November 29, 2022 • 33 mins
Link Duarte discusses why we should "Strive for excellence, not perfection " That we need to "Live your bliss " and explains why you shouldn't "let your mistakes ruin what you could be: . Hosted by Diana White
About Link Duarte“Link,” formally known as Chris Duarte, is committed to inspiring the world to be more inclusive of everyone. As the chair of the Advocacy group at CTW, Link is committed to lifting the voices of the worker (open talent), to ensure that they not only have a seat at the table, but that they have instrumental influence for positive change in the future of workspace.
Link is committed to making the world a safer place in his efforts as a pro human advocate, consultant, innovator, program developer, trainer, speaker, and storyteller. Link, a Veteran of the armed forces, holds 2 BS, and an MA in Sociology, Criminology, Law, and more recently, a Master’s Certificate in Business Analytics (HBAP) from Harvard Business School. Since the start of his career, Link has founded and directed several entities and programs that serve people, educated publicly about rural and minority issues, and volunteers his time to support social justice initiatives. As the Founder and CEO of Linking Dreams, Link provides cultural strategy consulting, training, DEI/EIG evaluation, and program design to help entities enhance their reach of underserved populations. Link also chairs the Advocacy group at the Center for the Transformation of Work where he engages audiences to lift up the voices of workers in the #futureofwork space. Link believes in the power created when people unite to form ecosystems of support and dedicates his time to ensure that the voices of the underserved are valued and included.
Episode Notes
Lesson 1: Live your bliss and the universe will open doors for you that you thought were only walls 01:52 Lesson 2: Let your past be your guiding post and not your hitching post 04:11 Lesson 3: In 10 years, nobody will remember what you did, but they will always remember the way you made them feel 04:52 Lesson 4: Don’t let your mistakes ruin what you could be- stop giving your mistake so much power 06:49 Lesson 5: Strive for excellence, not perfection 09:08 Lesson 6: Identity shouldn’t define you; it is merely of characteristic that helps guide us and who we are 10:53 Lesson 7: Be your authentic self because your authenticity is the one thing that no one can take away from you 14:03 Lesson 8: Exercise and learn healthy habits while you’re young because it only gets harder as you get older 16:01 Lesson 9: If college is your bag, give it all you got- look at that piece of paper as an investment in your future 18:03 Lesson 10: In the white room with the red door, be the 3rd type of person 22:41
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And so if you get stuck on the sametask with the same project, trying to
perfect it all the time, then everythingaround it crumbles to the wayside.
So strive for excellence inevery situation, and it's about
as perfect as it's gonna be.
I mean, that's , you know, Itdoesn't have to be perfect.
The only one that notice seesthose little mistakes is you.
(00:22):
Hello and welcome to 10 LessonsLearn Where we will talk to leaders
and luminaries from all over theworld to dispense wisdom for career,
business, and life in order to makethe world wiser lesson by lesson.
My name is Diana White, and Iam your host for this episode.
Our guest today is Link.
Link is committed to makingthe world a safer place in its
(00:44):
efforts as a pro human advocate,consultant, innovator, and speaker.
As founder and CEO of Linking Dreams, Linkprovides cultural strategy consulting,
training DE and I E I G, evaluation andprogram design to help entities enhance
their reach of underserved populations.
(01:04):
Link also chairs the advocacy groupat the Center for the Transformation
of Work, where he engages audiencesto lift up the voices of workers
in the future of workspace.
Welcome link.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Happy to be here.
I am so happy you decidedto be on the show.
(01:25):
And, uh, I'm gonna start right off withwhat would you tell your 30 year old.
Don't do it.
No, I'm kidding.
Um, ? No.
I would say, um, stop and smell the rosesand enjoy your life while you're young.
Oh, you know, I enjoy it then.
That, that's, that's the biggest pieceof advice I would give to myself at 30.
(01:47):
Cause, you know, as a workinghorse, a hundred miles an hour.
Weren't we all at that age though?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
You know, hindsight is 2020.
You know, stopping and smelling theroses to enjoy life a little bit more.
We have, uh, made my life less stressful.
I love it.
All right, we're gonna go right intoyour lessons and, and viewers and
(02:09):
listeners, I'm going to tell youright now, these lessons are awesome.
Lesson number one, live your blissand the universe will open doors
that you thought were only walls.
Talk to us about that Link.
Now, I can't take creditfor this on all on my own.
(02:30):
It was actually a quote that I found.
I was going through a really toughtime in my life, and at that time in
my life I was complaining a lot andcomplaining about everything going
wrong and wishing that things couldgo right in this way or that way.
And I was venting to a friend whowas very matter of fact that he
said this quote to me, and thenhe turned around and walked away.
(02:52):
And I thought long and hard aboutit, like what did he really mean?
And it took me a while toreally own this and adopt this.
A way of thinking that, you know, if,if you live life, in a way that you
feel like you have to do this and youhave to do that, then you'll end up
where you feel like you have to be.
But living your bliss,you'll live a happier life.
We made these choices and making, carvingout free time in your life and carving
(03:17):
out the, the creativity aspects of whoyou are, I think is really important.
And, uh, not to dwell, you know,live your bliss and suddenly
things start to fall into place.
You know, uh, live whatyou live your purpose.
And you know, I, I thinkLink and I, I see this a lot.
I saw it in myself.
When someone says, Live your blissto the average mind, that means well
(03:43):
live the life you really wanna live.
But I can't do that cuz I don'thave the money to live blissfully.
But it's not about money, is it?
It's not.
There's times in my life where I wasborn living, living, homeless, and,
and, um, but bliss really is something,it's, it encompasses your whole life
and frame of mind of, of making the bestabout your day, no matter what cards
(04:07):
you're dealt, you know, enjoying thosemoments and, and living your bliss,
living your happiest moments, um, and,and taking it as a life lesson that it's
meant to teach you something, you know?
And I think that helps a littlebit more than saying, God, you
know, I'm in this really bad space.
Complaining about it, but rather spin it.
Look at the good things, and live yourbliss through those struggling times.
(04:29):
Live your bliss duringthose struggling times.
I love that.
Lesson number two, Let your past be yourguiding post and not your hitching post.
Oh, my tell, tell me Link.
Tell me.
Sometimes we get stuck on the mistakes we.
(04:50):
made The choices we would've made orwould've, shoulda, coulda, you know?
Um, and you know, that that past issupposed to be, to teach us, to guide us.
We made those mistakes, but whatare we gonna do better to make sure
we don't make those mistakes again?
Um, let it, let those mistakes guide you.
Everybody makes mistakes, but don't gethung up and stuck on, on those mistakes
(05:12):
and, and, and let them hold you back.
Love it.
Number three.
In 10 years, nobody will rememberwhat you did, but they will always
remember how you made them feel.
Now we've had this lesson a lot on theshow and it just always seems to resonate.
Give me your take on this lesson.
(05:34):
So I was working for, a university and Iwas creating a program, for LGBT students.
You know, at the, with all therainbows and the excitement, it's
easy to get carried away and, and,you know, and, and do a whole bunch
because it's almost, uh, energetic andalmost addicting of the energy of the
community and how excited people get.
