August 22, 2024 • 34 mins
Welcome to another episode of the Brothers Creed Podcast, where we inspire fathers to build the blueprint for the next generation. Hosted by the Thomas Brothers, Ethan and Jared, this episode delves into the virtue of gentleness.
Join us as we explore the multifaceted nature of gentleness, discussing its benefits and potential drawbacks. We share personal experiences, especially in the realm of parenting, and examine how gentleness can coexist with discipline and toughness. From validating children's feelings to setting boundaries, we discuss practical tips for integrating gentleness into our lives.
We also touch on the importance of being gentle with ourselves, emphasizing self-compassion and growth. Through historical insights and personal anecdotes, this episode offers a comprehensive look at how gentleness can be a powerful tool in fostering emotional security, balanced discipline, and stronger family bonds.
Let's work together to incorporate gentleness into our personal creeds and build a better future for the next generation. Tune in and let's build that creed together!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Brothers Creed podcast where we
inspire fathers to build the blueprint for the next generation.
We are the Thomas Brothers. I'm Ethan.
And I'm Jared. And today we're going to talk about an attribute or virtue of gentleness.
I think there's a lot of different ways to take this one, and there's a lot
of facets to gentleness.
(00:21):
So we're going to discuss it, discuss how it might be beneficial to our lives
and how it might not be beneficial to our lives.
When are there times to just force it through as opposed to being gentle with
it if there are any so let's uh it'll be a good discussion let's go ahead and
dive in all right let's do it,
(00:42):
do not go gentle into that good night old age should burn and rave at close of day.
Music.
You should be a monster an absolute monster and then you should learn how to
control it no retreat no surrender you can't conceive of what i'm capable of.
(01:04):
Music.
There is no tomorrow there is no tomorrow what we do in life that goes in eternity,
all right so gentleness what were your initial thoughts on this one ethan.
I had to kind of look into this one because
(01:26):
i will self-admittedly say that i have not
always been gentleness has not always been
my first my go-to as a parent i feel like i have i have had some some great
some good times right and actually it's kind of interesting that we did this
one now because i would say that i have really been trying to put forth effort
(01:48):
into being a little bit more
gentle in my parenting,
in my interaction with not only my kids, but my wife as well.
And I'll kind of get into some, some, maybe some reasons why as we continue to get further on.
But I think that gentleness is like a lot of other things to where it is a,
(02:10):
it's a balancing act, right?
You have to, you know, the first thing that comes to mind is gentle parenting
is like, all like the new rave, right? Oh, gentle parenting.
Basically, gentle parenting to me means I don't want to have any accountability
or responsibility for what my kid does, and so I'm just going to let them do
whatever they want, and hopefully it ends up right.
So I don't think that's the way to do it. I think it is important to be gentle
(02:35):
in parenting, but just give – kids need direction.
They need guidance. They need leadership.
They need discipline sometimes. Sometimes, you know, I think,
I think adults sometimes need discipline and direction as well.
Does guidance and direction, does that preclude being gentle?
Can you give guidance and direction while being gentle?
(02:55):
100%. I think that...
Maybe those things aren't really opposites but i
think sometimes they can they can be that
way i guess specifically talking about like gentle parenting
is it reminds me of this this video
this tiktok of this like lady who's this child psychologist or whatever and
(03:17):
she's sitting there trying to work and there's like a lamp on the table and
her daughter comes in and like it's It's just like pulling the lamp on and off
and like the light on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off.
And, you know, she's like, okay, you know, sweetheart, let's not do that.
You know, or, or, or, you know, I know that's so much fun, but let's not do
(03:39):
that. And then she just keeps doing it and keeps doing it and keeps doing it.
And then she's like, Hey, mommy's on a meeting. Let's not do that.
And then finally, you know, she was just like, okay, well, how about you get five more clicks?
You know, you could turn it on and off. and whatever else but and
i kind of look at that and i'm just like you know
if it were me i'd be like dude don't freaking touch the light like stop that
(04:04):
doesn't work either i'd probably just unplug the light or like i don't know
push them out of the way gently well i think that sometimes.
People fail on kind of both ends right so there's this maybe there's a something
that's out there that's called gentle parenting, right?
(04:25):
Some parents might try to, they say, oh, that's a good idea.
So they just hear it or they hear a couple of tips about it,
but they don't really know how to do it, right?
Just like maybe there's parents, and then I think that sometimes people who
tend to be more heavy handed,
they see other people trying to be gentle parents and maybe not not doing it
(04:49):
right or not doing it how you're supposed to do it.
And they're like, oh, that's wimpy.
That doesn't work, obviously.
And so I think that sometimes it's like, well, who are we looking at that knows how to gentle parent?
I don't know. I think that sometimes it's just like, if someone showed me the
best way, if I could just say one time, hey, son,
(05:13):
after you take a shower, could you hang up your bath towel and could you put
your clothes in the dirty clothes basket?
If I could just say that in a way that would make him do it the first time, please tell me.
But it seems like the way that it is now, Now I had to say that like literally
20 times and then I walk up there and there's clothes and towels over the floor.
(05:35):
I'm like, yo, what the heck happened?
So I don't know. Maybe I'm gentle. I start gentle and then it comes to a point
where I'm like, yo, I've said it like 16 times.
I literally wrote that down. One of the things that I said is I said my kids
typically listen when I speak to them in like more of a stern or harsh manner.
(05:58):
But a lot of times you know i i do
have my limits sometimes i'll you know
start gentle and just be like you know very okay you know and i'll say it several
times and then and then it like won't change and it won't help i'll be like
you know i love you so much i know you're feeling this way i'll validate and
everything and then it kind of gets a certain it's like okay i'm done like Like, yeah.
(06:22):
Yeah, no, I think that that happens.
I think that maybe there's different techniques. Sometimes I'll try to be like,
son, stand right in front of me.
And I'm like, look me in my eyes. And then I will say, you need to go take a
shower. And then I'll say, tell me what I just told you.
And he's like, I need to go take a shower. And I'm like, okay,
can you please do that right now?
(06:42):
So it's like this over confirmation that he hears what I'm saying.
So i think there's lots of different ways but that is
one aspect of gentleness i actually i mean that's one
yeah that's kind of one facet of gentleness is like parenting and being gentle
as a parent i think that in some ways as fathers especially we it's almost like
(07:10):
there's a tendency to not want to be gentle because it's like, well,
someone's got to harden these kids for the real world.
I think it's the mother and the father's job to get the kids ready,
but women often take on more of a nurturing role, which fathers can absolutely nurture.
