Overcoming Unknown Pain & Facing Childhood Trauma

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Brian (Mr.KillerB) (00:00):
But, Jon, when we met, one of the things
that came up was how to overcomeunknown pain.
What do you mean by unknownpain?

Jon Jarman (00:08):
I mean my dad was an extreme alcoholic and very
abusive.
You know, I woke up one nightand he was beating up my mom to
the point where I went out tothe kitchen, grabbed a knife and
told him if he didn't stop Iwould kill him.
And I always thought that Iescaped the abuse.
I didn't escape the abuse.
I was part of it.
Not realizing it affected mylife so much in my life choices.

(00:29):
That's the part of the unknown,because I didn't realize that I
was a victim of abuse.

Welcome to the New Horizons podcast.
I'm Brian Curee.

Shawna (Mrs.KillerB) (00:38):
And I'm Shawna Curee, also known as Mr
and Mrs KillerB, in virtualreality.

So this podcast is recorded live from
the metaverse at the KillerBStudios.

Where real life stories and experiences
are shared in a way only themetaverse can offer.

With that, let's go ahead and dive in to
today's episode.
Hey everybody, welcome to theKillerBee Studios.
I'm going to shoot someconfetti over here to Iris and
Love.

NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A) (01:03):
You get confetti, let's throw some
confetti at.

Dina and Mrs KillerB, you get confetti.
Over here to iris and love, youget confetti, a dinner.
And mrs killer, you getconfetti tonight.
Our guest is.
His name is Jon jarman.
Now, we're gonna bring him outin a minute.
He's an author of broken andredeemed.
Uh, we're really excited tohave him come and share his
story with us.
Uh, tonight's topic, uh, mrKillerB, I don't know if you can

(01:25):
relate to this or not, buttonight's topic is about facing
pain that we may not always evenrecognize.
Is there?
You know, we had a guest, ourlast guest.
I think this is going to kind oftie in a little bit with
similar stories from the lastguest, which is so, so
interesting to see where thisgoes.
I would like to ask everybodyhere in the audience has if

(01:47):
you've ever had a moment in yourlife where everything just
looked fine on the outside,maybe to all your friends, but
on the inside you werestruggling.
If you can relate to that three, I see some confetti coming up
already.
So if you can relate to that, Ithink this is going to be a
powerful story.
Mrs KillerB, have you ever beenin that place?

Yeah, definitely, I think my
generation and the generationbefore us.
It was really just normal tohide your pain and to pretend
you were fine even when youweren't, because it seemed like
weakness if you talked aboutwhat was wrong.
And so it's such a beautifulthing that's kind of becoming
more common, more normalized andencouraged even to be willing

(02:32):
to be vulnerable and say whenyou're struggling.

I agree, I agree 100%, and I think that's
one of the great things aboutwhen we have guests here to come
share their stories.
I love that people are open toshare not only successes, but
some of those times, thosestruggles and sometimes failures
that we go through and whenwe're not willing to share those
, that's really.
Those are the really the goldthat those gold nuggets that

(02:57):
people are looking for, that youcan really pour into people and
help.
So, even during this event, ifyou guys have something that it
might bring something up thatyou guys want to share again,
click the kiosk, we'll bring youup.
This helps us all grow togetherand I love it because we get to
learn that we're a lot morealike than maybe we realize,
even behind these avatars.
So so, with that, I'm going toquit rambling on.

(03:20):
I'm going to get ready to bringour guest out.
So you guys listen, our guesthas never been in the metaverse
this and I'm going to get readyto bring our guest out.
So you guys listen, our guesthas never been in the metaverse.
This is his first time.
He's been learning the controls, so you guys can show him some
grace for that right, which youguys are good at.
You guys are really good atshowing grace on that.

You guys are amazing at that.

We're going to bring him out, but I want you
guys to reign him with someconfetti to let him get to know
what the metaverse here is allabout and the community.
So, diener, go ahead and hitthat guest music and, guys,
please welcome to the stage allthe way from, I think, wisconsin
, I think.

Jon Jon Washington Washington.

Yes, washington Remember it was a.
W.
Yes, I did remember the W.
That's where my brain works,Jon See, yeah, welcome.

Jon.
See, yeah, welcome Jon.

Welcome.

Jon Jarman (04:06):
Jon.

Well, thanks for having me.

Jon Jarman (04:08):
I'm super excited about this.
Yeah, us too.
Okay, so let me get your firstinitial thought.

When you put on the headset and you came
here, what was your initialthought?

Jon Jarman (04:17):
Oh, I was just amazed at it Because I mean I've
never seen anything like thisbefore and I mean you guys are
just super talented and it'sjust I'm super excited.
When I saw you, when I saw youguys on podcasts cause that's
how we met I was like I've gotto get on this show.

That's awesome.

It's awesome .
Well, we're glad you're here.
We're glad you're here, Jon.
Would you take about that?
I made the.
I told him about the mistake Imade last time and said take 30
minutes, tell us a little bitabout yourself.
So I'm going to.
I'm making a note of that now30 seconds.
Yes, that was a longintroduction for the last guest.
No, Jon, would you take about30 seconds to just tell
everybody here a little bitabout who you are?

Jon Jarman (04:55):
Yeah, I mean, currently I'm a I'm a fitness
director at a private golf cluband I've been in the fitness
industry for gosh since 91.
So that's, I have a degree inphysical education, I was a
football teacher and footballcoach for 17 years and then I
got into the fitness industryand then, when I moved back home
in 2007 to Washington State iswhen I found that I was you know

(05:21):
, I needed some counseling and Ifound a Christian minister who
was my, was my mentor, andthat's when you know, my life
started to change and that'swhen you know the book came
about and all that stuff.
And we'll get into that alittle deeper as we go, but
that's kind of where I'm atright now, so Awesome.

Awesome.
Well, did you ever?
Did you ever think you wouldwrite a book?
I will ask you that first.

Jon Jarman (05:42):
No, because I failed English in high school.
I have dyslexia, I'm a Marineand I'm a football and PE
teacher.

So I was like how am I going to write a
book?
That's a beautiful thing.