(05:56):
But there was one year thatwe did over 165 events.
And sometimes two and three aday, whether they be workshops or
educational or whatever the program was.
But at the end of it, I realized that Ididn't even remember half of what we did.
But it was the people that Iran into that they'd say, Oh
man, it's so good to see you.
(06:18):
And they would remember the timeI spoke to their class or told
my story and how impactful thatwas and how they felt afterwards.
And I realized that it was the,that that impact and making a,
not a good impression, but, uh,leaving a good lasting impression.
A positive one that even if they don'tremember how they know you or what
(06:39):
they, what they knew you from, or whatyou said or what you did, they'll re,
they'll look at your face and go, Iremember this person and I liked them.
And I think that that's really important.
when it comes to change in impactingthe world in a positive way.
I believe the same thing I do.
Number four.
Number four shook me to my absolute core.
(07:02):
So here we go, viewers and listeners.
Bear with me.
Uh, I'm gonna read this a little slowly soyou can get it because this is powerful.
Lesson number four, Don't let yourmistakes ruin what you could be.
From that bad situation theremight be 10 people who heard.
(07:23):
Three people who knew you were involvedby name and one person who actually cares.
Stop giving your mistakes.
So much power.
I almost wanna stop the show right now.
. . That is gold.
That's a recent one.
Oh, that's a recent one.
Talk to me about it.
Talk to me about it.
(07:44):
Link.
You know, as an advocate, and, you know,I've developed quite a reputation and
people know me and my name resonates.
And I've made some mistakes.
I've said some things I shouldn't haveand or I've done some things I shouldn't
have, or however the case would be.
Dwelled and anguished on thosethings, and they are the things
that kept me up at night.
And six months, you know, therewas a situation that happened that
(08:08):
six months later nobody remembered,and it was actually somebody else's
situation that six months later,nobody remembered their name.
Nobody even knew that they were involved,but they were so concerned that everybody
hated them because of this bad situationthat happened that really no one cared.
And I thought about mostsituations and I said, God, you
know, that's, that's quite true.
(08:30):
Is that really, the big situationsthat get blown out of proportion that
really kind of hold us back and say,Oh my God, and let define who we are.
No one's gonna remember them anyway.
Kind of goes back to the, you know, in 10years no one will remember what you do.
I'm inclined to add, I'minclined to add that.
You know, wait long enough andsomebody will do something that
(08:52):
equally as dumb, , equallyas dumb, if not more,
then you're off the hook, right?
Yeah.
Think about little kids and thekid that wet their pants, you know?
And it's so embarrassing at the time.
It defines their child entire childhood.
As adults.
No one remembered that happen.
Oh, that was you.
And like no one cares.
(09:13):
Exactly.
Oh, oh, that was so powerful.
Link.
Thank you for that lesson.
It's, it's all, it's really rarethat I tell someone thank you for a
particular lesson because it resonatedwith me so much, but this one did.
Oh my.
Thank you, . Thank you.
Number five, strive forexcellence, not perfection.
(09:36):
Hey, someone may argue thatthat's one and the same, so link.
Tell me your perspective on that.
Perfection has no end.
You can't define perfect because youcould never really reach it because
there's always improvement to be done,but something can be very excellent
and serve its purpose and do what it'ssupposed to do without being perfect.
(09:58):
And so if you get stuck on the sametask with the same project, trying to
perfect it all the time, then everythingaround it crumbles to the wayside.
So strive for excellence inevery situation, and it's about
as perfect as it's gonna be.
I mean, that's , you know, Itdoesn't have to be perfect.
The only one that notice seesthose little mistakes is you.
(10:19):
That is a bumper sticker.
Strive for excellence,and it'll be perfect.
I used to tell my daughterthat all the time.
She used to get mad at me.
But I dare say now she knowsthat that's the real deal, right?
Probably.
I hope so.
I hope so.
We're gonna take a little ad break.
(10:39):
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(11:00):
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The link will be in the show notes.
Let's welcome back Link andcontinue with lesson number six.
(11:20):
Lesson number six, identityshould not define you.
It is merely a characteristic thathelps guide us and who we are.
Talk about that one Link.
I'll drop that bomb now.
Diana . You know, my identity throughoutmy life has kind of defined me, and,
and I'll, I'll, uh, let everybodyin and your listeners, um, know that
(11:42):
I was born actually biologicallyfemale and I'm a transgender man.
You know, I've been in transition, uh,taking hormones for about 15 years almost.
And you know, there was periodsof time because I was an advocate,
I was out in the community.
I had face in the community, andpeople knew who I was and, you know,
so I got questions all the time.
(12:03):
And I couldn't even go groceryshopping without people saying,
You're that guy, you know, And it,so it became almost consuming to
where my identity was everything.
And about five years.
Three, maybe three or fouryears into my transition.
It was exhausting.
I felt like I was putting a face out thereand the expectation that this is great.
(12:24):
I'm getting be it to be able tolive my full, authentic self and I'm
transitioning and everything's wonderful,peaches and cream, but internally and
inside in my personal life was reallybroken and was, I was really pained
and by the loss of some communities andfamily members and friends that didn't
agree or support what I was doing.
(12:45):
And it felt as though everything waswrapped up and consumed in my identity
and my identity of a transgender person.
And it took a long time to get out ofthat behavior and out of that to say
really, that's just a characteristic.
Yes, it's an important one.
You can't truly know meunless you know that about me.
(13:07):
However, it doesn'tdefine everything I do.
It doesn't define exactly who I am.
You can't put me in a categoryof transgender people and that
represent everything about me.
You know, that's justmerely a characteristic.
That's part of a conversation.
And to get to know me, youprobably should know that about me.
(13:27):
And so I'm very open about my identityand who I am, but I don't let it
define me because I think that.
With life's failures.
Sometimes we go through differentthings and, and, um, it shouldn't
define who we are and hold us
back.
Well said.
Well said.
You and I have had discussions and,you know, talking about one facet
(13:49):
of who you are, being the dominantcharacteristic that everybody focuses on.
For me, it's my melanin, mybeautiful luscious melanin.
Right.
Um, so everybody sees that first.
Yeah.
Uh, and then, and then they seethat I'm a woman and then they
make their decisions from that.
I'm not just a black woman.
(14:09):
Right.
I'm so much more, you know, so,
Or I'm not just a white guy.
Exactly.
I could add a lot too thatthere's deeper, there's layers.
The expectation that the,But yeah, so, so true.
It shouldn't define us.
So true.
I love that one.
Lesson number seven, be your authenticself because your authenticity is the one
(14:32):
thing that no one can take away from you.
That's right.
Talk to me.
That's right.
At the end of the day when theworld is crumbling around you,
and no matter you know, not allof our parents accept our choices.
Not all of our children acceptall our choices and what we do.
You know?
Um, Living as my authentic self.
(14:54):
You know, yes, I am a transgender person,but I chose to take hormones to match my
outsides, you know, But being my true,authentic core that you could take away
my beard, you could take away my exterior,but being my true self and who I really
am, that's all I have to fall back on.
So when the world is trying to tear medown, and maybe they, they think things
(15:17):
about me, or there's rumors about me.
