December 13, 2024 • 34 mins
Corey and Justin talk about events, videos, and how to be self aware.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
With your host Corey Winfield, you.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Know how you know fish as bad as you can't
put it on pizza and special guest Justin Burke.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I said something about that to our master radio broadcaster
and he said that he didn't hear nothing. Got your ass.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
It is the thirteenth of December twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
What's up.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
My name is Cory Winfield from Justin Burke. Welcome to
seventeen Recovery Podcast. Ben a minute, we backed out? Yeah,
got the Recovery Stories Message of Hope, Part four videos done.
They're up at two seventeen recovery dot com and on
our YouTube channel.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hell yeah yeah, Now you compressed them all into one video.
To me, no a movie like we did.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
With No One, which I might look at that again,
but I think Amazon changed ourselfs because Amazon, because we've
all seen some crap on Amazon.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You're like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Son't paid to make that right, And I tried to
do that with the Recovery Stories. One did all the editing,
all the stuff, spent so much time on it, and
then they had to get it all in the right format,
right size, all this stuff, and they're like, yeah, you
can't do that what the learners.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Why I asked is because sometimes our friends across the
street likes to show part one right as because it's
all put together in one show and they don't have
to do multiple clicks. Mm hmmmmmmm.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Now I might do that because back to my story
here is if you had something that has multiple parts
to it, like part one, part two, part three, part four, whatever, yeah,
then I believe at one point in time you could
have done that. But I think they changed it to
where like you can't do that anymore because people were
(02:00):
putting so much garbage on there. But I could still
put it together. It's all one thing I'm lacking, Like
it's bad.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
This hard work. I got a roof this house.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And from over here and over there and then back
to over here.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
So heavy.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, no, I'll look into that, but it's right now though.
They are just separate parts.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
There's Kim, there's me, Russ Jesse telling the story, and
then Marnie and Chris Goss who used to be on
two seventeen Recovery podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
His story was amazing, like truly amazing.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
He gave a good message of hope. And I liked
what Chris said about smoking weed. And I remember back
in the day, man, and it was actually when Chris
moved into the Silver Living House I was managing and
he became a member of two seventeen Recovery podcast. And
before he he moved in though, well, let me backtrack
it all. When we were in treatment together, we were
the bus home. I remember him saying, I'm still gonna
(03:02):
smoke weed, man. I said, all right, man, well, and
it didn't worry for me. It always led me back
to something harder. You know a lot of people like, oh,
it's just weed, man, it's the problem. It's just weed.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
It's not the buzz you're looking.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yeah, my alcohol brain was like, I want alcohol, Screw
this weed. And all the other people I've talked to
that had other substance choices would kind of say the
same thing, but that they went back to just weed,
and it never was just weed that always led them
back to something. Well, alcohol is never my problem, then
(03:36):
I'll just smoke weed and drink. Okay, Well, let's break
down the addiction part. Let's break down the trauma that
you're covering up. Let's let's start there. Because you're covering
up something with a substance. That's the problem. It's not
oh this or that or I've never had a problem
(03:57):
with that. Well guess what. Welcome Welcome to alcoholism then,
because that's the road you're going down, and that's that's
a slippertty slope.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So Chris tells me though, I'm just gonna smoke weed.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
And I said, all right, well, be careful man, you know,
and do what you need to do. I'm not trying
to tell people what to do what not to do.
I'm just saying what for me. It didn't work. Well,
maybe like three weeks later, I get a message, you know,
and he's like, hey, man, can you I need some
help because I'm doing other stuff now. And I'm like okay.
And he ended up going back to treatment, and I
(04:27):
think he left, and then I started worrying on the
treatment center and he's like, look, man, like I'm gonna
I'm not gonna say I'm never gonna smoke weed again,
because I probably will, but while I'm living in sober living,
I'm not going to so okay. So Chris came in
and he was on fire Man. He was doing really
good for a while, and then that house just became
a shit show after I left, and it was just bad,
(04:52):
bad for everybody's recovery. And that's the problem sometimes when
people I'm going to start a sober living house, I'm
gonna make so much money, that's okay. First of all,
if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong. And second, that's
not the train of thought there, Like you need to
be thinking like how can we help people?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Well, as you speak of, that house just kind of
fell apart, though there was more to that story of
it just falling apart, because even though you may be sober,
your mind's maybe not there yet, even though you're not
using substances, because in your case was you know, you
didn't allow certain guys to do certain things on premises,
(05:32):
you know, like other people did so because they were
filled by greed and selfishness.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
By accepting, we don't have to beat around the bush,
we can tell the story.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think I've told them before. No.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I was managed in the Sober Living House with Ryan Peckman,
who was once on the podcast, and things were going
good at first Man, things are going real. What's the
wor I'm looking for optimistic things are optimistic, yeah, for
for kind of everybody in the house. And it started
to not be and some red flags started happening with me.
(06:08):
Because MAR It'schian Michigan and Association of Recovery Residences. They
will go around and they will go through these houses.
And then if you get certified with MAR, then you
can take money from organizations that get Medicaid money. So
if someone's coming into your house, the Medicaid will pay
for them to live there ninety days. But they want
to make sure that the bathroom's working, that the stove's working.
(06:29):
Because I stay at a place in around rapids man,
like the tub was falling through the floor in the
bathroom like it was. It was a horrible place, and
that is not good for my recovery. It was not
good for my recover.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I'm that I've never been in one of those harms.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I've been to some hell holes. So just oh, I'm
gonna go to Silver Living.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
No, No, it is very important what MAR does for
recovering residences and for Silver Living home side. Now, I'm
not saying that everybody that's certified with MARS up on
the I don't know that, and I can't tell you
that just because they're not that they're a bad place.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
But there are checks and balances with mar yep, so
there is some of that. And I kept saying, why
can't we do that, We can't we do this? Well
to do that own the house apparently had some felonies,
and then like with Ryan's passed, he there's no way
that mar would have certified them with those two in
their past.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I didn't know it at the time.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
It was later I found that out, but I kept saying,
once you get certified with Marrow, Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying. Yeah,
he wasn't trying. He wasn't trying at all because he
knew he couldn't, or at least he found out at
one point he couldn't, and he wasn't making the money
he thought he was gonna be making.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well, yeah, but if you a mortgage on the house,
you know, you gotta pay that the taxes, cleaning supplies,
basic toletres like the paper products, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I think he was doing it more for a A
he thought he could make some money on it, and
b he wanted that stature, his friends or was friends whatever,
I don't really know. With Jason to back, who owns
the sort of living home that I lived at for
I think six months or three before, I don't remember,
six months maybe, And he saw like people kind of
(08:11):
looking up to Jason. I think he wanted that, yeah,
and be.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Like that pillar of the community.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Be like, oh no, really, I don't think he wanted
to be the pillar of the community. He just wanted
people to look up to him. Yeah, you know, there
are some issues I think with that guy.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
But anyway, Yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
We come home one day from the store and Tyrone
would always go check this bike out because when people leave,
I think he gave him like two weeks or something,
maybe a month to come back and get your stuff.
Otherwise it was fair game. And Tyrone kept checking on
the bike. So he goes back in this back room
where the bike was, and he noticed that there's a
sleeping bag on the floor, and oh, oh, I know.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
At first I thought, oh, was somebody is living in here.
