April 30, 2025 • 24 mins
The journey from victim to advocate is rarely straightforward, but Dana's story reveals the remarkable resilience of the human spirit against unimaginable odds. As a child in the Bronx, Dana navigated parental addiction, homelessness from age nine, and cultural displacement as the only Caucasian person in her neighborhood. Rather than succumbing to these challenges, she found solace in education and the kindness of neighbors who welcomed her into their homes.
Dana's candid account pulls no punches as she shares her experiences with trafficking at seventeen, surviving multiple violent relationships, and the gut-wrenching ordeal of fighting for her children. Perhaps most revealing is her seventeen-year battle through family courts across three states—a journey that transformed her pain into expertise. "Courts don't appreciate it," she explains about domestic violence claims, dispelling the myth that mothers always receive custody. Her hard-won insights into emotional regulation during court proceedings and strategic self-representation offer invaluable wisdom for listeners facing similar battles.
What sets Dana's testimony apart is her evolution from survival to purpose. After winning her final custody case, she channeled her experiences into "Savage Angel," a book helping women navigate family court trauma. When moving to Florida revealed a community plagued by domestic violence, addiction, and mental health crises with minimal resources, Dana founded The Survivor Center. Her approach—built on lived experience rather than theory—reframes trauma not as a life sentence but as a temporary chapter. "I want to be the poster child for what life looks like after abuse," she shares, offering hope to those who wonder if recovery is possible. Though her faith provided her personal pathway to healing, Dana serves everyone without judgment, recognizing that freedom from "captivity"—whether addiction, mental illness, or destructive relationships—begins with being truly seen and supported by someone who has walked the same path. This first episode in a two-part series lays the groundwork for understanding how one woman's darkest moments became the foundation for helping countless others find their way to light.
Link to Dana's 1 in 3 profile: https://www.1in3podcast.com/guests/dana-hanuszczak/
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
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Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, ingrid.
As you know, my favoritestories are those where someone
not only conquers their trauma,but uses that experience to
uplift others.
Today's guest embodies thatspirit fully.
Dana has not only surviveddomestic violence, but has also
overcome a life marked byprofound adversity.
(00:23):
This is Dana's story, sharedover a powerful two-part series.
Hi Dana, how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hi, I'm doing great.
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Thank you so much for coming on, and so we're going
to jump into it with yourbackground.
So just tell us a little bitabout yourself and what you do,
and how you got to do what youare doing.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
So my name is Dana.
I'm now oh my gosh, I'madmitting this on air 54 years
old.
I was born in Pennsylvania andI didn't spend much time there.
I was pretty much raised in theBronx, new York City.
I grew up with parents who wereaddicts, who dealt with mental
illness, my mom separated frommy dad, and we just went on a
(01:11):
roller coaster ride, I thinkfrom like the age of five four.
She left them when I was four,and so I grew up in an area
where there was a lot of poverty, there was a lot of abuse,
there was a lot of drugs, therewas trafficking although we
didn't call it that back then soI grew up in a world where I
didn't quite fit in.
I was the only Caucasian personthere.
(01:33):
Everyone I knew was eitherBlack or Hispanic, and I went
from household to householdbecause my mom was not really
paying attention.
She was usually on drugs orhaving a mental breakdown.
So I spent a lot of time withmy neighbors and I'm grateful
for that.
I grew up in pretty muchHispanic households.
I learned to speak it, read it,write it, dance it, cook it,
(01:54):
and that helped me in life.
As I progressed in thatneighborhood, you know I learned
different skills through thedifferent households that I went
to, but one thing I learnedeverywhere I went, people were
suffering.
I remember not having heat, nothaving hot water.
You know simple little thingsand I would advocate for
everybody.
I grew up in an area where therewas a lot of fights, there was
(02:17):
gangs, you know.
There was a lot of violence andit was just a scary place.
And moving forward, my mothergot really bad with her
addiction.
She started throwing me in andout of the house.
So by like nine years old, Iwas sleeping outside, I was
sleeping behind school, sleepingon the train, and I found my
(02:38):
way to school every day.
I would still go to school.
I was learning, you know, formyself.
That was where I ate, that'swhere people were nice to me and
that's where I had my friendsand I enjoyed learning.
Left and I wound up with aolder man who was about 18, 19
(03:08):
years old at the time andeventually a lot of things
happened.
There was a lot of violence,there was a lot of abuse, there
was a lot of assaults.
I ended up pregnant and by thetime I was about eight months
pregnant.
I went back.
I got to go back home to my mombecause he wouldn't let me
leave.
So I went back home for acouple of months, had a baby and
she threw me right back out inthe street again.
So me and my baby left in themiddle of winter.
(03:31):
He was born in December, so hewas still pretty much a newborn
and I learned to make it on myown.
I went into shelters and theyweren't so great either.
There was a lot of violence inthere.
I wound up going back to school, getting my GED, taking him
with me to a program, and Idecided I wanted to go to
college for a little while.
So I spent some time in HostosCommunity College studying
(03:54):
nursing, and then I wastrafficked.
