Faris Aranki - What are your 3 adjectives? - 10 Lessons Learned

Episode Transcript
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(00:08):
Hello and welcome to 10 LessonsLearned where we talk to sages and
gurus, leaders and luminaries fromall around the world to dispense
wisdom for career and life that'swisdom for your career and your life.
My name is Robert Hossary andI'm your host for this episode.
Today's guest is Faris Arankifrom the United Kingdom.

(00:32):
Faris is the CEO and founderof Shiageto Consulting.
Have I got that right?
Faris?
You have, yes.
Shiageto Consulting.
Faris has got a great story.
He's got some greatlessons, but rather than me
introducing Faris, I thought I'd trysomething different today and ask
Faris to tell us more about himself.

(00:54):
So Faris, tell us about you andtell us about Shiageto Consulting.
Yeah, it's a real pleasure Robert,and thank you for inviting me today.
So, yeah, nobody knows somebody likethemselves, so let me try and give you
a little potted history, a little bit ofexplanation of who I am and what I do.
So here I am in London, UnitedKingdom, and I run Shiageto Consulting

(01:15):
that you said, which is a smallconsulting firm that focuses on
strategy and emotional intelligence.
we are here to make companies moreeffective and actually the Shiageto is
the Japanese word for a sharpening stone.
So we sharpen otherpeople, other companies.
Well, you answered one questionsI was gonna ask you, so thank you.
Yeah, but I'll tell you the story ofwhy I came up with that name, if you
like, a little bit later, Robert.

(01:36):
I've been running this company for threeyears and it's a real pleasure to do that.
But the journey to gethere is like any journey.
It has twists and turnsstumbles and picking back up.
And it all started many yearsago having, left university as
a mathematician and economist.
And I went on to become a secondaryschool, high school teacher,
teaching those two subjects.
I used it as a vehicle to teacharound the world and live in different

(01:57):
countries, different cultures.
And I had a fantastic time, but afterfive years, I decided it was right to
switch over into the business world,which was really where my passions lie.
And, I ended up joining an energy company,so I know all about the world of gas,
electricity, oil power, cuz I, spenta lot of time in their strategy team
and I learned all about the industry.
But my key takeaway isthat I love strategy.

(02:20):
I love solving complex problems.
So I moved over into strategy consult.
Where I'd spent the next 12 yearsof my life working for Big Strat
houses, solving a range of problemsaround the world, developing these
ideas and what companies should do.
But it was, at that point,during that journey, I realized
there was a missing ingredient.
And that was, you can be the smartestperson in the room, you can have a

(02:40):
great idea, but if you don't takeothers with you on that journey,
then it ain't gonna go diddly.
These stretches are notgonna be, successful.
So, I became fascinated by thatand pivoted my career to actually
landing ideas with people gettingcompanies and teams to buy into the
same idea and work better together.
And that's what I do today.
I hear you.

(03:00):
I understand what you'resaying about strategy.
I understand what you're sayingabout, not going anywhere if you don't
bring people along on the journey.
I can't tell you how many organizations Ihave been with that, just didn't do that.
And they, some of them are not aroundanymore, but some of them are just
limping along doing what they did before.

(03:21):
But, your organizationhas got can I say a motto?
Success equals IQ multiplied by EQ.
Multiplied by FQ.
Explain that to us, please.
Yeah, that's absolutely right.
And I think some of that's a legacyof being a former math teacher that I
needed an equation as my methodology,but actually, when I sat back and was

(03:42):
thinking, you know, what does bringsuccess from a strategic point of view?
And for companies, obviously youneed to know where you're going.
You need to have a clear vision,a clear goal of what, and
not just at a company level.
Each of us, we need tobe, have life goals.
But also, what am I tryingto achieve in this, podcast?
What am I trying to achievewhen I write this email?
And then you need to bring threeelements you need to bring IQ.
So the right level of ideas,creativity, you know, your

(04:05):
sharpest thinking into the mix.
And that's what we talked aboutbefore, having great ideas.
The second component you need isthat ability to take others with you.
The EQ, the emotional intelligence.
, are you talking about it in the right way?
Are you engaging people?
Do you genuinely care for them?
And then third componentis this focus quotient.
Now, the ability to focus and deliverwhat is important to you, right?

(04:25):
So to dial down the distractionsand really give it a your all.
and, often see, particularly the EQand the FQ, very limited in companies
and sometimes in individuals.
So, as a company, we go in andwe help across each of those, or
specifically one of those pillarsdepending on where our help is needed.
FQ, focus quotient.
this is a new terminology for me.

(04:47):
I have not heard of the focusquotient is that, a Faris original.
It is a Faris original.
it is trademarked.
but that's just to stop vultures.
But yes, it also sounds a littlebit rude as my brother often
laughs at me when I say FQ at him.
but, no, it is an invention.
I think, you know, nicelysummarizes for me when I was
looking at that missing pillar.

(05:07):
Oh yeah.
I find it fascinating, because once you'veexplained it, once you explain it's the
focus quotient and how it fits in withthe other two, it makes so much sense.
Absolute perfect sense.
Very interesting.
Well, I'll tell you what, let'sjust jump into your 10 lessons
and let's see how much wisdom wecan impart to you, the listener.

(05:28):
So let's go with lesson number one.
Lesson number one, runtowards the wrecking ball.
Yes.
Not a lot of people want to do thatFaris, but tell us what you mean by
running towards the wrecking ball.
Yeah.
And, I should just preface these10 lessons with, I said, you and I
were chatting before this, interviewand I said, do you know what, I
originally did this task and Ithought, I'm not gonna have 10 lessons.

(05:50):
But then I came up with so manyand then I had to rationalize them.
So, you know, I came up probably about35 and I got back I was 10 and I thought
for the purpose of the narrative,I did them in chronological order.
So, you know, bear with me listeners,these come from my life in an
order, but obviously they've beenreinforced throughout my life as well.
So run towards the wrecking ball Yeah.
Is a fantastic but scary mantra.
It is about livingoutside your comfort zone.

