December 17, 2025 • 50 mins
What if justice isn’t a courtroom verdict, but the peace that comes from telling the truth?
On this episode of the 1 in 3 Podcast, Ingrid sits down with Kath Essing, author of The Courage to Speak Your Truth: Shifting the Narrative on Childhood Sexual Abuse, for a powerful conversation about healing when the legal system cannot deliver a conviction.
Kath shares how suppressed memories of childhood sexual abuse resurfaced in adulthood, why survivors often shift their language from “abuse” to “rape,” and how reclaiming accurate words can be a critical step in trauma recovery. She walks us through an 18-month police investigation, the emotional precision required during a four-hour official statement, and a facilitated call with her abuser—a moment that allowed her to reclaim her voice and return misplaced shame.
Together, Ingrid and Kath unpack the myths that keep survivors silent, including the “stranger danger” narrative, misconceptions about what perpetrators look like, and the unrealistic expectation that survivors must present as a “perfect witness.” Kath also explains how poetry and writing became a lifeline—capturing moments of crisis with clarity and helping loved ones fully understand her experience.
This episode explores the layered path to healing from sexual trauma, including talk therapy, somatic work, meditation, medication when needed, and daily practices that support mind, body, and spirit. Kath shares how she transformed resentment into connection through storytelling—and how naming the truth created space for peace.
As a mother, Kath discusses how to break cycles of abuse without fear-mongering: trusting intuition, maintaining open communication with children, and teaching that speaking up is an act of strength. The conversation also covers historical sexual abuse reporting, emerging technology that links survivor reports, and the importance of setting personal goals for reporting to make the process empowering rather than retraumatizing.
If you or someone you love is navigating childhood sexual abuse, suppressed memory, trauma recovery, or reporting historical abuse, this episode offers practical insight, hard-won wisdom, and a grounded reminder: you deserve peace.
If this episode resonates, subscribe to the 1 in 3 Podcast, share it with someone who needs support, and leave a review to help more survivors find this resource.
Kath’s links:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathessing/
https://www.instagram.com/kath_essing
https://www.facebook.com/bespeakconsultancy
https://www.amazon.com.au/Courage-Speak-Your-Truth-Narrative/dp/0648758060
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
- Send your emails to 1in3podcast@gmail.com
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Thank you for listening!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:47):
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, Ingrid.
Justice looks different foreveryone.
For some, it may mean seeingtheir offender face legal
consequences, but that kind ofjustice isn't always possible.
As my guest today, Kath, sobeautifully puts it, justice is
(01:09):
finding peace.
Here's Kath.
Hi, Kath.
Welcome to One in Three.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
And so before we get into our conversation, could you
give just a little bit of abackground on yourself so
everyone gets to know you, Sam?
SPEAKER_00 (01:26):
Um hi everyone, my name's Kath, and I am a mother
of two.
I live in at Bells Beach inAustralia, down on the bottom of
Australia.
I'm an author and speaker, andI've just recently published a
book called The Courage to SpeakYour Truth: Shifting the
Narrative on Childhood SexualAbuse.
So that's what we're here totalk about today.
SPEAKER_01 (01:47):
Yes, and there's a lot to talk about.
Now, um, quickly, is the book II listened to it on Audible on
Spotify, but is there a hardcopy of it available as well?
SPEAKER_00 (01:58):
There is a hard copy, and you can get that on
Amazon or Booktopia.
SPEAKER_01 (02:02):
Okay, perfect.
So let's start with what madeyou decide to write the book?
SPEAKER_00 (02:08):
I think more the book decided to use me as its
vehicle, to be honest.
That's how it felt.
I I have this is my second bookthat I've published, and I
always knew that I wanted to usemy story as a way to inform and
educate.
About two years ago, I decided Iwanted to do a TED talk.
(02:29):
So I I spent three monthsworking with a coach to define
how that messaging would lookand what those 18 minutes would
look like.
And when I presented that talk,I realized I had the blueprint
for a book.
So when I came home, literallyfour weeks later, the book was
finished.
So I sort of went into a bit ofa writing frenzy.
(02:52):
And the only block I had wasreally where does the story
start and end?
Because obviously it's my story.
So it's um it's never ending.
But I feel the part of the storythat I've shared so far, there
is a bookend to the beginningand end of the journey of
remembering, recovering, andreporting my abuse.
And I feel like that's the partthat people need to be informed
(03:15):
about.
SPEAKER_01 (03:16):
Right.
Now, your abuse, you hadrepressed the memory for quite
some time.
SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
Yes, which is actually statistically pretty um
average.
My story on many accounts, itwas a male relative that abused
me.
My abuse, the first incidenthappened when I was five, um,
and there were two majorincidents that followed that.
I had suppressed it completely.
(03:43):
I did know that I wasuncomfortable about this
person's presence, but I I hadsuppressed it into my early 20s,
and it came back like a tsunami.
Um, and the reason I exploredwhat was there was because
depression had come knocking andfor no apparent reason.
So it's like a part of myselfhad been switched off so that
(04:04):
the rest of me could function.
Um and I functioned really welluntil I couldn't ignore the
knock anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (04:12):
One thing you mentioned in the book was um how
you it was like you had torelive the trauma again.
You you lived it once when youwent through it, repressed it,
and then when all the memoriescame back, it was just having to
relive it all again.
SPEAKER_00 (04:28):
And in some ways, relive it for the first time
because when you see anexperience from adult eyes, it's
a very different, you know.
Childhood trauma is so complexbecause we don't have the
reference point or language orunderstanding of what's
happening often when,particularly when it comes to
(04:50):
sexual abuse, at a five at fiveyears old, there's no context to
violence, least of all sexualviolence.
Um, and to add to the complexitythat 90% of us who are abused as
children know our perpetrator,and 50% of us are related to
that perpetrator, it just addsanother layer of complexity that
(05:10):
a little mind can't possiblymake sense of.
So making sense of it as anadult took a different lens, but
the healing of that little girlwithin me is what had to happen
after I made sense of theincidents themselves.
SPEAKER_01 (05:26):
Well, and I imagine it makes you you look back at
your life and question a lot ofthings in your life too, right?
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
Absolutely.
And also honor a lot, you know,to think that those things were
happening and alongside thoseincidents, I was very fortunate.
I didn't live with my abuser,which many people do.
Um, I had a lovely, happy, funlife.
And so, you know, theseincidents can shape us, but in
(05:56):
my case, I've chosen for it notto define me in a way that holds
me back.
It's definitely part of myidentity because I'm now talking
about it so much publicly.
But it is only one piece of thepuzzle of who I am, and that's
the way I see trauma.
Like all of us have a story, um,and they're vastly different
(06:16):
stories, but we have to come topeace with our own so that we
can navigate the rest of lifeand enjoy ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (06:23):
Another part that I liked is you talked about your
mom and how she just she was awoman who was just very like
what is I'm trying to think,feminist, I think I guess, in a
way, um, but always out for likeequal equality for everyone.
SPEAKER_00 (06:40):
And the reason I like to talk about mom is
because I I feel like there's ummisunderstanding about what it
means for children who suppresstheir abuse as children, and
that there's an assumption thatthe children had nowhere to go
to share their story.
Um, that wasn't the case for me.
I know that as an adult, had Ihave come forward and told my
(07:04):
mum what was happening, I knowshe would have heard me and
listened and taken action.
But I think that often theseperpetrators are so skillful in
the way that they pick theirvictims and also pick their weak
spots.
So I was an innate peoplepleaser.
I didn't want anyone to beunhappy.
(07:25):
I loved my family, I loved acommunity I was involved in, and
I didn't want to wreck that foranybody.
So, you know, being in a familywith a woman who was so overt
about justice wasn't enough tobreak through that suppression
for me because this was in myfamily.
(07:46):
This was very different tofighting a good fight for a
group of people.
This was my story.
And um, you know, they talkabout how, you know, in no other
situation other than sexualviolence are the victims really
put under scrutiny.
You know, if someone ro breaksinto your house and steals your
TV, people aren't saying, well,the owner, it's their fault
(08:10):
because they shouldn't have hadthat TV in the first place.
But when we have sexualviolence, there's a a really
complex way in which we navigatethat in our society.
And I think that's why thesuppression is there for so many
of us.
SPEAKER_01 (08:24):
Well, it's it's difficult to even talk to your
family because you're,especially when it is family,
because you're you're unsure ofhow they're going to react to
that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:33):
Absolutely.
And, you know, I did mention inthe book that my abuser was in
my dad's side of the family,whom I was estranged from as
soon as I was able to make thathappen.
And I still didn't come forward.
You know, like I think there'sso many people that have read my
book and reached out to me andtold me that their abuser is
(08:55):
still in their lives and theydon't know what to do about
that, other than protectingtheir own children.
And that may seem really simpleto someone outside, but when
it's your whole existence andyou're choosing between having a
relationship with your ownparents because you have to tell
them that one of their parentsor siblings was your abuser, um,
it's very, very complicated andmuch more complicated than a
(09:19):
simple I've spoken up or Ididn't speak up.
SPEAKER_01 (09:23):
Did your family react the way you thought they
would react when they found out?
SPEAKER_00 (09:28):
Um, yes, I I think there's a lot of shock, and
particularly, you know, part ofthe reason I called the book
Shifting the Narrative onChildhood Sexual Abuse is
because I want to shift thenarrative of what a victim or a
survivor looks like and also aperpetrator.
So I think we have this bias andassumption about what we think a
(09:49):
survivor of this type of crimelooks like, but we also have a
bias about what the perpetratorslook like, hence why so many get
away with what they do.
And so I think for me, when Ifirst came forward, because I'd
been um out of character andlike really depressed, and that
(10:11):
seemed really unusual for me andmy vibrancy and personality.
