Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, hello everybody , victoria and Dana here.
It's been a while, or maybe nota while for you guys, but it's
been a while for us, becausewe've been busy doing things
like surgeries, and you knowwhat we do every day.
I guess I say surgeries becauseI'm looking at my lovely sister
from another mister who hadanother surgery.
(00:25):
She does not look like how andshe needs to stop talking about
herself that way and puttingthat energy into the universe.
But we are very happy to beback together, dynamic duo ready
to answer.
Hopefully we can answer someactual questions.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yes, excuse me, I'm piling up, I'm having to clear
my throat because I had abreathing tube, I'm 48 hours
post-op and so, yeah, I have allsorts of like tape and found
out I have stitches under thetape and I have a device that
looks like a pacemaker tape inmy back.
I'm just all sorts of wrappedup without a pretty well, I
(01:02):
guess you could say red though,but whatever.
Sorts of wrapped up without apretty well, I guess you can say
red though, but whatever.
So, yeah, it's so much fun andthey're like you can't turn, you
can't twist, you can't bend,you can't bend over, you can't
do this, you can't do that, andyou're like what the hell do you
want me to do?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Like, what am I supposed to do?
I know that's how I felt.
I mean I did.
I'm laughing because you know Ialways tell you I have no pain
tolerance and I'm such a weeniebaby Like if you pinch me or
look at me the wrong way I'llcry.
And I don't know how you dothese surgeries without
painkillers and you go through.
You've had so many surgeries andhere I had a stupid
testosterone pellet stuck in mybutt cheek last week by my
(01:40):
hormone doctor because I'm goingthrough that change and my God,
god, it still hurts and that'sall I can complain about.
And they told me I can't dosquats and lunges and like
workout and stuff because thepill might pop out of my butt
cheek.
There's like tape holding it inplace because they put a hole
in my ass.
So when does it dissolve?
When do you?
It steadily releases over threemonths so that I can go get a
(02:03):
pellet put it in another part ofmy ass and my ass is going to
be obliterated by the time I'mdone with the freaking chain in
a few years.
But that's nothing compared towhat you've been through.
Don't come out looking likeJ-Lo.
I can get cosmetic surgery, Isuppose, if I want to be that
vain.
But no, I'm a baby.
(02:24):
I hear you've had like yourspine and your brain tapped into
and I get a pellet in my ass.
Electrocution yeah, don't throwthat in to make me feel worse.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Oh, I even have a little remote control which I've
hid from Michael because I waslike, don't even try to prank me
and turn it off, because I'mwarning you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
What is the remote control for?
To send the electrical impulseswhen you have pain?
I'm getting them 24-7.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
But, like, if I find an activity is more strenuous
and causes me more pain, I canturn the level up.
And it will do more, and so I'm.
And then when I get the app putin, when I get the permanent
one put in, then I can liketouch the phone and say go into
bed, so bedtime would come on,and so if my arm doesn't stay
elevated then it will increasewhat it does.
(03:12):
And then like sitting at thedesk, or like the first time
when people take all sorts ofcrap for granted it was the
first time I tried driving.
Yesterday for the first timebecause I wasn't under any pain
meds and like first time ever Iwas able to put my left arm and
elbow on the door, like sit iton the door, rest.
And I was just like it'sChristmas because I put my arm
(03:35):
on the door and and my husbandwas just looking at me and I'm
like you don't understand whatthat's like to never be able to
do it.
And now I I can't.
He's like but you can't turn tosee oncoming traffic.
This is my new thing today.
I just I'm lifting a finger forall of those that need it.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, but you know what I?
I think that's a really greatstory because I think we all do
take so much for granted.
Like here's me with a pellet inmy ass, you know, bitching and
moaning and crying, andeverybody in their daily lives.
All the things we take forgranted and we complain when
something isn't convenient orwhatever, and you have this
(04:12):
simple little thing give you somuch joy of putting your art,
which you know I would think alot of listeners could probably
do more than not and it'ssomething we take for granted
and it's something that broughtyou granted and it's something
that brought you so much joy.
So I appreciate that you sharedthat, because I think we all
need that perspective once in awhile.
It's not about comparing painor comparing lives, but just to
(04:35):
remember that the things we takefor granted sometimes are the
things that somebody else is sodesperately wishing for.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Right, and it was just like oh you know, like I
haven't been able, I can't putmy hair in a ponytail because I
can't do it one armed and Ican't braid it.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
So when they were braiding it I was like oh my God
, my hair is being braided forsurgery.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
So I don't know if anybody has seen, but I was
doing something funny beforethey came in.
I did a Snapchat video with ahatake on me and I'm in the
hospital room in my gown and I'm, like, you know, doing the back
and forth thing and it's likefun and I'm like I'm
self-abusing, because they firstcanceled me the day before, at
the very last second, and thenthey called me in the morning
(05:13):
when I was supposed to have itand said all right, hurry up,
get over here, I don't care,you're two hours away and we're
going to start in two hours and20 minutes.
And I'm like, oh my God, so Iget there.
And I'm like I need caffeine, Ihave headache, you know,
whatever.
And so they were trying to getme ready and my husband and
(05:33):
child were out in the waitingarea, and so I was just like
taking the phone and doing this,you know, and just having fun,
waiting, waiting, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And we were talking about that actually before we
came on.
I think that's important.
Sorry, I just knocked myselfhere.
I have to move all the time.
I can't do squats and lunges, soI'm like putting my feet up and
my knee, you know, legs up onthis.
I need to stretch and move andanyway.
But we were talking about likewe need to remember to do those
(06:03):
things that bring us joy.
Joy even in the worstcircumstances.
You were you're basicallyhaving impromptu surgery, like
major and it's a pretty.
When you were describing it tome it scared me, but I mean I
love that you could like take aminute to like remember to be
you and have fun and just do dosomething joyful, because that's
what we lose in life is thatplayfulness and the fun.
(06:26):
Even in the worst ofcircumstances, you can find
something that's positive.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Well, and of course, knowing who I am, as I'm being
wheeled down and I'm like Idon't want for set.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I don't want any of this.
I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Nope, nope, nope.
I love the coldness of anoperating room.
I love how freezing cold it is.
I think it's fantastic.
So, as I'm going in, I'm likeyou have kids.
I know a surgeon has kids.
You have kids and I'm passingout stucco squad membership for
their kids and I'm like here's abracelet for your kid, here's a
bracelet for your kid, you know.
And they're like that's notsanitary.
And I'm like, well, nobody'sgone in and done what they're
(06:59):
supposed to at this hospital.
And I was like so here you go,here you go, here you go.
I'm like handing out littlebracelets for their kids and vip
cards.
And I don't, I love it.
I love how you're likemarketing in the surgical room.
I'm like that's what you guyscan't afford, it, but it's free
for your kids, it's helpingrealize how amazing they are.
Right, the self-esteem, there'sno fee to it.
(07:19):
And I'm like, because you know,a lot of doctors are cheap, and
I'm like here, not to us, butto themselves and I'm like here,
you know, and let your kidshave a bracelet and go, sign on
and have fun.
You know, yeah, that was allsorts of loving and exciting me.
(07:48):
Why is it that the narcissisticparent gets like scot-free away
with everything?
And I can agree with thatbecause, like my sperm donor,
you know, as shocking as it is,is like knock on wood as I knock
on my head outside of injuries.
You know, I've never been sicklike outside of injuries and um,
he, his, his bloodline,bloodline my, my grandmother had
cancer, my grandfather hadcancer, my grandfather had heart
(08:10):
conditions.
And why?
I've had people ask why does itseem like even the demons don't
want to infect the narcissisticparent because they're never
sick.
Nothing ever happens to them,they get away.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
No, they're not.
I can explain that.
I mean, if somebody reallywants an answer, unless you were
about to explain it, yeah, Idon't think that people
understand, because I didn'tunderstand it until we've all
heard that stress can kill you.
And you know, if anyone hasread my first book, gasping for
Air, that's what made me sickwas what I call life stress,
(08:46):
chronic stress.
It actually causes when youhave that much cortisol, the
stress hormone and other thingshappening in your body as a
result of chronic stress, whichbeing abused, living with a
narcissist, even if it's just Ihate to say just verbal abuse,
because it's almost the worst ofall of them, but you know that
(09:08):
is stressful.
That is considered stress thatactually causes inflammation in
your joints.
It causes white blood cells,red blood cells, everything is
happening in your body.
Cancer people don't realizecomes from inflammation.
The toxins in the foods you eatcome from, you know, or create
the inflammation.
So, yes, living under thatstress makes you sick.
(09:33):
Autoimmunity is directly linkedand solidly correlated over and
over to abuse and abusivesituations my lung syndrome to
abuse and abusive situations.
My lung syndrome, although veryrare and a lot of doctors have
never even heard of it.
Guess what?
It is highly common in victimsof abuse.
(09:53):
So, yes, if you're in anabusive situation, so what that
means is the narcissist, yeah,they're going to live till
freaking forever because theydon't get sick.
You know why?
Because they have no remorseand no empathy.
Right, but that's, that's mylong explanation of they're not
living under stress in theirworld.
It's all about them and they.
(10:15):
But I think this speaks tonarcissism, because we can lay
out a hundred differentqualities of narcissists, but
the two real big ones and allthe different types are no
remorse, no empathy.
If you're not worried aboutwhat other people are feeling or
thinking, you just don't give aflying F.
Well, of course, then you'reliving pretty stress-free.
(10:38):
Because I think one of theproblems with the rest of us is
we worry too much.
We're worried.
If I say this, problems withthe rest of us is we worry too
much.
We're worried if I say this, ifI do that, what will they think
?
My kid needs this.
Nevermind me that they don'tcare, it's all about them.
And what a nice way to live.
(10:58):
No stress and they have noremorse.
So they actually think that theyare entitled and justified in
doing all the things that theydo, so they don't have the doubt
and the worry and anxiety andall this other stuff that
creates all the stress that theydo, so they don't have the
doubt and the worry and anxietyand all this other stuff that
creates all the stress in ourbodies, that creates the
inflammation that causes us tohave joint pain and back pain
and cancers and this and that sosorry, I'm ranting because it
pisses me off.
This is where that that thatlistener that said where is the
(11:23):
Puerto Rican going to come out?
This is when the Puerto Ricancomes out.
I love it.
It pisses me the F off that,yeah, they're going to live till
they're F-ing 100 with nofreaking problems and no cares
in the world and they sleep realF-ing good at night, while you
and I can barely get two orthree hours of straight freaking
sleep because we're so consumedwith all the crap in our head
(11:44):
of what they did to us.
So that should answereverybody's questions.
A lot of what we go throughhonestly does come to chemical
bodily things, whether it'sdirectly from our brain or in
our bodies.
But it's a very real mind-bodyconnection and for those
listeners that haven't reallydelved into that, I would
encourage you really delved intothat.
(12:05):
I would encourage you to startlooking into that, because even
when I was a kid I, oh my gosh,once my mom moved us in with
that man, that she's stillmarried to my abusive stepfather
.
I mean, I really didn't get toomuch into it in my in my second
book, but the stomach aches andthe headaches, but most I mean
(12:26):
to say it was chronic and I meanlike chronic, like to the point
where I just didn't want toplay with the other kids or
summer camp.
I was always like huddled undera tree, like just holding my
stomach and my head hurt and theheat didn't help and the
sunshine and it's just amiserable way to grow up.
But nobody thought anything ofit.
You know, of course my motherthought I was faking it, but it
(12:49):
was.
I'm realizing, looking back,what I know now.
Those were all signs.
All the miscarriages I had inmy first marriage, before and
after my son, those were allbecause my body was like not
trying, you know, to carry ababy.
I couldn't even barely functionbecause I was living in
survival mode.
So how could I, how could Isurvive and allow a baby to
(13:12):
survive with me?
It's just your body really isan amazing thing the way it
works, but it all goes back towhat's what's up here, and when
we're undergoing that muchstress and the emotions, it
really does affect the way ourbody works against us,
unfortunately right.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And I'm just curious because so many people say how
come nothing ever happens tothem?
It's not fair.
And you're right, it isabsolutely not fair.
It is a thousand percent notfair that they get to like skirt
through and just be them.
I mean, but you know it's fairthat they get to like skirt
through and just be them.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
I mean, but you know it's not that they get to, they
choose to.
That's the thing they choose tobecause they're making as
narcissists.
They are choosing not to careabout anybody but themselves.
They don't have the capabilityto care about anyone but
themselves, and so there is nodoubt, there is no anxiety,
there is none of that stuff thatcreates all the illness.
(14:06):
So they're not going to be sick, you know, and so it actually
makes perfect sense.
But no, it's not fair, it's notright, but it's the way it is,
and what we need to do is learnto be, cause we all have some
narcissistic qualities, but wedon't want to be like them.
But we want to be like them inthe sense that we work, we heal
(14:27):
enough to get rid of thatself-doubt and to not have that
anxiety, to stand firm in ourtruth and to assert ourselves
and set boundaries.
We're still going to have alittle of that like should I,
shouldn't I?
I'm worried about if I say thisor do that.
But if we can get prettyconfident in who we are and
(14:47):
stand in our worth, then we caneliminate a lot of that.
But no, we don't want to strive, certainly, to be like them.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Right, and you know I this is probably kind of out
left field, but I just wanted togive the edification of it to
do this process with this devicein my back.
It goes into your brain, itgoes up in your neck and it goes
into your brain.
And the thing is is that what Ifound to be ironic is that they
(15:16):
make you sit with apsychiatrist for four hours and
you have to do it, or insurancedoesn't approve it, and the
psychiatrist has to explain toyou that you're going to get
some kind of foreign body intoyour body and how your body has
to get acclimated to it.
Right?