I went to dance at a bar atnight and I was 17 and I had a
baby and I couldn't pay rent andI was working 12 hours a day at
a movie theater.
That just wasn't paying thebills.
(04:15):
Even though I worked six days aweek, I never saw my kid.
So I got convinced into goingto work into this bar, and from
the bar I got trafficked by acorrection officer.
I was 17.
I shouldn't have been in thebar.
And from the bar I gottrafficked by a correction
officer.
I was 17.
I shouldn't have been in thebar.
Nonetheless, I was a stripper.
A couple of years down the roadI went back to school and became
(04:37):
an emergency medical technician.
I started saving lives for aliving.
In between that, I started myown business.
I was an entrepreneur.
I started doing parties on myown and just I would do weekend
things where I had peopleworking for me, and I learned a
lot of the trade.
My mother was a prostitute, soI was really raised in a culture
(04:57):
where there wasn't anythingwrong with selling yourself.
Fast forward.
I went through several domesticviolence relationships.
I've been shot at, I've been mythroat's been sliced, I've had
my nose broken more times than Ican count, black eyes Just like
the worst of the worst of theworst.
I learned a lot of rituals.
As a kid I was taughtwitchcraft and I didn't know it
(05:20):
was witchcraft.
I was tricked into it.
I was tricked into a lot ofthings and I survived a lot of
things and I got on my feet.
I got on my own and I just gotto a place where I had different
experiences that were alsoscary and moving forward.
I had four children.
I had three different fathersand I went through something
(05:42):
with each one of them, and thenmy middle children's father took
him for summer vacation andnever returned.
So my kids went missing andthat's when I started
understanding the world offamily court and you know how
the truth doesn't always prevailand they don't always consider
what's best for the child, andhow you can get dragged into a
(06:05):
system and there for years.
And so I started learning thathe was the father, he had rights
and they allowed him to crossstate lines with my children and
not bring them back.
Although I never did nothingwrong.
There was never any evidenceagainst me being a bad mom.
It's just the family courtsystem and how it works.
I later understood that theypick out the parent that's going
(06:26):
to fight and they give thechild to the other parent so
that it prolongs the case,because they know the mom's
going to come back and fight.
They know the mom's not goingto give up.
So in order for them to makemoney, they need to prolong the
case.
And so that's what happenedwith my children.
We went through three differentstates, we went through several
jurisdictions and even though Ihad a lot of evidence of what
(06:48):
happened to me and I had proofand police reports and none of
it mattered.
So then I had my last childwith his dad and we spent
another eight years in court.
Thank God he didn't get custody.
I was given custody right away.
I was able to prove hisaddiction, his mental illness,
his gang affiliation and thehell I lived through, and he
(07:09):
actually admitted to it in court.
So I got custody right away.
So, with all of those childrenand the three different fathers,
I spent a total of 17 years infamily court.
So I am now an expert.
Not just 17 years, but threedifferent states.
You know, I learned the system.
I learned how it worked andthat's what propelled me into
(07:32):
where I'm at today.
In the midst of the storm, withthe second father and the
children missing, I joined anorganization that was an
advocacy organization forsurvivors of domestic violence
and I was trained and I wastaught how to appear in court.
I was taught how to be calm,cool and collected.
You know, when your kids aremissing, you're hysterical,
you're crying, you're emotional.
(07:53):
You know you don't know wherethey are, what's happened to
them, however long it's been,and you tend to show that you
know you can't control it.
Being a woman, you just fallapart.
These are your babies.
But I was taught how torepresent myself in court.
I did have a lawyer, who wasamazing as well, but I learned
all of these little thingsmatter.
(08:14):
And so by the time I got tocourt with the last father, I
knew how to compose myself, Iknew how to appear, I knew how
to say yes, ma'am, no ma'am, andI knew how to stay quiet when
it wasn't my turn.
But the one thing I learned wasnot to give more information
than what they asked, which mostpeople, you know.
You just want to go in thereand puke it out and just say he
(08:36):
did this, this, this, this andthis and honestly, that doesn't
help.
Unfortunately, when you go inand you say domestic violence or
those triggering words, sexualassault or anything to that
matter, they look down on you.
Courts don't appreciate it.
Courts do not.
You know it's a fable wherethey say moms always get custody
.
It's not true.
(08:56):
It's so not true.
With all that said, I finallywon the last court case and had
sole custody of my child.
He no longer had visitation.
That could be a whole podcastin itself and all of the things
we went through during thatcourt trial.
The one thing I will tell youwhat came out of that was a book
(09:16):
.
So, through all this journey inmy life, with the mental health,
with the domestic violence,with the drug abuse, you know
with the homelessness, withpoverty, with single mother,
with teenage mom, you know withtrafficking, with sexual
assaults, with everything thathe really found me and we
(09:42):
connected and you know Iremember being in the courtroom
and the father's attorney wasproducing pictures that I had on
my Facebook page, pictures ofmy son and I at Cub Scouts with
his Cub Scout leader, and wewere at a shooting range and we
were going over gun safety andyou know he was allowed to fire
weapons.
We were teaching him that it'snot a video game like these, are
(10:06):
real life weapons that can kill, harm and maim.