I think it helped make sense ofwhy I had been spiraling down
for a little while.
But I also think it was reallychallenging for people who knew
me well to calibrate the happy,athletic, popular girl having
(10:33):
that going on in the background.
SPEAKER_01 (10:36):
Yeah, I imagine so.
And then did it your parentswere already divorced, right?
That's right, yes.
And did it draw like biggerlines in the sand or more
resentment toward the otheropposite families?
SPEAKER_00 (10:51):
Um, look, I think I had already I had to choose.
When I came forward, I told mydad and asked him to inform the
rest of the family because therewere still children in that
family.
Beyond that, I I didn't actuallyhave a relationship with my own
dad before he died 10 yearslater.
(11:12):
Um, so that was reallychallenging.
And that wasn't because hedidn't believe me, it was
because it was his family and hedidn't know how to manage that.
So that was a big decision forhim.
And um, and I trust that andfeel very strongly that there
was intergenerational trauma.
So I think if you are an adultand haven't dealt with your own
story, then it's very hard tosupport a child who's ready to
(11:36):
confront their own.
SPEAKER_01 (11:38):
Oh, absolutely.
General generational traumadefinitely carries, and it's um
it's difficult to stop it, uh,especially if you're so immersed
in it and it's it's difficult torecognize.
And if you don't have theexterior support from other
family members, I imagine itwould be very, very difficult to
stop.
SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
Awful.
And I think that's why peopleoften leave.
That's their only sort of lineof defense is to get out and
start again.
And um, I'm grateful that I onlylost half of my family in coming
forward.
Um, there's people that I knowthat have had to walk away from
their entire families becausethey're not ready to confront
(12:19):
the often generations of ummisuse and abuse that's
happened.
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
One thing I loved, I guess.
So going back again to your momis how you mentioned how you
know in awe you were of her withher her uh fight for justice.
And then you taking yourchildren to the Me Too.
Was it was it was it a march orwas it just like a gathering?
SPEAKER_00 (12:45):
Yeah, it was a protest gathering on the beach.
And um, you know, my son was sixand my daughter was 10, and and
I stood there and you know, it'sreally important to me, I think,
to join, you know, the thenumbers of abuse seemingly
statistically are less for menon paper, but I I do believe
that's only because we aren'treally inviting men to speak up
(13:08):
about it, and often there'sextra layers of shame when it's
a male perpetrator.
And so I really want to bring upa strong, empathetic man.
Um, and I wanted my son to sortof be joined into this
conversation that I'm havingwith my daughter.
But I stood there at this march,and when I saw the word justice
(13:28):
being formed in front of me, Irealized that was something I
hadn't done for myself.
And I felt like a bit of ahypocrite, actually.
And when I looked at mychildren, I thought, if they
ever come to me and something'shappened, I want to be able to
tell them that I did everythingI could to ensure that the
person who hurt me was broughtto justice.
(13:51):
And so that's when at that day Idropped them to school and I
walked straight into the policestation locally, and that
started the process.
SPEAKER_01 (14:01):
Could you talk a little bit about that process
and what it entailed and thelength and the headaches and the
all of the work?
SPEAKER_00 (14:11):
So it was an 18-month process from that first
day walking in, and you know,I'm quite a spiritual person,
and I I felt like it was often abit like an out-of-body
experience, and I was beingheld, and I felt very safe to do
that, but I was terrified.
So it was I walked in and Ispoke to that first detective,
(14:34):
and the first thing he said tome is, let's just check if your
perpetrator is still alive.
And um, it kind of threw meactually because it hadn't
occurred to me that he wouldn'tbe.
And so I feel very grateful thathe was.
And I got referred to aspecialized um historical sexual
(14:54):
assault unit and worked with adetective.
And part of the process was megiving my statement, and that
took four hours to in detaildescribe the incidents that
happened, and um and the reasonit's so important is because
every word matters.
And so that was pretty grueling,and I'd never done that before.
(15:15):
You know, I realized that I wascurating my story for my husband
and my parents and my siblingsbecause I didn't want anyone
else to have to carry theheaviness of this story.
So I curated it throughlanguage, I curated it through
giving bits and pieces todifferent people.
Um, but one thing I got to do inthat investigation was call my
(15:37):
perpetrator and confront him.
And so there was a 12-minuteconversation between us, and it
was liberating and terrifying.
And I I think I'd done so muchhealing and so much work that
there really was nothing morefor me to do than step through
that process.
(15:57):
So I did, and um and it allowedme to reclaim my voice and to
really assert my certaintyaround the fact that you did not
break me and the problem heresits with you, and the shame
here sits with you.
It's not mine to carry, and Ihand it back.
And so it was a very powerfulpart of the process.
(16:19):
It's definitely not foreverybody, but um, and it took
me, you know, decades to get tothe point where that was
something that I wanted andneeded, um, and I'm very
grateful that I had anopportunity to do that.
Unfortunately, because I therewasn't enough evidence, there
was evidence that they couldn'tfind of me being um admitted to
(16:42):
hospital after an incidenthappened when I was 11, but they
couldn't find records of that.
There was an eyewitness who umis also related to the
perpetrator who just wasn'tprepared to give a statement.
And there was also a discrepancybetween my four-hour interview
in which I used the word rapeand the three friends of mine
(17:05):
that were interviewed, whom Ifirst disclosed to 23 years
earlier, and they all used theword abused because that's the
word that I used when I firsttold them something had
happened.
So they suggested that in courtum the defense would have ripped
that apart.
And so collectively we couldn'tgo to trial.
(17:27):
So although he was arrested, hecan't be charged.
And part of me at that point wasrelieved that I felt I'd done
what I needed to do.
But then I have days where, as amother and a woman, I feel angry
that things are still set up toprotect um those type of people.
(17:49):
And particularly in these caseswhere the reality is lots of
people take decades to get readyto confront it, um, then it's
really set up for many of us tofail.
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
It really is.
And especially on when you thinkabout words, because one in your
20s versus in your 40s, itespecially after decades of
healing, you're going to be morecomfortable and confident using
a stronger word like rape.
But when it's first coming toyou, it's a that's a very
difficult word to use.
(18:23):
I know my with my abuser, I hada very hard time telling him the
word rape.
I described to him what he haddone to me.
And he said, It sounds likeyou're calling me a rapist.
And I said, I think that isactually the term I'm looking
for.
Uh, so it's very frustratingthat a technicality of using
(18:47):
rape versus abuse that far apartin time, plus that early in
recognition of what happenedversus that much long later
healing-wise, of course, theterms are going to be different.
SPEAKER_00 (19:03):
Absolutely.
And, you know, this ties back,doesn't it, into our societal
messaging about what rape is.
And, you know, we are brought upas men and women to believe that
it's a stranger who abusessomebody in a dark alley.
Like that's almost how we'reit's not somebody known to the
victim, it's not someone relatedto the victim.
(19:26):
Like it's like we're having toreshape what that word actually
means.
And in addition to that, Iactually hadn't remembered.
It took another probably five orsix years of therapy for me to
remember the last incident.
So the word wasn't even in myvocabulary around these
incidents at that stage when Ifirst disclosed.
(19:47):
Um, so you know, there was thereneeds to be more trauma-informed
understanding in the legalsystem for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (19:55):
So uh one thing you mentioned is how you didn't tell
your family and friends exactlywhat happened because you were
afraid of how they would reactto that.
And I think that's a very commonamongst uh survivors of any form
of trauma or abuse, is theywell, it's not sugar coating
because it's certainly notmaking it uh a nice situation,
(20:19):
but you're leaving some of thebigger parts out or some of the
actual stronger verbs or words.
Um, but do you think is that oneof the reasons you wanted to put
it into a book as well?
Or I mean, not necessarilywaiting for your family to read
the book, but just a way to sortof get your words out there
(20:43):
beyond the police report.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
I think once I verbalized it to police, I well
and truly had told um the peoplethat mattered before the book
came out, you know, that um manypeople, my husband, um, best
friends, my mum and auntie, likethey all read the book well
before I, you know, that it cameout.
(21:09):
They saw my speech in which Ireference um rape in that.
I found it that I've part of thereason I put it off for so long
is I wasn't ready for mychildren to know because of
their development.
So I hit a point where I waswaited for that to be okay.
(21:29):
If it's ever okay, I don't know.
But the, you know, a huge partof my motivation for uh doing
this is to stop my children'sintergenerational trauma.
My healing is about theirhealing too and and I'm very
confident that I've done that.
They have a very safe home andum and a great community of
people around them and we havevery open conversations and so
(21:52):
that's important to me.
The book as I said almostbirthed itself and uh it just
came through me in the way thatit ended up presenting itself in
the you know a lot of my poetrythat I've put into the book is
how I would make sense of my thewords that would float and the
feelings.
You know anyone who's hadchildhood trauma understands
(22:15):
that it's not like a movie ofstart to finish.
There's fragments that you seeand feel and smell and um and so
it's like a puzzle.
I liken it to a puzzle thatyou've got to put together and
there's still pieces missing forme completely that I may never
get back.
But there's enough there for meto have a pretty accurate
(22:37):
picture and and and also to knowthat the shame isn't mine to
carry.
And I I couldn't keep protectingpeople in my life because this
was hard for them because it wasdrawing a wedge between myself
and them and that was too muchfor me to bear.