So I meet with thispsychiatrist sweet, wonderful
woman and she's like I said,listen, do I really have to do
(15:37):
four hours of this?
This is not my first game.
I have a toolbox within my body.
I am full of tools and platesand screws.
I mean I'm like a dinnercollection at Macy's and I said
this is nowhere near my first go.
I mean I'm like a dinnercollection at Macy's and I said
this is nowhere near my first go.
I mean my shoulder has beenreplaced.
I have a plate here and I have32 pieces in my face or 26,
whatever it is.
I was like I'm full of metaland I really don't think I need
(15:59):
this four hour thing.
And she's like well, I have tohave you do questions and stuff
so that I can do this.
So we're we're talking, excuseme.
And so she goes on and she'slike yeah, I think after about
40 minutes we're done.
And so I was like thank you, Isaid, but let me ask you
something.
Why is it that we have to gothrough to be tested to see if
we are psychologically sane andstable to get a device put in us
(16:25):
, but people who are abusedtheir abusers don't have to do
anything?
And she's like I know I don'tunderstand it at all at all.
And she's like because mostpeople that I have to interview
have been through somethingtraumatic in order to get this
kind of device put in, and mostof the time it's a car accident
or something like that and I getit.
But she's like I don'tunderstand why you know all
(16:48):
these other adjectives don'thave to go through any of this.
And she's like it makes nosense to me at all.
And she's like our system is sobackwards and and messed up
because first thing should bedone is like a huge psycho,
psychological evaluation onthese idiots who are doing so
(17:09):
many things wrong and they'renot.
They're just getting a big old,good old boy pat on the back
and they mosey on their way.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Yeah, I mean it's very true.
But then you know I whatrecalled in my mind when you
were talking like that and Iagree with you wholeheartedly
talking like that, and I agreewith you wholeheartedly.
But you know I remember when mymother and stepfather wanted to
once again scapegoat me that Imust be crazy, you know, or
(17:37):
whatever, because you know theyweren't.
They were neglectful andabusive.
But my mother insisted ontaking me to the hospital
because I had to be on drugs,because I was crying over.
You know something thathappened at school was being
teased be on drugs because I wascrying over.
You know something thathappened at school was being
teased a lot and I was justhaving a hard time and you know
(17:59):
I had emotions and she didn'tknow what to do with me having
emotions.
So I had to be on drugs thatwas like a theme of my childhood
and fast forward at thehospital.
You know I get she insisted, Iget tested for everything and of
course I actually, to this day49, never done any recreational
drugs, never smoked pot, nothing, never smoked a cigarette
actually either.
But you know they did end upbringing a psychiatrist at her
(18:24):
insistence and you know I didn't.
I mean, he noticed, you know,and my mother actually pointed
out oh look, she must beself-inflicting.
You know, she's got marks onher and I'm like, yeah, because
you just like strangled me andthrew me downstairs and stuff,
and that was another night.
Sorry, I can't keep track ofthese, but there was a scuffle
at home and yeah, I had redmarks, my bruises, scratches,
(18:47):
everything, and I didn't sayanything.
But you know, of course I meanespecially.
I mean you work with a lot ofkids that you know have been in
abusive homes or are currently,and they're afraid, you're
afraid to say anything, like Ialmost did just take the fall.
I would have taken the fall andjust been thought crazy,
(19:09):
diagnosed as crazy, instead ofadmitting what actually happened
because of that fear.
But no, it's just like whenpeople say, oh, can a narcissist
be rehabilitated?
Because strangely, there areactually people that believe in
this diagnosis, you know, andbelieve that, oh, with two years
of therapy, they, they'll bebetter.
(19:31):
And you know, bull crap, Idon't believe that for a damn
second, because there is no,unless it's a covert narcissist
that's trying to gain, likeyou'll see these, like on TikTok
, I see them.
Oh, I, you know, here's anarcissist on a live.
You know that.
Asked me anything aboutnarcissists?
(19:51):
But I'm a rehabilitatedbullcrap Using the term.
You are trying to gainattention for yourself.
You are hopping on a trend forthe notoriety and the fame.
You are not admitting you're anarcissist.
You stupid shit.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
It's like that Feed Me, seymour from you know that
movie, oh, 100%.
And it's like feed me, feed myego, feed me feed me, exactly,
exactly.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
And the only reason they're going to go to therapy
is if they can make you out tobe a crazy person or somehow get
some kind of gain from it.
But they're not going to gowillingly and say, yeah, there's
something wrong with me, areyou kidding?
It's always going to besomething wrong with you, yeah
absolutely Always.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
There's always going to be something and they cannot
take responsibility, they can'ttake accountability for any of
their actions.
They can't and they won't, itdoesn't matter.
And you know, it's mindboggling to me that these people
just think that really andtruly they've done nothing wrong
.
And it's not them, it's us,right.
And I just want to, like, takemy you know again, my
(21:03):
psychological evaluation and putit in their face and be like,
hey, momo here, look, you know,and it's like it's not us but
the people who need to be on thecouch are the ones that never
want to go, right, they, theydon't want to go, they're just
like no.
And you know one of the parentsthat I'm working this horrific
case this is probably probablyone of the top two cases I've
(21:25):
ever worked with.
That was so much work and partof the family is just a godsend.
They're amazing.
And then there's another partof the family where I'm just
like Beetlejuice and like theyknew I had surgery and I'm going
to be very cryptic.
They knew I had surgery.
So this is day two, because Ihad it on Wednesday.
(21:46):
So yesterday I tried to justdrive in my neighborhood just to
make sure, because you can'tturn or twist, and I want to
make sure, if God gets somethinghappening to Faith, that I can
drive.
And for those of you who maybeknew, we welcome you, but Faith
has had a lot of medical issues.
So if people are like, why isMom driving?
Faith has had a lot of medicalissues and was life-threatening
(22:09):
issues a year ago.
So I'm a medical mom on top ofeverything else and so I'm
always ready, god forbid.
So this person that I'm helpingmessages me, knowing I just had
surgery, and asked me to go pickup your child.
And I was like what?
And I looked at my husband.
I was like, are you seriousright now?
And I was like go pick up yourcane, because you don't want to
(22:33):
put three other kids in carseats and go get your child
yourself.
And I'm like, oh my, when thiscourt?
I have court next week for this, with them as their advocate.
I'm done Like it's.
You know I will go to the moonand back.
Anybody who knows me knows thatI will go to the moon and back
(22:55):
and I am your biggest advocate.
I will fight for you with you,by you.
Anything I can do, I will do,but if you won't get your ass
off of the pot and do somethingfor yourself and those kids.
More importantly, forget youwork about these kids and you
don't want to do what's right bythese kids.
Then you know what you don'tdeserve these kids Like yeah,
agreed I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I'm going to say we all know you're very giving and
generous and all that, and I'mnot dismissing that.
But you should not ever have toqualify why you feel the way
you feel, because that is justthe narcissistic temperament.
You know, somebody just askedme earlier today what was it
about you that your narcissisticex found attractive, like, why
did they prey on you?
(23:41):
And I said servitude.
That's what every narcissistwants Servitude.
He sniffed me out, coming outof an abusive childhood, even
though I was like nobody's evergoing to treat me that way again
.
I'm going to you know I'mstrong and I'm independent and
I'm smart and all this.
He sniffed out that I would doanything for the love that I
(24:05):
hadn't gotten in my childhood.
I would hold onto it for dearlife and try and put my all to
the thousand percent.
Servitude Served me up on asilver platter to that mother
trucker, and that's how I endedup in that 20.
Yes, they lure you, they saythey.
He said exactly what I neededto hear you tell a girl that
(24:26):
never experienced love fromeither parents in her whole
freaking childhood and wasbeaten and called all kinds of
things.
Oh, it's the two of us againstthe world.
It's you and me forever God.
I didn't like him, but that wasvery alluring to me.
That would.
That was a fantasy, and hepromised it to me.
He promised me everything Iever wanted and he promised it
(24:48):
to me.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
He promised me everything I ever wanted, and
they're very charismatic.
They're so charismatic it is asick and twisted talent that
they possess.
They have on this ability tofind your weakness and placate
on it.
Like, I wanted kids so badly, Iwanted to be a mom so badly,
and when Michael and I hadbroken up, I was devastated.
(25:10):
I knew he was mine forever.
I knew back then and I wasdevastated.
And then all of a sudden thisthing comes into my life and it
was like you would be such agreat mom and my, my family
fosters, foster kids and youknow, everything in there.
And then I was like I'm soselfish because I wasn't
(25:32):
attracted to him.
There was nothing I could findI can relate, right, and I'm
like maybe I'm just being soshallow.
And and then, right, it's like,well, you give all this time to
him and you didn't go anywhere.
Why don't you?
And then, the next thing, youknow, you're like in the express
lane of a relationship.
You're like, dude, slow down,and it's, it really is, it's,
(25:54):
it's.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
They literally sweep you off your feet.
They know they are able.
I mean, I've heard it saidabout like you know certain
really good salesmen, or or youknow people in high positions
that you know certain reallygood salesmen, or you know
people in high positions thatyou know they just have this
gift of just.
They can meet you in two, threeseconds, know your weakness and
know how to sell you thatwhatever.
(26:18):
Whatever it is and it's thesame with narcissists they
literally do have a sense.
They, they know, and you don'teven know, that you're giving
off the vibe or giving theinformation.
But the one thing if I can giveanyone any information I had
learned a little late, but youhave to learn to just keep
everything close, because theone thing that I can say that I
(26:43):
have given to my son is thisgift of knowledge that if you
want to keep something a secret,you don't tell anyone because I
don't care.
You tell your best friend, yourmama, your sister, oh, don't
tell, oh, they're going to tell.
Okay, how many times have allof us said I'm not supposed to
tell, but hey, honey, atdinnertime, but don't tell
(27:03):
anybody because I wasn'tsupposed to tell you.
And the next thing, you knowthe whole damn town knows, at
least that's how it works outhere.
So you know you don't sayanything because you know what
happens with narcissists and Ihave had narcissists that I
didn't know were narcissiststhat ended up.
This last one, really just, shehas taken every damn thing I've
ever said or done and twisted itreal good, really well.
(27:27):
She's very crafty, buteverything.
It could be your favorite color, it could be your favorite ice
cream, it could be something youwore one time.
It doesn't matter Any tiny bitof information they're
collecting in their head becausethey will find a way it's going
to be used to lure you, tosmear you, to hurt you.
(27:48):
Whatever it is, you don't evenknow.
Oh, I look, I have one child.
He's my everything.
Oh well, now, now you've justtold them that the way that
they're going to hurt you is topit that kid against you one day
, or to do something to your kid, or to smear your kid's name,
because then you're going toreact and they can say oh look,
she's crazy.
(28:08):
See, I told you she was nuts.
You know they're veryinteresting.
So I always tell people if youeven think somebody's a
narcissist and, believe me,we've all had conversations with
people and had no clue.
But keep things close becauseeverything will be used against
you, literally.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah everything, everything does, and it's.
It's sad because I'm so sorry,I hate this because that too
much.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It's okay, honey, you don't have to be sorry.
You had surgery.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
But it's.
It's the fact that, like youknow, you go above and beyond to
help people and they find thatthat one weakness, and you know,
most people don't realize thebigger.
And when I say this, somepeople are like what?
And I really want our listenersto hear this, because what most
people don't realize is peopleare so threatened by the
narcissist right that thenarcissist is that that evil
(29:00):
that you know, is the oppositeof live, turn, live around and
it spells out evil right.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
So it does, and it's like no, I know that the
character in my last book.
What was the evelyn?
Because the beginning of thatis evil.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Yeah, and damien was mine because of the demon.
But the thing is is that whenyou think about it, and they are
just this horrific mastermindwho placates on you, but then,
as it goes on and on, do youknow who really is the one that
has it?
It's the black sheep, becausewe are the ones that will come
(29:36):
out and we know the truth.
And so they try to belittle usbecause, in their mind, as a
narcissist, they fear the blacksheep and that's why they try so
hard to tear us down, not onlyto ourselves but to everyone
around, that we're the liars,that we're the crazy ones,
because we hold the truth andthey don't want it to come to
(29:58):
fruition.
So, in a way, we are theirbiggest fear, because they but
see, so many of our listenershaven't realized that yet.
I really wanted us to talk aboutthat today, because so many
people are like it's thenarcissist who ruins our life,
it's the narcissist who has so,so much control.
But see, they take who theyconsider to be the weak one,
(30:19):
which is the golden child, andthey, you know, put them up on
such a platter that they'rewonderful, and then they keep
the siblings apart so that theydon't communicate with each
other.
But it's the strong-willed oneswho get all the proof and the
evidence, like we have, thatknow the truth.
But the narcissists think theycan scare us into submission
where we won't be forthcomingwith it.
(30:40):
But at the end of the day, thenarcissist has to threaten us
with left, right and center ofeverything, like one of the
dumbest, and I will own it.
One of the absolute dumbestthings and I've been doing this
19 years that I've ever heardfrom a narcissist is if you tell
your mother that I'm seeinganother woman, I'm going to make
(31:01):
her believe that you made me doit and this actually came from
my sperm donor.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Right, this is actually at home, but he would
do that.
That's the thing they don'tcare.
I know I.
I read your book narc narc,who's there?
Speaker 2 (31:13):
that's what this podcast is named after who in
the hell can actually as women?
You know, most of our listenersare women.
There are some men and wewelcome everyone.
But who in the hell can say,okay, my spouse is cheating on
me and my child made them do it?
Let me do this as ungraphic aspossible.
We don't make that other personput anything of theirs or the
(31:36):
other one the narcissist intoone another.
We're not like playing Legos.
We're not connecting themtogether.
Their actions are doing it andthey're trying to push it off on
us as an escape group.
It and they're trying to pushit off on us as an escape group.