And I found it living inpennsylvania in the poconos.
I found it amazing that he wasthe head of the nra and could
teach this class to our kids whowere playing with guns and
thought they were games.
And so when his lawyer, whenthe father's lawyer, produced
that picture, she was like look,he hates his father and she's
(10:28):
teaching him how to shoot, she'straining him to kill his father
.
And then she was like, oh myGod, and she's constantly
pleading the blood of Jesus.
I think she's in a cult.
And she was like they keepgoing on vacation Like this kid
is missing so much school andshe's, you know, not a good mom,
because they're in this townand that town and she's taking
(10:50):
him on all these trips, and whata horrible thing for a mother
to do.
And I was like sitting there,like are you serious?
And at that moment in my mind,you know, god started to speak
to me and he we were in aconference room but he took me
inside the courtroom and showedme that it said in God we trust.
(11:11):
And so I look, my hair standsup.
I know he was talking to me andI know he was telling me to
trust him and I know thatthey're coming after my religion
, they're coming after my beliefsystem, they're coming after my
parenting skills.
They're putting everything onthe line.
They accused me of beingmentally unstable, they accused
(11:31):
me of being on too much painmedication, like they became
doctors and psychologists andthey just they tried everything.
And God started speaking to meand he started saying this is
where you pray, this is whereyou fast, you know, and this is
what you need to do.
And all of the things that Ilearned in that space, pretty
(11:54):
much I put in a book and I callthe book Savage Angel, and that
book spoke to putting on thefull armor of God, even when it
seems like the whole world isagainst you.
When you cover yourself withthe full armor of God and you
trust God and you believe God,you know you start to find your
Esther moment Like I was so bornfor a time such as this and
(12:16):
that book.
I put my heart and soul in it.
But he put the Holy Ghost powerin it and I was able to write
that book so I could help otherwomen who are struggling with
family court, other women whoare being attacked for all of
these very same things.
So fast forward.
I moved to Florida, which wassupposed to be my happy place.
(12:37):
Jesse and I used to takevacations here all the time.
That was one of the things wegot in trouble for.
We would do family vacationsand my other children are in
Georgia, so they would come out.
My oldest son would come fromNew York and I would come from
Pennsylvania.
We would spend the weektogether.
So through all the trials andtribulations, I always kept my
children close.
(12:58):
Even though they have differentdads, they have the same mom,
they have the same bloodline.
They are my children and mychildren's children.
I'm a grandmom now.
So Jesse and I were like, wow,we're out of family court,
there's no more mandates,there's no more visitation,
let's move to our happy place,florida, is it?
We're close enough to the otherchildren, we can drive to see
(13:19):
them whenever we want, but we'refar enough from the pain that
we endured and the heartachesand the hardships and the
reminders.
And so we moved to Florida andI moved to an area that I call a
dry land.
Although there's churcheseverywhere, there's not a lot of
Holy Ghost moving people inthis territory.
(13:40):
There is a lot of pain, a lotof heartache.
There is a lot of suicides, alot of drug overdose.
I feel like I may have came outof the Bronx and just kind of
moved into something similar,and so I was like God, what is
this?
What's going on here?
You know why did you bring meto this land?
Like what is the problem?
(14:02):
Like I thought I was here forretirement.
You know I was going to becomfortable.
And God is like no, that's notwhat you're here for.
And then the position I wasworking for.
I was working with thisorganization for over 20 years.
The last, I think, eight years.
I was on staff and it waspart-time, but it was
comfortable because I still hadretirement from EMS work they
(14:25):
let me go and in the midst ofall of this and I'm seeing the
domestic violence out here is sobad you know, I'm used to women
getting beat up and things likethis and I moved out here and
women are dying like left andright, left and right.
You know there are women dyingin New York but it's so
different in Florida becauseit's an open carry state.
(14:45):
So people are carrying guns andthere was just so much going on
.
There was mental health crisis,you know, it was just so much.
There was drug addiction, youknow, and I moved into an area
of poverty.
So I was in the midst of it alland as I prayed, I would talk to
my former boss and say, youknow, I really need to do
something, because I knowthere's DV going on in the house
(15:08):
in the corner.
I know that the neighbors arefighting and I know that you
know, without giving out toomuch information, it's family
violence, it's not just intimatepartner violence.
And then I know that the kid onthe house two houses down
attempted suicide and had to betaken out through his window, or
at least he threatened toattempt suicide.
(15:29):
So I started calling around andchecking on what type of
services we have.
You know, how long does it taketo get a mental health
appointment?
Like, where do people go?
Like what can you do if youwant to get off drugs?
I come from a blue state whereeverything is available and
although I thought it wasterrible, I didn't realize how
bad until I got to a red state.
(15:49):
And there's one DV shelter inmy county and it's always full.
There is a line for mentalhealth, but there's also a
catch-22 with what insurance youhave, how long the waiting list
is.
There is help if you make aphone call, if you know who to
call, but the help is not alwayswhat you need, you know.
(16:10):
And so, out of this vacationlife I thought I was going to
live.