Sometimes that can be reallydraining and that could be really
hurtful to hear people whisperbehind my back and things like that.
But at least I have myselfto fall back on that.
I'm a true, honest, good person, andthat's what I go to sleep with at
night and wake up to in the morning.
That true authenticity, andI think that that radiates.
(15:41):
People pick up on that and they knowthat they can trust somebody that's
being their true, authentic self.
I, I certainly can contestto that, especially with you.
And viewers.
You will see if you view this on YouTubelisteners, if you're listening to the
podcast, um, I gotta tell you, Linkis sporting, uh, a z z top, definite
(16:02):
z z top competition beard right there.
So for him to say it doesn't evenmatter without my beard, I am still me.
Uh, that is powerful, That is powerful.
It doesn't even fit in the frame either.
It doesn't even fit in the frame.
, I, I've had to, you know, redefinemy wardrobe because the beard is
so long, it falls on my collar.
(16:22):
Weird, you know, it's,
Oh my goodness, , or lesson number eight.
Exercise and learn healthy habitswhile you're young, because it
only gets harder as you get older.
My goodness.
I can contest to that Link.
Take us there.
There's a lovely ellipticalsitting in my living room, that
stares at me and speaks to me.
(16:43):
It's, it's s sprouted, um,a mouth and everything.
And so get on me.
You need me because you're fatand you need to work, work it out.
And every day I have a good youknow, I'm gonna do it today.
And I don't because I didn'tenjoy running when I was younger.
I didn't like I, yes, I went to thegym and things like that when I was
(17:05):
younger because friends went with me,but I didn't develop the healthy habits.
I ate whatever I wanted and you know,thought I'd stay that way forever.
And no, through the stress of it all, Ideveloped bad habits and eating habits.
I love food, but I didn't grow tolove exercise in the same way that
I do do my love for food and, youknow, and that catches up to me.
(17:28):
It has caught up to me.
And so I, I would definitely tellmy younger self, Go to the gym
more , develop some healthy habits,meditate, whatever you gotta do.
I wholeheartedly agree with that.
And I, I think that it's holistic health.
It's not just the physical health.
It, it's the mental health,it's the spiritual health.
(17:50):
Um, it's, it's brain health.
Just doing stuff for you.
Finding, going back to the earlierlesson, finding your bliss.
Finding your bliss ishealthy, you know, so
Somebody told me a couple daysago actually, That your body has
memory, it will learn to like theexercise, even if it doesn't at
(18:10):
first, it will learn to like it.
So just get started.
There you go.
There you go.
Same way my body learnedto love ice cream.
It could have learned to love exercise
. Right?
True story.
All right, now lesson number nine.
If college is your bag,give it all you've got.
(18:32):
Look at that piece of paper asan investment in your future.
I particularly love this lessonbecause there's such a, a conversation
going on right now as to whetheror not higher education is what
it is purported to be anymore.
Right.
And why should we go further?
Why should, okay, maybe youget your bachelor's, but do
(18:53):
you really need that master's?
And oh my goodness, doyou wanna defend a PhD?
Uh, so talk to me about yourparticular experience and how you
got there, because I know that thisis near and dear to your heart.
This one might be a little longerexplanation because I think it's
important to know where I came from.
You know, I grew up in a ruralcommunity in a, in a trailer, uh,
(19:13):
first generation college student.
It was not in the plans.
It was not in the booksthat I would go to college.
And so my family and everybodyaround me thought I was crazy when
I said I wanted to go to collegeand how was I gonna pay for it?
What was I gonna do?
And I had no idea.
Um, and, but I knew that I needed to go.
Side note, there was something happeningat the time that I needed an education.
(19:35):
and so I said, I'm gonna dothis, you know, and as a first
generation college student, Ifirst went for my, uh, bachelor's.
I ended up getting two bachelor's degrees,and then I got into graduate school
because I didn't know exactly what Iwanted to do with the bachelor's degrees.
Afterwards I was like, Ah, you know, Idon't wanna do the jobs that I'm offered,
you know, with this, I need to go further.
(19:56):
And so I ended up working on a master'sin law and as I was in graduate school
and I was looking at the starting salariesfor my job field, I said, God, I made
more money without a degree workingat Domino's Pizza, delivering pizza.
Why am I getting a degree and investingmy heart and soul and a hundred thousand
(20:17):
dollars and whatever into this education?
And I went to my dad and Isaid, You know, Dad, why I, I'm
thinking about dropping out.
I think that this is a waste oftime and money and I could make
more money in delivering pizza.
He gave me this lesson.
He said, You know, as a person that,um, started college but never finished.
I had a good job that I had apension plan in whatever, and stayed
(20:37):
with the same company 27 years.
But those days are not, thosedays aren't around anymore.
And if I were to lose that job, I wouldn'thave anything else to fall back on.
He said, that piece of paper that you'reearning can sit on a shelf that can
collect dust for the next 30 years, butwhen it comes time, it will be the most
(20:57):
valuable asset that you have becauseit's something that you can always
fall back on even if you lose your job.
Wow.
In 10 years you'll still make thesame amount of money delivering pizza,
as you know, maybe a little more.
But in 10 years working on your careerwith a college degree to show that you
have the commitment and you're takingthe time to invest in yourself and
(21:20):
your future potential says a lot toemployers, they pay more, they treat
you better, you get listened to more.
And now looking back as a firstgeneration college student, now I have
the multiple letters after my nameand the mba, and I, you know, graduate
from a Prestig prestigious univers.
And now doors open for me that Inever thought were even possible, just
(21:43):
because I do have that piece of paper.
And so it, it, it's really,I think it's really important
and it's not for everybody.
It's not to say that it's morevaluable than something else, but
if you're, if it's your bag andyou like school, go for the gusto.
Do it.
Invest all your time and energy in it,you know, and do your very best you can.
(22:04):
I wholeheartedly agree with that.
One thing I will say that I've had tocounsel my mentees on is that the idea
of, okay, I went to school for thisspecific thing and now I don't even
know if I wanna do that thing anymore.
Right?
So now my life is turned upside downbecause no, look at that piece of
(22:28):
paper and say, I now have a tool.
Yes.
How many different ways can I use this?
To get me where I need to be.
Absolutely.
I've seen English majors become lawyers.
I've seen people that in the sciencesturn around and be a probation officer.
You know, you don't have to justbecause you got a degree in, you
(22:50):
know, whatever you got your degree in.
You don't necessarily have to, I'mnot a lawyer even though I have a
master's degree in law, you know, ButI have that legal expertise, so it it,
it's an extra tool in my tool belt.
Absolutely.
Hit the nail on the head.
All right, we're gettingdown to lesson number 10.
Viewers and listeners, I read thelesson, did not understand it,
(23:11):
and purposely did not ask for anydisclosure because I wanted to get
the the meaning behind this with youguys because we're in this together.
Lesson number 10 in the white room, withthe red door be the third type of person.
Link.
(23:31):
What, what kind of, of, of , Idon't even know what to, to call it.
Telling you this and you'll never, It'sone of those lessons you'll never forget.