So when my, my sperm donor said,hey, if you advise your egg
donor that I'm seeing otherwomen, I'm gonna make her
(31:57):
believe you made me.
Well, let's dissect that forjust a minute, because so many
people who listen to us don'tunderstand the minds of a
narcissist, and that's greatbecause that means you're.
You're really not this controlof narcissists.
But the narcissist realizesthat the black sheep has this
information.
They are a little concerned andworried that maybe you would
give it out.
So that's another reason theytry to make you out to be a
(32:18):
habitual liar, that you'repsychotic, you're crazy, you're
bipolar, you're this, you'rethat.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
May I intervene?
One thing Absolutely I don'tthink they're scared or worried.
I think they do thatintentionally.
I don't think they're capableof concern or worry.
They want you to have thatinformation.
They want you to know, becausenow their responsibility is on
you and it's their test.
(32:45):
Are you going to be loyal to meor are you going to be loyal to
that other person?
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Right, and you're going to get screwed regardless
Either way, right?
So it was my fault quoteunquote that my son took a woman
away for a weekend.
We'll just use that analogy.
But we didn't.
But they try to make it whereit's almost like they don't take
ownership for anything.
And you need to realize thatthey have no ability to have
(33:14):
accountability, no ability totake responsibility when
something happens.
It's never their fault, it'salways someone else's fault.
It doesn't matter where you are.
You can be in a different state, you could be in a different
country, it doesn't matter.
It's still your fault, becausewhatever the narcissist want
didn't fall into place correctlyand they cannot hold themselves
(33:34):
accountable for theirincorrectness.
They can't say that they willnot.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Well, they have an agenda.
They have an agenda and whatthey have to do is, if you are
threatening their agenda forthemselves, then you have to
either be on board with them.
You either have to be for them,and if you are not for them,
you are against them.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
That is how it is.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
So they I always like say my stepfather, I was the
horse he couldn't break, becauseI never looked at my brother
necessarily as weak it was, justhe was.
I call it pliable because, youknow, fathers and mothers are,
should love their children, theyshould be Well, they were with
him, they were with him and soin my brother's mind he's
(34:23):
thinking I must be the problembecause the same two people are
parenting him and they are thebest parents that anybody could
ever even imagine having, whichthey were to him Even I will say
to him they were absolutelythat to me it was a fricking
horror show.
And and it's just veryinteresting, you know
(34:45):
narcissistic parents andnarcissistic partners.
It's very similar.
I mean, it's all the same.
But either way, they have anagenda and the agenda is always
putting them at the top, puttingthem, and it's.
You know, even in narcissisticfriendships.
If you threaten something aboutthem, some insecurity that they
have about themselves, if theythink you're going to do better,
(35:07):
be better, god forbid.
If they think you're a littleprettier than them, especially
women.
Forgive me, but women are theworst narcissists ever when it
comes to narcissisticfriendships.
They're just nasty.
I just can't deal with it.
But you're going to be ruined.
You are going to be.
They will take everything andwhat they do, trying to call you
(35:28):
crazy and everything else,basically everything they are.
They will say you are including, you're the narcissist.
And it the only thing that Ithink, and I think everybody
will agree.
I still struggle to understand,like in my own experiences.
I know, I literally knowsomebody who's a rocket
(35:48):
scientist for NASA that has beenswayed by narcissistic bullshit
and I'm like, like you're asupremely intelligent person.
I know doctors, surgeons,judges, attorneys that have
believed with no evidence, noproof whatsoever, and become
(36:13):
flying monkeys for thesenarcissists and I just that's
the thing that always stunts meis because I try to think I'm
always trying to play devil'sadvocate, even if I feel a
certain way.
I'm like, okay, like let's lookat this.
You know, like, maybe this ormaybe where, where can we find
some element of proof orsubstantiate this somehow?
(36:35):
But I don't know how they do itwith with nothing but taking.
You know they can take one, oneline text and you mean this and
they know what you mean, butthey will twist it around and
make everybody, buddy, believethis.
You're villainized and you're,you're the horrible human being.
You know I recently I don't, Idon't know if you remember I had
(36:58):
somebody my most recentnarcissist, the one in book
three, evelyn, had one of herflying monkeys who happens to be
a 70-some-year-old woman who isa well-respected government
employee, a judge in ourgovernment.
(37:18):
She actually somehow got thiswoman to post a review on one of
my books and, by the way, itwas supposed to be a review of
book three but she accidentallyI guess they should get their
information right she put it onbook two.
But this woman actually putthat like.
She made it out, like she knowsme personally.
That's how she started to setlike she knows me personally and
(37:41):
she's got the dirt becausewe're like, we're so close and
I'm like, yeah, I knew that shewas a client of mine at one
point.
We never engaged socially,never, ever.
I never said anything to herabout any anyway.
So this third narcissistsomehow convinced the 70 some
(38:01):
year old judge that I used toknow that was a client to say
she knew me personally and sheknows for a fact that I'm really
the narcissist that she'sstaying as cold hearted and
manipulative.
And then she did cross the line, though I'm not going to lie, I
was annoyed by this, but I waspissed when she spoke my like.
(38:24):
She brought my son into it andsaid she knows for a fact that I
abused my son for years and I'mlike now you better watch it.
If you're a small town likejust running around running your
mouth, I could almost let thatgo.
But knowing this is from ajudge a judge whose whole career
(38:45):
is based on evidence andfinding truth and substantiating
claims with proof and you'regoing to defame my character
when there is zero, zeroevidence.
Not to mention, I am a victimof child abuse myself and in
that marriage with my son, I dideverything to protect him,
(39:06):
including throwing my little,tiny hundred pound body over him
, even when he was 17 years old,to protect him from his
father's fist.
So kiss my ass, you stupidbitch.
But beyond that, I'm stillpissed.
That like how, how doessomebody with an intelligent
(39:26):
brain believe bullshit?
Excuse my language, everybody,I'm on it, right?
No?
But I think it's an interestingthing because it's like, okay,
the narcissist or an a-hole isan a-hole, right, I always say
that.
But the flying monkeys are whatget me, because this goes back
to what you were starting to sayabout your sperm donor Cause.
(39:50):
What got me about thatsituation?
When I did read Narc Narc, who'sthere?
Your latest book, it was that,yes, if, if you tell your mother
, it's going to be blamed on you.
But my problem is is that, likemy mother, she would probably
believe it.
So the problem's not so muchthe narcissist but again, the
(40:12):
people who believe it.
Why would?
I can't speak for your mother.
I have an idea, but I can speakfor mine.
My mother would believe itbecause my mother, I mean we can
talk about all the abuse sheendured in her life and
obviously, I can presume at thehands of her own husband.
But my mother's a dissociator,she's a gaslighter.
(40:32):
None of that ever happened.
Like, even when I would be likebeing literally abused, five
feet behind her and screamingfor her to help me as I'm
getting beat the crap out of,she would just be washing dishes
, looking out the window, likeshe can dissociate, like
nobody's business and like takeherself.
I don't know if she was likeastrally relocating, but like
(40:55):
literally, just like removeherself from the situation.
And I think that in my case, ifthat had happened to me, you
know, my mother would havebelieved that it was my fault.
My mother would have believedthat I somehow hooked them up
and just invited them on thisyou know weekend thing, that I
was going on so that they couldconsummate their you know,
(41:17):
forbidden love or whatever.
It would be my fault, itwouldn't be his fault, it
wouldn't be the other woman'sfault, it would be my fault,
just like, I think, with yourmother.
I think that these women knowexactly what they're in and they
know exactly what they'redealing with.
And your mother's a peach inherself, but you know.
Egg donor sorry, but you know,I think that they tolerate.
(41:40):
I always say they enable,excuse and tolerate because
they're getting a benefit In mymother's case.
My mother has actually told meon a few occasions that well, if
, if, she would ever leave herhusband, she, she, she likes her
big, fancy house and she likesher fancy cars and she likes her
fancy, she can go and shop andbuy and do and nothing else
(42:03):
matters, including me.
So you know, and that's her.
You know what we can just sayhorrible is a judgment, and I
agree I'm not like that.
But at the same time you knowwhat.
That's her choice.
We all have free will.
It's her loss, she all havefree will.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
That's her loss.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Oh, absolutely, I'm fabulous.
You are beyond that.
But you know, what the thing isis that I always say this.
I say this almost every episodeBiology does not make you
inherently compatible withpeople on a social level.
Just putting steam out ofsomebody's body does not mean
you're going to get along.
(42:42):
I wish, I wish that every girlhad the relationship that you
have with your daughter, thatmother-daughter relationship.
Every woman should have you asa mom and every daughter should
have that mom that they know, nomatter what they go through in
life.
My mom's got my back and itsickens me.
(43:04):
My mom has left me hang out todry and literally fend for my
life by myself.
Nobody should and I hate theword should but nobody should
have to endure that.
It should be what you and yourdaughter have.
You know even me and my son.
We're good, but not like youand your daughter.
You know what I mean and and Iwish he at least had his dad,
(43:26):
even though his dad's a POS, youknow, but he doesn't even have
that with his dad it's.
It just doesn't work that way.
It just doesn't work that way.
So we find our family in thepeople that do love us and
accept us, and I would even goso far in my experience to argue
that the people that love youand they don't have an
obligation to, because they'renot your blood relation, they're
(43:47):
not your second cousin on yourmother's side, separated by six
or whatever.
They don't.
Get people that love youwillingly and want to love you,
that's better than somebodythat's supposed to love you.
That's all I'm saying.
So find your people.
The people are out there andyou don't maybe need a whole big
(44:07):
bunch of people.
Maybe it's just one or two.
Even that's better than nothing.
That's better.
That's better than anything.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Honestly, I have to tell you like, even when I was
having this last surgery, andFaith is in there, the doctor
comes in, anesthesiology comesin and she's like good luck,
because my mom's not doing herset, my mom's not doing this.
She's like and I'm very smartabout whenever I'm having it I
was like do you guys have anyquestions?
(44:34):
For the team, because I wanther to feel heard, I want her to
feel vocalized.
So she was like, yeah, comehere.
And for the team, because Iwant her to feel heard, I want
her to feel vocalized.
And so she was like, yeah, comehere.
And so the guy walks over andshe was like how many times have
you done this?
How many times have you putthese wires into someone's brain
?
How many times?
It's a valid question, Right.
And so she's like I'm not done,so don't answer me.
And you know I'm sitting thereand I'm trying so hard not to
(44:56):
laugh.
And she was like let me makesure you understand this.
And she's like I might belittle, but I'm powerful and I
have a very big mouth and I'mnot putting up with any crap.
And I'm telling you right nowthat I better not hear that you
made not even one, not even onemistake on my mom.
I mean it because the onlything you have going for you is
that there's empty beds in thisfacility.
(45:16):
That's what she said.
She's like because I can'treplace my mom, Nobody can
replace my mom and if somethinghappens, I can't function
without my mom because I haveobstacles that I've had to come
over and there are things that Iknow I can't do that my mom has
to help me do.
But she tries to teach me indifferent ways and, of course,
my husband was like what aboutme?
And she's like what about you?
And so she told the doctor shewas like what about you?
(45:37):
No, it's not the same, yeah.
And so she told the doctorshe's like I don't want you to
do anything that causes one iotaof unnecessary pain on my mom,
like, and she's like I wonderhow many times you've put these
wires in someone's head.
I want to know, you know.
And she's like I don't want ablood clot, I don't want this, I
don't want that.
And she's you better say you'regoing to do your best care.
(46:00):
And she's like I want to knowif you're tired.
It's the end of the day.
You called her in at the lastminute.
Is this your last surgery forthe day?
My mom is not a case, she is aperson.
And I'm just sitting there, I'mso proud, I'm like such a mom.
And she's like my mom takescare of me and I take care of
her.
And it was like and then it wasthe sweetest thing, because
people don't do that anymore,Like you know, they don't.
(46:21):
And then she was like I'm I'msmall, so be careful, because I
can find you.
And you know it's just, it'sadorable.
And she was serious.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
And then you know what it's, because she
understands she loves sofiercely and so loyally.
I mean, I, I, I I'm going tointerfere with just a little
tidbit, my favorite memory ofher, that that this reminds me
of, and it was just like acouple months ago, but like out
of nowhere, like we weren't evenlike communicating.
(46:52):
She just randomly texts me youknow like what's your husband's
name?
And I said Doug, and she goesis Doug good to you?
I said yeah, he's very good tome, and she goes are you sure?
Are you sure I'm like?
Yeah, I'm very sure why she'slike, because if he's not, I can
do stuff I can make you knowI'm like honey, are you looking
for a fight?
(47:12):
But it was like.
That was her way of saying Ilove you.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
That was like she goes to kiss me on the forehead
when they're about to wheel meout and she takes her two
fingers and puts them to hereyes and to their eyes and she's
like I'm watching you, I'mwatching you and she's like I'm
ready.
And then she starts to crackher knuckles and I'm like all
right, billy, bad Butt, go, sitdown.
I mean, she's only like five,three and you know she's cute,
(47:39):
she's tough and she's like I'mI'm warning you, I'm she's like
I'm not scrappy for a reason andit's just so cute and I'm like
I love you, she's like I loveyou.
And then, as they're willing tobe down the hall, she's like I
warned you, like really, reallyloud, and it's just the sweetest
, sweetest kid you know.
And and that's the thing, andshe worships you, like this is
(48:00):
aunt dana, like she'll bemessaging, and she's laughing.
I'm like what are you laughingat?
She's like, oh, and dana and Iare talking and I'm like do you
mind telling her sister says hi,the sister from another mister.
She's like I'll get to it, mom,are you serious?
I was like she messages youmore than she messages me.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
She's like don't be mad, it's okay I'm like I
message her because there are afew people.