I birthed the Survivor Center.
I wanted to be a place whereyou could call for help.
So Survivor Center started outas a support group.
You know I wanted to be able toconnect with other women like
me who are going through it, whodon't know where to turn, who
may be facing family violence ordomestic violence, intimate
(16:34):
partner violence, or maybeyou're already in court.
I know the one thing I neededwas someone to hold my hand
through it all, because I feltlike I was the only one going
through this.
I thought that what washappening to me was so rare, and
then I learned that everysingle day, the courthouse is
full of people.
Every single day, the hotlineis ringing with calls.
(16:56):
Every single day, people arelooking for some sort of support
, and I remember what helped mesucceed and go from victim to
survivor to thriver, and Iwanted to be that for other
women.
I wanted them to know that youcan come out of mental health
and you can come out ofaddiction.
You can come out of poverty.
You can come out of thismindset that you're never going
(17:20):
to succeed or that you are whatthey said you were, and so you
know.
Little by little, I startedforming this organization.
I started looking for peoplethat I trusted to be part of the
board of directors, people whowere survivors, people who were
trafficked, people who wentthrough addiction, people who
went through mental healthcrisis and survived and are now
(17:41):
thriving.
I want to be the poster childfor what life looks like after
abuse, and I also realized inthis journey a lot of people say
to me well, we don't allbelieve in your God.
It's not a Christianorganization, but I stand on the
Bible, I stand on the word ofGod, I stand on everything it
(18:03):
says and I believe that I wasmade for a time such as this.
I really believe that the storyof Esther is a story of me and
how I will save my people and Ireally believe that I don't push
it on you.
I will save my people and Ireally believe that I don't push
it on you.
But if you see my story, if youhear what I lived through, if
you understand that that's whatgot me out, that's how I got
(18:24):
saved, that's how I changed mylife, maybe it'll be something
you'll want to learn somethingabout.
And honestly, through the trialsand the tribulations and we've
had them you know ups and downsand you know we've made
relationships with organizationsaround us and a lot of them are
like oh no, we don't talkreligion and that's OK, you know
(18:48):
, because I didn't come here toteach religion, that's not my
job.
But I came here to say this wasmy path and this is what helped
me.
And I don't discriminate if youdon't believe in God.
I don't discriminate if you'repagan.
I don't discriminate if you sayyou're into witchcraft, because
(19:10):
I was there too.
But I know that if you'reconnected to me, god's doing a
work in you, so I don't have tosit there and beat you with the
Bible and say well, the word ofGod says you should do A, b and
C.
I just live my life accordingly.
I just love with the most I can, with all of me, nonjudgmental,
(19:31):
non-discriminatory.
I just feel like God sent mehere to help set the captives
free, and being a captive isbeing stuck in an addiction,
being stuck in mental health,being stuck in fornication,
being stuck in a mindset thatyou're never going to get out,
(19:53):
like there's so many chains thatfall off of you.
And I think that God put mehere in this place for a reason,
and I had to understand how totake up that cross and go out
every day into a world wherethey hate Jesus and remind
myself well, they hated him.
They're going to hate you.
(20:13):
They hated him because of whohe was.
They hate you because you lovehim and you submit to him and
you follow what he says to do.
So the hate is really not you.
The hate is the God that livesin you.
And so what conquers hate?
Love?
I also know that there arepeople out there wanting to get
out and looking for someone tosay I survived, just like mental
(20:37):
health.
It's not a lifetime diagnosis.
I had PTSD, I had depression.
I'm a suicide survivor.
I've lived through the worst ofthe worst of the worst, and now
I have none of it.
None of it affects me.
I have none of it.
(21:01):
None of it affects me.
I don't take medication.
I don't see a therapist anymore.
I read worship and thank God.
There was a time in my lifewhere I needed the assistance,
that I did take medication, butthere was also a time where I
got off of it and I'm okay and Ithink coming out of
survivorship.
And when you have all of thosethings that are against you, of
(21:23):
course your mind's going tocrack.
You have someone saying I loveyou and then they're viciously
harming you and you're like whatis this?
I thought you said you loved me.
Like I woke up.
My nose is broken, my jaw's outof place, I got black eyes, I
was raped, I was sodomized.
I went through A, b and C.
All my money's gone.
You stole my jewelry, but youlove me.
So I think for me.
(21:47):
You know, and I can only speakfor me.
What helped me?
It was learning to love myself,learning to forgive myself,
learning that I am not whathappened to me, learning that
those behaviors were who theywere and learning to detach from
all of that.
And again I'm going to go backto the Bible.
You know, reading about whothese people were in the Bible
(22:08):
and understanding that therewere people like Mary Magdalene,
there were people like Moses,and if God could take those
people and make them into who heneeded them to be and to
prophets and to saviors, andclean them and wipe away the sin
, he could do it for me too.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
And you are like how you said you wanted to be the
poster child of how you you havefaced.
I mean, when you speak ofadversity like that's, I mean
you're beyond.
I don't know what word isstronger than adversity, but
that's, that's what you are andyou've overcome that.