But I think that fathers sometimes take on a role of really trying to prepare
(07:34):
the kids for the realities of life and hardships in life.
Usually if you see a kid really struggling or something like that,
and sometimes you'll see the mom swoosh in and try to help or over coddle.
And then the dads will be like, will sometimes be like, let him fail or let him fall.
And then he can learn from this. So I think that in some ways,
(07:58):
It's a measured approach between, you think about you and your,
I think about me and my wife as a unit.
And so like her gentleness and my gentleness, and sometimes my just allowing
them to learn a hard lesson or to fall because they're doing something stupid,
we kind of come together.
(08:18):
But, and that creates an environment where they can experience a spectrum of
things to where they can grow. and we're not too gentle with them.
You don't want to have them come walking around in a bubble,
you know? It's like, hey, son, if you keep riding your bike like with no shoes
on, you're going to scrape your feet up on the concrete.
And it's like, if he keeps doing it, it's like, let him scrape his feet up and
(08:39):
then next time he won't do it, you know?
So that kind of thing. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I completely agree.
You know, I will say that, like I said, my kids are typically pretty decent
listeners, at least, you know, with simple instructions.
If it gets, you know, go take a shower and then hang up your towel and then
(09:00):
put your clothes away and then brush your teeth and then get ready for bed.
It's like you lose me like two, three steps in or I lose them.
But I will say that, especially in times of like anger and frustration,
I would say my kids definitely react better to gentleness.
A lot of times, you know, fighting fire with fire is not always the answer.
(09:24):
And i think sometimes you
know kids will go into you know
an emotional as they're trying to figure out their emotions right they'll go
into an emotional fit and they'll be you know doing whatever and if i have noticed
personally because i've done it both ways right i have responded with an emotional
response and yelling and and and trying to control the situation,
(09:49):
But me personally, I have found that if I can keep my cool and I can continue
kind of gentle interaction or I can kind of support gentle interaction,
typically it helps them to calm down more quicker to be able to control their
(10:09):
emotions because they'll kind of feed off of where I'm going or the level that I'm giving them.
Yeah. And so, you know, I, yeah, I think, I mean, you can take gentleness in so many different ways,
you know, whether it's teaching or interacting or trying to calm them down or,
(10:30):
you know, there's lots of different things that you can do.
And I like specifically one of the things that you said, how you like,
you know, look me in the eye.
And I kind of looked up some of the different like tactics for being,
so I looked up some tactics for being gentle, right? Right.
And then I also kind of, we can get into it afterwards after we talk about it,
(10:53):
but also like, I guess maybe why it's important to be gentle to a certain kind
of emotionally and the importance of kind of at least some gentleness.
But some of the things that I researched into things that we can do as fathers
and interacting specifically with kids to be gentle with them is active listening, right?
(11:16):
Give your full attention. attention if your child is
wants to tell you something or struggling with something
right whenever you're talking with them don't be on your
phone you know scrolling on your phone as you're talking to them
like just actively listen to them physical affection is
always a good one right a hug or you know a little cuddle or always goes a long
(11:37):
way at least with with my kids some kids aren't as cuddly you know speaking
softly and calmly validating their feelings even though you know,
maybe their feelings are, are, are this,
you know, this small, or it's not really a big deal.
People just like to be validated. And so validating, you know,
to a certain extent, obviously situation by situation, you don't want to just
(12:01):
constantly validate them.
But another one is, is quality time, playfulness, you know, spending individual time.
And we've We've talked about that with our kids, encouraging positive reinforcement, right?
You know, not saying, you know, I'm proud of you, son, or, Hey,
you did an excellent job on that.
(12:21):
Or, you know, just positive reinforcement is always good.
Apologizing when needed. I've definitely had to do that sometimes,
you know, respecting their boundaries, teaching through example is always a good one.
Being present and then just kind of encouraging open communication right i want
my kids to be able to talk to me when they have questions yeah you know it's it's funny i had uh.
(12:46):
Kind of the, the big curse word talk with one of my sons the other day.
And I mean, it was just, it was like everything for every category from top
to bottom, you know, everything in between.
And we talked about, you know, what's appropriate and what's not appropriate and everything else.
And, and then, you know, my, he came home from school and he was like,
(13:11):
dad, in the bathroom, room kids were saying like a lot of the words that we
were talking about and i was like oh really and he was like yeah he was like
he's like i really want to like talk to you about it and and he was like but
i'm not going to say i'm at the table because there's little kids listening,
and i was like i was like oh okay all right you like catalog the
(13:32):
words like these are level 10 words and these are level like one
words it's like oh god i had like i had like these are
just just like general like these ones are let's just not even
go there these ones are like are words
but they're not really towards any specific person right
they're just kind of like general like bad words and then
these words are like words that are actually like meant towards a person like
(13:56):
you are a this yeah and then there was and then there was a whole like sexual
category of like hey these are all of of these other types of words and this
is what all of these mean You pull out the whiteboard, it's like, all right, son,
what kind of sexual words has anybody called you?
Yeah, well, you know, just like slang for body parts and different things like that.
(14:19):
Oh, that's funny. I mean, it was a great conversation, but it felt nice that
he could come to me and say, hey, you know, this is something that we had talked
about, and, you know, can I ask you some questions or whatever?
I mean, I want to try to continue that conversation. going forward.
But, you know, if I would have kind of just reacted and, and,
(14:44):
you know, don't ever say these words and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And maybe it was more like, if I ever catch you saying any of these words,
you're going to get it and blah, blah.
You know, maybe that's not as gentle instead of versus like,
Hey, let's open dialogue.
Let's talk about things like, yeah. Yeah.
Not to say that I'm the, the idol of, of parenting, but I felt,
I felt, I felt a little wind there. We're building our creed together.
(15:07):
Yeah. The good. Yeah. Seriously. No, it's good. It's great to hear.
I love that. When I was thinking about gentleness, I kind of thought about it
in the sense of the kids and stuff.
I don't feel like that's something that – I feel like I'm pretty gentle with the kids.
(15:29):
So I didn't really focus that. That wasn't something that caught my attention
mainly with this attribute.
I think that most of it was just the kind-hearted tenderness or mild-mannered aspect to it.
I think that nature itself is very violent and it can be very cruel.
(15:53):
And if you don't believe me, just go watch the Discovery Channel for 20 minutes.
And so choosing to be gentle with somebody else or with a child or with someone
who's being belligerent or
with, obviously there are limits if someone's threatening you or whatever,
but choosing to be calm, mild-mannered, and gentle with that person,
(16:16):
I think that aspect of it can be very noble.