There are very few people.
It's not like I'm too good ortoo busy for anybody, but I mean
I got.
I do have a lot going on rightnow.
Like I am honestly overwhelmed,like I'm an octopus all eight
tentacles of my octopusism hereis like they're like being
(48:36):
stretched way thin.
But there are very few peoplethat I will always respond to,
and your daughter's one of them,although if I don't respond to
her right away, I get like, whenI come back to my phone, the
question marks and I'm likehoney, stop question marking me,
I will get to you when I can.
If I don't respond to you rightaway, it's because I'm on a
zoom with a client, whatever,yeah, she, she doesn't care.
(48:59):
So I get questions I get allthe time.
I can't even respond quickenough.
I know she's very impatientthat way, but it's okay.
You know what?
I appreciate that she assertsherself, because I know for a
fact that there is no way inhell that anybody's ever going
to mess with her, and I wishthat for all of us, including
(49:19):
you and me and all of ourlisteners.
I mean, one of the mostpowerful things we can do is
stand very firm in knowing whowe are, what we deserve, what we
will and will not tolerate, andI mean making it very clear to
the people who we allow in ourlives, and I think that's an
important thing, because that'syour.
(49:40):
You know, people want to know,or what are the red flags that
screw the red flags and all that?
That the reality is, if you setthose boundaries and you're
very clear, that that's it.
There is no compromising.
There is no compromising.
I've been, you know, Doug doesoften, you know, bring up that
I'm a little rigid, I'm a lotrigid.
(50:01):
But I told him, unfortunately,I'm not even sure, I had
boundaries.
If I did, they were very loose,they were floating around in
the Atlantic Ocean somewhere,maybe the Pacific, because I
like Hawaii, but you know, theywere nowhere near Now, man,
those boundaries are there, werenowhere near now.
(50:22):
Man, those boundaries are there.
They're like an electric effingfence that I that you will get
shocked if you cross one ofthose or if you even try to.
And I said, sometimes you, youknow, yeah, your balls get
zapped.
Because I need to be very firm.
Right now I'm going to beprobably too firm on my
boundaries because that is myway of ensuring that nobody's
ever well, somebody's probablystill going to hurt me, but I at
(50:45):
least will ensure that I willnever be abused or mistreated by
anybody.
You know, unexpectedly, I guess,is the best way to say it, but
I, you know, faith is an amazingexample of that, and I think
it's an example of what happenswhen the things that have
happened to you, you know, occur, that you don't want that to
(51:07):
happen to your daughter.
And we all know that we're notgoing to live forever.
And we got to, we got toinstill all of our wisdom and
all the things that we wished,we knew and that we had in
ourselves, in our children,because we never know when our
time's up.
And so I think you have, youhave very clearly done that
because she's trying to, youknow, beat my husband's ass and
(51:28):
he's as big as your husband andwe're a few states over, so she
has no like.
There is nothing that's goingto stop her.
If I said he was mean to me andI'm crying, man, I'm pretty
sure she'd be here in a fewhours banging on the door ready
to brass knuckle him.
(51:50):
I know she would, and God loveit, god love it.
But we need to all take alittle lesson from her.
Even if we a little well, wecan take it down a little bit of
a notch and not go looking forthose fights.
Speaker 2 (52:03):
But we'll leave like mom told me I can't start it but
I can stop.
And I'm like well, don'tinstate them either.
Right, we're gonna just right.
You know, right, exactly, she'sso sweet because in front of
our bed is like one of thosebenches that you sit on, and she
was like mom, I can findchesthat you sit on.
And she was like mom, I canfind a way to sit on that and
sleep on that, be in here withyou.
(52:23):
And I was like that is so sweet.
No, because I worry, becauseshe used to have seizures, she
used to have epilepsy.
If she hits her head, theycan't come back.
And so she's like mom, I could,I could sleep on the bench.
And I was like no.
And then she's like how about?
Dad sleeps on the sofa?
And I'm like yeah, I was gonnasay that's not a bad idea and so
(52:46):
I'm like you know, and she'slike I'm right here and like
it's so funny because she'lltext me constantly Like mom, are
you okay?
And I tried to explain to herthat one.
I only have one hand, which Ithink by now she'd know.
So I don't hold the phone in myhand 24-7.
So let's just say, for instance, right now the phone is on the
other side of my desk and I'mnot allowed to turn, twist, pull
(53:06):
, push, bend over nothing.
So if I try to reach over, justlike you just said, and it
takes me a minute because I haveto like reel the chair and I
have to get on the phone, I haveto get on the phone.
I have like 18 question marks.
Why didn't you answer me?
What's the problem?
What's going on?
Why didn't I hear anything?
Hello, and I'm like I wasreaching for the phone.
Why did it take you so long?
What's the problem?
And I'm like you know, and it'scute, because she doesn't have
(53:29):
the ability to understand timemanagement.
Speaker 1 (53:42):
And I get it.
But it's good, especially withher watching out for you.
I mean, it shows that she'sconcerned, but it also is
comforting at least for me notbeing anywhere near you that she
would know.
You know, and maybe it's alittle excessive with the
question marks and the worry,but it's not a bad thing, you
know, especially because you do.
You two do have to look out foreach other's medical situations
(54:02):
and if anything's going tohappen to you, it would be
discovered pretty quickly ifthere was an issue.
But yes, believe me, I know Ihave to text her.
Like I'm now at the point whereI'm like, okay, so like I have
like back-to-back appointmentsall day, or I'm going to be at a
family thing or something, likeI'm not going to have my phone
on me, so if I don't, she'sstill you know, but.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
But I try to like she's like I never want to lose
my Andean, never, never, never,never, never.
There's no losing anybody.
And I was like you're good andlike the other day, getting
ready for surgery, like you haveto jump in and take an
antibacterial shower because thethe wash wipes they use, I
can't use them.
So I'm like, okay, I'm gonnajump in the shower, I drop the
(54:43):
shampoo bottle and I swear toyou, I don't know who ran
upstairs first.
They're banging on the door.
What happened?
Are you okay?
What happened?
What happened?
I'm like I dropped the shampoobottle.
It was slippery, it's good, I'mgood, I'm fine, really, just
it's good.
Speaker 1 (54:59):
But you, know what, if you were with a narcissist
and that happened, there wouldbe nobody coming.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
No, that's so true.
Speaker 1 (55:07):
They would turn up the TV, or that's what my ex
liked to do.
Just turn up the TV drown meout.
So you know that's a good thingthat they're coming checking on
you.
That's that's healthy.
We want healthy relationships.
Speaker 2 (55:22):
I know we still have so many I can't even imagine oh
my goodness, chapters ofquestions that I'm still putting
together.
So we are going to get better.
This is all my fault, becauseof my surgeries, that we haven't
been able to do an episodelately, and y'all can count me
for that, because that's on me,so I'm gonna.
(55:42):
If she, I'll get on herschedule soon enough.
Speaker 1 (55:45):
We're both yeah, we're both just very busy, so
it's not a big deal.
We will get to these questions.
We are going to keep chuckingaway and we'll get there.
But I think I speak foreverybody, victoria, that we
just want you to get better.
We are hopeful that thissurgery will help you not have
as much pain as you've had todeal with.
I know you're like tough andrough and no, no medication, no
(56:08):
painkillers, and here I whineabout my pellet in my ass
hurting.
But you know, we just want youto be good, we want you to feel
good and, despite what you say,you are beautiful and you look
amazing.
It's fine.
I only have the makeup and hairdone today.
(56:29):
I mean, not that I don't loveyou and try to look okay for you
, but I don't care what I looklike when I come on.
I just have had other thingstoday that I had to look like.
I didn't crawl out of the TVlike the girl from the ring, so
that's all.
No, you do not look like.
Don't point at you.
Speaker 2 (56:45):
I can't even raise my hands above my neck.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
I'm not allowed to have my hand over my no, who
walks around with their handsover their head?
You don't need to raise yourhands over your head to get
drugs.
I like your.
You got like a track suit on.
Speaker 2 (56:57):
It's like I can't even put a bra on underneath it,
so it's you know, so I neverwear a bra.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
I probably shouldn't say that on a podcast that so
many people listen to.
I don't wear bras.
They're annoying.
Or are your titties big?
You have big boobs, don't you?
Speaker 2 (57:11):
I've had a reduction because they replaced my
shoulder, but they're still notas tall.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
Okay, well, okay, well, I've never had that
problem.
I mean, you know, I always getthe guys that are like my
grandpa said more than a handfulof ways that I mean, when
you've had that said younumerous times, you're like okay
, I got little titties, I get itthey give you.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
When you have a reduction, they lift you, so you
never really have to wear a braagain, which is great, and you
don't have to worry aboutflopping over to the sides.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
That's great, but uh, yeah so I wish I had problems
of flopping and I don't know.
Speaker 2 (57:46):
Yeah, if I had a walk around naked are you kidding me
?
I would always be walkingaround like I'd be going around
the hospital with my gown openin the back.
Yeah, look at this.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
Yeah, I can't see that right now on Thursday.
Speaker 2 (58:02):
Like you know it's, that's what I do like.
Look at this.
Speaker 1 (58:05):
It's a solar eclipse right here, extra padding too
much no I am actually diggingyour like.
Your track suit reminds me oflike 80s, that group in the 80s.
I know I'm thinking, like I'mthinking.
I have the song playing in myhead and I can't think of it.
You say Minuto, I'm hanging up.
No, it wasn't Minuto.
I had a Minuto t-shirt, thoughthey were Puerto Ricans.
(58:27):
No, the rap group Run DMC.
It's tricky.
Yes, run DMC, I'm like runningthe song it.
So we just have to get matchingtrack suits and we can make a
video or something me, you andand faith.
Well, I'd say michael and doug,but I don't know if they make
track suits for men that are, wecan't even find them.
Speaker 2 (58:48):
Shoes right, like, no , I'm wearing this because it's
it's.
I wear surgically friendlyclothes and they, like I
literally have to wear waistbandpants so that they can not hit
all the stuff all over my back.
I think I don't have hair on myback Cause I think I'd be not a
happy person.
Then this is just a zip upbecause I can't you know, I
(59:10):
can't button right now.
You can't like reach up hereand button and I just zip it up
and it's like I'm not goinganywhere, I'm home.
No, it's cute.
I like run dmc.
I can still jam to it.
I can't do the right stuff, Ican't do it right now.
I'm just like, and the drivehome was the longest drive
because my husband had to driveit and I'm like this is the
(59:31):
longest two hours of my life,like, and I'm sitting there and
and you know, he used to be acop too and I'm like, dude, the
speed limit is 70, grandmas arepassing you.
You're doing 45 on theinterstate.
For the crying out loud, couldyou put a little metal in the
foot?
Like I, do you have any idea?
He had precious cargo on board.
No, he was tired and I couldn'tdrive.
(59:53):
And so I'm like, for the loveof God.
You know, right now, instead ofa two etm you have a two-hour
41 minute eta.
Could you kind of just?
You know there's no, just alittle push down a little bit on
the accelerator.
It's the one next to the brake.
You used to be in high-speedchases for crying out loud.
Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
What do you need to get him one of those like
automatic driving cars that theydrive themselves?
but he'll definitely I rentedone, a car that was like that it
it was gosh.
It was a few years back buthonestly it freaked me out
because I like to be in controlon the road and like it was like
bumper to bumper traffic, likeit would start going and then
and I mean the car was doing itbut it was like it was I was
(01:00:32):
going to panic, like it was notfun.
But I would recommend Michaelgets one so that he can drive
the speed limit.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
He'll be ordering and be in a restaurant.
He'll start ordering.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
He'll just like Are you serious?
Then three seconds.
If we ever got together, wejust have to make sure there's
two recliners, because I loveDoug very much, but I don't know
if it's because he's older thanme or it's just him, but, my
God, he can go to sleep anywhereanytime.
And then he like does thisthing where he's like forgive me
(01:01:06):
, everybody hears me snort likea pig, Cause I'm like pretending
to wake up from being asleepfor the last 10 minutes.
And then he'll be like oh, yeah, yeah, like pretending like he,
he knows what's going on on TV.
I know, I literally look at him.
I'm like you have no freakingclue what's going on, don't even
.
Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
He's like I think I fell asleep.
No, no, what?
No, we had a group of kids inthe car and they were all like
that's impossible.
He went to sleep between thelight turning yellow and red.
Like how, how did he do that?
Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
I wish I could do that.
I wish I could do it.
Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
I need that superpower, right like I thought
I was about to doze off andthey're all like.
You're sorry, I'm like allright.
Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Well, y'all heard enough about our husbands and
their sleeping issues and mybutt hurts, and your back, and
I'm left in stitching theyactually stitched me up and then
put tape on top of it, sothat's gonna be fun to take off.
Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Let me tell you, oh my gosh, and they did it where I
can't take them out myself meanpeople.
Speaker 1 (01:02:11):
Well, probably that's a good thing, because you do
too much by yourself, but whoshouldn't be doing that stuff?
Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
all right, well, thank you all for listening
we'll get back on it and get tothese questions and please send
us, keep sending us, morequestions.
Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
We will eventually get to them.
You know christmas is comingand you know eight months or so,
so eight months it's actuallyit's six months.
Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
Oh, it's eight months from today.
Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
It's christmas there you go, and you were trying to
prove me wrong, sister never allright.
Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Thank you guys for listening.
I will get us back on schedulewhere we are doing this like
we're supposed to.
My apologies again, blame me,that's fine, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
No, we're gonna.
There's no blame involved.
People just love listening tous and our fun redhead and our
fun lives, and we'll get ittogether, people.
Thank you.
I'll talk to y'all soon bye.
Well, hello everybody , victoria and Dana here.
It's been a while, or maybe nota while for you guys, but it's
been a while for us, becausewe've been busy doing things
like surgeries, and you knowwhat we do every day.