(06:13):
you know, and this really was drilledinto me early on, in my school days.
You know, I was very fortunate togo to a nice school, a good school
surrounded by other people who were,from nice families and doing well.
and it's was very easy to take forgranted the high levels of attainment
and what was expected from us.
Almost to the point that I'doften call it like a factory line.

(06:33):
We were just, you know,doing well on a factory line.
And, in my naivety, I felt I wasa bit, I was a bit bored, right?
and I realized that, and I was challengedby my parents to, to try new things,
to really challenge and not justdo stuff for the sake of doing it.
And, I found, where I, Icounterintuitively where I enjoyed
and where I got the most, sort of pushwas that when I stepped away from the

(06:56):
treadmill and did things completely,that I wasn't comfortable with,
Which is so hard to do, but time andtime again, be it, stupid stuff like
doing a bungie of jump, taking a jobthat I, you know, not qualified for.
just throwing myself head first inand, has really been, where I have
got the greatest richness in my life.
so I didn't use this terminologyback then, but I came up with

(07:18):
a mantra about running towardsthe wrecking ball actually.
Many years later when, when I was workingwith a difficult boss actually, that
I had picked, to be my boss, and sheturned around to me and said, I'm a
bit like your wrecking ball, aren't I?
And you, for some reason,you seem to run towards me.
And I was like, that isexactly what I have done.
but actually my career is betterfor it is even no matter how painful
this individual conversations are.

(07:40):
So, yeah, it's a nice learning thatI continue to gravitate back towards.
That's wonderful.
it's something that a lot of us don'trealize that we should be doing and
those that do it, probably don'tuse the metaphor that you have.
I mean, I've heard run towards the fire.
I've heard a lot of differentmetaphors, but they all mean the same
thing as run towards a wrecking ball.

(08:02):
challenge yourself, get outside yourcomfort zone, go for something different.
the adage of.
If you do what you've always done, youget what you've always got, is wrong
because when I hear that, what I see inmy mind is those old-fashioned freezers,
you know, the fridge freezer, where thefreezer would frost up, and then you

(08:24):
would have to defrost the whole thing.
And as the frost builds up,your space becomes less.
So if you do what you've always done,ergo not defrost your freezer, you
get less than you've always got.
And especially the way society andtechnology and everything is moving today.
You must get out of that comfortzone to learn new skills, to

(08:46):
be better, to improve yourself.
I couldn't agree more.
That is a wonderful lesson, and it'sa great way of putting it, Faris.
Thank you very much for that.
Well, let's go to lesson number two.
Lesson number two.
Don't be sucked into the headlights.
I understand the metaphor, but I'mreally looking forward to this lesson.

(09:10):
So if we fast forward to, when Iturn 17 here in the uk, when you
turn 17, you can learn to drive.
and it is a real honor, my parents,as my 17th birthday present,
has arranged my first drivinglesson, with a guy called Bruce.
I'll never forget Bruce, he rang on mydoorbell, made a very powerful impression
on me, and we got into his little minimetro and we, you know, he taught me
all the things and we started driving.

(09:31):
And, it wasn't on that first lessonper se, but a couple of lessons in,
we were driving at night for thefirst time, and what I found was I
was beginning to drift into traffic.
and he had to pull me back andhe shouted me, don't drift.
You know, don't be suckedinto the headlights.
He said, this happens all the time.
You know, the first time you seeheadlights on the other side of the road,
y your brain will drive towards them,but obviously that's a terrible thing.

(09:55):
You'll be result in a crash.
he said this, he was very comfortingand he said, look, this happens.
It's a natural thing.
You have to overcome that urge tojust get sucked in to just, you
know, you need to be in control,not let the external influences.
and that was such apowerful lesson for me.
Again, this is something thatreinforced time and time again

(10:15):
throughout my career, and I oftensay it to myself in different ways.
You know, a very similar way I say isthat I've kind of converted to nowadays
is to be demand led, not supply led.
Okay?
It's always very easy, to get sucked intothe headlights because they're there.
Not because you want them to.
And it's the same in life.
It's easy to do something becauseit's there, not necessarily

(10:36):
cuz you want to do it.
And if it wa if it wasn't,you know, introduced to you,
would you choose it anyway?
be that in the choices of food we eat, thework we do, the people we spend time with.
So, a really powerful lesson.
Fortunately there was Bruce by myside to pull me back from those
headlights in the early days.
But who's your drivinginstructor in your life nowadays?
Now?

(10:56):
Who's your Jimi cricket?
who can whisper that phrase?
and that's why I write all these thingsas little phrases because they're the
little triggers for me, particularlywhen I am in danger being sucked in
the headlight, I can just say them tomyself and remind me myself of that
wisdom, and what I should be doing, andnot getting sucked into the headlights.
So for those fans of sort of, psychologyand neuroscience maybe have heard of

(11:17):
the two systems of how the brain works.
One is an automatic, is a reflex.
and the other is a really,intentional, thinking.
Okay.
they're called system one and system two.
Now, most of our life we use system onebecause it is too much energy and too
much time to think through everything.
Like imagine if, when we come towalk, imagine we had to think about
each action we take when walking.