SPEAKER_01 (22:56):
So about the poetry I really I I've not read a book
like this before but I reallyliked how you would write a
certain part and then end thatchapter with a uh a poem and
that poem almost made it I'mtrying to think of the word um
actually maybe I wrote it downit was oh yeah it was almost it
(23:21):
kind of gave you this like okayI just read about what happened
to a child and it's difficultbut then the poem made it more
reaffirming almost likereassuring like okay we and it
summarized it too I think reallywell and it almost gave you that
like okay I can I can tacklethis next chapter and find out
(23:43):
what happens in the next chapterI really thought that the poems
added so much to the book.
SPEAKER_00 (23:48):
Oh thank you well many of those poems were written
in moments of crisis and so theway that I put the book together
was sometimes I already had thepoem and you know as an example
um in there there's a poem whenI was deep in depression and so
I wrote a chapter aboutdepression based on the poem
(24:11):
that I wrote 10 years ago.
And in another case there was apoem there that my mum and
sister had messaged me when Iwent and saw police and I gave
my first initial statement andthey asked me if I was okay and
the poem just came through me inthe car.
So that's what I responded tothem.
So I used that in the book toshow that that's how I how and
(24:33):
it's you know it's interestingbecause it's hard to remember
sometimes even who we wereyesterday and what persona we
had.
And I find sometimes poetryhelps me go back to those places
really effortlessly.
And so I I hope that's the rolethat they played in the book for
Peb readers.
SPEAKER_01 (24:50):
Did you write poems before or is that okay?
SPEAKER_00 (24:54):
It's my it's a way that I've healed really forever
and you know I've got friendswho joke with me that they go
through all their old um cardsand letters from high school and
they're like we just can't throwyours out because they're so
beautiful.
So I've I've always lovedwriting um and poetry for me is
just how I make sense of I thinksome very deep feelings and I've
(25:18):
never shared them before it'snot something I ever intended to
share but it is how I've madesense of what's going on for me
and I often share that withpeople in moments to make sense
of you know where I'mexperiencing life.
SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
Okay so you said how poetry kind of helped you get
through parts did writing therest of the book also help in
some of your healing process itabsolutely did.
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
It gave me a sense of empowerment and I think it's
really helped me understand thedegrees of healing and the
layers in which we need tonavigate for me I had chronic
tonsillitis as a teenager and Ilook back now and I remember
(26:05):
thinking one day a lot of thesestrange physical elements will
make sense.
And I look back now and I reallydo think that there was just so
much suppression and there wasso much I was holding back and
and not just in the big ways butin the small ways too that sort
of like I shaped myself into abeing that was there to serve
(26:25):
people, to make people happy tokeep the peace.
And so then a lot of mycommunication was based on
making sure that everything wasokay and what wasn't okay in the
end was me.
And I needed to start assertingmy needs and part of that was
actually sharing my whole story.
Because I was feeling resentfuland angry at people close to me
(26:49):
for not understanding.
But the truth is they didn'thave all of the information.
So it was the story between usthat blocked that connection and
so many people have said to me Ihad no idea and um which of
course they wouldn't because ifyou haven't experienced this you
wouldn't want to think aboutthis being a part of someone you
(27:09):
care about's life but it didactually create a really big
wedge between myself and variouspeople at different times of my
life.
SPEAKER_01 (27:18):
That's a really good point that you bring up because
I think that is quite common inanyone who's experienced any
form of abuse is a resentmenttoward those closest to you for
not being able to read yourmind.
Really I know when I first hadgotten out of my relationship, I
was living I formed this littlebubble of this protective bubble
(27:41):
around myself.
And then as I went on for thatfirst year, I started realizing
I was getting really angry withthose closest to me because I
was questioning their intentionsand I was like don't you
understand why I'm questioningthis can't you understand after
what I've been through you knowwhatever.
But yeah I think that's probablyvery I mean at least you and I
(28:06):
but I think it's pretty commonacross the board for people to
have that resentment justbecause you're not telling
everyone what's going on.
You're you're like you said it'sit's building up inside.
SPEAKER_00 (28:18):
And you know we can only understand so much.
You know I've had um friendswho've passed away with cancer
and I've had friends who've hadpartners you know break up
marriages and have an affair andyou know there's experiences
that you sit back and witnessand you learn from as a
supporter and as a of thosepeople surviving those things.
(28:41):
But until you have witnessed itwe can't possibly have the
reference point to have totalempathy.
And so I think you know I hadseveral miscarriages between my
children and I remember havingpeople who would have a
miscarriage then come to me andsay I just had no idea the
depths of that sort of painuntil I went through it.
(29:03):
And you know that's how we allnavigate life it's like we you
know we can't expect people tounderstand if we're not willing
to share our experience in it.
And really what we've got to dois stay open and hold space for
each other.
And that's really only the wayfor us to connect on a variety
of stories that we're allcarrying.
SPEAKER_01 (29:24):
Not you don't have to get too personal into what
you did for therapy but did yougo into therapy right after
these memories started comingback to you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:34):
Absolutely like I joke about the fact that I have
one foot in both Eastern Westerncamps.
Like you name a therapy and I'vetried it and I'm I don't shy
away from talking about thatbecause that is why that I'm
sitting here today with you withthe strength that I have and so
everything from meditatemeditation to medication a sort
(29:56):
of joke about having um there'stimes when I really needed that
initially supportive medicationhad to help me navigate the
initial stages of my trauma youknow recovery.
I did talk therapy for a longtime and then there was a point
where that felt like it wascounterintuitive to my own
(30:17):
healing.
So then I think the next phasefor me was really to get into
the energetic healing because somuch of what I carried was in my
body and so much of it wascarried there because I
disassociated during myincidents that I left my body.
So I had to then approach itfrom a more physical and
(30:39):
spiritual sort of space andexercise and eating well and you
know I think if we look at ourown healing like through mind,
body and spirit there's so manyfacets that need to be
considered to be a well beingand you know and talking is one
aspect of it but there are manyothers and I just implore people
(31:01):
to explore what feels right forthem and what feels right at one
stage or one therapist who feelsgreat may not be a good fit for
the next stage of healing.
Oh definitely is there anythingthat you would have done
differently or wished you wouldhave done differently I wished I
had of trusted myself andtrusted those closest to me
(31:25):
sooner but it is what it is youknow and and it's easy to say
that when you're on the otherside of a response but you just
don't know until you are openand vulnerable with people how
they're going to receive it.
So I do wish that I do also wishI had a book like this to have
(31:48):
read before I went through theprocess because I which is part
of the motivation for writing itI didn't I did couldn't find
anything for specifically foradult survivors who had
suppressed memories to andwanted to go through a
historical case.
And I've been inundated withpeople since writing the book
who have had similar experiencesbut it feels like something we
(32:12):
just don't talk about and andwe're still putting you know
shoving under the carpet becauseit's too hard it's too scary to
think about people trust youknow that we're close to hurting
our children and we have to talkabout it if we want the
statistics and numbers tochange.
Did you did anyone just try todiscourage you from either
(32:34):
reporting it or writing the bookum no but there was a few people
that said you probably won't getthe outcome that you want and so
is it worth it?
So the first time I sat downwith the detective actually he
shared statistics with me thatI've put in the book which was
(32:55):
he said look they believe only23% of um historical cases and
survivors come forward to reporttheir crime from that 23% only
10% ever make it to court andfrom those that are in the court
um go through the justice systemonly 1% will end in a conviction
(33:15):
so I definitely knew that thatwas a slim chance but I think I
so I think my advice to peoplewould be if they choose to go
through this process to bereally clear on personally what
they want to gain from it.
You know for me it was very muchbeing given the opportunity to
confront my abuser was very muchand so the police system
(33:39):
facilitated that and that wasextremely difficult.
I stayed in bed for four daysafter that conversation it was
like an immense psychotherapysession where pieces of me all
just came together and I let goof so much.
But it it was hard but it wasimportant.
(34:00):
So I knew I needed that someoneelse may not and so I think it's
really important just to ensurethat you are clear on what the
objective is and um I think it'salso important to understand
that we can go to the policewith this story and share it and
not have it taken any further.
SPEAKER_01 (34:29):
And so collectively I think it's really important
that we do speak up but itdoesn't mean everyone wants to
go through a full investigationor a trial I've actually had
some interesting conversationswith some individuals who
there's technology that's beingdeveloped where people can start
an account and more or less likeuse it as a journal as to this
(34:55):
is what happened to me and thenyou can either take it to the
next step or you can just leaveit at that you can add to it you
can edit whatever I think that'sgoing to be so helpful for
victims and survivors.
SPEAKER_00 (35:09):
Amazing and I saw a documentary about an American
about the issue of Americancollege rape culture and um that
one of the women who was raped Ican't remember what college it
was but she was in technologyand she created an app where
individuals because I think thestatistics are that the the
rapists are often rapingmultiple victims.
(35:32):
So to to minimize the chances ofthat they she created a way in
which you can file your case andthen when someone else triggers
that name then those two peopleget connected and I think you
know in child sexual abuse thatthat would be powerful because
I'm sure in my case there'smultiple victims and um and that
(35:55):
would make all the difference inthis person going to jail if
there was more than just mystory.
SPEAKER_01 (36:01):
Absolutely and I, you know, if you know that
there's another victim out therethen you just feel even more
empowered and you know perhapsthe two of you or more than two
of you can work not togetherthat sounds like you're making
up a story but uh join forcesmore or less to take action.
SPEAKER_00 (36:22):
For me, if anyone else needed that like I feel
like I've got what I needed ifanything else anyone else needed
that then my all of my the workthat I've done would support
their case.
And so that's really empoweringand important to me to know that
I can help someone else um youknow I'm very fortunate I have
the resources and um the supportto do the healing that I've
(36:47):
done.