Jon Jarman (05:58):
And you surprised yourself by doing it, didn't you
?
Well, my counselor told me towrite a book, and we were about
four years into our treatmentand she goes Jon, you need to
write a book about your story.
And I'm like you know mystory's not that I mean, there's
people that have been in wayworse situations than I have.
But then, as I got to thinkabout it and I told some friends
, they said, yeah, you need towrite a book.
And so I wrote five chapters in2014, and I didn't really know

(06:20):
where to take the book from then, and it was because I wasn't
really where I needed to be inmy faith walk.
And so, in 2020, I was readingin my morning scripture.
I was reading Hebrews 1036.
And it says that when you'reduring the will of God, you have
to persevere to get what hepromised.
And then, about an hour later,when I was working out when I

(06:40):
work out, I do cardio and I putheadsets in for Christian music
and then I read Christian novels, and one of my favorite authors
is AJ Sabota, and in his veryfirst book, messy, he said that
no one told him that anybodywould read his book or buy his
book.
He just had to write it andthose two things happened within
an hour and I said I got tofinish the book and the book was

(07:02):
done in four weeks.
It was just a total spiritualdump and it just it's amazing
where the book has taken me inthe last three years and it's
just, it's phenomenal.

Wow, yeah, so cool.
Tell us a little bit about thebook.
Go ahead, mr.
I'm sorry, go ahead.

I was just going to say what a great
encouragement for people whofeel like they're supposed to do
something, but they don't feellike they can, you know, wait on
God's timing?

Jon Jarman (07:29):
And then, you know, wait on God, and then when he
tells you to do it, you got toobey.
That's the thing.

Because when.

Jon Jarman (07:35):
I finished the book in four weeks.
I talked to my spiritual mentorand I said, hey, do you have an
editor?
Do you know of anybody thatedited his book?
And he connected me with thisyoung lady who was in prayer
ministry with him and so I waslike, okay, she's perfect, cause
she's going to understand thebook.
So we started working together.
About halfway through theediting process she goes Jon,
I'm a scout for Morgan Jamespublishing.
They're going to accept yourbook.

(07:55):
And I'm like, yeah, okay, youknow, cause you don't know.
And so she submitted themanuscript and by september of
that year so this was in marchof 2021 um, they accepted my
book and then, by march of 22, Ihad books in my hands.
So that doesn't happen withoutintervention but you know, god,

(08:16):
it's just because I was obedientand I wrote the book and it's
just.
You know, it's been amazing.
So, wow, that's cool, that's socool, sorry to have interrupted
.

No, it's all right, you didn't
interrupt's been amazing.

Wow, that's cool.
That's so cool.

Sorry to have interrupted no it's all
right, you didn't interrupt.
So that's one of theinteresting things, Jon, like we
get used to in here, whichwe've had a break a little bit,
but it's easy to over-talk eachother because there's delays in
the headset.
So it's kind of like that's theone thing.
That's kind of a challenge.
But how many people here havehave written a book throw?

some confetti.
Has anybody in here?

that's written a book oh iris, is there
anybody in here that is writinga book?
Throw some confetti.
Oh yeah, mrs killer b, I'mwriting another confetti oh
you're

writing another one awesome I saw ir.

Mrs KillerB, did you throw a confetti?

I did Because you're writing a book
too.
Okay, I didn't see.

I've got started All right, all right,
cool, okay, awesome, well,that's exciting, that's exciting
.

Jon Jarman (09:21):
I'd love to learn more about that process known
but it was.
It was very interesting to gothrough that process and and all
of the stuff that takes thatgoes into writing a book and
then publishing it.

Um, but yeah , it was very interesting so
what would you say you'regetting into like the whole
process too much.
Like.
What would you say your your.
Your biggest lesson in writinga book was what was your biggest
takeaway that you would sharewith people?

Jon Jarman (09:47):
Wow, that's a tough question.
I would probably say the editingprocess, because as I worked
with my editor, we got to apoint so my book was actually 14
chapters, and then she feltthat there needed to be a 14th,
that something that separatedour 13th chapter from our 14th
chapter, and so she wanted to doan interview with me about how

(10:08):
I surrendered to God and what Iwould tell people, and so that
became the 14th chapter, andthen so now the book's 15
chapters long, and so that waskind of the interesting dynamic.
And then the other thing was,when you write a nonfiction book
, there they want the chaptersto be similar length and words.
And so I had one chapter thatthey I think it's like 28 to

(10:29):
2,800 to three, 3000 words, andso I had one chapter I had to
break into two and then I hadone chapter that was only 900
words and I'm like, how am Igoing to make this longer, you
know?
And so that that was thechallenging part of it is
because they want the chapterssimilar length, and I didn't
know that when I was writing thebook, I just pounded on the
keyboard.

You know, I've never known that either I
didn't know that, either that'sinteresting.

So, it's nonfiction books.
Yeah right.
Exactly, yeah, all right, sotell us a little bit about the
book, what is the book titled,and give us just like a basic
summary, because I know we'regoing to get into your story.
So right, I guess, tell us whatthe title of it is and how can
people get their hands on it.
Okay, and then the title of itis the title of it is broken,

(11:12):
redeemed, finding freedomthrough complete surrender.

Jon Jarman (11:15):
I have a website.
You can, but it's available toany place books are sold, and so
you can go to Barnes and Noblewebsite or anywhere and you can
buy the book off that site.
But if you want an autographedcopy, you need to go to my
website, and if you buy it, Isign it and ship it out to them,
so that's where you can findthe book Nice.

Awesome, awesome, all right.
So, okay, the title Broken andRedeemed.
Tell me a little bit about that.
What led you to that title onthe book?
Well, what led you to thattitle on the book?