I am thinking that maybe, likewe, we stopped for this episode
(22:50):
here and I would love to talkmore about what you do with the
survivor center, and maybe wecan do that in the next episode.
Does that sound okay to you,that's?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
fine.
Okay, thanks to Dana forjoining me today and thank you
for listening.
The link to Dana's 1 in 3profile can be found in the show
notes.
It includes links to herwebsite, socials and where to
purchase her book.
I will be back next week asDana joins me again for part two
, in which she further explainshow the Survivor Center is
(23:21):
helping others across thecountry.
Until then, stay strong and,wherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Find more information, registeras a guest or leave a review by
going to the websiteoneandthreepodcastcom.
That's the number one, i-n thenumber three podcastcom.
(23:44):
Follow One in Three onInstagram, facebook and Twitter
at One in Three Podcast.
To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
One in Three is a .5 Pinoyproduction Music written and
performed by Tim Crow.
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, ingrid.
As you know, my favoritestories are those where someone
not only conquers their trauma,but uses that experience to
uplift others.
Today's guest embodies thatspirit fully.
Dana has not only surviveddomestic violence, but has also
overcome a life marked byprofound adversity.
(00:23):
This is Dana's story, sharedover a powerful two-part series.
Hi Dana, how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hi, I'm doing great.
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Thank you so much for coming on, and so we're going
to jump into it with yourbackground.
So just tell us a little bitabout yourself and what you do,
and how you got to do what youare doing.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
So my name is Dana.
I'm now oh my gosh, I'madmitting this on air 54 years
old.
I was born in Pennsylvania andI didn't spend much time there.
I was pretty much raised in theBronx, new York City.
I grew up with parents who wereaddicts, who dealt with mental
illness, my mom separated frommy dad, and we just went on a
(01:11):
roller coaster ride, I thinkfrom like the age of five four.
She left them when I was four,and so I grew up in an area
where there was a lot of poverty, there was a lot of abuse,
there was a lot of drugs, therewas trafficking although we
didn't call it that back then soI grew up in a world where I
didn't quite fit in.
I was the only Caucasian personthere.
(01:33):
Everyone I knew was eitherBlack or Hispanic, and I went
from household to householdbecause my mom was not really
paying attention.
She was usually on drugs orhaving a mental breakdown.
So I spent a lot of time withmy neighbors and I'm grateful
for that.
I grew up in pretty muchHispanic households.
I learned to speak it, read it,write it, dance it, cook it,
(01:54):
and that helped me in life.
As I progressed in thatneighborhood, you know I learned
different skills through thedifferent households that I went
to, but one thing I learnedeverywhere I went, people were
suffering.
I remember not having heat, nothaving hot water.
You know simple little thingsand I would advocate for
everybody.
I grew up in an area where therewas a lot of fights, there was
(02:17):
gangs, you know.
There was a lot of violence andit was just a scary place.
And moving forward, my mothergot really bad with her
addiction.
She started throwing me in andout of the house.
So by like nine years old, Iwas sleeping outside, I was
sleeping behind school, sleepingon the train, and I found my
(02:38):
way to school every day.
I would still go to school.
I was learning, you know, formyself.
That was where I ate, that'swhere people were nice to me and
that's where I had my friendsand I enjoyed learning.
Left and I wound up with aolder man who was about 18, 19
(03:08):
years old at the time andeventually a lot of things
happened.
There was a lot of violence,there was a lot of abuse, there
was a lot of assaults.
I ended up pregnant and by thetime I was about eight months
pregnant.
I went back.
I got to go back home to my mombecause he wouldn't let me
leave.
So I went back home for acouple of months, had a baby and
she threw me right back out inthe street again.
So me and my baby left in themiddle of winter.
(03:31):
He was born in December, so hewas still pretty much a newborn
and I learned to make it on myown.
I went into shelters and theyweren't so great either.
There was a lot of violence inthere.
I wound up going back to school, getting my GED, taking him
with me to a program, and Idecided I wanted to go to
college for a little while.
So I spent some time in HostosCommunity College studying
(03:54):
nursing, and then I wastrafficked.
I went to dance at a bar atnight and I was 17 and I had a
baby and I couldn't pay rent andI was working 12 hours a day at
a movie theater.
That just wasn't paying thebills.
(04:15):
Even though I worked six days aweek, I never saw my kid.
So I got convinced into goingto work into this bar, and from
the bar I got trafficked by acorrection officer.
I was 17.
I shouldn't have been in thebar.
And from the bar I gottrafficked by a correction
officer.
I was 17.
I shouldn't have been in thebar.
Nonetheless, I was a stripper.
A couple of years down the roadI went back to school and became
(04:37):
an emergency medical technician.
I started saving lives for aliving.
In between that, I started myown business.
I was an entrepreneur.
I started doing parties on myown and just I would do weekend
things where I had peopleworking for me, and I learned a
lot of the trade.
My mother was a prostitute, soI was really raised in a culture
(04:57):
where there wasn't anythingwrong with selling yourself.
Fast forward.
I went through several domesticviolence relationships.