Um, this was actually a lesson I taughtmy daughter when she was about 12 or 13.
She was getting into trouble andI said, Okay, we're gonna, we're
gonna, And that was thinking hard.
(23:52):
How can I give her a story thatwill help her see an imagery
and adopt a, a life lesson.
So you're gonna, I'mgonna walk you through it.
You are in a room with over 200 peopleand you see a door and you walk towards
the door and you walk through the doorand it leads you into a all white room.
(24:13):
White walls, white floor, whiteceiling, and a white table with a
white chair in the middle of it.
Nothing with any colorexcept for you turn.
around You see the door that you camethrough, and then you see another door,
and that door is bright fire engine red,and on that door it says, Do not enter.
(24:36):
What do you do?
Do you open the door ordo you not open the door?
I wouldn't open the door.
You wouldn't open the door?
Why not?
I'd be too scared.
You'd be too scared.
Why?
What do you think's behind the door?
Whatever it is.
They made that door red for a reasonand they put a big sign on it.
(24:58):
Hey, hey Link.
Listen, I'm, I'm Black.
I'm the one in the horror movies.
I'm the one in the horror moviesthat says maybe we shouldn't
go into that abandoned cabin.
Right.
Right.
And you're also the smart one in thosemovies too then , um, you know, it's
always the black person in those moviesthat knows and says, This is a stupid
(25:19):
idea and we should not be doing this.
And nobody ever listens to them.
And then that poor guy orgal, they're the first to go.
Those that, But back tothis, there are two types of
people, majority in the world.
Those that will not open thatdoor under any circumstance
because there's a risk behind it.
You don't know what's behind the.
Then the other half of those peopleare really darn curious and they
(25:41):
wanna know what's behind the door.
They're the risk takers of the group.
They said, We will open that door andfind out what's behind it, but there's a
third type of person, and this third typeof person says, Wait a minute, I came
from a room with over 200 people in it.
If the odds say that there aretwo kinds of people in this.
(26:03):
There's enough people out there inthat room that will open that door
and then I can see what's behind it.
So you make an announcement and you say,Hey everybody, there's a red door in here
that says, Do not open and guaranteedat least a hundred of those people will
say, Well, we wanna know what's behindit, and they'll open the door for you.
So don't be the person that opens the reddoor, cuz you wanna know what's behind it.
(26:26):
Don't give up and notlook behind the door.
It could be, you know, the publisher'sclearing house behind that door, , but
be the third person that has influencethat says, You know what I'm gonna find
out, get the answers I want, withoutnecessarily having to lead the charge.
Blow up things on the way, you know?
And so I taught my daughter thatto say, you know, you can go about
(26:47):
things a little bit smarter insteadof being the one that gets into
trouble first to test the waters.
Got it.
And so be the third type of person.
That is, that's such avaluable life lesson.
. I'm gonna go out on a limb andsay I'm probably the fourth kind.
I'm probably the fourth person thatsomebody in the room would get a text.
Hey, it's Diana.
(27:08):
I'm already home, but I just wouldn't letyou know there was a room with the door
. Good luck to you.
Let me know how it goes.
If you survive.
Can you text me?
See you tomorrow?
. Great.
That was.
One of the most powerfullessons to end on on any episode
(27:29):
that I feel we've ever done.
Link that was amazing.
Oh my goodness.
So listeners and viewers, I, I justwanna, I'll read the lesson again
because you feel free to share itwith, with your friends and family.
Right?
In the white room.
With the red door, bethe third type of person.
Be that person that says, Idon't wanna try it out for
(27:51):
myself, but I really wanna know.
So let me see.
Who else is more curious than me?
. Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
Link.
Your lessons have been amazing.
I've got one more question for you.
What have you had to unlearn?
I was raised to.
(28:16):
I was raised very, very, uh, shelteredand so I learned things about hate and
religion and people and what's, and truthsand facts that weren't actually true, and
I've had to unlearn some of those thingsto say, you know, people are people and
(28:37):
we're all made of all different shapes andsizes and colors and types and identities.
You know, not all of us are gonnaget along, but it's possible to
unlearn the things, the seeds of hatethat were once planted in my life.
And I think that that's something Icarry on now, is to teach others to
(28:59):
unlearn some of those same things thatthey learned is what they thought were
facts to be truths that they couldunlearn those things and redesign
their frame of thinking as it relatesto other people and love one another.
Show Compassion,
Powerful lesson.
I, I, I wish that, I wishthat we didn't have to learn
(29:21):
it on our own as much, right?
I wish it was a lesson that was passeddown from generation to generation,
but I applaud everyone that takes thejourney and learns it on their own.
I do wanna share one lesson.
That we didn't.
Oh, yes,
we're, we're getting an 11th lesson.
Everyone doing.
Absolutely.
(29:43):
Change is painful.
Change can only happen when thepain of remaining the same outweighs
the pain it takes to change.
It's really, really, really hard tochange our behaviors, and that's the
greatest lesson I think I've learned.
(30:04):
It's really hard to change, but isthe pain of remaining the same more
than what it would take to change?
And is the change worth it?
Do it.
Don't, Don't, don't even,Don't even, Wait a moment.
Jump on it.
My, my precious viewers and listeners,I, I might, I might have to hang up
(30:24):
my hosting hat and give it to Link
Might have to hang it up because thishas been a very powerful episode link.
You're amazing and I wannathank you for being on the show.
but I need you to tellus, where can we find you?
What are you working on rightnow and what are you reading?
Cause we're, we're, we wantpeople to download it on
Audible for their free trial.
(30:45):
So let's start with, I always,where can we, what are you working
on and where can we find you?
Let's start with that.
Um, you know, I'm actuallyreading Kirsten's book.
At the moment, I just started it.
Don't, don't tell her that yet.
I couldn't tell you the name of it.
Couldn't tell you the name of it right.
This time.
So I'll tell you that.
Little Voices I'm in.
The little voices.
Yes, I'm in the middle stillthat I haven't finished.
(31:08):
Um, who not Why is the name of the book?
Who, Not?
Why?
Because, you know, it's about buildinga team of who's, of people around you
to help get the work done and, uh,Instead of just a Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's good.
And there's some goodjokes in there, you know.
Um, I like it.
(31:28):
It's, it's pretty good book.
Um, what was the next question?
That was the book, the book I'm
reading you.
What are you working on and where
can we find you?
What am I working on?
Um, well, I, I'm a consultant full time.
I own my own company, uh,Linking Dreams Consulting.
You can find me on, uh,Linking dreams.global.
Uh, that's a good way toreach me that in LinkedIn.
But use my full name Chris LinkDuarte to find me on LinkedIn.
(31:52):
And when I'm not perusing online virtuallysomewhere and working and helping
companies and doing all of that, when Iget to detach from my computer, um, I am a
rural country bumpkin and I have a gardenand some chickens, and I try to get away
from all internet go rockhounding anddo whatever I can to be out in nature.
(32:15):
Um, because it's, it's beautifuland it's definitely peacemaking.
Find me online or find me inthe desert, One of the two.
And that's that desert.
Sounds like your bliss right there.
Oh yeah.
I have a good time.