Jon Jarman (11:43):
Well, that kind of came to me in one morning in
prayer, because you know, we'reall broken, okay, and we all
have the redemption.
And if you look at the Bible inTitus 3, 3 through 7, that's
the broken and redeemed Bibleverse, and I don't have it to
memory, but it's the broken andredeemed Bible verse.
And so that's where that titlecame from.
Now, finding Freedom ThroughComplete Surrender.
That was a work with mypublisher, because my initial

(12:07):
subtitle was God is Waiting foryou.
Because that's what I felt Godwas waiting for me to surrender
and come to him completely.
And they said that the subtitleneeds to kind of tell what the
book's more about.
And so I didn't really want tolose God is Waiting for you.
But so we started talking aboutsubtitles and they brought up
finding freedom throughdiscovery and finding freedom

(12:28):
through this.
And so when I was finished withthe call, I just kept praying.
I said I need a, I need a word,I need a word.
And in the morning I was likefinding freedom through complete
surrender.
And so I sent that to thepublisher and they're like we
love it and we're going to gowith it.
And then if you tip the, if youflip to the publisher and
they're like we love it andwe're going to go with it.
And then, if you tip the, ifyou flip to the back page or the
back cover of the book, it saysso.
It says broken and redeemed,finding freedom for complete

(12:50):
surrender.
And when you flip it over, itsays god is waiting for you okay
, so we kept that in that wekept that, so that was the whole
part of it you know, because Imean, we're talking about
changing a book title that I hadsince 2014,.
You know, and I'm going okay,listen to them.
They're the experts.
It was a little and you knowwhen we, and so we did, they do
a master, it's called amastermind call.

(13:11):
And so when you do that call,you have the, the owner of the
publishing company.
You have the face-basedpublisher, my, my editor, a
cover person, cause they want tohear about the book so that
they can design the coverproperly, and all that stuff.
So it's sure yeah it's really abig process, so interesting
yeah interesting, so that's howthe title came about

so very cool , very cool, okay.
So when, when we so, guys, whenI meet with our guests that's
joining us from pod, frompodcasting, uh, one of the
things I do is I learn a littlebit about their story.
And I want to kind of go intothat because there's something
that you said in ourconversation and we don't
usually go deep in ourconversation because I want to
keep it fresh for me, just likeit is fresh for you guys but,

(13:54):
Jon, when we met, one of thethings that came up was you
talked about your story, aboutlearning how to deal, how to
overcome unknown pain.
Now, now I would like to kindof just start there, like first,
I guess, maybe explain to mewhat, what do you mean by
unknown pain, and where, likewhat exactly start leading us
into your story?

(14:14):
What is this?
Yeah, so so you had to dealwith.

Jon Jarman (14:16):
I got to give you a little background of how I grew
up.
I mean, my dad was a extremealcoholic and very abusive, and
so you know extreme alcoholicand very abusive, and so you
know my nights were watching.
You know I woke up one nightand he was beating up my mom to
the point where I went out tothe kitchen, grabbed a knife and
told him if he didn't stop Iwould kill him.
And he left that night andnever returned.

(14:36):
So then it was my mom and mythree brothers and I always
thought that I escaped the abuseand so I never went into
counseling or anything.
And but as I got older, youknow, I got educated through,
you know my PE degree and stuff,and so I took some psychology
classes.
I was like I saw a pattern ofself-destruction and so I sought
out counseling and during thatcounseling I discovered that I

(14:59):
wasn't, I didn't escape that bit, the, the abuse, the, the abuse
it was, I was part of it, andso I didn't realize it.
But not realizing it affected mylife so much in my life choices
that you know I heard a lot ofpeople in that time.
Um, and I I, you know, I askedfor forgiveness and I regret
that, but it just that's thepart of the unknown, because I

(15:20):
didn't realize that I was avictim of of abuse.
Unknown because I didn'trealize that I was a victim of
of abuse, um, but it the thelooking back on it and seeing
how it affected your life andgoing through that.
That that's the essence of thebook, cause I talk about that a
lot, cause my counselor, shekept trying to use you mentioned
this in the intro, mrs B is thevulnerability and she kept

(15:41):
telling, she kept wanting me tobecome vulnerable and I would
never let anybody in, because Iwas ashamed of what took place,
um, and I didn't want to sharemy story with anybody.
And, matter of fact, when myhigh school girlfriend read the
book, the manuscript, before itwas published, she called me and
she goes how come you nevertold me this?
And I was like, cause I wasembarrassed, you know.
And so because you don't want tolet people cause think that

(16:02):
they're going to leave you tooif they know what you're going,
you know, and so and that's themindset, when you don't know
you're a victim of abuse, and sothat's the hidden part of it,
you know is because you don'trealize that all of that trauma
affected how you behave foryears and years.

So, well, you know that that brings up a
thought, mrs Killer be me.
We're just talking about youknow that brings up a thought,
mrs Killer Beamey, we're justtalking about, you know, our son
.
He's turning 21 and our truckis in the shop right now, or I
guess, our SUV.
I always call it a truck, it'snot a truck.
It's an SUV, so it's a man'svan, right?
Is that what you call?

(16:39):
Yeah?
It's my pretend truck, but wehad to take it to the shop, so
they have it for a couple ofdays.
And so when we was heading backto his car, I said, are you
wanting to drive?
And he's like, of course.
I'm like, okay, so I have tolet go of the wheel and let him
have it Right and and he'llprobably tell you like I was a

(17:00):
nervous wreck.
I'm like, hey, you need to slowdown a little bit.
You're kind of close up on allthese things.
Me and Mrs KillerB were talkingabout that I realized, as
you're sharing this, I realizedI started asking myself why am I
so on the edge when I'm in theother seat?
And I realized that there was areally bad car accident I was

(17:23):
in, and when I was in that caraccident I was in that passenger
seat yeah.
So I'm always constantly lookingat what's going on and then if
I don't have control, then thatcould kind of be something
similar, like I had to startrealizing like okay, I don't
feel, like I have control, sothen therefore I don't feel safe
, and that's probably comes outof a little bit from that past,

(17:46):
from that accident.

Jon Jarman (17:47):
Yeah, cause you have some PTSD.

So yeah, yeah.
So that's a really interestingthought there.

Jon Jarman (17:55):
Okay.

So I see that we're going to go ahead and
get more into the conversation.
I do say we have a questionright now.
So I am going to ask DienerDiener, you want to bring up
that Q&A mic and Yvonne?

Yvonne (Live Q/A) (18:05):
Yvonne, come on down, hello, hello, okay, so
I have a two-part question.
Okay, so your book discussesthe deep emotional and spiritual
struggles in life.
How difficult was it for you tobe open and vulnerable in that?
And then my second part of myquestion is what was the biggest

(18:27):
lesson that you learned aboutyourself while writing your book
?