Not everyone has that and so youknow even though these
incidences are vastly differentso are the ways in which we can
heal you know there's peoplethat don't have the privilege
that I have and and that's partof why I went to the police
because I thought if I can'tmake this happen and I'm pretty
credible as a witness then howdifficult is that going to be
(37:08):
for somebody whose life hastaken a different turn and
they've needed drugs to medicatethemselves because their
trauma's so vast and or chosen acareer that then you know makes
them as a witness not ascredible.
You know there's lots to factorin and and I think that you know
(37:28):
we're just set up these peopleare even more set up to fail
than than I was so that's whyI'm talking about it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:36):
I also love that you wrote the book even though it
didn't have that 1% outcome of aconviction because I think that
is so empowering as well becauseyou took the steps you filed a
report you pressed charges andit didn't go give it the outcome
you wanted but then you wrote abook about it too.
You took it an extra step towrite the book and that I think
(37:59):
is so incredibly powerful forothers as well because I mean I
would think if if this womancould do all of this and write a
story about not succeeding at aconviction then perhaps I can
say something too well thankyou.
SPEAKER_00 (38:19):
And that was the I remember the moment sitting on
the bed when I chased up theoutcome with the police and I
remember sitting there justbeing witness to myself thinking
okay so what does this mean?
And part of me was excitedbecause then I felt like it was
my story to do what I wantedwith and it was exactly that it
(38:40):
was the the feeling of have Ifailed and then reshaping that
to say no I think the societyhas set us up to fail.
And I want people to know thateven though the statistics are
against us in getting justice,that justice can be found in
smaller steps along the way forour own healing.
(39:01):
And really at the end of the daythat is the most important part
if you know one of my favoritepoems a Buddhist um saying is
you know anger is like drinkingpoison and expecting the other
person to die.
And I was sick of drinkingpoison.
This was not my poison to drinkanymore and I deserve to have a
(39:22):
happy life and so in thoseprivate moments I wanted peace
not you know this persistingkind of rage of and frustration
and doubt.
So it was an important step.
SPEAKER_01 (39:35):
Yeah and I mean justice does look different for
everyone but that is I like whatyou say you know justice is
healing.
That has to be part of it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:44):
Yes.
Yep and it you know it's aboutputting the pieces back together
and you know then handing itover.
I think it's like that so manysurvivors carry this in
isolation for so long that theyforget that they're not
responsible for someone else'sactions.
So this was me handing it backand saying this is your story.
(40:05):
I'm good.
I'm I was a gorgeous littleinnocent kid.
You were a grown-up who shouldhave known better.
So you can carry the pain ofthis I'm done with it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:15):
Yeah and and that is empowering.
Just because I'm always socurious with because I I go to
therapy and we're always talkingabout how things feel in your
body because I think for a lotof people and and definitely for
myself I can feel reactionsbefore my brain recognizes I'm
having that reaction.
(40:36):
Looking back on your childhooddid you have any physical
ailments that you could think ofthat could possibly be tied to
like a somatic response Whathappened to you?
SPEAKER_00 (40:49):
I remember strange behaviors in terms of you know
being at a family function andneeding to pretend to go to the
toilet halfway through, kind ofkissing all my relatives goodbye
and that being quite profoundlytimed so that I could avoid this
(41:10):
particular person.
I remember having terrified ofpeople coming into my bedroom at
night.
Um, and you know, my mum gotremarried, and the first night
my stepdad like stayed at ourhouse, um, I slept in the
cupboard because I was soscared.
(41:30):
And so there were behaviors thatdidn't make sense for the rest
of my personality and life.
But I think it's also tricky tomake sense of all those small
things where 90% of the timeyou've got a very gregarious,
happy person.
And, you know, that's what allof my reports said.
You know, Kath's a connector andshe makes everyone feel great.
(41:53):
And, you know, so I think it'salmost like that is a trauma
response in itself, is um, and Ibelieve I'm a good person and I
love people, so it's hard toknow what's trauma and what's,
you know, that yeah, there was Ilook back now and definitely um
there were dreams and there werefears, and but yeah, I I didn't
(42:16):
know any different.
That was the only life I'd everknown.
SPEAKER_01 (42:19):
Oh gosh, and it wasn't it wasn't consistent,
wasn't an ongoing abuse thathappened all the time to where
it would be very clear to tiethese these isolated events that
uh you did to something musthave happened to you.
SPEAKER_00 (42:36):
That's right.
There was a person that Iavoided, and there were, you
know, many family functions inwhich I believe I protected
myself from further abuse.
Um but there were times when Igot outsmarted, and you know, my
abuser was an alcoholic.
And um, when my dad confrontedhim after we I shared what had
(43:00):
happened, his response was, Iwould never do that.
But if I did do it, I don'tremember because I'm an
alcoholic.
So I mean, for me, that's anadmission of guilt in itself,
but um, that's also hidingbehind blaming something else
and someone else.
And so that to me is what avictim attitude looks like, and
and I'm certainly not thatright.
SPEAKER_01 (43:22):
And I that's definitely an easy way out
because people don't do thosekind of things because of the
influence of alcohol or drugs oranything.
That's that's something that'sin them.
Um goodness.
Okay, is there anything that youthink we missed?
Any topics that we didn't hit?
SPEAKER_00 (43:43):
No, I don't think so.
I think, you know, that Itouched on the fact that one of
my greatest motivations washealing for the benefit of my
children.
Um, I really wanted to to showthem that life won't always go
your way.
And, you know, even this morningwe got a message from I've got a
(44:05):
very beautiful son who's got abig heart, and one of the dads
um sent my husband a messagethis morning with a snapshot of
um the girls in the class wereteasing him, asking him if he
had a crush on this particulargirl.
And he said, No, and they said,Yes, you do.
And he said, No, I don't, I hateher.
And so the little girl wasreally upset.
(44:26):
So we had to sit him down thismorning and and just, and he's
like, I just didn't know howelse to convince them that I
didn't like her.
And I said, I understand that,but you know, there's
consequences, like, you know,you can choose to be in that
group or you can choose to exit,and you can, you know, this
isn't about being in trouble.
This is about learning thatthat's not okay and you hurt
(44:47):
someone's feelings and you needto own up and apologize.
And you can make a decision.
If you're going to get baitedthat easily, then just don't be
on the group chat, you know.
So I think for me, it's veryeasy to separate my own feelings
about who I am and what mychildhood was, and then how I
want to empower my childrenmoving forward to be good humans
(45:07):
because I've done the work.
Whereas if I was still tied upin my own story, I might feel um
and project and make things umnot feel as easy as they do now.
So um, yeah, I see thathappening a lot around me,
people who haven't resolvedtheir own things and they're
projecting that onto theirchildren.
(45:28):
And and I I just really didn'twant to do that for my kids.
I want them to have better thanthat.
SPEAKER_01 (45:34):
I I just thought of a question.
Uh as an adult, do you are thereany characteristics or
personalities that you see inother adults that make you think
I want to keep my children awayfrom that individual?
Is there anything that otherparents should look out for?
SPEAKER_00 (45:50):
Um for me it's very much an instinct.
And I've only I had my conversea conversation recently with my
daughter who's now 14, and um,and she said, I I've always been
allowed to go to sleepovers andstay at so many people's houses.
And I said, Um, I'm so glad youfeel that way.
I said, but count on your handhow many houses you actually
(46:13):
stay at.
And then she did, and she'slike, Oh, and I said, Because
I've spent a lot of timetrusting my instinct about who's
in those families.
And there were situations whereI didn't feel that trust, and so
my kids haven't spent a lot oftime at those houses.
Does that mean that I'm going toprotect them?
(46:33):
I hope so.
Um, but the the complex partabout abuse is that it varies,
and so do abusers.
Anyone showing too muchattention to your children is
obviously a red flag forgrooming.
Um but grooming wasn't my story.
Um, my abuser was related to me,so they already had access and
(46:57):
they already had my parents'trust.
So my incidents were violent andthey were quick and they were
infrequent.
And so I think changes in yourchildren's behavior, making sure
that you communicate that ifsomething happens, they can
speak up.
Um but yeah, just keeping themclose and being present is the
best defense.
(47:18):
Um, and not close in a sensethat they're not having a life,
but close in the sense that youthey feel safe enough to talk if
they need to.
SPEAKER_01 (47:28):
Uh okay, so once again, can you say the title of
your book and how people can getit and any links if they want to
contact you?
SPEAKER_00 (47:36):
My book is called The Courage to Speak Your Truth:
Shifting the Narrative onChildhood Sexual Abuse.
And you can find it on Amazon uhat Audible Spotify.
I narrate it myself.
So if my voice hasn't driven youcrazy yet, we're welcome to jump
on and listen to that.
SPEAKER_01 (47:54):
I love your accent.
I could listen to it all day.
SPEAKER_00 (47:58):
Um, and yeah, my business is called Bespeak.
So if you want to look me up,I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram
and Facebook and um reach out.
I'd love to know what youthought of the book if you read
it.
And um yeah, just stayconnected.
And thank you so much, Ingrid,for this time.
I've loved having this chat withyou.
SPEAKER_01 (48:17):
I really have loved this chat as well.
I I really enjoyed your book andwith you narrating it as well.
Good, thank you.
Um, but I think there is anamazing amount of good
information and helpfulinformation for everyone out
there.
And and you've given so manygood points.
Do you have any specific wordsof wisdom or encouragement that
you want to leave as a lastingstatement with listeners?
SPEAKER_00 (48:41):
I just want everyone to know that they deserve peace.
Everyone deserves to feel peace,regardless of what has happened,
what you've lost, what you'vebeen through.
I've yet to meet somebody whohasn't got a story, and that's
not about measuring what storyis worse or better.
It's all relative for uh whatwe're carrying.
(49:02):
But regardless of the story, youdeserve peace and happiness.