And it shows that you're in control of yourself and you're disciplined enough to control yourself.
You know, someone who's just flying off the handle and like,
you know, ready to fight at any moment or, you know, just, yeah,
start screaming and yelling.
(16:36):
There's a guy that I used to work with and.
I'll try to make this anonymous. He was kind of an older guy and he would just
be like, yeah, sometimes,
you know, like I just get into this mode, you know, and my kids have a name
for it and they call it like it was like his it was like his last name or something like that.
(16:57):
It was like you know this when i get into this mode they know
that i'm i'm all on and it's like he just
becomes like the biggest a-hole ever villain
yeah so that falls in the category of something to call somebody so he he becomes
a bad dude and it's just like you know i don't know it just is like okay well
(17:17):
now i know that like you're not very disciplined because you can just fly off
the handle as soon as something upsets you the slightest
bit and so i just how do you think how
do you think his kids act yeah i think it's
a you know and and actually that nate
that kind of theme of like taming the wild nature of yourself that actually
(17:43):
was represented in a lot of the greek architecture and and and statues and stuff
if you've ever noticed the statue of like of david You know,
he has just a tiny little penis. And do you know why that is?
That's actually intentional. That's not, you know, nowadays it's like,
oh, you know, everybody wants to have this big, you know, giant representation of their manhood.
(18:07):
But back then, they would sculpt a sculpture of someone and they would make their penis very small.
And they did that because they felt that it showed that this person wasn't so
animalistic or they weren't so, you know, they were more,
(18:27):
they had dominion over themselves and they were disciplined and they felt that
back then it was more animalistic to have this just like, you know, giant piece.
Yeah. Interesting. I've never heard that, but that's interesting.
Yeah i mean sometimes you'll hear people like oh man like these people back
then it's like no there was like actual purpose why schlongs are
(18:49):
so small kind of like yeah control controlling your it's
a your urges it's yeah it's good it's like the you have the ability to control
your urges and it was kind of it's a kind of a symbol but like representation
yeah people who obviously like didn't mean with me if you have a a third leg
then obviously you're gonna have a harder or time controlling your urges,
(19:11):
you know, if something that big.
So it's kind of interesting, but I think it just kind of ties back to the ability
to be disciplined and mild-mannered and choose to be mild-mannered is,
I think, a noble virtue in itself.
Interesting. That went in a direction that I didn't think it'd go in,
but I think it definitely relates to gentleness and controlling your emotions,
(19:33):
for sure. If you just will like,
go off the rails at you know at the drop of
a hat then yeah do you really even
do you have control over yourself and a lot of times we're trying to you
know tell our kids you know stop crying or
this or that or whatever when it's like we just
like true powers if you could just give your kid a look and
(19:54):
then they know you know yeah and i've done that before too
it's like you know my kids crying and they're all frustrated they're crying because
maybe they're angry or sad or whatever else and then i respond with that with
anger and just like stop crying you know man you know man up or whatever i don't
typically say that but you know i'll say stop stop crying and i i have have
really gotten better at this because it's like you know if especially if i get frustrated,
(20:19):
because my reaction is basically just a reaction of anger which is the same thing as them crying.
And so you know i've tried to do a lot better and and saying instead just like
you know stop crying in frustration, I'll be like, you know,
Hey, let me be validate a little bit.
Right. And then I'll talk about like, does this amount of crying equal the amount
(20:40):
of, you know, stimulus that made this cry, right?
Like is just because your brother, you know, bumped into you,
does that really constitute the screaming and wailing?
Or are you just like, Like, you know, maybe putting on a little bit of a show.
Yeah, totally. You know, versus like, hey, if you fall out of a tree and split
(21:01):
your head open, like, yeah, maybe that could.
Or, you know, sometimes crying isn't just physical, you know,
or if, you know, you really are really sad, right?
You didn't, you didn't, I don't know, first thing comes to my head,
I didn't make the football team in seventh grade.
And I remember I cried just because I was sad. I was disappointed.
Dad picked me up from the, from tryouts and he was like, hey, how'd it go?
(21:22):
And I was like, I didn't make it, you know? I remember I cried,
but I don't remember dad saying, oh, suck it up, be fine.
Just like, dang, man, that sucks. A little bit of validation kind of goes a long way.
So from, I guess, we talked about some of the tactics of gentleness,
some of the reasons why it's important for fathers to be gentle in their communication
(21:49):
or have an aspect of gentleness, right?
We're focusing in on gentleness, but I don't think, yeah, I think that it has to be combined.
I did have a quote that I put together that kind of talks about this as well.
But one of them is emotional security.
Gentleness helps children feel safe. It can help that emotional security can
(22:13):
build confidence and self-esteem in kids, which I think is a huge thing.
Healthy development kind of goes along with that.
Balanced discipline. Discipline, a lot of times if discipline is done gently,
but it can still be like consequential, right?
(22:34):
Just gentle discipline doesn't have to mean that you just let them get away with everything.
Gentle discipline is that you can, you know, discipline to the fullness of the
consequence, but do it in a manner of maybe a calm manner.
Modeling behavior setting a good example it
(22:56):
can kind of you know teach them a lot
of times kids will kids will mirror
how their parents or their father or whoever
taught them and i think it just you know it builds trust it promotes confidence
in your kids and i think in just in general it can strengthen the just the family
(23:17):
bond what were you gonna say no i remember when we had i think I think Wayne
Boatwright was his name, the guy who was in prison, right?
Mm-hmm. So we had an episode where a guy went, he served 15 years in prison.
He was a drunk driver, killed somebody in a car accident, served some time in
prison. And he was talking about people in prison.
And he was like, a lot of these people grew up in a state of survival.
(23:40):
And he actually talks about kind of two or three different levels of that.
One was a state of survival where you're just
constantly like everybody's out to get me i think the next level was like eye
for an eye it's just like you're out for yourself and then like that kind of
next level up was like you have the sense of community or whatever but like
yeah your kids aren't gonna learn
(24:01):
or are you or anybody around you your co-workers they're not gonna learn.
Very well in an environment where they don't feel safe or they're just being
yelled at or it's a violent environment.
And so if they're in this fight or flight mode all the time,
they're going to be stuck in that and they're not going to be,
(24:25):
able to progress and move their minds to like a better mental state.
Now, I think that there might be some times when gentleness,
I mean, you talk to a Marine boot camp instructor, and I would be interested
to hear what they say. I mean, that's just like all of a hammer.
These guys are just hammers, and they're just trying to get nails.
(24:46):
But I think that they're, and I think that, I've never been through boot camp,
and I can't speak, But from what I understand is that the first kind of week
is crazy, crazy, crazy, go, go, go, go, go.