Jon Jarman (18:31):
Well, to answer the first part, it was tough because
I didn't want to put too muchin the book to open wounds of
people that I hurt, and so thatwas kind of tough.
But, as I said earlier, the bookwas done in four weeks.
So I was at the Gulf of Mexicoon vacation and I committed to
write two hours a day, so Iwould pray before I started

(18:51):
writing and then I would get upat sunrise Sunrise at the Gulf
of Mexico is kind ofinspirational and I would just
pound on keyboards for about twohours and then when I came home
I just kept doing that and andthe words just kind of flowed.
It was, it was truly spiritual,and so that's how I'd answer
that first question.
Part of the question is, it wastough and I and and I had to

(19:12):
search, and when we were in theediting process my editor wanted
me to go into more detail aboutmy ex-wife and I chose not to
because I didn't want her tofeel anything as she read the
book if she did.
And then can you refresh yoursecond part of the question so I
can answer it directly?

I think I remember.
Okay, she's back.

Yeah, hang on , let me yep.
Okay, I'm out.
What was the biggest lessonthat you learned about yourself
while writing your book?

Jon Jarman (19:42):
You know, I think it was just to be open and truly
honest and vulnerable, becauseuntil you become vulnerable and
I think it's tougher for men tobe vulnerable and so that was
the biggest lesson I learned andhow becoming vulnerable changes

(20:03):
the way you see God and the wayyou see the world, and so,
because you don't have that veilover your eyes, so good
questions Yvonne.

Very good.
Thank you, Jon.
When, when did you startrealizing, like, what was a time
, like when you startedrealizing that something deeper
was going on, that you needed toset up for?

Jon Jarman (20:24):
Well, it was when I moved back to Washington and I
saw a self-destruction behaviorstart to happen and I sought out
counseling and Christina, mycounselor, it was a.
It was a God thing, because thefirst two people I called, uh,
just Google counselors, and thefirst two people I called they
weren't accepting new patients,and Christina was.
And then, my first meeting withher, I said you know, look,

(20:44):
you've got to call me on thecarpet.
I don't want you know.
If you think I'm BSing you orlying to you, you need to call
me on it because I don't want tokeep doing what I'm doing.
And so she did that and weworked together, on and off, for
10 years.
And we worked together on andoff for 10 years.
And so she was a godsend to meso that's when I realized it,
because I just saw a behaviorthat and I was like I can't keep

(21:06):
doing this and I said I got tofind out why I'm doing it and
that's really where I found it,wow.

That's beautiful.
Now you were a Christian beforeyou sought out counseling
correct.

Jon Jarman (21:24):
Well, I knew of Christianity, so we never went
to church as a family oranything.
So my first exposure to ChristI was actually in boot camp for
the Marines and the drillinstructor came in Sunday
morning and said hey, you guyscan go to church and it's an
hour free from us.
And I went Sign me up.

Lep (Live Q/A) (21:35):
So let me go.

Jon Jarman (21:37):
And so I don't know how much I really paid attention
.
I just knew I was getting abreak from the drill instructors
for an hour, and then, as I gotinto my coaching career, I
started to do some FCA work,fellowship of Christian Athletes
and so I started to grow alittle bit, but I was still
holding on to the pain and theshame of everything, and so it

(21:58):
wasn't until I startedcounseling and then I met Scotty
Kessler, who's my spiritualmentor.
That's when we really startedto work on getting rid of the
strongholds that I had andthat's where I found the free,
you know, where I completelysurrendered to God, and once I
did that, the Bible doesn't readthe same and the world doesn't
look the same.
I had one podcaster asked mewhat's the biggest change from

(22:20):
before you gave up, before yousurrendered, to now?
And I said I see the worldthrough God's eyes, you know
because I see it differently Idon't judge people you know, and
it's just.
It's been a blessing.

How hard was it for you to reach out for
help?
No-transcript, they were reallyembarrassed by it, but, like
you were saying, even as us men,you know, we can have egos and

(22:53):
pride.
How much of that did that playa role in you reaching out for
help?

Jon Jarman (22:58):
You know that didn't .
At that time I knew I saw theself-destruction behavior
because I knew what it was, andso I didn't want to continue to
do that.
So that's why I sought out help.
I didn't realize what I wasgoing to find and you know I
didn't care if it was a male orfemale or anything.
I just needed somebody thatwould basically call me on the

(23:18):
carpet if I needed to be.
And to be honest, because Iknew I would try to hide things,
because I think that's what wetry to do.
Um, and you know her whole workwas trying to be get me to
become vulnerable, because whenmy dad did what he did and I
pulled the knife on him, I putan armor on and I didn't let
anybody in.
You know, I didn't let anybodyclose.
I always kept people at anarm's distance, and you know

(23:40):
that that had to be removed.
And when I wrote the book and Isent it to the editor, one of
her comments was I've never seena male author be so vulnerable.
And so I sent that to Christineand I said you got your wish.
So, that was pretty cool.
So, um, you know it's, it'stough, and what I would say to
your listeners is you knowyou're not the only person

(24:03):
that's going through what youwent through.
There's people that have gonethrough what you've gone through
.
You cannot get through it onyour own, so find that help,
whether it's a counselor or aspiritual mentor or somebody,
because you can't do it alone.

So that's good, that's good, it's really
good.
Did you?
How long would you like?
How long of a journey was thisthat you were on?

Jon Jarman (24:25):
It was 10 years.
It was 10 years, 10 years.
Yeah, I worked with Christinaand then five with Scotty, so
Okay, through this journey, whatwould, what would you say?

was there any like, I guess, like?
Was there any unexpectedrevelations for yourself that
you learned during that time?

Jon Jarman (24:46):
Well, the biggest was just the, the, the
strongholds that I had, and Italk.
When I talk about strongholds,it's, you know, it's the demonic
side of our Christianity,because when I did what I did
back in at 12 years old, youknow that you did back at 12
years old.
You know, at 12 years old Itook control of my life and I
held control of my life untilthen.

(25:06):
And so when I started workingwith Scotty, he had been in the
deliverance ministry and so hestarted giving me prayer plans
to start working out some ofthat stuff and going through all
of that.
That was the biggest wow,because as we did these prayer
plans, I would be praying in themorning and I'd have to go
throw up or I'd be praying andI'd start sweating profusely.

