker 3 (53:18):
Yeah, and that's pretty much what I've done.
I don't see any of my family.
Very often the ones I was theclosest to they have both passed
, both my grandparents.
So I should tell you I see mygrandfather more than I see the
rest of my family, and I alreadytold you that he passed away.
(53:40):
He is the reason I chose Armyover one of the other armed
forces.
I go to his grave almost.
I didn't last year.
My daughter had to go to urgentcare last year on Veterans Day,
but it used to be a tradition Iwould go to his grave site at
(54:03):
Veterans Day and I just I didn'tdo it.
Last year my daughter had to goto urgent care, so I took her
to urgent care.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
Yeah, you have to do that.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
Okay, you know I mean , but I used to do it every year
and I'll probably do it againthis year, and it's just
something I do.
So I see my grandfather morethan I see the rest.
I see my grandmother too,because they share a grave.
They were both cremated and putin the same grave.
My grandmother passed first andshe actually was in her urn for
(54:37):
about three years before theyput them in the ground together.
Speaker 1 (54:44):
Well, you also have a pretty good group of friends.
Yes, From my point of view itlooks pretty tight like a family
.
Speaker 3 (54:51):
Yeah, I had.
I had known, like everyone inthe group chat that I was added
to a little over a year ago.
I knew most of them.
There was, I think, literallythink there was one I didn't
know, but she's a friend of, ofone of the people in in the
(55:19):
group chat.
But I've gotten to know her alittle bit, not a lot.
I haven't spoken to her in awhile, but we, you know, but, um
, but, yeah, um, a lot of theseI, I, I don't want to say they
were all friends.
Um, definitely, Jeff was for awhile in school, Um, not a close
friend, but just a friend.
I mean, I would have consideredhim a friend, Um, Eric and me
(55:40):
when I was a little younger.
Um, we were friends, and um andme and Becky we became friends
in late in my high school career.
I'm a couple of years olderthan her Um, she hung out.
She was part of my group that Ihung out with after school.
Then we kind of I don't want tosay drifted apart, but we
(56:04):
didn't see each other for awhile.
I went off to the army, she hadto finish school and when I came
home and me and my wife gottogether, she came back into my
life and would hang out at ourapartment almost every night and
then we kind of she got marriedand we kind of drifted a little
(56:27):
bit again.
And then about a year, a littleover a year ago, we got back
and I don't know, I don't knowwhat I could, what I would do
without him at this point.
Any of them?
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what I would dowithout them at this point.
Any of them?
Yeah, yeah, I don't know what Iwould do without them now.
Speaker 1 (56:42):
They're a good group.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
Yeah, yeah, and they helped me obviously.
I mean, that's why my storycame out and why I'm healing.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
Yeah, yeah, and you have to be around the right
people to be able to talk aboutsomething that's so vulnerable.
Speaker 3 (57:03):
Right, right.
Speaker 1 (57:04):
But, george, I'm so happy for you and honestly I'm
so grateful and honored that youcame and decided to share your
story with me too.
Speaker 3 (57:15):
Thank you, and I'm glad that you were going to
invite me.
I mean, eric kind of jumped thegun for you.
Speaker 1 (57:24):
He did, he took the glory.
Speaker 3 (57:27):
But I'm glad that you invited me and I was able to
tell my story again and heal alittle more and hopefully I can
help somebody else heal now.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
I think so.
I think for sure this willdefinitely help.
I also wanted to say thank youfor your service.
You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
Yeah, thank you, I always say.
When somebody says that to me,I always say thank you.
The reason I say thank you isbecause if my service wasn't
needed because of you, becauseof all of you, it wouldn't have
meant anything.
Speaker 1 (58:01):
So I like how you look at it that way.
Speaker 3 (58:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
That's nice.
Speaker 3 (58:05):
Yeah, I think that's the closest thing to feelings
I've had over the last year, wasthat?
Speaker 1 (58:12):
Yeah, yeah, but amazing, what amazing progress
in just a year.
Speaker 3 (58:16):
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:18):
I'm happy for you.
Thank you again.
Is there anything else you'dlike to say before?
No, no, I will be back nextweek with another episode.
(58:38):
Until then, stay strong andwherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Speaker 2 (58:50):
Find more information , register as a guest or leave a
review by going to the website1in3podcastcom.
That's the number1-I-N-3podcastcom.
Follow 1in3 on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at
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To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
(59:10):
1in3 is a .5 Pinoy productionMusic written and performed by
Tim Crow.
Hi Warriors, Welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, Ingrid.
As many of you know, One inThree includes not just women,
but also men and children.
Today's guest is bravelystepping forward to share his
story, a story involving abuseby three separate individuals,
but this isn't just a story oftrauma.
(00:23):
It's a story of resilience andof healing.
Nearly 40 years later, and thatis a beautiful thing here is
George.
Hey, george, thank you so muchfor joining me today.
You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
I'm very happy for you to be here and just a quick
catch up to those who may notknow.
George and I met because I hadguested on a podcast that he's a
co-host for and, as we weretalking about things, he agreed
to come on one and three toshare his story one and three to
(01:05):
share his story.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
All right, sounds good, okay.
So before I actually start myoriginal plan, as I dealt with
what had happened to me, I hadoriginally planned that my story
was going to die with me andnobody.
I wasn't going to tell anyone.
And then I ended up tellingsome of my family my wife and
(01:25):
kids and whatnot and then Ijoined this little chat group
and got really close with them.
I knew them all before but wehadn't really kept in touch for
a while and I kind of told themand then I ended up telling them
on our podcast and then I endedup telling it on our podcast.
So I thought it was a good ideato maybe expand and have others
(01:48):
that maybe listen to othershows hear the story.
So my story starts.