But then they got to settle down a little bit and they're going to have some
classroom instruction.
And it's not so crazy, crazy, crazy, go, go, go.
Because if you're just crazy, crazy, go, go, go all the time,
(25:08):
you're just kind of like it just puts you so much out of your element.
And I know that they're trying to shake these guys up, trying to get the recruits out of their element.
They're trying to kind of get them in a new mode and break off some of their old habits.
But when you're really trying to teach someone, you got to chill out a little
bit and be more gentle with them. And I think that they would probably echo that.
(25:29):
But if there's any drill sergeants out there, let us know.
Love to have you on the podcast. Yeah, I think that's good.
And I think too, I think that there is, it kind of differs, right?
I think that, I guess that the gentle toughness balance, right? Right.
I mean, when we say balance, we think like, you know, 50-50, exactly even.
(25:51):
But, you know, I think sometimes gentleness weighs more than toughness and toughness
sometimes weighs more than discipline.
And so you need gentleness. And so sometimes you need more than the other.
But I think as specifically children progress in age, I think sometimes that
(26:12):
kind of goes up and down. Right.
And, and I think, you know, sometimes, you know, toddlers that don't speak yet,
they don't quite understand like the gentle discussion and explanation of why
we don't do this specific thing. Yeah.
(26:32):
Maybe they more react to a quick, you know, no, maybe a more stern interaction.
Yeah. As they get older, now you can like discuss, you know,
well, why is it that we don't do this? Well, what, you know,
and then you can kind of like.
Reason almost with with them sometimes yeah and so
i don't know that's just something that i thought but not totally i i
(26:53):
had some a couple of things here that were interesting one of the things is
that aristotle had talked about this concept of proates i'm gonna butcher the
greek that's the greek word being gentleness mildness meekness he said it's
a virtue that stands between two extremes.
The orgolotes, which is uncontrolled, unjustified anger, and arogista,
(27:21):
which is not being angry at all, no matter what takes place around you.
So he said that it's kind of somewhere in the middle, is it like that.
Where you're not flying off the handle at every second, but you're not just
folding over and you're not like, Like, it's not like you're like,
oh, I don't care about anything around me. It's kind of in the middle somewhere.
(27:42):
So that was kind of an interesting argument that he proposed.
And it's kind of something that just kind of think through is what that middle
might be, what it might look like.
I saw a quote that I liked from this one about being gentle.
I think it's important to be gentle to yourself.
We've talked about being gentle with kids or others that we interact with.
(28:04):
With we've talked about you know being physically gentle
with others in the world with our with
things that we do we talked about being mild-mannered but
i think it's important to be gentle with ourselves sometimes we
can be incredibly hard on ourselves and that is something that's often over
(28:24):
overlooked or not talked about and so there's this this quote that says growth
Growth is an erratic forward movement. Two steps forward, one step back.
Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
So that was by Julia Cameron. And I thought that was a good thing.
Sometimes you just expect to be like.
(28:46):
You know, exponentially getting better. You know, something I'm working on is
just getting better at some of my jujitsu skills.
Sometimes I walk in there and I'm like, oh man, I'm pretty freaking good.
I'm pretty good. You know, I can hang. I got a few submissions tonight.
Other times I walk out of there and I'm like, man, I have no idea what we were doing.
(29:06):
I had a hard time doing that move. And I don't even barely remember what that
move was. I can't even remember what we did last week.
So it's just like, sometimes I feel like I'm doing pretty good.
Sometimes I feel like I'm I'm, I don't know, jack squat.
And so I just kind of, kind of remember to be gentle with myself and it's just a progress.
And if I'm just learning things, I just need to be intentional about,
(29:27):
sometimes I started taking notes on things that I'm learning,
but it's important to do that because your,
your self-talk that you have, if you have a negative self-talk and that could
be very detrimental to you.
You know what they say a man as a man thinketh
so is he so if you are thinking
(29:48):
all the time oh man i'm horrible oh man i
can't do that or oh that's that's just that's beyond me or i don't have the
ability to do that or or whatever then then you're going to be that person that
can't do things but if you're like you know what i messed up but i can do better
next time i'm just i'm new at this or I'm learning something or I'm trying to do my best job.
(30:10):
And I, you know, kind of give yourself that grace and that gentleness.
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, being gentle with yourself.
I think it's a great interpretation of that. I kind of came up with my own quote
that I said, gentleness will balance out the toughness that it takes to be a father.
(30:33):
These two, when used at the appropriate time, will develop a child that understands
the importance of discipline, but also the comfort that comes with genuine gentle love.
So kind of talking about the balance between gentleness and I guess toughness
(30:54):
is the word that I came up with, but you can still be gentle and tough at the same time.
But I feel like being able, and I thought, well, maybe I'm going to use the word sternness.
All right. But that just didn't roll off the tongue as well.
Well, but I think there's definitely a balance of,
you know, learning when to be gentle and maybe when to be a little bit more
(31:18):
assertive or however you want to say it in, in all aspects of life.
Right. Sometimes you need to be more gentle with yourself, like you were saying,
but then other times you just, you know, need to, you know, yell, keep pushing.
And when you're running up the hill and you're dog tired and you know,
you want to get that last rep, right. And you're aggressive with yourself.
(31:40):
I'm not being gentle. I'm going to get this. Yeah.
So, yeah. Yeah. Like I said, it's a balance. Like Aristotle said,
it's a balance between the two extremes.
And so you got to find where that sweet spot is. Yeah, for sure.
Well, that's been good. Yeah. And it's been great. It kind of makes me think
about metal working, right? Grinding on stuff in the garage.
(32:08):
I, uh, I, I like to,
when I have the opportunity to, you know, work on some metal stuff and cut out
some knives and, you know, grind and shape some knives, but it kind of reminded
me of a steel that is like very, very hard.
It is very brittle and can break easily.
(32:30):
And steel that is too, too soft will not hold very good edge.
And so it really takes a balance of that, that hardened steel in combination with tempering to,
to, to make that a little bit softer so that you can have a useful tool.
(32:55):
Yeah. Just something that kind of, I don't know, kind of stuck with me in,
in, in balancing out the hardness, the harshness with, with gentleness. Yeah.
Love it. I think this is a great attribute that we could all,
I think, use a little bit of ourselves and we could all spread it around a little bit.
(33:17):
It's always, I think that...
It can be a compliment. I think that if someone were to say that you have the
ability to be strong and tough and really force something in or have the power to do something,
(33:38):
while at the same time having the ability to be very gentle,
I think that's quite the attributes to have. So it's a It's a great one to put into the mix.