Have a good time carrying rocksand you, You'd be more likely
to find, uh, rocks in my pocketwhen you do my laundry than coins
(32:39):
Absolutely.
Oh, I, I know your fiance's not happyabout that one, but that's okay.
Oh, she has more rocksin her pocket than I do.
She's terrible.
A poor washing machine.
Got it.
Oh, that poor washing machine.
It's a poor beating.
Well, I wanna thank Link again.
I'm gonna close out the show you'vebeen listening to 10 Lessons Learned.
(33:01):
This episode is produced by RobertHossary, supported as always by
the Professional Development Forum.
Please tell us , what youthink of today's lessons.
You can email us atpodcast@10lessonslearned.com.
That's podcast at the numberten one zero lessons learn.com.
Go ahead and hit that like button.
Subscribe and turn on the notificationbell so you don't miss an episode
(33:26):
of the only podcast that makesthe world wiser, lesson by lesson.
Thank you so much, everybody.
Be safe.
And so if you get stuck on the sametask with the same project, trying to
perfect it all the time, then everythingaround it crumbles to the wayside.
So strive for excellence inevery situation, and it's about
as perfect as it's gonna be.
I mean, that's , you know, Itdoesn't have to be perfect.
The only one that notice seesthose little mistakes is you.
(00:22):
Hello and welcome to 10 LessonsLearn Where we will talk to leaders
and luminaries from all over theworld to dispense wisdom for career,
business, and life in order to makethe world wiser lesson by lesson.
My name is Diana White, and Iam your host for this episode.
Our guest today is Link.
Link is committed to makingthe world a safer place in its
(00:44):
efforts as a pro human advocate,consultant, innovator, and speaker.
As founder and CEO of Linking Dreams, Linkprovides cultural strategy consulting,
training DE and I E I G, evaluation andprogram design to help entities enhance
their reach of underserved populations.
(01:04):
Link also chairs the advocacy groupat the Center for the Transformation
of Work, where he engages audiencesto lift up the voices of workers
in the future of workspace.
Welcome link.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Happy to be here.
I am so happy you decidedto be on the show.
(01:25):
And, uh, I'm gonna start right off withwhat would you tell your 30 year old.
Don't do it.
No, I'm kidding.
Um, ? No.
I would say, um, stop and smell the rosesand enjoy your life while you're young.
Oh, you know, I enjoy it then.
That, that's, that's the biggest pieceof advice I would give to myself at 30.
(01:47):
Cause, you know, as a workinghorse, a hundred miles an hour.
Weren't we all at that age though?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
You know, hindsight is 2020.
You know, stopping and smelling theroses to enjoy life a little bit more.
We have, uh, made my life less stressful.
I love it.
All right, we're gonna go right intoyour lessons and, and viewers and
(02:09):
listeners, I'm going to tell youright now, these lessons are awesome.
Lesson number one, live your blissand the universe will open doors
that you thought were only walls.
Talk to us about that Link.
Now, I can't take creditfor this on all on my own.
(02:30):
It was actually a quote that I found.
I was going through a really toughtime in my life, and at that time in
my life I was complaining a lot andcomplaining about everything going
wrong and wishing that things couldgo right in this way or that way.
And I was venting to a friend whowas very matter of fact that he
said this quote to me, and thenhe turned around and walked away.
(02:52):
And I thought long and hard aboutit, like what did he really mean?
And it took me a while toreally own this and adopt this.
A way of thinking that, you know, if,if you live life, in a way that you
feel like you have to do this and youhave to do that, then you'll end up
where you feel like you have to be.
But living your bliss,you'll live a happier life.
We made these choices and making, carvingout free time in your life and carving
(03:17):
out the, the creativity aspects of whoyou are, I think is really important.
And, uh, not to dwell, you know,live your bliss and suddenly
things start to fall into place.
You know, uh, live whatyou live your purpose.
And you know, I, I thinkLink and I, I see this a lot.
I saw it in myself.
When someone says, Live your blissto the average mind, that means well
(03:43):
live the life you really wanna live.
But I can't do that cuz I don'thave the money to live blissfully.
But it's not about money, is it?
It's not.
There's times in my life where I wasborn living, living, homeless, and,
and, um, but bliss really is something,it's, it encompasses your whole life
and frame of mind of, of making the bestabout your day, no matter what cards
(04:07):
you're dealt, you know, enjoying thosemoments and, and living your bliss,
living your happiest moments, um, and,and taking it as a life lesson that it's
meant to teach you something, you know?
And I think that helps a littlebit more than saying, God, you
know, I'm in this really bad space.
Complaining about it, but rather spin it.
Look at the good things, and live yourbliss through those struggling times.
(04:29):
Live your bliss duringthose struggling times.
I love that.
Lesson number two, Let your past be yourguiding post and not your hitching post.
Oh, my tell, tell me Link.
Tell me.
Sometimes we get stuck on the mistakes we.
(04:50):
made The choices we would've made orwould've, shoulda, coulda, you know?
Um, and you know, that that past issupposed to be, to teach us, to guide us.
We made those mistakes, but whatare we gonna do better to make sure
we don't make those mistakes again?
Um, let it, let those mistakes guide you.
Everybody makes mistakes, but don't gethung up and stuck on, on those mistakes
(05:12):
and, and, and let them hold you back.
Love it.
Number three.
In 10 years, nobody will rememberwhat you did, but they will always
remember how you made them feel.
Now we've had this lesson a lot on theshow and it just always seems to resonate.
Give me your take on this lesson.
(05:34):
So I was working for, a university and Iwas creating a program, for LGBT students.
You know, at the, with all therainbows and the excitement, it's
easy to get carried away and, and,you know, and, and do a whole bunch
because it's almost, uh, energetic andalmost addicting of the energy of the
community and how excited people get.
(05:56):
But there was one year thatwe did over 165 events.
And sometimes two and three aday, whether they be workshops or
educational or whatever the program was.
But at the end of it, I realized that Ididn't even remember half of what we did.
But it was the people that Iran into that they'd say, Oh
man, it's so good to see you.
(06:18):
And they would remember the timeI spoke to their class or told
my story and how impactful thatwas and how they felt afterwards.
And I realized that it was the,that that impact and making a,
not a good impression, but, uh,leaving a good lasting impression.
A positive one that even if they don'tremember how they know you or what
(06:39):
they, what they knew you from, or whatyou said or what you did, they'll re,
they'll look at your face and go, Iremember this person and I liked them.
And I think that that's really important.
when it comes to change in impactingthe world in a positive way.
I believe the same thing I do.
Number four.
Number four shook me to my absolute core.
(07:02):
So here we go, viewers and listeners.
Bear with me.
Uh, I'm gonna read this a little slowly soyou can get it because this is powerful.
Lesson number four, Don't let yourmistakes ruin what you could be.
From that bad situation theremight be 10 people who heard.
(07:23):
Three people who knew you were involvedby name and one person who actually cares.
Stop giving your mistakes.
So much power.
I almost wanna stop the show right now.
. . That is gold.
That's a recent one.
Oh, that's a recent one.
Talk to me about it.
Talk to me about it.