Somebody snug snuck back in and they're living here. And
so I went to lock the garage and this dude,
it was Thomas or Mike.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
He went by some fake ass name, but he comes
running out. He's like, yo, what are you doing? And
I was like, I'm locking the garage. Man, No, dude,
don't do that. I'm bringing my girl over.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I was like what.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
He's like, come on man, Ryan said it was cool.
I already gave him some money. How much you need?
Pulls out his wallet and starts trying to pay me
in my I said, put your money away. I said,
you know what, I'm going to leave this draw unlocked.
But you know the house rules, you know, like you're
not to have women trying to trying to bone some
chicken the garage.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Dude, come on, bro.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah and Sol were living like suchra relations inside this
sober living in property if not allowed.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
It's it was that dude was trash, and so I
went to Ryan and I went right to Ryan.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like what.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
I was like, homeboy just came and tried to give
me money and said he gave you money and said
you could bone his girlfriend in the garage.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well, Chris gets blue jumps in the porking rude.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I was like, we're not talking about Chris and what
are you doing at four in the morning and watching
Chris in the car getting the you know whatever. I
was like, dude, this is not what we're trying to do.
This is not what we're about, you know. We're trying
to show these guys how to live a better life.
And I would bring Marnie over and because you could
have women over there, you know, we just doing y'all
hugged up on the couch.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
But I was showing them like, look, we can make
two seventeen recovery shirts. Tyrone made some wings and I
was trying to lead by example to show them, Look,
I'm not rubbing on her booty.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I'm not, you know, like, yeah, that healthy recovery environment.
You know, if you were trying to rub on her booty,
I'm sure you went and got a motel room or
a hotel room. And there's a couple of motel room
places in Boyd. I'm sure in the off season.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Wasn't bad price, Yeah, Potoski's cheaper, but you had to
do what you had to do, you know. But at
least when I had her around, I was I was
trying to show them this is what you do, right,
and being a year sober. I was just figuring it
out too, you know, and I thought it was a
good thing.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
But yeah, all that went.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Down and it just was like from then I left,
and like Chris kind of tells in his story a
little bit, if you want to go watch the video
like that's two seventeen Recovery dot Com. Chris kind of
hints on how it was supposed to be the next
Step House, and I think he called the wrong Step
House or the Misstep House or something something funny. I
think at some point the owner and a VID came
(11:13):
back and was like, all right, guys, I'm selling the house.
You got thirty days to get out. And that's I
think it was just too much for a lot of
those guys. And from what I heard, like he had
people like just paying money to live on to sleep
on the floor.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I mean, it was. It was bad. It was really bad.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
And you know that sucks that Chris had to go
through that, cause when I was there, man, we had
a good time.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Everybody was having fun.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
We were making fun videos that were we were doing
really good things in recovery, and you know, I just
had to leave and do my own thing too, And
it is what it is, but that can really trip
somebody up. But Chris's story, you know, he had a
couple more slip ups, and I always just keep telling him, man,
(11:56):
just keep going, you know, don't don't give up yet.
And now again when you watch the video and hear
his story, and maybe you've listened to the podcast, but
he will, he'll tell you that he can't smoke weed,
he can't, he can't do anything. You know, everything he
tries always leads him back to that. And the life
he's living now is great now as he got a
(12:19):
boat and live in a mansion, not that I know of,
but it's not That's not what life's about. And when
you get to this kind of sober you start appreciating
the things you do have. You know, awesome, you got
milk in the fridge, Oh my god, that's great. And
you got some cap crunching there.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Ship look out, let's have a part.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, you know, that's just a little thing sometimes, you know,
and then before you know it, God will blush.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
You with those other things.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
And just when you think, oh, life's not going my way,
well keep going, you know, and hell that the hell
that we've been through and that I had to live
through and I've heard it said so many times and
it's kind of cliche, but my worst day sober is
(13:04):
better than my best day he drinking, you know, or using,
because there wasn't very many good days when I was
an active addiction.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
So yeah, the.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
The worst day sober is still way way better. And
we all have problems, we go through things. I was
talking to my therapist about it just yesterday. I think,
I know, two days ago.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah, I think it was Wednesday, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
And it was kind of going over with her because
I have some issues with you know, who I want
or who I let watch my son, and I really
don't want any by watching my son.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I want to be there for him. I want to
do it.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
And when I was watching him in his crib the
other night, I put him in his crib, you know,
so we could play and he doesn't really hang out
in his crib at all, and he thought that was awesome.
And I was just sitting there, like just looking over
the side, thinking he's never going to be this small again.
Like tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he's gonna be
a little bit bigger than he is.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
When I get home today, he's going to be bigger
than he was when I let you know, like he
he's growing.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
He's a little baby.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
And they don't stop growing, dude.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, and so why would I want to?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I enjoy this and I had to watch him and
that's when it was. On Tuesday, we had the movie
that we showed here at the Alluvian and great movie, yeah,
Tipping the Pain Scale. If you haven't seen that, find
out how and watch it. It is really really good.
But we had a premiere here and it came out
like a year ago, but still we showed it here
(14:28):
in Traverse City and it's a very interesting and good movie.
But I couldn't make it there because someone had to
stay home with our son because the movie started at
seven and get over to like nine. There was a
panel discussion, so it was it was quite the night.
So I was like, well, I'm gonna stay on with
Parker because I took a likable scale around the office
and I told Everyboddy you know, like who do you
(14:51):
like better? And they all said, oh, Marnie's like a
twelve and a one to ten, and I'm like, okay,
well I'm a two, so I think she should go,
especially Monster time. Yeah, but Marnie is likable and I
don't have to be there for everything, and it's like this,
shouldn't that show the trust I have for the people
that are into seventeen recovery that you guys can go
(15:13):
to an event without me? And then yeah, I mean
you don't remember at a time where I've been like.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
No, no, got to be me and you actually texted
me one thing. You're like, can we please move the
business cards? Yeah, and I simply moved him. I may
have placed him there. I don't remember who placed them there.
But as soon as I was like, yep, sure I
get what you're saying, yep.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Because yeah, that's just I'm not going to get into
that right now, but yeah, because I saw something. But still,
but there was a time where I would have been like, Nope,
I have to be there.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
We have to bring him.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
But we know he doesn't wan how to come to
that event. He's a little baby and gets tired, like
and I don't want to have a babysitter there, you know,
like I can.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Watch him, it's fine, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
So I'm trying to work through that with my therapists
and stuff, and you know, because Marnie believes that we
should leave him with people so times and it's like, well,
do we really need to?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And you know, there's.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Different things I can weigh into the consideration of oh,
do we need a babysitter or can we or you know,
it's like, well, how bad do I have to be
there at that thing? I don't think I had to
be there at all. No, So why wouldn't I watch
my son, you know, just so I can go do
some of this stuff or do that stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Because, like you said, you'll never get those moments back.
And every day he does something new and you're like,
I miss that, Like how did I let myself miss that?
