October 26, 2022 • 57 mins
Rachel is a psychologist and illustrated self-help author. She is also an art playgroundist and clothing ambassador, who loves listening to the beauty in people to help them notice their true selves and find their joy.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Arwen Bardsley (00:00):
All right.
(00:00):
Welcome, everybody. Welcome backto another wonderful episode.
(00:02):
And I'm delighted today to haveRachel Awes as my guest. Rachel
is a psychologist andillustrated self help author,
and art playgroundist. And yes,I will be asking her what that
is a closing clothing ambassadorwho loves listening to the
(00:23):
beauty in people. Rachel has hernewest book, The relationship
book, a soulful,transformational and artistic
inventory of your connectivelife, releasing just next month
in early November. So that'sreally only a few weeks away,
Rachel. So I'd love to startRachel just with a bit about you
(00:44):
about your background and kindof like to get people to tell us
the story of how they got to bewhere they are now doing what
they're doing now.
Rachel Awes (00:55):
Yes. All right.
Well, I would love to talk aboutthat. I think that my
background, I'll say it quicklyis, as a child, the child of me
knew just what to do and how tobe the child of me knew she
loved being near people, andjust being like kind and
(01:15):
listening and drawing andwriting all these things and
loved colorful clothing. Andthat's exactly how I've turned
out. I mean, and I don't mean tosay when I say kind because I
heard myself say that, like, youknow, I you know, I have all my
crappiness at times, and all thethings that we right that we all
(01:37):
feel. But I do love people and Icare deeply about how people are
doing. And so, being apsychologist felt like such a
natural thing to go into. Andnow I've been a psychologist for
almost 30 years. And in my I'mnow 56. But in my early 40s, I
really circled back also tobringing back in the writing and
(02:02):
the art making of my youth andhave continued to do that in
book form primarily. And my loveof clothing and creative
expression. And colorfully sohas also really picked up during
this season of my life as well.
(02:23):
So the child in me is quitehappy with me. And so those, I
would think those would be themain things.
Arwen Bardsley (02:34):
So I love that and just coming from the
position of I love to work withthe seven chakras, which I don't
know if you're familiar withthat. You know, that decade of,
you know, kind of 41 to 51 isour phase of being in the throat
(02:54):
chakra. That's the truth. So,you know, you've really
blossomed into your truth phaseyou are, you know, shining forth
your truth from your heart.
Through that, that throat phaseof, you know, just being you I
love it. That's wonderful!
Rachel Awes (03:10):
thank you and I love the chakras coincide with
colors too.
Arwen Bardsley (03:14):
Yeah, well, of course, of course, you're up
with them. So did you have aperiod? You know, I don't know,
maybe from your 20s to your 40swhere some of that was a bit
more shut down a bit more gray,less colorful?
Rachel Awes (03:30):
Yeah. And so I would say 20s 30s was about for
me. Just getting into my careeras a psychologist and, and
figuring out, okay, beyondschooling, okay, how do I do
this? You know, it's like, whenpeople first learn things,
you're a little more into therules, how do you tie a tie? So
(03:51):
you're thinking of the distinctsteps of doing that, and making
sure you've got the foundationof what you're doing kind of
established and settled. I thinkI was establishing and settling
just the foundations, and, and,you know, starting a family, so
(04:13):
just the foundation of my lifein that way too. And then I
think at some point, we can No,I think that it was honestly, in
my early 40s I had which is allfine. It was great. Actually, I
had a hysterectomy. And youknow, I was done having children
(04:34):
it went well and fine andhealthy. And someone asked me in
the place of your uterus, whatwould you like there? And I said
my creative life to blossom now.
And it has, and it's happened inkind of small, wonderful steps.
Anything from a pair of eyeglassframes that I would pick out I
(04:56):
remember being in a departmentstore, you know, when you pick
out eyeglass frames, you goreally close to the mirror to
check out, you know, from frameto frame. And I remember I put
on these purple and green pairof frames, and I would just
giggle in the mirror and thensay okay, and then I'd put on
(05:17):
more reasonable frames, I'd belike, okay, that sure looks good
on my face. That's it, and thenI try on the green purple ones
again, and then I couldn't stopgiggling, Arwen. And then, so
then I said, I am not going toargue with my joy. Okay, and
that those that pair, and I'mnot saying for everyone that
that purple and green, you know,eyeglass frames would be it for
(05:41):
you. But I think it's payingattention to what is your joy,
and what makes you feel alive.
And that those are tremendousclues into a path lead of
wellness and joy. And so, andthen the other piece that I
(06:03):
would just say that I rememberis one of my first couple steps
was a paper calendar. I don't,you know, I still keep a paper
calendar when I'm scheduling myclients, but I just always have,
I just love that. And so at thetime, though, a number of years
ago, now, I remember, I wentfrom just keeping up what I
(06:26):
thought was a professionallooking calendar that was just
black on the cover, and youknow, just had the years, you
know, and I thought, well,that's what I scheduled my
clients with. That's what theysee, I look like a real
professional. And I rememberlooking at something called a
Mary Engelbreit calendar, whichis an artist who's just colorful
(06:48):
and whimsical and affirming, andjust really, really sweet
characters and these littlevignettes. And so the calendar
was full of her stuff. And so Ithought, oh, that won't look
very professional, but I reallywant it My heart feels led to
it. And I said, I'm just goingto do it. And so I began a
(07:09):
snowball, that's really becomewhat I would call my beautiful
life.
Arwen Bardsley (07:15):
I love that. And a few things came out of what
you've just said, for me, it'sfirst of all, replacing your
uterus with creativity, again,coming back to the chakras. And
this really was not my intentionwith this conversation. But you
know, that is that SacralChakra, I like to call it the
(07:36):
creation energy, it is our youknow where our creativity comes
from? I mean, obviously, we, youknow, we have that innate
ability to create new life inthat place. But that is where it
comes from. So, yeah, so, sobeautiful.
Rachel Awes (07:50):
I love that you're tying that together.
Arwen Bardsley (07:53):
Yeah. So, first of all, why do you think that
it's so hard for so many peoplein our culture in our society
now to, you know, allowthemselves or to be able to tap
(08:13):
into that place of joy? Andreally make sure and, and the
other bit is if they do that wedon't prioritize it. What What
are your thoughts, especially asa psychologist around that?
Rachel Awes (08:24):
Yeah. I think that just even as you asked the
questio, Arwen, my heart aches alittle bit, because I think that
it is a matter of the heart, andthe heart chakra. And, and what
I'm thinking about is multifold, is that for a lot of
(08:47):
people, that's going to meanlistening, taking the time to
slow down and pay attention. Andnotice what sensations come
forward when they make a certainselection. Because to decide to
hear, if something brings mejoy, I have to be in dialogue
(09:11):
with myself, don't I? I have toactually let myself get quiet
enough to notice. Because joycan feel like a range, you know,
can be very subtle, or it can beas all out is giggling or
laughing hard, you know? But thesubtle can be a quickened
heartbeat, right? Or just alittle whoosh, you feel a little
(09:37):
sensation in the body. It canfeel really also gentle, but
it's joy nonetheless. And youhave to be connected to your
body and listening to do that.
And for some people, it's notaltogether emotionally safe to
be connected to their bodybecause of trauma. Oh, or, and
(09:58):
so it's a way of, they'reprotecting themselves, right.
Or, for some people, it's hardto take themselves seriously of
what's going on inside them,because they grew up with either
parents, or siblings, or friendsor peers, who discouraged them,
(10:20):
or made fun of them, or treatedthem like they were invisible,
right, all kinds ofpossibilities. And all of these
possibilities don't have to be adramatic picture. It can be
subtle, it can be a few wordsspoken at certain key times that
were really important thatstayed with them. And so they
(10:43):
learn to sort of either hide, orto not want to stand out, or not
pronounce or share joy. Like oneof the ways I share joy is in my
colorful clothing. I hardlythink about it anymore. But I
stopped quite a bit saying,Excuse me, what is that, you
(11:03):
know, bla bla bla, or, orcomment on? Oh, my gosh, you
know, you're, what you'rewearing. And so you do become
visible, whether it's in yourclothes, or it's in the light
you're you are giving out ifyou're living out some joy. And
I think a deeper question is, doyou do want to be seen? And what
(11:23):
will that mean for you? And iffor some reason you it's hard to
listen to yourself, or you don'tquite want to be seen, then
what's going to help you to feelsafer? Because then it's an
issue of this sort of a deeperissue of the heart, and really
caring for those tender places.
Arwen Bardsley (11:49):
Yeah, thank you for that. I have recently
brought art back into my life aswell. And I was just thinking,
as you were saying that, that Inoticed this week when I was
just quietly doing some paintingstuff. And I just thought, wow,
(12:11):
I just feel so calm, so relaxed.
It was like, you know, this realknowledge that I need to do this
more to have, you know, thatthat just that it was joy, but
it was a very quiet joy, likeyou said, you know, it doesn't
have to be, you know, gigglingmadly it was just like a, you
know, I'm just so in my flowdoing this.
Rachel Awes (12:35):
That's right. Isn't that something how creativity
which can take so many forms,including cooking, and baking, I
mean, right, so many forms? Issuch can be such medicine and
such a portal to our hearts toour joy to regulating our bodies
(12:58):
and calming down and, and avehicle to ourselves?