(07:44):
Link.
You know, as an advocate, and, you know,I've developed quite a reputation and
people know me and my name resonates.
And I've made some mistakes.
I've said some things I shouldn't haveand or I've done some things I shouldn't
have, or however the case would be.
Dwelled and anguished on thosethings, and they are the things
that kept me up at night.
And six months, you know, therewas a situation that happened that
(08:08):
six months later nobody remembered,and it was actually somebody else's
situation that six months later,nobody remembered their name.
Nobody even knew that they were involved,but they were so concerned that everybody
hated them because of this bad situationthat happened that really no one cared.
And I thought about mostsituations and I said, God, you
know, that's, that's quite true.
(08:30):
Is that really, the big situationsthat get blown out of proportion that
really kind of hold us back and say,Oh my God, and let define who we are.
No one's gonna remember them anyway.
Kind of goes back to the, you know, in 10years no one will remember what you do.
I'm inclined to add, I'minclined to add that.
You know, wait long enough andsomebody will do something that
(08:52):
equally as dumb, , equallyas dumb, if not more,
then you're off the hook, right?
Yeah.
Think about little kids and thekid that wet their pants, you know?
And it's so embarrassing at the time.
It defines their child entire childhood.
As adults.
No one remembered that happen.
Oh, that was you.
And like no one cares.
(09:13):
Exactly.
Oh, oh, that was so powerful.
Link.
Thank you for that lesson.
It's, it's all, it's really rarethat I tell someone thank you for a
particular lesson because it resonatedwith me so much, but this one did.
Oh my.
Thank you, . Thank you.
Number five, strive forexcellence, not perfection.
(09:36):
Hey, someone may argue thatthat's one and the same, so link.
Tell me your perspective on that.
Perfection has no end.
You can't define perfect because youcould never really reach it because
there's always improvement to be done,but something can be very excellent
and serve its purpose and do what it'ssupposed to do without being perfect.
(09:58):
And so if you get stuck on the sametask with the same project, trying to
perfect it all the time, then everythingaround it crumbles to the wayside.
So strive for excellence inevery situation, and it's about
as perfect as it's gonna be.
I mean, that's , you know, Itdoesn't have to be perfect.
The only one that notice seesthose little mistakes is you.
(10:19):
That is a bumper sticker.
Strive for excellence,and it'll be perfect.
I used to tell my daughterthat all the time.
She used to get mad at me.
But I dare say now she knowsthat that's the real deal, right?
Probably.
I hope so.
I hope so.
We're gonna take a little ad break.
(10:39):
I'd like to take a short break tothank our affiliate partner Audible.
Audible is an amazing way to consume10 Lessons Learned books and other
podcasts, allowing you to build alibrary of knowledge all in one place.
You can start your free 30 day trial bygoing to audibletrial.com/10lessonslerned.
(11:00):
With Audible, you can find your favoritelesson while at home or on the go.
Once again, that's audibletrial.com/one zero.
Lessons learned all overcase for a free 30 day trial.
The link will be in the show notes.
Let's welcome back Link andcontinue with lesson number six.
(11:20):
Lesson number six, identityshould not define you.
It is merely a characteristic thathelps guide us and who we are.
Talk about that one Link.
I'll drop that bomb now.
Diana . You know, my identity throughoutmy life has kind of defined me, and,
and I'll, I'll, uh, let everybodyin and your listeners, um, know that
(11:42):
I was born actually biologicallyfemale and I'm a transgender man.
You know, I've been in transition, uh,taking hormones for about 15 years almost.
And you know, there was periodsof time because I was an advocate,
I was out in the community.
I had face in the community, andpeople knew who I was and, you know,
so I got questions all the time.
(12:03):
And I couldn't even go groceryshopping without people saying,
You're that guy, you know, And it,so it became almost consuming to
where my identity was everything.
And about five years.
Three, maybe three or fouryears into my transition.
It was exhausting.
I felt like I was putting a face out thereand the expectation that this is great.
(12:24):
I'm getting be it to be able tolive my full, authentic self and I'm
transitioning and everything's wonderful,peaches and cream, but internally and
inside in my personal life was reallybroken and was, I was really pained
and by the loss of some communities andfamily members and friends that didn't
agree or support what I was doing.
(12:45):
And it felt as though everything waswrapped up and consumed in my identity
and my identity of a transgender person.
And it took a long time to get out ofthat behavior and out of that to say
really, that's just a characteristic.
Yes, it's an important one.
You can't truly know meunless you know that about me.
(13:07):
However, it doesn'tdefine everything I do.
It doesn't define exactly who I am.
You can't put me in a categoryof transgender people and that
represent everything about me.
You know, that's justmerely a characteristic.
That's part of a conversation.
And to get to know me, youprobably should know that about me.
(13:27):
And so I'm very open about my identityand who I am, but I don't let it
define me because I think that.
With life's failures.
Sometimes we go through differentthings and, and, um, it shouldn't
define who we are and hold us
back.
Well said.
Well said.
You and I have had discussions and,you know, talking about one facet
(13:49):
of who you are, being the dominantcharacteristic that everybody focuses on.
For me, it's my melanin, mybeautiful luscious melanin.
Right.
Um, so everybody sees that first.
Yeah.
Uh, and then, and then they seethat I'm a woman and then they
make their decisions from that.
I'm not just a black woman.
(14:09):
Right.
I'm so much more, you know, so,
Or I'm not just a white guy.
Exactly.
I could add a lot too thatthere's deeper, there's layers.
The expectation that the,But yeah, so, so true.
It shouldn't define us.
So true.
I love that one.
Lesson number seven, be your authenticself because your authenticity is the one
(14:32):
thing that no one can take away from you.
That's right.
Talk to me.
That's right.
At the end of the day when theworld is crumbling around you,
and no matter you know, not allof our parents accept our choices.
Not all of our children acceptall our choices and what we do.
You know?
Um, Living as my authentic self.
(14:54):
You know, yes, I am a transgender person,but I chose to take hormones to match my
outsides, you know, But being my true,authentic core that you could take away
my beard, you could take away my exterior,but being my true self and who I really
am, that's all I have to fall back on.
So when the world is trying to tear medown, and maybe they, they think things
(15:17):
about me, or there's rumors about me.
Sometimes that can be reallydraining and that could be really
hurtful to hear people whisperbehind my back and things like that.
But at least I have myselfto fall back on that.
I'm a true, honest, good person, andthat's what I go to sleep with at
night and wake up to in the morning.
That true authenticity, andI think that that radiates.
(15:41):
People pick up on that and they knowthat they can trust somebody that's
being their true, authentic self.
I, I certainly can contestto that, especially with you.
And viewers.
You will see if you view this on YouTubelisteners, if you're listening to the
podcast, um, I gotta tell you, Linkis sporting, uh, a z z top, definite
(16:02):
z z top competition beard right there.
So for him to say it doesn't evenmatter without my beard, I am still me.
Uh, that is powerful, That is powerful.
It doesn't even fit in the frame either.
It doesn't even fit in the frame.
, I, I've had to, you know, redefinemy wardrobe because the beard is
so long, it falls on my collar.