So do the work not forforgiveness, but do the work
before that peace and happinessfor yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (49:12):
Beautiful.
Thank you again, Kath.
SPEAKER_00 (49:15):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (49:17):
Thank you again for joining me today, Kath, and
thank you, warriors, forlistening.
I've included the links Kath wasreferring to as well as her one
in three profile in the shownotes.
I will be back next week withanother episode for you.
Until then, stay strong.
And wherever you are in yourjourney, always remember you are
(49:38):
not alone.
Find more information, registeras a guest, or leave a review by
going to the websiteonein3podcast.com.
That's the number one the numberthree podcast.com.
Follow one in three onInstagram, Facebook, and Twitter
at one and three podcast.
(50:00):
To help me out, please rememberto rate review and subscribe.
One in three is a.5 Pinoyproduction.
Music written and performed byTim Crow.
Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.
I'm your host, Ingrid.
Justice looks different foreveryone.
For some, it may mean seeingtheir offender face legal
consequences, but that kind ofjustice isn't always possible.
As my guest today, Kath, sobeautifully puts it, justice is
(01:09):
finding peace.
Here's Kath.
Hi, Kath.
Welcome to One in Three.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
SPEAKER_00 (01:16):
Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_01 (01:18):
And so before we get into our conversation, could you
give just a little bit of abackground on yourself so
everyone gets to know you, Sam?
SPEAKER_00 (01:26):
Um hi everyone, my name's Kath, and I am a mother
of two.
I live in at Bells Beach inAustralia, down on the bottom of
Australia.
I'm an author and speaker, andI've just recently published a
book called The Courage to SpeakYour Truth: Shifting the
Narrative on Childhood SexualAbuse.
So that's what we're here totalk about today.
SPEAKER_01 (01:47):
Yes, and there's a lot to talk about.
Now, um, quickly, is the book II listened to it on Audible on
Spotify, but is there a hardcopy of it available as well?
SPEAKER_00 (01:58):
There is a hard copy, and you can get that on
Amazon or Booktopia.
SPEAKER_01 (02:02):
Okay, perfect.
So let's start with what madeyou decide to write the book?
SPEAKER_00 (02:08):
I think more the book decided to use me as its
vehicle, to be honest.
That's how it felt.
I I have this is my second bookthat I've published, and I
always knew that I wanted to usemy story as a way to inform and
educate.
About two years ago, I decided Iwanted to do a TED talk.
(02:29):
So I I spent three monthsworking with a coach to define
how that messaging would lookand what those 18 minutes would
look like.
And when I presented that talk,I realized I had the blueprint
for a book.
So when I came home, literallyfour weeks later, the book was
finished.
So I sort of went into a bit ofa writing frenzy.
(02:52):
And the only block I had wasreally where does the story
start and end?
Because obviously it's my story.
So it's um it's never ending.
But I feel the part of the storythat I've shared so far, there
is a bookend to the beginningand end of the journey of
remembering, recovering, andreporting my abuse.
And I feel like that's the partthat people need to be informed
(03:15):
about.
SPEAKER_01 (03:16):
Right.
Now, your abuse, you hadrepressed the memory for quite
some time.
SPEAKER_00 (03:22):
Yes, which is actually statistically pretty um
average.
My story on many accounts, itwas a male relative that abused
me.
My abuse, the first incidenthappened when I was five, um,
and there were two majorincidents that followed that.
I had suppressed it completely.
(03:43):
I did know that I wasuncomfortable about this
person's presence, but I I hadsuppressed it into my early 20s,
and it came back like a tsunami.
Um, and the reason I exploredwhat was there was because
depression had come knocking andfor no apparent reason.
So it's like a part of myselfhad been switched off so that
(04:04):
the rest of me could function.
Um and I functioned really welluntil I couldn't ignore the
knock anymore.
SPEAKER_01 (04:12):
One thing you mentioned in the book was um how
you it was like you had torelive the trauma again.
You you lived it once when youwent through it, repressed it,
and then when all the memoriescame back, it was just having to
relive it all again.
SPEAKER_00 (04:28):
And in some ways, relive it for the first time
because when you see anexperience from adult eyes, it's
a very different, you know.
Childhood trauma is so complexbecause we don't have the
reference point or language orunderstanding of what's
happening often when,particularly when it comes to
(04:50):
sexual abuse, at a five at fiveyears old, there's no context to
violence, least of all sexualviolence.
Um, and to add to the complexitythat 90% of us who are abused as
children know our perpetrator,and 50% of us are related to
that perpetrator, it just addsanother layer of complexity that
(05:10):
a little mind can't possiblymake sense of.
So making sense of it as anadult took a different lens, but
the healing of that little girlwithin me is what had to happen
after I made sense of theincidents themselves.
SPEAKER_01 (05:26):
Well, and I imagine it makes you you look back at
your life and question a lot ofthings in your life too, right?
SPEAKER_00 (05:33):
Absolutely.
And also honor a lot, you know,to think that those things were
happening and alongside thoseincidents, I was very fortunate.
I didn't live with my abuser,which many people do.
Um, I had a lovely, happy, funlife.
And so, you know, theseincidents can shape us, but in
(05:56):
my case, I've chosen for it notto define me in a way that holds
me back.
It's definitely part of myidentity because I'm now talking
about it so much publicly.
But it is only one piece of thepuzzle of who I am, and that's
the way I see trauma.
Like all of us have a story, um,and they're vastly different
(06:16):
stories, but we have to come topeace with our own so that we
can navigate the rest of lifeand enjoy ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (06:23):
Another part that I liked is you talked about your
mom and how she just she was awoman who was just very like
what is I'm trying to think,feminist, I think I guess, in a
way, um, but always out for likeequal equality for everyone.
SPEAKER_00 (06:40):
And the reason I like to talk about mom is
because I I feel like there's ummisunderstanding about what it
means for children who suppresstheir abuse as children, and
that there's an assumption thatthe children had nowhere to go
to share their story.
Um, that wasn't the case for me.
I know that as an adult, had Ihave come forward and told my
(07:04):
mum what was happening, I knowshe would have heard me and
listened and taken action.
But I think that often theseperpetrators are so skillful in
the way that they pick theirvictims and also pick their weak
spots.
So I was an innate peoplepleaser.
I didn't want anyone to beunhappy.
(07:25):
I loved my family, I loved acommunity I was involved in, and
I didn't want to wreck that foranybody.
So, you know, being in a familywith a woman who was so overt
about justice wasn't enough tobreak through that suppression
for me because this was in myfamily.
(07:46):
This was very different tofighting a good fight for a
group of people.
This was my story.
And um, you know, they talkabout how, you know, in no other
situation other than sexualviolence are the victims really
put under scrutiny.
You know, if someone ro breaksinto your house and steals your
TV, people aren't saying, well,the owner, it's their fault
(08:10):
because they shouldn't have hadthat TV in the first place.
But when we have sexualviolence, there's a a really
complex way in which we navigatethat in our society.
And I think that's why thesuppression is there for so many
of us.
SPEAKER_01 (08:24):
Well, it's it's difficult to even talk to your
family because you're,especially when it is family,
because you're you're unsure ofhow they're going to react to
that.
SPEAKER_00 (08:33):
Absolutely.
And, you know, I did mention inthe book that my abuser was in
my dad's side of the family,whom I was estranged from as
soon as I was able to make thathappen.
And I still didn't come forward.
You know, like I think there'sso many people that have read my
book and reached out to me andtold me that their abuser is
(08:55):
still in their lives and theydon't know what to do about
that, other than protectingtheir own children.
And that may seem really simpleto someone outside, but when
it's your whole existence andyou're choosing between having a
relationship with your ownparents because you have to tell
them that one of their parentsor siblings was your abuser, um,
it's very, very complicated andmuch more complicated than a
(09:19):
simple I've spoken up or Ididn't speak up.
SPEAKER_01 (09:23):
Did your family react the way you thought they
would react when they found out?
SPEAKER_00 (09:28):
Um, yes, I I think there's a lot of shock, and
particularly, you know, part ofthe reason I called the book
Shifting the Narrative onChildhood Sexual Abuse is
because I want to shift thenarrative of what a victim or a
survivor looks like and also aperpetrator.
So I think we have this bias andassumption about what we think a
(09:49):
survivor of this type of crimelooks like, but we also have a
bias about what the perpetratorslook like, hence why so many get
away with what they do.
And so I think for me, when Ifirst came forward, because I'd
been um out of character andlike really depressed, and that
(10:11):
seemed really unusual for me andmy vibrancy and personality.
I think it helped make sense ofwhy I had been spiraling down
for a little while.
But I also think it was reallychallenging for people who knew
me well to calibrate the happy,athletic, popular girl having
(10:33):
that going on in the background.
SPEAKER_01 (10:36):
Yeah, I imagine so.
And then did it your parentswere already divorced, right?
That's right, yes.
And did it draw like biggerlines in the sand or more
resentment toward the otheropposite families?
SPEAKER_00 (10:51):
Um, look, I think I had already I had to choose.
When I came forward, I told mydad and asked him to inform the
rest of the family because therewere still children in that
family.
Beyond that, I I didn't actuallyhave a relationship with my own
dad before he died 10 yearslater.
(11:12):
Um, so that was reallychallenging.
And that wasn't because hedidn't believe me, it was
because it was his family and hedidn't know how to manage that.
So that was a big decision forhim.
And um, and I trust that andfeel very strongly that there
was intergenerational trauma.
So I think if you are an adultand haven't dealt with your own
story, then it's very hard tosupport a child who's ready to
(11:36):
confront their own.
SPEAKER_01 (11:38):
Oh, absolutely.