Arwen Bardsley (13:04):
Yeah, and I think that's a really important
point that yeah, it doesn't meanthat everybody needs to get out
the paints or the coloredpencils, or whatever it might be
you get into the kitchen, or youget into the garden, or you put
on some music and dance orwhatever it is. But yeah, we are
innately creative our cells arecreating every day is one of my
(13:26):
teachers says, or, you know,every minute or hour or whatever
it is, it's you know, we arecreative.
Rachel Awes (13:33):
Yes, exactly.
Arwen Bardsley (13:36):
Have you looked into anything about the
psychology of color?
Rachel Awes (13:41):
Oh, I have and it's not all fresh on my mind. But I
did do a brief talk on that one.
And it was fascinating, leadingup to the talk to do some
research on different colors andtheir effects. Right. And so the
ways you just to give a littlesampling of things that I
remember because some of thethings certainly stay with me
(14:03):
but even things like drinkingout drinking, like let's say hot
chocolate out of an orange mugwill psychologically make the
chocolate taste better to you.
Isn't that interesting? Or thecolors green which makes sense
(14:25):
because of green being in somuch nature tends to help us to
feel more tranquility and calm.
You know, the color. Red tendsto jump out at us so and
energize us. So sometimes yousee that in a gym or workout
facility. You know, I could keepgoing but there's just these
(14:47):
different qualities about colorthat absolutely have effects on
us.
Arwen Bardsley (14:57):
Yeah. And it's and again, it's about paying
attention. And because we'll allbe potentially a bit different
with that, you know, paying itbeing quiet and still enough
that you can go, you know, what,what am I feeling about this
color? And, you know, and Ithink we do get to this point,
you know, probably in some pointin middle age where you just
like now I just feel like, No, Ijust want to have things that I
(15:21):
really like, around me and onme. And you know, and a lot of
that is color. I'm not thatcolorful today. But yeah, I
think, you know, it's it allcomes back to that listening to
yourself, doesn't it?
Rachel Awes (15:34):
It sure does. It's interesting, Arwen, because I
was just thinking that I'mwearing a lot of orange today.
And orange happens to be apolarizing color. Some people
hate it, and some people loveit. And there's not a lot of
people in between. It's likeblack licorice, you know, with
reactions to it, I'm justrealizing I'm wearing a
(15:55):
polarizing color. So some peoplelooking at me will be like, ah,
and then you know, it's just,it's, that's the deal. But and
blue, by far is people's mostfavorite color. So if you know,
if you're just wanting to have aneutral, positive effect, you
know, it's fascinating to thinkabout these things.
Arwen Bardsley (16:16):
Yeah. And I think blue is quite calming as
well, isn't it? Because there'salso there's the green with, you
know, like the forest effect.
And there's the blue with thewater effect, I think, naturally
calming to us as well. Yeah. Soplease tell us about your book,
good relationship books. So, youknow, obviously, I'd love you to
give us some little snippetsfrom it, or whatever you want to
(16:40):
do to, for people to be able totake away some great tips from
this conversation as well.
Rachel Awes (16:46):
Oh, that would be so great. Well, here is just for
those of you who are watching
Arwen Bardsley (16:51):
Gorgeously colourful!
Rachel Awes (16:53):
Yeah, see, oh, thankyou. And so the
relationship book I wrote duringthe pandemic, for those couple
of years, I was so struck in myconversations with people about
what we already knew, but was soaccentuated about how near and
dear to us, our connections arean an integral to our well
(17:15):
being, and, and how much forsome people, you know, some more
than others, but in isolationthat began to take place,
especially among some singlepeople I knew who were able to
work from home on theircomputers, while of course, was
so great, they could work fromtheir computer and still work.
(17:35):
But being so isolated, and Iknow for some of those people
they got, they got pets, youknow, a new cat, a new dog,
whereas they didn't have thatbefore the pandemic, but having
connection and relationship,even if it's to an animal was
life changing. And so it justreally was pressed on my heart
(17:58):
Arwen to speak about an honourrelationships, and to be more
intentional about them. And soin this book, I have nine
chapters. Three of them aredevoted to our relationships
with people, which of course ashuman beings, but those people
(18:19):
chapters have different themes.
So like when we have tension inour relationships with people,
that's one chapter. And youknow, and then but just other
themes, right embrace like thelovey stuff and, but the other
chapters in the book are avariety of relationships,
starting with our relationshipwith ourselves, right, caring
for that. And then relationshipwith food, with clothing, with
(18:43):
animals, with community withdivinity. So it ranges and the
last thing I'll say about thestructure of the book, is each
page spread, has an anonymousclient quote from my psychology
practice that took my breathaway in some way that they've
(19:03):
approved for me to have in here.
And then I accompany that withmy written reflection, that's a
little bit prose like, and thenmy colorful illustration. And so
I just My intention is to equipthe reader with feeling really
cared for and supported in them.
being really intentional aboutcaring for their relationship
(19:30):
with themselves, and in turnwith others. And also equipping
the reader with maybe someoutside of the box, new skills
or ideas of things to try. Thatmight really empower them. Lift
them up, create more intimacywith themselves with their
(19:50):
relationships with others, maybeeven give them some new thoughts
about their relationship withtheir clothes and other ways. So
that's some of what it's about.
But I would love to read acouple captions from them.
Arwen Bardsley (20:05):
I would love you to do that.
Rachel Awes (20:08):
Okay. All right, one of the page spreads. And I
tell you, I'm like akindergarten teacher with
showing a page real quick. Sohere's one page. This is the
purple guy who you're seeingthere.
Arwen Bardsley (20:23):
And can you perhaps describe that for people
who are listening?
Rachel Awes (20:26):
Yes. So it's a little guy, he looks kind of
anxious. And I call him thePurple Guy and have a purple
face, purple hair purple outfit,you know, he's sitting down with
his hands together, like kind ofnervous. And this is from the
first chapter relationship withmyself. The anonymous client
(20:47):
quote, I've named the nervouspart of myself, the purple guy,
and I'm working on hearing himand being good to him. My
reflection, I opened my cape,and a cast of characters flocks
forward. Each Emmy awarded indeep heart applauded, there's
the purple guy who's alwaysnervous, Gladys, who always
(21:11):
feels she must put on a gladface, and candy, who invariably
asks for more candy. There aremany others with hands waving
excitedly in the air, waitingfor their day to be chosen,
named and brought into the fold.
These are the parts of me who Ilaugh with, and lounge with, cry
with and hold, rest with andwrestle with, reconcile with and
(21:36):
release, and do it all overagain, seeing them outside of
me, gives me a new way tointroduce myself to myself, I
then seem to show up with bettermanners, treating myself with
more care. At the close of theday, I tuck them in and whisper
(21:56):
sweet dreams, and tell them I'llsee them again in the morning.
So that is, that's an example ofloving up the reader, right, all
the parts of them inside, andmaybe giving them a new or
different way of approachingthemselves like, Oh, what are
(22:21):
some of the parts of me? How canI love up those the whole lot,
you know, not have to say I'mscared, I need to swallow that
part of me or hide it orcompartmentalize that or, or say
negative things to that part ofme to, no, all my parts or parts
to love?
Arwen Bardsley (22:42):
So how do you do that? How do you start trying to
love the purple guy?
Rachel Awes (22:49):
Yeah, I think I think it starts with awareness.
I think it starts with evenknowing that's an option. It's
kind of a sense of, oh, my gosh,when I feel anxious about
something, I instead of sayingto myself, well, that was
stupid, or I am such a chicken,whatever. I have an option that
(23:17):
I wasn't aware of before, ofholding compassion for that part
of me. And I'm doing the best Ican. And it reminds me to say
that to myself, that there'sanother part of me, who's
observing it. There's a part ofme observing the purple guy. I
(23:39):
can't say there's a nervous partof me without observing it,
right. And so the fact that Ihave an Observer Self says
something about there's also apart of me, the Observer Self,
who can be quite compassionate,and quite observant, and quite
whole. So I would say, it justeven begins with that awareness
(24:04):
and trying out this language,and letting yourself be wildly
imperfect at it.
Arwen Bardsley (24:12):
Yeah. Do you think the Observer Self is the
same as the judging self? Or arethey two different selves,
Rachel Awes (24:19):
very different. So I want to say the Observer Self
is really more the wise self.
The Observer Self, is the wise,compassionate self, who's
watching all of this, and thatmight watch the judgment, you
know, or the judge. You know,what does that Judge look like
inside and why does that Judgeneed to be there? Because from
(24:43):
the observer compassionate, wiseself? All the parts are there
for a reason trying to take careof you. Defend you Look out for
you. Sometimes the judging self,I think is also scared.
Arwen Bardsley (25:09):
Absolutely.
Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel Awes (25:12):
So. So that that is an example of trying to give the
reader some thoughts. Anotherpage just spread, which I won't
read the whole thing right nowin the relationship with myself
chapter has to do with whenfeeling more depressed, to give
(25:33):
yourself while Well, let me saythis say when we're depressed if
basic self care practices don'tseem to be moving the needle on
the depression, to reallyconsider and brainstorm a list
of wild and beautifulexperiences to give yourself,
like, going out hot air balloonif you can, and watch the
sunset, go to a friend's doorand sing to her. You know, say a
(25:59):
prayer to an elephant. You know,I could keep brainstorming but
have a hole at the top of apiece of paper. Put on there
write down wild and beautifulexperiences, and just brainstorm
a list. What would be things youcould give yourself that would
feel like that. So that'sanother example of equipping the
(26:21):
reader in the listener andencouraging you. And I some of
these pages get a little bitlike most of the pages don't
rhyme in my reflections but afew do. And I'd love to read a
lovey dovey one that is a littlerhythmy, just to sort of shift
(26:42):
it up a little bit. And howabout that. This is from a
chapter. relationship withhumans embrace, right, so this
is the more here we are theLovey Dovey, and I'll describe
it to but for people who can seethere is Thank you. So it is an
illustration of a woman. Andshe's kind of hugging yourself.
(27:06):
And it's more black and white.
And on one side of her outfitand hair is sort of white
background with black polkadots. And the other half of her
is black background with whitepolka dots. And the anonymous
client quote is, I was told myhusband and I had multiple lives
together. And in one life, wewere the same person. Here's my
(27:28):
reflection. My DNA is spiraledinto yours. And yours is
spiraled into mine. An inheritedcolor coded cellular design. Our
paths are interwoven and ourstories intertwined. For where I
(27:50):
find your heartbeat. I mostcertainly find mine. We are two
lights, and yet somehow are oneas we walk through this world.
You the moon, me the sun.
Arwen Bardsley (28:07):
I love that.
It's gorgeous.
Rachel Awes (28:10):
Thank you.
Arwen Bardsley (28:11):
So I did want to ask you as well about the fact
that your books and this is thefourth is that right? And are
they all illustrated I justwanted to ask about that.
Rachel Awes (28:25):
Yes. THey're all colorful.
Arwen Bardsley (28:27):
It's pretty unusual, isn't it for a self
help book other than havinggraphs or, you know, scientific
diagrams?
Rachel Awes (28:34):
And For adults? And so, you know, I've got to just
tell you what, at some pointwhen I was in grade school, I
distinctly remember picturebooks, changing to chapter
books. And the chapter booksseem to lose all their colorful
(28:54):
pictures. And I was seriouslybummed out. I grieved that I
didn't mind the stories becomingmore intricate, and I loved
them. But I was really sad tolose the pictures. This is what
I mean about the child in me hasinformed my adult life and my
(29:17):
becoming. And so I thought, atsome point in my adult life, I
am putting colorful books backinto the world for adults. Yes,
Arwen Bardsley (29:29):
yeah. And so what are the other three books?
Are they things you'd like tomention as well?
Rachel Awes (29:37):
Sure, sure. My first book is called All I did
was listen. And it is a bookabout our transformation. And it
has, it's the only other booklike the relationship book that
has that same format ofanonymous client quotes with my
reflection and my drawings. Butthat book is specifically about
(30:00):
transformation starting fromour, all of our messiness
inside, kind of the way we wakefrom Dreams with our wrinkled
pajamas, and our messy hair, andour real stories, our dreamy
place where we don't censor ourstories, leading all the way up
to I am, who I am, who I am justreally embracing who we are. And
(30:22):
so it's really a tale of that.
And that's why it's called All Idid was listen, because it was
just really, it's aboutlistening to ourselves, it was
me, listening to the amazingthings that I would hear
transforming, and my clientsthat I realized, this is all of
our stories. So that was myfirst. My second is just a short
book called diving in that forpeople especially who love water
(30:46):
and swimming. It's a niche bookfor them. So it's about going
for a swim. But it's a metaphorabout this invitation to dive in
to the water, that when we standon the edge of the water and
look in. While that can belovely in all the gold nuggets,
all the living all the alivenessis when we swim, that's where
(31:09):
all the whales are, we encounterthe relationships, you know,
things come alive. And so it'sthis invitation to dive into the
water to your life. So that'sthat. And then the third one is
called the Great Green okaynessA Field Guide to seeing your
uncommon magnificence. And sothat book gives the reader all
(31:31):
these different ways to thinkabout their magnificence and
their worth. And also outside ofthe sort of box ways of thinking
about that. Just for quickexample, like, you know, that
our superpowers are more aboutwhen when I don't know if you've
(31:52):
experienced being called Weird,at any point in your life or
odd, or like that was weird, orthat and sometimes that can feel
shaming. But what I am saying isthat those are the clues to our
magnificence. That's the twiston it. Is that? Oh my gosh, when
someone says, Well, that waskind of weird. I think oh, oh,
(32:17):
that's right. I may have scaredthem a little bit. But it has
something to do with being likevery uniquely me. So for me one
of my quote weird things, butnot weird. It's not really
weird. It's magnificent. is Iwill I love to lean into people
and tell them all the beautifulstuff. I see that in them. And
(32:42):
sometimes people can beuncomfortable with that. And I
don't mean I don't haveboundaries with that, of course
I do. But growing up finding myway with that and articulating
it, you know, that was ajourney. And so that that is
absolutely how I'm built and howI'm meant to proceed in this
(33:04):
life. So I just say lean intowhatever the weird thing is, or
the other thing Arwen issometimes in my conversations,
people will start by saying,Okay, I'm going to tell you
something that's kind of silly,or it's kind of corny, or it's
kind of weird. And I alwaysblurt out now, because I'm 100%
confident I say, okay, just soyou know, whatever you're about
(33:27):
to tell me is going to be thebest thing. I just know it. And
it always is. Yeah, so that isjust an example. And this is me,
like going on and on just inconversational in a
conversational way. But that'slike one of the pages in the
Great Green okayness where I sayit more succinctly. But it's a
clue to your magnificence.
Arwen Bardsley (33:51):
I love that.
Thank you. So just back to theillustrating Do you like was
that something? I'm sure it wasthat you felt like for yourself?
You just had to, to illustratethese books what you were
writing. But what do you alsothink that the your readers get
from that?
Rachel Awes (34:12):
Oh, well, I think I hope they first of all get joy.
And that it also unconsciouslyor consciously or both brings to
the table their own inner child.
It brings more of them to thetable. And also I think that it
can invite a sense ofplayfulness in something that's
(34:34):
light and delightful in the mixof the depth of what I'm talking
about in the pages. So it's kindof it allows the deeper messages
to be digested well. Yeah. Doyou know what I'm saying? It's
(34:54):
like being given like a sweethug from I don't I don't know.
all like, I feel like in a sweetway, it's not really sneaky, but
like, I sneak in the deepthings. I'm planting seeds of
people's, like, super specialdeep worth, and just some deep
things, but I'm accompanyingthem. Oh, maybe some of it is
(35:20):
I'm also giving them goodcompany as they do it, because a
lot of the pictures are of thesefigures. Yep. And so maybe
that's some of it and givingthem companions. Yeah. To be
with them as they think aboutthese things.
Arwen Bardsley (35:40):
Yeah. And it just I guess, it's a different
way for the brain to see theinformation as well. Because,
you know, we, we certainly, youknow, we started off reading
things that were pictorial so,you know, it's, it's an innate
(36:00):
way for our, you know, probablyout the oldest parts of our
brains to get information andprocess it as well, isn't it?
Rachel Awes (36:07):
Oh, my gosh, that's a super smart. Thought. That is
super true. We know it's true.
Oh, yes. Arwen. Yeah,
Arwen Bardsley (36:20):
we answered the question together.
Rachel Awes (36:22):
Yes, we did go team.
Arwen Bardsley (36:26):
Okay, I've got to ask you, what an what an art
playgroundist is like what's,you know, why don't why don't
they just call yourself anartist.
Rachel Awes (36:35):
Right. Right, which I do identify with, of course, I
made up the term. And you knowwhat, there's going to be a
theme throughout this wholeconversation of a child. So
making art for me feels like I'mon the playground again. Like
it's recess. And I'm free. AndI'm running the field with my
(36:56):
friends, the wind is in my hair.
I may be, you know, having funon the swings. But there is a
real freedom and aconnectiveness. For me, when I
make art. That's the similarsensation to that.
Arwen Bardsley (37:12):
Yeah. Beautiful.
I love that. And that's a greatthing for for anybody to tap
into as well. You know, I think,especially as adults, when we go
back to creating visual art,especially, and I'm sure it's
the same with any other art formthat you you've really got to be
aware of that perfectionistpart. Yeah, you know, that's
like, oh, no, oh, that'srubbish. You know, like one of
(37:35):
the things I did the other dayI, it didn't turn out like I
thought it was going to but thenI was like, actually, I really
like it and I've put it up on mywall. So you know, it's just
that an end, if you go to an artgallery, there are things that
you look at, and you just thinkmore why is that defined as art
that's, you know, good enough tobe on a on a, you know, the wall
(37:58):
of the National Gallery. Andit's just about that, that
element of play. You're soright.
Rachel Awes (38:06):
Yes, absolutely.
Oh, my goodness. And yeah.
Arwen Bardsley (38:13):
And I know you do a lot of stuff with clothing
as well, you obviously wear aamazingly gorgeous items of
clothing, even if orange is notmy favorite color in the world.