(16:22):
Weird, you know, it's,
Oh my goodness, , or lesson number eight.
Exercise and learn healthy habitswhile you're young, because it
only gets harder as you get older.
My goodness.
I can contest to that Link.
Take us there.
There's a lovely ellipticalsitting in my living room, that
stares at me and speaks to me.
(16:43):
It's, it's s sprouted, um,a mouth and everything.
And so get on me.
You need me because you're fatand you need to work, work it out.
And every day I have a good youknow, I'm gonna do it today.
And I don't because I didn'tenjoy running when I was younger.
I didn't like I, yes, I went to thegym and things like that when I was
(17:05):
younger because friends went with me,but I didn't develop the healthy habits.
I ate whatever I wanted and you know,thought I'd stay that way forever.
And no, through the stress of it all, Ideveloped bad habits and eating habits.
I love food, but I didn't grow tolove exercise in the same way that
I do do my love for food and, youknow, and that catches up to me.
(17:28):
It has caught up to me.
And so I, I would definitely tellmy younger self, Go to the gym
more , develop some healthy habits,meditate, whatever you gotta do.
I wholeheartedly agree with that.
And I, I think that it's holistic health.
It's not just the physical health.
It, it's the mental health,it's the spiritual health.
(17:50):
Um, it's, it's brain health.
Just doing stuff for you.
Finding, going back to the earlierlesson, finding your bliss.
Finding your bliss ishealthy, you know, so
Somebody told me a couple daysago actually, That your body has
memory, it will learn to like theexercise, even if it doesn't at
(18:10):
first, it will learn to like it.
So just get started.
There you go.
There you go.
Same way my body learnedto love ice cream.
It could have learned to love exercise
. Right?
True story.
All right, now lesson number nine.
If college is your bag,give it all you've got.
(18:32):
Look at that piece of paper asan investment in your future.
I particularly love this lessonbecause there's such a, a conversation
going on right now as to whetheror not higher education is what
it is purported to be anymore.
Right.
And why should we go further?
Why should, okay, maybe youget your bachelor's, but do
(18:53):
you really need that master's?
And oh my goodness, doyou wanna defend a PhD?
Uh, so talk to me about yourparticular experience and how you
got there, because I know that thisis near and dear to your heart.
This one might be a little longerexplanation because I think it's
important to know where I came from.
You know, I grew up in a ruralcommunity in a, in a trailer, uh,
(19:13):
first generation college student.
It was not in the plans.
It was not in the booksthat I would go to college.
And so my family and everybodyaround me thought I was crazy when
I said I wanted to go to collegeand how was I gonna pay for it?
What was I gonna do?
And I had no idea.
Um, and, but I knew that I needed to go.
Side note, there was something happeningat the time that I needed an education.
(19:35):
and so I said, I'm gonna dothis, you know, and as a first
generation college student, Ifirst went for my, uh, bachelor's.
I ended up getting two bachelor's degrees,and then I got into graduate school
because I didn't know exactly what Iwanted to do with the bachelor's degrees.
Afterwards I was like, Ah, you know, Idon't wanna do the jobs that I'm offered,
you know, with this, I need to go further.
(19:56):
And so I ended up working on a master'sin law and as I was in graduate school
and I was looking at the starting salariesfor my job field, I said, God, I made
more money without a degree workingat Domino's Pizza, delivering pizza.
Why am I getting a degree and investingmy heart and soul and a hundred thousand
(20:17):
dollars and whatever into this education?
And I went to my dad and Isaid, You know, Dad, why I, I'm
thinking about dropping out.
I think that this is a waste oftime and money and I could make
more money in delivering pizza.
He gave me this lesson.
He said, You know, as a person that,um, started college but never finished.
I had a good job that I had apension plan in whatever, and stayed
(20:37):
with the same company 27 years.
But those days are not, thosedays aren't around anymore.
And if I were to lose that job, I wouldn'thave anything else to fall back on.
He said, that piece of paper that you'reearning can sit on a shelf that can
collect dust for the next 30 years, butwhen it comes time, it will be the most
(20:57):
valuable asset that you have becauseit's something that you can always
fall back on even if you lose your job.
Wow.
In 10 years you'll still make thesame amount of money delivering pizza,
as you know, maybe a little more.
But in 10 years working on your careerwith a college degree to show that you
have the commitment and you're takingthe time to invest in yourself and
(21:20):
your future potential says a lot toemployers, they pay more, they treat
you better, you get listened to more.
And now looking back as a firstgeneration college student, now I have
the multiple letters after my nameand the mba, and I, you know, graduate
from a Prestig prestigious univers.
And now doors open for me that Inever thought were even possible, just
(21:43):
because I do have that piece of paper.
And so it, it, it's really,I think it's really important
and it's not for everybody.
It's not to say that it's morevaluable than something else, but
if you're, if it's your bag andyou like school, go for the gusto.
Do it.
Invest all your time and energy in it,you know, and do your very best you can.
(22:04):
I wholeheartedly agree with that.
One thing I will say that I've had tocounsel my mentees on is that the idea
of, okay, I went to school for thisspecific thing and now I don't even
know if I wanna do that thing anymore.
Right?
So now my life is turned upside downbecause no, look at that piece of
(22:28):
paper and say, I now have a tool.
Yes.
How many different ways can I use this?
To get me where I need to be.
Absolutely.
I've seen English majors become lawyers.
I've seen people that in the sciencesturn around and be a probation officer.
You know, you don't have to justbecause you got a degree in, you
(22:50):
know, whatever you got your degree in.
You don't necessarily have to, I'mnot a lawyer even though I have a
master's degree in law, you know, ButI have that legal expertise, so it it,
it's an extra tool in my tool belt.
Absolutely.
Hit the nail on the head.
All right, we're gettingdown to lesson number 10.
Viewers and listeners, I read thelesson, did not understand it,
(23:11):
and purposely did not ask for anydisclosure because I wanted to get
the the meaning behind this with youguys because we're in this together.
Lesson number 10 in the white room, withthe red door be the third type of person.
Link.
(23:31):
What, what kind of, of, of , Idon't even know what to, to call it.
Telling you this and you'll never, It'sone of those lessons you'll never forget.
Um, this was actually a lesson I taughtmy daughter when she was about 12 or 13.
She was getting into trouble andI said, Okay, we're gonna, we're
gonna, And that was thinking hard.
(23:52):
How can I give her a story thatwill help her see an imagery
and adopt a, a life lesson.
So you're gonna, I'mgonna walk you through it.
You are in a room with over 200 peopleand you see a door and you walk towards
the door and you walk through the doorand it leads you into a all white room.
(24:13):
White walls, white floor, whiteceiling, and a white table with a
white chair in the middle of it.
Nothing with any colorexcept for you turn.
around You see the door that you camethrough, and then you see another door,
and that door is bright fire engine red,and on that door it says, Do not enter.
(24:36):
What do you do?
Do you open the door ordo you not open the door?
I wouldn't open the door.
You wouldn't open the door?
Why not?
I'd be too scared.
You'd be too scared.
Why?
What do you think's behind the door?
Whatever it is.
They made that door red for a reasonand they put a big sign on it.