I guess I say surgeries becauseI'm looking at my lovely sister
from another mister who hadanother surgery.
(00:25):
She does not look like how andshe needs to stop talking about
herself that way and puttingthat energy into the universe.
But we are very happy to beback together, dynamic duo ready
to answer.
Hopefully we can answer someactual questions.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yes, excuse me, I'm piling up, I'm having to clear
my throat because I had abreathing tube, I'm 48 hours
post-op and so, yeah, I have allsorts of like tape and found
out I have stitches under thetape and I have a device that
looks like a pacemaker tape inmy back.
I'm just all sorts of wrappedup without a pretty well, I
(01:02):
guess you could say red though,but whatever.
Sorts of wrapped up without apretty well, I guess you can say
red though, but whatever.
So, yeah, it's so much fun andthey're like you can't turn, you
can't twist, you can't bend,you can't bend over, you can't
do this, you can't do that, andyou're like what the hell do you
want me to do?
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Like, what am I supposed to do?
I know that's how I felt.
I mean I did.
I'm laughing because you know Ialways tell you I have no pain
tolerance and I'm such a weeniebaby Like if you pinch me or
look at me the wrong way I'llcry.
And I don't know how you dothese surgeries without
painkillers and you go through.
You've had so many surgeries andhere I had a stupid
testosterone pellet stuck in mybutt cheek last week by my
(01:40):
hormone doctor because I'm goingthrough that change and my God,
god, it still hurts and that'sall I can complain about.
And they told me I can't dosquats and lunges and like
workout and stuff because thepill might pop out of my butt
cheek.
There's like tape holding it inplace because they put a hole
in my ass.
So when does it dissolve?
When do you?
It steadily releases over threemonths so that I can go get a
(02:03):
pellet put it in another part ofmy ass and my ass is going to
be obliterated by the time I'mdone with the freaking chain in
a few years.
But that's nothing compared towhat you've been through.
Don't come out looking likeJ-Lo.
I can get cosmetic surgery, Isuppose, if I want to be that
vain.
But no, I'm a baby.
(02:24):
I hear you've had like yourspine and your brain tapped into
and I get a pellet in my ass.
Electrocution yeah, don't throwthat in to make me feel worse.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Oh, I even have a little remote control which I've
hid from Michael because I waslike, don't even try to prank me
and turn it off, because I'mwarning you.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
What is the remote control for?
To send the electrical impulseswhen you have pain?
I'm getting them 24-7.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
But, like, if I find an activity is more strenuous
and causes me more pain, I canturn the level up.
And it will do more, and so I'm.
And then when I get the app putin, when I get the permanent
one put in, then I can liketouch the phone and say go into
bed, so bedtime would come on,and so if my arm doesn't stay
elevated then it will increasewhat it does.
(03:12):
And then like sitting at thedesk, or like the first time
when people take all sorts ofcrap for granted it was the
first time I tried driving.
Yesterday for the first timebecause I wasn't under any pain
meds and like first time ever Iwas able to put my left arm and
elbow on the door, like sit iton the door, rest.
And I was just like it'sChristmas because I put my arm
(03:35):
on the door and and my husbandwas just looking at me and I'm
like you don't understand whatthat's like to never be able to
do it.
And now I I can't.
He's like but you can't turn tosee oncoming traffic.
This is my new thing today.
I just I'm lifting a finger forall of those that need it.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Yeah, but you know what I?
I think that's a really greatstory because I think we all do
take so much for granted.
Like here's me with a pellet inmy ass, you know, bitching and
moaning and crying, andeverybody in their daily lives.
All the things we take forgranted and we complain when
something isn't convenient orwhatever, and you have this
(04:12):
simple little thing give you somuch joy of putting your art,
which you know I would think alot of listeners could probably
do more than not and it'ssomething we take for granted
and it's something that broughtyou granted and it's something
that brought you so much joy.
So I appreciate that you sharedthat, because I think we all
need that perspective once in awhile.
It's not about comparing painor comparing lives, but just to
(04:35):
remember that the things we takefor granted sometimes are the
things that somebody else is sodesperately wishing for.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
Right, and it was just like oh you know, like I
haven't been able, I can't putmy hair in a ponytail because I
can't do it one armed and Ican't braid it.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
So when they were braiding it I was like oh my God
, my hair is being braided forsurgery.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
So I don't know if anybody has seen, but I was
doing something funny beforethey came in.
I did a Snapchat video with ahatake on me and I'm in the
hospital room in my gown and I'm, like, you know, doing the back
and forth thing and it's likefun and I'm like I'm
self-abusing, because they firstcanceled me the day before, at
the very last second, and thenthey called me in the morning
(05:13):
when I was supposed to have itand said all right, hurry up,
get over here, I don't care,you're two hours away and we're
going to start in two hours and20 minutes.
And I'm like, oh my God, so Iget there.
And I'm like I need caffeine, Ihave headache, you know,
whatever.
And so they were trying to getme ready and my husband and
(05:33):
child were out in the waitingarea, and so I was just like
taking the phone and doing this,you know, and just having fun,
waiting, waiting, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And we were talking about that actually before we
came on.
I think that's important.
Sorry, I just knocked myselfhere.
I have to move all the time.
I can't do squats and lunges, soI'm like putting my feet up and
my knee, you know, legs up onthis.
I need to stretch and move andanyway.
But we were talking about likewe need to remember to do those
(06:03):
things that bring us joy.
Joy even in the worstcircumstances.
You were you're basicallyhaving impromptu surgery, like
major and it's a pretty.
When you were describing it tome it scared me, but I mean I
love that you could like take aminute to like remember to be
you and have fun and just do dosomething joyful, because that's
what we lose in life is thatplayfulness and the fun.
(06:26):
Even in the worst ofcircumstances, you can find
something that's positive.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Well, and of course, knowing who I am, as I'm being
wheeled down and I'm like Idon't want for set.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I don't want any of this.
I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Nope, nope, nope.
I love the coldness of anoperating room.
I love how freezing cold it is.
I think it's fantastic.
So, as I'm going in, I'm likeyou have kids.
I know a surgeon has kids.
You have kids and I'm passingout stucco squad membership for
their kids and I'm like here's abracelet for your kid, here's a
bracelet for your kid, you know.
And they're like that's notsanitary.
And I'm like, well, nobody'sgone in and done what they're
(06:59):
supposed to at this hospital.
And I was like so here you go,here you go, here you go.
I'm like handing out littlebracelets for their kids and vip
cards.
And I don't, I love it.
I love how you're likemarketing in the surgical room.
I'm like that's what you guyscan't afford, it, but it's free
for your kids, it's helpingrealize how amazing they are.
Right, the self-esteem, there'sno fee to it.
(07:19):
And I'm like, because you know,a lot of doctors are cheap, and
I'm like here, not to us, butto themselves and I'm like here,
you know, and let your kidshave a bracelet and go, sign on
and have fun.
You know, yeah, that was allsorts of loving and exciting me.
(07:48):
Why is it that the narcissisticparent gets like scot-free away
with everything?
And I can agree with thatbecause, like my sperm donor,
you know, as shocking as it is,is like knock on wood as I knock
on my head outside of injuries.
You know, I've never been sicklike outside of injuries and um,
he, his, his bloodline,bloodline my, my grandmother had
cancer, my grandfather hadcancer, my grandfather had heart
(08:10):
conditions.
And why?
I've had people ask why does itseem like even the demons don't
want to infect the narcissisticparent because they're never
sick.
Nothing ever happens to them,they get away.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
No, they're not.
I can explain that.
I mean, if somebody reallywants an answer, unless you were
about to explain it, yeah, Idon't think that people
understand, because I didn'tunderstand it until we've all
heard that stress can kill you.
And you know, if anyone hasread my first book, gasping for
Air, that's what made me sickwas what I call life stress,
(08:46):
chronic stress.
It actually causes when youhave that much cortisol, the
stress hormone and other thingshappening in your body as a
result of chronic stress, whichbeing abused, living with a
narcissist, even if it's just Ihate to say just verbal abuse,
because it's almost the worst ofall of them, but you know that
(09:08):
is stressful.
That is considered stress thatactually causes inflammation in
your joints.
It causes white blood cells,red blood cells, everything is
happening in your body.
Cancer people don't realizecomes from inflammation.
The toxins in the foods you eatcome from, you know, or create
the inflammation.
So, yes, living under thatstress makes you sick.
(09:33):
Autoimmunity is directly linkedand solidly correlated over and
over to abuse and abusivesituations my lung syndrome to
abuse and abusive situations.
My lung syndrome, although veryrare and a lot of doctors have
never even heard of it.
Guess what?
It is highly common in victimsof abuse.
(09:53):
So, yes, if you're in anabusive situation, so what that
means is the narcissist, yeah,they're going to live till
freaking forever because theydon't get sick.
You know why?
Because they have no remorseand no empathy.
Right, but that's, that's mylong explanation of they're not
living under stress in theirworld.
It's all about them and they.
(10:15):
But I think this speaks tonarcissism, because we can lay
out a hundred differentqualities of narcissists, but
the two real big ones and allthe different types are no
remorse, no empathy.
If you're not worried aboutwhat other people are feeling or
thinking, you just don't give aflying F.
Well, of course, then you'reliving pretty stress-free.
(10:38):
Because I think one of theproblems with the rest of us is
we worry too much.
We're worried.
If I say this, problems withthe rest of us is we worry too
much.
We're worried if I say this, ifI do that, what will they think
?
My kid needs this.
Nevermind me that they don'tcare, it's all about them.
And what a nice way to live.
(10:58):
No stress and they have noremorse.
So they actually think that theyare entitled and justified in
doing all the things that theydo, so they don't have the doubt
and the worry and anxiety andall this other stuff that
creates all the stress that theydo, so they don't have the
doubt and the worry and anxietyand all this other stuff that
creates all the stress in ourbodies, that creates the
inflammation that causes us tohave joint pain and back pain
and cancers and this and that sosorry, I'm ranting because it
pisses me off.
This is where that that thatlistener that said where is the
(11:23):
Puerto Rican going to come out?
This is when the Puerto Ricancomes out.
I love it.
It pisses me the F off that,yeah, they're going to live till
they're F-ing 100 with nofreaking problems and no cares
in the world and they sleep realF-ing good at night, while you
and I can barely get two orthree hours of straight freaking
sleep because we're so consumedwith all the crap in our head
(11:44):
of what they did to us.
So that should answereverybody's questions.
A lot of what we go throughhonestly does come to chemical
bodily things, whether it'sdirectly from our brain or in
our bodies.
But it's a very real mind-bodyconnection and for those
listeners that haven't reallydelved into that, I would
encourage you really delved intothat.
(12:05):
I would encourage you to startlooking into that, because even
when I was a kid I, oh my gosh,once my mom moved us in with
that man, that she's stillmarried to my abusive stepfather
.
I mean, I really didn't get toomuch into it in my in my second
book, but the stomach aches andthe headaches, but most I mean
(12:26):
to say it was chronic and I meanlike chronic, like to the point
where I just didn't want toplay with the other kids or
summer camp.
I was always like huddled undera tree, like just holding my
stomach and my head hurt and theheat didn't help and the
sunshine and it's just amiserable way to grow up.
But nobody thought anything ofit.
You know, of course my motherthought I was faking it, but it
(12:49):
was.
I'm realizing, looking back,what I know now.
Those were all signs.
All the miscarriages I had inmy first marriage, before and
after my son, those were allbecause my body was like not
trying, you know, to carry ababy.
I couldn't even barely functionbecause I was living in
survival mode.
So how could I, how could Isurvive and allow a baby to
(13:12):
survive with me?
It's just your body really isan amazing thing the way it
works, but it all goes back towhat's what's up here, and when
we're undergoing that muchstress and the emotions, it
really does affect the way ourbody works against us,
unfortunately right.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And I'm just curious because so many people say how
come nothing ever happens tothem?
It's not fair.
And you're right, it isabsolutely not fair.
It is a thousand percent notfair that they get to like skirt
through and just be them.
I mean, but you know it's fairthat they get to like skirt
through and just be them.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
I mean, but you know it's not that they get to, they
choose to.
That's the thing they choose tobecause they're making as
narcissists.
They are choosing not to careabout anybody but themselves.
They don't have the capabilityto care about anyone but
themselves, and so there is nodoubt, there is no anxiety,
there is none of that stuff thatcreates all the illness.
(14:06):
So they're not going to be sick, you know, and so it actually
makes perfect sense.
But no, it's not fair, it's notright, but it's the way it is,
and what we need to do is learnto be, cause we all have some
narcissistic qualities, but wedon't want to be like them.
But we want to be like them inthe sense that we work, we heal
(14:27):
enough to get rid of thatself-doubt and to not have that
anxiety, to stand firm in ourtruth and to assert ourselves
and set boundaries.
We're still going to have alittle of that like should I,
shouldn't I?
I'm worried about if I say thisor do that.
But if we can get prettyconfident in who we are and
(14:47):
stand in our worth, then we caneliminate a lot of that.
But no, we don't want to strive, certainly, to be like them.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Right, and you know I this is probably kind of out
left field, but I just wanted togive the edification of it to
do this process with this devicein my back.
It goes into your brain, itgoes up in your neck and it goes
into your brain.
And the thing is is that what Ifound to be ironic is that they
(15:16):
make you sit with apsychiatrist for four hours and
you have to do it, or insurancedoesn't approve it, and the
psychiatrist has to explain toyou that you're going to get
some kind of foreign body intoyour body and how your body has
to get acclimated to it.
Right?
So I meet with thispsychiatrist sweet, wonderful
woman and she's like I said,listen, do I really have to do
(15:37):
four hours of this?
This is not my first game.