I've been shot at, I've been mythroat's been sliced, I've had
my nose broken more times than Ican count, black eyes Just like
the worst of the worst of theworst.
I learned a lot of rituals.
As a kid I was taughtwitchcraft and I didn't know it
(05:20):
was witchcraft.
I was tricked into it.
I was tricked into a lot ofthings and I survived a lot of
things and I got on my feet.
I got on my own and I just gotto a place where I had different
experiences that were alsoscary and moving forward.
I had four children.
I had three different fathersand I went through something
(05:42):
with each one of them, and thenmy middle children's father took
him for summer vacation andnever returned.
So my kids went missing andthat's when I started
understanding the world offamily court and you know how
the truth doesn't always prevailand they don't always consider
what's best for the child, andhow you can get dragged into a
(06:05):
system and there for years.
And so I started learning thathe was the father, he had rights
and they allowed him to crossstate lines with my children and
not bring them back.
Although I never did nothingwrong.
There was never any evidenceagainst me being a bad mom.
It's just the family courtsystem and how it works.
I later understood that theypick out the parent that's going
(06:26):
to fight and they give thechild to the other parent so
that it prolongs the case,because they know the mom's
going to come back and fight.
They know the mom's not goingto give up.
So in order for them to makemoney, they need to prolong the
case.
And so that's what happenedwith my children.
We went through three differentstates, we went through several
jurisdictions and even though Ihad a lot of evidence of what
(06:48):
happened to me and I had proofand police reports and none of
it mattered.
So then I had my last childwith his dad and we spent
another eight years in court.
Thank God he didn't get custody.
I was given custody right away.
I was able to prove hisaddiction, his mental illness,
his gang affiliation and thehell I lived through, and he
(07:09):
actually admitted to it in court.
So I got custody right away.
So, with all of those childrenand the three different fathers,
I spent a total of 17 years infamily court.
So I am now an expert.
Not just 17 years, but threedifferent states.
You know, I learned the system.
I learned how it worked andthat's what propelled me into
(07:32):
where I'm at today.
In the midst of the storm, withthe second father and the
children missing, I joined anorganization that was an
advocacy organization forsurvivors of domestic violence
and I was trained and I wastaught how to appear in court.
I was taught how to be calm,cool and collected.
You know, when your kids aremissing, you're hysterical,
you're crying, you're emotional.
(07:53):
You know you don't know wherethey are, what's happened to
them, however long it's been,and you tend to show that you
know you can't control it.
Being a woman, you just fallapart.
These are your babies.
But I was taught how torepresent myself in court.
I did have a lawyer, who wasamazing as well, but I learned
all of these little thingsmatter.
(08:14):
And so by the time I got tocourt with the last father, I
knew how to compose myself, Iknew how to appear, I knew how
to say yes, ma'am, no ma'am, andI knew how to stay quiet when
it wasn't my turn.
But the one thing I learned wasnot to give more information
than what they asked, which mostpeople, you know.
You just want to go in thereand puke it out and just say he
(08:36):
did this, this, this, this andthis and honestly, that doesn't
help.
Unfortunately, when you go inand you say domestic violence or
those triggering words, sexualassault or anything to that
matter, they look down on you.
Courts don't appreciate it.
Courts do not.
You know it's a fable wherethey say moms always get custody
.
It's not true.
(08:56):
It's so not true.
With all that said, I finallywon the last court case and had
sole custody of my child.
He no longer had visitation.
That could be a whole podcastin itself and all of the things
we went through during thatcourt trial.
The one thing I will tell youwhat came out of that was a book
(09:16):
.
So, through all this journey inmy life, with the mental health,
with the domestic violence,with the drug abuse, you know
with the homelessness, withpoverty, with single mother,
with teenage mom, you know withtrafficking, with sexual
assaults, with everything thathe really found me and we
(09:42):
connected and you know Iremember being in the courtroom
and the father's attorney wasproducing pictures that I had on
my Facebook page, pictures ofmy son and I at Cub Scouts with
his Cub Scout leader, and wewere at a shooting range and we
were going over gun safety andyou know he was allowed to fire
weapons.
We were teaching him that it'snot a video game like these, are
(10:06):
real life weapons that can kill, harm and maim.
And I found it living inpennsylvania in the poconos.
I found it amazing that he wasthe head of the nra and could
teach this class to our kids whowere playing with guns and
thought they were games.
And so when his lawyer, whenthe father's lawyer, produced
that picture, she was like look,he hates his father and she's
(10:28):
teaching him how to shoot, she'straining him to kill his father
.
And then she was like, oh myGod, and she's constantly
pleading the blood of Jesus.
I think she's in a cult.
And she was like they keepgoing on vacation Like this kid
is missing so much school andshe's, you know, not a good mom,
because they're in this townand that town and she's taking
(10:50):
him on all these trips, and whata horrible thing for a mother
to do.
And I was like sitting there,like are you serious?
And at that moment in my mind,you know, god started to speak
to me and he we were in aconference room but he took me
inside the courtroom and showedme that it said in God we trust.
(11:11):
And so I look, my hair standsup.