But you know, I suppose justtell us a bit about that as
well. I think you call yourselfa clothing ambassador. Tell us
(38:38):
about that part of your life aswell.
Rachel Awes (38:41):
Yes, it's very related to everything else that
we're talking about in that as Iwas drawing, and have been
drawing my figures in my booksin an individual art prints of
primarily women, but sometimesanimals and purple guy, you
know, sometimes, you know, I'vegot a couple of different guys
(39:05):
in this latest book. When I'vebeen doing that, over these
years, it started to affect myclothing choices. And I started
dressing like how I was drawing,how I was dressing my figures on
paper, I started overtime todress me. And then the more I
(39:29):
would start to dress me indifferent ways that started to
affect how I drew my figures,right. So I have this art print
that I wrote words on that says,I make art and art makes me that
it's very, there is somethingmagical and very real. That is
(39:49):
CO created there. And so thatthat was happening and I knew
that as a little girl as well.
You know I remember some of myclothes that I loved And so
there's a free to be you and meand how I dress. And there's a
freedom also of not worryingwhat other people will think of
it. And in fact, I think thatthe way I dress blesses people,
(40:09):
because I'm being myself andauthentic. And in fact, a lot of
my clients will sometimes say tome, Rachel, your outfits are
also therapeutic for me, becauseyou are modeling being yourself
and free. And also, sometimesthe colors are also making me
simply happy. And sometimes Ijust look forward to what will
(40:29):
she wear next? So I do get thatfeedback. And so what also
happened is that I think it wasin 2016. I had a family trip,
which was delightful with, youknow, my sons and my husband to
New York. And a couple ofdifferent people said to me,
(40:50):
Rachel, when you're in New York,you have got to check out the
Swedish based store in Sohocalled Gudrun Sjoden, you are
going to just die. You're goingto love her clothing, right? So
hot tip G-U-D-R-U-N at last nameS-J-O-D-E-N at 50 Greene Street
(41:12):
in Green has an E at the end.
Ah, I love her clothes. I'mwearing them right now. You
know, so it's Yeah,
Arwen Bardsley (41:24):
I love that jacket it's gorgeous.
Rachel Awes (41:27):
And this dress too.
But it's she one of the things Ilove is she like will put out a
jacket, but she will have it inthree different colorways. So
this will also come in like ablack and a white and then some
other color scheme, you know, soshe gives options. But what
happened is we got to ourAirbnb. And this is a happy
coincidence or whatever you wantto call it. But it turns out the
(41:49):
store was six blocks away fromwhere we were staying in New
York's a huge place. And I saidto my family, I said, Oh my
gosh, as soon as we got inthere, I said, I have got to go
there first. And so I it was theone store I spent the most time
in like two or three hours. Ijust walked in, I exclaimed
(42:12):
loudly. This is my favoriteclothing store ever. It looked
like all the girls I've beentrying to paint alive, like it
was my clothing I've beendrawing and and the manager came
running across the store andsaid I heard you. And by the
time I left the store, and I wasstanding in a circle on the
(42:32):
floor in the store with all thestaff and I was crying because I
loved them so much. And like oneof the the store people working.
They didn't have something leftin my size. But she was wearing
it. It was my size. She saidRachel, I want to give it to
you. And she took it off herback and handed it to me. This
is my gift to you. Wow. By thetime I left New York, they asked
(42:55):
me to be an ambassador for thatstore Am I still am and you
know, it's just a tremendousdelight. And it's talk about
playground is like it is so funto wear the clothes, and I'm so
genuine about loving them. Andit's part of my creative
expression. Oftentimes puttingan outfit together is about joy.
(43:17):
For me. It is about circlingback to earlier in our
conversation. It's aboutlistening to my heart. It's
about taking my choiceseriously. It's about treating
myself well. It also like it'sabout putting on clothes that
feel comfortable. I don't likethings tight on my tummy. I like
things soft. You know, it'sabout noticing all those things
(43:41):
and honoring myself and honoringmy beautiful relationship with
myself because I love me. And Iget to, I get to and we get to.
But it's a process. And it's aprocess every day with what food
I give myself. And how how Itreat myself. Yeah, yeah. And so
(44:03):
it's all those things. And I'vealso begun working with another
clothing designer, Magnoliapearl that I love to that's
newer. So those, that's whatthat portion of life is that all
the different segments speak toeach other. The clothing speaks
(44:26):
to the books, it's like, inspeaks to my therapy clients,
like they're all friends, butit's about integrating me. It's
about paying attention to all myparts. It's about I get to
really show up, but it'shappened in little steps over
(44:47):
the years. It's you know, when Ithink about anyone who might
wonder how in the world do I dothat? You do it with one
decision at A time you do itwith what socks? Do I feel like
wearing today? Do I do I want towear two different socks? to I
want to in saying you do it bysaying who's a friend who treats
(45:12):
me well, who I might like toreach out to? You know, you do
it with saying? Well, I alwaystake that boring walk. But
where's the place? I can takemyself that would be a lovely
walk for me? And so on.
Arwen Bardsley (45:32):
That's great, because I was just going to say
to you what is the first stepthat someone can take? And
you've already answered thatquestion?
Rachel Awes (45:38):
Yes, we're in sync.
Arwen Bardsley (45:40):
I love that.
About that store. I'm definitelygoing there. Because I'm sure I
will love it as well.
Rachel Awes (45:47):
Oh, my goodness, that is so great. Well, if you
do mention my name, some of thestaff will know me. That is
exactly where it will beDecember 3 For anyone who
happens to be in New York,December 3, I will be at that
store for a book signing allafternoon. And then also for
people in New York that day, whocome to my signing they will get
(46:10):
10% off all their clothing theybuy in the store that day.
Arwen Bardsley (46:14):
Okay. Yeah. So what part of New York is it?
Rachel Awes (46:18):
It's in SoHo. Which is such a fun area anyway.
Right?
Arwen Bardsley (46:28):
Oh, how fabulous. And do you know the
brand Desigual?
Rachel Awes (46:33):
Yes. I love that.
Yeah.
I love that as well.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my goodness.
Arwen Bardsley (46:41):
Yeah. Yeah, we'll just kind of similar ish
kind of stuff, isn't it? Yeah.
What you're wearing anyway. Um,so tell us where people can get
your book? And is there anythingother than what you've just
mentioned? About a third ofDecember in New York? Is there
anything else you want to tellpeople about?
Rachel Awes (47:02):
I think that's it.
I think that also go berefreshments in the store. But
again, it's at 50 Greene Street,G-R-E-E-N-E in New York. And I
love to see you there. That'sit. Like, that's, that would be
so fun. So in terms of findingmy book, now, it's available for
preorder. And the books will begoing out very, very soon. And
(47:26):
you can if you're someone whodoesn't like links that you just
prefer to Google things, likejust put some keywords in the
Google, it would just be RachelAwes. And its last name is like
the first part of awesome, soit's A-W-E
Arwen Bardsley (47:43):
So appropriate!
Rachel Awes (47:43):
Oh, thank you. But I say it as like a memory thing.
Yeah. So Rachel, you couldGoogle Rachel Awes, or Rachel's
or Rachel Awes, Etsy - E- T-S-Y.
If you've ever heard of an Etsyshop, there's a million of them
of art stores online. But if you
Arwen Bardsley (47:57):
Okay, so you just Rachel Awes on everything
just Google Rachael Awes Etsy,that will get you to my online
shop, where I have all my booksand art prints. But also, if you
just want to put in a link andsay Rachel Awes.com at the top,
that's my website. And at thetop of the banner, you'll find,
(48:20):
you know, you can click on shopup there, you can click on my
counseling resources or, youknow, numerous things. And, and
you can also just Google RachelAwes Instagram, Rachel Awes
Facebook, any of those kinds ofthings, too.
that makes it easy! And will thebook be in physical book shops
(48:46):
as well?
Rachel Awes (48:47):
Yes. So just now, it's just beginning, right? It's
just beginning to establish allthe places but it will be. It
will be in places just withinthe United States at this point,
unless something else picks itup. Right. So you, if you're
outside the United States, I canship it to you. Yeah, if you buy
(49:07):
something online from me, butnot in bookstores outside of the
US. Sorry, hey, I love Australiaand the whole wide world.
Arwen Bardsley (49:16):
Yeah. Well, you never know who might be
I do. Yeah. Pandemic has really,you know, burst open the
listening and who might stock itin Australia. And there's
something else I was gonna askyou. Oh, it's gone out of my
head now. Oh, yes. That's whatit was. Was Do you work online
with psychology clients as well?
(49:44):
possibilities. And now it's likepart of the norm.
Yep. Yep. So anybody in theworld could connect with you for
that if they wanted to. Yeah,great. All right. Well, I have
had such a fun time talking withyou Rachel, it's been fabulous.
Rachel Awes (50:03):
Yes indeed for me too. Thank you so much for being
here with me.
Arwen Bardsley (50:09):
You're most welcome. And I'm sad that I'm
missing you in New York by threedays, but nevermind.
Rachel Awes (50:15):
Can You believe it?
Arwen Bardsley (50:18):
Well, it wasn't meant to be this time but maybe
maybe in the future. So, thankyou so much for sharing all your
wisdom and your color and yourjoy with us today. Rachel, it
was wonderful to have you as aguest.