I have a toolbox within my body.
I am full of tools and platesand screws.
I mean I'm like a dinnercollection at Macy's and I said
this is nowhere near my first go.
I mean I'm like a dinnercollection at Macy's and I said
this is nowhere near my first go.
I mean my shoulder has beenreplaced.
I have a plate here and I have32 pieces in my face or 26,
whatever it is.
I was like I'm full of metaland I really don't think I need
(15:59):
this four hour thing.
And she's like well, I have tohave you do questions and stuff
so that I can do this.
So we're we're talking, excuseme.
And so she goes on and she'slike yeah, I think after about
40 minutes we're done.
And so I was like thank you, Isaid, but let me ask you
something.
Why is it that we have to gothrough to be tested to see if
we are psychologically sane andstable to get a device put in us
(16:25):
, but people who are abusedtheir abusers don't have to do
anything?
And she's like I know I don'tunderstand it at all at all.
And she's like because mostpeople that I have to interview
have been through somethingtraumatic in order to get this
kind of device put in, and mostof the time it's a car accident
or something like that and I getit.
But she's like I don'tunderstand why you know all
(16:48):
these other adjectives don'thave to go through any of this.
And she's like it makes nosense to me at all.
And she's like our system is sobackwards and and messed up
because first thing should bedone is like a huge psycho,
psychological evaluation onthese idiots who are doing so
(17:09):
many things wrong and they'renot.
They're just getting a big old,good old boy pat on the back
and they mosey on their way.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Yeah, I mean it's very true.
But then you know I whatrecalled in my mind when you
were talking like that and Iagree with you wholeheartedly
talking like that, and I agreewith you wholeheartedly.
But you know I remember when mymother and stepfather wanted to
once again scapegoat me that Imust be crazy, you know, or
(17:37):
whatever, because you know theyweren't.
They were neglectful andabusive.
But my mother insisted ontaking me to the hospital
because I had to be on drugs,because I was crying over.
You know something thathappened at school was being
teased be on drugs because I wascrying over.
You know something thathappened at school was being
teased a lot and I was justhaving a hard time and you know
(17:59):
I had emotions and she didn'tknow what to do with me having
emotions.
So I had to be on drugs thatwas like a theme of my childhood
and fast forward at thehospital.
You know I get she insisted, Iget tested for everything and of
course I actually, to this day49, never done any recreational
drugs, never smoked pot, nothing, never smoked a cigarette
actually either.
But you know they did end upbringing a psychiatrist at her
(18:24):
insistence and you know I didn't.
I mean, he noticed, you know,and my mother actually pointed
out oh look, she must beself-inflicting.
You know, she's got marks onher and I'm like, yeah, because
you just like strangled me andthrew me downstairs and stuff,
and that was another night.
Sorry, I can't keep track ofthese, but there was a scuffle
at home and yeah, I had redmarks, my bruises, scratches,
(18:47):
everything, and I didn't sayanything.
But you know, of course I meanespecially.
I mean you work with a lot ofkids that you know have been in
abusive homes or are currently,and they're afraid, you're
afraid to say anything, like Ialmost did just take the fall.
I would have taken the fall andjust been thought crazy,
(19:09):
diagnosed as crazy, instead ofadmitting what actually happened
because of that fear.
But no, it's just like whenpeople say, oh, can a narcissist
be rehabilitated?
Because strangely, there areactually people that believe in
this diagnosis, you know, andbelieve that, oh, with two years
of therapy, they, they'll bebetter.
(19:31):
And you know, bull crap, Idon't believe that for a damn
second, because there is no,unless it's a covert narcissist
that's trying to gain, likeyou'll see these, like on TikTok
, I see them.
Oh, I, you know, here's anarcissist on a live.
You know that.
Asked me anything aboutnarcissists?
(19:51):
But I'm a rehabilitatedbullcrap Using the term.
You are trying to gainattention for yourself.
You are hopping on a trend forthe notoriety and the fame.
You are not admitting you're anarcissist.
You stupid shit.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
It's like that Feed Me, seymour from you know that
movie, oh, 100%.
And it's like feed me, feed myego, feed me feed me, exactly,
exactly.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
And the only reason they're going to go to therapy
is if they can make you out tobe a crazy person or somehow get
some kind of gain from it.
But they're not going to gowillingly and say, yeah, there's
something wrong with me, areyou kidding?
It's always going to besomething wrong with you, yeah
absolutely Always.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
There's always going to be something and they cannot
take responsibility, they can'ttake accountability for any of
their actions.
They can't and they won't, itdoesn't matter.
And you know, it's mindboggling to me that these people
just think that really andtruly they've done nothing wrong
.
And it's not them, it's us,right.
And I just want to, like, takemy you know again, my
(21:03):
psychological evaluation and putit in their face and be like,
hey, momo here, look, you know,and it's like it's not us but
the people who need to be on thecouch are the ones that never
want to go, right, they, theydon't want to go, they're just
like no.
And you know one of the parentsthat I'm working this horrific
case this is probably probablyone of the top two cases I've
(21:25):
ever worked with.
That was so much work and partof the family is just a godsend.
They're amazing.
And then there's another partof the family where I'm just
like Beetlejuice and like theyknew I had surgery and I'm going
to be very cryptic.
They knew I had surgery.
So this is day two, because Ihad it on Wednesday.
(21:46):
So yesterday I tried to justdrive in my neighborhood just to
make sure, because you can'tturn or twist, and I want to
make sure, if God gets somethinghappening to Faith, that I can
drive.
And for those of you who maybeknew, we welcome you, but Faith
has had a lot of medical issues.
So if people are like, why isMom driving?
Faith has had a lot of medicalissues and was life-threatening
(22:09):
issues a year ago.
So I'm a medical mom on top ofeverything else and so I'm
always ready, god forbid.
So this person that I'm helpingmessages me, knowing I just had
surgery, and asked me to go pickup your child.
And I was like what?
And I looked at my husband.
I was like, are you seriousright now?
And I was like go pick up yourcane, because you don't want to
(22:33):
put three other kids in carseats and go get your child
yourself.
And I'm like, oh my, when thiscourt?
I have court next week for this, with them as their advocate.
I'm done Like it's.
You know I will go to the moonand back.
Anybody who knows me knows thatI will go to the moon and back
(22:55):
and I am your biggest advocate.
I will fight for you with you,by you.
Anything I can do, I will do,but if you won't get your ass
off of the pot and do somethingfor yourself and those kids.
More importantly, forget youwork about these kids and you
don't want to do what's right bythese kids.
Then you know what you don'tdeserve these kids Like yeah,
agreed I mean.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I'm going to say we all know you're very giving and
generous and all that, and I'mnot dismissing that.
But you should not ever have toqualify why you feel the way
you feel, because that is justthe narcissistic temperament.
You know, somebody just askedme earlier today what was it
about you that your narcissisticex found attractive, like, why
did they prey on you?
(23:41):
And I said servitude.
That's what every narcissistwants Servitude.
He sniffed me out, coming outof an abusive childhood, even
though I was like nobody's evergoing to treat me that way again
.
I'm going to you know I'mstrong and I'm independent and
I'm smart and all this.
He sniffed out that I would doanything for the love that I
(24:05):
hadn't gotten in my childhood.
I would hold onto it for dearlife and try and put my all to
the thousand percent.
Servitude Served me up on asilver platter to that mother
trucker, and that's how I endedup in that 20.
Yes, they lure you, they saythey.
He said exactly what I neededto hear you tell a girl that
(24:26):
never experienced love fromeither parents in her whole
freaking childhood and wasbeaten and called all kinds of
things.
Oh, it's the two of us againstthe world.
It's you and me forever God.
I didn't like him, but that wasvery alluring to me.
That would.
That was a fantasy, and hepromised it to me.
He promised me everything Iever wanted and he promised it
(24:48):
to me.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
He promised me everything I ever wanted, and
they're very charismatic.
They're so charismatic it is asick and twisted talent that
they possess.
They have on this ability tofind your weakness and placate
on it.
Like, I wanted kids so badly, Iwanted to be a mom so badly,
and when Michael and I hadbroken up, I was devastated.
(25:10):
I knew he was mine forever.
I knew back then and I wasdevastated.
And then all of a sudden thisthing comes into my life and it
was like you would be such agreat mom and my, my family
fosters, foster kids and youknow, everything in there.
And then I was like I'm soselfish because I wasn't
(25:32):
attracted to him.
There was nothing I could findI can relate, right, and I'm
like maybe I'm just being soshallow.
And and then, right, it's like,well, you give all this time to
him and you didn't go anywhere.
Why don't you?
And then, the next thing, youknow, you're like in the express
lane of a relationship.
You're like, dude, slow down,and it's, it really is, it's,
(25:54):
it's.
Speaker 1 (25:55):
They literally sweep you off your feet.
They know they are able.
I mean, I've heard it saidabout like you know certain
really good salesmen, or or youknow people in high positions
that you know certain reallygood salesmen, or you know
people in high positions thatyou know they just have this
gift of just.
They can meet you in two, threeseconds, know your weakness and
know how to sell you thatwhatever.
(26:18):
Whatever it is and it's thesame with narcissists they
literally do have a sense.
They, they know, and you don'teven know, that you're giving
off the vibe or giving theinformation.
But the one thing if I can giveanyone any information I had
learned a little late, but youhave to learn to just keep
everything close, because theone thing that I can say that I
(26:43):
have given to my son is thisgift of knowledge that if you
want to keep something a secret,you don't tell anyone because I
don't care.
You tell your best friend, yourmama, your sister, oh, don't
tell, oh, they're going to tell.
Okay, how many times have allof us said I'm not supposed to
tell, but hey, honey, atdinnertime, but don't tell
(27:03):
anybody because I wasn'tsupposed to tell you.
And the next thing, you knowthe whole damn town knows, at
least that's how it works outhere.
So you know you don't sayanything because you know what
happens with narcissists and Ihave had narcissists that I
didn't know were narcissiststhat ended up.
This last one, really just, shehas taken every damn thing I've
ever said or done and twisted itreal good, really well.
(27:27):
She's very crafty, buteverything.
It could be your favorite color, it could be your favorite ice
cream, it could be something youwore one time.
It doesn't matter Any tiny bitof information they're
collecting in their head becausethey will find a way it's going
to be used to lure you, tosmear you, to hurt you.
(27:48):
Whatever it is, you don't evenknow.
Oh, I look, I have one child.
He's my everything.
Oh well, now, now you've justtold them that the way that
they're going to hurt you is topit that kid against you one day
, or to do something to your kid, or to smear your kid's name,
because then you're going toreact and they can say oh look,
she's crazy.
(28:08):
See, I told you she was nuts.
You know they're veryinteresting.
So I always tell people if youeven think somebody's a
narcissist and, believe me,we've all had conversations with
people and had no clue.
But keep things close becauseeverything will be used against
you, literally.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Yeah everything, everything does, and it's.
It's sad because I'm so sorry,I hate this because that too
much.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It's okay, honey, you don't have to be sorry.
You had surgery.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
But it's.
It's the fact that, like youknow, you go above and beyond to
help people and they find thatthat one weakness, and you know,
most people don't realize thebigger.
And when I say this, somepeople are like what?
And I really want our listenersto hear this, because what most
people don't realize is peopleare so threatened by the
narcissist right that thenarcissist is that that evil
(29:00):
that you know, is the oppositeof live, turn, live around and
it spells out evil right.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
So it does, and it's like no, I know that the
character in my last book.
What was the evelyn?
Because the beginning of thatis evil.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Yeah, and damien was mine because of the demon.
But the thing is is that whenyou think about it, and they are
just this horrific mastermindwho placates on you, but then,
as it goes on and on, do youknow who really is the one that
has it?
It's the black sheep, becausewe are the ones that will come
(29:36):
out and we know the truth.
And so they try to belittle usbecause, in their mind, as a
narcissist, they fear the blacksheep and that's why they try so
hard to tear us down, not onlyto ourselves but to everyone
around, that we're the liars,that we're the crazy ones,
because we hold the truth andthey don't want it to come to
(29:58):
fruition.
So, in a way, we are theirbiggest fear, because they but
see, so many of our listenershaven't realized that yet.
I really wanted us to talk aboutthat today, because so many
people are like it's thenarcissist who ruins our life,
it's the narcissist who has so,so much control.
But see, they take who theyconsider to be the weak one,
(30:19):
which is the golden child, andthey, you know, put them up on
such a platter that they'rewonderful, and then they keep
the siblings apart so that theydon't communicate with each
other.
But it's the strong-willed oneswho get all the proof and the
evidence, like we have, thatknow the truth.
But the narcissists think theycan scare us into submission
where we won't be forthcomingwith it.
(30:40):
But at the end of the day, thenarcissist has to threaten us
with left, right and center ofeverything, like one of the
dumbest, and I will own it.
One of the absolute dumbestthings and I've been doing this
19 years that I've ever heardfrom a narcissist is if you tell
your mother that I'm seeinganother woman, I'm going to make
(31:01):
her believe that you made me doit and this actually came from
my sperm donor.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Right, this is actually at home, but he would
do that.
That's the thing they don'tcare.
I know I.
I read your book narc narc,who's there?
Speaker 2 (31:13):
that's what this podcast is named after who in
the hell can actually as women?
You know, most of our listenersare women.
There are some men and wewelcome everyone.
But who in the hell can say,okay, my spouse is cheating on
me and my child made them do it?
Let me do this as ungraphic aspossible.
We don't make that other personput anything of theirs or the
(31:36):
other one the narcissist intoone another.
We're not like playing Legos.
We're not connecting themtogether.
Their actions are doing it andthey're trying to push it off on
us as an escape group.
It and they're trying to pushit off on us as an escape group.