How did I let miss watching him crawl for the
first time, you know, yesterday, like actually crawling hands, knees
all over the floor.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Now he's not doing it like evil crazy evil double
baby that you see in movies or not like oh,
you know, but he's he likes to put his booty
in the air and kind of he's not really on
his well, sometimes he's on his knees and sometimes he's
just on his toes his hands.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
He's getting it down a lot better than the army
crawl that he was doing last week.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Yeah, so he's ready to go because he called from
the chair to the kitchen. It's like, whoa time, get
baby gates. Oh we got him there in the basement
and dust them off. Yeah, because in another week he's
going to be really good at it.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Oh yeah, I predicted Friday before Christmas. I think Miss
Smoker said Christmas.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
And I said Sunday and that was last week.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
I was like, by Sunday he'll be doing it. Not
too far off. But yeah, so it's those moments, man,
and I want to be there for him.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
So you got to because I mean, if you're not there,
you feel those resentments towards yourself. Yeah, you know, like
why wasn't I here? Why did I make the time?
And like I catch myself doing that quite a bit lately,
and just over things that I just wasn't around to
(17:58):
show my daughter growing up, because being in and out
of her life, like and then only being there on
the weekends. You know, it was well, let's go have fun.
And you know, it wasn't much of a learning process.
I'm not saying there wasn't times where she did learn something,
but for the most part, it was like, well, let's
go have fun. Let's go hang out and have fun,
(18:18):
you know, and not worry about working or anything like that,
you know. And now I'm realizing that I have her
full time. It's like I missed a lot of time.
And it's like I'm really hard on myself about it.
And it's like I gotta show a fourteen year old
how to shovel snow because she didn't know how. You know.
(18:41):
It's like, wow, you.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Know, you don't know what you don't know, and yeah,
you know, probably just shake your head. I'm like, oh
my god, I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Like I wanted to yell at her first, and I'm like,
how can I yell at her when I never showed
her how to do something?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
I yell at you? But yeah, you know, we're not
in that. And it's just it's amazing that being a
father and being at a place that I never thought
I would be. And sometimes I think I need to
go back and listen to the podcast from earlier, early
days and you know, wanting the stuff that I have
now back then, you know, and kind of making it happen.
(19:22):
It's pretty cool, but it's a lot of work, and
you know, being married or anniversary was yesterday, and you know,
it's four years. I'm like, oh my god, it four years,
Like that's it seems like just yesterday.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, because I was in Sober Loving and I was like, oh,
I get I'm invited, right, And because we just kind
of like started our new friendship after outside of treatment,
you know, and it's like you're like, no COVID, no
one's coming. I'm like, oh okay, and I'm like that's
kind of weird whatever, but but you did take a
(19:56):
really nice video and it is out there, but you know,
it was kind of cool how you did do it though, you.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Know, and if you want to see the video, I
want to say, it's on YouTube, but it's also two
seventeen recovery dot com slash wedding something like that.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I think that's the page for that.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
But it's you know, it's it's amazing to be here
and to be where I'm at and to watch you
guys start doing what you're doing, and you know, to
actually employ people who are in recovery to do recovery things.
And is it stressful sometimes?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (20:31):
You know, every every job is, every life is stressful. Sometimes,
you know, whether you're dealing with your mother in law,
or your mother, your stepdad or your step mom, or
your dad, or your brother, your sister. It's always something, man,
and you got to do your best decide step the
stuff that's not your problem, and sometimes you just step
(20:52):
right in in any way and then you're just like great.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Well, that's part of the reason why I choose to
live by myself and so that I don't have to
be subjectified by anybody at all. Well, if they called me,
I don't. I can choose not to answer my phone.
You know, I know none my family's gonna drive up
here at the drop of a hat to beat on
my door. You can't. You won't believe what your brother
(21:18):
did today. You drove two hours up here to tell
me what my brother did. Know, it just ain't gonna happen,
you know. It's just I'm thankful for that. You know.
It's kind of like you you know, you moved all
the way up here from southwest Michigan. It's kind of
a good feeling, though, isn't it. Because someone just can't
hop in the car. Why you answering your phone?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Sometimes they do every month, But that's fine.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
You know, at least you're not getting the wellness checks anymore.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know how that would play out. No,
it would be weird, that would be. But now that is,
and you know, there's there's issues that you know, I
saw have to work on with myself and do the
best I can. But you know there's resentment things whether
I am passive on something and I'm like okay, and
(22:10):
then I regret it later, like man, I really should
have put my foot down, you know. We really needed
to be there for that, or I needed to be
there for that, but instead I was like okay. And
then if you really want to write down like what's
more important in it, and it's like, well, I don't know,
is it any of it really important?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
You know?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
And that might seem weird to say that, but if
you look at a situation where if it's something that's
going to make me happy and I need to do
this for my soul, okay, well maybe that doesn't benefit
the family immediately or directly, but it puts me in
a better headspace which will ultimately affect the family better.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
So and that's a two way street.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
You know. I have to you know, take my wife's
stuff into consideration too. You know, if there's something that
she wants to do. Is that something that's going to
benefit the family immediately? No, will put her in a
better headspace? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Or does she think it'll put her in ahead of
a better headspace than that? It doesn't.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
And then you're like, oh, that was a waste. But
then you have to grill yourself back in and be like,
well it's not should I could have would a time,
you know, like it is what it is, and but
it's it's a it's a process, man, and it's it's life.
And that's the beautiful thing is I have a choice today,
Because before I didn't it, I would just get drunk
over it, get drunk over it, say stuff that I
(23:29):
couldn't take back, do things that couldn't take back. And
at least today I can sit back and think about it,
and if I do say something or mess up, I
can always at least replay the tape in my head
to go, you know, maybe next time, let's let's not
do that. You know, how would you if the shoe
was on the other foot, That's all I'm always trying
to kind of do that, like put yourself in their
(23:50):
shoes and then look at it again, you know, and
if you can start doing that, and it's progress, not
perfection going to get it right every time, But if
I can next time handle the situation in a different
way where I didn't like the how I handled it
the first time, you know, and it's like, okay, well
I still didn't handle it perfect, but I did handle
(24:12):
it better than the second time. What can I do next?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
You know? What?
Speaker 3 (24:16):
What should I have done? Or what how? How would
I have liked the outcome to be, you know, and
taking someone else's feelings and thoughts and to consideration and
like I said, you know, put yourself in their shoes
for once.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
And yeah, I've really had to learn how to do
that lately too with my daughter, because like, she was
never given the opportunity of choice until she came to
live with me full time. And it's like, well, what
do you want to do this weekend?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Kid?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Well, I don't know, dad, what whatever you want to do?
Because I know you're just not going to not do nothing? Well, no,
what do you want to go do? You know? And
it's still a constant fight, you know, of because she
never had choice. She was raised so so sheltered with
her mom and her mom's mom. You know, it was like,
(25:08):
how are you fourteen years old and you don't know
what you want to do? It's Saturday, you know, Like
you want to go swimming, you wanna go hiking? Like
what do you want? Whatever you want to do, Dad,
I just want to be with you and whatever makes
you happy. Well, it's not always about making someone else happy.
It's also about what do you want to do? And
you know, and you're allowed to have your own say
(25:29):
so in life, you know, and because some of us
do kind of still have that mindset, like we talked earlier,
well how can I manipulate this to benefit me? You know,
and it's like we have to learn how to not
do that. You know, if she want to go to
a pumpkin patch, I would have took her. You know.