My grandparents had six childrenand my grandmother was a stay
at home mom and my grandfatherworked a lot of hours to pay for
(02:11):
these to, you know, to pay thebills and everything.
And the third oldest daughter,when she was 15, got pregnant
and right after she was 16, Iwas born the first grandchild to
my grandparents, and he hadoriginally planned, as the kids
were getting a little older andgoing to be moving out, drop
(02:33):
down, but he continued to do twoof the three jobs that he did
the one full time and then asone part-time at the hospital,
um to help support because theyhad agreed she was going to stay
and go to school.
She was single at the time andI was born with my grandparent
with her maiden name.
By the time I was a year old,she had gotten married and they
(02:57):
went through the court processand I was adopted.
Still, I still lived in mygrandparents' house and my mom
and her new husband sometimeswere there.
Sometimes they had an apartmentuntil I was about five and I
don't remember anythinghappening prior to that.
But after we had moved, after Iwas done with kindergarten and I
(03:18):
just turned six years old, wemoved to a different place, to a
different place, um, and Iremember every time like he was,
he got drunk a lot Like, likethat was the first thing he
(03:38):
thought of when he got home fromwork.
My there's be my foster fatherand um, and I remember he would,
he would spank me, and I don'tmean like a couple of times, I
mean like every time he did.
I couldn't sit for a littlewhile.
Um, bad, um, and I remember itwas all.
I don't remember a lot ofdetails, but I remember that it
(04:01):
was for stuff that six and sevenyear old kids do, nothing
really bad where like one quickspanking could have completely
taken care of it, or even maybejust a talking to.
After I turned seven, we movedinto a bigger house, but we were
waiting on the guy that we werebuying.
(04:23):
We were going to buy thisbigger house.
They actually had a house and atrailer on the property in town
.
It wasn't ready yet.
He needed to do some things toit, so we moved into another
house that he had that was bigenough for everyone.
At that time all the kids hadmoved out except for my mother
(04:45):
and my foster father, so it wasreally just five of us living at
the house.
One time I do remember that hehit me for was I remember we
were out in the country at thishouse.
Out in back there was like agully and at the bottom of the
gully there was a creek and theywould.
He showed me the things.
(05:11):
He would have minnow traps setup in the creek to catch minnows
to use for live bait forfishing.
And one night he came home andwhen him and my mom came home
I'm assuming from the bar, Idon't know they she would always
ask me you know what'd you dotoday?
You know how was your day?
And I said, well, you know,school was okay and I came home
(05:33):
and I played in the backyard fora while.
I went down to the creek and,you know, played by the water.
The next day I came home and hewas, and they.
He took me to my room and hekept.
He was screaming at me and keptasking me why I opened the
(05:55):
minnow traps, why I let all theminnow out, and I was like I
kept telling them that I had notdone it and I proceeded that
day to get pretty severe beating.
And then later I rememberlaying in bed, not sleeping and
(06:19):
hearing him and my mother talk,and he said I was thinking about
it and I think I left theminnow trap open.
Yesterday when I, when Iemptied them.
I never got an apology.
I never heard anything moreabout it.
I just that's what I rememberabout.
(06:41):
Six months after living in thathouse, we moved to our larger
house.
Now, the good thing about thathouse was the front house was
big and they lived.
My mother and foster fatherlived there.
I lived out back of the housein a trailer.
It was a rather large trailerbut it was just the three of us.
So within probably a year,apparently his anger was not
(07:08):
taken out on me because I didn'tlive there, was taken out on my
mother.
So she kicked him out and hewas gone.
So I'm like okay, the abuse isgone and I didn't.
I want to make it clear that Ididn't.
I don't attach the fact that hewas an alcoholic to the abuse,
(07:35):
because my grandfather at thattime he drank, and one of them
and my uncle, he drank, and Inever saw them angry while they
were drinking.
Ever I've seen them angry, butusually it's just something that
happened in life or whatever,but nothing.
(07:57):
They never took it out onanyone else.
And then, probably aroundbetween the time I was eight and
nine, is when my foster fatherwas gone that summer, right
after I turned nine years old,cause I my birthday is in June,
so I I like literally like mybirthday is right before the end
(08:18):
of the school year I decidedyou know what, he's gone, I'm
going to spend more time duringthe summer at mom's house.
Now at the house, the upstairs.
Um was made into like twodifferent apartments.
There was two apartmentsupstairs.
That that's kind of a key for alittle bit later.
So I was staying there and thiswas right after probably the
(08:42):
first I think it was the firstweekend after school had let out
.
Um, my mom didn't have abedroom set up for me yet, she
was in the process of doing it.
But she said I have a pulloutcouch and she said we can set
that up at least for the firstweekend and you know, for the
first, for the first weekend orso, and then we can go and get
(09:03):
everything we need, cause Istill wanted to keep my room and
my grandparents and um.
I remember she said I'm notgoing to be, I'm going out
tonight with some friends and um, but we live, we live right in
town.
So she was just going uptown.
She said just, uh, lock thedoor when, after dark, you know,
(09:26):
after you come in the house andeverything, and just lock the
door and I'll have my key.
I remember early in the morning,like two or three in the
morning, I was awakened bystumbling and a couple of people
laughing and she fumbled withthe keys and got into the house
and they came in to the room, tothe living room, where I was
(09:50):
sleeping Well, I wasn't sleepinganymore, but where I was in bed
and they turned on the lightand she was with this guy that
this man, and I didn't know whohe was.
They came and sat on the bedand laughing and joking and I
could you could definitely tellthey were both, they'd both been
(10:12):
drinking a lot, but they wereyou know, they were talking with
me and everything, and probablyafter about two hours my mother
said okay, um, I think I shouldintroduce you properly to this
guy that's here with me.