(11:37):
No, we do that through the instinctive.
Yep.
I think, and that's theheadlights are useful.
Going with the flow is useful in a lot oftimes, but a lot of times you wanna stop
and actually think, why am I doing this?
What do I intend to do?
and that is, that is what forme, not being sucked into the
headlights is about intentionality.
Yeah.
Is about, you know, being certain,making decisions for the sake

(11:57):
of, of what you want rather thanreacting to the stimuli around you.
intention, the intention,and not the stimulus.
I like that.
And that makes a, thatmakes perfect sense.
Okay.
So, Let's move on to lesson number three.
So everybody's heard of the GoldenRule, but Faris says that the platinum

(12:18):
rule is better than the Golden Rule.
So tell us about your platinum rule.
Well, it's not my platinum rule.
I unashamedly borrowed this,but, yeah, the platinum rule.
Well, let's just remind listenersof what the golden rule is.
So the golden rule is what youwere probably taught as a child.
, which is treat others howyou would like to be treated.
Okay.
It's a great rule and it's fantastic.

(12:39):
It's applying your setof thinking to others.
I'm gonna disagree with you on that,but anyway, I'll let you finish.
Okay.
But it's a rule that many of us at all.
Yes.
But there's an even better rule, whichis the platinum rule, which is treat
others how they want to be treated.
Okay.
And that's probably where yourdisagreement will come from, but it's
not until you, you realize that, thatyou will just stick in the golden

(13:01):
rule because it's Human beings aregreat, but we are self-centered.
We put ourselves at the, in the middleof a narrative and we initially think
everyone thinks the same way as us.
us.
this was what creates tension.
And for me, where I first reallysaw this lesson, was age 17.
Not long after those drivinglessons, I actually went to spend
a year, before university, livingin a little village in Nepal.

(13:22):
And I lived with a localfamily, as one of them.
And I'd learnt the language Iate with them, I slept with,
lived in the same house as them.
And, we used to have meals together.
And, me being British, whenever I wantedsomething during the meal, be it some salt
or, you know, somebody's passed something.
I'd say a lot of please and thank yous.
And I did this for the first week.
And then finally after a week, thedad of the family just erupted at me

(13:44):
and he said, why do you keep sayingplease, and thank you when I, when
you asked for the salt, for example?
And I said, well, you know,That's the polite thing to do.
He said, no.
In Nepal we only say please and thank you.
If somebody actually does somethinga worthwhile, let's save your
life, . He said, it's offensive tome that you think this is on par.
This is just a human being shouldpass somebody else the salt.

(14:05):
Right?
Please.
You know?
And he was like, stop it immediately.
And it, I, you know, I was aghast stepback and thought, you know, how could
I, how could what I thought was right inthe world really irritate somebody else?
And it was because I was justlooking through my lens, not his.
and it really changed how Iapproached other human beings.
and when I years later read aboutthe difference between the platinum
and the g the golden rule, itjust made absolute sense to me.

(14:28):
So it was a, it's a mantra I adoptedand, and a large part of the EQ work
that I do with companies and individuals.
Well, I'll be using thatmoniker from now on.
I, I learned the samelesson, many years ago.
Not in the same way, of course, butinterestingly enough, I learned it.
Overseas.
So I learned it while I wasworking in another country.
So it's the same lesson.

(14:49):
We are a diverse populationin every country of the world.
We are diverse.
You treat people the waythey want to be treated.
So the from now on, I will referto that as the platinum rule.
thank you Faris.
But I totally agree with you and the old,you know, treat people the way you wanna
be treated is just so myopic people, youknow, you don't understand or you don't

(15:15):
appreciate that people are different.
We are all different.
We are all unique.
So, thank you for that.
that is to me, Just such apowerful, powerful listen.
So I'll just say, Robert, you know,once you start thinking like this,
it really unlocks things like beingmore curious, talking to more people,
listening more, you know, basic humanthings that make us much better humans.

(15:40):
Absolutely.
I just love that one.
All right.
We can, I can spend hours onthat alone, , but let's move on.
let's move on.
Lesson number four.
Yeah.
What kind of learner are you?
Now this is a brilliant question for me.
it's a brilliant rule and lessonbecause I had to learn that.

(16:00):
I learned what kind of learnerI was, throughout my career.
I didn't go straight touniversity outta school.
I went to work.
Because I just didn't thinkI was that kind of learner.
And it turns out I'm a mature age learner.
I did my university while I was at work.
I got my master's while I was workingbecause that's what worked for me.

(16:23):
Now it doesn't work for everybody.
So it's a great lesson.
Great question.
So tell us your story behindwhat kind of learner you are.
Yeah.
So, carrying on my journey,I got back from Nepal.
I went to university, studied my degreeand it was suddenly, maybe it was cuz
I'd spent a year out, but it was suddenlyfelt a lot harder to learn than I had
done at school, whereas spoon fed and,it just came a bit more naturally.

(16:45):
And, it's really fascinating.
but obviously it was something I neededto crack, quite, quite early on to, to
make the most out of university And.
I realized, that the way I, you know,had sort of a book learned education
and being spoonfed, was useful, but itwasn't gonna work in this environment.
And my way of being, of absorbingthe information I was learning was

(17:08):
to rewrite it and was to re go outand tell other people about it.
to teach, in other words,
To teach.
Yeah.
and, yeah, which would be a, sort ofa springboard, and maybe an insight
into what I would do next in life.
but it, so that, that made senseto me and that reinforced now,
it wasn't until years later I wasreading an article about, which was
called What kind of Learner are you?
That, the penny suddenly dropped.

(17:29):
What had I, what I'd stumbled across,but was actually a well-known sort
of, school of thought in the learningindustry is we all learn differently,
as you pointed out, some later on inlife, some in different environments.
but, uh, fundamentally there's oneor three ways of learning, you know,
seeing, you know, say listening.
You know, we get so muchinformation every day.
And in fact, I think I saw a stat theother day that an average human being
will absorb, you know, 5 trilliongigabytes of, information, which

(17:52):
is, you know, more than out there.
So how do you actually make stuff stick?
You either, write itdown in your own words.
Right.
A hundred times.
So say you learned something new,it's, it doesn't mean anything
until you do something with it.
So you could write it down a hundredtimes and then you suddenly get it
and you write it in your own words.
You could go and tell a hundred peoplein your own way and then you get it.
you get it even better.
Or you could just apply whateveryou've learned a hundred times.