(25:27):
And so I had to tell scottywhat was going on during these
times.
Um, I dealt with with my olderbrother, because my older
brother was in a, was in a coma,and uh, you know scotty's like.
Well, he grew up like you.
So you, when you go up and pray, my brother was a Darwinist, he

(25:47):
believed in evolution, and soScotty said you know, when you
go pray because I was like he's,you know, I got to pray the
prayer of confession over him,you know, because he doesn't
believe in Christ and he's aboutto die.
And so when I went up andstarted praying to him, scotty
goes you know, if the demonicspirits come, you gotta be ready
for it.
And he taught me how to do that, and he taught me how to pray
over him and it was there.
So I mean, I always tell people, if you believe in Christ, you
gotta believe in the other side.

(26:08):
And I think, um, you know,during Jesus's three years, he,
you know, he proved that thedemonic, that the four synoptic
gospels, so so that that facingthat was the biggest wow, um, so
, wow, what was this?

what was the prayer?
Can you share?
Share a little bit with usabout the prayer plan?
You said Well it.

Jon Jarman (26:30):
It differed because, as, as I moved through it,
depending on what I did, thenScotty would change the plan,
but it was.
It was, you know, praying aboutgiving up Um, I'm going to try
to think about it because it'sin the book but you know, giving
up judgment and releasing myshame and my guilt from what I
did and everything like that.
So, and as you did that and youprayed over day and day, every

(26:51):
day after day, you know, youstarted to have manifestations
like where I had to go throw upor I sweated profusely because
that's the, that's getting ridof the, that demonic possession.
So, or, you know, stronghold iswhat Scotty likes to call it.

So Wow, wow, all right, thank you for
sharing that.
Thank you, yeah.
And remember if anybody has anyquestions or thoughts, yeah,
that's important to talk aboutbecause, like you said, you know
, just like one side we know isreal, so is the other.

Jon Jarman (27:23):
So, yeah, that's a very important and a lot of the
churches don't preach about thatside of it, you know, because
they don't want to, they want to.
They don't want to talk aboutit, but it's there.

So and I noticed you talked about, you
know, just a little bit ago youmentioned about vulnerability.
I know Mrs Could be your touchon vulnerability.
I know Mrs Kilbrey you'retouching on that too.
How important do you see, asyou know, I know we as
Christians will say you know,trust in God, we know that's
important and how important isthe?

Jon Jarman (27:52):
vulnerability side, like those together.
Well, I think it's absolutelythe most important thing.
I think, because you have tobecome vulnerable to see that
you're weak.
Okay, if you look at the Sermonon the Mount, when God said the
meek will inherit the earth,well, it's not that you're weak,
it's you have to admit thatyou're sinful, okay.
And so for you to be able tolook at yourself and say I can't

(28:13):
do it without God, that'svulnerable, you know, because
I'm not strong enough to do thison my own.
And that's the whole sermon onthe mount.
That's what it was about istrying to get us to understand
that we have to lay down and wehave to say we're we're unworthy
and we can't do it without you.

So yeah, really, in some ways it's the
same thing as humility, which weknow we're supposed to be
humble and we want to you know,continue to become more humble.
So vulnerability is justanother part of that, a way to
express it I guess.

Jon Jarman (28:43):
Well, I think I think humility and not to.
I think humility is a littledifferent than vulnerability,
because I think you can behumble but not vulnerable,
because vulnerable is lettingsomebody in to see the true you
and to see what's in your heartand what's in your soul, and I
think that's a huge differenceand I think in a couple.
In a couple, you have to be sovulnerable with each other to

(29:03):
make the marriage work, and ifyou're not, it's not going to
work.
So, and I think that's the samerelationship that we need to
have with Jesus Christ, is wehave to be open to him, even
though he knows who we arebecause he created us.
He wants us to, he wants us tosay it.
You know because they say thathe can.
He knows our words before wespeak.
Well, yes, but he wants us tospeak those words because he

(29:26):
wants us to understand that weare that phone, that we need to
be that phoneable to have thatrelationship.
So that's good.

That's good.
That's good.
I see we have another questionfrom no Thumb Gamer.
So no Thumb Gamer.
If you want to come on down tothe mic and feel free to share
your thought or question,Welcome to the KillerB Studios.

You are muted.
Oh, you're unmuted, Hi welcome.

Hi.
So, Jon, I just wanted to saythat I've really enjoyed
listening to your story and Icouldn't wait until you'd
finished to go and order it, soI've just ordered it on oh well,
thank you um.

Jon Jarman (30:04):
I'm in the.

UK.
So, um, okay, unfortunately Ican't get a signed copy, which
I'm very gutted about.
Um, but, I.

Jon Jarman (30:12):
I relate, I relate to your story a lot, so thank
you very much well, here I'lltell you this if you, if you
want a signed copy, go to mywebsite and give me your address
and I will send you a copy oh,thank you.
Oh yeah, so because there's a,there's a comment and I'll get
the comment.
So it was kind of funny becauseshe's in the uk, so I.
So two years after the book waspublished I I sent a message to

(30:35):
my publisher and I said can youtell me where the books have
been sold?
because I was just curious,curious to you know cause we,
that's the publishing companyMorgan James that I'm with, it's
world, world publishing.
And so they sent me a list andI've sold two books in Canada, a
couple in Germany, a couple inthe UK, Australia, and so the
book.
You know, I tell people I'm a,I'm a world renowned award

(30:57):
winning author now.

So that's awesome.
It's so interesting.
The book is one of the book.

Jon Jarman (31:03):
Yeah, you never know and and you know I, I.
The one thing I regret that Ididn't put in the book is at the
end of the book.
I wanted people I should haveput hey, go to my website and
tell me the impact the book madeon you, because you know
hearing that type of stuff.
And I'll share one with youguys this young lady who was
about four years she was afreshman when I was a senior in
high school she saw my book andshe read it and then she looked

(31:26):
me up on Facebook and directmessaged me and she goes you
probably don't even know who Iam, but I remember you from high
school and I read your book andif I wouldn't have found the
book at that time, I would have.
I was going to kill, killmyself, she was going to commit
suicide.
So now she's back in church andshe's on a daily Bible reading
and everything like that.
And so just hearing that impactof that, you know, if I didn't

(31:48):
sell another book I'd be likethat's, that's what the book was
for yeah and so you know, I hada Marine who founded on Amazon
and because I was a Marine, hehe read it in his review on
Amazon was that he wasstruggling with his faith and by
reading my book it brought himback to stronger faith and I'm
just like that's awesome.

