November 4, 2024 • 25 mins
Discover the heartfelt experiences of growing up in a blended family as we sit down with Abraham, the "nosy kid" who brings a special perspective to our conversation. He takes us through the evolving dynamics with the addition of Anne-Marie and Amani, and shares treasured family moments like those thrilling amusement park trips and tranquil camping adventures. The journey isn't without its challenges, as Abraham candidly talks about his initial emotions surrounding his parents' divorce and how time has reshaped his understanding of family. His reflections remind us of the significance of shared experiences and being present with loved ones, a cornerstone of our family's journey together.
In the face of change, resilience, and understanding become our guiding lights. We open up about the trials and triumphs of moving homes, forming new bonds, and adapting to shifts in family dynamics post-divorce. The emotional rollercoaster of these experiences offers valuable lessons in personal growth and the importance of being there for one another. Join us as we encourage families and fellow dads to connect, share stories, and spread the joy found in "15 Minutes with Dad." Your support means the world to us, and we send you off with warm wishes of love, peace, and happiness.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, what's going on?
You guys, my name is Lyric, thecreator of 15 Minutes with Dad,
a platform where we go allthings dadhood and all things
co-parenting.
If you have not hit us up onany social media, you can find
us at 15 Minutes with Dad onFacebook, instagram, discord,
patreon, youtube and any socialmedia that you can possibly
(00:22):
think of, except for X, but youcan find us on everywhere else.
Today I wanted to give you guysa look inside of my family and
(00:48):
the dynamics that take place inour family.
I have today a special guest,my guy Abraham Delgado.
I probably shouldn't put hisname out there like that, but we
are here, here's a specialguest, abraham, and he will give
us his perspective inside ofour family and I'm just
interviewing him.
He has no idea what thequestions are that I'm going to
(01:10):
ask him.
I just pulled up some questionsand I'm going to interview him
so that you can learn about himand his perspective of our
family.
Welcome, abraham.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Hi, I am so excited to have you on the show.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
How do you feel?
I feel very excited to have youon the show.
How do you feel?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I feel very excited, but also nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
That's fair.
That's fair because there's alot of people listening to you
right now, but it's okay becauseyou can't see them and they
can't see you, right?
All right, tell us aboutyourself, abraham.
How old are you?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Ten.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
And what do you like to do?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I like to draw.
I'm playing with my brother,Emmy.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Nice.
Yeah, emi, he's a really greatguy.
He's also listening on theother side of this podcast.
Hey, emi, all right.
So I have some questions foryou, abraham, and I wanted to
get your perspective.
There are questions that'sgoing to make you probably think
a little and answer somequestions, so don't be afraid to
take a couple seconds to think.
(02:05):
Okay, all right.
So my first question to you iswhat does family mean to you?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Family means to me like a group of people who love
each other.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You say a family means to you a group of people
that love each other.
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Okay, and what role do you feel like you play in
this family?
What do you?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
mean by roles Like role Like some people like in
families.
There are people that are likethe agitator.
There's people that's like thedoofy person, the person that's
Nosy kid.
The nosy kid.
That is probably the mostdirect statement you've made in
a year.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Knowledge of kids Enemy.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
That's funny because every time there's any
conversations going, no matterwhere Abraham is in the house,
he will make us repeat it.
He will be in the upstairs in acloset looking for toys and
he'll hear us.
And he will be in the upstairsin a closet looking for toys and
he'll hear us and me and mygirlfriend in our closet talking
downstairs, and he'll be likewhat is that?
And then we'll have to repeat itbecause he comes all the way
(03:16):
down because he's interested inour facts.
So that is definitely a fairstatement.
Okay, I want to get yourperspective on.
We're talking about familyright now.
Right, and as our family is,our family is blended and with
that, what kind of?
How big did your family grow?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
With you and Anne-Marie, I think it grew huge
.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And then what else?
And we have Amani, who isbetween all of us, right, just
glued the family together.
Yeah, yeah.
And how do you feel about thatwhen you found, like, when your
family grew?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I felt it was going to be a great family.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, do you really enjoy telling me that?
Because I'm listening to you,oh man, okay.
So I got a deeper question foryou.
I got a deeper question for you.