(18:14):
Okay?
whichever one of those, and it mightbe a combination of those is what's
gonna make your learning stick and bethe difference between just skimming
an article and forgetting it 24hours later and actually taking that
knowledge and doing something with it.
But, many of us have never sat downand thought, what kind of learner am I?
So how am I actually gonna turnit from a passive learning into an
active learning and make the most ofwhatever I have just been reading,

(18:38):
apply what you have.
I couldn't agree more.
Th this is something that again, tookme years to understand, but apply
what you've learned and it sticks.
My god, it sticks.
and we can go off on a tangent here withrecruitment and recruiting based on pieces

(18:59):
of paper as opposed to, achievements.
But we won't.
because this podcast will never endif we do that there is a danger.
No, definitely.
if you find out what kind of alearner you are and you use that, it
will absolutely boost your skillset.
It will absolutely boost yourresults, because you'll then know
how to apply it in your life.

(19:22):
. Brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.
Thank you Faris.
Lesson number five.
What is the problem youare trying to solve?
. Tell me about it.
So this is a biggie, right?
Bid.
And it was first, and it literally saidto me when I moved into the business
world and was working for a super,super intense, super intelligent boss.

(19:43):
and you know, I remember the firstpiece of work we did together.
I sort of got the piece of work,sort of started blustering.
He said, what do you think about this?
And I blow bluster.
He just paused me and he said, Faris, whatis the problem you're trying to solve?
You've just rattled off for five minutes.
Incessantly talking about stuff.
I'm not even sure, you know,what you're trying to achieve.
And, you know, bruised my ego.

(20:04):
And I was like, how dare he?
I thought I made absolute sense, you know?
And he said, just explain to me simplywhat is the problem before you start
explaining what your solution is.
And I found, I couldn'tarticulate what the problem was.
And he said, go away.
Come back when you do know,because at the moment you're just
wasting energy talking at me.
And this became so clear, to me, it becameso clear, not just in my work, I looked,

(20:26):
when you look around, so many people donot know, in the moment, in their, in the
grand scale of life, what is the problem?
What is their objective?
and it's not until you knowthat, and that's why that's
really a lot of the driver ofShiageto until you know that stop.
Yeah.
and there is an amazing quote by AlbertEinstein that I tell, I pretty much
say to all my clients, and he oncesaid that if I only had an hour to save

(20:49):
the world, Imagine there's something,you know, meteorite or something.
He said I'd spend at least 55 minutes ofthat hour working out what the problem is.
Cuz then it's really easy and notenough of us spending that amount
of time or have that clarity.
And, you know, if it's good enoughfor Albert, I think it should
be good enough for all of us.
I love it.
one of our previous guests, Ithink it was Ori Isen, said,

(21:13):
take the time to sharpen the saw.
So it's the, it's a very similar lesson.
and that's what it's all about.
Don't waste your time coming upwith all these fancy solutions when
the problem hasn't been defined.
Your solutions may not fit theproblem, may not answer what

(21:35):
it is that you need to solve.
It's just busy work then.
And I've seen this, and I'm sure youhave too, Faris in a lot of organizations
that are just focused on revenue,focused on whatever they focus on.
And they forget the mission,number one and two, they forget

(21:57):
why they are having these issues.
So that is an incredible, powerfullesson and to have learned it in, you
know, so early in your career musthave been an absolute, boon to you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's so simple.
And I probably irritate all my teampeople around me when I often stop

(22:19):
and I replicate what that old bossdid for me, . And I can just see
them go, oh, here he goes again.
But the one, they get it.
yeah.
And do you know what, you know, yourlisteners might begin to start to see
and was only when I started writing downsome of the, the builds between these
lessons, because this goes nicely withthe, don't get sucked into the headlights.
Cuz if you don't know what problemyou're trying to solve Yep.
Then the headlights grab you even more.

(22:42):
yep, yep.
All right.
So this one is very much linkedto the other one, but, but yeah,
it is a powerful one on its own.
It is absolutely wonderful.
We're gonna take a quick break to,thank our affiliate partner Audible.
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(23:07):
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(23:31):
The link will be in the show notes.
Now back to our lesson.
Our guest today is Faris Aranki.
He's the CEO of Shiageto in London.
Now, lesson number six, Farislesson number six is confusing me,
so I'm really going to need youto tell us what it's all about.

(23:54):
Yes.
What are your three adjectives?
This is a question everyone shouldbe asking themselves, and they're
probably listening right nowgoing, what is he talking about?
Just like you do.
Just like me.
Let me tell you a story.
So I told you about my careerand I joined consulting.
So at this point, I joined consulting.
Now consulting is a career I love,but equally I hate, and it confuses

(24:14):
me in, in, you know, in many ways.
Now, what one of the big things aboutit is the performance review aspect.
now, yeah, professional services, careers,a little bit different to other jobs,
is that you don't have one line manager.
You don't have one person who says,you've done your job, you're doing great.
Well done.
You get a promotion, youget a pay rise, blah, blah.
Instead, because you're working on somany different things and nobody has

(24:37):
a single thread, view of your life,we, they have something that is called
round tables, where at the end ofthe year, you're judged against all
your peers in a room by your seniors.
And what go happens is youprepare a bit of material
saying, I've done this this year.
Somebody reads it out on your behalf.
And then they discuss and say,well, I think Faris is great.
Let's give him this.
Let's do it right now.
I imagine this was afantastic, well run, process.

(25:00):
and I was, I was fascinated to discoverwhen I stepped into that room that
what actually happened was manypeople had never heard of you, right?
In large organizations, not heard of you.
And the first thing that would besaid before your little script is
read out was, oh, who's Faris again?
And whoever was your spokesperson wouldsay, oh, you know, he's the guy who is
A, B, C, and read out three adjectives.