Yeah, I agree. All right. Well, all the listeners out there,
let's work gentleness into our lives,
our personal creeds and, you know, see how, test it out, see how we can utilize
(34:01):
that to, you know, become even better, better and better every day to,
to build the blueprint for the next generation.
So thanks for listening and let's build that creed together. Let's do it.
Music.
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Brothers Creed podcast where we
inspire fathers to build the blueprint for the next generation.
We are the Thomas Brothers. I'm Ethan.
And I'm Jared. And today we're going to talk about an attribute or virtue of gentleness.
I think there's a lot of different ways to take this one, and there's a lot
of facets to gentleness.
(00:21):
So we're going to discuss it, discuss how it might be beneficial to our lives
and how it might not be beneficial to our lives.
When are there times to just force it through as opposed to being gentle with
it if there are any so let's uh it'll be a good discussion let's go ahead and
dive in all right let's do it,
(00:42):
do not go gentle into that good night old age should burn and rave at close of day.
Music.
You should be a monster an absolute monster and then you should learn how to
control it no retreat no surrender you can't conceive of what i'm capable of.
(01:04):
Music.
There is no tomorrow there is no tomorrow what we do in life that goes in eternity,
all right so gentleness what were your initial thoughts on this one ethan.
I had to kind of look into this one because
(01:26):
i will self-admittedly say that i have not
always been gentleness has not always been
my first my go-to as a parent i feel like i have i have had some some great
some good times right and actually it's kind of interesting that we did this
one now because i would say that i have really been trying to put forth effort
(01:48):
into being a little bit more
gentle in my parenting,
in my interaction with not only my kids, but my wife as well.
And I'll kind of get into some, some, maybe some reasons why as we continue to get further on.
But I think that gentleness is like a lot of other things to where it is a,
(02:10):
it's a balancing act, right?
You have to, you know, the first thing that comes to mind is gentle parenting
is like, all like the new rave, right? Oh, gentle parenting.
Basically, gentle parenting to me means I don't want to have any accountability
or responsibility for what my kid does, and so I'm just going to let them do
whatever they want, and hopefully it ends up right.
So I don't think that's the way to do it. I think it is important to be gentle
(02:35):
in parenting, but just give – kids need direction.
They need guidance. They need leadership.
They need discipline sometimes. Sometimes, you know, I think,
I think adults sometimes need discipline and direction as well.
Does guidance and direction, does that preclude being gentle?
Can you give guidance and direction while being gentle?
(02:55):
100%. I think that...
Maybe those things aren't really opposites but i
think sometimes they can they can be that
way i guess specifically talking about like gentle parenting
is it reminds me of this this video
this tiktok of this like lady who's this child psychologist or whatever and
(03:17):
she's sitting there trying to work and there's like a lamp on the table and
her daughter comes in and like it's It's just like pulling the lamp on and off
and like the light on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off.
And, you know, she's like, okay, you know, sweetheart, let's not do that.
You know, or, or, or, you know, I know that's so much fun, but let's not do
(03:39):
that. And then she just keeps doing it and keeps doing it and keeps doing it.
And then she's like, Hey, mommy's on a meeting. Let's not do that.
And then finally, you know, she was just like, okay, well, how about you get five more clicks?
You know, you could turn it on and off. and whatever else but and
i kind of look at that and i'm just like you know
if it were me i'd be like dude don't freaking touch the light like stop that
(04:04):
doesn't work either i'd probably just unplug the light or like i don't know
push them out of the way gently well i think that sometimes.
People fail on kind of both ends right so there's this maybe there's a something
that's out there that's called gentle parenting, right?
(04:25):
Some parents might try to, they say, oh, that's a good idea.
So they just hear it or they hear a couple of tips about it,
but they don't really know how to do it, right?
Just like maybe there's parents, and then I think that sometimes people who
tend to be more heavy handed,
they see other people trying to be gentle parents and maybe not not doing it
(04:49):
right or not doing it how you're supposed to do it.
And they're like, oh, that's wimpy.
That doesn't work, obviously.
And so I think that sometimes it's like, well, who are we looking at that knows how to gentle parent?
I don't know. I think that sometimes it's just like, if someone showed me the
best way, if I could just say one time, hey, son,
(05:13):
after you take a shower, could you hang up your bath towel and could you put
your clothes in the dirty clothes basket?
If I could just say that in a way that would make him do it the first time, please tell me.
But it seems like the way that it is now, Now I had to say that like literally
20 times and then I walk up there and there's clothes and towels over the floor.
(05:35):
I'm like, yo, what the heck happened?
So I don't know. Maybe I'm gentle. I start gentle and then it comes to a point
where I'm like, yo, I've said it like 16 times.
I literally wrote that down. One of the things that I said is I said my kids
typically listen when I speak to them in like more of a stern or harsh manner.
(05:58):
But a lot of times you know i i do
have my limits sometimes i'll you know
start gentle and just be like you know very okay you know and i'll say it several
times and then and then it like won't change and it won't help i'll be like
you know i love you so much i know you're feeling this way i'll validate and
everything and then it kind of gets a certain it's like okay i'm done like Like, yeah.
(06:22):
Yeah, no, I think that that happens.
I think that maybe there's different techniques. Sometimes I'll try to be like,
son, stand right in front of me.
And I'm like, look me in my eyes. And then I will say, you need to go take a
shower. And then I'll say, tell me what I just told you.
And he's like, I need to go take a shower. And I'm like, okay,
can you please do that right now?
(06:42):
So it's like this over confirmation that he hears what I'm saying.
So i think there's lots of different ways but that is
one aspect of gentleness i actually i mean that's one
yeah that's kind of one facet of gentleness is like parenting and being gentle
as a parent i think that in some ways as fathers especially we it's almost like
(07:10):
there's a tendency to not want to be gentle because it's like, well,
someone's got to harden these kids for the real world.
I think it's the mother and the father's job to get the kids ready,
but women often take on more of a nurturing role, which fathers can absolutely nurture.
But I think that fathers sometimes take on a role of really trying to prepare
(07:34):
the kids for the realities of life and hardships in life.
Usually if you see a kid really struggling or something like that,
and sometimes you'll see the mom swoosh in and try to help or over coddle.
And then the dads will be like, will sometimes be like, let him fail or let him fall.
And then he can learn from this. So I think that in some ways,
(07:58):
It's a measured approach between, you think about you and your,
I think about me and my wife as a unit.