What do you think, what do youfeel is unique or special about
(04:17):
you and my relationship?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
With you and I, Mm-hmm, I feel like the way we
bond is like unique.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yeah.
In what ways do you feel likeit's unique, or what makes it
special to you?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
First you don't have much time, you don't have work
to do, but when we finally gettime to bond, I feel like that's
really special.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, I think it's special to me as well.
Do you feel, like we, whenwe're bonding, that I'm present
or not?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
You're present a lot.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Okay, so let's can you share some of your favorite
memories, since our familieshave joined together.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
When we went to Kings , when we went fishing camping
and when we went to thatamusement park with the wooden
roller coaster in houston yesyeah.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
So, like the trips and things like that, make good
memories.
Okay, that's great.
I'm glad that those memoriesstuck with you.
I think something that wasimportant to me when we joined
families is that I somehow do adifferent job than I've done in
my past, because I've been withother relationships with people,
(05:54):
with women that had kids, and Idon't think that I did a great
job during those times, becauseI looked at myself different, my
role that I played in thefamily differently then than I
do now, and so making memorieshas been a very important part
of how I engage with you guys,and I think that your mom helped
(06:18):
me realize that, because shewanted to make memories because
family is really important toher as well, right, she wanted
to make memories because familyis really important to her as
well, right?
Okay, so my next question isthis is a little bit more
intense, okay.
So what?
How did you feel when you firstfound out that your mom and
your dad were getting divorced?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I felt pretty sad yeah, why because I love my dad
and I wanted them to be together.
But they were like gettingthrough each other and how do
you feel now?
I feel like what do you mean bynow?
(07:04):
Like how do you feel now?
I feel like what do you mean bynow?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Like, how do you feel now that they are divorced?
That's how you felt before, butnow that they are, how do you
feel?
I?
Speaker 2 (07:12):
still feel pretty sad .
I still feel pretty sad aboutit, but I'm like glad of the
outcome.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Are you glad of the outcome?
What makes the outcome specialor better than what you?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
thought you, you've been a great stepdad in Mariah
and there's the cute littleMonty.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah, he's a little adorable.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
I'm glad I could make adifference in your in the
outcome of that.
Have you found, have youlearned any valuable lessons, or
what valuable lessons have youlearned about family so far?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
I should hide and not scream push anybody.
Try to get under control withmy feelings.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, I think that's a great point.
Emotional stability, oremotional awareness.
Emotional stability, like beingable to be in control of your
emotions in moments offrustration, is very important
as a growing young man.
And just so you know, yourbrother is going to test you
until the end of time.
I have my little brother, Ihave four little brothers and
(08:33):
there's one that literally testsme consistently all the time
and he's literally a yearyounger than me and he's still
just irritated.
He knows how to irritate mewithin seconds and I'll just
blow up on him, but we figuredhe can take me beating him up.
But it's all still love andknowing there's gonna be that
forever, right, it's never gonnabe like, hey, it's peaceful
(08:53):
because he's your little brother, it's his job is literally to
irritate you, amy.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I get that All right.
So, ola, my next question isyou are smack dab in the middle
of age-ish right?
I know things could be hardbecause we have two toddlers.
We have a four-year-old exitingtoddler stage, we have a new
toddler, amani, and then we haveyou, and then we have a new
(09:20):
toddler Amani, and then we haveyou, and then we have a 16 year
old, and the 16 year oldrequires a lot of attention.
The baby requires a lot ofattention and the toddler
screams for attention all thetime.
How does that make, how doesthat make you feel being 10
years old and independent forthe most part?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I.
I feel like I also needattention too, but I don't get
enough.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
That's fair and I know that it's something that
your mom and I have been tryingto work on and focus.
But with the time that we havein a day, sometimes it's
difficult, but we have a plan inplace.
Our goal we talked about itearlier this year before we
moved into our new home that wewould try to do some one-on-one
(10:07):
times with you guys, each of youseparately, and with you
telling me.
That just reminded me and say,hey, put some more effort into
spending those one-on-one sothat you can get some one-on-one
time and you can feel the loveand attention that you want to
feel.
You've experienced a lot ofchange over the last three years
(10:31):
, right?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What was the most challenging thing that you feel
like you had to experience?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
The most challenging thing.