(25:21):
And suddenly everyone would not go,oh, I know who you're talking about.
Right?
And what fascinated me is whateverthose three adjectives that were said
about you were usually always the same.
But also they massively influencedhow people thought about you.
Doesn't matter what was read next,if the adjectives used were, oh,
you know, he's the quiet one, orhe's the, he's the disruptive one.

(25:42):
Even if they then read somevery positive things about you.
That would influence them.
But what I also discovered is thatyour adjectives moved around an
organization quicker than you did.
So everyone would suddenly, you know,you'd meet them for the first day and
say, oh, I've heard about you, you arethe, or they might not say it to your
face, but that's, they would play outthe three adjectives in your head.
And I became fascinated by this.
I wanted to know what mythree adjectives were.

(26:04):
I wanted to know could I change them?
I wanted to know how Icould influence them.
And, I, I learned a lot about that.
And I can tell, I, you know,we can go off on a tangent.
I can tell you all abit about that journey.
But what I realized very early onis we all have three adjectives.
The sooner we know it, the better.
And I advise all junior peopleearly on in their careers,
learn your three adjectives.

(26:25):
Own them.
Be proud of them, andmake them work for you.
I'm laughing because this is so true.
This is so absolutely true,and it's not something I've.
Ever actually thought of, butI've absolutely engaged in it.
I have been one of the people thatsays, oh, they are the one, they are

(26:47):
the one that does this, this and this.
I've also been the one who's probablya pain in the ass to other people.
and that's probably how they describe me.
But yeah, that brilliant.
I have never heard this.
I've never come across anyone who hastaught me this, so I want to thank you.
that's why I love doing this show.

(27:08):
I learn something every time.
what are your three adjectives?
Yeah.
So my three adjectives are andalways have been right, laid back.
Analytical, sociable.
and now the reason I say they've alwaysbeen, because when I started my career,
they were often particularly laidback, was used as a negative thing.
Yep.

(27:28):
Oh, well you, we can't promoteyou cuz you're too laid back.
You're too like, and I spent agestrying to change that adjective, but I
couldn't because human beings are....
But what I did do was changethe meaning of that adjective.
And I'd say to people, yeah, in acrisis you want someone who's laid back.
Yeah.
When a teams are feeling down, you wantsomeone who's laid back and in tune them.

(27:49):
So I turned what was previouslya weakness into a strength.
Because you owned it.
Because I owned it and I lentinto it and I acknowledged it.
So, but I did, you know.
Yeah.
I'll tell you listeners, I spent acouple of years trying to fight it
and trying to change it, and thatwas wasted energy in hindsight.
But I perhaps had to go throughthat journey to realize the
power of the three adjectives.

(28:10):
Well, that's why we're here, Faris.
we're paying the stupidtax for our listeners.
we're trying to let you know, dearlistener, that if you listen to
some of these lessons, all of theselessons, if you go back through our
catalog and listen to all the previouslessons, you'll come to realize that
there are things that you don't know.

(28:31):
And maybe some of the wisdom that isbeing shared by guests like Faris will
help you overcome those stumbling blocks.
So, thank you, Faris.
that is brilliant.
I'm actually going to beusing that, probably tomorrow.
So thanks a lot.
by, by all means.
and something just struck me whileyou were saying about the, how
much wisdom there must be in allthese podcasts that you've created.

(28:54):
I mean, that alone is probablya trillion whatever gigabytes.
So for your listeners, Put it withwhat kind of learner you are and
apply some of those learnings inhowever you like to learn so that
you get even more the out of it thanjust a nice listen for half an hour.
It actually, you start embracingand adopting some of those habits
and applying them to your own life.
Thanks for the plug.
And, but I couldn't agree more.

(29:15):
Couldn't agree more, . Thank you.
Well, let's move on, to lessonnumber seven, which I love.
I just, it's, it, I just love it.
So pre decide, don't half decide.
Oh, brilliant.
This is a big one for a strategist.
and I first stumbled across this,working on a strategy project, actually

(29:36):
in the UK for the department of.
No less.
and your listener is probablygonna chuckle when I say this.
I was working this about 13years ago for 13, 14 years ago
on a project called Pandemic FluPreparedness for the UK government.
So we were preparingthe UK for a pandemic.
and it was the first time inmy career I'd been introduced
to a concept called war gaming.

(29:56):
Now, war gaming is a tool we use inthe strategy world to simulate what
might happen and how we might reactso we can test strategies in advance.
Okay.
And this is where the predecide came from, right?
we were preparing for what wouldbe a pandemic, an emergency, a
difficult, stressful situation.
We wanted to pre-made decisionsbefore that stressful situation so

(30:18):
that we weren't making bad decisions.
A period of stress.
So we designed these war games and weplayed out, and there's a whole other
story, probably a whole podcast I cantell you about, that activity and, and
actually the pandemic flu preparedness.
But it was really powerful becauseit meant, and I do this time and time
again with companies that you have aplaybook that when you need to, you can

(30:39):
just dig into and say, well, alreadymade that decision, let's go with it.
Right.
You know, and I've made it basedon facts and time and non-pressure.
And this is something we canall do in our own life, right?
You shouldn't have to, be put understress, go, oh, would I rather A or B,
you know, it's much better to have madethat decision well in advance so that
when the time comes, if you ever have tochoose between A and B, you already know.

(31:01):
Look, I agree with that, but canI challenge you on one point?
Yeah.
I've always said that you can only makethe best decision you can make with the
information you have at the time, but.
As you get more data,you may change your mind.
the more information you have andthe more recent that information,

(31:22):
your decision may be different.
So how does that play into predecide and don't half decide?
I completely agree, right?
Uh, so, you know, update yourpre decide, regularly if you
get new piece of information.
But very rarely do we getfundamentally completely different
pieces of information, you know?
and if I talk about it on a personallevel, You, you know, and it kind of
goes maybe with the headlights thing.