She goes, that guy that youknew, as your father is not your
(10:35):
father, this is your father,this is your natural born father
.
I'm like, okay, nothing, Idon't, nothing much happened.
I mean, he, he stayed for a dayor two and then he was gone and
I and mom mom and him explainedthat he had to work.
He had to go to where he workedcause he didn't live in that
town.
He lived about 20 minutes awayor so and I was like, okay, um,
(11:01):
I remember after about two weeks, after my foster father came
and knocked on the door, I wasin the front of the house and my
mom was in her room and Ilooked out the window and I went
back and I naturally told,because it was still setting
into me, was still setting intome, it was still setting into my
(11:30):
mind that he's not my father,this other guy's my father.
So I went back and naturally Isaid, hey, mom, dad's here she
goes.
Well, you can let him in.
I'm like, okay, my whole walkfrom her bedroom to the front
door.
I'm thinking I thought theyweren't getting along and I
thought she kicked him out.
Why am I letting him in?
And they had a heateddiscussion, I don't know.
(11:51):
Remember what it was about.
Nothing, nothing physical,nothing happened.
And he was there about 20, 25minutes and then he left.
Well, the following weekend myfather shows up and at some
point my mother told him thestory of what had happened.
And that was my firstexperience with verbal abuse
(12:14):
from my father.
He just degraded me and saidhow can you get us confused?
And I'm nine years old, so Ihave no, you know, I'm like I
don't know, I don't know, I justfor nine years he was my father
.
You've been my father for aweek or two.
So that was my explanation Then.
(12:38):
That that calmed down.
I do remember some good timeswith both fathers, but at this
point it took a while.
Now my friends start comingaround.
It's summertime and Eric, whowas on the show he's, that's
where I met him was when I livedin this town.
In that town, um, they all,they would come over and
(12:59):
everything, and he would bethere sometimes.
And and I say he was theresometimes I feel almost like now
, looking back, it's almost likewe had visitation rights with
him, like like, um, you havestepchildren and they maybe they
(13:20):
come over every couple ofweekends and then they're not
there, for you know, they're notthere for two weeks and then
you see, and then they come overfor the weekend, and that's
what it seemed like.
We wouldn't see him for a weekor so and then we'd see him for
three or four days and then wewouldn't see him again and then
he'd come back and we'd see himfor three or four days.
So after my friends had hung outwith us and come over and
(13:43):
whatnot, when they weren'taround, he would always belittle
them and say that because heknew their parents, they were
bad kids, they were just, youknow, out to make trouble and I
constantly got berated about whomy friends were and the things
that maybe that we did.
Now he never physically touchedme.
(14:04):
A lot of verbal abuse.
One thing that I should noteabout my father is that he had a
lot of girlfriends and I have alot of half-brothers and
sisters.
So during the early times Idon't know how long it was after
(14:27):
my father started coming aroundmy mother and him announced
that she was pregnant, and soabout nine months after my
actually nine months to the dayafter my birthday which is
telling me that they werehanging out before I met him, my
(14:51):
only true sibling both parents,both with the same parents was
born and not.
And sometime after that, before, not long after that, he was
gone.
My real father was gone.
Never really an explanation oranything, he was just gone.
(15:15):
At some point during that time,when my father was still around,
a couple had moved in to one ofthe apartments upstairs.
They had three kids.
I ended up.
I got to know the kids a little, you know, and one was their
oldest, was about a year and ahalf younger than me.
(15:35):
Well then, suddenly the fatherof these three children was
hanging out with us a lot.
Not with his kids, not with hiswife none of them were with him
but he was hanging out with usa lot not with his kids, not
with his wife, with none of themwere with him but he was
hanging out at our place, he washanging out with us.
He even took us a couple oftimes to the dirt track racing,
(15:57):
um.
And I was like, okay, I didn't.
I'm I'm about 10 years old, soI still don't know what's going
on.
I'm not old enough tounderstand what's happening here
.
Then one day came home fromschool and all of his stuff was
(16:19):
in the house.
I'm like, all right, and shesaid the only explanation I got
for that was he.
Him and his wife got into afight.
They're separating.
He needed a place to stay andwe have a big.
Our area of the house is thewhole downstairs.
We have plenty of room.
I'm like, okay, then why?
And I'm thinking, why is someof his stuff in your bedroom?
(16:42):
So I'm like, okay, not sure howmuch longer later, but they
were definitely a couple talking.
And my mother got pregnant againand by the time I'm 11, my
sister is born, and they'redefinitely a couple at this
(17:02):
point, and there are definitelya couple at this point, and my
mother worked night shift at anursing home as, just like a I
don't know a CNA I'm not sure ifthat's what they're called or
not, but she was also going tonursing school.
(17:23):
So I would see her, probably atleast Monday through Friday.
I would probably see her for acouple hours a day at best At
some point during that time.
My stepfather they weren't Idon't know if they were, even
I'm not sure if they weremarried yet, because they were
both had to have their divorcesfinalized before they actually
(17:46):
got married.
So I don't remember if itstarted before or after they got
married, but once in a while hewould spank me, but not quite
as bad as my foster father, butworse than what I'd seen, like
my uncle, like if my cousin didsomething, he would like smack
(18:08):
him, like one time on the buttand that's it.
This was a little bit moresevere, but not quite as severe
as my foster father.
And then at some point, um,during before I was I I believe
it was after I was 11, butbefore I was 12, he started
(18:30):
touching me sexually and it got.
I mean, at first it was littlethings and later it got way more
severe, way more often, andabout a little after I was 12,
(18:53):
we moved to a farmhouse.
Now I should also tell you thathis demeanor kind of pushed
some of my mother's family awayand I would see them, but not as
often as I would see thembefore, including my
grandparents, who at the timelived right out back.