I feel like moving.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Moving, Moving from where?
No?
Moving from your first place tothat one apartment, from that
one apartment to our apartment.
And then to where we are.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, I lost a lot of friends back there.
Yeah, you lost a lot of friendsback there.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, you lost a lot of friends back there.
Yeah, do you have friends?
Do you make any friends now?
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Was it difficult to make more friends?
As soon as you moved to a newschool you got like eons more
friends.
It was weird.
Bro came back with a birthdayparty and had 15 kids here.
He only been at the school fora couple of months.
It was crazy.
But yeah, that's what I'm.
How do you feel now about that,All of the moving stuff?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I feel like next time we move, I feel like I'm going
to be ready for that.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Guess what.
We're not going to have to movebecause we basically bought
this house.
We're in this thing, so we'restuck.
We're like got a lot ofsolidness going here, all right.
So I think that, what do you?
What is your?
How do you feel about me as aperson?
(11:56):
If you were to describe me, howwould would you describe me?
It could be good, it could bebad, doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I feel like you are kind but also strict.
Mm-hmm, you like are smart.
You're like Like you give outlife lessons in a smart way okay
(12:25):
, anything else strict, smart,kind.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I guess that's the little middle ground I'm always
trying to hang out in.
I think everything that I am isabout teaching lessons, which
I'm trying to do a better job ofdelivering lessons in the right
time, because I'm always like,ready to give a lesson Right.
But I think that there's a lotthat I teach you that I didn't
get taught when I was your agebecause I didn't have a father
in my life, and so maybe Ioverdo it sometimes and I'll try
(12:56):
to be mindful of giving you theopportunity to learn your
lessons without me being the oneto tell you, for sometimes, but
sometimes you will hear me talkand give you a lesson and make
it make sense for you.
Can I tell you what I thinkabout you?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
What.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
You ready.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Drum roll.
That's a drum beat, but it'scool.
It started playing wrong.
So that is what I would say is,abraham, I think that I believe
that you can feel like you area very growth-minded young man.
(13:33):
I think that you have so muchpotential to be great in your
life.
I think I'm so happy to be yourstepdad and I'm so proud of all
of the resilience which meanslike you were being flexible and
(13:54):
like understanding in timeswhere things were challenging
and being comforting to me.
You're a solid rock for ourfamily and you emulate very
great qualities as a person.
You're nice, you're kind, youtry to show love to everybody.
That and even if there arepeople being mean to other
(14:15):
people, you are brave andcourageous and you'll stand up
for those people and that makesme proud.
Thanks, you're welcome.
Was this podcast as hard as youthought it was going to be?
a little harder yeah, thequestions were a little
difficult.
He wasn't ready to deep to intoyour yeah this early in the
(14:40):
morning.
It's okay, are you thinking alot right now?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
What are you thinking , phil?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I'm thinking about life, right now, yeah, what,
what comes to mind?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
What's the first thing that comes to mind why
this happened to me.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Which part?
Why did I get divorced?
What is the outcome?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Well, stuff like that .
I can tell you that there's alot about divorce that is very
confusing to people or kids Veryconfusing, and I'll tell you
what that's.
Those are questions.
If you have questions that youcould ask us, your mom, you'll
start with your mom because it'sher situation, but you can also
(15:24):
include me at moments where youwant me to explain it in a way
that you understand if youmisunderstand the parents or the
adults.
But it impacts the kids greatly, because everything about
family you understand right.
(15:48):
You, like family, will neverseparate.
This is who I wake up to, thisis who I go to sleep to, this is
my stability.
And what happens is when adivorce happens.
It makes you feel unstable androcky and confused about what is
life and why that it happenedto you.
But I'll tell you one thing itdidn't it.
It wasn't why that it happenedto you.
But I'll tell you one thing itwasn't something that
intentionally happened to you.
But I can tell you that it wasa decision made so that you can
have a better future than youwould have had in that situation
(16:12):
.
Sometimes adults find it morebetter to separate because of
the happiness that they canprovide to themselves and to
their loved ones.
So here's the thing.