(31:44):
Somebody says to you,what should we do tonight?
Or, you know, do you fancy, and this isvery simplistic, you know, should we get
a Italian takeaway or a Mexican takeaway?
And you're suddenly like, Ooh, you know?
Whereas if you'd sat beforehanda completely outta stress, you'd
probably say, well, I love Italianway more than I love Mexican.
Right.
you know, that's the logical choice.
But in, in the.
the other person might be putting pressureon you and say, come on, you know, so, you

(32:07):
know, in that circumstance, you're not,there's not really any new information
you're gonna get apart from the pressureyou're getting from the other person.
And actually the reverse of this is wherea lot of salespeople and a lot of very
experienced influencers work, they applypressure to force you to make a decision
that you wouldn't make ordinarily.
You know, that's what the wholeBlack Friday's about, that we've just

(32:27):
passed . It's this fake fear, fake,you know, scarcity that you suddenly,
rationally, if you sat back andsaid, do I actually need this item?
You know, what is, what problemis it gonna solve in my life?
You'd probably decide Idon't need to buy this.
but under the pressure,under the intensity, you're
not getting new information.
You're actually getting.
Fake information that someone isreplying, and manipulating you.

(32:48):
you do end up buying it.
You've just, I've pissed off a lot ofmarketers now, you know that right?
? I've pissed off a lot.
Sorry.
Sorry guys.
but you know, I'm looking around myapartment as we talk and I see a lot of
items that I bought in a previous BlackFriday, so that's probably why I'm thing.
And, the other half of thisthing is the half decide, right?
The other half the sayingis it's slightly the same.
it's along the same axis,but it's slightly different.
Now.

(33:09):
When I was a child in my house, in mymother, God bless her, she had this
rule that we can only eat chocolate on aSunday in an attempt to keep us healthy.
Right?
now, that for me is a half decision.
because what happened was, you know, aschildren we'd lobby for more chocolate
obviously, and my mom would sometimessay, well, okay, well we, you know, we're
doing something tomorrow on Sunday, soI'll let you have it the Saturday instead.

(33:31):
And then it became Saturday and Sunday.
And then, and you know, we'd keep chippingaway and before we knew it, we were
eating chocolate every day of the week.
Because, and what I mean by thefact they, that was a half, that
was because it was a half decision.
She had created a, you know, anopportunity to test the rule and then
think, whereas if she'd made a simplerule or either there is no chocolate in
this house, there was no way we couldchallenge that there was a concrete rule.

(33:53):
And, you know, from a focus Quotion pointof view, it takes away all this noise.
, you know, how much effort did we spendas kids lobbying for that extra chocolate
when we could have been doing somethingelse for that time or she could have
gone the other way, which is where weended up eventually just saying, look,
you can have chocolate whenever you want.
Right.
because that's where we eventuallyended up so that's often what
happens with half decision.
Now I use a joke you want toshow, but that's often what

(34:14):
happens with half decisions.
Yeah.
You know, people exploit it.
You waste a lot of energydebating things, whereas if you're
pre-decided, make it concrete.
Then actually you get a lotof time, energy focus back.
Absolutely.
Brilliant, very brilliant.
And love the anecdote.
I, you just, you're making me laughbecause you're bringing up so many of

(34:36):
my childhood memories, but brilliant.
Absolutely brilliant.
Let's move on to lesson number eight.
Would you use your genie in a bottle?
Yes, Faris, I would definitelyuse my genie in a bottle.
That's good to know, but it's, it'sabout a specific moment in time.
I know in general we'llall use that genie.

(34:58):
Now.
Now, what do I mean by genie?
So let's just, let'sbring that to life, right?
Yeah.
And many of your listeners will knowthe story of a Ala-Din or Aladdin,
either through the Disney versionor the actual original, story.
But in that story, the hero finds abottle, a lamp, that has a genie in
it, who grants him three wishes, okay.
That he can use at any time.
Now, imagine having three wishes.

(35:19):
That's quite a powerful in and in thestory, he uses them for different things.
But imagine you have that in your life.
Like what, how, I dunno about you,but I'd be like, how difficult would
it be to use those three wishes andnot regret, you know, particularly
if you knew you could only.
During your entire life, right?
Would you use them all in your first, inyour teenage years and then regret them
the next 60, 70 years of your life whereyou're like, oh, I could've used it there.

(35:40):
I could've used it there.
How about, and that's with three wishes.
How about if you only had one wish?
So I often say to myself, Ido have a genie with one wish.
Now, when things go wrong in my life,the mantra I say to myself is this so
bad that I would use the genie on this?
Is this the thing?
And if the answer is ever no, Igo, well, it can't be that bad.
Reel myself back from the precipice.

(36:02):
Okay?
And it's such a powerful thing toremind me this isn't that bad, right?
In the grand scheme of things,this, I wouldn't use my genie here.
This can't be that bad.
This can't be the end of me.
And that, you know, and thatfirst came to me that, again, I
didn't have the mantra back then,but my first big career failure.
And I mean, you know, big and you thinkin the moment you think these things

(36:23):
define you are terrible, you cannot goon, your rest of your life is screwed.
The rest of your career is screwed.
You know, and if I had at the timebeen able to articulate myself
the genie thing, it would'vebeen instantly more comforting.
Instead of having to takea gradual, this is okay.
But now I neatlysummarize it as the genie.
and it is, and I tell other peopleit, and, but it is really an instant

(36:46):
switch for me when things are bad.
And I go, actually,it's not genie time yet.
Wow.
I rarely say this, butwhen I do, I mean it.
If you are listening to this or if you'rewatching this, go back to the beginning
of this lesson and listen to it again.
Because there's a lot there.