Rachel Awes (50:31):
Okay. It was wonderful to be had
All right.
(00:00):
Welcome, everybody. Welcome backto another wonderful episode.
(00:02):
And I'm delighted today to haveRachel Awes as my guest. Rachel
is a psychologist andillustrated self help author,
and art playgroundist. And yes,I will be asking her what that
is a closing clothing ambassadorwho loves listening to the
(00:23):
beauty in people. Rachel has hernewest book, The relationship
book, a soulful,transformational and artistic
inventory of your connectivelife, releasing just next month
in early November. So that'sreally only a few weeks away,
Rachel. So I'd love to startRachel just with a bit about you
(00:44):
about your background and kindof like to get people to tell us
the story of how they got to bewhere they are now doing what
they're doing now.
Rachel Awes (00:55):
Yes. All right.
Well, I would love to talk aboutthat. I think that my
background, I'll say it quicklyis, as a child, the child of me
knew just what to do and how tobe the child of me knew she
loved being near people, andjust being like kind and
(01:15):
listening and drawing andwriting all these things and
loved colorful clothing. Andthat's exactly how I've turned
out. I mean, and I don't mean tosay when I say kind because I
heard myself say that, like, youknow, I you know, I have all my
crappiness at times, and all thethings that we right that we all
(01:37):
feel. But I do love people and Icare deeply about how people are
doing. And so, being apsychologist felt like such a
natural thing to go into. Andnow I've been a psychologist for
almost 30 years. And in my I'mnow 56. But in my early 40s, I
really circled back also tobringing back in the writing and
(02:02):
the art making of my youth andhave continued to do that in
book form primarily. And my loveof clothing and creative
expression. And colorfully sohas also really picked up during
this season of my life as well.
(02:23):
So the child in me is quitehappy with me. And so those, I
would think those would be themain things.
Arwen Bardsley (02:34):
So I love that and just coming from the
position of I love to work withthe seven chakras, which I don't
know if you're familiar withthat. You know, that decade of,
you know, kind of 41 to 51 isour phase of being in the throat
(02:54):
chakra. That's the truth. So,you know, you've really
blossomed into your truth phaseyou are, you know, shining forth
your truth from your heart.
Through that, that throat phaseof, you know, just being you I
love it. That's wonderful!
Rachel Awes (03:10):
thank you and I love the chakras coincide with
colors too.
Arwen Bardsley (03:14):
Yeah, well, of course, of course, you're up
with them. So did you have aperiod? You know, I don't know,
maybe from your 20s to your 40swhere some of that was a bit
more shut down a bit more gray,less colorful?
Rachel Awes (03:30):
Yeah. And so I would say 20s 30s was about for
me. Just getting into my careeras a psychologist and, and
figuring out, okay, beyondschooling, okay, how do I do
this? You know, it's like, whenpeople first learn things,
you're a little more into therules, how do you tie a tie? So
(03:51):
you're thinking of the distinctsteps of doing that, and making
sure you've got the foundationof what you're doing kind of
established and settled. I thinkI was establishing and settling
just the foundations, and, and,you know, starting a family, so
(04:13):
just the foundation of my lifein that way too. And then I
think at some point, we can No,I think that it was honestly, in
my early 40s I had which is allfine. It was great. Actually, I
had a hysterectomy. And youknow, I was done having children
(04:34):
it went well and fine andhealthy. And someone asked me in
the place of your uterus, whatwould you like there? And I said
my creative life to blossom now.
And it has, and it's happened inkind of small, wonderful steps.
Anything from a pair of eyeglassframes that I would pick out I
(04:56):
remember being in a departmentstore, you know, when you pick
out eyeglass frames, you goreally close to the mirror to
check out, you know, from frameto frame. And I remember I put
on these purple and green pairof frames, and I would just
giggle in the mirror and thensay okay, and then I'd put on
(05:17):
more reasonable frames, I'd belike, okay, that sure looks good
on my face. That's it, and thenI try on the green purple ones
again, and then I couldn't stopgiggling, Arwen. And then, so
then I said, I am not going toargue with my joy. Okay, and
that those that pair, and I'mnot saying for everyone that
that purple and green, you know,eyeglass frames would be it for
(05:41):
you. But I think it's payingattention to what is your joy,
and what makes you feel alive.
And that those are tremendousclues into a path lead of
wellness and joy. And so, andthen the other piece that I
(06:03):
would just say that I rememberis one of my first couple steps
was a paper calendar. I don't,you know, I still keep a paper
calendar when I'm scheduling myclients, but I just always have,
I just love that. And so at thetime, though, a number of years
ago, now, I remember, I wentfrom just keeping up what I
(06:26):
thought was a professionallooking calendar that was just
black on the cover, and youknow, just had the years, you
know, and I thought, well,that's what I scheduled my
clients with. That's what theysee, I look like a real
professional. And I rememberlooking at something called a
Mary Engelbreit calendar, whichis an artist who's just colorful
(06:48):
and whimsical and affirming, andjust really, really sweet
characters and these littlevignettes. And so the calendar
was full of her stuff. And so Ithought, oh, that won't look
very professional, but I reallywant it My heart feels led to
it. And I said, I'm just goingto do it. And so I began a
(07:09):
snowball, that's really becomewhat I would call my beautiful
life.
Arwen Bardsley (07:15):
I love that. And a few things came out of what
you've just said, for me, it'sfirst of all, replacing your
uterus with creativity, again,coming back to the chakras. And
this really was not my intentionwith this conversation. But you
know, that is that SacralChakra, I like to call it the
(07:36):
creation energy, it is our youknow where our creativity comes
from? I mean, obviously, we, youknow, we have that innate
ability to create new life inthat place. But that is where it
comes from. So, yeah, so, sobeautiful.
Rachel Awes (07:50):
I love that you're tying that together.
Arwen Bardsley (07:53):
Yeah. So, first of all, why do you think that
it's so hard for so many peoplein our culture in our society
now to, you know, allowthemselves or to be able to tap
(08:13):
into that place of joy? Andreally make sure and, and the
other bit is if they do that wedon't prioritize it. What What
are your thoughts, especially asa psychologist around that?
Rachel Awes (08:24):
Yeah. I think that just even as you asked the
questio, Arwen, my heart aches alittle bit, because I think that
it is a matter of the heart, andthe heart chakra. And, and what
I'm thinking about is multifold, is that for a lot of
(08:47):
people, that's going to meanlistening, taking the time to
slow down and pay attention. Andnotice what sensations come
forward when they make a certainselection. Because to decide to
hear, if something brings mejoy, I have to be in dialogue
(09:11):
with myself, don't I? I have toactually let myself get quiet
enough to notice. Because joycan feel like a range, you know,
can be very subtle, or it can beas all out is giggling or
laughing hard, you know? But thesubtle can be a quickened
heartbeat, right? Or just alittle whoosh, you feel a little
(09:37):
sensation in the body. It canfeel really also gentle, but
it's joy nonetheless. And youhave to be connected to your
body and listening to do that.
And for some people, it's notaltogether emotionally safe to
be connected to their bodybecause of trauma. Oh, or, and
(09:58):
so it's a way of, they'reprotecting themselves, right.
Or, for some people, it's hardto take themselves seriously of
what's going on inside them,because they grew up with either
parents, or siblings, or friendsor peers, who discouraged them,
(10:20):
or made fun of them, or treatedthem like they were invisible,
right, all kinds ofpossibilities. And all of these
possibilities don't have to be adramatic picture. It can be
subtle, it can be a few wordsspoken at certain key times that
were really important thatstayed with them. And so they
(10:43):
learn to sort of either hide, orto not want to stand out, or not
pronounce or share joy. Like oneof the ways I share joy is in my
colorful clothing. I hardlythink about it anymore. But I
stopped quite a bit saying,Excuse me, what is that, you
(11:03):
know, bla bla bla, or, orcomment on? Oh, my gosh, you
know, you're, what you'rewearing. And so you do become
visible, whether it's in yourclothes, or it's in the light
you're you are giving out ifyou're living out some joy. And
I think a deeper question is, doyou do want to be seen? And what
(11:23):
will that mean for you? And iffor some reason you it's hard to
listen to yourself, or you don'tquite want to be seen, then
what's going to help you to feelsafer? Because then it's an
issue of this sort of a deeperissue of the heart, and really
caring for those tender places.
Arwen Bardsley (11:49):
Yeah, thank you for that. I have recently
brought art back into my life aswell. And I was just thinking,
as you were saying that, that Inoticed this week when I was
just quietly doing some paintingstuff. And I just thought, wow,
(12:11):
I just feel so calm, so relaxed.
It was like, you know, this realknowledge that I need to do this
more to have, you know, thatthat just that it was joy, but
it was a very quiet joy, likeyou said, you know, it doesn't
have to be, you know, gigglingmadly it was just like a, you
know, I'm just so in my flowdoing this.
Rachel Awes (12:35):
That's right. Isn't that something how creativity
which can take so many forms,including cooking, and baking, I
mean, right, so many forms? Issuch can be such medicine and
such a portal to our hearts toour joy to regulating our bodies
(12:58):
and calming down and, and avehicle to ourselves?