Let's take into account thatyour mom stayed into that
situation with your dad and theywere not in the place to love
(16:34):
each other in the right way,talk through things, communicate
and make up and make thingsbetter.
They were together for 10 yearsand your mom and your dad tried
to make things work and theydidn't right.
So 10 years it didn't go right.
Imagine if they stayed for 10more years.
How happy would they be?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
With that.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I don't think they would be happy and if an adult
doesn't have happiness insidethem, how can they provide it to
their children?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
and then have to find a different guy to feel happy,
to feel safe.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
All of that right, and it's not necessarily the
different guy that makes themfeel safe, but it's more so like
a different situation entirely.
There had to be a change inlife in order for her to be
happy, in order for your dad tofind happiness, and sometimes
it's with different people.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Fudge.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
So I would say, over time, I hope that you understand
that it was a decision madeahead of time, made ahead of
time to make your future better.
Do you think that, with yourmom constantly fighting and
(18:04):
arguing with your dad, that youwould come out happy?
You would be happy?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
No.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Or able to be happy.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Oh, the only time I would be happy, like when I'm
being with my friends, but whenI come home, they're always
fighting not getting along andover.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I grew up and I grew up in that environment and I can
tell you it's not healthy.
It's not good for the kids togrow up.
It is hard for them to findhappiness and joy if they come
home to a very crazy home.
So that's why the divorcehappened as a means to create a
(18:41):
better potential future for youand a potential future for your
mom to find happiness and you tofind happiness.
Do you feel like you are happy?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
You are.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
So, in a way, the divorce helped you.
How do you feel?
Do you understand a little bit?
Yes, and I know that this isnot enough.
You'll probably need to talkabout it a little bit more and
have more conversations about it.
Have more conversations aboutit, but don't be afraid to bring
(19:16):
that conversation up with yourmom, because as you get older,
you'll understand, you'll havedifferent and more in-depth
questions about it.
When you were younger, you werelike mom, but why are we leaving
daddy?
Right now you're like, hey, whydid this divorce happen?
And now you're like, why didthis divorce happen to me?
Why did this divorce happen tome?
(19:37):
And so, as you get older,you'll have different questions
and it's okay to continuouslyask that until you get to an age
where, at the point where I hadto tell Mariah, hey, me and
your mom didn't work out, notonly because we weren't
compatible, because I cheated onher, and so not your mom, but
us, and so I can give her thatinformation because she's 16 and
she understands the concept ofthat.
(19:58):
So, moving forward, don't beafraid to ask those questions,
okay.
You got it All right Now thatyou've been on an episode of 15
Minutes with Dad.
Would you ever come back?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yes, yeah, and I had a chance.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
You had a chance, okay, did you enjoy it?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
All right, I'm not going to drill you anymore with
any more crazy questions, but Iwanted to get your input and I
think our listeners would liketo know that as well, because we
have a blended family andblended families are more
difficult than families that areborn together.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, a lot more difficult,because one kids have to learn
(20:36):
how to open up their hearts toother people as parental figures
Right, and it was, I think.
For me, it was a challenge whenwe first started got into our
family together, because I waslike you were seven, right, and
(20:59):
I was like how could I get thiskid to love me and how could I
love this kid?
Emmy was one, he was like a weebaby, but you've been seven
years with a different dad and Iwanted to be clear that I'm not
taking your dad's place, butI'm just giving you more dad
love, different dad love.
How does that make you feel?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Feel about what?
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Having more dads.
Having more than one dad.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I feel confused.
Why, like how could you havemore than one dad?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
There's a plus dad.
That's why I'm a plus dad, yourdad plus one, and I'm your plus
dad To give you extra dadsupport Whenever you need it.
If anything that your other dadis not giving, I'm here to fill
in the blanks, but I'm not hereto take his place.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
I'm here to fill in the blanks.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Got it.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, All right, that is another episode of 15
Minutes with Dad.
Thank you all for joining usAgain.
If you have not, and if youlike this episode and you find
this episode helpful for yourchildren or somebody else in
your family that's a dad, pleasemake sure you share this audio
to someone and go give us acomment.
(22:17):
You can send us fan mailthrough our Spotify or Apple
Podcasts.
You can connect with us on anysocial media platform.