(37:07):
This is a very powerful tool that Farishas shared with us, and it is a tool, with
the issues we have in the world today withmental health and, you know, the need to
feel that you are progressing or the needto feel that things are going to work out.
This is an absolutely brilliant tool.

(37:30):
So I will urge you, listener toplease go back, listen to this
again, listen to Faris's explanation.
Again, I'm not gonnamake any glib comments.
I think it's a brilliant tool,Faris, I think it's fantastic.
I congratulate you on creating it.
I've not heard anything like this.
We, we all have heard.

(37:51):
This too shall pass.
You know?
Get over it.
there are actually twolessons on our podcast.
we've heard all of these, we knowhow we should react to this, but
what you have given us is a tool.
It's not self, you know, a, you know,self will that will get us over it.

(38:14):
it's a system that we can implement toask ourselves, bring us back into reality.
Would I use it now?
Is now the time?
Yes or no?
It's a yes or no answer.
Yeah.
and if it's no, it's not thatbad that's, I'm speechless because
I am so in love with this tool.
thank you for sharing that with us.

(38:35):
that is just so powerful.
That's very powerful.
Thank you.
Oh, my pleasure.
My pleasure.
let's move on to, do youwanna say anything more
about this before we move on?
hey, yeah, it is a really powerful tool.
I'm glad you, you like it.
What also springs to mind is that ifpeople are looking for another tool is,
I often talk about failure anniversaries.

(38:55):
is this something you've heard of Robert?
No, but it sounds just as powerful.
Go ahead.
So there you go.
Two, two lessons for the price of one.
Two lessons for the price of one.
So if you were to ever open my diaryand you know, if you know people are
welcome, you will see something in there.
I have a, I color code my diary andyou have something which are failure

(39:16):
anniversary, which are, if somethingbad has happened in my life, not,
and doesn't need the genie, but stillit feels bad, I immediately open my
calendar and I put a meeting with myselfsix months or a year or three months,
depending how severe it is in thefuture to, to celebrate that failure.
Now what happens is imagine somethingdevastating is happened to you

(39:40):
or you think it's bad, you know?
and a year from now you were to open upyour diary and you go, oh, that thing
a year ago that no longer seems as bad.
Right now, the power of this isn'tputting it in and, and waiting
for that year to pass so that youcan go, oh, that wasn't so bad.
If you start doing this regularly, Ipretty much guarantee you not long after
something bad has happened to you, you'llhave a failure anniversary come up in the

(40:00):
next week from something a year ago, andyou'll be like, while you're reflecting
on the bad thing that's happened today,you'll look at that anniversary and you
go, actually, that thing that happeneda year ago that I thought was terrible,
that's, that no longer is bears any realresemblance in my life or any power.
Well, well, if I got through that, thenI'm pretty certain I can get through this.
And it gives you just a bit more ofencouragement and, and a visual tool for

(40:23):
me, about, as well as celebrating thingsthat have happened in life that make you.
so yeah, that's what my calendarlooks like along with other things.
That's fantastic.
You have a genie and youhave a failure anniversary.
That's fantastic.
. Look, I love both of those and Ithink they're excellent, strategies to

(40:44):
implement, to keep you focused, I suppose,to keep you from sliding backwards.
So again, thank you and great stuff.
Lesson number nine.
We're almost there, Faris, actually,before we go into lesson number
nine, I should have started withthis, but I'll throw it in now.

(41:06):
We ask a lot of our guests, two questions.
This is one of them.
Okay.
So what would you tell your younger self?
What would you tell younger Faris,if you had the chance to tell him
anything that you have learned?
So far, What would be one, one piece ofadvice or one piece of wisdom you would

(41:27):
give a younger you if you had the chance?
I mean, I'd be, listen to the, 10 LessonsLearned podcast with Robert Hossary, but,
thank you
a future version of yourself willrecord his top 10 lessons, so get them
early so you don't have to learn them.
I think if I were to go meta andsummarize all these 10 things,
is it's two, it's twofold.
Let's be more curious and listen more.
Is, you know, ask morequestions, learn more stuff.

(41:51):
Because everything will enrich you.
and, and you'll get tothese lessons quicker.
Okay.
So actually I don't want youto listen to the podcast.
I want you to learn them, experiencethem, but do it a little bit
quicker, and learn other lessons.
And the only way to do thatis get out there, talk to more
people, ask more questions, andyour life will be richer for it.
Love it.
I think that's brilliant.
I lo I, I just, they'rethe two words I use.

(42:13):
Brilliant.
And love it.
But, and I know I repeatmyself, but they're great.
they're absolutely great.
Alright, well let's move onto lesson number nine, Faris.
Yeah.
who is your tribe?
Ah, that's a great question and one that.
Who is your tribe?
Everyone should answerthat about themselves.
Who is your tribe?
and it's not something I reallyactively thought about, until

(42:34):
I set up my own business.
. Now, setting up your own businessis great in so many ways.
You know, you are your own boss.
It's, exhilarating when stuff goes right.
But then the flip side isit is incredibly lonely.
You go from an org working, well,certainly in my case, I went from
an organiz working an organizationsurrounded by people in teams working
day in, day out with them to justbeing on my own in the early days.

(42:55):
And I struggled.
I struggled not just for, thesocial side, you know, that being
lonely, but you know, advice aboutwhat I should do in the company and
sharing, successes and failures.
and so I took a step back and said,look, I need, I clearly need a community.
I need a tribe And I, let's go find one.
Right?
Because in previously it'd just alwaysbeen there, just taken it for granted.

(43:18):
Yeah.
so I, funnily enough, I went and found afriend who was doing something similar in
a different field, and we would work sideby side once a week, in a coffee shop.
I then found a second friend.
I'd work with them on a Thursday,the first friend on a Friday.
Then I found a thirdfriend and a fourth friend.
And before I knew I had 30 friendsand I just threw them all together.
And now we have a little communitywho all support each other.