Arwen Bardsley (13:04):
Yeah, and I think that's a really important
point that yeah, it doesn't meanthat everybody needs to get out
the paints or the coloredpencils, or whatever it might be
you get into the kitchen, or youget into the garden, or you put
on some music and dance orwhatever it is. But yeah, we are
innately creative our cells arecreating every day is one of my
(13:26):
teachers says, or, you know,every minute or hour or whatever
it is, it's you know, we arecreative.
Rachel Awes (13:33):
Yes, exactly.
Arwen Bardsley (13:36):
Have you looked into anything about the
psychology of color?
Rachel Awes (13:41):
Oh, I have and it's not all fresh on my mind. But I
did do a brief talk on that one.
And it was fascinating, leadingup to the talk to do some
research on different colors andtheir effects. Right. And so the
ways you just to give a littlesampling of things that I
remember because some of thethings certainly stay with me
(14:03):
but even things like drinkingout drinking, like let's say hot
chocolate out of an orange mugwill psychologically make the
chocolate taste better to you.
Isn't that interesting? Or thecolors green which makes sense
(14:25):
because of green being in somuch nature tends to help us to
feel more tranquility and calm.
You know, the color. Red tendsto jump out at us so and
energize us. So sometimes yousee that in a gym or workout
facility. You know, I could keepgoing but there's just these
(14:47):
different qualities about colorthat absolutely have effects on
us.
Arwen Bardsley (14:57):
Yeah. And it's and again, it's about paying
attention. And because we'll allbe potentially a bit different
with that, you know, paying itbeing quiet and still enough
that you can go, you know, what,what am I feeling about this
color? And, you know, and Ithink we do get to this point,
you know, probably in some pointin middle age where you just
like now I just feel like, No, Ijust want to have things that I
(15:21):
really like, around me and onme. And you know, and a lot of
that is color. I'm not thatcolorful today. But yeah, I
think, you know, it's it allcomes back to that listening to
yourself, doesn't it?
Rachel Awes (15:34):
It sure does. It's interesting, Arwen, because I
was just thinking that I'mwearing a lot of orange today.
And orange happens to be apolarizing color. Some people
hate it, and some people loveit. And there's not a lot of
people in between. It's likeblack licorice, you know, with
reactions to it, I'm justrealizing I'm wearing a
(15:55):
polarizing color. So some peoplelooking at me will be like, ah,
and then you know, it's just,it's, that's the deal. But and
blue, by far is people's mostfavorite color. So if you know,
if you're just wanting to have aneutral, positive effect, you
know, it's fascinating to thinkabout these things.
Arwen Bardsley (16:16):
Yeah. And I think blue is quite calming as
well, isn't it? Because there'salso there's the green with, you
know, like the forest effect.
And there's the blue with thewater effect, I think, naturally
calming to us as well. Yeah. Soplease tell us about your book,
good relationship books. So, youknow, obviously, I'd love you to
give us some little snippetsfrom it, or whatever you want to
(16:40):
do to, for people to be able totake away some great tips from
this conversation as well.
Rachel Awes (16:46):
Oh, that would be so great. Well, here is just for
those of you who are watching
Arwen Bardsley (16:51):
Gorgeously colourful!
Rachel Awes (16:53):
Yeah, see, oh, thankyou. And so the
relationship book I wrote duringthe pandemic, for those couple
of years, I was so struck in myconversations with people about
what we already knew, but was soaccentuated about how near and
dear to us, our connections arean an integral to our well
(17:15):
being, and, and how much forsome people, you know, some more
than others, but in isolationthat began to take place,
especially among some singlepeople I knew who were able to
work from home on theircomputers, while of course, was
so great, they could work fromtheir computer and still work.
(17:35):
But being so isolated, and Iknow for some of those people
they got, they got pets, youknow, a new cat, a new dog,
whereas they didn't have thatbefore the pandemic, but having
connection and relationship,even if it's to an animal was
life changing. And so it justreally was pressed on my heart
(17:58):
Arwen to speak about an honourrelationships, and to be more
intentional about them. And soin this book, I have nine
chapters. Three of them aredevoted to our relationships
with people, which of course ashuman beings, but those people
(18:19):
chapters have different themes.
So like when we have tension inour relationships with people,
that's one chapter. And youknow, and then but just other
themes, right embrace like thelovey stuff and, but the other
chapters in the book are avariety of relationships,
starting with our relationshipwith ourselves, right, caring
for that. And then relationshipwith food, with clothing, with
(18:43):
animals, with community withdivinity. So it ranges and the
last thing I'll say about thestructure of the book, is each
page spread, has an anonymousclient quote from my psychology
practice that took my breathaway in some way that they've
(19:03):
approved for me to have in here.
And then I accompany that withmy written reflection, that's a
little bit prose like, and thenmy colorful illustration. And so
I just My intention is to equipthe reader with feeling really
cared for and supported in them.
being really intentional aboutcaring for their relationship
(19:30):
with themselves, and in turnwith others. And also equipping
the reader with maybe someoutside of the box, new skills
or ideas of things to try. Thatmight really empower them. Lift
them up, create more intimacywith themselves with their
(19:50):
relationships with others, maybeeven give them some new thoughts
about their relationship withtheir clothes and other ways. So
that's some of what it's about.
But I would love to read acouple captions from them.
Arwen Bardsley (20:05):
I would love you to do that.
Rachel Awes (20:08):
Okay. All right, one of the page spreads. And I
tell you, I'm like akindergarten teacher with
showing a page real quick. Sohere's one page. This is the
purple guy who you're seeingthere.
Arwen Bardsley (20:23):
And can you perhaps describe that for people
who are listening?
Rachel Awes (20:26):
Yes. So it's a little guy, he looks kind of
anxious. And I call him thePurple Guy and have a purple
face, purple hair purple outfit,you know, he's sitting down with
his hands together, like kind ofnervous. And this is from the
first chapter relationship withmyself. The anonymous client
(20:47):
quote, I've named the nervouspart of myself, the purple guy,
and I'm working on hearing himand being good to him. My
reflection, I opened my cape,and a cast of characters flocks
forward. Each Emmy awarded indeep heart applauded, there's
the purple guy who's alwaysnervous, Gladys, who always
(21:11):
feels she must put on a gladface, and candy, who invariably
asks for more candy. There aremany others with hands waving
excitedly in the air, waitingfor their day to be chosen,
named and brought into the fold.
These are the parts of me who Ilaugh with, and lounge with, cry
with and hold, rest with andwrestle with, reconcile with and
(21:36):
release, and do it all overagain, seeing them outside of
me, gives me a new way tointroduce myself to myself, I
then seem to show up with bettermanners, treating myself with
more care. At the close of theday, I tuck them in and whisper
(21:56):
sweet dreams, and tell them I'llsee them again in the morning.
So that is, that's an example ofloving up the reader, right, all
the parts of them inside, andmaybe giving them a new or
different way of approachingthemselves like, Oh, what are
(22:21):
some of the parts of me? How canI love up those the whole lot,
you know, not have to say I'mscared, I need to swallow that
part of me or hide it orcompartmentalize that or, or say
negative things to that part ofme to, no, all my parts or parts
to love?
Arwen Bardsley (22:42):
So how do you do that? How do you start trying to
love the purple guy?
Rachel Awes (22:49):
Yeah, I think I think it starts with awareness.
I think it starts with evenknowing that's an option. It's
kind of a sense of, oh, my gosh,when I feel anxious about
something, I instead of sayingto myself, well, that was
stupid, or I am such a chicken,whatever. I have an option that
(23:17):
I wasn't aware of before, ofholding compassion for that part
of me. And I'm doing the best Ican. And it reminds me to say
that to myself, that there'sanother part of me, who's
observing it. There's a part ofme observing the purple guy. I
(23:39):
can't say there's a nervous partof me without observing it,
right. And so the fact that Ihave an Observer Self says
something about there's also apart of me, the Observer Self,
who can be quite compassionate,and quite observant, and quite
whole. So I would say, it justeven begins with that awareness
(24:04):
and trying out this language,and letting yourself be wildly
imperfect at it.
Arwen Bardsley (24:12):
Yeah. Do you think the Observer Self is the
same as the judging self? Or arethey two different selves,
Rachel Awes (24:19):
very different. So I want to say the Observer Self
is really more the wise self.
The Observer Self, is the wise,compassionate self, who's
watching all of this, and thatmight watch the judgment, you
know, or the judge. You know,what does that Judge look like
inside and why does that Judgeneed to be there? Because from
(24:43):
the observer compassionate, wiseself? All the parts are there
for a reason trying to take careof you. Defend you Look out for
you. Sometimes the judging self,I think is also scared.
Arwen Bardsley (25:09):
Absolutely.
Yeah. Yeah.