It's kind of like that little goofy video I sent
(25:51):
you this fall of dad and mom taking kid out
to the apple farm picking apples and he's like, well,
this is a complete waste, funny just for these apples
to get left on my How much was that bag
of apples, by the way, fifty dollars to ride on
my counter? Yeah, Like like you're you're crazy, you know,
but but it's not. But It's not about that. It's
(26:13):
about allowing them to make those choices and try to
be there to guide them and say, well, that probably
isn't the healthiest choice, but how would we do this instead,
which would be.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
A healthier choice, and.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Trying to guide her through that, you know, And it's
a learning process because I was raised by a totally
different choice outlook on life.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
You know, yeah, not that you have to raise your
daughter saying but then you know, still that's what you
knew and that's how you were shown. And then having
to catch yourself in those moments where you're like, maybe
I didn't handle that better, you know, al right, yeah I.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Could have handled that.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
And like you said about gonna yell at her about
not knowing how to shovel, then you realize, well, how
can I yelled her about not knowing how to shovel
when I haven't shown her how to shovel?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yep, you know, she was never taught, And so how
can you all lot someone when they were never taught?
You know, we're taught on a consistent basis. You know,
maybe I did show her one time, but who's to
say how long it was before she was able to
do anything? Because at her mom's house, she didn't have
chores to do. They did everything. We chose not to
(27:19):
do certain things in life, like clean their house. But whatever,
you know, it is what it is, you know. Like
when she came back this last time from her mom's,
she was like, Dad, I see what you're talking about
in life, and how appreciative it is when you come
home to a clean house and you can just feel
(27:40):
at ease because everything's somewhat put in its place, Like
my house is still lived in, if that makes any sense,
but everything's got a place, you know, Like we're just
not going to pile everything up on the table beside
the door when we come in because it's catch all. No,
everything's got a place, take care of it, you know.
And it's kind of she was like, you know, I'm
(28:02):
really appreciating this to show me how to live a
decent life and not have everything to catch all. Back
the couch, there's tons of blankets on it or whatever
because something gets wall and that's just where we pile
all the living room blankets, you know.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
And I'm sure her wife will appreciate that one or
partner or whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah, her partner, because her husband, you don't know anymore. Obviously,
I'm just glad she's not a furry and trying to
use a letter box.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Excited with the button.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Yeah, sometimes they assume all black people are from African America.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Oh oh yeah, thanks Ms Smoker.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Adam Stevens.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
He celebrated some clean time recently.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Three years.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Congratulations due so prompts to Adam and he came by
their actually got him a coin because I knew Adam
is busy and I knew he wasn't gonna go get
himself a coin, right, So it was like one of
those things where it was like, I'm go get Adam
a coin because I know he's not gonna get one,
and then I'll give it to him. And he came
(29:14):
by and he wanted to say this dude.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
That my son was God Like. They're like, he she
shouldn't have happened like it. I don't know how, you
know what I mean, like, but.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
It makes sense. That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yeah, thanks for coming by to leave that message for
everybody listening now.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
But Adam did get.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
His three years and it was pretty cool to be
able to give him that coin. I was his mentor
last time I went through treatment and took him a
couple more times. Sorry, but nah, he uh, he's turned
it around. And I'm really really proud of Adam. And
you know, he used to work here at two seventeen Recovery.
Now he works for organization that's kind of close to us,
(29:59):
and it's good to see him doing something that he
really likes. And he's doing a really good job at
it too.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
He is. I hear a lot of good reviews about Adam. Yeah,
and his job and how he manages things, and he
does just fly off the handle and he's really level headed,
giving keel and like, I don't think I've ever seen
Adam man I have, well, you've known him a lot
(30:28):
longer than me.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yeah, I want to play some uker.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
I don't want to play no, Sorry, dude, I just
thought you were just sitting over here by yourself.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
I thought you'd kind of join us to play some uker.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
But okay, you know, it's funny to talk to my
brother last week in jail. He was like, yeah, I'm
sitting in here playing some muker. I'm like, you got
enough white people in yourself. What I was like, normally
it's spades, you know, And he was like nope, Uker.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
I'm like, oh, his email is justin at two seventeen
recovery dot com. If you want to send him a
little email, say say hi. If Adam would have played
your he would have had a good time. But instead,
the next day, I'm just going to go right over
your conversation there. And the next day they're like, hey,
you got a person that you got a mentor. I'm
(31:23):
like who, They're like that guy. I was like, oh,
the dude that yelled at me. I was like, great, great,
that guy seems like a lot of fun. But now
I'm getting to know Adam over the years has been
great and I'm glad he's doing what he's doing.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
And big cops him. Also said I was going to
give Jim.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Jim runs a meeting at the two seventeen Recovery Center
Thursdays at three thirty called boot Ability. Yeah, and it's
kind of dharma based, and there were three people that
came to his meeting yesterday and.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
He was kind of.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Taken back by it, I think, But anyway, I told
them I will give him a shout out.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Yeah, he's actually a good, friendly guy.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yeah, so there's your shout out.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Jim she said, Oh, don't mention me, but he's enjoying
our videos that we post at to seventeen recovery dot
com for recovery story.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
So that's pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
And and thanks to months and two for help and
sponsor the media for that. Yeah, you know, the videos
next time are going to look even better. I can't wait,
I know, because like two of the cameras are older,
but then the one camera we already had, so then
you know, now to add another camera to that.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
It'll looks so much. Eight more cameras to go.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Just kidding, but no, next recovery stories in February will
look amazing. And do we ask the people yet?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
On time we were.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
To have people suggested, Paul Box said he would be there,
so I'll want to throw his name out there. And
he actually works for some favor of health. He's recovery
coach and runs their recovery coach department. I believe in
Jay Burton is the guy we I don't know if
we've asked him.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Yet, no, but I think he would be a really
good fit.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Oh absolutely would Yeah, I think he'd do great, so,
but I just don't know if he's been axed. Yeah,
but that's why I'll throw his name out there as
a hostile person that's going to do the messages of hope.
And then I don't know, we'll see about the stories
then who's going to do those? But yeah, February twentieth
is when I'm kind of ballparking that one.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
The twentieth after two seventeen seventeenth.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
It's a Monday, and you know, I got time for that.
Like you should have learned from the movie the other day.
We had the movie that we showed. It was on
a Tuesday at seven o'clock. Come on, I mean, it's
tough to get people there, you know, but Thursday is
a lot easier. And just we've done Thursdays in the past.
Why why rock the boat?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
You know?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Anyway, you have to get out of here, and so
do I.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
So thank you justin for joining me on the podcast today,
and I hope you have a great weekend the rest
of your day.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yeah, I hope you have a great weekend too.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Thanks for listening. Let's talk to you next time later.
Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Listen to over nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen
recovery app that's free in your app store or online
at two seventeen recovery dot com.
Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
With your host Corey Winfield, you.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Know how you know fish as bad as you can't
put it on pizza and special guest Justin Burke.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
I said something about that to our master radio broadcaster
and he said that he didn't hear nothing. Got your ass.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
It is the thirteenth of December twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
What's up.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
My name is Cory Winfield from Justin Burke. Welcome to
seventeen Recovery Podcast. Ben a minute, we backed out? Yeah,
got the Recovery Stories Message of Hope, Part four videos done.