(24:58):
Hey, hey Link.
Listen, I'm, I'm Black.
I'm the one in the horror movies.
I'm the one in the horror moviesthat says maybe we shouldn't
go into that abandoned cabin.
Right.
Right.
And you're also the smart one in thosemovies too then , um, you know, it's
always the black person in those moviesthat knows and says, This is a stupid
(25:19):
idea and we should not be doing this.
And nobody ever listens to them.
And then that poor guy orgal, they're the first to go.
Those that, But back tothis, there are two types of
people, majority in the world.
Those that will not open thatdoor under any circumstance
because there's a risk behind it.
You don't know what's behind the.
Then the other half of those peopleare really darn curious and they
(25:41):
wanna know what's behind the door.
They're the risk takers of the group.
They said, We will open that door andfind out what's behind it, but there's a
third type of person, and this third typeof person says, Wait a minute, I came
from a room with over 200 people in it.
If the odds say that there aretwo kinds of people in this.
(26:03):
There's enough people out there inthat room that will open that door
and then I can see what's behind it.
So you make an announcement and you say,Hey everybody, there's a red door in here
that says, Do not open and guaranteedat least a hundred of those people will
say, Well, we wanna know what's behindit, and they'll open the door for you.
So don't be the person that opens the reddoor, cuz you wanna know what's behind it.
(26:26):
Don't give up and notlook behind the door.
It could be, you know, the publisher'sclearing house behind that door, , but
be the third person that has influencethat says, You know what I'm gonna find
out, get the answers I want, withoutnecessarily having to lead the charge.
Blow up things on the way, you know?
And so I taught my daughter thatto say, you know, you can go about
(26:47):
things a little bit smarter insteadof being the one that gets into
trouble first to test the waters.
Got it.
And so be the third type of person.
That is, that's such avaluable life lesson.
. I'm gonna go out on a limb andsay I'm probably the fourth kind.
I'm probably the fourth person thatsomebody in the room would get a text.
Hey, it's Diana.
(27:08):
I'm already home, but I just wouldn't letyou know there was a room with the door
. Good luck to you.
Let me know how it goes.
If you survive.
Can you text me?
See you tomorrow?
. Great.
That was.
One of the most powerfullessons to end on on any episode
(27:29):
that I feel we've ever done.
Link that was amazing.
Oh my goodness.
So listeners and viewers, I, I justwanna, I'll read the lesson again
because you feel free to share itwith, with your friends and family.
Right?
In the white room.
With the red door, bethe third type of person.
Be that person that says, Idon't wanna try it out for
(27:51):
myself, but I really wanna know.
So let me see.
Who else is more curious than me?
. Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
Link.
Your lessons have been amazing.
I've got one more question for you.
What have you had to unlearn?
I was raised to.
(28:16):
I was raised very, very, uh, shelteredand so I learned things about hate and
religion and people and what's, and truthsand facts that weren't actually true, and
I've had to unlearn some of those thingsto say, you know, people are people and
(28:37):
we're all made of all different shapes andsizes and colors and types and identities.
You know, not all of us are gonnaget along, but it's possible to
unlearn the things, the seeds of hatethat were once planted in my life.
And I think that that's something Icarry on now, is to teach others to
(28:59):
unlearn some of those same things thatthey learned is what they thought were
facts to be truths that they couldunlearn those things and redesign
their frame of thinking as it relatesto other people and love one another.
Show Compassion,
Powerful lesson.
I, I, I wish that, I wishthat we didn't have to learn
(29:21):
it on our own as much, right?
I wish it was a lesson that was passeddown from generation to generation,
but I applaud everyone that takes thejourney and learns it on their own.
I do wanna share one lesson.
That we didn't.
Oh, yes,
we're, we're getting an 11th lesson.
Everyone doing.
Absolutely.
(29:43):
Change is painful.
Change can only happen when thepain of remaining the same outweighs
the pain it takes to change.
It's really, really, really hard tochange our behaviors, and that's the
greatest lesson I think I've learned.
(30:04):
It's really hard to change, but isthe pain of remaining the same more
than what it would take to change?
And is the change worth it?
Do it.
Don't, Don't, don't even,Don't even, Wait a moment.
Jump on it.
My, my precious viewers and listeners,I, I might, I might have to hang up
(30:24):
my hosting hat and give it to Link
Might have to hang it up because thishas been a very powerful episode link.
You're amazing and I wannathank you for being on the show.
but I need you to tellus, where can we find you?
What are you working on rightnow and what are you reading?
Cause we're, we're, we wantpeople to download it on
Audible for their free trial.
(30:45):
So let's start with, I always,where can we, what are you working
on and where can we find you?
Let's start with that.
Um, you know, I'm actuallyreading Kirsten's book.
At the moment, I just started it.
Don't, don't tell her that yet.
I couldn't tell you the name of it.
Couldn't tell you the name of it right.
This time.
So I'll tell you that.
Little Voices I'm in.
The little voices.
Yes, I'm in the middle stillthat I haven't finished.
(31:08):
Um, who not Why is the name of the book?
Who, Not?
Why?
Because, you know, it's about buildinga team of who's, of people around you
to help get the work done and, uh,Instead of just a Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's good.
And there's some goodjokes in there, you know.
Um, I like it.
(31:28):
It's, it's pretty good book.
Um, what was the next question?
That was the book, the book I'm
reading you.
What are you working on and where
can we find you?
What am I working on?
Um, well, I, I'm a consultant full time.
I own my own company, uh,Linking Dreams Consulting.
You can find me on, uh,Linking dreams.global.
Uh, that's a good way toreach me that in LinkedIn.
But use my full name Chris LinkDuarte to find me on LinkedIn.
(31:52):
And when I'm not perusing online virtuallysomewhere and working and helping
companies and doing all of that, when Iget to detach from my computer, um, I am a
rural country bumpkin and I have a gardenand some chickens, and I try to get away
from all internet go rockhounding anddo whatever I can to be out in nature.
(32:15):
Um, because it's, it's beautifuland it's definitely peacemaking.
Find me online or find me inthe desert, One of the two.
And that's that desert.
Sounds like your bliss right there.
Oh yeah.
I have a good time.
Have a good time carrying rocksand you, You'd be more likely
to find, uh, rocks in my pocketwhen you do my laundry than coins
(32:39):
Absolutely.
Oh, I, I know your fiance's not happyabout that one, but that's okay.
Oh, she has more rocksin her pocket than I do.
She's terrible.
A poor washing machine.
Got it.
Oh, that poor washing machine.
It's a poor beating.
Well, I wanna thank Link again.
I'm gonna close out the show you'vebeen listening to 10 Lessons Learned.
(33:01):
This episode is produced by RobertHossary, supported as always by
the Professional Development Forum.
Please tell us , what youthink of today's lessons.
You can email us atpodcast@10lessonslearned.com.
That's podcast at the numberten one zero lessons learn.com.
Go ahead and hit that like button.
Subscribe and turn on the notificationbell so you don't miss an episode
(33:26):
of the only podcast that makesthe world wiser, lesson by lesson.
Thank you so much, everybody.
Be safe.
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