Rachel Awes (25:12):
So. So that that is an example of trying to give the
reader some thoughts. Anotherpage just spread, which I won't
read the whole thing right nowin the relationship with myself
chapter has to do with whenfeeling more depressed, to give
(25:33):
yourself while Well, let me saythis say when we're depressed if
basic self care practices don'tseem to be moving the needle on
the depression, to reallyconsider and brainstorm a list
of wild and beautifulexperiences to give yourself,
like, going out hot air balloonif you can, and watch the
sunset, go to a friend's doorand sing to her. You know, say a
(25:59):
prayer to an elephant. You know,I could keep brainstorming but
have a hole at the top of apiece of paper. Put on there
write down wild and beautifulexperiences, and just brainstorm
a list. What would be things youcould give yourself that would
feel like that. So that'sanother example of equipping the
(26:21):
reader in the listener andencouraging you. And I some of
these pages get a little bitlike most of the pages don't
rhyme in my reflections but afew do. And I'd love to read a
lovey dovey one that is a littlerhythmy, just to sort of shift
(26:42):
it up a little bit. And howabout that. This is from a
chapter. relationship withhumans embrace, right, so this
is the more here we are theLovey Dovey, and I'll describe
it to but for people who can seethere is Thank you. So it is an
illustration of a woman. Andshe's kind of hugging yourself.
(27:06):
And it's more black and white.
And on one side of her outfitand hair is sort of white
background with black polkadots. And the other half of her
is black background with whitepolka dots. And the anonymous
client quote is, I was told myhusband and I had multiple lives
together. And in one life, wewere the same person. Here's my
(27:28):
reflection. My DNA is spiraledinto yours. And yours is
spiraled into mine. An inheritedcolor coded cellular design. Our
paths are interwoven and ourstories intertwined. For where I
(27:50):
find your heartbeat. I mostcertainly find mine. We are two
lights, and yet somehow are oneas we walk through this world.
You the moon, me the sun.
Arwen Bardsley (28:07):
I love that.
It's gorgeous.
Rachel Awes (28:10):
Thank you.
Arwen Bardsley (28:11):
So I did want to ask you as well about the fact
that your books and this is thefourth is that right? And are
they all illustrated I justwanted to ask about that.
Rachel Awes (28:25):
Yes. THey're all colorful.
Arwen Bardsley (28:27):
It's pretty unusual, isn't it for a self
help book other than havinggraphs or, you know, scientific
diagrams?
Rachel Awes (28:34):
And For adults? And so, you know, I've got to just
tell you what, at some pointwhen I was in grade school, I
distinctly remember picturebooks, changing to chapter
books. And the chapter booksseem to lose all their colorful
(28:54):
pictures. And I was seriouslybummed out. I grieved that I
didn't mind the stories becomingmore intricate, and I loved
them. But I was really sad tolose the pictures. This is what
I mean about the child in me hasinformed my adult life and my
(29:17):
becoming. And so I thought, atsome point in my adult life, I
am putting colorful books backinto the world for adults. Yes,
Arwen Bardsley (29:29):
yeah. And so what are the other three books?
Are they things you'd like tomention as well?
Rachel Awes (29:37):
Sure, sure. My first book is called All I did
was listen. And it is a bookabout our transformation. And it
has, it's the only other booklike the relationship book that
has that same format ofanonymous client quotes with my
reflection and my drawings. Butthat book is specifically about
(30:00):
transformation starting fromour, all of our messiness
inside, kind of the way we wakefrom Dreams with our wrinkled
pajamas, and our messy hair, andour real stories, our dreamy
place where we don't censor ourstories, leading all the way up
to I am, who I am, who I am justreally embracing who we are. And
(30:22):
so it's really a tale of that.
And that's why it's called All Idid was listen, because it was
just really, it's aboutlistening to ourselves, it was
me, listening to the amazingthings that I would hear
transforming, and my clientsthat I realized, this is all of
our stories. So that was myfirst. My second is just a short
book called diving in that forpeople especially who love water
(30:46):
and swimming. It's a niche bookfor them. So it's about going
for a swim. But it's a metaphorabout this invitation to dive in
to the water, that when we standon the edge of the water and
look in. While that can belovely in all the gold nuggets,
all the living all the alivenessis when we swim, that's where
(31:09):
all the whales are, we encounterthe relationships, you know,
things come alive. And so it'sthis invitation to dive into the
water to your life. So that'sthat. And then the third one is
called the Great Green okaynessA Field Guide to seeing your
uncommon magnificence. And sothat book gives the reader all
(31:31):
these different ways to thinkabout their magnificence and
their worth. And also outside ofthe sort of box ways of thinking
about that. Just for quickexample, like, you know, that
our superpowers are more aboutwhen when I don't know if you've
(31:52):
experienced being called Weird,at any point in your life or
odd, or like that was weird, orthat and sometimes that can feel
shaming. But what I am saying isthat those are the clues to our
magnificence. That's the twiston it. Is that? Oh my gosh, when
someone says, Well, that waskind of weird. I think oh, oh,
(32:17):
that's right. I may have scaredthem a little bit. But it has
something to do with being likevery uniquely me. So for me one
of my quote weird things, butnot weird. It's not really
weird. It's magnificent. is Iwill I love to lean into people
and tell them all the beautifulstuff. I see that in them. And
(32:42):
sometimes people can beuncomfortable with that. And I
don't mean I don't haveboundaries with that, of course
I do. But growing up finding myway with that and articulating
it, you know, that was ajourney. And so that that is
absolutely how I'm built and howI'm meant to proceed in this
(33:04):
life. So I just say lean intowhatever the weird thing is, or
the other thing Arwen issometimes in my conversations,
people will start by saying,Okay, I'm going to tell you
something that's kind of silly,or it's kind of corny, or it's
kind of weird. And I alwaysblurt out now, because I'm 100%
confident I say, okay, just soyou know, whatever you're about
(33:27):
to tell me is going to be thebest thing. I just know it. And
it always is. Yeah, so that isjust an example. And this is me,
like going on and on just inconversational in a
conversational way. But that'slike one of the pages in the
Great Green okayness where I sayit more succinctly. But it's a
clue to your magnificence.
Arwen Bardsley (33:51):
I love that.
Thank you. So just back to theillustrating Do you like was
that something? I'm sure it wasthat you felt like for yourself?
You just had to, to illustratethese books what you were
writing. But what do you alsothink that the your readers get
from that?
Rachel Awes (34:12):
Oh, well, I think I hope they first of all get joy.
And that it also unconsciouslyor consciously or both brings to
the table their own inner child.
It brings more of them to thetable. And also I think that it
can invite a sense ofplayfulness in something that's
(34:34):
light and delightful in the mixof the depth of what I'm talking
about in the pages. So it's kindof it allows the deeper messages
to be digested well. Yeah. Doyou know what I'm saying? It's
(34:54):
like being given like a sweethug from I don't I don't know.
all like, I feel like in a sweetway, it's not really sneaky, but
like, I sneak in the deepthings. I'm planting seeds of
people's, like, super specialdeep worth, and just some deep
things, but I'm accompanyingthem. Oh, maybe some of it is
(35:20):
I'm also giving them goodcompany as they do it, because a
lot of the pictures are of thesefigures. Yep. And so maybe
that's some of it and givingthem companions. Yeah. To be
with them as they think aboutthese things.
Arwen Bardsley (35:40):
Yeah. And it just I guess, it's a different
way for the brain to see theinformation as well. Because,
you know, we, we certainly, youknow, we started off reading
things that were pictorial so,you know, it's, it's an innate
(36:00):
way for our, you know, probablyout the oldest parts of our
brains to get information andprocess it as well, isn't it?
Rachel Awes (36:07):
Oh, my gosh, that's a super smart. Thought. That is
super true. We know it's true.
Oh, yes. Arwen. Yeah,
Arwen Bardsley (36:20):
we answered the question together.
Rachel Awes (36:22):
Yes, we did go team.
Arwen Bardsley (36:26):
Okay, I've got to ask you, what an what an art
playgroundist is like what's,you know, why don't why don't
they just call yourself anartist.
Rachel Awes (36:35):
Right. Right, which I do identify with, of course, I
made up the term. And you knowwhat, there's going to be a
theme throughout this wholeconversation of a child. So
making art for me feels like I'mon the playground again. Like
it's recess. And I'm free. AndI'm running the field with my
(36:56):
friends, the wind is in my hair.
I may be, you know, having funon the swings. But there is a
real freedom and aconnectiveness. For me, when I
make art. That's the similarsensation to that.
Arwen Bardsley (37:12):
Yeah. Beautiful.
I love that. And that's a greatthing for for anybody to tap
into as well. You know, I think,especially as adults, when we go
back to creating visual art,especially, and I'm sure it's
the same with any other art formthat you you've really got to be
aware of that perfectionistpart. Yeah, you know, that's
like, oh, no, oh, that'srubbish. You know, like one of
(37:35):
the things I did the other dayI, it didn't turn out like I
thought it was going to but thenI was like, actually, I really
like it and I've put it up on mywall. So you know, it's just
that an end, if you go to an artgallery, there are things that
you look at, and you just thinkmore why is that defined as art
that's, you know, good enough tobe on a on a, you know, the wall
(37:58):
of the National Gallery. Andit's just about that, that
element of play. You're soright.
Rachel Awes (38:06):
Yes, absolutely.
Oh, my goodness. And yeah.
Arwen Bardsley (38:13):
And I know you do a lot of stuff with clothing
as well, you obviously wear aamazingly gorgeous items of
clothing, even if orange is notmy favorite color in the world.
But you know, I suppose justtell us a bit about that as
well. I think you call yourselfa clothing ambassador. Tell us
(38:38):
about that part of your life aswell.