General generational traumadefinitely carries, and it's um
it's difficult to stop it, uh,especially if you're so immersed
in it and it's it's difficult torecognize.
And if you don't have theexterior support from other
family members, I imagine itwould be very, very difficult to
stop.
SPEAKER_00 (11:58):
Awful.
And I think that's why peopleoften leave.
That's their only sort of lineof defense is to get out and
start again.
And um, I'm grateful that I onlylost half of my family in coming
forward.
Um, there's people that I knowthat have had to walk away from
their entire families becausethey're not ready to confront
(12:19):
the often generations of ummisuse and abuse that's
happened.
SPEAKER_01 (12:26):
One thing I loved, I guess.
So going back again to your momis how you mentioned how you
know in awe you were of her withher her uh fight for justice.
And then you taking yourchildren to the Me Too.
Was it was it was it a march orwas it just like a gathering?
SPEAKER_00 (12:45):
Yeah, it was a protest gathering on the beach.
And um, you know, my son was sixand my daughter was 10, and and
I stood there and you know, it'sreally important to me, I think,
to join, you know, the thenumbers of abuse seemingly
statistically are less for menon paper, but I I do believe
that's only because we aren'treally inviting men to speak up
(13:08):
about it, and often there'sextra layers of shame when it's
a male perpetrator.
And so I really want to bring upa strong, empathetic man.
Um, and I wanted my son to sortof be joined into this
conversation that I'm havingwith my daughter.
But I stood there at this march,and when I saw the word justice
(13:28):
being formed in front of me, Irealized that was something I
hadn't done for myself.
And I felt like a bit of ahypocrite, actually.
And when I looked at mychildren, I thought, if they
ever come to me and something'shappened, I want to be able to
tell them that I did everythingI could to ensure that the
person who hurt me was broughtto justice.
(13:51):
And so that's when at that day Idropped them to school and I
walked straight into the policestation locally, and that
started the process.
SPEAKER_01 (14:01):
Could you talk a little bit about that process
and what it entailed and thelength and the headaches and the
all of the work?
SPEAKER_00 (14:11):
So it was an 18-month process from that first
day walking in, and you know,I'm quite a spiritual person,
and I I felt like it was often abit like an out-of-body
experience, and I was beingheld, and I felt very safe to do
that, but I was terrified.
So it was I walked in and Ispoke to that first detective,
(14:34):
and the first thing he said tome is, let's just check if your
perpetrator is still alive.
And um, it kind of threw meactually because it hadn't
occurred to me that he wouldn'tbe.
And so I feel very grateful thathe was.
And I got referred to aspecialized um historical sexual
(14:54):
assault unit and worked with adetective.
And part of the process was megiving my statement, and that
took four hours to in detaildescribe the incidents that
happened, and um and the reasonit's so important is because
every word matters.
And so that was pretty grueling,and I'd never done that before.
(15:15):
You know, I realized that I wascurating my story for my husband
and my parents and my siblingsbecause I didn't want anyone
else to have to carry theheaviness of this story.
So I curated it throughlanguage, I curated it through
giving bits and pieces todifferent people.
Um, but one thing I got to do inthat investigation was call my
(15:37):
perpetrator and confront him.
And so there was a 12-minuteconversation between us, and it
was liberating and terrifying.
And I I think I'd done so muchhealing and so much work that
there really was nothing morefor me to do than step through
that process.
(15:57):
So I did, and um and it allowedme to reclaim my voice and to
really assert my certaintyaround the fact that you did not
break me and the problem heresits with you, and the shame
here sits with you.
It's not mine to carry, and Ihand it back.
And so it was a very powerfulpart of the process.
(16:19):
It's definitely not foreverybody, but um, and it took
me, you know, decades to get tothe point where that was
something that I wanted andneeded, um, and I'm very
grateful that I had anopportunity to do that.
Unfortunately, because I therewasn't enough evidence, there
was evidence that they couldn'tfind of me being um admitted to
(16:42):
hospital after an incidenthappened when I was 11, but they
couldn't find records of that.
There was an eyewitness who umis also related to the
perpetrator who just wasn'tprepared to give a statement.
And there was also a discrepancybetween my four-hour interview
in which I used the word rapeand the three friends of mine
(17:05):
that were interviewed, whom Ifirst disclosed to 23 years
earlier, and they all used theword abused because that's the
word that I used when I firsttold them something had
happened.
So they suggested that in courtum the defense would have ripped
that apart.
And so collectively we couldn'tgo to trial.
(17:27):
So although he was arrested, hecan't be charged.
And part of me at that point wasrelieved that I felt I'd done
what I needed to do.
But then I have days where, as amother and a woman, I feel angry
that things are still set up toprotect um those type of people.
(17:49):
And particularly in these caseswhere the reality is lots of
people take decades to get readyto confront it, um, then it's
really set up for many of us tofail.
SPEAKER_01 (18:01):
It really is.
And especially on when you thinkabout words, because one in your
20s versus in your 40s, itespecially after decades of
healing, you're going to be morecomfortable and confident using
a stronger word like rape.
But when it's first coming toyou, it's a that's a very
difficult word to use.
(18:23):
I know my with my abuser, I hada very hard time telling him the
word rape.
I described to him what he haddone to me.
And he said, It sounds likeyou're calling me a rapist.
And I said, I think that isactually the term I'm looking
for.
Uh, so it's very frustratingthat a technicality of using
(18:47):
rape versus abuse that far apartin time, plus that early in
recognition of what happenedversus that much long later
healing-wise, of course, theterms are going to be different.
SPEAKER_00 (19:03):
Absolutely.
And, you know, this ties back,doesn't it, into our societal
messaging about what rape is.
And, you know, we are brought upas men and women to believe that
it's a stranger who abusessomebody in a dark alley.
Like that's almost how we'reit's not somebody known to the
victim, it's not someone relatedto the victim.
(19:26):
Like it's like we're having toreshape what that word actually
means.
And in addition to that, Iactually hadn't remembered.
It took another probably five orsix years of therapy for me to
remember the last incident.
So the word wasn't even in myvocabulary around these
incidents at that stage when Ifirst disclosed.
(19:47):
Um, so you know, there was thereneeds to be more trauma-informed
understanding in the legalsystem for sure.
SPEAKER_01 (19:55):
So uh one thing you mentioned is how you didn't tell
your family and friends exactlywhat happened because you were
afraid of how they would reactto that.
And I think that's a very commonamongst uh survivors of any form
of trauma or abuse, is theywell, it's not sugar coating
because it's certainly notmaking it uh a nice situation,
(20:19):
but you're leaving some of thebigger parts out or some of the
actual stronger verbs or words.
Um, but do you think is that oneof the reasons you wanted to put
it into a book as well?
Or I mean, not necessarilywaiting for your family to read
the book, but just a way to sortof get your words out there
(20:43):
beyond the police report.
SPEAKER_00 (20:45):
I think once I verbalized it to police, I well
and truly had told um the peoplethat mattered before the book
came out, you know, that um manypeople, my husband, um, best
friends, my mum and auntie, likethey all read the book well
before I, you know, that it cameout.
(21:09):
They saw my speech in which Ireference um rape in that.
I found it that I've part of thereason I put it off for so long
is I wasn't ready for mychildren to know because of
their development.
So I hit a point where I waswaited for that to be okay.
(21:29):
If it's ever okay, I don't know.
But the, you know, a huge partof my motivation for uh doing
this is to stop my children'sintergenerational trauma.
My healing is about theirhealing too and and I'm very
confident that I've done that.
They have a very safe home andum and a great community of
people around them and we havevery open conversations and so
(21:52):
that's important to me.
The book as I said almostbirthed itself and uh it just
came through me in the way thatit ended up presenting itself in
the you know a lot of my poetrythat I've put into the book is
how I would make sense of my thewords that would float and the
feelings.
You know anyone who's hadchildhood trauma understands
(22:15):
that it's not like a movie ofstart to finish.
There's fragments that you seeand feel and smell and um and so
it's like a puzzle.
I liken it to a puzzle thatyou've got to put together and
there's still pieces missing forme completely that I may never
get back.
But there's enough there for meto have a pretty accurate
(22:37):
picture and and and also to knowthat the shame isn't mine to
carry.
And I I couldn't keep protectingpeople in my life because this
was hard for them because it wasdrawing a wedge between myself
and them and that was too muchfor me to bear.
SPEAKER_01 (22:56):
So about the poetry I really I I've not read a book
like this before but I reallyliked how you would write a
certain part and then end thatchapter with a uh a poem and
that poem almost made it I'mtrying to think of the word um
actually maybe I wrote it downit was oh yeah it was almost it
(23:21):
kind of gave you this like okayI just read about what happened
to a child and it's difficultbut then the poem made it more
reaffirming almost likereassuring like okay we and it
summarized it too I think reallywell and it almost gave you that
like okay I can I can tacklethis next chapter and find out
(23:43):
what happens in the next chapterI really thought that the poems
added so much to the book.
SPEAKER_00 (23:48):
Oh thank you well many of those poems were written
in moments of crisis and so theway that I put the book together
was sometimes I already had thepoem and you know as an example
um in there there's a poem whenI was deep in depression and so
I wrote a chapter aboutdepression based on the poem
(24:11):
that I wrote 10 years ago.
And in another case there was apoem there that my mum and
sister had messaged me when Iwent and saw police and I gave
my first initial statement andthey asked me if I was okay and
the poem just came through me inthe car.
So that's what I responded tothem.
So I used that in the book toshow that that's how I how and
(24:33):
it's you know it's interestingbecause it's hard to remember
sometimes even who we wereyesterday and what persona we
had.
And I find sometimes poetryhelps me go back to those places
really effortlessly.