And so like her gentleness and my gentleness, and sometimes my just allowing
them to learn a hard lesson or to fall because they're doing something stupid,
we kind of come together.
(08:18):
But, and that creates an environment where they can experience a spectrum of
things to where they can grow. and we're not too gentle with them.
You don't want to have them come walking around in a bubble,
you know? It's like, hey, son, if you keep riding your bike like with no shoes
on, you're going to scrape your feet up on the concrete.
And it's like, if he keeps doing it, it's like, let him scrape his feet up and
(08:39):
then next time he won't do it, you know?
So that kind of thing. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I completely agree.
You know, I will say that, like I said, my kids are typically pretty decent
listeners, at least, you know, with simple instructions.
If it gets, you know, go take a shower and then hang up your towel and then
(09:00):
put your clothes away and then brush your teeth and then get ready for bed.
It's like you lose me like two, three steps in or I lose them.
But I will say that, especially in times of like anger and frustration,
I would say my kids definitely react better to gentleness.
A lot of times, you know, fighting fire with fire is not always the answer.
(09:24):
And i think sometimes you
know kids will go into you know
an emotional as they're trying to figure out their emotions right they'll go
into an emotional fit and they'll be you know doing whatever and if i have noticed
personally because i've done it both ways right i have responded with an emotional
response and yelling and and and trying to control the situation,
(09:49):
But me personally, I have found that if I can keep my cool and I can continue
kind of gentle interaction or I can kind of support gentle interaction,
typically it helps them to calm down more quicker to be able to control their
(10:09):
emotions because they'll kind of feed off of where I'm going or the level that I'm giving them.
Yeah. And so, you know, I, yeah, I think, I mean, you can take gentleness in so many different ways,
you know, whether it's teaching or interacting or trying to calm them down or,
(10:30):
you know, there's lots of different things that you can do.
And I like specifically one of the things that you said, how you like,
you know, look me in the eye.
And I kind of looked up some of the different like tactics for being,
so I looked up some tactics for being gentle, right? Right.
And then I also kind of, we can get into it afterwards after we talk about it,
(10:53):
but also like, I guess maybe why it's important to be gentle to a certain kind
of emotionally and the importance of kind of at least some gentleness.
But some of the things that I researched into things that we can do as fathers
and interacting specifically with kids to be gentle with them is active listening, right?
(11:16):
Give your full attention. attention if your child is
wants to tell you something or struggling with something
right whenever you're talking with them don't be on your
phone you know scrolling on your phone as you're talking to them
like just actively listen to them physical affection is
always a good one right a hug or you know a little cuddle or always goes a long
(11:37):
way at least with with my kids some kids aren't as cuddly you know speaking
softly and calmly validating their feelings even though you know,
maybe their feelings are, are, are this,
you know, this small, or it's not really a big deal.
People just like to be validated. And so validating, you know,
to a certain extent, obviously situation by situation, you don't want to just
(12:01):
constantly validate them.
But another one is, is quality time, playfulness, you know, spending individual time.
And we've We've talked about that with our kids, encouraging positive reinforcement, right?
You know, not saying, you know, I'm proud of you, son, or, Hey,
you did an excellent job on that.
(12:21):
Or, you know, just positive reinforcement is always good.
Apologizing when needed. I've definitely had to do that sometimes,
you know, respecting their boundaries, teaching through example is always a good one.
Being present and then just kind of encouraging open communication right i want
my kids to be able to talk to me when they have questions yeah you know it's it's funny i had uh.
(12:46):
Kind of the, the big curse word talk with one of my sons the other day.
And I mean, it was just, it was like everything for every category from top
to bottom, you know, everything in between.
And we talked about, you know, what's appropriate and what's not appropriate and everything else.
And, and then, you know, my, he came home from school and he was like,
(13:11):
dad, in the bathroom, room kids were saying like a lot of the words that we
were talking about and i was like oh really and he was like yeah he was like
he's like i really want to like talk to you about it and and he was like but
i'm not going to say i'm at the table because there's little kids listening,
and i was like i was like oh okay all right you like catalog the
(13:32):
words like these are level 10 words and these are level like one
words it's like oh god i had like i had like these are
just just like general like these ones are let's just not even
go there these ones are like are words
but they're not really towards any specific person right
they're just kind of like general like bad words and then
these words are like words that are actually like meant towards a person like
(13:56):
you are a this yeah and then there was and then there was a whole like sexual
category of like hey these are all of of these other types of words and this
is what all of these mean You pull out the whiteboard, it's like, all right, son,
what kind of sexual words has anybody called you?
Yeah, well, you know, just like slang for body parts and different things like that.
(14:19):
Oh, that's funny. I mean, it was a great conversation, but it felt nice that
he could come to me and say, hey, you know, this is something that we had talked
about, and, you know, can I ask you some questions or whatever?
I mean, I want to try to continue that conversation. going forward.
But, you know, if I would have kind of just reacted and, and,
(14:44):
you know, don't ever say these words and blah, blah, blah, blah.
And maybe it was more like, if I ever catch you saying any of these words,
you're going to get it and blah, blah.
You know, maybe that's not as gentle instead of versus like,
Hey, let's open dialogue.
Let's talk about things like, yeah. Yeah.
Not to say that I'm the, the idol of, of parenting, but I felt,
I felt, I felt a little wind there. We're building our creed together.
(15:07):
Yeah. The good. Yeah. Seriously. No, it's good. It's great to hear.
I love that. When I was thinking about gentleness, I kind of thought about it
in the sense of the kids and stuff.
I don't feel like that's something that – I feel like I'm pretty gentle with the kids.
(15:29):
So I didn't really focus that. That wasn't something that caught my attention
mainly with this attribute.
I think that most of it was just the kind-hearted tenderness or mild-mannered aspect to it.
I think that nature itself is very violent and it can be very cruel.
(15:53):
And if you don't believe me, just go watch the Discovery Channel for 20 minutes.
And so choosing to be gentle with somebody else or with a child or with someone
who's being belligerent or
with, obviously there are limits if someone's threatening you or whatever,
but choosing to be calm, mild-mannered, and gentle with that person,
(16:16):
I think that aspect of it can be very noble.
And it shows that you're in control of yourself and you're disciplined enough to control yourself.
You know, someone who's just flying off the handle and like,
you know, ready to fight at any moment or, you know, just, yeah,
start screaming and yelling.
(16:36):
There's a guy that I used to work with and.
I'll try to make this anonymous. He was kind of an older guy and he would just
be like, yeah, sometimes,
you know, like I just get into this mode, you know, and my kids have a name
for it and they call it like it was like his it was like his last name or something like that.