So when my, my sperm donor said,hey, if you advise your egg
donor that I'm seeing otherwomen, I'm gonna make her
(31:57):
believe you made me.
Well, let's dissect that forjust a minute, because so many
people who listen to us don'tunderstand the minds of a
narcissist, and that's greatbecause that means you're.
You're really not this controlof narcissists.
But the narcissist realizesthat the black sheep has this
information.
They are a little concerned andworried that maybe you would
give it out.
So that's another reason theytry to make you out to be a
(32:18):
habitual liar, that you'repsychotic, you're crazy, you're
bipolar, you're this, you'rethat.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
May I intervene?
One thing Absolutely I don'tthink they're scared or worried.
I think they do thatintentionally.
I don't think they're capableof concern or worry.
They want you to have thatinformation.
They want you to know, becausenow their responsibility is on
you and it's their test.
(32:45):
Are you going to be loyal to meor are you going to be loyal to
that other person?
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Right, and you're going to get screwed regardless
Either way, right?
So it was my fault quoteunquote that my son took a woman
away for a weekend.
We'll just use that analogy.
But we didn't.
But they try to make it whereit's almost like they don't take
ownership for anything.
And you need to realize thatthey have no ability to have
(33:14):
accountability, no ability totake responsibility when
something happens.
It's never their fault, it'salways someone else's fault.
It doesn't matter where you are.
You can be in a different state, you could be in a different
country, it doesn't matter.
It's still your fault, becausewhatever the narcissist want
didn't fall into place correctlyand they cannot hold themselves
(33:34):
accountable for theirincorrectness.
They can't say that they willnot.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Well, they have an agenda.
They have an agenda and whatthey have to do is, if you are
threatening their agenda forthemselves, then you have to
either be on board with them.
You either have to be for them,and if you are not for them,
you are against them.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
That is how it is.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
So they I always like say my stepfather, I was the
horse he couldn't break, becauseI never looked at my brother
necessarily as weak it was, justhe was.
I call it pliable because, youknow, fathers and mothers are,
should love their children, theyshould be Well, they were with
him, they were with him and soin my brother's mind he's
(34:23):
thinking I must be the problembecause the same two people are
parenting him and they are thebest parents that anybody could
ever even imagine having, whichthey were to him Even I will say
to him they were absolutelythat to me it was a fricking
horror show.
And and it's just veryinteresting, you know
(34:45):
narcissistic parents andnarcissistic partners.
It's very similar.
I mean, it's all the same.
But either way, they have anagenda and the agenda is always
putting them at the top, puttingthem, and it's.
You know, even in narcissisticfriendships.
If you threaten something aboutthem, some insecurity that they
have about themselves, if theythink you're going to do better,
(35:07):
be better, god forbid.
If they think you're a littleprettier than them, especially
women.
Forgive me, but women are theworst narcissists ever when it
comes to narcissisticfriendships.
They're just nasty.
I just can't deal with it.
But you're going to be ruined.
You are going to be.
They will take everything andwhat they do, trying to call you
(35:28):
crazy and everything else,basically everything they are.
They will say you are including, you're the narcissist.
And it the only thing that Ithink, and I think everybody
will agree.
I still struggle to understand,like in my own experiences.
I know, I literally knowsomebody who's a rocket
(35:48):
scientist for NASA that has beenswayed by narcissistic bullshit
and I'm like, like you're asupremely intelligent person.
I know doctors, surgeons,judges, attorneys that have
believed with no evidence, noproof whatsoever, and become
(36:13):
flying monkeys for thesenarcissists and I just that's
the thing that always stunts meis because I try to think I'm
always trying to play devil'sadvocate, even if I feel a
certain way.
I'm like, okay, like let's lookat this.
You know, like, maybe this ormaybe where, where can we find
some element of proof orsubstantiate this somehow?
(36:35):
But I don't know how they do itwith with nothing but taking.
You know they can take one, oneline text and you mean this and
they know what you mean, butthey will twist it around and
make everybody, buddy, believethis.
You're villainized and you're,you're the horrible human being.
You know I recently I don't, Idon't know if you remember I had
(36:58):
somebody my most recentnarcissist, the one in book
three, evelyn, had one of herflying monkeys who happens to be
a 70-some-year-old woman who isa well-respected government
employee, a judge in ourgovernment.
(37:18):
She actually somehow got thiswoman to post a review on one of
my books and, by the way, itwas supposed to be a review of
book three but she accidentallyI guess they should get their
information right she put it onbook two.
But this woman actually putthat like.
She made it out, like she knowsme personally.
That's how she started to setlike she knows me personally and
(37:41):
she's got the dirt becausewe're like, we're so close and
I'm like, yeah, I knew that shewas a client of mine at one
point.
We never engaged socially,never, ever.
I never said anything to herabout any anyway.
So this third narcissistsomehow convinced the 70 some
(38:01):
year old judge that I used toknow that was a client to say
she knew me personally and sheknows for a fact that I'm really
the narcissist that she'sstaying as cold hearted and
manipulative.
And then she did cross the line, though I'm not going to lie, I
was annoyed by this, but I waspissed when she spoke my like.
(38:24):
She brought my son into it andsaid she knows for a fact that I
abused my son for years and I'mlike now you better watch it.
If you're a small town likejust running around running your
mouth, I could almost let thatgo.
But knowing this is from ajudge a judge whose whole career
(38:45):
is based on evidence andfinding truth and substantiating
claims with proof and you'regoing to defame my character
when there is zero, zeroevidence.
Not to mention, I am a victimof child abuse myself and in
that marriage with my son, I dideverything to protect him,
(39:06):
including throwing my little,tiny hundred pound body over him
, even when he was 17 years old,to protect him from his
father's fist.
So kiss my ass, you stupidbitch.
But beyond that, I'm stillpissed.
That like how, how doessomebody with an intelligent
(39:26):
brain believe bullshit?
Excuse my language, everybody,I'm on it, right?
No?
But I think it's an interestingthing because it's like, okay,
the narcissist or an a-hole isan a-hole, right, I always say
that.
But the flying monkeys are whatget me, because this goes back
to what you were starting to sayabout your sperm donor Cause.
(39:50):
What got me about thatsituation?
When I did read Narc Narc, who'sthere?
Your latest book, it was that,yes, if, if you tell your mother
, it's going to be blamed on you.
But my problem is is that, likemy mother, she would probably
believe it.
So the problem's not so muchthe narcissist but again, the
(40:12):
people who believe it.
Why would?
I can't speak for your mother.
I have an idea, but I can speakfor mine.
My mother would believe itbecause my mother, I mean we can
talk about all the abuse sheendured in her life and
obviously, I can presume at thehands of her own husband.
But my mother's a dissociator,she's a gaslighter.
(40:32):
None of that ever happened.
Like, even when I would be likebeing literally abused, five
feet behind her and screamingfor her to help me as I'm
getting beat the crap out of,she would just be washing dishes
, looking out the window, likeshe can dissociate, like
nobody's business and like takeherself.
I don't know if she was likeastrally relocating, but like
(40:55):
literally, just like removeherself from the situation.
And I think that in my case, ifthat had happened to me, you
know, my mother would havebelieved that it was my fault.
My mother would have believedthat I somehow hooked them up
and just invited them on thisyou know weekend thing, that I
was going on so that they couldconsummate their you know,
(41:17):
forbidden love or whatever.
It would be my fault, itwouldn't be his fault, it
wouldn't be the other woman'sfault, it would be my fault,
just like, I think, with yourmother.
I think that these women knowexactly what they're in and they
know exactly what they'redealing with.
And your mother's a peach inherself, but you know.
Egg donor sorry, but you know,I think that they tolerate.
(41:40):
I always say they enable,excuse and tolerate because
they're getting a benefit In mymother's case.
My mother has actually told meon a few occasions that well, if
, if, she would ever leave herhusband, she, she, she likes her
big, fancy house and she likesher fancy cars and she likes her
fancy, she can go and shop andbuy and do and nothing else
(42:03):
matters, including me.
So you know, and that's her.
You know what we can just sayhorrible is a judgment, and I
agree I'm not like that.
But at the same time you knowwhat.
That's her choice.
We all have free will.
It's her loss, she all havefree will.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
That's her loss.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Oh, absolutely, I'm fabulous.
You are beyond that.
But you know, what the thing isis that I always say this.
I say this almost every episodeBiology does not make you
inherently compatible withpeople on a social level.
Just putting steam out ofsomebody's body does not mean
you're going to get along.
(42:42):
I wish, I wish that every girlhad the relationship that you
have with your daughter, thatmother-daughter relationship.
Every woman should have you asa mom and every daughter should
have that mom that they know, nomatter what they go through in
life.
My mom's got my back and itsickens me.
(43:04):
My mom has left me hang out todry and literally fend for my
life by myself.
Nobody should and I hate theword should but nobody should
have to endure that.
It should be what you and yourdaughter have.
You know even me and my son.
We're good, but not like youand your daughter.
You know what I mean and and Iwish he at least had his dad,
(43:26):
even though his dad's a POS, youknow, but he doesn't even have
that with his dad it's.
It just doesn't work that way.
It just doesn't work that way.
So we find our family in thepeople that do love us and
accept us, and I would even goso far in my experience to argue
that the people that love youand they don't have an
obligation to, because they'renot your blood relation, they're
(43:47):
not your second cousin on yourmother's side, separated by six
or whatever.
They don't.
Get people that love youwillingly and want to love you,
that's better than somebodythat's supposed to love you.
That's all I'm saying.
So find your people.
The people are out there andyou don't maybe need a whole big
(44:07):
bunch of people.
Maybe it's just one or two.
Even that's better than nothing.
That's better.
That's better than anything.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
Honestly, I have to tell you like, even when I was
having this last surgery, andFaith is in there, the doctor
comes in, anesthesiology comesin and she's like good luck,
because my mom's not doing herset, my mom's not doing this.
She's like and I'm very smartabout whenever I'm having it I
was like do you guys have anyquestions?
(44:34):
For the team, because I wanther to feel heard, I want her to
feel vocalized.
So she was like, yeah, comehere.
And for the team, because Iwant her to feel heard, I want
her to feel vocalized.
And so she was like, yeah, comehere.
And so the guy walks over andshe was like how many times have
you done this?
How many times have you putthese wires into someone's brain
?
How many times?
It's a valid question, Right.
And so she's like I'm not done,so don't answer me.
And you know I'm sitting thereand I'm trying so hard not to
(44:56):
laugh.
And she was like let me makesure you understand this.
And she's like I might belittle, but I'm powerful and I
have a very big mouth and I'mnot putting up with any crap.
And I'm telling you right nowthat I better not hear that you
made not even one, not even onemistake on my mom.
I mean it because the onlything you have going for you is
that there's empty beds in thisfacility.
(45:16):
That's what she said.
She's like because I can'treplace my mom, Nobody can
replace my mom and if somethinghappens, I can't function
without my mom because I haveobstacles that I've had to come
over and there are things that Iknow I can't do that my mom has
to help me do.
But she tries to teach me indifferent ways and, of course,
my husband was like what aboutme?
And she's like what about you?
And so she told the doctor shewas like what about you?
(45:37):
No, it's not the same, yeah.
And so she told the doctorshe's like I don't want you to
do anything that causes one iotaof unnecessary pain on my mom,
like, and she's like I wonderhow many times you've put these
wires in someone's head.
I want to know, you know.
And she's like I don't want ablood clot, I don't want this, I
don't want that.
And she's you better say you'regoing to do your best care.
(46:00):
And she's like I want to knowif you're tired.
It's the end of the day.
You called her in at the lastminute.
Is this your last surgery forthe day?
My mom is not a case, she is aperson.
And I'm just sitting there, I'mso proud, I'm like such a mom.
And she's like my mom takescare of me and I take care of
her.
And it was like and then it wasthe sweetest thing, because
people don't do that anymore,Like you know, they don't.
(46:21):
And then she was like I'm I'msmall, so be careful, because I
can find you.
And you know it's just, it'sadorable.
And she was serious.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
And then you know what it's, because she
understands she loves sofiercely and so loyally.
I mean, I, I, I I'm going tointerfere with just a little
tidbit, my favorite memory ofher, that that this reminds me
of, and it was just like acouple months ago, but like out
of nowhere, like we weren't evenlike communicating.
(46:52):
She just randomly texts me youknow like what's your husband's
name?
And I said Doug, and she goesis Doug good to you?
I said yeah, he's very good tome, and she goes are you sure?
Are you sure I'm like?
Yeah, I'm very sure why she'slike, because if he's not, I can
do stuff I can make you knowI'm like honey, are you looking
for a fight?
(47:12):
But it was like.
That was her way of saying Ilove you.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
That was like she goes to kiss me on the forehead
when they're about to wheel meout and she takes her two
fingers and puts them to hereyes and to their eyes and she's
like I'm watching you, I'mwatching you and she's like I'm
ready.
And then she starts to crackher knuckles and I'm like all
right, billy, bad Butt, go, sitdown.
I mean, she's only like five,three and you know she's cute,
(47:39):
she's tough and she's like I'mI'm warning you, I'm she's like
I'm not scrappy for a reason andit's just so cute and I'm like
I love you, she's like I loveyou.
And then, as they're willing tobe down the hall, she's like I
warned you, like really, reallyloud, and it's just the sweetest
, sweetest kid you know.
And and that's the thing, andshe worships you, like this is
(48:00):
aunt dana, like she'll bemessaging, and she's laughing.
I'm like what are you laughingat?
She's like, oh, and dana and Iare talking and I'm like do you
mind telling her sister says hi,the sister from another mister.
She's like I'll get to it, mom,are you serious?
I was like she messages youmore than she messages me.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
She's like don't be mad, it's okay I'm like I
message her because there are afew people.
There are very few people.