They're up at two seventeen recovery dot com and on
our YouTube channel.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hell yeah yeah, Now you compressed them all into one video.
To me, no a movie like we did.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
With No One, which I might look at that again,
but I think Amazon changed ourselfs because Amazon, because we've
all seen some crap on Amazon.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
You're like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Son't paid to make that right, And I tried to
do that with the Recovery Stories. One did all the editing,
all the stuff, spent so much time on it, and
then they had to get it all in the right format,
right size, all this stuff, and they're like, yeah, you
can't do that what the learners.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Why I asked is because sometimes our friends across the
street likes to show part one right as because it's
all put together in one show and they don't have
to do multiple clicks. Mm hmmmmmmm.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Now I might do that because back to my story
here is if you had something that has multiple parts
to it, like part one, part two, part three, part four, whatever, yeah,
then I believe at one point in time you could
have done that. But I think they changed it to
where like you can't do that anymore because people were
(02:00):
putting so much garbage on there. But I could still
put it together. It's all one thing I'm lacking, Like
it's bad.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
This hard work. I got a roof this house.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
And from over here and over there and then back
to over here.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
So heavy.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Yeah, no, I'll look into that, but it's right now though.
They are just separate parts.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
You know.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
There's Kim, there's me, Russ Jesse telling the story, and
then Marnie and Chris Goss who used to be on
two seventeen Recovery podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
His story was amazing, like truly amazing.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
He gave a good message of hope. And I liked
what Chris said about smoking weed. And I remember back
in the day, man, and it was actually when Chris
moved into the Silver Living House I was managing and
he became a member of two seventeen Recovery podcast. And
before he he moved in though, well, let me backtrack
it all. When we were in treatment together, we were
the bus home. I remember him saying, I'm still gonna
(03:02):
smoke weed, man. I said, all right, man, well, and
it didn't worry for me. It always led me back
to something harder. You know a lot of people like, oh,
it's just weed, man, it's the problem. It's just weed.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
It's not the buzz you're looking.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Yeah, my alcohol brain was like, I want alcohol, Screw
this weed. And all the other people I've talked to
that had other substance choices would kind of say the
same thing, but that they went back to just weed,
and it never was just weed that always led them
back to something. Well, alcohol is never my problem, then
(03:36):
I'll just smoke weed and drink. Okay, Well, let's break
down the addiction part. Let's break down the trauma that
you're covering up. Let's let's start there. Because you're covering
up something with a substance. That's the problem. It's not
oh this or that or I've never had a problem
(03:57):
with that. Well guess what. Welcome Welcome to alcoholism then,
because that's the road you're going down, and that's that's
a slippertty slope.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So Chris tells me though, I'm just gonna smoke weed.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
And I said, all right, well, be careful man, you know,
and do what you need to do. I'm not trying
to tell people what to do what not to do.
I'm just saying what for me. It didn't work. Well,
maybe like three weeks later, I get a message, you know,
and he's like, hey, man, can you I need some
help because I'm doing other stuff now. And I'm like okay.
And he ended up going back to treatment, and I
(04:27):
think he left, and then I started worrying on the
treatment center and he's like, look, man, like I'm gonna
I'm not gonna say I'm never gonna smoke weed again,
because I probably will, but while I'm living in sober living,
I'm not going to so okay. So Chris came in
and he was on fire Man. He was doing really
good for a while, and then that house just became
a shit show after I left, and it was just bad,
(04:52):
bad for everybody's recovery. And that's the problem sometimes when
people I'm going to start a sober living house, I'm
gonna make so much money, that's okay. First of all,
if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong. And second, that's
not the train of thought there, Like you need to
be thinking like how can we help people?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
Well, as you speak of, that house just kind of
fell apart, though there was more to that story of
it just falling apart, because even though you may be sober,
your mind's maybe not there yet, even though you're not
using substances, because in your case was you know, you
didn't allow certain guys to do certain things on premises,
(05:32):
you know, like other people did so because they were
filled by greed and selfishness.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
By accepting, we don't have to beat around the bush,
we can tell the story.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
I think I've told them before. No.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I was managed in the Sober Living House with Ryan Peckman,
who was once on the podcast, and things were going
good at first Man, things are going real. What's the
wor I'm looking for optimistic things are optimistic, yeah, for
for kind of everybody in the house. And it started
to not be and some red flags started happening with me.
(06:08):
Because MAR It'schian Michigan and Association of Recovery Residences. They
will go around and they will go through these houses.
And then if you get certified with MAR, then you
can take money from organizations that get Medicaid money. So
if someone's coming into your house, the Medicaid will pay
for them to live there ninety days. But they want
to make sure that the bathroom's working, that the stove's working.
(06:29):
Because I stay at a place in around rapids man,
like the tub was falling through the floor in the
bathroom like it was. It was a horrible place, and
that is not good for my recovery. It was not
good for my recover.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I'm that I've never been in one of those harms.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I've been to some hell holes. So just oh, I'm
gonna go to Silver Living.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
No, No, it is very important what MAR does for
recovering residences and for Silver Living home side. Now, I'm
not saying that everybody that's certified with MARS up on
the I don't know that, and I can't tell you
that just because they're not that they're a bad place.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
But there are checks and balances with mar yep, so
there is some of that. And I kept saying, why
can't we do that, We can't we do this? Well
to do that own the house apparently had some felonies,
and then like with Ryan's passed, he there's no way
that mar would have certified them with those two in
their past.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
I didn't know it at the time.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
It was later I found that out, but I kept saying,
once you get certified with Marrow, Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying. Yeah,
he wasn't trying. He wasn't trying at all because he
knew he couldn't, or at least he found out at
one point he couldn't, and he wasn't making the money
he thought he was gonna be making.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Well, yeah, but if you a mortgage on the house,
you know, you gotta pay that the taxes, cleaning supplies,
basic toletres like the paper products, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
I think he was doing it more for a A
he thought he could make some money on it, and
b he wanted that stature, his friends or was friends whatever,
I don't really know. With Jason to back, who owns
the sort of living home that I lived at for
I think six months or three before, I don't remember,
six months maybe, And he saw like people kind of
(08:11):
looking up to Jason. I think he wanted that, yeah,
and be.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Like that pillar of the community.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Be like, oh no, really, I don't think he wanted
to be the pillar of the community. He just wanted
people to look up to him. Yeah, you know, there
are some issues I think with that guy.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
But anyway, Yeah, so.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
We come home one day from the store and Tyrone
would always go check this bike out because when people leave,
I think he gave him like two weeks or something,
maybe a month to come back and get your stuff.
Otherwise it was fair game. And Tyrone kept checking on
the bike. So he goes back in this back room
where the bike was, and he noticed that there's a
sleeping bag on the floor, and oh, oh, I know.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
At first I thought, oh, was somebody is living in here.