So then we moved to a farmhouse, but my grandparents didn't go
with us.
So it was just me, my mom andmy two brothers and sisters and
(19:17):
his three kids who are nowliving with us.
But they would go almost everyweekend to their parents' house,
to their mother's house, butwith my mom still going to
school, there was still plentyof time for him to touch me and
do things.
By the time I was starting to gothrough puberty he had a couple
(19:46):
of medical issues like his.
He had a, he had a back injury,so he was getting like full
disability.
But he was doing, he would workfor a few farmers on the side
under the table, um, um, a lot.
(20:10):
And what?
When I got a little older?
Um, me and my mom and the kidswere their other kids were just
going up to meet them and, uh,we ended up helping and they saw
that you know well, he's apretty good worker.
And, um, so my stepfatherdecided he was going to make me
work.
Now, my stepfather could make somuch money with the disability,
so I think he was like payinghalf to him on the books and
(20:36):
half under the table.
But he said, instead of mepaying, the farmer said, instead
of me paying the taxes for thekids to work, I will give you
the money and then you give itto them and that'll just be,
they're working for you and allthat.
Well, first of all, never sawany of that at all.
But during that time, as I'mgoing through puberty, I started
(21:01):
he didn't realize what kind ofwhat he was doing.
He was kind of setting himselfup for failure because as I was
working and working hard and hewas basically sitting on the
tractor cause he couldn't do alot of the physical stuff, I was
getting like built up withoutme going to a gym or nothing,
(21:21):
just doing the hard farm work,without me going to a gym or
nothing, just doing the hardfarm work.
And it continued.
And you know the abusecontinued both ways,
no-transcript.
After I had started doing allthis farm work and getting
(21:44):
getting toned and everything, itwasn't hurting as much because
I was building muscle and and Ikept, I, I kept doing the work
and kept, you know, the all theabuse continued until and I
couldn't go anywhere.
I couldn't do anything becauseI'm not old enough.
(22:06):
And then, as I got a littleolder, I learned there was ways
I could get out of the abuse.
Not necessarily every time, butI was able to avoid it a little
, but it still happened.
A little while after I hadturned 16, now I'm technically
old enough to where I couldleave, but I waited.
(22:29):
As I got a little closer to 16,I started.
I knew a guy who knew, who knewjudo.
He taught it would stay afterschool and he would show me.
He would just teach me a fewthings.
And I'm five foot six.
Judo is kind of a martial artsthat's made designed for a
(22:52):
smaller person because it'smostly defense and leverage.
Now I'm a little after.
I'm a little older than I justturned 16.
It's during that summer after Iturned 16.
I got home a lot later than Ijust turned 16.
It's during that summer after Iturned 16, I got home a lot
later than I was supposed to.
Actually, I think it wasactually the school year after I
turned 16.
(23:13):
Yeah, cause I stayed afterschool for something and I was.
I got back much later.
He started with that.
Somebody else had to do ourtrip, had to do my chores, and
I'm like, started with that.
Somebody else had to do mychores.
And I'm like, yes, but I dotheir chores.
Every time they're not here,they have another house to go to
.
I always do their stuff whenthey're not around, because no
(23:36):
one else in this house does it.
You can't expect the two littleones to do this because they're
five and six.
So then he started talking abouta couple of my friends.
And just happens to be when wemoved to the farmhouse is
actually when I met my what?
My current wife.
She was one of our neighborsand he started talking and at
(23:59):
the time we were just friendsand he started talking bad about
her and I was like don't youtalk about my friends like that?
And he came at me and I knew inmy mind I have to let him hit
me first.
I can't, I can't be the.
I can't hit first, because if Ihit first, then because I'm 16,
(24:20):
he can have me arrested orsomething.
So he came at me and I stayedsitting right on the couch and
he smacked me on the top of thehead and when he did, I came up
with an uppercut to his to hischin, knocked him down and we
started fighting in the livingroom.
My mother broke it up and Iwent.
He said if you're going to actlike that, you can get out.
(24:43):
I went.
I said that's fine by me.
I went to my room and I gotjust enough stuff that I needed
and, unbeknownst to any of them,I had put a lock on my door.
So when I left I locked my doorso they couldn't get into my
room and take my stuff before Icame back to get everything else
(25:05):
.
As I was leaving, he startedyelling at me and screaming at
me that I was leaving, and Isaid well, you told me to leave
and now I am.
And then he came at me againand again.
I did not use judo at all, Iwanted a brawl, I wanted this,
(25:26):
this is it.
And we swung at each other.
I hit him a few times and then,when he fell to the ground, I
took his head and slammed itinto my mother's washing machine
, grabbed my stuff and walkedout the door and that was it.
That was when I had decided tomake a stand.
(25:48):
But I don't know, I could haveleft months before, but I think
I wanted to take out theaggression I had been feeling my
entire life.
Um, there is one part that Iwanted to go back and touch on
before we moved to the farmhouse.
Somebody, I don't know whoactually I do know.
(26:11):
Now, later on in life, my aunttold me that she had done it,
she had seen something and shehad called CPS and they had come
in and they were allowed totalk to me alone.
And I said to her I asked herbecause I was concerned, because
I'd heard it many times.
I'd heard it many times beforeI was like um, what happens if,
(26:35):
today, you think something'sgoing on, if, when you interview
me, you think something's goingon?
What happens today?
She said, well, nothing, Iwould have to.
And it's like four or fiveo'clock in the afternoon she
said I would have to go back,fill out a report and file it
tomorrow and then aninvestigation would happen.
(26:56):
I was like, so what wouldhappen to me short term?
She said, well, you would stayhere until the investigation was
done.
And I'm like okay.
So said, well, you would stayhere until the investigation was
done.