It's not like I'm too good ortoo busy for anybody, but I mean
I got.
I do have a lot going on rightnow.
Like I am honestly overwhelmed,like I'm an octopus all eight
tentacles of my octopusism hereis like they're like being
(48:36):
stretched way thin.
But there are very few peoplethat I will always respond to,
and your daughter's one of them,although if I don't respond to
her right away, I get like, whenI come back to my phone, the
question marks and I'm likehoney, stop question marking me,
I will get to you when I can.
If I don't respond to you rightaway, it's because I'm on a
zoom with a client, whatever,yeah, she, she doesn't care.
(48:59):
So I get questions I get allthe time.
I can't even respond quickenough.
I know she's very impatientthat way, but it's okay.
You know what?
I appreciate that she assertsherself, because I know for a
fact that there is no way inhell that anybody's ever going
to mess with her, and I wishthat for all of us, including
(49:19):
you and me and all of ourlisteners.
I mean, one of the mostpowerful things we can do is
stand very firm in knowing whowe are, what we deserve, what we
will and will not tolerate, andI mean making it very clear to
the people who we allow in ourlives, and I think that's an
important thing, because that'syour.
(49:40):
You know, people want to know,or what are the red flags that
screw the red flags and all that?
That the reality is, if you setthose boundaries and you're
very clear, that that's it.
There is no compromising.
There is no compromising.
I've been, you know, Doug doesoften, you know, bring up that
I'm a little rigid, I'm a lotrigid.
(50:01):
But I told him, unfortunately,I'm not even sure, I had
boundaries.
If I did, they were very loose,they were floating around in
the Atlantic Ocean somewhere,maybe the Pacific, because I
like Hawaii, but you know, theywere nowhere near Now, man,
those boundaries are there, werenowhere near now.
(50:22):
Man, those boundaries are there.
They're like an electric effingfence that I that you will get
shocked if you cross one ofthose or if you even try to.
And I said, sometimes you, youknow, yeah, your balls get
zapped.
Because I need to be very firm.
Right now I'm going to beprobably too firm on my
boundaries because that is myway of ensuring that nobody's
ever well, somebody's probablystill going to hurt me, but I at
(50:45):
least will ensure that I willnever be abused or mistreated by
anybody.
You know, unexpectedly, I guess,is the best way to say it, but
I, you know, faith is an amazingexample of that, and I think
it's an example of what happenswhen the things that have
happened to you, you know, occur, that you don't want that to
(51:07):
happen to your daughter.
And we all know that we're notgoing to live forever.
And we got to, we got toinstill all of our wisdom and
all the things that we wished,we knew and that we had in
ourselves, in our children,because we never know when our
time's up.
And so I think you have, youhave very clearly done that
because she's trying to, youknow, beat my husband's ass and
(51:28):
he's as big as your husband andwe're a few states over, so she
has no like.
There is nothing that's goingto stop her.
If I said he was mean to me andI'm crying, man, I'm pretty
sure she'd be here in a fewhours banging on the door ready
to brass knuckle him.
(51:50):
I know she would, and God loveit, god love it.
But we need to all take alittle lesson from her.
Even if we a little well, wecan take it down a little bit of
a notch and not go looking forthose fights.
Speaker 2 (52:03):
But we'll leave like mom told me I can't start it but
I can stop.
And I'm like well, don'tinstate them either.
Right, we're gonna just right.
You know, right, exactly, she'sso sweet because in front of
our bed is like one of thosebenches that you sit on, and she
was like mom, I can findchesthat you sit on.
And she was like mom, I canfind a way to sit on that and
sleep on that, be in here withyou.
(52:23):
And I was like that is so sweet.
No, because I worry, becauseshe used to have seizures, she
used to have epilepsy.
If she hits her head, theycan't come back.
And so she's like mom, I could,I could sleep on the bench.
And I was like no.
And then she's like how about?
Dad sleeps on the sofa?
And I'm like yeah, I was gonnasay that's not a bad idea and so
(52:46):
I'm like you know, and she'slike I'm right here and like
it's so funny because she'lltext me constantly Like mom, are
you okay?
And I tried to explain to herthat one.
I only have one hand, which Ithink by now she'd know.
So I don't hold the phone in myhand 24-7.
So let's just say, for instance, right now the phone is on the
other side of my desk and I'mnot allowed to turn, twist, pull
(53:06):
, push, bend over nothing.
So if I try to reach over, justlike you just said, and it
takes me a minute because I haveto like reel the chair and I
have to get on the phone, I haveto get on the phone.
I have like 18 question marks.
Why didn't you answer me?
What's the problem?
What's going on?
Why didn't I hear anything?
Hello, and I'm like I wasreaching for the phone.
Why did it take you so long?
What's the problem?
And I'm like you know, and it'scute, because she doesn't have
(53:29):
the ability to understand timemanagement.
Speaker 1 (53:42):
And I get it.
But it's good, especially withher watching out for you.
I mean, it shows that she'sconcerned, but it also is
comforting at least for me notbeing anywhere near you that she
would know.
You know, and maybe it's alittle excessive with the
question marks and the worry,but it's not a bad thing, you
know, especially because you do.
You two do have to look out foreach other's medical situations
(54:02):
and if anything's going tohappen to you, it would be
discovered pretty quickly ifthere was an issue.
But yes, believe me, I know Ihave to text her.
Like I'm now at the point whereI'm like, okay, so like I have
like back-to-back appointmentsall day, or I'm going to be at a
family thing or something, likeI'm not going to have my phone
on me, so if I don't, she'sstill you know, but.
Speaker 2 (54:23):
But I try to like she's like I never want to lose
my Andean, never, never, never,never, never.
There's no losing anybody.
And I was like you're good andlike the other day, getting
ready for surgery, like you haveto jump in and take an
antibacterial shower because thethe wash wipes they use, I
can't use them.
So I'm like, okay, I'm gonnajump in the shower, I drop the
(54:43):
shampoo bottle and I swear toyou, I don't know who ran
upstairs first.
They're banging on the door.
What happened?
Are you okay?
What happened?
What happened?
I'm like I dropped the shampoobottle.
It was slippery, it's good, I'mgood, I'm fine, really, just
it's good.
Speaker 1 (54:59):
But you, know what, if you were with a narcissist
and that happened, there wouldbe nobody coming.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
No, that's so true.
Speaker 1 (55:07):
They would turn up the TV, or that's what my ex
liked to do.
Just turn up the TV drown meout.
So you know that's a good thingthat they're coming checking on
you.
That's that's healthy.
We want healthy relationships.
Speaker 2 (55:22):
I know we still have so many I can't even imagine oh
my goodness, chapters ofquestions that I'm still putting
together.
So we are going to get better.
This is all my fault, becauseof my surgeries, that we haven't
been able to do an episodelately, and y'all can count me
for that, because that's on me,so I'm gonna.
(55:42):
If she, I'll get on herschedule soon enough.
Speaker 1 (55:45):
We're both yeah, we're both just very busy, so
it's not a big deal.
We will get to these questions.
We are going to keep chuckingaway and we'll get there.
But I think I speak foreverybody, victoria, that we
just want you to get better.
We are hopeful that thissurgery will help you not have
as much pain as you've had todeal with.
I know you're like tough andrough and no, no medication, no
(56:08):
painkillers, and here I whineabout my pellet in my ass
hurting.
But you know, we just want youto be good, we want you to feel
good and, despite what you say,you are beautiful and you look
amazing.
It's fine.
I only have the makeup and hairdone today.
(56:29):
I mean, not that I don't loveyou and try to look okay for you
, but I don't care what I looklike when I come on.
I just have had other thingstoday that I had to look like.
I didn't crawl out of the TVlike the girl from the ring, so
that's all.
No, you do not look like.
Don't point at you.
Speaker 2 (56:45):
I can't even raise my hands above my neck.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
I'm not allowed to have my hand over my no, who
walks around with their handsover their head?
You don't need to raise yourhands over your head to get
drugs.
I like your.
You got like a track suit on.
Speaker 2 (56:57):
It's like I can't even put a bra on underneath it,
so it's you know, so I neverwear a bra.
Speaker 1 (57:02):
I probably shouldn't say that on a podcast that so
many people listen to.
I don't wear bras.
They're annoying.
Or are your titties big?
You have big boobs, don't you?
Speaker 2 (57:11):
I've had a reduction because they replaced my
shoulder, but they're still notas tall.
Speaker 1 (57:16):
Okay, well, okay, well, I've never had that
problem.
I mean, you know, I always getthe guys that are like my
grandpa said more than a handfulof ways that I mean, when
you've had that said younumerous times, you're like okay
, I got little titties, I get itthey give you.
Speaker 2 (57:32):
When you have a reduction, they lift you, so you
never really have to wear a braagain, which is great, and you
don't have to worry aboutflopping over to the sides.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
That's great, but uh, yeah so I wish I had problems
of flopping and I don't know.
Speaker 2 (57:46):
Yeah, if I had a walk around naked are you kidding me
?
I would always be walkingaround like I'd be going around
the hospital with my gown openin the back.
Yeah, look at this.
Speaker 1 (57:57):
Yeah, I can't see that right now on Thursday.
Speaker 2 (58:02):
Like you know it's, that's what I do like.
Look at this.
Speaker 1 (58:05):
It's a solar eclipse right here, extra padding too
much no I am actually diggingyour like.
Your track suit reminds me oflike 80s, that group in the 80s.
I know I'm thinking, like I'mthinking.
I have the song playing in myhead and I can't think of it.
You say Minuto, I'm hanging up.
No, it wasn't Minuto.
I had a Minuto t-shirt, thoughthey were Puerto Ricans.
(58:27):
No, the rap group Run DMC.
It's tricky.
Yes, run DMC, I'm like runningthe song it.
So we just have to get matchingtrack suits and we can make a
video or something me, you andand faith.
Well, I'd say michael and doug,but I don't know if they make
track suits for men that are, wecan't even find them.
Speaker 2 (58:48):
Shoes right, like, no , I'm wearing this because it's
it's.
I wear surgically friendlyclothes and they, like I
literally have to wear waistbandpants so that they can not hit
all the stuff all over my back.
I think I don't have hair on myback Cause I think I'd be not a
happy person.
Then this is just a zip upbecause I can't you know, I
(59:10):
can't button right now.
You can't like reach up hereand button and I just zip it up
and it's like I'm not goinganywhere, I'm home.
No, it's cute.
I like run dmc.
I can still jam to it.
I can't do the right stuff, Ican't do it right now.
I'm just like, and the drivehome was the longest drive
because my husband had to driveit and I'm like this is the
(59:31):
longest two hours of my life,like, and I'm sitting there and
and you know, he used to be acop too and I'm like, dude, the
speed limit is 70, grandmas arepassing you.
You're doing 45 on theinterstate.
For the crying out loud, couldyou put a little metal in the
foot?
Like I, do you have any idea?
He had precious cargo on board.
No, he was tired and I couldn'tdrive.
(59:53):
And so I'm like, for the loveof God.
You know, right now, instead ofa two etm you have a two-hour
41 minute eta.
Could you kind of just?
You know there's no, just alittle push down a little bit on
the accelerator.
It's the one next to the brake.
You used to be in high-speedchases for crying out loud.
Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
What do you need to get him one of those like
automatic driving cars that theydrive themselves?
but he'll definitely I rentedone, a car that was like that it
it was gosh.
It was a few years back buthonestly it freaked me out
because I like to be in controlon the road and like it was like
bumper to bumper traffic, likeit would start going and then
and I mean the car was doing itbut it was like it was I was
(01:00:32):
going to panic, like it was notfun.
But I would recommend Michaelgets one so that he can drive
the speed limit.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
He'll be ordering and be in a restaurant.
He'll start ordering.
Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
He'll just like Are you serious?
Then three seconds.
If we ever got together, wejust have to make sure there's
two recliners, because I loveDoug very much, but I don't know
if it's because he's older thanme or it's just him, but, my
God, he can go to sleep anywhereanytime.
And then he like does thisthing where he's like forgive me
(01:01:06):
, everybody hears me snort likea pig, Cause I'm like pretending
to wake up from being asleepfor the last 10 minutes.
And then he'll be like oh, yeah, yeah, like pretending like he,
he knows what's going on on TV.
I know, I literally look at him.
I'm like you have no freakingclue what's going on, don't even
.
Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
He's like I think I fell asleep.
No, no, what?
No, we had a group of kids inthe car and they were all like
that's impossible.
He went to sleep between thelight turning yellow and red.
Like how, how did he do that?
Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
I wish I could do that.
I wish I could do it.
Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
I need that superpower, right like I thought
I was about to doze off andthey're all like.
You're sorry, I'm like allright.
Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Well, y'all heard enough about our husbands and
their sleeping issues and mybutt hurts, and your back, and
I'm left in stitching theyactually stitched me up and then
put tape on top of it, sothat's gonna be fun to take off.
Speaker 2 (01:02:05):
Let me tell you, oh my gosh, and they did it where I
can't take them out myself meanpeople.
Speaker 1 (01:02:11):
Well, probably that's a good thing, because you do
too much by yourself, but whoshouldn't be doing that stuff?
Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
all right, well, thank you all for listening
we'll get back on it and get tothese questions and please send
us, keep sending us, morequestions.
Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
We will eventually get to them.
You know christmas is comingand you know eight months or so,
so eight months it's actuallyit's six months.
Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
Oh, it's eight months from today.
Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
It's christmas there you go, and you were trying to
prove me wrong, sister never allright.
Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
Thank you guys for listening.
I will get us back on schedulewhere we are doing this like
we're supposed to.
My apologies again, blame me,that's fine, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
No, we're gonna.
There's no blame involved.
People just love listening tous and our fun redhead and our
fun lives, and we'll get ittogether, people.
Thank you.
I'll talk to y'all soon bye.
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