So yeah, it's such a beautiful thing,
just the smallest.
I mean, that was a big act ofobedience for you to write the
book, but it's just beautiful tosee, like you think.
You know, maybe no one willever read it, maybe it will make
no impact at all, but that'snever the way it is.

God knows exactly where, where it needs to
go.
It's beautiful, yes, man, yep.
Well, that's that is sobeautiful.
The uh, and it can beintimidating, like you know, I
know mrs killer b is writing abook.
I've talked to her aboutwriting a book and I'm like
that's, that's intimidating.
It's like am I gonna put thison?
It?
Is anybody gonna read it?
And that's also, like you said,learning about what you know.

Jon Jarman (32:45):
It's like I told you earlier that you know, I prayed
before I wrote, and so in thecontents of chapters I have
scripture verses and I havequotes from other theologians
and somebody asked me once theysaid, how did you know where to
put those?
And I was like it just came tome I'd be writing and I'd go, oh
, this verse is perfect righthere, and so I'd go to the Bible
and I'd get the verse and I'dwrite it in the book and it just

(33:10):
I mean, it was truly aspiritual led writing, um, and
it just it's amazing the way itturned out.

Lep (Live Q/A) (33:15):
So I call it a God thing.

Jon Jarman (33:17):
So I call it in the book.
I call them God things.
So here's a God thing I'llshare with you from the book.
So you guys know who mercy meis.
Oh, yeah, okay.
So they wrote a song back in 20I believe it's 2015.
Uh, dear younger me, you guysheard the song yeah, I love that
song okay so the song.
When I first heard the song, itjust spoke to me and resonated

(33:39):
with me and so I was like I wantto use this as my last chapter
of the book and call it dearyounger me.
So I was like, how can I getpermission, you know?
So mercy me was going to playin in kent, which is about 20
minutes from my house, and theyoung lady I was dating at the
time it was around her birthday.
So I bought a VIP pass where wewould.
They would take her up on stage, not Mercy Me, but one of the

(34:00):
acts.
They would sing happy birthdayto her.
And then we got to go backstageand I'm like, at least I'm
going to be in a position wheremaybe I can meet with Bart and
talk to him.
So I told the people what Iwanted to do and they said well,
mercy Me's road manager isright over there, let me go talk
to him.
So the road manager came overand I shared the story and he
goes.
Well, bart will be here inabout 10 minutes, I'll talk to
him.
So he comes over and goes.

(34:25):
Bart would love to, and if yousaw the movie, I can only
imagine he shared that with mebefore the movie was even
conceptualized and so, yeah, soso him and I grew up a lot alike
, because his dad was analcoholic too and everything,
and so I go.
Okay, so what inspired you towrite the dear younger me?
He goes.
My counselor told me to write aletter to my son, as if I was

(34:49):
writing it to my younger self,and that's where the song came
out.
And I said well, that's good,because my counselor told me to
write a book and I want to useyour song in my book.
Can I have your permission?
He said yes, as long as yougive me a copy of the book.
And so I've sent him a copy ofthe book.
I don't know if he's got itbecause I never heard back from
him or thing.
But that's how my last chapteris formed and me being an

(35:09):
educator, at the end of everychapter I have reflection
questions.
So when you read the chapter,you can answer them then or you
can come back to them.
But the last question is youhave to write a letter to your
younger self explaining what youwould change or what you
wouldn't change, cause some ofthe things I did I wouldn't
change, because it made me who Iam.
Even though they were wrong, Iwouldn't change those things
because that's who made.
That's what God wanted me to gothrough, so I could have this

(35:30):
testimony.
And so that was a tough letterto write, so it was cool.
It was kind of cool Cause Ikind of go through the song and
I tell people what the songmeant to me, verse by verse, and
then I go into the letter of mydear younger me and so that's
the last chapter of the book andthat, and that's a God thing,
because who, who would havethought I would have gone to a
concert, got to go backstage andmeet Barb Barb Hart, you know

(35:51):
and be able to talk to him, so,so that's that is the coolest
part of the book, so this isslightly off the subject, but
there's this video on YouTube ofMercy Me playing Dear Younger
Me.

Shawna (Mrs.Killer (36:05):
Acoustically .
It looks like it's just like atthe end of a practice or
something.
It is so beautiful.
If you haven't heard it, lookit up.

Jon Jarman (36:12):
Oh, I have to look it up.
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it like goes through my head all
the time because it's just sobeautiful what it sounds like.

Jon Jarman (36:18):
That was that song was just.
It spoke to me so much, youknow, and the part of it where
he says that you weren't meantto carry this beyond the cross,
that was one of my favoritelines.
And because because I wasn'tmeant to carry all this things
for my life, you know, and weweren't meant to carry it beyond
the cross, because Jesus that'swhat Jesus died for is so that
we didn't have to carry thosethings with us.

(36:38):
And you know, it was just.
That was.
That is my favorite line of theof the song.

So it's powerful.
He's definitely one of the bestsongwriters of our generation.
I mean such powerful lyrics.

Jon Jarman (36:50):
So let me tell you this.
So I was trying to get him towrite like a little review of my
book, you know cause I thoughtthat'd be so cool, you know
forward or something.
And so so I call his agent andI'm talking to the secretary and
she goes.
Well, you know, bart's not awriter.
I'm like what I said, have younot listened to his music?
So he's one of the bestcontemporary Christian writers

(37:10):
of all time.
She goes, well, I go.
She said something and I said,well, he could write it as a
song, cause that would be cooler.
So when I sent the book, when Isent the book to the agency, I
sent her, I sent an extra copyfor her.

So so because I was just like how do
you?

Jon Jarman (37:28):
think how do you think bart's not a writer?

right.
Yeah, he's a writer, all right.
Oh yes, yes yeah, so, okay.

So we have another question.

Let's bring up iris, iris, the scribe
iris, come on down iris, weshould have guessed that you
wrote a book, because her nameis iris the scribe?

yes yes, and then I put that together and
that's a new shirt too, a new asa new design.
I haven't seen that one.