(43:40):
Okay.
That unbeknownst me was my tribe.
I've created my tribe and it, mylife is so much richer for it.
My business is better for it.
and, when I look around, a lot of thedifference that I see between not just
successful people and unsuccessful,but happy people and unhappy period
at different periods in life arebecause maybe they haven't got a tribe

(44:00):
at that point in time, or they'renot well connected into their tribe.
And it's easy to forgetbecause tribes come and go.
You know, we have long livesand we need to constantly be
re-centering ourselves in differentgroups and different communities.
So it is a good question to askyourself periodically, who are my tribe?
What do I get from them?
It is very important.
and it's something that, alot of us take for granted.

(44:22):
I, I never put it that way,but I always found my tribe.
and now I'm like, you creating tribes?
Not so, not for me somuch, but for my community.
so yeah, look, that is a, that,again, it's a great lesson to learn.
It's something that you shouldask yourself quite often,

(44:42):
and listen to your answer.
Don't just ask the question,listen to what you say.
Okay, well let's move on tothe 10th and final lesson.
And this has gotta, you know, thisshould be attributed to a, you know,
a famous name and it probably willbe, it'll be attributed to you, Faris.

(45:03):
So lesson number 10, it's aboutthe things you do, not the things
you don't tell us about that.
Yeah, it's, I've always beenone who suffers from FOMO.
If your listeners who don't know,that's the fear of missing out.
Yep.
and as I suspect most of us do, tosome degree, some more than others,
and it's certainly something that'scompounded by social media, you know,

(45:24):
when you see others doing stuff.
And in fact, it's the very ethosof, what the companies use to
get us to scroll more and stuff.
and it's so easy to beat up andfeel like, oh, I should get that.
You know, I, oh, particularly when youstart comparing yourself to others,
you know, oh, look, they've got.
they've got that house, thatcar, they've got that promotion.
and that just becames anegative spiral for me.

(45:45):
and I'm talking very personally.
I real, I noticed it in myself.
and it wasn't just social mediaand I, when I first set up the
business, I set up, I, I decidedto do certain things every day.
you know, I I must read these articles.
I must post here.
I must do this, I must do that.
and as time, and I got busier,that in tray never cleared.
and it began to hang on me.

(46:05):
And it began to be like, I feel likeI go to bed at the end of the night
and I haven't done all these things.
And I had to stop and say, youare looking at this all wrong.
Don't look at what you didn't do.
What did you do today?
Right?
Be proud of those.
Those are far more powerful.
And actually, you made a choicein doing those because clearly
they were solving a problem.
They had a better objectivethan these things.

(46:26):
And maybe these thingsaren't the right things.
So actually, Going through thatthought process, I let go of those
things that I didn't do and beganto celebrate the things that I did
do, and took much greater comfort.
and it's such a radical differencein my mental health, in how, what
brings me comfort and what keeps me,you know, I sleep a lot easier and
sounder and just letting go of that.

(46:48):
it was a real difference for me.
So it is definitely about the things youdo and not about the things you don't.
Absolutely.
It's, again, it's a veryhard learned lesson.
It's not something thathumans take to quite easily.
We always fixate on the things that wehaven't got, the things that we didn't do.

(47:10):
Instead of having that.
mindset of gratitude for thethings we do have and the things
that we have accomplished.
So that's it.
It is a very hard learn lesson,but a very good one that
everybody should be following.
So we've done your 10 lessonsand they're fantastic.
So thank you again.
Let me ask you one final thing beforewe sign out, and that is Faris,

(47:36):
what have you unlearned recently?
O what have I unlearned?
I've unlearned, I mean, a lotof it comes as tangents of the
lessons that I have learned.
, and particularly that last one.
yeah.
but I've unlearned, About, it's abit like Marie Kondo, your learning
and your life I've unlearned thetime fillers, the things that seemed
important and entertaining, backwhen I was a younger person, because

(48:00):
maybe they brought an element of showboating and they brought an element
of, keeping up with the Joneses.
I, and I'm still doing it, but I'munlearning those things, you know?
and my life all the richer for it, right?
There is no, it's amazing.
It's like you say that fear, giving itup is the hardest part And then just
stand back and enjoy the halo effectand the after effects of that wasn't

(48:22):
really adding anything to your life.
Yeah.
so yeah, there's lots of littlethings that I've slowly unlearn,
that, that add up to be big things.
That's true.
Well, when you put it thatway, that is very true.
So let me ask you, what are you doing now?
So where can people find, Faris Aranki?
So, come join my tribe.
They can find me.

(48:42):
I hang out a lot on LinkedIn,looking up Faris Aranki, or they
can, look me up on Shiageto.com,which is the company website.
Yep.
and, if they're in London,they can look me up, right.
I'm a man who loves going fora coffee, getting to know new
people, virtually or in person.
So yeah, just drop me a line.
Look me up.
and, I'll make myself available.
Well, thank you Faris, and ithas been an absolute pleasure

(49:06):
sharing your 10 lessons today.
I've learned something, andthat's why I love doing this show.
I always learn something andyou've been a fantastic guest.
and we'll finish here.
Today.
You've been listeningto 10 Lessons Learned.
Our guest today has been FarisAranki, founder, CEO and strategist,

(49:27):
for Shiageto Consulting.
this episode, is supported as alwaysby the Professional Development Forum.
and what we would like to ask you isif you enjoyed today's show, please
leave us a review or a comment.
Please tell us what youthink of today's lessons.
you can even email us atpodcast 10 lessons learned.com.

(49:50):
That's Podcast one zerolessons learned.com.
go ahead and hit that subscribe buttonand the notification bell say you don't
miss the next episode of 10 LessonsLearned, the only show on the internet
Making the World Wiser Lesson by Lesson.
Thank you for listening.
See you at the next episode.

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Faris Aranki - What are your 3 adjectives?

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