It's 15 Minutes with Dad, andif you have not do that, All
right.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
And don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.
And don't forget to subscribeon YouTube.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.
You have anything else you wantto tell, any lessons you want
to give to people before we go?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
No, thank you.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
No, thank you.
Okay, all right, thank you.
Love peace, and chicken greaseto y'all.
Y'all take care, okay, bye.
Hey, what's going on?
You guys, my name is Lyric, thecreator of 15 Minutes with Dad,
a platform where we go allthings dadhood and all things
co-parenting.
If you have not hit us up onany social media, you can find
us at 15 Minutes with Dad onFacebook, instagram, discord,
patreon, youtube and any socialmedia that you can possibly
(00:22):
think of, except for X, but youcan find us on everywhere else.
Today I wanted to give you guysa look inside of my family and
(00:48):
the dynamics that take place inour family.
I have today a special guest,my guy Abraham Delgado.
I probably shouldn't put hisname out there like that, but we
are here, here's a specialguest, abraham, and he will give
us his perspective inside ofour family and I'm just
interviewing him.
He has no idea what thequestions are that I'm going to
(01:10):
ask him.
I just pulled up some questionsand I'm going to interview him
so that you can learn about himand his perspective of our
family.
Welcome, abraham.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Hi, I am so excited to have you on the show.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
How do you feel?
I feel very excited to have youon the show.
How do you feel?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I feel very excited, but also nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
That's fair.
That's fair because there's alot of people listening to you
right now, but it's okay becauseyou can't see them and they
can't see you, right?
All right, tell us aboutyourself, abraham.
How old are you?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Ten.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
And what do you like to do?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I like to draw.
I'm playing with my brother,Emmy.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Nice.
Yeah, emi, he's a really greatguy.
He's also listening on theother side of this podcast.
Hey, emi, all right.
So I have some questions foryou, abraham, and I wanted to
get your perspective.
There are questions that'sgoing to make you probably think
a little and answer somequestions, so don't be afraid to
take a couple seconds to think.
(02:05):
Okay, all right.
So my first question to you iswhat does family mean to you?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Family means to me like a group of people who love
each other.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You say a family means to you a group of people
that love each other.
Okay, that's fair.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Okay, and what role do you feel like you play in
this family?
What do you?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
mean by roles Like role Like some people like in
families.
There are people that are likethe agitator.
There's people that's like thedoofy person, the person that's
Nosy kid.
The nosy kid.
That is probably the mostdirect statement you've made in
a year.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Knowledge of kids Enemy.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
That's funny because every time there's any
conversations going, no matterwhere Abraham is in the house,
he will make us repeat it.
He will be in the upstairs in acloset looking for toys and
he'll hear us.
And he will be in the upstairsin a closet looking for toys and
he'll hear us and me and mygirlfriend in our closet talking
downstairs, and he'll be likewhat is that?
And then we'll have to repeat itbecause he comes all the way
(03:16):
down because he's interested inour facts.
So that is definitely a fairstatement.
Okay, I want to get yourperspective on.
We're talking about familyright now.
Right, and as our family is,our family is blended and with
that, what kind of?
How big did your family grow?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
With you and Anne-Marie, I think it grew huge
.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And then what else?
And we have Amani, who isbetween all of us, right, just
glued the family together.
Yeah, yeah.
And how do you feel about thatwhen you found, like, when your
family grew?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I felt it was going to be a great family.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeah, do you really enjoy telling me that?
Because I'm listening to you,oh man, okay.
So I got a deeper question foryou.
I got a deeper question for you.
What do you think, what do youfeel is unique or special about
(04:17):
you and my relationship?
Speaker 2 (04:21):
With you and I, Mm-hmm, I feel like the way we
bond is like unique.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Yeah.
In what ways do you feel likeit's unique, or what makes it
special to you?
Speaker 2 (04:42):
First you don't have much time, you don't have work
to do, but when we finally gettime to bond, I feel like that's
really special.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Yeah, I think it's special to me as well.
Do you feel, like we, whenwe're bonding, that I'm present
or not?