Somebody snug snuck back in and they're living here. And
so I went to lock the garage and this dude,
it was Thomas or Mike.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
He went by some fake ass name, but he comes
running out. He's like, yo, what are you doing? And
I was like, I'm locking the garage. Man, No, dude,
don't do that. I'm bringing my girl over.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
I was like what.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
He's like, come on man, Ryan said it was cool.
I already gave him some money. How much you need?
Pulls out his wallet and starts trying to pay me
in my I said, put your money away. I said,
you know what, I'm going to leave this draw unlocked.
But you know the house rules, you know, like you're
not to have women trying to trying to bone some
chicken the garage.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Dude, come on, bro.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Yeah and Sol were living like suchra relations inside this
sober living in property if not allowed.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
It's it was that dude was trash, and so I
went to Ryan and I went right to Ryan.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like what.
Speaker 3 (09:45):
I was like, homeboy just came and tried to give
me money and said he gave you money and said
you could bone his girlfriend in the garage.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well, Chris gets blue jumps in the porking rude.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
I was like, we're not talking about Chris and what
are you doing at four in the morning and watching
Chris in the car getting the you know whatever. I
was like, dude, this is not what we're trying to do.
This is not what we're about, you know. We're trying
to show these guys how to live a better life.
And I would bring Marnie over and because you could
have women over there, you know, we just doing y'all
hugged up on the couch.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
But I was showing them like, look, we can make
two seventeen recovery shirts. Tyrone made some wings and I
was trying to lead by example to show them, Look,
I'm not rubbing on her booty.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I'm not, you know, like, yeah, that healthy recovery environment.
You know, if you were trying to rub on her booty,
I'm sure you went and got a motel room or
a hotel room. And there's a couple of motel room
places in Boyd. I'm sure in the off season.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Wasn't bad price, Yeah, Potoski's cheaper, but you had to
do what you had to do, you know. But at
least when I had her around, I was I was
trying to show them this is what you do, right,
and being a year sober. I was just figuring it
out too, you know, and I thought it was a
good thing.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
But yeah, all that went.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Down and it just was like from then I left,
and like Chris kind of tells in his story a
little bit, if you want to go watch the video
like that's two seventeen Recovery dot Com. Chris kind of
hints on how it was supposed to be the next
Step House, and I think he called the wrong Step
House or the Misstep House or something something funny. I
think at some point the owner and a VID came
(11:13):
back and was like, all right, guys, I'm selling the house.
You got thirty days to get out. And that's I
think it was just too much for a lot of
those guys. And from what I heard, like he had
people like just paying money to live on to sleep
on the floor.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I mean, it was. It was bad. It was really bad.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
And you know that sucks that Chris had to go
through that, cause when I was there, man, we had
a good time.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Everybody was having fun.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
We were making fun videos that were we were doing
really good things in recovery, and you know, I just
had to leave and do my own thing too, And
it is what it is, but that can really trip
somebody up. But Chris's story, you know, he had a
couple more slip ups, and I always just keep telling him, man,
(11:56):
just keep going, you know, don't don't give up yet.
And now again when you watch the video and hear
his story, and maybe you've listened to the podcast, but
he will, he'll tell you that he can't smoke weed,
he can't, he can't do anything. You know, everything he
tries always leads him back to that. And the life
he's living now is great now as he got a
(12:19):
boat and live in a mansion, not that I know of,
but it's not That's not what life's about. And when
you get to this kind of sober you start appreciating
the things you do have. You know, awesome, you got
milk in the fridge, Oh my god, that's great. And
you got some cap crunching there.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Ship look out, let's have a part.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, you know, that's just a little thing sometimes, you know,
and then before you know it, God will blush.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
You with those other things.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
And just when you think, oh, life's not going my way,
well keep going, you know, and hell that the hell
that we've been through and that I had to live
through and I've heard it said so many times and
it's kind of cliche, but my worst day sober is
(13:04):
better than my best day he drinking, you know, or using,
because there wasn't very many good days when I was
an active addiction.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
So yeah, the.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
The worst day sober is still way way better. And
we all have problems, we go through things. I was
talking to my therapist about it just yesterday. I think,
I know, two days ago.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah, I think it was Wednesday, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
And it was kind of going over with her because
I have some issues with you know, who I want
or who I let watch my son, and I really
don't want any by watching my son.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I want to be there for him. I want to
do it.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
And when I was watching him in his crib the
other night, I put him in his crib, you know,
so we could play and he doesn't really hang out
in his crib at all, and he thought that was awesome.
And I was just sitting there, like just looking over
the side, thinking he's never going to be this small again.
Like tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he's gonna be
a little bit bigger than he is.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
When I get home today, he's going to be bigger
than he was when I let you know, like he
he's growing.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
He's a little baby.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
And they don't stop growing, dude.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, and so why would I want to?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
I enjoy this and I had to watch him and
that's when it was. On Tuesday, we had the movie
that we showed here at the Alluvian and great movie, yeah,
Tipping the Pain Scale. If you haven't seen that, find
out how and watch it. It is really really good.
But we had a premiere here and it came out
like a year ago, but still we showed it here
(14:28):
in Traverse City and it's a very interesting and good movie.
But I couldn't make it there because someone had to
stay home with our son because the movie started at
seven and get over to like nine. There was a
panel discussion, so it was it was quite the night.
So I was like, well, I'm gonna stay on with
Parker because I took a likable scale around the office
and I told Everyboddy you know, like who do you
(14:51):
like better? And they all said, oh, Marnie's like a
twelve and a one to ten, and I'm like, okay,
well I'm a two, so I think she should go,
especially Monster time. Yeah, but Marnie is likable and I
don't have to be there for everything, and it's like this,
shouldn't that show the trust I have for the people
that are into seventeen recovery that you guys can go
(15:13):
to an event without me? And then yeah, I mean
you don't remember at a time where I've been like.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
No, no, got to be me and you actually texted
me one thing. You're like, can we please move the
business cards? Yeah, and I simply moved him. I may
have placed him there. I don't remember who placed them there.
But as soon as I was like, yep, sure I
get what you're saying, yep.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Because yeah, that's just I'm not going to get into
that right now, but yeah, because I saw something. But still,
but there was a time where I would have been like, Nope,
I have to be there.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
We have to bring him.
Speaker 3 (15:43):
But we know he doesn't wan how to come to
that event. He's a little baby and gets tired, like
and I don't want to have a babysitter there, you know,
like I can.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Watch him, it's fine, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
So I'm trying to work through that with my therapists
and stuff, and you know, because Marnie believes that we
should leave him with people so times and it's like, well,
do we really need to?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
And you know, there's.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Different things I can weigh into the consideration of oh,
do we need a babysitter or can we or you know,
it's like, well, how bad do I have to be
there at that thing? I don't think I had to
be there at all. No, So why wouldn't I watch
my son, you know, just so I can go do
some of this stuff or do that stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Because, like you said, you'll never get those moments back.
And every day he does something new and you're like,
I miss that, Like how did I let myself miss that?