I know he was talking to me andI know he was telling me to
trust him and I know thatthey're coming after my religion
, they're coming after my beliefsystem, they're coming after my
parenting skills.
They're putting everything onthe line.
They accused me of beingmentally unstable, they accused
(11:31):
me of being on too much painmedication, like they became
doctors and psychologists andthey just they tried everything.
And God started speaking to meand he started saying this is
where you pray, this is whereyou fast, you know, and this is
what you need to do.
And all of the things that Ilearned in that space, pretty
(11:54):
much I put in a book and I callthe book Savage Angel, and that
book spoke to putting on thefull armor of God, even when it
seems like the whole world isagainst you.
When you cover yourself withthe full armor of God and you
trust God and you believe God,you know you start to find your
Esther moment Like I was so bornfor a time such as this and
(12:16):
that book.
I put my heart and soul in it.
But he put the Holy Ghost powerin it and I was able to write
that book so I could help otherwomen who are struggling with
family court, other women whoare being attacked for all of
these very same things.
So fast forward.
I moved to Florida, which wassupposed to be my happy place.
(12:37):
Jesse and I used to takevacations here all the time.
That was one of the things wegot in trouble for.
We would do family vacationsand my other children are in
Georgia, so they would come out.
My oldest son would come fromNew York and I would come from
Pennsylvania.
We would spend the weektogether.
So through all the trials andtribulations, I always kept my
children close.
(12:58):
Even though they have differentdads, they have the same mom,
they have the same bloodline.
They are my children and mychildren's children.
I'm a grandmom now.
So Jesse and I were like, wow,we're out of family court,
there's no more mandates,there's no more visitation,
let's move to our happy place,florida, is it?
We're close enough to the otherchildren, we can drive to see
(13:19):
them whenever we want, but we'refar enough from the pain that
we endured and the heartachesand the hardships and the
reminders.
And so we moved to Florida andI moved to an area that I call a
dry land.
Although there's churcheseverywhere, there's not a lot of
Holy Ghost moving people inthis territory.
(13:40):
There is a lot of pain, a lotof heartache.
There is a lot of suicides, alot of drug overdose.
I feel like I may have came outof the Bronx and just kind of
moved into something similar,and so I was like God, what is
this?
What's going on here?
You know why did you bring meto this land?
Like what is the problem?
(14:02):
Like I thought I was here forretirement.
You know I was going to becomfortable.
And God is like no, that's notwhat you're here for.
And then the position I wasworking for.
I was working with thisorganization for over 20 years.
The last, I think, eight years.
I was on staff and it waspart-time, but it was
comfortable because I still hadretirement from EMS work they
(14:25):
let me go and in the midst ofall of this and I'm seeing the
domestic violence out here is sobad you know, I'm used to women
getting beat up and things likethis and I moved out here and
women are dying like left andright, left and right.
You know there are women dyingin New York but it's so
different in Florida becauseit's an open carry state.
(14:45):
So people are carrying guns andthere was just so much going on
.
There was mental health crisis,you know, it was just so much.
There was drug addiction, youknow, and I moved into an area
of poverty.
So I was in the midst of it alland as I prayed, I would talk to
my former boss and say, youknow, I really need to do
something, because I knowthere's DV going on in the house
(15:08):
in the corner.
I know that the neighbors arefighting and I know that you
know, without giving out toomuch information, it's family
violence, it's not just intimatepartner violence.
And then I know that the kid onthe house two houses down
attempted suicide and had to betaken out through his window, or
at least he threatened toattempt suicide.
(15:29):
So I started calling around andchecking on what type of
services we have.
You know, how long does it taketo get a mental health
appointment?
Like, where do people go?
Like what can you do if youwant to get off drugs?
I come from a blue state whereeverything is available and
although I thought it wasterrible, I didn't realize how
bad until I got to a red state.
(15:49):
And there's one DV shelter inmy county and it's always full.
There is a line for mentalhealth, but there's also a
catch-22 with what insurance youhave, how long the waiting list
is.
There is help if you make aphone call, if you know who to
call, but the help is not alwayswhat you need, you know.
(16:10):
And so, out of this vacationlife I thought I was going to
live.
I birthed the Survivor Center.
I wanted to be a place whereyou could call for help.
So Survivor Center started outas a support group.
You know I wanted to be able toconnect with other women like
me who are going through it, whodon't know where to turn, who
may be facing family violence ordomestic violence, intimate
(16:34):
partner violence, or maybeyou're already in court.
I know the one thing I neededwas someone to hold my hand
through it all, because I feltlike I was the only one going
through this.
I thought that what washappening to me was so rare, and
then I learned that everysingle day, the courthouse is
full of people.
Every single day, the hotlineis ringing with calls.
(16:56):
Every single day, people arelooking for some sort of support
, and I remember what helped mesucceed and go from victim to
survivor to thriver, and Iwanted to be that for other
women.
I wanted them to know that youcan come out of mental health
and you can come out ofaddiction.
You can come out of poverty.
You can come out of thismindset that you're never going
(17:20):
to succeed or that you are whatthey said you were, and so you
know.
Little by little, I startedforming this organization.