Iris (Live Q/A) (37:51):
Oh, it's like two hours old yeah yeah, this is
.
This is a more mundane question, but it's been bugging me ever
since yvonne asked her question,so you mentioned you didn't?
You didn't talk about your,your ex-wife, because you know,
you didn't know how she wasgoing to react.
How was there anyone else youtalked about in the book that
you had to run it by before youpublished, or?
Um, there was a couple ofpeople.

Jon Jarman (38:13):
Yeah, yeah, there was a couple of people that I
spoke to before before I went topublishing Um, and just to get
the permission that I could putthe stuff in the book.
Yes, yeah, and I did writeabout my marriage and my ex-wife
, but I didn't put all thedetails in there.
And so what I tell people whenthey ask kind of those questions
is, you know, I did put enoughin there to where people would

(38:35):
understand that I hadtransgression during that time,
but I didn't put the wholedetails.
So if somebody, if they wereinvolved in that, they would
understand what I'm talkingabout, but if somebody didn't
know about it, they wouldn'tknow who they are, what we did.

Iris (Live Q/A) (38:48):
So so there wasn't anybody you mentioned
that was going to be surprisedby.

Jon Jarman (38:57):
No, because the ones that I felt, the ones that I
put, in the book.

I talked to him before we published.
So, okay, Thanks, yeah, yep,good question.
That's not a mundane question.

Jon Jarman (39:04):
Yeah, that's a great question, and here's the thing
I would advise anybody that'swriting a nonfiction book, if
you have situations like that,is talk to the people before you
publish because and let themread what you wrote and let make
sure that they're OK with whatyou wrote.

So yeah, that's good, because it's not
only our story, is it?
Yeah, that's right.

That's interesting to think about that
it's not only our stories.
We're all parts of otherpeople's stories too.

Jon Jarman (39:29):
Yeah, we belong to other people, yeah, yeah, I mean
, this is part of our story now,because we're together.

Actually.
So we have another question.
We have Yvonne.
Let's bring Yvonne back up.

If there's one message that you want every
one of your readers to walk awaywith, what would it be?

Jon Jarman (39:47):
To be vulnerable.
That, um, to be vulnerable,that would be the biggest thing.
Open up your heart, let peopleknow how you feel, let people
know what you're thinking, um,and don't worry about what they
think of you, because it's youcan't control that, but just to
open up to to be vulnerable.
So good.

So I want to ask you, Jon, too.
Earlier you said about how,like you've now started looking
at the world differently throughGod's eyes.
Can you explain a little bitlike what you mean by that for
people that might be tuned in?
Yeah, what's the difference foryou?

Jon Jarman (40:23):
Well, for me, before complete surrender was you know
, I would still look at peopleand judge them and look.
You know, if I saw somebody onthe street I might think a
judgment thought about them andnow I just see him as a human.
And you know, when I look atpeople and I, and when you look
at the world, you can see theevidence of God just in the
beauty of the world.
Like where I live in Washingtonstate, we have this beautiful

(40:45):
mountain that exists when it'ssunny out.
There's nothing more beautifulthan Mount Rainier.
And to see that every day andpeople in Washington, they take
it advantage because they see itevery day but they don't truly
enjoy the beauty of it and sojust seeing the world and seeing
what God has created andlooking at it through that way I

(41:06):
mean my counselor once told meshe goes, go sit and enjoy a
sunset- you know and so enjoythe small things of the world,
and that was one of the thingsthat I started focusing on after
I, after I gave up control, isbecause it just it opened my
eyes to things that I never sawbefore.
And um, and then scripture whenyou start reading scripture

(41:27):
after you've given up control,you don't have a veil.
Scripture speaks to youdifferently and it truly is the
living word, because you can goback and read Matthew 10 times
and you're going to getsomething 10 times.
Every time you're going to getsomething different out of it,
and you know, I didn't reallyread that way until now, and so
that's, that's the biggestdifference.

Jon, you're not going to believe this
, but my book that I've startedI think I'm eight chapters in is
about seeing God through thebeauty of the world.

Jon Jarman (41:55):
Yeah, that's awesome .

That's awesome.

I can't believe you said that.

Yeah, and we just remember.
I just read something to youlast night we're getting ready
to go to bed, and Mrs Kilbreyand I read arcane introduced me
to reddit.
So I've been on there a littlebit and I'm like man, it's like
some people post stuff in herethat I'm just so amazed, like
they're so vulnerable and wantto be open with.
And someone said that they hadmade the decision to put down
their phone more often and theysaid they realized how much they

(42:22):
were missing.
I'm not doing exactly sayingexactly what they said, but that
basically they said that whenthey put yeah, when they put
down their phone, they startednoticing the things happening
around them, like in the nature,and and they realized how much
they needed that and how muchthey needed to to put that
device down to really enjoy themoment of today.

(42:42):
And I think that thetechnologies and stuff and these
are great technologies, but Ifeel like I we've talked about
it over and over how a lot ofthem are taking us away from the
things that we can, really weneed to soak in and that's just
yeah, it's the creation and it's, so we really miss out when we
don't.

Jon Jarman (43:01):
So I work at a golf course, okay, and so my office
window faces a sunrise everymorning, and if you go to my
Instagram account, which is Jonunderscore, broken and redeemed,
you're going to see thesesunrise pictures that I take
periodically, and it's the mostbeautiful stuff, and it's kind
of the same angle all the time,but yet it's different every
single sunset.

Right.

Jon Jarman (43:23):
And so I truly love my job because I get to see that
every morning when it's clearout.
I mean, I live in Seattle, soit rains quite a bit.
Okay, I make a joke, it rains.
It only rains twice a year inSeattle Rains January to June,
june to December.
Okay, that's my joke aboutSeattle.
Okay, but there are times whenwe have these beautiful clear
skies and the sunsets, orsunrises are just so amazing,

(43:45):
and I take a picture at the sameview, but yet it looks totally
different.
So if you're into sunrisepictures, go to my instagram,
check it out and you'll see whatI'm talking about.

So also, yeah, that's awesome we moved.

We just got in this gallery I just
wanted to say this real quicknumber one on my bucket list is
coming to seattle to go to pugetsound to see the killer whales
so we're definitely going to getthere within the next two years
, so we'll come visit you.