And so I I hope that's the rolethat they played in the book for
Peb readers.
SPEAKER_01 (24:50):
Did you write poems before or is that okay?
SPEAKER_00 (24:54):
It's my it's a way that I've healed really forever
and you know I've got friendswho joke with me that they go
through all their old um cardsand letters from high school and
they're like we just can't throwyours out because they're so
beautiful.
So I've I've always lovedwriting um and poetry for me is
just how I make sense of I thinksome very deep feelings and I've
(25:18):
never shared them before it'snot something I ever intended to
share but it is how I've madesense of what's going on for me
and I often share that withpeople in moments to make sense
of you know where I'mexperiencing life.
SPEAKER_01 (25:33):
Okay so you said how poetry kind of helped you get
through parts did writing therest of the book also help in
some of your healing process itabsolutely did.
SPEAKER_00 (25:42):
It gave me a sense of empowerment and I think it's
really helped me understand thedegrees of healing and the
layers in which we need tonavigate for me I had chronic
tonsillitis as a teenager and Ilook back now and I remember
(26:05):
thinking one day a lot of thesestrange physical elements will
make sense.
And I look back now and I reallydo think that there was just so
much suppression and there wasso much I was holding back and
and not just in the big ways butin the small ways too that sort
of like I shaped myself into abeing that was there to serve
(26:25):
people, to make people happy tokeep the peace.
And so then a lot of mycommunication was based on
making sure that everything wasokay and what wasn't okay in the
end was me.
And I needed to start assertingmy needs and part of that was
actually sharing my whole story.
Because I was feeling resentfuland angry at people close to me
(26:49):
for not understanding.
But the truth is they didn'thave all of the information.
So it was the story between usthat blocked that connection and
so many people have said to me Ihad no idea and um which of
course they wouldn't because ifyou haven't experienced this you
wouldn't want to think aboutthis being a part of someone you
(27:09):
care about's life but it didactually create a really big
wedge between myself and variouspeople at different times of my
life.
SPEAKER_01 (27:18):
That's a really good point that you bring up because
I think that is quite common inanyone who's experienced any
form of abuse is a resentmenttoward those closest to you for
not being able to read yourmind.
Really I know when I first hadgotten out of my relationship, I
was living I formed this littlebubble of this protective bubble
(27:41):
around myself.
And then as I went on for thatfirst year, I started realizing
I was getting really angry withthose closest to me because I
was questioning their intentionsand I was like don't you
understand why I'm questioningthis can't you understand after
what I've been through you knowwhatever.
But yeah I think that's probablyvery I mean at least you and I
(28:06):
but I think it's pretty commonacross the board for people to
have that resentment justbecause you're not telling
everyone what's going on.
You're you're like you said it'sit's building up inside.
SPEAKER_00 (28:18):
And you know we can only understand so much.
You know I've had um friendswho've passed away with cancer
and I've had friends who've hadpartners you know break up
marriages and have an affair andyou know there's experiences
that you sit back and witnessand you learn from as a
supporter and as a of thosepeople surviving those things.
(28:41):
But until you have witnessed itwe can't possibly have the
reference point to have totalempathy.
And so I think you know I hadseveral miscarriages between my
children and I remember havingpeople who would have a
miscarriage then come to me andsay I just had no idea the
depths of that sort of painuntil I went through it.
(29:03):
And you know that's how we allnavigate life it's like we you
know we can't expect people tounderstand if we're not willing
to share our experience in it.
And really what we've got to dois stay open and hold space for
each other.
And that's really only the wayfor us to connect on a variety
of stories that we're allcarrying.
SPEAKER_01 (29:24):
Not you don't have to get too personal into what
you did for therapy but did yougo into therapy right after
these memories started comingback to you.
SPEAKER_00 (29:34):
Absolutely like I joke about the fact that I have
one foot in both Eastern Westerncamps.
Like you name a therapy and I'vetried it and I'm I don't shy
away from talking about thatbecause that is why that I'm
sitting here today with you withthe strength that I have and so
everything from meditatemeditation to medication a sort
(29:56):
of joke about having um there'stimes when I really needed that
initially supportive medicationhad to help me navigate the
initial stages of my trauma youknow recovery.
I did talk therapy for a longtime and then there was a point
where that felt like it wascounterintuitive to my own
(30:17):
healing.
So then I think the next phasefor me was really to get into
the energetic healing because somuch of what I carried was in my
body and so much of it wascarried there because I
disassociated during myincidents that I left my body.
So I had to then approach itfrom a more physical and
(30:39):
spiritual sort of space andexercise and eating well and you
know I think if we look at ourown healing like through mind,
body and spirit there's so manyfacets that need to be
considered to be a well beingand you know and talking is one
aspect of it but there are manyothers and I just implore people
(31:01):
to explore what feels right forthem and what feels right at one
stage or one therapist who feelsgreat may not be a good fit for
the next stage of healing.
Oh definitely is there anythingthat you would have done
differently or wished you wouldhave done differently I wished I
had of trusted myself andtrusted those closest to me
(31:25):
sooner but it is what it is youknow and and it's easy to say
that when you're on the otherside of a response but you just
don't know until you are openand vulnerable with people how
they're going to receive it.
So I do wish that I do also wishI had a book like this to have
(31:48):
read before I went through theprocess because I which is part
of the motivation for writing itI didn't I did couldn't find
anything for specifically foradult survivors who had
suppressed memories to andwanted to go through a
historical case.
And I've been inundated withpeople since writing the book
who have had similar experiencesbut it feels like something we
(32:12):
just don't talk about and andwe're still putting you know
shoving under the carpet becauseit's too hard it's too scary to
think about people trust youknow that we're close to hurting
our children and we have to talkabout it if we want the
statistics and numbers tochange.
Did you did anyone just try todiscourage you from either
(32:34):
reporting it or writing the bookum no but there was a few people
that said you probably won't getthe outcome that you want and so
is it worth it?
So the first time I sat downwith the detective actually he
shared statistics with me thatI've put in the book which was
(32:55):
he said look they believe only23% of um historical cases and
survivors come forward to reporttheir crime from that 23% only
10% ever make it to court andfrom those that are in the court
um go through the justice systemonly 1% will end in a conviction
(33:15):
so I definitely knew that thatwas a slim chance but I think I
so I think my advice to peoplewould be if they choose to go
through this process to bereally clear on personally what
they want to gain from it.
You know for me it was very muchbeing given the opportunity to
confront my abuser was very muchand so the police system
(33:39):
facilitated that and that wasextremely difficult.
I stayed in bed for four daysafter that conversation it was
like an immense psychotherapysession where pieces of me all
just came together and I let goof so much.
But it it was hard but it wasimportant.
(34:00):
So I knew I needed that someoneelse may not and so I think it's
really important just to ensurethat you are clear on what the
objective is and um I think it'salso important to understand
that we can go to the policewith this story and share it and
not have it taken any further.
SPEAKER_01 (34:29):
And so collectively I think it's really important
that we do speak up but itdoesn't mean everyone wants to
go through a full investigationor a trial I've actually had
some interesting conversationswith some individuals who
there's technology that's beingdeveloped where people can start
an account and more or less likeuse it as a journal as to this
(34:55):
is what happened to me and thenyou can either take it to the
next step or you can just leaveit at that you can add to it you
can edit whatever I think that'sgoing to be so helpful for
victims and survivors.
SPEAKER_00 (35:09):
Amazing and I saw a documentary about an American
about the issue of Americancollege rape culture and um that
one of the women who was raped Ican't remember what college it
was but she was in technologyand she created an app where
individuals because I think thestatistics are that the the
rapists are often rapingmultiple victims.
(35:32):
So to to minimize the chances ofthat they she created a way in
which you can file your case andthen when someone else triggers
that name then those two peopleget connected and I think you
know in child sexual abuse thatthat would be powerful because
I'm sure in my case there'smultiple victims and um and that
(35:55):
would make all the difference inthis person going to jail if
there was more than just mystory.
SPEAKER_01 (36:01):
Absolutely and I, you know, if you know that
there's another victim out therethen you just feel even more
empowered and you know perhapsthe two of you or more than two
of you can work not togetherthat sounds like you're making
up a story but uh join forcesmore or less to take action.
SPEAKER_00 (36:22):
For me, if anyone else needed that like I feel
like I've got what I needed ifanything else anyone else needed
that then my all of my the workthat I've done would support
their case.
And so that's really empoweringand important to me to know that
I can help someone else um youknow I'm very fortunate I have
the resources and um the supportto do the healing that I've
(36:47):
done.
Not everyone has that and so youknow even though these
incidences are vastly differentso are the ways in which we can
heal you know there's peoplethat don't have the privilege
that I have and and that's partof why I went to the police
because I thought if I can'tmake this happen and I'm pretty
credible as a witness then howdifficult is that going to be
(37:08):
for somebody whose life hastaken a different turn and
they've needed drugs to medicatethemselves because their
trauma's so vast and or chosen acareer that then you know makes
them as a witness not ascredible.
You know there's lots to factorin and and I think that you know
(37:28):
we're just set up these peopleare even more set up to fail
than than I was so that's whyI'm talking about it.
SPEAKER_01 (37:36):
I also love that you wrote the book even though it
didn't have that 1% outcome of aconviction because I think that
is so empowering as well becauseyou took the steps you filed a
report you pressed charges andit didn't go give it the outcome
you wanted but then you wrote abook about it too.
You took it an extra step towrite the book and that I think
(37:59):
is so incredibly powerful forothers as well because I mean I
would think if if this womancould do all of this and write a
story about not succeeding at aconviction then perhaps I can
say something too well thankyou.