And I'm like okay.
So I'm like I'm not telling heranything, I'm going to act like
everything is fine.
I've been acting likeeverything's fine for so long, I
believe.
Now the laws have changed.
(27:17):
Where now, if they believethere's abuse?
But I mean, we're talking,talking, this was probably 1982,
81.
So, yeah, I was like I'm not, Ican't, I don't know what he'll
do if he finds out that I saidsomething.
And how old were you when thathappened?
(27:37):
Um, well, I know, I know.
When we moved out of that houseand into the farmhouse, I was
12, so it was sometime beforethat, because we were still
living in that house.
I remember, I remember it clearas day we were sitting in the
kitchen of the dining room ofthat house.
So I do remember that.
So it was before I was 12.
(27:57):
So and I would have turned 12in 83, 1983.
So it had to have been early 83or before that.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
But still, my gosh, you're coming in, you're
questioning an 11-year-old andthen saying, as we investigate,
you're going to stay in the samehouse as your abuser.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah, and, like I said, I believe the laws have
changed now If they believethere's abuse, they take them
right then.
I said I believe the laws havechanged now If they believe
there's abuse, they take themright then.
Actually, I know that becauseour youngest son it was neglect,
it wasn't abuse.
At the time they didn't know ifit was abuse, they just knew it
was neglect.
I knew they were taken out ofthe house that day and it was a
(28:40):
Saturday or a Sunday.
So yeah, I know they wereremoved from the house right
away when they lived with theirparents.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
But your aunt never said anything to you or asked
you about anything.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
No, no, she never said anything to me.
She later told me that she hadcalled because I don't know.
I didn't like I said I didn'thave a lot of alone time with a
lot of my mother's family.
Um, after he had, they had seenhow he was.
(29:16):
I mean they could tell he wasan angry guy and he would get
mad about things.
Um, they didn't.
I don't know if any of themknew about the abuse other than
my aunt had seen something andshe didn't know what it was.
I don't know.
She didn't tell me exactly whatshe saw, but she said that she
had seen something and I knowfor a short time they lived in
(29:38):
one of the apartments.
So maybe she just saw somethingor heard something and wasn't
sure what it was and just didn'treally get a chance to talk to
me.
So maybe she just saw somethingor heard something and wasn't
sure what it was and just didn'treally get a chance to talk to
me, so she just reported it.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
Well, that's a big deal that she did that, because
I think back then a lot ofpeople didn't say anything,
right right.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Right, I mean I knew somebody had said something, I
just didn't know who, becauseotherwise I knew somebody had
said something, I just didn'tknow who.
Um, because otherwise why wouldthey have been there?
Um, they don't normally do that.
I mean, we weren't.
We weren't on any assistance oranything.
Um, he was on disability, butthat's not the same, that that's
different.
(30:18):
Um, um.
So during that time when he wasabusing me, I remember one point
I was crying during during theevent, and he had said something
(30:40):
to me and he said I want you toknow that every time, for the
rest of your life, that you cry,you will think of me.
And some point right after thatwas when I had made the mental
decision I am going to bury allof those feelings.
I'm going to bury my feelingsand hide them.
So it was easy.
If I didn't have any feelings,it wasn't a bad thing, it wasn't
(31:01):
going to hurt me.
It wasn't a bad thing, itwasn't going to hurt me.
Um, I didn't know who I couldtrust and who.
If I told so, I literally atsome points thought the world
was against me.
I'm like this has happened withthree different guys and I,
(31:31):
just like I said, I just learnedto turn them off Um another
once I had moved out and was onmy own.
Um, I was living with a.
A friend's parents had a, Ithink years ago.
It was um, like a farmhouse,and they had like, uh, for the
workers.
They had, uh, a little cabinfor the workers to live, you
know, to stay in when they wereworking, and then they could go
back home wherever that may be.
(31:52):
Um, we fixed it up as anapartment and me and their son,
my friend, lived in it for awhile and then eventually I
moved back in with mygrandparents.
They had the extra room to helpme save money and whatnot.
One big thing I noticed in mylife was I had a major
(32:19):
commitment issue.
I didn't trust anybody If I wasdating someone and they even
suggested anything long-term.
My mind immediately said, okay,time to look for an escape
clause, some way to get out, andI did that for a long time.
Matter of fact, the first realcommitment thing I did had
(32:42):
nothing to do with arelationship, but was when I
decided I'm going to join themilitary after high school and
I'm like well, I know, that'sthat on that.
Technically, they, they haveyou for eight years.
You may only have a two year,which is what I had.
I had a two year commitment.
I ended up re-enlisting and Idid four years, but for four
(33:03):
years after that you'retechnically they can call you
back for something if somethinghappens.
That was my only realcommitment I made before I went
off to the military.
I went off to the military andwhen I finished my tour I came
back.
I came home on leave severaltimes and then um, and I kept in
(33:27):
touch with some of my friendsand some of them would have
eventually distance Um, the whenI came home.
Um, I came home in July and thefollowing June me and my wife
had gotten married.
We had decided you know, we'vebeen with other people, you know
, I mean, we've been friends allthis time.
So we ended up getting marriedand had our two daughters.
(33:51):
And then at some point mydaughters were still young.
I remember they were stillyoung.
I'd heard that my well, actually, before that, before happened,
my father, my biological father,was living in Missouri and I
had heard that he was up.
(34:12):
I had no intentions of going tosee him or nothing.
He was staying at.
He was really close friendswhen he lived in our area with
my wife's uncle.
They were really close friends.
He was staying with him.
I had no intention of going tosee him.
My brother wanted to meet hisfather.
I said, okay, I can take you.
(34:35):
Um, I remember my, my oldestdaughter was nine months old.
Um, and then, uh.