Speaker 2 (05:01):
You're present a lot.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Okay, so let's can you share some of your favorite
memories, since our familieshave joined together.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
When we went to Kings , when we went fishing camping
and when we went to thatamusement park with the wooden
roller coaster in houston yesyeah.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
So, like the trips and things like that, make good
memories.
Okay, that's great.
I'm glad that those memoriesstuck with you.
I think something that wasimportant to me when we joined
families is that I somehow do adifferent job than I've done in
my past, because I've been withother relationships with people,
(05:54):
with women that had kids, and Idon't think that I did a great
job during those times, becauseI looked at myself different, my
role that I played in thefamily differently then than I
do now, and so making memorieshas been a very important part
of how I engage with you guys,and I think that your mom helped
(06:18):
me realize that, because shewanted to make memories because
family is really important toher as well, right, she wanted
to make memories because familyis really important to her as
well, right?
Okay, so my next question isthis is a little bit more
intense, okay.
So what?
How did you feel when you firstfound out that your mom and
your dad were getting divorced?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
I felt pretty sad yeah, why because I love my dad
and I wanted them to be together.
But they were like gettingthrough each other and how do
you feel now?
I feel like what do you mean bynow?
(07:04):
Like how do you feel now?
I feel like what do you mean bynow?
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Like, how do you feel now that they are divorced?
That's how you felt before, butnow that they are, how do you
feel?
I?
Speaker 2 (07:12):
still feel pretty sad .
I still feel pretty sad aboutit, but I'm like glad of the
outcome.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Are you glad of the outcome?
What makes the outcome specialor better than what you?
Speaker 2 (07:27):
thought you, you've been a great stepdad in Mariah
and there's the cute littleMonty.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Yeah, he's a little adorable.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
I'm glad I could make adifference in your in the
outcome of that.
Have you found, have youlearned any valuable lessons, or
what valuable lessons have youlearned about family so far?
Speaker 2 (07:59):
I should hide and not scream push anybody.
Try to get under control withmy feelings.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, I think that's a great point.
Emotional stability, oremotional awareness.
Emotional stability, like beingable to be in control of your
emotions in moments offrustration, is very important
as a growing young man.
And just so you know, yourbrother is going to test you
until the end of time.
I have my little brother, Ihave four little brothers and
(08:33):
there's one that literally testsme consistently all the time
and he's literally a yearyounger than me and he's still
just irritated.
He knows how to irritate mewithin seconds and I'll just
blow up on him, but we figuredhe can take me beating him up.
But it's all still love andknowing there's gonna be that
forever, right, it's never gonnabe like, hey, it's peaceful
(08:53):
because he's your little brother, it's his job is literally to
irritate you, amy.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I get that All right.
So, ola, my next question isyou are smack dab in the middle
of age-ish right?
I know things could be hardbecause we have two toddlers.
We have a four-year-old exitingtoddler stage, we have a new
toddler, amani, and then we haveyou, and then we have a new
(09:20):
toddler Amani, and then we haveyou, and then we have a 16 year
old, and the 16 year oldrequires a lot of attention.
The baby requires a lot ofattention and the toddler
screams for attention all thetime.
How does that make, how doesthat make you feel being 10
years old and independent forthe most part?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I.
I feel like I also needattention too, but I don't get
enough.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
That's fair and I know that it's something that
your mom and I have been tryingto work on and focus.
But with the time that we havein a day, sometimes it's
difficult, but we have a plan inplace.
Our goal we talked about itearlier this year before we
moved into our new home that wewould try to do some one-on-one
(10:07):
times with you guys, each of youseparately, and with you
telling me.
That just reminded me and say,hey, put some more effort into
spending those one-on-one sothat you can get some one-on-one
time and you can feel the loveand attention that you want to
feel.
You've experienced a lot ofchange over the last three years
(10:31):
, right?
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
What was the most challenging thing that you feel
like you had to experience?
Speaker 2 (10:38):
The most challenging thing.
I feel like moving.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Moving, Moving from where?
No?
Moving from your first place tothat one apartment, from that
one apartment to our apartment.
And then to where we are.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, I lost a lot of friends back there.
Yeah, you lost a lot of friendsback there.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Yeah, you lost a lot of friends back there.
Yeah, do you have friends?
Do you make any friends now?
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Was it difficult to make more friends?