Jon Jarman (44:10):
Then you need to call me and let me know when
you're coming and I'll take youup to the San Juans and that way
you can watch the killer whales.

Yes, I will do, definitely, definitely,
yeah, definitely, and I'll takeyou on a tour.

Jon Jarman (44:22):
I'll take you on a tour of Seattle and downtown and
Space Needle and all that stuff.

Awesome.
As soon as you said Washington,I was like ding ding ding, you
have to go up to Mount Rainiertoo.
Absolutely yeah, we havefriends that lived right at the
foot of Mount Rainier.

Jon Jarman (44:39):
And so they've always talked about how
beautiful it was, so I've alwayswanted to go there.
Yeah, and where did you grow up?

Cincinnati Ohio.

Jon Jarman (44:47):
Okay.
So I graduated from OhioUniversity with my master's
degree.
I lived in Athens for six years.
Oh my goodness, yeah, that'swhere I went to school.

A bunch of my cousins went there.

Jon Jarman (44:58):
Uh-huh, yep, yep.

Rabid fans .

those the Bobcats.

Jon Jarman (45:05):
Yep.

Yep, the Bobcats.
That's great cats.
Yep, yep, the bobcats.
Yeah, we actually.
Since we just moved to verobeach and we don't have the
sunset like we used to, over thewater, we watch the sun sets on
the other side, so it makes thewhole water look totally
different every night.
We've never experienced it, soit always amazes us.

It turns very in the sunrise over the
ocean.

I haven't seen that yet.

I have not seen it three times and it is
beautiful.

Jon Jarman (45:33):
It's a.
You know, god's artistry issuch amazing when you slow down
your life and you look at it, Imean, and there's evidence all
around us.
You know that some of thisstuff would not be.
You know, there's no way it was.
You know the big bang.
Somebody created this.
Yes, you know.

Well, I'm excited to check out the sunrise
tomorrow.
That's what I'm hoping to dotomorrow morning is check out
the sunrise.

So that's my plan I'll kick you.
I'll kick you when the alarmgoes off.
So you definitely get up.

You ain't kicking me.
You're not going to be awake,don't, don't let her fool you.

uh, okay, we have, we have another guest
we're gonna bring up reallyquick.
We have a lap lap.

Lep (Live Q/A) (46:14):
Come on up welcome all right, welcome how
you guys doing what Jon wassaying about being living in the
seattle area and seeing mountrainier.
I had the pleasure of seeingthat myself.
Um, over a year and a half agoI was um out there to visit my
son who's in the Army, stationedout there in Fort Lewis.
He's in Lakewood, washington,yep and so they took us to see

(46:37):
Seattle and stuff and it wasinteresting.
The whole week we were there,my wife and I.
It did not rain, the skies wereclear.
We went to Olympia and stuff,and then you could see Mount
Rainier and how beautiful it is.
I think we're like 40 or 50miles away from it and the area
is just beautiful.
It's just really nice out there, and my wife and I had the

(47:00):
pleasure, like when we live inthe state of Georgia.
So when we flew out of SeaTacgoing back to Atlanta, the plane
just happened to ride rightpast.
I think we were maybe six orseven miles from Mount Rainier
and I'm videotaping this wholething as we're going by and
you're talking about God'screation, the beauty of it.
It's just amazing.
You're right, it is beautifulwhen you really take the time to

(47:23):
look at it.
Where do you live in Georgia?
I live near Atlanta.
I'm about 16 miles north eastof the city.

Jon Jarman (47:31):
Do you know where Cairo, Georgia is?
No Down by Thomasville.

Lep (Live Q/A) (47:38):
Okay, that's down south Georgia right.
Yeah, down south, just above.

Jon Jarman (47:41):
Tallahassee, so I coached football in Cairo for
about five years.

Okay, all right yeah, and then, your son's
seeing that on the is your son?

Jon Jarman (47:49):
is your son still at fourth lewis?

Lep (Live Q/A) (47:51):
yes, he's, he's there until probably june.
He may be.
He's trying to come on, so sohe lives probably.
He lives 10 minutes from whereI live oh, wow, okay, yeah, okay
, yeah, all right, all right.

Jon Jarman (48:05):
Yeah, that's cool all right, just want to make
that comment.
Well, no, that's great, Iappreciate it yeah.

Yeah, thanks , love.
Thank you, Jon, for coming outand sharing with us and taking
the leap to step into here andsee what this is even like.

Jon Jarman (48:19):
I loved it.
This is awesome.
You guys can have me backanytime.

Awesome .
Awesome We'll take you up onthat.

Jon Jarman (48:26):
Yes we will Well, Jon, what we should do is when
you come to Washington.
We should do a follow-up showafter you come to Washington and
talk about your trip.

That's a great idea.
Let's do that.
That would be so much fun.

What's the easiest way they can learn about
your book?
Get your hands on that againbefore we wrap up.

Jon Jarman (48:42):
So the easiest way is my website brokenandred,
redeemedcom or to anywhere booksare sold, cause you can go to
any bookstore, online or inperson, and order the book there
.

So Okay, Jon , for for those of that might be
here tonight, or people thatare going to be listening to the
podcast later, that's what Ilove about this is the podcast.
People was going to continue tohear these stories and be able
to connect to it.
For someone who feels thatmaybe they're at the end of of
themselves, maybe they'recarrying pain that they just

(49:12):
can't fully name, yet they don'tknow where this is coming from,
what would you want to say tothem?

Jon Jarman (49:19):
The first thing I would say is reach out for help,
ask for help, find a counselor,find a spiritual mentor or find
somebody that does both, andget them in your corner and then
just be unconditionally honestwith them, because if you're not
honest with them, thetreatment's not going to work.
You have to put in the work,and that's the hard part about
the the going through all that,because, as my count Christina

(49:41):
used to tell me, it's likepeeling an onion, and so as you
start to peel an onion, thecloser to the center you get.
What do you do?
More you cry, it's painful,okay, and so that's going to
happen, and so you have to havesomebody that's going to help
you through that, and so that'sthe biggest thing I would say is

(50:07):
make sure you have a supportteam around you that you can
work through it, because it isgoing to be painful, because
it's going to open up thingsthat you really don't want to
deal with, but you have to in.

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