So I took him and met him andapparently he was there and he
had six kids with him from theage ranging from the youngest
was three and the oldest hadjust turned 17.
(34:55):
They were my half brothers andsisters and, kind of a sidebar
thing, I found out I knew one ofthe kids I went to school with
was my brother, but I didn'trealize until I was a little
older, when I was talking to hismother, that he is three days
(35:16):
older than me.
Um, it's weird.
He was one of the very firstpeople I met in kindergarten.
We were in the same class.
He was one of the first kids Iever met in school and turns out
we were brothers three daysapart.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
When did you find that out?
Speaker 3 (35:35):
It was a.
I want to say I was like 25.
My wife's cousin had justgraduated from high school and
we were at a graduation partyand she was there and we just
got talking and she said, yeah,my son and she said his name
(35:55):
just celebrated his 25thbirthday.
And I was like I justcelebrated my 25th birthday,
when was he born?
And she said June 12th.
And I'm like I was born on June15th.
Are you sure he celebrated the25th?
And she goes 1971.
And I'm like yeah, it was 1971too.
So I'm like, okay, my goodness,yeah, yeah, that's how my
(36:18):
father was.
So, turns out, those kids he wasthose kids he was with when he
come up.
He was running from the law forabuse on some of them kids.
They left um, were dropped offsomewhere about 30 or 40 miles
(36:39):
away from where we live and theywere hiding somewhere miles
away from where we live and theywere hiding somewhere and a
police officer drove by and sawsomething, saw one of the kids
out in back of this barn andwent out to check it out and
found them.
They extradited him back toMissouri.
He spent like three years injail for the abuse and they were
(37:03):
fostered out and the kids thatnow the youngest three weren't
the youngest four that he hadbrought with him were not
fostered out because theirmother was the one who reported
the abuse she got.
She took her kids and she movedback to our area where her
parents lived.
So she brought those four plusthe other two that she had, the
(37:25):
ones that were not his, no, thatwere not hers.
All got fostered out.
And, yeah, that was my onlytimes ever meeting my father was
when I knew him for about theyear that I knew him.
And then that one time well, wewent up there probably three
(37:45):
times while he was there duringthat week or so that he was up
running from the law.
So then I know both of mydaughters were born at this
point.
I had heard that my stepfatherwas really sick and he was on
his deathbed.
I went to the hospital andwalked into the room and I asked
(38:15):
my stepsister and all them if Icould have a minute with him
and I closed the door.
And they closed the door whenthey left I walked over to him.
He looked up, he recognized me.
I knew he recognized me and Iwhispered in his ear you lose.
And I walked out hardest thingI've ever done was that.
(38:57):
But I had him.
I had to let him know.
I won, he lost and then I don'tknow my.
I know we had our son.
We adopted our son.
Um, we're not, I guess,technically we didn't adopt him,
we just became his guardians.
Um and uh, my real father hadpassed away.
I did go to the.
(39:18):
They didn't have a service,they only had like call on hours
or something.
I went to them have a service.
They only had like call-inhours or something.
I went to them.
But I went to them for onereason I didn't want to see him,
I just wanted first.
I wanted, well, actually tworeasons.
I wanted to know it was realthat he's really gone and I
wanted to meet some of thefamily I'd never met, because
I'd never met hardly any of hisfamily outside of those six kids
(39:42):
he brought up and the one, thetwo I went to school with.
So I went up and I met them andI keep in touch with some of
them.
Um, I haven't heard from my onesister in a while, but she had
gotten, she was divorced and shehad gotten remarried.
Afterwards I went to herwedding and then then I think
something happened where themarriage didn't work and she did
(40:06):
, and she's done it beforeApparently.
She was abused by my fatherwhen she was young and when she
turned 16, she ran away.
Well, that's what she's doneagain and we haven't heard from
her in a couple of years.
So she ran away.
But this time she ran awaybecause the guy she married was
friends with all of the family.
So she just she ran away againand after telling my story on
(40:33):
our podcast, it helped a littlewhen I told it in the group chat
.
But then, when I told it on thepodcast, I started noticing
these feelings I hadn't feltcome out.
I'm getting choked up thinkingabout them coming out now and I
(41:00):
don't get choked up.
My grandfather, who I respectmore than anybody that's ever
walked the planet, for what he'sdone, what he did for me, what
he did for his wife and six kidswhen he passed I shed no tears
because I wasn't at that pointyet.
Now I am and these feelings arestarting to come out more, and
(41:25):
a couple of my close friendshave noticed it.
I mean Becky told me she saidthe hugs are different, there's
more feeling in them and I waslike there was nothing before
Before it was.
Yes, it's great to see you old,you, old, friend.
You know I haven't seen you,you know, but it was just.
It could have been anybody.
Now they're starting to comeout, so I think telling this
(41:50):
story helped bring me back, Iguess, because I was.
Most of me before was fake,because that was my defense
mechanism, and that pretty muchbrings us up to now.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
I'm so proud of you and I'm so honored that you came
on to share that, and I don'tcry usually during these, but
this is incredible.
You're so strong and I totallyget putting on like that armor
(42:36):
and just not allowing that.
I mean that makes sense,especially after what was said
to you, but I think it'sabsolutely incredible how much
and how powerful it is to justget that out of your system and
talk about it, and not only doyou help yourself, you help
other people at the same time,Right, Originally.
Speaker 3 (43:00):
That was why I I told my story I mean, probably fifth
, uh, maybe 15 years ago, wasthe first time I had told anyone
any part of my story.
And that was just my family, mywife.
And that was just my family, mywife, my kids and them, and
that was it.
And then, and the reason I didthat is because one of the
(43:23):
children was sexually abused byhis father.
We had custody of him for alittle while but he needed more
help than we could, we couldprovide.