As soon as you moved to a newschool you got like eons more
friends.
It was weird.
Bro came back with a birthdayparty and had 15 kids here.
He only been at the school fora couple of months.
It was crazy.
But yeah, that's what I'm.
How do you feel now about that,All of the moving stuff?
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I feel like next time we move, I feel like I'm going
to be ready for that.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Guess what.
We're not going to have to movebecause we basically bought
this house.
We're in this thing, so we'restuck.
We're like got a lot ofsolidness going here, all right.
So I think that, what do you?
What is your?
How do you feel about me as aperson?
(11:56):
If you were to describe me, howwould would you describe me?
It could be good, it could bebad, doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I feel like you are kind but also strict.
Mm-hmm, you like are smart.
You're like Like you give outlife lessons in a smart way okay
(12:25):
, anything else strict, smart,kind.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I guess that's the little middle ground I'm always
trying to hang out in.
I think everything that I am isabout teaching lessons, which
I'm trying to do a better job ofdelivering lessons in the right
time, because I'm always like,ready to give a lesson Right.
But I think that there's a lotthat I teach you that I didn't
get taught when I was your agebecause I didn't have a father
in my life, and so maybe Ioverdo it sometimes and I'll try
(12:56):
to be mindful of giving you theopportunity to learn your
lessons without me being the oneto tell you, for sometimes, but
sometimes you will hear me talkand give you a lesson and make
it make sense for you.
Can I tell you what I thinkabout you?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
What.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
You ready.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
Drum roll.
That's a drum beat, but it'scool.
It started playing wrong.
So that is what I would say is,abraham, I think that I believe
that you can feel like you area very growth-minded young man.
(13:33):
I think that you have so muchpotential to be great in your
life.
I think I'm so happy to be yourstepdad and I'm so proud of all
of the resilience which meanslike you were being flexible and
(13:54):
like understanding in timeswhere things were challenging
and being comforting to me.
You're a solid rock for ourfamily and you emulate very
great qualities as a person.
You're nice, you're kind, youtry to show love to everybody.
That and even if there arepeople being mean to other
(14:15):
people, you are brave andcourageous and you'll stand up
for those people and that makesme proud.
Thanks, you're welcome.
Was this podcast as hard as youthought it was going to be?
a little harder yeah, thequestions were a little
difficult.
He wasn't ready to deep to intoyour yeah this early in the
(14:40):
morning.
It's okay, are you thinking alot right now?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
What are you thinking , phil?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
I'm thinking about life, right now, yeah, what,
what comes to mind?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
What's the first thing that comes to mind why
this happened to me.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Which part?
Why did I get divorced?
What is the outcome?
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Well, stuff like that .
I can tell you that there's alot about divorce that is very
confusing to people or kids Veryconfusing, and I'll tell you
what that's.
Those are questions.
If you have questions that youcould ask us, your mom, you'll
start with your mom because it'sher situation, but you can also
(15:24):
include me at moments where youwant me to explain it in a way
that you understand if youmisunderstand the parents or the
adults.
But it impacts the kids greatly, because everything about
family you understand right.
(15:48):
You, like family, will neverseparate.
This is who I wake up to, thisis who I go to sleep to, this is
my stability.
And what happens is when adivorce happens.
It makes you feel unstable androcky and confused about what is
life and why that it happenedto you.
But I'll tell you one thing itdidn't it.
It wasn't why that it happenedto you.
But I'll tell you one thing itwasn't something that
intentionally happened to you.
But I can tell you that it wasa decision made so that you can
have a better future than youwould have had in that situation
(16:12):
.
Sometimes adults find it morebetter to separate because of
the happiness that they canprovide to themselves and to
their loved ones.
So here's the thing.
Let's take into account thatyour mom stayed into that
situation with your dad and theywere not in the place to love
(16:34):
each other in the right way,talk through things, communicate
and make up and make thingsbetter.
They were together for 10 yearsand your mom and your dad tried
to make things work and theydidn't right.
So 10 years it didn't go right.
Imagine if they stayed for 10more years.
How happy would they be?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
With that.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
I don't think they would be happy and if an adult
doesn't have happiness insidethem, how can they provide it to
their children?