(16:57):
It was like you know this when i get into this mode they know
that i'm i'm all on and it's like he just
becomes like the biggest a-hole ever villain
yeah so that falls in the category of something to call somebody so he he becomes
a bad dude and it's just like you know i don't know it just is like okay well
(17:17):
now i know that like you're not very disciplined because you can just fly off
the handle as soon as something upsets you the slightest
bit and so i just how do you think how
do you think his kids act yeah i think it's
a you know and and actually that nate
that kind of theme of like taming the wild nature of yourself that actually
(17:43):
was represented in a lot of the greek architecture and and and statues and stuff
if you've ever noticed the statue of like of david You know,
he has just a tiny little penis. And do you know why that is?
That's actually intentional. That's not, you know, nowadays it's like,
oh, you know, everybody wants to have this big, you know, giant representation of their manhood.
(18:07):
But back then, they would sculpt a sculpture of someone and they would make their penis very small.
And they did that because they felt that it showed that this person wasn't so
animalistic or they weren't so, you know, they were more,
(18:27):
they had dominion over themselves and they were disciplined and they felt that
back then it was more animalistic to have this just like, you know, giant piece.
Yeah. Interesting. I've never heard that, but that's interesting.
Yeah i mean sometimes you'll hear people like oh man like these people back
then it's like no there was like actual purpose why schlongs are
(18:49):
so small kind of like yeah control controlling your it's
a your urges it's yeah it's good it's like the you have the ability to control
your urges and it was kind of it's a kind of a symbol but like representation
yeah people who obviously like didn't mean with me if you have a a third leg
then obviously you're gonna have a harder or time controlling your urges,
(19:11):
you know, if something that big.
So it's kind of interesting, but I think it just kind of ties back to the ability
to be disciplined and mild-mannered and choose to be mild-mannered is,
I think, a noble virtue in itself.
Interesting. That went in a direction that I didn't think it'd go in,
but I think it definitely relates to gentleness and controlling your emotions,
(19:33):
for sure. If you just will like,
go off the rails at you know at the drop of
a hat then yeah do you really even
do you have control over yourself and a lot of times we're trying to you
know tell our kids you know stop crying or
this or that or whatever when it's like we just
like true powers if you could just give your kid a look and
(19:54):
then they know you know yeah and i've done that before too
it's like you know my kids crying and they're all frustrated they're crying because
maybe they're angry or sad or whatever else and then i respond with that with
anger and just like stop crying you know man you know man up or whatever i don't
typically say that but you know i'll say stop stop crying and i i have have
really gotten better at this because it's like you know if especially if i get frustrated,
(20:19):
because my reaction is basically just a reaction of anger which is the same thing as them crying.
And so you know i've tried to do a lot better and and saying instead just like
you know stop crying in frustration, I'll be like, you know,
Hey, let me be validate a little bit.
Right. And then I'll talk about like, does this amount of crying equal the amount
(20:40):
of, you know, stimulus that made this cry, right?
Like is just because your brother, you know, bumped into you,
does that really constitute the screaming and wailing?
Or are you just like, Like, you know, maybe putting on a little bit of a show.
Yeah, totally. You know, versus like, hey, if you fall out of a tree and split
(21:01):
your head open, like, yeah, maybe that could.
Or, you know, sometimes crying isn't just physical, you know,
or if, you know, you really are really sad, right?
You didn't, you didn't, I don't know, first thing comes to my head,
I didn't make the football team in seventh grade.
And I remember I cried just because I was sad. I was disappointed.
Dad picked me up from the, from tryouts and he was like, hey, how'd it go?
(21:22):
And I was like, I didn't make it, you know? I remember I cried,
but I don't remember dad saying, oh, suck it up, be fine.
Just like, dang, man, that sucks. A little bit of validation kind of goes a long way.
So from, I guess, we talked about some of the tactics of gentleness,
some of the reasons why it's important for fathers to be gentle in their communication
(21:49):
or have an aspect of gentleness, right?
We're focusing in on gentleness, but I don't think, yeah, I think that it has to be combined.
I did have a quote that I put together that kind of talks about this as well.
But one of them is emotional security.
Gentleness helps children feel safe. It can help that emotional security can
(22:13):
build confidence and self-esteem in kids, which I think is a huge thing.
Healthy development kind of goes along with that.
Balanced discipline. Discipline, a lot of times if discipline is done gently,
but it can still be like consequential, right?
(22:34):
Just gentle discipline doesn't have to mean that you just let them get away with everything.
Gentle discipline is that you can, you know, discipline to the fullness of the
consequence, but do it in a manner of maybe a calm manner.
Modeling behavior setting a good example it
(22:56):
can kind of you know teach them a lot
of times kids will kids will mirror
how their parents or their father or whoever
taught them and i think it just you know it builds trust it promotes confidence
in your kids and i think in just in general it can strengthen the just the family
(23:17):
bond what were you gonna say no i remember when we had i think I think Wayne
Boatwright was his name, the guy who was in prison, right?
Mm-hmm. So we had an episode where a guy went, he served 15 years in prison.
He was a drunk driver, killed somebody in a car accident, served some time in
prison. And he was talking about people in prison.
And he was like, a lot of these people grew up in a state of survival.
(23:40):
And he actually talks about kind of two or three different levels of that.
One was a state of survival where you're just
constantly like everybody's out to get me i think the next level was like eye
for an eye it's just like you're out for yourself and then like that kind of
next level up was like you have the sense of community or whatever but like
yeah your kids aren't gonna learn
(24:01):
or are you or anybody around you your co-workers they're not gonna learn.
Very well in an environment where they don't feel safe or they're just being
yelled at or it's a violent environment.
And so if they're in this fight or flight mode all the time,
they're going to be stuck in that and they're not going to be,
(24:25):
able to progress and move their minds to like a better mental state.
Now, I think that there might be some times when gentleness,
I mean, you talk to a Marine boot camp instructor, and I would be interested
to hear what they say. I mean, that's just like all of a hammer.
These guys are just hammers, and they're just trying to get nails.
(24:46):
But I think that they're, and I think that, I've never been through boot camp,
and I can't speak, But from what I understand is that the first kind of week
is crazy, crazy, crazy, go, go, go, go, go.
But then they got to settle down a little bit and they're going to have some
classroom instruction.
And it's not so crazy, crazy, crazy, go, go, go.
Because if you're just crazy, crazy, go, go, go all the time,
(25:08):
you're just kind of like it just puts you so much out of your element.
And I know that they're trying to shake these guys up, trying to get the recruits out of their element.