SPEAKER_00 (38:19):
And that was the I remember the moment sitting on
the bed when I chased up theoutcome with the police and I
remember sitting there justbeing witness to myself thinking
okay so what does this mean?
And part of me was excitedbecause then I felt like it was
my story to do what I wantedwith and it was exactly that it
(38:40):
was the the feeling of have Ifailed and then reshaping that
to say no I think the societyhas set us up to fail.
And I want people to know thateven though the statistics are
against us in getting justice,that justice can be found in
smaller steps along the way forour own healing.
(39:01):
And really at the end of the daythat is the most important part
if you know one of my favoritepoems a Buddhist um saying is
you know anger is like drinkingpoison and expecting the other
person to die.
And I was sick of drinkingpoison.
This was not my poison to drinkanymore and I deserve to have a
(39:22):
happy life and so in thoseprivate moments I wanted peace
not you know this persistingkind of rage of and frustration
and doubt.
So it was an important step.
SPEAKER_01 (39:35):
Yeah and I mean justice does look different for
everyone but that is I like whatyou say you know justice is
healing.
That has to be part of it.
SPEAKER_00 (39:44):
Yes.
Yep and it you know it's aboutputting the pieces back together
and you know then handing itover.
I think it's like that so manysurvivors carry this in
isolation for so long that theyforget that they're not
responsible for someone else'sactions.
So this was me handing it backand saying this is your story.
(40:05):
I'm good.
I'm I was a gorgeous littleinnocent kid.
You were a grown-up who shouldhave known better.
So you can carry the pain ofthis I'm done with it.
SPEAKER_01 (40:15):
Yeah and and that is empowering.
Just because I'm always socurious with because I I go to
therapy and we're always talkingabout how things feel in your
body because I think for a lotof people and and definitely for
myself I can feel reactionsbefore my brain recognizes I'm
having that reaction.
(40:36):
Looking back on your childhooddid you have any physical
ailments that you could think ofthat could possibly be tied to
like a somatic response Whathappened to you?
SPEAKER_00 (40:49):
I remember strange behaviors in terms of you know
being at a family function andneeding to pretend to go to the
toilet halfway through, kind ofkissing all my relatives goodbye
and that being quite profoundlytimed so that I could avoid this
(41:10):
particular person.
I remember having terrified ofpeople coming into my bedroom at
night.
Um, and you know, my mum gotremarried, and the first night
my stepdad like stayed at ourhouse, um, I slept in the
cupboard because I was soscared.
(41:30):
And so there were behaviors thatdidn't make sense for the rest
of my personality and life.
But I think it's also tricky tomake sense of all those small
things where 90% of the timeyou've got a very gregarious,
happy person.
And, you know, that's what allof my reports said.
You know, Kath's a connector andshe makes everyone feel great.
(41:53):
And, you know, so I think it'salmost like that is a trauma
response in itself, is um, and Ibelieve I'm a good person and I
love people, so it's hard toknow what's trauma and what's,
you know, that yeah, there was Ilook back now and definitely um
there were dreams and there werefears, and but yeah, I I didn't
(42:16):
know any different.
That was the only life I'd everknown.
SPEAKER_01 (42:19):
Oh gosh, and it wasn't it wasn't consistent,
wasn't an ongoing abuse thathappened all the time to where
it would be very clear to tiethese these isolated events that
uh you did to something musthave happened to you.
SPEAKER_00 (42:36):
That's right.
There was a person that Iavoided, and there were, you
know, many family functions inwhich I believe I protected
myself from further abuse.
Um but there were times when Igot outsmarted, and you know, my
abuser was an alcoholic.
And um, when my dad confrontedhim after we I shared what had
(43:00):
happened, his response was, Iwould never do that.
But if I did do it, I don'tremember because I'm an
alcoholic.
So I mean, for me, that's anadmission of guilt in itself,
but um, that's also hidingbehind blaming something else
and someone else.
And so that to me is what avictim attitude looks like, and
and I'm certainly not thatright.
SPEAKER_01 (43:22):
And I that's definitely an easy way out
because people don't do thosekind of things because of the
influence of alcohol or drugs oranything.
That's that's something that'sin them.
Um goodness.
Okay, is there anything that youthink we missed?
Any topics that we didn't hit?
SPEAKER_00 (43:43):
No, I don't think so.
I think, you know, that Itouched on the fact that one of
my greatest motivations washealing for the benefit of my
children.
Um, I really wanted to to showthem that life won't always go
your way.
And, you know, even this morningwe got a message from I've got a
(44:05):
very beautiful son who's got abig heart, and one of the dads
um sent my husband a messagethis morning with a snapshot of
um the girls in the class wereteasing him, asking him if he
had a crush on this particulargirl.
And he said, No, and they said,Yes, you do.
And he said, No, I don't, I hateher.
And so the little girl wasreally upset.
(44:26):
So we had to sit him down thismorning and and just, and he's
like, I just didn't know howelse to convince them that I
didn't like her.
And I said, I understand that,but you know, there's
consequences, like, you know,you can choose to be in that
group or you can choose to exit,and you can, you know, this
isn't about being in trouble.
This is about learning thatthat's not okay and you hurt
(44:47):
someone's feelings and you needto own up and apologize.
And you can make a decision.
If you're going to get baitedthat easily, then just don't be
on the group chat, you know.
So I think for me, it's veryeasy to separate my own feelings
about who I am and what mychildhood was, and then how I
want to empower my childrenmoving forward to be good humans
(45:07):
because I've done the work.
Whereas if I was still tied upin my own story, I might feel um
and project and make things umnot feel as easy as they do now.
So um, yeah, I see thathappening a lot around me,
people who haven't resolvedtheir own things and they're
projecting that onto theirchildren.
(45:28):
And and I I just really didn'twant to do that for my kids.
I want them to have better thanthat.
SPEAKER_01 (45:34):
I I just thought of a question.
Uh as an adult, do you are thereany characteristics or
personalities that you see inother adults that make you think
I want to keep my children awayfrom that individual?
Is there anything that otherparents should look out for?
SPEAKER_00 (45:50):
Um for me it's very much an instinct.
And I've only I had my conversea conversation recently with my
daughter who's now 14, and um,and she said, I I've always been
allowed to go to sleepovers andstay at so many people's houses.
And I said, Um, I'm so glad youfeel that way.
I said, but count on your handhow many houses you actually
(46:13):
stay at.
And then she did, and she'slike, Oh, and I said, Because
I've spent a lot of timetrusting my instinct about who's
in those families.
And there were situations whereI didn't feel that trust, and so
my kids haven't spent a lot oftime at those houses.
Does that mean that I'm going toprotect them?
(46:33):
I hope so.
Um, but the the complex partabout abuse is that it varies,
and so do abusers.
Anyone showing too muchattention to your children is
obviously a red flag forgrooming.
Um but grooming wasn't my story.
Um, my abuser was related to me,so they already had access and
(46:57):
they already had my parents'trust.
So my incidents were violent andthey were quick and they were
infrequent.
And so I think changes in yourchildren's behavior, making sure
that you communicate that ifsomething happens, they can
speak up.
Um but yeah, just keeping themclose and being present is the
best defense.
(47:18):
Um, and not close in a sensethat they're not having a life,
but close in the sense that youthey feel safe enough to talk if
they need to.
SPEAKER_01 (47:28):
Uh okay, so once again, can you say the title of
your book and how people can getit and any links if they want to
contact you?
SPEAKER_00 (47:36):
My book is called The Courage to Speak Your Truth:
Shifting the Narrative onChildhood Sexual Abuse.
And you can find it on Amazon uhat Audible Spotify.
I narrate it myself.
So if my voice hasn't driven youcrazy yet, we're welcome to jump
on and listen to that.
SPEAKER_01 (47:54):
I love your accent.
I could listen to it all day.
SPEAKER_00 (47:58):
Um, and yeah, my business is called Bespeak.
So if you want to look me up,I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram
and Facebook and um reach out.
I'd love to know what youthought of the book if you read
it.
And um yeah, just stayconnected.
And thank you so much, Ingrid,for this time.
I've loved having this chat withyou.
SPEAKER_01 (48:17):
I really have loved this chat as well.
I I really enjoyed your book andwith you narrating it as well.
Good, thank you.
Um, but I think there is anamazing amount of good
information and helpfulinformation for everyone out
there.
And and you've given so manygood points.
Do you have any specific wordsof wisdom or encouragement that
you want to leave as a lastingstatement with listeners?
SPEAKER_00 (48:41):
I just want everyone to know that they deserve peace.
Everyone deserves to feel peace,regardless of what has happened,
what you've lost, what you'vebeen through.
I've yet to meet somebody whohasn't got a story, and that's
not about measuring what storyis worse or better.
It's all relative for uh whatwe're carrying.
(49:02):
But regardless of the story, youdeserve peace and happiness.
So do the work not forforgiveness, but do the work
before that peace and happinessfor yourself.
SPEAKER_01 (49:12):
Beautiful.
Thank you again, Kath.
SPEAKER_00 (49:15):
Thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (49:17):
Thank you again for joining me today, Kath, and
thank you, warriors, forlistening.
I've included the links Kath wasreferring to as well as her one
in three profile in the shownotes.
I will be back next week withanother episode for you.
Until then, stay strong.
And wherever you are in yourjourney, always remember you are
(49:38):
not alone.
Find more information, registeras a guest, or leave a review by
going to the websiteonein3podcast.com.
That's the number one the numberthree podcast.com.
Follow one in three onInstagram, Facebook, and Twitter
at one and three podcast.
(50:00):
To help me out, please rememberto rate review and subscribe.
One in three is a.5 Pinoyproduction.
Music written and performed byTim Crow.
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