Rachel Awes (38:41):
Yes, it's very related to everything else that
we're talking about in that as Iwas drawing, and have been
drawing my figures in my booksin an individual art prints of
primarily women, but sometimesanimals and purple guy, you
know, sometimes, you know, I'vegot a couple of different guys
(39:05):
in this latest book. When I'vebeen doing that, over these
years, it started to affect myclothing choices. And I started
dressing like how I was drawing,how I was dressing my figures on
paper, I started overtime todress me. And then the more I
(39:29):
would start to dress me indifferent ways that started to
affect how I drew my figures,right. So I have this art print
that I wrote words on that says,I make art and art makes me that
it's very, there is somethingmagical and very real. That is
(39:49):
CO created there. And so thatthat was happening and I knew
that as a little girl as well.
You know I remember some of myclothes that I loved And so
there's a free to be you and meand how I dress. And there's a
freedom also of not worryingwhat other people will think of
it. And in fact, I think thatthe way I dress blesses people,
(40:09):
because I'm being myself andauthentic. And in fact, a lot of
my clients will sometimes say tome, Rachel, your outfits are
also therapeutic for me, becauseyou are modeling being yourself
and free. And also, sometimesthe colors are also making me
simply happy. And sometimes Ijust look forward to what will
(40:29):
she wear next? So I do get thatfeedback. And so what also
happened is that I think it wasin 2016. I had a family trip,
which was delightful with, youknow, my sons and my husband to
New York. And a couple ofdifferent people said to me,
(40:50):
Rachel, when you're in New York,you have got to check out the
Swedish based store in Sohocalled Gudrun Sjoden, you are
going to just die. You're goingto love her clothing, right? So
hot tip G-U-D-R-U-N at last nameS-J-O-D-E-N at 50 Greene Street
(41:12):
in Green has an E at the end.
Ah, I love her clothes. I'mwearing them right now. You
know, so it's Yeah,
Arwen Bardsley (41:24):
I love that jacket it's gorgeous.
Rachel Awes (41:27):
And this dress too.
But it's she one of the things Ilove is she like will put out a
jacket, but she will have it inthree different colorways. So
this will also come in like ablack and a white and then some
other color scheme, you know, soshe gives options. But what
happened is we got to ourAirbnb. And this is a happy
coincidence or whatever you wantto call it. But it turns out the
(41:49):
store was six blocks away fromwhere we were staying in New
York's a huge place. And I saidto my family, I said, Oh my
gosh, as soon as we got inthere, I said, I have got to go
there first. And so I it was theone store I spent the most time
in like two or three hours. Ijust walked in, I exclaimed
(42:12):
loudly. This is my favoriteclothing store ever. It looked
like all the girls I've beentrying to paint alive, like it
was my clothing I've beendrawing and and the manager came
running across the store andsaid I heard you. And by the
time I left the store, and I wasstanding in a circle on the
(42:32):
floor in the store with all thestaff and I was crying because I
loved them so much. And like oneof the the store people working.
They didn't have something leftin my size. But she was wearing
it. It was my size. She saidRachel, I want to give it to
you. And she took it off herback and handed it to me. This
is my gift to you. Wow. By thetime I left New York, they asked
(42:55):
me to be an ambassador for thatstore Am I still am and you
know, it's just a tremendousdelight. And it's talk about
playground is like it is so funto wear the clothes, and I'm so
genuine about loving them. Andit's part of my creative
expression. Oftentimes puttingan outfit together is about joy.
(43:17):
For me. It is about circlingback to earlier in our
conversation. It's aboutlistening to my heart. It's
about taking my choiceseriously. It's about treating
myself well. It also like it'sabout putting on clothes that
feel comfortable. I don't likethings tight on my tummy. I like
things soft. You know, it'sabout noticing all those things
(43:41):
and honoring myself and honoringmy beautiful relationship with
myself because I love me. And Iget to, I get to and we get to.
But it's a process. And it's aprocess every day with what food
I give myself. And how how Itreat myself. Yeah, yeah. And so
(44:03):
it's all those things. And I'vealso begun working with another
clothing designer, Magnoliapearl that I love to that's
newer. So those, that's whatthat portion of life is that all
the different segments speak toeach other. The clothing speaks
(44:26):
to the books, it's like, inspeaks to my therapy clients,
like they're all friends, butit's about integrating me. It's
about paying attention to all myparts. It's about I get to
really show up, but it'shappened in little steps over
(44:47):
the years. It's you know, when Ithink about anyone who might
wonder how in the world do I dothat? You do it with one
decision at A time you do itwith what socks? Do I feel like
wearing today? Do I do I want towear two different socks? to I
want to in saying you do it bysaying who's a friend who treats
(45:12):
me well, who I might like toreach out to? You know, you do
it with saying? Well, I alwaystake that boring walk. But
where's the place? I can takemyself that would be a lovely
walk for me? And so on.
Arwen Bardsley (45:32):
That's great, because I was just going to say
to you what is the first stepthat someone can take? And
you've already answered thatquestion?
Rachel Awes (45:38):
Yes, we're in sync.
Arwen Bardsley (45:40):
I love that.
About that store. I'm definitelygoing there. Because I'm sure I
will love it as well.
Rachel Awes (45:47):
Oh, my goodness, that is so great. Well, if you
do mention my name, some of thestaff will know me. That is
exactly where it will beDecember 3 For anyone who
happens to be in New York,December 3, I will be at that
store for a book signing allafternoon. And then also for
people in New York that day, whocome to my signing they will get
(46:10):
10% off all their clothing theybuy in the store that day.
Arwen Bardsley (46:14):
Okay. Yeah. So what part of New York is it?
Rachel Awes (46:18):
It's in SoHo. Which is such a fun area anyway.
Right?
Arwen Bardsley (46:28):
Oh, how fabulous. And do you know the
brand Desigual?
Rachel Awes (46:33):
Yes. I love that.
Yeah.
I love that as well.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, my goodness.
Arwen Bardsley (46:41):
Yeah. Yeah, we'll just kind of similar ish
kind of stuff, isn't it? Yeah.
What you're wearing anyway. Um,so tell us where people can get
your book? And is there anythingother than what you've just
mentioned? About a third ofDecember in New York? Is there
anything else you want to tellpeople about?
Rachel Awes (47:02):
I think that's it.
I think that also go berefreshments in the store. But
again, it's at 50 Greene Street,G-R-E-E-N-E in New York. And I
love to see you there. That'sit. Like, that's, that would be
so fun. So in terms of findingmy book, now, it's available for
preorder. And the books will begoing out very, very soon. And
(47:26):
you can if you're someone whodoesn't like links that you just
prefer to Google things, likejust put some keywords in the
Google, it would just be RachelAwes. And its last name is like
the first part of awesome, soit's A-W-E
Arwen Bardsley (47:43):
So appropriate!
Rachel Awes (47:43):
Oh, thank you. But I say it as like a memory thing.
Yeah. So Rachel, you couldGoogle Rachel Awes, or Rachel's
or Rachel Awes, Etsy - E- T-S-Y.
If you've ever heard of an Etsyshop, there's a million of them
of art stores online. But if you
Arwen Bardsley (47:57):
Okay, so you just Rachel Awes on everything
just Google Rachael Awes Etsy,that will get you to my online
shop, where I have all my booksand art prints. But also, if you
just want to put in a link andsay Rachel Awes.com at the top,
that's my website. And at thetop of the banner, you'll find,
(48:20):
you know, you can click on shopup there, you can click on my
counseling resources or, youknow, numerous things. And, and
you can also just Google RachelAwes Instagram, Rachel Awes
Facebook, any of those kinds ofthings, too.
that makes it easy! And will thebook be in physical book shops
(48:46):
as well?
Rachel Awes (48:47):
Yes. So just now, it's just beginning, right? It's
just beginning to establish allthe places but it will be. It
will be in places just withinthe United States at this point,
unless something else picks itup. Right. So you, if you're
outside the United States, I canship it to you. Yeah, if you buy
(49:07):
something online from me, butnot in bookstores outside of the
US. Sorry, hey, I love Australiaand the whole wide world.
Arwen Bardsley (49:16):
Yeah. Well, you never know who might be
I do. Yeah. Pandemic has really,you know, burst open the
listening and who might stock itin Australia. And there's
something else I was gonna askyou. Oh, it's gone out of my
head now. Oh, yes. That's whatit was. Was Do you work online
with psychology clients as well?
(49:44):
possibilities. And now it's likepart of the norm.
Yep. Yep. So anybody in theworld could connect with you for
that if they wanted to. Yeah,great. All right. Well, I have
had such a fun time talking withyou Rachel, it's been fabulous.
Rachel Awes (50:03):
Yes indeed for me too. Thank you so much for being
here with me.
Arwen Bardsley (50:09):
You're most welcome. And I'm sad that I'm
missing you in New York by threedays, but nevermind.
Rachel Awes (50:15):
Can You believe it?
Arwen Bardsley (50:18):
Well, it wasn't meant to be this time but maybe
maybe in the future. So, thankyou so much for sharing all your
wisdom and your color and yourjoy with us today. Rachel, it
was wonderful to have you as aguest.
Rachel Awes (50:31):
Okay. It was wonderful to be had
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