How did I let miss watching him crawl for the
first time, you know, yesterday, like actually crawling hands, knees
all over the floor.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Now he's not doing it like evil crazy evil double
baby that you see in movies or not like oh,
you know, but he's he likes to put his booty
in the air and kind of he's not really on
his well, sometimes he's on his knees and sometimes he's
just on his toes his hands.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
He's getting it down a lot better than the army
crawl that he was doing last week.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Yeah, so he's ready to go because he called from
the chair to the kitchen. It's like, whoa time, get
baby gates. Oh we got him there in the basement
and dust them off. Yeah, because in another week he's
going to be really good at it.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Oh yeah, I predicted Friday before Christmas. I think Miss
Smoker said Christmas.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
And I said Sunday and that was last week.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:27):
I was like, by Sunday he'll be doing it. Not
too far off. But yeah, so it's those moments, man,
and I want to be there for him.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
So you got to because I mean, if you're not there,
you feel those resentments towards yourself. Yeah, you know, like
why wasn't I here? Why did I make the time?
And like I catch myself doing that quite a bit lately,
and just over things that I just wasn't around to
(17:58):
show my daughter growing up, because being in and out
of her life, like and then only being there on
the weekends. You know, it was well, let's go have fun.
And you know, it wasn't much of a learning process.
I'm not saying there wasn't times where she did learn something,
but for the most part, it was like, well, let's
go have fun. Let's go hang out and have fun,
(18:18):
you know, and not worry about working or anything like that,
you know. And now I'm realizing that I have her
full time. It's like I missed a lot of time.
And it's like I'm really hard on myself about it.
And it's like I gotta show a fourteen year old
how to shovel snow because she didn't know how. You know.
(18:41):
It's like, wow, you.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Know, you don't know what you don't know, and yeah,
you know, probably just shake your head. I'm like, oh
my god, I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Like I wanted to yell at her first, and I'm like,
how can I yell at her when I never showed
her how to do something?
Speaker 3 (18:58):
I yell at you? But yeah, you know, we're not
in that. And it's just it's amazing that being a
father and being at a place that I never thought
I would be. And sometimes I think I need to
go back and listen to the podcast from earlier, early
days and you know, wanting the stuff that I have
now back then, you know, and kind of making it happen.
(19:22):
It's pretty cool, but it's a lot of work, and
you know, being married or anniversary was yesterday, and you know,
it's four years. I'm like, oh my god, it four years,
Like that's it seems like just yesterday.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Yeah, because I was in Sober Loving and I was like, oh,
I get I'm invited, right, And because we just kind
of like started our new friendship after outside of treatment,
you know, and it's like you're like, no COVID, no
one's coming. I'm like, oh okay, and I'm like that's
kind of weird whatever, but but you did take a
(19:56):
really nice video and it is out there, but you know,
it was kind of cool how you did do it though, you.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
Know, and if you want to see the video, I
want to say, it's on YouTube, but it's also two
seventeen recovery dot com slash wedding something like that.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I think that's the page for that.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
But it's you know, it's it's amazing to be here
and to be where I'm at and to watch you
guys start doing what you're doing, and you know, to
actually employ people who are in recovery to do recovery things.
And is it stressful sometimes?
Speaker 1 (20:30):
Sure?
Speaker 3 (20:31):
You know, every every job is, every life is stressful. Sometimes,
you know, whether you're dealing with your mother in law,
or your mother, your stepdad or your step mom, or
your dad, or your brother, your sister. It's always something, man,
and you got to do your best decide step the
stuff that's not your problem, and sometimes you just step
(20:52):
right in in any way and then you're just like great.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Well, that's part of the reason why I choose to
live by myself and so that I don't have to
be subjectified by anybody at all. Well, if they called me,
I don't. I can choose not to answer my phone.
You know, I know none my family's gonna drive up
here at the drop of a hat to beat on
my door. You can't. You won't believe what your brother
(21:18):
did today. You drove two hours up here to tell
me what my brother did. Know, it just ain't gonna happen,
you know. It's just I'm thankful for that. You know.
It's kind of like you you know, you moved all
the way up here from southwest Michigan. It's kind of
a good feeling, though, isn't it. Because someone just can't
hop in the car. Why you answering your phone?
Speaker 1 (21:40):
Sometimes they do every month, But that's fine.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
You know, at least you're not getting the wellness checks anymore.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
Yeah, yeah, I don't know how that would play out. No,
it would be weird, that would be. But now that is,
and you know, there's there's issues that you know, I
saw have to work on with myself and do the
best I can. But you know there's resentment things whether
I am passive on something and I'm like okay, and
(22:10):
then I regret it later, like man, I really should
have put my foot down, you know. We really needed
to be there for that, or I needed to be
there for that, but instead I was like okay. And
then if you really want to write down like what's
more important in it, and it's like, well, I don't know,
is it any of it really important?
Speaker 2 (22:27):
You know?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
And that might seem weird to say that, but if
you look at a situation where if it's something that's
going to make me happy and I need to do
this for my soul, okay, well maybe that doesn't benefit
the family immediately or directly, but it puts me in
a better headspace which will ultimately affect the family better.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
So and that's a two way street.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
You know. I have to you know, take my wife's
stuff into consideration too. You know, if there's something that
she wants to do. Is that something that's going to
benefit the family immediately? No, will put her in a
better headspace? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Or does she think it'll put her in ahead of
a better headspace than that? It doesn't.
Speaker 3 (23:06):
And then you're like, oh, that was a waste. But
then you have to grill yourself back in and be like,
well it's not should I could have would a time,
you know, like it is what it is, and but
it's it's a it's a process, man, and it's it's life.
And that's the beautiful thing is I have a choice today,
Because before I didn't it, I would just get drunk
over it, get drunk over it, say stuff that I
(23:29):
couldn't take back, do things that couldn't take back. And
at least today I can sit back and think about it,
and if I do say something or mess up, I
can always at least replay the tape in my head
to go, you know, maybe next time, let's let's not
do that. You know, how would you if the shoe
was on the other foot, That's all I'm always trying
to kind of do that, like put yourself in their
(23:50):
shoes and then look at it again, you know, and
if you can start doing that, and it's progress, not
perfection going to get it right every time, But if
I can next time handle the situation in a different
way where I didn't like the how I handled it
the first time, you know, and it's like, okay, well
I still didn't handle it perfect, but I did handle
(24:12):
it better than the second time. What can I do next?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
You know? What?
Speaker 3 (24:16):
What should I have done? Or what how? How would
I have liked the outcome to be, you know, and
taking someone else's feelings and thoughts and to consideration and
like I said, you know, put yourself in their shoes
for once.
Speaker 2 (24:31):
And yeah, I've really had to learn how to do
that lately too with my daughter, because like, she was
never given the opportunity of choice until she came to
live with me full time. And it's like, well, what
do you want to do this weekend?
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Kid?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Well, I don't know, dad, what whatever you want to do?
Because I know you're just not going to not do nothing? Well, no,
what do you want to go do? You know? And
it's still a constant fight, you know, of because she
never had choice. She was raised so so sheltered with
her mom and her mom's mom. You know, it was like,
(25:08):
how are you fourteen years old and you don't know
what you want to do? It's Saturday, you know, Like
you want to go swimming, you wanna go hiking? Like
what do you want? Whatever you want to do, Dad,
I just want to be with you and whatever makes
you happy. Well, it's not always about making someone else happy.