Speaker 2 (17:10):
and then have to find a different guy to feel happy,
to feel safe.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
All of that right, and it's not necessarily the
different guy that makes themfeel safe, but it's more so like
a different situation entirely.
There had to be a change inlife in order for her to be
happy, in order for your dad tofind happiness, and sometimes
it's with different people.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Fudge.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
So I would say, over time, I hope that you understand
that it was a decision madeahead of time, made ahead of
time to make your future better.
Do you think that, with yourmom constantly fighting and
(18:04):
arguing with your dad, that youwould come out happy?
You would be happy?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
No.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Or able to be happy.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Oh, the only time I would be happy, like when I'm
being with my friends, but whenI come home, they're always
fighting not getting along andover.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
I grew up and I grew up in that environment and I can
tell you it's not healthy.
It's not good for the kids togrow up.
It is hard for them to findhappiness and joy if they come
home to a very crazy home.
So that's why the divorcehappened as a means to create a
(18:41):
better potential future for youand a potential future for your
mom to find happiness and you tofind happiness.
Do you feel like you are happy?
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
You are.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
So, in a way, the divorce helped you.
How do you feel?
Do you understand a little bit?
Yes, and I know that this isnot enough.
You'll probably need to talkabout it a little bit more and
have more conversations about it.
Have more conversations aboutit, but don't be afraid to bring
(19:16):
that conversation up with yourmom, because as you get older,
you'll understand, you'll havedifferent and more in-depth
questions about it.
When you were younger, you werelike mom, but why are we leaving
daddy?
Right now you're like, hey, whydid this divorce happen?
And now you're like, why didthis divorce happen to me?
Why did this divorce happen tome?
(19:37):
And so, as you get older,you'll have different questions
and it's okay to continuouslyask that until you get to an age
where, at the point where I hadto tell Mariah, hey, me and
your mom didn't work out, notonly because we weren't
compatible, because I cheated onher, and so not your mom, but
us, and so I can give her thatinformation because she's 16 and
she understands the concept ofthat.
(19:58):
So, moving forward, don't beafraid to ask those questions,
okay.
You got it All right Now thatyou've been on an episode of 15
Minutes with Dad.
Would you ever come back?
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yes, yeah, and I had a chance.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
You had a chance, okay, did you enjoy it?
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
All right, I'm not going to drill you anymore with
any more crazy questions, but Iwanted to get your input and I
think our listeners would liketo know that as well, because we
have a blended family andblended families are more
difficult than families that areborn together.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, a lot more difficult,because one kids have to learn
(20:36):
how to open up their hearts toother people as parental figures
Right, and it was, I think.
For me, it was a challenge whenwe first started got into our
family together, because I waslike you were seven, right, and
(20:59):
I was like how could I get thiskid to love me and how could I
love this kid?
Emmy was one, he was like a weebaby, but you've been seven
years with a different dad and Iwanted to be clear that I'm not
taking your dad's place, butI'm just giving you more dad
love, different dad love.
How does that make you feel?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Feel about what?
Speaker 1 (21:22):
Having more dads.
Having more than one dad.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
I feel confused.
Why, like how could you havemore than one dad?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
There's a plus dad.
That's why I'm a plus dad, yourdad plus one, and I'm your plus
dad To give you extra dadsupport Whenever you need it.
If anything that your other dadis not giving, I'm here to fill
in the blanks, but I'm not hereto take his place.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
I'm here to fill in the blanks.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Got it.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Yeah, All right, that is another episode of 15
Minutes with Dad.
Thank you all for joining usAgain.
If you have not, and if youlike this episode and you find
this episode helpful for yourchildren or somebody else in
your family that's a dad, pleasemake sure you share this audio
to someone and go give us acomment.
(22:17):
You can send us fan mailthrough our Spotify or Apple
Podcasts.
You can connect with us on anysocial media platform.
It's 15 Minutes with Dad, andif you have not do that, All
right.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
And don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.
And don't forget to subscribeon YouTube.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.
You have anything else you wantto tell, any lessons you want
to give to people before we go?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
No, thank you.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
No, thank you.
Okay, all right, thank you.
Love peace, and chicken greaseto y'all.
Y'all take care, okay, bye.
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