And at the time, you know someabusers, they hide their
feelings, like I did.
Some abusers, especially sexual,they're male, they become
(43:45):
womanizers and some are violent.
And he was that.
He was violent at times, thathe was violent at times.
And even though my youngestdaughter was two years older
than him, once a man, once a boy, goes through starts, going
(44:10):
through puberty.
They become stronger than mostgirls when they go through
puberty.
I mean that's a naturaloccurrence.
So he was still able at the.
At some point he was able tooverpower her.
I mean my daughter literallyhad to pull him off of pull him
off of her one time when I justwasn't in the room, or actually
they were outside on thetrampoline and I think I was
(44:32):
mowing the lawn or weed, eatingor something.
But that's why I told them,because he was the boy was gone
now he was in a home and and Idecided, you know, I'm going to,
I'm going to tell, because they, you know, they naturally think
that everybody is going to bethat way.
That was abused that way and Iwas like no, I was like I,
(44:54):
literally I want to say I'veprobably spanked my kids,
including the boy that wasviolent at times, probably four
times ever, and that's all ofthem combined.
I, and it was at the timeprobably needed, but it wasn't
(45:17):
excessive.
I mean, it was literally, itwas like one spank and that was
it.
So if I learned anything frommy three fathers was I'm not
going to become them.
And, like I said, once I firstreally told my story on the air
(45:41):
is when I started noticing thischange, and it's been a long
time.
I want to say I know we were inthe farmhouse.
I want to say I was probably 14when he said that to me, so I
turned 54 in June and to saythat within the last six months
(46:05):
is when it started happening,was when I told it might've been
even less than that.
So for pretty close to 40 yearsthese feelings were hidden,
were gone, and they're startingto come back and it's a good
thing.
But me getting used to them isthe hardest thing.
Speaker 1 (46:27):
I was going to say how does it make you feel?
Is it weird?
Speaker 3 (46:31):
Yeah, I don't remember these feelings.
So when they come out, I don'tknow how to deal with them all
the time.
So when they, when they comeout, I don't know how to deal
with them all the time.
That that's my.
I think that's my.
Hardest thing is dealing withthese new feelings that they're
just new to me.
I mean, you know they weren't.
They're not new to people,they're just to me they're.
They're brand new, cause I'vebeen without them more than I've
(46:54):
been with them.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
So yeah, but that's going to feel so good, though,
because I think like the happyfeelings are going to feel even
happier.
Like it's just going to be moreintense.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
Yeah, absolutely, I've already.
Like I said, I've already seenit, I've already noticed it and
I see things you knowdifferently and it's like, ok,
you know, it just took me a longtime to to tell Um, cause I had
told them.
Oh, I don't remember, when Itold them in the group chat it
(47:26):
was probably early Springs,probably almost a year now last
year, and then it was months.
And then I just decided I'mlike you know what Cause?
Know what?
Because we did, I think.
Well, we did a couple showsabout certain you know, about
serious things, you know.
And then we had this other.
(47:46):
We had this woman, deb Maxwell,on our show and she talked
about suicide and at some pointduring that episode I actually
lost track of what they weretalking about because my mind
took over and I said you know,she's telling her story about
(48:11):
what happened with her son and Idon't want to say it wrong
because she says it a certainway.
And I don't want to say itwrong because she says it a
certain way.
I don't think she says commitsuicide, I think, because commit
means Right, is it likecompleted?
Speaker 1 (48:25):
suicide.
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Yeah, it might be completed.
And so when at some point Ilost track of things, I'm like
if she can tell this story andit helped people I mean she has
her own podcast and things thatshe does I was like maybe my
story will.
And, like I said, the endresult I never expected in
(48:50):
myself.
That just is a bonus.
I guess that's a good bonusComing out of it, yeah, yeah
bonus.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
I guess that's a good bonus.
Yeah, yeah, I think I thinkwhat it does is it's like all
this weight that you've beencarrying, you get to just let
some of that go put some of itdown every time.
Speaker 3 (49:08):
Yeah, absolutely, um, yeah and um and I'm not afraid
to say this part, I doubt she'llwatch anyway, but um, I tried.
Yes, in a way Did I blame mymother in?
In ways, absolutely Um, becauseI she wasn't ever single very
(49:32):
long and it to me it was likeshe just the first guy that
comes along, that that looks herway.
And she didn't see any of it orshe didn't think that, like she
saw my foster father hit me andshe had to have known that was
excessive.
I mean, it was so excessivethat when I was out of the
(49:52):
picture and he turned to her shekicked him out.
So why wasn't it severe when itwasn't to her, when it was to
someone else?
And, oh, I tried.
My sister, my half-sister, bornto my mother, the one when I was
(50:16):
11, she kind of she's obviouslythe favorite and my mother
doesn't.
I've lived in the current houseI live in.
We've been here almost 19 years.
My mother has been due at once.
I've lived in well, we've livedin three places since we've
(50:38):
been married and this June willbe 30 years.
And, yeah, and she hasn't been.
Like I said, she's been to thishouse once and my mother-in-law
ran into her, oh, probably fiveyears ago, maybe a little more,
and they were talking and mymother asked, you know, asked
(51:02):
her how we were doing, how waseverything, and, and she's, and
then, and you know, she told herwell, you know, they're doing
fine and this and that.
And my mother said to mymother-in-law I would love to
see him more often, but I don'twant to make my daughter mad.
Speaker 1 (51:21):
What.
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Yeah, oh, um, I'd received a letter, a handwritten
letter, in the mail from mymother and I read it and I was
just kind of okay and I put it.
We had at the time we had, um,like a reclining love seat, but
it wasn't side by side.
In the middle there was like acenter console where you can put
.
I tossed it in the centerconsole.