It's also about what do you want to do? And
you know, and you're allowed to have your own say
(25:29):
so in life, you know, and because some of us
do kind of still have that mindset, like we talked earlier,
well how can I manipulate this to benefit me? You know,
and it's like we have to learn how to not
do that. You know, if she want to go to
a pumpkin patch, I would have took her. You know.
It's kind of like that little goofy video I sent
(25:51):
you this fall of dad and mom taking kid out
to the apple farm picking apples and he's like, well,
this is a complete waste, funny just for these apples
to get left on my How much was that bag
of apples, by the way, fifty dollars to ride on
my counter? Yeah, Like like you're you're crazy, you know,
but but it's not. But It's not about that. It's
(26:13):
about allowing them to make those choices and try to
be there to guide them and say, well, that probably
isn't the healthiest choice, but how would we do this instead,
which would be.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
A healthier choice, and.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
Trying to guide her through that, you know, And it's
a learning process because I was raised by a totally
different choice outlook on life.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
You know, yeah, not that you have to raise your
daughter saying but then you know, still that's what you
knew and that's how you were shown. And then having
to catch yourself in those moments where you're like, maybe
I didn't handle that better, you know, al right, yeah I.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Could have handled that.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
And like you said about gonna yell at her about
not knowing how to shovel, then you realize, well, how
can I yelled her about not knowing how to shovel
when I haven't shown her how to shovel?
Speaker 2 (26:59):
Yep, you know, she was never taught, And so how
can you all lot someone when they were never taught?
You know, we're taught on a consistent basis. You know,
maybe I did show her one time, but who's to
say how long it was before she was able to
do anything? Because at her mom's house, she didn't have
chores to do. They did everything. We chose not to
(27:19):
do certain things in life, like clean their house. But whatever,
you know, it is what it is, you know. Like
when she came back this last time from her mom's,
she was like, Dad, I see what you're talking about
in life, and how appreciative it is when you come
home to a clean house and you can just feel
(27:40):
at ease because everything's somewhat put in its place, Like
my house is still lived in, if that makes any sense,
but everything's got a place, you know, Like we're just
not going to pile everything up on the table beside
the door when we come in because it's catch all. No,
everything's got a place, take care of it, you know.
And it's kind of she was like, you know, I'm
(28:02):
really appreciating this to show me how to live a
decent life and not have everything to catch all. Back
the couch, there's tons of blankets on it or whatever
because something gets wall and that's just where we pile
all the living room blankets, you know.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
And I'm sure her wife will appreciate that one or
partner or whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Yeah, her partner, because her husband, you don't know anymore. Obviously,
I'm just glad she's not a furry and trying to
use a letter box.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Excited with the button.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Yeah, sometimes they assume all black people are from African America.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
Oh oh yeah, thanks Ms Smoker.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Adam Stevens.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
He celebrated some clean time recently.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
Three years.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
Congratulations due so prompts to Adam and he came by
their actually got him a coin because I knew Adam
is busy and I knew he wasn't gonna go get
himself a coin, right, So it was like one of
those things where it was like, I'm go get Adam
a coin because I know he's not gonna get one,
and then I'll give it to him. And he came
(29:14):
by and he wanted to say this dude.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
That my son was God Like. They're like, he she
shouldn't have happened like it. I don't know how, you
know what I mean, like, but.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
It makes sense. That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Yeah, thanks for coming by to leave that message for
everybody listening now.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
But Adam did get.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
His three years and it was pretty cool to be
able to give him that coin. I was his mentor
last time I went through treatment and took him a
couple more times. Sorry, but nah, he uh, he's turned
it around. And I'm really really proud of Adam. And
you know, he used to work here at two seventeen Recovery.
Now he works for organization that's kind of close to us,
(29:59):
and it's good to see him doing something that he
really likes. And he's doing a really good job at
it too.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
He is. I hear a lot of good reviews about Adam. Yeah,
and his job and how he manages things, and he
does just fly off the handle and he's really level headed,
giving keel and like, I don't think I've ever seen
Adam man I have, well, you've known him a lot
(30:28):
longer than me.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Yeah, I want to play some uker.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
I don't want to play no, Sorry, dude, I just
thought you were just sitting over here by yourself.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
I thought you'd kind of join us to play some uker.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
But okay, you know, it's funny to talk to my
brother last week in jail. He was like, yeah, I'm
sitting in here playing some muker. I'm like, you got
enough white people in yourself. What I was like, normally
it's spades, you know, And he was like nope, Uker.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
I'm like, oh, his email is justin at two seventeen
recovery dot com. If you want to send him a
little email, say say hi. If Adam would have played
your he would have had a good time. But instead,
the next day, I'm just going to go right over
your conversation there. And the next day they're like, hey,
you got a person that you got a mentor. I'm
(31:23):
like who, They're like that guy. I was like, oh,
the dude that yelled at me. I was like, great, great,
that guy seems like a lot of fun. But now
I'm getting to know Adam over the years has been
great and I'm glad he's doing what he's doing.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
And big cops him. Also said I was going to
give Jim.
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Jim runs a meeting at the two seventeen Recovery Center
Thursdays at three thirty called boot Ability. Yeah, and it's
kind of dharma based, and there were three people that
came to his meeting yesterday and.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
He was kind of.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Taken back by it, I think, But anyway, I told
them I will give him a shout out.
Speaker 2 (32:01):
Yeah, he's actually a good, friendly guy.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yeah, so there's your shout out.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Jim she said, Oh, don't mention me, but he's enjoying
our videos that we post at to seventeen recovery dot
com for recovery story.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
So that's pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (32:17):
And and thanks to months and two for help and
sponsor the media for that. Yeah, you know, the videos
next time are going to look even better. I can't wait,
I know, because like two of the cameras are older,
but then the one camera we already had, so then
you know, now to add another camera to that.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
It'll looks so much. Eight more cameras to go.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Just kidding, but no, next recovery stories in February will
look amazing. And do we ask the people yet?
Speaker 1 (32:48):
I don't think so.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
On time we were.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
To have people suggested, Paul Box said he would be there,
so I'll want to throw his name out there. And
he actually works for some favor of health. He's recovery
coach and runs their recovery coach department. I believe in
Jay Burton is the guy we I don't know if
we've asked him.
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Yet, no, but I think he would be a really
good fit.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Oh absolutely would Yeah, I think he'd do great, so,
but I just don't know if he's been axed. Yeah,
but that's why I'll throw his name out there as
a hostile person that's going to do the messages of hope.
And then I don't know, we'll see about the stories
then who's going to do those? But yeah, February twentieth
is when I'm kind of ballparking that one.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
The twentieth after two seventeen seventeenth.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
It's a Monday, and you know, I got time for that.
Like you should have learned from the movie the other day.
We had the movie that we showed. It was on
a Tuesday at seven o'clock. Come on, I mean, it's
tough to get people there, you know, but Thursday is
a lot easier. And just we've done Thursdays in the past.
Why why rock the boat?
Speaker 4 (33:57):
You know?
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Anyway, you have to get out of here, and so
do I.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
So thank you justin for joining me on the podcast today,
and I hope you have a great weekend the rest
of your day.
Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yeah, I hope you have a great weekend too.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Thanks for listening. Let's talk to you next time later.
Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Listen to over nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen
recovery app that's free in your app store or online
at two seventeen recovery dot com.
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