I started looking for peoplethat I trusted to be part of the
board of directors, people whowere survivors, people who were
trafficked, people who wentthrough addiction, people who
went through mental healthcrisis and survived and are now
(17:41):
thriving.
I want to be the poster childfor what life looks like after
abuse, and I also realized inthis journey a lot of people say
to me well, we don't allbelieve in your God.
It's not a Christianorganization, but I stand on the
Bible, I stand on the word ofGod, I stand on everything it
(18:03):
says and I believe that I wasmade for a time such as this.
I really believe that the storyof Esther is a story of me and
how I will save my people and Ireally believe that I don't push
it on you.
I will save my people and Ireally believe that I don't push
it on you.
But if you see my story, if youhear what I lived through, if
you understand that that's whatgot me out, that's how I got
(18:24):
saved, that's how I changed mylife, maybe it'll be something
you'll want to learn somethingabout.
And honestly, through the trialsand the tribulations and we've
had them you know ups and downsand you know we've made
relationships with organizationsaround us and a lot of them are
like oh no, we don't talkreligion and that's OK, you know
(18:48):
, because I didn't come here toteach religion, that's not my
job.
But I came here to say this wasmy path and this is what helped
me.
And I don't discriminate if youdon't believe in God.
I don't discriminate if you'repagan.
I don't discriminate if you sayyou're into witchcraft, because
(19:10):
I was there too.
But I know that if you'reconnected to me, god's doing a
work in you, so I don't have tosit there and beat you with the
Bible and say well, the word ofGod says you should do A, b and
C.
I just live my life accordingly.
I just love with the most I can, with all of me, nonjudgmental,
(19:31):
non-discriminatory.
I just feel like God sent mehere to help set the captives
free, and being a captive isbeing stuck in an addiction,
being stuck in mental health,being stuck in fornication,
being stuck in a mindset thatyou're never going to get out,
(19:53):
like there's so many chains thatfall off of you.
And I think that God put mehere in this place for a reason,
and I had to understand how totake up that cross and go out
every day into a world wherethey hate Jesus and remind
myself well, they hated him.
They're going to hate you.
(20:13):
They hated him because of whohe was.
They hate you because you lovehim and you submit to him and
you follow what he says to do.
So the hate is really not you.
The hate is the God that livesin you.
And so what conquers hate?
Love?
I also know that there arepeople out there wanting to get
out and looking for someone tosay I survived, just like mental
(20:37):
health.
It's not a lifetime diagnosis.
I had PTSD, I had depression.
I'm a suicide survivor.
I've lived through the worst ofthe worst of the worst, and now
I have none of it.
None of it affects me.
I have none of it.
(21:01):
None of it affects me.
I don't take medication.
I don't see a therapist anymore.
I read worship and thank God.
There was a time in my lifewhere I needed the assistance,
that I did take medication, butthere was also a time where I
got off of it and I'm okay and Ithink coming out of
survivorship.
And when you have all of thosethings that are against you, of
(21:23):
course your mind's going tocrack.
You have someone saying I loveyou and then they're viciously
harming you and you're like whatis this?
I thought you said you loved me.
Like I woke up.
My nose is broken, my jaw's outof place, I got black eyes, I
was raped, I was sodomized.
I went through A, b and C.
All my money's gone.
You stole my jewelry, but youlove me.
So I think for me.
(21:47):
You know, and I can only speakfor me.
What helped me?
It was learning to love myself,learning to forgive myself,
learning that I am not whathappened to me, learning that
those behaviors were who theywere and learning to detach from
all of that.
And again I'm going to go backto the Bible.
You know, reading about whothese people were in the Bible
(22:08):
and understanding that therewere people like Mary Magdalene,
there were people like Moses,and if God could take those
people and make them into who heneeded them to be and to
prophets and to saviors, andclean them and wipe away the sin
, he could do it for me too.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
And you are like how you said you wanted to be the
poster child of how you you havefaced.
I mean, when you speak ofadversity like that's, I mean
you're beyond.
I don't know what word isstronger than adversity, but
that's, that's what you are andyou've overcome that.
I am thinking that maybe, likewe, we stopped for this episode
(22:50):
here and I would love to talkmore about what you do with the
survivor center, and maybe wecan do that in the next episode.
Does that sound okay to you,that's?
Speaker 1 (23:00):
fine.
Okay, thanks to Dana forjoining me today and thank you
for listening.
The link to Dana's 1 in 3profile can be found in the show
notes.
It includes links to herwebsite, socials and where to
purchase her book.
I will be back next week asDana joins me again for part two
, in which she further explainshow the Survivor Center is
(23:21):
helping others across thecountry.
Until then, stay strong and,wherever you are in your journey
, always remember you are notalone.
Find more information, registeras a guest or leave a review by
going to the websiteoneandthreepodcastcom.
That's the number one, i-n thenumber three podcastcom.
(23:44):
Follow One in Three onInstagram, facebook and Twitter
at One in Three Podcast.
To help me out, please rememberto rate, review and subscribe.
One in Three is a .5 Pinoyproduction Music written and
performed by Tim Crow.
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