(51:44):
Well, we were getting rid ofthat and I was cleaning it out
and I came across this letterand I was like, okay, I was like
, all right, so I texted her andI said I think you need to know
something.
And I said I think you need toknow something.
I said I can't do it now, but Iwas like, and we set a day and
I was like I don't think I cantalk to you on the phone, I
(52:05):
think it should be in text.
She said, okay, I was like, butI need to make sure you're free
and have nothing else going on.
I told her the story and mypoint of view and kind of the
reaction I got was oh, I didn'tknow any of that.
That's it Not sorry for youknow, not anything.
Speaker 1 (52:29):
So, yeah, me and my mom, just we were close at one
point and I tried to stay close,but I guess when I got married
and started my own life anddidn't need the help, I guess
that was how it was, I think,sometimes when you get true
people in your lives that havetrue love and it makes you
(52:54):
realize what is not the realstuff or what's more toxic or
damaging for you, and it's goodthat you're in a place where you
can recognize that and justmove on from it.
I mean unfortunately.
You'd love closure from it, butsometimes you just have to walk
(53:15):
away, and that's the healthiestthing.
Speaker 3 (53:18):
Yeah, and that's pretty much what I've done.
I don't see any of my family.
Very often the ones I was theclosest to they have both passed
, both my grandparents.
So I should tell you I see mygrandfather more than I see the
rest of my family, and I alreadytold you that he passed away.
(53:40):
He is the reason I chose Armyover one of the other armed
forces.
I go to his grave almost.
I didn't last year.
My daughter had to go to urgentcare last year on Veterans Day,
but it used to be a tradition Iwould go to his grave site at
(54:03):
Veterans Day and I just I didn'tdo it.
Last year my daughter had to goto urgent care, so I took her
to urgent care.
Speaker 1 (54:10):
Yeah, you have to do that.
Speaker 3 (54:11):
Okay, you know I mean , but I used to do it every year
and I'll probably do it againthis year, and it's just
something I do.
So I see my grandfather morethan I see the rest.
I see my grandmother too,because they share a grave.
They were both cremated and putin the same grave.
My grandmother passed first andshe actually was in her urn for
(54:37):
about three years before theyput them in the ground together.
Speaker 1 (54:44):
Well, you also have a pretty good group of friends.
Yes, From my point of view itlooks pretty tight like a family
.
Speaker 3 (54:51):
Yeah, I had.
I had known, like everyone inthe group chat that I was added
to a little over a year ago.
I knew most of them.
There was, I think, literallythink there was one I didn't
know, but she's a friend of, ofone of the people in in the
(55:19):
group chat.
But I've gotten to know her alittle bit, not a lot.
I haven't spoken to her in awhile, but we, you know, but, um
, but, yeah, um, a lot of theseI, I, I don't want to say they
were all friends.
Um, definitely, Jeff was for awhile in school, Um, not a close
friend, but just a friend.
I mean, I would have consideredhim a friend, Um, Eric and me
(55:40):
when I was a little younger.
Um, we were friends, and um andme and Becky we became friends
in late in my high school career.
I'm a couple of years olderthan her Um, she hung out.
She was part of my group that Ihung out with after school.
Then we kind of I don't want tosay drifted apart, but we
(56:04):
didn't see each other for awhile.
I went off to the army, she hadto finish school and when I came
home and me and my wife gottogether, she came back into my
life and would hang out at ourapartment almost every night and
then we kind of she got marriedand we kind of drifted a little
(56:27):
bit again.
And then about a year, a littleover a year ago, we got back
and I don't know, I don't knowwhat I could, what I would do
without him at this point.
Any of them?
Yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what I would dowithout them at this point.
Any of them?
Yeah, yeah, I don't know what Iwould do without them now.
Speaker 1 (56:42):
They're a good group.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
Yeah, yeah, and they helped me obviously.
I mean, that's why my storycame out and why I'm healing.
Speaker 1 (56:55):
Yeah, yeah, and you have to be around the right
people to be able to talk aboutsomething that's so vulnerable.
Speaker 3 (57:03):
Right, right.
Speaker 1 (57:04):
But, george, I'm so happy for you and honestly I'm
so grateful and honored that youcame and decided to share your
story with me too.
Speaker 3 (57:15):
Thank you, and I'm glad that you were going to
invite me.
I mean, eric kind of jumped thegun for you.
Speaker 1 (57:24):
He did, he took the glory.
Speaker 3 (57:27):
But I'm glad that you invited me and I was able to
tell my story again and heal alittle more and hopefully I can
help somebody else heal now.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
I think so.
I think for sure this willdefinitely help.
I also wanted to say thank youfor your service.
You're welcome.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
Yeah, thank you, I always say.
When somebody says that to me,I always say thank you.
The reason I say thank you isbecause if my service wasn't
needed because of you, becauseof all of you, it wouldn't have
meant anything.
Speaker 1 (58:01):
So I like how you look at it that way.
Speaker 3 (58:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
That's nice.
Speaker 3 (58:05):
Yeah, I think that's the closest thing to feelings
I've had over the last year, wasthat?
Speaker 1 (58:12):
Yeah, yeah, but amazing, what amazing progress
in just a year.
Speaker 3 (58:16):
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:18):
I'm happy for you.
Thank you again.
Is there anything else you'dlike to say before?
No, no, I will be back nextweek with another episode.
(58:38):
Until then, stay strong andwherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Speaker 2 (58:50):
Find more information , register as a guest or leave a
review by going to the website1in3podcastcom.
That's the number1-I-N-3podcastcom.
Follow 1in3 on Instagram,facebook and Twitter at
1in3podcast.
To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
(59:10):
1in3 is a .5 Pinoy productionMusic written and performed by
Tim Crow.
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