They're trying to kind of get them in a new mode and break off some of their old habits.
But when you're really trying to teach someone, you got to chill out a little
bit and be more gentle with them. And I think that they would probably echo that.
(25:29):
But if there's any drill sergeants out there, let us know.
Love to have you on the podcast. Yeah, I think that's good.
And I think too, I think that there is, it kind of differs, right?
I think that, I guess that the gentle toughness balance, right? Right.
I mean, when we say balance, we think like, you know, 50-50, exactly even.
(25:51):
But, you know, I think sometimes gentleness weighs more than toughness and toughness
sometimes weighs more than discipline.
And so you need gentleness. And so sometimes you need more than the other.
But I think as specifically children progress in age, I think sometimes that
(26:12):
kind of goes up and down. Right.
And, and I think, you know, sometimes, you know, toddlers that don't speak yet,
they don't quite understand like the gentle discussion and explanation of why
we don't do this specific thing. Yeah.
(26:32):
Maybe they more react to a quick, you know, no, maybe a more stern interaction.
Yeah. As they get older, now you can like discuss, you know,
well, why is it that we don't do this? Well, what, you know,
and then you can kind of like.
Reason almost with with them sometimes yeah and so
i don't know that's just something that i thought but not totally i i
(26:53):
had some a couple of things here that were interesting one of the things is
that aristotle had talked about this concept of proates i'm gonna butcher the
greek that's the greek word being gentleness mildness meekness he said it's
a virtue that stands between two extremes.
The orgolotes, which is uncontrolled, unjustified anger, and arogista,
(27:21):
which is not being angry at all, no matter what takes place around you.
So he said that it's kind of somewhere in the middle, is it like that.
Where you're not flying off the handle at every second, but you're not just
folding over and you're not like, Like, it's not like you're like,
oh, I don't care about anything around me. It's kind of in the middle somewhere.
(27:42):
So that was kind of an interesting argument that he proposed.
And it's kind of something that just kind of think through is what that middle
might be, what it might look like.
I saw a quote that I liked from this one about being gentle.
I think it's important to be gentle to yourself.
We've talked about being gentle with kids or others that we interact with.
(28:04):
With we've talked about you know being physically gentle
with others in the world with our with
things that we do we talked about being mild-mannered but
i think it's important to be gentle with ourselves sometimes we
can be incredibly hard on ourselves and that is something that's often over
(28:24):
overlooked or not talked about and so there's this this quote that says growth
Growth is an erratic forward movement. Two steps forward, one step back.
Remember that and be very gentle with yourself.
So that was by Julia Cameron. And I thought that was a good thing.
Sometimes you just expect to be like.
(28:46):
You know, exponentially getting better. You know, something I'm working on is
just getting better at some of my jujitsu skills.
Sometimes I walk in there and I'm like, oh man, I'm pretty freaking good.
I'm pretty good. You know, I can hang. I got a few submissions tonight.
Other times I walk out of there and I'm like, man, I have no idea what we were doing.
(29:06):
I had a hard time doing that move. And I don't even barely remember what that
move was. I can't even remember what we did last week.
So it's just like, sometimes I feel like I'm doing pretty good.
Sometimes I feel like I'm I'm, I don't know, jack squat.
And so I just kind of, kind of remember to be gentle with myself and it's just a progress.
And if I'm just learning things, I just need to be intentional about,
(29:27):
sometimes I started taking notes on things that I'm learning,
but it's important to do that because your,
your self-talk that you have, if you have a negative self-talk and that could
be very detrimental to you.
You know what they say a man as a man thinketh
so is he so if you are thinking
(29:48):
all the time oh man i'm horrible oh man i
can't do that or oh that's that's just that's beyond me or i don't have the
ability to do that or or whatever then then you're going to be that person that
can't do things but if you're like you know what i messed up but i can do better
next time i'm just i'm new at this or I'm learning something or I'm trying to do my best job.
(30:10):
And I, you know, kind of give yourself that grace and that gentleness.
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, being gentle with yourself.
I think it's a great interpretation of that. I kind of came up with my own quote
that I said, gentleness will balance out the toughness that it takes to be a father.
(30:33):
These two, when used at the appropriate time, will develop a child that understands
the importance of discipline, but also the comfort that comes with genuine gentle love.
So kind of talking about the balance between gentleness and I guess toughness
(30:54):
is the word that I came up with, but you can still be gentle and tough at the same time.
But I feel like being able, and I thought, well, maybe I'm going to use the word sternness.
All right. But that just didn't roll off the tongue as well.
Well, but I think there's definitely a balance of,
you know, learning when to be gentle and maybe when to be a little bit more
(31:18):
assertive or however you want to say it in, in all aspects of life.
Right. Sometimes you need to be more gentle with yourself, like you were saying,
but then other times you just, you know, need to, you know, yell, keep pushing.
And when you're running up the hill and you're dog tired and you know,
you want to get that last rep, right. And you're aggressive with yourself.
(31:40):
I'm not being gentle. I'm going to get this. Yeah.
So, yeah. Yeah. Like I said, it's a balance. Like Aristotle said,
it's a balance between the two extremes.
And so you got to find where that sweet spot is. Yeah, for sure.
Well, that's been good. Yeah. And it's been great. It kind of makes me think
about metal working, right? Grinding on stuff in the garage.
(32:08):
I, uh, I, I like to,
when I have the opportunity to, you know, work on some metal stuff and cut out
some knives and, you know, grind and shape some knives, but it kind of reminded
me of a steel that is like very, very hard.
It is very brittle and can break easily.
(32:30):
And steel that is too, too soft will not hold very good edge.
And so it really takes a balance of that, that hardened steel in combination with tempering to,
to, to make that a little bit softer so that you can have a useful tool.
(32:55):
Yeah. Just something that kind of, I don't know, kind of stuck with me in,
in, in balancing out the hardness, the harshness with, with gentleness. Yeah.
Love it. I think this is a great attribute that we could all,
I think, use a little bit of ourselves and we could all spread it around a little bit.
(33:17):
It's always, I think that...
It can be a compliment. I think that if someone were to say that you have the
ability to be strong and tough and really force something in or have the power to do something,
(33:38):
while at the same time having the ability to be very gentle,
I think that's quite the attributes to have. So it's a It's a great one to put into the mix.
Yeah, I agree. All right. Well, all the listeners out there,
let's work gentleness into our lives,
our personal creeds and, you know, see how, test it out, see how we can utilize
(34:01):
that to, you know, become even better, better and better every day to,
to build the blueprint for the next generation.
So thanks for listening and let's build that creed together. Let's do it.
Music.
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